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[00:00:24]

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the car rental studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan and co-host. With me this hour is Dr. John Villone. And I'm going to tell you, we are excited to be with you. We cannot wait to talk to you about the things that are on your mind. Dr. Dulaney is skilled and artful at times in the ways of dealing with feelings and emotions.

[00:00:52]

I don't even know artful means. I don't either. But we're going with it and excited. He seriously has dug in and has spent many years helping people walk through feelings, emotions in difficult situations. And I have spent many years helping people walk through and deal with money situations and decisions in an artful way.

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Well, at times I'm going to say you're an artful man, a very direct way. And so together we are going to be with you and we're excited to talk with you about your questions. So here's what I want you to do. Call us. Kelly is ready to take your call and talk with you. The number to call is Elite eight to five five two two five. Again, that's eight eight eight eight two five five two two five.

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And always you can find us on social media at Ramsey Show. You can find me at Chris Hogan 360 and you can find John at John Dulaney. And so with that, we are ready to dive in and take some questions.

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Now, I always talk about social media questions and always tell you all to send them in. And so I want to make sure we're going to start the show off with a social media question going into this one was directed at Dr. Delonte here. And this one's real. I think we got a lot of people that are out there finding themselves in this situation and not knowing what to do or how to cope. So here's a question drawn from Mariah on Instagram.

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She says, My only child is going away to college. I'm sad, worried, excited, etc.. I'm going to miss my girl. How do I make this transition the best I can?

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I love this question because she captures it all. Sad, worried, excited. Yeah. And what's so many of us do is we default to one of those and we let one of those emotions just take over. And man, Maria is wise enough and loves her daughter enough to feel them all at the same time, which is what happens when you drop your kid off at college for the first time. So I've had this conversation with thousands of parents over the years.

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I'm going to recommend that Maria plan for the next few months, a weekly time for just them to talk. What's going through your mind? Are you excited? What are you nervous about?

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And show her daughter, here's what I'm feeling. I'm going to miss you. I actually like you hanging out at our house. Right? I am so excited for the next step in your life. And I'm going to have to do some new things because I'm going to be leaving me. Right. And it teaches the child that my mom's a person, too, and she's got a heart too.

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And she's got feelings too. And all those things that parents often try to hide from their kids. I love this spined intentional time with your daughter. Maria needs to get some friends that she can hang out with and not dump on her daughter. Right. All of the stuff. Right. Right.

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And I'm going to super recommend that she start considering painting a picture of what life is going to look like after her.

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You mentioned that we can feel all these emotions, but we sit on one. How do you begin to try to sit on the most positive one?

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I don't even know the most positive ones. Always the the right one. OK, I think that we tend to take on an identity. I'm kind of a sad guy. I'm kind of an excited guy. And so I like when I get you have a moment like this or I'm feeling a lot of emotions, I go to my draw of emotions and I put on my glasses that are sad because that's just how I'm just that's just me. I'm an E.R. kind of guy or I'm a super optimistic kind of guy.

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And so I love to encourage people to write them down because it gets them out of your head and you get to actually see I mean, I'm way more excited about my baby girl even then. I'm worried. Yeah, but I'm also really sad.

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And I should be sad because I love my daughter and she's lived with me for 18 years and now she's going off to meet some hairy legged idiot and all the things in between. Right. So I think writing them down and get them out of your head and then deciding, choosing wisely which one you should take on in that moment.

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That's good. And I think it's important to remind ourselves of feeling what you do feel. Don't try to muffle it, you know, to experience that and to look at it. But at the same time, I think looking at it through the lens of your daughter when you can be more excited and encouraged for her than yourself. And I like what you said about finding friends that you can you can talk to. I think men are more apt to isolate minor idiot sometimes because that is.

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Yes, through the feelings. I don't have any feelings. I'm going to go fix the boat. Well, I tell people I have three.

