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The big zui. Yo, yo, yo. Pirate radio life for me. I'd like to slow everything down just a little bit, because last week was a bit of reckless sprint with emotion and cocaine in it because we were free and it was exciting and there was a new energy and a new vitality on the show that you guys could hear. And we felt in here doing the show, there was a vibrancy. We were we felt like it was vibrating in here.

It felt so good to be doing the show on totally outward terms. Speaking directly to you during what we think is a very cool pirate stage here, where we feel untethered, we feel scared, we feel excited. We're starting a startup business that has a whole lot of potential. And we want you to see everything that we're doing transparently and honestly so that you're on the ride with us because we don't think an opportunity like this has existed for anyone who's ever done radio, the way that we're presently doing it, where we're a hugely popular thing, but now we have no rules, no restrictions.

It's pirate radio. It is. You can do whatever the hell you want. So one day I'm drinking tequila at nine o'clock in the morning and the next day it feels like freedom and democracy are falling apart. Now, I need to offer a couple of apologies here on the front end, because last week was so discombobulating. It was I don't know if you've ever been stuck out in the fun house where the floor moves in different ways and you're always feeling like you're going to fall because everything feels unstable.

It's fun and crazy, but your footing isn't what it normally it's why it's called the fun house.

Dan, thank you. You got. So it's also a bit disconcerting, though, and I personally have fallen on metal tectonic plates that are moving because I prefer generally as a life principle balance, just I prefer to have my balance. This has been OK, as exciting as it's been, and you can hear the excitement in our voice, it has been super scary for me because I'm not an entrepreneur. It's why I'm summoning every friend I have and every resource I have.

I've never needed like this because I am I am a creative. I want to spend all of my time working on that damn long stat of the day song. That's where I want my entire existence to be. I do not want to be dealing with lawyers or insurance people or benefits or phone calls or zoo meetings or all the crud that has totally engulfed my life the last couple of months.

So when I have all that in my life and then you have the unbelievable emotional horror of feeling in the middle of it, like freedom is under siege, democracy is under siege, everything you've ever believed about your America is under siege. What ends up happening in that one show untethered with the tectonic plates moving under my feet the day after I'm watching something on television, then none of us who have ever been alive, no matter your age, have ever seen in this country what ended up happening to me on Thursday.

That's going to require some apologies here to both the audience and some other entities. The audience I want to apologize to because I was too emotional, too scared in all of those conversations we were having with some of our favorite guests. I was way too amped up. We didn't do normal show and we also didn't do those conversations with those people the way that we would do them. Normally, I was inserting show and my opinion, instead of just talking to our guests and friends, trying to do a show, and what ended up happening was a lopsided version of what we do where the first two days of the week you're getting tequila, drinking and high drinks and the stuff that people love about our show, that is always a tension around here.

When's it going to be serious and dangerous? Wednesday, I'm going to do the social stuff and when's it going to be? Everybody gots to run around like rodeo clowns. And it becomes the thing that people probably love the most about this show, which is Dan getting frustrated, annoyed. And hey, Dan is trying to work here. Why won't anybody let him work? I think that's a comedic goldmine for everyone involved with this show.

But I love the range of the show where we could do that for a couple of days and then a couple of days. We all drove in that day knowing what that day was going to be from a show standpoint, that it was a serious topic. And you're great with those topics. And we're going to bring people on to talk about them because Lord knows you can't talk about it with me.

OK, well, this is what I want to apologize for, though. And I just want to offer a couple of public apologies here before we get back to doing the regular show, the way that we do it, because there was a lack of balance there. And I'm telling you that the lack of balance came from I was scared, scared in my professional life, scared by what I'm watching on television. That doesn't it feels like the place my parents fled just scared.

So I want to apologize to the audience for wherever it is that I went astray, was a little strident, was a little obnoxious, and so you didn't get the balance on the show. I'd also like to apologize. Last week, I called Clay Travis a shit stain. And I would like to take this opportunity right now to apologize to shit stains, shit stains. You do not deserve that comparison. I am sorry that I made that comparison.

