Down lattes about the champagne, please. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm going to sing a song for, you know, I wrote it myself. I wrote it about a month ago. But the morning after remembering it.

No, I was sitting at home with not. No, of course not. But the about food. So I sat on the couch and I put on the telly, had the remote control balanced on my belly. I used the entertainment half to watch a documentary about the invention of doughnut in the parking lot. And I fancy the film about going on a farm to watch it. But this guy said in the past week, seven day retirement's coming to an end, put me my own imagination, took me round the bend so I out the money.

Yes, I'm very nonchalant, but no TV has got what I want. I don't care if I ever leave home again. Just plasma television. Me on the who don't fit me. No TV could do to me. So no TV. Thank you. Thank you very much. Angry at authority, as they say in Blastland, angry at story, which is called me the 45 year old Refired. Welcome all. I bienvenido and welcome everybody to the podcast.

This is the Tell Me and Hector show.

Little Rita blew it and powered by acost. Powered by the wonderful machine. That's Edgecast. It's an engine.

It is an engine to anybody who is listening in wherever you are, whether you're in a park in Sydney with the headphones on and it's 28 degrees.

Whether you're working on a turbine in northern Finland on a six month contract, whether you're walking around just outside Faneuil Hall in Boston or headphones on or doing a 15 to 20 year stretch for more open, Mojie, whether you're sitting outside the infirmary and while at the airport waiting on the results, if you're pregnant or not, or if you've been kidnapped and you're in the boot of a taxi and the driver is passing some time and you're driving your structure down a notch.

Namor Whether you're on the sideline watching the children playing football and you said you'll get a little half hour fix. We welcome you to the podcast. Anqi a totally.

Donaghey Do you speak Basque as well as Basque is made up of X's and Z's and Y's a very ancient language like the lads in Africa do the clicking to the U.S. fellas.

That's the name of the tribe. All right Xerxes. But all speaking CLECs fixing Plax.

All right. Oh you wouldn't know what to be honest.

Well I'm twenty six such a few lads about another talk like that as well. I think that's a cleft palate. That's a different story altogether. I'm going to I'll give you three words and Basque.

The only ones I know OK show is hello.

OK, I exalt chi show and ungettable is welcome and is Gary Gasko is something like it sounds a bit polished.

Doesn't like or is it just the way your prints and polished Chinese Mowery Polish.

It's a different world but I have to spend a couple of years in the Basque country when I started speaking Spanish over there with them and they knew I was living in Bilbao, they love freckles on your skin. They love blue eyes and red hair because they are pure Celts.

Oh, yes, yes. There's a link there. There's a link. Yeah. So they were happy to see me allegorically. Is Readhead allegory, isn't it. Isn't language great? We've spoken about this before, but that's my welcome to everyone around the world. How are you too?

Well, I want to I have just noticed that I am willing, ready and able at any time of the day to fall asleep.

Oh my God, you are going to be so enthusiastic there. But I was know that that is expecting the most.

You were like, I'm ready to be positive to have another baby, to get married, to have your vows done again.

No, I just I just noticed that at any hour of the day. And all I need to do is let the relevant authorities know be that people in the car with me or the kids or the wife, I could fall asleep at that narcolepsy, I think no know called no narcolepsy is when you fall asleep.

Yes, I'm talking about the desire to fall.

All right. I could have like I was up. I don't know if I told you before, but I'm able to have sex every morning. Nice reform.

But I start getting text messages that have sex room. Now I'm up. Did you notice the text last night?

Yeah, I've known him and he told me everyone OK for tomorrow.

He Merita two minutes later and he was in his slippers and his said I went to bed at half eight last night.

That's what I went to Butterface for the whole night. You slept.

Yes, I didn't. Yeah, yeah. I have a penname head by Tagalong, which is what happens.

I get to have I don't like in the glass beside the bed, I suppose the bed and the cashmere counting socks and I always sleep with me hat on always like Rip Van Winkle, never take the hat off.

And I fell asleep. I say I was probably asleep around a quarter past twenty past nine and I woke up at one o'clock in the morning and I didn't know what time it was right. And I went over and I, I ever watched that light up in the dark right now. I was when you wake up and you want to know how long you've left in the bed.

Yes.

I looked at my watch and it lit up one a.m. and I actually said out loud, I love what because something lovely. But I had another five and a half hours of sleep. It's fantastic. But I'd fall asleep any time.

So now we try something there. You said you went to bed with the whisky again. So we now know that you're back on the whisky again.

Well, I got I got a bottle, so I had to drink with the finish line. Oh, God, no. It's gone. It's gone. Jimmy, was it. Yes, and it's gone all day. But I'm just so.

You've not got a tremendous amount of hours of sleep last night, and I was up early this morning, but I got the kids out to school and to the morning drive to salt hell and back drop and the girls just to learn how I came back to the house and I swear to God, I'll fucking fall asleep on the table.

So I was falling asleep at the kitchen table.

Is there anything only that you hear now?

I'm hyped up like I'm ready to talk, but if he hadn't come here, I'd be beheading my hands in the kitchen table or even up on a daily basis. Like I'd I'd be like I might even get the opportunity.

Yesterday went back. Ronan went back lifting weights. Yes. Came back looking great. Asleep up to sleep.

When I come back, what do I know.

Does it have long term invisible. No visit. Is is that maybe it to mean I'm a little bit of food.

Do you have a little lie down. Oh, that's to do with the amount of carbs to get to your body I'm talking about. I would that would happen to me at any time.

Any time. This is only recently. Yeah, well, recently enough. But then I looked at the dog.

Right. So the dog will be at 6:00 this morning. Unequals running around the place until about 9:00 quarter past nine. And then he's asleep in the hall.

Well, he's a dog, but he's too smart to see. What he's saying is that he's a natural organism. Right. And it's natural for his organism to be up. And then Oceanus underway up and then a snooze. And maybe that's why I'm taking doglike.

Well, if you think about it, when when the kids were born, one of my boys were babies. I remember my brother Freddy saying who his kids were a tiny bit older. He said, now here's the golden rule. And I suppose any parents out there would recognize this. You sleep when the chick with the baby sleep. So now why don't we sleep when we want to sleep? I mean, get a little 40 winks. When you have a six month old and you put four in the morning is vital.

Why don't we do that throughout our life? I tell you why.

