You're listening to DraftKings Network.

Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet? Yeah, sold it to Carvana. Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy. The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months? Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient. Just like that? Yeah. No hassle.

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Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle for convenience. Pickup fees may apply.

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast.

It's 11: 00 ♪ 9: 00 AM on a Thursday.

The media crowd shuffles in.

There's an old man sitting next to me smoking cigs as we ask our questions. ♪ He says to us who needs me, dummy, as The Dolphins had to play the bills.

But he's talking to me, I am young grand Cody, writing columns with takes that'll kill. La, la, la, that thing.

La, la, di, di, da, na, ding.

You're going to go to Buffalo with Bernie Bommelie. I will always remember that quote from a Dolphins' Coach named Gary.

Put it on the poll, Juju. Are we still making Gary's. I don't feel like a baby right now. Any parent would say, You know what? I want my baby when it comes out of the womb to be so cute. And then I'm going to name it Gary. See you, Gary. I don't think that's something that's not happening anymore.

Gary the Bag.

Oh, for the love of God. The Bag. He loves going inside, and look who follows him into the breach. Big surprise. What?

See you, Gary.

Ready, Freddie.

Gary the Bag, of course, for those of you who don't know, and that's all of you.

Everyone knows the bag.

Everybody knows Gary the Bag. Unless you were at my dad's 70th because he was a star that night. No, he's the staple of the Greg Cody Show podcast. It's not true. No, it might as well be. But when I was a kid, I'm being serious here, Gary's and Greg's were bitter rivals. If you were named Greg, you felt superior to Gary's, but the opposite was true. It was like, I don't know that there's any two names now that are rivals like that. But Gary and Greg- Well, those aren't either. Believe me, they are. Why were you guys such good friends if this rivalry existed? Well, because-Strawman. No, it's not a strawman. The rivalry is partly why we were good friends, because we were opposites. He was a big I was a Mickey fan. I was Red Sox. I would have the Yas trading card against his Mickey Mantle. He was a Gary. I was a Greg. We were Yang and Yang. But the rivalry, it was real. Still is, I think, although name rivalries aren't what they used to be. Gary and Greg in the '70s and '80s were staples in the top 30 names for boys.

Yes. They no longer are. I thought Greg beefed with Craig's.

No. I thought 1 G Gregs feuded with 2 G Gregs. That's He said that.

That 100% is a thing. That goes without saying. That's 100% accurate. It's also accurate to say that Gregs felt and feel superior to Craig's. A Craig is a Greg want to be. To his point, I do hate Chris's with a K. Yeah, exactly.

What are we making more of these days? Craigs or Gregs?

It's got to be Greg. It has to be. Yeah, Craigs I'm misspelling.

Gregory? That's what it's short for?

No, I don't think there's any Gregory.

Craig's a perversion, honestly. It's not It's a real name. It is.

Exactly. Just like if your name is Tom and you spell it with an H. Oh, silent H.

Tom. Tom. No.

Get out of here. No, I've known Tom's.

Although, Brettermann's done all right, and a testament to giving people second chances.

Put it on the poll, please. Tom York.

What's Tom York up to?

Yeah, Yorky. Side project's The Smile.

Put it on the poll, Juju, at Lebitard Show, are Craig's A Perversion of Greg's? I've got to get to my racist We're running out of show. And the socks. And the socks, yeah. I wrote them down here. And Walter Payton's socks, fitness. We've got to get to that as well. But before we do so, Billy, what's going on with your eye?

What? What's going on with my eye?

Do you have a stye?

I do. It's been an off-air conversation. Just ask me out of the blue, put me out there.

You're on camera.

Yeah, they have glasses on. I feel like I've hit it. I have a stye. I didn't even realize you had it. Thank you, Jeremy. You were hiding it well. If If you did notice, it's polite of you not to point and say what's wrong with your face, freak, which is how I received that.

What's happening? What happened?