I was emotional. I was scared. I was unfair to shit stains. So what I want to talk about with you today, two guys, is because Marco Rubio has infuriated me by doing the same thing that Clay Travis did, which is trying to skip away from the shit that you caused, that you enabled, that you were complicit on.

Hey, hey, I didn't say anything about violence. No, no, no. You don't get to walk away when a police officer is getting his skull beaten to death by a fire extinguisher because of the megaphone and the support that you two have offered. This mad man, Yuto, specifically Marco Rubio saying yesterday, oh, that's not conservatives. No, man, you enabled this. You were complicit. You supported it. And now the Frankenstein monster, because it was made of parts from the morgue and you can't control it now.

You walk away as if you didn't have anything to do with it. And when there are people on the Kentucky capital with dozens of people armed and emboldened, you did that. You gave them the power to feel like that is OK. You freedom fighters, alleged freedom fighters, as you're sitting here saying now the mask is an infringement. You didn't realize the impingement. You were bringing upon our freedoms and only by the grace of God that that mob was so disorganized and so stupid that a guy tases himself in the dark and dies of a heart attack and another person has a don't tread on me shirt while being trampled only because your mom is so idiotic.

Was that not actual power changing in this country in a way that was armed and ending up with our power tied up by idiots? You enabled that you were complicit and you supported it. The reason, Travis, that Donald Trump went on your show is so that he could speak directly to them. You did that. You don't get to walk away. You do not get to walk away. And also, no, I'm not going on your show.

I'll never go on your show and sure as shit, not because I'm afraid of you, because I get the clicks now, not you doing it. I get the clicks now. I'm going to do what I want here and I'm going to speak my truth here, because what happened there you should be ashamed of because of freedom. Schook, because of what you enabled allowing that monster to speak to people in a way that's still stuck out. A police officer, Stewart got his head caved in by a fire extinguisher.

We are now getting the reported details on this thing and they are horrifying. And as of yesterday, I don't know if this has changed, Mike. Still, the president of the United States who is said to be delighted by the storming of the Capitol as of yesterday, flags still not flying at half staff as of yesterday. Is that change?

That is that is that has changed. And there's all sorts of reports there that as it was happening, the president was delighted. And then one of his main takeaways was in terms of not liking the optics of it appearing low class as he speaks to hundreds of thousands of people knowing exactly who his base is, finally gets talked into lowering flags at half mast for the officer that was murdered by those terrorists.

So you've got rifle toting militia members who got the Kentucky Capitol where McConnell is.

They're hailing this as dozens of people hailing the DC rioters. And it's all terrifying.

Now, I'm assuming and hoping. And again, this is not a politics show. Politics has been foisted upon us. I have if you've been listening to our show for twenty years, you know that the thing that I find interesting here is race, that race relations are the thing that I'm fascinated by.

And I do believe if those had been Black Lives Matter protesters to God, I do believe that you would have had black bodies on the steps of the Capitol piled up like firewood, because this is what I'm led to believe. And you guys help me out on this because I'm legitimately curious. I only have one of three options to choose from. Give me a fourth. Do got some dying to have a for somebody. Give me a fourth. These are my three options on how we arrive at you are there to protect democracy, freedom, the symbols for this country that this country stands for.

And what. Ends up happening is our police force ends up getting overrun because these people were simply let into the building with with equipment that would have tied up the power in the country.

What are those called those handcuffs, those zip ties? So this is Mike. You tell me what the fourth option is on this, because these are the only three I can see from where I'm standing on a day where I was more horrified on behalf of America than I have ever been in terms of feeling freedom threatened. And I've been telling you to go right as rubber bullets are shooting into American citizens. I've been telling you that we have been headed here for a while where it feels like freedom is being attacked, democracy, core values, the things that America is supposed to stand for seem to be under siege.

So these are the three options, as far as I can see it. One, someone told those police officers to let everybody in to those police officers didn't see black faces, so they didn't see anything that felt like threat until all of a sudden a fire extinguisher is caving in a police officer's skull. So you're seeing white people and you're not feeling threatened by it. Three both, I would say combo of both.

