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Welcome, everybody, to another episode of Vertamae and with who who every got everybody I just before we start as we start, I just want to on the two, we like to know it's perfect for exaggeration.




So I was thinking about covid and all the restrictions and all the type of stuff and what we're missing. And I was talking to an old lady friend of mine do the day and he says when all this is over, we'll have to go mad touching one another.


And it led me to think, will we need a festival or a ritual where we have some way of just saying that has ended that non tactile face covering to meet her face has ended. And to mark that we had no ritual to go into lockdown. It just happened just before we knew it. But we were blessed with the sunshine for about six weeks. So we're in our in our memories. It's really easy to picture that time.


Yes. But I'm thinking when we come out of this, should we have like I'm wondering, how are we going to mark the coming out of it? How is the country going to get confidence to go touching each other again, feeling each other? How how are we going to do that?


How are we going to we're going to move away from it all together and never go back to something. So, yeah, somebody said to me, the positive stuff that I come out of this, the flu, people getting the flu chest infections for kids, tonsillitis, clean hands, lack of bacteria. Doctors are saying we're not getting people in like we used to, rampant chest infections, vomiting, bugs. People are cleaning their hands for the first time ever and stuff.


So there has to be possible.


Know, what I'm taking of is just that. And I think it should be led by the president or the teacher. I think that in order to mark the end of this particular moment in culture, there should be a festival of touching. And I think what we should do is that we should unplugged electricity. So, say, 11:00 some night in deep February or March. God forbid, I happen to be able to be at the stage then and all the lights go off.


First of all, people have to leave their houses and at concrete in the center towns, all the lights go off and they're just 20 minutes of touch touchin and darkness and darkness and hold and.


And does Marville all Felin and would you go to a certain place like this would just be a local community that you're in line and on top of each other line and it just just the mill.


It would just be a huge festival of contact.


Why don't you call it the Festival of Fiddlin where we ogwyn and feel each other and hug and touch.


And you've already brought a kind of a predatory element. Thank you.


We all just feel that it's not that. It's just everybody. So would you wear blindfolds like mask so that you wouldn't have to see what you were doing?


No, the lights are off. Oh yeah? For what?


So if you going to a town, we're all going to shop street and from er square down to the car up wage the there will just be hundred thousand people and then lights out and you're just a festival of touching people's faces and hoggins that they want to creep within in the middle of nowhere else.


And, and I'm just wondering about how will Mark like we have we we have, we have we the only rituals that we have really. Well, we have the I think electric picnic is a ritual now and oxygen is oxygen to go near the body and body and soul no longer dude is the singer. So they're becoming kind of almost sacramental now. They're kind of built into the year. But in terms of they've grown up, there was the sacrament of baptism.


You know, it's this is a ritual people not supposed to do. It's kind of all these first confessional Holy Communion.


We should bring a new ritual. I'm just thinking that the rituals that we have seem to have lost their power. They're kind of almost empty now. Don't give us the same feeling. So we're we're in the process of inventing ritual. So we're like longitude. You know, you go you get out of it, you fall over people, you drink. That's longitude is the new confirmation. And I just take that with this now, with the lights gone down and touchin, I think I think there's time and wanderin.


How do we, Mark, coming out of this or will we just dribble? I just I think we'll come out of this and go into another disaster and then it'll be.


Yeah, because they're saying the next pandemic is not going to be far behind this one where they're saying, I just want to say that it would be some other thing like, no, no, no, no, no, no.


This is it now for a while for all one take a look at my life. I'm a lot like you.


That's pure reesha, right? OK, it's just you and the girls in a fuckin Zoome knitting class.


I tell you, it won't be get rid of this and then. Then you won't be here. It will all be destroyed.


What are you on there on the Graham Norton. Are we all are we all drinking together at the same time or do I just don't crack. Andre, you're ahead of everybody. Stop. Are you under the gun powder? Yeah, I'm on the gun powder. Guys, come on. I'll drink together.


Now, charitably, I was thinking the other day about holidays and and holidays have developed as you get older.


And I remember the first major holiday that we went on.


I was like a lot of Tyler's family, not a family. And this was a time where I think we had a Ford Cortina or we'd have Mirafiori, we had a red Cortina or a blue Mirafiori was around early 80s. But my dad came in and he says, we're going to the Isle of Man. Wow.


And that to us was like going to Hawaii. And we took a small plane.


What, a propeller plane.


But it's just, you know, you no, we didn't get down to Jimmy down the road.


Get a Cessna landed in Meaghan Nonmonetary.


We took a plane from Dublin Airport is a propeller plane with about 70, 100 other people. And we flew from Dublin to Douglas in the Isle of Man. Oh, yeah. And we landed in Douglas and Douglas.


