Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the car rental studios. It's the Dave Ramsey Show where debt is dumb. Cash is king in the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. My co-host on the air today here on The Dave Ramsey Show, Dr. John the Remzi personality. So we are here to answer your questions about your life and your money.
Open phones, a triple eight eight two five five two two five. That's triple eight eight two five five two two five.
Heath is going to start us off from Columbus, Ohio this hour. Hey, Heath, how are you? And our guys, thanks for taking my call, Sherman. Well, so. So I'm calling to ask for your guidance on my in-law and my parents in law and kind of the relationship we have now, so about five years ago, my mother in law inherited an unknown amount of money. I'm guessing it's probably a couple of hundred thousand dollars.
And my father in law invested that with eyes wide open in the oil market, took a bunch of stuff out on margins. And this weird thing happened a couple months ago where the stock market tanked. So they pretty much lost everything. Again, I'm unclear exactly what they had and what they lost, but they now tell us things like, oh, you know, we can't afford to pay for cable, we can't afford to pay for gasoline in our car to come visit you.
And they value a lot on the phrase we're retired during their late 60s, 65, 67, and basically refusing to go back to work. You know, they have minimal savings. And my wife and I are just really struggling with how how do we handle this as as their children. Obviously, we want to support them, but we've got three small kids. We just bought a house. And, you know, we're really unclear on what we should be doing as far as their children to guide them during this time.
He he's like you.
I like you, too. Well, I appreciate that I like you. Now that we've got that settled, man, here's the thing.
He's not taking an emotional approach. And I have to approach a victim approach, but it's a it's somebody who I can tell cares and loves rules and laws and hurts for them. At the same time, he lives in a reality that he's got a wife and three kids and they're working together to raise a house.
And that's a tough situation other than the passive aggressive grenade's. Have they actually asked directly for money? They have yeah, there was one occasion right after everything hit with, you know, the covid in the stock market crash for their property taxes, which were passed here. So they needed money for that. And so I you know, I quickly started looking up how to handle these types of questions. And, of course, I found you. So I'm really grateful for everything that you had about in-laws and, you know, not saving for retirement.
And so I tried walking through him and getting him to acknowledge that, hey, you know, my wife and I might have to go back to work. And that just went like right over his head. He was just like, hey, you have the money here, you don't get it. And I said, I and I did have the money. And that's that's kind of really where, again is the struggle for me in my life is that, you know, I make a good living.
We've been blessed. You know, I come my side of the family. They've been very generous with me.
So what is your what is your household not? So what is your household income? About 170. OK, so you are killing it and they're probably somewhat aware of that, you understand that when he made that statement that that was a that was a statement that says, I am entitled to your stuff. I don't like that statement at all.
And that's that seems to be the underlying and I'm not there yet. But I think I think that's you know, that's where my wife and I either our fear is that, hey, they're just going to throw their hands up and whatever happens, rely on the fact that, you know, hey, you know, my my son in law and his wife who stays at home with the kids like, you know, worse comes to worst. They'll just provide for us.
And I got a list of priorities. And my father in law is not, you know, the highest of those powers telling you, I like this guy Dave.
I like this guy. You can make fun of me, OK? Like this guy.
So, yeah, I think there's two or three levels of help that you can look at, obviously. One, you don't want to put them on the dole where you support them the rest of your life because and they don't address the situation. That's an unacceptable process, making sure they have food.
Yeah, yeah. That's making sure they have shelter.
That's fine. But I'm probably going to if they come at you again for money, I'm probably going to have some real calm in person if possible discussions with the two of them. This sounds something like this. We love you. And we are not going to support you. Ongoing, you will you will always have food, but you're able bodied and you need to get on a written game plan. And if before I give you money again, I'm going to do a full audit of your financial situation, I'm going to know where every dollar is and I'm going to know what your income is.