My body's betraying me, Dan. I'm old. What do you want me to tell you? I'm old. My body for the past week and a half has been betraying me. I sprained my ankle the other day. I thought that was the worst of it. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Had that, then I had a stomach thing, possibly the flu. Tamy flu, knocked that out. Second day of Super Bowl, I got a stye on the bottom of my left eye. All my I had rationed for the week or no longer necessary. I just had to wear my glasses because I looked like a freak. Then I come back and I'm still a little exhausted. My stye jumps from the bottom of my eye to the top of my eye. Here we are. Here we are. I'm just a man trying to power through it and hopefully not be called out on my disgusting looks. But I guess that is a luxury not afforded to me.

When I was a teenager, I used to get Sties when I was dealing with a lot of stress or anxiety.

If there's anything or anyone in your life that's really stressing you out, you should probably cut that out.

Put it on the poll at Lebitard Show.

The Stye. You're stuck with him.

Have you ever had a stye at Lebitard Show? Are those stress-induced? Those are stress?

I've gotten quite a few in my life. Every time I've gotten them, they've been stress-induced, except for one time, where I stayed up and watched 18 consecutive hours of Nicolas Cage movies, and I streamed it live, and I rubbed my eyes so many I gave it to myself.

I had one that lasted for so long that I had to get it surgically removed. It kept me awake.

All right, we're having a stye off here. Zip that off. Exactly right. I just was reading and it's like, yeah, sometimes your body can fight off a virus and it gets a stye. It's part of the process. I'm trusting the process here, and hopefully it goes away the next couple of days.

Everyone given their stye bona fides.

It's unpleasant. I thought snake eyes was going to be way better.

It was really bad. Mojo was in that.

But there was that one funny scene where it gets a ship out of him. He wasn't snake eyes?

He was, yeah. Not the That's a GI Joe one.

Oh, that was a different one.

That was a good one. Did snake Eyes get a zero on Rotten Tomato? I believe that snake eyes... Do I have that wrong? I just remember that being an epically bad- Relax. It wasn't that bad.

Don't worry about the Rotten Tomato. No one needs that. I was reading a thing about Billy Madison and how bad it was reviewed on Rotten Tomato and what it took to make that movie.

It's an all-timer. That's a great film.

A classic.

Put it on the poll. Was Billy Madison a great film? A classic.

Now that we're talking about classic movies. I know no one asked me about this, and you guys don't care, but I figured it's a good time to get it in. I didn't like the movie selection on the flights this past week. There weren't good movies or shows available, so I went the classic route. On the way up, I saw Charlie's Angels. Twenty 25 years old Charlie's Angels. Can you believe that?

Lucy Lou still looks the same.

Good flick Charlie's Angels. Yeah, you liked it? Yeah, not bad. There's the creepy, skinny guy who I think was like... Isn't he a famous person?

Chris Van Glover?

Yeah, him. Creopy guy.

No, that's his thing.

He comes back. He was just ribbon people's heads off and smelling it. Smeling hair. Yeah. Drew Barrymore's hair, weird. Then she went on a cruise.

Word association with Chris Van Glover, it's the only time I've ever seen it in the history of the David Letterman show, where right before a break, he came very close to kicking David Letterman in the face. Then when they came back from the break, he was no longer on the air. They just said, crispen Glover They didn't even explain why crispen Glover came that close to kicking Letterman in the face, but he was removed from the premises, and they never said anything about it after.

He's a grump, right? David Letterman? Everyone's like, Oh, a legend. He's so great. But he seemed to not really have a great sense of humor at times if he was the one that was being laughed at it, and also secretly rude to guests.

Well, one of the things that has been interesting to me in the history of Late Night is how many of these people had such pressurized environments that the people who worked for them and with them, this is said of The Tonight Show Now with Jimmy Fallon, things that you would think are fun end up being so pressurized that even David Letterman will tell you now, when I hear him interview now, and I love listening to Letterman, he will have some remorse, some great remorse about how he didn't enjoy any of that more or make it more fun while it was happening.

