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From NPR and Chicago, this is wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News quiz. Good to meet you, Daddy. I'm your legitimate child. Bill Kurtis.
And here's your host who just remembered he left half a tuna sandwich in the office fridge six months ago. It's Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill.
And thanks once more to our audience, which this week is a recording of the crowd responding four years ago when Jeb Bush asked them to please clap. Later on, we're going to be talking to the legendary chemistry teacher turned murderous drug lord Walter White himself, the actor Bryan Cranston, who in real life is an extremely nice man who's never murdered anyone, which, let's face it, is kind of a letdown.
But we don't care who you've killed or not. When you give us a call to play our games. The number is one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Warren Frank Hanburger from Wilmington, Delaware.
From Wilmington, Delaware. Yeah. Have you have you been by Joe Biden's basement to see how he's doing?
No, I'm not quite sure where he lives. We can't go anywhere near there. And but I do hear that he sometimes hangs out a charcoal pit.
What is what is the charcoal pit? It's a barbecue place that apparently he frequents. This is a rumor, though. I'm not I can't confirm or deny that. Right.
OK, all right. You clearly have adopted his style of speech. Well well, you know, welcome to the show, Warren. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, he has a podcast called Urgent Care. And you can see him on this season of Search Party.
It's Joel Combustor and I.
Next, an author and humorist who continues to defy the gods by not having his own podcast, Tom Bodett.
Hey, Warren. Hi there.
And finally, we're delighted to welcome back to the show, the co-host of the Another Round podcast and the host of Male Chimps Going Through It, Season two and the upcoming podcast Back Issue. Tracey Clayton, how worrying.
Have a pandemic. I'm not rampant. Oh, my.
Warren, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail.
You ready to play? I am ready. All right. Here is your first quote.
There has to be someone who, the day after they're picked, is prepared to be president.
That was Joe Biden acknowledging that the big job requirement of what job is to take over his job. Vice president.
Yeah, vice president, of course, Joe Biden is very close to announcing his running mate, which is great, because if he waits any longer, we're going to find out in the voting booth he's promised to pick a female vice presidential candidate.
That's very exciting. There are lots of really qualified candidates in the mix in the conversation.
But, you know, the Democrats are just going to blow it and pick Tim Kaine again when he says they need to be prepared to be president the day after they're announced is like he not feeling well.
Well, I mean, I feel like he knows. I feel like he knows what we know. And he just like this is yours, the next president. Once I got to tap out, this is who you get.
We all know that if he's elected, Joe Biden will be the oldest president ever to be inaugurated.
And so everybody must know the weight in the vice president. In fact, we're told that the very first question they asked the potential candidates and their interviews was, so where do you see yourself in about a year?
OK, so weird thing I've been doing is watching old presidential debates that like I even can't remember or I now I'm just weird, you know, that.
Now that is a little weird, right? Tracy, you and that's what it shows. I know I make bad decisions.
I tell a job. So what have you learned in presidential debates?
I've learned that since Joe Biden was in debates, he's not been able to remember people's names, states, names.
So you don't think it's a decline that we're talking about with Joe Biden? You think he's always been kind of this way?
I guess I personally would like a president that remembers the names of states, but that's you know, that's just me.
Same I share those same high hopes. I want a handsome president again, I'll say to Joe Biden, but I miss Joe Biden is a good looking fella.
Well, I mean, he's got paid a lot of money for that hair and teeth, Tracy. Sure. Sure. Which I respect. But when I'm ovulating, I need like you. All right.
Your next quote was tweeted out Thursday by an anti-gun group sending thoughts and prayers.
Now, that was from March for our lives. They were offering their support to an organization that was targeted by prosecutors in New York and Washington this week. Where are we talking about? That would be the NRA. Exactly right.
The NRA, the New York attorney general, announced that she is suing to dissolve.
The National Rifle Association, because it has violated dozens and dozens of rules about running a charity to which we say, wait, the NRA is a charity.
Well, it is. Haven't you heard of one 877 guns for kids or their program for seniors?
Guns on Wheels?
That one is depressing.
The executives of the NRA have now been accused of stealing more than 60 million dollars from the members who thought they were donating to protect gun rights, but ended up paying for Wayne LaPierre luxury lifestyle.
So that's not a robbery. Yeah, their motto is now they can have my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead, expensively manicured hands.
Well, at least men are getting manicures now a little bit. I'm looking for the silver lining.
It's not his fault, though. If you're named Wayne LaPierre, you just kind of have to be evil. Either that or the world's fanciest hillbilly.
