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This is the down labor part. Sure. With this too. Got Sparkasse. Hey, people, tell us what the sport made you laugh hard. This is Weekend Edition, a segment we call What Make You Laugh this weekend. Ha ha. Let's go around the room here to everybody. Mike Ryan, what did you view as the funniest thing from the sports weekend? Dan, the NFL has done that thing where they don't hire the guy standing next to Andy Reid because they think that that job is easy.

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But then they go out and hire every white guy that stood next to someone who stood next to Andy Reid, count Nick Sirianni as one of those guys. Now, the book on Nick Sirianni before he even got this job was a strange one. I have never heard that someone is not smart when they were hired as a head coach. And that's what we saw. Now, if you tout the Rooney Rule as I do, you will know that there is no black example of a Nick Sirianni anywhere, anywhere.

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The NFL is blacker than ever, but still, we can't get a black Nick Sirianni. And here's what Nick Sirianni did in his introductory press conference over with the Philadelphia Eagles. That's where he is coaching now. And he lived up to his reputation.

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Dan, unfortunately for him, next thing it's very important to me is that we build a smart football team, that we have a smart football team here, and I know we have the people in place to do that. The first part of that, the first part of being smart is knowing what to do. We're going to know we're going to have systems in place that are easier to learn. All right. Complicated to the defense or offense that they're going against, but easy for us to learn, because when we can put that, because when we can learn our system and we can get good at our system, then our talent can take over.

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Less thinking equals talent, take over. But we need to have systems in place and we will have systems in place to do so.

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Nailed it. Oh, wow. The Eagles replaced the old meaty hand Doug Peterson, who was in the Super Bowl with a backup quarterback trouncing Tom Brady. Last time we saw they whiffed on Wentz and then they're like, you know, we're going to get we're going to go as everyone else thinks. We're going to get the dumb guy. You think you're going to be smart? You think you're going to outsmart us. No, you're not. We're going to dumb you.

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Then what are you going to do? We're going to get the guy who doesn't win the press conference. Yeah.

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We're not going to do this whole fad of hiring guys that stood next to Andy Reid. Doug Peterson was initially the guy that stood next to Andy Reid, his offensive coordinator, a.k.a. the guy that stood next to Doug Peterson was Frank Wright. Frank Wright goes into Annapolis. And what do we get? The guy who stood next to the guy who stood next to the guy who stood next to the guy instead of getting the guy who's standing presently next to the guy in the Super Bowl for the second straight year.

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The Colts should have gotten in the Stafford game, too. Don't you think the Colts are going to get in a different game?

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I think the Colts did get in the Saffer game. Carolina Washington football team also did the Jets poked around, but there was no actual offer. But Stafford goes to the team. He reportedly wanted to go to most press.

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What was the funniest thing from the sports weekend? Chris Codi. Funniest thing from the sports weekend.

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I mean, Stafford saying that he'd go anywhere but the New England Patriots. That's so great.

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He hates Matt Patricia that much that he doesn't want to go back to New England, not just because Patricia came from there, but considering the hiring practices of New England. Patricia may find his way back there and he just went through that shit, doesn't want it anymore. So he knows if I go to New England, there's a chance Patricia follows me and I am closing that door.

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Billy, what was the funniest thing from the sports weekend? Bad Bunny showed up at Royal Rumble, jumping off the top rope for bad bunny reasons. I don't know what happened to the Royal Rumble, by the way. I remember when the Royal Rumble was like, oh, my God, Goldust is back for like the fiftieth year in a row. And then Pete Rose is dressed like a chicken. Right. Or was that a wrestle mania? But he used to be kind of like gimmicky.

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And now it seems like it's a serious thing. Right?

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Some people made their return, but it's hard to have these cheap pops of Pete Rose when there's no one in the arena to actually give you what you're looking for. Yeah. Can you guys hear or forgive me, please? I have no recollection whatsoever, and I feel like I should be embarrassed by that. But on the podium at Leawood, Taj, did you know that Pete Rose was in a chicken costume at Wrestle Mania? Yeah, he had a rivalry with the big red machine came.

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That was his nickname. So the obvious tie in there with Pete Rose. Now, their rivalry spanned several paper views. Dan and Pete Rose try to get the jump on Kane, who coincidentally also made his return. Kane is an acting mayor in Tennessee. He's a Republican.

