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Live from the headquarters of ramsey solutions this is the ramsey show it's where we help you win in your life very specifically in your money in your work and in your relationships triple eight eight two five five two two five is the number eight eight eight two five five two two five hey we'd love to hear from you always fun to be sitting alongside my good pal my friend i don't know if you can call a lady a pal but i just my old pal rachel cruz known each other forever and we love love taking your questions so let's have some fun let's let's get some hope established for you so you can move forward let's start off in philadelphia pennsylvania the city of brotherly love there it is she used to make fun of me now i think you've been paying attention to my little my little quotes that's it just you're so happy about it melanie how can we help hey.

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Guys thank you so much for taking my call i'm excited to talk to.

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You booth well we're excited to talk to you what's happening awesome so i'm.

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A little bit of a professional conundrum.

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So i love a conundrum great word.

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Great word i'm i'm currently working two full time remote jobs that has been great for my family and all that i'm fortunate to find two you know remote job hold on a second i.

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Hold on yeah this is fascinating i gotta know do both companies know about.

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The other of course not so you.

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Are a professional polygamist are you aware of this can we say i yes.

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You do they're in two different melody.

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I am so sorry that you have to deal with him no she's not.

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Offended she's not offended at all i.

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I expect ken to give me a.

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Hard time i elicit not even doing that i just wanted to say professional polygamist because you've got you i've got two you got sister wives you got two companies that you're working full they don't know about the other and i'm.

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Not even trying sister wives knows about.

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Each other that is fair you get my point it's a fun little metaphor how are you pulling this off how long have you pulled this off i've.

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Been doing it now for a year.

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Exhausted and huh are you tired i'm.

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A little tired yeah i'm not gonna.

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Lie full time jobs yeah yeah keeping.

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Them away from each other it's like it's like having a mistress it's exhausting.

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It'S a lot of great time management that's all i can say you be.

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Incredible so what kind of money you.

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Knocking down so i'm netting ninety six a year ninety six a year okay.

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All right so what's your question so.

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I just been offered a different job that would cause me to be hybrid three days in the office and two days working from home with a base pay of one hundred k and with up to a potential you're getting a twenty percent bonus of my base pay.

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Wow and what has kept you from saying yes to that offer well because.

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I technically would be netting less i guess you know right now my husband and i bring home about twelve a month and then if i take this we'd be bringing home about ninety seven.

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Why would the net be less that's.

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Not including the bonus though yeah exactly.

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And you're not cheating on another company and thus risking getting fired from one.

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Or both yeah and also i think professionally the job that just offered me this position would be a step up for me professionally great but i guess i just i don't know i just i'm a little nervous about so it's the net giving up to remote jobs and you know flexibility with the kids because i do have like school age children at home let me let me.

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Ask you melanie let me ask you a real question and you've been a great sport because rachel thinks i'm being mean i'm not i'm i'm not judging you i'm just trying to coach you how long do you think you're going to be able to keep this up and them not find out about it.

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How long you think you not very long i mean honestly i think this is more just to do the debt snowball for my you know for my husband and i were a baby step.

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Too i don't think you understand the hold on a second mel i don't think rachel understands the concept she's working two full time jobs i hear that be like you being a personality for another company and they not know about it it's it's it's she knows she can't keep this up because she's going to get found out and then she's.

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Fired yeah but wouldn't it be like having a part time job but you're just doing more hours it's pretty much.

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What it's like because they are in two different fields no no no no.

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No okay hold on just for point of emphasis here okay we're not going to get stuck on this but i got to help my friend rachel and.

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Melanie going to help me help me.

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Here no no no she doesn't understand it once she understands it ra here's what's happening one company let's call it abc is paying melanie to work a full time job yes that's what forty hours a week minimum melanie roughly yeah okay yes company xyz is also paying melanie to work forty hours a week and melanie just tell us how many hours you work in a week for both companies eighty i didn't see that coming she's trying to get me out of technicality i still think it's i think it's it's it's unethical that they don't know about each other yeah i.

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Could get the secret yes and again.

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Not to judge you melanie is there's no judgment it's more protection so we've already covered daddy you get my no.

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I always get but in my head if she's if she's working but i get the secrecy right but if you're working both full time okay i said.

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I acknowledge that she kind of had me on a technicality but it's still dishonest and we still have an ethical issue that she could get penalized for.

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But with one all i care about is but if abc company doesn't care that she's also working for xyz how.

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Do you know they don't know no.

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But what if they're not then it's not then in your book is it okay if they're okay with it if they're okay with each other one hundred so it's the secrecy that's bothering you that they don't know about each other.

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It'S not bothering me it's in a sense that i think she's a bad it's just it's it's risky for melanie yeah i'm literally playing defense lawyer for her going i'm not going to tell you what you did was wrong my job is to help you keep getting paid and not get fired yes so now the question is do i take this other job which has a bonus above and beyond the one hundred base right plus a path for growth melanie you said this is a job that's a better play for you long term yeah melanie it's a no brainer yeah you're not working eighty hours a week.

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Yeah now you're not working eighty hours a week and you're not cheating on another company and again it may be a lifestyle shift because it's a hybrid idea and and but maybe you get into that and and it works and it's great and you can you figure out the logistics with the kids and your kids are in school which is helpful yeah or you you pan back a year from now and say wow this is hard so maybe i go back to lmno company you find another.

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Job right but melanie melanie you do know i'm on team melanie right we.

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Love you melanie i do but listen.

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To and i just wanted to make sure that i not you're not kind of shooting myself in the foot no because three thousand dollars less that i'd.

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Be making yeah but you're not you but you told us you're not including the bonus in that exercise so so you got to put the bonus in amortize that over twelve months and then you start looking at the monthly it's.

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Not quite three thousand because you said ninety seven so it's yeah so my.

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Point is i think it's all in all it's not going to be that much of a difference at all in the short term and we know long term is better if you take this.

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New job and just for your own benefit so you're eighty hours a week you're working forty yeah that's true that's.

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True freeze up a lot so much.

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I appreciate your input yeah melanie take the job man you gotta get out of jail free here on this one i mean whoa by the way this is a new trend she is not alone there are millions of americans that are professional polygamists they are they have two full time jobs and they don't know about each other and it is cheating i don't care how you slice it i'm all for you getting them paid but man you could get fired and i'd makes me nervous you know oh man this is the ramsey show hey i'm excited to talk about a new sponsor burna you all probably know i'm a gun guy but i'm big on safety so i'm also a burner guy burna is the ungun a less lethal option that protects you in more ways than one a burner is effective self defense when you need it it also helps protect your assets from lawsuits if you have no choice but to use force because a burner pistol immobilizes attackers without fatal harm i have several burner pistols and i love them in fact i had a burner before they started advertising with us they're easy to use with no recoil and no noise reduction needed they're legal in all fifty states with no permits required and because they're not firearms they can be shipped right to your door and you can train with a burner right in your backyard plus our listeners can get the ramsey burna bundle for ten percent off which includes a burner pistol co two cartridges and ammo and other burner products like safety alarms defense sprays and body armor are also ten percent off for ramsey fans cyberna has more than fifteen thousand five star reviews just go

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to burna dot com dave to learn more that's b y r n a dot com slash dave welcome back to the.