That's closer to it.
But here's the thing about this whole scandal. So these guys are now being accused of misusing their funds instead of for what they're donated for. But we want people to be misusing their funds. You don't want them to use the funds for what they're donated for. Have another summer home, Wayne.
All right, Warren, here is your last quote.
This is a real moment to address our comfort. It's time to free the leg.
That was a man named Matt Nicholson speaking for millions when he told The Washington Post that he is done with what item of clothing?
Oh, I'll have to maybe get with that. I don't know.
His pants. Yes. Specifically what kind of pants? I jeans. I don't know. Yes. Jeans.
Exactly right. All clothing sales. But sales of jeans have fallen off a cliff for brands have declared bankruptcy.
Levi's has lost more than half its revenue. Fashion industry analysts say this is because jeans are terrible.
But if they're so uncomfortable, why did we all keep wearing them all the time? Because our butts look really good in them. Is that it? Yes. You know what size you are?
They're pretty comfortable. That's why I like leggings, OK? Yes. Leggings up on your body and you'll never go back to regular jeans again.
Shape none of the restriction. Feels like you're wearing pajamas.
Do they have the little straps on them so that they don't crawl up your legs or that?
Oh, no, but I love that you remember stirrups. Yeah, that's a brilliant idea. You should take that to Shark Tank Top.
You should use it. I didn't invent it. I see these women at the grocery store. It must be something that's just available in rural America, perhaps.
Yes. In fact, people instead of jeans, people are wearing sweatpants or quote, athleisure wear. But let's be honest, there's no ass involved. It's just leisurewear or fashion wear or depression wear. Surinder, where do you guys dress normally every day or you just lounge around in your pajamas?
I like to sometimes I like to dress up for me and then I like to take me out to dinner and then I like to talk to me over candlelight. And then I like to do some other stuff with me that I won't mention on public radio on the first day.
On the first day. I'm very easy.
I love the liberation.
Bill, how did Warren do on our quiz? Warren knocked him out of the park. Congratulations.
Very good. Warren, thank you so much.
Thank you, everybody. Bye bye.
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Joel, coronaviruses fears have led a pub in Spain to ban what on the premises?
Kissing, no drinking. That would be counterproductive.
Well, you know, these questions are usually ridiculous. That's true.
You usually have to go to the most reliable if a pub band drinking to fight the coronavirus.
We certainly mentioned on the show. I'll grant you that point. What's the. Give me a clue. All right. No more reaching out. No more touching you. Certainly no more touching me. A handshake, no touching me, touching each other. Now, come on.
That hint was so good, so good, so good that this song.
What song is it? My Caroline. Good enough. It's sweet Caroline.
Sweet to give it to you. Yes. The Neil Diamond classic Sweet Caroline is now officially life threatening even more than it's always been.
The chorus, of course, of the song is touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you, though nobody gets the last line because they're already on a ventilator.
So Murphy's Irish Bar and Carlinhos Spain, they've posted signs banning the song until the pandemic is over. By the way, the lyric Warm, Touching, Warm is still allowed because the song has been around for 40 years and nobody has any idea what that means.
Not really. I got some because we know. Right, or I. Didn't you think Neil Diamond was getting freaky? Is that what you're saying?
I mean, the. It is a human form, touching, warm, let's be grown ups here. Now, I did not realize that that was a song that people played or heard outside of weddings.
That is the that is my only experience with that song.
This is your problem, Joel. You have to get with old heterosexual male culture because we are cutting edge.
Honestly, I don't recommend it. I think I think you're OK. I don't think we need that.
We can only assume this is bad news for fans of other songs like Lean On Me Close to You Dancing Until You Cough in My Mouth. And I want to hold your hydroxy chloroquine.
Well, the aging straight, white, gentile male community, we have our customs. We do.
You love a call back and a song. You love to add lyrics to a song that did not exist in the actual song. So good.
So good, so good. Not that way. Is that not in the real song people.
Oh no. It's. Peter made that up. No, I did not make that, I made that. Meanwhile, Sting has already bought a new boat with the royalties from Don't Stand So Close to Me.
Coming up, our panel has narrowly avoided jail time in our Bluff the Listener game call one 888 Wait Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR.
Support for this podcast and the following message come from the Walton Family Foundation, where opportunity takes root. More information is available at Walton Family Foundation DOG.
We're only months away from Election Day. And every week or even every few hours, there's a new twist that could affect who will win the White House. To keep up with the latest, tune into the NPR Politics podcast every day to find out what happened and what it means for the election.