I always remember it was a Horseshoe Bay with all those sort of bobs like Brighton and Blackpool on the front of it. And we stayed in a hotel right at the end of the promenade and we went to the amusements and we ate copious amounts of ice cream. And my dad on the Saturday night brought us to the local dog track as a night out. And I and I don't know why he came with Mum as well.


Mum, Mum, Mum was there. My mum was there.


Trina was there. Mickey was there. Freddy was there. My brother was there and I was there. And it was the Saturday night out. I'm not sure where I was about seven o'clock.


Very funny thing about hurricanes.


They they never named the last boy that they went to. Everybody says is as a three, you know, the mummy. If she was there, Mickey was the father. Freddy the brother was there.


And then the brother he was, you know, named Mark was that he was just the brother Mark.


Mark that the younger brother was. But that was there. So I remember the he still the youngest. Yeah. He's doing so.


I remember that because he's grown up now with all these young lads.


We still we thought that that was an unbelievable holiday to go to the Isle of Man for a week. We don't really.


So tell us about year holidays and where did you go in the middle of the eighties or the late 70s?


Well, I didn't go anywhere in the 70s because I was born. But just not to make you feel. To make you feel, old man. Take a look at my life.


I'm alive like you are.


Where did you go in the eighties?


We didn't really. Were you alive for living? Was that in 1985? Yeah.


Yeah, I was alive then. Yeah. And I. Were you alive for MTV?


MTV, USA. When was that some of you instantly doing videos from America. Yeah but what year is it. Eighty three.


Thirty seven. Well that's. I was born in eighty three. You're born in 1983. Yes.


Great year to be born was it. Yeah it was pretty good. You kind of got some of the eighties then you know, you remember after the end of it she put your hands in the pocket.


She is the hands of the Pakistanis is getting cocky, cocky. I'm just a cocky male. I'm well, I don't think we really. I never did you go Palmolive. We used to go to and it's grown.


It's kind of like a fine Beechnut. Fine.


Why did you stay? Did you go mobile home. Yeah. Mobile home and yeah we stays on there. My father was in demand for holidays because he was a farmer.


So the summer and holidays was a no go area because what's happening on the farm in the summer when like everything that's when, that's when the summer. That's the place to be. The silage, the cerclage. What do you mean cotton.


Silage and what. So where do you find CyrusOne education when it comes to farming. And I sound like a big bouffe every week talking about how Gatson was round bales. And so where does this come from?


Silage is grass that's cost.


So the grass is long in the field and you come couldn't with the side.


Ah I'm sorry I'm not an agricultural.


I call my. You and you were given us by more body, can you come to dinner and give us the fucking double standard?


He comes in a big and agriculture comes in a tractor with a big tractor and like a harvester or whatever. Why would you not have one of them?


One of them belonged to you yourselves because you didn't have enough land to be like cotton big. We didn't have big acres and acres and acres. So this man, there's a man that comes around and silage.


We used to make a small tractor, like with a cutter at the back of us, like a topper or something.


What it. I just don't know what you call them, but it'll take too long. Along with the Mansmann doonas, he could spend two days doing 90 days.


So he'd cut it and with the machine make it into bales. No, because what would happen is he'd coursers potters into a trailer, the trailer would bring it up and then they would make a soldier fired him. But then if you make round bales, the man cuts it and then another man comes and sucks it all up into a machine and makes a bit less of it. This is like a silage pit is what it's like a big, massive mud.


It's like a big, massive house made of silage. But you don't really the back rooms and back back sell it to my Lord.


And then what did do, which is the traditional thing in Ireland.


They put the plastic on it. Yeah. And how many tires did its fire.


Enough to be safe. And all the tires all year fire 10000 to save an old car.


I don't think anyone should keep the plant safe in the tires from keeping old tires to put them up on top for to keep it down, keep it down and keep it moist.


And that would make silage pits any more.


Do they know why they it a pit if it's on the ground and not in the ground. It's deep. It's deep, but it's big. And they can pack the tractor and then when they need to get feed during the winter for the car so that that takes a few days that all crack.


And then what else is going on? Probably then you have to go and get the turf cost savings. And what's what's that like when you go to the bog? I want you to places that are hastag that have to go to the mill.


My wife keeps me going. You wouldn't last a morning in the bog. Never mind.


Well, you might, but this last year. No, Hector Hector was Hector would like to me was I. I'm cango came here. You wouldn't be able to last the summer.


We still to have tennis tournaments and play and play croquettes. Tell them. Tell us about a day in the bomb.


We used to have to do that. And when we go to school, write a story about the day in the bog, you'd just have to cut the turf, save us. A man would come to the table. You have more to do.