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Ramsey show where we are taking your calls about your money your career your relationships anything and everything at triple eight eight two five five two two five up next is karina in boise hey karina welcome to the show hi thank you yeah absolutely how can we help.

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So last week me and my fiance broke up because we couldn't decide on finances and also more importantly we couldn't decide on how to inherit our kids he has two boys and i have one son and i have a paid for house and i make a bit more money than him and he has a house with some equity in it but he has a roommate on the title and mortgage who i guess they invested together and then so i am i am christian and i know god wants us to put our spouse before our children but i think in our arguments i was just having such a hard time and you know i haven't i haven't been with my fiance but for a week but just moving forward with him or without him i need to figure it out for the next time that this comes up about and you know figure out how to how to deal with it you know do.

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You guys share children are your children from different folks you share them what's.

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The situation yeah he has two boys with his first wife okay and i have a son and i pretty much raised him alone his father was not involved okay gotcha okay yeah and what.

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Was the disagreement about karina so i.

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Think it all started when i mentioned to him that when i moved into my house which is paid off i wanted to leave this as an inheritance to my son because i think i sacrificed a lot of quality time when my son was little because i was going to school for engineering and i was single and i was working so i didn't get to spend that quality time with him and when i finally got that stability i wanted to give it to him kind of to make up for what i couldn't do before so it's really emotional for me to talk about finances and my ex fiance he wasn't understanding that and and i get to this point i get it like your spouse should come first but in terms of finances i'm just having a hard time dealing with that did.

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You did you initiate the breakup or.

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Did he it was just kind of mutual we just kind of got tired of talking about different scenarios and how we can make it work and we both argued our points like i know he wants to protect his children and i want to protect my son in terms of you know what we have established already.

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So so what's your question what's your question for us specifically like.

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How how can how do you go about finances in like a second relationship when you already bring in children do.

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You like because how old are the.

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Kids disinherit them or do you just not get married yeah my son is twenty one okay and then his kids he has a thirteen year old and.

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A fifteen year old okay so no.

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I let rachel take the bigger crux of the relationship and money but he's.

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Twenty one and he has a fifteen.

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Year old no my son is twenty one my fiance is forty oh my.

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Gosh i'm so sorry i thought you meant he has more he your fiance i'm sorry i apologize yeah i just.

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Want to i want to point out something that's come up twice in the conversation with us and i just want to get that out of the way and let rachel kind of help you on this and i can weigh in on the marriage stuff too but this idea that the bible says that you value your spouse of your kids this idea that that means you disinherit your son no no no no this this is all going to fall under the same umbrella that rachel's going to advise you on on y'all being on the same page and it doesn't matter if the kids are coming in from previous relationships or not but no under no scenario are you going to disavow or as you're saying disinherit your son that's not part of the equation and if that's part of the conversation it's not healthy and you did the right thing.

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By walking yeah and karina for you as a mom because i can only imagine the sacrifices that you made when he was little and that's where a lot of this emotion is coming from and so i feel like i would i would i would kind of challenge you to say you know this is a symbol this house is a symbol of your hard work you feeling guilty probably a level of mom guilt of leaving your son when he was younger and it's excruciating you know when i was deleting my kids i had a four year old crying in the garage when i pulled out to come do this show like it's it's not it's not fun like it is it is hard as a mom for those working and that you're like oh and so you as a single mom especially went through so much karina so much in order to have this but i would i would just challenge you not that this would change your decision but i want you to if you can separate this house and what you did for your son and the relationship you have with your son this house has become a symbol and i don't want it to be the make or break breaking point for you in the future with relationships and i and i understand that it's to protect this for your son but just as a mom i don't want you to carry that burden of still feeling like i have to i have to make up for what i did because karina you did what you had to do you were a single mom and that's that was the situation you were in and so that you are not a bad mom for

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doing this so giving your house a son or not giving your your son a house or not does it make you a good or bad mom so i want you to kind of separate that language in your head because i feel like that's twisted into this decision does that make sense yes because i applaud you for being so protective of it because again i hear what you walk through with it so it makes sense but i also don't want this house to be the symbol of what i did and i feel bad and now i have to make it up to my son because you know what your son wants karina he wants you and and and if he wants his mom to be happy if this man that you love your your your ex fiance you know if there if if that is a relationship that is good for you and it is healthy and you guys can find the way to to reconcile these two things or this thing of the inheritance which is a big deal but but also at the end of the day like there's a point too of companionship and love in a.

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Marriage yeah that that's the question i have karina and pardon me for i was trying to listen are you guys on the same page with debt and everything else or is there also some some some separation in the way he sees money and debt and all that stuff because you've done everything the right way where are you guys on the rest of the stuff the rest of.

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The money stuff he he's good with money and yeah he's very smart with money and i don't think there there's an issue there i think it's just more about combining combining households and you.

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Know is he on the same page with you right but let me ask you this is he on the same page in relation to debt that's yes or no yes okay is he is he also on the same page that when we come together as a married couple we combine our finances yes he.

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He is more for that than me he said that we should combine everything and at the end of the day we just split it up like when we both pass away we just split it up evenly between all our kids.

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Okay all right all right so i'm.

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The one that's kind of like selfish because i'm i'm like i'm bringing in more and he has two kids and.

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I have one kid yeah but rachel's right i hope you heard rachel i'm telling you she's right so i got to tell you i'm taking a little bit different tack here i think you guys need to have a nice dinner and i think you guys need to sit down and get this hashed out and say what really matters and let's look at the big picture and you're gonna have to let go of some stuff i love rachel's advice there i don't know i want to see her i want to see her give this.

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A chance i know because i feel.

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Like this is just about the investment.

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Through the becomes this this thing and we don't want our stuff to own us and at that point it's owning a part of you for good reason i understand it but i want you to have freedom from that and i think it's attached to that mom guilt karina that i really want you to think through so thank you for calling i hope that helps and you know i hope you guys can go the way that you need to go whether it's together or separate thanks for calling.

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I'Ve been doing this show for over thirty years and some of the saddest calls i have taken are from situations that are completely preventable yeah and what's.

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So hard is i feel like one of those especially the ones that i'm like oh it's terrible are people that call in and their spouse has passed away suddenly and they don't have life insurance when you have to think through how am i going to pay my bills how about next week yeah in the middle of all that grief like it's just it is it's terrible so life insurance is the one thing especially as a mom with three little kids that i'm like so big on for people to get because it's inexpensive zander is the place that winston and i actually get all of our life insurance.

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And it doesn't cost much because zander shops among a gazillion different companies it doesn't cost much you just have to admit that someday you're not going to be here you got to say it out loud and you got to say i'm going to say i love you to my family by taking care of them and taking the time to put this stuff in place the cost of stinking pizza to get a free quote call eight hundred three five six four two eight two that's eight hundred three five six four two eight two or go to zander welcome back to the ramsey show excited to have you with us i'm ken coleman and the graceful rachel cruz is alongside today yeah i know i'm trying to look for another adjective so how about that i'll take graceful take it all right very nice hey today's question of the day is brought to you by why refi politicians make a lot of promises and sometimes they might even keep one or two but if you're in over your head with private student loans don't rely on the government contact y refi why refi refinance is defaulted private student loans and gives you a low fixed rate loan built for you go to yrefi dot com ramsey today that's the letter y r e f y dot com ramsey it may not be available in all.

