Guy from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the car rental studio. This is today Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony Neal, cohosting today with the number one national best selling author and one of the strongest women speakers out there in the book.
You want to know, Christy Wright Jubilate 855 225. We're taking your calls this hour. Around money, around life, around starting a business. If you're young lady, if you're a woman and you just really want to get some womanly advice on how to proceed forward in life in any area of life, please give us a call. Any questions around money?
I even want to hear a little bit from millennials.
You know, young people, you know, how do we start off? Right. What should I do? Give us give us a call. Give us a call.
Eight 8255, 225. Christy and I would love I would love to take your phone call.
We saw this article earlier, Kristie. You saw it, too. And, you know, we both said, let's have a conversation about this because you're married. I'm single. So we can't we can really have a real good conversation with this because I.
I have some questions to a married person to have my own perspective.
This kind of rubbed me wrong.
And I was like, what in the world? Yeah, but this article was on CNBC. This article has the nerve to say she has the nerve for people to say it's absolutely critical to have a separate bank account when you are married. Even when you're married, don't rely on a joint bank account, says bestselling author of Smart Women Finish Rich and co-founder of Anie Wealth Management, David Boccie what you should have your own account.
Both of you tell CNBC, make it, make it, make it.
Adding It's absolutely critical, especially for women, that you keep money in an account that's yours and that you control.
After all, nearly half of marriages end. Wow, he says, and is almost always a woman that is hurt the most financially in divorce. So I want you to have your own investment account. I want you to have your own emergency account. I want you to have your own credit cards and your and your own credit score. What in the world?
Then you can also maintain a joint account or what he calls the we account in which you can together stash money to pay for your rent, utilities, bills, all that type of stuff. But he's pretty much saying in this ridiculous article that if you are married, if you come together as one, stay divided when it comes to your finances.
Yeah. You know what was interesting about that last thing that you just said we could you could also maintain a joint account like an afterthought. Your joint account is the afterthought or what we call a we account. You know what I hear in that and this is this is what bugs me about the whole thing. Anthony, it's not even really about the accounts, honestly. It's only about the money or that part is a is a byproduct of it. It's the premise of the whole perspective that sometimes we're a team and sometimes we're not.
Yes, we're going to sometimes act like a team in this area of our life, but we're going to sometimes not. And you know what? As a believer, as a just in general, someone that values marriage and what that means to make a commitment to someone, when you take vows, when you walk down the aisle, you're making a commitment to that person to be a team. Now, do half of marriages end in divorce? Yeah, that's really unfortunate.
But it doesn't mean that while you're married, you shouldn't act like a team when you can. While you can. Yeah. To be a team. You know, I used this example with you and want to know your thoughts on this. So my husband, you know, we're big sports people. He loves basketball. I love football. We love watching sports, you know, back when we used to have sports.
But he would say sometimes you'd see a pattern with football players. This may happen in basketball, too, but especially football players where when they would get that they play really hard, the year that their contract is up, you know, because they want to get a really good deal, get a really good contract. And then after they sign this big deal, they get comfortable. Yeah, they kind of take their foot off the gas. They kind of don't play as hard.
And, you know, what you see is you see the whole team suffer because this person had their own agenda.
This person was trying to do their own thing. And I think, you know, you asked me as a married person, I'll tell you, Matt and I have been married eight years and we've had three kids in that time. And you go through some really difficult things you could have never imagined. It's not just a good idea to be a team. It's essential. Yes, to be a team. And I think this is just that's what bugs me, is because this is like being a team is optional and I don't think it is.
Yeah, here's my problem.
As a single person, it doesn't make me want to get married. I'm just being honest. If everything is still about I. And and the only thing that is why is when it's time to pay bills. But you go make your money. You do what you want to do with your money. I make my money. I do what I want to do with my money. And then we just all with our money, separate money. We just put a little bit in a pot to pay bills so we can live.
But I'm over here spending money over here. You over here doing what you want to do, where where is the weed? And I think the problem that I have with this article is that is out there that they are saying fifty percent of the people who get married are divorced. Well, my prayer is that I'm on the opposite side. And so I'm going to go in thinking that we're not going to get divorced. That's right. I'm going to go in there thinking that we are going to build wealth, not just we pay bills.
