#2192 - Raanan Hershberg
The Joe Rogan Experience- 128 views
- 21 Aug 2024
Raanan Hershberg is a standup comic. His new special, "It Could Have Been Better," is now available on Amazon Prime, Apple TV, YouTube, and other platforms.Â
www.raananhershberg.com
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Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Sup?
Hey, how's it going?
Thanks for coming in. My pleasure.
What's going on? An honor. Good to good. Yeah, good to be here. The cold showers, what we're talking about before, those are the hardest.
Oh, well, New York City cold showers in the winter are brutal because it.
Doesn'T get your whole body. So you actually have to constantly move around and breathe. Frees your ass off.
It's hard to breathe too.
Yeah. I used to do them for a.
While, though, when I was a kid, when I used to do martial arts. There's this dude I used to work out with named Bob Caffarella, and he was like a real psycho. And Bob used to always take cold showers. He said it was good for the spirit.
It is.
We would all be sitting around going, what the fuck is wrong with him? This guy's in the shower. It was January in Boston, and this guy's in the shower just fucking freezing.
But I feel like when you do it, it's like you feel afterwards this awakeness. Oh, yeah, you only get with drugs like that. Like fucking, like, oh. I'm like, you never realize how not present you are until you take a cold plunge. And then you're like, oh, now I'm fucking in the world.
Right. Because your body's trying to protect you from dying.
Yeah. Which is a real rush.
It really is, though. It's norepinephrine. That's the big one. Dopamine kicks up everything and it lasts for hours. That's what I tell people even though they don't want to do it. I'm like, I know it sucks. I don't think it's good. I don't. I don't get in and go, this is amazing. I'm the best. I get in, I go, oh, this is fucking Jesus Christ. Just keep it together. And I just try to stay calm, but I know when I get out, I'm gonna feel great. For hours.
Exactly.
Hours and hours.
Except for the time I did it on your instruction and fucked up. But it was like, jackass doing it at home and, like, getting a nut ripped off. I did the. I saw you do it. It looked great. Put the ice in the bath, and I was just cold for like, two days straight. It was crazy.
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend doing it for ten minutes the first time. You went a little crazy.
I went a little crazy, yeah.
But kudos to you for doing it. It's fucking hard to do ten minutes.
Well, I don't like. I used to do a lot of drugs. I don't really do drugs anymore. I mean, I'll do edibles and occasionally crate them, so I guess I do some drugs. People don't do cocaine and heroin, but I'm pretty clean other than that.
I mean, I eat processed foods, a lot of dessert, but fuck it.
Yeah. I mean, crystal meth, but that's it.
And I drink whiskey. No rocks.
But I don't do, like, the big drugs. So the cold plunge is really the closest to get to that high.
Yeah. If you could get that in a pill, it would be a very popular pill. I would be taking it all day long.
I know, but part of it is probably going through the pain, right?
Yeah. This is better for your br. Cause there's a thing. There's a part in your brain. Andrew Huberman has talked about this. I forget what it's actually called, but there's a part of your brain that actually grows when you force yourself into do difficult things. Like, say, if you're a person who likes to run and you force yourself, I'm going to run 5 miles every morning for 60 days, if you can actually do that.
So. An asshole.
You know, my friend Kane, I'm trying.
To imagine myself running.
I have a buddy of mine that was doing a marathon every day.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's a psycho. He does these ultra marathons.
Oh, my God.
Where they run for three days. He does like, forrest Gump, but he.
Know force Gump was running. Yeah, yeah.
Right across America. But they do these things through the mountains. Like to do the moab. I think it's the moab 200 or 240. So it's 240 miles through mountains. It's not just like straight 240 miles, like you're going over mountains and hills and shit.
I can run for about seven minutes, and I'm probably lying about that. I'm definitely lying. I can run for about four minutes before I have to, like, stop.
I don't. I used to not run at all. And then I entered into a five k, and I couldn't believe how hard it was to do. I thought I was in reasonably good shape.
Yeah. It's crazy how much more in shape other people are, especially running shape. Like, the runners are. People who can do the sprints, though. They can do something for like, a really long time that I can do for maybe like 2 seconds.
I think they're drug addicts too, though.
Yeah, yeah.
Natural drugs. The natural runner side. Yeah.
Ephedrine not ephedrine. Euphoria. What are you called? Whatever that thing is.
Runners euphoria. Yeah. I don't know what the. What are the actual chemicals that get released during a runner's high? We'll find that out.
Yeah.
It's got to be dopamine. There's a thing that you do when you do a lot of cardio where you do get really high. Not high in a bad way, but high in a very chilled endorphin.
Endorphin.
Popular culture identifies these chemicals behind the runner's high. So you just. It says a short lasting. I don't think it's that short lasting.
But you have to do it for a while. You have to run for, like, I think 45 minutes.
Oh, here it goes. It says up to a few hours. That makes sense. So the bliss. It can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours.
But it's side effects. Yeah, no, I mean, that's when you don't do drugs. Like, that's the only way. Yeah.
Yeah.
My dad plays tennis every day for like 5 hours.
That's a good thing.
Yeah, he's obsessed. He watch it. All he does is play tennis or watch tennis really.
It's just a tennis freak. He's a tennis retired, so he just plays tennis all day.
Just plays tennis. He has one of those rackets where you. He's a real nerd about where you plug it into the computer and look at the data.
Whoa.
And then he's either playing tennis or doing that or just watching tennis on tv.
Wow.
That's all he cares about.
See, that's one. If you get into you, you're relying on your vehicle, unfortunately.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, like, if you're getting into chess, you could pretty much always move those fucking things around.
Yeah.
If you really get obsessed with, chess.
Is my favorite sport, but really, I'm only out of breath after the first 45.
Do you play chess?
I used to play chess. I used to be in the chess club.
Oh, no kidding.
I more as well, but I love chess. Yeah.
I'm scared of chess.
Really?
Yeah, I'm scared I'd get addicted to it. Like crack. Right. But I don't have any time. Like, that's why I won't play golf. Same thing. I'm sure the golfers like Jamie, Jamie's big golfer. They'll tell you how awesome it is. I'm like, I believe you. I don't. I'm not gonna try it. I'm not. I'm. I'm not gonna let it get its fucking fangs into me.
That's how I feel about video games. Play video games. And I'm like, I think that's the worst drug because you're just doing. You're just wasting your life. There's no intervention.
Also, it doesn't have to be sunny out exactly. Three in the morning. Like, I don't want to go to bed.
I got. I was at my brother's place. I played a video game once, and I hadn't played it since, like, goldeneye, so I hadn't seen any of the improvements. So I started playing. They're like movies now. It's, like, crazy. And I got so hooked. There was a moment where I just, like, saw myself being addicted and just, like, snapped out of it. It was like 4 hours straight.
Yeah, I had to quit cold turkey. I used to play quake online.
It gets. It, like, numbs you out.
It's just too easy to get a game.
Yes.
You could always, at any moment in time, I could either be bored. I could be having a conversation that's boring, or I could be doing something boring, or I can just log in and have a death match one on one with some dude from fucking Denmark.
I know.
You know, like, it's crazy. Like, I remember typing. Like, where do you live? And then people are like, I'm in Estonia. Like, whoa, that's crazy.
While you're killing them.
Well, you kill each other and you make little pauses and you ask. It's fun.
It's crazy. Yeah, it's fun. I just. Yeah, I'm afraid to, like, waste all that time.
100%.
I'm, like, a workaholic a bit, which obviously you are. Yeah.
But that's. I think that's okay as long as you're doing something that you actually enjoy. I don't think there's anything wrong with being obsessed with something.
Yeah, no, I'm not a workaholic. When I worked at Red Lobster, I was not a workaholic. When I worked at Frisch's big boy, I was.
Exactly.
Let's get this right.
I think that's the deal with a lot of kids that are bored in school and they're calling them ADHD. I think they think that the subjects that are being discussed are boring as fuck. Of course they're bouncing off the walls. They're 13 years old. They have so much fucking habit.
Why is it never the teacher's fault?
Exactly.
It's like, why did the teacher say something interesting? It's insane. It's like, to be like, oh, no, no. They're just. It's like if an audience doesn't laugh and you're like, no, no, no. It's not that I'm not funny. It's that you have laughing deficit disorder. It's like it's throwing the ball onto something else. Be interesting.
There was an article in one of the science journals recently about. One of the science magazines recently about ADHD. And then they were saying that it was actually an advantage to think that way for hunter gatherers.
Oh, wow.
And that's. This is leftover from where they're constantly looking at other things and trying to pay attention. And they could focus on one thing, like, very intensely.
Oh, wow.
But they're scanning for a bunch of other stuff.
But you notice. Yeah. You're like, ooh, what's that? And then it's like a raspberry.
Also, they're always in activity, in motion. ADHD may have evolved to help foragers know when to cut their losses. Oh, interesting.
You're too focused. You get. You get killed.
This is not the one that I read because this is from February. The one I read was just a couple of days ago. But symptoms, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, such as impulsivity, may have helped foragers and hunter gathered communities quickly move on to new areas when food sources were low.
That's amazing. So if you're too focused, you don't know when to quit.
Right.
And then you get fucking killed or you run out of resources.
That makes sense. It's like an instinct. Let's get the fuck out of here.
Right? Yeah. Well, you know, I got really addicted to Adderall. Like everyone.
Oh, wow. I'm scared of that, too. I've never tried it.
I used to when I was in after college, I started taking it, like, recreationally. And I went to a psychiatrist and told her I had a problem. And she was like, well, we can prescribe it for you.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Then it'll no longer be a problem.
Oh, my God.
I was like, okay. I was thinking more like rehab, but.
Sure, I had a fucking psychiatrist. She's probably on Adderall right now.
She's like, why'd you join me? It's insane.
I cleaned my house.
I did it for, like. I got super. I was doing 90 milligrams a day.
I was like, is that a lot, Jamie? It's a lot. What is a normal dose?
Ten. Yeah.
When I did 20, I was fucking up for 48 hours or something like that.
It's crystal meth for nerds, but it's crystal meth. I mean, it's fucking.
It's like.
It's intense. I was so cock. I wrote poetry. That's how high I was. I thought I could write poetry.
This. This gentleman, Norman Oler, was on my podcast two weeks ago, and he wrote all about post the Third Reich, dude. It's crazy.
And speed.
Yeah, the whole thing was meth. They were all meth, Duff. They were meth, duck, when they fucking did the blitzkrieg.
I do a bit about that now, about Hitler being on speed. I'm obsessed with Hitler.
Oh, man.
I have, like, one of my bookshelves is just all Holocaust and Hitler books.
Really?
Yeah, but I'm dying to read that. I know. Goering was on everything.
He was all on everything.
Goring was on, like, huge painkillers the whole time.
So was Hitler. Hitler was on one of the things. The misconceptions that he was on meth, it appears a lot of what was on was Oxy's. He was on oxycodone. Yeah, they had the original oxycodone.
So they're just like, high. It's like when you get high and you run over someone, and they're just like. They were like, what the fuck did I do when I was high?
Like, they don't even care.
I killed all the juice.
Did you ever see that video of the lady who's on pills and the cops are telling her to pull over and she doesn't know why, and she has no wheel on her car. Her car is like, spitting flames. Have you ever seen it? And they pull over and she's like, what's the problem? And the cops like, ma'am, are you on pills? Like, what the fuck is going on? How do you not know? You lost a wheel on the highway?
You know what?
You gotta see it. It's bonkers.
No, that's insane. Yeah, it is. Like, the Nazis were just all on drugs, which is just like a crazy. I mean, the whole third Reich is surreal that. Creating this.
Look at this. So here's this lady, she's just driving like nothing's wrong. Waving high back of another car near.
Quail hill shopping center. She says her car just gave out. Police say the woman was not impaired and they didn't arrest her.
What the fuck you talking about? That lady's on pills. If she's not impaired, she shouldn't be ever driving. If you don't notice, you lost a wheel, right?
That's a. That's a big red flag.
Did they. There, was that the same one that might not have even been the same one.
Longer video of what was happening. Look on the screen.
Longer video, right? Okay, this is it. Like, there's no way you don't know that. There's no way you don't know the trunk's open. Also, the fucking back is completely open.
That's not even the big problem at this point.
I can't imagine that she's not medicated. That doesn't make any sense to me. Like, something's going on.
If she isn't medicated, she's a psycho, right?
Something's wrong if she's not medicated. Like, she's got a blown fuse. But also, that's how cars get. They catch fire like that.
Like, no, that's insane.
Yeah, no, I was this guy saying erratic behavior. Are you having a hard day? Well, there we go. Now we're assholes.
Well, she's making it up.
She might be making it up. She might be telling the truth, which makes sense where you're like, your whole world is like, what is life? I'm gonna die real soon. And they can't fix this. And I. And you're just. The car's fucking up and you don't even care. That could be it. The patch is open. You don't even care your world is over.
Or you're like, oh, shit, I fucked up. Let me say something to get out of it right now.
You're a cynic. I am an optimist. I look for the good in people.
I did a show once when I was younger, and when you start, you have very. I mean, I guess I still have dark jokes, but I have some joke about sids, the sudden infant death. And I was doing it. It was like some pizza shop in my hometown in an audience, and one person in the audience looked really upset. And I go, what? You don't like the joke? They were like, our kid died of sids. And I immediately went into, like, you know, like, when you were starting out, I just went into the oldest, safest material. I'm like, so I'm broke. Anyone else overdraft you? I just go right into it.
Panic.
And then at the end, I went up to him and her, and I apologize. And he was like, oh, we're just joking. I was like, that's the worst heckle ever.
Oh, that's so mean.
But I stopped doing that kind of joke afterwards. Cause, like, it's fine to do those kind of jokes, but you have to be prepared, right? For. I was not prepared. Like, I don't want to upset people like that.
So I just stopped someone who lost their kid.
Right. So I was like, I can't do those jokes.
Like, I'm not against someone doing, like, that's like Anthony Jesselman. Of course. A shit ton of jokes like that.
Of course.
Yeah. They're great. People enjoy it. It's not bad. It's not bad comedy. It's like, but at least with a guy like Jesel neck, you should know what you're getting into. And don't try to pretend there's something wrong with what he's saying. But all these other people don't have a problem with it.
Right.
It's a taste thing.
Yeah, exactly.
That's a t. Like, it's like, but.
When you start out, no one knows who the, you know, no one knew who I was.
Of course.
Pizza shop in Bloomington, Indiana.
That's why it's so dangerous. Yeah, that's what. But the only way they're gonna find out. That's the kind of stuff you do, is if you take those risks and do that kind of stuff and get.
In trouble, you gotta, you gotta do it. You gotta get in trouble.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, thank God I started before people film stuff. I said the one.
How many years are you in now?
17.
Okay, that's great. That's great.
I said horrible shit. But it's not on films.
But you also, you got in. I think the filming thing is fucking strange. Right. Because some people want to get filmed because you can get some clips like interacting with the audience.
Right.
But it's like you have to have an opportunity to work out stuff.
Of course, yeah.
Because there's times when you're on stage and you're saying things and you have a new bit and you don't know where you're taking it while you're taking it.
Of course. Yeah. And you have to, like, that's why when they look, the Louie thing.
Yeah.
It was, any comic who it, like, criticized them should lose their comedian badge right away.
They have to. Me. Yeah.
If you release something when they weren't planning for it, it doesn't matter what they said in it, you're at fault for releasing something.
Well, it's obviously as an audience member that released it. But the comics had criticized, I'm like, hey, man, fuck you. Like, you pretend, first of all, the guy didn't do comedy for ten months.
Yeah.
And then second, the stuff that he was saying, if you know him and you know his act, and I guarantee you fucking do. Cause a lot of those people are just haters.
Yeah.
If you know him, you know, given enough time, he would make that horrible premise really fucking funny.
Frankly. It was pretty funny then.
Pretty funny then. I mean, it was horrible to be saying, like, push the fat kid in front of you, but you don't think there would be layers upon layers that would make that joke brilliant in a year if you just let him do it.
And you learn the cushions. Like, he didn't have the cushions. You learn, louie. People like Louis, the great comics are great. Learning how to make a hard joke work.
Yes.
And he hadn't maybe developed the cushions yet on stage, but they would have.
Done any comedy at all in ten months. Yeah, no, this is like, literally the first set he did.
I think anyone who criticized him about that was the kind of comedian who doesn't take risks. Cause if you take any risks, you wouldn't want stuff to be released.
Right, exactly. And if you understand how jokes are developed, like, yeah, exactly. There's too many people that, like, got into it from something else. And they did stand up in the beginning, and then they got into it again. They consider themselves stand ups, and then they'll come out and criticize something like this. And you could just shut the fuck up, man. You're not even doing it right.
Yeah. You're not.
Yeah, you're not even doing it right. Like, you, you saying that he's, that this is bad. Like, come on, man. We, this is how everybody creates material.
You have to, yeah. Once he puts it on a special, then you can judge it, once he decides, but until then. Yeah, work on it. You know, imagine my sids joke was filmed. I'd probably, probably get some notoriety back then.
Well, now on Twitter, you become a hero.
Yeah, but no one knows about except for me. Bring it up. Right. Except for all your listeners.
It's like, you've got to have a place where you can fuck around. And that's the problem with, like, filming all the time, because there's, there's things that, like, you'll start a bit off when you first start writing it and start making it. It's so different than when it finishes. You gotta be able to find that.
And not have people see it. Yeah, not have people see it. Cause it's, you know, comedy is like, you want people to see the finished product, but it's embarrassing until then. You're sweaty, you're working shit out, you're stumbling, you're bombing. You, like, you don't want people to see that part.
Well, it's fun to watch as an audience member, though, one of my favorite things is watching a bit develop.
Yeah.
Watching someone come up with an initial premise, and maybe they come in the green room. We're all brainstorming, trying to figure what part is, where does it get clunky.
It's interesting to me, it's all a mystery, like, how it develops. I think about, I listen to tapes, but when you just keep doing it, it just naturally edits itself. It's an interesting mystery where it naturally forms.
Right, right. As long as you're not rigid.
Yes, yes. And listen to it all.
Yeah. Because some people are rigid. And this is a problem that, like, open mic ers have in beginning comics is they started doing a bit a very certain way, so they're kind of comfortable saying it that way. And they're uncomfortable on stage already.