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States all right today's question comes from elizabeth in missouri we have two elementary school age kids five and seven we budget for the kids to buy school to buy school lunch once a week the school is cashless so we add money to an account to be used for the kids to scan their id card in the lunch line in addition to the regular lunch the school sells snacks at checkout we have told the kids that they can get lunch but would have to pay us back from their piggy bank money for any extra treats that they buy initially we thought this would be a good intro in teaching them about money management but then realized that it's more like buying on a credit card and paying mom and dad back later are we teaching them that credit is okay with this plan in the cashless system where there's no tangible money to be exchanged how else can we teach young kids about money management oh that's funny no i don't think that's teaching them about debt i'm like they're as long as the pain.

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Comes from the piggy bank they're learning.

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Yes yes and and the reality is too you know you're teaching them about money management in twenty twenty four i mean there's a lot of cashless you know vendors and retailers that it is what it is so so what do you what are you going to do with that with your debit card and all so so yeah that doesn't yeah that doesn't bother me i think this.

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Is great actually because treats at school is ground zero for kids learning to kind of be content you're the queen of contentment over there you know what i mean like you think about it that's where their greatest temptation i know.

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Well this just felt close to home because we're our school is the exact same way and there's an app of course that you go and you can load and use apple pay to load the money back in the school lunches all of it and it turned i didn't know this this is back when my oldest was this was a few years ago when i didn't know how everything worked and one of my friends was like you know you can go back and look and see what all they've bought and i was like what no and sure enough tracking little amelia spending sure enough there were treats upon treats upon treats and i was like.

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Sweet girls i know i just did.

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Amelia she was like well some of my friends wanted some she was buying stuff for other kids and i was like no no so the teachers are great because when they're little like that like first second grade you can email them and even tell the teacher hey they're only allowed a treat on fridays and they kind of help you know manage it but some of these kids it wasn't always just amelia but some of these kids are bartering and hey you pay me that and i'll get you i mean they they figure out how to work the system those little.

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Like an open air market overseas you know amazing yeah so i like it she wasn't buying treats for little johnny.

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Was she do it who's little johnny.

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I don't know i'm making it up.

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Oh okay i don't know i don't think so all right that'd be caroline probably let's be honest i love it.

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I love it all right let's go to davenport iowa where daniel is daniel how can we today hey ken hey.

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Rachel how are you doing today good.

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What'S going on so i'm wondering if.

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I should stay with my current employer or if i should start looking for.

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A different job tell me more i gotta know more should we stay or should we go is the question so.

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I am a husband and a father i got three little girls and i got another one due in about four.

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And a half weeks wow congratulations thank.

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You all girls i'll pray for you god bless you yeah lots of prayers right now so my current employer i told them that my family is growing and what i'm making there just currently isn't cutting it and just being professional informed them i'm a trucker so i informed them i'm getting my hazardous materials endorsement to get a job that pays me more money a job where i can be home daily so i can be with my girls every night right this they had no problem with that they understood and but then they asked me to wait about a couple days to a week later saying that there could be a significant raise coming down the pipe because they did some third party research in our area and find out that their salary is pretty bottom of the barrel okay so that was about four months months ago and i've been kind of politely pestering them and they there has been no raise thus far and every time i ask about it they just say because it has to get shot up to corporate and they say that corporate has not given them an answer this far yeah so.

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You'Re being stonewalled so this was four months ago that they told you hang out for about four days or a week so i love the fact that you have taken this into your own hands and getting that extra licensing so when are you eligible to step into that role or driving those hazardous materials which gets you the big raise and a better schedule well i've done you.

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Have to get like fingerprint on this stuff through like the federal government and everything i've done all that i literally just have to go to the dmv and take the test i've taken the test twice but it's a very hard test and i missed it by four questions last time so i just passed the test get the endorsement and i can walk onto these jobs go but.

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Do not quit yet we got a baby on the way three girls at home a lot of responsibilities do not leave this current employer until we have the other gig lined up that's my clear cut advice on that so let's go stop waiting for this current company my friend daniel the current company they're not going to call you back it's it's i remember in high school you know like i'd have some buddies that i always got the quick clue rachel but i had some buddies who would ask a girl out about three or four times after the second no it's time to move on you know and and they're not answering your question they're kicking it up to corporate and i'm not even sure they're talking to anybody in corporate so the sign is on the wall is what i'm getting at it's time for you to take the next test let's get this thing done and let's move on.

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Now i'm only allowed one question correct no i'm go.

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Ahead when i say will allowed i.

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Mean a smart this just takes care of my immediate but i actually took your get clear assessment okay great and so i just kind of wanted some guidance on that sure i'll just tell you my purpose statement and got it memorized okay but i was created to use my talents of instruct i thought i had it memorized my talents of communication instruction and imagination to perform my passions of leadership advising and performing to fulfill my mission of service by providing assistance and security gotcha so what's coming.

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Off there for me is that's a lot of people work people and ideas right so when it's when it's there's some creativity in that but mostly all of those answers were driving at you're good at people stuff and you enjoy people work correct correct yeah all right so at that point now i mean if you don't have the book find the work you're wired to do i'm going to give it to you do you have the book because you need.

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Some more coaching i actually currently have it checked out from the library oh.

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Well fantastic i'm going to give it.

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To you for free and from paycheck.

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To purpose great i'll give you both for free today christian let's get this guy hooked up here in just a minute we'll give you both for free but here's what you've got to do what you've got to do is take that purpose statement and you now look at that as a job description okay because it's all laid out for you so now you go okay if this is a job description for me then where in my area where in the world of work where i live are jobs open that allow me to do this it's that simple so you're not sitting around scratching your head what am i supposed to do so it's it's you're going to be doing people work you talked about the imagination piece the instruction piece so that is a communicative you have the communication instruction and imagination that is you are going to be working with people training them the leadership thing popped up there the advising thing popped up so you know guide instructor coach that's the type of thing you're looking for but it may take some time to get into that so i really like the path that we're on let's move into the hazardous materials right now as soon as we can bump up that salary new baby let's get everything stable there and then let's take the steps next to go into that work that you were absolutely wired to do hang on the line daniel you're a good man you've already got your sign your current company they're not going to bring the race let's move on hang on the line we'll get you those two books and i'll coach you through via the book all right quick break she's rachel cruze i'm ken

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coleman this is the rams show we'll be right back this show is sponsored by better help hey it's that time of year it's starting to get a little bit colder it's getting a little bit.

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Dark earlier and sometimes if you're like me you just want to stay inside.

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And get cozy and for me my.

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Perfect cozy night is me and all.