Because the military industrial complex has taken charge of our sleeping hours.

And it's only since the I was told by a very, very clever man that it's only since the industrial revolution in England in the seventeen or eighteen hundreds, that's when people started having sex laying down before that. Right. We were an agricultural economy. People would be right and standing up at all hours of the day.

And the was over the night around the house. Just around the field.

You might spot your your favorite one and you go in behind the heart like a bowl of the pipe.

So when industrialization came into it and we had to be working from nine six. Right. That did away with the nap, the nobody was having naps then and nobody was doing any daytime.

And the only people doing daytime riding and sleeping now are housewives and maybe fellows on the night shift or those on the dole.

People on the dole are the only one dune's riden standing up during the day if they can find someone else to ride, even taking advantage of themselves. Well, yeah, it's easier for you to be now.

There'll be loads of fellows around to work with. I up into the jacks for a quick one by myself.

They're very unusual. Yeah. You know, but most, most of the time that your work dictates too much of your.

Yeah. Maybe, maybe humans. I think maybe since we started the podcast I agree with you, maybe you're getting a bit more tired. I did get up there about two weeks ago and went and had dinner about an hour later, years of there.

I did get up there about an hour ago just for the sake of the country. So just for the sake of the listeners, it is a hectic schedule, this podcast. Oh, once a week.

No, but it's an hour or so.

We talk into the microphone and Larisa will be pure better than Rex. I don't like talking to me.

When you go back up to me, Orebody is allowed to speak to me after the podcast is all shattered. I'm sick of talking to people at the top of the show. I said I lived in the Basque country for four years. The Spanish have been taking a siesta since time began. They have it down to a tee. I'm sure Irish people were doing the same.

But I'm told is once we started working for the man, that's when. That's when all Schnauz and stopped.

When I was teaching English in Bilbao for a couple of years, the routine was I'd head off in the morning, do a couple of hours, I'd come back around my area, get my little bit of bread.

But at lunch I'd have a lunch. This was at half twelve, one o'clock, and I wasn't due back in class till six or half six. I would watch the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and principal at the Bel Air in Spanish. And I go into my room and I pull down the Pakistanis the shutters because the Spanish are smart. They don't use curtains. They have these Persian shutters that blockhouse and completer is made of wood or something. They heat that made of wood.

And then you're are lying on the bed and you're sweating and you can hear budgerigars on a balcony across from you and you can all be gathered around world.

And then all of a sudden you're asleep and there's not a sound for the siesta in Spain. And then at half, six, six o'clock, the shops are. Again, life happens again, people are out walking and then you're back into it. They're very, very smart. The siesta is integral, integral part of Spanish culture and Latin American culture.

And that's smart.

And that ends and do this, I think was like, oh, yeah, I left in Africa. From 1973 to 1976, I was only a child at the time, and I know he was in Africa at the time, he thought he thought he was in Galway.

I thought it was a heat wave and Donegal and some people have to catch in Afghanistan. But that's what I thought.

How can you remember all these stories where only three bosses unbelievable memory. Unbelievable, but that for us it was too hot to go to school in the afternoon. So we used to start school at seven in the morning and we'd finish at 12. So because it was too hot to be inside in the building during the afternoon and then so had home or go to there's an outdoor swimming pool in the town. We go to that one whites only if my memory serves me well.

But again, I had nothing to do with that.

And but I'm wondering, is it with the siesta in Spain, is it a heat thing as opposed to. I think it must come through the moreish.

So the Northern Africa.

Yeah, the Africans came up, invaded Spain, but we must now have a shot between the borders because the Moors I'd tell you if we did that in Ireland, we wouldn't go back to school in the evening.

You people wouldn't go back. You do the two hours, the morning for siesta. And I go back there. I have something else to do. Is there an Irish word for siesta that must be pummelling 40 winks, 40 weeks? No Irish. Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

That must be that's a phrase I used to love that watching the French press over there, then a bit of me class, which leads me to a good story.

Here we go. This is a good one. I was teaching English as a foreign language for four years and many tens of thousands across Copac.

What age? Where you want it. Right.

And for me, I was late 20s and I was living in Bilbao. Is the airport in your late 20s or early 20s? Early 20s, probably. OK, but tell me. I can't remember like you when you were three in Africa. I'm just trying to give a general thing to the audience.

You told me what you learned a lot as a three year old.

What does that mean? Tell me. That means someone possible. John Tierney. Don't think no one's marking him. Right. He learned it three years. Yeah.

So is teaching foreign language. Went over to see me. Missus living on the island islands. I got me. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. OK, here. Well, I thought we were in Spain.

Yeah, I want to paint a picture.

There is you know, I was living on the island islands and I think, oh no, no, I was living on the islands and inishmaan.

I got my life off patch on the postman.

Right. Double door. Lovely. Why did you get the double door?

Because I was going on a week's holidays to spend. It's like, do you ever forget the double gold? It's a brilliant when you get a big fella.

I got it before.

I feel like you could just give it to you. You knew you were going somewhere. Tell them you're going on holidays and they give you the double. Don't know what. Yeah, course you get the double dole.

Yeah. So you'd say, oh, I'm, we're next week. So could you just. You can't abuse the situation here. Yeah. Once a year you'd get it when you get a the Christmas and by law and fella and, and the bonus you get the dole in the bonus wouldn't milk it.

No you can't milk but you can't say every week you're on the dole. Right.

You don't have two weeks for any wrapup. So I said the patch on over that and inishmaan I said a gold guard here in Moscow, Bilbao come highly flammable dawlat he said Kinta So he gave me the double door and I got on. Can I tell you the whole story and so on.

We're waiting. I brought it to my intent on the back of the sheepskin jacket and I left Inishmaan on the rolls of Arron and I got to Rossville and then I got the boss for most of it into er Square and then I got the boss from er square to the roundabout at more and more should be already.

They took the tent out in the light of the side of the road, so it was about eight o'clock in the evening at this stage and I was taken to Navin.

I was going to spend a night and I forgot the ball to Russell. Er so my comes out. It's now seven o'clock in the evening and more and more at the roundabout, you know, the final roundabout before you left at the football pitch, then it's an eight o'clock, nine o'clock and then nobody there and then it was dusk and then I went to assist one of the worst Hitchon experiences I've ever had. So what I did was I took the tent out.