Right.
So they keep saying it the same way.
That's the death of comedy. Yeah. One thing Louie taught me to, or not, Tommy, something understood, but he really articulated is, like, the enemy of comedy is rottenness. Figuring out that you, once you think you can say it a certain way where it gets a laugh, it's dead. Like, if you're relying on to just say it that way.
Right, right.
And he show, he, like, he made it clear, like, you really, and he shows it, you really got think about the emotion behind it, which you forget immediately after a while. But, like, I fall into this trap all the time where I figure out a way to say a joke and it gets a laugh. And I think, I think the minute you're 100% sure it's gonna work, that's when it starts dying.
Right. I know what you're saying. Yeah. Like, it has to, I think what you're saying is that it has to be real in your mind at that moment. You can't be just reading a script.
You have to think, yeah. Instead of, yeah, to me, it's like, instead of thinking of, like, oh, I'm saying something now that will get a laugh. Just try to think of the anger, the sadness or whatever.
Why, what is upsetting you or making you laugh hysterically about the subject?
That's why Bill Burr is so great. Cause it's like he's nothing. He doesn't look like he's trying to get people to laugh.
Right, right, right.
He just looks really angry.
Yeah, he is. It's like you talk to Bill in the green room. That's the same guy fucking if I fucking told him.
And that's what, yeah, and that's what's hilarious. Just kind of like, the fact he's so great at keeping that anger, I don't know if it's an act. I mean, keeping that anger alive through all these shows, it's not an act. He's just psycho.
You can call him right now, bring up something that annoys. Listen to you, you fuck. You know what my favorite is? When he's on a podcast with someone and they take themselves seriously. Like, he was on with Bill Maher, and he was just chewing Bill Maher up, and then he was on Charlemagne. The God, he was chewing him up. It just. I love it. I love it. He's the best at that.
Yeah, he's a king. He's amazing.
He's the best at, like, breaking down.
What?
Yeah, look at you, you know, just breaking you down, and you're like, oh, no, he knows me. He knows me.
No, he's amazing. And he. Yeah, I just think his ability to just always be himself on stage, which I think that's the kind of comedy I love the most, he has a.
Unique talent for it. A unique talent for anything he's talking about. It's just being himself.
Yeah. No, that's incredible.
Yeah, it's a fucking. It's so interesting to see how so many people do it differently, but we all have, like, something in common, and I think one thing that everybody has in common is, like, the best ones are really thinking about what they're talking about.
Right, right.
Thinking really, really.
And having to care about it. I feel like so many times I'll do it a bit and it's not working. And then I realized I don't give a shit.
That's right.
About the thing I'm saying. I need to. If it's important to me, it'll be important to the audience.
Yeah. I have to bail on bits when I'm bored with them.
I know. Cause you're like, I don't really care about this.
Yeah, this is. I know there's something, like people. Yeah, there's something there. I'm like, I know, but right now, I don't give a fuck about it, so I have to leave it alone for a little bit.
If you don't give a fuck about it, they can tell.
Yeah, there's some bits that killed when I first started doing them, and then they got a little flat, and I was like, what is going on here? Oh, I don't care anymore.
You don't care? You don't care. And, you know, they work. No mystery.
I also didn't find out whatever it is in the bit that makes it a great bit.
Right?
You know, there's. There's. Sometimes you just can't find a thing that elevates it from an eight. It stays at an eight.
Exactly.
It never hits a ten. You gotta. Sometimes you get a trim, sometimes you keep them in if they make a point, if they're like, bizarrely ironic. Right? There's something about it where you're like, it's worth it. Even though it's not the funniest joke, because it. Little hills and valleys with the hour.
It works well.
Yeah, yeah, with an hour. But sometimes you just gotta set it aside. And then sometimes I come back to it, you know, I have, like a whole folder that I call orphaned babies. And it's all bits that never made it on anything.
That's great. To keep a record. That's a great thing to.
You have to.
Cause that's the hardest part, forgetting everything.
I forget him. Sometimes their friend brings him up. What about the hyena thing? I'm like, I fucking forgot.
I'm like that.
How does it go?
People bring that up, like, oh, yeah. Why did I stop doing that joke again?
I know, it's weird.
It's tough. Like, I record. I did an hour release an hour, like a couple months ago, and so I'm trying to work out a new hour. It's tough when you have that because there's a lot of jokes. You just probably don't care about that much, but you need it in there just for the scaffolding.
Exactly, right. To keep the bits together so they're coherent sometimes.
But in my head, I'm like, I.
Think everybody should have a folder that they just put on. Everybody should write. I mean, I know everybody likes to write on stage, and I get it. And there's some of the greats that write on stage, but if you're listening, if you're not those people, everybody else, you should write.
Yeah. Because you can go back and not forget them. I have a whole. My bookshelf looks like seven, you know, where he has all the notebooks.
That's great.
It's all just, you know, crazy manifestos and jokes.
Yeah, I think that's. It's like, one of the things that I found when I had to do this live special was that I had to really go over my shit, like, with a fine tooth comb. So I wound up writing out all my bits that I've done hundreds of times. Write them out exactly word for word. Just drill it into my head. And then I was preparing for this. I was like, I should probably be doing this all the time. I should probably be doing. Not just when I'm getting ready for a special, but I should probably be doing comedy. This way.
I know. It's like, whatever I've done late night, I start really analyzing the jokes and cutting them and be like, oh, I should. If I did this all the time, I'd be pretty good. I'm like, that word does not work there. But it's just. Cause I'm doing it on late nights, so I'm like. But then normally I'm like, whatever.
I know. It's like. It's funny. We have our own schedule. We get to govern ourselves, which is not always the best thing, because if we were, like, a prodigy and you were a violin coach, I'd make you practice all day, bitch.
I know, but you can only technically practice on stage. That's a weird thing. It's like, you can.
But you can prepare off stage.
Yeah, yeah, I. Yeah. No, I mean, I think it's. I think it's really important to, like, write everything down and go back to it and just so you don't lose.
Anything, you can forget things.
Yeah. Especially as you get older.
I have a bunch of friends that just keep things in their head and, you know, like, Duncan, I'm pretty sure he did this release, this bit, so I could say he might not have. Fuck. He's got a great bit about it.
My sids bit. You can do it.
No, but I don't know. I think it's. He recorded a special, but I don't know if it's on, so I don't want to say. But he's got this great Adderall bit. He totally forgot about it. And I said, how does it go?
I go.
You say, oh, my God, that joke's amazing. I go, it's your joke. You got it.
You got it. Yeah. It's important to be organized.
We govern ourselves, and we're all slackers.
It's a weird job because it's just you, and it's just how even advice doesn't typically work, because every comedian, when they give advice, they're really just giving it. That works for them.
Right.
And you don't know if it works for your voice or how you. It's also. You're just alone.
Right.
You have to create your own system. Yeah.
Advice, as long as it's not rigid, is really good, because you really can't tell people how to do things.
No. And if anything, I mean, there's some good advice. I mean, when I would start out. I got a couple, you know. Yeah, look around the audience, keep the mic out of the mic.
Standard stuff.
But, like, once you get into real advice, I don't know, I think it just gets in your head for the most part.
You know, sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's terrible. I got a lot of terrible advice when I first started out.
What's a good advice?
Good advice is write a lot. Listen to your recordings. That was one thing. This guy, Mike Donovan, I got real lucky that I started out in Boston in the eighties, and it was like, there was all these local headliners that were awesome. I mean, world class, but they were local, and they stayed local. And one of them was this guy Mike Donovan. And Mike Donovan, he always had a leg. This is back in the day when you had cassettes, set recorders that were big like a fucking box of cigars, and he would sit it on the thing and press record. When he went on stage, he goes, oh, my God. You never know. He goes, you might have a new tagline in that moment.
That's crazy.
And then you forget about it if you don't listen. And that was some of the best advice I'd ever heard.
He was like the first comic recording of sets.
He was just a smart dude, and he just figured out that you got to do that.
Yeah, I think that advice is great. Definitely writing a lot and definitely listening to your sets is so important. There's so many comics who go up all the time, but they're delusional, and they don't get better because they're not, like, realizing that it's not working.
Yeah, you gotta analyze yourself like a hater.
Exactly. But stuff about how to say shit and all that, I just feel. Or like your style, some of that. I feel like you're kind of alone a little.
100%. Cause, like, imagine someone like Bill Burr trying to give advice to Mitch Hedberg.
Just fucking yell the bit. Get mad, get mad, get mad.
Think about it.
What the fuck would you get mad? That there's so many rights.
I mean, at a certain point in time, that's one of the cool. I've been thinking about doing this for quite a while now. We've talked about it, and I think we're going to do it. And what I want to do is have outside of podcast, to just have an interview with headliners when they come into town and tell me about what happened. Tell me about your journey. What was your first open mic? What was it like? How'd you feel? How'd you get started. Did someone influence you? Did someone ask you to do it? What were your first road gigs? Just not a podcast where, like, it'd be me talking about my stories, but just, like, I always want to know. 100% an interview.
Right, right.
A conversation, but an interview. And just, you know, so that it's archived for comics. Cause you remember, like, when you were starting. I mean, 17 years ago, right there, you could get a couple of books. There was a few books. Richard Belzer had a book on stand up, but it was kind of like tongue in cheek.
Right, right. The comedy Bible by that woman.
Yeah. Yeah. There was nothing written by anybody who was really good.
No.
So that was part of the problem. Belzer was good, but nothing written by, like, a George Carlin or Richard Pryor or a Lenny Bruce.
It's never advice from the great. It's always some weird person, some, like, kind of grifty. Yeah, it's grifty. And someone you're like, well, you're not a comedian.
Well, we thought about doing that at the store back in the day. We were talking about doing comedy classes where, you know, a comic, like a headliner would come in and I know Ari did this quite a few times. Ari did it in Phoenix when I was there. He'd set up like, a seminar for free for all the local comics. Told them, this is how you get a manager. This how you get an agent. This how you get stage time. This is what you should do to organize your set. And fucking amazing resource for free. You did it for like two and a half hours. So Ari was doing that for a while, but it's. There's nothing like that for comics coming up. Everybody has to learn from the people at the clubs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's a good. That's a good. I would love to hear that stuff.
Because if you could go start out now and you can go on YouTube, first of all, you have access to everything. Red Fox, Rodney Dangerfield. Fucking everything that's ever been is online. Lenny Bruce. He watched Lenny Bruce recordings right now. Yeah, it was impossible to find that shit when we started.
Impossible and still impossible to understand, but.
Yeah, a lot of it.
Right? Like, I don't. It was a different time where saying Yiddish was really, like, hip.
Right, Lenny?
Yeah. You know, the Michigan of guys on the street.
Well, the thing about Lenny was no one had ever talked like that publicly. So this was a totally unique thing that you have to take in the context of 1963.
Some of the most groundbreaking stuff feels the most dated later because it is so groundbreaking that everyone. The model changed the whole world changed.
The way they think about things and then talking about things openly the way he did became normal.
Right.
So he's doing normal things to us.
But it seems. Yeah, no, it's like that musical Oklahoma seems like such a standard thing, but at the time, it was super experimental. It was the first one where they. They had, like, not a chorus on stage right away or someone singing. And a narrative. Like, a narrative. Like, musicals before that were reviews, and you're like, I switched to musicals. You're like, go back to comedy.
No, musicals are cool.
I love musicals. But it was like. It was groundbreaking at the time. A narrative story. Most shit before that was, like, reviews, and they broke a lot of rules, but now it's just Oklahoma, you know? But it was like an experimental thing at the time.
Like the wizard of Oz. Yeah, the wizard of Oz was monumental when out, like, it was something that everybody saw. It was one movie that you would guarantee everybody you talked to had seen the wizard of Oz.
Yeah, no, it was. It was. It is the most watched movie. I read a book about the making recently. It was interesting. Yeah. Did you know that? Let's. Oh. Judy Garland was, like, groped by a lot of the little people on the movie. It's like a whole thing. She got groped and I read it. Apparently they were mad. All the little people were, like, very drunk and wild, you know? And they were mad because apparently they were getting paid less than toto the dog.
Whoa.
So the hierarchy on wizard of Oz was, like, the dog, little people, and then women at the bottom, you know, and they were, like, groping her, and she couldn't say anything about it.
Wow.
It's an insane. I wish they could make a.
Like, what year was that?
1939, bro.
People were savages back then. Savage.
Oh, he slapped the director. Victor Fleming slapped and Judy Garland in the face during a scene. Just slapped her because she couldn't keep a straight face.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no. It was. And that movie, I wish I could make a movie about the making of wizard of Oz and that would show, like, the beauty of the movie, but also how horrible behind the scenes were. Right. Cause you had the witch caught on fire and literally, like, lost feeling in her hand at one point. And then they forced her to go back to Margaret, what her name is. They first go back to work the next day, even though she was in the hospital. The original guy playing the tin man got really sick because of the paint they were using. He ended up in the hospital they just replaced him. Yeah. He got, like, really sick. Yeah, no, it's like a. It was a.
That makes sense. Like, what the fuck is that stuff they put on his skin?
There's no regulation. They're just like, let's try this.
They just got done with, like, think about. That was like the lidomide babies back then, right? Or that was actually later thalidomide babies. Wasn't that like, in the sixties? But they had the girls that developed cancer because they were using the loom for the watches, right, right. So that radio, what was that called?
That. The radium girls.
Radium girls, yeah. It was horrific. Holes in their face and shit. Their tongues would rot out of their mouths.
There was zero.
Nobody told them anything because it was licked the tip of their brush when they were. Cause they were doing these very delicate loom dials on watches.
No. That no one gave a shit. And in the Hollywood, there was no, like, the stars didn't have. Have, like some stars were beginning to have power. But Judy Garland, she was just treated like. Like she was owned by them. You know? I mean.
Right.
Like to slap. Imagine the director likes. Try to slap, like, Emma Stone.
Crazy. It's just crazy to think that that wasn't that long ago.
I know. And it's.
Well, the Holocaust also, isn't it kind of like watching tape and listening to tape as a comic? Because you don't know how bad you suck, right? See it. And people didn't know how bad, like, that kind of behavior was until you see it. Like, go to what, the old James Cagney movies. He'd smack his girlfriend right in the face and he was the hero, and then they'd kiss each other.
It's all. Yeah, every nuts. Yeah. I love watching old stuff to see, like, the problematic parts. I just find them, like, really funny.
You ever see the one where it's like an old western and the guy is spanking his wife and the kid comes along and says, I know why you're spanking mommy. It's because you love her. He's like, that's right, son. It's so nuts. Like, the woman is over the guy's knees and he's spanking her.
It's out of love, you know? That's insane.
This is like something that someone thought you could pass off in a movie. I mean, that's how confused we were about narratives and about reality and, well.
Every eighties movie, people are like, you gotta watch it.
Here it is. Look at this.
Oh, my God.
It's John Wayne digging those birds into me for two years.
Oh, my God.
Thanks, thanks. He's beating her.
That's awful.
This is not the one where the guy, the wife, I mean, he's beating her with a piece of metal and what a great show. Oh my God, what a great movie.
I love when they give him the weapon to use and be like, thank you.
Yeah, normal. Yeah, normal. Beat her with a weapon. Don't use your hand. What if your hand gets hurt?
Well, every eighties movie, they're like, you gotta watch this eighties movie. It's a classic. Then you turn it on, it's like twelve nerds gang raping a woman. It's like every eighties comedy is like a prank.
That is the one. What is this one? And he spanks her too. So he's carrying her away. Look, he's spanking her friend. Everybody look at the watch. This is so crazy.
That's insane. Not just spanking, but spanking in public.
Not just like he's holding her up in the air while he's laughing. Like they think it's wonderful. Look, he's gonna fuck her, lady. He just drops her. They're just laughing. I've never been so proud of you in all of my life. What the fuck? I've never been so proud to see me in the morning, son.
You start to work at ten.
They both have black eyes and he's got his arm around her. Oh, sweetie, I got the job. What the fuck is that movie about?
We just look evil. When we look back in the past, everyone's just like, slap spanker, Spanker.
And by the way, they thought they were so sophisticated because they were comparing themselves to fucking cave people.
Of course. Yeah, well, we, you know, we change.
We move at our own pace, right? And so we had to like, look at the cave Bay. And he's go, that is kind of fucked up that you stabbed that guy with a spear. I remember that. From that to movies and plays, right?
Yeah, well, we're getting better. It's just slow. My cousin had a bat mitzvah. It was reformed. You know, that's where you do the whole service in English and you have to read part of the Bible, which in reform in conservative you do in Hebrew, but in reform you do in English.
What is it? Why reform?
They're just more liberal, more accessible. Like a lesbian rabbi. She's like eating out her girlfriend on stage and stuff. And there's like the cantors tuning a guitar and she had to read a part of the Bible. But reformed do it in English. So this 13 year old girl had to go on stage in front of everyone and read the selected part. And, like, not every part of the Bible holds up. So she. It was like 300 people, her parents behind her, and she's just on stage, she has to open to the part, and she's just like, when a slave offends you, you cut off his right arm. And then his parents, her parents are behind her. They're like, that's my girl. And then she's like, when you offend them again, you execute them. These are the laws of how to punish your slaves. And we're all just like, in the back.
Is that a real quote?
Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah, something close to that.
Jesus Christ.
And that's why you do it in Hebrew, so you don't have to pretend. It's like, that's why we do it in Hebrew. You don't know what they're talking about.
Well, that was the whole thing about them doing it in Latin. Right? Like, nobody can speak Latin, so they could tell the priest's word for it.
It says, give me $100 if you want to be in the afterlife.
I think there was a lot of that going on. That's why everybody wanted to kill Martin Luther.
Right, right. Yeah, the Latin, that was a big con.
Huge con.
Yeah.
Nobody speaks it.
Yeah. Only we know what it's saying. The priest was like, kid, it's saying to suck my dick right now.
It's nuts. Isn't it nuts that. That is kind of a dead language. Like, you can still learn Latin, but nobody speaks Latin.
No. Unless you're getting possessed by the devil.
Yeah.
Don't forget that demographic. Yeah.
Those folks, well, they usually talking tongues. They're not even doing Latin. They're going.
To throw it a little. They're going to throw in Latin.
Do they? Occasionally.
I feel like the exorcists. I feel like she throws in a little Latin.