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Of my family piled under blankets watching a movie sitting by the fire maybe even reading a book listen whatever your perfect night in looks like sometimes therapy can feel a bit like that a time when you can settle in finally exhale replenish your energy and begin to take care of yourself therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort during the chaos and rush of the holiday season or any other time of year taking the time to pause and be mindful is one of the reasons i recommend betterhelp betterhelp is one hundred percent online therapy with licensed therapists you can talk with your therapist just about anytime and just about anywhere so it's convenient for your schedule just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a therapist and you can switch therapists for no extra cost find comfort this december with betterhelp visit betterhelp dot com deloney to get ten percent off your first month that's betterhelp h dash e dash l dash p dot com deloney welcome back to the ramsey show i'm ken coleman i'm joined by rachel cruz the phone number is eight eight eight eight two five five two two five eight eight eight eight two five five two two five we're here to answer your questions let's go to jason who joins us now in los angeles california jason how can we help hey.

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Thanks for taking my call sure what's.

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Going on today jason so i have.

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Excuse me i have a sorry i have a quinceanera that my daughter wants to plan and i don't know if you guys are familiar but quinceanera is pretty much like a sweet sixteen yep yep we and i'm in a bit of a pickle as to whether i could or i should or if i could afford it or should i do.

[00:32:37]

It how much is it going to.

[00:32:38]

Cost so estimated is i'm estimated between ten and fifteen thousand wow you got.

[00:32:51]

An itemized list on that no another.

[00:32:55]

Detail on this is that i'm currently going through a divorce with her mother and this is kind of being planned by her and these are their prices kind of or her prices as far as what they found i'm just trying to see the problem is that i have just recently actually fully funded my six month emergency fund but that takes into account any support that i pay her my ex spouse i don't know if technically i can dip into that but it's an emergency fund and this is not an emergency yeah not only.

[00:33:34]

That you can't afford it you're calling us ask the way that you're talking we know you can't afford it am i right you can't afford ten to.

[00:33:40]

Fifteen and they're expecting you so they're planning like she's planning it and they're going to expect you to foot the.

[00:33:45]

Whole bill not foot the whole bill foot half she was asking for at the beginning of all these talks was half of it half of ten which was five but i don't think that's realistic of what it would cost i can if i save up until the point of when this is supposed to happen i could probably save about four thousand okay but i'm just whether i should do this at this time in my life is.

[00:34:19]

Jason do you have any other do you have any other debt jason no or any debt no debt okay but your fully funded emergency fund how much do you make a year.

[00:34:30]

Overtime'S been good this year so it's about at one hundred and twenty.

[00:34:33]

One hundred and twenty okay so here's my two things that i keep thinking as you're talking number one how we define an emergency to actually dip into an emergency fund is when something is unexpected so this doesn't really qualify because we know that she's going to be yeah is it is it is it sixteen years old or is it fifteen it's fifteen fifteen yeah okay so we knew she was gonna turn fifteen so it's not unexpected is it urgent do i have to do it like right now right now right now yeah i guess i guess urgent would somewhat qualify and because there's a date there and is it necessary right so these are the two things so honestly this whole thing it does not check off all those boxes for me so no it's technically not an emergency so that's one part of the discussion the second part is that you could bring together some money right and let's just say and pretend that it is ten thousand they want you to do five you could say four could you take a thousand out of the emergency fund to get to the five sure like you could right i mean it's not the end of the world but my my biggest problem with all of that though jason is that just like weddings just like another party just like vacations anything if you don't keep a strict budget and have a limit to what you're going to spend it gets expensive more expensive i mean a house even when you build a house same thing like the line continues to move so jason if you decide to do this and to save the four thousand for her which i think would be great right

[00:35:57]

like i don't think that's a necessarily a bad thing okay ken's not that happy about it if you do it though there has to be very clear communication and boundaries with your future ex wife to say and your daughter i would bring her in on and say guys this is the this is what's going on here's what i will have for you this is it this is all i can do in good conscious and in good faith at where i am in life this is what i have work with that right and you set the tone you set the amount on which you can do jason because if you tell them sure i'll do half it's going to go from ten to fifteen to twenty and there's going to be no boundaries so you have to set that boundary okay ken's dying over.

[00:36:36]

Here dying i'm dying i agree with everything rachel said i just want to say this i'm going to try i'm going to i'm going to answer this as if i was in your shoes and i don't i don't know if there's any special features to this party so i'm completely ignorant but if my daughter josie who by the way turns fifteen tomorrow if she came to me and said i want a big party and i've got a budget i think it's going to be ten i would ask for an itemized list there's no way i'm even going to give four five six without seeing where what are the specific where is the where in the world is ten grand going for a party for a bunch of fifteen year olds so i'm starting there and so i would say that everything rachel said is absolutely right you give your number after they give you numbers you don't just get well it's going to be ten maybe twelve maybe fifteen you give half and you have to ask for specifics and have a real conversation with their daughter and you're in a very tough situation now with the divorce and now she's got two and don't.

[00:37:41]

Let the guilt and don't let the guilt ride over that just say baby.

[00:37:44]

Here'S the deal okay give me your budget what do you want for your party let's just walk through it let's teach her this is a teaching moment to go yeah i'd like to drive a lamborghini but i can't and so i know you want a ten thousand dollars party but guess what me and mom can't do a ten thousand dollars party but we can make it an amazing party and this is how much money i can give towards an amazing party i think that's the conversation well it's not i think that's exactly how i would talk it over with my daughter josie i'd get her wish list get real numbers and then how can i meet her expectations in a much more budget conscious way i think that's where you start it takes the pressure off because now you're dealing in reality and and then you go look babe this is what i can do yeah.

[00:38:29]

And this stuff jason and i know it's such a cultural part right i can see her like i know that it is and and i know like you know and we i remember we had a guy call i think it was from india in the wedding that he wanted to spend was like half a million dollars right so like i i totally am aware that there are certain things culturally that the expectation is.

[00:38:50]

Really big but culture should never outrule.

[00:38:52]

Common sense but that's it too so i'm like it's and you could say that about the american culture right weddings or whatever like you could plug in other things so so you do have to there's going to be multiple areas jason within you that you're gonna have to be like this oh this is not doesn't feel right it's not what i wanted but part of being a grownup too jason is looking at the numbers what ken's saying and it's like here's just here's the reality here's the reality of what we have and what we can or what i have and what i can do and so coming.

[00:39:20]

Back to you jason you have a real number in your head that you feel like i can't afford you feel like a guy who's in control of his money situation you sound really stable what's the number that you go if i set it on fire for my daughter it wouldn't bother me wouldn't give me a maalox moment what is that.

[00:39:36]

Number well right now the big thing that is heavy on me is that i haven't even gotten into my investing portion of my life for the future.

[00:39:46]

I get that but you didn't answer my question what's the number that if you know i can give this money my daughter and i'm not going to lose sleep over it.

[00:39:58]

As of now i would say maybe for something like this three thousand okay then then now.

[00:40:05]

We'Ve got a starting number i'm trying to coach you through this practically you got a number where you go yeah i know you don't want to spend any money because you think you're behind you're not you're going to be fine on your investing you got to weather this divorce you got to figure out what the payments are going to be and all that you're going to restart okay but you're okay but if the number's three thousand we go that's my baby girl she wants this i can give her three grand then let's start with that then go get the itemized list and let's see if we can you know get closer to it that's what i'm trying to do is get you to a point where you don't let guilt run the day and make a bad financial decision and i think the three thousand is a common sense number would you agree i would say.

