Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the car rentals to. This is the Dave Ramsey Show where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neal Ramsey personality and sitting in with me cohosting with me today is number one national best selling author, also Ramsey personality, and also one of the best speakers out there when it comes to women and helping ladies really get control of your life.
Christy. Right. Hey, this is fun.
This is this is a marathon of me and you today. We started out with a shoot for the Christy Wright Show. We've been on the show today.
Yeah, this is fun. Yes. Yes. Your show was fun. I can't wait for that. Would come out. America's going to love this one. I mean, I keep saying America. I mean, I know James, our producers over there say anti-American people in Africa, but then stop saying America. Well, the one everyone who's listening right now. Thank you. Thank you, God.
You know, this is going to be a great show that Christie is doing on her YouTube show. So I want to definitely go out there and we have an hour. You know, we have an hour to talk to you about your life, your money, taking your questions, taking your questions. Give us a call, Aetate two five five two five triple eight eight to five five two two five. And I don't care where you are in life.
You can ask us any question. Give us a call. Kelly Dames. She's on the phone lines right now. I got in trouble last week for saying anyone can call. I'm just saying, if you have a question, try to give us a call. Kelly will let me know if we can take your phone call with eight eight two five five two two five. And we're going to go out to Washington, D.C. and have a conversation with Henry and Henry.
How can Christie and I hope you all get on.
So I'm a rising sophomore in college and I'm at the point in my life where everyone is telling me that a credit card and build your credit score.
Crazy people. Sure they are. Henry, I know I don't intend to do that. But my question is, how can I put myself in a position right now where once I graduate from college and able to, you know, get a house or rent an apartment and get a car without a credit score?
That's a good question. And let's live right there to try and keep my cool down because people give you some stupid advice. But I'll give you the wise wisdom here. That's a great question. And I love the fact that you're thinking about what can I do to build to myself. So where I can't get to a house, I think the number one thing you need to be worried about right now, Henry, is graduating college 100 percent debt free.
So where are you with that? Are you taking out student loans for school right now or is college paid for with zero debt?
No, I'm on the path to get their debt free. There we go.
There we go. What's your degree going to be in? Within the computer science, computer science, was your career going to be I'm not sure yet, I'm thinking about going into medical school afterwards, but I could always go into the computer science field, into software engineering.
OK, so here's the thing, because when I was your age, this I fell for this trap. Get a credit score guy gave me two free, large pieces, one free T-shirt. And I'm thinking it was just an emergency credit card and it turned into an emergency fund card back when everything was an emergency. Yes, everything was emergency. When I met a young lady that's in emergency, I got to take it to Red Lobster. I got to impress her.
You know, the next day after I took on the date and I've been honest with you, Henry, it was emergency. I got to send her flowers so she can like me more. That was an emergency, you know, then she's like, oh, thank you for the flowers.
You do so nice.
OK, so I got another emergency and I bought her a purse and before I knew it, I was in fifteen thousand dollars of emergency credit card stuff. And here's the truth, Henry. And here's what I want everyone to hear me saying right now. The credit score you hear, Dave said, is all the time. You said it to his Welker's is I love debt score. And I say this, this is a I really love that score because your credit score teaches you and it shows nothing.
How is it that you can have zero dollars in your bank account, but you have all this debt and you have an 800 credit score that is mean you're financially successful, right. So, Henry, here's how you do it. Here's how you set yourself up to win. I'm going all over the place right now because I'm so passionate about this message to young people. OK, do this graduate college debt free. OK, put some money in your savings account right now.
All right. When you're ready to purchase a house, you what you're going to do is you're going to look for a bank.
We endorse church here, mortgage here. What they do is they do manual underwriting. I have a loan when it comes to my mortgage. I put down a lot of money, you know, and I financing for a short period of time and I'm going paid. Oh, but they manually underwrite loans for mortgages. And did I have to go to maybe an extra few steps? Absolutely. I did, because I had to show them that I'm good with my money.
And so that's how you win. But you can't survive. You can rent a house without a credit score. You can rent an apartment without a credit score. Would you have to put down maybe an extra deposit? Yes, you do, but you will not.