And there is no fourth option. I would say to me, because it is hard for me to understand how that many people got that close to that building at that exact time. So for me, someone had to say, hey, let those people and then be mostly white.

I got they got in they got there because the president demanded it. It was a call to action. The president, the reason we're talking about the president possibly being impeached and and the reason we see he said he'd walk with them, get well, it's not coincidental and nor is it lacking in symbolism that he said he would and then didn't correct that he didn't actually get into the fray, that he just he he incited the riot. And then then the next thing you have happen is Twitter and Facebook and Instagram all take away his freedoms because you can't you can't have that.

But it's too late now. All of you were complicit here. All of you enabled all of you, Marco Rubio and Clay Travis, you don't get to walk away now. In fact, not only do you not get to walk away now, take their heads. Marco Rubio and Clay Travis and like a dog, that shit on their carpet puts their face in it and don't let them move. Hey, I didn't say anything about violence. No, stay there and look at the shit you made.

Smell it and have it be smeared on your face because you did this, you enabled it. You were complicit and you supported this madman throughout all of this. And that's what it wrought. It wrought a fire extinguisher caving in the skull of someone who was protecting the power hold.

Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg face to that shit. Yeah, as well, of course, because they come down with the decision to finally suspend him. And it's not lost, I don't think, on anyone here that that decision comes days after those tech CEOs realize that, oh, the Democrats now have the House, Senate and executive branch and now they're going to be oversight commissions on this. You were right to mention what happened in Kentucky. Donald Trump should have been suspended long ago.

But I was myself stunned when everything was going on in Michigan, remember, because that escalated from to a possible kidnapping. Yeah, but before that, remember when those armed Maggies supporters showed up to the governor's mansion and were very threatening? And we're like, well, this would never happen to BLM. And Donald Trump had the nicest things to say about those people. And then a few days later, a plan is investigated and discovered and people are arrested because there was a kidnapping, probably fueled by the nice things, not probably definitely fueled by the nice things that Donald Trump said about their previous efforts, which only ratcheted them up.

It grew in Michigan and you could see a growing over the nation. And much like the there was that instance in the governor's mansion that preceded the actual plan for the kidnapping. There was plenty of rallies across the nation where wasn't dog whistles. The guy was singing it into microphones and we were broadcasting it and he was putting it on his social media and we allowed it to happen.

That's the part that is most dispiriting to me about seeing everything that has happened in this country with the people who have supported and enabled this and made it complicit is the amount of social selling required to continue to get closer and closer to that evil just because it represents power.

And I'm speaking to you, Marco Rubio, and I'm speaking to you, Clay Travis. It validated you being that close to the power and you didn't give a shit that it was evil and only when it caved in a police officer's head with a fire extinguisher do you throw up your hands and say, wait. I didn't mean to get that close to the power, no enabled it, you did that, you don't get to walk away from it. I never incited that.

Why do you think, Clay Travis, that Donald Trump went on your show twice? What's the best guess you've ever gotten, Pat Shurmur? Like, why do you think he went on that show twice? He went on that show twice so he could speak to his goons because he knows that his goons are your goons. You don't get to walk away from that dude.

He got Pat Shurmur. Dan brought up shit stains and I was wondering if you've ever had a shit stain so bad that you were embarrassed to throw it into your laundry.

Jesus Christ, dude, I had to take this game with my three year old. That's my life right now is just underwear with shit stains on it. I just want to throw the underwear in the trash. My wife gets mad at me now.

But I'm wondering, you personally, like recently, have you had a shit stain that you are so embarrassed about that you don't want to throw it into your laundry because you didn't want your wife to know that your underwear looked like terrible?

It really is, but it's Staffords. It's awesome. But it's also a terrible question that is shrouded in clearly this has happened to God. So you're asking a question, but you need to give us the details on and this is surprising to no one in the audience who got your laundry must be so filled with shit stains.

You still got you've reached the point where I'm looking at you like, no, that's never happened.

I know he's asking that question because unless, of course, I am responding to your logic by looking at you saying that it happens to you every single night.