[00:40:44]

So yeah all right and your ex.

[00:40:46]

Wife'S not going to like it yeah prep for that and your daughter may not like it she don't like you.

[00:40:51]

Right now anyway so we're not losing that deal i mean i'm not trying to be insensitive i'm just keeping it real what are you gonna do make her not want to be married to you more i mean we've already crossed that bridge so you got to stick to your guns man and get the item yeah jason you're a good man you're gonna be fine it's gonna be a great partner yes rachel by the way will come do a dance or something send that request something that'll be great you'll tell a story this is the reimbursement remember the good old days of the internet before it was a privacy nightmare filled with spammers scammers hackers and fraudsters simpler times now i don't have a time machine but i do have the next best thing delete me think of delete me as your online bodyguard helping to protect you from the risks of online scams and data breaches here's how they do it they scour the web to find and remove your data from these sketchy data broker websites and this includes your name your phone number your email your address and more and delete me will send you a detailed report of what they did and how much time they've saved you and they've saved me sixty six hours so far which is more time i can spend trying to nail the wordle of the day on the first try deleteme has been around for over a decade and they now have over one hundred million data removals which explains why they have a mountain of rave reviews and an a plus rating from the better business bureau it's been great for my family and i love getting fewer targeted ads fewer spam texts and fewer

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[00:43:05]

Equal housing lender seventeen forty nine mallory.

[00:43:07]

Lane suite one hundred brentwood tennessee.

[00:43:12]

Welcome.

[00:43:13]

Back to the ramsey show thrilled to have you with us triple eight eight two five five two two five is the number to jump in triple eight eight two five five two two five i'm ken coleman rachel cruz joins me this hour let's go to preston who joins us now in dallas texas preston how can we help hey how's it.

[00:43:29]

Going ken thank you thank you all for having me this morning sure i you know i'm a married guy with three kids we got a good income of about one hundred and eighty five one hundred ninety thousand a year but it seems like we are hemorrhaging money through our miscellaneous budget item and our food item you know we've got one car loan we've got about twelve thousand dollars left on that i've got some medical debt we had a child this year so we've got about six thousand dollars there and then we've got just some student loans left over that amount to about four thousand five hundred and then a mortgage that's about two hundred thousand left so total debt is about two hundred twenty two thousand dollars we make you know one hundred eighty five thousand one hundred ninety and it feels like at the end of the month we just have nothing left i really just kind of wanted to get some insight on what should a family spend you know monthly in a miscellaneous item maybe in the food budget but we are just spending pretty much what we earn and you know we've gone up in salaries over the last five years tremendously we've doubled what we make but we're still spending everything we make and so i cannot figure out how to get over that hump yeah it's that.

[00:44:45]

It'S the classic lifestyle creep right it's just a little bit here and there and over time that starts to become your norm and then you just add a little bit more add a little bit more and then you look up and you're exactly yeah what you're saying president are you guys doing a very detailed budget very detailed i am in.

[00:45:04]

Accounting which is kind of ironic that i'm not good at accounting for my own expenses but you know we we set a food budget of let's say fifteen hundred to two thousand a month and then you sit there and go hey we just spent three thousand dollars on food and you sit there and go how are we doing that well as george would would like to not hear we eat out all the dang time yeah that's it i mean yeah let's just let's go out to eat it's easier i know and we all know that we're gonna spend way more there than we do eat at home but yep it's really just frustrating to.

[00:45:40]

Be well there's no that's what's hard about this preston is with personal finance we always say it's it's eighty percent behavior it's twenty percent head knowledge so you have the head knowledge of the numbers down with the budget of here's what we're going to do but then you guys are not living on the plan that you've created you're going over a thousand dollars in food you're throwing you know a few hundred bucks here or there throughout the month on all this other stuff and so when you when you realize that it's more of a discipline problem with you guys and the choices that you're making in everyday expenses it is it's it's sucking the the life out of out of y'all what i would do preston i would challenge you guys to say and you know if you hold on the line i'm going to give you the premium version of everydollar because i think everydollars one of the most helpful budgeting tools because it's going to be able to connect to your bank and you're going to be able to really be able to see in the way they do the paycheck planning and everything it's just it's a it's a really well easy thing to see and your wife can have the same login so you guys both have the app on your phone and i would practice preston acting like you guys make eighty okay act like you're like you're making eighty grand and do a budget off of that and just see what see what happens say okay we then that means we have to way cut back here that means these you know eighteen subscriptions we're paying for we can't do that that means maybe the kids that are doing

[00:47:07]

the fun little gym classes every two days a week they're not going to do that anymore like you will have to cut back because i want you to take that eighty grand or more quote unquote i'm kind of just using a random number but i want you paying off the student loan the car loan i mean all these loans that you guys have beside your mortgage you guys could get this knocked out so quickly and what i love about this we always just call it gazelle intense because it is deep sacrifice you are running like your hair's on fire and it's like it is scorched earth it's like we're doing nothing we're doing nothing and we're cutting back and so that means maybe even cutting back more than eighty i was just saying as a fun mathematical game on the budget just look to see what you would cut start there and then i would trim back as as much as you guys can preston because i want you guys to feel progress with your money and it feels like you're spinning your wheels you got all this debt hanging around you're living still paycheck to paycheck and there's been no progress and so in order to get these wins like there's some stuff in lifestyle that you will cut and it'll hurt it will not be fun and i know with a new baby it's like you guys are all exhausted i get it that this is the time to do it to buckle down and say it's now or never it's for a short period of time because then when all that's gone preston i mean how much is going out in payments for this debt per month besides your mortgage do you

[00:48:25]

have that how much is going out just to.

[00:48:27]

Debt i do so for our medical debt we actually we've got a high deductible insurance plan so we've got an hsa that i've got that set up to wipe that out in the year to where you know that doesn't hang around so that's automatically off the top and then we've got my wife's car loan that we pay about two thousand five hundred a month on it holy.

[00:48:46]

Crap what kind of car is it.

[00:48:47]

You'Re taking some chunks at this oh.

[00:48:50]

You'Re paying extra you're paying extra oh.

[00:48:52]

Okay payment's only five hundred bucks okay okay okay but you sit there and go i think we've got more in the budget but you know we just once we get to the end of the month to make an extra payment it's not there and it's just super.

[00:49:07]

Frustrating yeah i mean it's because you're living like you're making one hundred and ninety and spending everything yeah so let's.

[00:49:14]

Let'S just look at this what's your what's the smallest debt that you have.

[00:49:19]

That'D be the student loans you know we've got three of them for the sallie mae loans but they totaled out.

[00:49:25]

Four thousand five hundred bucks okay so instead of focusing on the twelve thousand dollars car loan focus on the student loan and go ahead and just get.

[00:49:32]

That knocked out what's the payment what's the minimum payment on the student loan right now the three of them together if they're all bunched and that's the.

