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[00:00:04]

From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News quiz. Hey there, Charlie. Step in to buy a chocolate factory. I'm Billy Wonka, Bill Kurtis, and here is your host coming to you from the bottom of a well, he fell in two weeks ago and just didn't bother to come out.

[00:00:26]

He didn't say go.

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Thank you, Bill.

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And thanks to our fake audience, which this week is just Jerry Falwell Jr. watching his wife, studying figures with their business associate. We are very glad to be with you all.

[00:00:41]

After our very relaxing break, which we spent staring at the walls until our jobs started up again.

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Later on, we're going to be talking to SNL cast member Cecily Strong, who's better at pretending to be Donald Trump's wife than Donald Trump's wife is.

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But first, it's your turn to impersonate somebody who cares about winning a voice mail message. Give us a call. The number is one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 894. Hi, you're on.

[00:01:05]

Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, I'm Martin from Asheville, North Carolina.

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I love Asheville, North Carolina, one of my favorite places. And unlike a lot of people who live in Asheville, you sound like you're from there.

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I'm not, actually, but I kind of went around the world and then ended up here. Your quarantine is going OK?

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Yeah. You know, you say you don't have any kind of audience members, but actually my dog is here listening, so.

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Well, he's very excited. Well, yes, so are we. We haven't had anybody listening. This is great. Well, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a writer and comedian who hosts the climate justice podcast Mothers of Invention on PUREX. It's Maev Higgins.

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Hi, how are you?

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Next up, a comedian whose podcast who's paying attention is on the All Things Comedy Network. It's Alonzo Bodden.

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Hello, sir. I, too, am a fan of Asheville, North Carolina. Glad to have you on. I have.

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I've looked you up, Alonzo, and I really like you know, you seem really good to me.

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And a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and author of The New York Times, best selling obituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving. It's Mo Rocca.

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Hi, Martin. Hi, Mo. Well, welcome to the show, Martin. You're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose. And your voicemail, are you ready to play?

[00:02:37]

I am ready. Your first quote is a well crafted rally cry from an event very much in the news this week.

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Make America Great again. Again.

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That was Vice President Pence speaking at what, Republican National Convention?

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That's exactly right. The quadrennial conventions are a place for the parties to fool the public about who the candidates are.

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The Democrats last week depicted Joe Biden to be a youthful, vibrant guy who's been just that way since World War One. The Republicans depicted President Trump as a kind, gentle, compassionate leader who cares about the little guy and minorities. They were so successful at it that President Trump called himself a loser.

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And I and I just have to say, justice for Tiffany. She was the only one of the grown up children that wasn't featured during the network hour, like she was relegated to an earlier hour. And it's just not fair. She's like the member of the cast that never gets invited to cast reunions later. Yeah, I know she had also this line in the speech where I just I don't know if anyone heard this where she said at one point a vote for my father, Donald Trump.

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Like she said, it looked like people needed to like when she calls her father, she goes, hi, dad. It's it's Tiffany, your daughter.

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What's weird is that half the principal speakers at the convention were named Trump. And then there was Kimberly Guilfoyle, who was only not named Trump because Donald Jr. will put a ring on it. Kimberly, come on. You know, he's not going to buy the cow if you're giving him the cocaine for free.

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I was like waisting. She wasn't a guilfoile, you know that her dad is Irish. Oh, I'm so sorry.

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No, it's OK. But it's such an Irish name. I was like, oh, no, that's a giveaway. And then they interviewed all of her cousins back in Ireland and they were like, what was she doing roaring and shouting on the telly?

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Well, it was like her audition for a regional production of Evita. She even did the Avita hands at one point. She did they were up in the air. She was like, she was calling you year doing Evita or calling a touchdown. It was hard to say, who knows.

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And I have to say, Melania, oddly, has become very popular here in California because we are suffering from drought. And we were like, that's it. Replant the garden with no flowers. That's how we'll save water.

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Yeah, we'll will be. Did notice I did notice that there was a reaction shot of the crowd at one point and there was only one person, a woman wearing a mask. Only one person. And then suddenly she vanished. And I thought they turned her into mulch for that. And they didn't. They did. All right.

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Very good. Here is your next quote. It's someone who had to resign this week as head of Liberty University.

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I haven't done anything that's technically true.

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He didn't do anything. He watched someone else do something. Who is it?

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So is Jerry Falwell Jr., I believe. Yes, it is Jerry Falwell Jr..