Having any credit score adversely affects the interest rate. I mean, am I going to put myself in a position where the interest rates were higher because I won't have a credit score?
I'm not gonna lie to you. Yeah, it's not going to be that much, you know, is my credit score. It was not my credit score is my interest rate on my home mortgage. Probably a little bit more. Absolutely. But it's not about what you're paying a month. It's what are you paying long term. So when I pay off my house, I'm saving so much money compared to someone who has a credit score, what, a 30 year fixed rate mortgage?
Because I'm paying my my loan off within a matter of seven years, seven to fifteen years. What we recommend here, I'm going to save so much money on that in. And so I don't want you to worry about the interest rate. What I want to do is worry about, OK, how do I do this? Let me get a fixed rate. I'm going to finance for fifteen years. I'm going to live below my means. My mortgage payments aren't going to be above 25 percent of my take home pay.
That's going to set you up for success. Now, will your not having a credit score prevent you from getting apartment? No. Will they make you required to put down a extra deposit on your apartment? Yes, but that's why we teach half, three to six months of expenses, an emergency fund. So that way you can have that money to put towards it. So what we're saying is we want to help you long term, OK? That's the goal.
And that's the thing right there. But, man, thanks so much for calling in. Henry, that was a great question. And you got me fired up, man. This man got me fired up. I got young people looking at me right now smiling like, get them. And I'm not going after him. I'm going after them. I'm teaching.
I know. Can we talk about this? Because this is one of the things that I hear all the time. You know, many people don't know this, but even before the Ramsey personalities were thing, there was a speakers group here. I was one of the speakers. We were all speaking on money. I travel all over, talk about this. And people would say to me, you know, I get questions about like, so you don't have a credit card.
I'm like, no, you literally don't have I mean, literally, how do you how do you breathe? How do you live? How do you travel? Like, I've got a debit card.
It does the same thing. So here's the thing with this whole credit score. Let's just camp here and I want to hear your thoughts, because I heard you teach on this directly recently. But what most people don't realize is the debt. The credit score is made up of length of debt, type of debt. How often you pay off your debt, it's all things debt that. Now, here's here's what's interesting, that I want people to understand.
This is a this is a psychological problem. OK, so when credit card companies that are in big buildings, in big cities, they create a game called points and rewards.
They're not doing it out of the goodness of their sweet little hearts because they. Want to help you out, because they love you, they're doing it because they win the game every time. So all of you college students that think I'm going to win this game, you're not avoid the game. Take the game off the table. Credit cards, credit score off the table, save and pay cash, and you will control your future instead of them. I have nothing else to say when you have time.
That's good. Crystal Wright said don't play the game. Let's listen to what Chris is saying. Don't play the game and build wealth. I like you. We'll be right back. Do you have student loans, I need you to tune in right now and listen, I've been telling you to refinance your loans with Splash Financial. Here's what I don't understand. Many of you who have been prequalified to refinance your student loans to better rates have not finished your dadgum applications.
So this is simple. Finish it. You could save thousands and you pay nothing to refinance. Go back to splash financial dotcom slash Ramsey. That's how they'll know you're one of my listeners. Splash financial dotcom slash Ramsey.
So every day when Dave Ramsey and one of the personalities are on the show, we actually stream this live on YouTube. Go to YouTube dotcom for Dave Ramsey, show love and watch us there every single day when to 4:00 Central Standard Time. Currently right now, we have 2220 people watching Christie in our live right now and Christine Irion chat room. We do this often just, you know, letting our friends and followers know we see them. And Casey Van from YouTube is asking me a good question.
And I told Casey I won't answer the question.
And this question is I am taking on graduate school. It is going to cost me thirteen thousand eight hundred and eighty dollars. I am serving the church, OK? I'm also working and taking one class at a time while learning to adapt to a new city and state in three days. That's a lot. What can I do to get my master's degree paid for without having to feel burned out and tired and emotional and scared all at the same time like I am right now?
And I I'm I'm going to justice. But, Kristie, you don't really believe in a fair balance. You believe in priorities.