Yeah, there's always a big exposé about behind the scenes and how people feel in those uber creative environments. It a lot of creativity, a lot of stars, but also there's a lot of stress. People personalize their creative ideas in ways that they don't if you were to turn in a TPS report and the numbers were off.

In the Pride of a Lion book that McGill and I did, he tells a story in one of the chapters about how he had such a wonderful experience with Jay Leno doing Late Night, but it was the polar extreme with David Letterman. That David Letterman was just not a nice guy.

What chapter is this? How did that come up? Because I thought that story was a lion.

Look at me, Lou. I definitely read it, so I know, but tell the audience. There's a chapter that involves the celebrity that Ron attained through his work with the zoo and through being on this show. Can you tell the Michael Jackson story again? Yeah, the Michael Jackson story, I think, might be in that same chapter. I thought this book was about Quasi. It is, but it's also about Ron McGill.

You take a little break in chapter seven, you're like, now a chapter about Ron. Exactly right. Here are my famous friends.

It's about Quasi, the Lion, but it's That's also a biography of Ron McGill. What? I found it very interesting because I always loved Letterman. To hear that he could be an asshole to guess that he didn't know real well was illuminating. I found it interesting.

Can I ask you something? Here we go. All right, it's just us, right? Hold on. Do you think Michael Jackson was lucky to have died when he did?

The timing worked out for him.

It was just a matter of time. Right?

Yeah.

I think he spent some time in Wyoming with those animals?

It could not be good for him right now if he was to eat this. Yes, very lucky.

The Prince documentary that will never see the light of day would have been very poorly received by people who love Prince because of looking back on things like that and understanding that 40 years ago, 30 years ago, 20 years ago, you could get away with stuff that absolutely is not stuff you can get away with. Allegedly.

Allegedly. The Prince thing is confusing.

They're worried about...

Was I not vague enough? Allegedly.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.

Is it just putting this thing in the public conversation that everyone's like, huh? Because some of this stuff is unknown. It's just people don't want to do the digging, but it's not hard. I'm a big David Bowie guy. I'm a big Prince guy. I know that it's complicated legacy.

When you wrote this book, did you say, now I'd like a chapter about my life and my accomplishments or no? Ron didn't allow that.

No, it It was his story. Have you ever been on a talk show? Your story. Have I ever been on a talk show? I don't think so.

Not even on the local level? Yeah. Not even like, whammy on whammy?

Today in South Florida.

You're a Cornheiser.

You're a PTI. Sit down with Kelly Blanco.

I don't think. I'm not a talk show guy. A Cody's Corner on CBS.

Yeah.

That's a good idea. No, I don't count that.

If the feed he invites you on the couch, don't go. Don't.

He has invited me on. Really?

Well, did you go? No, No, I did not. What'd you go? No, I did not. Heady playing.

Good for you. That's why you're still living.

He doesn't stop digging that Jim DeFeedi.

I'll tell you what. There's nothing to dig around me. Well, that's what you think. Digging it. A grave. Yeah. No, I'm not a talk show guy.

What would your story be? What would your quip be? If you were there because you'd have a pre-interview, you have to go in there with almost prepared material. What would you say? How would you start it out?

They're interviewing me, not vice versa.

What do you think about Gaza?

I think it's a terrible- Sports Bang would have been one of the choices.

He was on that.

He was on Sports Bang. He was on the bank. Yeah. He wasn't remember. Yeah, but that wasn't a talk show. There was no shenanigans there.

Was I on Sports Bank? I don't know. I don't know either.

Wow, that's great work by the both of you. It was 10 years ago. You can't remember. No, but they're both... It's still not... It was the '90s. Yeah, they don't know. Exactly. Okay, good. All right, you know what?

Back when Bowie could be Bowie.

Back when Gary was popular. Yes.

Let's go ahead and just kick them both out. Minor panel Billy, two minutes for adding nothing.

All of us. Billy and Stugatz for not having any memory when they're being asked a question.