What are you doing with this boy? We're totally disgusted. Yes. Roy, tell us about your shit stains. Roy, come on, Roy. Having Roy Roy is clean.

I believe Roy is the one who taught us. Certainly I believe it was black people who taught us that white people and black people and Latin people culturally use washcloths differently because of some of this. Was that you, Royo? Was that just a general conversation that we stumbled upon where black people were mortified that the same soup, the same soap that white people use for their ass is something they use for their face?

That is a yeah. That was a general conversation that spurred on by an episode of Chappelle's Show Ashli. And yeah, it's absolutely true. It's facts. And we use rags around here. I don't know what you guys are doing with this bar soap situation, but everybody has to use that bar soap. And I'm sorry, I can't live in the same house as somebody who is doing that can do it.

I have to admit, I was a late bloomer when it came to the body wash a couple of years ago. Old Chris was doing that, asked to face we need to do a certain order that you got to go in when it comes to that, by the way.

So, yeah, yeah. The assets to be last so that somebody else in your family get stuck with this. Nope, not now.

You going in first, you know, work your way down, Chris. Work way down.

So let's let's backtrack for a second here, because I got to think he's going to wiggle away and he's not.

Oh, I thought you forgot the details of my to help try to help.

Mike, is it possible to get Abby on the Zoome I want to go through stigmatises literal dirty laundry. I want to figure out.

Here's what I promise you with Abby. She will not she will not show her face on the Zoome. She might call into a Zoome, but she's not going to show her face on the zoom.

Is it worth doing though? Is it worth doing? Sort of. This is uncomfortable and you usually allow us near all of your dirty laundry.

Oh, I don't care if she wants to talk. Yeah.

All of your dirty baggage. But we are about to get to now do you where tidy whities or do you wear darker underwear to conceal some like I say, tidy whities.

Yeah. I don't wear I mean listen, wearing white underwear is a dangerous game. I do, I just, I don't do it.

I only put it on the pole is wearing white underwear and it's a dangerous game.

Put it on the pole batard.

So I typically go navy or I go black but occasionally I go grey. And so the time I am referencing I went grey. That's a light grey. So you could still see the stain very, very easily and well it stands out there. It was just one of those afternoons. I mean, you know, I went to the bathroom before I played golf. I didn't wipe three or four times. It was a little swampy, little hot out.

I got a little swampy down there and the underwear was kind of sticking out. Oh, no. Yeah. And so when I was done playing golf and got back and, you know, changed my club, I just I noticed something that I hadn't seen since I was a child.

And that's what made you think of all of this stuff that we're talking about? Well, I mean, you mentioning Clay Travis Trapezius, what got me to think about this, you said again, I'd like to apologize to all shit stains.

I was unnecessarily cruel. It is wrong what I did in terms of putting your name on a T-shirt and putting on world of suing Dotcom. Dan Leadbitter called me a shit stain today, which is one of the favorite quotes I've ever seen in American history.

Now, I don't know if Mike has gotten a hold of Abby and you could talk to her about the laundry. The other the other funny thing you might want to ask Abby about is I am walking around the house I am singing to. So I'm just blurting out two songs, Freedom by George Michael. I just keep singing it like it's our national anthem like that.

And Justin Fields'. Forever, I am trying to work out this song, Strawberry Fields Forever, Just in Fields Forever, and because that's who the Jets are going to get.

Beatles a very litigious. I know. And and I think I'm starting to get in that business. All right.

Well, Abby, thank you for joining us. It's been a long time. I can't talk to you enough. I can't even I probably need to apologize to you just because the last few months have been quite the horror here where your husband has entrusted the entirety of your family's future to me quietly and everyone here is going to get taken care of. But I do appreciate having gone through some of these negotiations before with your husband and having him get involved in a way that made things a little extra messy.

I do appreciate that the Stewarts family has given me this trust with their futures because everyone's going to get taken care of. Thank you for pointing that out. Can you please explain to her? She asks me on a daily basis, what are you guys doing? And I say, I don't know. You say, how the hell do you not know your partner? Abby, I will tell you off air. I don't think that is that a conversation we want to have on the air.

