Welcome to today's episode of the Mind Set Mentor podcast, I'm your host, Rob Dial, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button since you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to be talking about the six keys that I can give you to have more confidence now. One thing I want to say about confidence before we dive into it is that people have a misconception of confidence, what it is and where it comes from.

I want to tell you this before we dive in. You are not born with confidence. Nobody has ever been born with confidence.

Confidence is something that you earn OK, which is a beautiful thing because it shows you that if you're not a confident person right now, you can become more confident.

And here's where confidence comes from. Confidence comes from results. So when you see a confident person like, you know, a confident person when you're around them, right.

The way they walk, the way they talk, the way they carry themselves, you can tell when somebody is confident, a confident person. When you're looking at a confident person, what you're actually seeing is someone who has gotten results in something, whatever that is. I can think of myself. When I first started doing public speaking, I was absolutely terrified. I wasn't at all in any sort of way a confident person.

But I want to get my first talk and it was OK. And I was terrified the entire time. And then I gave another talk and it was OK. I got a little bit better and a little bit better. A little bit better.

And I got confidence in public speaking from doing talks over and over and over and over again.

But if I had never taken any action in that public speaking realm, I wouldn't be confident in it. I only got it from the results of me doing it. So as I'm going through and giving you the six keys, the six tips that I can give you to having more confidence, realize the most important thing is realizing that all of it comes from results. That's how you will become more confident. So once again, when you see a confident person, they were not born with it.

It was something that they've earned, which means that you can earn confidence as long as you're willing to put in the work.

So tip number one is to take action, OK? You cannot think your way to confidence.

You can't just be like, oh, I'm going to sit here and just be confident it doesn't happen the way it's I had somebody tell me one time they want to think through their limiting beliefs so that they can become more confident. And I'm like, thinking about your limiting beliefs is only going to make you more ingrained in more entrapped in your limiting beliefs.

Thinking about them is not going to make you more confident. Working against them and taking action is going to make you more confident. The only way that you can get results from anything is by taking some form of action.

Here's a beautiful thing about action.

I say it all the time because I want people to have this ingrained into their heads. You don't have to believe in yourself in order to take action.

When I first started in sales, I wasn't good in sales. I wasn't confident in sales. And honestly, I didn't even know if I would make any sales. But all I did was pick up the phone and hit buttons and then talk to people and set up appointments. After I set up appointments, I went to their house.

I did in-home presentations. Some people bought for me, some people didn't.

Even though I didn't believe in myself the entire time. All I did was I still took action in every single sale, made me a little bit more confident, made me a little bit more confident than after sale and sale and sale.

I became more confident. So the first tip that I'm going to give you to get more confidence is to just get off your ass and start taking action towards what it is that you want.

If you sit around and think about all of your limiting beliefs and your fears and the things that are holding you back, you're not going to want to take any action.

Inaction causes more inaction. Action causes more action. So if you're sitting around not taking action on Instagram, laying on the couch, thinking about the things you want to do, you're not going to do them. You have to get up and actually start taking action, put one foot in front of the other.

The first step is you have to take action. OK, second to when we give you as this is to visualize what it is that you want, visualize what it is that you're working towards, the first time I ever visualize was my mom told me to visualize.

When I was really nervous, I was really, really nervous.

I was the captain of my basketball team when I was 13 years old and we were going into the championship game and we were playing against my friend, who was one of my best friends, and he was way better in basketball and he was way better than me and basketball. And I was terrified because I was the captain of the team and I didn't want to lose.

And my mom said, why don't you just go visualize the game? I was like, what does that mean? I'm 13 years old to hell's my mom's?

She's like, go visualize it. Think about how you want it to be. So therefore, when you go to the game, you're not as nervous because you feel like you've already been there.

I was like, oh, that kind of makes sense.

So I remember going to my bathroom, laying on the ground for like 20 minutes and visualizing the game from start to finish how I wanted it to be.

And what's cool about it is when I showed up to the game, I wasn't nervous anymore. I'm still a little bit nervous, but I was nowhere near as nervous as I was and I was thinking about it. Now we still got our asses handed to us and we lost like crazy in the championship game.

But I wasn't as nervous, which is the thing that I'm trying to say here.

