Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollars Car Rental Studios. It's the Dave Ramsey Show where dad is dumb. Cash is king in the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host.
My co-host today here on the show, Dr. John Boloney, Ramsey personality, open phones, a triple eight eight two five five two two five.
That's Triple eight eight two five five two two five.
Kevin in Los Angeles is going to start this hour off. Hey, Kevin, how are you?
Hey, Dave. Hey, John. How are you guys today? Great, man. How can we help? Yes, so my question is, so my parents are trying to pressure my my new CEO, I'm saying to purchase a house, we just recently signed a two year lease for an apartment here in Los Angeles. Collectively, we make about one hundred sixty thousand no debt. And we're trying to pressure us to buy some sort of townhouse here in L.A. about five hundred to six hundred thousand with each weighs about four hundred a month.
And we're just baffled as how we're supposed to afford this. And we're just kind of going back and forth that we like to rent out our lease of two years and pile up some money and just look at a situation that. OK, so when are you getting married? I really probably at the end of the year. So set a date. And when you're married. The two of you, there's an old fashioned biblical phrase. OK, that a lady, when she leaves her father's household, a gentleman when he leaves his mommy's household, is supposed to leave.
The household and Cleeve. To their new spouse, Kleve, an old English word, right? And you gather what that means that the two of you now are a household when you're married, right? And then that means, John, that their parents, you're your parents don't get a vote man alone.
I just it's it's it's it's incredible to me.
And I do it, too, on how many people we let speaking to our lives to give us insight and opinions on things that just they don't know about them.
Or I was taking a poll. That's that's right.
So, yeah, they don't get a vote and they don't get a vote if you're making one hundred sixty grand. How old are you.
I am twenty nine and she's twenty six. So you're like grown people are killing it. Yeah. Go get married this weekend man. Y'all are killing it and you're playing house.
Just go get married. You're already there. You all signed a two year lease. You're committed to this deal. Have a good corona wedding that'll save you guys about fifty thousand dollars and you can blame it on the on the pandemic by on John Deloney. Blame it on some hack on the radio dcl.
It's right in what. Clearly you guys are good. You'll know what you're doing, you make great money, your good employees.
And so, and then it just says Mom and Dad, thanks for your input. We love you. We appreciate that you love us. And I know you mean well, but that's not our plan right now. Our plan is we're going to for a little while and pile up some cash. And that's what we want to do. And, you know, you're welcome to come over for dinner, though.
That's right. And 500 grand for a 600 grand for a town home. So not Texas real estate head, that's about 500 acres. I mean, listen, you said three times pressure us. Hmm, you said three times pressure us and so just be released from the pressure, they don't get a vote. I mean, any more than you're walking down the street and a stranger walks up and goes, hey, buy a townhouse.
You know, it's like. Right. You know, you just don't you know, you don't get a vote. You know what? If I told you to, but I don't get a vote. I get to give input because you asked. But I mean I mean, what if you just picked up the phone and there was a guy on the other end said, buy a townhouse?
You know, no, I'm not doing that, you know? So Mom and Dad love you.
And they mean well, and that's where that's how they get a footing to place pressure. But they are getting ready to learn a new skill. And it's called being parents to adults. And it is a very difficult skill to learn.
Believe me, I know I have three wonderfully functional adult kids with wonderfully functional households and spouses, and I spend an amazing amount of my personal emotional energy not interfering in their lives.
And I know that they probably spend a lot of emotional energy trying to appreciate that, trying to navigate that.
So, Kevin, you're going to be married soon if you and your new wife can come up with ways to honor your mom, honor your dad, honor her, your your wife's parents, and at the same time establish those boundaries moving forward. This is going to show up at Thanksgiving, this kind of stuff as well. Of course, you are going to be here for Christmas. Right. And maybe y'all aren't maybe going on a trip somewhere. It is.
Will this will play out for the rest of your relationship. So start now honoring the people, putting input into your life that you don't really want or ask for or don't think is wise. Love them because they're trying to love you and then get together with your with your soon to be new wife and you'll make decisions on your own and move forward.