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After years of rumors about the evangelical leaders private life, the other shoe finally dropped this week along with his pants. It turns out that Falwell and his wife had a relationship with this handsome young man they met when he was a pool attendant in Miami. People said all of this was the height of hypocrisy for an evangelical leader. But come on, this is biblical. You know, do unto others as you would like others to do unto your wife while you are watching.

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Well, first of all, the name of the poor boy is a John Carlo Granda. Yes, indeed. I mean, that's kind of a great I mean, if you're given name is also your porn name. That's pretty amazing.

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That's true. I mean, it doesn't have to change it. And there were also two other people involved in this, right? There was a previous pool boy, I think named Gordon Bello. And then there was also a trainer.

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I followed this story apparently motel us all. There's a trainer named Benjamin Crosswhite. I mean, really, I have the advanced calendar, so I know which nine are coming up in this scandal.

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On some level, you do have to admire this guy for being able to perform with Jerry Falwell Jr. in the room. I mean, that is.

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Yeah, that that yeah. That requires concentration.

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That's something you imagine when you have to stop that. It's another version of dead rats. Dead rats, dead rats.

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Here we go, Martin. Now, your last quote is from a spokesman for KFC.

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That thing we always say, ignore it.

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So KFC, that's, of course, the fast food fried chicken franchise. They say in the light of the pandemic, they're no longer going to use.

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What famous slogan, finger licking good. That's right.

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Martin, congratulations. If you think about it.

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And they did finger licking is just not a good idea to do in the middle of the covid pandemic. It's the same reason why Tic-Tac breath mints dropped their slogan Eat one, then French kiss a complete stranger.

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It's strange, though, after all these years of them using that slogan, we never knew they meant lick other people's fingers.

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Well, that's what I was going to say. I mean, they do understand you're licking your own fingers, we would hope. Yes. That you don't just. Wow, this chicken's so good. I'm just going table to table making friends.

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I prefer to watch other people lick their fingers. Yes. Thank you, Reverend Falwell. Now, KFC says they will drop the slogan from ads and remove it from their packaging, leading to a lot of confusion. People will buy buckets of their fried chicken and say, wait, but how good is this?

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Is it lip smacking? Good, tummy rubbing, good. I just don't know.

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And also, people will have hands covered in chicken grease and not know what to do.

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That's true. Think of the grease stains on everything. You know, be weird, though, if this weird small publicity change actually ends the pandemic. Turns out it was finger licking the whole time. Bill, how did Martin do on our quiz? Very well.

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Got them all right. And he did it with a wonderful accent.

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Well, I feel very fortunate to have been on the show, and I'm a big fan, so.

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Thank you, Martin. Did your dog enjoy it? Oh, I don't know. He's just lying on the couch.

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All right. We'll just assume he's a quiet fan. Thank you so much, Martin. Bye bye. Thanks for.

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Thank you. Right now, panel, some questions for you guys from the week's news. Maev, we're asking you to play a new game that we're calling what's new with German nudists.

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So, Maev, in this edition of What's New with German nudists, people enjoying a park in Berlin, Germany, were surprised when a naked man ran through the park. Doing what?

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Oh. I mean, I've seen German nudist. And, you know, what they love to do is put moisturizer on one another. Really? So if he was he putting moisturizer on somebody else?

[00:09:40]

No, he was not putting moisturizer on somebody else and he was just chasing his dreams. A German nudist was chasing his dreams in Berlin. Not that's why, like an album name, it's hard to hit to the either of you gentlemen know this.

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Did you catch the story?

[00:09:55]

No idea. I will give it to you. He was chasing the wild boar that had stolen his laptop. It happened in a park in Berlin where people often sunbathe nude. It's Germany. They do that. But it was unusual that a boar and her two piglets grabbed a backpack that just happened to contain this old naked guy's laptop. And they took off running in. The man got up to chase after them into the trees running past. And this is key.

[00:10:20]

Someone with their camera out, I guess, like a boy, needed to communicate or get online for reason. Wars need to get on Instagram as well. I mean, you know, come on.

[00:10:30]

Now, that sounds like the story you would tell while you were doing something else. You know, Officer, you're not going to believe that a boar stole my laptop. I was chasing him into the woods. I didn't even know those women were there.

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Yeah, I believe I believe that's what Jerry Falwell tried when he was first caught.

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I just heard squealing and I couldn't help looking.

