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Welcome to today's episode of The Mind segment to our podcast, I'm your host, Rob Dial, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe buttons that you never miss another episode. And if you want to follow along through video with our podcast and all of the inspirational content that I put up on YouTube, go to YouTube, typed my name in Rob Dial and you'll find me somewhere on there.

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Today we're going be talking about how to find the positive purpose in everything that you do. And because it is Thursday, today I am joined by the best friend and business partner of 15 years, Dean Devries. Welcome to the show, my friend. Happy Thursday, brother. Great to be here. Happy Thursday.

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So we're going to talk to you about finding the positive in everything. So, Dean, start us off. Talk to us about that.

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Yeah, well, first of all, I think it's really important to just set the frame of, you know, the positive purpose isn't about just looking at all the positive things and ignoring the shit that happens. Right. Because shit happens, shit will happen. And to ignore that is actually the worst thing to do, but instead to frame it and to experience it as there's a positive purpose in the shit that happens. And it just goes under that that idea of, you know, life doesn't happen to you.

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The things that you experience aren't aren't things that are happening to you. They're happening for you and through you. Yeah. I think one of the things that, you know, with the profession that I'm in that I always hear from people is like, oh, yeah, well, if you just always look at the positive and don't look at the negatives and you're just you're just in denial. And the whole idea is, no, that's not what I'm fucking talking about.

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What I'm saying is everything that's happening to you will be positive or negative based off of the label that you give it. But if you look at something that could be negative or bad and you look at it and say, OK, what can I learn from this? How can I improve from it? How can I take this bad or negative thing in which might be bad or negative in the short term and turn it into something that actually helps me grow and become better in the long term?

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That's me taking a negative and turning it into a positive. Which is going back to what you're saying. You either have the viewpoint of everything is happening to me, which is a victim mindset, or everything is happening for me, which is more of a champion's mindset, which is kind of the outlook of no matter what happens to me, no matter what life throws at me, I'm going to figure out a way to take it, roll with the punches and make something amazing out of it.

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Yeah, it's like the idea of like, hey, shit, hit the fan right now, man. For some reason this is what I'm supposed to go through. So what am I what am I supposed to learn from this? You know, what is the universe or my business or whatever? What is my relationship. Right. What is what is this trying to teach me? And, you know, that's the the idea of the positive purpose is that everything has a positive purpose, including the things that we don't think are positive.

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And, you know, we can't control those things. We can't control, you know, the the shit that happens oftentimes. But we can control how we show up. We can control how we respond to it and the energy that we bring to it for sure.

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Like, I can I can give you an example of how this immediately relates to my life. So I remember when my grandparents passed away, my grandparents were together for seventy one years and they passed away within 17 days of each other. So my grandfather passed away and my grandmother passed away. And I remember thinking to myself, this is something this is something that I can grow from, something I can learn from. Now, if you look at it and you say, yeah, they both passed away, is that what I wanted to happen?

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No, of course. Can that be seen as negative? Yes. But I also remember that I took my journal the day that my grandfather died. I took my journal during the day that my grandmother died. And I wrote down and said, you know, what is what did I love most about them? What did I what other characteristics that I'm going to miss? And how can I try to bring that into myself every single day? So part of my meditation routine is actually think about the people who I've loved that have passed away and how can I have them live on through me such a negative, someone that I love passing away, turning into a positive of how can I take the beautiful traits about them and put them into myself?

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Yeah, totally. And also, like, you know, I can just reflect on experiences that I've had in relationships, you know, where maybe things didn't work out. But I really wanted it to work out and it was, you know, challenging to go through that. But there's a positive purpose in there, right? Positive purposes. First of all, learning how to trust that, hey, if somebody is not right for you, then they will see themselves out of your life.

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But also, there's there's a reflection of, you know, where we can take responsibility of like, hey, how could I have contributed more to that relationship? Right. You know, how could I have shown up better? You know, what could I have done to really support, you know, the thing that I actually wanted and then maybe it didn't work out that time because that was what you were supposed to learn in order to be ready for what was next.

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Yeah. And you have to realize, I mean, I'm sure everybody who's been in a relationship is listening to us can think of past relationships that didn't work out and you can blame the other person. But there's also times you're like, yeah, I didn't really show up 100 percent in this way and in this way.

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And when you you have no one, you can't come to that awareness unless the relationship ends and you can start reflecting on it. Now, you can look at it and say, OK, in this next relationship that I go into, I'm going to bring in this, this and this, because that's not what I brought it in the last one, which then makes you better and the next relationship. And hopefully it'll work out better because of that. And now you can focus on how you can be better in the relationship, having gone through what was quote unquote negative or something that was bad that you didn't want to happen, which was a breakup.

