Welcome to unruly. I'm your host, Sheila Marie. I'm an author, a fierce advocate for black women, and the founder of the curvy, curly conscious movement. In this space, I'm sharing what I've learned on my own journey while sitting down with some amazing women who are all navigating their own paths to healing. Because there's no better time than now to get a little unruly. Welcome back to another episode of Unruly. I'm your host. It's your girl, Sheila Marie. And today, today we have a very special guest. I know her as a friend, a fellow lover of horror movies, an indie film, a dog mama, and a wifey for lifey. Okay. You might know her from Netflix hit show Love is blind, but there's so much more to her story. Lauren Speed is a media entrepreneur, a storyteller, and a voice of empowerment. Lauren's journey is a beautiful example of embracing change with grace, which is exactly what we're diving into today, is navigating life transitions, embracing change with grace. I know I need a few pointers on this, so I'm glad my girl Lauren is here. We both have a passion for creating spaces where women can be their most authentic selves.

And we were just chatting about this, literally last week on her new podcast, the Loveseat, which we'll get into a little bit later. Okay, Frank, I want to start out with a little icebreaker and have a little fun. You know, do self love in the fun way. So you now, me and you both love movies. So you're the stage of life that you're in right now. If it could be any genre of movie, what genre would it be and why?

Oh, okay. Was the stage of life that I'm in right now. Ooh, the genre. It would be very, very chick flick empowerment. Very woman going through the journey of life with a happy ending, hopefully, yes. I'm in transition right now. So it's very chick flick. You know, start from the bottom. Now we here. So, yeah, it's very female empowerment. Heavy.

Yeah, it's definitely giving, like, that montage at the end of the chick flick where, like, everything goes right, like, everything's been going wrong, and then it's like, this montage of music, and she's like, getting your life together. That's definitely what it's giving happy ending. It's giving happy ending. Yeah, I'm trying, girl.

I'm trying. I feel like I'm in a part of the movie now where it's like, you at the conflict cause there's so much stuff going on, but just about to get over that hump. That's where I'm at in my season right now. It's a good thing, though. Cause, you know, it's good.

Okay, we gonna get into all that? Cause I got questions. Okay, so we're gonna start with love is blind. How tired are you on a scale of one of ten? We're talking about love is blind.

70,000. No, I'm just.

I know everybody asks you, but, you.

Know, I am so grateful for love is blind, sheila, and love is blind has changed my life in ways that I've never imagined. So honestly, I feel bad saying that sometimes I fatigue of love is blind talk. Because at the end of the day, you know, that's how a lot of people were introduced to me, and I'm grateful for it. I just think I'm at a stage in my life where I'm really trying to transition and grow into my own as a woman and an entrepreneur and a creative. So it's kind of frustrating when people only see you as that one thing, you know, I'm multi dimensional, okay? I'm a modern day renaissance woman. So I just really lately have been trying to express all those sides and.

Did you know what you were getting yourself into? Did you have any idea?

Girl? No, I didn't. I mean, I knew that it was a dating show, and the crazy thing is that I never really wanted to do reality tv. I just think that that's what I was gonna say.

You seem like the last person that would've signed up for that show, girl.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, the timing of the opportunity and where I was at my life in that moment, I was kinda actually in a dark place. My business was just kind of starting to come around. My dating life sucked. I was struggling a little bit to kind of find the next stage of my life. Also being a woman in my thirties, when I even went on the show, I was starting to get all these pressures from friends and family about being single and why you not in a relationship? So I think it just got to a point where, first off, I was just like, I'm going to follow my own path and do what I want to do. And because of that, I was just like, you know, what's the worst that could happen? This is an adventure. I'm gonna go for it. If I meet somebody, great. If not, it just shook things up a little bit for me. So that's kind of where I was.

Wow. I mean, who could have known? Because that was the first season anyway, so there wasn't really anything for you to compare it to. But I feel like everything works out in a perfect way because if there are two people who I feel like we're supposed to be together, it's definitely you and Camden. Hundred percent, yes.

I love him, too.

Were you. You were open to an interracial situation? Like, it just didn't matter. You didn't care?