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So I called him Quain. Get it? Q Well, you know what's funny about that?

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We're going to get to this in a second. Well, I'm just going to make it my funniest thing. I'm going to make my funniest thing from the sports weekend that isn't going to be from sports. Meet the head game. Thanks. You got a little on delay. He's grieving. Let him be Charlie. Hustle the gods. What was. What was the funniest thing from the sports weekend for you got you that you couldn't have consumed very much sport?

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No, I consumed what I did consume was the the ending of the net game and the Sirianni press conference. But it did dawn on me that social media I was checking as people were telling me how to grieve, that the Internet celebrated January 31st is you Jackson Day, because he had a one in 31 record with the Brant's.

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Roy, what was the funniest thing from the sports weekend?

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The New York Rangers waving Tony D'Angelo. What's funny about it is because he is a Trump supporter and apparently a racist, that. Oh, got it now. Chris, what a good TV. I regret laughing.

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All right. Well, right. Real laugh, riot. Why do you think in our new evolution that we should have a new segment on Monday, most racist thing of the weekend. Do you think we should do a different segment like that? Was because you just made a political statement in the middle? We were just having laughs around here and bored. Chris Coady. No, man, you got to tell me he's just trying to spin us. He didn't even understand what you were saying.

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And next thing he knows, he's howling with laughter at racism.

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Well, that's OK, Chris. I mean, he's right. Chris is right.

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Well, Chris is being a good teammate there. He's not listening, but he's being a good teammate. But he learned that you need that. He learned that your name, Whittingham.

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What was the funniest thing of the sports weekend? Draymond Green derisively saying, Rodney, Rodney.

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Oh good. I mean play it again please. Mike I can't hear it in the hell out of here.

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Tough guy. Rodney.

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Rodney, did you ever get the longer version. Billy we've got the longer version. This is worth playing because to God it was to me the richest thing that happened the entirety of this weekend, just the silliness, because the Golden State Warriors, it was like one place where you have permission to sort of be cruel, I guess, because the Warriors have won championships. And no matter how much we might not like them, we have to sort of begrudgingly give them respects to got as one of the greats, even though they're not there where they were.

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And so when they choose to drag as a team Rodney McGruder for being Rodney McGruder, it's it's unusual, OK, but it's usually something Barkley does. Right. Shaq been trying to carve this lane out in broadcasting now. And people are finding it ham fisted because he calls out Donovan Mitchell. Hey, I said, you know you know, you don't have what it takes to win a championship. And I just wanted to say it to your face as if it was bravery.

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It's not bravery. You're disrespecting somebody. Donovan Mitchell doesn't deserve that. He's an excellent basketball player. Nobody disputes his toughness or anything else right now. But Shaq is right. But you never hear you never hear this happen, though, where.

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So Rodney McGruder is in a bit of a scuffle with the Golden State Warriors. And Klay Thompson, who's not even playing, is just on the broadcast, says, you know, how this guy, even in the league, as if you're any good at what you do, it was just very condescending, dismissive. And then Draymond Green afterward just blow torch Rodney Magruder's face. You remember what happened at the end there with Magruder? I don't.

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I was in the locker room, but apparently he was taken off for Wayne Ellington, one of Roddy Magruder becoming a tough guy to team. Right. I don't know everybody in the league tough these days. It's crazy. I've seen a lot of guys this year. I don't understand it. And don't nobody do anything. I mean, if you really want to do something, you could have done it. Walk over there talking shit like he's a team.

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Tough guy. The hell out of here. Tough guy. Rodney, Rodney. Tough guy.

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Asong Rocawear wasn t want to try to bring that towel, that towel, big business shit out on him and. Yeah. Who want to go now in any way. Also I think it was something that like that was said in the first or second quarter way way. You ain't got nothing better to do that. You still thinking about something from the first or second quarter when you weren't in the game? So apparently Wayne Ellington must have went over to the bench.

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I guess he went and told Ronnie Magruder because he hadn't been in the game. I don't know, man. Too many tough guys in this league these days for me. But I know. I know. Nobody has got to know. Damn, Rodney McGruder.

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I'm kidding me. It's crazy inside.

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And I it is you guys there's there Rodney. There is no disputing. Right. Rodney McGruder is a nice little player from Kansas and not physically little by any reasonable definition like Rodney McGruder. If you stood next to him, nobody would call him little. No, but Rodney McGruder, his name is Rodney, and he just tried to fight the Golden State Warriors. And Draymond Green just ended up dragging him by reminding you many times you weren't in the game.