She said, your mother sucks cocks in hell.
Which, by the way, that means. I don't understand why anyone's scared of that movie. That movie's hilarious.
That's because you're younger than me.
I know.
When I was a boy, that movie was fucking terrifying. I saw that movie. I was real young. Like, I probably shouldn't have been able to see it. Like, what year did that movie come out? 7075-7373 okay.
Tried to be rain man, so.
Six.
Yeah. Well.
Sex. Yeah. My parents let me see all the scary movies.
Can I ask you this? Did you. At the time, I was telling them about it backstage. Did you? Did you believe in the devil? Kinda.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Cuz I'm a jew. I'm like a heathen jew, right? We don't believe in the devil. So for me, it just felt, like, funny.
It's good fucking movie, man.
But it's just like, she's like, you saying, like, your mom sucks cox in hell. That's like, to a priest, that's definitively funny.
Well, how about when she fucks herself with the cross?
I just don't. I don't know. It's just like she said some wild.
Shit while she was doing it too. Like, fuck my kind, something like that.
But that's like, I guess back then the idea of a kid cursing was.
Like, oh, it's crazy.
Well, this girl, now it's South park.
You wanna talk about someone that got fucked up from doing a movie? She got really fucked up from doing these. Imagine, okay, you're a young girl and you are literally playing the devil. Everybody knows you. You're famous now. And you're famous for being the fucking devil.
That's insane.
So everywhere you go, people are scared of you.
You just see people. See you on the street.
You fucked yourself with a crucifix in a movie.
13 people are walking by, suck cocks in hell.
Jesus Christ. She probably never heard the end of it. And that was another movie that everybody saw.
Yeah, that was. Yeah, I just. I love horror movies, but I find that one is like. I just don't find it.
I don't know.
I feel like a girl. I mean, at the time, I get her scary. Definitely, if you're six. But I just find it silly. It's just like you're telling the priest, go fuck himself. This is funny.
I get it. But I think it's because we are living in 2024.
We're heathens now.
And all those movies have gone on and we've learned from those movies, which.
Is interesting to think that, like, back then at kid cursing, we were so much more puritanical. That was like, disturbing.
Disturbing.
And now it's southeast park.
Yeah, it's totally normal.
Yeah.
Now they're sticking things up their butts.
Yeah. On.
In cartoons. Yeah, it's totally normal now. And that's. Again, it's like going back to listen to Lenny Brewstuff and then trying to listen to. He had one joke that comics inadvertently stole because they didn't realize that they were stealing it, but because it was so, so brilliant. But it was when homosexuality was illegal back then.
Right.
And he goes, being gay is illegal, dick. What do they do when they catch you? They put you in jail with a bunch of guys who want to have sex with you. This is a great joke.
He has great jokes.
It just. You don't. If you went back in time to the 1950s and talked to people, they would think you're a fucking alien. Like, who is this guy? How is he talking so freely about things?
Right, right. And he did have great jokes. You just gotta get past the. You dig and.
Yeah.
Meshuga nudge. But, like, he had great jokes. That book of his is awesome. The one of his transcripts, you look at that. No, it's like just that other trials? No, just of the stand up.
Oh, the stand up.
It's awesome. You see it all in, like, he had one bit that was like, I love Bill Hicks. He's one of my favorites. But it was similar to Bill Hicks joke. Not to say Bill Hicks stole from it, but they're just great minds think alike about, like, if Jesus came back, what do you want to see across? Something similar to that?
And a bunch of guys had that.
Yeah, but he might have been the first.
Yeah, he probably was the first. I mean, Kinnison had something kind of similar to that, too.
I listened to Bill. Bill Hicks recently. I let. He got me into comedy. I always loved him. I listened to him on a road trip recently, and he holds up so well. And I think, like, the people call him preachy. I think they're so wrong. I don't. I actually think all his jokes are just good jokes that aren't really preachy for the most part.
See, I don't think it was preachy. Like. Like, I don't think Anthony Jeselnik is really offensive.
No.
You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a style of comedy. His style of comedy was condescending. I'm smarter than you. And here's some amazing points.
Right.
About life. And so I liked it. I like.
You mean.
Yeah, hicks, like, when Hicks would talk about things, he would talk about things, like, you know, everybody's stupid. Like, this is why, right? And I'm telling you how it should be, and that's what people didn't like about it. But that was also a great way to get some of those points across. Like, there were some points. That's really kind of the only way. If you want to deliver it the way he does it, it's really kind of the only way you can do it.
Well, it's also funny to see a crazy person on stage, just someone who's like, you know, that's hilarious. Like, he is a funny character. And I do think he has great misdirects. Like, just great jokes that go beyond, like, what ideology he's like, you know, professing, you know.
You mean Hicks?
Hicks, yeah.
Well, he has brilliant shit about the war. I mean, they have sophisticated weapons. How do you know? We check the receipts.
Well, the whole, like, the book depository is very realistic. Oswalt isn't in it. Yeah, he just had great, like. I just thought he had just kind of like Woody Allen. I know he loved Woody Allen. Like, great, like misdirects. And when you listen to it now, a lot of it is kind of what a lot of good comedy is where you take a hot button issue, but then I. Then you just have a joke that's just kind of about something else.
Right, right.
And that's really a lot of what his stuff is. It just feels like, kind of like modern comedy.
Yeah, well, he definitely changed a lot of people's idea of comedy because he made it kind of interesting for the first time. He had interesting subjects.
Him and Doug stand up definitely were my big influences. I loved you, too. I loved your old. I loved your. I remember listening back when I listened to comedy albums. That was a different era, I guess, you know?
Oh, wow. Yeah.
But I remember I loved your bit about the tiger in the zoo. The monster in a box.
Yeah.
I still think about that every time in a zoo. Cause they always make the cage look like they could possibly jump out.
Yeah.
You know? Do you remember that bit?
Yeah, I do. I kind of remember it, but I remember the story. These kids threw pine cones at a tiger and the tigers can jump 14ft in a twelve foot cage.
They gave it like, a little. They didn't even put a ring whose cartilage is secure unless a tiger gets really mad. But when's that gonna happen?
Just. I would have given everything to see the look on their face and that thing touched the top of the bars.
Yeah, they were like.
When the paws hit the bars and the body starts going over the flood of chemicals, that must go into your mind. That's a high off the charts. That's a high probably like nothing else you'll ever expect in life.
Cold plunge times 10,000.
Well, it's, like, undeniable. You're dying right now. Like it's coming for you. It's a 600 pound super pressure.
But one kid survived, right?
One kid survived. I think the kid who threw the pine cones unfortunately survived. I think his buddy got taken out.
Oh, that's how fierce tigers are. I'm not gonna fuck you up. I'm gonna fuck your friend up.
I think his buddy went to help him.
Oh, my God.
I don't know the whole story. I mean, who knows? It was probably just chaos, but I.
Think about that bit every time at a zoo, they always make it look like the tiger can jump out. I'm like, why don't you just not make it look like that?
Put a roof on the box.
Monster on the box. The boxer on the box.
Why don't you have a roof on the box? You have a monster in the city in a box.
We don't make it look like it can jump out. We don't need.
Also, how expensive is it to put a roof on?
Nice.
It that expensive?
I think they want to make it feel like it's free.
Fuck that. It's not free.
No.
Yeah, they shouldn't be there. I don't. I don't agree with zoos at all.
You like zoos?
No, I don't. I used to love. I'm a hypocrite because I took my kids to them, because I want my kids to be able to see these animals, because it's kind of cool to see a two year old staring at a hippo. But the reality is they're prisons. They're prisons for animals that didn't do anything wrong.
But it's a little different in the sense that their life outside of prison is pretty messed up.
It's natural.
It is natural.
They're not all getting killed, you know, they're doing some killing, too, which is also unnatural that you just feed these things that live to kill.
I guess the zoo is better for the prey.
It's definitely better.
Why?
I used to have a joke about that, too, about the only animal that I don't feel bad about in the zoo is giraffes.
They're having a great time.
They don't seem to have any problem with it at all. Like, another day with no lions.
Well, it's like, yeah, if that's jail, like, freedom of them just getting chased by, like, if you were in prison, outside of prison, you could just get eaten anytime. Prison wouldn't look so bad.
Well, as long as they have a big enough enclosure and they can walk around, they don't seem to have any problem with it.
Yeah, it sucks for the predators because they can't, like.
Exactly.
And then they always put the tiger, like, next to the giraffe or the line just to fuck with them, which is so crazy. It's a little cruel.
You imagine being a tiger, and you're like, I can't believe everything you forget.
Cause you have bad memory. Oh, he's right there. Fuck. What the fuck?
Cocksuckers.
Yeah, they. They're kind of cruel with that. Put them in different places.
Well, you shouldn't put them there at all. Yeah, it's crazy. The whole thing's crazy. Yeah, I get it does protect some endangered species, but I. Boy, I think if we really care about animals, we should put a lot more money into it. And there should be a lot larger spaces, and it shouldn't be anything remotely resembling a zoo.
And it's always weird. Who gets the big space? I might. At the Louisville zoo, like, there's a wolf who just got, like, fucking, like, twelve acres, and then a snow leopard and, like, a little diorama with a cage on it.
It's sick. The way they do it in Africa is the way to do it. If you really want to go see an animal, you should go on a fucking safari and drive through these areas where they're killing gazelles and they're doing normal lion shit. This is a normal lion in a lion environment, and you drive through it, and it's probably dangerous shit. Yeah, and keep your fucking windows rolling. You know that lady from the Game of Thrones, one of the. One of the video, I think one of the video editors, one of the editors from the Game of Thrones got killed by a lion in one of.
Those parks in the safari.
She rolled her window down, and she was leaning out to take a photo or something. The cat reached in, grabbed her.
My God. I saw one of those videos were the people in the car, and like, that one of them, I figured the tiger. Not a tiger, Africa. But it was a lion coming up to the car, and they're looking at it, and the lion just opened the door. Like, it just put his paw the door and open.
They're like, ah, lock the fucking door, man. Imagine a little skinny ass piece of window that you could put your head through. Easy.
Yeah.
And there's a lion right outside of it. He could put his head through it easily.
It's.
Yeah, I. But if he just fucking smashes his head, it'll go right through that thing. He's a lion.
If he's just, like, crazy that day.
If he just decides to pop it with his paw, it's just gonna burst.
Well, that's what's crazy about the tiger who killed the kid. It's like they were like, he can't get out. Unless he's really wants to. It's like, don't protect it from him really wanting to as well.
But they didn't have the proper height fence.
Yeah, yeah.
Not only did they not have a roof on it, the fence was 2ft shy of what a tiger can jump over. What? Leaping over a three foot wall and out of its enclosure. No, no, no, no.
They might have misunderstood when they wrote this article, but that's what this says.
I don't think that's correct. I'm almost positive. I'm almost positive that it was 14ft long. Oh. The wall was 1.2 meters, 4ft shorter than the recommended minimum, but it was more than 3ft. I think it was 12ft.
That'd be hilarious if it was actually 3ft. And I'm like, whoa, what's the problem?
That's crazy that it's four foot short.
I'm reading multiple articles. This one is even. This was also weird. I thought it happened in 2011. This says it was 2008, so I'm kind of confused on that, too.
Mmm. Maybe it's more than one of those.
This was the same person that died in both articles.
Oh, how weird.
They're trying to say they were on drugs. It's like. Doesn't mean they deserve to die.
One meet, three foot wall. That's so crazy. I could jump a three foot wall.
How are you?
That's not real.
I could try.
There's no way to get you on the floor.
Third try.
Yeah. You could probably at least get over the top of it. There's no way it was. That's no. There's no way that's this tall. That's crazy.
That would be hilarious. We just made it 3ft. They're like, he doesn't.
You know, from the San Francisco newspaper.
What does that one say?
Picture of what?
It was the wall, bro. That's pretty high.
Yeah.
Oh, the new glass wall makes it 19ft, but it looks current. Wall used to be 12ft, so that's where it was. And the tiger jumped over that and now they gave him an extra 5ft.
Fuck.
That place evident.
Made that jump on the distance. They said it was too far.
It looks like it's built to have that tiger jump off that top part onto the thing. It's like it's built so he can jump out.
Did they say the tiger jumped from the bottom or the tiger jump from that top part?
The articles I was reading when it first happened, they weren't sure what the fuck happened. They were like, it doesn't make sense that it happened. They were like. They must. Someone must have helped it.
What? That's them covering their ass.
It is a little bit of that.
Because that's them covering their ass. They know exactly what happened. There was eyewitnesses. People saw it happen also.
Who could have helped it.
Yeah, so that's what it looked like, I guess.
That's the first picture I've seen.
Oh, my God. Imagine that thing coming over the top of.
That's the three foot fence, I think that they were saying.
Exactly.
Wait, so if the pie. If they're from pine. Is this the pine cone thing or the different thing?
Yeah.
So it had to be below if they're throwing pine cones.
No, it could be over there. They could throw it over the ridge.
You think it got all the way to the.
Yeah, yeah, you could throw that. That's not that far. No, no, that looks like 15 yards max. Let me see that again. Let me see that photo again. Yeah, that doesn't look that far, dude.
It's a big jump, though.
I guess you can.
It's probably jump for a cat. I don't know if he made the jump. I think he made the jump from the bottom.
That's yet the one that was confusing. Said that it was basically in these bushes when they fucking. When they were standing on this rail throwing shit at it. And then they got too close and found out, like, there was one way closer than they thought.
That's not what I heard.
No, I know it doesn't make sense.
I don't know that. What I had heard was the thing was over there. They were continuing to throw things at it, and it came towards them and jumped over the wall, which only makes sense. Oh. Eyewitness accounts, statements from the.
Here's already my confusion that this is from 2011, and those last two articles were 2008.
Hmm. Well, maybe they didn't release the whole story until 2011. Yeah, there it is. Okay, so the lawsuit. Yeah, they should fucking sue for sure. I mean, definitely, you shouldn't throw pine cones at tigers.
They don't deserve to die.
Your fucking kid. You're a dumbass kid. That could have been us if we were both 17. And I do. I dare you to throw a pine cone. Come on, pussy.
It's just a pine conjunction.
From the bottom of the moat to.
The dry mode to the top of the wall. Wow.
No, that's crazy.
From the bottom of the dry moat. So they got into the bottom of. Yeah, like I thought.
I can't imagine jumping out unless it was provoked. Yeah, but it shouldn't be able to jump out if it's provoked.
Yeah, that's so you should. Lazy.
You should have a backup plan for the tiger's emotions. Yeah.
Also, why don't you have guards to make sure that someone doesn't do something like that?
The tiger can't get out as long as it's the tiger's chill.
Wow. Followed someone's blood trail for about 300 yards where it resumed attacks. Oh, my God. Photos show blood smeared asphalt where the tiger apparently dragged Soos's body. It found the blood trail. The tiger would leave a kill to go after something else unless it were a compelling reason. Oh, my God. Another victim blaming tiger passed exhibits with warthogs, which it ignored as it followed the blood of the two brothers to the terrace cafe outside the dining area.
This is a real. What are they wearing? What were they wearing? You know what I mean?
That's exactly what it is.
They're high. Or like, what? A black person gets killed and they try to vilify the black guy. They're like, he was on drugs. It's kind of like that. They're like, he was high. He was. They should have provoked it, but it's like, you should have a cage where a tiger can't get out on any mood. The tigers in?
Yeah.
Whether he's happy or Madden, they should test every mood and see if he could jump out in any of the moods.
Also, what if it killed some old lady who was just there with her niece, you know, showing her around? And what if, you know, who the fuck knows what could have happened? You're just guessing.
And it didn't even kill the friend. It didn't even kill the guy. Killed the other guy.
I don't know who it killed. Now, I'm saying that I'm trying to.
Remember, but I bet it killed.
Yeah, it killed the younger of the three. The other two were brothers that were not killed.
Who was the one that threw the pine cones? Were they all throwing them?
I thought I haven't found out.
It sucks that they know that. That tiger was like, maybe they were.
All throwing pine cones. Maybe I heard the story wrong, or.
The tiger was just clearly more annoyed by one of them. Like, one of them had a more annoying face.
It's whoever the fuck is closest.
Yeah. Yeah.
Who's closest. Who's. Who's gonna get taken out first? This thing has never had a chance to take out anything.
Yeah, it's a little.
I mean, the whole reason they exist is they are the cleanup crew for nature. Anything that has a limp, anything that does something stupid, you go walking through the thick grass, that's a wrap. That's what they're there for. They're there for overpopulation. Yeah, because they exist around deer.
Yeah, of course they exist around a.
Very specific kind of deer. It's called an axis deer. And these deer move like lightning, dude.
Yeah.
You ever see the axis deer?
No, I don't think so.
They fucking, they take off like it's crazy because they evolved around tigers, right? So they, they just explode away so fast.
A lot of times you see those water buffalo moving. They seem to completely forget about tigers or lions until they jump out and then they're like, oh, shit. And then they all run away.
Not that many lions eat water buffaloes. They're so big. They're too dangerous. You could get a broken jaw, broken leg, they stomp your head, you're dead.
But yeah, I agree that predators, it sucks for them in a zoo, but you never want to have a zoo with just prey that would kind of suck.
Reported that her claws were not frayed, suggesting that she made the twelve foot, nine inch leap on her first attempt. Oh, my God. Doctor Dunker also reported that there was no disease or signs of trauma on the body other than bullet wounds for the. For the cat. Jesus Christ. Do you know there's one specific tribe of lions in Africa that does hunt water buffalo? Because they got stranded on an island, the currents change to this river, and these lions got stranded on this island that only has water buffalo. And so the female lions evolved to become much larger than normal female lions. Lions, they look like hulk lions. It's crazy. It's called relentless enemies because they're the hunters, the females. Yes. The females are the hunters. So they got as big as male lions. Female hunters are as jet. They're jacked too. Like, they look freakish because they have to take out water buffalo all the time.
Have you seen the video? The best nature video. I mean, it's the one about the water buffaloes walking and the lion comes and they like, it's like four lions. And they never go after the big one. It's always like four of them after like a baby water bell or a wheelchair. It's like, eh. And they push him into the water and then a crocodile comes out of the water and grabs the water buffalo, the baby. And then the. The lines are like having a tug of war with like, the crocodile. It's like insane.