And it makes me think of that example. I may quote this wrong, but Dave has used this example at NRA leadership events that the Clydesdale horses, you know, they're working horses that can pull an unbelievable amount of weight. I want to say, if I'm going by memory here, that one Clydesdale can pull around twelve thousand pounds. So you would think that when you put two together that they would pull 24000, but they can't. They pull 48000 when you put them together.
I had a friend this was years ago, but she came to me kind of for money advice, knowing that I worked at this company and had these resources. She said, you know, here's my situation. What advice do you have? And her and her husband had separate accounts. She had a bunch of debt and he had a bunch of savings. And I was like, we can fix this.
You know, I'm just going to connect these two dots for you and tell you if you combine your money and actually be a team as a team, you can make so much more progress. You can pull 48000 pounds is the analogy. I just think it's not just a marital principle.
It's a financial principle. Yeah.
Yeah, whenever two or three. Coming together, so it's like an in this perspective, there's two physical and there's there's Jesus right there and it's like I believe we could do a lot more together. And I just believe that with my personal walk and faith and your personal walk with faith, that that 50 percent of marriages can go down. We know the number one cause for a divorce is it's money. Right. And so that's our mission is to help people out with their money.
So this 50 percent of divorce rates can go down. Right. And we're seeing more people married and having a fruitful and prosperous life. And I agree that we're going to have as a married person, there's going to be some tough seasons, but we shouldn't walk into it saying it's going to be tough and more than likely we're going to get a divorce.
You know, and you know, so interesting, you just pointed something out. So as a company, Ramsey Solutions, we you know, Dave started this 30 years ago. We've been doing this. We've seen millions and millions and millions of families become debt free. Millions and millions of people change their future. We've seen marriages saved. It's incredible.
And you know what our advice is not, hey, that the secret to a successful marriage is to have your separate thing going on. No, it's actually the opposite. It's to put it together and be a team. And it brings a different sense of unity to your marriage and to your finances. It's so, so important to be a team. Yes. And listen to as many people in the world, even single people. It's better to be together than to stand divided.
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Let's get back to the phone, Christi, and have a conversation with Jennifer. Jennifer, good afternoon. How can Christi and I help?
Hi, Christine. Hey, thanks for taking my call. How y'all doing today? Doing good. So what's going on?
So I guess my questions tailored more towards Christie, but I'd be curious to see what you have to say since I know this is going to be happening in your future. So a little bit about my husband and myself. We're both 29 and have been together for nine years and we've been married for four of those. And we both have great jobs and we're currently on baby steps for five and six. And we made a plan that if we were going to have kids, we were going to be debt free and own a home.
And last year we bought our first home together. And since then, we've kind of been on the fence now about whether we should have kids or not. We're just not sure if it's the right decision for us. And we've been talking to a lot of our friends who have kids, and we're usually the responses. They always saw themselves being Parian parents, and neither of us really aspired to become parents growing up. Not that we wouldn't ever become parents.
It was just never a specific goal of ours. It always seemed like, you know, once you get married and then you start having kids. So I guess I was just curious, what made you guys decide to plan for kids or to have kids right now?
Yeah, you know, that's such a personal decision, Jennifer. But I do see people that are in different camps. So there's people are like I always wanted to be a mom. There's people like I wasn't sure, but then decided to. And then you have some people I have some friends, even Jennifer, that they're like, I never saw myself having kids. And then they end up having kids and love it. So I'll just tell you kind of a little bit of the the thought process that may help you go through this as you're thinking through it.
I think that one of the things that's difficult is to try to, you know, predict the future. We were talking about this earlier, Anthony, with like, you know, what your career is going to be, what your degree is going to be in. But I would just ask you, Jennifer, if you were just going to fast forward to the future and it's Christmas and you're 40 or you're 45, what would you like that Christmas to be like?
And are there kids at this Christmas or not? Like, I know that's pretty simple for you to answer in a soundbite, but just think that kind of go there for a minute. Is there a gut response of like, oh yeah, I definitely want a family or I'd be totally fine just doing what we're doing.
I think right now it's you know, we kind of bought our house to be able to have the rest of our family over for all of those events. And so I guess I see it where there's kids around. They may not be my kids. They might be, you know, my sister's kids or his sister's kids. And so I guess there's kids in our future. I just don't know if they're ours or if they're you know, if I'm an aunt because I.