[00:49:39]

Bad deal is you all know they're forbearance so we haven't even been paying on them we've been just chunking at her car loan and i know that's not what baby step two is for that gazelle intensity okay here's the point.

[00:49:51]

I'M trying to make if you stay with us if you stay with us and you work this plan you guys cut first of all you need to stop eating out like no more like you guys got to stop you got.

[00:50:02]

To eat eat turkey sandwiches at night get do eggs and bacon for dinner i mean like you can do cheap meals right for a season it's not.

[00:50:09]

Forever you're account you're an accountant your issue is not the numbers the issue is the behavior and if you guys try it for one month and go you know what we're all in we're not going to eat out one time at all just to see how much money you can save extra and the point is we knock out the student loans then we knock out the car pay and all of a sudden you've got more margin than you realize here's the i know you're discouraged but you've got more margin in that budget than you realize but you've got to change your spending habits and if you do that and if we can get some extra income we sell some stuff in this debt snowball whatever we got we can find margin pretty quickly as detailed as you are grasping the numbers you and your wife have got to sit down and go if we do this and then we do this and we do this like crazy for the next six twelve months here's how much progress we'll make and all of a sudden you go oh this is doable i think you're just discouraged right now and.

[00:51:01]

Preston with with i'll add on that for ken because this is always helpful for me whenever we're doing a big goal so whether for you it's getting out of debt or you know saving up for something look at the time frame run the numbers like what we're saying and just know and say okay we are confident you know it's july right now so we are confident you know by dang christmas we're going to be we're going to do it from now till christmas it's just it's go time i mean or whatever the date is but have that date because that gives you the the light at the end of the tunnel that you're not going to like live in this world forever and ever amen you can actually enjoy what you're working but you're not enjoying your money now because again i think so much of it is this debt and so much of it is that lifestyle because once you guys pay this off do you have any savings at all preston do you guys have cash in the bank yeah we have.

[00:51:48]

Some but not enough to cover any.

[00:51:50]

Of it how much we've got our.

[00:51:52]

Emergency fund just to start emergency fund.

[00:51:55]

Okay so you got a thousand dollars that's where you're at yeah can you sell your wife's car we get we're running out of time but i mean you got to look at everything man selling cars everything you know you're going to reduce your monthly payments and increase your income so for you my friend i know you're an accountant but there's a lot of gig work right now for accountants i'd be working sixty eighty hours a week doing accounting work because you can get paid very well for freelance work income goes up expenses go.

[00:52:26]

Down you guys can access this out.

[00:52:27]

Quick like get out after it and then you'll see some breathing room and then you realize okay we can stay the course thanks for the call you'll get there preston this is the ramsey show between christmas shopping and holiday get togethers investing might be the last thing on your mind but there are certain things you might need to take care of before the year ends and you don't have to do it alone the smartvestor program can connect you with a financial advisor near you whether you've got questions about retirement planning required distributions or anything in between a smartvestor pro will walk you through what you need to know head to ramseysolutions dot com smartvestor to get connected ramsey solutions is a paid non client promoter of participating pros.

[00:53:13]

Learn more at ramseysolutions dot com smartvestor.

[00:53:18]

Welcome back to the ramsey show thrilled to have you with us i'm ken coleman rachel cruz joins me as we are here taking your calls eight eight eight two five five two two five we're talking about your life whether that's your money situation your work situation we are here to help today let's go to ogden utah connor is there connor how can we help.

[00:53:41]

Yeah thank you for taking my call so my wife and i are about ready to move out of our home we have a little daughter and outgrowing it so i've been looking at our options and because my parents are so generous and we've been so blessed they told us about a week ago that they're going to be giving all their kids an inheritance early so they could watch them spend it and the inheritance is about three hundred thousand dollars wow yeah that's awesome and so that opens up a lot of options for us we have been kind of weighing it in our heads and one of the things is our current home is in a college town and we've been thinking about maybe just paying that off with one hundred thousand or one hundred fifteen thousand is what we owe on it still and then renting it out and then using the other two hundred thousand as a down payment to our next house which would get us a comfortable house payment but the other option is we thought maybe we would just sell this house now and take the two hundred thousand in equity and put it towards our next down payment along with three hundred thousand or whatever to basically buy our next house in cash and not have a house payment so we're just trying to figure out between those two options what would you maybe there's another option that i'm not thinking about either that you can fill me in on.

[00:55:05]

No not off the top of my head of what you guys want to do i mean i think this is a really smart move and i think a beautiful way to honor your parents and the the legacy and the inheritance that they're giving you i'm sure they would appreciate seeing this versus taking eighteen trips around the world or something i mean i don't know there's something about it that is like oh there's like a stability it's an investment which way are you leaning all that i'm curious to know.

[00:55:31]

Are you two leaning the same way one of you leaning one way one.

[00:55:34]

Leaning the other my wife is leaning a little bit towards the renting and i'm kind of honestly in the middle i could see it either way i like the idea of having that extra stream of income coming in every single month but there's also that feeling of just not having any debt at all with our next home yeah just being.

[00:55:55]

Free and clear connor do y'all want to be landlords like the idea of an investment property sounds like oh that sounds great and yes there's passive income and i come from a real estate family my husband loves real estate so like i get it but because of that i also know all of the work that goes in and then you said college town that i'm sure you can find the great group of college students to rent it out but you're also renting it out to college students so or possibly you could obviously not do that but i mean the landlord thing it's that's not just a oh yeah that's cool and fun i mean it ends up kind of being a part time job and if you're working full time i'll be honest it may land into your wife's lap of her having to go and fix the sink brakes and they you know like it's it's a it's a thing too so i just want you guys to keep in mind so it is a great a great way to have passive income but if i were you i would just be free and clear and then if you guys want to save up because you won't have a mortgage if you just sold it and and then paid cash for your primary residence yeah i mean that's that's phenomenal then you could save up a lot and if you guys chose to go into real estate investing then then you could and start small maybe even a different location.

[00:57:06]

Right yeah like so so fun little exercise how much do you think you could get per month for that house in the college town if you paid it off with some of this inheritance.

[00:57:15]

How much thirteen fifty is about what the rent would be okay so again.

[00:57:21]

You know what's that going to end up being eighteen nineteen thousand dollars twenty thousand i'm not really great at math but somewhere in that range right fifteen sixteen something like so you have to sit there with your wife and okay here's the income that this would spit off but that doesn't include the expenses.

[00:57:37]

Which rachel was touching it's not going.

[00:57:39]

To be free and clear fifteen to eighteen thousand dollars you're going to have.

[00:57:42]

To replace carpet in three years you're going to probably repaint the wall i mean it's just yeah i learned that.

[00:57:47]

One from george i was with george george campbell threw that at a caller the other day i was like that's a really good exercise because it's like is it worth is it worth all the work let's just call it net just for easy numbers fourteen thousand dollars a year you're gonna have expenses you're just going to and you got all of this for fourteen grand and to rachel's point like what's the trade off on like a huge down payment or buying buying a house cash you know in this point in your marriage so i'd get rid of the house too i really would it's just but i mean you got to sit down with your wife and cast and there's not.