The same for who got sick, went home to Poland because you get the turf course then you.


Tamani Yeah. With what? With the turf cossar. Yeah. Which is what. What does it look like. The hole.


It's a big oh. A big massive machine. It just sucks again.


It sucks all the pieces in and then it spits it out and then the natural way at all is that as far as wrecking the place.


Yeah. And then what's your job after the man cut it up and then leave it to dry and then go and turn it off and just leave all with the hardware in the bog with regard to leave the term.


No, you wouldn't go then. Then you'd go turn the turf. Right. I mean like sort of be dry on one side, then you'd have to physically turn it around. Would you build it here?


Once you do that after then you'd better recall the turf is what we used. Recke Reckless drive. That's natural word but that's what we used to. And you'd build like a little kind of monuments or midgets at you and not her Rechter Midge's.


So we'd have to do that and then you'd have to either put it in golf or get out of line and we ran away from here.


Let's do this.


But cut it breaks brakes. Oh Midge's.


Anyway, so you'd have to either put it in bags then or you'd have to put it in any way. Do you have any money spray for the midgets all over me and bring sandwiches and tea. Just there might be money sprayed with these fucking midgets. I can't talk anymore.


I've got the girls to say it's not a worrying midgets. Yeah, crusty midgets.


Fuck off our taffer. Leave our bags alone. Oh, so anyway, that spawned just Bernstorff anyway.


So I would say Gusti Matron's so I think we can use it because it's so, so, so there's the.


But that wouldn't, that doesn't sound like those jobs don't sound like they take up the whole summer.


Oh. But like I don't know, like there's always a thing an farmers they do sheep activities.


The sheep people from. I think they just keep themselves busy, which has always thought we don't like does sheep act differently during the summer? They get cheered, they get children. So you'd have had sheep and you would have sold the wool to another man would come into the show for you? Yeah, sure. The sheep yet. Because if you know what would happen if you left the wool and told me they got stuck in ditches or something, I don't know.


The markets are right. Right. And so would you also organize for the RAM to come round? We'd have our own room. Get your own RAM was your powerful base to be OK? Big deal.


Really. Wow. They had in them. And would he be kept in his own field all the time.


No, because he'd have to get down and dirty with the lady. I know, but you couldn't be the ladies all the time.


You to mention we have a rattle on them arrival. It's like what a lovely day on earth we have all of you seen my rattle.


It's got to be over 50 Shades of Grey rather than you. Oh, I may be able to eyes. It looks a bit it looks a bit similar to see what the lads wear now when they're playing football, the things they wear like a brown them. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well this is what we'd put on. We'd put it on his back legs. It's like a harness you'd put on their arm like and he'd let you put it on it.


He just look and put it on a mask and then there'd be a big lot of like a colour, whether it be green or blue or red or and he'd mark the yose back so you'd know what you leave and then you take those ladies out and, you know, they were.


Would he be getting access to yours twelve months of the year?


No. God, no. Absolutely no idea what they go and what they're gonna eat. You'd want to be keeping Caesar and you want to keep them. You don't want to be. Well, I mean, you could have lambs in the middle of July, but you wouldn't really have any market for them to be. No point.


When would you take the Radloff? Why don't you take them away from them? So where is not use ground when he's with the girls, but when he's on his own, then he's not to be messed with.


And that means you wouldn't want to have you wouldn't go into the same space? No, he'd be cross be like any man that should keep locked up for a long time, not letting themselves release their inner selves. Right, Frankie? Yeah.


So what does he. So he would if I told you he would. If he could, he'd be he'd write all day.


He would write all day. Yeah. Yeah. I remember he. Right.


Goats or lambs or well in and right lambs. And then we ride nothing. He could find anything at all. Cash a cashier was a big one or a big dog. He could write a big deal.


Yeah right. A Labrador. Wow. I ride a small horse, you know. Just a good name.


Did you have in your arm. Oh no.


You couldn't, he couldn't make a passage from if a passage from that would be and would be very mixed tomassoni ram you'd think be good for him and then he.


Yeah. So that's, that's what the ram does. And then cattle during the summer they're just out. Yeah. Eating. And would you have miniature cattle or sold them for beef.


Beef. Right. OK, yeah.


And you talk about farmers, they, you never get you'd never develop a relationship with a beef cow.


Would you would dairy hurt if it was small enough? Yeah, if you did Jerry Herd of 15 or 20 percent personal now because it's all manufactured, you know, it's all machines.


Yeah, but but you could you get to know you just have one cow that we'd milk. How would you bring that milk in and the we'd have we'd have for breakfast.


Falkoff Yeah. What I remember putting milk into my bottle from a cow and drinking it.