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And the reason why, you know, shit hit the fan, so to speak, is has has a positive purpose is because it's it's meant to show you where you need to grow next. And when you do grow and you when you do take that feedback, that's positive. You know, there's nothing negative that comes from that. The worst thing to do, like I said, is, is, you know, burying your head in the sand and and just ignoring it, you know, and not actually, you know, reflecting on it, like, how could I have done better?

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How could I have served this experience better, shown up better to this experience? That's the worst thing that can happen. And that's always just going to continue breeding more shit, you know, but when you finally just say, hey, this shit happened, obviously the universe or something is trying to tell me something. So what can I learn from it? And that growth will breed more positive things for sure.

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Another example for going into business or talking about businesses. Let's say you have an employee that quits, right. And you didn't really need them to quit. It wasn't the right time for them to quit.

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You know, you can look at it and go, oh, man, how did I not serve them at the highest level as them being an employee? And maybe I can figure out how the next person I bring on, if it's something that you really wanted and they left or someone who really was a great like a rock star on your team and they left, you don't want them to leave, but you want them to be there forever. But if they do leave, you go, well, how could I have served them at a higher level?

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What did I do wrong in this relationship that could have made them stay? Maybe them leaving also long term will be a positive thing because maybe you get someone to replace them that is better. And so all of these things can seem negative in the moment, in negative, in the bad things that happen is more of like I didn't want this to happen. And that's basically what negative about means for us right in that moment. But you can look at and go, how can I improve it?

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How can I bring in someone better and turn this into something that could long term be positive? Yeah. Yeah, that one hits home for me because I've definitely you know, I've been in that situation where I lost an employee and I'm like, this is the worst time to lose lose you. Please don't go. But, you know, I also you know, I just I remember coming to the awareness of, like, people don't quit their jobs, people quit their bosses, you know?

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And I was like, oh, man, that hurts. It hurts my ego. Yeah. But it's also the positive purpose in that I need to learn that, you know, and I need to really reflect on that experience, really reflect on that relationship and how I can support their growth and get, you know, meet their needs so that my needs and my company's needs are also being met. You know, and just like, you know, there's many examples of how this shows up in business.

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Like, you know, did you miss out on an opportunity? Did you lose a deal? Did you not make that sale or, you know, build that, you know, get get into, you know, partnership with the you know, with a client or, you know, or somebody in your business. And, you know, there's so much we can learn from that as well. You know, it's sometimes it's maybe I didn't show enough confidence when explaining my value proposition.

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Maybe I didn't really understand what their challenges were and how my value proposition is actually going to help them get better and help them achieve their goals as a as a company or as a consumer, for sure. Yeah.

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And, you know, with our salespeople. I I'll talk about now, but I'll talk about first of talk about where the way I used to be when somebody would mess up in my company years ago there was a salesperson because I hold myself to really high standard in sales and I feel like I'm a great salesperson. I would get mad at them for fucking it. I'm just like how we've done this before. You like you, how can you mess this up?

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We've talked about this before. We've listened to your appointment for we've recorded it. How are you still screwing this up? Whatever it is. And I could get mad at them for having the no sale or mad at them for this for however they were inside of the appointment that they had. Now, the way that it is, do I want our employees to fuck up?

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No, because that's a no sale. Right. So I don't prefer that. And that's a that's a good amount of money that they lose out on. And it's a good amount of money that we lose out on as well. So it does reflect in our company's bank account, which is not a positive. But then the thing that I always say to them, if we have a phone call like, oh, I should have done this and I can't believe I missed that, I wasn't paying attention.

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It was out of my awareness as I go, that's a good thing. And it was like, oh, no, it's not really it's good because you won't fuck it up again.

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Sometimes you have to have that no sale that shines a light on it going, oh my God, I can't believe I missed that, because if it's painful enough, you won't do it again now. Right.

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You don't need to put your hand on a hot stove a second time to know that the stove is hot. So it's the same thing if you have salespeople or if you are a salesperson, be very aware of how you messed that up so that you never have to mess that up again.

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Yeah. Yeah. And I think what you just said is super important, like, you know, the hand on the hot stove feeling the pain of losing out on that deal. Right. Sometimes, I mean, it's very easy to not feel the pain and just, you know, point the finger at the client. Right. Point the finger at somebody else or point the finger at the leads or point the finger at the system or point the finger at the script.