From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Tom Bodett, Tracy Clayton and Joel Kim booster.
And here again is your host, the last person in America still making sour dough bread?
Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the wait, wait, don't tell me Bluff the Listener game.
Call one 888 wait wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Hi, this is Darryl from Greenwich, Connecticut. Hey, I know where Greenwich is. What do you do there? I'm the government coordinator for the town of Westport, Connecticut. Westport, Connecticut.
It's a it's quite a fancy place. If I remember, I've been through there once or twice. You're dealing with people complaining about their neighbors. Peacocke heard stuff like that.
It's a lovely part of the Eastern Seaboard.
All right. The residents of Westport have the same problems the rest of us do. I shouldn't make stereotypes. I'm sorry.
Our peacocks native to any place they have to be native to, someplace they can study.
They're terrible. They're awful. I got chased by one once at the zoo and I've never forgotten.
Darryl, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.
Bill, what's Darryl's topic? The letter of the law.
Sometimes you have to bend the law, like to feed your family or when there's a really nice watch where you really have to have.
Our panelists are going to tell you about someone figuring out a clever way to stay within the letter of the law while doing what they want. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize. The wait waita of your choice and your voicemail.
You ready to play? Yep. All right. Your first story comes from Tracy Clayton.
A park in Pennsylvania has become the unexpected battleground of a war between one man and the Department of Parks and Recreation. When the city of Doylestown banned dogs in a small park favorite for sitting by the town's older residents, one man got mad and then he got busy. Veterinarian Matt Bradstone set up shop at the park's entrance, wearing a white lab coat and holding a large magnifying glass near a sign that said Free Pet Evaluation's word soon spread that Branston was inspecting the dogs of passers by, wishing to use the park and officially recategorize them as other animals to get around the ban.
For example, did your dog completely ignore you until it's time to eat and intentionally hurt your feelings at least once a day? Boom, your dog is a cat.
If you really big like to be like uncomfortably big, he's actually a baby whale.
And then we have a park full of happy animals that are definitely not dogs.
Amy Park in Pennsylvania, where you can get your dog into a park where they're not supposed to be by simply having a man decide they're not a dog. Officially, your next story of someone being technically law abiding comes from Tom Bodett.
Chad and Amelia Farnam spent their entire forty year marriage deeply in love and settled in their modest row house in San Francisco's Sunset District. When Amelia passed away after a long illness, Chad proceeded to make good on his promise to bury her in the backyard garden where they had spent so much time together. After being told by city officials that San Francisco does not allow people to bury other people in their gardens, the undaunted Farnam asked, What if I don't bury her in the garden?
The puzzled official replied, That's what we would like. Farnam knew the city's dire housing shortage made accessory apartments very easy to get permitting for the attached apartment made of brick and carved marble facing features. A long, padded concrete daybed that houses the not buried in the garden remains of Mrs. Farnham, along with a small kitchen and bath. Several pleasant months later, Farnam was visited by a city inspector who informed him he must rent out the permitted apartment for at least six months of the year in order to avoid stiff penalties.
Stiff penalties were exactly what he was trying to avoid, so he went about finding people willing to share space with his beloved while in her present condition. It was disturbingly easy. The first renters stayed a month, said they never slept better, said I should call the place over my dead body. Amelia would love that. So I did, and people went nuts. Farnham is making an extra four grand a month and has short term renters lined up for two years.
The city leaves them alone and his tenants allow them to come in any time he wants to spend time with the love of his life. We are having the best time with this, said Farnam. I can hardly wait to start the edition for my place.
A man gets around the rules for burying people in his backyard by building an apartment and since in San Francisco, everybody wants to move in.
Your last story of legal loophole comes from Joel Combustor. While possessing small amounts of marijuana is now legal in Maine, it's still illegal to have it delivered. A tricky problem to get around. If you're trying to shelter in place or in a more likely scenario, you're already too stoned to leave the house.
But incredible. Stop me. The finest psychic lost pot recovery service in Portland, Maine, are here to help. Just tell them exactly what kind of weed you lost, how much of it you misplaced, and they'll find it using their psychic powers. Don't remember losing any weed.
No problem. Trust me, they'll find it. They're that good. Incredible. Stop Me claims their service is legal in their opinion and further quote, We are not scofflaws.
We respect the men and women in blue who protect this state. Now, read that sentence again and imagine them winking while they say it.
And you might have a better picture of what kind of psychics we're dealing with here. There are some limitations to their powers.
