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[00:00:23]

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the car rental studios, this is the Dave Ramsey Show where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan and co-host AM. With me this hour is Dr. John Boloney, and we are excited to take your calls and your questions, whether you have questions or want information about life, stress, anxiety and dealing with this covid-19 situation where maybe you've got a family dynamic that you need some guidance on.

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Dr. Dulaney can chip in and guide you there. If you've got a money question, you're not you're curious about investing or something just in life and dealing with the baby steps or trying to jumpstart your financial future. I'm more than willing to help you, but what you would have to do is reach out to call us. That number to call is Triplette 855 225. Again, that's eight eight eight eight two five five two two five. I'm ready to roll.

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John, you're right. I'm ready to roll.

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And I can guarantee the advice we're going to give out is at least worth what people paid for it. Well, oh, absolutely. Firm double that. You could triple it if you wanted to. Just wanted to just purely show off. We could just help people and they can do that. So call us, OK? Kelly is ready, standing by to screen the call and talk with you. We'd love to talk with you. All right. We're jumping to the phone lines are going to Boston.

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We've got Alexandria on the phone. How are you?

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Hi, I'm good. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're focused and not finished.

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How can we help you today? Well, so I've been listening to the binge, listening to the podcast, and it's been teaching me so much information and I'm at a point where I'm about to start paying off a lot of my debts and basically, yeah, I'm excited to do it. I'm really scared, though, because I'm some people like to have a cushion like a cushion cash. And basically right now I'm trying to figure out what to do in terms of a job.

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I have a lot of offers on the table and I've pretty much decided to move forward with one job. It's thirty six thousand dollars annually. It's an office job. You know, doing this, I've seen nothing too exciting. But another offer that I do have on the table is selling life insurance. Now, my question is, would it be more responsible to just take the job or I know what income I'll have, even though it's not necessarily where I want it to be?

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I need a little bit more in terms of being able to pay, you know, pay my monthly bills or moving forward something like a life insurance job where I can have uncap commission residual income, you know, even after I leave the job. But it's completely undetermined how much I would be making because it's a hundred percent commission.

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So, Alexandra, you do have some options. You've laid it out. What I want to do is get an understanding of your financial situation. So what kind of debt do you have left right now? OK, so basically what I have is I have a lot of credit card debt. I did the dumb thing. I live your whole life for a while, so I have about thirty thousand dollars in credit card debt. And then I owe about eight thousand dollars on my car, which is right now in the shop.

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I live on an accident, so I'm trying to see if I'll be able to hopefully sell the car or maybe it can be totaled. I don't really know what's going to happen with that yet.

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How much coffee have you had today? Nothing. I'm just really nervous. She's from Boston. She loves life.

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I'm just sold out. You're making me you're making my blood pressure go up.

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Talk a little bit.

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We do not need that. We do not. His blood pressure is as high as it needs to be. You shot your face the most.

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All right. So here, listen to me, young lady. You've got 30000 credit card debt. How many cards do you have?

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Uh, how many? You know, we talk about I need another one, but I'm paying off right now that I'm paying on our five cards. I don't use any other cards. And there's one card that I use just to use it. And the other ones that have a balance that I'm trying to pay off. You have five that you're paying on.

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You have a total of how many cards in your wallet. That's probably the size of a backpack.

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There's a few more in there and there's like requires that I don't use anymore. OK, I know this.

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All right. Now, listen, we got to get real on this. This is your future. How old are you? I'm twenty seven. Twenty seven years old. So you got how much is the minimum payment on all the 30000 credit cards. Would you ballpark.

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How about a hundred. About a hundred and so. Well, it's 100 per card. So right now I'm paying about 300 a month. I was like 325 a month.

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And credit cards you told over there are five actively. You're paying on one because one of them I pay in full every month like I used to play. All right. And how much is your car payment? My compliments to eighty five a month. OK, and then how much is your rent? So right now my rent is about eight hundred dollars a month and I'm actually looking to my partner. I'm going to be getting a place soon. So I'm hoping that I'll be able to save a little bit once I get a place together.