I didn't bring any of this up. He's bringing up, Have you been on talk shows? When he answers the question, the two experts who would be here who can answer the question can't remember whether they did something. You, Billy and Greg, out. All of you out for adding nothing.

Billy, wow. Yes. Snake eyes, 41% rock potatoes. Thank you.

I do appreciate you doing a little work on the... Yes, I appreciate your work on the way out the door.

I always associated Chris Van Glover with like Mike.

That's a smash hit.

Marty McFly's dad.

Oh, I guess that's fair. Him and Jesse Plemmons, both like Mike.

Chris, let's get to our boldest take of the week. I have not been happy with our audience here in leaving bold takes. The takes need to be bold, and this segment, I don't believe, has yet worked. I'm actively blaming the audience for this because we have a new telephone number, and we had to change this a couple of different times because you people aren't doing it correctly. What do you mean by you people? 305-486 Hots is now the number. I want these to be better because we've given a couple of prizes that weren't deserved. We've got the entirety of the world at our disposal that can call this telephone number and be funny be wise, be clever. I know many of you listening to this think you can do this, think you can give takes, are good at giving takes at the bar when you're talking to your friends. But then all of a sudden, when you call this line, they all stink, and they haven't been good enough. So are you telling me, Chris, that we're going to do this better now? Because I think Boost Mobile deserves better from our audience than what it is they've been getting.

I'm always saying that our audience, when it competes on clever, and we've closed the text lines, we don't have a lot of phone lines. Our audience, when it competes on clever, I'd put up against anybody's audience competing on clever. I have gotten no proof of that with these calls. I'm hoping the new phone number gives us more luck here. What do you have here, Chris?

I have a non-sports take because to your point, they were too sportsy. We got a lot of submissions about the Super Bowl. A lot of rose spins great. A lot of offensive... Like my dad, the defensive line, offensive line is very important, not bold enough. With Boost Mobile, the boldest take from the weekend. It's presented by Boost Mobile, the newest 5G network in the country.

When you call 305 486 Gotts, give us the good stuff.

This one we have here, the winner for this weekend, it's not sports-related. It's a random life take, and it's about processed meat. Hey, this is Tegan from Vermont.

My bold take is that lunch meat, like turkey, chicken, ham, freaking creepy. Why is it cooked but now it's cold again?

It's all slimy. It's weird. It's a great What's the point? Is there a creepier, weirder meat than processed deli meat? It sweats if you leave it out. It's a weird meat. I love it. I love a ham and turkey. I love the Buffalo chicken, but it's weird.

I agree with this caller. It's creepy.

We got to do better with these takes.

Well, that's progress, I think. That's a little bit better.

It is progress. I'm demanding this of the audience, okay? Because I am saying that the people who support this show through their sponsorship deserve the best of this show, and I believe the best of our audience competing on Clever can be better than what it is that we're presently getting. So 305-486, Gots is the telephone number. Work on this because this is a chance to show how clever you are. I would say that because a lot of people have performance anxiety, that the ability to be clever anonymously with a phone call is vastly easier and less nerve-wracking than having to actually do it in front of a lot of people. In fact, the secret performer that hides in certain people who aren't quite brave enough to do performing because performing is hard to do, this is a place where you can exercise that muscle. I am demanding that the audience get better at this because I want Boost to be proud of the takes here. I would like to be proud of the takes because the audience can often be vastly funnier than we are, clever, smarter than we are. I I'd like to see that theory tested and then proven because it has not been so far.

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Yeah, It's your thing. Hey, you sold that car yet? Yeah, sold it to Carvana. Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy. The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months? Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient. Just like that? Yeah. No hassle.

None.

That is super convenient.

Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle for convenience. Pick up these, man play.

Don Leverta You don't remember the idea for a home run call?

I was probably like, That thing. Something? Okay, no. The home run call was, That swing, that thing. Stugatz. Oh, it's a good call. Thank you. Plus, it doesn't matter who's hitting it. You're not tailing it to a particular name. All that jazz. You don't do that. That would be a great call. That swing, that thing.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz.