And we're going to do a budget together and you're going to be on a budget that I approve or I'm not giving you any money. And if you don't wanna do that, I completely understand, but those are my terms, and I'm I'm going to recommend that your wife be there with you in that conversation. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And so that they don't come back later. And, you know, I'll give you let me tell you what I think will happen based on this comment that he made earlier. I think you're going to get the exact same reaction and they're just going to blow you off. In which case, they are saying, I don't need your help. And so you don't have to come help. Or my pride cost more than my my desire to not be hungry.
Yeah, and I'm entitled to your money and I won't be a part of it.
He's embarrassed that as to what happened. Yeah, we ought to be. That was really don't worry if he's going back to work. As you know, a failure on his part is.
It is. And that's exactly what it is. And the quicker a grown up can recognize, hey, I screwed up and now I've got to go make it right. Yeah. And a grown up not being entitled to my son in laws like and taking money out of my kids and my grandkids because it wasn't the stock market that got him OK.
The stock market didn't get he was playing oil. Who's playing commodities market?
This is the most volatile market.
You have a better chance of hitting the roulette wheel in Vegas than you do doing what he was doing.
That's what he was doing, and so and what happened was oil got him because oil went to a negative, not the stock market, the oil marketed, the commodities market did. We had tankers sitting off shore full of oil.
They wanted to offload them because the oil was worth negative amounts per barrel for a few weeks there because no one was driving and all the supply dried up, all the U.S. dried up, the demand for gasoline dried up. And he he set himself up by playing an ultra high risk play, whether he realized it or not. And, you know, he went to Vegas and blew his wife's inheritance. That's what he did.
He realized we're talking about and you know what a mistake was. I put him in touch with my financial planner and they all told him not to do it. He refused to listen to anybody.
And, you know, when you do all of that, every one of those things now limits your ability to help him. You can't help him because now if if you give him money, you're just participating in his fantasy land, participating in his delusions, you're financing his crazy. Now, if you wanna buy some food and send him a bag of groceries or two over there, I'm fine with that. But these people need an overhaul of their behaviors.
I don't think they're going to let you give them that. If they do, I will be stone cold. Shocked. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Here's my advice for cutting your homeowner's insurance up to 20 percent, protect your home with simply safe home security. Most insurance companies reward you for having high quality protection. U.S. News and World reports just name simply safe best overall home security of 2020 with professional grade 24/7 protection at only fifteen dollars a month, it practically pays for itself in what you'll save.
Visit simply safe direct dotcom now and you'll get a free security camera. But guys, these are crazy, crazy times, and sometimes individually we have crazy times or sometimes across the nation, we have crazy times, but it always gives you pause and you stop and you say, wow, I don't like being in debt and broke when all this crap is going on. It leaves me pretty vulnerable. And sometimes smart people in those situations will say things like never again, never again do I want to find myself here.
Never again will money keep me up at night. Never again will I let the news cycle put me in a panic.
But you have to get prepared to have a never again moment, I mean, you have to take your never again and you have to do something about it. And we know that when you have the right plan, the right tools and the right teaching, you never have to question if you're doing the right thing with your money. Ramsey Plus gives you all of that. It's our brand new all access membership and you can try it for free today.
Here's how it works.
You'll learn the proven money plan with our best selling content. Financial Peace University and all our other curriculums are in there, too. And you'll learn how to budget and take control of your money with every dollar. And it's syncs up with everything, syncs up with your bank, your spouse, everything. And you track your progress with the new baby steps. So you learn you budget and you track start the money plan for real life.
So you're confident you're doing the next right thing with your money and you never end up here again, never again, this is your choice. It's a free trial right now for Remzi plus. So how do you do that? You want the free trial for MCE plus? It's free, by the way. Text the word trial to 33, seven, eight, nine text trial to three three seven eight nine. D is in Columbia, South Carolina. Heidi, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show.
Hi, thank you. I have a concern. Well, actually, and give me guidance. I'm currently four years to retirement and I've saved seventy five thousand dollars in savings. I'd like to be able to purchase two years of air time, which would be buying two years of the four years left to retirement and 20000 per year the air time. And I have what I need to know is, is it safe? Should I purchase the two years of air time or should I use.