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But I'm not really counting on that. I'm just trying to do it with what I have right now.

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OK, so I'm actually having savings.

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So in my bank account I have around twenty thousand, so I'm going to pay off so much of it. Before I was to move in with my partner and once I have an idea of what I'm going to do for my job.

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Hmm. So think of a cushion. When you owe thirty thousand bucks and you've got 20 in the bank, think of that cushion as a comfortable seat on a ship that is sinking. Feels good underneath your butt, you're going to drown just the same, right? The cool thing about your situation is you could man, you could be halfway home by the time the day's over. Chris?

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Yeah, I mean, here's here's the reality. From a job standpoint, you need something is going to be stable because I don't if you're if your work life is like your financial situation, you're going to be all over the place. And so you do need something stable where you can budget and get intentional. You got 20000 in the bank. Here's what needs to happen. If you're serious about moving forward. Right, you're going to take that and you're going to list the debts out.

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Small as the biggest. You're going to go all the way down to accept 1000 dollars in that emergency fund. You're going to use the 19 to start attacking debt and you're going to close out the credit cards. Now, if you don't close them, you're not going to get serious about them. You're just going to run them back up. OK, and then what I do is then have a real conversation with your fiancee and get engaged and set a wedding date for you, start moving in.

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What you don't want to do is to start doing joint money things together with a friend because the friend has a choice to leave and they can leave you with whatever situation that you found yourself in, or probably even worse. So I would go with the stable job. Until you clean up this mess, you could still pursue the insurance thing on the side if you're serious about it, because to get the insurance license, you're going to have to pass tests.

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You're going to have to pass the tests. And you said something to that. You'd also get residuals even after you leave. OK, so you've already had the job and then left it and you're counting money. So don't don't you got you got math problems, girl. You really do. And so what I want you to do, stop dabbling and start thinking. And that is thinking about your future and what it is you want for yourself. Clean up this mess, clean it up and stop playing the credit card game, those mileage and points and whatever that YOLO lifestyle you said you were going for.

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Listen to me. That is something that there's a mindset that is dangerous for your financial future and it will keep you stuck.

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And she said, do things I want to make sure we park on receptionist are great gifts to humanity.

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I remember being a sixteen year old working at Burger King for Joe and Linda in Houston, Texas, and I learned in that job it takes ten seconds to make somebody's day by just being kind and and know what you're talking about or ten seconds to ruin somebody's day. A receptionist is a gift. And you mentioned it. When you listen to talking about her partner, talking about where she lives, her jobs, she's got a foot out the door on everything in her life.

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Yeah, everything in her life get stable. No where you're going to go draw a picture and go towards that.

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I don't have anything else to say. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. There are over 40 million people filing for unemployment in the U.S. right now, I'm sure that includes some timeshare owners. If you have a timeshare and you need a outcall timeshare exit team. Yes, it will take time and money, but it's better than paying for something you can't and don't use. Call before the end of the month and they'll give you a huge savings for paying by cheque or auto draft.

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Hello, everyone. This is the Dave Ramsey Show, our XO, give it go, go, go, go. Hosten with me this hour is Dr. John Belote, who is causing all kinds of havoc in here. And I'm trying to keep him in line and keep everything moving. But listen, we've got to tell you something. Blond's dotcom has 100 percent satisfaction guaranteed.

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Even if you miss Mushir or pick the wrong color, they'll make your blinds for free. You get free samples, you get free shipping. And with the new promos they run every month, you are going to save even more. So use the promo code, Ramsey, to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. All right. I got today's question coming from Dr. Bellone.

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All right. Today's question actually comes from Alyssa in Minnesota, but I'll read it. She visits Dave Ramsey dot com to ask. My daughter's dad passed away in 2017. He had a pension that was divided between his three children. My daughter is entitled to roughly 45000 of that. I was told by a judge that the money would need to be put in a savings account until she was 18. And I would need to get the court's approval for any purchases I mentioned.