You tell me.

OK, it's not. No, no. It's more than I trust Dad. Way more than I trust God.

He says that he has said, dad knows what you know. He knows what you know is in our best interest and he's looking after you guys. It gives me better hope that the end result will be something amazing because he put your name in there. And if he just said I got it under control, there'd be no I'd be terrified.

Right, right. Right. Yeah, but Dan has it under control is a totally different story. You're right. You're right about him trying to keep it under control.

But it's been very stressful. And I've learned the lesson, Terry, I don't know if you remember, but there was one time that your your husband got his hands, all his fingerprints all over the negotiation. And the result was him with less money and me losing my.

She's hearing this for the first time. Yes.

Yeah, I remember that. But it doesn't surprise me.

OK, all right. So anyway, so there were reasons that the steward's family had to be kept in the dark. And everyone, it's going to work out for everybody. Even though I've had to purchase life insurance, this is the only thing that we'll get in our way is the any any sort of calamity. But the thing that we're having you on to discuss, and this is personal and it's dangerous, it's dugouts. Is laundry specifically his underwear.

So what are you comfortable discussing there? Because we were just discussing poop stains and I said that your laundry experience has to be unpleasant, having been married to him for a long time. And then he started talking about swamp penis and all sorts of things. So. Right. Where do you want me to lead your beloved wife here on this subject?

Well, I mean, it's I feel like it's a simple question. Like Abby, for the most part, I wear black and blue underwear, a smart job. Are you getting me those color underwear? Because wearing that right. Because you got me I notice you got me a pack of whites one time, and that's a very dangerous game. Abby, you and I have discussed this, and I'm guessing that you went away from the whites because, you know, it's just an uncomfortable amount of of OK, that's enough of it.

Yeah, that's really enough. But yeah, maybe I noticed that once or twice and I definitely resorted to only blue and I guess black. But I don't really I don't really want to look I mean, I know about you guys speaking about standing up and wiping or sitting or whatever you do. And I realize that you do have an odd way of doing Weiping or whatever you do. So I'm assuming the underwear is not a pleasant sight. So I usually just dump it in.

And fortunately, you have someone who cleans once a week and she'll do the laundry. So I don't really have that much contact.

So we just botch up the negotiation that someone when it comes to clean the goddamn house.

Just to be clear then, Abby, what you're basically doing is whenever you happen upon Stewart's underwear, you just take it and throw it in a pile without any further inspection. You just you just make certain things. So you're making assumptions about it, but you don't want to see any hard truth, right?

Exactly. OK, pretty much. We got it. Yep.

Have you ever seen a hard truth? Have you ever with the white on your hands in the last twenty years.

Yes. OK, but I probably after for the first time I was traumatized so I don't have very good care to look.

You know, I like to see is a sandwich. I need to make a sandwich. Sandwich. Listen, I'm working hard here, working hard. I actually work with you and I've not I wanted a sandwich.

I want the turkey roast to do my laundry and a sandwich. That's where we are. Why do Abby tell him how good I am at doing laundry? Seriously tell Dan how good I am.

Yes, when you do it twice the two times a year you do it, you are bad. But let's go back to the sandwiches for one second. I definitely make you sandwiches more often than not. And you always come home with them and they're thrown away in the garbage. So I just figured, forget it, I'm done with this and. How are you going to buy? All right, Abbi, thank you for doing this. Hold on.

Stay here for a second. Mike, how is it that every time Stewart's files an accusation against somebody, even his wife, it comes back and he's in the wrong? So she's been making sandwiches. He complains about her not making sandwiches. He comes home with sandwiches that then get thrown out. Of course, she's not going to make you any more sandwiches.

Make a good one. Oh, for the love of what happened there.

Who said that? Mike, what are we going to do? This is not a 20 twenty one conversation with Abby where he's like, do my laundry, make my sandwiches, clean my shit stains. Also, I work so hard I must find that one.

I made very uncomfortable with the marriage dynamics right now. I love you, honey.

Yeah, I love you too.

I feel very confident in that one. See you later, Abby. Thank you for being on.