Yeah. You know, I went into it, and I really tried not to have too many expectations because I didn't want to be disappointed, but I was open minded. I didn't really go in there with the intention of, you know, I have to be with somebody else who's black or I'm only dating a white man. You know, it wasn't even that type of thing because, honestly, Cam is the first caucasian man who I've ever dated and just so happened to get engaged to without seeing him. So that actually came totally just by. You know, it was meant to be. It was meant to be. He just so happened to be the guy that I connected with in a pod the most out of everybody. And.

You know, one thing that I really respect about you and Cam as a unit is that, and we talked a little bit about this on your podcast, which we'll get into in a little bit, is that you guys are public but private. Like, I feel like I know you guys, but then there's a lot I don't know about you guys. Like, on a public level, how do you maintain balancing that privacy with being so visible, especially since you're transitioning to being even more visible? You have so many things on the horizon. Yeah. Ooh.

Well, girl, it has definitely been a journey, for sure. It's been a whirlwind. And I think that on one end, like, we're so honored and blessed that people are so curious about every detail of our relationship. But, you know, Cam and I, we really try to make it a priority to have something that's sacred for us, you know, protect the sacred space in our relationship. We share what feels right, but also, we think that it's important to hold on to the special moments that are. It's just us here. Because, you know, I feel like you have to create boundaries and know when to unplug and be present with each other and not have the cameras and not put it on social media. And I feel like that's just a way to protect our relationship. Although we love to share, and especially, like you mentioned, with the podcast that we have coming out, we are sharing a lot.

Okay.

Cause we're touching on a lot of vulnerable topics, and we didn't want to talk at people. We wanted to talk with people and share our experience and the things that we went through as well. And honestly, girl, for me, it is, even though I was super vulnerable on love is blind, I'm actually a private person, like you said. But I just realized, you know, God has blessed me with this platform and the ability to people all over the world. So I want to use it to help. I want to use it to inspire. I want to use it to share my testimony, and that's what I'm doing. And in order to do that, you have to actually share your story and be vulnerable. So this is true.

You know, speaking of transitions, I feel like transitioning from Lauren speed to Lauren speed Hamilton is already huge. It's already huge for anyone to go from being single to being married. And you did it in literally the most public way on earth, and now you guys are this unit. How did you. How are you in the midst of fighting that resistance? Because, like, I see what happens with a lot of couples now that go on reality shows is they immediately commodify the whole relationship. So, you know, there's, like, they got this thing off the relationship and this. And I feel like you guys don't do that to me. You move in a very mindful, very demir, very cutesy, very far. You move in a very way, like, where I feel like you have integrity. Like, you take on projects that you really believe in. You're hosting your own podcast, which is your thing, so you can curate how that looks. But how did you, like, resist that temptation to just go balls to the wall, like, yeah, we just gonna get every bag. We gonna do all the things.

Yeah. You know, I just. It was important for me throughout this whole process, even while being on the show, to remain authentic to myself. And I feel like when you just get into a space where it's like, I'm gonna do everything with everybody. Cause I'm trying to get all this money, you just. You end up losing yourself, and people think that they're, like, climbing their way to the top. But the worst thing you could do is be somewhere you always dreamed of and not feel like yourself or regret a decision that you made. Or even worse, connect with the sorry, lose your connection with the people that got you there, because all you care about is money and not even being yourself and not even remembering what got you there in the first place. So, yeah, the most important thing for me is just always remaining authentic to myself. And I know that my audience appreciates that, too, because that's what they love. Like, they love that I'm me, and that's what they relate to. I never want to try to turn into something else just to be corporate or fit in or do this and that, and I was never about that.

And it's just. It's so important for me to be an example of what it's like when you can be yourself and still succeed. You don't have to change.

Say that again. Okay. That is something in this world where a lot of us are people. I feel like more people are performing more than ever. Like, with social media, we're performing for audiences all the time. And if you're nothing careful, you can find yourself on the wrong stage. You know, you. Now, this is funny, because I remember, like, one of our first dinners, I was like, Lauren, do you think you're a celebrity? And you were like. You're like, oh, I don't. I don't know. And I was like, that's so funny because you're just so grounded. You're so next girl. Like, you know, like, next door girlish. And you're not a mean girl. None of that. Like, you're just a very. You, to me, just seem so grounded, and so I wanna know. You're welcome. But you definitely are a public figure. So, like, that transition from going to. From just my own thing, doing my own thing to now being on this big public stage, did that transition change any of your personal relationships?