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I would like to put her money where it would build over the next 14 years. And he said I had an option to invest in mutual funds and I'm completely clueless on investing. I would also like to invest in my daughter's education.

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I'm just not sure where to start. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Oh, Hogan, what should Allissa from Minnesota do? Well, I'm going to tell you this. I like no one that Alissa's thinking about growing this money. We got 14 years for this money to do some stuff. So there's a positive opportunity. I would definitely go with the growth stock mutual funds because you're investing for things that are five years or longer. So putting that money, the dollars for right now. So putting this money aside, it's going to do some serious growth over 14 years.

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So I would get with the smart Vesterbro go to Dave Ramsey Dotcom or Chris 360 dot com, click on the Dream Team button to find a smart Vesterbro in your area. But at the same time she's wanting to start doing some investing and saving for college education, essays, educational savings accounts, or 529 non-state directed ways. So with this one connection with the smart Vesterbro, she's going to get the information she needs and this money is going to be on the trail to grow.

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So let me ask you a question about the growth stock mutual fund. If she puts this in, let's let's it looks like this. Her daughter is four years old. Yeah. She puts 45 grand in that account. Can she pull that money out of a mutual fund? Absolutely. When the daughter turns 18, she can pull that out at any time. You just have to pay taxes on the gain. OK, so if it was forty five, when you put it in and then it grew to be one hundred and twenty, now she could either pull that money out to use to buy a home, pull it out for a wedding, but when you pull it out you'll pay taxes on that.

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So why wouldn't she put that in a Roth IRA?

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Well, number one a the daughter to have a Roth you've got to have earned income.

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So this wasn't earned. This was gifted. OK, OK. So this was something willed to her in the form of a pension so she could put it in stock mutual fund.

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So that's a way to be able to invest that. So smart Vesterbro is the way to go.

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So clearly you know more about money than I do. So I like sitting with you on the show because I get to ask questions and then I take little notes and then I go out and change the way I'm doing things in my house.

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Back in April, you released a YouTube video based on a Kiplinger article that was entitled Ten Reasons You Will Never Get Out of Debt.

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Yes, you took umbrage to that. We heard the building shake when you read it right. As you pounded both of these hand fists you have on the floor. The building shook. Hands are pretty. They are not petite. So Chris Kiplinger suggests there are ten reasons why you will never get out of debt. Yeah. I don't think that's true. You don't think that's true? Give us a couple of of tools. Give us a couple of reasons why that's shenanigans.

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Well, here's the deal.

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I mean, I didn't like the title because it's telling people what they can't do, which gets me riled up. There you go. Right. And, you know, I want people to believe in what they can do. However, it's a depressing title, but we're going to do the opposite. So I don't care how much debt you have with the right strategy, commitment and effort, you can pay it off. Now, there were 10 reasons why people stay in debt.

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I'm going to share with you five. And here's the deal. Number one, you don't know how much you owe, right? You're going to stay in debt if you don't know how much you owe. People are scared to look at their credit report, scared to look to see exactly how much they have in debt. It's going to be imperative for you to look at this and acknowledge it and stared in the face. No to reason you would probably stay in debt.

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You only pay the minimum payment. OK, send in ten dollars a month. When you owe 2000, you're not doing anything, OK? You're not going to make any kind of progress. Credit card companies want you to pay the minimum. That's why they're a billion dollar industry. They love for you to do this because it means you're going to hang around for a long time. We're not doing that. We're going to leave them high and dry.

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For example, Dr Dee, if you have a five thousand dollar balance on a credit card with a 15 percent annual percentage rate and you make the minimum payment of the two percent of the balance, how long do you think it would take you to pay it off? 10 years? No, try again. 15 years. You're 20 years. No.

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Twenty seven years. Twenty seven years in you to pay off.

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It's ridiculous. So if I have I have five thousand bucks and I go to the hardware store and I buy a mower and a shovel and I don't know what would add up to in a grill.

