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[00:00:00]

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We are going to empty the rest of the Lou Holtz file here in a second, but we got to talking about it because Lou Holt says college football should come back. He says that when we stormed Normandy, there were some casualties. So there have to be risks involved with bringing back the obviously necessary war time and war soaked sport of college football. According to Lou Holtz, Normandy was the reference. So we are emptying that file and we will in a second.

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But before I do that, I'd like to go around the room here and just give me a guy that you looked up one day at ESPN and he was gone and you were confused. And it took you months to realize in the case of Lou Holtz. Right. The sport goes away for a while. So a guy like that is going to disappear every season in some ways. But ESPN does a good job of using those people in the off season.

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And so for me, Lou Holtz just vanish from one day to the other. He was the lisping voice of college football for this network for a while. Who does that for you, Mike? When you think of a guy who just vanished one day from to the next in at ESPN, Brad Dougherty, on multiple fronts, oddly enough.

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Well, that's an upset. That's right. NASCAR put it on the pole, Tony. Do you miss Brad Dougherty, seven footer, seven foot all star, Brad Dougherty on NASCAR. How about used to gods? Who does that for you?

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Meryl Hodge and Hodgy Eyes here one minute and gone the next. I don't know what happened to start the network. Chris, how about you?

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This guy worked with Lou Holtz a lot. Marc May.

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May tried. Mark. He got people so mad. People hated Mark May because he would have opinions contrary to theirs on college football. Tony, how about you?

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Whatever happened to Jake Crawford felt like he was great on cold pizza and a bunch of different stuff and just disappeared. I think it's Colin Brown's preseason games now.

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Eric Mangini is pretty high on my list. Urban Meyer is another one who who is in the news yesterday. Got this is good here. This is good to have you. Tell me you've seen this video. It I love. OK, when the fourth wall television tries to give you we've got it together so much and it's harder to do during a pandemic. Tell me you saw this video of Urban Meyer giving very serious sound about college football. Was it to Dave Rabson?

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Who was he doing this way?

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I do think that I was speaking to guys that were here one minute and gone and gone. The rarest of the rare ginger who vanished on us from one day to the next, I think is more of a blonde, isn't it?

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Either way, he's the face of the Big Ten Network.

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OK, you guys, did you see this video, though? Did you see the video where Urban Meyer is giving very serious talk and then it is slowly revealed in the mirror behind him that he's clearly on a boat and then it's slowly revealed that what is happening on that boat is just some shirtless buddy and maybe nude buddy. Given that we don't know about him and you couldn't see the bottom half, I was all of a sudden in the mirror in the analysis in the shot.

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And then you see Urban Meyer realizing he's on camera. Try and shoe him away because he's in the camera shot, revealing to everyone that Urban Meyer during a pandemic is on a boat with a dude who might be nude. And it seemed as though the friend wasn't in a hurry to get out of the way and enjoyed messing with Urban Meyer.

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But we could we could only see the top half of what was going on.

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He was just all very unsettling to me from from the sunburn on Urban's face to what was going on in the lower third.

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Put it on the pole, Tony. Please join me in the television screen. Did you know did you know that Urban Meyer was on a boat before the nude got? Because I didn't I had not realized that he was on a boat, but of course, Urban Meyer is on a boat. Let's empty the rest of that little holds file. How much is in there? I guess we teased Twas the Night Before Christmas with Chris Berman. Lou Holtz.

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And who else is Caliendo doing? Three different Scruton Gruden, Chris Berman and Lou Holtz.

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Lou Holtz is coming up here at the end of this. But we're emptying the loopholes file with a little old driver so lively and quick, kind of like a Drew Brees type man.

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I tell you what I knew in a moment, it had to be Saint Nick, more rapid than Chip Kelly's Eagles offense.

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I love what he's doing there. His coursers, they came and whistled and shouted and called them by name.

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No Gesher, no cancer, no premature infliction on coming. On Cupid, on Donner in the top of the porch. Chopper will know. Dash away, dash, dash away all nobody circles the reindeer like the big man in red and dry. Leave that before the white came and the beat that I go back to the back so up to the house that the course with a sleigh full of toys to again just emptying the file here because Lou holds his back in the news.

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He was in the news because we're going to coaches for insight and Urban Meyer, he's got a new guy on his boat. And Lou, Holtz's comparing college football to wars, at least halts in my dick.