He did not. I was into the football pitch round the back of the community centre and a lovely bit of grass. And I pitched the tent and I went in and had a great sleep. I woke up the next morning, packed it all away, went out on the roundabout, about half vagabond, went out on the road.

About half a doctor told me about it.

Where're you going from home? I walked all the way to trim, gotten, haven't had the night and haven't got the fish. Pushcart went, went, went to Spain bla bla bla bla bla.

Right, so I arrived in Bilbao. Yep. So we're in Bilbao, so I'm teaching English as a foreign language to my first students.

Now hang on now is this the two weeks or is this a double double fortnight.

Yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I mixed my stories up here and I was confused because we want to welcome to another episode of CSI storytelling. Oh, can I just say that was one of my journeys to Spain.

Yes. Right. Anyway, so I know. Another time for a long story short. I ended up staying about teaching English is foreign language, so I'm in my Spanish class in Bohol, in Alberta. It's a it's the south side of Bilbao, it's Baladi, all my language school. It's an old building. There's 25 or 30 teachers in the building. And then as you graduate in from 13, 14 year olds, that's might say six months later, you might have 18 year olds advanced English.

So I graduated pretty quick and I had a bunch of 19 and 20 year old Basques girls and boys.

Had you done a terrible course yet least street for two days to take your what? You're overqualified.

So today, of course you do. You do it twice. Got the job. I got the double and the double door. So and as if you're 21 year old in the class and whatever, beautiful looking Spanish speaking all unbelievable and unbelievable.

Millepied the new word is no Veum in the class. Unbelievable.

Six months into my Spanish and my boss, I'm trying to show off my Spanish and I'm there to them.

OK, today we're going to wrap it up by talking about our favorite food really quickly. Rapid fire around the classroom. Miguel, we'll start with you and Jose Maria. Sonia, I want to point out we're going to and then you will say your favorite food. And I would repeat it in Spanish because I'm learning Spanish. And as you know, I don't speak it very well. But you can tell me what I'm saying wrong. I'll tell you what you're saying wrong all about your favorite food.

Lovely technique. So I go, OK, Miguel, open with you, your favorite food, please, and be nice and give me paint a picture. He goes, Hector, my favorite food is hamburgers.

I love hamburgers and I love salad, hamburgers and salad, Mangosta, hamburger, sasi and salad. And he goes Biene. Oh, we go round the class. Sonya, what is your favorite food for me?

I love to a steak with potatoes and to let us eat potatoes.

Very good. What do you like. Blah blah. So it's going around the class then. This girl right down the end I said, Maria, what's your favorite food? And she goes, My favorite food is chicken.

Yeah, chicken with chips and salad. And I went, oh tegus that boy. Yeah, yeah boy. Yeah but that doesn't eat. He adds a lot that goes think you.

And in Spain and the Basque country, they do the hand signal like it's like a chicken at your mouth. And I was like this. Lapore Yeah. Yeah boy. Yeah. Because if it's really tasty you start putting your hand up to your mcclosky boy. Yeah.

But then they all started laughing at me, the whole fucking class and they're always laughing.

All the lads were elbowing each other and oh oh boy was now I was really going oh well what do they want. They say on Amiga this guy goes Ekta you cannot say Pooya you cannot say boy. Yeah. You can't say Magoo's that boya because you cannot you have to say Magoo's the boy, your boy your boy's the chicken boy.

Your boy is your penis, your cock, your cock, your just. I love dick. I was there going to this beautiful girl. Oh I love dick. Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya. I don't want a cock and chips I so the the lesson today is never a boil is chicken.

Boyah is cock. I was reading somewhere recently that the mind can take on board a lot of things during your life, it's a computer. It's far more powerful than anything we have. But when it comes to the frontal part of your lobe, there's an area there for specific face recognition in your brain, facial recognition software in your brain. Yeah, this has been going on for thousands of years. They say your brain has 10000 faces and after that it can't take anymore.

So in your lifetime, if you've seen 10000 people. You can't you can't the brain won't recognize that person if you come again from a piano or whatever, but they beat 100000 people every night, but he doesn't see all of. He doesn't know. But he's in the front row every night for 35 years.

I was wondering about that.

Is that what I'm saying is actually have interacted that over the course of stopping Timbaland dying on the way here to add to that super and petrol station, that you will recognize the person at that. So a school teacher would say a school teacher, you'll always recognize your school saying is the brain has the capacity for 10000 faces to remember after. That is like we really did. I meet you before it's gone, your capacity is over. And I'm finding now that I have to really look at people's faces for a few minutes while they're talking to me.

And I have a clue who they are. And they're completely know who I am and they know me well.

That's an unfair advantage because they know you, like, been here long, looking gone. Right. I look at the eyebrows. No, no, no, no, no. And then I'll be trying to dig the conversation. This could be standing in the SUPERVALU queue. Konya.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a clue. This person is talking away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Colposcopy last sutta.

How I have you know, is that might you know what I mean.

I have a technique for when I forget somebody's name it works all the time. I just think of a name and I say it with such confidence.

Oh of course. No please are Yvonne.

I say it with such confidence that it stops them in their tracks and then they're not sure if they're they're not even sure of their own name. But what they'll do is then they'll tell me their name. And it's not like I've forgotten their name is that I have them. So say I met you, Rita. Right. And you went, Oh, yeah.

Tell me, Susan Folie, how are you? And you were there. No, actually, he thinks I'm somebody else. Yes, that's a good idea.

I hardly if you say when you meet someone, so you meet Hector and you say their name three times when you meet them first, you won't ever forget it.

Now, I don't know. I have a massive problem.

Remember, I also I also in the supermarket, if I meet someone who knows me and I don't remember them and were just there and I'm getting Scullion's and they're going for that opponents of tomatoes, I'll just go.

I just as I walk by them and say hi, I pronounce the name correctly or the butcher. I like that.

And they say they think I've said something and they think I know I have no clue what's my technique is much better.

It is the butcher Wavves you Jagow John McCain.

The fuck is Johnny Finnerty or it could be John, isn't it?

Isn't it amazing to think that your brain can recognize 10000 and stories, but after that it's a free for all?

Well, you've obviously met 10000 people. You've met 10000 people. You've met them in shops and post offices. And everywhere you go, think of the people you might regularly meet in your daily routine.