I want to be like the cool aunt, you know. Yeah. I think that's where we're kind of I know we're kind of like leaning back and forth every day. It seems to be different. And we're just, you know, we're constantly talking about it because it's a big decision between the two of us. And, you know, we've always kind of talked about we've had a three year plan and the three year plan has been happening since we've been, you know, twenty three.
And it's never actually come to fruition, I guess. And it was always, you know, have kids. And now that we're kind of there, I think we're just kind of well, we really love the way our life is right now and we feel truly fulfilled and there's nothing really missing that we feel like in our lives.
Yeah, well, I would just say and this is like I said, it's such a personal decision. I think one of the things that you're doing great is you're talking about it. You're having the conversation with your spouse and you can continue to talk about it for another year, two years, three years, five years. You don't have a specific time frame that you're working in. I know you have plans, but a lot of times our plans don't always work out how we hope they will or think they will.
And sometimes there's, you know, things we have to adjust to. But those also pleasant surprises. So I would just encourage you, if you're not sure today, don't feel rushed, don't feel like you have to have it figured out just because you bought a house, you bought a house. That's all that means you bought a house. It doesn't mean you have to fill it with kids right now. And if in a year you decide to try to start a family, that's something you can pray about and adjust and talk to your husband about and then go from there.
But I just want to give you the encouragement that you don't have to have it figured out today. That is super personal. It is life changing and incredibly an incredibly important decision that certainly affects everything else. So I would just that would be my encouragement, as you don't have to have it figured out today. I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't. That's between you, your husband and God. But I will say you don't have to have an answer today.
Yeah, I totally agree. I mean, I really can't speak to that neither. I mean, because that's what you and your husband and you always go so praying for you, Jennifer, and just, you know, had a clear vision and y'all just keep walking forward.
Yeah, I think I think one lesson there, though, is like I think a lot of times we have plans like, well, this is what I have to do next, because I said I would. It's like we have permission to change our mind, change our plans, change our timelines. And and she does, too. Yeah, she really does.
Going out to British Columbia, Canada. Wow. OK, we're going to have a conversation with Trevor Trevor. Good afternoon, man.
How can Chrissy and I hope are doing good. Right. What's up?
So my question is. We're looking at possibly moving out to my mother in law's property. She's got 10 acres, wanted to kind of reset our life, figure out how that's going to get all our debt paid off. And so on our house, we have 35000 in debt. And, you know, we're just looking at, you know, we're putting some money into a rental fund to finish the house off and then try to sell the house. Is that equity to pay off the debt and just kind of sit on some cash until we figure out what we're doing next?
That seems like a decent idea.
I could barely hear you because of the wind, Trevor. So do me a favor if you can try and cover the wind or your phone, because I didn't hear. How much debt do you currently have right now?
35000. That sounds so much better, too. All right. So 35 K in debt. What's the House worth? You know, what's the equity in the House if you sell it?
We can probably get between 449 for 59 for it equity. We probably take out over 200000.
OK, so 200 K and people are looking at about what when when 80, 160, 170 at a time gets in your account from paying, you know, the fees and real estate fees and stuff like that.
Not real estate, but the realtor fees. Yeah. OK, so much. I love it. Let me ask you this question. When you pay off your debt, you say you want to move. Is that is that stay in Canada or is that is that come towards come towards this area. So, Stephen, Canada just we're moving we're thinking about moving both 30 minutes down the road to our mother in law's place, OK? And then really thinking, do we do we build a cabin there?
Or, you know, we're not a rush to really make the decision. We want to make a smart decision. And, you know, we've we've been rushing for the last five years buying a house to invest, about making lots of mistakes. And we just want to do a refresh and really think about what we're doing. Yeah.
How much money is your household income to cover? 80000.
OK, how long have you been working the plan to get debt free? We've been, you know, since we bought the house, we've been realizing how much money we could put into interest, so, you know, just working on paying everything off, I think we paid down 20000 this year. So we had over 50. And yeah. So we've just been working the steps and we figured, well, you know, we're thinking about moving anyways.
We can just get rid of it all and just have a good start. Yeah, I like it.
This idea sounds good to me. I am cool with that. You have 35000 dollars in debt. You willing to sell your house, get out of debt. So you're going to have about 160, 170 after everything is said and done. So that means you have about right around 130, 140 to actually put in an account. I would definitely go ahead and put aside that six months of income as far as before your emergency fund and then just really start working baby steps for five, six and seven at the same time.
