Happy Scribe
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Welcome, Dan Levy, to really being honest about just a giant piece of shit, the big, silly Bald Eagles, a podcast exclusive that none of our bosses ask for, more sports, more work, less pay. I haven't stopped talking in a month.

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I mean, I tell you, just when you thought the show couldn't be more diluted than last time I listened to this show. I haven't listened for years. Now, here's the marching band to. No way am I missing something. What am I missing?

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The end of the story, that phase. Chris Fallica, it's Fallica he made on a penis and the habitual liar.

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I didn't ask for any of us for all of it. The big.

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I'm Chris Codi BSP and. So if you've been following this strangely fascinating saga around here a while ago, we had on a guy named Shane Bacolod, he's a rising star or was at the time a rising star. He's arrived at stardom because he's doing sports radio a little bit differently than we are. And it's come with great success. And he works at K GMT in Scottsdale, Arizona, and his sidekick, Harry, the horse was also on with us because we're basically just trying to grift off their audience and their ratings shamelessly as our show dwindles in size and success and theirs rises up.

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And one of the shocking things among many that Shane Bacolod said about his co-host, Harry the horse is that he had shot his gardener and Shane Bacolod, a celebrated him for not pressing charges against his gardener. His gardener, it turns out, is a father of three, Rawle Dosso. And what's ended up happening here in congressional candidate Shane Bacolod as town of Scottsdale, Arizona. Is there a protest there? Like five hundred angry protesters from some local civil rights groups who are really mad about what's happened here is they've grown in popularity.

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And, you know, this gardener incident seems a little fishy. For example, Daniel Alvarez, he's head of Workers Unite, a non for profit organization advocating for the rights of day laborers. They want the horse fired. They say, quote, And this is coming from Alvarez himself. This clown shoots an unarmed person of color that he hired and then refuses to take a breathalyzer, turn over security cam footage to the police. And we're all supposed to just move on.

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It's unacceptable. We want justice for Mr. Dosso, who may never again regain the use of his left arm. So Raul is coming on with us here. We appreciate your time. Raul has requested, in the interest of fairness to Rita, to read a statement, I guess, because this controversy is mushrooming in Scottsdale, Arizona. Thank you all for being on with us.

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Thank you for having me. First, let me say thank you then for having me on your show. This is a difficult situation that has become needlessly complicated. And I want to clear up a few things. Last month, I was hit in the shoulder by bullets while at work. Admits that at his house at the time, I am certain Mr. Hadley believed that I was an intruder or even an assassin. My behavior was sneaky, and I'm very thankful to Mr.

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Hadley are not pressing charges on me and also for having such total control of his firearm that he only shot to one. It takes a great man to show restraint like this when his home is being threatened. I am very thankful and it is well known Mr Hockey is brave enough to Katie. He would have made an excellent one operator if he had joined the Special Forces instead of becoming the world's greatest eSports radio sidekick, ICE. He's a great boss and he's very fair.

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We consider him handsome. I only wish he would allow me to pay for the full cost of the big green egg smoking I ruined instead of only have the cost, which is what we both agree is fair rule.

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Do you really think that's fair? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Wait a minute Harry. Is that I hear here. Is that Harry also although he has never threatened to have me deported because I forgot to water his Larry Fitzgerald Chia Pet. That is a rumor. And anyone else who repeated it is a job. Brownie, please put Mr. Harry back on the line suffering without him and he takes which I keep going, which are the best in the business. The Lord only gives you what you can handle. Clearly, the Lord was acting through Mr.

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Harry because he thinks I am so strong that I don't need to use my left arm. I thank Mr Harry for being God's best.

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Harry, is that you back there? Harry. Harry. Hey, hey. Hey, Dad. How Dan. How are you, pal? I was just passing by the studio. What a coincidence, Harry.

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That didn't sound that sounded like Raul was coerced into reading that. No, he he loved it.

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I mean, you could ask him, but he just left. So maybe a different. He just had to go.

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Raul. No, wait a minute. I wanted to talk to you. Is Raul still there? He's not there anymore.