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I'm either happy, mad or about to be mad. Those are my three. And so I have obviously had a chance to speak to some. People that have enlightened me that there are more, but not allegedly the isolation thing, I think is dangerous, and especially I've got a few friends who whose daughters are going off to college and they've actually opened up and they're like, dude, I'm worried or I miss. And I said, man, I appreciate you telling me that, you know, just so it's real.

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And they know that they can talk about what they feel.

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So you got your your boys are all in the mind. Put yourself in that position. You're loading up the suburban to, you know, sitting ducks in one of your boys off and they're going off to Washington somewhere well, which is on the other side of the country from where we are in Nashville. But wrap your head around that for me. What would that feel like?

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Oh, dude, all the I mean, all the things, like Maria said, sad, worried, excited for them that they're kicking off life because I remember that nervous. Are people going to treat them? You know, are they going to have friends? Are they going to get connected? Is that the right place for them? You know, do they feel involved? Are they going to the friends? They're going to make for life? You know, those kinds of things would all be swirling around in my head.

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And not one of those things is something that Chris Hogan can deal with can control, right? That's right. Oh, it's scary.

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I used to laugh so I would I spent years like working in housing at universities. And before I had my own kids, I would hug these dads while they were dropping their kids off in these big old macho dudes who try to out sweat their feelings like they're just carrying refrigerators upstairs, just trying to, you know, snap into a Slim Jim and not feel anything. And I would hug them in the hallway when they finally broke down and I'd be rolling my eyes.

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And then I had Hank, my first son and my only son, my first kid, and I'll never forget dropping him off. And he's like nine months old at like a Tuesday, Thursday school at some local church for like an hour. And I sat in the parking lot and my wife's RAV four ball in my eyes out as though I was shipping them off to war. And I had this total reorientation to what feelings were like, what true love looks like.

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All of it, man. So, Maria, God bless you. Be open with your daughter, get your own community you can connect with and be intentional about feeling all of these feelings that you're going to experience because they're all real, they're all valid. And you're going to you're going to love this transition time and you're going to be sad with it.

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To know that's such a good point. Perspective gives you awareness. Wisdom, right? Yeah. And, you know, it's an opportunity for us to be able to grow forward and be able to push forward. But I think you're absolutely right. It's not meant life is not meant to be done alone. Isolation is dangerous. And regardless. And during this pandemic. Right, I think a lot of people have felt isolated. A lot of people have felt disconnected.

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And so we need to use technology, use FaceTime, Skype, all those things. We don't have to be in proximity to have connection. Right. It's about having a relationship and being open and honest. Do it. Do whatever you have to do right now, even if it's to take second rate connection, whatever you got to do, do it. Break down the barriers, people. Life's not meant to be done alone. This is the Dave Ramsey Show.

[00:08:55]

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[00:09:21]

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Go to Zander Dotcom or call 800 three five six 42, 82.

[00:09:43]

Hello, everyone. You are listening to the Dave Ramsey Show, you have Chris O'Brien and John Boloney. We are co-host on the show this hour and excited to talk with you. As always, we told you to call in and you have done so. And so we're going to go to the phone. We've got Jordan out in Colorado.

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Jordan, how are you doing today? Good.

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Well, it's good to hear your voice. How can we help you?

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OK, so I have followed the baby steps. I you know, you see every dollar budget. I have zero debt. I have my thousand dollar emergency fund. You know, the six months pay. I have eleven thousand dollars in my savings account. All right. And yes. And so I'm putting five hundred a month into savings. And I've been doing that regularly for the past year. But now I'm like, well, since I have all of those like little safety net, I'm like, maybe I should start putting all of that 500 into a low cost index fund or some type of investment strategy rather than just into a plain savings account.

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OK, so you have how much in savings right now? Eleven thousand, OK, and that is your six month emergency fund. No, that's my thousand dollar emergency fund and then six months pay. OK. All right. So I have more. And yes, I make 2000 a month, so. OK. Yes.