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Like, what are you fighting people for? You're not good enough to be out here playing with us. And you're Rodney McGruder and your name is Rodney. And so I could say Rodney comedically. Hey, is it the same? It is. Is it the same thing if he's saying Luka, if he's just saying, what's the different name I can give you that's worse than Rodney? That that because there's something about the Rodney there that's landing comedically that makes that name and that condescension stronger than just about any other name that you could choose.

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Because he is spitting at the name Rodney and just telling you the undercurrent of it is you are not allowed to be a tough guy when your name is Rodney.

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And this is, without exception, Mason Mason. I'm trying I can't find one that's better than Alvin. Alvin, I don't know Alvin, though. I mean, Rodney's pretty good.

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Well, my funniest thing, Alvin MacGruder, Alvin Alvin is pretty good.

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Yes. Oh, for short, I don't know.

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But Al Magruder's a totally different game. I think it is. Alvin is weaker. Yes. My funniest thing from the sports weekend, Mike Ryan triggered it when he mentioned his smirking, quirky, kuhnen joke. It was seeing Anderson Cooper talked to an actual q a nonbeliever who apologized to him publicly with the words and I am quoting here, I apologize for thinking you ate babies. This was a serious thing that happened on CNN. Anderson Cooper was. And and Anderson Cooper asked seriously after that, we just had freedom infringed upon with people storming the gate.

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This is something that happened. And the and unbelievers are like, OK, well, never mind. I don't believe those things anymore. But Anderson Cooper had an exchange in which the man said, yes, I'm sorry. I apologize for thinking you ate babies. That is the quote. And then Anderson Cooper said, seriously, journalist, that he is. Well, what was it like? What my face like what? Why why did you think that I drank the blood of babies?

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Catch the rest of the interview on CNN as democracy gets threatened. Anderson Cooper and a guy who thought Anderson Cooper ate babies.

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The hell of it is unbelievable sneaking around. I noticed you got a record button. There was nothing funnier this weekend than that than that interview on the serious with not a high degree of irony of any for anybody involved. America is coming under collapse from every corner. Things are on fire. Money doesn't matter anymore. Money. Money always matters. Oh, but you know what I mean. Like money. Nobody understands what's happening with our currency and what is happening with this GameStop thing.

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And how can somebody make 40 million dollars in his garage? And how did we arrive at being in America that pays its CEO 700000 times more than another employee in the company? Like how do we become that through the 1980s and the Reagan documentary on Showtime and the 2000s and the five thirty seven documentary that Billy Corben did for HBO, where you could see how these things right now were foretold, where we were, where and how we were sold over the corporations, how the movie vice gets made, where you see that we're at war, basically trafficking in human bodies for business in the name of commerce.

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What happens? What factually when the dangers are commerce run amok and government not regulating commerce? Well, what happens is the insanity of right now where you're not sure you could trust the economy. And as you see, Stuart, whether it's Elon Musk beefing with people at the very top of the food chain or lower, Jimmy Kimmel just got dragged because he made a Russian botched joke about the economy being fiddled with on GameStop. But I was kind of surprised.

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People sort of associated that. And I was surprised and didn't totally understand it. They thought that Jimmy Kimmel was siding with the rich guys, with the hedge fund guys in protection of not the little man, but the opposite side. And nobody's on that side. Everyone is mad at Robin Hood for being a fraud. Like nobody can be on that side. That's not a side.

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Well, very few people are actually on that side. No, but I but I think the joke that he was making is that one of the ways you get to a loss of freedom in a country, by the way, ours, where you've heard me say before over the last year, if your country's strength isn't in being smart because we're not the smartest of the countries, we've proven that during the pandemic, if the country's strength is to be a godless entity, that its strength is having money.

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Well, and we'd like to say it's freedom, but its strength is having money. And it's not smart money. We're all kind of America has proven to be the Eagles coach over the course of some of the stuff that's happened around here over the last year, where we've seen all of the things we thought were true and believed about our country are kind of ragingly false. Right. And so as we arrive right here, those two got through the tempest of that.

