It's the Sarah Silverman podcast, we don't have a theme song yet, so this will have to do talking to you. Sarah Silverman podcasts. Hi everybody, it's me. Sarah Silverman testing out a little podcast theory and in this studio here at Castanias, and it's I'm going to say this, I use the bathroom twice so far to pee. And that's a guarantee. That's all that happened in there. And I'm going to say this, they did not skimp on toilet paper.

That's a high quality toilet paper in there. And I notice those things because when you're a woman and you pee, you got to wipe. Your pee hole and subsequent labs. And it was real good, strong. I like this tough stuff. I like the strong stuff. I don't like having it break apart into a million tiny pieces. I'm not an expert. I'm going to be honest, I'm solidly middle aged and I still don't know where he comes out of, but I know it's at least three different places.

So there is some cleanup. And thank you, cast media. For not skimping on that, although sometimes I like the cheap stuff, hey. We have some I mean, listen, we can talk about the news of the day, we get to you know, I watched the I didn't watch the RNC. I'm going to be honest. I just watched clips because I have my health to consider. And I fucking I fucking I hate liars. I don't hate the lied to, but I just fucking I don't like liars.

I don't hate. There's almost no one I hate. But hate is a strong word, you know.

But liars who know they're lying on some level they gotta you can't even. I can't stomach it really.

But you know, they're both listen the DNC was fine. You know, it was good. They're both infomercials. So I kind of just go, right, whatever. At least one is based in truth. But then I was like, well, as I was watching the DNC and the I guess the big slogan for Biden is build back better. And they all kind of had to, like, work it into their speeches.

You know, we're going to build back a bit better. Anyway, I remember just watching that and going build back better. Jesus fucking Christ. Like the Democrats are so bad at slogans. Whatever you think, make America great again is easy. It's simple. No one here has ever forgotten it. I mean, it became a heinous cult, and that might be why that's constantly in our faces, but it just it's easier who's going to remember build back better?

You're just going to go it's like something with a bunch of bees. It was build back better. I was just like, Jesus Christ, there are so many artists in this party. You can't call on one to think of like a catchy slogan, just something simple. But then I did Google it, build what I can build back better. And I, I looked at like the etymology of it. It's what they say in disaster relief that made me love it.

What a brilliant idea. The idea that in in disaster relief, you say build back better. That's what this is. It's disaster relief.

And then it made me love it, except for the fact that nobody knows that it comes from that. And so it just sounds stupid. I say it comes from disaster relief and people will remember it and be so on board, like, fuck, yeah, build back better. So Dave and Diana Producers' pulled some transcript clips from the DNC and from the RNC. And then what do you have, like a robota like Syria or somebody saying it? And I have to guess which it comes from.

And this will probably prove. That it's all the same shit, it's just that some are liars and the truth and you don't know who's saying it. It might sound pretty good. I mean, I'll tell you, there's things sometimes Trump says stuff that sounds good if it were not lies. All right, let's hear. Let's hear one.

We win wars and we are the greatest country. And for all the pain and all of the trailers, our we worked and it was beautiful.

That's Donald Trump says that Americans can rise to their call.

That should probably come like third as the punch line because it's just so uniquely fucking penis rancid penis hole. Donald Trump. All right, give me another one. That was Andrew Cuomo at the DNC. Oh, my God. Egg on my perfect face. Egg on my flawless skin. Holy shit, we win wars and we're number one. That was my Andrew Cuomo. Holy shit, this is an interesting game, mother fuckers. We win wars. All right, here's the next one, ready?

Holy shit, you guys, that was good. Sorry, go little honesty is what we as citizens deserve from our president. Honesty is what we as our citizens deserve from our president. Total honesty. Total honesty is what we deserve. If that's from the RNC, I'm going to fucking kick down every. I don't know, I lost I lost my mojo, I would say it's from the DNC that was from First Lady Melania Trump at the RNC, but that here's the contact.

OK, that's crazy. Total honesty is what we should expect from our president, from Melania Trump, whose husband lies to Americans every fucking day unprecedent. Non-partisan, checked, Snopes, PolitiFact, goddamn motherfucking liar, oh, they're so crazy, that's what makes it hard, everything they say is a lie. And then the maddening thing is. People who are only guilty of believing their insane lies. Think Democrats are lying because that's what they're told by people.