Yeah, I have seen that. But that's the crocodiles of the ultimate cleanup crew.
Yeah.
You see, we can find that relentless enemies thing because you should get to see what these female lions looked like.
I can show to us. We always get in trouble, right?
Just show to us. Because these female lions, they don't even look real. They look like CGI lions. They're super jacked.
So the female lions are normally smaller, but they are the hunter.
They're the hunters. But this. This documentary of relentless energy. See me find one of the images of the jack. Look at. Look at what she's built like.
Geez.
She's built like a male.
That's insane. She's fucking huge.
Yeah, huge. Because they have to take out water buffalo.
She's like a female bodybuilder.
It's a great documentary, though. It's because it's just about nature adapting.
Right?
Look at the size of her. Oh, my God, they're so much bigger and, you know, they have to be because these fucking things are ruthless. I mean, water buffalo are huge and they're tough as shit. You can hang off them with their claws and they don't even notice it.
Yeah, those have, like, bugs on them and they don't notice, like.
Yeah, fucking shit life.
Have you done this? Have you done safari?
No.
My buddy McCabe, Dan McCabe, my friend, he did it and he sent me a footage of a lion, like, killing a. Like a prey right in front of him. Yeah, he just filmed it. Yeah.
And they're in those open jeeps.
Yeah, yeah.
What's that about?
Yeah, that shit up.
What is that about? They just haven't figured out yet that they can get you.
People love, it's like the zoo. They love to have it all open. They love to just like, you know, push it as far as they can, bro.
I want to be in an Ironman suit with a chain mail gun. Yeah, one of those chain gun. I do not want.
I like how you said Iron man suit. Like, it's a real thing.
If I had one.
Those Iron man suits.
What happened? Power went out. Is the video recording? The video is the only thing recording, yeah. Can we keep going or should we stop?
You can in theory, keep.
Oh, there it goes again.
It's the hottest day of the year. Problem with AC being overpowered, but, yeah, I mean, I'll turn everything back on.
Is today the hottest day of the year so far?
Yeah, it's gonna be. Be 107.
Oh, God.
We're still recording.
Really? Yeah, the camera's shut off and on too, though.
I don't know, to tight. The screen's still on. Cameras are still on, moving time's still going.
How hot is it today?
100. 607.
God, it didn't feel like it.
You ever be at a club where the lights.
I don't know what to do. We might want to stop for like five minutes to make sure this doesn't keep happening while we have the opportunity. It fucks up more.
I don't know.
Your call.
But it's recording, right?
Yeah, but if it's flickered four or.
Five times, right, what could possibly happen?
It stops recording flickered again, like. Well, we have a chance for it to stop. Might want to take a break. That's all I'm saying.
Okay, we'll take a little pee break. We'll come back. Ladies and gentlemen and non binary folk. Now we're up. Oh, we were just about to complain about the government or whoever it is.
They're cracking down on our controversial takes on lines. And.
It's YouTube, man. They're trying to ban free speech, man.
I just got an update. There's a local outage. Yes. It's gonna take 2 hours to get everybody else's power up out.
We got lucky, I guess. Oh, okay.
I feel privileged.
Is it a brownout? Is this one of them brownouts?
I got a notice for my house. Austin energy outage made effect until 04:38.
P.M. texas has its own grid, which is great until it's not.
I've read the news, the article.
It got real close. Apparently during the cold front, it got real close. They were like 30 minutes away from losing the whole grid.
No, my friend was my best friend from here, Zach. And he. He was here during the. When they had to, like what? Melt the snow or whatever.
The.
What if he just became like.
It was crazy.
Crazy survival thing.
That was the first year we lived. Lived here. No one knows how to drive in the snow. It was hilarious.
Yeah, now I remember that.
People with corvettes, like, spinning around in intersections.
No, he was melting snow. Why was he melting? Like, they had to melt snow for something. It was.
For what?
I don't know. It was like the one. It was like that movie. Alive.
Water. They melted snow for water.
For water. Yeah, I think. Yeah.
Pipes froze.
Yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense.
It was crazy.
Yeah. Yeah, you gotta have some water, folks.
Yeah.
Some water in your house. It's good move. Yeah. If you. If you're in a place that. That happens like that. And they. So, like, if this happens in Boston, they know how to deal with snowy roads. They fix things.
Yeah.
Easy. The plow, you know, everything back online.
Anytime they're snowed, it all shuts down.
For, like, hey, guys, I've been here twice and it snowed. How about buy a fucking plow? You know? Have one.
Yeah. Yeah. I guess it just hasn't happened enough for them to, you know.
Yeah, but that's so stupid.
Yeah, no, I know. Louisville. I'm from Louisville, Kentucky. It's kind of like that, too. Whenever it snowed, it shut down the whole city.
It's funny if you grew up in a place like, I grew up in Boston, which is like, snow is just normal. Yeah, it's just normal. It's part of up snowing out.
Did you even have, like. Did school ever close?
It had a fucking snow so that you missed school.
Closing school was such a fun experience.
No, no. Every time we did have them, we did have snow days.
Yeah, he did. Fucking.
But in places like there, if it just snowing a little, they'll let you go to school. Go to school.
Anything better than a snow day. It was so exciting.
I think I learned more in snow days than I did in any other day.
And then you'd be at. You'd be, like, watching the tv, waiting for your county to be listed as, like, the one that.
Yeah. And like, please, I can stay home, watch cartoons.
Please. No greater joy than a snow day.
Oh, it was wonderful.
And now the snow sucks. You hate it.
Someone should redesign school. School's terrible.
Yeah.
It's just the whole design of getting kids to sit down all day. It's fucking terrible.
We wake them up at, like, farmer times. I used to get up at, like, five in the morning, like, I was a farmer.
Yeah.
And your parents would just go back to bed. They're like, we don't go. They just get up and then they go back to sleep. I'd be on the bus at, like, five in the morning.
Terrible for kids.
And then they say, we have add. We're fucking tired.
Yeah. Tired and bored.
Yeah.
And this shows this thing you're doing in front of me sucks.
I got back to the Adderall thing, so I got addicted and I ended up.
What did you start off with? How much were you taking? In the beginning?
I think probably, like, 30 milligrams.
Right away?
Yeah.
Whoa.
I think maybe.
Jimmy, you said 20 kept you up for two days.
Yeah, I'm not a user, but 20 was plenty.
I don't like how I said user like that. Like, I'm not a user. Like this junkie. You said, I'm not a user.
So you started off with thirties yeah. You started taking it every day or.
Yeah.
Right away.
Yeah.
Recreationally first.
Recreationally. Then I got the prescription, so. FDA approved.
So you did listen to psychiatrist. She is a doctor, yes, but then.
I started taking more and having to buy them off the street. And then I. At one point, I couldn't get any. And I. This kid I knew, this kind of bad seed. I asked him if he had any, had, like, something he said his uncle made. It was like a synthetic drug. Turned out to be bath salts. I ended up taking them. I was a greeter at a h and r block, you know, the tax place, and I just, like, basically had this horrible panic meltdown. Like, it kicked in and I just thought I was about to die. And when I called my twin sister, I freaked her out. Like, I think I'm about to die. Goodbye. Then I hung up. And then she called back and she was like, call the ambulance. They called the ambulance. My heart rate was at, like, 100. And, like, I don't know, probably what yours is when you're exercising, but it was faster. It was faster. Probably was normal. There was like 190.
Oh, my God.
And.
Yeah, that's redlining.
It was crazy. Yeah, I almost died. And then I ended up going to rehab for Adderall, which is kind of embarrassing.
How hard was it to get kick.
You know, I weaned off, which was. If you wean off, I think it's okay. Cold turkey is not for me.
So what did you. You said you were up to 90 a day, so how'd you wean, you.
Know, just 81 week.
Really?
I think something like that, yeah.
So were you completely functional when you were on it or were you out of your mind?
No, no, I was functional. I was annoying. That was. That was the thing. I was annoying.
Oh, you couldn't stop talking?
Yeah, I got really annoying and that. It ended up like, people are just. That's the thing. People think drugs will, you know, I'm not like a crazy person, but I just annoyed everyone.
Right.
And so the intervention was more like, you're really annoying. You talk non stop. And then I got off and was kind of the same. It wasn't that different. I'm like, no, that's just me.
And you're a lot of work. It's actually a perk.
Yeah, exactly.
It's actually a plus.
But I miss it. I mean, I don't. I could never do it again, but I miss it. It was a great. It's. It's. It was my favorite drug. It made you. Because I have you know, I like everyone. I have low self esteem. And when you did it, it made me. It made me just write. I just was so productive on it.
Really?
Yeah. Cuz it. When I write, I mean, I've gotten better at it now over the years, but when I write, you have that voice telling you it's shit and you can't like, move forward. And. And this, the Adderall, like, this was before I was. I was doing stand up a little, but writing screenplays and stuff. And the Adderall gave me the confidence to just fucking plow through it. It wasn't all good, but some of those. Good.
Mmm. You know, well, I mean, that's why they were prescribing it to people back in the day when they first came up with it, like in Nazi Germany, even before they were giving it to the Nazi. You could buy that. What was it called? Perk. What is it called? Pervitin. Pervert.
Hitler Speed.
Well, it was the. It was the for sale version of methamphetamine that you could buy at drugstores.
Yeah.
And people would just take it. It was like a low dose. It's essentially just like, that's it right there. Kind of real similar to Adderall in a lot of ways, but it was a, you know, it was methamphetamine.
Oh, right. And you just could take it. This is like over the counter, right?
Yeah.
Back when they had like, heroin.
Look at that. Methamphetamine hydrochloride.
Oh, man, that's crazy.
So it was a small dose and people would take it all day long, and it gave them all this energy to get things done. I mean, think about the engineering that was coming out of germany at the same time. Yeah, nuts.
They were focused.
They were fucking dialed in.
He was really focused on that jew hating that as that speed. Really focused. Yeah. If he wasn't on it, he probably wouldn't killed his many people.
Well, if he wasn't on everything, he was on oxycodone, and they were giving him all these crazy animal hormones. He was having them remove animal organs and they were injecting glands into Hitler's body. He was like they were practicing on.
But here's. Here's what I don't get. I've done oxycodone, and when I'm on it, I'm very loving. I love everyone. He was on it and he was still hating. He should have been like, I love the juice, or great, like, the axacodin should have made him, like, more lovey dovey.
Yeah. That's why I was confused, too, because I had always heard that it was meth, because I knew that there was meth use, and I knew that Hitler liked cocaine, and they used to shoot him up with testosterone, too.
And that makes sense.
That makes sense.
You're meth. You're like, we got a problem. Yeah, I'm focused. I'm going to commit to it. But the oxy, it's like when Rush Limbaugh, you found out he was on oxy, he was always so, like, angry, right. And I feel like if I was on oxy, I'd be like, everything's going to work out, bro.
He was on, like, 90 pills a day. But where, like, the low he did so much, they think it's part of the reason why he went. Went deaf.
Really?
Yeah.
Rush Lima.
Yeah. There's actually, like, a thing that happens when you overdose. Too much opiates. It fries your fucking ears.
But why, like, to have all that hate on painkillers? I just don't get when I'm on painkillers. I love my enemies.
I think it's because you're a nice guy.
I like that spin.
I think who you are, like, at your core, like, why you operate in life, whatever you're taking, whether it's alcohol or pot or whatever, whatever, it only enhances that, who you are at your core. So if you're, like, an evil person deep down, but you're covering it, and then you get drunk and you get really vicious with people, those people are probably already vicious inside of them.
Right? That's totally true.
If you're a happy drunk, you're probably a good guy, and you need a couple of drinks to feel loose. And now you're fun, you're having a good time, you know, you're loving, you're hugging everybody.
No, that's a good point. It's like what I used to drink. I would, like, tell people I love them. Now I'm sober. I don't tell anyone I love them. Now I'm sober, I just. I'm worse sober.
Right?
Like, I'm just, like, rigid.
That's the benefit of some drugs, is that they allow you to relax whatever insecurities you have and just be cool with people.
So my girlfriend, speaking of drugs, she's on serious blood thinners. Cause she just had a stroke.
Oh, Jesus Christ. How old is she?
Like, a couple weeks ago? She's 85. No, she. So when we started dating two and a half years ago, she was about to get open heart surgery. Yeah, like, she told me that on our first date.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Is this, like, something she was born with?
It was a congenital heart thing. Mitral valve. She had a mitral valve leak.
Oh, Jesus.
And she found it out. She's 37. And so four months into our dating, she got open heart surgery.
Oh, my God.
Yeah. And then everything was going well, and then, like, this is, like, this month. Like, I don't even. Maybe a month ago, I'm going to see a screening of my friends movie. This really great comic is that Bella Hagin had funded her own movie. I'm gonna see it. We're gonna meet. And she calls me and she says her. She can't see out of her left eye. She's on the subway. And we had to, like, call an ambulance and, like, rush to the hospital. And, like, the crazy thing is, the ambulance did not take us right away. Like, we got in there and they, like, had to make her fill out her insurance.
Oh, my God.
For, like, 20 minutes.
Oh, my God.
That's insane.
With one eye.
With one eye.
Oh, my God. That's so crazy.
I thought an ambulance just goes.
I thought they go too.
They were, like, getting the insurance. She's, like, dying. They're like, what's your group member id number?
Oh, my God.
And then they finally went. And there was no siren. We just had the ambulance without the siren, which was, God, pointless, you know? So.
Ambulance in traffic.
Ambulance in traffic. We get to this, like, er type place. They think she's having a stroke. And we had, like, a person on tv. It was like, black mirror. They got, like, some neurologist who was, like, on vacation. She just. They brought the tv in, like a. Like a tv. And she was on the video. The camera was moving around the room looking at people. It was so bizarre. And she said, if it's a stroke, she had to go on, like, really intense, like, blood thinners for the day. And that they were so intense that if she even bumped her head, she could get bleeding in the brain. So they had to, like, observe her for, like, a day on these. Really, like, she couldn't go anywhere because if she. She bled so easily on these blood thinners.
Right. She said to stay put.
Yeah. So they gave it to her. She started bleeding out of her mouth. Right. She had, like, a cut in her, but she was, like, smiling, like, blood coming out of her mouth. And. And then. And then the craziest part is. So they had to take her to the ICU to observe her. But we weren't at an ICU. We had, like, an er that didn't have people stay the night, so we had to. Even though she was on these blood thinners, because you had to go on them for 4 hours, they had to put her in an ambulance in the rain, and we had to drive to a place where she couldn't move for a day because she could get. If she got hit, her head was, like, on the glass.
Oh, my God.
Insane. Yeah, it was insane.
A lot of problems with, like, emts and people like that. It's not a problem, but it's part of the job is they get real accustomed to people being fucked up and dying.
I know. Yeah. They didn't seem to be that urgent.
It's kind of crazy. Like, I've talked to friends that worked as emts, and they have the most morose senses of humor, and they're so used to people dying, and they tell you story. They all have PTSD, they're all. They all get the gunshot wounds, and they all see the worst car accidents, the worst shit motorcycle crashes.
For us, it was like a huge emergency, but for them, it's like, that's just a stroke. Her head's intact. Whatever.
Oh, my God. So crazy.
She. She lost. She doesn't. She can't get it back. She has, like, a blind spotter right now.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
No way it's coming back.
Or she's gotten used to seeing out both eyes, but when she closes one eye, there's like this. It's like your forehead would be, like, a little whited out.
Oh, wow.
And I don't think it's gonna come back. She's doing great. She's, like, handled it very well. But, yeah, it was sad. We left the hospital after, like, a couple days, and the saddest part is, like, we went outside and there's, like, a sunrise or sunset, and she was like, I can't. It doesn't look very pretty to me. Oh, yeah, it was awful. But she's gotten a lot. I think she can see a lot. She's more adjusted to it. But I feel so old. I'm like, my girlfriend had a stroke. I got a pastrami sandwich for her there, and I felt like just an old jewish couple just eating a pastrami sandwich after one of them had a stroke. After one of them had a stroke. Like, here, take your pastrami. But, you know, I never thought in a million years I'd be the healthier one in the relationship.
That's the luck of the draw.
It's nice and even that, like, when she had open heart surgery, we were both. I make a bit about this, but we were both kind of equally out of breath after that. We go up subway stairs, and we'd both just be like, jesus Christ. Yeah, but she's doing. She's doing. She's doing great. And she's. You know, she. She handles it very well. She's. She's, like, a better person than me, which is kind of annoying. So even in the hospital, she was, like, super worried about. She's a therapist. She was super worried about, like, her patients while she was having the stroke.
Oh, wow.
It's kind of annoying when people are like, that.
Good.
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, that's the kind of therapist you want.
Yeah.
So she doesn't get jaded by the world.
Not yet.
Therapists, that's another one. I mean, you got to think everyone's out of their fucking mind because everybody you're talking to is out of their fucking mind.
Oh, yeah. And she sees people like, it's. You know, she helps. She's a social workers therapist, so she helps people who have, like, you know, typically can't afford, like. So it's not. It's not white people problem therapy.
Right.
It's like, you know, safety planning. You know, how do I. You know that kind of stuff.
Right.
It's not like I feel unhappy. It's like, your husband beats you. How do we get you out of the house? Yeah. She has intense life, but it's good. It's nice to date because to me, the hardest part about dating someone is their job. They have to tell boring work stories, and you just have to deal with it.
Right.
But her stories are never boring. They're always, like, insane shit, you know?
I guess that's better.
I mean, it's better than pretending you care about, like, her friend, being mad at her at the, you know, whatever.
After a certain point in time, you might look for that. Yeah, I'm looking for nonsense talk now.
I like heavy.
Do you?
I think so. Even when she told me she had about to get open heart surgery, I mean, I liked her. I didn't get excited, but I was like, I'm not. I don't. I don't, like, shy away from.
Right.
That stuff, you know.
That's probably a good sign.
Yeah. Yeah, no, it feels like we've been married for, like, 25 years now.
Wow. Yeah. You've gone through a lot, right?
Yeah.
You really learn about something on. Someone's going through heart surgery. How do you react to it in.
The hospital when she had it. There's like, have you ever been to the hospital? Someone gets surgery, there's like a giant terminal thing that shows everyone's names, and it says, like, in the middle, if they're in the middle, surgery or not. And then sometimes it'll just flash canceled, and you're like, did that person die? But I think they just, like, canceled the surgery. Yeah, but, yeah, it's intense, but I got a couple good bits out of it, and that's what's important.