Well, you won't be working on baby September six. You've already paid off your house and you sold it. But then once you get another house down the road, it's great. But the key thing that I really love that you said, Trevor, was you want to take your time because you you and your wife have have rushed him some very fast decisions. And I think that's one of the best things that we can do is to take our time when it comes to huge money decisions or just when it comes to our vision, take our time, write them down, make them plain, get the right plan to work that vision and just do it in a smooth way, not in a rush way.
I will I will say one thing to add to that, Trevor. And I think this is coming from the perspective we've been talking back and forth on, like, you know, from a marriage perspective, if you're moving in with your in-laws.
Yeah. Trevor. Yeah. Trevor, yeah. I just want you to think through that. I just want you to have plan have a goal timeframe, like we're going to live with the in-laws for that. Even if you have the most wonderful in-laws in the world, you're used to living on your own, being independent with your family, and then you're going into being a child and in-laws house. Just set a time frame, say we're going to be there for six months.
We're gonna be there for eight months, and you got your reset, like you said, but then have to have an exit plan, too. Man, that would be hard for me. Firstly, I couldn't go back home to my mom and dad. I love them. I say I'm a grown man saying, no way, I can't go back home with real parents. Coming up next, we got a debt free scream. Man, I am really excited about this.
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In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt free stage, Zoe is with us, my brother. How are you doing, man? How are you doing, man? I am doing well. I am extremely doing well. So where are you from? I'm from Kansas City, Missouri. Kansas City, Missouri. Yes, sir. The Chiefs.
Are you a fan of the Chiefs? I am a fan of the Chiefs. I'm not.
But welcome to the club. Now I'm good with you. My dad here that he'll be upset with me. But, man, so let's talk about it. How much have you paid off? I've paid off 45000 dollars. 45000, sir. OK, and how long did it take you to pay? It took me 21 months.
21 months. Wow. Yeah.
And what was your range of income? So when I started, it was 35000. Then after I paid off all my dad was 45000.
Wow. So you're only making about 35 to about 45, sir. Wow. And what do you do for a living?
So I currently work in I.T. at a credit union in Kansas City. OK. OK, so I credit unions. What do you do. What is that.
So basically I just troubleshoot are companies like computer systems just to make sure we're running. OK. OK. It's a very important job for you.
Yes it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have an I.T. team here and they keep us, keep us safe. I think kids is probably just a little bit more important, probably a little bit, because we got our money.
That's right. That's right. And so but when it was paying off that dough, I mean, I had a second job as well. Did you? Yes, sir. How are you doing?
Yeah, I worked at a very famous chicken place, chicken making chicken Chick fil A. Oh, you said you was working at Chick fil A. Oh, God, I gotcha. Gotcha. I got to say. Okay. Can you go on about it? Yes. Oh, yes. So what what kind of debt was a 45?
So the 45000 dollars consisted of like collection debt like that that was charged off. I had auto loans, student loans, you can name it all, man.
A mix. Yeah. So we got to ask this question. What happened on your journey? Like, why did you want to start this journey of becoming debt free?
Well, the number one reason why is because I believe that everything belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ. He owns it all. He has called us to be good stewards of our money. And to me, I was not living that out. And so what happened was I had a conversation with my disciple, mentor, Eric. I just bought this brand, not brand new, but knew which card to me. And it was at a really high interest rate.
And he just like Joey, you can't like you can't be doing this like and he challenged me to pay it off as quickly as I can. And I decided that moment, hey, if I'm going to pay off this car, I want to just pay all my debt off. And so it began in March of twenty eighteen when I made the decision to really be serious about paying off all my debt because I wanted to honor God with the finances that he's given me.
That's so good.
When you got started, how hard was it to change your, your habits and your behavior. You didn't, I mean because you are used to living one way. You've made the decision. But, man, changing habits can be hard.
Oh, yeah, it was really hard. I had to learn to sacrifice a lot of things I didn't really need. Like, a big example would be like, I don't need all those subscription services like Netflix, Spotify, all that. I just.
You got rid of Netflix? I did. Are you serious on his mind right now? Yeah.