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Yeah. Now a happy ending. The man got his laptop back. Plus he got the phone numbers of three guys who admired his weltanschauung.

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Did you just say happy ending? It all sounds so dangerous. Also, the idea of running naked, like I just wouldn't want to be anywhere in the brush, like just like you could get hurt.

[00:11:12]

That's true. And also, Berlin is such an urban I mean, it's it's literally a city. I can't believe that there's boars there and there's space for nudists there. Thank God they got rid of the barbed wire. Oh, yes.

[00:11:28]

Coming up, our panelists are warned not to use our Bluff the Listener game for their homework. Call one 888 Wait Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR. This message comes from NPR Sponsor Better Help, a truly affordable online counseling service, fill out a questionnaire online and get matched with a licensed counselor best suited to your mental health needs, whether it's depression, anxiety or trauma. Better help will help you overcome what stands in the way of your happiness.

[00:11:59]

Learn more and better. Help Dotcom and get 10 percent off your first month with promo code. Wait, better help get help any time anywhere. With civil unrest, the pandemic and the economic crisis, you want to know what's happening right when you wake up, and that's why there is up first, the news you need in about 10 minutes from NPR News. Listen. Every day.

[00:12:27]

From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis.

[00:12:35]

We are playing this week with Maev Higgins, Alonzo Bodden and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host, a man who just finished knitting a 100 foot scarf. Peter Sagal.

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Thank you, Bill. Right now, it is time for the wait, wait, don't tell me Bluff the Listener game.

[00:12:51]

Call one 888 wait wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. This is Jessie calling from Richmond, Virginia. Richmond.

[00:13:00]

Things have been interesting there of late. What do you do there in Richmond?

[00:13:02]

I'm biding my time until I can go back to doing what I love. Bartending in Brooklyn.

[00:13:08]

Oh, you're a Brooklyn bartender. Are you part of, like, what they call cocktail culture, or are you just like to hell with that?

[00:13:13]

You're just going to mix a drink? No, no. I'm part of, like, the the generous pour community and the the beer and a shot. Yeah.

[00:13:23]

Group that's that's I love. I just want to say I support your community and everything you're doing. Thank you Jessie. It is nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.

[00:13:33]

Bill, what is Jessie's topic? You can't trust Wikipedia.

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Wikipedia is the amazing Web site where you can learn about everything from the history of the Suez Canal to how Margaret Thatcher was the Sixth Spice Girl.

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Our panelists are going to tell you about a surprising problem with the online encyclopedia that was revealed just this last week. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight waita of your choice on your voicemail.

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Are you ready to play? Yeah. All right. Let's do it then.

[00:14:00]

Let's first hear from Maev Higgins'.

[00:14:03]

Ever heard of Scotland? I certainly hadn't, but apparently it's a crazy little place. You can only reach through time travel and shortbread cookies. This week we learned that Scottish Wikipedia, which is supposed to be in the Scots language, was actually just written by an American in a fake Scottish accent. It's not shocking that an American can both speak and write in another language. That's what made this story difficult for me to believe. The Scots. Wikipedia has more than twenty three thousand articles written by an American in Scottish people are calling a fake Scottish accent.

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For example, the page for the movie Million Dollar Baby says, quote, The film is about an underappreciated boxing trainer, which, while true, is not Scots at all. One Scottish person who goes by the name of Miles Paskey put it like this. Well, I do declare if that's not a fake Scottish accent, I'll eat my cowboy hat. Actually, just reading that now, maybe Miles is the fake Scottish person. The only way to know for sure who is truly Scottish is to do the marshmallow test.

[00:15:13]

This is a very famous test that was developed at a high end science university. Ask a person to say marshmallow, and if they're American, they'll say marshmallow. But if they're truly Scottish, they'll say marshmallow and we cut and low. The marshmallow, usually male will appear before you in a week.

[00:15:33]

Kilts the Scots Wikipedia page instead of being in the Scots language is in a fake Scots accent written by an American.

[00:15:42]

Your next story of some suspicious sourcing on Wikipedia comes from Alonzo Bodden.

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What's the most basic thing you know about motorcycles? They have two wheels. Unless you checked Wikipedia on Monday of last week, as well as multiple times since then, in which case they had up to three. This all began because of a rider named Alan Lane, who rides a customized Harley Davidson with two wheels in the back for extra stability. Alan Lane said he rides a, quote, motorcycle when any normal person would say that's a tricycle for old people.