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You're telling me that 30 years later you can still be paying on it could lower hands down and the 15 percent in this in this example is generous. It's nineteen point five right now. But anyway, I digress. Another reason you probably could stay in debt. You don't have any money for emergencies. So when life happens, guess what you have to do? You've got to reach back to your debt because you have any money.

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But, Chris, I'm in great shape and I'm young and emergencies don't happen to me. There's no such thing as things that happen out of the blue that I don't know about.

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You know what? If someone looked me, am I and told me emergencies that happen to them, I'd avoid them like the plague because it's something that's coming, OK?

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Matter of fact, the hair on my neck stood up when you said that it made me nervous. Oh, this one. And I'm going to look at you when I say this. Another reason you'll probably stay in debt. You can't say no to your kids.

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Say no to your kids.

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Parents take on debt for the kids. Little things like eating out. And they call these things up by the counter sucker buys.

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Right. Little candy and things are better because little kids grab them and they want them. Hmm. Yeah. Tell them you know what kids love.

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Well, you your time. You know what that cost zero dollars. Zero since. Zero dollars ever since you could take a dad and a mom in some dirt clods in a tennis ball on a stick and have a great free afternoon, I just made those that you can just. What did you say? Up dirt. Want some dirt clods? A tennis ball stick. You are from Texas and a screwdriver and a pony. You have the day of your life because you know, your kids want you all these little eaten out things and toys and clothes.

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That's about mom and dad as a kid.

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Right. All right. I don't want you got to go watch the video to get the rest of them. Number five, you feel a sense of entitlement. We talked about saying no to kids, but can you say no to yourself? But, Christopher, I work so hard, I deserve it. Listen to me.

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My dad was mean to me. I deserve it.

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Listen, if we actually got what we deserved, you don't even want to go there. None of that.

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So I want to circle back to number one. Can I tell you something? When I was working on my practicum and counting clients, I would talk to folks in a in a counseling setting. They'd come in sessions, one, two, three. It's getting to know each other. They would drop things about their relationships, things about past traumas, about their their sex lives, about their dating lives. How much debt do you have? I couldn't answer that question.

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They wouldn't answer that question.

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There is so much shame around this idea of money.

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It is. I'm doing it wrong. I've screwed up forever. I can never get out of this. I shouldn't have done X. I'm going to do what? There's so much shame that becomes right. Instead of I did something stupid, it becomes I am stupid. I did something dumb with money. Now I just am I'm done with money. I'm a I'm a bad guy when it comes to dealing with money. And that's so not true.

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No, it's not true. Not true. And that's what I love about the people who have the courage to call in and talk about their situation, being able to be up front. And, hey, we've all done stupid with money. I mean, you've heard Dave talk about his time and time again.

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I've done my version of financial stuff, but have you done some in line? Get behind my stupid. OK, we'll be able to use that to break. But listen, it doesn't matter what you've done. I'm not worried about where you are. I'm worried about where you're headed. Get up, pick yourself up. Start to think. Right, people. Progress is available. Stay focused and not finish. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I keep hearing stories from people on my team telling me how much they love honey.

[00:19:26]

One of my developers, Brandon, told me he uses it all the time. The browser extension I've been telling you to download always tells him if he has the best deal on Amazon and he gets the e-mails every time there's a price drop. He said he doesn't even know how much it saved him, but it's more than he paid for it, which is free. So listen to Papa Dave. Download honey for free. Join honey dot com slash Dave.

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Number one, you are listening to the Dave Ramsey Show, I'm Chris O'Connor, co-host, cohosting with me this hour standalone. And, you know, a lot of parents are figuring out hearing that schools may or may not be open. So parents are having to figure out what are we going to do, how are we going to do this? How are we going to teach kids? And I talk to parents all the time that say, you know what, I want to make sure my kids understand this money thing more than I ever did.