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All right. So you're wanting to know what are you saving up for a house? What is your gold?

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Oh, yeah. Eventually I want to buy a house, but I'm just thirty two. I'm living in poverty with my boyfriend. OK, I'm not looking to buy a house right now. I'm not looking to start a family. I'm just looking to get as much money as possible.

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OK. Is your income steady and everything throughout this whole gov't situation. Yes, OK, I work in health care, OK, and I'm good. All right, well, so what's your question?

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My question is five hundred dollars right now. I paid five hundred dollars into my face, OK? And should I instead of putting that into my savings because I make really good in my savings account now, maybe I should put that 500 towards investment.

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OK, are you doing any investing through your job, through your full three B. I am for one. You have a four one K. Are you doing 15 percent there? No, I'm doing seven. OK, so what you would do is you need to get to 15 percent is the key, because that's what we tell people. You get out of debt, you build up the fully funded emergency fund, then you want to be investing 15 percent of your income for the future.

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And so that would be that mindset. Now, the other side of that is, as you're doing this, you said you're not looking to buy a home right now, but you need to think about it. If that's something you're going to be doing, then you look at your income and then you could start to save money. That would be baby step three be or for you at some point saving a home down payment. You would just put that inside of your emergency fund.

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So, you know, you said you're living with your boyfriend. You guys just need to get married and do it official, do it the right way. And then you guys can kind of combine income and start to look at what you're doing and having some plans for yourself. Otherwise, all you're doing is just wasting time and, you know, creating heartache and headache potentially for yourself down the road. So that's what I would do. If I'm in your shoes, get up to 15 percent there, start to save for a home down payment.

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And then now, as you all are starting to move forward, you don't have so you don't have kids or you don't have any desire for a family yet, then you could start to look at potentially investing more. Bottom line. So that's the deal. That's the way you go with that. And that mindset is, again, it helps us to be clear. And John, you know, I talk to people all the time and they'll tell me that they're they're doing the baby steps.

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And I talk with them and they find out they're not they're doing their version. Yeah. Don't Jack with the recipe.

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That man that works. I am a guy that's always got a scheme on the other end of a plan. Right.

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Like, you know, back in high school, coach coaches say run the route. It's 15 yards. Break it off. Come back three. And then I'd get out there and think I just need to run this one to 12. Right. And or at 11, starting to play man.

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Right. Or when I was first paying off debt and getting out of that debt with baby steps.

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I know Dave says to do it in this order, not that he's smarter than me or can do math better than me, but I think I need to do it this way. Just follow it. Yeah, it does. I find other things to worry about.

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Don't you can tweak a recipe from your grandmother if you want to and add more allspice or something, whatever. But but when it comes to this, follow these baby steps. It's helped over seven million people around the country change their family tree and and their whole outlook on money. So has an opportunity to have an impact for you as well. All right. Let's go to Sarah. Sarah's calling us from Minnesota. Sarah, how are you? I'm good, how are you?

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We are focused and not finished. How can we help you today? All right, my husband and I are twenty seven fold and we're a baby, step two, we were introduced to Financial Peace University after my dad took the course in twenty sixteen. OK, my dad inherited the family farm from his dad by assuming all the debt and he had to quit the farming last year and sell some land after years of farming just wasn't enough to clean up the mess that was built for him.

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So my dad is also receiving counseling and medication for depression in the last year. And while he's doing better and he and my mom are working on figuring out what's next, I'm struggling with this guilt that my husband and I are gonna get on a path to be well off. Well, my parents have worked hard for their lifetime and are now having to figure out what they have left to show for it. So I'm just wondering if your doctor don't have any advice on how I'm feeling guilty like like other people deserve this more than what we do.

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Hmm.