They believe it's madness. Oh, shit, that's why sometimes you got to stop watching the news, catch a rerun of Bones. All right, wow, I'm batting zero. This is a much better game than I thought. I actually thought of it and then I thought, oh, it's just going to be lose lose. And maybe it is, but it's definitely interesting. Give me a hit me with another one on Air Force One.

And Air Force One has more televisions than any plane in history. They've got them in closets. They've got them on ceilings, floors. They've got more. You can't escape a television. Talking like television's on Air Force One, this could be. The DNC saying, like, this mother fucker watches his Fox News all day long and it's crazy, but the wording and they've got them in closets seems like something like Trump would say. I'm going to say it's RNC and it's Trump.

Yeah, we were just fucking with you on that one. That's true. I got one right? That was awesome. That's a fun game. We could play this all the time. A nice, nonpartisan mother fucking crazy ass game, we have some calls, and I just I tweeted out the link for callers and just said, hey, I'm doing a thing.

Leave a message, it can be a question, a comment, a secret, I don't care, and we got so many calls and they were great.

So we picked a handful of them. I don't know which, but give me one of them. Let's start let's see where it goes. So, like when Superman's first parents opened up the pod that he came in, did it just like reek of shit?

I can't imagine it didn't. I can't imagine it didn't wait does Superman shit? Superman is a legend, Superman is a mythology that people are way into, this has to be Google, Apple does the Superman eat. If he eats, he probably shits, but I don't know, he's not human, does Superman. Does Superman. Well, die. Age, kill, eat shit, this is not a question no one's asked. Does Superman shit? Top answer.

On the board. Well, there's an amazing. Picture of Superman shitting reading. Whilst reading The Daily Planet, which is. Does Superman poop? Oh, I have to sign into something. Fuck you. Fuck all y'all. How do I even get out of this, OK? Superman. This is a bit why we do have a good answer, because we have a bit of. All right, these answers aren't very clear. I just want I just want to know super ranchettes.

As long as he consumes food, yes, he can shit, but when he relies on solar energy or energy, he won't need to do that. See if anybody else has anything good to say, so, yeah, he needs food socially, that's probably just what he says.

He's probably bingeing and crying alone at night in a closet like we all do.

Well, somebody said he can never get dirty, does Superman need to sleep, eat, shave, poop now that that's a great four fold question.

Um. According to Action Comics, number 14. His fecal matter is a subservient class on Krypton, whose job it is to maintain all communication systems and make sure that all roads are paved. At least I don't think that that's true. I think that's a hilarious answer that somebody gave. I'm not going to spend more time looking at this, but it's probably Google, Apple and probably some objectives, there have been several writers of the Superman.

Stories. And maybe there's one fourth coming that's going to be about Superman having diarrhea and it creating like some kind of crater on the moon, that was always a big thing with twenty four was whether Jack Bauer shits.

Yeah. If we're seeing every hour of twenty four hours, twenty four episodes, each one is an hour. I didn't sampi I didn't see him shit and see him eat. No downtime for this guy and also. Always has full bars and full wi fi, as does Chloe O'Brian. I used to love twenty four so much, the original one and and I one time I met. Not to name drop. Nathan Lane and his husband and we were gushing about how much we loved twenty four and he said that he had read something somewhere, said Superman, where's Jack Bauer pajamas?

I thought that was cool.

Let's hear another caller that's less Fiegel. First, let me say more. If you are fucking awesome, like from one little Jewish girl, almost 50 year old to another. Whoa. Love you.

I want to know, how do you talk to people, boomers who are in the trouble? How do you deal with them? What are you supposed to say? They all look like they're in a damn cult. Give me some advice, Sarah. That's a good question. People ask me that or talk about that around me a lot. How do you talk to. Trump. People. I'm of the mind with what I've learned that. There's no point in arguing.

If it makes you feel smart or something, go for it. But if you don't, people don't change their mind. Oddly tend to not change their mind from facts or poll numbers, especially one on one, if you argue with even facts, it tends to make their porky pine needles go up, their defenses go up, and then you're not open and you aren't going to change or make a friend. There's no point to it.