OK, that's interesting. It's hard, though, to sacrifice because I think one of the the things that is required on this journey journey for the short term is to sacrifice something so like we say, live like no one else would later. You can live like no one else. I remember, you know, we were just talking, even chatting on YouTube. I have famo fear of missing out. So I remember when I was paying off my debt, my friends went on trips and I had to miss out on and that was, that was hard.
What was, what was probably the hardest change for you when you were, when you were kind of making this transition.
I would say it's, you know, living like you were saying, extravagantly taking trips or buying the newest technology. That was a big struggle for me, especially getting out of bed up. Yeah, it's just keeping up with the latest tech because I love technology more than an Apple Watch. It just does. Yeah. Yeah, I love technology, but that was very difficult for me to let go of, like and I don't need the new iPhone.
That's right. I have one that works just fine.
Yeah. For the short time, like you said, for the short term, while you're you're paying off that debt. Exactly.
We've never asked this on a debt free stage. I do it today. Are you single? I am single. How is your single life throughout this journey?
Well, it was a little bit rough. I'll be real if you buy the same time. You know, I had a I have to remember, too, that during that journey, if I ever would like, you know, want to get married, I have to think of the long term goal. I want to prepare myself to lead and love a wife without having all that financial burden on me. Yeah. And even if I were to marry someone who had that, I'm like, let's I'm going to help pay off your debt, just like I did it for myself.
So you're awesome. Let's say that you're amazing. Like you are just you love the Lord. You're thinking long term.
You're like you have got you have got it together, man. That's awesome, Kansas City lady, job better, all by God's grace and the city ladies, he's single. He's debt free.
Were your were your biggest cheerleaders, Joey, they cheered you on?
I would say my disciple mentor Eric was a big cheerleader. He just kept telling me to. You can do this, Joey. There's a lot of people in my church. A lot of my friends were very supportive. Even my own family was very supportive of me on this journey towards being free. So it was just so encouraging.
Oh, did you say the trick is what's the secret to getting out of debt now that you've done it?
Lower your expenses as much as you can. Live below your means. Trust God, obviously. But it's not just trusting God is how to you how do you apply to trust the Lord?
Oh, like making a budget, sticking to your budget, cutting expenses that you don't need. Like, I was very fortunate to have a rent situation. I live with my friend Daniel and he only charged me three hundred dollars a month for rent. So I was able to live way below my means. So just cutting expenses like, you know, saving on insurance, finding prepaid cell phone plans, anything like that is what I would recommend to people is to get out of debt.
You did it. You did it, man. How does it feel? It feels great. What's next? I'd say for me is just saving up money, you know, save enough money for retirement. But what I'm really looking forward to is just how much I can give away to organizations that have always wanted to give to to support the ministry of the Gospel.
That's beautiful. That's amazing. Well, you know what, Joey, may we already know where you're headed. And so we're going to give you a copy of Chris Hogan's book, Everyday Millionaires, because you will Be a Millionaire. That's the next chapter of your life.
How old are you again, man? I'm twenty eight, but I turned 29 on Sunday. Happy birthday.
Thank you. What a way to celebrate oad. And he's that I'm stuck. Y'all know what I'm thinking, right? Amazing. I'm not going. Do you like that. Live in front of seventeen million people. But I think one person out there is waiting for you back in Kansas City.
All right. You guys, for all the way from Kansas City, Missouri, 45000 dollars paid off in about 21 months, making about 35 to 45 thousand dollars a year. Let's hear it. A debt free, sir. Debt free. All right. Wow, that is amazing. You know, every time I hear a debt free scream, it brings me back to remembering what it feels like. You remember that feeling we both experienced digging ourselves out of debt and, man, there's nothing like it.
What I try to tell people all the time, Anthony, is any person that has ever become debt free. And they finally experience that freedom. They finally experience what it feels like to get paid on Friday and get to keep your money. They never look back. They never say, oh, man, I wish I had those bills. I wish I had those those debts. But I really I really miss that.
No, the voice of debt is always the voice of regret. And if you can work your way out of this mess, you'll never look back.
Joey's not looking back, Joey. Looking back, he looking forward. Yes, right. A man looking for a 29 year old. No debt making good money. It got sharp. Guy look like he go to the gym. Hey. Hey.