It was while what it was I hate it was the good stuff and you'd get the milk, you'd pour it into your dog and it would be on the table for your breakfast. There'd be a lot of froth and it was lovely.


And I'm. Would you put it on top of your cornflakes, make them all soggy.


You could eat the Pistons as well. Did you ever think that? Oh, the Pistons. What is that like butterfingers or something? Go has gave you milk. You know what the car was? Colostrum. The cockroach there, it looks like scrambled eggs.


What? Some people freeze it. Some women freeze it after birth and they put the afterbirth into the freezer. No, this is just colostrum.


Yeah, but it's the salvages. I'm telling you, I brought it in one day to to pull the story. Glenanne on Midwesterner Mesmerizes.


What is the patience? It's the first three days of the milk that comes out, you know, to feed the newborn like a mother. The the calf, a cow.


Sorry, I'm talking about entrails. Yeah, sorry. The patience is the good. The good.


What those shots will be used to be.


You know, it's difficult to say when the cow would calf, we'd leave the day after burnt out for the fall. Well, that's afterbirth. Yeah. Yeah that's right. We call the cleaning. Yeah. So anyway, no, this is this is the beast pick rich milk.


Yeah. Like ambrosia. Creamed rice. Yes. I'm with you all the goodness.


And if you put that into a saucepan and you can make it boil it up. My father said he used these ideas from their kids. The good stuff I made, I made it from I said to my brother, one day, I'll make you breakfast. He goes, Oh, thanks.


I made him scrambled eggs, but I stood and watched him, you know, he got sick and he smelled a six foot five.


And he the law goes all crumbley like like ricotta cheese or something. Is that the crumbly stuff? Can I ask you? Would you would you would did you have a sort of an area at the back door where you'd leave your.


Well, would you please just tell me what would you esus I fucking love to eat. I hearing about the summer holidays.


Yes. So you go back there to what you were told that you went to the Isle of Man.


You you and I went to the bog.


The bog. We went to the Indian Ocean. But get out of it. Yeah. Because I gotcha. No wonder you don't have to go all asking those stupid questions about you want to lay down a bed down.


I went to what was it up went to Dar es Salaam and Sanitorium Malawi.


She's living in Africa.


Oh I was about six Indian Ocean for his holidays was beautiful. But the only thing I remember of it, which is kind of cruel, was I done something I shouldn't have done.


I please God don't. Only Agostinho. I don't I shouldn't have done it. Do you remember what you did?


No, I can't remember what it was. I remember with the most unbelievable sunburn on our backs, like fucking like Chronixx peeling and I've done something I shouldn't have done. And remember, we'd spend all day on the beach side, the Indian Ocean. I remember my mother saying to me, I'm going to beat you when we get back to the apartment.


And, you know, I can't remember, but that's my memory of what my mother said. Did you do wrong? I can't remember.


My mother drowned my sister or something, but it was like I remember at that point.


And the other thing I did Schibetta with the on the wooden spoon. Yeah.


But on the summer, which would have kept me some of that kind of thing if a child does something wrong. Yeah. You deal with it there and then if you're inclined to hit them.


They go and it's done right? You don't say at 11 o'clock in the day, I'm going to punch you in the face.


It's a way better idea, though, to a fuckin eight hour wait to be punched, but because it hangs over the whole day waiting for the punch. Yeah. So she's a bit extreme. Slap a slap.


It's like getting out, going to get in to get out of the cab to get into the other memory I have is the other memory I have is a it's a it's a false memory in that I remember. I don't remember the incident, but it's a memory I have of a memento from the holiday, my father set up the camera. This is way back in 1974, 75.


Now, he was able to do that with the camera where he put it at the at the window of the apartment where we were staying in an apartment beside the beach. OK, and at dawn, he put the timer on and you knew exactly where in the beach we had to go and put on the timer and he pressed it and then he took me by the hand and the two of us ran down. The beach towards the water at dawn, just as the sun was coming up and we have a photo, Grace, the two of us see very creation's silhouettes.


And I think, if I'm not mistaken, you don't I might have that photograph over there.


So I just would like to hear you going to keep talking. We can hear, OK? I like your approach to this week's podcast. We're keeping everything on this.


I don't know. Jesus, Tommy, are you have this.


Oh oh oh. It's all broke.


How could Jesus, Tommy, I think if you might and you've got just the same problems today.


You keep breaking things. This is I I'm not sure if I have it here or not, but if we do, I will show you this is a half half an album.


Albums are great. I know all photo albums in Africa. You know what we do with a photo album? You fire them on ledges and you don't look at them often enough. I know. Yeah, and they're still and cameras have made them all up. So they're very well preserved.