You know, you take a deep breath, you smile. And you say, I love you. Thank you for caring about me. I appreciate your input, but we're going to do this because this is what we've already decided. That's right.
And thank you, though. We're going to sit put for a couple of years. You know, you don't have to be mean about it.
You don't have to cause a fight.
You don't have to go. You don't have any right to speak in my life. You don't have to do that or you get to just say, no, we're good, thanks.
I'm removing the voting booth.
That's right. And maybe say I'm going to pile of cash. And so in two years, I'm going to have a couple hundred grand to put down on something cooler than a town so they don't get to tell you who to vote for president either.
Who are parents like to pitch in on that one man.
They don't get to tell you how to cook his favorite recipe. They don't they don't challenge dangerous. That one is real dangerous.
When he was a little boy, he liked it made this way. My parents death.
My parents tell a great story about mom really tried to learn the special dish.
Oh, well, for my own happens in every household, you know that. Oh, man. And after the first they got married, she was like, oh God, what are you doing? Because he went from his mom's house to my mom's house. And man, they it was a good conversation they had.
Yeah. Let's talk about meals together. It's it's that that's. Yeah.
So just these are called boundaries. If you really struggle with it, pick up Dr. Henry Clouts Book Boundaries. It is the quintessential book on the subject and you will read it and smile while you're reading it.
You go, oh I know these people there. Everyone, some of them are toxic. Most of them. Meanwhile, though, most of them meanwell. Yeah. And it's just learning to say, you know, we're not going to do that this time at Thanksgiving.
And, you know, I invite my sons in law to do stuff with me from time to time. Sometimes they do it, sometimes they don't write. And, you know, they just get to decide it just instead of me telling them what to do.
You know, in moms and dads out there, we're used to telling them what to do. That's right. And it was easier when we just told them what to do when I was physically bigger than them. Right. And they had to do what I said, right? That's right.
I want to impress all moms and dads out there. Ask permission. Guy, can I talk to you? Your recommendation about real estate, invite yourself into the conversation. It will make boundary development for your kids as they're entering into their new adulthood. You know what I did that I didn't even realize I did it like the kids building a house. That's a gift. And I just said, you know, I got an idea. Did you mind if I tell you I do instead of just going, you know, to put that over there.
That is such a gift. Aw, what a gift. I don't even mean to. I'm proud of myself. Hey, if you keep working on it, Dave, you're going to get there. Maybe I'll get there, ask the kids. They'll tell you the truth. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. No matter what time of year it is, focusing on your family's financial plan is always a smart move. I get questions all the time about where to start and what to do first.
Getting term life insurance needs to be a top priority. I recommend 10 to 12 times your income and lock in rates for 15 or 20 years. This gives you plenty of time to get out of debt and build wealth. I've been recommending Zander Insurance for over 20 years. They understand and live this strategy and will take the time to help you find the most affordable term life rates. Go to Zander Dotcom or call 800 three five six 42, 82.
Dr. John Delany, my co-host today here on the Dave Ramsey Show, Open phones and triple eight, eight to five five, two to five for dealing with the sickest year in my lifetime. 20/20, where the year where you learn that maybe you weren't essential. That's that's.
Can you imagine how damaging is that? Mike Rowe was talking about that when he was here.
Yeah. You know, there's just the occasional line. Somebody drops and it just it just wormholes in my brain. And when Mike Rowe is here a few weeks ago and he mentioned that we just hold 300 million people in the United States, you know what? Y'all just stay home. You're not essential. I just the mental health person and me just it was just a neon sign. It was a big bell that I couldn't run here.
We don't need you. We don't need, you know, value. Stay out of synch. We'll call you.
Man, we are made to work, but more importantly, we are purpose driven beings. That's just what we do. And when somebody just looks you in the eye, when your government looks you in the eye. Let me just tell you says you're not important.
Ramsey Solutions thinks you're essential. That's why we're still here doing this show. It's exactly right. We think your marriage and your wealth building and your kiddos and your career and your mental health is essential. And that's why we're here, because we think you're amazing. We love people.
We even love those of you a little crazy and some of your little crazy.