Should I use the 75 the portion of the 75000 to purchase the two years of air time? Or should I invest it, let it grow and then purchase the two years of air time? I'm just. Kind of at a brick wall that now and just don't really know what sort of action to go, I've even thought about should I try to invest it to see what's the best I can do? OK, so let's try this.
If you buy the retirement time when you die, what happens to your retirement, your pension? It goes also a family member.
No, it doesn't. Your state, you work for the state. Look carefully into it, but I think I have the option to get the lump sum as well. No, no, when you die. They keep the money. On a pension. It doesn't come to your family. This is a pension plan. You're buying airtime in. Yes, it's the only people that offer what you're offering, so I know that, OK. OK. So when you die, your pension does not keep coming to your family.
You know that, right? No, I did not know that. OK, so you thought that you thought for the rest of the time that this organization exists. How do you work for.
I work for the state. OK. All right.
Do you think the state is going to pay your kids and then your kids kids and then your kids, kids, kids, and they're just going to keep paying this retirement forever? Well, I was under the impression it will be a lump sum payment because I have a beneficiary listed as a beneficiary in case if I were to pass away. So maybe I need to get a better understanding. Yeah, you need to get in there when you get in there and figure out what it is, because if there's a beneficiary listed, that means it's like a 401k or A 403 B and then that is that's what you don't buy airtime in those.
There's no there's no back there's no way to buy time in that the only thing you can buy time in is in a pension plan. You probably have both. OK, that's why, again, I'm not really sure. Normally with the state with a state job, you would have A 403 B that you have a beneficiary on, and that money does come to your family as a lump sum when you die and or you can roll it when you retire out to an IRA and control it, that is your money.
The pension plan is based on your years of service. It pays out a certain amount.
OK, and what you're talking about buying are extra years of service and you pay for those. Do not do that, OK, because that dies with you. And it's a lousy rate of return, so you would be better off to take that 75000 and get with an investment adviser and put it into a good investment, that investment then would pay you more than those two years, would pay you.
Oh, and when you die, your family gets that money. It doesn't it doesn't stay with the state, which the pension does stay with the state. So I think that's what's going on. I think you've gotten confused between the 403 be and your pension and but with your pension, you do not buy years in a pension.
Because it's a poor rate of return and when you die does with you, so you take that same money, put it into an investment, it doesn't die with you.
The money goes to your heirs and it'll make you a better rate of return. It'll make you more than that would have paid in 100 percent of the cases because the pensions are required by law to calculate it a certain way.
So that's how I know this. It's not like they're all different and I just don't understand yours. So it's just they're set up the same way. So sit down with one of the smart Mr. Pros, quick smart vestor on your Dave Ramsey dotcom, and it'll drop down a list of smart vestor pros and they'll show you what I'm talking about and you can get it. They'll even help you understand your state stuff even though they don't make money on it.
I mean, that's so helpful. I worked for the state for a while at a public university and I did that wrong. I did the I did a safety calculation in my head, not in our calculation.
And it was it is safer. Yeah, well, probably assuming the state is running their pension plan well, but it's probably safer in where it is safer than mutual funds. Yeah.
Yeah, but it but I lived in delusion. That's the last job I'm going to have. And I worked there for five years and now I've got money parked and it just gets messy. Right. And you're going to get a little tiny thing from them when you're 65, but not until. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you don't have control over how it's invested for the next 25 years. Exactly. So that's the problem. And.
Yeah, and I think what happens is if you take that job with the state she has or you had, part of what you're after is security armed with that job. One of the one of the values of taking that position is the safety of the job itself. Right. The security of the job itself. And so then you say, OK, that's a person that did that for that reason. Oh, they're going to their retirement the same way.
It's not that unusual to see it all the time. And so what you did is a natural reaction of what you were there for. Right. I'm here for the safety and security. So I'm going to double down on that with my with my retirement side of things, because the pension is one, because almost, you know, 78 percent of the pensions have gone away since 1970. That's I mean, they're not sustainable. They don't they don't last.