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I mean, they have stayed consistent throughout their entire lives. Holtze went to Normandy and Dick said, if you kneel for the national anthem, get the hell out of my country. And again, Urban Meyer has got a new dude that might be nude on his boat. We don't totally. Now, let's keep emptying this leaseholds file.

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This is another thing that happened on television, I believe, alongside of Rece Davis and it's just labeled Lou Holtz is impossible to understand.

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They will get to talk a whole lot more at halftime, I promise. Well, I know.

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Yeah, I didn't call again the voice of college football for many years here on ESPN. Ladies and gentlemen, Lou Holtz making more sense when he's comparing college football to Normandy.

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I don't blame the head coach.

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And finally, the final thing on our folder. Did you know that Lou Holtz was the number one seed in our looks like tournament that was voiced by Bob Lee? Here was the Lou Holtz submission.

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Lou Holtz looks like a train conductor. It's very efficient. We wrote them more efficiently back in the day. Yes, that's absolutely true. You can imagine him wearing that tiny hat and telling everybody that that they're headed to the next stop. But no one understands what he's saying over the tinny trained speakers.

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Local taxes are recycled. These offerings eight thirty one point. The straight talk coming out of football, a high ranking executive saying the NFL is laser focused, quote, laser focused on Super Bowl 55 being on as scheduled.

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I love that. I love that. What do you think he means by that? How the hell can you be laser focused on anything? What are you talking about? Like schedules?

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The last thing you can be focused on right now in terms of laser focus is schedule. The only sport that has remained laser focused, has not wavered, has gone and moved forward with everything. But its preseason that we dread anyway is the NFL. I mean, they are undeterred and I feel like they're even more empowered now with college football perhaps collapsing, at least for this season, where they can put games on Saturday, Thursday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

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I mean, the world is the NFL is always there right now. That is crazy.

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And now comes early word that the NFL might consider moving the draft in Cleveland a couple of weeks to possibly accommodate for a spring season. And I don't know about you guys, but a spring season, it kind of feels more unhealthy than a fall season. You might be requiring players to go through 30 football games in a calendar year.

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Help help me understand something, Stuart, because I am of the belief that you are forever leaning on cliches without necessarily knowing anything about what you're saying. Yeah. Do you have any earthly idea? Because I don't hear why the world would be anyone's oyster like you have. I don't even I know what that expression is meant to mean, but I don't understand why an oyster is so flexible that that's what I would want as my world. Is it is it because it's enclosed?

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Like, I really don't understand the genesis of that phrase. Aren't there pearls in oysters? They're supposed to be. Yeah. Yeah.

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So like you open up an oyster, you get the pearl, you get all that aphrodisiac meat.

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Yeah. A lot of the things you could do with an oyster dead. Yeah. It's a very sensual food.

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I don't feel like there's a whole lot of aphrodisiac meat. And I would also please caution you just in general and using the phrase aphrodisiac meat, it's Weegee.

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I long for the days of Brad Dougherty as well. My God, Gods, can you please tell me as it relates to Ramona Shelburn? Because somebody is very mad and, you know, I'm always laughing at how mad people get about silly, stupid sports things. But a tweeter is mad at Ramona Shelburn because she was on television and she does an exceptional job with the reporting around that sport. She is one of our finest reporters in any sport. But she was on television and this tweeter says this is unacceptable, Ramona Shelburn just got on TV and admitted that she ignored Yoni's leading LeBron in almost every state and voted LeBron for MVP because she's, quote, more of a narrative based voter.

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And then this is where the outrage really escalates, as this tweeter, you know, loses all respect for Ramona Shelburn instead of just 98 percent. But all respect, she should not have a say in any NBA award ever again.

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So first off, my question to you is, because I actually agree with the idea of you shouldn't be a narrative based voter. But the more interesting question to me is why do people get so upset about things like that that Ramona Shelburn has a vote and that she votes differently than you do? There are a whole lot of people in November who are going to vote differently than you do. Like, that's sort of the way, in fact, Ramona Shelburn is going antiscience their anti analytica.

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She is she is saying, I don't I like my stories. I don't care necessarily that Yanase has had a better and more valuable year.

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She's also one of the people that put out the narrative. However, it's unfair to just say Ramona says she's a narrative based voter because she did say that. But then she explained the narrative in a vacuum. I tell you, a player, a really good player, was hurt a lot last season. And because of his absence, that team flat out missed the playoffs.

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Then 16, 16 games of his absence and his return. He wasn't quite himself, but it was 16 games of absence that tanked.