I just tell you, I get some emails.
Some of y'all are are awesome, some of them a little crazy, but all the way up to big crazy.
But most people are just going to overwhelm. Everybody's got you world. You're essential. Yes. Yes, you're essential.
So I did figure out, though, as an employer and our people working from home or our people sheltering at home or our people whatever, and talking to some of our government officials, they they said, well, we thought you guys were essential. And after talking around a little bit, I kind of figured out what the essential industries were. Hmm. It's a fairly easy idea was that you just decide you are nuts because nobody had a real definition that.
But that works in our individual lives.
Right, without essential. Screw it. I am worth being respected in this relationship. I am worth dignity at my job now.
I mean, honestly, they don't have a definition. Wow. They didn't have one, huh. I mean, so you know what is essential, I decided I am so so everyone, it's you you're all essential, right?
You just decide you are decide your essential service or decide you're not. And stay home if you want. But that's OK.
There's always a place for people who want to wear their bathing suits and eat Cheetos and just call it cash it in.
And you know what I mean. All have more dignity than that. You're worth something. You're worth something. That said, I could rant on that all day.
Our Question of the Day comes from Blond's Dotcom. Find out for yourself why Blind's Dotcom is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping. With the new promos that run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code, Ramsey, and you'll get the best deal. It's like a magic word. A question, John. Yeah, here we go.
So today's question comes from Jamie in Pennsylvania. She visits Dave Ramsey dot com to ask My boyfriend and I are looking into getting married in the next year or so. He has two children, ages four and seven from a previous marriage and split custody with no child support or alimony. We both have debt and healthy savings. What are the benefits of getting married? Would you suggest a prenup so that I protect myself prior to getting married?
We would like to have a child of our own.
God willing, I love his children, but feel that I should not be financially responsible for them. Who? Jamie, there's a lot here. A lot of this might be better in a in a more long form called love to ask some follow up questions here.
Dave, what do you think?
Oh, hi. This is your sister. I'll I'll jump in. Believe me, I have an opinion, but you go ahead. I do too. I don't think you are ready to get married. I think you're having some this idea that I love his children, but I'm not going to be financially responsible for them. When you join somebody in marriage and they already have kids, you are joining a family, you are joining those kids. And I know that those two kids have a mom, but they are also getting you right.
So you're going to be a stepparent, you're going to be involved in the raising of these young kids. You're going to be involved in the paying for them to get clothes and food. That's what marriage is, is a joining of incomes, the joining of homes, the joining of values, the joining of home raising.
So when your family can say, I might suggest that he get a prenup to protect his kids, but again, those that takes deeper questions about finances and money where people are at.
But the benefits of getting married as you get to do life with a partner, you get to do life anchored in.
I know that come what may, they're going to be there.
And so there's some there's just some red flags in this question that make me think you're not there yet.
The old Book of Common Prayer says, In sickness and in health for richer, for poorer, until the all my worldly goods I pledge unless you have extreme wealth and you don't. No prenup. If you love your little life and your little money and your little independence more than you love him, don't get married. If you're not willing to take his kids on as if they're yours, don't get married. You're not ready for marriage. You're not ready because you still value your stuff more than the relationship and until you're ready to put the relationship with him, the kids, his mother, his father, his crazy uncle and his broke down car all on your shoulders and carry them.
Then you're not ready for marriage, right, and especially if you feel like you're going to come into this house and the kids aren't going to have access to your money, just that language and of itself, you're not ready to get married.
Yeah, exactly. You got to be all in. All in, all in.
And by the way, it's not test driving the car to shake up. Because you're not all in and it's not going to fix these exact issues, and so you date and you maintain a separate household and you have quality relationships and you grow in the relationship to the point that.
Being with him and being married is more important than any other single goal you have, and they all become subordinate to that man or woman whom you, if you do not make your other goals subordinate to, meaning that we're going to agree on doing these things together.
And the only possible way that the man you love more than life itself is going to have a good life result of his kids to.