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Well, here's the deal. You don't ever want your kids to experience the panic of being unprepared for a crisis and by teaching them how to be smart with money now, you can help position them better than they could ever be. We've got your back. We offer a fully digital self study course where you can rest assured that your teen is going to learn to handle money the right way so they'll know how to handle their finances even in a pandemic.

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So the best part, there is no instructor needed and the courses are self-paced. So if your teen has a tablet or computer, they're all set and ready to go. So parents go to Dave Ramsey, dot com slash self study again, that's Dave Ramsey, dot com slash self study. To learn more about the different courses that we have available for your middle school and high school students. So this is important. I don't know about you, John, but I think us teaching our young people the reality of money can help them avoid some of the pitfalls we've all made.

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Oh, I wish I'd had that course when I was younger. I know. And I wish I had had that course when I was younger. And so I've seen some of those videos.

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They're outstanding. Yeah, they are very well done. Good. And again, self-paced. So your young person can kind of got themselves and walk through this. All right. We're getting to the phones. If you're out there and you've got a question we want to hear from you, the number to call is eight eight eight eight two five five two two five. Again, that's elite eight to five five two to five. Or find us on social at Ramsey Show.

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I'm at Krosoczka 360. John is at John Baloney. All right, let's take a call. Let's see here. We got Mike on the line. Mike, how can John and I help you?

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Well, first off, let me say it's absolutely a dream come true to be on this show. Talk to you guys. Chris, I read both of your books. And because of everything with Ramsey Solutions, my wife and I paid off sixty nine thousand dollars worth of debt in two years. Wow, that is fantastic.

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Mike, great job, buddy. Thank you. But the reason why I'm calling is actually for Dr. Day. So, Dr. Dale, I'll just get right to it. I've been angry for a very, very long time. I've just been frustrated in my life. I've been diagnosed with anxiety about depression when I was a high schooler, even through college. And on Saturday, I we had a friend come over and she pretty much said that to my wife and I, that we're getting ready to travel the world.

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She's getting ready to travel the world. And I just got so mad because there's just this thing in my head that feels like I've done everything right. Why can't why do I always work jobs I don't like? Why or why do I constantly feel like I'm in an uphill battle? And honestly, I'm just wondering, how do I stop being angry? How do I stop taking my anger out on my wife? How do I stop lashing out at people?

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And that's really what I'm trying to figure out.

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Who who told you as a young kid that. You had to settle, so just real quick, I come from a single family household and I was always taught. Money's hard to come by, get a job and hold on to it as tight as possible. And who told you who told you that your thoughts didn't matter? Somebody in your in your down your tree told you that?

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Who was that? Who told you to shut your mouth and get it done? Pretty much, mom, dad. OK, lots and lots of people, the coaches, right. How old are you now? I'm 31, 31. You have any kids? No. No. Know how long you been married? It'll be four years in October. What does anger look like with your wife?

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I get pretty much incensed and I just start with never gonna. I'm never going to make money. We're never going to make money. We're always going to live and mouth. We're are we going to do this? We're always going to do that. And life just gets very, very dark for me. And she also sees me say, well, how come how come so-and-so can work whatever jobs they want? How come so-and-so can, you know, make more money?

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How come so-and-so only had to go to one school and I had to go to two? And I'm you know, we're barely scraping by right now. And so, you know, why can't I go ahead, John?

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Yeah, I was going to say so you put a couple of things out there. No. One, you're living in this catastrophic thinking, right? That. Yeah, you said you come from a single parent household. Yes. Right.

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So if you if you want to get real psychoanalytical fast, the first thing that's supposed to happen when you're born is that you're supposed to learn how to connect and how to love. And then over time, you're supposed to get images on how to love other people. You didn't get that right. Now, that doesn't mean people didn't love you. They didn't feed you. They didn't take care of you. That's not what that means. That means that somewhere along the way, you were told to shut your mouth and get your job done.

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And then you learned real quick, the best way I can navigate life, the best way Mike can inch his way around is to take everything that is Mike and shove it so far down that nobody can see it and hear about it in counseling. We call it leakage, which means you can deal with that or it will deal with you. It will find a way out. And it usually comes out at real inopportune times and it comes out in catastrophic thinking, all or nothing.