Yeah, it's it's a different definition of balance, I would say, OK, you know, it's creating your own version of balance where you're not doing everything, but you're doing the right things. And then what's cool about that is when you align your time with the right things, your priorities in that season of life, then you can be crazy busy. But you feel that sense of balance because the opposite is also true. You can be doing just a handful of things, but if they're the wrong things and you feel stressed and out of balance, so it's not so much about managing, you're doing everything for an equal amount of time.
It's about doing the right things at the right time. But that's a great point. So I think that's interesting because what I think a lot of people specific to eating, paying for graduate school.
People don't realize there's a lot of creative options. There is. I remember when I was that I was I went to Knoxville and in that graduate program there, they had like a graduate assistant program where you could work for the graduate school. And it off said it wasn't just like an hourly thing.
It actually offset your tuition by a lot like you got a discount on your tuition, getting paid for the work that you're doing, you know, helping with grading papers or projects or whatever. So I would just encourage her to find, you know, some some other options in addition to what she might be doing. Absolutely.
In case and this is what I recommend. And again, thanks for watching us on YouTube, Christine. I appreciate you. I will identify your priorities. You know, you do have a lot going on right now. You just moved to a brand new city. You know, you're serving in a church, you know, and I love the fact that you're serving you also are getting adjusted to, you know, your new job here in that brand new city.
I'm asking myself, do I need a master's degree right now? You know, and if I do not need it, if it's something that I really want, then I'm going to actually just pass a master's degree. I'm going to sit here and just get get adjusted to my new world. They add to my new life. And then from there, they now do what Chris was saying, like, hey, find some creative ways to take care of this thirteen thousand eight hundred eighty bucks.
Maybe your job will help out. Maybe you can find some scholarships and grants out there that will help out in this situation. But I would try and figure out what was what are the priorities, stick to those priorities. And right now, moving to a new city, Monomoy priority is getting adjusted to that. That's good.
And it goes back to what you said about this idea of priorities. So if you were to and this is a good exercise for anyone watching or listening right now, sit down and write down your top five priorities in this season. Yes. This isn't this. It doesn't have to be true in five years. It doesn't have to be true five years ago. What is true right now? I'll give you an example. And this is me being super transparent on air.
Some people may not agree with this. I don't volunteer in my local church right now. I have three children under the age of six, so I support our church through tithing. I support our church through other creative ways, like connecting with some of the staff and leadership. One like one off events. Yes, but I'm not there every Sunday working parking or the kids. I'm trying to wrangle my own kids. So you could look at that me like, oh, well, that's selfish.
Or volunteering is not a priority. No, volunteering is not a priority for me in this season. Yeah. Now when my kids are older and I have even just one or two children that can give themself a bath, that'd be a nice success milestone that I can start to work in some other things that are important to me in my life that reflect my heart.
But you can do anything, but you can't do everything and you certainly can't do everything at the same time. So I just encourage people to identify your priorities in this season and then let your time reflect that and it can change in the next season. So maybe right now it's the Masters is not the priority, but in a year it is. It is. And where to go all in on that. So you have permission to focus. You also have permission to shift your priorities as your season of life changes.
I think that would help take the overwhelmed out of it. Love it. Love it. Well, hey, you can check us out on YouTube if you want, with their every day, Monday through Friday live, but let's get back to the phone lines down here to Pennsylvania. Yeah, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh. And have a conversation with Cheryl. How can Christy and I help?
Hi, Anthony and Chrissie. I'm 35, single. I work in higher education and I make about fifty thousand a year. I'm technically on babies up to and I need some help with trying to figure out how to allocate some funds so that I can continue my degree and be able to cash-flow it. OK, how much debt are you. So I, I have twenty two hundred dollars that I owe the Bank of America. I have one hundred thousand dollar mortgage.
I do have about ten thousand dollars in savings. I have a savings bond that I got when I graduated high school and that's about seven hundred and eighty dollars that I could cash out. I also have a whole life insurance policy whose cash value is about eighty seven hundred dollars and I don't want to take any money out of my wife or three, but I do have some money there too.
Yeah, we're not going to test none of that. So you only have two thousand dollars in consumer debt right now. Yes. Aside from your house. OK, yeah.
And you're making fifty thousand dollars a year. What do you do. I work in higher ed, I advise students. OK, OK, that's cool. And what do you want to get your master's degree in? Like is this something that you absolutely need right now?