For instance, they're unable to locate lost weight for those under the age of 21 or those who lost their weed within a thousand foot radius of a school.
Plus, remember, all this is only legal in their opinion. For now at least, it seems to be a perfectly victimised con. As of show time, the website is still up, maybe the one true supernatural miracle to be found in this story.
All right. So these are your choices, Daryle, from Tracy Clayton, a park that banned dogs that are filled with dogs.
But the dogs, it turns out, are actually other kinds of animals, according to the guy giving out certificates at the entrance from Tom Bodett, a man who managed to bury his wife in his backyard just by building her own apartment for her corpse and other people who want to rent it.
Or from Joel Combustor, a psychic service that can't sell you weed but will find the weed you mysteriously lost for a set price. Which of these is the real story of some people who are very clever about getting around the rules?
Well, they're all pretty wacky stories there, Peter, but I'm going to have to go with incredible to me.
You're going to choose Joel's story of the pot shop that doesn't sell you weed, but merely finds the weed that you lost through their psychic powers. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to a lawyer specializing in the rules that are being broken.
If you've lost your marijuana, you call them, they send in the psychic and the psychic figures out where you misplaced your marijuana.
That, of course, was Hannah King, a partner at the law firm of Drummond Wood, some in Maine and the founder and head of the firm's regulated substances practice talking about the psychic weed locators. Congratulations. You got it right. Joel was telling the truth. You earned a point for him. You've won our prize. The voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations. You did great.
Thanks, Peter. Thanks, Tracey. Tom, Joel, congratulations.
Thanks. Take care. What they say about. And now the game where we ask people who've done a lot to do just a little bit more, it's called Not My Job. So you're casting a delightful new children's movie and you need a lovable circus ringleader. Who do you turn to? But the homicidal meth kingpin from Breaking Bad, Bryan Cranston, will not be typecast. He's starring in the new movie The One and Only Ivan on Disney. Plus, we are delighted that he's joining us here.
Bryan Cranston, welcome to Wait, Wait, don't tell me.
Thank you, Peter. Good to be here. It's great to talk to you.
I've been a fan for a very long time. But first of all, we heard that you actually came down with covid, is that right?
I did. I did early on in March. But I was very lucky. My wife and I both got it around the same time and our symptoms were very mild. We had a little bit of achiness in about a week of extreme lethargy.
I have to ask, I did not hear that you had the illness until quite recently. And but other celebrities have gotten sick and got like international headlines where you were a little like jealous of Tom Hanks getting all the sympathy.
I mean, he's not he's no crybaby like Hanks. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to go running to the cameras, you know, I just didn't think the world needed another celebrity saying, hey, but I had it to.
One of the things I admire about you so much is that you spent a lot of years in the trenches. Your success was not early, to put it mildly. So you did a lot of, like, you know, yeoman's work as an actor. Yeah. Did you ever have to work, like odd jobs to support yourself in those early years?
I did when I had to. I loaded trucks for Roadway International in downtown Los Angeles since 1980. Were you of use on sets?
You know, and when the gaffers and the grips were like, oh, we got to move this in all walks, walks over the star and says, oh, I can handle.
Well, I'll tell you what it has done, Peter. It has taught me how to load a dishwasher better than anyone I've ever met.
Really, I'm telling you. All right. Our our foreman used to come around and they would always only refer to you by your last name, like Cranston. Come on, you could do better. High and tight. Pack it, pack it in, you know, and you. OK, Brian, this is rarely happen.
I'm always given a list by our intern who does a lot of research and suggest questions. And I'm looking down and I'm seeing a question and I have no idea why they want me to ask you this, but I have to because it's well, it's provocative. Here's the question that I was told to ask you. What's Charlie Manson like in person? Oh, my God.
I tell him yes. Yeah, that was a weird encounter. When I was about nine or ten years old, my mom and my uncle dropped my cousin, a female cousin, at the at the Spahn Ranch. And we had been there before. It was a rental place. So so we were there. We walk into the office and some younger guy I long hair came running into the office saying, Charlie's on the hill, Charlie's on the hill.
And they jumped on horses, men and women, and they rode off in a gallop. We got our horses. And of course, we're just clip clopping away along the same direction they went. And about a half an hour later, we see this trail of horses coming back toward us. And there were a few people on horseback in the front. And then in the middle, a guy who was not holding his reins, but the person in front of on the horse in front of them was and he was just undulating it with the movement of the horse.