And the 401k in the 43 B, which is self-funded, maybe with a company match, maybe not, has completely replaced the pension with the exception of unions and some large corporations and government. All right. But pensions otherwise, with normal medium sized small companies are just gone.
Well, I mean, in my situation, I had a choice to choose, and that's why I chose the wrong one.
And so I should have listened to my to this episode of this show.
I need to go back to the future that a little bit to get you a DeLorean. And that's exactly right.
Oh, I could use a DeLorean now and then. Yeah. Or not. Or know how to spread. I'd have to start over. I'm not starting over. I'm just too painful to get here. Mikovits bad. But starting over is worse for going forward. If you start over you got to go through covid again. I'm going forward. I'm not doing this again. I'm not doing that. And I have to go through. No, I don't even wanna think about those I would go through again.
No, it's a bad idea. I'm just going forward from here. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. There's two words that come to mind as you run a business in today's environment, adapt and communicate, things are constantly changing and as a business owner, you must stay in front of it. That's why I recommend Podium Podium works to help you share up to date information with customers. It's a better way to connect with Web site visitors and collect payments remotely all through text messaging.
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Dr. John Maloney Ramsey personality, is my co-host on the air today here on the Dave Ramsey Show on the debt free stage right here in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions. Marcus and Alexa are with us. Hey, guys. Hey, Dave.
Heyday, were you better than I deserve? Welcome. Where do you guys live?
Lexington, Kentucky. Oh, it's a beautiful area. Welcome to Nashville and here to do a debt free scream.
Yes, sir. How much have you paid off? 30 grand. Cool. How long did this take? About 12 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that time went from 90 to about 140. Cool. Cool. Very good. And what kind of debt was this?
Two car payments and then some medical bills on top of that. OK, cool.
So what happened 12 months ago let you guys up? Well, we got a few as a Christmas gift from our parents when we first got married.
And we. How long ago was that? About two and a half years ago. OK. All right.
So then something happened and made you get it off the shelf. Yeah, we went through it.
And to be honest, we kind of went Dave ish for a while. Ramsey ish, Ramsey ish.
And then we fast forward to about a year ago we were in the middle of building the house and we're like, holy cow, we are in a lot of debt before we start building our house. So we really need to get our finances straight before adding more debt on top of what we have right now. So we powered through the baby steps, started chipping away at our debt snowball, and here we are today.
Wow, that's great. Wow.
Who had the first conversation? Oh, both. Both.
Oh, yeah, it was mutual, but I think I was a little bit more scared than he was kind of like, we're going to be in some big, big trouble, my friend, if we don't get ourselves straight, because we were newly married and we purposely didn't think we had that much debt, to be honest, we thought, you know, normal debt is normal debt.
What is normal? Yeah, normal sucks, but it's normal. Yeah. Yeah. So, well, good for you guys.
So you get in attack mode, you get the Financial Peace University off the shelf, you go to a class or what you do.
It's just the video. OK, all right. So you watch the videos and and that caused you to get get game on and knock out 30 grand. Yeah.
And we listen to podcast about every day too. OK, all right. We had a lot of cheerleaders, especially my parents were like, you really need to do this. Get yourself set up for financial, you know, success because, you know, we wanted to start a family at the same time. And of course, in the middle of our debt snowball, we found out we were going to be parents. Sure.
First, build a house, get out of debt and have a baby. Oh, let's just get it all off the way. All the way at one time. Yeah, all all in one.
I think once our son was born, we just really started attacking it.
Warren, I think we pretty much just reached over and paid it off. Yeah.
Because you've been saving up during that time to get ready for the baby. Yeah.
Way to go guys. So how's it feel.
Feels great. Amazing. Especially since we have another one on the way. Oh there we go. Jamieson's game. Yeah. So when is the house done. Yeah. Is that all right.
So you're in the house. Got the new baby, another baby on the way and you're debt free lives happening.