Actually, it's a it's my doctoral degree. I'm about I'm I have about five semesters left for my college. They're very generous. And I do have an added benefit and I calculate it out. What I thought the projection would be for, you know, kind of what tuition would be like five semesters. I calculate that to be about twelve thousand six hundred fifteen dollars.
OK, twelve thousand dollars would cause will be your cost of school. What will your pay go up to? So if you get this degree, you go from 50 to it probably wouldn't change.
Yeah, I really like where I work now and unless I leave that position, I mean there really aren't a lot of opportunities for me to advance.
So then why do we want to spend another 12000 dollars if it's not even going to move the needle for me career wise and money wise? Yeah, that's the kind of things I'm struggling with. I really want to finish the degree, but I'm not sure if I should. Yeah, here's the here's the thing, Cheryl.
You know, sometimes sometimes we want to do things that they don't have a direct Arawa. You know, it's like, well, this is just a hobby or this would just make me feel good and that's OK. But I think you go into it knowing that, saying I just want to do this because I just want to do it because I want to finish it, because I want the title. I want the letters. I want to, you know, and maybe one day that does open up doors.
But I think it just gives you permission to treat it weird to talk about priorities, treat it that way, versus feeling like, oh, well, this is something I have to do because it's going to, you know, lead to a different pay, different position. But the good news is, Sheryl, you can pay off your debt right now. I think you said you have 10000 in saving. You pay off that, too. Right now with your income and the added benefit, you can cash flow this.
It's just a matter of managing your time if you want to. So you're actually in a really great position to do it if you want to. But like you said, Anthony, you don't have to and you need to keep it in check in terms of what it's going to do for you, expectations wise.
If you want to stay in this position, Sheryl, is what you're going to do. You're going to hang up the phone from Kristy. You know, you're going to take 20 or 200 hours away from that 10000 dollars. Right now. You're going to pay off that debt. And then what you're going to do is go ahead and map out and budget out on every dollar app, what, just three to six months of expenses like for you. You're going to put that into your savings account from there.
Cheryl, go get it.
Go get that degree if that's what you want. That's right. Just walk into it knowing you're it's not going to benefit you. It's not going to make you any better. That's like me going to buy a luxury car. I'm a dropped the money. It's not going to make me any more money.
It's gonna drive just like any other car. Exactly. There, you know. So pay off the debt. OK, go ahead. Get it. Three to six months of expenses set aside I think. Go do what you want to do. Yeah. And cash flow is not a lot of money. Yeah. Thank you so much for calling in. Find out for yourself why blind dotcom is number one online retailer of custom window covering, you get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more.
I want you to use a promo code, Ramsey, to get the best deal. And restrictions do apply to Kristie. Today's question comes from Nathan in Alabama. He writes, Dave Ramsey, dot com to ask you a question. Yeah. He says, I recently graduated college. During that time, I bought and resold cars and just cashed out at 15000. My current student loan debt is roughly 15000 as well. However, I found a business that I can run absentee for sale for 50000 dollars.
The 15000 that I have saved up is enough for the down payment and all the expenses I would incur to take the business over. The business has a net cash flow of 85000 a year. Should I buy the business or pay off the student loan? Here's what's interesting. So often we get caught up and confused. It's like we're just talk about with priorities because we see the next shiny thing. But here's the deal. The baby steps are in that order for a reason.
So you're not in a position, Nathan, to buy a business because you have debt. So let's take care of the debt. Now, here's the good news. When you take care of the debt, it doesn't mean you're never going to buy a business. It doesn't even mean you can't buy this business at some point. It just means you're not going to buy this business today. But I would encourage you, one of the things that you can do, Nathan, in addition to paying off your debt, is you can talk with that business owner about maybe even restructuring the terms.
One of the things that Dave Ramsey recommends often is if you're going to buy a business, you can pay the owner, the current owner, out of the profits and then there's no risk. You keep the business profitable. The profit goes back to that owner until the business is paid for. But you're not having this risk. You're not taking out loans. You know, so often, Anthony, people think that business debt is different than personal debt.