Oh, man. You know, becoming a public figure, I still feel so. I don't know why I'm so weirded out by referring to myself like that. Cause I'm like, it was just me. But, you know, it is what it is. It absolutely, like, shifted dynamics in my life with my friends and my family. I would say the biggest change is really learning who's in your corner. For real, for you, it made me more grateful to my friends and I know the family members and everybody who I know that I share a real, genuine connection with. And for me, you know, it's been tougher, more so, to try to keep in contact just because life moves so fast. But I realized that it's also taught me the importance of being intentional with my time and the things that I do. You know, whether it's me just literally putting it on my calendar to schedule a time to catch up or just sending a text or, you know, really just staying present in life, because when you move so fast, it's so easy to either be thinking about the future or thinking about the past, like, what you should have did.

So I find that it has really blessed me to be present, and also that helps to keep me grounded, like, really, you know, being moment. Like, how do I feel right now? Who do I need to talk to? Who do I need to pour into me or I need to porn to? So that's what I really try to focus on. But it was definitely a transitional period since that's the topic for today.

Yes, and that's funny because you led right into it. I was gonna say about transitions is that you just make them look so easy. As your friend, somebody who knows you behind the scenes and publicly, you make transitioning look easy and graceful.

Thank you.

What's the secret, girl?

The secret, you know, I don't even know. I'm just taking it one step at a time. And I think what I've learned throughout the years and just in life in general, sometimes I think we want to fight the transition. We want to be like, oh, it's, you know, so much going on. I got to try to get control of this situation when in actuality, sometimes it gives you even more power when you learn to just surrender to the things you know and just really, like, appreciate your own resilience and embracing what it means to evolve and allowing yourself that space and time to actually do that, realizing that, okay, I'm not gonna be able to control every situation or everything. And I think that the scariest thing about transition is that it feels like the ground under your feet is moving, and all you want to do is reach for something. Like, I need to hold on. I need some stability, but I'm just really learning, like, the best part in trying to get to a destination. And I know this sounds corny, but it really is the journey. Like, the journey is what makes you learn more about yourself, more about those around you, the world.

So I have really just been trying to be in that mindset and just embrace the change and embrace the. All of the movement in my life and the transitional periods, and that has given me peace.

Yeah, life moves very fast now, doesn't it? I sometimes wonder. I sometimes, you know, this is so weird. I had a conversation with somebody the other day, and we were like, I know that the pandemic was a terrible time because there was so much loss of life, so much uncertainty. We were also scared, but there's a part of it that we were like, I miss. Like, can I say that out loud? I miss lockdown to a degree. Like, just what I mean by that is I miss how slow my life was at that moment. There was so. It was so simple. Like, there was no. It just felt like I was on a treadmill, and for the first time in my life, I stopped and I was like, whoa, I'm really fast. And so I love that advice you've given about, like, slowing down a bit and being present. And I also relate to what you said about surrender, and I want to touch on fertility stuff for a second, if that's okay.

Of course.

And because I feel like one of the main things I learned being on my journey is surrender. I spent some time, ace and I spent some time working with this. Like, he's. He's a. I would say he's more of a coach, not a therapist, because he's not clinical. But we were doing this, like, spiritual integration practice, like, or what should I say? Sessions. And what that is basically is like, whatever it is that you're fearing instead of trying to push it away. No, no, no, I'm not. I want to control it. I'm going to, like you said, grasp for something, hold it on, make it steady. It's like you go right directly into it. You bring the fear close. You walk right into it, and you really examine it. And when you get close to it, you realize, oh, this thing, like, you know, and it's. And that's how you integrate it into yourself. So that was. That's been so helpful along my journey. Yeah, he. He's great. His name is Charlie. If you want his information, you send me a line. Guys.

I may need that number.

Okay.

I need some of that in my life.