Greg Cody. The Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody-With? How are you? Is every week, and it's getting more and more popular. What is it that you're promoting on this week's? Because I want to show people something that I did not know. The PFPI Trophy. I knew it was big. I did not know it was twice as heavy as the Lombardi Trophy. It is a monstrosity. It means more. It is so giant here. What can you tell us is on this week's episode of The Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody.

First, a very quick detail. The trophies are about the same height. The Lombardi Trophy is 22 inches tall. The Dez Dynamics Cup is 23 inches tall. But I outweigh Lombardi 2: 1, 7 pounds for the Lombardi Trophy, 13. 6 pounds for the Dynamics Cup. Our episode, we have Izzy on, Izzy Gutier. We talk a lot about the heat and the trades. We talk about the Super Bowl, halftime show, commercials, all that stuff. We talk about a child vampire who bit my His granddaughter. So there's a lot going on. It was a kid who said he was a vampire.

He's not an actual vampire. Do you get tested? Did Grayson get tested?

Yeah, the Patino test. Yeah. Yeah, and she passed. Thank God, she's not a vampire. She's okay. But the child said, I'm a vampire, and then bites her on the shoulder, I'm assuming he's a vampire. Seven-year-olds don't even know to lie yet. They always tell the truth. Oh, they do. Do they? Okay.

You think seven-year-olds always tell the truth? You think a seven-year-old stugats was out here truth-telling? I think he was just working on his craft.

They're just now learning to lie.

They're lying a lot. A vampire, an older vampire, is more likely to lie than a younger vampire. I think that's very true. Because they know more about the social stigmas that come with being a vampire, and they know that this is something that I should hide from the general public. We're a young vampire is just going around telling the truth all willy-nilly, just thinking this society accepts vampire.

Exactly right. When you're seven, you're proud to be a vampire.

Exactly right. Yeah. But do vampires age?

Because- It's a very rude thing to do to turn a seven-year-old into a vampire. As Anne Rice's interview with a vampire told us, they end up living this long, very mature life, but they are stuck as a little girl, and it causes all sorts of problems. That's why one of the unwritten rules in the interview with the vampire series is never change a young person.

I think the question for this young vampire is, how long have you been a seven-year-old vampire?

Well, like, Vamparina? Because Vamparina is growing up.

Yeah. Overrated.

Do vampires age?

No. Famously, they stay the same as when they were turned. If you see an old vampire, that's either someone made a request or it depends on the series. In Bram Soaker's Dracula, Gary Oldman turns very old, but he's also a shapeshifter, so you got to keep your eye on that.

Well, but let's think about this for a second, though. If vampires don't famously age, then it means there's no such thing as a baby vampire, correct? There can be a child vampire, and maybe even, I don't think there's a toddler vampire. A child vampire is a thing, but what's the earliest- The Twilight series told us that you can have a baby vampire.

Yeah, and a werewolf could potentially imprint on that baby vampire, which would be really not great for everyone involved.

But it's got to be a very troubling pregnancy because of what they feed on.

Yeah. The child vampire who bit my granddaughter, theoretically, while pretending to be and looking like a seven-year-old vampire could have been six or 700 years old. Precisely. Then they would know.

They would know better, and then maybe would be of lying age.

Imagine being that old and having the persona of a seven-year-old. That's got to mess with.

What you're describing right now are the seeds of resentment between Lestat and Louis.

Exactly. That's what I was thinking. Dan, to answer your question, there are no age requirements for becoming a vampire.

But they are in Anne Rice's universe.

But there is for voting crazy.

So the baby vampire would have fangs then, right? When it's teething? No, not all of them do.

If you turn your attention to Nosferatu, which just borrowed from, well, stole, famously from Bram Soaker's Dracula, they had front teeth, the original Nosferatu's. And in this one, the mustache covers that teeth. However, while the vampire doesn't age and stays in its form from the mid-1600s, the skin is dead being fed on by maggots and rats. So that provides a bit of hurdle for Nosferatu. Now, in the originals, the reason why Nosferatu had the pointy ears and the pointy noses, no matter what, and the nails as well, those parts of your body age throughout, even after you die. It would have been nicer to see that in Robert Egger's telling.