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Misty, I'm still here now. No. Raul's drowse gone. He's at his daughter's quinceañera. It was his daughter's quinceañera today and he had to go. But, boy, that was a moving speech he gave, wasn't it? I mean, I couldn't believe the beautiful words he came up with himself to say about me. I think we can all agree that a beautiful speech like that will put an end to all this nonsense and I'll be able to get my job soon I.

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I don't understand the situation that you're in, I don't understand how you still have your freedom, never mind how it is, you still have your job. What is this, a temporary suspension? Is Raul still there? I'd like to talk to Raul.

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He's at his quinceañera. Please respect his cultural differences darn well.

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So Raul had to go, like I said. But I'm still here, Dan. So why don't we just talk talk some sports? What do you say when I talk sports?

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I don't you must be desperate to talk sports because you've been suspended now.

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Is that what it is like? I have been suspended. That's Shane sat me down. He explained to me I had paid the penalty box, you know, I'm a gun. And even though I didn't do anything wrong, I was just protecting home ice. I got to stay in the box a couple of days until this all blows over. But I can't do it without talking sports. I'm going crazy. Please let me just get one take off and then I'll go one take off and then you'll be done.

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You'll be out of our hair. I'm gone. All right, good. Go ahead and give it back.

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Lamar Jackson, is this a flash in the pan? What do you think, Dan? There wasn't really a take you just sort of asked a question and then threw it back. Well, I think it's all hyped and I said it when he was drafted in one good season isn't going to make me change my mind.

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The man as a running back, I don't think that that's I mean, of all the things that you've done wrong, what do you mean? He's running back. He's the MVP.

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The league doesn't have. There's some there's some intangible about Lamar Jackson that is just missing. And I don't know. I just don't trust the guy. What are you in your thoughts, Dan, what do you mean you don't trust him? Like what do you mean? I don't understand what you're saying, Dan.

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Can I be honest? You I don't know either. OK, you got to help me. I'm struggling. My life is falling apart. Today should be a great day. It's wet Wednesdays here at the Dirty Dayle. I should be hosting our weekly wet T-shirt contest at Dimitri's House of Souvlaki and Breasts, the number one Greek themed restaurant. But that's been canceled because while this B.S. and look, I'm no stranger to tough times. You know why they call me the horse.

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Damn, you know, no, I don't actually. I'm only the third human on record to contract equine rabies. Got it from a greedy little gelding over Sillitoe Park racetrack that didn't want to share its sugar cubes. Well, I beat the rabies, OK? And you know where that horse is now? In a glue stick somewhere. So I'm tough. I'm resilient, but there's a witch hunt against me. Dan, football's back. The NBA finals are happening.

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We've got Lecoq James going against your boys down there, trying to win his fourth title with an asterisk. MJ would never let a pandemic stop him from playing in front of fans, but I can't talk about any of that stuff. Come on. I've been taken off the air. Harry, you're not being persecuted for my identity as a fun loving nose tackle who loves shooting the A Gap, knocking back Bruce Chirinos and chatting up hot chicks.

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I know you're being persecuted for shooting an employee and for racism and for misogyny and for homophobia.

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I'm a changed man, Dan. That's the old me. I recognize the error of my ways. I sincerely apologize to the broads and fairies that I've hurt. And with my comments, you know, the old me would never do that. I would never apologize. But me now I've I've seen the light, OK, I'm different. Plus, come on, I recently lost one hundred thousand dollars investing in Korsakov, Jose Canseco, pornography backed cryptocurrency. So I can't afford to lose my job right now.

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It just turns out some of the new boss GMT. Listen to my last appearance on your show. And thanks to your little suggestion, I've been through some serious sensitivity training. OK, that's right. Dan doesn't sound like it. Well, I'm trying to tell you how it is. OK, you want to hear what I went through? I do. But can you keep out somewhat like if you've learned something, can you show us what you've learned?

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OK, I'll tell you right now, OK, someone who in the past I might have called a frumpy spinster with hair like Don Mattingly came into the office. To be clear, I am not calling her that now because I have learned it is insensitive to do so. Anyway, she came into the office, you know, and she came to the kempt locker room. She sat me down and she explained that everything we do a game time that is fun and cool is not allowed anymore.