Yeah. Very fast. This roll is rolling out.
So what do you tell people? The key to getting out of debt is don't delay it. Don't delay. Just go ahead. Knock it out. Mom, keep going. Really stick to a budget. Be self disciplined I think is the biggest thing and have those hard conversations with each other because I think that was what we feared the most is having that first initial conversation of really getting ourselves started from the very beginning.
But it wasn't that bad.
It wasn't that bad. It was pretty easy. She did I think it's hard, but it's not that bad once you actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, once you see your success, it it really gives you motivation to get it done.
Yeah, well, well done, you guys. We're proud of you. I let you go, heroes. You're changing that baby's life. Yeah. Both All right. Very good. All of them. That's right. Very, very cool. It's incredible. Very good. So we got a copy of Chris Hoggins book for you every day. Millionaires', that's the next chapter for you. And you brought baby one with you, right? What's your name?
Baby Henry. Baby Henry.
So he's going to be my son. Henry. What's up, man? He looks ready. He looks ready for a debt free scream. How old is he? Ten months. Ten months. I hope you don't scare him.
Too bad when you laugh.
Yeah, OK, good. All right.
Hey, Dave, you and baby Henry have very similar haircuts. That's pretty cool, man. Yes, no question about it.
Say the back to me, because the only difference is the only difference is he's going to get over it. That's all right.
Marcus Aleksa and. Ed Henry from Lexington, thirty thousand dollars paid off in 12 months, making 90 to 140 down.
Let's hear a debt free scream.
Three, two, one word every. Here is how it was used to a party. That's good, man. Well done. Introduced to mom and dad yelling in the living room. This is. Let's finish out of that. Yeah, I love it.
Hey, our Question of the Day comes from Blind's Dotcom. Find out for yourself why Blind's Dotcom is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping. And with the new promos, oh, they use the promo code. Ramsey, you can even get the best possible deal.
Dr. John, our question today's question comes from Renee in Arizona. She visits Dave Ramsey dot com to ask I'm a single mom. I have three sons, two married. And my third son, Hayden, will be 22 on May 19th, 2020. He's living here at home with me. Hayden graduated in 2016 and attended college for a year, decided this was not for him. He's been working as a server at a local steakhouse now for about three to four years.
How can I help Hayden move forward? He seems to need help figuring out what he really wants to do.
And of course, he needs motivation. My goal is to be a loving, supportive parent, not an enabler. I'd love to get your advice tough single mom.
She tough, tough single mom.
And she's one of these single moms that loves her sons.
Yeah, two older brothers are married. Mm hmm. They're going on their way, baby boys hanging out.
And she loves him, but he doesn't have any problems. He's got a mom who loves him.
He's got a bed, it's warm or Arizona that's got air conditioning. Renee, your baby boy needs some problems.
Your baby boy, you can't you can't give somebody motivation, right, Dave? You can't force somebody to be motivated. You can set up environments where they choose. They self select into motivation and hunger.
That's right. It's called rent. It's called a deadline. It's called honey, I'm a single mom.
I've put in enough time with you three crazy mothers. And it's time for me to live my best crazy Renea life, man.
Hey, man. Hey, man.
I'm such such your mother free son. That's right. That's right. And I bet Haydon's probably a good guy, and I bet Hayden loves his mom, too. He's not a bad guy and it's time for him to. You're not a bad guy.
He doesn't. He just needs a little jolt lately.
Not not a full on cattle prod, but just a little. Oh, just a sock stuck in there for the real like just a little poke across both of his butt cheeks out of the nest.
Get him out of there. Let him fly. And I guarantee you, with a mom like Ronnie Hayden's going to be a general manager at the steakhouse in the next six or eight months. Yeah. And then he's going to be running the place or he'll go back to school.
That's right. Or both. That's right. Yeah. So here's what we do. I'll sarcasm and funny jokes aside and all that.
Sean, I love you too much to let you live here.
So I'm going to work with you. I'm OK with x number of months and months of actual date. Yeah, the end of September.