This is this is this is this Africa. Tell me this is Africa. We have a look at young Thomas, William Anthony, Andrew, Andrew Thomas, William, Andrew Tiernan.


So the first photograph I'm going to show you is myself, my sister, and with our our nanny, Jennifer and Jennifer lived in the bush in what was known like the bushes, the road, not more.


The bush was the name that you'd have if you didn't live in a town or because this was in Africa. Yeah.


If you if you lived in some like shanty you don't even shanty kind of mud huts you'd see in the private sector.


Yeah. Like one Connellan.


So these are our houses that are made from clean African African people.


All don't live in cities. I guess they live in the bush.


We've just the photo there with our nanny Jennifer and the nana in Africa. Well, isn't that lovely?


Not just me. It's not little Tommy there. I mean, there down until it's gone. And they say back to far-Sighted, you know, Kilbourn and he's down on his gogia.


That's a lovely. Yeah, that's a good go.


Good, good, good. Yeah. My my beautiful mother with my sister. Yeah. Do you know where Jennifer is now heading to. I say she's Tom. I wouldn't say she's with us anymore if I was guessing.


Oh that's a lovely picture of my mama's. Yeah. Fabulous.


I'm not sure if any of the beach here I am all yours.


Me in school. The only white out in school. The only white lad in the school.


Hey, look at that. Look, the only white way this girl Madea gets. Oh my God. And you look at all the boys.


Whoa, look, I'm the only one looking around to the only one that everyone else obediently sick call me.


That's a great photo.


So they're the only ones really. The rest of them are. And so we can't find the silhouette.


No, but anyway, so that's the that's the my memory of the holidays when I was a kid is is those to my mother's.


And you're going to punch me at seven o'clock and my father take me down to the water at dawn. It's not lovely.


Ow, ow, ow, ow. So it was freezing last Saturday morning.


It's freezing. It's freezing. It's got really cold. And I love I know we're fixated by nine o'clock and the weather is on, but I love what I know.


Oh, I thought you were going to say fixator by nine o'clock news. And then who is the your house?


You know, the thing called an app on your phone now that you can check out at all times, the iPhone cannot tell you real whether there's only one person I to tell you that the the Haqqani network is blue with the cold.


His lips are blue. Are you sure you're okay?


I just feel cold enough for Konarka and I'll find the Tijuca. Girls can tell me the weather on a nine o'clock.


They can tell you I was going to see you and the half green guess you need to talk to here. And they shook up and they should more boschi cannibalistic al Qaeda no farther Konarka now excuse society and camera abar Tijuca. They have a camera on the top of the TIGHAR satellite tower and they just show wind and rain coming in.


And we'll be worried about what? That I am more interested in the weather girls, because I seem to think a lot of the men of Ireland are very interested in these weather nerds.


I wonder, does their figures go up as weather?


Time to go on your show. You started on it. They all started at the weather girls. And there is like inappropriately sexy. We're reading the weather out there, like Nigella Lawson cooking. It's not a beautiful game.


I speaking with women who are very beautiful and they just they're not they're not there.


Don't do I think what the weather should be.


There should be like a door should open and someone should come in from the outside.


Oh, well, like I said, I'd go, it's fucking Lashan. I fuck the. Frost, fuck this, OK? Good luck. And that's it, you know, but I think our girls are lovely, but your was the weather map for the weather and half nine.


What do you say we know? Are you telling me that you're you're 15 and 16 year old son? I'm not saying that they aren't. The intimacies will be there. Right. Quieten down, everyone. It's the weather time and they're gone. Yes.


I was just so lucky because you'd be so like your job is to be so dependent on that information.


You know, I'm sorry. I'm outside the reasons outside in the farm, I might say I can't go outside.


So I knew then last Saturday morning that I had to get up early and I knew it was freezing. It was minus one, minus two. It was a hard frost. And then the rain started and then my alarm went off at 20 to nine because the local club had asked for volunteers to go up to the club. They planted about 10000 hairs in the bushes and hawthorn bushes around the pitches around a walkway. Right. And they went a little bit untouched for about a year.


And so the weeds were killing them.


They were suffocated. So we decided that last Saturday morning was the morning to go to the pitch.


That's good. Club manager there now.


And there was no way of during the afternoon, you know, somebody organized should have told me to say this in the middle of the summer.


The minute I was getting into the car park, there were boots of cars open at about 20 lads with Wellingtons and pull ups and other pull ups and gloves and extra. It was horrific.


The wind was flat.


It was Lashan with that cold winter rain, but zero degrees. And I had to get my hands and knees along the Hawthorn. Bush decided that the whole sales were pitch and pulling weeds. Because you weren't Lidstrom, you hurt. You hurt them and cut them. And so we were down on our hands and knees.