Could a toddler vampire lose the fangs the way a toddler lose his teeth? Excellent question. And then do you only do it once?

Don't nails still grow after humans die?

Yeah, that's why I invoked the Nosferatu rule.

But that would happen- Please follow along.

I know we're- No, wait.

We're not talking about nails right now.

I am following along, and I don't need the condescension of, Please follow along. I was asking about human beings, not vampires. I was asking about human beings.

Yes, so that's what... There will be a quiz.

Pay attention then. Not shockingly, my dad handled this incident the same way he did the golf thing, where he got way more angry than I did about this. He's like, You got to call the school. That kid should be expelled.

Someone needs to protect your granddaughter.

The vampire It was suspended from school. Good.

For how long? How many lifetimes?

I don't know. That's a good question. Suspended for the rest of his life. The vampires have names. We never got the name of the culprit.

They don't give out kids' names when they have the children. How do I know they suspended the right kid?

Well, it was the vampire.

The right vampire.

Mike is actually writing out a quiz for us.

Okay, good. I look forward to it. I've got another problem, though, because I've got unruly producers everywhere. Racism? Yes. I want to tell this story, but the problem is that I asked one of our producers to get me the guest that I need, and now I can't get a hold of the producer. I need somebody in order to tell this story. I need a guest in order to make it maximum embarrassing and have a big reveal. As it stands right now, I can't even reach the producer who was supposed to do this for us.

How about Walter Payton's socks? Fitness. Is there a chance the producer's talking and you just don't hear him?

No, I can't reach him. Okay. These stories are tied together, right? Yes. If he were talking, he'd be talking very quietly.

First question is, what was the seed of resentment between the vampire Lestat and Louis?

Can one of you get a hold of Kugler for me, please? Because I need to be able to get the payoff. For two days, I've wanted this story, and I thought we were going to do it today. And I'm telling the audience again and again that we're going to do it today. And I'm not doing this as a purposeful tease. I We need certain elements that this show requires from production. We have thousands of producers around here. I just need an answer to my question so I can get the payoff for the audience.

Did the vampire break skin on Graceland or no?

Happy to say No.

Oh, good. That's probably what spared her.

That's the red mark.

There was a mark, but no broken skin.

In the early 2000s new metal sequel of Interview with a Vamp, we learned the name of the Mother of all vampires. What's her name?

Nelly.

Nelly Dugui.

Correct. It was Zacasha, famously played by the late Delia, the affermention Queen of the Dam. Close, Greg.

Greg, if your parents could live forever as vampires, instead of passing away, would you take it?

I think I would.

Really? Yeah. But what if they turn on you and potentially turn you into a vampire?

I'm physically stronger than a vampire. How?

No, you're not. What?

No, I am. You're not. No.

Don't vampires get super powers?

Yeah, they're strong. I don't believe they are.

Really? They are. They are strong. Their beliefs don't matter. You're a seven-year-old man.

It's a personal experience.

Look at here. Careful. Okay. All right. Virtually, all of the cooking I do includes garlic. I'm a big garlic fan. Really? There it is. I have garlic all over my house. Strings of garlic. You are stronger. Yeah.

For protective purposes or just you like the taste of garlic?

Both.

Garlic does make most things better. It does.

Oh, my God.

That's great. That's not up for dispute. I stand corrected. But that's not a matter of strength. That's a matter of you just have good seasonings in your house.

Some of that stuff is inaccurate. In Rice's Universe, Louis is pressed by the interviewer, What about crucifixes and all that stuff? And Louis reveals, I'm actually quite fond of them. Now, in the AMC series, I really like how that one's played between Lestat and Louis, and they are fully embraced in their gay love story, which is the one that the film touched on because the times were different, but you get a truer sense of their relationship in the AMC series, which I highly recommend. That Lestat knocks it out of the park, dare I say, even better than Tom Cruise's version.