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Right. There's so many ways that we can put the blame, but we're also giving our our power and our opportunity for growth away when we point the finger at somebody else, because now we're saying, hey, it's not up to me, it's up to them. And if we're in that position, it's like the victim mindset of I don't control my destiny. Yeah, right. My leads control my destiny. Like, that's not an empowering place to be.

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Right. And so when we can feel that pain of. Hey. I couldn't get this client to pull the trigger or I, you know, didn't share that, I didn't I didn't connect their challenge or their pain or their, you know, opportunity with, you know what I have to offer enough. And instead of ignoring it, you know, the best thing to do is use that as a mirror, allow that to be the reflection that you need to just look in the mirror and say, wow, that's my opportunity to get better.

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And once you do what's possible from there, for sure. Yes, so first off, let's talk about how everybody views the world. So the first thing for people to find out is do you think that you're the type of person where the world is happening to you? So just just think about that. Do you feel like stuff just happens to you and you're just waking up and putting out fires and you're just dodging circumstances? Or is the world happening for you?

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Which do you want? The difference is a fixed mindset. If you're if you go back to the book Carol Dweck mindset, there's a fixed mindset of this is how the world is. This is this is how it's always going to be. This is how I am. This is how it's always this how everybody else is around me that's fixed. Yeah. That is a victim mindset. That is, I do not control my own destiny, as you're talking about just a minute ago.

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Then there is what is happening to me and what's happening for me, which is basically like I don't give a damn what happens, I'm still going to win. So everyone that's out there listening, how do you typically live your life in, you know, first off, how do you typically live your life? Number two, how do you want to live your life from now on?

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Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, this idea of of life is happening for me, you know. Even if I mean, I think some people probably care about the things that happen around them, but it's to to really, like, have that unconditional acceptance of like, hey, what's going to happen is going to happen. Can't happen, can't control it. It's just going to happen either way. But it's there's a positive purpose is the thing that keeps your energy up.

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So if the perspective is. Life is happening for me, not to me, right? That's the perspective shift, so that's the awareness. The second thing is you've got to show up to that with some sort of action that's going to be in alignment with your growth. In other words, don't put your head in the sand. Allow that awareness to spring in some sort of decision, some sort of you know, maybe it's the pain of not, you know, not closing that deal.

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Maybe it's you didn't think it was the big you know, it was the biggest deal you've ever, you know, you could have ever closed and, you know, weren't confident enough. Well, hey, that's just a reflection because your business and the universe is trying to push you in the direction of your highest potential all the time. Right. It's happening for you because it's showing you like, hey, I've got all the you know, the universe is basically saying, hey, you know, this is what you need to work on.

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And when you do work on this, you can have it all. But you just got to listen to what I'm telling you. Right. And sometimes we're stubborn where we don't want to see it because of our ego. We don't want to feel that pain, but it's necessary for our growth.

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Yeah. So this shit is going to happen. It's it's going to be. But if we go into it knowing that shit is going to happen, at least when it does happen, we could go, all right, it's here now. What am I going to learn from it? How can I go? You know what this is? This is something that I need to learn and grow from. And more than the else, it's about not allowing the shit to slow you down.

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It's about going, OK, it did happen, but it's not going to hold me back from creating the life that I want to. And when the shit does happen, you need to bring as much energy to the situation as possible. So if you know something bad does happen, what typically happens is somebody's energy will drop. They won't feel good. They'll attach a negative emotion or connotation to it, which would then change. You know, your your thoughts are going to change your feelings.

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And there's there's things called neuropeptides that your thoughts will send chemical messengers from your brain to your body called neuropeptides to change your state. So if you're going through shit and you're seeing it as something that is shitty and bad and negative, you're going to change the state of your body and the chemicals that are flowing in your body, which means your energy is going to drop. So what is the best thing to do is to go, OK, it happened.

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I need to work harder. I need to work past this. I need to go to the frickin gym because I'm so pissed off and I need to go ahead and lift as many weights I possibly can and putting your body in yourself and your energy into action versus having it create inaction for you or you know me, you know how I love to just like bring in the spiritual aspect of everything.

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I'm like over the top spiritual, which is just the right amount of spiritual.

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But, you know, I think, yeah, just, you know, whenever we experience those things to just have, you know, I think what many of the greatest teachers that I've ever walked this planet try to teach us is that is to really have unconditional love. Right. And we think when we think about unconditional love, we think about like, oh, yeah, you know, my parents, my mom, my dad has unconditional love for me and I have unconditional love for my kids.