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Their season then gets healthy, obviously adds a piece, which is important, too, but is still arguably the best player on the best team in the Western Conference all of a sudden year over year. And the largest factor outside of the big acquisition is his health. I mean, that's a pretty strong case for MVP. I understand it's narrative based, but it's an argument we hear all the time. Where would this team be without this player?

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Well you've seen Giannis not playing recently and what it does to the Bucs. Whenever he doesn't play the they lose to the Raptors by twenty when he doesn't play. I mean we know how important that dude is. Chris, you have found have you located. The World is my oyster. Can you give us any more information on this phrase stuck out. It's just what is your theory on. You said it, you said the world is their oyster. What is your theory on what it is that's coming out of your mouth and what it means?

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I think that the possibilities are limitless. When you open up an oyster, that there might be a pearl in there. There might just be a delightful oyster in there. There might be nothing in there, because in a cage, you know, occasionally you open up an oyster shell and it's a dud and you are left with nothing. And so I think the possibilities are limitless. When you're opening up an oyster, the world could be your oyster. It also could be a complete disappointment.

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I know it doesn't sound in any way limitless. You gave us three options and one of us is calling the thing inside an oyster, an oyster as opposed to aphrodisiac meat.

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Yeah, I like his way better. Well, what is the meat called inside an oyster?

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It's probably oyster and I think about it. Is it. Yeah.

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OK, so the oyster inside out what's. That's right. Scotch is right that the meat is called an oyster inside of an oyster. I thought the whole thing was an oyster. Put it on the pole. Certainly not called aphrodisiac.

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Me. I said, Chris, what are the origins. What is the history of the world is your oyster. Well, the phrase comes from a William Shakespeare play, which makes me never want to say the phrase again, because that's just how Shakespeare plays.

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It comes from the merry wives of Windsor. I can do anything I want to do and go anywhere I want to go. The world is my oyster.

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Did you put an end in the word Windsor? Did you just for no reason whatsoever place an end in the word Windsor?

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Well, I'm sorry, Dan. It's spelled with an n w i and Desoer.

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I felt like you mispronounced Windsor, didn't I? Probably did. But I'm a human dad. Sometimes I make mistakes. You made it when snore like you put two ends in Windsor.

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So because I don't regularly say that word, who does so?

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The oyster in its shell and the meat inside you call that whole thing and possibly nothing inside or possibly a pearl. The limitless three options that you guys gave us. That whole thing is called an oyster. The meat specifically is called oyster meat.

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Nice you go. Not aphrodisiac meat though. Coming back around aphrodisiac, I mean. It's your home speaking, and I need you to do me a couple of favors first, could you get that blueberry that rolled under the fridge last week? It's throwing my feng shui off. Second thing, bundle your home and car insurance with Geico. It's easy and we could save money. Lastly, I know you were thinking of painting the nursery back to off-White, but I'm actually feeling this baby blue didn't think it was my color, but I am pulling it off.

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Geico for bundling made easy. Go to Geico Dotcom today. That's a cool story, and I was actually going to talk about it here, Stewart, because put it on the pole, Tony at Libertador Show, Do you like the idea of Fresh Prince of Bel Air being a drama? Because Will Smith loved the idea based on that four minute viral video that a lot of people enjoyed? And it's a cool story because a fan of the show did it.

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And then next thing they know, they're looking up. And Will Smith is producing the project with his production company. And for many years, here's two gods we have wondered. We root for Wildsmith. We like Will Smith. Will Smith was so popular in the movies, at least in part because he was so likable. His his performance as Ali was an amazing bit of acting. He's an enormously talented human being who was dominating music and movies at a very young age and over the last 10 to 15 years.

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A lot of bad movie choices, his career. Now he's going back to some of the franchise hits like Bad Boys, The Places, it's very hard to age and creativity. It is very hard to continue to reinvent yourself and age gracefully. And so he's going to an old standard. Remember, Bill Simmons long time ago got wrote a great article back at Grantland about like the Will Smith formula to how it is you become a movie star, the choices that you make, because at the time he was making the right ones with creatures and things in the movies that you need to sustain yourself.

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But now he's going back to his hits. He's tried this Orch thing with Netflix.

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Oh, Mike Ryan is pumping up this right now because there's been a hockey goal and he's able to gamble during the show all of a sudden for entertainment purposes. Only a little brunch time, baby.

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That's right. Those dudes do that. Grab your breakfast burrito. You got 11 a.m. Eastern Time hockey way too early to way too early, but a playoff game at 11 a.m. hockey playoff game because it was a five overtime game yesterday that pushed this game to 11 o'clock this morning. And we are feeling very good about the Carolina Hurricanes in the first period and for the game. And they're playing with that Mr. Game seven just to Williams.