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That's a great question. Where does where do you think the guilt comes from? Why aren't you worth a great success? I just feel like after the years that they put in like they deserve it more. Tell me what how would you define the word deserve? Like that they've they've worked hard and they've they've done what they were supposed to do and it just didn't didn't pan out for them. Hmm.

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So I think you're tapping into something that I think. How old are you? Twenty seven, yeah, you're tapping into something that I think is running rampant through folks my age and younger, maybe my age to about 18, which is if I just do A, B, C and D, E f ing will happen.

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And I think all of us have been caught off guard by the pandemic, armed by the stock market falling in half or what all the things that happen, that's just not how life works.

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And what I here's the deal. You've got two choices, Sarah. You can live in that. And I felt that I work a job right now that my granddad could never have imagined that someone in his family lineage would would be would be working. So I can think, man, he really busted it.

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He was a World War Two vet. He did all this cool stuff.

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And then my dad was a detective and then he was a the you can live like that and it will bury you and it will cripple you and it won't solve any of your parents problems. Or you can flip that. And every day you wake up, start the day with the gratitude that says, I'm so grateful that I've got parents that taught me how to grind and whatever they was thrown their way, they got up and they did it again and they did it again and they did it again.

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And I know that sounds simplistic and simple, but it really comes down to a choice you want to carry around that brick of. But we've got this path now and they don't. And that kind of weighs me down. Or you want to put that brick down and just cheer them on for who they are. Sounds like your dad still figuring it out, which is incredible. Good for him, man. I know guys who just lay down for a guy his age to go say, hey, I'm struggling with depression.

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Huge win. A guy saying, hey, you know, we've got to sell part of the farm, huge win. All of these things are telling me that your dad is a go getter. So the guy at the end of the story wins isn't somebody that everything go right for him. It's somebody who kept getting up and kept getting up and kept getting up, you know, and looking at that, too, for her.

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You can hear her love and care. Oh, my gosh.

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Yeah, but but at the same time, I agree it is a mindset of understanding what we have in front of us and how we apply. That's right.

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In the word deserve. We've got to reclaim that a definition of deserve, which is you deserve love and you deserve relationships.

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You don't deserve air conditioning, a roof, all these other things that we think a great car with leather in here, we don't deserve any that stuff. You can work really hard. And if the things lay out for you, great man. That's awesome.

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Go. But we get the choice to continue to push. You can't drive. And when you get knocked down, you get back up, you dust yourself off and you understand that, hey, this is where I'm going. I'm moving forward. Right. And that's why I tell people all the time to ask me how I'm doing. I say I'm focused. I'm not finished. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. People all over the country are discovering a faith based and budget friendly way of meeting health care costs through Christian healthcare ministries, Christian Health Care Ministries, which is a non-profit organization that helps members carry one another's burdens with health care expenses, and they have successfully shared each other's medical bills for nearly 40 years.

[00:19:49]

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[00:20:08]

Welcome back, everyone. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Ogen, co-host. With me this hour is Dr. John Boloney. We're excited to take your calls and we're going to get to the phones. Got Stephanie is on the line in Springfield, Missouri. Stephanie, how are you?

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Hi, guys. Thanks so much for your time.

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Oh, you're welcome. How can we help you today?

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So there's a disagreement between my husband and I. Oh, we're trying to figure this out.

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Yes. We get to be the referee about you. Do you do do we get the final verdict, Stephanie? You do? Oh, yes, I do. He's a social worker, I'm on I'm on team Stephanie go. That's right. It could be your fault, Stephanie. Go ahead, Stephanie.

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Tell us what's what's going on. OK, so background.

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We've been together for 11 years. We've been married for six of those years and we're four years into our marriage. He opened up and told me I made a statement. I didn't know how bad it is. And my parents were fine in the first year and I had scholarships and then I worked the rest of the way. So I graduated at his bill that he thought was 50000 dollars he hadn't been paying on. And I he told me about it two years ago.