And we can his eyes were dark and black. He was a little guy, shoulder length, long hair. And he was just zoned out as he was undulating back and forth to the movement of the horse. And as he's passing, my cousin and I were like looking at him. She was in front and her horse and she turned around. She goes, I must be Charlie. I said, Yeah. So flash forward a couple more years and the murder happens and the investigation and then they discover him.
And all of a sudden we hear this. We're a news program. We're at the Spahn Ranch in Simi Valley where Charles Manson and his gang were arrested. And, you know, and they're showing pictures of Charles Manson on the thing. And before I can get to my cousins calling me and it's like, oh, look at that. That's the guy.
That's the guy. That's amazing. Did you get any sense of how good or bad he is at loading a dishwasher?
You know, he was too loose. He's got to be more measured and controlled and he just doesn't seem like a dishwashing loader guy.
Helter-Skelter, that's how I. Yeah, he was all Helter-Skelter.
One last question before we go to the game. Although I think I could talk to you all day. We heard that in a very popular Tatou is really realistic versions of, well, your face as Walter White on their bodies. Yeah. Have have you must have been. Counter that in person from yes, some embarrassed me, I was on a I wrote a book and I was on a book tour and signing autographs of the book afterward. And she goes, Would you sign my tattoo?
I just I just got it. I go, Well, OK. She lifts up her dress, right. Go right next to her panties is my face.
And I went, Oh, just sign it right there. And I'm like, OK.
And I'm saying I have to get down on my knees to sign my name on her upper thigh.
And I didn't sign on. The tattoo was below it. Right, right. Right. And she said, great, now I'm going right to the parlor to get that tattooed and oh my God. But I've I've also seen my face on on a couple of men have it on their butts, have my face completely on their butts. Wait a minute.
Like not right in the middle. So your face will be bisected, but sort of on either cheek.
Yes, on one cheek is my face. Yeah.
Wow. I have a tattoo of you getting your back shaved in Malcolm in the middle on my back.
That's the iconic performance for me. That's good.
Well, Bryan Cranston, it is a joy to talk to you, but in fact, we've asked you here to play a little game of our own that we're calling breaking good.
So as we have mentioned a few times, you starred in Breaking Bad, so we wondered about breaking good. That is safe driving. We're going to ask you three questions about driver's education. Get two right. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, Bill. Who is Bryan Cranston playing for?
Allison Lee of San Francisco, California. All right. You ready to do this? Yes. Here we go. Come on out. Here's your first question. A sixty year old woman was doing quite well recently on her driving test in Brazil, but she ended the day in jail. Why? Eh?
Because just as she was finishing, she swerved off the road to run over an agouti, a Brazilian rodent, because after she dented the car, trying to park it at the end of the test, she attempted to bribe the test taker with some pot brownies or C because she was actually her own son, dressed up as his mother so he could take the test for her while I'm attracted to the last one.
See that that sounds so dramatic. You're right.
A very good instinct. That's, in fact, what happened. And it would have worked, too.
He's a heck of a driver. All right. Next question. Driver's tests vary around the world. In Finland, for example, it can take three years of study to get your license. But in Egypt, it is much easier to get your driver's license. In Egypt, all you have to do is a say vroom vroom while miming, steering and shifting gears for one complete minute. B, get in your car, drive six meters forward, then six meters in reverse, or C, cross your heart and swear to God that you won't run over anyone.
Well, that's just silly, although I think it's going to be driving six meters forward and six meters back to pass your driver's test in Egypt. That's in fact, true.
They got the right answer. Again, I will say, if you've ever been to Egypt and been driven around, you would be forgiven for thinking any of those could have been true.
All right, last question. You can be perfect here.
Most people who got driver's ed in American high schools were forced to watch horrible driver's ed films with bloody depictions of the consequences of unsafe driving.
Which of these was a real driver's ed movie shown an American driver's classes, a highways of agony by appointment with disaster or C red asphalt?
One, two, three, four and five.
You know, I can see them making red asphalt, one, two, three and four. But five, really?
What is there left to say then about the character? I'm going to say B, you're going to say B, appointment with disaster. You're right.
That was a real movie, I should say. So were the other ones.
They really like to make these movies lurid. Bill, how did Bryan Cranston do on our quiz? I am really impressed. So few guests get them. All right. But you have a perfect score, right? Yeah.
Go top of the world. Bryan Cranston is an Emmy and Tony Award winning actor. His new movie, The One and Only Ivan, will be on Disney plus as of August 21st. Bryan Cranston, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, wait, don't.
Thank you, everybody.
Back in just a minute, guys.
How are we going to get out of this frog? It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call one 888 wait wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR support for this podcast.