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So you'll be happy to hear we are a totally woak and PC workplace just like yours. I'm happy now, Dan.

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No, give me an example. Give me some examples of how you've improved your workplace.

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Well, for example, we've changed our hiring practices. What we used to do is ask male interns for a resume and female interns for headshots and a video of them eating a banana. That's over now. OK, during interviews. I know that I'm not allowed to ask women, do you like horseback riding? And when they start to answer, I'm not allowed to interrupt them and go. But would you like to ride this horse and then wink and raise my eyebrows like a horny cartoon?

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Wolf, not doing any of that stuff, Dan. And I'll be honest, some of this stuff I don't understand, like they're making a stop. Some of the nice things we used to do for our female employees. We still pregnancy parties. Whenever a female coworker would conceive a child, we'd have a really nice retirement party, smoke cigars, drink brewskis, have all the hot wings you could ever ask for. We'd go all out. We get a nice life size replica ping out of her in a bikini and I'll take turns beating it with a bat to symbolize the destruction of her hotness by childbirth.

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And you know what, Jesus? That piñata was filled with five dollar bills that the pregnant employee was allowed to scoop up and get a nice severance package, sometimes as high as eight or nine hundred dollars. But I guess we're the bad guys for providing for the women on our team when they're forced to stop working and start raising children. Huh? I just don't get it. Damn. But I'm trying to learn. I really am.

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Harry, you got to be more sincere. I mean, this whole thing doesn't feel like sincerity from where we started with Raul. Like, you've got to do some stuff in the community. You've got to you've got to do things that make for meaningful change.

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OK, we're doing that stuff. You know, there's lots of different things we're doing. We I mean, we cancelled. It's not just I'm not trying to seem cynical here, Dan. It's not just the groups that are mad at me. You know, we've canceled a very popular event called Gonzo Mania every November 4th to commemorate the World Series win, we have Luis Gonzalez recreate his game seven clinching at bat using an intern's nuts instead of a baseball game time.

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This is a position of honor. The interns compete in the dog food eating contest just to have the opportunity to get their bean bag blasted by Gonzo. We've eliminated this beautiful tradition because it's hazing. OK, and I got other. Is we're going to help people out October's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, as you know, in in second only to erectile dysfunction. It's one of the diseases I hate the most. Unlike Ed, there's no simple cure. You could go to Harry Dasch tonic underscore legal that are do that.

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Don't feel sure I'm not. You know what? I'm not. I won't. I'm sorry.

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I don't feel like you're sorry about much of anything. It doesn't seem to me like. OK, well maybe it's just my trademark radial panache. Maybe you got to cut through some of the the bravado and listen to the words. Dan, for example, this October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we're trying to help women out. OK, that's why we're starting. Dr. Harris, go for two initiative. We're partnering with Dr. Geovani Bellisimo, the dirty Dalek's, number one luxury unlicensed plastic surgeon to provide mastectomies free of charge for anyone suffering from breast cancer, provided the patient agrees to get implants that are double D or larger here.

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We could just cure the cancer, kick the field goal at one point. But why don't we cure cancer and give a woman huge? Juggs in the process has a successful two point conversion in my book and more points on the board is better for the whole team.

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Harry, these are some of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Well, what about. Hold on. There's education. You know, the children are our future, Dan. And that's why I want to host the first annual game. Time gives back games, which would be kind of our own unsanctioned Special Olympics, where we focus on the events they leave out of the games, like jousting and bare knuckle boxing. Winner of each match gets a thousand bucks for their school.

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Is that a bad idea? Dan Harris?

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You just sound like a horrible person, that's all.

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Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm I'm really losing it, man, OK? I'm just I'm under a lot of stress. It's not just the job now that my name's all over the papers, some cold case cop trying to make a name for himself, reopen the investigation into my second wife, dangerous, mysterious death. And because technically I was the last person to speak to her alive, I've been getting questioned nonstop, had to hire a lawyer and everything.

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And this is just Bush league stuff then. I mean, come on, you don't swing on a three page when you're up big and you don't reopen the investigation into a man's wife's death when he's been suspended from his radio show. Show some class, act like you've been there before. And look, the thing is, I had an airtight alibi. Dan, OK, what's he doing questioning me? Our streets are filled with lawless rioters and I'm getting hassled over a personal tragedy.