[00:16:15]

Alan, a retired dentist, now spends his time editing Wikipedia articles, so it was easy for him to change the main page for motorcycles. Quote, A motorcycle is a motorized vehicle with two or three wheels. That was quickly noticed by people who ride actual motorcycles and change back. But Alan wasn't having it as a 1042 a.m. Eastern last Monday, it read, a motorcycle is a motorized vehicle with two wheels or three wheels, which frankly is even better, especially when your wife is on the back and she doesn't like it when it leans over.

[00:16:50]

It's gone on since then. And what Wikipedian is referred to as an edit war as new updates keep appearing, quote, A motorcycle has only two wheels, period. Anything more is lame, unquote. Quote, A motorcycle has two, three or even four wheels because really it's about the riders free spirit, unquote. A motorcycle has two wheels, all caps. Any more wheels make it the moral equivalent of a Nissan Sentra, unquote. Eventually, Wikipedia editors lock the page.

[00:17:20]

So now if you go to the main entry for motorcycles, it just says, never mind. A dispute on Wikipedia over how many wheels a motorcycle has, your last story of Wikipedia gone wild comes from Mo Rocca.

[00:17:35]

Hell hath no fury like a pagan high priestess with an under trafficked website. Wikipedia dog was launched by Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger in January 2001. But two years earlier, Wicken Heather Kornblatt registered Wikipedia dog with the grand ambition of creating an online encyclopedia devoted to educating the public about Witkoff.

[00:18:00]

Quote, I had assembled an amazing coven of 13 volunteer editors, said Kornblatt. We were disambiguate and garden gnomes from real life gnomes. At least three solstices before Jimmy and Larry even had a domain name. But those two swooped in and flew off with my best talent. At first, Kornblatt tried to entice Wales and Sangar to buy her site and incorporate it into theirs. Quote, I sent cookies in the shape of pentagrams. I sent a decorative candle made from ancient Celtic earwax.

[00:18:31]

I even sent a box set of Bewitched to say hello. I've got a sense of humor, but she was rebuffed at every turn. And so she and her remaining witches felt they had no choice but to fire up the cauldron and cast a spell. I have Jimmy and tongue of canary, wool of bat and toe of Larry made their site crash. Make it pass. Those two jerks can five-fold kiss my astral plane. Double, double toil and trouble.

[00:18:59]

Doublemint gum makes good bubble. All right.

[00:19:04]

So there was a problem with Wikipedia recently, was it from Maev, the discovery that the Scots Wikipedia page is not, in fact in the Scots language, but is it?

[00:19:15]

A fake Scottish accent is put on by an American contributor from Alonzo Bodden.

[00:19:19]

The motorcycle page gets blown up in a dispute over how many wheels a motorcycle has or from Mo Rocca, a dispute between Wikipedia and Wikipedia, the all purpose online encyclopedia for Wickens.

[00:19:34]

Which of these is the real story about a scandal in open source knowledge?

[00:19:39]

Oh, man, Wikipedia is a great pun, but I spend a lot of time on the Scottish people Twitter sub read it. I feel like there are too many copycat. It's got to be that one.

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The Scottish Twitter sub Reddit. You tell us. All right. Well, based on your predilections you've chosen, Maev, story of the Scots Wikipedia page. Well, to bring you the correct answer, here's a reliable sources close to the actual story.

[00:20:06]

Some paragraphs are written in good schools. Then there are others we have in mind.

[00:20:13]

GL's the language. That was Billy K.

[00:20:16]

He's a Scots language expert and the author of The Mother Tongue, which I'm told is Scots for the mother tongue. Congratulations, Jesse. You got it right. You earned a point for Maev, even though and I'm amazed to discover this, that Maev cannot do a Scots accent.

[00:20:31]

Is that correct? You heard me.

[00:20:33]

I was say marshmallow again, like a Scotsman. I mean, I can do my appetito if you want being Scottish. All right. Please do appetito.

[00:20:41]

Not being Scottish as double L7 marshmallow.

[00:20:47]

Oh, that was. Oh, God. I can see. I could see. I felt that I could see him. That's amazing.

[00:20:53]

Well, Jessie, back to you. Congratulations. You got it right. You earned the voice of anyone you choose on our show doing whatever accent we're capable of having voice mail all year.

[00:21:02]

So thank you so much for playing Jessie Marshmallow. Thank you very much.