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It turned into more than sixty five thousand dollars less. So it's it was pretty insane for the school. We've been blessed to have nine month old baby, that we've had love of our lives and we paid our fifty nine thousand five hundred of that during these past 19 months. Wow, that's great. Thank you. We've been really focused. Yes and yes. Thank you. And we're sad to be out of debt completely by September. And then we're planning on getting up at 15000 and, you know, emergency savings fund a premium, having that going with WARDWELL by January of next year.

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So we're having family come in and we want them to visit and we're asking the Securities and Exchange where for three weeks or a month at a time and our house is a thousand six hundred square feet in one. And it's a lot really. Have people come stay with us for an insurance and really wanting to have open house and he is waiting for us to pay off our house. Have and it's worth about one hundred sixty five thousand. We have paid off and it's now down to about 90000.

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And so we could knock us out and probably have. But I'm really waiting for us to go ahead and work in the next year and summer. So I just wanted to get your advice so you could tell a disagreement between us.

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OK, and so when you talk about moving up in the house, what is your idea kind of square footage, Stephanie?

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So I would like something that about two thousand five hundred three thousand square feet, I would like three or four children. So we have the same idea in terms of Dreamhouse and we're thinking two seventy two, three fifty. But he is so embarrassed how little difference you get out of it in this bill. And so he has all this and he just wants to get a really solid situation and we both want that for some of our family. So we're just trying to figure out what's best.

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Got you.

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And are you both working outside of the home?

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Yes, sir. I'm the director of a non-profit and I also have a small job so identified with him. And he's again, he's a social worker.

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So what's your all's household income? So it's increased when you're paying off debt and everything. It was about 80 percent and now it's up to 90 to 95 for that this year.

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OK, gotcha. Let me go back to something before we get into this. You said family comes to visit for three weeks to a month at a time. Yes, sir. Why do they move in, like why are they there that long? We invite them there in a different state and so we really want to be here for them, for our son and my parents. Teachers Summer. OK. And my mother in law is set to retire in September.

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Can you open the first place for me?

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And she said, OK, your folks are going in and out. So you like them to be able to come stay. And so is this. Are you wanting this home because of the people coming to visit or for you and your family?

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For me and my family, my job mainly is working from home. That's transition to that. And it's like that might be a permanent thing. And I'm working on my dining room table.

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OK, very good. So we got the facts and details. All right, what's your vote? You went with Stephanie right out of the gate.

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So I'm going to back away from my original declaration of team. Stephanie, I'm going to go I'm going to split the split the middle Switzerland style. Here's a couple of things that I would say. Think through and point in you. You said something else that I don't want to gloss over, Stephanie. So if you got a minute, let's park on this call. I want you to to to not miss what I would call an easy math problem here.

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You would be better off financially. Forget your dreams of a huge house and your forever house and having a home office and all that stuff.

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If you just think about renting an Airbnb for a month in Springfield, you're going to pay 500 bucks a month, 750 bucks a month to take a small apartment to take a small condo for that kind of money. So if you think about that once a year or let's say it's a thousand bucks and you spring for the whole thing yourself, you invite your family and you pay for it all, that's going to be significantly cheaper than selling your home and upgrading.

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So I want to take the emotion part out. And this is just for me. Chris is going to actually do the money part here. But that's just I want to get back to a math problem. I also live by this rule to live in the house for the life you live most of the time. And so if you're going to move because you need you work from home and you're going to need a home office, that's one thing, if you like.

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Chris said, if you're moving because your family comes over and stays a long time, that's not a reason to literally double your debt load. Right.

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To take on this giant forever house that, of course, you guys want in all that, but live in the house that you live in most of the time and then you make arrangements. If someone comes and spends a couple of weeks with you, two or three weeks with you. I want to go back to something you mentioned earlier. Your husband sat on this deception for four years.

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Tell me about that. Yeah, he was embarrassed about it, so I don't so I don't care about him being embarrassed. I just I'm asking you, he lied to you for four years.