Did she get upset that you have bits of about it?
No. Maybe she might have been disturbed a little by the speed and what you. Well, it's tough. I was in a rut a little, and, you know, sometimes you're in a rut with comedy and then something crazy happens. It just coming. You know what I mean?
Yeah. The problem is, if it involves someone.
Else, we get in that. We get in that argument a lot. Yeah. Which I get. I mean, she's not a comedian. She doesn't give a shit. Like, I just want to be perfect personal.
Right.
I want to bravely disclose all her personal.
And how much trouble you're having dealing with her.
Yeah. I've been very brave for bringing this stuff up about you.
Absolutely. I feel that way.
But, but, yeah, no, but she's. Yes, she's amazing. And, yeah, it's my first, like, serious relationship, and I'm already in, like, serious, and I'm already, it's. I went from, like, your first ever serious one, like, moving in with, oh, wow. I know. I'm, like, 40.
But you're a comic, and it's like, it's so hard for comics to just settle down, to just staying put and doing things with a person and hanging out. You're just so used to just running from club to club and set to set and meeting your friends, and it just becomes a bizarre lifestyle, especially when.
I moved to New York, I got into the cellar, and at that point, like, it's really hard to date people because you get a lot of spots and you can't see anyone, but, yeah.
Your night times are filled.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
And they get mad. You don't have to do a sad tonight. But I do.
Yeah, you have to.
I remember when I was dating this girl, I was 25, and she was like, you don't have to go up tonight. I'm like, but I do. I suck. I need to get better. This is only one way to do it.
I know, but I am working with, like, my therapist about realizing that, like, you know, I always for years, thought the person your relationship with is somehow like an enemy of your artistic process. You know, like, they're there to stifle you. It's an unhealthy way of thinking. And I've tried to work about.
How did you develop that way of thinking, you think?
I think my mom, though she's great, was, like, pretty overbearing, like a jewish mother. And I think I. She was so kind of, like, always, like, overbearing, like, always wanting to know what's going on that I think my response was like, go in my room and shut people out. And so I think, I'm afraid, you know, she's a jewish mother, so just tells me what everything to do at all times, right. So I think I've associated intimacy with someone. I came up with this with. My therapist brought this up. I'm not smart enough to realize this, but I think I associate intimacy with someone trying to stifle me or me, you know, as opposed to, like, something where you're trying to, you know, be in something.
But that also can happen if you're with someone who, because they don't understand. Like, if they have unreal expectations, they expect you to just quit doing comic. Like, I had a friend, and he was a good comic, and he was dating this woman who wanted him to get a job, and he was doing pretty good. You know, he wasn't, like, headlining all the places, but he was middling quite a few places. And, like, he had some bits that were bangers. He had some good bits, and he could have been a really good comic when he. And then he got divorced a couple years later. Like, I ran into him three years later, he got divorced. He was trying to do comedy again, but he hadn't done comedy in three, and he lost all of his momentum, and he couldn't get spots, and no one gave a shit. And everybody else had kind of moved.
On and moved up, and that's a bad relationship. Cause she doesn't understand him. Or, like, she thinks, like, my thing is my girlfriend doesn't think that way. And I sometimes find myself projecting that onto her.
Right.
Cause I project. Like, she'll just be like, I'm not comfortable with you doing this joke. And I'm like, quit trying to silence me.
I think the thing was with this guy is that he was in his third thirties and it hadn't happened yet.
Yeah.
And it was one of those. Probably the parents, like, what is he doing? What if he doesn't make it? You know?
Right, right.
Like, have you ever experienced that I had a girl that I was dating when I was 21 and her father said that, like, what if he doesn't make it like that? I'm. First of all, I'm fucking 21, right? I'm a little kid, right? Leave me alone.
Yeah.
Second of all, like, who know? Yeah, he's right.
Who fucking knows?
I might make it, but I'm gonna try. I'm not gonna not try because I might not make it. That's a pussy's way to live life.
Of course. And, like, yeah, I mean, you have to, like, I don't know. I mean, to me, it's not about making, but if you love something, do it and do it. If. Even if you're broke. I mean, to me, it's. I don't believe in, like, I don't. I don't think of things as having a safety plan. David Mamet, I think it was him, said that, like, don't have a safety plan because you're under. Falling back on it.
Yeah. That's common. That.
Don't have a net, you will fall. I think you just have to. If you love some, like, for me, I love comedy. I love, like, making movies. I'm focused on that.
That's wonderful. But there are guys that are doing open mic nights for 25 fucking years and they're still terrible.
Yes.
Maybe those guys should move on.
Oh, a hundred percent.
Right. That's what I'm saying.
The question is, are you one of those people?
Right. And you. Well, at 21, I really didn't know if I was people, but you have to at least give it a chance. And if you're dating someone that doesn't want you to do something wild and take a chance, like, this is not gonna work.
Yeah, it's definitely good. Especially if you have a kid. I feel like it's definitely good to already have a career of some. Like, I have a career. It's not, like, amazing, but it's a career.
Yeah.
And that helps. Like, it's like, I am making money, so. Yes, but it's really tough if you're like, don't make money.
Oh, yeah.
Relationship. Especially if a kid.
If you have a kid and you're starting out as boy, that is a fucking uphill slog.
You're fucked. Because then you're also selfish now. Like, you're selfish if you're taking spots.
Yeah.
When you should be getting. So that's. That's tough.
Yeah. Well, if you live in the city, at least you do it when everyone's asleep.
Right. Right.
You know, I did, when I was living in LA, I would do 10:00 shows, so I'd be at home, and then everybody's basically going to bed. I'm like, I'm going out. I'm gonna go do shows. So I do shows from 09:00 p.m. on.
That's true. But how was. Was it hard when you first had a kid?
Like, yeah, it's a crazy.
That's got to be tough doing comedy.
It's crazy. But it's also, you know, the thing is, like, they go to bed early, and as long as you have a spouse that understands what's going on and she's cool with it, you can go out and do sets. Yes, but if you're starting out, then, and this is like this pipe dream that you have and you're not making any money doing it, that's a totally different thing. Like, I was already a headliner. I was on television. I was already making money. That's how we made money. I had to go do comedy.
Exactly.
So that's a job, but it's not a dream. You know, it's like if you're chasing a dream and you're 36 and you have three kids and you want to quit your job at the accounting company.
Like, yikes, now you're kind of being an asshole.
Well, it's also. It's like, what are the. You better get really fucking good before you quit that job. Like, yeah, how are you gonna have the time to get really fucking good?
Yeah, exactly. You want to, like, if you're gonna have a kid, I think we talked about this possibility at some point. It's like you want to at least make enough money in your career that if you had a kid, you'd actually just have to work harder at your career as opposed to getting another career.
Right, exactly, exactly. And it's like, there's a lot of people that are. They have the dream of stand up, but they probably haven't really gone at it 100%.
Yeah, well, that's the.
Still have this thing in the back of their head that one day they will, and one day they'll really bear down and really start writing and really start performing more often and going up more than twice a week. Week. And they just don't. And then they get into the situation where, like, oh, my God, everyone's kind of passed me by, and all the guys I started out with are now working professionals, touring the road, and I'm still stuck in LA.
Right, right. Yeah, you have to. I mean, you have to work hard at it. We were talking about if we had a kid, like, I was like, talking to her, I was like, well, you would, you know, on the weekend I'd be on the road, but during the, during the day, during the week, I'd babysit the kid. And she's like, doesn't feel like you're very serious. If you're referring to it as babysit your own kid.
Yeah. You can't say, what'd you do all day? I babysat. Oh. Whose kid's? Mine. What?
Doesn't seem like you're really committed to it. I'll babysit the kid.
You have a very clear responsibility, and it's not yours. I'll do your job for you. If you want to take a nap.
Then you go back, I babysit the kid for you.
You go back to being the boss of the kids.
Just pay me $10 an hour.
Give me what number to call if anything goes wrong. Yeah, that's hilarious.
But, yeah, it's, yeah. Having a kid is scary, but, you know, I think it's good.
You know, I think it's good, but it's not good for everybody, and it's not good depending upon what kind of relationship you're in, right.
Definitely can't do it to save.
Oh, my God. I've seen that happen before. Like, what are you doing? Are you crazy? You guys are about to break up now you have? Yeah. That doesn't work.
No, it's like we're about to break us together.
Yeah, but sword I get. Yeah. I mean, you always talk.
I feel like kids break people apart more than anything.
They break some people apart, they bring some people closer. They definitely brought me, my wife closer.
Really?
Yeah. It's not a, it doesn't have to be a negative thing. It's just like comics look at it as a thief of their time.
I know.
You know, and, you know, Louie said it best. He said, you just got to let it change you.
Yeah.
Yeah. You know, I thought that was really good advice because it definitely changes you and you can't resist it. You just got to be who you are now. You're just a different person now, you know, now you're a person that's watching babies come out of your wife's body and then grow up and talk to you and you take them to do things together and you have fun laughing together. It's like this very strange thing where a life that did not exist now exists, right. And you love it more than anything you've ever loved in your life. You love this person, and you love it.
No matter if the kid is, like, telling a boring story. Like, it goes beyond, like, with your friends, you're like, every story's got to be entertaining, you know? But with people you love, it's like, you just love them.
I talk to my kids about the most boring shit, but to them, it's not boring, you know, like, they like to talk about bands they like and stuff they like, and it's interesting, you know, it's fascinating to watch their little minds grow and the way they interface with the world and see them develop skills and things.
Yeah. All my siblings have kids. They're a lot of fun.
It's time to do it if you're 40.
I know. I keep on asking. Like, I'm rushing. I keep on acting like I'm rushing into things. I'm like, I don't know, it seems so quick. And then I'm like, wait, I'm 40 years old. I always think I'm rushing into things when it's actually, like, the last chance, or at least the last chance of it, you know? We will. It's gonna be a little on hold cause of the stroke.
Yeah, I would say that's probably a good move. Jesus Christ.
Well, she's on blood thinners now. She's like a hemophiliac.
How long?
Eating around those. What?
How long did she have to stay on those for?
Until they figure out what kind of caused.
Roger Ailes was a hemophiliac.
Mm hmm. Was hedgesthem?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jesus, that's a scary one.
I know.
Anybody could just punch you to death.
Yeah. Or just.
Yeah, just give you a bloody nose and you bleed out.
Yeah. It's crazy.
That's nuts.
Yeah, that's how she was. I mean, she's not like that now, but in the ICU, she's basically hemophiliac. Yeah.
And so she has to stay on these for how long?
I think they're trying to find out exactly. They still don't know what caused the stroke.
Wow.
They assume it's something to do with a heart surgery.
Makes sense.
Either that or God hates her and just giving her a bunch of shit.
A double whammy deal with.
But I think it's. Yeah, I think they'll find out, but, yeah, hopefully not. I mean, I think you'd have to get off if we had a kid. Yeah. I've like, six. Six nephews and nieces.
So you're like, you've got baby fever a little bit. Seems like you keep talking about it a little bit.
A little bit. Little touch. But also. But also, like, also, like, not having a kidde. I don't know. They both have good points and bad points, for sure.
I don't think everybody needs to, but, you know, there's a lot of people that have kids that say, everybody should have a kid. I think you can have a wonderful life without having children. I think it's totally possible. But.
Well, the people killed their kids. Probably should have had kids. Everybody should have it.
I read this horrible story about this child prodigy that, like, the mother trained his child to do everything. They rebelled at 18 and she killed him.
Oh, my God.
Yeah. Oh.
Rebelled against the thing.
Hence, I forget what. I got so disturbed by it, I turned the page. But I was reading about this.
But that person shouldn't have had a kid.
Yeah, well, there's a lot of psychos. Their kid is just a representation of the. It's not an individual being, it's their property is them going through life. You will do what I tell you to do. You will be a lawyer, you'll be a football player, whatever the fuck it is.
Like, well, that's why the other bullshit thing, that people who act like kids make you a better person.
That's not everybody.
True. Yeah.
It's like the oxycodone thing.
Yeah.
Who are you?
Exactly. It intensifies. It's actually who you are. But now there's, like, much bigger moral consequences. Like, you can be kind of a dick, but it's not that big of a deal. But then if you have a kid and you're still a dick, now, you're, like, a bad person. Where before you're just kind of a.
Dick or you're just exuding excellence. And broadcast broadcasting kind of makes sense why he's so cocky. The guy was, like, flying high all day. We rush.
Rush.
Yeah. That's excellence in broadcasting.
Yeah.
That was his thing, right? Yeah, excellence in broadcasting. Rush limbo.
Just never at once just be at peace.
It just made me think, too. Like, this whole idea of conservatives being like, button down, sober people, like, look at the world clearly. No. Your fucking main guys pilled out of his fucking mind, spouting out nonsense. Obama's from Kenya. We'll be right back.
They're like. They're like the real fucking hippies on all these drugs.
Yeah, as long as it's prescribed by a doctor, it's not a drug.
That's how I go by it.
The doctor said. I told the doctor I have a natteral problem. They gave me a prescription.
So funny to be like that. I have a real problem. We'll just prescribe it for you.
That is so wild that they said that to you.
I know. It was insane.
That's so wild. Yeah, well, you need it. You. Obviously, you're on it. You shouldn't get off of it because then you could die or something. You could fucking be slow and not as.
It was hard to get off. It was hard to, like, go back to writing without it. It's tough. But it, you know, I had to do it and I can't go back on it now because I would chain smoke on it and I quit smoking. And honestly, that's more worrisome. Like, if I took an Adderall, I would just chain smoke again.
It seems like a lot of coping. A lot of things going on in your head, right? Talking about this.
Oh, wait, what do you mean?
Because it always has a grip on you.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It's like, I. Maybe I could go back, but then I would start chain smoking. I don't want to do that. So I don't go back.
Let's do it. Let's relapse right now.
Starts north.
Lloyd Bridges from airplane. Bad day to get back on Adderall.
Yeah, I've avoided those, but I've. I've been curious about Adderall.
Have you never done it?
Nope. Nope. Never done. Never done cocaine. Never done Adderall.
So you're not. Can you. Do. You do drugs?
Yeah, but I. When I was a kid, I got very lucky and. Not lucky, but one of my friends, his cousin, was addicted to coke. And I watched this guy's life completely fall apart. He was selling coke and it was like a. Like he got bit by a vampire. Yeah, it was a different person. Like, he was. It's real skinny and, like, look all gaunt and shit and just coked up all the time. Fucked up.
You're not supposed to use your own support. That's like a.
Well, he didn't follow the rules. I think a lot of them don't follow. It wasn't like a businessman. He was a guy who, like, got coke and sold some of it.
Such a nerd. But he was. That's not, uh. That's not drug dealer protocol.
I mean, it's from, you know, the biggie. The ten crack Commandments.
Had crack commandments. Don't get high after own supply. Yeah, I, uh. Yeah, I mean, I did a lot of coke back in the day, too. It was. I mean, you see a lot of sunrises, which is pretty that's a good.
Way to look at it.
I've seen way more sunrises now than I would have if I didn't do cocaine.
But what about when you were getting up at farmer hours? You saw a lot of sunrises then, too.
Yeah, but I was a kid, I didn't appreciate it.
You know, Adderall, when you're a kid.
You'Re never like, oh, look at a beautiful sunrise.
And it's easier to stay awake than it is to get up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. That's a good point. Very good point.
If you're on Adderall, it's way easier to just stay.
That sounds like a profound line in a song. Yeah, like a Dylan line.
When I was young, I used to love staying up all night. I used to think it was awesome that I would be going to bed when everybody was running around.
Oh, yeah.
It is my favorite thing.
It's a sacred time. I have this comedian friend of mine, great comic Ben Moore. He had an awful sleeping schedule where he would literally go to bed at nine in the morning and woke up at 05:00 p.m. and just started when everyone was, like, ending.
Was he a comic?
Yeah.
That's comic life.
Yeah. That's a little too much.
That's a lot.
You need sunlight.
Yeah. Every now and then you probably shouldn't do that, but every now and again do it. I don't think it's so bad, but.
I like, I mean, I like sunlight. Yeah. I like to, you know, it's good for you.
Take it. Vitamin D. How you still stay healthy. But I was, when I was like, in my early twenties, when I lived in New York, I would stay up all night, all the time.
Really?
Yeah. I go to bed not on cocaine. It's very.
Just high on life.
Playing pool mostly.
Oh, you're big pool guy.
Yeah. So, like, I'd go to the clubs and afterwards go to the pool hall. Play pool till 04:00 in the morning, go to a diner. Oh, get something to eat, my friends. 06:00 in the morning. I was hanging out with just complete derelicts, like pool hustlers and crazy people and. And comics, you know, so it was like no one was normal. And so then it was normal. So if I called someone at 05:00 I said I just woke up, they would think it was funny. It's like I was up all night. It was normal. It wasn't like, you loser.
Right?
Like, oh, you're living the crazy young.
Life and you liked it, huh?
That was good. Times.
I'm impressed that you could do that without cocaine. I feel like that's very impressive.
Yeah. But when you're playing pool all night and you're drinking coffee and just hanging out, it's time. And also, I was so used to it, so you. I didn't have anything to get up for.
Right.
I didn't have a job.
This is when you're doing comedy?
Yeah, I just started making money doing comedy, so I had enough money that I. That comedy, for the first time in my life, was, like, legitimately paying my bills.
Oh, wow.
Paying my rent. I had a car. Like, I was driving around to gigs. I was doing, like, headliner gigs in Connecticut and Jersey. Like, $500 there, 350 there. So every week I was making, like, a good amount of money and I was just having a good time.
That's great. I always. They always talk about, like, the moment where you start making it and you can quit your day job. Yeah, that never happened. I had. I would have day jobs and make a little money on comedy, and then the day job would want to fire me cause I wasn't there enough, but I'd like, no, I need this job. I don't make enough in comedy. And then they'd fire me. I'd be, like, forced to, like, focus on.
How many years in did you become a complete professional?
I think, like, eleven.
Oh, wow. So you really did keep a job for. Do you think the job held you back or do you think it helped you?
No, no, I only had, like, shitty, like, kind of like part time jobs.
Right?