Over the last years, I can remember people's faces with their names. I don't have the capacity for that. I stop. I'm very bad for that. I haven't a clue. But I need at least three minutes of conversation and laughter. I'm like Sherlock Holmes, pick fucking them.

And then finally, I think it's Mehul said the word sees me.

I like to. OK, now is Susan Boyle.

That's brilliant.

Just come straight out and see Maureen Flaherty. How are you? I'm going to try that in the supermarket next week.

I had a wonderful thing happen to me during the week. Wonderfully interesting thing. So I got involved with local GM as a trainer and we train young people as now wouldn't be in secondary school.

Yes, but love it. And I, I, I may have said to you before you'd fall in love with them like that, the spirit of them and just did all the innocence and innocence, but the talent and the talent manifests itself differently in different people.

Like wonderful is amazing. It's all he couldn't run two yards but he can solo with his knee, with his calf, with his both feet, with his shoulders. He's phenomenal.

So I was having a bit of this one fella. I was having just difficulty communicating with them.

You should put that full and gold solo. And just so it's just a future reference. And he was kind of always looking up at the sky. And I tell him it takes and he's playing every six minutes, tie his shoelaces and he's always looking over the ditches.

And he's so at the end of the session with the coaches have little kind of get together. And I talking to one of the boys and I was I've I've had problems with Jermaine, you know, the young fella. And I said to him, just is he's very talented, but he's he's a he's a he's a pure dreamer.

Wonder if you're a dreamer. And your man said to me, right, maybe he's right. And I thought that was a wonderful way of wouldn't you love a fellow like that to be in charge of kids? I thought you, of all people, would have appreciated that young fella's stance on life, I suppose, but I just I guess in a in a military industrial pursuits such as on the football, you ought to be organized.

But I just thought maybe he's right. A cold, marvelous way of approaching.

You'd hoped that. Would you love to have a headmaster like that? Yeah. Wouldn't you love that man now was minister for Education. Yes.

And there was there was room in every day given for young fellows who just wanted to stare at the window.

Oh, fantastic.

You know, I remember I was in garbagey boarding school in Ballinasloe, was there for two years and they had these things called the Social Concern Awards.

So there's an awards day, right? The best athlete in the school is given an award. The most academic young fella is given an award to all these kind of things just to kind of publicly acknowledge the efforts of. And every year they gave out five social concern awards because it was a diocesan school. It was a boarding school run by priests. St Vincent de Paul was big in the school. So I guess in years gone by, it might have been a training ground for priests.

But now that that wasn't happening so much and they still kept a social concern towards to kind of I don't just acknowledge the non-academic good work that father has done.

They wanted to give me one right now. I got into so much trouble in that school. I boycotted my summer exams, summer exams came around and I said, I'm not doing these because they're the Irish education system isn't properly attuned to the human spirit. So I boycotted the exams.

You on your own? Yeah. The only fellow out, 350 each statement, public statement. And after my parents spend all the money on the on the boarding school as well. And the exam was handed down to me and for the nine exams, I just sat there with my arms folded and I didn't, the ink never touched the paper.

I got zero and everything right.

I started a magazine in the school called one nine nine and it was full of articles about apartheid and had graffiti and CND and Amnesty International, all that type of stuff.

And I started we went to one school together debate and was big enough, you know, big important thing.

So I started there was no debating society to debate and thing, you know, now when I was given the Social Concern Award.

So it's a concern for the award for social concern.

Also it five getting them. And there was one fella and he had a fierce amount of work at St Vincent de Paul Society in the school, done a lot of outreach programs that helped a lot of old people in terms of loneliness, would have done a lot of just on the ground activity with good lads themselves.

He was very proud and honored to get his overconcerned award. But on reading that, I was going to get one as well, oh, refused to accept it. Refused to accept his word because he thought the fact that I was being given one devalued the whole thing and he he said that all that fucker does is stare out fuckin windows in his whole and not just daydreaming.

I want to give you that word, though, I guess, because the headmaster wanted us to acknowledge that even though I wasn't prospering academically, that I was still in thinking I was still engaged in some way in the school.

And, you know, you have to as the father said to me one time, it takes all types of people to make a world. It does.

And you have to acknowledge that people are gifted in their own different ways about you to see the world. Of course, I took the what I even I even had I remembered my French teacher I won't say her name, but a French teacher from Donegal even said to me, why are they given one day all you do sit near the window?

So I just thought that that it just reminds me that the court saying that to me on the sideline last week.

Yes, maybe he's right.

Just all shouldn't we all be more daydreaming? Dare. What a lovely way to put it. Daydream and when do we give time to daydream and always a day dream. She's a day dreamer that lies no good in school is a day dreamer beautiful. What a beautiful mind.

Together is only started school. I was only five but he was Infinera before this last year and the teacher said Australia. But I said in English because I don't have to sit in that. He spent most of his time looking out the window and he says to her, Well, that's because we've done the letter five, ten times.

And he said, I don't understand why you have to keep doing the same thing over and over and over again.

Tell us about not the death notices on the radio.

So obviously, I used to work in Midwest and you'd have if you were doing a certain show, you'd have to maybe you you did a lot of other jobs in there as well as doing a show.

And I said, you have to read the death notices one of the days. And I thought, oh, Jesus Christ.

And what was your fear of it? I don't like reading stuff that's written down. I don't have no problem talking as I was reading stuff that's written down.

But you have to read like, OK, it's not like I can't read, but I feel a pressure when I if there's a microphone or when there's like again read net like I just an extra pressure on me when I have to read it because I anticipating there's a word going to pop up on the next lines that I'm just not going to be able to pronounce.

OK, so the death notices and like give me the whole link from what the song you played in the Segway. I think I was Midwest is a classic station.

So I think before no, I wasn't like I didn't go. And that Stevie Wonder now for the death notices, you know, I didn't do it that way. But that's how, you know, you wouldn't it's not that kind of blanket of death knows this first. And you have to be a little bit of a somber voice for the death. No, that's the new one.

And here's the death notices.

So I see it's your very specific people.

Listen to the death noises religiously and do not get the village or the town wrong that they're from. And you know the pronunciation.

Yeah. So it's always a joke. Like in my house, if they ever heard Morishita doing the noses. So the start of the death has occurred of X, X, and then it's the name of the village. And I'm thinking of how could I do about this.

And you run past the quick and you do the missionary, you know, and then it's you know, the funeral will proceed to Saint Mary's Church, I haggler and blah, blah, blah, blah. But it is absolutely a travesty to hear me read that nonsense. I just can't do it.