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This is the end and it comes out in chest puffed out the way a lot of men deal with shame as they stick their chest out. They flexcel big and they say, yeah, what about me? And then they constrict the next closest living, breathing thing, which is usually the people they love the most right now.

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And I'll be, oh, I'll be the first one to admit that, you know, when I get angry, I tell my wife just, you know, get away from me. I just need some time to cool down. And it's not fair to her because she's the one who's who's there for me. And I just pretty much push her away. And, you know, I've listened to a lot of and it's funny you say that about a man.

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I've been trying to figure that out for a good time. And everything I've read, it's always like, you know, men were lone wolves. We just shove everything down. Nonsense.

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It's stupid and it's a terrible way. And if you look at the if you look at the the data on men, we're dying out of loneliness. They're calling him diseases of despair. We are literally dying from loneliness, from shoving everything down. We are dying from hiding and trying to outwork connection. We're trying to work ourselves to death in order because we know the tools on how to be friends and how to connect. So here's the thing you got to do, man.

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And this is a wellness is a red alert, but it's a it's a blessing. Most guys don't get where you are, Mike, until everything around them is on fire or has been burned to the ground. So I'm going to tell you, you're you are a noble guy for recognizing it. You're probably not noble for what you said to your wife. You're probably not noble for how you talk and treat people. You are noble because you caught it.

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And now the hard work is going to be getting with a counselor in your community that you can talk with and be open with. And that's number two. I mean, that's number one. You got to find a professional in your community. If it's a pastor, so be it. I'm going to recommend you get a professional counselor to deal with anger. And number two, you have to find a group. And that might be a anger group.

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That might be a group of guys that you invite over to your house once a week. That might be a small group, but your church, not a cheesy one that you just go and you pass nachos around, but you can actually be vulnerable with and hole with.

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But the only way the only way a guy and I don't want to gender this only way any of us can move through some of these historical traumas and our relationship issues is with other people.

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I agree, though, that connection is absolutely critical and I agree with what you said and it's going to be important. Mike, again, I'm proud of you as well for reaching out and talking about what you are feeling and what you are in the middle of this life. Stuff is tough. But I'm going to also this this professional that you're going to talk to is going to help you start to discover you so you can figure out what it is you want to do.

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You are not stuck in whatever job you have right now. It's just the one you're working. I want you to hear me. You're not stuck. You've got more options. And psychologically, we can put ourselves in this prison thinking that it's all a. Nothing, and it's just not the case. So do me a favor, definitely get connected with the counselor. Definitely go in and sit down and talk to your wife tonight, let her know that, hey, I'm on this journey and at times I get scared and I need you right now.

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I need your prayer. I need your patience. I need your encouragement, because this isn't how I want to be. And I'm going to tell you, I want you to watch in our eyes and look what happens, because she's going to see you a little bit differently. And, my goodness, when you get a chance to see her and you allow her to be what God designed her to be for your life, you are getting ready to have a world of change.

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This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Hello, everyone. You are listening to the Dave Ramsey Show, I'm Chris Hoberman, co-host. With me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. And we have had a blast digging in and talking to you with your questions. And so we appreciate you reaching out. And we know that you trust us. And so you want to reach out, call us the number to call us Triplet 8255. Again, that's 888 255 225.

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Going to jump on the line here. We got Harpur on the line. Harpur, how can we help you?

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Hey. Hey. Pleasure to talk to both of you. Thanks so much for taking my call. Well, you're welcome. What's on your mind today? Hey, I'm sorry, Chris, but this is going to go to Dr. Deagon.

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We'll get it. Hey, I'll tell you what, Chris is is dropping some wisdom today. And so he may end up taking this call over, but we'll see what we got to go.

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Harper, get him. Tell him what's on your mind.