You are going to be on your own, young man, and so I'm going to help with you, help you with the budget and we're going to look at what I'll help you with here, talking about how you can make some money between now and then and how you can make some money to pay your way around after you get out.
But so you got plenty of offramp here.
It's not like we're tossing you in the street, but we're moving you to a direction. And so this is coming. It's coming. It's coming. And don't just talk about it one time. Talk about it all the time.
And Rene needs to have somebody in her life because as a single mom who's had to fight and scratch and claw to support three sons, she's going to slowly start to feel that emptiness and that loneliness she's got. Now, you got to get a gang. You've got to get a team of people around. You got to get a community getting a good church. And also, I'd get his two big brothers to gang up on him. That's right. Because they're out there being responsive.
Good for you, Renee. Mom of the year. Yeah, you're doing great. Give them an exact deadline and help them to work towards it. That's a loving thing to do. You don't need failure to launch. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Our Scripture of the day, James, one five, if any of you lacking wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to you. Benjamin Franklin said, Tell me and I forget.
Teach me. And I remember involve me and I learn.
Oh, that's the problem with the education system. There it is right there. It's all summed up Darcy's season. Richland, Washington. Hi, Darcy. Welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show.
Hi. What a pleasure to talk to you guys. You too. What's up, though? I just want to start by saying thank you for taking my call and I love your show. I listen to it almost every day when I go running in the mornings. And I really like the addition of Dr. Boloney to the show. You hear his relationship inside and all those good things. So my question is about paying for school. So within the last year, my husband and I have gotten to be four or five and six good.
Which has been amazing since this whole covid thing. I can't even express how much peace that's given us to only have, you know, our house payment. And it's just been amazing. So we decided after years of being home and being an at home mom and working from home as a piano teacher, that it was time for me to go back to school. So I have enrolled and I'm taking some summer classes and I I've already paid for the summer in the fall semester, fall semester here coming up.
And it should just take me until December of next year. So we so we've already canceled those semesters. And I'm pretty sure with like the bonuses and money that we don't depend on, we'll be able to pay for most of next year. But when it comes to that last semester, I was not sure. And then at that time, is it OK to dip into like our emergency fund if it's just for a short time and then, you know, we'll be able to put that money back in once I'm finished?
Or are there other options we should consider to pay for that last semester, like pausing retirement? I would I might pass our 529. I might pass retirement. I don't touch the emergency fund for something that's not an emergency. OK, this is a planned event. It's a purchase. And so it's not an emergency by definition. So if you have to pause retirement and you can't cash flow it, I think, though, based on what you're telling me, you're going to cash flow and not have to do either.
OK, because I think you're looking at the target, you're looking at the target, you're looking at the target, and you're making adjustments in lifestyle and other things to free up cash between now and that last semester way out there. You're going to get there.
Mm hmm. OK, so I just turned 40, just turn 14 like superexcited, so can I tell you cause Darcy, listen, I tell you this because you're going have a lot of obstacles and like they've said, you've got your eye on the target are the target.
My mom took her first community college class at 42. She took a second one the next year, a second one the following semester, and kept slowly going, slowly going.
She got her bachelor's degree. I had a professor say, you know what? Keep going, keep going. And at fifty seven, she graduated with her Ph.D. and now almost knocking on the door 70. She's a department chair of some university in a different city and with a whole other second half of her life because she took the step and she started one class at a time. So I want to encourage you. You've got this, Darsey. You're going to be able to catch it.
Like Dave said, you believe in yourself and go get him, boy, to go.
Great story. Tiffani's in Dallas. Hi, Tiffany. Welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, how are you?
Great. How can we help? So I was calling because I I recently got married or not recently, it'll be a year in November and my husband and I, we were I thought we were on board to follow the plan. I actually went to your class a couple of years ago, and so I was telling my husband about it and she seemed excited initially. But I guess maybe after a few months of the American, we we had a joint bank account and then he decided he wanted to have separate bank accounts.