I think. I think around nine, I started opening for Cassie Madigan on the road. And that's when I first started having money. And she was great, and it was great working with her.
She's hilarious.
She's amazing, and I really learned a lot from her. And she's one of the best. And that's when I first kind of had money where I could, like, actually move to New York. I think I had part time jobs and I was just living with my parents and doing comedy on the road, going to, like, the loony bins and shit. Taking greyhounds. I took greyhounds everywhere. It was. I paid my dues. I would take, like, an 18 hours Greyhound.
Ooh, I did that a couple of times.
It's insane.
Bus trips to a gig of ruh.
It's like the dmv on wheels. It's just the most depressing.
It's the weirdest fucking people. Like, where are you in normal walks of life other than Walmart?
You're like, yeah. How did you even get on a bus? You're like, oh, I've heard, like, the craziest shit on, like, the Greyhound is just like an insane. But I.
That story about the one guy who cut a guy's head off on a.
Greyhound, I used to have a bit about it because, you know, like, other comics. Other comics. Other comics have like, the observational airplane material, right? But I wasn't doing well enough to airplane. I'd open all my bits with greyhound.
Oh, wow.
Just got here from the greyhound. I had a bit about, like, like, I was. I was surprised the bus even stopped after that. Usually, usually they just keep on going. Hope this shit works itself out.
That guy, what was. He was just like schizophrenic or something. He cut some guy's head off that was sitting next to him.
He's schizophrenic. He cut.
It was a carny Canada man who behead bus passenger granted freedom. What?
The canadian legal system is insane.
Wait, what?
Yeah, no, he got. He's like. He got, like, out.
He's been granted freedom. Full freedom.
Yeah, no, it's crazy. When you read this, it'll make you like, appreciate America.
He was deemed not criminally responsible and received mental health treatment. A review board in Manitoba ordered his discharge without monitoring, saying he did not pose a significant threat. When you behead someone on a bus, aren't you a significant threat?
I just feel like once you beheaded someone, that's it. That's it for you.
Oh, my God.
Right?
He removed his internal organs, stabbed him. Oh, my God. Attack began without warnings. Alerted by screams from the victim, the driver stopped the bus and fled with the passengers. As Mister Baker continued his attack, he was found not criminally responsible in 2009 for the killing. Spent seven years in treatment secure wing of a psychiatric hospital. The voice told me I was the third story of the body Bible, that I was like the second coming of Jesus, and I was to save people from a space alien attack. He also said he was really sorry for what he had done.
It's funny, back to back.
It's the best that they took completely out of context. Generally, I'm not a fan of that, but in this stretch, I put that back up. I like how they talk him completely out of context and said really sorry in quotes. Not even dot dot.
I was killing to prevent space aliens. But also. My bad.
Are you sorry? I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Okay.
There's something about really sorry. That's just very funny.
For that, he definitely doesn't pose a significant threat to the safety of the public. Imagine. Imagine if that's your friend. This guy cut your friend's head off and they just let him out.
It's insane. They did a radio lab about this. Like in America, if you behead someone, that's like the end of your. That's a wrap.
That's right.
As it should be. I feel like once you cut off ahead, there's no resuscitating your career. But there they just like observed him for a little bit.
He believed the victim was an alien. Well, he had his reasons. Hear about the lady in California that smoked weed? And she stabbed her boyfriend. She killed him. She stabbed him like eleven times. Something crazy. And they deemed her not criminally responsible because she went psychotic. She had psychotic break.
But here's a was she really sorry?
She was really sorry.
She was really, really. She was really sorry.
I think she said really, really. So I think we're good.
I feel like that guy needed another. Really.
Don't you think that is one of those moments where I go, okay, if that was a man that did that to a woman and had the same excuse, I do not think anybody would buy it. No, not for a fucking second.
Just to be like, woman.
Oh, 108 times. Excuse me. Excuse me? 108 times. Did I say eleven?
You said eleven.
I mean 108. Gee, what the fuck? California. I forgot.
A potent strain of pot.
Yeah, it's really potent. Dude, relax. Stop being so judgy. I mean, it was really potent.
Do they have to call it potent?
She went to jail scot free. Hmm. She was convicted of involuntary manslaughter. What is the difference between involuntary invol. I didn't mean to kill him. I only stabbed 108 times.
Yeah, I guess involuntary is one time.
Should be attempted murder. And if you actually kill them, it's murder. Why?
Yeah, of course.
Right. That's one style.
Premeditated comes in for murder.
Right. Okay, but wait a minute. Isn't it second degree murder if it's not premeditated? I think that's what it is. Yeah, that's a second degree murder is like. You don't mean to. Yeah, manslaughter is an accident.
Isn't it weird that premeditated is worse because the other one is kinda of like, oh, he could kill at any time without warning, but that should get a lesser sentence. Yeah, I feel like that's the scarier one. The premeditated is like, at least you. At least you might know if he's planning it again. Cause he plans it.
You know, I see what you're saying. But the other one's got his reasons.
Like, the guy on the bus is like, I could kill anyone at any time. And they're like, well, that's not as bad.
Although the two were dating, Spetcher told the outlet she never considered O'Melia her official boyfriend and said she told him she no longer had any romantic interest in him two days before killing him. Okay. She claimed he was aggressive, intimidating, and had a temper. She told the outlet. So when he encouraged her to hit a bong on the day of the stabbing, she gave into the pressure, then went into a deadly psychosis. Well, I think her alibi is that he was really annoying. He seemed super annoying. He got real loud and yelly. Imagine that for a little super shouty. Fuck that guy.
Imagine a guy doing that.
But also, so we're both accountable. Oh, my God. But there's obviously been more attention to my part versus Chad's part. The part where the guy got stabbed 108 times.
I feel like people are really focused on me, and I just don't think it's the full story.
Such sexism and bullshit.
I stabbed him 108 times. But, like, he also yelly. Raised his voice a lot.
He got shouty?
Yeah, but they're just focusing on the.
And he scared me. Okay? He fucking raised his voice.
That's the problem. Stabbing someone 111 times.
108.
Sorry, 108. It wasn't that potent.
Hyperbole.
Also, I love how they say potent weed, as if.
Super potent.
As if that's the strand. Like, you go to the drugstore, they're like, this strand will have you stab.
Your boyfriend months before the fatal encounter. O'Melia's roommate also had an extreme reaction after smoking out of the same bong. Goldstein said he suffered hallucinations and fear of death. But that just sounds like you get too high.
That's just what. Every time I get high, Bong does this guy have.
Yeah, she only smocked pot less than a half a dozen times prior to the stabbing, her lawyer said, describing her as a naive user. She's naive, but just imagine the sexes being reversed. She got really yelly, and I got real nervous, and, you know, I had only smoked pot, like, six times before that.
Oh, well, then in that case, yeah.
Are you really, really sorry? Well, also, like, what about her part? Well, I guess she was kind responsible.
It's just funny that they're using weed. Like, it's like. It's bath salts. Crystal meth.
Exactly.
It was a really strong weed.
31% thc. That's pretty I son, but it's like. Cuz there's caution for high tolerance users only. Yeah, but the problem is the side effects or the effects of marijuana do not match that at all. No, it's the opposite.
I don't. Yeah, that's. That's. I think that's on her.
Los Angeles based dispensary found marijuana flour for sale legally. With th levels as high as 39%. That's even more potent. Similar levels were available Friday from a local competitor. But yet no one's running around stabbing people. It's just so crazy that they accepted that. It sounds so nuts. And you talk about victim blaming. Well, what about Chad? Chad was really.
Name of Chad and then. Never mind.
Yeah, his name is.
Never mind then.
Didn't they say that's his name? Right. It's not a good name for a guy that got stabbed automatically. Unless her name's Karen. Automatically you're gonna be on Sean. It was Sean. Why'd she. But it's like what we said, like Chad killing him.
Chad?
Yeah.
I don't know why it says Sean here.
Chad.
People don't even care what the guy's fucking name.
Fuck Chad. I.
Father Sean?
Yeah, I mean, like. Yeah, that's what we talked about. For when the drug brings out who you are inside.
Right?
Like the killing of the stabbing someone hundred, eight times. That's. That's you.
It's also like, how do you keep doing it after you do it? One or two. How do you know?
It's really boring after a while.
That's so crazy. Like, your arm must get tired. You stabbed him 108 times.
Actually a pretty impressive workout.
She probably, like, hurt herself that she got hurt, too. What about that?
It's a good point. Yeah.
It's just. I couldn't imagine ever seeing those roles reversed. There's no way.
Yeah, I stabbed her 108 times. But here's the thing. She was real naggy, super shouty, and I was pretty high.
Yeah, and I don't get that high.
All right.
You are five or six times. That's not like five or six times is like, you know what we does, but we doesn't. Doesn't do that.
It doesn't make you kill people.
No, no. I mean, you can go crazy, though. You can freak out. Some people freak out. They really do. But. But that. She must have really despised that guy and that might not have like, popped out of her.
That's not.
With this fucking idiot that's in there.
Not that deep. It's not like you're just like, yeah. Fuck, yeah.
108 times.
I mean, I've had, like, you know, you get. I get anxious on weed.
Yeah, but you don't go around stabby.
No, I just sit there thinking everyone's gonna hate me and I'm gonna die. I don't, like, think about stabbing people 108 times. That is. That is excessive.
If you did anything 100 times on your high, you meant. You probably meant to do it.
Yeah. It seems like if you hit 108 golf balls, that's what you're trying to do.
It's about the max you could do. You get pretty fucking tired.
She's like, she was more on Adderall with that amount of stabbing.
That sounds so crazy. I want to know if she was on anything else along with it, because, you know, like, if you mix, like, Zoloft with cocaine, it's very dangerous. Certain things that you. If. If you mix stuff with no bueno.
Really?
Yeah. People lose their fucking marbles.
What's bad with Prozac? I'm on Prozac.
That's a good question. What is bad with Prozac? Let's find out. If you're on Prozac, should you be taking edibles?
Oh, boy.
What happens?
You take one every night.
Oh, well, you're the test. It's fine for you.
I was looking up.
That's the thing. It's like, what's fine for you is not fine for everybody.
I was looking up Nyquil because I was taking. I also take a sleeping pill. I wanted to see if Nike will.
Here it goes. Okay. You shouldn't take it. May increase your risk for bleeding problems. Oh, a couple of strokers. Make sure your doctor knows if you're also taking other medicines that thin the blood, including nonsteroidal anti inflammatories like ibuprofen.
I take Advil all the time.
It interacts with monoamine oxidase inhibitors, mao eyes, other antidepressants, and blood thinners.
Sounds like I'm okay. I can't make my girlfriend's medication that's.
Saying don't take ayahuasca, though.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I'm not. Really. I don't. I don't think I would take Iowa.
Well, don't do it. If you're on the prozac, don't do it.
I'm not.
It says nonsteroid. It said non steroidal anti inflammatories and Mao inhibitors. And that's one of the ingredients. Serious bleeding. Serotonin syndrome.
What's this guy's bleeding?
I think it's about the blood thinning stuff.
Oh, really?
Manufacturer Prozac recommends. Whoops. That you avoid drinking an alcohol while taking this drug.
Hey, I don't drink.
There you go. Alcohol can worsen.
Hey, I think I'm good.
Okay.
I think we're good. Just don't take my. Yeah. Girlfriend's blood thinners.
Does the Prozac make you kind of speedy at all?
No, I have. I have a really bad anxiety I've had my whole life, and I was on Paxil for, like, ten years, and then I tried to get off of it.
Like, what is Paxil? What is that one?
It's like an ant. It's just another SSRI. Yeah.
Yeah.
And I got off of it, like, five years ago, just weaned off of it, and. And then, like, six months later, I had the worst panic of my life. I basically was dizzy for, like, three months.
Oh, boy.
I had a panic attack at every show. Just on stage. Every open mic. Open mic or whatever. I'd have a panic attack on stage. It was awful, and I was super dizzy, and it was. My psychiatrist said it wasn't even withdrawal.
This is the same one that gave you the Adderall prescription? No, no, no, different. Are you one of those guys that shops around for different psychiatrists?
Well, that was in Louisville. After I went to rehab, I was like, maybe I should get a different shrink. But he. I had, like, terrible, like, dizziness, and I had to get on something else, so I got on Prozac, and it helped a little with that.
Is there anything else that helped other than the Prozac? Is there any activities I don't have.
To, like, have my girlfriend, you know, have bore her with having sex for too long? It helped that, you know, because it makes you. What is it? Well, actually, it keeps you from getting it up.
Oh.
But I don't have that problem, so definitely.
Okay, so the Paxil was helping you in a different way than the Prozac is?
I think it was the same thing. I just didn't want to go back on Paxil because Paxil had, like, a lot of weight gain. So I went on Prozac and then gained the weight anyway, but.
And what was the difference in the way you felt on Paxil versus on Prozac?
Both of them, honestly made me feel kind of like the same, which is just, like, a somewhat anxious person. The problem was, when I was on Paxil, I thought I didn't need it. But the reason I thought I didn't need it is. Cause I was on it. You know what I mean?
Right.
That's the problem with people get off antidepressants. They're like, well, I don't need it. That's because it's working. So unless there's, like, a problem, I don't know. When I got off of it, it was like a nightmare. That anxiety I had, it was like, truly, like, especially having panic attacks on stage. Jesus, it's so shitty. Cause we all get anxiety. But usually I'd come to believe that anxiety leaves you once you get on stage. Like, it's a comfort zone.
Right.
And I had lost that for a long time. I, like, had panic, like, all throughout a set. Yeah, it was awful.
Was there anything else that you tried that helped out at all?
I tried, you know, I try to meditate.
Did that do anything?
It helps a little. Honestly, the thing that helped the most was panic attacks on stage. Was just continuing to have them to the point where you notice it doesn't. Doesn't. Doesn't destroy the world. Like, I would actually still do okay on stage. Actually, people wouldn't really notice. Like, I'd go off after, like, that was horrible. They're like, I don't even notice, you know? Which makes you feel more alone, by the way, the fact that you can have this hell in your head and no one notices.
And when you were doing this, where there's sometimes you didn't have the hell in your head. Or did it happen every time?
I think it happened for those three months, like, almost every time. I mean, sometimes maybe not. Or if I was doing a long set, like an hour, maybe go away after a while. But I honestly think just having them and then realizing it's not a big deal, they can still do the show that made it go away, because I think for the worst thing you can do is anxiety. It's like, run away from it. Like, if you're anxious when you go outside, the worst thing you can do is just not go outside, because then it, like, builds. So having, if anyone has panic attacks on stage, just continuing to have them and letting your brain know that it's not a big deal, that it's not gonna destroy you, then it starts to go away. Wow. So now I'm back to not really having them on stage. But, yeah, it was tough. Like, getting off medication was like a horror show. I mean, I kind of wish I was never on it to begin with, you know?
Do you wish you were on Prozac to begin with, or do you think that, like, did something about taking the anti anxiety medication, it, when you got off it, accentuate the, like, the anxiety that. Did you have the same level of anxiety before you did paxil that you had when you got off of it?
I think it was more like. I mean, it's all a mystery, I guess, why, exactly, but I think it was more like all this anxiety. It was this giant wave of anxiety that I just happened to have in my life. I just come out with a special, and I was feeling this, like, I had this urge to just, like, create more stuff and, like, just, you know that feeling you have where you just want to get out as much stuff because you're afraid you're gonna die? I had that urge kind of big. I was like, I gotta do the next thing. The next thing. And then actually, the way it started, I was at my brother's place, and I looked in the mirror and I saw these moles on my back, and I was just convinced they were skin cancer. That's how it began. And not like I always had hypochondria, but this was different. Like, I knew I was gonna die. And then I went to the doctor, and they were like, it doesn't look like skin cancer. And then the next day, I stood up and was dizzy. And was dizzy for, like, three months straight.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I think it was a wave of anxiety just where I was in my life. But for the. For the first time in ten years, I didn't have something to mask it, which I think made it more intense, you know? You know what I mean?
How long were you off it?
For about, like, four months. And then I. And then I slowly got on Prozac, maybe a little more.
Four months of hell.
Yeah, it was awful. And it was just like. Yeah, it was awful.
So did you have that level of anxiety when you were younger?
When I was really young, I would have these really bad screaming fits. Like, when I was, like, eight or nine, I would just suddenly have these moments where I was like, I don't know, this moment of just feeling hopeless or something. I just started yelling, and my parents never knew what it was. I actually would cut myself a couple times, like, on the leg, just to, like, distract it. Oh, wow. And I had those, and I didn't know what it was. And then in college, I also started doing cocaine, which didn't help. And then I had some, like, really bad kind of anxiety in college, and that's when I went on Paxil originally, you know? Yeah, but, no, I've always had, like, really bad anxiety.
Damn.
Do you have anxiety? No. That is so funny. After this log thing, do you have anxiety? You're like, I can get it sometimes.
I could talk myself into it. I could talk myself out of it.
Yeah.
I get anxiety about existential threats. I get anxiety about war. Sometimes, late at night, I get anxiety. The more I read about history, the more I understand how many times in history. History. Society was. Everything was great, and everything was fine. And then all sudden, some terrible event took place. And then we went back to, like, the Stone Age and that this is an imminent threat to life, that we. We look at the goings on in the world as if it's like some plot in a television show that we're watching. You're watching what's happening in Ukraine, you watching what's happening in Gaza, and you're watching what's happening, and you were on, and you watching all this crazy shit, and it doesn't seem real because it hasn't affected you. But late at night, when everyone's asleep, that's when it gets me, right?
All the horrors.
I start thinking that this ridiculous life that we live and all the stupid societal conflicts that we have that are mostly meaningless and nonsense and that they're accentuated constantly in the news. All the while, real people are dying and, like, drone suicide bombs. You can watch them on YouTube while.
We'Re just having, like, culture war arguments.
Yeah. I mean, I've seen so many people die on Instagram reels. So many people get blown up by missiles and blown up by drones and suicide drones slamming into people and detonating them. I watched this guy, some guy. I forget what part of the world it was, but he wore a suicide vest. They tried to stop him, and these guys run and they grab them and they all explode. They're trying to stop him from pulling the vest, and this bomb goes off, and you see just parts of people flying, and you're like, fuck, man. This is all happening in the world right now. It's just not happening right here.
You're watching it. You're like, for some reason, I'm really anxious right now.