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Hey, it's not that I know what I'm doing 100 percent financially. It's just that I got the Dave thing. I'm trying what I'm supposed to be doing. So good. My question for Dr. Devi, by the way, some of the stuff you said to that previous caller asked where you were talking to me, so thanks for that. But so I realized that I'm not in the right job and I know I got a direction that I'm going to go.

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But it's going to take some extra training to get there. So my question is, how do I deal with what you say, the level of anger, but. Frustration, real high frustration, and I just had a really bad week, it just kind of all came to a head. I really just don't like my job so far away. What can I pick up? Get me through those weeks that show up until I get on the right path?

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That is correct for me.

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So you know that sense. Yeah. Yeah. You mentioned that you've got somewhere that you're headed, you know where you want to go.

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You're going to get you're going to get some extra training, but you've got that in mind, right.

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Correct. I just started last night. As a matter of fact, I had a epiphany talking to a girlfriend, close girlfriends, talking to girlfriends, the different things and talking to guys.

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So anyway, so I think, you know, no one good for you. You've got a plan. And as Hogan says, dream it in 3D. Don't just pick it up and say, I want to go in this direction. I want you to actually sit down and and think of a picture of what it's going to look like when you're working in that place and reverse engineer that and work backwards. Where do you need to be? As our friend Ken Coleman says, who are the folks you need to get in contact with the network, with how you can make that happen?

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That's number one.

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Then I'm going to answer you directly from my own life. I got a Ph.D. in 2010. I got my senior administrative job at a couple of different universities, and I started getting more and more interested both in my own mental health and the mental health of these hundreds of students I was dealing with. And so I started nickel and diming my way back to back to school and I had to get more training. I realized that the training I was going to have to get to be able to do mental health full time was going to take me four years or five years.

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And then I was struck with this this notion that I can waste that time in between or I can default to treating everybody around me with dignity, working as hard as I can in my job, because that's a reflection of me. That's a reflection of my character, is a reflection of the people that I'm going to be in touch with. And so it took the frustration of the job part out. Every job's got hard stuff with it. And then especially when you find yourself way outside of your sweet spot, as Ken calls it, it's uncomfortable, it's frustrating.

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But at the end of the day, all you can control is you and so decide. I'm going to bring a hundred percent of my game to this job. I'm going to give fully Harpur into this in whatever person I talked to you. I'm going to treat him with dignity and respect. I'm going to turn my work in early. I'm going to make sure it's proofread and it's excellent. And I'm going to double down on this training that I'm working towards.

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And then I'm going to be able to move careers and move jobs and get into something that's going to be more fulfilling for me. And what I found when I transition that I did. Four years later, I ended up with another PhD and I had fun going that process. But Chris, I changed from the inside out because my trajectory was different. I feel like on the back end I was another person. I was a better dad, a better husband.

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I had to look in the mirror and deal with some stuff that I hadn't dealt in a long time. And all that came from saying, I'm just going to show up and do good work on my job. And I stumbled and fail and, oh, marry, dude, I sucked along the way in some places, but over time you just get better and better because it's about what I can control and that's showing up and doing work as hard as I can.

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Do a good job.

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No, Harpur, for you, are you clear on your plan. OK, it looks like we lost her, but I carp you there.

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Yeah, here, are you clear on your plan of what's next for you? Crystal clear, Google did figure it out. I'm looking at Six Sigma training and so there's an order that you have to take things in. And so I'm heading down that road so I can't leave the current kind of work that I do simply because baby step two and trying to make sure that, you know, keep a roof over my head. That's right. That's right.

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So I have to keep it. So I needed exactly what they just said, which was, well, I'll keep it clean.

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I won't go Marine Corps, but basically pull your pull your head out your rear end and just keep going.

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Harper, can I can I can I change that for you less than pull your head out of your backside, wrap both of your hands around your own heart. And I know that sounds cheesy. And if Dave was here, he would have me outside the head.