[00:21:07]

Oh, absolutely. That was pretty good. This may be the guy who does the Scots Wikipedia page. Thank you so much, Jessie.

[00:21:14]

You're all going. Good bye bye. And now the game where we while away the hours with even more trivial trivia than we usually trifle with, it's called Not My Job. So something strong grew up here in Chicago and became a star at Second City and Improv Olympic until she left for New York on Saturday Night Live, where she's been a cast member since 2012.

[00:21:38]

She went on to headline the White House Correspondents Dinner, but I'm sure wherever she went, she always missed Chicago. So we're happy to welcome her back. Cecily Strong, welcome to Wait, Wait, don't tell me.

[00:21:49]

I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

[00:21:53]

So I'm actually kind of excited because you grew up in the same town where I live just outside Chicago. Right. And when you were growing up here, did you like. No, like, I'm going to be on Saturday Night Live someday. I'm going to be an Emmy nominated comedian.

[00:22:07]

No, I think those are things I would never even said out loud. I mean, maybe up until I was 12. And then when you're 12, you learn self doubt and that stays then for the rest of your life maybe. Right. Right.

[00:22:22]

You actually when you were performing with Second City, they sent you off on one of those cruises, right?

[00:22:26]

They did, yeah. Yeah. I was on a Norwegian cruise for four months. Four months.

[00:22:32]

I was on a cruise once, but they let me off after a week. What is it like for four months?

[00:22:36]

It was really exciting for the first couple of months. And it was also my first, like, paying comedy job. Right. And then by the third month, it started to feel like a way to my being held prisoner.

[00:22:48]

Cecily, did you have any romance on the high seas?

[00:22:52]

No, I. I did. And you know what? If I did have romance on the high seas, I think I'd be a troubled person today. It would be more trouble if you said no so quickly.

[00:23:04]

Was like your lawyer had told you to say no, like you had been accused of something on that boat.

[00:23:13]

I'm being deposed. No, no, no. No matter what he says, no matter what those three guys say, I didn't do anything to them.

[00:23:21]

I feel like all these questions are to determine if we're going to co-sign Sicily's lease.

[00:23:28]

So you're doing comedy in Chicago. And then one day, presumably, you get that call from New York that Lorne Michaels wants you to come audition. I'm told that everybody is asked to do a character.

[00:23:39]

Did you do any of the one of the characters we've now seen you do in the show when you went in for the audition?

[00:23:44]

I don't think so. I mean, all my characters were like ten seconds long. Aren't we going to talk to Cecily about, you know, who about Melania know that the Internet exploded this week because of Kimberly Guilfoyle, everyone saying Cecily Strong has to be Kimberly? Oh, right.

[00:24:01]

Of course, that's natural. Have you been getting those calls? We talked about Miss Guilfoile earlier on in her big shouty performance at the RNC. And apparently, as MO says, everybody's like that.

[00:24:10]

I'll tell you what, I've never been more flattered to feel like, OK, I've really I've got the brand now of, like, the lunatic brunette maniac.

[00:24:19]

Yeah. That you own that niche. I'll say that. Yeah. Yes.

[00:24:24]

But is it going to be is it going to be hard, Cecily, for you to differentiate between Jeanine Pirro and Kimberly Guilfoyle?

[00:24:29]

Because this is a big deal like Bette Midler, all these people were tweeting like Cecily Strong has to feel like I have to because Bette Midler said it and that when Bette Midler said do something, you do it.

[00:24:41]

Absolutely. That's that's how I got this job. Congrats, Cecily. Is there someone out there that you kind of hope gets in trouble because you'd really love to play that person?

[00:24:52]

You know, I think like these people find me. Kimberly Guilfoyle, I was locked into my life. You know, they just like that. You never know when it's going to hit, when someone's going to go viral for yelling in a Wal-Mart or something.

[00:25:08]

If only more white ladies just like, went off. Maybe maybe that's what's behind the wave.

[00:25:14]

I know. I wish they would. They're just person. I wish white women would feel free to yell in public.

[00:25:22]

I have to ask you one last thing, which is you've done fake commercials for Saturday Night Live, but you've done real commercials for Triscuit, right? I have.

[00:25:29]

We were told, though, that they used a hand model. You like head hand doubles for briskets?

[00:25:34]

I guess I yeah, I think so. Is there something wrong with your hands where you were you hurt that they didn't use your own hands holding up the Triscuit?