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But really, like, how can you have unconditional love? Which is also another way of saying unconditional acceptance. Right. Unconditional love for every situation. Like imagine if, like, hey, your employee quit. How can you just love that for giving you the feedback that you need so that you can grow. Right. And really just finding like, you know, I think, you know, with Iron Mine 30 that we just completed finding the unconditional love for the cold shower.

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Yeah, you're right. If you can find the warmth and the cold shower, if you can learn to love the cold shower, you're practicing the muscle of just being in full acceptance and saying, hey, it's just something that happens and I've got to like appreciate it, you know, and really honor and respect it, but also understand that I can't change it. Yeah, there's if I'm spending energy to change it, I'm fighting an uphill battle.

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And so the only thing that we really, truly can control is the fact that we can just control how we show up to it, what we decide to do with the act, what action we take whenever we're met with that circumstance.

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I love that you brought in the cold showers because I always talk about how cold showers are such a teacher, where it's, you know, I love doing the Ironman thirty because, you know, for those that aren't aware, it's thirty days of cold showers as well as other things as well. But I don't prep anybody on how to take cold showers the first couple of days, and I just allow them to do it. And then I teach.

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And the reason why is because most people jump into the cold showers and they just resist and they fight and they scream and they cuts. And there's like, I can't do this. I'm pissed off all. It'll bring out everything inside of you that you've been holding on to. Right. And then a few days and I talk about the way to actually have it take a cold shower is not to fight it. It's to allow it. And once you stop fighting it, you're like, oh, I can find warmth in the cold, which sounds really odd, but it's like anything else in life, you can't change your circumstances in this moment.

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A lot of times you can eventually start to change them. But it comes down to is can I fully accept this? Right. So fully accepting and what you're talking about, the unconditional love to it is, OK, I'm in this situation. This employee did quit. I can sit here and I can be really pissed off about how they quit, but that's not going to help them come back, right? That's not going to change my current circumstances.

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I always say that your amount of sadness and fear and anger and worry and anxiety and frustration. There's always going to be in direct proportion to how much you resist in the way that the world is right. And one thing that sounds really odd, but is the truth is when when I was on the plane flight, if people listened to a couple months ago on my plane flight where literally the engine caught on fire and we had to do an emergency landing, I actually believe that the cold showers helped me stay calm in an emergency landing because shit was going crazy.

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People are crying. They're screaming in the back.

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And I actually had this, like, place of calm because I've I've trained myself in the craziness to try to find that place of calm. I didn't think that it would happen from a plane, have an emergency landing. That wasn't necessarily what I wanted. But I.

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Can I change the plane? I don't know, a fucking plane, so I can't the same way that I can't change the cold water. So it's just like, can I just fully allow and accept? Yeah, well, I like to pose this question. Well, if you're listening to this right now, what in your business feels like a cold shower? Like what are you resisting? What is the thing that's you know, that is you feel like it's happening to you and how can you shift that perspective and know that it's happening for you and really appreciate your business for showing you what you need.

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Like your business is doing you a solid because it's like, hey, here it is. That's what you got to work on next. And on the other side of that is even more abundance for sure.

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So it comes down to figuring out what is positive and every single thing that happens, it's not about trying to change your current circumstances. What it comes down to is your current circumstances. You can change later on down the road. But right at this very moment, you might not be able to change. But can you sit back and go, OK? First off, I do fully accept what happened. It is the way that it is. What can I do to make sure that a positive comes from this alone?

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Because ultimately the world is always happening for you? That's my belief. And I have a lot of examples of the way that it's happened for me. And if we go back and look through everybody's life, we can probably find how the hardest times in their lives actually built them into a tougher person and built them into who they are. Do you want to go through them when they're going? When shit is when you don't want to be there. But in that moment, can you go OK?

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I've been through this before. I've been through some tough times before. And it's always built me into a better person and it's building me into a better person than it's happening for me. So ultimately, it's a gift. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, all you have to do, share it with someone that you know and love. Tag us on your Instagram. And at the same time, if you want to figure out how you can work with Dean and I, we have a bunch of ways that we might be able to work with you.

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You can actually apply to see how we can help either business or help you with your mindset. Just go to book with Dean Dotcom right now. You can go ahead and fill out a survey. If there is any way that we can serve you at a high level, we will let you know. If not, we will also let you know as well. But I'm going to leave it the same way. I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make someone else's day better.

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I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.