[00:58:23]

I don't think there's a wrong answer here that's correct something because one of them's gonna be paid off if you were gonna still have debt on it and debt on a primary residence i would tell you get rid of it hands down but for it being paid off there's not yeah it's not right or wrong it's just truly where you guys want to put your time and your effort you know if it's if it's my dad or my husband they're probably gonna keep it because they love real estate and they're like oh it is worth it because of of you know they just it's part of what they love but to me i'm like and to call it oh man i just remember the rhyme or renting a house in college oh i know winston lived with like six guys in a rental house and it was disgusting i'm already disgusting it was terrible oh yeah.

[00:59:03]

Block parties terrible games and all that.

[00:59:06]

Kind of stuff we were good renters though my group of my my group of friends we were very clean we we took care of that house i was an old soul yeah well in the college days yeah i think you're.

[00:59:18]

Still an old soul not as old as me though apparently my little phrases.

[00:59:22]

North of the border.

[00:59:25]

Melissa'S up in chattanooga tennessee don't get me started on chattanooga melissa how can we help hi.

[00:59:33]

Rachel hi ken it is a pleasure to speak with you today i'm so grateful i'm in a situation now i have a possible fork in my career path and i'm hoping you can kind of help me unpack it a little bit sure so what's going on i had my quarterly check in with my supervisor today now kind of a backstory we work for a big company who has two retail locations i work for the smaller of the two and it's quite a bit smaller i manage i oversee it and i have three teammates who work for me so we've been working really really hard for a few now even through covid and all of that on expanding growing providing more service for people and what's the point where the company or the building that we rent we're have possibly having our lease being bought out by somebody else who shares the building now we're not in a position where we can rent a new location we've got a really sweet deal at this building so what it sounds like i've got probably a sixty to seventy five percent chance that we are going to close my location and we're going to be absorbed into the bigger location my teammates will blend just fine the thing that we run into is my position my director is super awesome super supportive and really thinks that there is a path of progression for me to take her position as she plans to exit the company in the next two to three years i'm not so confident that i'm also kind of interested i think maybe it would be a huge leap from assistant manager to director but i'm just not sure what what i want to think right

[01:01:12]

now.

[01:01:13]

So what would be yeah i get it so what would the interim look like so if they shut this down the smaller location where you're in a manager position and and then you go to the bigger location you're underneath that director what role are you in are you making the same amount of money.

[01:01:27]

And we just started discussing that it would be a new role created for me sort of a gm in training along with whatever else will i actually get a legit paycheck with a legit job at the other location while i'm training and helping helping business grow but also learning the ropes to be a.

[01:01:47]

Director okay if you knew that the path was two to three years it was guaranteed you were going to replace her would you be on the phone.

[01:01:54]

With us i'm pretty sure it could happen i'm just not sure if it's the right choice for me that's what.

[01:02:03]

I'M asking okay so so yeah okay so you're not sure if that's the long term play for you and i love that so how soon is a decision going to be made where you're going to have to choose i got about thirty seconds so give me the.

[01:02:15]

Quick answer we're looking at probably end.

[01:02:18]

Of year we'll know what's going to.

[01:02:19]

Happen with the lease all right so.

[01:02:20]

Here'S what i would decide if i'm staying or going all right so here's what i would do i would spend time right now thinking about your long term future knowing that you have a safe option to at least take this for the interim while you still figure this out okay so i just want you to breathe stay with the company until you figure it out long term hang on the line let's get you an assessment the get clear career assessment i'll give that to you a link and a code i want you to take that as you consider long term what your options are but i'm glad you're stable right now thank you for the call this is the ramsey show a new year is here and everyone's started making their list of i wants for the year i want to get out of debt i want to lose weight i want to make more money but that's where most people stop the problem is without a plan those are just wishes most of us set goals with the best of intentions but have zero follow through real goals require a plan that's why if you want to see real change with your money this year you've got to get on a budget with our every dollar budgeting app you'll make a plan for your money and get your spending under control so you actually make progress towards your goals this year don't just wish for things to change with your money download every dollar for free and start budgeting today hey dave ramsey here doctor john deloney and i are coming to a city near you on the money and relationships tour you the audience will vote to choose the topics we talk about

[01:03:48]

things that impact your life like investing in your future money stress in marriage and more we're coming to louisville durham atlanta kansas city fort worth and phoenix in april and may twenty twenty five t are at their lowest price right now grab yours at ramseysolutions dot com tour welcome back to the ramsey show i'm ken coleman joined by rachel cruz thrilled you are with us the phone number to jump in is triple eight eight two five five two two five that's triple eight eight two five five two two five levi joins us next in reno nevada levi how can we help.

[01:04:26]

How are you all doing today well.

[01:04:28]

We'Re having a blast levi what's up.

[01:04:31]

I want to say thank you first off started listening to you guys about six months ago and it's it's really made an impact awesome can actually just started binging yours looking to change career soon but my question so i've never been married and i've got a girl who i want to propose to where does that fall in the baby steps as far as buying a ring and how much should someone spend i just finished paying off all my debt last.

[01:05:00]

Week so wow congratulations how much did.

[01:05:03]

You pay off about i'd say about twenty thousand in six months nice levi.

[01:05:11]

What would what's your emergency fund gonna be three or six months four months five months and how much will that.

[01:05:16]

Be right now it could be very little i'm in a unique situation where i don't have rent which is how i paid everything off so quick awesome but which rent this area twenty thousand would be a good one okay all.

[01:05:31]

Right how much are you thinking on the ring we have rachel here which i feel like is an expert on this when it comes to jewelry she's the expert in the room now i.

[01:05:39]

Think our rule of thumb is one month's salary oh is what we is what you can use is what we would recommend oh and where does that.

[01:05:50]

Fall as far as should i be focusing on getting that emergency fund before spending you know three thousand dollars.

[01:06:01]

It'D be nice to have some but also i'm like we don't tell people to like stop the baby steps to get married and to do all this so if you can do both at the same time save some money for the emergency fund and then be saving on the side too for the ring how.

[01:06:17]

Long have you been dating would be.

[01:06:18]

Ideal i've been with her for two and a half years we actually lived together in her elderly parents who did not know anything about ramsey live with.

[01:06:30]

Us oh boy that was a loaded chuckle that was a loaded chuckle what.

[01:06:37]

Does that mean they they had no money saved up one of them actually needs to be in a nursing home and all right we can't afford it.

[01:06:48]

So well so in all seriousness now i'm assuming that that she's going to say yes right you feel pretty confident we're going to get a yes out of this okay is there expectations for the parents to give you all to continue to live together and for you all to have to take care of them that's pretty heavy burden yes they.

[01:07:07]

At the package deal she's from guam it's just kind of their culture got.

[01:07:13]

It and you're and you're all in on this yes okay all right that's.

[01:07:20]

Great yeah so levi's answer your question i would just i would do both but well now that i know what.

[01:07:25]

I know rachel i'm going to tell him to wait get the emergency fund fully funded they're living together i mean what are we going to wait a couple more months i'd wait and get.