[00:25:40]

No, listen, honey, when you get to a certain level of fame, you don't get the hand.

[00:25:49]

They do. They do the coverage and they're like, we need the hands. You're like, I'll be in my trailer. And they bring in the handle, me and my hangnails.

[00:25:56]

They'll be in my trailer.

[00:25:58]

Well, Cecily Strong, we are delighted to talk to you and we have invited you here today to play a game that this time we're calling Saturday morning taped.

[00:26:08]

Show us, olds.

[00:26:10]

Remember back in the day before Nickelodeon and the Cartoon Network, if you wanted to watch a kid's cartoon, you had to wait until Saturday morning when all three networks.

[00:26:19]

That's right. All three of them would broadcast cartoons. So we're going to ask you three questions about Saturday morning kids' shows from back in the day. Oh, God. Get two. Right. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, Bill, who is Cecily Strong playing for Randy Lee of Portland, Oregon.

[00:26:34]

Here's your first question sassily. The idea of making popular toys into kids TV shows didn't start with the Transformers.

[00:26:43]

Which of these was a real Saturday morning cartoon based on a beloved toy?

[00:26:47]

Was it a operation in which a goofy surgeon removed a different foreign object from people's bodies every week be Rubik, the amazing cube in which a magical Rubik's cube sprouts legs and fights bad guys, or c the flying Frisbee fun hour in which an sentient Frisbee ends up in an adventure every time somebody throws it badly and it ends up someplace it wasn't supposed to go.

[00:27:11]

I'm going to go with Rubiks, I think Rubik the amazing cube.

[00:27:16]

You're right. Wow. It's really something you can find at least the trailer for it, the credits for it on YouTube.

[00:27:23]

All right. Second question, the Smurfs was a classic Saturday morning cartoon with a whole line of merchandise to go with it, of course, including a breakfast cereal. Unfortunately, Smurf Berry Krunch had to change its recipe when parents noted what a one of the ingredients was codeine. B, it was turning kids poop blue, or C, it could explode when exposed to milk.

[00:27:48]

Oh, well, it's got to be blue poop. You're right.

[00:27:51]

Absolutely. It was blue poop. Parents must stand for that. That's actually what happened.

[00:27:57]

Parents, you know, pediatricians started reporting panicked calls from parents, so they had to find out what was causing it.

[00:28:04]

And it wasn't the only cereal to turn poop. A frightening color, according to the article we read in Smithsonian magazine, which makes this whole topic officially classy.

[00:28:14]

All right. Last question. Let's see if you can be perfect.

[00:28:17]

In the 90s, there was a trend for creating animated kid's shows about real comedians, including which of these?

[00:28:24]

A camp candy in which John Candy runs a children's summer camp that strangely seems to run all year, be Life with Louie, in which an animated Louie Anderson deals with his father's hilarious abuse about his wait or see little Rosie, in which Roseanne Barr appears as an obnoxious grating and let's face it, probably racist young version of herself.

[00:28:45]

Oh, I was so hoping that one of the choices would. Andrew Dice, Clay Mason, I watched the Lewis show, The Louie one was real and last time I've lost my mind.

[00:28:58]

Well, you're right, the Louie one was real, but so were the other two.

[00:29:01]

They were all packed bags were all I would wonder, were roaring mad at me. So in that bloop. Bloop. Yeah, I was. You're very clever. Bill, how did Cecily Strong do on our quiz? Especially you have joined an elite group that has gotten them.

[00:29:17]

All right. You're fantastic. Cecily Strong is an actress and comedian whose work on Saturday Night Live just earned her an Emmy nomination for outstanding supporting actress in a comedy, Cecily.

[00:29:28]

Thank you so much for joining us.

[00:29:30]

Thank you so much. Thank you, Cecily.

[00:29:32]

Take care. And good luck at the Emmys. By. In just a minute, as Kimberly Guilfoyle said, the best is yet to come. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge, vote one 888 Wait Wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more. Wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message comes from best fiends each week, the universe conspires to foul up your last slice of the weekend long grocery line standstill at the drive thru the ever growing end of week to do list.

[00:30:16]

But you remain unfazed. Why? Because you downloaded the best fiends, the five star rated mobile puzzle game, which means you've got a boredom busting secret weapon ready to launch at a moment's notice. Download Best Fiends free today on the App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the R Best Fiends.