And in that time when we had a joint bank account, we did pay off a few of our credit cards that we had separately and student loans. And so now we haven't had that conversation or it was just kind of like I'm not sure it was kind of like an abrupt decision. No, he had the conversation.
He just went and did it. Why haven't you said that's not OK? Well, I did, and he just kind of implied that he didn't want to have separate or he just didn't want to have separate. He wanted to have separate accounts. Why? Well, he said he didn't like the way I was spending money and when I brought to his attention that, you know, we paid out student loans, we put off credit cards, debt.
The two of you working together on a budget. No, you weren't. We did a couple. No, you weren't, because you were spending money and he didn't like how you're spending money because you guys didn't have a plan where you're working together.
Yes. Hey, Tiffany, this doesn't feel like a big deal, but I want you to sound every alarm you have.
This is a big deal. The number one cause of divorce in North America, today's money fight, some money problems, Jesus said your treasures where your heart is. He just took his treasure and took it away from you and sent it over to the side and cut you out.
This is dangerous relationship ground.
This is stop the presses. Get somebody that you trust in your life that can sit down with the both of you. And you'd have this conversation like today.
Good or to good pastor, good marriage counselor, somebody to walk you guys through this and you combine your lives for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until the all my worldly goods I pledge. That's the old fashioned marriage vows that no one says anymore. Because of the combining of your lives and the combining of your assets and the combining of your spending decisions causes the combining of your values and forces detailed in-depth communication, and there's a lot of thrashing around going on at your house or he just jerk stuff away and then you stand there looking like a deer in the headlights going, what happened?
Because you were over here overspending or you were spending money and he couldn't control you or some kind of crap is going on here. I don't know what it is, but I smell stink.
Mm hmm. Something's not right. Somebody's heart's not settled at year end, whether it's yours or his or both. But this is a giant red neon flashing light saying danger, danger. And you got to address it soon and address it with a good heart.
If you come in and say, hey, these two knuckleheads on the radio said that you were about to get a divorce. I don't do that.
That's not what we're saying. But we are saying if you don't fix this when you're 30, you know, 10 years from now, this will have gotten much worse.
It's not going to naturally get better systems left to themselves deteriorate unless you put pressure on them to polish and to become. And marriage is a system in that regard. So we I've seen this for 30 years coaching couples. It's a very, very dangerous sign. So, yeah, you guys need to get on the same page. He is either controlling or he's ultimately disgusted with you or both over the handling of money. And you guys need to get on the same page.
So we'll help you guys sit down with a good marriage counselor, get some coaching before this gets worse. It's not a lightweight thing. And then I'll give you Ramsey Plus and you guys get in there and go through.
Go through financial peace university, get on the every dollar budget together and combine your finances and come into agreement every month before the month begins as to where our spending is going to occur. And you both have a vote. He doesn't have the only vote, and neither do you and neither do you. This is called marriage. We're going to work together. We're going to compromise for the good of the couple.
And you surrender yourself. He surrenders himself for the good of the pair. And so what I do when Sharon and I are looking at this, OK, what's good for the two of us? Not what's not, what do I want? And I don't double up my fists and have a fit like a four year old kid on the cereal aisle. It happened yesterday in my house.
I said, hey, let's let's start putting some money in savings here instead of put money over here. My wife said, I don't feel comfortable with that.
What if we split the difference and I trust her and she trusts me and she was wise and I wasn't being unwise. I just had an idea in my head and together we made a good decision and I on the same page moving forward and that's it. This is how it works at this hour that I Ramsey show in the book. So we'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial piece, and that's to walk daily with the principles.
This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. On your smart speaker, you can add, are still by saying, Alexa, open the Ramsey network skill. From there, you can listen to all our shows. Ask Dave money questions like How do I invest my money or what is the debt snowball? Find out more at Dave Ramsey. Dotcom smart money isn't the only thing we talk about around here.
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Hey, it's James, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but check the episode notes for links to products and services you've heard about during this episode. Thanks for listening.