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But I want you to live into this idea that Harper, you have value, Harper, you have worth. And all you can control is how you show up for other people, how you shop for the work that you committed to doing by being in this job. And that takes all of the drama and the pressure in the gridding and driving.

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It takes all that away because, Harper, you're you're a person of value. You're trying to figure out what tomorrow is going to look like. You got a plan. You want to get there, you're going to start grinding it out. You've already Googled it, for God's sake, once you get to Google's man races.

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Right. Well, I love that. And I'm going to tell you this. Seeing this current job, that is not your dream job. It gets you frustrated and irritated. You get an inside out. And I like that change in inside out because now your view is totally different. That's right. This current job is going to get you to this better job and we're going to utilize it and respect it and we're going to ride it until we don't need it anymore.

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And then you make the transition.

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But I'm not going to you know, as our friend Luke here at the office says, I'm not just going to go. I don't want to be doing this, too. That's right. Right. That's right. No, I'm going to show up and I'm going to do my full a plus rockstar effort on it. And when I don't do those, when I have my whiny days of my complaining days, I'm going to say I'm sorry. I'm going to repent of those internal and look in the mirror and say, not today.

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And I get up and do better again the next time. No, I like that.

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But changing inside out, that's the key. You got to make a decision internally of where am I, what do I want and what's the direction I'm going to go. And it's amazing when you change perspective like that. Like a friend of mine used to tell me, he goes, Man, I've got to this. I've got to that. I go, No, no, no.

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You get to get to man. And he it was a paradigm shift. Both your legs work, both your arms, your breathing, your heart mind. You get to him. And it was one of those things where I had to check myself with some of my language. Absolutely not. Have to you get to me. And now we get to make a decision. We get to in this country to to decide and do all within the same minute if we want to.

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But we get to make the decision.

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Harper, here's my challenge. This is a 30 day gratitude challenge. I want you to wake up every day and write down on a piece of paper every day for three days, seven days a week. It's going to take you eight seconds, write three sentences that start with the words I am grateful for and fill it in.

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I'm grateful for. I'm breathing. I'm grateful for. My head doesn't hurt as bad as I did yesterday. I am grateful for my husband. I'm grateful for my time in the Marine Corps.

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Whatever it is, that's the way that I learned to begin living inside out because I spent so much time whining and complaining and being frustrated and wanting to get this promotion would. And it just affected everyone around me, though it didn't solve any problem.

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Yeah, it's unbelievable. A bad attitude is like a cold. You can catch it from someone else. Right. So you got to be careful. You got to look at it. But I tell you, living with this, it's hard to be hateful when you're grateful for when you start off with those three sentences about what you're grateful for and you start to realize how fast and deep you're going in that thing. You look at this next situation, you go, oh, this is just a blink on the dial.

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We got opportunity and I got options because I get to make decisions. That is a blessing. Thanks for the call, Harvey. Thank you, Harper. I want to thank all the callers for taking the time to call in. I want to thank my producer, Zach Bennett filling in. Kelly Daniel, associate producer, and I want to thank all of you for tuning in. This has been the Dave Ramsey Show.

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This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen to Dave Rachel Kroos, Chris Hogan or the rest of the Ramsey network anywhere with the Ramsey network app on your smartphone. Catch all of our full shows, browse by topic or send clips to your friends, head to the App Store and download the Ramsey network app today. Feel like you're in a rut and living life just going through the most.

[00:40:00]

Build confidence in yourself and learn to trust the God who created you. Check out the Christy Wright Show, where Christy inspires you to break through your limitations and create the life you're proud to live. Hey, all, I'm Christy, right? You know, it's so easy to feel stuck. You live life just going through the motions, doing dishes, doing laundry, carpool lines and a whole list of commitments that bring you no joy. Why do we live like that?

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That's why I want you to check out the Christy Wright Show. Each episode will help you build confidence in yourself and the God that created. You hear more from the Ramsey network, including the Christy Wright Show wherever you listen to podcast.

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Hey, it's James, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but check the episode notes for links to products and services you've heard about during this episode. Thanks for listening.