I'm like, there's someone responsible for that debt and that someone is you. So we don't recommend any type of debt. But I would what I would do, Nathan, is pay off the debt. And then if you want to talk to the owner of that business about possibly restructuring it where you pay out of the profits, that's something you can explore, if not save and pay for it in the future when you can cash flow it. I love it.
I echo everything you just said. Crazy. Going out to New York. I have a conversation with Daddy. Daddy, good afternoon. How can Christie and I help? Don, are you there? Yes. How can we help? You got a second? I'm sorry about that. I am calling because we are finishing up Baby Sectary this week and looking at baby step three B or baby step four and trying to determine if we should save up for two years to buy a good enough house that doesn't really fit our family.
But we could crunch into it and probably make it work or save up for four years for building or buying a house that better fits our family size. Probably important to note, we have six children, six, five children under 10.
Daddy, that is important to know. Yes. There that we don't fit into Bohlig.
Little three bedroom house is too easily. We need a little bit more space than that.
Dottie, you know what I hear? You know what I hear from you. I hear that you've already answered your own question. I pretty much you got six, six kids moving. It is expensive. Kids are expensive. Moving with kids is a headache and expensive. I don't think you want to do that two times in four years, do you, Dorne? I'm not really. I mean, you do you do what you want, you can make an argument either way.
But the practical side is, numbers aside, your family dynamic, I hear in your voice, well, we wouldn't really fit. We have six kids movies. You're telling me all the reasons you shouldn't move. It just sounds like you just kind of could move. But it sounds like it would be a better bit more exciting. Better for your family, less stress for your family if you saved up for the house that you really need for a little bit longer.
And who knows Daddy? Who knows what could happen with your income in four years? A lot can change in four years. The kids are older, hopefully a little easier and four years and and you may be able to even hit that goal a little sooner. Maybe it's three years. Maybe your income improves or or you get really Gizelle intense. So I don't think it has to be four years, but I think you might be disappointed if you move into to a house you don't really want and put your kids and your family through that stress.
And it's expensive to just the moving the practical side of moving. But that's just what I hear in you. What do you what do you hear?
I didn't ask you this question was she was household income right now. About 65, 65 and how much of a house, if you waited for four years, do you think you would want to buy?
How much would it cost?
Probably about three. Twenty three. Well, speaking of 350, probably in this area, 350000 dollars.
And we recommend putting down, you know, anywhere between 10 to 20 percent. So you're looking at anywhere between about 55 to 70000 dollars.
Do you think, with your income right there of 65000 dollars, if you are actually got some more income saved up because three B is pretty much set aside, 10 to 20 percent to put down, if you all got an extra job, maybe some extra income coming in, do you think you can actually get there within three years if you are really went Gazal intense, like Christie said, could you all really get there within three years?
I. And not confident in that, OK, I'm confident in four years. OK. All right. All right. I think just the kids need a break. Yeah, probably OK at this point. It took us a long time to get to where we are and a lot of no's and a lot of missed opportunities. And it's better for them. But I think that we need we need a break. Then there you go. Not a big break, nothing crazy, not a vacation or anything crazy, but just to be able to say yes, occasionally, it would be amazing.
Let me ask you this one more question. I should have asked this when you very first started talking, if you moved into this good enough house that you could move into in two years, is that somewhere where you would want to stay maybe five or six years, or would you still be on the ideal house in four years playing? I should have clarified that with you. I'm sorry.
We'd probably still be on the ideal house in four years plan.
OK, I'm just thinking of also playing into that is changing schools for the kids again, right? Yeah. Closing costs are very small. Yeah.
Closing costs and movers and everything to get a house set up. I mean you have to calculate that into the math of all of it. If she was going to stay maybe five years and a good enough house, you might make an argument for going ahead moving. But I think if you're still you're moving in four years anyway. So just save yourself the cost of moving halfway there. Absolutely. Stay right there. You be all right. Going out to Chicago, going to have a conversation with my favorite name, Anthony.
Anthony, welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. How can Christy and Anthony help you out, guys?
So grateful you could take my call today. Yeah. So I am confused if I should be on baby step three or four right now. OK, the situation is I was I got a severance check from this job I'm transitioning out of because of that, I got to pay off all my debt and I currently have four months of expenses saved up. OK, the issue is I'm yet to get the job that I'm moving towards and so I don't know if I should keep it at three work with that extra month I have or as soon as I get a job, focus on getting my retirement set up.