It's like you do straight after.

And now here's the new one from Iraq and then you go into the bingo.

The bingo is very important to the bingo bingo balls. But the death notices, I'd love to get a record number, read the death notices and play them very well.

What is it? Is it that you hesitate? Yeah, and I panic on the word like commenee, which we don't go other probably be ten or twelve like or maybe could be fifty on a busy day and you know, twenty, maybe twenty dead people.

What the fuck is going on. The mail.

It was, it would be twelve o'clock in the day. You do it a big the b the technologies I think around is quarter past days maybe I dunno, five o'clock probably one.

The most popular things are Midwest radio and eight o'clock in the morning, lunchtime and then five o'clock in the evening rush hour times.

I'm told that this is great comfort in in here and in here in the death.

Well, not for me. Reading them not will have to guess.

We have to get permission to just use a snippet or it's a bad job. It's a bad job.

It's seven o'clock in the evening. The soft rain coming in from the west seems down for the night. There's a Golden Globe when the bodies, the Amber Street lights reflected in the water. A seagull flies into the back of a truck. You see a child setting fire to a school like. A young woman squeezes into a red leather skirt, you walk into your favorite bar and it is full of your favorite people, you catch the barman's eye and say, powers, please pass.

And you think to yourself, what a wonderful world powers, bold character bottled. Drink responsibly, visit, drink away, or Dotti. I tell you what, I've noticed that my favorite part, I don't like national newspapers, I think I've told you that before. I think they have no manners. And I think there's great decency in Irish journalism. But the vast majority of it is to be found in local newspapers.

Oh, yeah. They're just as if they just have a cup on their not after salacious stories, not after hunt. People who don't deserve it. They're just there's an edge to daily newspaper and national newspapers, which is just it's ugly and I think it's toxic. But I love the provincial papers. I love the local papers. And I've realized over the past two years I kind noticed my habits, my I could offer comfort. I get awful comfort from reading the death notices.

Oh, I love it, I love just going on.

And I just seen who has died.

And to me, I don't know what I don't know what the conflict is like to me. They're like they're gone ahead of me. I mean, it's kind of like you're you're a long line of people, a huge tribe marching across the desert.

And there's some people that I go on to see what it's like.

And these people are way ahead of us and they've died. And you see their pretty little pictures in the death section, their little memorials and looking at it, and they're just gone.

There's nothing to worry about. Well, I've made it to the far side.

And one day, please, God, not not well. Very long in the distant future, please, God, no, not any day soon.

That my photograph in the death notices will give people great comfort. Even if Tommy Tiernan can die. I can fuckin data.

Yes. I mean, like I said, like before, it's important to know that there are people going to Haiti.

Before I learned how to drive, I was shitting myself. I never fucking learned this to companies, but they used to see all women driving around the town. I fuck for no woman can drive.

Yeah, surely I can drive a car as well.

So I went to I had a few cash in the back pocket and I went to double double and I bought a car and I had to get the car delivered to the Ford Focus where I remember it.

It was a light blue. No, it was green. It was like green.

I was it was a very conservative car for you, like for hey, I didn't have an awful lot of money.

I had a Toyota Corolla, like it was like a nun's car look like. Yeah, yeah. But I was you I was I used to take the M4 to school every morning on a bicycle and some days it would be rain and then you'd have to get a taxi. And we were on weren't on very much money. So you couldn't before to get in a taxi all the time. And then a went a bit of money from the standard would have to buy a car.

It was getting to the stage.

Now the Indian taxi driver was was if you want I can come in the morning and collect your child for you so you don't have to be taking the child to school yourself. It'll be a one way trip. Where was this?

This is in Galway. So Zango he was just going to bring the child. So this fellow was ivacaftor about everybody get on the bus data, pick up your child and bring him to school and you will trust me. You will trust me to break. Give me your son and I will take him to school. No problem. And we just said my partner at the time says you better learn how to fucking drive.

So I got a bit of cash together and I went to the garage and I says, I, I want a Ford Focus. And they said, OK, we'll take it for a spin. And ISIS mighty jobs to the car.

And I got into the passenger seat and I said, take a breath. Whenever we get back to the guy, I said, she drives like a dream.

I'll buy it. He says, Fair enough. When you want to collect, you'd be delivered because someone had told me the best way to learn how to drive is to be is get a new car delivered to the house because you'd be mortified. But the neighbors looking at the new car.

So I learned I learned in about ten lessons and was able to drive. But that thing of of there have been people are headier Dunedoo D'une Shonen example. So when I pick up the death notices every week and if you do them in the Tribune, it is phenomenal. The amount of people in Bangalore who die. More people in Bangalore slow.

I swear. You look up the death notices of of kind of treatment.

Every person I didn't know was a huge parish.

I don't know if it's old people from going on a drive today in Ballinasloe, but just the amount of of that is banal.

But I take great comfort in that. You know what?

If I put your policies on the radio, know the Midwest, Midwest was the first place ever to come up with the idea of having death notices on the Radio Daily. And then obviously all local radio was followed after that. But it's you know, it's a big money making big money.

I mean, you know, he make a call on areto.

The radio station makes money from the costs, of course, your money, but it costs a lot of money to go around the area.

I would say it'll cost you about one hundred and twenty two to announce the day of the fucking grief. But it wasn't enough if you're going to meet the do.

But you see, the thing is, if you if you really want to make sure you're you know, if people want to you know, you want to highlight the fact that you're dead, you need to advertise it. There you go.

And local radio, you're going down the country. If you could just let people figure it out for themselves. You have a text back. No idea what was wrong with Torbjorn. Is he fucking dead? I was I would safely say that there are radio stations around the country making a considerable six figure song from the death notices.

I was I was doing a radio show once and I wasn't that long on the radio station. I wasn't familiar with the different times. Know the dead news is such and such a done anyway. I forgot. It was like a bank holiday and I forgot to pay the death notices. There was hell to pay, hell to pay.

I'm listening to the radio for the technology used to be people that would ring up and say, I heard someone died in a Namor. Will you tell me who it is? I mean, if it's important to you, you'll know they're dead, like nor those people that just wanted to die. So they'd one I just I go to that funeral for someone they bring to the station.