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Right. And we're all looking at it now. Just weird that we're not we're not the smartest. We're not the greatest. We're kind of the sickest right now. And if you take away the dollar from us, then what are we like? What do we stand for? If you take away the power of how much we're worth, what kind of soullessness do we exist at the center of? And that's what Jimmy Kimmel like. I think what the joke is trying to make and Jon Stewart.

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And it was very easy to take the little man side on that and I to side with the little man on that. But I think the thing that Kimmel is lamenting is the idea of one of the tactics in how you remove freedom from a place is to eliminate its currency, that its currency stops mattering, that its economy collapses. And we're pouring these trillions of dollars into our economy. And it seems like it's burning. Whatever coal we're throwing in that furnace is at its highest possible temperature.

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We'll always have football. Amen, brother. Super Bowl week should be Super Bowl Saturday. It is Super Bowl week. Yeah, don't even get me started. Do we have any guests? Glad you got it. Do we have any guests? I've forgotten that it's Super Bowl week. It doesn't feel like a virtual radio row.

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It feels like Super Bowl week. The second, Dan starts dismissing literally any guests from virtual Super Bowl radio row. And that's already begun.

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Who do you want? Who do you want to tell anyone any money? I mean, I got an email here with Matt Burke, Marshall Faulk, Kyle Turley, Turley and Mike Golic.

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I mean, momentarily we'll get there, like I said, go. Yeah, but the thing is. Yeah, like these bigger windows. Dan, wait a minute. This is like like I just heard Michael Vick for the first time. Would you rather do go like I'll do Gulik.

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Well, we can get Gulik without having to, like, stick to a window. They're doing radio tours and we're not a radio show anymore. We're podcasts. When Adam Lefko joins us, we like to poke around and see where we can go with him. And 35 some odd minutes.

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We just got out of the game and I want to be dragged back in with, hey, ten minutes here and will tell me what flower you're talking about today. Who are we pitching? And just I just got out of that game. I'm a cagey vet, Dan. I'm in this podcast.

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So what do you want to do then? I want to just. You want to test it?

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Look, if you want to join us, cool. I just don't want to be married to, like, a window and have to feel the rush like that. That was a very stressful time for everybody here. I want to do it.

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I don't want to be dragged back into it. That is a radio fever dream. When I'm doing a radio show, Dan, I'm down for a revolving door of guest pitching stuff. In the eight minutes that we got them, six of those minutes will be devoted to what their promo code is.

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But now that we're podcast long form, I'd rather talk to the likes of John Skipper personally.

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OK, so what I'm going to do right now, then, instead of talking about Super Bowl.

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Yes, Billy, should we not track down fake Howard Cosell, then?

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We have to as long as he's got thirty five minutes. I don't want to do thirty five minutes.

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You cannot do that. I'll give you that one works. And I want to ask you guys a question.

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This is the real thing that happened to me from my life this weekend, and I'm surprised it took me this long to get to it because I'd like to get comments from the group and guidance on what it is and how it is. You guys would all handle the situation that I found myself in Saturday morning, because I'm pretty sure that I handled it as poorly as as you can under the circumstances and pretty dumbly. So here's the story. I had a parking problem where there was some construction and stuff being done and I couldn't park in the place that I normally park.

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And so I parked my car in the street on South Beach, South Beach, a little crazy. It's renegade here. This area feels a little bit like the wild, wild west. I don't know who's flying in here, but it seems like people from outposts all over the world who have said, hey, that place down there, anything goes down there, we can go down there and all the restaurants are full and nobody's behaving like it's a pandemic at all.

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And so in the center of that, it doesn't feel very safe around here in general. Like it just feels like there is way too much going on. So I had to park in the street and I forgot after I parked in the street to go back and get my car and move it to a safer place. So it has stayed out overnight on South Beach. My car has been out for the night. This is a dangerous place where people get drugged.

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You've heard the stories of goat, goat, piss, Mike's friend. That's a dangerous game then. I know. That's correct. But no, make the most dangerous of parking games. I know.

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But here, no, it's about to get more dangerous. And this part is not going to be surprising to you as we descend down this hellhole of my disorganization. So I have two keys to my car, but their electric keys, I misplaced one of them. And the battery has died on the second one. So I haven't been able to lock the doors to my car in about four months.

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It's a dangerous game. Well, wait, wait. Just an electric key. Wait till you see where it is that we're headed to this. What's an electric car? It's just like a remote control. You just press a button and the car the car starts without you having to put it in a into an ignition.