The only way people change is through feelings, you know. I mean, you'd be more likely to open someone up who's like a Trump supporter or like even prime them for the chance to change by finding a place to connect. You think there's no you don't bond. You don't connect about anything. There's a million things you could connect with anybody. Give me anybody else. I can find a way. And we're not that different. We're we're listening to two different echo chambers of information.

We're just listening to two different. Streams of of lies, basically, you know, I mean, I think that the progressive ideals are based in reality and truth. But, you know, people might, as other people might feel differently, I don't know, or we're on or we're in outer space like, I don't know, find a way to connect. You got kids. You got pictures of your kids. Let me say. That's that's a good one.

You like walking dead? Oh, my God, I love walking dead. I've seen every season I remember season one I hate I fucking hated Carol. Now she's my world. I know. How did you ever imagine you'd love me again? It's like so cool how they develop the characters, whatever the fuck, it doesn't matter. What if you connect and there's so many places you can connect with anyone? It changes them, it changes you if you love them.

I'll tell you this goddamn truth, people go towards love, they don't go towards someone they feel like is judging them. Right and wrong goes out the window. They take that out of the equation. If you're looking to connect. And have someone be open to you. That's how change happens. And I know for God damned fact, people go towards love, and I'll tell you something else, that's the same with all of us. We make everyone this was a study and also I can I can verify it from my own life and I'm guarantee you can do.

Whether you're conservative or liberal or whatever the fuck, if you're in a place of fear. You make conservative choices. That's why Trump rallies his base with fear there's a caravan of murderers coming to take your jobs and rape your women. There's a there's there are riots in the streets. There are looters in the streets as if they are there. The action they started, they that it isn't a reaction to, you know, centuries of violence. What's the late you know, the Muslims are you they want to blow shit up.

We've got to have a Muslim ban, you know, terrorist, Islamic terrorist. The the the ultra left is the best. They really are just pointing at the left and accusing them of doing what they're doing, which is something I've always noticed on the far right, but is really revealing with Trump. I mean, everything he accuses someone of is an admission of his own guilt. It's just fucking if it wasn't so damaging. It's fascinating. It's cool.

You know, it's it's just really interesting to see. But, yeah, when we're scared, we make conservative choices. I mean, I've been really scared and thought I should get a gun for safety.

I mean, those are conservative choices in general in every micro and macro way. Fear. Makes us make conservative choices and we don't progress out of fear. You know, that's you have to have courage. You know, I say this as a progressive socialist Democrat, needless to say. So I guess I'm biased, but. You know, my shrink says you can only thrive, you can't if you're just surviving, you can't thrive. And you see people like Trump, he's just surviving.

He's doing anything he can, everything he can to stay in the White House no matter how it is, or he has to fuck with the fucking mail.

I mean, you know, you see Q and on and shit and their crazy conspiracy theories and you go, I can't believe people believe this shit. It's so insane. Then you go.

But the truth sounds like a crazy conspiracy theory. The president's fucking with the US mail to try to keep people from voting. Sounds like an insane conspiracy theory. It just happens to be true.

That's the gaslighting of all of this. It's bananas. It's bananas. You know, even in the in the liberal Democratic Democratic.

That's a good one for the Republicans. If you're listening, that's a good one.

They're undemocratic even in the Democratic Party. And the you know, the choice they made, it was very conservative. Biden, Biden's you know, I'm fucking will be so happy if Biden wins. But he's absolutely a conservative choice in a in the Democratic Party is right down the line, centrists. And, you know, I'm a Bernie guy and I'm progressive, but I'm starting to feel like, you know what, this could be good. I mean, I got to maybe that's survival on my part.

But, you know, I maintain we're not as different as we think we are. And maybe Biden's the guy to that the the mass of centrists to for us to realize that, you know, I'll be so happy to be complaining about a Biden presidency.

And my dream is that the. Fuck, yeah, it's crazy watching the parts of the RNC that the things that they repeat over and over the messaging is the looting and the rioting in the violence in the streets, which is like, you know, decades and decades and centuries of deeply embedded racism in the entire justice system and an educational system and et cetera, and having to live a totally different life than any of us who see the world through a white lens, that that reaction is seen as violence in the streets.