Because the fertility journey can drive you crazy. There's so much uncertainty. So I want to know for you, how do you deal with uncertainty of it all? There's so much. We're so invested. The stakes feel so high. We're both in our thirties. People are telling us every day, you don't have time. You don't have time. Like, there's so much pressure, and how do you move forward in it with all. You can't control it. At the end of the day, it's so much uncertainty. Gosh.

I mean, to be honest with you, Sheila, I feel like I'm still learning how to go through the fertility journey. I mean, I've been on it now for two to three years, and me, too. It's still even kind of a struggle to me. I haven't really learned how to completely have my hand on it, which I guess that's the whole point of this is that not to try to control everything, but I think the thing that's been best for me when it comes to fertility and really handling a situation is really learning how to depend on my partner more. You know, thank God I have the luxury of having a partner going through this with me, because some women, you know, do it alone. So we have really learned to lean on each other and have the conversations and ourselves because, typically, I'm the type of person who likes to keep things bottled in. Sometimes just due to the way that I grew up in my household, there wasn't a whole lot of expressing emotions that were sad or not in a healthy way anyway. So it's still something that I'm unprogramming for myself and, you know, my childhood and my past traumas.

But I would say that I've come a long way and really just leaning on my faith, which, you know, my fertility journey, I think when I first started to have challenges, it even challenged my face. I was like, why?

Why?

Like, you know, why are you, like, am I. Are you doing this on purpose? What did I do? You need nervous. So, girl, even that in itself, there's so many different challenges going through this process, and I think that it just made me realize how strong I am, how strong my marriage is and our relationship and my faith. So, you know, something that I'm still continuing to work on and just really lean on those things. But, girl, maybe you can give me some tips.

You do. You do get to realize how strong you are, don't you?

Yeah.

I can do hard things. Not that I'm calling them forward or seeking them out, but I can do this. I can get through this. And I. Sometimes when I think about it, I go, you know what? I'm actually really grateful that my fertility journey has been kind of windy, wavy, and not such a straight line, because I feel like when I do become a mother, I'll have all these schools, skills, and tools to take into motherhood with me. I feel like uncertainty is probably a part of motherhood. The whole thing. You don't know what child you're gonna get. You don't know how they're gonna be. You don't know how they're gonna respond to life. You can't really predict how your life's gonna change. And so it's just good to be open to the change, man.

Even me and Cam just had this conversation the other day. Cause it's like, I feel like when you go through a fertility journey, you're so focused on okay, we have to get pregnant. Get pregnant, right. That's just the beginning. Once you get pregnant, you gotta get through the pregnancy, then you gotta get through the birth of the child. Then you gonna be worried for the rest of your life. Cause like you said, the child is just gonna be. I hope they're okay. What are they doing? Do they have enough money? Do they have enough food? Like, this is just part of it. So. I totally love what you just said, sheila. Cause that is so true with just preparing you mentally to go through motherhood.

Yes. Cause, like, we're never gonna be able to control all the dynamics in our life, so we better get used to it now. Ta. I feel like that's the main thing I learned. I was like, I guess I'm not in the driver's seat in a certain way, like I am to a degree, but really, I feel like you make peace when you surrender and you say, like, okay, I can do whatever I can do within my power. And the rest, I just. Like you said, faith. And I feel like faith is something that ace has been so good at, like, during the whole journey. Him and his family, like, they just come from a very faith filled family, and they, like, whenever I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. He's like, of course. Of course you. Of course we are. Of course this is gonna happen. I'm like, okay, you're right. You're right.

Okay. How have you, like, dealt with it?

Oh, terribly. I'm just kidding. And you know what? I feel like I did all those stages of grief, you know, like, at the beginning, I was really angry. I almost felt like I noticed that I felt kind of entitled to it. Like, when I had, like, after my second miscarriage, I was like, me? You mean me, the girl who. I'm the spiritual one. I'm connected to my divine feminine, you know, la la la. Like, oh, I never, you know, got pregnant by any, you know, ever in my life. Like, I was doing the right, quote, unquote right thing, right. Saving. Till I got married. Da da da. And I'm like, really? And this is how you repay me? This is the. I thought we had a better relationship. I was in here, my prayers, yelling girl, like, in my meditation is like, wow, you betrayed me.