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He didn't lie to me. He just didn't realize that it had gotten that big because he had looked at it OK. And so that was there's a difference. He's a really honorable, good man. OK, now, OK. And we're Christians. He says he didn't lie to me. There wasn't any deception. It just he wasn't comfortable talking about it. And I used to work at a radio station that actually had the Dave Ramsey show. So I've always been a big Dave Ramsey fan.

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And so I would have figured out, you know, I did when he told me I did. Yeah.

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So I'm going to suggest. I know that's hard for me, Chris, that's hard for me, Stephanie. It's hard for me that you he knows how you think about debt. So I'll give you this.

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He didn't out and out lie to you didn't say, hey, do you owe me money on certain loans? He'd say, no, no, no, no. I need him buried in the backyard. But there is something to be said for had. No, my wife hates debt and she will flip out if she finds out about this. I'm going to be put in this envelope in the drawer right here.

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Here's my thought with this, Stephanie. First of all, I'm going to applaud you all for your intentionality in paying off fifty nine thousand five hundred in debt. It tells me what you all can do, which is awesome, which is phenomenal. You also alluded to that you want to grow your family and you guys right now are in round six hundred square feet. And believe it or not, I'm actually going to step on this, OK? Unlike Switzerland over here to me, I'm actually going to have a spine and give you a decision.

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I think you all could upgrade in house. I think you all getting focused, finishing off the student loan debt. You said this home you owe around 90 to 95. How much do you think it's worth?

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It's worth one hundred and sixty. Five hundred thirty. Right. I think you guys looking and starting to talk about it. I think this is something you could do again, once you have this debt paid off, you are looking to do it. But I don't want you to do it. And I'm not giving you my approval just because family's coming to visit. I'm looking at your overall financial picture going, you know what? You could do this.

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Now, you and your husband are going to have to talk. You guys are going to have to get on the same page to look at what this looks like. And here's the reality. He's still stinging about this student loan debt.

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He's got to put that down and move on this first thing. And he's still hurt. He's embarrassed. He feels like he pulled the family down and set you back. So now what you all have to do is talk and clear the air, be open in real about what it is you're doing. And I want you to make to your decisions. You make a decision today that you look back on in two years and you're glad you made it. And I think you all doing that buried the hatchet, being open and honest.

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You can get this house and you can pay that back way off. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. All right, everyone, you are back listening to the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan and cohosting along with you this hour is Dr. John Boloney, we're having a blast taking your calls, warning you all to reach out. Let us know what's on your mind. You know, in the midst of all of this pandemic and all the things that are going on, financial questions are real, but so are questions about life.

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And what I don't want you to do is to feel isolated. And it's really easy to isolate ourselves, especially us men who won't reach out and talk about the things that are on your brain and on your heart. And so I want to encourage you to break down that barrier and take that step, reach out, have a conversation with someone about the things that are on your mind. Life happens, but you don't have to do life alone. So we're taking your calls and we want to hear from you.

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That number to call is eight eight eight eight two five five two two five. Again, that's triple eight 8255 2005. Kelly standing by and would love to be able to hear you. So. All right. We're getting to the phone lines. We've got Tanya on the line. Hello, this is Chris. Hi, how's it going? Oh, we're doing fantastic, how can we help you today? So I'm in a bit of a dilemma, so I just got a divorce and my ex-husband has a truck, so we're both on and medically we made it to where he is 100 percent responsible for the vehicle.

[00:31:26]

And I know there's no way for me to get out from under the unless he refinances. So the problem is he wants to repossess the truck back to the bank. Oh, so, yeah, that's going to kind of screw me on everything else. And earlier when we first separated, he had mentioned filing for bankruptcy. Mm hmm. So I guess I'm OK.

[00:31:50]

You have the divorce decree that says he's responsible for the truck wrecked. Yes. OK, so what I want you to do is to take that and I want you to go reach out to wherever it was financed and get on the phone with them, provide them a copy of that so they can make the notation on the account. OK, so I know I did that earlier today.