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But luckily, they know it's a game, but you don't need them. You literally don't need Mr. Game seven four six the games in this series to come rescue. You got to stop that. Took a risk, took a seat for life. All right.

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So if you don't understand what's happening right now, I do not blame you because you understand I can't see any way for the microphone. And I'm absolutely loving this Stanley Cup playoffs. Dude, what is better than five overtimes between the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Columbus Blue Jackets? Life from Toronto, postponing the Carolina Hurricanes and Boston Bruins also from Toronto. I know this is weird, dude, but I am loving it. And that ice is lookin like a clean sheet.

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I have this. They got a big old Carolina does from Joe Edwards and Mr. Gay won it.

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How great. That was a clean sheet.

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That surfer guy far away from the microphone said. And when I said I was going to explain to the audience what was happening now, I didn't actually want to elaborate on surfer character who stands far away from the mic analyzing hockey. I just wanted to break down for the audience what hockey was, because if you watch ESPN, you might not know.

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It's a damn shame. Remember Barry Melrose in the NHL hockey team? My God, what a time, dude. But now my mouth is salivating as if I'm about to take a bite from a fresh, savage dude. Call that thing when your jaw knows it. It's about to eat something sour blows my mind every time you walk time and my mouth is just like these four dudes can be taught.

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So you guys, this is the height of degeneracy, I would say, in the height.

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Oh, I don't want to hide money, but if it's like being I'm glad everybody chill out, dude. I'm glad we all collectively made it through this whole thing body cause I'm about to bite into this. Sabeti and my body is obviously preparing me for sure. But you never know how to think about by itself.

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You know, I'm not even sure how popular Taat is as a sort of it's the ultimate flavor profile. Do you ever get a nice speech on a tombstone?

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Oh, heart and soul. Oh, you get heart. It's a textural delighted, but really is you get the crunch with the soggy white fish man, the love of God.

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Put it on. Put it on the pole, please. Tony is Scerri Ché with untoasted on a textural delight. Yes or no, because I'm guessing most of this the audience even know what a touchstone is. Mike, I know South Florida does, but does that mean you mash up a banana?

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You fried that some. Thank you, I was talking to Michael, I wasn't talking to the Natsuko. He's got to stay in character to the period. All right. So your boy has Herman Cain's money line.

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He won't be waiting on this one people to come through.

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I am a little alarmed, OK, at 11, 30 playoff hockey, the reasons, again, if you did not catch it, is because there was a five overtime game last night in which I think Tampa, Tampa withstood 85 shots.

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Is that the number of blue jackets to the Blue Jackets which stood in and I'm just learning about this bluejackets goalie but could save the college football season is incredible. OK, so basically a game went so long last night that they simply had to cancel the night playoff game between Boston and Carolina. And so we have the delight of watching that game right now live again. The NHL, you might not have heard, has successfully and somehow quietly created a bubble as well.

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But we have not noticed it quite as much because people ignore playoff hockey, even though playoff hockey is the single most amazing thing. Anything anywhere in sports.

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A quick let's go.

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My private jet isn't going to fuel itself. Does ESPN presently have anyone other than Steve Levy and Barry Melrose talking about hockey, do we have just two guys or do we have a third guy somewhere or a third person somewhere that's breaking down hockey on our network that doesn't have TV rights?

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It's a shame, dude. You should send Renaldi up to the Canadian bubble, bro, to Kabul. He could tell so many great stories. I mean, just think about talking about the Arizona Coyotes. So many storylines there with the Utes. So I've told you here for a while now that. Everything happening in this country, never mind sports and sports, is the funhouse mirror where society goes to check its reflection, but everything happening in our streets.

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In our country. Leads to sort of a layer of film on me that feels like low level depression or anxiety that is just around all the time. And it's frustrating to me that on complicated matters like race, we can't come to any kind of, you know, agreements on anything these days as everyone fights and.

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We can't even agree on masks, masks become about freedom from fighting, masks become about not, hey, you know, don't be a danger to grandma. It becomes about now. I need to have American freedoms. Don't impinge my American freedoms. I have to have the freedom to kill your grandmother. And so it's just something that is bothersome. It's daily. It's inescapable. And as we're in the middle of it, I think we can all agree, even as we can't agree on anything, then it's not like America has behaved in a fashion that deserves sports to be back.