Wow.

Okay. So at first, I was very angry, and then I started to get very much shame. Like, I started to develop, like, oh, my gosh. Like, I just can't do it. Like, I. I can't. Like, because I don't have a problem getting pregnant. I think it's called secondary infertility. When you can get pregnant, you just can't stay pregnant. And so I'm like, I don't know if I can. Maybe I'll just. This isn't just the role for me and da da da. So I think I. What I learned was to allow myself to have whatever emotional experience at every stage and not try to make it. Like, I shouldn't be feeling that way. This is how I'm feeling. These are normal emotions. This is a crazy experience to go through. And the more I allowed myself those feelings, the more they cycled through, and then I can make peace with it. But I know for me personally, I can't make peace with something if I don't cycle through it. Like, I have to allow myself to go there. I can't, like, bulldoze just to the happy ending part. So you can't go over it, go under it.

Gotta go through it.

Come on, you.

Like you said, we realized how strong we are. So now, like, this is just a fertility journey, but everything we're learning here, we can apply to every part of our life. And I would argue that for you, this has allowed you to do more things in your life, because I feel like you've become even more driven. You become even more clear sighted on what you want. And even when it comes to your podcast, the loveseat, I want you to talk a little bit about your podcast and tell me, like, how has this. This is a new transition for you. This is a new role. How has this role either challenged you or inspired you?

Oh, man, I am so excited and terrified at the same time to do this podcast. It is. Honestly, it's challenged me in the best ways because I'm learning to step into, like we talked about earlier, a new space of vulnerability. This podcast has really given me, like, opportunity to have deeper conversations about love and relationships and mental health and things like finances and all the stuff that really I need help with. But, you know, I think that it's so powerful that I'm able to really share that with my supporters, the listeners, the guests. And it's like we're all learning from each other. We're sharing our experiences, we're sharing our stories. And I just think that it's so important to have a place even like, how you have this podcast. We need more podcasts that are about positivity and people that look like you and I. It's not just like, oh, I can't stand me and me this da da da, right?

I'm ready for a new conversation, you know?

Absolutely. So it's like, how do we make this a healthier conversation? How can we actually help people and inspire them and motivate them and make them feel seen without having to chop others down or even ourselves? Like, we're trying to reverse all those things. So I think that I'm super excited about that. And like I mentioned, I'm kind of terrified about the vulnerability part, but. I know, but that's how you grow, right? That's part of my growth. Like, this is. I feel like God has been pushing me so much to do that this year, and I've been doing so many, so many more public speaking gigs, and, yes, you have colleges and stuff like that. So it's almost like a fear of mine that I'm battling because I know that it's part of my purpose. So it's like, that's why I'm doing it.

I love it. I would describe you on the outside as somebody that has a lot of grace. I want to know, do you think that about yourself, and what does Grace mean to you in the context of embracing change?

Wow. Thank you so much. Grace, to me, means that you are going through your journey the best way that you can and you're being honest about it and authentic about it and just handling it the best way that you can. Because I feel like sometimes when people think about grace, it's like, well, you look good doing it. You know, you handling it. Nobody really knows. And it's like, for me, that's not the goal. I just try to do the best that I can do and be an example through my actions and what I'm doing, as opposed to trying to, like, preach to people. And I think that that is what Grace means to me, is being the example, not like, oh, well, y'all need to do this, and that. It's like, no, I'm doing it. If, you know, if I could do it, you could do it. I love that. Yeah. That's what I look at is, grace.

What would you want people to get from watching you? Like, what would be, like, best case scenario? Wow. I'm watching Lauren move through life. What would you love people to say?

I would want people to say, like, man, look at, like, Lauren. She came from humble beginning. She came from the hood of Detroit, you know?

Oh, I had no idea. Yeah, girl, I learned something new about you every time.

Right? You always. It's always a new fact. But, you know, I came from humble beginnings, and I have just always been persistent about the love of myself, the love of my dreams, the love of the people around me. And it's so crazy because I feel like God has really placed me in a position to do the things that I've always dreamed of. So I just want people to look at me and say, it has been hard at times. Definitely been a challenge. And I kind of write about that in me and Cam's book as well. Leap of faith. It's been hard. I've struggled, and.