[00:32:12]

I, I actually did. I called that bank earlier today and I told them and the girl told me that basically they can still come after me if anything he doesn't.

[00:32:22]

OK, and then if you want to thank her for her customer service, standard response. Now what we're going to do is ramp this bad boy up, OK? I'm a former banker, so we're not going to make a phone call. We're probably going to the bank to sit down with the branch manager. OK, OK. And if that doesn't get through, then you're going to get to the district manager or the regional vice president. The deal is is a on the loan in itself.

[00:32:47]

You guys are both on it, but helping them to understand the liability side through the divorce, a legal process, he is responsible for this loan so they can notate it and they can actually even put it to where it doesn't report negatively to you. All right. And so to prevent you from having to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of your ex, who knows you're on there. This is a way to get to you, to get you upset.

[00:33:13]

I want you to remove your emotional buttons. I wouldn't communicate about the truck to him whatsoever. All I'm going to do is save my energy. I'm going to communicate with the bank. I'm going to send them a certified letter with delivery confirmation. Once you have this conversation, I'm going to take notes as I'm talking about it, the name of the person I'm talking about. And then I want you to follow up on it to see what happens, OK?

[00:33:36]

OK, and it's irritating, I'm telling you. But in this situation, unfortunately, and if we're there, credit cards you all had jointly together as well. Oh, yes, yes, there is, too. So there's two credit cards that we have together. Who was responsible for those debts based on the books?

[00:33:55]

I've been looking for Dave Ramsey. Yes, I've been listening to Dave Ramsey for over a year. So I've been trying to you know, I've been working on the baby steps. And every time I would move on to baby step number two and start paying down a credit card, he would just back to back out again. Yeah.

[00:34:11]

How much is owed in credit card debt? On my side or his side total right now in total. I honestly couldn't even tell you how many credit cards he kept me in the dark about all the financial stuff. Right. So I'm just now having to learn everything myself. And it starts getting frustrating because I've been dealing with the banks of begun with, you know, I find these phone calls trying to figure out all this information that I was kept in the dark about.

[00:34:40]

Well, and listen to me. It's going to be a part time job for you. You need to pull your credit report. You need to try merge one out of the credit repositories out there. There are three of them. There's Experian, TransUnion, as well as Equifax. You need to pull a try merge copy of your credit report so you can see exactly what's on there and what's owed. And based on the divorce decree, who's responsible for what inside of those debts, that's going to be important.

[00:35:05]

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to get you connected. Kelley is going to get your information. We're going to get you connected with one of our financial coaches. And they I train them in walking through situations like this so they'll be able to sit with you and help you navigate this. It's irritating and frustrating, but it's going to be a necessity that you make this a priority. And remember what I said about these emotional buttons based on the divorce decree, whoever's responsible for what.

[00:35:30]

That's what has to happen. But, you know, I think, you know, in this situation, Tawnia, for you to realize right now, it's irritating and frustrating, but you're going to get through this and you're going to be able to move forward now faster through these baby steps because you don't have that anchor around you, the person that's trying to go in reverse when you're trying to go forward, you get a chance to pursue your dreams on your terms.

[00:35:52]

So I want to encourage and Dr. Drew, I want you to speak to this. We got to let go of the victim thinking, OK, what's done in the past is in the past, I tell people the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield, baby. And you can glance back in that rearview mirror. But I want you to focus forward because what's ahead of you is better than what's behind you.

[00:36:09]

I, as a general rule of life, talk too much. But that's the best answer I've ever heard. So I'm not even going to say anything. Christopher, that was part banker, part marriage and family therapist, part attorney, know all of it.