So I was here this week, I thought.
So right now you're saying you don't have a job, but you have some extra money. Are you trying to figure out if you should invest this money or should you sit on this money until you get a actual job with some income coming in? Correct.
Yeah, correct. I I've been living off my severance as a reason just because the job. I'm sure you're right now. Yeah. But I want to make sure that I'm setting myself up for success during my unemployment.
Yeah. So right now we want you to do that, OK? We don't want you to go out there and invest, make any large purchases. We want you to cover your four walls and live OK. And the four walls is your you know, your rent. That's you're going to be your utilities. That's going to be your transportation. That's going to be your food. All right. We want you to cover those. So don't worry about investing right now, OK?
What I want you to go out there and actively find another job, get you some income coming in on a consistent basis. Once that is there, you have four months. You know, you sound young, Anthony. So young, sharp young man. I don't have a problem with you going ahead and just sticking with that for months and honestly didn't start investing. Moving on to baby steps four, five, six and seven, because, again, we do all those at the same time, especially four or five and six.
All right. So you're in a good placement. I mean, you're in a safe place. You have that cushion. Go ahead and live with that cushion. Be a good steward with the money, though. Do not just waste of money. I want you to be wise with that money. You'll be all right. And congratulations on being debt free.
That's awesome for me. I love how I did that. Got a severance package and paid off all of his debt. It's like I'm out here as a wise man. This is today, Ramsha.
No. Triple eight eight five five two two five four, they have enough time for about one or two more questions. Give us a call if you have a questions. But we're going to go to our scripture, a quote of the day to the phone. Yes. This is from Isaiah, 35 for our scripture of the day is say to those who have an anxious heart, be strong, Fearnot. Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you less. Brown says to many of us are not living in our dreams because we're living in our fears.
Oh, man, love it. Let's go out to Ohio and have a conversation with Sherry. Sherry, good afternoon. How can Christy and I help? I was just wondering, my husband, he's controlling, I think he he takes all the money for one hundred dollars, he gives me takes my paycheck to paycheck extra to all the extra money that comes in the house. And he takes all of it. He wants to retire and he thinks he can do this.
He wants to pay off our house, which we're really close to paying off our at our house. I was just wondering in my thinking long, but I don't think I should go over and give him my whole paycheck and we one hundred dollars for two weeks. I mean, my husband, I think it's to the point where you don't even care if I made it work, just as long as he gets when he gets like my paycheck and all the extra money that's coming in.
And I'm kind of sick of it. Sherry, are you OK? Yeah, I mean I mean, like as you're saying this to me, does that sound normal to you? It does not sound normal to me. Let me let me ask you this. I just want to I just want to dig into this with you. How do we get here? How do we get here? Was it like an overnight thing or was it was it like a gradually, incrementally he started to take more control?
Was this agreed on? Like, I feel like there might be a back story here that I might need to understand because because I will tell you this is not normal. But I want to know how we got to this place. Well, when I was a child, I grew up in a abusive situation and my dad gave me whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it, so. I felt like when I want something, I want it. I went to work full time because I wanted extra money so I could buy things that I wanted it didn't have to listen to and tell me, you're spending my money, you're spending my my paycheck.
I didn't want to I went to work so I could pay for the stuff that I wanted. And then he came up with this theory that he should take my paycheck and give me a hundred dollars. It it's just it's not working that way. It's not working for me that way.
Yeah. Yeah. This is there's some deep stuff going on here. Cheri. Yeah. I want to, I want to call it there's there's this is so much more than about money. Yeah. OK, the money you're seeing evidence in the in the in the problem of money. And I want to affirm that the, the situation, the arrangement that you guys are in right now is not normal. I would say it is not healthy. OK, how you got here, I'm sure is by degrees, by years, a major lack of trust.
Not here. I want to call this out now. This is you didn't trust him because you don't want to be told what to do. So you got your job, you had your money. You wanted to spend things that created an unhealthy cycle where he doesn't trust you and now he's taking your money. We've gotten to a very unhealthy place where you all are not a team and there's no trust. And so I'm going to recommend a couple things, Jerry.