If you recoil at the site of garlic because you're a vampire, of course, you're going to pretend like, Bring it on. I love garlic. I love a crucifix. I mean, that's a defense mechanism. The old bait and switch. I dare you to do it, right? Yeah, exactly. So the string of garlic's here. Come at me.

Universually, stake through the heart kill with fire beheading. That works.

Stake through the heart is always- It's a classic. Always? It's perfect.

I don't think I can bring myself to do that. Even if I knew this was pure evil.

You need a good mallet, the hard rubber head.

What if I miss? That's embarrassing. What if I miss? Not the rubber.

You can drive a steak through a heart, of course.

I don't think I could.

I don't think I could.

It meant you were going to die? I would say someone else go.

If I had a hammer. Exactly. Yeah. Steak the hammer in the morning.

Greg, would you be a vampire if you could never eat garlic again? No.

Really? No. Garlic means too much to me. Right. Yeah.

Speaking of hammers, Greg Cody shocked me the other day by having very strong opinions on the hammer throw.

Well, okay. At a track meet in Colorado, some poor spectator was hit by and killed by an errant hammer throw. So I'm doing a little research. First of all, the hammer throw doesn't even include a hammer. Right. Okay. A hammer throw is a shot put attached to a heavy wire and then flung around. It's a misnomer, first of all.

But second- A hell of a weapon in the Mad Max movies.

Why are we throwing hammers in 2025? It's like shot puts, too. It's like a medieval sport. You're right. It's like shooting someone from a cannon over a castle wall. I think what you're trying to ask is why are we throwing things when a live audience is there that kill people in the audience. You get hit with a football, maybe you break your nose, you go to the hospital, you're out in a couple of days. You get hit with a hammer, you're dead. I think a track event should be throwing a stick of dynamite. I mean, it makes as much sense.

Another thing that we have to ask ourselves is why in the older films does Dracula transform into your conventional bat, but in Bram Soaker's Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, he transforms himself into a six-foot bat. That's not very sneaky.

No, it really isn't. Where's the netting on the hammer the hammer throw? What are we doing to protect the spectators during the hammer throw? It would have to be a heavy chain link. It'd have to be like what they have at NASCAR. Like a fence, yes. Whereas the tire is flying through the air, and you need something to stop that. But Mike, you're obviously the vampire expert among us. Is it true that vampires cannot see themselves in a mirror?

Not universally, but in most content that's out there, that's usually canon.

Okay.

Nosferatu, the Silent Movie, and in the one in the '70s.

Let's be honest, Greg. If we never had another hammer throw again, if they just got rid of the sport, we'd all be fine. Nobody misses it.

Wouldn't think of it once.

I've never thought of it. Why'd they call it a hammer? I don't know. It's not a hammer.

But if you've got the hammer, you've got to use it. Yes.

It's flinging a shot put. You're right. That's what it is. It's not really a hammer throw. No.

Right. Jeremy, can you find out for me why it is called the hammer? I'm sure there's reasoning behind this.

I think back in the day, Dan, they actually threw hammers, but they realized that was a bad idea.

But they're still throwing things that can kill people. I don't think that's an accurate historical representation of the event. Really? How do you know? I guess if I have a- I don't know, but I just don't think that's right. I don't know.

The javelin.

The javelin makes sense. No, it makes sense.

Literally a weapon, a javelin. Yeah. I saw someone go through an airport with one of those.

I'm like, How is this allowed? But maybe they're going to kill I have seen video of somebody being hit by a javelin as it's being hurled at a track and field event because some of the things that happen at track and field events are a bit crazy, unruly, and you've got flying hammers and javelins and all of that stuff can be dangerous.

Medieval. It is a bit medieval.

Tradition traces it back to Ireland around the year 1830 BC. Sometime later, the Keltic warrior reputably took a chariot axel with a wheel still attached, spun it around and hurled it a long way. The wheel was later replaced by a rock with a wooden handle attached. A sledgehammer began to be used for the sport in Scotland and England during the Middle Ages. Can you look up what they were doing at the end of Braveheart?