I pulled weeds. We have gloves.


Yes, but the rain started to come down in the back, me back into me jox pneumonia and the top me jock started getting wet about an hour in and I had no polyps or hours.


That's why it went down, you see, that's why it went out.


And about two hours later, my hands were numb and then this woman come along. In the NIPP saying feel me and Hector was saying, I can't, I look at this woman arrived in 30 men and a couple of young lads as well on our hands and knees, pollen, weeds and fixin' and pollen and pollen weeds and fixing these hot on bushes and we pulling them as well.


And then all of a sudden, how could you fix the weeds?


It's about twenty past eleven or two hours in and we're back with the cold and my hands are stop and my feet are freeze. And I'm absolutely Baltic.


And this woman appeared out of nowhere from the sky with a tray. And on the tray was a hot pot of coffee, a hot pot of tea, a bottle of brandy, a bottle of beer, please. And she said, Would anybody like a hot cup?


Oh. Oh, it was magnificent. When I got home, I went straight into the bath and I put the hot water on last Saturday morning around, I was going to go in and watch off the ball or match what you call it on football focus.


And I said, no, I'm going to get into the bath. There's only one thing for this. I put the bath on full hot water and I dropped a few Epsom salts into it and a little bit of redox when I got into the bath and I just went like this. Oh oh oh oh oh oh. Oh, that's lovely, that is that is absolutely lovely. I stayed there for you. You deserve that.


That's great parish work, Hector. Ed brought Tommy down. That's good.


Because the boys are going to it's it's a long time that you were talking Wellingtons on the crack, the banter. It was almost like a Mel people coming together to do something around the same thing and get rid of the immigrants.


Well, we would be more inclined to be on Hector's wavelength with our communities, but not more as well.


Get the of weed. I'm only joking now, obviously.


Yeah, obviously. To say this, you don't have to say it. It's worse than you said. It was a joke.


But that's a wonderful parish work you done.


Yes. And you but you have an appetite for that. Did you have pads on your knees? No.


Your need. And I didn't bring the polyps ups, my jeans, your Sorkin after about 20 minutes and I wasn't going to cry off by going.


I think I'll go back to the house here again. I said, fuck it.


I was down on my hands and knees pulling Whitehorn weeds off Whitehorn bushes for about two hours. And it was Bartik. But you know what? It was a great day to do it.


And that was great to have good friends in the past year. Yes.


And that's and there were all other cultures I met cultures of the 90s that I hadn't met before. And what because when you're coaching under sixteen's, you don't mix that often. You might mix it an AGM or one or two meetings of cultures per year. But it was great to see them all there. And it was so beautiful at one stage when that woman came. And I think Geraldine Jahrling came with the Qataris and the whisky's. And then didn't two boys come over to me, went, can I just say one thing, Boccaccio, given this great laugh on the podcast, I have all the boys listening and they just told a few stories and I just went, lovely to hear it out in the side of the pitch in the middle of Saturday morning.


And I listened to the podcast, Beautiful, lovely parish work.


And I got to tell you something that I don't know a lot of I don't think I've ever told a lot of people, OK, OK. And I'm only doing it because I know that this is a special moment and I feel safe when I'm in here. And Llanos. Right. And I feel a want and I feel an openness. Yeah, I feel an honesty. And I know I'm with friends, OK, I know. And with the new sister.


Yeah. And I know I'm with an older brother.


Yeah. I know that the heat is on in here and I know I feel it car and I feel a little guilty and a bit giddy.


I socked my tongue till I was forty which is what we're good to deliver.


What I took my time to last nearly 14 years of age.


I don't know how I feel about that, but I do know, man, I used to ask me, Tom and I, I'm going to give you I put the two I put the two fingers up and up my nose and then I'd call my hair.


Well, till you were fourteen to the second year.


Yeah, till around that time. And then I had to get a brace because that pushed me to the 232 buckteeth had buckteeth from me, Tom.


But my father said that's enough of this crack watching the soccer soccer in your Tomáš, watching Big Daddy and the rest and sucking your Tom Matear.


So we went out to the field. Was this your own field? Now I just feel really had access to this is our own little field at the back. You had your own little field with a couple of acres. Tell me. We might have know within a week and a half. And you never saw that in school?


No. She wrote my ass loads. Don't you never want all you want to connect with your garage. You never it your student cards because that's where we had our reason.


Oh, and our choppers. You sit in the basement, you're in the Tour de France. I never knew that you had landed back. We had an acre.


Tell me how often there are more than three quarters of what's an acre anymore.


So what did you do out? There was nothing yet but about movement aircraft.


The feel gone wrong.


That's my mind. We have so many animals in us, we have to go and have all of them. And if you have a few bollocks, which we are not the bunkhouse.