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I got an alibi. After serving as a celebrity judge for the Scottsdale's Best Ribs competition, I was headed to meet Desiree on our boat, the S.S. Jake Plummer. However, I overdosed on heartburn medicine and passed out on the dock. When I came to a few hours later, she was nowhere to be found here.

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I don't think that alibi is airtight. I'm getting some information here from Mike Ryan, my producer. He's he's saying that TMZ Mike, what is this? TMZ has gotten its hands on on a voicemail the prosecution is using. What is this what does this thing you're trying to tell me about? Excuse me. I'm sorry.

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It's not normal that we don't even have to go it. I think we could skip this. We don't have to talk about this. Oh, I think we have to air this. This comes courtesy of TMZ. Apologies for the quality of the audio, but this is pretty incriminating. Harry.

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What? Well, hold on a second.

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I don't I mean, shouldn't play this. This is bad quality radio. You don't want this. Well, it doesn't go listening. People listening on high quality speakers, you're going to blow them out. We should just talk about something else.

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You know, play audio is not good on this.

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No, but you can tell it's definitely Harry, you embarrassed me in front of Grandma was for the last time, I think. I know I'm not joking. Of Lake Havasu. I'm married because I'm a dad in the jail now we hear whatever, you can't even hear that.

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That seems inconclusive, but what are we talking about old voicemails for? We got a heat in the finals. You guys have to be thrilled for a chance of revenge over that primadonna, LeBron James. My and our real organization handles its business. Guys like what was that?

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What was done to you? Are you kidding me? That was a cell phone that was smashed with a hammer. I'm reading on TMZ that was covered in barbecue sauce. You got fragments of a phone's hard drive put together to reveal that the basically this guy is a murderer.

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Why you can't trust TMZ, Harry. You saw some densify at the end of it. You don't think that's. Are you guys worried about your offense going into the finals? I mean, Jimmy, for all his early heroics, he's had some off scoring nights, OK? It sure bam had 30 and 50 in overtime in game six. But you got to think Anthony Davis is going to be more trouble right now.

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All I was supposed to be speaking to Raul. How is this game here? Where is Raul? Mike, get him out of here. We're talking. OK, fine, fine.

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I'll I'll go where I can get.

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I was supposed to be talking to Raul.

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Dan, I'll go all I ask. I'm here. OK, thank you. Raul's here. You know what? You're right. He deserves a chance. I came back. He's back. He deserves a chance to read from the heart. I'll admit I may have helped guide some of his statement, but OK, here. You want to talk to Raul here? Yes.

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Thank you, Raul, please. Good Lord, man. That's a horrifying Mike. All of this is horrifying.

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Raul didn't sound like your words. It sounded like Harry. He just admitted that he made you say some stuff.

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Well, my my English is not very good. So he he I say things. He helped me translate. For example, I have more thing to say.

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OK, wait a minute. You have more. So he's just translating for you. You have.

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No, no, no. I ask some questions when I don't know the words.

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OK, so you're but you've got something else you want to say.

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Yes, I would like to say the shooting and losing my arm has gotten me really down. And when lives get you down, one of the first places we feel that is in the bedroom, that's where. How did you stallion comes in? We're all ancient Chinese secret, bro. Come on, Brawley's. Let me speak, please. I need to stay on the loose. And politicians in government are too scared to approve because of how potent and say they are.

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How did it turn you is guaranteed to have your opponent as powerful as an is to demand a slam dunk. Rawal go through. Hurry dystonic. How more legal than you and you know I did. I just. I want to stay in the country. Please let me finish of your first order and you will be a bucking bronco in bed in no time. Get out of here if you're ever in the area to have your damn game time, Harry, you're done.

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In this instance, Geico presents monster counseling. Dracula, tell me how you're feeling.

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No one understands how lonely this. No one will even let me into their house.

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I knock and knock, but they ignore me. Huh? What else? I look in the mirror. I don't even see myself anymore. If you don't see yourself clearly, can you really expect others to? I'm having a breakthrough.

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Oh, we can just bury it deep in the ground.

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