Wait, you have a book? It's already out.

Yes. Yeah. So we actually wrote leap of faith.

Lauren, you did not tell me this. Yeah, I am sorry that I didn't know that.

That's okay. Yeah. It's called leap of faith, and we just kind of talk about, like, our. What led us up to love is blind and, like, a little bit about our background and where we are now and that growth. So, yeah, I just. I want people to look at me and be like, hey, it's possible. Look at how God is blessing her. Look at how she's, you know, shining, quote unquote, being herself and being her authentic self. And she didn't have to change. She didn't have to, like, bend to someone else's perspective of what she should be or what she should look like or any of that. She did it herself, and she's killing it.

Very unruly of you.

Yes, very unruly.

If you could go back and give yourself advice at one of your biggest transitions, what would you say to yourself? Hmm.

One of my biggest transitions, I would say.

Hmm.

I would tell myself. I would say, I know that it seems like it's hard right now, but believe me that everything that you're going through is building character. It's preparing you for the places that God is going to take you. I know that it looks dark. It looks impossible right now. You feel tired, you feel frustrated, but all of this is for a reason. So that when you get on the other side, not only will you have gotten what it is that you dreamed of, but you know how to handle it. You know how to use where you are to help others, and everything happens for a reason. Just learn from this moment and take it all in.

Yeah. I'm gonna record this part and just play it to myself in the morning when I get up, because that was so beautiful every day.

Still.

I love it. Okay, so in terms of other people, do you feel like it's better when people are going through big transitions in life? Do you feel like it's better to have a game plan for the big life transitions, or is it better for people to go with the flow, take it day by day?

That's a good question. I feel like when you're going through a transition, ideally, I think that it's good to have some type of idea of your hopes and dreams and goals that you would like. But, I mean, we all know just through experiencing life that sometimes you may have a goal, you may have a plan, but I. You may not get there how you thought you were going to get there. So I think that it's okay to have a plan, and it's okay to have a goal, but I also think that it's okay to bend and to evolve. And maybe what your original goal was, it could shift, it could change, and that's okay. You could get to a certain point in your journey trying to get to your goal, and you realize, maybe this isn't for me.

Right.

And, you know, it's not about giving up. It's about, you realize something. And now your perspectives have changed, and it's okay to do. I think that life is all about being able to pivot, embrace the change, because that's how you grow and still dream. But as long as you're moving towards something that makes you happy and you're going in the right direction, that's the most important thing. As opposed to being like, I have to do this. A, B, C, and D. It has to be one. 203:00 like, girl, it may be three. It may be 08:00 p.m. it may, you know, you cannot control everything. And I think that it is so much strengthen and being able to pivot. So that's something that's very important.

Okay, so it sounds like a little bit of both. It sounds like have a plan, but be flexible within that plan.

Absolutely.

Yeah. That would be my answer, too. I love that. That's a great answer.

Cause you gonna drive yourself crazy trying to control yourself.

Yeah. Cause trying to do either one completely or the other completely, I feel like, could lead you to the same place.

And give yourself grace. Like, you know, it may take longer. It may be harder than you thought. It's like. And that's okay. That's okay.

That is my, like, huge pain point is that sometimes I can't foresee the emotional experience that a thing will be for me. Like, the time, the labor, the mind space. And then I get there and I'm like, whoa, this is taking way more than I thought. I might need to readdress this situation because maybe I'll be getting burnt out okay. Ooh. You and me both, girl. I love it. Okay. So we've reached the part of the episode where we leave viewers with, or listeners with a toolkit, because the best way to be unruly is to practice what you preach. Faith without works is dead. So each episode, we have our guests leave with a practical or actionable steps. Little tool, something they can. Some tool that they can put in their toolbox and take with them on their little unruly journey. Their big, unruly journey. Lauren, can you leave our listeners with a little something before you get up out of here?