And so you're taking them on? I think this is worth pointing out, I love where you're headed with this, his responsibility. We'll be to those two kids and for somebody to try to wedge their way between, no, you come out and help. That's exactly right. Not become an additional problem. Right. Or an additional burden or an additional responsibility, because these kids are already going through enough.
They are already going to go through guilt. They're going to go through loyalty issues. They're going to go through what did I do to make mom and dad split up this vacuum of joy and attention in that house? They're going to take that on. That's a four and seven year olds do.
And for somebody else to show up and say, hey, I love you guys, this is not so much. Not so much. Come on, man. I love you, but not so much. You're not there yet. You're not there. You can be. I can be. But you need a heart change.
I make forty six thousand dollars a year and I need a prenup. No, you know, you don't you don't have anything to prenup.
When do you recommend a prenup, Dave, where there's extreme wealth on one side and not on the other.
OK, so let's say that you're marrying someone that has ten million dollars and you have forty thousand dollars. OK, I would put a prenup in place because not necessarily because of the couple.
I do I do really in-depth, detailed pre marriage counseling because you're going to face some unusual challenges, some different tensions and that exactly.
No. One. But the reason for the prenup is it's not the couple that I've run into as a financial coach that's been the problem. It's extended family.
Right. And that's I like them only for wealth and kids. Right.
To protect your extended family is. No, I mean, it's like his mother's a nutcase and you cannot keep her out of the discussion unless there's a prenup. Right. And so what it does is it just backs everybody off in your crazy cousin thinks you just got rich because you married the guy with ten million dollars. That's right. And that kind of stuff. So crazy. And he shows up with his dadgum RVO, you know, Cousin Eddie, right?
Cousin Eddie. That's so. And that's, you know, the American millionaire are here, you know.
Right. And so, you know, that's the stuff that happens. But when you got a prenup, you go, oh, it just backs off the crazy. And it's really helpful with that. And it's very, very important that you take the time. But we're just folks have fairly even typical finances. You don't need a prenup. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Most home security companies try and trap you with high prices, tricky contracts and lousy customer support, simply safe, on the other hand, has everything you need to protect your home.
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Dr. John Deloney Premji personality and my co-host today here on the air, Matt and Samantha are with us in Albuquerque, New Mexico, for a debt free scream. What's up, guys?
Hey, Dave. Good to be here. How are you? How much you paid off? We're great.
So we paid off about 100000 dollars in 14 months, making between 70 and 165. Love it.
What do you guys do for a living? I'm an engineer.
I'm an attorney. So who got the job? Because you went from 70 to 165, one of you was unemployed. So, yeah, it started we kind of started right when Sam graduated from law school. And so she wasn't working at the time. And then she got a job shortly after she graduated.
So got a lawyer and a what you did. I'm an engineer. Oh my gosh. Two two professional studs. Right to go you guys. So grand. I'm guessing there had to be a little bit of student loan debt in that it was all of my debt.
I dragged us down. Oh, yeah. Now you're lifting this out. Oh, you're lifting us out longer.
Well, yeah, we we actually started our journey right around the time Sam graduated. And I don't know if you could see the picture of her on graduation day. I graduated from graduate school, so she was seven months pregnant in that picture. And then two months later, about the time when she was due, she had to take her bar exam. And so she gave birth to our first child the exact same week as heard to date. You know, her biggest exam of her life, basically.
No, no. No pressure, Sam.
No, rather. Wow.
So you're you passed the bar and then you have a baby the next week. Yeah, no, no, no.
I gave birth and then I went and passed the bar. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that works for us. Good. Wow. Amazing. Which law school do you go to?
The University of New Mexico. There you go. Good for you. Look at that little baby. Thank you. So little boy. Little girl. Both girls are well, our first star is a girl. And then we have a second daughter along the way as well.
OK, beautiful. Oh, there they are. Another picture I'm looking at the pictures on YouTube. They're popping up so beautiful. Wow.
Yeah, she's cute. Well done, Matt. You did all right for yourself.
I sure did. I liked how long you guys been married.
So we've been married about three years. And we got married in school with basically just internships and, you know, kind of just trusted God and went from there and, you know, things started to work out once. We really committed to the process and the right plan that we know that you've been teaching. So, yeah. Thank you for all your help along the way.