Yeah. I get freaked out and I start thinking about just how fragile our civilization really is.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's completely fragile. I mean, yeah.
And we're so soft. We're so accustomed to living this way. We're so. Like, when the power went off earlier, when we're doing this podcast, what do we do? We wait for it to come back on.
Yeah. What if it doesn't come back?
I used to have a bit about that. Like when the dumb people out fuck the smart people and the power just goes off and no one any idea how to turn it back on again. Like what? What do you do? Somebody does it, they do it. And what if that guy's dead? Like, do we know? And when do we know? How long afterward do we figure out the power's not coming back?
Right? It's crazy. The world's just functioning off of just this. No one's really running the ship. It's just a collective thing of functioning.
And we're connected by the most fragile thing we have, which is the power grid and our computer infrastructure. All of it can be wiped out in one solar flare.
And we take it so for granted.
Yeah, it's the only reason why we're alive. It's a hundred degrees outside and I have a hoodie on, right? I'm super comfortable in here. We have air conditioning, we're fine. We're not dying of heat exhaustion. We're not out there dehydrating to death. We know where the water is.
We've ignored the fact that nature can.
Be a threat, and we're just so vulnerable and we're so reliant to keep this civilization going the way it is. Like, think about what we've been talking about today. Like, if you go back and watch films from like the 1930s and 19, how horrific people treated each other. And over time, because of our access to all these different human beings and how they feel about things and how they discuss things, all that has kind of elevated our discourse and elevated the way we communicate with each other and we interact with each other and we demand more and there's going to be over compensation and things are going to go back and forth, but generally it's moving in the right direction. But that's only because all of our needs are met and because there's like, you can go back and yes, electricity is the thing that changed everything. When you can stay cool and stay warm, you can live in places you shouldn't be living.
Yeah, there'd be a hellhole to live in without acities would be.
All cities would be a hellhole.
Yeah.
There's no food. No one's growing food. How do you eat? As soon as trucks stop coming in, everyone's fucked. Yeah, there's no food. You have enough food for like a few hours of everybody eating and then that's it.
Yeah, the Gaza stuff is awful.
It's horrifying.
Created such a, you know, I'm jewish, obviously, if you can't tell.
I think you brought that up.
It's been, it's, it's been such a complicated, horrible thing. And it's just, it's just horrible all around.
It is complicated and horrible. And it's also complicated when you see so much anti semitism, like open anti semitism about all Jews, as if there's like this cabal of evil people that are pulling the strings.
I know. I've posted, you know, I think I hate Netanyahu. I hate the israeli government. I think both Gaza and Israel have been taken over by extremists, you know.
Right.
But I've posted concern for anti semitism and I've been, like, attacked by people. Like, how can you be worried about that when people are dying in Gaza? And I'm like, there's two different things.
Yeah. They're both real.
Yeah, they're both real. And I have a right to be concerned. Jews have a right to be a little nervous.
Yeah. Remember?
Yeah. We have a right to get cautious, you know?
But it's also, that's one of the things that I forget who was talking to us about this. It might have been Jordan Peterson, but it was somebody. It was somebody. When they were saying that it's one of the hallmarks of a civilization's decline, they start blaming things on the Jews.
It is.
It's really common.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because Jews stick together and, you know, they, it's a very difficult club to get into, you know?
Well, I think what people have done is there are a lot of, there is an extremist faction in Israel who are like, which, by the way, was.
Being protested for months on end before October 7.
And what people aren't doing, they're not giving Israel the benefit of a conflicted soul. And a lot of the anti zionist propaganda is making you think all of Israel is like that.
Exactly.
But it's no different than another country like America. It's a conflicted place. There are extremists, and some of them are, and Netanyahu has put a lot of them in his government, made a coalition with them. But there's also people who want peace, people who want, you know, palestinian self determination.
All human beings everywhere in the world, there's good people.
It's like if you hated Trump, but then you assume when he was president, everyone in America supported Trump. Right.
Right.
Have you thought that it's like, it's very dehumanizing to think, like, all of Israel is like, just in support of.
The genocide and God.
Right. And that's, and then you see polls.
65% of people say it's okay to rape palestinian prisoners. Who did you talk to? Who did you talk to? 65% of who? Who the fuck is answering that poll? Hey, let me ask you a couple questions about rape. Who the fuck is answering that? We talking about raping prisoners? I'm all in, by the way. I'm on my way to work. I gotta go.
Well, yeah, like, there's also, like, there's obviously a lot of horrible shit Israel has done. Done, but a lot of people go beyond that and make it. It's not just like, it's fine to be like, they don't put civilians in. Like, they don't think about civilians. I understand that as a critique, but a lot of people want to make it look like they're, like, going out of their way to just only kill civilians. They have a goal. It might be bad and reckless.
Yeah. But there's been things like the killing of the aid workers, you know, like the Jose Andres people.
Yeah.
Which is like. Seems like they were targeted.
I don't know. It's hard to believe the purpose for that.
The target, to keep people from getting food to the Gaza refugees.
Yeah. I don't know.
I don't like, I don't have a position.
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
That's. That's the people accusation, is that they knew who those people were.
I think Israel. I think. I don't. It's hard for me to believe that that's where I do think they want to get rid of Hamas. I think a lot of people have died. It's awful, and I don't think it's worth it, all this at all, but I don't think they're like.
You don't think that some people have a dehumanization way of looking at Palestinians?
Yeah, for sure.
They definitely. Yeah, well, I think that's what you're looking at when you're seeing soldiers rape palestinian prisoners. You've seen that video.
Yeah. No, that. That camp is awful.
Yeah, those awful.
Truly a nightmare.
Look, whenever a human being is capable of doing something like that to another human being that they don't even know, they consider that person the other. You've got a giant problem. And that's the giant problem of being able to just bomb Gaza into oblivion and kill who knows how many thousands of people. It's almost like the United States reaction after 911. 911. The whole world was on our side. Everybody wanted America to prosper. We can't believe America was attacked. America, this shining beacon of democracy and self government. Like, no, not America. Then what do we do? We invade Iraq, right? And we kill a million people, wind up dying because of our invasion. They think. And then you think about the weapons of mass destruction, hosts. It was all bullshit, and it was paraded in the media. So it's like that. It's like our overreaction was so horrific, then everybody hated America.
I agree with that. I do think what Hamas did was so horrific. Horrific. And they said they're going to keep doing it. It did plant these seeds of hate in Israelis that no doubt even I'm in the position, like, obviously this war is terrible, I don't think should have happened. But I also think it's a lot to ask people to have something so horrific happen and not them kind of retaliate, though. I'm against it, if that makes sense.
I know what you're saying, that people would retaliate. It's the way they're retaliating and the scale, of course, which is horrific to people.
But I also. Yeah, I mean. I mean, I think there's dehumanization on both sides, for sure.
Well, the only way you can do October 7 is dehumanization, of course.
And I do think people on both sides have tried to demean the other or trivialize the other person's accountability.
I know it's crazy. And also, people pretending as if they know what actually happened and what the stats are, they didn't do that. They didn't do this. Are you on the ground?
That's the human. To me, saying, like, there's no rape, then, is like, demonization.
All of it is crazy. Like, you don't fucking know what's actually going on. And there's a lot of misinformation that's even printed in mainstream media. Like, this is the bombing of the hospital.
There's a lot of shit that happened.
That was front page of the New York Times.
There's a lot of shit that happens in the Fargo war that they. People want to know the answer right away. And you. I know it's upset hard, but you have to wait. Sometimes, like, the fog of war, you're not going to always have the answer right away. I mean, I'm not saying Israel. It isn't culpable of a lot of things, but you do have to wait. I see people sharing information that's not verified all the time, that just came out where you're like, you don't.
Well, that's the hospital bombing.
Yeah, exactly.
That's exactly what that is, I mean, that made it all the way into newspapers.
Exactly. I mean, I think, like, Netanyahu created a coalition with some really awful people, like Smoetric and Ben Guerre. There are, like, really jewish supremacists, real thugs. And I think a lot of anti Zionists have tried to convince everyone that all of Israel is like that. And I just think, yeah, both. There needs to be less demonization. And just seeing, like, yeah, suffering in gods is horrible. It needs to stop. But also, like, not every Israeli is part of some evil Zionist, whatever conspiracy. Thats its own inverted form of anti semitism.
Well, Netanyahu is this super pro military guy. I mean, he was a special forces guy.
Yeah. And hes corrupt, and he has charges against him that hes trying to, like, weaken the government to prevent from coming through. And he made a coalition with two people who are truly awful, awful people. And that, and that is really almost, these people want a theocracy in Israel. You know, they want, but that's not all of Israel. And people have protested against that.
That's my fear when I'm up in the middle of the night.
Yeah.
That this kind of shit is going on, that any minute it could pop off and become a nuke war.
I mean, it's a legitimate, legitimate fear. No, that's anxiety.
I don't. Whatever it is, that's, if you ask me if I get anxiety, that's my anxiety.
No, I can totally, totally see when.
I get really freaked out. That's what freaks me out. What freaks me out is that it could pop off at any minute, and then we. And then it, all of a sudden, it's September 12, you know?
Yeah.
But way better, way bigger, way crazier, way scary, way scarier. And that hasn't happened since 1945. So we assume that it's nothing going to happen again.
Yeah, we had 20 good years, and now we think everything. We had, like, some good time in the eighties, and now, yeah, it can never go back.
Oh, dude, when the wall fell down, it was amazing. There was like a weight lifted off of America. Like, everybody, oh, Soviet Union is gone. We don't have to worry about a nuclear war with Russia anymore. And now it's China and Iran and fucking this and that and. Oh, my God, is like most periods.
Of history, people had kind of a shitty life and a volatile period of history. We really like up to, like, I guess after Vietnam and maybe to the, you know, now to the last till everything's kind of falling apart now. Like, it was kind of smooth sailing. I guess for a little bit, but.
Like, as long as you're in America.
Yeah. It's not smooth sailing. People are like, the nineties were great.
Rwanda, it was not smooth sailing. Yeah, there was a lot of places where it sucked. Baddem.
Well, that's the other thing that. Yeah, it's never, it's been shitty for. It's always shitty for someone.
That's the thing is we're not used to it happening right here.
We're very spoiled.
Oh, we're so spoiled. Like, the Russians are so much more used to it than us. They lost so many people during world war two.
Oh, yeah. Like 20 million.
Well, I was reading this thing about France. This is so crazy that during world War one, France lost 25% of its fighting age men, and then during world war two, they lost another 25%.
It's insane. Like, your life.
Fuck, man.
Well, that's the thing. Life was so cheap, and now we feel like life is kind of expensive. We're. Now we're like, life has value, you know? But it's still so cheap for so many people.
Well, it is in other parts of the world. That's the thing. It's like we're so used to not being attacked that when something like 911 does happen, like Pearl harbor happen 5 hours over the ocean. The only other time we were attacked.
Yeah.
You know, we're so soft.
We are so.
We're so soft as baby poo.
But we're seeing a lot of violence. I mean, we see every. You see the guy shot Trump, you see his head exploded on the roof. You see everything. That was all about a guy trying to.
Just a guy trying to. You don't think he has help?
No.
No. Do you think Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone?
Yeah, I'm not good with. I'm not a big.
So the Bill Hicks joke, you don't buy into it?
I love the joke.
You love the joke?
But I'm not a big. I'm not a big.
Have you ever read into that? That one?
I read a little, yeah.
You need to read more. That's one you really shouldn't be flipping about. They killed that fucking guy.
Here's the thing with Trump, though. Like, why? Why would he need. So he got, you thought, like, Biden's trying to take him out.
I don't think it was Biden. I think it could be a number of people that were involved, but it seems at the very least, like they were so lax, insecure security, that they were inviting something to happen, at the very least. And knowing that that guy was walking around more than 30 minutes before with a rangefinder seeing that guy. He come back and forth. He observed him multiple times. People were talking about him. They were keeping an eye on him. And this guy gets on the roof with a rifle and gets off three shots.
Well, my thing was a lot of conspiracy theories. It just kind of ignores incompetence. I feel like incompetence is a real thing.
Incompetence is a real theory, you know? You know, it's real thing. Conspiracies, those are real too. The problem with dismissing conspiracies as being just a silly conspiracy theories, that was the whole goal. The Warren Commission report. And that was what that was when the term conspiracy theory got into the zeitgeist. Why don't pejorative.
I don't dismiss, and I didn't mean to offend.
No, you didn't offend.
I don't dismiss. There's a huge amount of corruption and horrible things. I just think a lot of times incompetence just does play a big part. And I do think like, there is incompetence and there's like randomness a lot.
Some dude had a really good joke about it that he put up on instagram. It was very funny. Let me see if I can find. Maybe you can find it, Jamie. He said that it was basically like, if I thought they were going to try to. Assassination attempt. That seems exactly like how the government would do it. Like really inefficient. Really. He said it was like the DMV of assassination attempts. Find this dude who sent that to me.
But like. But it's also. I mean, I guess for me it's like you also have to like, you find it.
I saw it recently too. I know what you're talking.
Fuck. Somebody sends it to me, I get too many texts.
Anything can be real. But I also think the. The idea that he was a lone shooter is not. That world is not a crazy world. The idea that we're in a violent place.
No, I'm not saying has guns. No, not saying that he wasn't a lone shooter. I think he was a lone shooter. Maybe there was other shooting on him. I think he was trained and I think somebody got him detonators. He had sophisticated detonators and explosive devices.
You're like loan shooter betrayed by the movie.
I think someone talked that guy into doing that. I think. I don't think someone talked that kind of doing it. I think it's possible that someone talked that kind of doing that.
Yeah, I mean, anything's possible. I'm not. I'm not, like, dismissing that. I just think, like, he's, like, a school shooter who got political.
They took his body away and cremated it ten days after the assassination. No toxicology report, no public. There's been no press conference about it, no telling all the details. Here's what we know. They went to the kid's house. It was professionally scrubbed. Didn't have silverware in it.
Right.
There's a phone that was going back and forth because, you know, they have ad data. They can track cell phone. When they ping. There's a phone going back and forth between the offices of the FBI and Washington, DC and this kid's house on multiple occasions.
Yeah, I don't. I don't know about that, but I don't.
That's where things get weird, right?
You'd hate me with my views? I don't.
No, no, I wouldn't hate.
I think Epstein.
I would not hate you with your views.
I'm, like, the opposite of a conspiracy theorist.
That's interesting. So you think Epstein killed himself?
I'm not saying he definitely killed himself, but I also think it is believable that he is a little depressed at that point.
Certainly.
You know, I mean, that's what I think. I think, like, the. I think the. The possibility of it not being a conspiracy isn't all it is sometimes very, like, plausible, to the point where I don't need. If you need to go to a conspiracy, like, maybe got killed. But Epstein was also not in a great place at that point.
True.
You know what I mean? So I could see that both ways.
But then you have to look at the autopsy.
Yeah.
And you have to look at the ligature marks around the base of his neck, which is not really what happens when you hang yourself. When you hang yourself, your weight of your body is what kills you. So the ligature marks, the strangulation marks are underneath the chin. His was down by his neck, and his neck was actually fractured, which is also indicative of someone getting strangled to death. Doctor Michael Badden. Who's that forensic scientist that did that show autopsy. Remember that show on HBO? He examined the autopsy. Examined what? The results were that the fractures in the neck were indicative of someone being strangled to death.
Wasn't there another coroner who said it was, like, suicide?
First coroner.
Yeah.
Yeah. First guy said, why can't.
Why can't we believe that guy?
Well, it seems very convenient that the cameras went out. Yeah, it seems very convenient that the people that were on security were asleep. Seems very convenient. All of it seems convenient.
Yeah. No, I'm not saying he didn't get killed.
The most high profile file defense witness in a very important case that might have been about elites and child pedophilia would probably want to take that guy out.
But also a narcissist who's going to be about to be the most. Who's the most hated person in the world could also. I could see him killing himself. Sure. I'm just saying could. I'm not saying he didn't kill. He could have killed himself. I mean, he could have been killed.
So how long you been working for the government?
I don't hate you. I've got a big. Yeah, yeah. I think Oswald acted alone. I don't know. I'm a believer in incompetence and that everyone is. Most people are bad at their job.
You ever watched the Zapruder film?
Yeah.
The film of Kennedy's head going back into the left.
Of course.
How do you think that happens when you get shot from behind back?
What do you mean?
His head goes back into the left like he got shot from the front.
I don't know. I don't. I don't.
You never see. That was a Hicks fit.
I see that.
Yeah, back into the left.
But I also think they've tried so long to find the conspiracy for that, and it always kind of comes to a dead end. I don't know. I think what Oswald did was.
I like the way you think. You know, you don't want to think about it this way. I like it. I like what you're saying.
Well, to me, I think a lot of conspiracy theorists think, like, the other person. Like, I'm naive, right? But I think it's the opposite. I think, like, it sometimes can be naive to think someone masterminding everything.
Right?
Like, to me, I think, like. And I don't know, all the evidence, I'm sure there's all these reports and stuff. But, like, to me, I think, like, sometimes crazy shit happens. And when you look at it backwards, it doesn't. Yeah, it's crazy that he shot someone from that far and it worked. You know what I mean?
That's true.
But it's also crazy shit happens. And we also have never seen. A lot of times stuff happens where we've never seen that. Like, 911, we never had two planes hit a building, but you immediately had people being like, buildings don't fall like that. It's like, this is the first time it's happened.
That's true.
So it's like, we don't always know. Like, it's. A lot of times something happening that's crazy, but also, like, never happened before that people are like, that's not how it happens.
But it's like, how do you know that's true? Like, planes flying into the buildings, especially buildings that are that tall and true.
And I do think, you know, I've read, you know, it was 911. There was so much incompetence with government, lack of communication between the FBI and the CIA. You know, and I'm a firm. I'm not saying some conspiracies aren't true, definitely. And there's a lot of corruption. But I'm just a firm believer in a incompetence.
Incompetence is real, but conspiracies are, too.
Some conspiracy.
Lee Harvey Osbold one. When you look into it, it's. It's pretty nutty. Yeah, it's pretty nutty. You know, a lot of people heard shots from the grassy knoll. The amount of people that were eyewitnesses that died in mysterious ways.
Right.
Extraordinary. Like, off the charts. Odds like that don't make any sense.