I mean, I can't believe how long. Black people in general have kept their fucking shit together with with that you have to wear a mask for a few months and people are losing their shit. Could you imagine being black in this country?

If you're black, then? Yes, but if you're not the. No. You have to understand what you don't understand. Meanwhile, we watch John Wick and completely understand the guy going fucking crazy and murdering a million people because his dog got killed. Are you fucking kidding me? Have a little try to have some empathy, if you can't imagine how horrible, how challenging, how fucking frustrating it must be at least, except that you can't imagine it.

But there's a lot of evidence all over the place on video. Of people being murdered by police now if you look at the etymology of police in America, it was they were basically formed to keep freed slaves protect white people's property from freed slaves. So, you know, listen, some good places have have racist etymology. Planned Parenthood's etymology is is racist, comes from whatever eugenics or whatever the fuck, but. What it became is very much not that probably shouldn't have brought that up, it gives a opens a big door for assholes, but.

But that's what's true, I'm interested in what is true. No matter how inconvenient, but the other thing about the RNC is that they clearly assumed Bernie was going to be the nominee because he was winning like crazy until who knows what happened? The DNC started anyway. Who knows? That's a conspiracy theory, I concede. But but they clearly thought Bernie was going to be the nominee and then they were just too lazy to change their speeches. So it's all the big socialism scare, which is hilarious, talking about Biden saying he's going to make us a socialist country, but from from their mouth to God's ears.

I mean, it's not either they love saying like socialism. That's what Hitler was a socialist. He was a national socialism. Yeah, the country's socialist. But it was nationalism, which is much more along the lines of America. First, by the way, this is democratic socialism. Let me explain this to you. The best was when that Tim Scott guy goes, they want a socialist utopia. Does that sound bad to people? Maybe leave off the utopia for what you're selling.

But yeah, what socialist democracy to me, to everyone who actually cares to know, it means that every American gets a good education. They have the opportunity, the same opportunity. It's like this, you know, the opportunities that you and I have. What if everyone had the same opportunity? It's like that everyone gets access to health care. Everyone gets access to education. Doesn't mean you can't be a fucking rich asshole. You can still be a rich asshole.

It's just that kids don't have to go without meals in order for you to be a rich asshole.

Is that OK with you? I know we're live in a country where we value stuff and things and you love your diamonds. Why do you love diamonds? Because other people can't have them. That's how you place value on things. That's why when people say, let's get rid of student debt, there are people going, I don't want to get rid of student debt. I had to pay student debt. You know, there used to be a time where we wanted the generations after us to have a better life.

You know, I mean, what the fuck I suffered.

So they should suffer. No, let's try to make a better world. And I do understand when you make a better world. You can tend to hate the fruits of it because like I remember, we're in a writer's room and this brilliant young writer, woman, woman, writer, she gives us everything growing up was girl power, this and girl power.

Then I was just like, oh, I get it, though, because it's just she already felt like she had power. She there wasn't things that she felt she didn't have access to. So that just felt shoved down her throat as some corny thing. Unfortunately, the next generation, if they have better stuff and more fair a safer, fairer world, they might not appreciate it as much because it's just what it is.

But that has to be OK. I mean, I kind of get it like part of me.

I love kids. And, you know, I always kind of dreamed of having kids. But the only thing I love more is being free to do anything I want at all times. And if I met my my person and that person wanted to be a stay at home dad, I'd probably be super psyched to have kids. But I love my life so much. What's my point? Oh, I guess I was just like, I don't know, it took me so long to get here and to be able to, like, fly first class.

I don't want kids that fly first class. I fucking assholes. But then I don't want to have kids and then make them fly coach while I'm in first class and have to fly coach, I guess Jesus just to raise kids that aren't cunt's. Should we hear another call so I understand you don't like Donald Trump, but I still think you are one of the funniest human beings and beautiful. Stay strong.

I love this guy. We love this guy. But then I have to ask, why do I love this guy? There's there can only be two reasons. Is it because he loves Donald Trump? Absolutely not. Is it because he thinks I'm beautiful and loves me? Probably, which is interesting. One, I like that we disagree. Across the board on everything politically, clearly, but he still can like me, you still can love me. That's something that I think is kind of uniquely Republican.