Yeah. Oh, very cool. We're honored to be part of a power couple like you, too, man. You're incredible. Way to go, hero.
And so fourteen months ago was when Sam is that when you pass the bar and had the baby.
So I've been practicing for a year and a half. I had an interruption because I actually was in a car accident. I'm pretty major car accident that left me out of work with a brain injury and didn't think that I'd ever be able to work again like we were still in debt. We still had a mountain of debt and it looked like we were just going to be paying it off for nothing. And fortunately, I was able to find the right doctor to treat me.
And I was able to finally, after several months of being unemployed, find another job. And then from there, we we were able to get back into the the plan. But what's even more crazy about this story is that like the same week that I got into the car accident was a couple of days before we paid off the thirty thirty seven thousand dollars of debt that we had. We had money saved and we just decided to finally commit to your plan and just do it full force.
So we paid thirty seven thousand dollars off and then a couple of days later, a car accident and we only had a thousand dollars in our emergency fund.
I mean, when you pull that around and we pulled it off, it was amazing. It was a huge leap of faith, but it was a really good exercise in trusting in God. Hey, man.
Hey, man. Well, yeah, because it doesn't matter whether you have 10000 or a thousand. At the end of the day, he has more.
Exactly. To any law firm in the five or five who needs somebody that can study for the bar and grow a human. And then did that give birth to the human and pass the bar, have a TBI and then shake it off and go back? Anyone who wants a rock star lawyer, I know somebody you can give us a call, but you can be a litigator.
I don't think they want to take you on in court. You are never going to see the inside of a courtroom, Samantha. They're going to settle every time.
Wow. Your reputation.
So what's the key to getting out of debt in fourteen months? What do you tell people when they hear this story and hear you guys did this?
I would say that pretty much the biggest thing is you really have to have a. That shift about how you think about money and how you think about your career and life, you know, when I think, you know, early on we had this idea that money is a tool to be used for good. And it's not just something that we buy what we want with it. It's it's really something that it is important and it's worth focusing on and it's worth setting goals with so you can, you know, live and give generously and really make an impact on the world around you and throughout our 14 month journey.
We never stopped giving either. And I think that was one of the things that kept us going as we felt like, you know, the more money we make, the more money we can give to causes that we really care about. And so that was, you know, really fulfilling along the way. And now that we're out of debt, we know that we can do that even more so and have an even greater impact.
I mean, you're in a position for outrageous generosity now. Very well done. How'd you guys get connected to us?
I found you on YouTube, actually. And then I. I kind of thought you were some, you know, unheard of kind of radio show. And then I told my dad about you guys and he was like, oh, yeah, I've got a bunch of his books and here's the CD. And so then we just start going full force in the U.S.. But you discovered us. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, the time that we were doing as we were watching these YouTube videos and watching other people do their debrie screams and that kept us so motivated because we were like, one day we will be them and here we are.
And now you are so proud of you guys. Very, very well done. You are so positioned to be to be world changers, not only for those two little girls, but for everybody around you. You have lived like no one else. And now you can live and give like no one else. Very proud of you guys. Well done. He thank you.
Got a copy of Chris Hoggins book for you. Every millionaires, without a doubt, that is your destiny and you'll be in a position to manage that for the good of the kingdom.
Brother. Well done. Very well done.
All right, Matt and Samantha, Albuquerque, New Mexico. One hundred thousand paid off. Quite a journey. They did it in fourteen months. Make it seventy eight up to one six five. Count it down. Let's hear a debt free scream.
Get ready. Three, three, two, one. Wake up three.
And that is how it's done, ladies and gentlemen.
Wow, how can you possibly have an excuse after listening to a story like that, if you are sitting in your car or you're mowing the lawn and you have your headphones in and you've been thinking about this for a minute, but I don't know, I don't have my stuff together or she's never going to get on board.
Yeah, they grew a child, had a traumatic brain injury, passed the bar and never gave up. They never gave up.