[00:36:23]

Well, I think you are not normally so concise and wise in one quick moment, but you're exactly right. The thing that you said is she needs to hear is in that short phone call, she mentioned things that her ex did several times. Yeah. That's got to stop because she can't carry that stuff. It is what it is. And now she can decide to move forward. And it sucks, man. It's heavy and it's annoying. And she's going to pull that credit report, dude, and that's going to be that's going to be devastating.

[00:36:50]

She sees all that nonsense. Obviously, we noticed it's can be awful.

[00:36:54]

And then she's going to get with a with a coach. She's going to get a game plan and then she's going to go forward, let all that nonsense go on. I know that sounds crazy, but Christopher, you keep working at this. You're going to get this radio thing. You're going to get it down, my friend.

[00:37:07]

Well, I got the face of radio, so I think I'm going to be all right. But but no, you're right. I like what you said about put it down. And that's amazing because each day we decide what we're going to pick up and how much crap do I wake up every morning?

[00:37:19]

I just start picking it up, start grabbing, driving, get out of bed. It's exactly right. Do you ever watch the movie Frozen? Oh, yeah. All right. I got a four year old daughter and my youngest son. I saw it so many times in the song, Let It Go and I'll never forget I was watching it the seventy second time I watched it so much, I was humming it one day. Oh man. One of my buddies who played football at Alabama, he goes, Dude, are you humming frozen without blinking.

[00:37:39]

I said, Dude, did you recognize him? Right, first and foremost. But but here was the deal. These Disney movies have adult themes.

[00:37:47]

Let it go. And there's so much that I feel like we hold on to regret bad mistakes. The thing you didn't do in ninety eight or whatever X, Y and Z that we get to make a decision to let some of that stuff go, put it down, put it down and grab the things that matter for you. Put it down. If we would open our eyes every morning and just give a quick prayer that we're on the wake up list again.

[00:38:11]

Right. Do a quick run through of the things we're grateful for and then before our feet touch the floor, if we just thought what stuff I'm not going to carry today, now I'm going to carry the fact that, you know, I did this in high school, that me and my wife had a fight two weeks ago, that I didn't talk to my son in a way that I thought I should talk to him last night. Going to get up today.

[00:38:29]

I'm going to be whole. I'm the go get today.

[00:38:31]

Let it go. I like that. Speaking of letting it go, I want you to let go of the fear you have about talking to someone about your financial future. You have fear. You think they're going to judge me on what I didn't do or I should have done more. And I don't. I'm hesitant. I want you to get real for a minute. You know, a lot of you are close to baby step four and you're freaking out because you're not, you know, the fifteen percent you need, isn't there?

[00:38:52]

Or maybe you haven't done enough. It's OK to have questions. I just want you to start investing. The trick is, is to work with an investment professional like a smart Vesterbro. They can answer all your questions in plain English, not some industry jargon where you feel like they're talking about you instead of to you. Because when it comes to investing, you need to know where you're investing in, what you're investing in. And the smart Vesterbro can help you go to Dave Ramsey Dotcom slash Smart Vestor and start building wealth today.

[00:39:19]

Listen, this hour is in the books and. I want to thank a producer, Zach Bennett, standing in, I want to thank Kelly Daniel, I want to thank all of you America for tuning in to the show. It's Dr. B, you did a great job today, and you, too, cross it out with you. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show.

[00:39:52]

This episode is over. And if you heard about an event, product or service, it didn't have a chance to write it down. Don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast. Show that or head to Dave Ramsey, dot com. Thanks for listening. Hey, if you've got questions about retirement investing or becoming an everyday millionaire, go bigger and broader with my man Chris Hogan on the Chris Hogan Show. I am excited to be able to talk to you all week in and week out.

[00:40:19]

We're going to focus on your calls and it's going to focus on building wealth investing and how to become an everyday millionaire. Subscribed to the Chris Hogan Show wherever you listen to podcast.

[00:40:30]

Hey, it's James, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but check the episode notes for links to products and services you've heard about during this episode. Thanks for listening.