All you do is complain about me. Good bye. Well, I mean, all you do is complain about me. I don't have it just for you. Weren't DIDs in? I mean, unbelievable.

You know, the other day we ask you one question. You said, I can't do everything I said. Nobody asked you to do everything. Your one job is to go to work. And that's what you love to do and that's what you do. Nobody needs you for anything else. I got it covered.

What was the thing? This is getting uncomfortable. Abby, thank you. What's going on with the songs?

I'm singing Freedom and just feels great, I'm afraid, as long as I'm scared.

Abby, I'm scared of your husband with freedom. I'm scared of him with me. I know I am. So Billy has a question for you. Billy is Abby. What year of marriage is this?

Nineteen. Which would you say this year?

Yeah. Toughest year marriage, which no year. Because Chris thinks that he the first one or seven so far. Chris thinks it's the first year of marriage, which is the honeymoon phase.

No, absolutely not. Not when there's no kids involved. So that's definitely not exactly what's the toughest. I don't know. I don't know.

I think it's all hard, but I don't think there's one that I think it gets easier, actually, because it's kind of your own thing and you when to get over everything.

And that would lead to believe that the first year is the toughest, that suddenly you're in dad's hands and not mine. And then you're right. It is getting easier for us.

Right, exactly.

We have been damn good talking to you. I'll call you off the air if if you have any questions. Oh, she has a well, I know she can be trusted with information. You're the one that nobody trusts around here. Thank you for being on with us, Abby.

There are some OK obvious signs.

I see it. So, Mike, what do we do with this? Because you are cringing throughout that entire conversation.

I don't want to get into this whole thing. Listen, my wife is independent. She could do whatever the hell she wants. She can get a job. She doesn't have to get a job. She's not the one making this. This will make you better. Your apology? No, she's not doing like chores. I pitch in like she would tell you. I do the laundry. I do a lot of stuff.

The one thing I ask for because I'm not going to do the same thing, I am not good at making a sandwich. My fingers are fast. God, you're doing the thing. You remember what you remember what you say. There's certain things I can't do.

I mean, do you remember at the Masters when the Masters was objecting to women being allowed at the Masters? Some guy showed up at the protests with signs that read Iron My Shirt and make me a sandwich, like you could have said almost anything other than do my laundry and make me a sandwich in twenty, twenty one like you told your wife to get back in the kitchen.

I mean. Oh, she doesn't do my laundry. We were asking first off, she never makes me a sandwich anyway. Don't listen to me. She says she makes you sandwiches and you and then you come home with them and she's got to throw them out. Mike, tell me I'm wrong about this. Every damn time that Stukas blame someone else for something like you didn't return any of my calls. The answer is always, what do you mean the last call?

The last ten calls have been from me to you. It's always the way these these transactions work with him.

I know what's going on here. We're building a company and this is one of those oversights. When we work for the worldwide leader, we'd have stars like Mark Hamill telling us what is appropriate to say on the air and not we need a compliance video for Stewart's real. Yeah, you need to be trained. Well, yeah.

There's what just happened in my marriage to God. What just happened there? Is it OK? It's OK enough to not get us in real trouble because it's sort of a sprawling, sprawling nonsense. But by itself, without context. Think about this, OK? The people listening to this understood what happened there. And there aren't any things there that are going to be problematic for us by themselves. But absent context, make me a sandwich. After talking to your wife about cleaning your shit stains in your laundry is not a great look for our show.

I'm beginning to see.

So let's go ahead and make that the compliance video, shall we, Mike? It's a little late. We're making our compliance video after we've. The problem, because there are no rules or regulations right now, we can actually get in trouble with headlines and what's the punishment going to be? It would have to be me firing you or John Skipper firing. Listen, I trusted you, man.

You going to fire me now? I think we're going to suspend you from co-host. We're going to suspend you from co-host for one segment.

OK, he's suspended. Make him go sit in the penalty box. We're going to start the news. We need to with you, Sue Godse. Yes, we're going to let's see. Let's see if we can find a new student in the next segment. Let's do that next.

Good luck, assholes.