And the following message come from the American Jewish World Service, working together for more than 30 years to build a more just and equitable world. Learn more at A.J. W.S. Dog, the Americans with Disabilities Act was signed 30 years ago, so why to this day is the disability community still fighting for their rights? Listen now to learn what they're fighting on through line from NPR every Thursday. From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz.
I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Tracy Clayton, Tom Bodett and Joel Kim booster. And here again is your host, a man whose hair must be down to his shoulders after five months ago guaranteeing.
Right, Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. Just a minute. Bill goes berserk and goes on a rampage in our Listener Limerick Challenge.
If you'd like to play, give us a call at one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 894. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Tracey Craft has announced their brand new breakfast food offering. What is it?
Is it cheese? It's cheese and. Oh, macaroni, yes.
Mac and cheese. Now, breakfast food, thanks to Kraft, they're releasing a new breakfast version of their famous macaroni and cheese dinner. It's exactly the same, except in the box they write the word breakfast. That's that's exactly how we got smoothies. Someone wrote breakfast on a milkshake.
It's going to say this has been around for years. It's called being poor in college and just eating mac and cheese before noon. That's all it is.
It's like mac and cheese, not just for lunch and afternoon snack and dinner and bedtime anymore.
This makes me so sad. Why? Because, OK, so firstly, I don't know if it's like a cultural thing or what, but I did not know that white people really ate mac and cheese is like a dinner I like as a dish.
It's supposed to be a side dish.
They have a new slogan for the product, Macaroni and Cheese for breakfast. Sure.
I'm so tired I have given up.
And if you're having a hard time getting on board with neon noodles for breakfast, don't worry. It's lunchtime. You woke up at noon.
Yeah. Make it to Bokser in the morning and then you just leave it on the stove and you eat it all day.
Oh, no, you don't want to try and leave Kraft macaroni and cheese out because if you thought it wasn't food before, just give it some time in the air.
You know, it returns to its plastic form.
Joel, breaking up with someone is hard. But this week, the BBC profiled an industry in Japan that offers a new way to end your relationship to avoid all the complications. It's a person you hire. To do what?
To break up with your partner for you. Yes, but how do they do it?
Oh, they they trick them into cheating on the partner.
Exactly right. So. It's been about four thousand dollars is what it costs, and an agent of this company will learn all about your significant other from their social media than they engineer a chance meeting with them.
Then they continue to meet and make your partner fall in love with them so that your partner will then ruefully, baby, sadly break up with you.
That is as image as a born and bred Midwesterner who knows passive aggression. That is next level that is embodied on every level.
It's so much easier than sending a text with the added benefits of being extremely expensive, taking much longer and being really weird. And then and this is true apparently part of the service.
Part of what you're paying for is, OK, it's worked, it's done. But then the person will continue to date your now ex just for a little while until it breaks up naturally. So they never are suspicious.
Well, and that's not my problem anymore when they find work for this company, because I need to know if they're hiring and work. Can I get an application? Wait a minute. You want to work for this company?
You want to be for that. You do this. You do like you'd be like my name is Clayton.
Stacey, you get to stare at someone's social media for a while.
It's 1000 dollars and there's no commitment. So it sounds great. Yeah.
During a pandemic, you put it that way. Yeah. Send me a.
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one 888 Wait, wait, that's one 888 924 894 or click the Contact US link on our website. Wait, wait, unpeg. You can also check out the wait wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's Bill and me asking you questions and finally putting an end to the idea that the speaker is really all that smart.
Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Mary from St. Louis. Oh, how are things in St. Louis?
We do hot really well here. Oh, I know. What what do you do there in St. Louis? Well, I am a psychotherapist. Oh, my gosh. How do you feel about that, Peter?
Oh, you are one, I imagine. I imagine business is booming for you right now. People are really stressed out.
Yes, right. This is really a rough time for people who need to be around other people a lot.
So do you have any I imagine some of the people listening to us are feeling that. Do you have any sort of quick advice you could give them?
Yes. Keep in touch with the people that you care about and and reach out to people who you feel may be feeling alone or isolated. That's a good thing.
I mean, that's all excellent and very useful advice. But I have to tell you, secretly, I was hoping you'd say drink a lot and play video games, but how? Well.
Well, Mary, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?
Oh, sure. Great. Well, then let's do it. Here is your first limerick.
Our infection won't strike you as news, but that boat trip has marvelous views when covid rates dipped.
We boarded the ship and that was sick because we went on a.