Yeah. The during the radio station and say but she's someone died there. And Ballona, who was it. She was like, oh you know general question is it it's because people get comfort out of us is that the people got ahead of you, you know that they're paving the way.

It's OK for Merriwa if Mary Ward can die.

I said two interesting things about Daffner and just this phrase I heard. It's a play that John B. King wrote.

This woman is a throne curse, another woman and she roars, I may die.

Roar.

Oh, yeah. I was down in Carey. And this fella comes up to me and he says, People, when you're well known, people just come up to you and start conversations at random. And it's a marvel.

It's a wonder to me I love it. This fellow comes up to me and he says, I'm 93. And I says, well, what's that like? And he says, well, I says he says, I don't think about it that often. And he says, I am going to die soon. He says, I hope the last hour is the hardest.

And I've been perplexed as to what he fuckin meant.

Like, I didn't ask him what did he want? Because he walked off. Then what what do you mean by that?

The last hour is the hardest. And I asked somebody and they said to me he was prepared to put in and now was hired to die in because of the sacrifices Christ made on the cross. He wanted to go straight up and he told me that in his mind that Christ went through such torture.

This is all schoolFeed. Yeah. This is the Catholicism of the parties in the 50s and the 60s now in its dotage.

And he was kind of gone. I hope that I put in I'll put in a solid while hours rawn. On account of the sacrifice he has to pay across phenomenon that he wouldn't mind doing that he said that I don't mind I don't mind if I'm Rawdon and Fork and Scream and what that man went through on the cross. It's a small price for me to have to pay.

Do your suffering on Earth like.

And then where you can be phenomenal. Just all schoolFeed.

Yeah, but think of it. 93 years of age. Think of the experience of life and what that man has seen.

I know it's a myth that I know this money quite successful in his 70s now probably early 70s, maybe not even 70 yet.

And he says the the thing he dreads most in life and he'd be very wealthy, something I dread most and I haven't a day. Like he said, I'm dreading having to die, he says of too much living to do yet today, you know, isn't there?

Yeah, I was talking to some old people recently and I asked them, did they think about death and said, no, there's no point. Yeah. And I do think that thinking about death is something that happens maybe between your 40s, in your 60s. And once you make it through that snipers alley that you kind of go to low point and waste my time thinking about this. It's going to happen.

So I will plough on with a lust for life rather than be put in your 40s and 50s.

You're aware that it could happen at any time. The fact that it's not likely. It's possible, but it's not likely.

Yeah, and that's what gives you the kind of the breathing room to think about it. But when you go over 60, it really could happen any time.

And they just the realism that is the people just go, no point in thinking about it. Yeah. Just plow on like, no, I to think about you want to be saying or I wish you did this or.

No, no, no, no.

I told you the story I must have about the fellow I was talking to who nearly died, nearly died at sea. He was in the water and he wasn't sure if he was going to be rescued. And he was looking back on his life. And in that way that you hear the people sometimes do when, you know, confronted him and he said to me, I was glad of all the nights I got drunk. Yeah. That's a nice thing to do.

You know, that he was he was glad of all the night that he went beyond.

And, yes, when you when you're at home and you're sober, you're kind of careful what there's something that there's a chakra of generosity that opens up in your heart when you allow yourselves to get drunk with other people.

And you're going to want, like some of the greatest memories in your life could be memories you have of when you were drunk with people. And I was talking to you during the week and we had a laugh. But this is happened. Everybody who's ever got drunk where you're in a hotel room and you're going to sleep at night and you wake up to go to the toilet, but you go out the wrong door and before you know it, you're in the corridor now with no key card between the sheets if you're are.

So how are you going to get back into that is a bad situation?

Well, these are the things, but it's never happened to the height. It only happens to me, doesn't it? Well, no. There's been I'd say many a person has got locked out of a hotel room and we have some good stories about that.

Well, I go first or so. I was at a Christmas party in Dublin and the radio show had finished for Christmas, three weeks or two weeks off. And a lad said to me, I'll meet a lad from Mayo, from Swinford.

I've got a mate of mine.

Probably has no sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. He's not with for some call. Was definitely a hard call.

Gemma, he says I'm down in the boar's head, OK?

I was lying in a five star hotel and in my lovely five star I'm kinda thrown to the stage. Right. This is, this is, this is a little bit of the city. I did. I like staying close to the motorway so I can escape to your country. I've been in the hotel for four or five days. So be this one of these fancy hotels that have a big bathtub at the window.

It just went on carpet like a raised platform, you know, like one of these pure glass, all glass windows, toilets, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

One of these ones that there's no lights in the passageways. You go to your room, you can't even see where you're going.

So, you know, those you see, it's all your hotels are designed for people having an affair or two double doors.

And these are ones you got two one nine six one that I can't see. And there's been a little under light under six one nine. And that's your card. And I knew I stayed in this hotel regularly. They'd know me. Well, I've got the phone call then I knew I was finished.

I finished the breakfast radio show that morning.

I was lying in my bed at 11 and 12, said I'll have a little snooze here because I am going out tonight. I'm going into town and I'm got to get right at two o'clock. Then I was half watching a movie in a taxicab meet me and the board said at half, three or or trouble, don't go, don't go.

Well, I jumped out of the bed.

Twelve year old in the shower shave and got me and Mark Jacobson and then all the boys and their money in early name. When they did taxi, the taxi took 25 minutes into Ranelagh and over the bridge in Portobello. Getting all like PUREX, I got down on two cables and I could see the boar's head in the car and I walked and there was a few doppelgänger, county players there with my made for meal. And we went at it and I said the boys were all Sopan Guinness.

Oh, you mean right in the corner, five or six of us. And I had a lovely little pitted account of myself. The points were common and the boys were knocking them back.

And it was great football stories. And I said they said to the golden question is at the start of the night, well, what'll you have?

And I went home and I think I'll have a bottle, Laboratoire, whatever, eight percent, Czechoslovakia and Budweiser beer, pure gas, because I don't fancy fucking Heineken.

I give me a bottle of vodka in a Budweiser glass, which is the original it's the original Budweiser. All right. It's called bovver.

And it's strong eight percent last night, but it's well over six and a half. Three.

You have started with it in the stomach or bought by one or two more stories bought by TripAdvisor for I knew at the back of my head I had to go to a TV wrap party with Jesus above and in a pub up there, there that up there, the site where the other side, the far side Ibrox hotel on the car, Permax. And I said, you know, I lived there for about 11 hours in the pub, but half through seven o'clock came and was still down.