The reason why is because I felt like I had already been there before. Sometimes nervousness and lack of confidence comes from never doing something before. So when I was nervous about the championship game, it's because I never been a captain of a team in a championship game.

Now, when I go and visualize it, I feel like I've already done it. I feel like I've already been there.

And when I show up to the actual real championship game, I at least have a little bit more confidence because I feel like it's something that I've done before. So when you visualize, maybe if you're if you're nervous and you want to have confidence about being a public speaker, maybe you visualize getting up and giving speeches over and over and over and over again and maybe visualize standing ovations so that when you finally get on a stage and you get on those stages, you have confidence because you feel like you've already been there.

You feel like it's something that you've done before. And now you see that future that you want, which is the future of getting a standing ovation from the entire crowd.

So can you just sit back and visualize in what you're doing is you're kind of tricking your subconscious and your conscious mind into believing it's something that you've already done.

That, in turn, will give you confidence once again when we talk about taking action, if you can't physically take the action, can you mentally take the action through visualization? So the second tip is to visualize. The third tip is to get really good at affirmations. One of the things that's holding people back from being confident is they're thinking unconfident thoughts, incompetent thoughts.

They're just thinking, oh, I'm not good at public speaking. I'm not good at reaching out to people. I'm not a good salesperson. I'm not a good public speaker. And they're they're bringing themselves down mentally sometimes, most of the time on accident, when in reality, if you want to have more confidence, shouldn't you be on your side? Shouldn't you be building yourself up more than anything else? What you're doing is you're changing the narrative in your head of the way that you think about yourself, of the way that you feel about yourself.

Affirm to yourself how you want to think about yourself. So instead of saying, oh, my gosh, you know, I've got this presentation, I've got to give it work and I'm afraid that I'm going to screw it up because I've screwed it up before. And there was that one time where I screwed it up. Instead of doing that, say to yourself, I'm going to dominate this talk. I'm going to dominate this presentation. I'm going to do this presentation.

I'm going to give the best presentation I ever have and start to affirm what it is that you want in the outcome that you want to yourself to build yourself up as if you're, you know, a boxer in your corner, you're in your own corner and you're your coach. You're building yourself up and saying what you want to say before you go into the fight.

Right. Can you be in your own corner mentally and physically? Another way to do this as well is through something called incantations. An incantation is an affirmation, but with power.

So one of the things you could do is if you really want to you know, what happens is you can say affirmations yourself and those are beautiful and they're great. But if you want to lock it into your brain quicker, if you say an incantation, which is an affirmation with power and physically moving your body, you're more likely to actually lock it into your brain.

So an incantation would be like. Go and work out, and as you're working out today, every single rep say I'm going to give the best presentation I've ever had. I'm going to give the best, if you're alone should even if you're inside of the gym, who cares? Scream it to yourself and just yell it with every single thing that you have and physically bring your body into it, not just mentally in a affirm.

The results that you want to build yourself up in, which you'll realise is you'll actually start to gain more confidence because you'll be like, damn, I'm actually saying this over and over and over again. I'm rewriting the narrative in the story that's inside of my head now. I'm actually starting to feel more confident before I go and give this talk. So have affirmations to build yourself up to change the narrative that you happen to see in your head. Currently that's holding you back from being confident.

So that is number three, have affirmations or incantations. Number four is just frickin fail already.

Right. The creator of Honda said that success is 99 percent failure. Hey, everybody. Life is fragile, and the older I get, the more I realize that I want to make sure that my family is safe and taken care of. Just in case something happens to me. And that's why it makes sense why people get life insurance, especially term coverage, which is surprisingly affordable. So why not pay just a little bit each month to protect the ones that you love?

If you're asking yourself that same question, choose latter. Latter makes it impressively fast and easy to get covered. You just need a few minutes, a phone or a laptop to apply.

A lot of smart algorithms work in real time, so you'll find out instantly if you're approved. No hidden fees cancel any time. And since life insurance costs more as you age, now's the time to cross it off your list. So check out later today to see if your instantly approved go to latter life dotcom dial. That's L.A. E.R. Life Dotcom slash Deeyah. That's Lotter Life dotcom dial.

You just got to succeed one time. That's the beautiful thing about it. Success means you only have to fail. I mean, you could fail 20, 30, 40 times, but you only have to succeed one time. And if you succeed one time, it works in your confidence from it.