Cruz, yes, a Cruz now you may remember him from the distant past, that coronavirus hit the passengers of cruise ships really hard because, well, basically their giant floating petri dishes, but with buffets.
But the pandemic seems to be under control in Norway. So what did a bunch of people do to celebrate?
They went on a cruise and that cruise ship has reported 41 other passengers have tested positive for covid-19, while all of the passengers tested positive for loving midnight ice cream sundae stations.
So pandemic or not, cruises don't sound fine to me.
I'm just like, no, no, no, you do. You're a cruise guy. I didn't know that. I take jobs on cruises all the time, much to the anger of my representatives. My agents hate it because I don't make any money and it's just fun for me.
Well, what is the appeal? You know, catching eating at a Subaru at 3:00 a.m. in the middle of the Caribbean?
I mean, come on, that sounds literally like a nightmare. I mean, like you'd wake up screaming, what's wrong? It's like, well, I've dreamt I was in the middle of the Caribbean and eating at a Sbarro in the middle of the night with lots of strangers with questionable habits.
See, the ones that I go on are for like young single people. So it's it's a slightly different vibe, but it's still the same petri dish.
Although I imagine the kind of cruise you're talking about, Joel, there are even more vectors of infection.
Oh, yeah. You want to stay away from the salad bar on those ones?
Yeah. All right. Back to Mary. Mary, here's your next limerick. This insects swarm. I'd like to veto to them. We're just jeans clad. Burrito's a tornado of bugs that will suck all our blood. It's a biblical storm of mosquitoes.
Yes. Mr. Edo's, if you are exhausted by the pandemic, try mosquito tornadoes in eastern Russia, billions of mosquitoes are forming. Tornadoes rising hundreds of feet into the sky. This whole new thing to worry about, it's part of a mating ritual where hundreds of thousands of males swirl around just one or two females trying to get near her.
Do you guys remember going to bars the story of my life?
Am I right? Absolutely. It's such a sweet ending to that story. There's billions of mosquitoes. And the good news is they're there to make more.
And there are two very stressed out women in the center of a tornado. All right.
Very good. Mary, here is your last limerick. Being eaten may seem a tough scrape, but we beadles remain in good shape. We stay small and compact as we work through the tract from the rear end will make our own dinner.
Appropriate response. Departure rhymes with scrape and shape. Escape.
Yes, a very good marriage.
Marine biologists studying the water beetle finally discovered why it can survive, even though it's constantly being eaten by its primary predator, the dark spotted frog. It turns out these little guys, it once they're swallowed by the frog, just crawl right down and out the frog's anus.
That's right, anus. It's a science word.
Oh, so apparently 90 percent of the water beetles who get eaten by these frogs survive by doing that, which is, again, just crawling right out that frogs.
Kroeker, come on, dark spotted frog, chew your food. Here's the amazing thing.
And I love this. So the scientists were like, OK, this is what happens. The beetles come out alive the other end. But is that just a natural accident of the frogs digestive system or the beetles actively doing it? So they actually and I hate to think of these poor beetles paralyze some with, like, whack. So they couldn't move and they fed them alive to the frogs. Those beetles didn't come out, which means that there are beetles who get eaten by frogs and they're like this again.
All right, here we go. I didn't know beetles could sigh.
I think every animal can fly now. Yeah. Yes, exactly.
Bill, how did Mary do on our quiz? She did three in a row. Boy, she got them. All right.
Congratulations, Mary Way, and thanks for the good work you do for people.
I'm sure it's necessary and I'm sure you're helping. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye. Thank you.
Bye bye. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Kay Bucksbaum in support of the David Gilkey and Zabihullah Tamanna Memorial Fund, established to strengthen NPR's commitment to training and protecting journalists in high risk environments.
Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Tom has three points. Joel has three. And get this, Tracey has three.
Oh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. All right.
I'll just arbitrarily pick Joel to go first. Here we go, Joel. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Defense Secretary Mark Esper said most administration officials believe the explosion in blank was an accident. Beirut Right.
On Monday, Novavax announced encouraging early trials for their blank vaccine.
KORONA Yes coronavirus for the first time ever blank removed a post by President Trump citing coronavirus misinformation. Facebook right.
On Tuesday, activist Cory Bush beat out longtime incumbent Lacy Clay during primaries in blank, Missouri.
Right, thanks to a technical error, almost 200 people in Rhode Island receive tax refund checks signed by blank Mickey Mouse and Walt Disney.
Yes, on Tuesday it was announced that the live action version of Mouallem would skip theaters and premiere on Blancs streaming service Disney.