[01:07:35]

The emergency fund well mike you're basically married you're playing married so i want you married as soon as possible possible.

[01:07:40]

Oh i see what you're doing there.

[01:07:42]

Yeah i'd go quicker i i would say all right save it up go i mean you got i mean make.

[01:07:47]

A slush loan in the budget yep.

[01:07:49]

Yep and just put some money aside yes well you guys want a wedding or are you guys kind of low key with it and no big deal.

[01:07:56]

I'M definitely lowkey yeah she she will want some kind of ceremony okay i've never been married she has been okay so the ceremony is important but yes.

[01:08:07]

Very inexpensive yep that's great so be cash flowing that as well and then once you guys get married combining your incomes and all of this and if you have anything left to build up the emergency funds do that but i would i would yeah i'd get married as soon as i would i would.

[01:08:22]

Get married yeah you guys know do you know where you're gonna get registered he has no idea what i just said do you even know what that means i don't oh that's so great i knew it well she can explain it to you it's where married that's where engaged couples they they go and they put their gifts together i know.

[01:08:42]

You old man.

[01:08:45]

I just think that's.

[01:08:46]

Great get registered i could tell i.

[01:08:49]

Think it's funny because levi is so naive and i think that that's really great he doesn't understand about all the stuff he's about ready to get into.

[01:08:58]

They'Re older we got married young so the registering was really really exciting the younger you are i feel like the more exciting that stuff is i just.

[01:09:05]

Thought it was funny i didn't i did brought no redeeming value at all i agree let's go to david in fredericksburg virginia david how can we help.

[01:09:14]

Yeah i wanted your take on a reverse mortgage i'll be turning sixty five next year and getting tired of construction work wondering if i could go part time and use a reverse mortgage that i can stay at the house that we had built for a few years.

[01:09:31]

Longer no david no we do not recommend reverse reverse mortgages because it does exactly what it says to put you back in reverse you guys are progressing paying off your house and building this equity and you're going to start right back over and so it's it is a product that is marketed to sixty plus you know whenever you look at any even even i mean seriously no it's true seriously david because it is it's doing exactly what you are thinking it's like oh that's kind of nice i can pull back from work all of that and that it's not it's not the way to go because you're gonna be losing equity in it and and it's it's not smart not smart at all so what david you said you're sixty four i'll be sixty five in january okay okay and how much you guys have left on the mortgage.

[01:10:23]

We'Ve got left on at about one hundred and eighty and it's valued at.

[01:10:27]

Almost five hundred oh nice you guys have any other debt oh yeah yeah.

[01:10:31]

We we've had the land forever we got about twenty thousand in debt paying off and going on vacation and running back up and then paying it off.

[01:10:40]

Okay david all right how much listening.

[01:10:42]

To you guys has been a good.

[01:10:43]

Sin good how much do you guys.

[01:10:45]

Make a year we make about sixty.

[01:10:48]

Five thousand a year sixty five okay.

[01:10:53]

Is it all credit card debt yes.

[01:10:57]

Well yeah yes it is credit card.

[01:11:00]

Debt because here's the thing too david.

[01:11:02]

And i might be that might be high on the credit card debt it's probably more like about ten thousand okay.

[01:11:09]

Well what's the other debt of the twenty what else do you owe maybe.

[01:11:14]

Some medical and the wife we've been budgeting quite well and so it's it's something that we've learned over the years to try and keep a control on.

[01:11:26]

That spending beast okay and david do you guys have anything in retirement.

[01:11:32]

About thirty forty thousand dollars okay i've got some property that i'll be selling okay i've had it for years and all means i'll start selling some of my heavy equipment that i've got that haven't.

[01:11:49]

Been using okay so if you so if you sell the land liquidate property or liquidate the the machines everything how much do you think you'll you'll come.

[01:11:56]

Out probably close to three hundred thousand.

[01:12:00]

Oh okay nice because i'm just thinking of your retirement and you guys long term because i know you probably want to pull back from working for sure but these the habits that you guys have been in david like you said like well we go on vacation we pay some stuff off we go back all this this reverse mortgage it's gonna just magnify the bad habits that you guys have created so it's not gonna be good for you in any sense it's not a great it's a terrible situation in general but also when you guys are not you're not being disciplined in it and so i would if i were you and your wife i would sit down and really map out a plan and say okay we are sixty five years old we owe one hundred and eighty still in the mortgage you got thirty thousand dollars in retirement twenty thousand dollars in debt and it's time to really start cleaning this up david i mean honestly be paying off this debt as quickly as possible you guys need some savings in the bank for an emergency fund and then we're gonna start piling on retirement and whether that means selling land early to get some money in but i want to be able to map out i want you to be able to map out a plan to get you to retirement and reversing the mortgage doesn't do that it gets you back into a horrible situation you're not progressing forward when you.

[01:13:14]

Do that yeah great advice there and hey you still got time and you got some assets that you're going to be able to get a windfall of cash so really dive into the baby steps really walk it out hey david.

[01:13:25]

Hold on the line austin's going to pick up and give you guys a free trial to financial university i want you and your wife to go through.

[01:13:30]

It that'll do it for this hour of the ramsey show thank you so much for being with us.

[01:13:37]

What up what up it's doctor john deloney from.

[01:13:39]

The doctor john deloney show with some.

[01:13:41]

Amazing news the latest episode of united.

[01:13:44]

States of anxiety is available right now.

[01:13:46]

Exclusively on the ramsey network app this.

[01:13:49]

Docu series follows real people from my.

[01:13:52]

Show as they embark on a ninety day journey to transform their lives and.

[01:13:55]

I personally walk alongside them every step of the way okay now here's a.

[01:14:00]

Sneak peek of what the new episode.

[01:14:02]

Is all about and don't forget to.

[01:14:04]

Click the link in the show notes to download the app what's up kelsey so i've lived with crippling anxiety for as long as i can remember how do i stop it from constantly coming up in different areas of my life.

[01:14:20]

What does crippling anxiety mean paint me a picture of that all right so you ready to jump in i'm ready.

[01:14:28]

To jump in then we're gonna check.

[01:14:30]

In with kelsey thirty days sixty days.

[01:14:33]

Ninety days i cannot even function because.

[01:14:36]

I'M just crying my mom left us.

[01:14:39]

When i was four i truly felt like for a while i had no.

[01:14:43]

Family she's experiencing things that really hurt a long time ago tell me about.

[01:14:48]

This boy he triggers me a lot scared of losing paul scared of doing.

[01:14:52]

The wrong thing scared of not being enough it just feels like it would be exhausting to be kelsey it is whenever somebody's playing whack a mole with their anxiety when it just keeps moving that tells me the underlying system's not.

[01:15:03]

Okay how do i get my inner child out of this relationship because i feel like she's running the show one.

[01:15:10]

Of two people that's supposed to never leave i was this i was this burden you burdened that's right to the one person who should carry it all.

[01:15:21]

Of it did you ever tell that.

[01:15:22]

Little girl that it wasn't her fault.

[01:15:24]

I don't know what to do.

[01:15:29]

You.

[01:15:29]

Either have to choose to let this guy love you or you gotta choose to let this guy go.