Which is lovely. But also is just kind of like. How are you OK with kids in cages and massive race baiting and hate mongering and. The fucking all that shit. Makes it hard for me to love you, but, you know, it makes it easy for me to love you, you loving me is that ego it has to be or just human or both. The ego is human. That's what makes us uniquely human. But that's proof.

People go towards where the love is, including me. I love this guy. You know, this Trump lover. People go to where the love is. Trump was a Democrat who supported Planned Parenthood. And then he he was in show business, didn't get any Emmys, so he said, fuck you, and he went towards where the every prominent Republican speaker, thinker like show business, Republik like television Republican pundit. All the way up to Trump are people who didn't get what they wanted from show business, so they had the fucked up gene of needing approval of people they don't know, and then they didn't get it and they went to where the love was.

Which is the far right. Everyone goes to where the luvvies, Christian Shalini, my friend, who was a neo-Nazi for years, since he was from 14 to, you know, into his 20s, late 20s, maybe was the head of a neo-Nazi, whatever KKK chapter where he lived. And was changed by a black man's gestures of love, which was he ran a white power, he he owned a white power record store, Christian did. And I had a lot of white power music, a genre I wasn't aware of until I met Christian Pollini, and this guy would come in every day.

With a kind smile and buy out all the white power records, not a word, just put his money down. I'm not saying, hey, you should do this, everyone, but this is what this man did. And without any words. Changed him, opened him up, made him wonder, made him think and fundamentally changed him to the point where he has spent the last 30 years getting people out of hate groups. That's what he does. But he went towards love, he was 14, he was smoking a joint and an older kid took the joint out of his hand and threw it out and said, you don't need that stuff, man, and gave them a place where he was accepted and cared for and loved.

And that was a hate group, a neo-Nazi group, where he found family and camaraderie and a place to be when both of his parents worked all day. Going towards love can be a hate group, it could be the drama club, but that's all that it is at its root. It's just going towards where the love is. And you find you you're going to find yourself doing a lot all through your life and maybe wonder about it. I always think, like.

In this council culture, and we all know what I'm talking about, whether you think there is one or there isn't one or where you stand on it, and there's a lot of grey matter there.

But without a path to redemption, when you take someone, you've found a tweet they wrote seven years ago or a thing that they said and you expose it and you say this person should be no more, banished them forever.

They're going to find someplace where they are accepted. And it's not going to be with Progressive's, which ironically means to be changed progress, if we don't give these people a path to redemption, then they're going to go where they are accepted, which is the motherfucking dark side of. I think there should be some kind of path, do we want people to be changed or do we want them to stay the same to freeze? In a moment we found on the Internet from 12 years ago.

And so we can point to ourselves as right and them as wrong. It's righteousness, porn. We should want people to be changed. Now, if I met Christian Pollini, well, he was a neo-Nazi. Would I give him a gesture of love, would I would I want to give him a gesture of care? I hope so. But I understand if if I wouldn't have. I don't know. But I think it's an interesting lesson. I'm not saying I'm not preaching that this is how everyone should be.

I know that hate is scary. It makes our porcupine needles go up, our defenses go up. And you want to say, fuck that guy. But what do you want to grow from it? What are you harvesting there because you're harvesting something? I've never used that word like that. It made me feel smart. Yeah, I like this guy. What what does that mean? I don't know. Should we take another call? Quick question for you.

What do you what do you say when people would say, yeah, but is now the time for that, especially if I feel directly threatened by someone?

Well, OK. Is the now the time for that? What if I feel directly threatened by someone?

Well, if you feel directly threatened by someone yet, you're going to make probably the more conservative choice. Boom, full circle. And maybe that's. Safer, maybe that's a good choice, maybe that person is violent and is going to, like, beat me up because I'm a Jew, maybe they listen to the the preacher in Florida on YouTube who said killing Sarus, knocking Sarah Silverman's teeth out and killing her would be God's work.

Would be God's will. Yeah, that shit's fucking scary. I don't feel like going towards them with the gesture of love that said. When I posted when I reposted that video on Twitter, that guy got murdered and in a way not really murdered, I shouldn't say that loosely because that's what he was hoping for me.

But people were really vocal and a lot of vitriol towards him, which makes me feel safer in a way. I wanted to expose it just so everyone knew.