Looking back, my brother looking for me, I like it and he feels good. So, I mean, I remember those days. I remember that day when I paid off. The last thing I had to pay off was my car, because I did finance a car back in the days. And man, when I paid off everything, Chris, I felt so much freedom. I remember waking up on the first of the month and I was like, wait, the only thing I have to pay for right now is my rent.
That's right. You really give yourself a race because you get to keep your money. Yes. And I'm like, this feels good. Yeah, like what? The fifteenth of the month? I still have money in my account. What, the 30th of the month. Wait, it's going into a new month and I still have money. It just feels good.
And you know, it's not the amount of money you can be making 30000 a year and feel rich because you, you own it all. You have it all. You can be making 200000 dollars a year and be broke because you spend more than you make. It's not that. It's just the choice to get debt free.
You're absolutely right, Rachel.
I mean, not really, Christine, but I watch it. I'll be right. You're absolutely right, Christi.
But you know what, I. I mentor millionaires, football players who are making a million dollars and they're living paycheck to paycheck. Right. But Joey's going to be everyday millionaire. We'll be right back. One of the most common questions, I-Max by family members, Chrissie, is how do I create a will, do a will to really make sure that my kids and my family are OK? Yeah, and I think you have some information for us.
You know, here's the thing. This is not something fun to talk about. I think we can acknowledge that you don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. Knowing, listening, wants to talk about. In fact, our research team found that 74 percent of parents don't have a will, probably because they don't want to think about it or take the time to do it.
But y'all this is too important. You need a will to protect your family. So we want you to stop putting it off. We want you to actually get it done.
We have created a frill free will preparation checklist. This is going to walk you through seven important areas like naming guardians and beneficiaries, plus all the little things that you haven't thought of. I have created my will and I can tell you guys, once you check that box, you get it done. The peace of mind that you feel is incredible because you know that if something happened to you, your family would be taken care of. It's taking the burden off of them.
Once you've gone over this checklist we've created, setting up your actual will only takes about ten or fifteen minutes. You can get this free guide by texting. Will w i l l to three three seven eight nine. That's will to three three seven, eight, nine. This is going to protect your family for the future. If something were to ever happen. And once you get it done, it's going to give you peace of mind. That is our free will checklist.
You guys check that out.
You know, because I have one and I'm a single man and it was probably the most, hardest thing I've ever done. But I'm actually at peace because if something did happen to me, my family knows what to do and how to go about.
Well, it's it's ten minutes of uncomfortable. Yes. For a future of peace of mind. I'd say that's a pretty good Arawa for your time and your investment. Just no one wants to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it either. But you just get it done. Get it over with. Absolutely.
So text will to three three seven, eight, nine, because it's the right thing to do for your family. Think about your family. Don't be selfish. Think about your loved ones.
And I promise you, when you're in heaven looking down at your family, you'll be grateful for those ten minutes going out to Chattanooga, we're going to have a conversation with Marie Marie. Good afternoon. How can Christy and I help? Hi, guys, thanks for taking my call. I am well, my husband and I, we are in the middle of babies up to and I was looking for a way to make more money. And I applied for a job in Wyoming and I got the job.
And it's a dream job and the pay is great. But my parents are just really upset that will be taking out their grandkids across the country.
And how how's that going? Let's dig into that a little bit. Maria, when you say they're upset, how are they handling it and how are you handling it? Like what's actually kind of going on as much as you're comfortable sharing, just so we can give some thorough advice here based on what's actually happening?
Well, everything from anger to come to, you know, guilt trips. And I can't even be excited, sure, about this great opportunity.
Why can't you go?
I don't know. Yeah, OK, let me ask you this. Let's let's take your parents out of this for a second. You and your husband, you on the same page. Oh, yeah, he really wants to go. Yeah, he loves he loves Wyoming and we would make twice what we make here in Tennessee. Yeah, yeah. He he's ready to go. I'm Maria.
I'm going to share something with you. And I want to give you the disclaimer before I here this that these are my personal values, OK? I wouldn't say that this is the Bible. This is set in stone. This is Christy Wright's personal values. When it comes to family boundaries, there are different cultures that would think differently. Certainly in other countries, there's a more of a family unit, including extended family. This is my personal values. I feel a deep responsibility to the people inside my household.