I'm definitely going to recommend counseling. So out of that budget that he apparently feels the need to 100 percent control himself. I would like to recommend that you insert a line for counseling for both of you. Yeah. Because I guarantee you that you're seeing this be a problem in your finances, but it's a problem in a lot of other places in your marriage. And you shouldn't be in this position where you're worried you're not going to eat and you're given an allowance of one hundred dollars.
And so we need to dig into the layers of what got you here as a couple and get to a healthy place where you're a team, where both of you, you and your husband are speaking into the budget. You have a say in the budget, your values are represented, the budget, your money is managed with both people speaking into it. No one should control the other person. That is not a healthy marriage. It's not a healthy way to manage finances.
So I want to recommend that you guys get in counseling, number one, first and foremost, and budget for that. And second of all, I want to recommend that immediately you all change the agreement that you all have and your husband's going to have to be OK with this. He may not like my advice and he may not like it, but you both need to be a team. So you sit down, you manage the bank account together, you have access together.
You set a budget together. You honor the budget, the bank account and each other through your spending, through your activity. And you honor him, Sherry, and he honors you. And that's going to take some trust, which is going to be hard when you guys have been operating this way. But I would say a very practical thing is to begin to change this arrangement where you are not a child, you are.
This is not a dictatorship.
That's not a marriage. That's not what this looks like on a very practical sense. But you need to get in counseling to figure out why and how you got here and how to fix this at a much deeper level. Not the budget, but I don't want you to wait until counseling does. It's worked where you're no longer living on an allowance. I want that to fix today. Yeah, I will. Yes. I want you both to have access to the money that you both earn as a team today and the budget you create together today.
He could have goals that are representing the budget, but you have goals that are representing the budget.
And that is what being a team means, and you both agree on it and you both honor it and you both live within it while getting counseling to help with the deeper issues, because there's a lot of deeper issues that are going to continue to be a problem in your finances and in other aspects of your life. If we don't fix this at the root level, the budget will not fix the level. That's my quick answer for you to stop having an allowance today.
But OK, but getting in counseling will fix it at the root level. And I hate that you got here, Cheri, because it shouldn't be like this. Managing your money. Yeah, being married. That that doesn't sound fun at all. And I'm sorry that I'm sorry for whatever happened on his part, your part, your past, his past that got you to this point. It it shouldn't be this way. And it doesn't have to continue to be this way.
And I just want you to know that you can change it. He has to be on board. He has to participate. He has to cooperate. He has to listen. And if he really loves you, he will he will listen. He will honor you because that's what you do in marriage.
You know, I don't know.
I mean, I definitely want to be sensitive to what what I'm going to say because I don't want to be disrespectful.
But I agree with you. It's hard to hear, isn't it? Yeah, it really is. And it's and it's for me, I love the counseling part, but as a man, I feel as if he needs one on one counseling.
That's OK. Yeah, that's really true for both of them. Honestly. For both of them, yeah. Because this coming from a spiritual perspective, you know, it's our responsibility as a man is to love our wife the way Christ loved the church and Christ loved us so much from my faith that he died for us. And there are certain things inside of the man, our personalities, our minds that we have to die to for our spouses.
And I just feel as if maybe, Sherry, he can just if he's willing to, which I would encourage him to, to just maybe just step back and just say, you know what, you said this earlier today, like, I have some blind spies. Let me work on some things that I need to get better at so we can have a healthier relationship, a healthier marriage and a healthier family.
Yeah, it create if we're not careful in any marriage, you can get in these unhealthy cycles where I don't trust you. So act this way. That makes you just trust me. You act that way. That reinforces my lack of trust. It becomes this unhealthy downward spiral. I do want to acknowledge that. I'm really happy to hear that Sherri is safe. Yes, she is. OK, Kelly, confirm that this is she is OK. Yeah, but this is a problem.
Right. And they need to fix it.
It's a huge and we'll be praying for him because that's that's that's a big deal. Huge, huge, huge, huge. Well, I want to thank our producer, James Charles and associate producer Kelley Daniels. She didn't get upset at me today, so I did a good job. Remember, the caliber of our financial future will be determined by the choices we make today.
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