Of course. You know, one of the tools is in my toolbox is movement. I've realized that movement, whether it's a walk just up the street, to walk to the corner and back, if you're able to do a yoga, practice, stretching your body, anything like that. I have learned that movement is so important in our blood flow for our body. It could even be meditative when you're walking for your mind to help you center your thoughts. All the above. Movement has really been a blessing for me especially. I suffer from anxiety so often I go into fight or flight mode, and I find whenever I go on a fight or flight, if I just stop, take a walk, meditate, or pray while I walk, I'm so much more clear minded. Just the movement and getting, you know, the fresh air if I'm going for a walk outside has been such a game changer. So I highly recommend just move your body. You don't have to break dance. You know, you can stretch, get up, stretch your arms, stretch your legs, go for a short walk. That. That can make you feel a thousand times better.

I love that because so many times, I think we intellectualize everything, and we think, if I could just think through it, if I could just make sense of it. And sometimes we need to get out of our head and into our bodies to really move things around. So I love that. Lauren, you're the best. You're the best. This is so helpful. I just feel like seeing your smiling face. I hope you can hear her smiling voice, too. And we're so happy to have you. I'm wishing you the best. I can't wait for our episode to come out on my podcast and yours as well. So before you go, can you let viewers know? I keep saying viewers, because I'm looking at you. Okay. Can you let listeners know where they can find you and stay connected with all the amazing things you're doing?

Of course. So you can find me across all of the socials I'm need for LSP. That's need the number four l speed. Or you can listen to our podcast, which is coming out. It's called the Loveseat, wherever you listen to your podcast at. And, of course, I'm on YouTube. Find me there under hanging with the Hamiltons. My podcast will also be there and also some. A lot of fun stuff that you could enjoy that's more about me and my journey.

So, yes, thank you so much, Lauren, for being with us. All right. That was such a powerful conversation, wasn't it? I know. So let's dive into one of my favorite parts of the show. This is the unruly community calling section, and I love this part because I love hearing from you. So let's dive right into today's question.

Hi, Sheila. I love this. Thank you for doing this. I just want to give you your flowers. I have been following you for a long time, and you're amazing. I think if I could ask you anything, it would be. You know, I think sometimes I struggle with, like, knowing who I am and owning that and then knowing when to give grace, because I feel like in a lot of times, I have to give grace for things that I would never do to people. And I don't mean, like, terrible things, but, like, even in dating, I just consider people, and I think about people, and I feel like sometimes I have to give grace to people who, like, why aren't you thinking of this? Why aren't you thinking about how your actions will affect other people? Like, if I have to do the work and I have to think like that, why don't other people? And so sometimes I get upset that I have to give grace for something that seems that should be easy if you're a good human. And so I'm like, is it me? Am I weaponizing my growth, or is it everybody else?

And no. And I'm right. Oh, yeah.

Time for another listener. Submitted. Call submitted by listeners just like you. All right, this one. Thank you. She gave me some flowers. I'll take them. Thank you. Thank you so much. I love all of my beautiful listeners in my community from this podcast and beyond. So she wants to know, how do you deal with inconsiderate people? Like, how do you give grace when people don't necessarily give the same back to you? And I would say this, number one, you give what you get. So even if you feel like that person doesn't deserve grace, you're practicing grace, and so you're gonna give it to yourself. Even when you think you don't deserve it. And that's kind of the silver lining, is what we give to others, we give to ourselves. So I find if people are really harsh with others, nine times out of ten, that means they have a very harsh inner voice. So I would say that maybe you're just in a space where you're learning how to give grace to other people because you need to give yourself grace. And I would investigate your relationship with grace and yourself. Like, do you think you give yourself enough grace?

Too much grace? You need to work on that, you know, see what's there. But also, also, sister, if you've given grace to somebody repeatedly and they're not changing their behavior and they're not honoring that grace, Grace, it's time to. It's time to take it back, baby. It's time to get a refund. Can I get a refund? Right? It's time to take it back. So I would say remove yourself from people who abuse your Grace. I want you to be graceful, but I don't want you to be taken advantage of. Okay. All right, sister, thank you so much for sending that in. And to the rest of the unruly community. If you've got something on your mind or a question you want me to answer, just drop me a voice note@speakpipe.com. unruly. I cannot wait to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Be sure to follow or subscribe so you never, ever, ever miss an episode of Unrulyen.