So you threw those initials out like it's a thing like TBI's, a thing, a traumatic brain injury. That's what you call it. That's right. OK, sorry about that. That's OK. Yeah. You just survived the TBI and what the traumatic brain injury you are.
Yeah. So it's a yeah I get it.
I mean I get what it means. I just didn't, I didn't know it was like a set initial that you're not sure you know that. OK, so I'll just learn something.
The I just I hope that those type of messages resonate through people's hearts and minds and souls when they're just wondering, could we do this?
The answer is yes. I don't care what your situation is going to have hiccups.
You're going to have speed bumps. You're going to have barriers as you go through your debt for your journey, as you go through your wealth building journey, as you go through your life, you're going to have them.
So don't be shocked. Don't be shocked. Don't pretend they're not going to happen. They're 100 percent sure they don't go.
Oh, well, that means you don't know. That means you are on track. It's exactly just got to climb over the fence. You've got to go past the speed bump. You got to bust through the barrier and maybe big. It might be little, but they're going to be there. And that's why your communities for don't be shocked me shocked. You're going to be there.
This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Dr. John Boloney Ramshaw personality, my co-host today, triple eight eight two five five two two five is the number. If you ever get to the end of the month and you have no idea where your money went, it's because you're not listening to the plan, what you pay attention to, you win it. You're not going to win. It's something you don't pay attention to or you don't focus on money. The same thing, the way you pay attention to money is called a budget.
And you have to tell your money what to do or it will leave and go to someone else. And then you'll go, oh, those people are winning. They're winning because they told their money what to do. You give every dollar a job, every dollar a name on a budget, every single month. The best way to do this is our new Ramsey plus membership. It gives you all of our best money products, including the premium version of the budgeting app, every dollar.
And that's where you make your budget, track your spending and clearly see where all your money's going connects to your bank. Your spouse can connect. Everybody's on the same page.
We're working what's known as a plan and no one plans to fail.
Lots of people fail to plan, you can get a free trial of Ramsey, plus today, never again wonder where your money is going.
Never again. You work too hard for it. Start your free trial. Text the word begin to thirty three 789 text book in two three three seven, eight, nine. This is the day Ramsey Show.
Jason is with us. Jason's in Fort Worth. Welcome to the show, Jason.
Hey, how are you doing with Ramsey Malony? Better than we deserve. Sure. How can we help? And I can talk to you guys.
OK, so my dilemma here is less about you. The year last year, I mean, my wife purchased our first home. We did it the wrong way, all the wrong ways after discovering you had discovered it. So I'm looking for what they do. We bought the house, you would say, on the wrong side of the tracks. The wife wants to get out. I'm with her. But we just trying to figure out the plan, how to go about it.
Do we sell Saab or are written plans so far? Is she finished nursing school? And I'd say about four years she'll be stable in a job. We kind to have a good amount of money saved up to to put down for a house the correct way. So I'm kind of see what would what would you do in this situation?
I hear some panic, almost urgency in your voice. What's that from?
Is it just because you're nervous as heck? OK. All right. I'm on the radio here and I've got somebody on the wrong side of that track has a hatchet to you or something.
OK, so the first thing is, are you safe?
Is your wife safe there?
Yes, we have a handle issues. OK, then the second thing is the second thing is, is the neighborhood going down fast enough that if you stay there are a couple of years you're going to have trouble getting out?
So far, rent, it's actually booming like it. OK, because there's some of the more than what I would ever pay for. Great.
We'll sit tight. So, yeah, work your plan and when you hit some of your other goals and you want to move up and out, then do it.
And of course, I didn't mention this, but can I ask Dr. John a quick question? Sure. Can you help me out? So why don't you join this team I've listened to every day? Pretty much. I think my question is, how do you deal with. So I come from an addiction household, so I'm trying to say I'm going to do a lot of things as a kid. I have kids now myself, and a situation happened where, I don't know, I've separated my family from my mom, but obviously is still in the addiction process and I don't ever see it changing.