And I was over the jack.

We were together and all right. Then I said I'd leave about half ten.

Now I was I was well, anyway, it was Christmas. I said I'd walk to Bemax. Well, good idea. That was sensible, polite, but all because the ER had me.

Oh well I got into Permax and they were playing Queens of the Stone Age and there's all these designs and it's all sort of cool bohemian people. It was all like a Led Zeppelin psychedelic movie.

And you weren't you're you're, you're, you're, you're, you're walked in.

And I was hugging people. There was a TV Rappard were all there. What did you have when I was there, Bob Barr?

Yeah, I stood at the counter. I knew as getting drunker and drunker. And about half twelve one o'clock I said, that's it done. I just walked out of there. I said, not to. Nobody got out, got into a taxi. The taxi was like a spaceship. Come back to the hotel, which is another 25 minutes out, or I'd get sick because it was light stream and by me it was psychedelic.

It was all over the shop. I didn't even I can't remember a thing anyway.

I got into bed stripped naked and I'm lying in the bed and I where was what was happening? We used to call it helicopters. Maybe I could shed a light in the room, no shred of light in the room.

And I woke up really quickly go towards the toilet, which is all glass panels, put my hand on the panels, trying to get in complete darkness.

I don't even know where I am.

Put my hands on the panels, panels, panels, open this big, heavy door, which is the big, heavy door into the school toilet. And then I hear the clerk behind Jesus.

And then on they're going, where am I in this darkness? It's all darkness. I still think I'm dreaming. I'm feelin the I don't know, up along the passageway, bollock naked. I don't remember a thing. Then all of a sudden I hit something like a steel area. It was there. It was like it was there. The shaft for the catering people, it was the fucking industrial lift. Right. And I get into the fucking lift.

I hit the bottom. Are you completely naked? Yes. Yes. I go to where I'm I'm off my fucking face, whatever. I'm out of it. And all I could see was a little panel and I went I pressed the blow. I pressed the button. It said, help at all. Hello. Hello. Hello. Who's this. Hello. Where are you? I said, I don't know where I am. Where are you? To the central office area.

A car for all those lives are our whatever lives you're in. I lived in the hotel in Dublin and they said the name of the hotel and then I went being, Oh, are you okay? I said, I'm fine. I think I know about it. And then I just went, Oh, fuck.

So then I was going, Paul's Mushi. So then what am I going to do? I can't go down to reception Christmas parties everywhere.

Nintendo don't. And I'm like, I can't even close this lift. So then I go out to the fire escape and I walk down the, you know, the stairs that cement stairs at the corner of the hotel. I go all the way down.

Now I'm starting to realize I'm in a hotel now. I realize I've been in Dublin for a few days now. I could see lights outside on this busy motorway. And then I look out, I could see one hundred yards up those two bouncers outside the hotel at the door, the revolving door, and, um, they're gone. How am I, Jesus Christ, going to get a message till I know the manager's gonna know the night manager.

I don't know. And I jumped into a bush just close to them. I know. Hello, hello. Come here, come here, come here, come here. Well, there you go. Oh yeah. How's it going? Look at 3:00 in the morning in the bush. And he didn't bat an eyelid. And he goes, Hey, are you okay? No, let me go back to get me up to six to seven and send up fuckin six keys.

Quick. I'll meet you back up back up the stairs outside the door. Your Mancuso Hector. Sorry, my wife and I said long story.

I got inside the room and I went, thanks. Peter Falk generated the next day. I got up at five, six o'clock in the morning because I wanted to see my breakfast.

My missus rings me at about 20 to eight.

Normally I'd be lying in bed with a poached eggs television on.

She said, Well, you have to lie. And I said, I'm not that right. I'm coming home quick. Oh, my word. Fuck, you know, you're in a lift. Where are you? Have my word. I know when it happened, boys.

I know when it happened. I know when we went wrong. I don't know what the signifier was us or the world in general.

I am as you know, I've been looking and looked and looked and looking and looking and looking and looking for something interesting to watch on the television. And I have eventually found it. I love stuff about the Taliban and undercover agents going across the Taliban and infiltrating because I think I could belong in that world.

I think that I am half Arabic.

I think if you had a toll on your head, you'd provided a bit of fake turn on and just to go. And I think the strictness of full time effort would fucking suit me just getting up.

I've already got a lot of attorneys before I could have six in the morning and would have six in the morning. And I'm I'm looking for an excuse to something.

And so joining the Taliban would be perfect. I'm not sure they'd tolerate Jamie once a week.

But anyway, so I'm watching this Taliban type program and its courses have set and I know any show, any show that is so it was a shot of a building.

And then it comes up and type in Langley, Virginia.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah, yeah. I always create suspicions. Yeah. CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia.

Oh. Six hundred hours. And any problem with that.

Yes. You're in the fucking Taliban at the border. Momentum. You have my attention.

So hello. Hello. Hello. Look, look, look, look. That's what they say. Look, look, look. That's what I say. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. So consultancy Enbridge can't ever try to get a consultant elbridge you have a lot more.

Yeah, so much so we're in the bit where it's set in the Taliban and it's all in the mud hut walls and the kind of the dusty can. Yes.

And you know women walking around out there covering head to foot in their caucus. Oh turn off the burqa because the cold burqas know.

Is that the boy. That's the thing for making ten. And this fella and his and I love the way they're long tunics in a blazer.

Over the whites or the whites would have the demand of the man dress on, you have the beard and the angry eyes and the bare mascara to give them the bad definition and never know kind of wraparound pillow scarf and a bit of a and then have the blazer or a waste from McElhenney or Biros in the suits and their glasses and their glasses.

And this fellow had to he had to know.

He didn't know. But he was going in town to get exploded. He didn't know there was a fella in one of these places in Nevada with a joystick who was going to explode. But Eumundi man had no fucking idea.

Of course, he shouldn't put the blazer on. You would just head into town. He didn't need to spell out. You just ejected to talk about quarter past nine. And this is the boy in Nevada and he's moving the joystick and he's five hundred fuckin miles up in the air and he sees his boy and he just pressed the button and your man fuckin explodes with no explanation, like it's just not on television.

The difficulty is this is actually reeler. Did this happen in your head?