That would be my husband and my three children. I feel a much smaller responsibility to people outside my household, like my mom, Matt's parents, my dad, my step mom and so on. But I am not responsible. I don't I don't personally feel that I'm responsible for my mother's feelings, my mother in law's feelings or their opinions. I'm responsible for my family's. And so if my husband and I decide to do something, whether that's moved to Wyoming or have Christmas at our house or do anything that might ruffle someone else's feathers from a different generation, that has different expectations of us and everybody does in every family that's not unique to our family.
Everyone else, I have to rest on the peace of mind that I'm doing what's right for my family because they're my children. It's my husband in my household. Now, that doesn't mean that the the guilt is going to completely diminish. It also doesn't mean that the family is going to suddenly be OK with it. But it does help you understand if you are doing the right thing or not and how to proceed. I will say that communication and boundaries can be a really helpful thing to get through this transition.
I would definitely recommend the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and I would have a conversation with your parents that goes something like this. This is the two second version of it. Maureen, you can put it in your own words. Leave it. How how makes sense for you guys. But something to the effect of I hear that this is really sad for you and that must be really hard that your grand kids are going to be moving across the country.
I want you know that as a family, we've decided to do this because it's right for our family and we're so excited and we're definitely going to do everything we can to make sure we see you guys as often as possible. But the decision is not changing. So you have an opportunity and how you handle this transition, you can make it joyful and fun and celebratory and participate with us, or you can continue to behave how you've been behaving, which is really just going to be not fun for you or us.
And the outcome doesn't change. We're still moving.
So that open, direct, loving, truthtelling communication, I think can help you lead them through this in a way that calls them to a higher standard, but also at the same time empathizes with them about their sadness because, of course, they're sad. That is hard, but it doesn't change the fact that it's your children and your job and your home you want.
I mean, I could preach on this all day because it's a boundary's thing and I'm passionate about boundaries.
You are. And yeah, you are a Christian.
You know, I'm just going to echo what you're saying. You know, Maria, I understand. I guess maybe because I'm a man, I see this differently, you know. How is that? How so? Because I'm just going to say just go goodbye. Yes.
Why are we feeling weird about, you know, my man out there, he look at him and he's like, yeah, I agree with him. I mean, this is my house. These are my kids. You know, you want me to be you want me to stay here so you can feel good. But are you helping me pay my bills? Are you helping me pay for my kids college? Are you going to help me pay for feeding them?
Like I think for me on a mansard, I'm like, yo, mom and dad, I love you.
We love you. But we have to do what's best for my family. That's not what's best for our family. Right. And so when she said, I can't be excited, I don't understand why she can't be, but I think that's different.
The difference between a man and a woman is I would say this. I would say right now she doesn't feel excited because she's in the middle of this storm with her parents. She can feel excited. But I think there has to be a a choosing to find confidence in the fact that they are doing what's right for their family. But if you're getting distracted by everybody else's loud opinions, whether it's your parents, your in-laws or some crazy people on the Internet, it's easy to let that affect you.
And I know that that's hard. It's going to be a difficult transition regardless. But I think you have an opportunity, Marie, to lead lead your family, lead your parents, call them to a higher standard of behavior and be very honest, very loving. Listen to them. We were talking about this earlier, Anthony, about asking questions. We were talking about this even with the issue of race, if you can lean in and listen and learn that humility and posture, some people just want to be heard.
They might just be like, you know what, I see that you're going anyway. But I just want you know, I'm really sad, OK? I hear you. I see that. And we're going anyway. And so I think I think you can lead this, set some clear boundaries, have some good, clear, open, honest, loving conversation and and you'll get through it. Marie, I just want to I just want to end this by saying congratulations, you got an awesome job, you got a raise.
This is a dream job and you and your husband have just made an awesome decision. That's right. For your family. Let's celebrate that. I hope you can and I hope you will allow yourself to be excited even while dealing with this in the transition.
Even as a man, though, Kristie, I think I will be protective and probably a little upset with my in-laws because, like my wife now is at home a little frustrated. She can't really enjoy what's happening in our lives and celebrate it because she's she's concerned about her mom, which speaks volumes about her.
Right. You know, but at the same time, as a man, I'd be like, hey, be quiet. This is where we're going. This celebrate, let's turn out tonight. This let's have a good time because we this is a huge accomplishment for us. So. Wow, interesting. I want to thank our producer, James Child and our associate producer, Kelly Daniel on the phone lines. I remember you guys. The caliber of our financial future will be determined by the decisions we make today.
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