It's like I told you this before, it's the not now. Tell him what that means because he thinks it's stuff you feed them.


So we go down to Kinross, we'd have 100, 150 pound each of the children, the boys, what my father and we'd buy. Bulk has good, strong, strong backbone calves.


What do you mean that you would buy you had 250 you would buy in the post office? I would take my post office money out and it'd be your cow. Yes, we would buy the calf and you decide what calf to buy.


We go down. We found all my uncles are farmers. Yeah. And then we go down to Kinross and we buy a bull calf and Freddie, you buy one American. What are you buying a car for eight or nine, 10, 11, 12? And we'd rather the calf was squeezed and not out of it.


First of all, which he just know what you mean. Do you get a testicle crusher?


Oh, yeah. Yeah. The old style testicle is like a vise grips used to do that. Yeah. And we just squeeze the knots and then we'd rather fatten them up.


Two years later, sales are sold and I want you to sell it for 900 pounds and you're 700 pounds. You don't want to do with the money back into the post office.


Why am I like. And when did you buy a fancy dress? Really rally shoppers? I never told you this when you were at my house.


They never told it's my first time here and now. This is phenomenal. So afraid to think you're a big boss if you're if.


No, no. I'm owning the farmers. All the great me people cause great famine to me that the fields go on forever. I mean, the fields. And right now there's some 600 acres field. My father said that's enough for that. And he frogmarched me out the back and we went into the field and he said, no more. So can you at home for you. And he went over to this fresh.


Oh, no, he did not act. He didn't. He didn't. And he grabbed my arm and he shoved my thumb into the freshest coat on Copart you've ever seen. And he held it in there for about a minute to a minute and a half and he rubbed it around into it.


Now, will you say no, no, no, I there go. Well, my mother taught me how to run.


No hope he wasn't watching my I've got two ladies in the neighborhood watch.


Me brothers were watching the brothers very much. And yes, I don't care, that's all. No, no. The need more a threesome.


They ring that ring bar Nagati there and put us on speaker that day.


So one of the boys will be in watching Dukes of Hazzard. He held my arm down into it and he put my Tom in this brand, fresh new cow dung cowpat.


And he riddled my Tom with us.


And in an interview, my nails and into this stuff come over and he's ridden it round and he Ronni's said, no, take it back and put it in your mouth.


And from that day forward, I would you do you Dillahunt I never saw me Tom again because it was my right hand.


Oh wow. But I do like Kaleem here. Still, I need to see my eldest lad and when they're watching a bit of Champions League to do curly hair. Curly hair.


Oh my goodness. This Dr. Thompson, they respond.


No, they don't do any of that crack, but I'll never forget it.


This sound gracile shitlist, that's a real old school old country way of doing stuff like that, isn't it, to soak into something.


So you were fourteen, were you, when this happened? Thirteen. Fourteen. As your father was probably getting the best.


He probably worried he gave you the run of it all to primary school.


Oh suck on your toes on first year was fine on second year then look at the cute little baby.


So you're about to become my boys in senior inferencing.


You're lovely and he's sitting on mommy's lap more normal. I couldn't be so comedian I. Will you ever try it now just to see what it's like. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't, it doesn't sit like it used to. It doesn't sit like it does.


That's because you got your teeth fixed, you see. And they were in a position for did you ever suck your thumb?


Did you have a special cushion? Did you have something? A little doll you'd rub all the time? Did you have anything? Tell me, do you have a teddy bear? I'd say, did you have a piece of sheet, you know, the way some people. Yeah, no.


I mean, after all my kids have had that. They've had special brownies, special blanket, the labels and the labels. But I was never I saw very little I had very little physical contact with either of my parents.


I was kind of you didn't even want to be born raised by wolves.


Let him out of the side roads. I was raised by a pack of traveling dogs up and carried on a yacht. And I put a sock to their tails. I went on a boat. I would have took the tail of a dog until I was four or five years of age.


And then I'm pure wild. And then the dog moved away and said, No, that's not going. Wow.


And you remember that story? I remember just the physical thing of my childhood into that. And it was so smelly because it was so fresh. I mean, a fresh coat on, you know, it's hard enough after a day or two and you could almost walk over it like a meringue.


Yeah, yeah. I'm trying. This was really fresh.


There were flies. It was an unpleasant thing for your father to do. But he knew and somebody told him, somebody said to him, there's only one way to stop a young lad such as Tom. Straight into the fresh capital, we, the farmers have read a poppy, you know, and this is called Ricky Labrada, Ricky and horse trainer. And so my father took him down to the river and drowned him, and that was him.


My friend told me you're going to see the week.