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But you need a battery and you're rich.

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Yeah, no, not many cars are going with this. I know this is Smartphone's, isn't it? This is smart cars rather. No, no, that's not a smart car. That's just a kid I can start. My car is a smart car. My car does.

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You just have a key that you've got a place down. Yes, but if your car is so smart, why can't you lock it right.

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A good car. Have one of those cameras that you could see when you back up. Yes. Wow. Big spender. My car's a spaceship.

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My God. What are you guys. I'm pretty sure you can lock a spaceship. My car's like a submarine.

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Little under lock himself, like a little green. Men are landing on earth and going like, oh, shit.

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Forgot to lock up.

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OK, so leaving the keys to a spaceship that you have to like, turn on like who gets a retinal scan.

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So listen to this. So I can't lock my car. And I realized upon arriving at my car. That my car has two doors and on the passenger side door, my passenger side door is wide open. It's off to the side. And this is all you see on South Beach at this point, like nine a.m., 10 a.m. South Beach is sort of the litter after parade that play the thing that smells like elephant poop after the circus has left town and they haven't cleaned up real well.

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It's kind of like what Mardi Gras feels like, New Orleans, you know, pissing in the alleys and just the remnants of people doing too many dumb things over the course of the night. So the door is open and I'm walking up and I'm like, oh, I've been robbed. Clearly, I've whatever was in the car is no longer in the car. But no, that's not what happened at all. No friends. What was it in the car before is now in the car.

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The thief, the would be thief who is clearly gone through my glove compartment because I could see the two single dollar bills that were in there on his chest is asleep in my back seat on the job. Why it's so it's a happy play. Yes, Nancy, this is 10 a.m. He has got the contents of my console is open. He was trying to rob me that whatever it is that was happening, but he was so drugged by whatever was going on in his life at the moment that he simply said not in the front seat.

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He took the complicated spaceship's front seat and moved it back electronically so he could just sit in the back seat with the door wide open and fall asleep with the two dollars that were in my console on his chest, dead asleep.

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So now my question to you guys is, what do you do now? This is my question. This is the hypothetical for everybody in the room.

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Now, why isn't it obvious you just call the cops and, like, move away from your car so it doesn't kill you?

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Where's the key, though? I have the key. Oh, I'm walking up with the key. But the key is to put it in the ignition because the electronics don't work and I need to get in. Do you want to call the cops, though, when a guy going through such a tough. That's not and Dan's not going to. Chris, you and I perhaps. But not Dan. Dan's not going to call the cops.

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Dan, did you approach the person at all and say, hey, we got you know, wait a minute, I'm not going to let you started screaming? You guys are going to laugh at where there's like a grief sandwich in the car you got in the car.

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You guys are going to love where this story ends up and how it is that I handled it. But, Billy, what are you doing? I need answers to all of you to these questions. What are you doing?

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I mean, they're crying or calling my wife to figure out what to do with this situation.

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It's what are you doing? I mean, I'm probably with Chris where I'm calling or I'm calling the cops, like, you just don't know. Like, I wake the guy up, I try to do something nice. Next thing I know, he's kicking my ass on the sidewalk. I don't want that.

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Or it just kind of walk away and pretend you didn't see it here. Like this will play itself out. I'll come back in a couple of hours, try to wake him up, like just walk by and go home and wake up, get out of my car as you walk by.

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But, Bill, you're saying give him a good night's sleep and come back the next day and see if he's still there, see if this thing resolves itself.

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Like I didn't see that. I didn't see someone in my car.

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Let's look at the insurance coverage of the case, but I'm going to ask my wife how to handle this, you know, not how to handle it. I'm going to ask her to handle it for me because I'm not capable of handling that situation.

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Is your wife available? Can we talk to her? We ask her, like, I'd like you to make that phone call just to see what hypothetical answer she has to what it is she would do in that circumstance. Roy, what would you do in that circumstance?

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I'm going home on a combination of them.

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Oh, tough guy. Roy, I call B.S. I try it.

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Oh, I'd like to see Charlotte going on break into his car tonight. We have the equalizer on our show right now.

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Why did you choose that one?

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Why did you choose any of the other? Well, because you haven't seen a commercial. Queen Latifah is now the equalizer because you haven't seen the spots. Queen Latifah is now the equalizer, which I think in in essence makes us equal. That's right. That's right. So it's like apropos. Yes, I'm surprised.