But I also do think sometimes the brain, like, finds patterns that aren't always sure.
And also people kill people. That happens to both. The thing about the Oswald thing is there's also a lot of evidence that points to the fact that they were trying to come to the conclusion that there was a lone gunman, despite the evidence. And one of those is the magic bullet theory. The magic bullet theory is fucking cuckoo for cocoa puffs. That shit would never fly today.
What is it? The bullet went through.
Went through Kennedy and then into Connally. And then they found it in pristine condition on the gurney. And then they attributed that bullet to all these wounds because they had to. Because there was only three shots, supposedly. And in those three shots that Osbald was able to get off, they knew one of them hit the back, and they knew one of them was hit Connally, and one of them blew up his head. Well, they had all different bullets for these things, for these different injuries. But then a guy got hit with a ricochet and the underpass. So they had to account for one of those bullets missing the target and hitting the. Whatever it is, granite curbstone. And banging into this guy's face. And the guy had to go to the hospital. They found the curbstone that had been hit with a bullet. And so they knew that a ricochet had hit there. So now they had two bullets that had to have all these wounds. And so instead of saying, hey, maybe there's more than one person shooting, maybe there's more than this one guy that was in the book depository. All these people said there were shots coming from the grassy knoll.
Maybe they were telling the truth. Instead of that, they said, no, no, no. One bullet went crazy. Oh, and look, we found it. Here's the bullet. All good. Look at the bullet.
All right. I'll give you odds.
That bullet, you give the bullet, shooter. That bullet supposedly went through two people, and they found it in that condition on a gurney. If you've ever shot anything with a bullet, you know, that's straight horseshit, that's not deformed at all, that's shattered bones, that's nonsense.
But what is the answer? I feel like there's so many answers about what happened, right?
Well, if you read the Warren commission report and fucking nobody has that, that's also. There's different. Like, see the hole in his neck? It's supposed to have gone through his back, through his neck. But in the first autopsy report, that hole in the neck was thought of as an entrance wound. And then when it got to Bethesda, Maryland, then they said it was tracheotomy hole. There's, like, a lot of inconsistencies in the Warren commission report. If you want to go crazy, read a book called Best Evidence by David Lifton, who was an accountant. Read the entire Warren commission, went over it and found all these inconsistencies and said they were just trying to come to this one conclusion. And he didn't buy it, but I'll check it out.
But also, like, there can be. Inconsistencies are also part of incompetence or not communicating as well, can it?
Inconsistencies? Yeah, but I mean, like, people, like.
Different reports that don't. Or even him trying to force something. Like, I mean, like, I just think sometimes, like, the thing has to be like, nothing's perfect. And there is, like, a lot of, like.
I also don't think Lee Harvey Oswald acted. I think Lee Harvey Oswald was a part of it.
Yeah.
I don't think he acted alone. I think he was the guy that they were pinning it on. Well, he was definitely active with the CIA. He'd gone over to Russia. He'd married a russian woman, came back to America, was doing a lot of weird communist shit. He was involved in a lot of weird stuff that seemed to indicate that he was some sort of intelligence agent.
Yeah.
Or at least a patsy, a guy they could pin this on, which is probably what they wanted. I'm not.
Yeah. I'm not denying it. That it could happen. I guess that it's a possibility. I guess for me, as just like usually when there is something, a conspiracy, it does get found out.
Yeah, but evidence. There was no Internet back then. And they didn't even see this Pruder film until twelve years later. There's a Pruder film? Nobody even saw it until it was on the Geraldo Rivera show in 1975 when Dick Gregory brought it on.
So you know what I read in the Seymour, what's his name, he did a book about Camelot that apparently Kennedy was fucking someone at the pool and pulled his groin. Have you read this? Two days before. Forehand. And he had like, a back brace on.
Hmm.
And when he got shot. Cause he got shot twice, right?
He got shot. Well, yeah, at least twice. They think. Three times. They think that's one through the back, one through the neck, and one in the head.
But I heard they said, like, because of the back brace, when he got shot the first time, it didn't push him over. So it's kind of like a sitting duck. Have you heard that?
Kind of makes sense.
So, like, the back brace almost kept him up with the shot?
Well, yeah, he was all fucked up. He had a lot of, like, real physical problems. He was constant pain. And he was also a guy that was getting treatment from doctor feelgood. Yeah, that's where Doctor Feelgood came from.
That's my psychiatrist.
Yeah, real similar. Like this one, doctor. And I think a lot of that was meth as well. It was a habit of wearing a tightly laced back brace that may have kept him from recoiling to the floor of his car after the assassin's first bullet to the neck, setting him up for the kill shot. The brace was firm. So this is all.
There you go.
This is not the back shot either. Was a shot in the neck. That, again, the initial autopsy said was an entrance wound. Yeah, that makes sense. Tightly laced. Makes sense that it kept him stiff. He was all fucked up, though. He had like. Yeah, see, portrait of pain. See, he had like, some real serious problems. Numerous back surgeries. So they hid, it's hard to hide news photos of him walking on crutches before and after one of his numerous back surgeries. It wasn't until 2002 when historian Robert Dallek was allowed access to a collection of documents spanning 1955 to 1963. And 1963 the specifics began to emerge. Peyton is co author. Neurosurgeon Doctor Justin Doughty poured over Dalek's subsequent book. Numerous other biographies and scores of documents and x rays at the JFK library in Boston to prepare their paper. So I was taken aback by the depths of Kennedy's pain. He said how long he dealt with the pain despite his short life, how it affected his life. I was able to conceal most of that from the public and certainly from his political adversaries. So I wonder, what back surgeries were they doing in 1963?
Good Lord.
He's got to be brutal.
He had scarlet fever at age two, spent his teenage years in and out of hospitals with abdominal and joint pain, food like symptoms, and extreme weight loss. Age 15, he weighed a mere 117 pounds. By the next year, worried he might have leukemia, doctors began to regularly check his blood. So he was all fucked up, man. So he was a sick dude.
But so, like, sometimes I think there's, like, colitis, different explanations that, like, aren't that sexy. Like.
Like, here's not sexy. Look at this. Yesterday I went through the most harassing experience of my life. An iron tube twelve inches long and one inch diameter up my ass. My poor bedraggled rectum. Oh, my God. Is looking at me very reproachfully these days. Oh, my God.
He was great with words, bro.
He was fucking.
Could have been a comic.
Jesus Christ. So he got a football game, got tackled from the side, possibly damaging a spinal disk. Began regularly using a corset brace to stabilize his spine and control his discomfort. So, yeah, he was all fucked up.
But it's like, there's things, like, when things don't make sense, there are sometimes an explanation that's, like, kind of, like, almost boring or random. It's like, the thing was the pruder. I think it's a zapruder. The person puts the umbrella up that ends up pruder. There's a guy who has an umbrella up and it's not raining. And for years, they thought he might have been involved, like, signaling. And they finally find the guy. They bring him in front of everyone, and he's like, I'm british, and in England, it's a real fuck you when you, like, raise your umbrella when a car, like, a car is driving by. And he hated Kennedy, so he was just doing a fuck you. But then for years, people were like, oh, that was part of the signal. I mean, I'm not saying some conspiracies aren't true. I just think there's sometimes other reasons that get. That get lost. Yeah, for sure.
Certainly people look for things that aren't there.
Right?
I've read conspiracies about me, and I'm like, this is hilarious. But it's weird when you read them about you and you're like, oh, this is how this works. People just make shit up and they just run with it.
What's the one about you?
Oh, just nonsense. Being handled by the CIA, being a part of the illuminati, all kinds of stupid shit.
Throwing people off your trail by being into conspiracy theories. So people don't realize your part.
Well, they just want to think you're controlled. Yeah, they want us to think. Think that at certain point, someone comes to you and you get controlled. But that's not real. No, the reality is no one's in control.
That's. That's the right. To me, that also.
The reality is MK Ultra was real, and they really were trying to teach people how to kill people. And they. They did it with Charlie Manson.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, there's definitely real, horrible, fucked up shit. I'm not saying. I'm not saying there's not fucked up, horrible shit, but I do think no one's really steering the ship. And that's like the really scary thing.
Right. I think the. Our idea is that this. There's this one group of people that all agree with each other. That's. I don't think that's real. Exactly. Factions, even at the top levels, I think they're always battling with each other.
Yes.
You look, the people. The navy sometimes don't like the people in the army. You know, me. Exactly. This is the CIA. That's 100% real.
And that's why when people look at all of Israeli is not to bring it back to that as, like, a zionist conspiracy. You're now doing that. You're believing in this collective thing when really, there's so many different types of Israelis, there's extremists, there's racists, and there's peace mix. There's people who believe in peace. And it's like.
Exactly.
I think you always have to be wary of, like, thinking everything's monolithic.
Absolutely. And I feel like that about the intelligence agencies as well. I feel like, yeah, you want the CIA, you want someone who's paying attention to terrorist plots. Of course you want them. You want the FBI to be able to investigate when someone's done something horrible. You want those things, you just don't want them out of control. And the problem is, absolute power corrupts absolutely. And when some people get into certain positions of power, they use whatever means necessary to maintain it.
I mean, the Nazis had the ultimate conspiracy when they invaded Poland. They, like, killed a bunch of their own, like, prisoner wars and had them dressed as polish, like soldiers and, like, concocted a whole fake attack by Poland.
Of course.
I mean, the ultimate.
Hitler burned the Reichstag.
You never know who did it. No, well, some people actually do think it was the Marxists, but we don't actually know for sure.
Yeah, I thought it was just generally assumed that it was Hitler.
I think there's still some mystery. I think some people. There was one guy who they say might have lit the fire. I forget what his name. I read this in a book, but, like, Hitler definitely jumped on it right immediately.
Well, it was a time. Old tactic. I mean, Nero burned Rome.
I don't. He might have, but I think there's still some mystery about what. Because some people think it might have been someone else, but then he just kind of.
You mean Hitler or Nero?
Hitler?
Nero. You know, an else Nero did when his wife died, he found some slave boy that looked like his wife and had her castrated and paraded her around as his wife.
Did he fuck?
I don't know what he did. Probably did. I mean, imagine he decided, you're gonna be my wife now. I'm gonna chop your dick off and bring you out in public. Whoa. Yeah, yeah.
Back then, he's a fan. And then the kid excited.
I believe the kid killed himself.
Oh, really?
A couple years later. Yeah, see if you can find that story. It is a crazy story. He found some slave boy that looked like his wife. And so, you know, back then, you're looking at him at the fucking. On the balcony. You're one of the peasants. And this, you know what he knew. Yeah, he's just like, was his wife anymore. Like, he didn't want anybody know his wife died, so he decided to make this fucking, this slave boy look like.
A woman who looked like his wife.
I don't know if he was a.
Kid, if he had a son.
Look, this is Nero, dude. He's Caligula. This dude is out of his fucking mind.
Actually, I don't know much about Nero.
Sporus was a young slave boy whom the roman emperor Nero had castrated and married as his empress under his tour of Greece in 66 to 67 CE, allegedly in order for him to play the role of his wife, Poppaea Sabina, who had died the previous year. Ancient historians generally portray this relationship between Nero and Sporus as an abomination. How do you say that name? Suetonius. Suetonius places his account in the neuro nero sporus relationship. In his scandalous accounts, of Nero sexual aberrations between his raping a vestal virgin and committing incest with his mother. Some think Nero used his marriage to Sporus to assuage the guilty he felt for allegedly kicking his pregnant wife, Pompeia to death.
At least, hopefully, it was really, really Jesus Christ.
Dio Cassios, in a more detailed account, writes that Sporus bore an uncanny resemblance to Poppaea and that Nero called Sporus by her name. Oh, my God.
That's insane.
Oh, my God. Wow.
Should make a movie about that kid.
Oh, look at this. Scholars have deduced that Sporus was likely an epithet given to him when his abuse started, considering it to be derived from the greek word sporus, meaning seed or semen, which may refer to his inability to have children following his castration. What the fuck, dude? Oh, my God. How crazy is. How crazy was that guy?
They should make a movie about that kid. That'd be a good movie from the kid's perspective.
First you do, like, dark things.
That'd be a good movie.
That's the darkest.
First, he has to accept that. He may have some girly features.
Bro.
Make it a rom.com.
But it's just like, what was society like back then? Because they all had sex with kids.
Fucked a lot of kids.
Fucked a lot of kids. It was normal for, like, an intellectual to have a young boy that he would fuck.
I think it was gay to fuck your wife. I think people would be like, I'm going home to my wife. You're like, what are you gay? Go fuck a little boy like us. It was like. It was. Was like a gay thing to fuck your wife? Yeah, it was. In fucking kids was like fashion.
Well, also, how about the Spartans, the greatest warriors ever. They all fucked each other.
Yeah, they were. Greeks were, like, very tough and very. Not homophobic.
They didn't care who they fucked. They were just fucking.
That was a part of masculinity. Like, fucking a guy was masculine. Like, you're like, I'm tough. I fight that fuck guy.
Imagine if that kept going. And guys were just fucking guys today.
Well, in the Nazis, what was the guy who was gay, Eric? I mean, what was his name? General Rommer or whatever his name was the one part of the original SA that they killed in the night of the long knives.
Oh, really?
He was gay, and he was the toughest as they came. And he was a bunch of gay people in his division. Yeah.
Well, that's the ideal of the Spartans, was that you would fight for your lover much harder than you'd fight for a friend of. So, like this? Yeah. This man beside you, not only is he your. You know, he's. He's with you in this war. He's a fellow soldier, but he's also your lover.
So are you saying. I was thinking they wanted to fuck each other. Is it more like the general was like, I need you all to fuck each other?
I think they wanted to fuck each other, too.
They wanted to fuck each other.
I think they just got used to fucking guys. I think it's probably one of those, like, guys are so gross. Let's. That's the thing about prison, right? There's no women around. We just fuck each other.
Yeah.
It gets a little weirder.
Yes.
Yeah. I mean, he was already married to someone else after his wife died. Oh, Satalina. Messalina. And then later married Sporus that year.
Who said to bear remarkable resemblance to Pompeo. But then he took spores to Greece and then back to Rome, making Calvia Castellan Caspianilla serve as his mistress of wardrobe to sports. To Sporus Nero. Then near had earlier married another freedman, Pythagoras, who had played the role of Nero's husband. Now Sporus played the role of Nero's wife. What? I mean, it was just wild.
Nero died before Sporus died, too.
Oh, my God. He was just wild.
And then Sporus went to somebody else as a wife and Poppaea was married to this person before Nero got her. And Nero made them get divorced. Took Popeya.
Wow.
Apparently killed her. And then Sporus went back to this guy.
Whoa.
Nymph. Nymph. Sabinas.
Oh, my God. Nympho. Who had persuaded the praetorian guard to desert Nero. Nymphidius treated Sporus as a wife and called him Pompea. So called him Nero's ex wife, who Nero kicked to death, who he used to be married to. What the fuck? Imagine that. Poor kid. He just blessed with good genetics. Got a pretty face. Got a pretty face. Cut your dick off and just fuck you. And they pass you around, talk like my wife. I'm gonna change your name again, kid.
This is why he killed himself. Someone else who beat that guy was going to use spores as a victim in public entertainment as a reaction to.
Reenact it after all that shit of.
A rape of the someone in the underworld is what that is.
The rape of Proserpina. The rape of Proserpina at a gladiator show. Oh, my God. So he avoided this public humiliation by committing suicide. So they were going to violently rape him and kill him in a gladiator show.
So he finally gets free of this shit, and then they're like, we want you to reenact it now.
We're gonna. We're gonna make you die in a gladiator show.
I guess that's not the first time they did that. He probably knew what was coming, so he's probably like, fuck that.
I'm going through that. He probably saw so many people get fucked up in gladiator.
Why did they feel the need to publicly humiliate him? Hasn't he been through that?
Why kick a man while he's down?
It's just like he's getting a little cocky. Let's.
Oh, oh. Life back then. I mean, this is the thing. It's like they thought they were pretty progressive when they're just spanking women.
Yeah.
In those stupid movies.
Well, you don't know. Yeah, you don't know. It's.
Oh, here you go. It was normal.
Yeah.
Cut her dick off.
Well, you know, we are. We. We do move at our own pace. And it's like people have. Act like people suck now. Like, we're awful. But like, we are.
We are getting better. Way better than those days. We are way better than the Nero. If you just read that account. Yeah, and imagine that. Imagine Biden's wife died. So he found some fucking page that looked like his wife had him cut his dick off and brought him to Greece as his wife. Like, this guy's a maniac, right? This guy's out of his fucking.
We're freaked out when he sniffs hair.
Yeah. Look how he's smelling those kids. Imagine.
Insane. It was. I mean, it was good to be a king back then. You know, you really could do whatever you wanted.
Didn't last long. Eventually came for you.
He got. What happened to him? He got executed.
Or what happened in Nero? How did he die?
Because of how crazy it's sounding. I'm starting to go like, maybe whoever killed him was just like, you know, we're gonna do her, smear him and we're gonna make up all the shit about him. It's not maybe accurate, but who's gonna fucking.
Right. But the nero store, that's like an historical record. The store I took, sporus, I found.
New York Yorker article from 2021 that says, like, how nasty was he really? Isn't that notorious?
How nasty was Nero, really? Oh, my God. Nero. Apologies. They gotta be writing out about Hitler someday. It was just the oxycodone. It wasn't Hitler.
Yeah, sorry. He was on really good pot, really potent. Pot made him fuck his wife.
29% Thc.
The weed was strong. And he only had taken weed a couple times.
Yeah. You can't fault him for killing all the jews. He really did think they were evil. Sorry.
That's a crazy thing to be like, kill 6 million jews. Well, I was on painkillers.
I was on oxy's. Guys.
I was on a lot of pain.
And a bad doctor. What?
Jamie, were you saying after he had sex with his mom, he killed her, too? They didn't mention that.
Oh, whoops. Yeah. Bad guy. I'd say. Bad guy.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I say pretty safe to say that's not a conspiracy.
I'm not into the trainer. There you go.
I think that guy was probably really bad guy.
No, that was a bad guy. Yeah, no, he was.
When you were the king back then, you could do whatever the fuck you wanted, which is part of the problem.
Yeah.
That's so much power over people.
I think anyone put in that position would just do whatever the fuck they wanted.