And that's a remarkable story, Hector. Remarkable when you remember that story now, do you think? I was there to give him a picture of his face in it.


I mean, I think he'd done the right thing because I was my Tom. It was a phase I was going through with me.


Me and where would you have me?


Me, Tom, me and my Tom were at one with each other. It was my comfort zone. Yeah. And were you breast fed? I don't know, Tommy. I don't know. I'm sure it was.


Was it was your breast fed back then. I wasn't breast. I don't think I was. I was you know, you weren't breast fed me.


Mother said to me, what star sign of you Gemini and what are you, Libra? I fucking knew it.


Right. You knew that. Why didn't you tell us what they were then?


Yeah, that's why I'm just saying I knew I knew your stars. I bet your dollars. The uterus.


No, I'm not. You guessed I mean, Gore is a Franciscan. I knew you were downstairs, I just watched something recounted again at another occasion because nobody reads the stars anymore in the back of the paper. Remember them days? Get the paper.


Papanikolaou Russell Brand to your stars as Russell Grant.


Today would be a good day. You will see something green and you will encounter something that you buy. Forget about it.


Go out and buy something green. And now that is very sad. Say, that was one of the things I never told anyone that I did so quite for such a long time or how it ended. And as we say on this podcast, there was a phase I was going to I was mad into at home.


Can I just say one thing about Larita?


I mean, have you seen what I seen?


Tommy Tiernan for the first time ever, his podcast is wearing a fucking vest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wincer for that.


Right. So we started this podcast. We started recording way back in July. He was like the medallion man there. He just six chains and the tattoos. No, look at that.


It one of those sleepless nights, yes, take it off, take off. Oh, no, I want to see the full vest. No, we want to see the face.


It's awful. Why are you wearing a vest? Well, listen, you say that's awful.


I have to ruin everything I wear past my wife.


He's got a vest. So she said it was OK. She's she said she likes the scenes, other shows.


Who gets to stay there always longer than they are. Why don't you start to be. It's like a slip.


And Tommy, did you say, oh, here too fast? It's getting cold.


Content initiated the tension and he leaves the house to go to the shed and go into the car to go to school, to have you have absolutely no necessary reason for wearing a vest.


So you have a T-shirt under your shirt. Yeah, because I was nippy this morning. Yeah. And he was outside. He had to go and he was an outside person. There's the word for that, Marvin. He's one of them anxiety's. You hear me.


Call comes the 880. You don't leave that you are not you shouldn't have to wear a vest because you you're live a pampered life.


So you do though like you know, like I saw you come into my house once a week.


I do nothing but to get food and drink and I provide nice chair. Oh. Glad you're such a lovely microphone and microphone. So I try to be sure that you're can you come on you go to your fucking slatted said to me, oh you're set up for the cows.


Fresen for the winter heavy breathing for that company folk down in Galway.


Farmers are people that are outside work in that need to harvest, not you walking from the garden to the house like and is wearing a vest for the reason, wherever it is, because I it's too cold.


Just wear a shirt. But you wear a jumper as well. Yeah. Went on a motorcycle. That's a jumper and a scarf. And the wall is not a jumper. That's a Portuguese flannel jacket. See I'm, I'm sorry.


You know, you probably wear long johns open.


He's only if I watch the shops tortuously, I'm telling you. You going to be in a nursing home soon.


Oh I love it. Oh, not in a nursing home. What's your criticism?


Oh, you tell me he's ready for your horse. I'd be go tell me. Here's the good. You know what I've got plenty of in the nursing home suppository suppositories.


Are you ready, Tommy? I just said that.


Don't tell me, Jacqui, that jacket that come here, little Mexican Filipino when she comes over. And she told me and I was they're lovely part of the snooker on Eurosport.


And I read the editor of it until about thirty seven. About eleven and a half. Seven. Jack, wake up me up. The Japanese, they decided he was like, I change the channel, change the channel, Jack Twizzle and that after the match me what are the matches. What want I leave the little. Yeah I'd love to be an entrepreneur so you can look out but you don't necessarily just about somebody clean it up. Why not go near it.


I have a hard I have a hard I have a. I'm scared, you know, for suppository, I thought, oh, I get it away from me.


I think a nursing home with the right drugs and a 40 inch plasma television could be a fucking divine experience.


I wouldn't be getting suppositories that necessarily because you're in a nursing home, why not just give all just because you're old, you don't get divorced?


I look at you, you a corrupt fucking chemist, you get them on prescription.


Thank you, everybody, for listening to this week's episode.


Probably going to again, we're going to go gorging Lisbon Gore guarding Lisbon sounds. I hope you enjoyed the episode. It's goodbye from me alone. Amisha on this mission I we'll talk to you all things in New York. Okay.