Oh, Well, because the camera panned down, but only so much. I was young when I saw it. I'm like, Are they doing something with his bowls?

Stugatz, you can't be right with a sledgehammer being a hammer. That's not what you were talking about. That's a hammer variety. I know, but he was He was talking about the hurling of hammers, traditional hammers. You're running a mill hammer. Not a giant sledgehammer. That doesn't count.

The one with the hook on the end.

That doesn't count as Stugatz being right. Unfortunately, I have to apologize to the audience and say that tomorrow, this racist story, the most embarrassing to happen to me at the Super Bowl, is going to be told. But today, I will tell the second most embarrassing story that happened to me from the Super Bowl, which is me walking out of a bathroom and being greeted by two people laughing at me upon seeing my face. Vince Wilfork and his new bride. Oh. Wow. I wish I was there. Just both of them seeing my face and both laughing because of this clip right here. You are very comfortable talking about how you met your wife, how much you love her, how important she is to you. That's the reason that I asked the question. I've always admired that about you, that you have no problems whatsoever professing your love. Well, the thing is, I got a new wife now.

Me and Bianca didn't make it. I moved on. We moved on. It was for the better both of us.

But we are real good friends. We are parents first.

Things just got a little awkward there. So let me be the first on this show to congratulate you on the new wife. Congratulations on feeling whole, feeling complete. Second time for targeting. Let's talk targeting.

I have an update on William Wallace's balls. Important. They strongly imply that he was subject to the full execution. Now, a lot of this feels excessive because he does end up getting hanged at the end of all this. But they first start with quartering, where the body was cut into pieces. Then they also do something called drawing, which is disembowelment and castration. So bang on on the balls. And then they hang them. I feel like we're beating a dead horse.

My wife heard them laughing from inside the bathroom. You've earned it. She asked, Who was laughing at you?

Well, Dan, a fight we had led us to a divorce.

But that's okay, because how could you know ( ♪ Me and Bianca didn't make it this time. ( ♪ But that's okay, Dan, because I have a new wife.

( ♪ I didn't come here to discuss my divorce, ( ♪ but that's fine. ( ♪ Now you know that I have a new wife.

( ♪ I am a bit stunned. I've got to be honest. I am a bit stunned two days into this week that we have talked for approximately six hours without mentioning what was a very brief holy shit moment from sports news this weekend when ESPN reported that Jake Paul's next opponent would be Canelo Alvarez. That was very close to happening, it appears, before it dissolved. The amount of triumph that Jake Paul could allege before throwing a punch in that ring if that's the fight that he got to?

Just to get him in the ring, you're saying?

It's just staggering that somebody's internet currency and attention would be bigger than boxing. That somebody in the modern age, under 30 years old, would not have an upper-level elite skillset at boxing and would get in the ring with the prize fighter that makes money these days because he's somehow a financial equal. The paperwork, evidently, was signed. I have not done any of the reporting to find out where and how that fell apart, but that was a thing that was going to happen, and it would have been a giant thing, and Jake Paul would have won forever the moment that fight was signed, the idea that that guy has taken over boxing that way where he gets to summon the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world and the biggest draw that that sport has and be able to consider himself, Hey, I'm your equal as a draw. You're doing this as much with me and for me because you just need to make a little money before your next real fight, and I've made it to the top of this mountain.

So you're saying J Paul wins even if he loses that fight, which he would have lost that fight, obviously.

It fell apart because of Riyadh season and Canelo signing a new multi-fight deal with the Saudis that I think delivers a Terrence Crawford fight.

That is correct. But still, and it was probably a negotiating ploy to make sure that all of that could happen, But still- It's happened in both Paul brothers, by the way.

Reportedly, the fight between McGregor and Logan got blown up at the last second.

Chris Cody, was that a sneeze that you just blew snot into your face? Yes, it was. Bless you.

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