Right this week, an author known for his historical accuracy was called out for including a recipe for red dye containing ingredients that can only be found in blank in the present day.
No, in the Legend of Zelda video game. After being informed of his mistake, historical novelist John Boyin admitted that he had done a quick search for red dye ingredients and didn't realize the instructions he were copying were from a video game website. This is easily the most embarrassing slip up from a historian since Doris Kearns Goodwin's team of rivals said that Lincoln's secretary of state was Sonic the Hedgehog.
Bill, how did Joel do on our quiz? He did very well. He had six, right, for 12 more points. He now has 15 and the lead.
They seem ready to do this if you're up next. No, let's do it. OK, here we go. Tracy, this week, Blank announced he would accept the Democratic nomination remotely.
Biden right. On Wednesday, Iowa ended the lifetime voting ban for blanks.
Felons, right. This week, the National Park Service advised that you shouldn't blank if confronted by a bear I you should not run.
No, you should not push your slower friend down in attempt to save yourself.
I disagree. This week in the city of Houston passed a 250 dollar fine for anyone not wearing a blank mask right this week.
A woman in Oregon got famous after she was caught by Google Street View. After she had just blanked. She had just shoplifted, after she had gotten her head stuck in a trash can.
Oh, that was my next guest. I bet it was. The Google Street View cameras snapped a picture of the woman with her head fully inside an overturned garbage can. Now, we obviously can't show you the picture, but don't worry. Just imagine what it would look like if Oscar the Grouch had a sister who was born breech.
Bill, how did Tracy Clayton do on our quiz? Tracy had three, right, for six more points.
He now has nine, but Joel still has the lead with 15.
How many then does Tom Bodett need to win it all? Six to seven to win. All right, Tom, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Sunday, the White House announced it had no plans to delay the blank.
The election, right. On Tuesday, President Trump encouraged voters in Florida, but only Florida to request blank ballots.
Mail in ballots. Right. This week, Tropical Storm Blank moved up the East Coast, leaving over two million people without power. I say yes. I say yes, right. According to a report, Deutsche Bank complied with a subpoena and handed over blank's financial records.
President Trump's right. This week, a man in England accidentally burned down his apartment when he blanked.
He tried to roast a pig in the living room when he lit 100 candles to propose to his girlfriend in a romantic setting. She said yes. Though on Monday, the U.S. blank confirmed it was ending its 2020 count a month early.
The Census Bureau, right following outbreaks in the Miami Marlins and St. Louis Cardinals blank, sent out new revised protocols to teams Major League Baseball right this week.
A plane carrying illegal drugs from Indonesia to Australia was intercepted by authorities after it blanked. It made a completely incomprehensible radio call and ordered the beer to meet them when they landed.
No, the authorities were able to intercept the plane because it crashed at takeoff because it had way too many drugs on it. The plane was smuggling over a thousand pounds of drugs and crashed almost immediately after taking off. Don't worry. Everybody is fine, Will. Actually, everybody is in jail, but no one died.
Police suspect the plane was carrying mostly cocaine because it's such a Coke thing to fly really high and then crash really hard a few minutes later.
Bill, did Tom do well enough to win? He did well. Six, right. For 12 more points. That means with a total of 15. He and Joel are tied this week.
They are co champion, granulation prize. Joel is you get to go on a cruise your prize tomorrow.
You don't have to. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists now that we've gotten rid of genes, what will be the next thing that we all decide is too much trouble now that we never go out. But first, let me tell you that. Wait, wait, don't tell me is a production of NPR and WBC Chicago in association with no longer urgent haircut productions? Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Gojko writes, Our limericks are a public address.
Announcer As Paul Friedman, our house manager is Giannakou Madona, our intern is Amadei, Web guru is Beth Novey. BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dorn, Boston. Lillian King. Our super spreader is Peter Gwinn. Technical Direction is from Lorna Wider business and ops manager. That's Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Greenhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag and the executive producer of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth.
Now, panel, now that genes are out, what will we get rid of next? Tom Bodett, nose hair trimmers, big nose in your hair is finished because we just don't care anymore. Tracy Clayton.
So when I say we, I don't mean me. I think in general people are going to just stop showering.
And Joel Combustor Leg Day at the gym.
I am only working out the muscles that you can see on Zun. Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Kurtis, thanks also to Joel Combustor, Tom Bodett and Tracy Clayton. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm so glad that we made it through another week together. We can do this again, man.
We can do this standing on our heads. I'm Peter Sagal.
We'll see you next week. This is NPR.