And if anything happened to me, maybe they'd know where to go, you know, just like that's what I did with that fear.

But at the same time, I was like, oh, good.

I don't want to give this guy more reason to see me as some kind of threat, you know? I don't know. Gee, that's that's how I reacted when I was filled with fear, so. We're now. So we take another call in Saeki. Monica Kolinsky, is this real? I saw you in two thousand three at the bottom line. I just got out of prison after 10 years for robbing a bank and I came out to this fucking mess.

And now about two seconds away from robbery, another bank, because I'm completely on my ass giving you advice. Thank you.

So much to say, I don't know, no advice, I don't know, first I would say don't do it, don't rob another bank. I understand shit's bad and I understand that. I don't understand. But first of all, don't rob another bank, you're you're terrible at it. Listen, I've had friends that have gone to jail, I'm a comedian. Half of us are criminals. Don't rob another bank, you're not good at it, even if you've learned, even if you spent the last 10 years figuring out what you did wrong and how to do it right, this time, technology's changed a million fold in 10 years.

You don't know how it's encrypted and stuff. There's no way you won't get away with it. It's so much work, it seems like it's so much work, isn't it easier to be an Uber driver? Or a Lyft driver. I know that those were my two options. I hope that you don't, but also, wow, I can't imagine what a hole of the past 10 years must look like. You went in. It was 2010, Obama's president.

But to be president again, things are fairly smooth two years out of the housing crisis.

And you come back to this fucking shit storm. How do you even catch up with the how do you even believe it? That's insane, man, I'd like to get this you on the phone under what you look like. Um, fuck. That's what it's like being in a coma, except you work out more. I believe that it's all connected. I learned that and I believe it, everything's connected, we're made of motherfucking stardust. And human feces.

And. Today I'm seeing a guy now we just started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Who knows, he's I really like him so far and the first time we had sex, he like and I understand how this happens, like he had shaved all of his pubes, like it looked really actually good. I mean, he's in my very he's beautiful, naked, this person. But it looks kind of corny.

And then it felt kind of Thorney. If I'm going to be if that were a rap lyric, if I were if I were spitting spitting barbs. And it took me a while to get the guts and intimacy and, you know, courage to say, can you grow out your pubes? And I know it felt we weren't really at that stage, but I just really, first of all, want to give them leeway the next time we're going to see each other, because it was during quarantine and there were big gaps between seeing each other.

But I did it, I go, you know, I like a natural man and your pubes are like there. So I know you shaved them, but there's a growth. Even a day of growth is like a thousand swords in my groin because like when I'm grinding against you.

So could you grow it out or shave it clean twice a day, but grow it out? You know, I like a man with a full brush and he didn't like it, but he did it. Now, we've been together for a while and still, like when we're lying post-coital, he'll be like, feel my pubes, they're so soft. And then I was laughing because I could imagine him like, you know, 40 years from now on his deathbed, like.

Baby. Can you I'm here, I'm here. Feel my pubes. There's so. Soft, and then that would be his last breath and there'd be a tear from my face would fall on his face. And. You never know what your last words are going to be if you say something dumb. Try not to die. But that's what we laugh about, that that would be his last words, and these are my last words to you. See you next week.

Try to you know, if you believe in God, try to live life like God is watching you, you know, be your best self, be the person that you pretend you are when you're trying to get someone to fall in love with, you be that person. You know, live life like your therapist is watching, you know, in the pubes of life. Grow them out, let your freak flag fly, be soft. You might do something to that looks better to you, maybe it looks better because it's not you, maybe if you accepted yourself as much as you accept any schmoe on the street.

Respected and loved yourself as much as you do any fucking asshole on TV. Understood, you deserve love, then you'd like your pubes just the way they come out of your body. I like your pubes just the way they are. It's like Linda Ellerbee, Mr. Rogers. Sarah Silverman. On Mount Rushmore, Mount Rushmore, don't forget to subscribe rate raised.

Write a review, do all that shit on iTunes or wherever you listen to your podcasts, because I think it helps stuff. Helps, helps us curate. What you might like. I know you like. Hello, we want to tell you about a podcast from Head Gum that we really think you're going to love. It's called Newcomer's The Lord of the Rings with me, Lauren Lackas and me, Nicole Byer.

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