[00:30:34]

This message comes from NPR's sponsor Better Help, a truly affordable online counselling service. Fill out a questionnaire online and get matched with a licensed counselor best suited to your mental health needs. Whether it's depression, anxiety or trauma. Better help will help you overcome what stands in the way of your happiness. Learn more and better. Help Dotcom and get 10 percent off your first month with promo code. Wait, better help get help any time anywhere. Good question.

[00:31:05]

That's a really good question. It's a great question. This is free therapy. Thank you for asking me that. God, that's such a good question.

[00:31:12]

That's an interesting question. But what fresh air interviews are really about are the interesting answers. Listen and subscribe to Fresh Air from Why and NPR.

[00:31:27]

From NPR and WIBC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Maev Higgins and Alonzo Bodden. And here again is your host, whose new casual Friday attire is known, F.W. Peter's cigar.

[00:31:46]

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill has his annual appointment with his rhim ecologist in our Listener Limerick Challenge.

[00:31:53]

If you'd like to play, give us a call at one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

[00:32:00]

Maev, according to some new advice we read. What isn't the terrible idea that it's made out to be socialism? No, no, not social good.

[00:32:16]

This is something I should say again, that younger people have been forced to do during the pandemic and the economic collapse. Oh, be unemployed.

[00:32:24]

Not exactly. I'll give you a hint. The author debunks myths while moving back into her old debunked bed.

[00:32:29]

Oh, living in an intergenerational family. You lived with your parents, right? Yes. Moving in with your parents. If you've recently moved back home, it's fine.

[00:32:39]

No, really, it's fine. In an article in Quartz News that was so long, we actually got carpal tunnel syndrome scrolling to the end of it. A writer argues that living with mom and dad doesn't deserve its bad reputation, has serious benefits like saving money by spending your mom's money instead.

[00:32:55]

Did you say Korps magazine? I said sports news, quartz like the crystal ball.

[00:32:59]

So they didn't interview any parents for this. So apparently not the writer. In fact, this will be a surprise to you all. Currently living at home with her parents, she explores the importance of multigenerational housing, as you put it, may have and definitely did not write the article to make herself feel better.

[00:33:15]

Not at all. I lived with my parents for a few months during lockdown and it is really lovely. It is a really fun thing to do. Yeah, because they just, you know, they like grow tomatoes and they talk to you about yourself. It's really hard to find people my age who want to talk about me because they just want to talk about them. So I actually really nice to have older people who are like, how are you love?

[00:33:39]

And then they actually listen, here's a phrase you'll never hear.

[00:33:43]

Wow, you're 30. So glad to have you back.

[00:33:47]

That's true, Mo. Linguistic experts have determined that if you don't want to scare off that person you're texting, you should avoid using what?

[00:33:56]

Oh, an exclamation point. So close, but you're not. It is a punctuation mark.

[00:34:02]

Oh, is it a question mark? Because it makes it insecure. No, a semicolon. Because it makes you seem like a real jerk. No overbearing. OK, is it is it in Oxford comma. Because it seems sort of snooty. Is it. Think simple.

[00:34:15]

What about those three dots that the ellipsis. It's not all of the ellipsis.

[00:34:20]

A period. Yes indeed. MO periods.

[00:34:24]

Apparently young people are becoming more and more quote, intimidated by periods at the end of texts here.

[00:34:30]

That curmudgeon's you want those kids off your lawn, just show them a little dot. Apparently with texting, people feel you don't need a period at the end of a message because it's obvious that the text is over so periods aren't necessary. Those twelve emojis at the end, though, totally necessary. Is it?

[00:34:46]

That is a period seems sort of severe and definitive. Like it's very Germanic.

[00:34:51]

That's exactly right. Severe, definitive Germanic, all those things. So the idea is that I want you dead period is so much meaner than I want you dead to see what I mean. You see what I mean.

[00:35:03]

And that would eliminate the six more texts that come after the conversation is over, because I'm going to step up my use of periods if that will shorten those conversations.

[00:35:13]

Alonzo, that's a great idea for the for the period to be deployed to sort of say, OK, we're done here.

[00:35:18]

I feel like, Alonzo, you would actually like write out the word to make people stop texts.

[00:35:23]

Oh, I'm slamming periods at the end of every text. It it's just fascinates me because text conversations cannot end like some people just keep going.

[00:35:34]

This happened with phone conversations, too, though. You had to get. OK, you first. You first. OK, you hang up first. It's not easy.