It just kind of it hurt in an emotional way because growing up with our grandparents, I kind of see my own kid going through it. And it's I'm like a part of me wants to be like, hey, you can come see him, you know, supervise. The then part of me is like, man, you and break your heart because, you know, my car's been broken before, so by her. So I'm trying to see if it is a good just to be firm and strong and, you know, kind of.
Yeah. You take that on you.
I mean, you're wrestling with the fantasy of the the Thanksgiving dinner with grandma and granddad and the kids running around and the fireplace going, and that's not in the cards for you or it's not in the cards for you unless your mom decides to make some pretty radical life changes which have happened.
They're hard addictions, tough, especially when you're older.
But the reality is you got one job that's to protect your kids, that's to protect your kids in lieu of the fantasy that you hold on to. And dude, I hold on to fantasies like that all the time. I wish, you know, my house would look like this and the cars look like that. We all have fantasies that we walk around with. Your number one job is to protect your kids.
And so your instincts are right. Your your gut is right. And, man, I just want to applaud you for making a hard right turn after the childhood you endured and saying no more, no more, no more and not for me in my house.
And so and that's I can't even tell you how proud of you I am.
Jason, you're a saint, a blessing. And you're going to raise different kids, man.
You're good, man. Good for you. Changing you are changing your family tree. Yeah, I am.
I am. Because you guys. So here's the thing.
It takes a lot of strength to be gentle and that includes even to your mom. And so but being gentle does not mean that she has enough access to them to bring damage in any way.
I don't know if you have to cut off 100 percent access or not. That's something you might talk through with your pastor or with your coach or counselor or something like that, depending on how extreme and what she's dealing with and so forth. We certainly cannot have the children harmed in any way, emotionally, certainly not physically. And so but 100 percent cut off, you know, may or may not be necessary.
That's up to you guys. But you're definitely going to have to limit it, which you've already done.
And the thing is that this is not the way it's supposed to be supposed to be the other way.
With the Thanksgiving dinner and the fireplace and the show, there's not ever going to be a moment in your life where you don't wish that it wasn't the way it's supposed to be.
It's just not right. It's supposed to be the other way. And if it doesn't ever make you cry, if it doesn't ever make you feel bad at times, then you're probably in trouble because it should. Yeah, it hurts. And it's just cause it's not supposed to be this way. Moms aren't supposed to be that way. Right. Dads aren't supposed to be that way. And nobody wants to be addicted.
Yeah, right. Nobody wants to be over their head for years and years. And there's no telling what his mom's story is growing up and what she endured.
And so I often will will want to point people in the direction that addiction is. Usually it's a great way to compress and keep stuff out that I don't want to deal with.
I don't have the tools to deal with. And so I don't want to be in the business about beating people up who have addiction challenges. I do want to always encourage folks to go with the help they need.
Right? Yeah. And your kids and your grandkids, they need you in their lineage. They need you in their life.
Could be. And you don't want to manipulate or something, but it could be that just that this conversation gives her the impetus to start working. Right. And that would be a really good that'd be a wonderful outcome. But it may never turn out that way. Right. And, you know, having a baby doesn't mean you're a parent. It just means you had sex. Right. So it means I mean, you have to there's a line in the old movie with Steve Martin Parenthood, I think it was called the the teenage kid is a.
Getting ready to have a baby and the stunning thing talking, he goes, you know, you have to go get. You have to go take a test to get a driver's license to drive a car. You don't have to do that to have a baby. No. And you would think that, you know, I mean, driving a car versus having a baby one is more important, you know? Right. You know, you don't have to pass a test, but in fact, quite the opposite.
Right. He might have failed a test or two or three, right? That's right. You flunked you flunked on impulse or something.
But, you know, but it's just what you're going through, sir, is just heartbreaking and because it's not the way it's supposed to be. And so your spirit is designed for the way it's supposed to be.
And when your spirit doesn't get that, it hurts.
It's if you know that if you're listening to this and you're struggling with addiction, you want to go see your grandkids, you want to spend more time, take the first step, make a phone call, go get some help.
Yeah, go get some help. There is healing. On the other side of addiction is hard work. It's hard, hard, hard. But it's worth it. Oh, it's worth it. It's worth it. Your lineage is counting on you.
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