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Afropop So that's almost as good as shit again. So this is what happened. I go get it. I go up and I start rapping on the window, the back window of the car. Yeah.

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You got bars rapping with my knuckles and he's hard to wake up because he's not just a little bit asleep. He's dead asleep. Like this guy is out and I'm like, yo, yo, yo. And then he comes to groggy and and kind of drugged again with my dollars that he's trying to steal. The incriminating evidence is on his lap, the two dollars I had in the console. And so he doesn't know where he is. He's asking me where his friends are.

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He's asking me where his bag is. He has a poor guy now. I feel bad, had a big bag. He's asking me to open the trunk of my car to see if his bag is in the in the trunk of his car. He says, no, no, hold on a second. No, it was not. He's asking me for twenty dollars. I give it to him and then he asks for me ten more. And then as I'm like, hey, I got to go man.

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I like you were trying to steal stuff for my car and you just made out ten times what you were going to get because you just asked me for twenty dollars that I gave to it, gave it to you. You need to get out of here.

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It's like, can you take me to Wynwood then? You know, Wynwood. No, no. That's where I draw the line. I actually drew the line that you need to close my door. I have now officially arrived at angry get out of here. He kept asking for more money since the sucker.

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Gotterson Everybody, can I do security for you? You want a job? A thousand dollars a day.

[00:28:25]

And then he hosted the puppies later that evening. We thought that was going to. He's living with Dan Higher till he gets back on his feet. He's got he's hosting misere grade between him and go place Mike.

[00:28:40]

They're a part of you that was ever worried. What if this person is dead in my car? Then what do I do?

[00:28:45]

Oh, no, my DNA is all over that thing. You start getting paranoid that I'm going to be wanted for the person's death who just tried to steal my car?

[00:28:53]

There was only two dollars on him and we tracked them back to you.

[00:28:58]

Has there ever been a motive for murder of two dollars?

[00:29:03]

Like what would someone have to do to Dan for Dan to, like, get angry at them and call the police? You're just like, oh, you're sleeping in my car after trying to rob me, ask for a ride to Wynwood that day, walking home.

[00:29:12]

And when would I just can't get over Roy?

[00:29:17]

Roy what? The car park. Roy driving. Roy Honest to God undersells no more than that. No, no. And then and then he said, no, no, no, wait, wait, no, wait.

[00:29:30]

Mike it's even better than that on top of that. Then he also gave you his movie poster theatre line.

[00:29:37]

When he becomes that action hero trying me, it's what he hit you was protecting my property, then you wouldn't do that for they hit Chris with a try me from the gut meant to be gutteral, just a totally empty threat.

[00:29:56]

Oh comfort by Zoome like threatening no money. Why did you decide to become the equalizer Roy. Why. Why did you.

[00:30:05]

It wasn't directed at Chris. It was directed on the universe. Try it Roy man it sounded like it was directed at Chris Roy.

[00:30:11]

Why are you pulling him out by his lapels from my car doing a roll on the on the sidewalk in which you have your feet in his, in his waist and you're flipping him over your back ninja style because all of a sudden you are the baddest man in the universe.

[00:30:30]

I'm just protecting my property. Then I would just lift him up and do an Alabama slam, just like a hawk or.

[00:30:37]

Holly, who are you. Mama Slam.

[00:30:39]

Is this before or after you ask where the Joker is?

[00:30:43]

I don't understand what Roy is doing when this Roy turned himself into some master of the martial law in his defense, we needed it because me and Chris were calling the cops and Billy was calling us why Steven Seagal went in with a signature line of trying me.

[00:31:01]

You mean sometimes you just gotta defend yourself, your property and your family?

[00:31:05]

It's always resort to violence. OK, all right. So you're just going to start punching in the back of the car that is Roy actually believe this?

[00:31:12]

Or as Roy, I do like what's happening deep into the lie right now. Try me.

[00:31:21]

If we had to make a movie trailer, just Roy, we have to we had to make a movie trailer.

[00:31:29]

Try me. Roy, what was the last time you were in a fight?

[00:31:32]

Try me. I had to be in high school.

[00:31:35]

He's never fought, but he will try me this summer. The gloves are all right.

[00:31:42]

Yeah.