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Right. We have NBA money, so we just throw a bunch of money at that. We build a bubble. We literally do it in Disney World. We make it the happiest place on Earth because we've got a lot of money and so we get basketball. But what is happening right now is you got in college football is fascinating for a number of different reasons. Yesterday we covered like, who the hell's in charge? The answer is nobody like Mark Emmert run him out and take his four million dollars and spend it on something else like he's got no control over and he's not running anything except being the mall cop on when guys take a hundred bucks from a booster.

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Yeah, it feels like he has no say he's not in on any of these decisions. You have five separate power, five conferences with five separate doctors making decisions for each conference. I mean, it's an absolute mess. Why is it one doctor out here determining whether or not it's safe or not? Well, but it's not.

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So there are a number of things about this that are fascinating, and not just because we've arrived in a place where people are legitimately making the argument that football is now safer than just walking around, that putting them in a lack of free environment around Brian Kelly and and Lou and Lou Saban, Nick Saban just putting them in an area where they don't have any power or freedom. And so the coach will make sure they don't get sick because he will lord over them to make sure that they don't get sick.

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The SCC anak needed. Another conference. They needed somebody else to say yes to we don't care necessarily what the PAC 12 doctors and lawyers are saying, we don't care what the Big Ten's doctors and lawyers are saying, because it's not just doctors you're talking about here, Stuart. It's lawyers. It's it's those are the ones making the decisions as we sit here and look around and say, who the hell is in charge right now? So. The Big 12 is saying, we will play with the exacty we will help be the third conference that you need to make this feel like some semblance of mutated, greedy business sports that you need for now.

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And that can change if an outbreak happens. And that can change because of the optics of, you know, affecting the human hearts of young people in the name of pursuing unpaid labor to give you television dollars. The whole thing is pretty gross. If you think college football dehumanizes the body under normal circumstances, it's even worse now. The saving grace the Big 12 has is that all of their defenses are socially distant from everybody all the time. So nobody is actually going to get sick from anyone on a big 12 defense.

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So that part is safe.

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But what do you make of everything happening right now, you got with the A.C. see lined up politically with their regions to Santas, the head of Florida's mutated embarrassing political system is sitting here saying we'll take players from everywhere. We he's trying he's trying to create just one giant playoff of mercenaries that it's God given what they do to the bodies in that sport, we could literally make it something that is called The Expendables. All of you are expendable. If you do not play for our football team or if there's a covert outbreak, we're going to treat it exactly the same way that baseball has treated it.

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We're just going to find some student who would have been in the cafeteria who's studying economics. And we're going to make him our pass rushing defensive end.

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Just keep it moving as long as we get the games in, as long as we have a winner, as long as they're wearing helmets and jerseys that we're familiar with, just give us a winner. We don't care who the quarterback is. We don't care how we got to a certain school. We don't care if he's a student or he's actually Justin Fields. But there. But that's sports. Sports are greedy. Business is greedy. So we're starting to see it.

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And hopefully the college kids are starting to see just how valuable they are. And hopefully they'll do something moving forward here because they have a lot of value. They've never been worth more.

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About twenty minutes ago, the Big Twelve released their football schedule. Oh, yeah.

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Is this is insane? Who's in charge? Why do you have growth conferences doing different things? Or half of the big school is going to be playing during the fall and the other half during the spring. There's all sorts of consequences like this. I'm interested to know if any of these individual conferences have Act of God language. Maybe they can do what Wimbledon did and cash in an insurance policy, but on what grounds, if other conferences are playing? All of this is so interesting and the governing body is dead silent and it's confusing to the kids.

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And that's a very good question. A fair question.

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What happens if these three power five conferences play in the fall as scheduled and then you have two power conferences, one to play in the spring? Are they still going to play in the spring? It seems absurd. They need another conference. So they.

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And what happens with Nebraska? Why Scott Frost in such a rush to get fired? It is like Scott Frost, the shield he's trying to get what? I'll tell you what Scott Frost is trying to do. This dude went from having an unbeaten team in central Florida to being the hottest candidate across college sports. He gets to Nebraska, they stink up and down. He wants to get the smell off of last night off of him like he is sitting in his shower, just sitting there sobbing, having looking, not unlike the guy who stood in urban Meyer's mirror, just sobbing because of what happened to his entire reputation, Nebraska last year.

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He will he'll play anybody to fix it, but he's a better chance of doing that if it's just the big ten of the PAC 12 and somebody from the economics class.