So just go outside and fail. Fall on your face, screw up. Fuck it up a lot. It's OK. Why? Because once you fail and you screw something up, you realize that failure won't kill you and you won't fear it as much.

Because ultimately we're so afraid that if we go out and fail and we fall in her face and we put up a YouTube video and somebody judges us, that we're going to have our lives destroyed from it. We're going to be so afraid of this. Or if we go up and give a talk and we mess up in it, that everyone's going to laugh at us and then our belts going to come undone and our pants are going to fall off in front of one hundred and fifty people, none of that stuff is going to happen.

But when you go up and you give your talk, you're like, you know what? If I did mess up, if I did screw up a little bit, it didn't kill me.

I'm still here. That's a beautiful thing. So what I want you to do is I want you to screw up. I want you to fail. I want you to realize that failure is not something to be afraid of. It's something to realize that failure is going to happen no matter who you are. Every single successful person that you see has failed collectively more than the people who have are sitting on the sidelines and haven't succeeded.

A person who is a success has failed more than someone who is not a success that is guaranteed. So what I want you to do is go out and mess up everything as much as possible, come back together, figure out the right way to do it, get better at it, and realize that failing is not going to kill you.

And when you realize failing is not going to kill you and you've already overcome failure, you have more confidence on your side, you have more swagger, you have more, hey, I can do this.

All right? Yeah. You know what? I did mess it up in the past. No big deal, but I've already messed up and it didn't kill me. So you know what?

I'm going to continue on this path until I get better. So go out there, fail, fail again, fail again, fail again. And realize, as the creator of Honda said, success is 99 percent failure. So you got to fail in order to succeed.

So that's number four, tip number five is to say yes, more often, right? Say yes.

I want you to say yes when you would normally say no. OK, all too often, one of the things that we tend to do as we get older is we get more ingrained in locked into our comfort zones. And when you get locked into a comfort zone, you don't have confidence for anything outside of that comfort zone. And so one way to combat that and to get past that is to say, you know what, I'm just going to start saying, yes, more often.

Somebody asked me to go and, you know, go out dancing and I'm not a good dancer. Take some dance lessons.

Yes. It's good, I'll give do that, someone tells me they want to go, you know, bungee jumping, that scares. Does that scare the shit out of me? Yes, it does. OK, I should say, yes, they want to go skydiving, say yes, whatever it is, it doesn't have to be any of those things. It could be like, hey, you know, somebody at your office.

Actually, if you want to go have lunch with people who you're a little bit intimidated by and normally be like, oh, no, I got some work I got to work on instead of that, just say yes, say yes more often.

Start doing things outside of your comfort zone.

You realize that the older you get, the more Lockton you get. If you want to stop being locked in and you want to continue keeping yourself sharp, keeping your mind sharp, you're going to have to start doing things that you've never done before. Right.

One of the ways to keep your brain fresh is if, like, for instance, if you brush your teeth with your right hand, start brushing your teeth with your left hand, start doing things you've never done before because it's making your brain having to move around a little bit more, having to make neuronal neuro synaptic connections. And so if you want to actually start becoming more confident in things that you're not confident in, you're going to have to start stepping out and try new things.

Just say yes more often. Put yourself out there more. Another thing that I want to tell you about, about saying yes more often. This is fun and this is going to be a challenge and it happens to go with number six is to do things that you don't want to do. And we give you a couple of examples of doing things you don't want to do. One of the things that I always recommend to people and I love whenever I say this and then I happen to see videos that get sent to me is to start doing things.

That are so taboo and out there that they're almost a little bit weird. Let me give you a couple of examples. One of the tips that I always give people is next time that you're in a coffee shop, next time you go to Starbucks and you're in line, lay down on the floor for 30 seconds.

Stuart, you're not going to die, you're not going to die from laying down the floor, you're not going to die from other people's judgments or opinions of you.

But one of the reasons why it's it's beautiful to lay on the floor in the middle of a coffee shop and then just get up in order like there is nothing that happened, is that you realize doing something that you feel like you're a quote unquote not supposed to do, didn't kill you.

Other people's judgments and opinions of you or laughing at you didn't kill you.

So what does that do?

It gives you a little more confidence that, hey, I didn't die. I'm going to go ahead and step out of my comfort zone more often. Right.