But this actually happens where you be in a conversation with someone few you are the more the better.

If you're in the Taliban place, like you said, you would know that Nevada look at that.

You look at it and you start to fucking explode.

I know you got this in the sky.

You've heard it before and he's fucking gone anyway.

So this particular boy was it was he didn't know he was going to be exploded that day, but he was he was a marked man and he was always going to head in from his mowhoush into the center of the village. Right.

And he got on a Honda fuck. And fifty. And a penny dropped in my head. That's that's where humanity is gone. Years ago, what would you get on a camel, a camel or a donkey or some sort of a fuckin Bible? He would have had a relation ship with the yoke. He was right, wouldn't he? Yeah, it would have been an alive thing, a breathing thing and eaten fart and shit and sleep and think a drinking thing.

And he's made of the same stuff and him getting on. This is a symbiotic joke. The two of them together, some loyalty between them.

There's a connection between the idea 150 and that's what went wrong.

No, but we were reared on Honda. The Honda 50 is where it went wrong. And that's why he's going to get exploded from the fuckin sky.

If nobody I'm telling you, the relationship between man and machinery is is the reason it's getting the business out of hand.

We didn't have the Honda 50. We wouldn't have the machine to blow them up. Fucking spot on. Yes. What could they do fucking through accident or something? What if we don't have the 150 in Ireland? There'd be no work done for a hundred years. How would anyone have got anywhere around the farms? As you know, the Honda 50 was the workhorse of the 30s, the 40s, the 50s or 60s or 70s on the farm where the 50 was one of the greatest bikes of all time, contributing current round of cattle.

You could you could stop you couldn't pick stones within an hour.

Picks is one of the great lessons or you couldn't pick stones or plant. How do you get the bog walk? How do you get to the field with the stones? How do you get right to town? No tractors, more bombs? No.

You see the hands off. Don't knock the hand of a horse. The horse was better for everyone years ago. The horse used to have to pick the stones. Yet you put the rope around the stone. You put attach it to the washed up the the horse and put them on.

More importantly, you could take the horse into town, time up, have 18 bottles of water and I show you nine made nine by a load of chicken I little whiskies and who take you on the horse and the horse. Nowhere to go. Yes, absolutely. And would you get pulled over by wash.

Not and of course, good God has never stopped a man from being drunk on a horse.

No, because the horse is in control. That's it.

But how many a man has been stopped in charge of a motorized vehicle?

Well, we're in trouble now because no one is there. Honda Furphies. But there's phones and there's no evidence of the Honda.

Fifty to me is a sacred, sacred mode to transport in this country.

I do see your point about machinery and technology in order, but do not do not knock the Honda fifty Darod young lads and men and grandfathers and six of them on the bike to the bottom of romance 650 and a young one on the back on the way home, tied together with fertiliser bags and Vallentine.

I know the type. I know the type you know.

But Dolgarrog, the Honda with the greatest laugh I've ever had in my life was in a Honda fifty rally.

We went from Knokke to knock around the corner. We went to knock out the road about about not but I've never laughed so much.

No top speed of 150 is about 35 miles an hour, but it cannot stay at thirty five miles an hour. It reached 35 and you got to go and you'll be there for maybe three or four minutes. And then herself, she just slow down herself like she's she's out of breath and then she picks up speed again. So what you had we had about 400 men on Honda fifties, all peak and at different times.

And you'd be blue ones and red ones and you'd be passing somebody by and you'd be laughed not right and high. And then Formentera. He would laugh and passing you by. It was the most fun I've ever had on two wheels. But I would have to concur with Anita. The day we stopped riding the animals was the day the sky started fucking exploding. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, is that we push our own nails and our own coffins.

Then I couldn't have said it better myself.

No, I was living in Bilboa and I went into the the Guggenheim was just after being built and we walked away one day and it said motorbike.

Peace, so we said, we'll have a look at this peace. What do you mean motorbike exhibition? Exhibition.

And we walked in and I kid you not most of the bikes in there were on 150 world tour.

And I just looked at the red 150 in the middle of the Guggenheim in Bilbao.

And I said, one of the great bikes in the world, one of the funny things I've ever seen on television is you on the on the Honda 50 in Thailand. Have you ever seen this stuff?

When you see it and it's the whole episode, we remember it cause the movie, it's 29 degrees. It's we're finishing the shot. Roscoe's hanging out the back of a heist with our driver and guys.

Somebody goes, somebody like this, nice and easy, 30 kilometers an hour. I hear me sarong.

And I'm doing a great piece called Shot the customary Targaryen. A Ton of Tushar Tropical Toshiko Holland ILGA shit. Oh, Thailand Camillia. Not good luck.

I was to pull out and I supposed to do a drive by. I don't, I don't know what I did.

My memory of that.

You were sitting there because a lot of people wouldn't be if you're not used to how fast that the accelerator goes on a bike, that's, that's the whole key to biking is no wrist control. It's all wrist control.

And like you might think, I need to fuckin Revit to get it going. But you just it's a tiny it's an it's a millimeter of an inch like to get going.

But Hektor, I know this is a shit that's all from us about what does it I mean come on up. Somebody's got to talk to you. Thailand is the most amazing place in the world. I probably imagine his head like the Easy Rider down and flying. I swear to fuck from one side of the road into the ditch, three days with 30 foot ravine. But before I realized that I was down in a ditch and I was like, accelerating.

Roscoe, the camera keeps rolling. Oh, could you take it? You said, what a great.

Oh, yes.

Oh, Addicott. Somebody by well, everybody.

I hope you enjoyed our podcast this week. Will see you next week. All things. This has been Tommy, Hektor and Narino.

Manscape, put the manners on those pews, manscape, and had people to look like Bruce manscape and you're really will see Massow Mindscape in, whether asleep or in the castle of Mindscape has just launched in Ireland.

You've gone years without using the right tools for the family jewels, but now you can be one of the first men in Ireland to experience their life changing products. Male genitalia has never been to pretty hanging where they are right beside the Windy City. But help has arrived. The manscape engineering team has perfected the great testicle hair trimmer ever created a lawn lawnmower 3.0. Gentlemen, start your engines.

My scaping for all your portfolio, housekeeping, see the worm and not the weak manscape, use the latest technology manscape in the last name and pharmacology get 20 percent off and free shipping with the Kotomi ometer. A manscape Starkloff.