Then people always ask the question, but the floors are so dirty, you're not going to die from the dirty floor at Starbucks. I'm sorry. It's just not going to happen.

Right. So just realize that I've had people send me videos of them inside of Starbucks, inside of Wal-Mart, inside of Kmart, inside of places, I mean, all over the place.

And then they said there was such a great experience because it was just something that seemed so wrong and so taboo and something that was so out of the comfort zone and not what we're supposed to do in our society, quote unquote. And they did it. And they're like, that was actually pretty easy. Maybe I should set myself up to do things I don't want to do anymore. So that's that's the first time I'll give you on doing something you want to do.

Second thing, next time you go into a coffee shop, next time you go order something, next time you go somewhere, just ask for 20 percent off. Just do it just and they're going to go, you know, oh, why? You're like, I don't know, I just want 20 percent off. Can I get that? What's interesting is a lot of times you'll get 20 percent off. Why would you want to do this? Not because, you know, you want to be cheap as hell.

Of course, you could get a discount. That would be pretty cool as well. But because you're not supposed to do it, what I'm talking about is setting yourself up to do things outside of your comfort zone consistently so that therefore you build more confidence when you realize you don't die from these or from somebody saying no to you or not giving you the discount that you want.

What's cool about this? I remember years ago, about five years ago, I first challenged people to do this on my podcast.

And I got an email from a woman that said that she asked for 30 percent, even more than I told her to ask for a 30 percent discount on a bag. And it was a thousand dollar bag that she bought. And the lady goes, yeah, I guess I can do that.

And she got 300 dollars off of a thousand dollar bag just because she decided to ask.

Right.

It's kind of cool benefit, but just do stuff that these are and you could do this. You can learn a floor if you want to. I don't care if you do or don't. You could ask for a discount.

I care if you do it, but just start doing things that are outside of normal, quote unquote normal and start realizing that these things aren't going to kill you.

Start doing things you don't want to do.

If you start feeling resistance, step into that resistance. What happens is you start to do these things and it builds your confidence by doing them. Another perfect example of doing what you don't want to do, I always tell people, if you listen to me long enough, start taking some cold showers, right? Why? Because you don't want to do it. I never want to take a cold shower. I never want to jump in my cold pool.

But I do it anyways because I don't want to do it.

I'm trying to build the muscle of not listening to that little voice inside of my head that tells me not to do something.

So I'm naturally going to go up.

There's a little voice, that little voice pops up. I'm going to force myself to do it right.

If I get done eating and I have a dish now. Low voice Just like, hey, just drop it inside of the dishwasher or drop it inside of the sink. You can put in the dishwasher later. I'm like, no, I've got to do with that voice. Doesn't want me to do God take an extra 15 seconds, wash this dish up, put inside the dishwasher.

And I get used to to hearing the little voice that's holding me back, not listening to it and doing it, doing whatever it is. Anyways, here's the reason why is because when you do something that you don't want to do, jumping into a cold pool, taking a cold shower, going to the gym when you really don't want to do what you're doing is you're building that muscle of doing what you feel is difficult. And when you start doing things that are difficult and you stop listening to a little voice inside of your head, you start to build confidence in yourself and start to realize, hey, I'm a lot better than I thought I was.

Hey, I'm dominating the little voice inside my head. Hey, I'm actually on a great route of success that I want to go to. Hey, I'm showing up to the gym consistently. What I don't want to hey, I'm waking up consistently what I don't want to. And you start realizing that you're building yourself up and going, hey, I'm a lot better than I thought. I was like, I'm actually doing things I don't want to do, which is a win.

And you start to get more confidence in yourself by doing things that you don't want to do. So those are the six tips that I got for you. No one is to just frickin take some action. Number two is to visualize everything that you want.

Number three is to get some affirmation, some incantations and to affirm what you wanted to yourself.

Number four is to fail often. Often, often. Number five is to say yes. More to things that you normally wouldn't say yes to. Number six is to do what you don't want to do.

So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know love. Please go ahead and take a screenshot of it or video of it. Share it on your Instagram tag. Mynott Rob Dyle Jr. RBD ALJ are the only way that we grow is grassroots from you guys sharing it.

So I greatly, greatly appreciate it. So if you've ever gotten any value from anything that I've ever put out, please start sharing this with people on your social media and I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make someone else's day better.

I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.