[00:35:41]

Oh, it is. I always hang up first. I got no problem with it. Well, you do it like you do the boogie hang up. Didn't even say goodbye. You say thanks click. That's right.

[00:35:55]

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one 888 Wait, wait, that's one 888 924 924.

[00:36:05]

You can always click the Contact US link on our website. Wait, wait, unpeg.

[00:36:09]

And if you want more wait wait in your week. Had to at wait wait on Twitter at wait wait NPR on Instagram and check out the wait wait quiz for your smart speaker.

[00:36:16]

It's out every Wednesday with Bill and I asking you questions. It's just like this radio show.

[00:36:21]

Only now we hear everything. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi.

[00:36:25]

Hi. Who's this? And this is Katie from Washington, D.C.. Hey, Katie. How are you?

[00:36:31]

I am about as good as one can be these days.

[00:36:34]

That's the best that we can hope for. What do you do there in Washington? I am a policy adviser to a United States senator.

[00:36:43]

Oh, goodness. Is that is that is exciting and fun, as I assume it would be. They have very serious meetings and walk briskly down corridors discussing important things.

[00:36:52]

I'm sure there was some of that right back in the day. But it's been several months. There has been no hallway brisk walking. Right.

[00:37:03]

Well, Katie, welcome to our show. Now you're playing the Listener Limerick Challenge, which means that Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play Sheringham? Here is your first limerick, though.

[00:37:21]

Camping life can be a mess. I still wear fancy clothes that impress. It might come as a shock. High pitched tents in a frock.

[00:37:32]

I go hiking while wearing a dress.

[00:37:36]

Yes, dress. Very good. This week, Outside magazine published an ode to the adventure dress. A dress you wear while hiking. The magazine praised the dresses for being comfortable and flexible, while poison ivy called them a breakthrough in convenience.

[00:37:49]

They're very that sounds very little house on the Prairie. Very much so. The adventure dress is gaining in popularity. You just pair them with a chunky sunblock and your favorite hiking stilettos and you ready for a night out on the trail.

[00:38:02]

I thought this was not that big a deal, but apparently it is to have the dresses that are made specifically for outdoor adventure. I mean, you know, there will be hiking skirts, even kilts don't make a rock climbing kilt. There are some things we don't want to see. All right.

[00:38:17]

Very good. Here is your next limerick on Ticktock. I've seen some reports that say legs look good on and off caught.

[00:38:27]

More guys have now been seen with cute five inch in seems so I've cut down the length of my. Shorts, right, while women are getting into hiking dresses, men are getting into Daisy Dukes, apparently five and a half inch inseam zone shorts make men way hotter, finally giving admirers a good look at those hairy thighs.

[00:38:49]

This is all according to The New York Post.

[00:38:51]

So why would they lie? I hope this isn't a trend. I don't need the accessory of five and a half inch shorts. No, we have to know.

[00:39:02]

Alonzo, I did a story about this. And let me tell you, the reason you want to be wearing shorter shorts is that on men, legs are the last things to go.

[00:39:11]

But you did a story about this. I did for CBS Sunday Morning about shorts and shorts and why men should be wearing shorter shorts.

[00:39:20]

I mean, I know it sounds so what you're telling me is that as men get older, I say to my age and everything else has fallen apart.

[00:39:28]

Everything else, Peter, everything else is falling apart. But your legs will stay intact pretty much until the very end, really.

[00:39:34]

So I'm going to go out. I might as well show off the only part of me that does not look like a complete wreck.

[00:39:41]

Exactly.

[00:39:42]

And that's why so often now they have an open casket. But just the bottom half is exactly a look at those pins, sometimes a half a casket.

[00:39:50]

So the legs just stick out the bottom.

[00:39:52]

Katie, Katie, here is your last limerick.

[00:39:57]

I'll tailfin youth with no sarcastic perjury. I saw ducks, but without drastic urgency. The pandemic alert was lifted cheeks and firm brows.

[00:40:09]

I took time for some quick. I didn't hear the last word, but I'm pretty sure it's plastic surgery. You're right. Plastic surgery, very good. Plastic surgeons reporting a backlog of people making appointments, citing that patients, quote, aren't liking what they're seeing on Zoom's.

[00:40:26]

So apparently your co-workers aren't actually listening to your presentation. They're trying to figure out if they would like your nose instead.

[00:40:33]

Quarantine is also a great time to get surgery because we're not socializing. We can spend, however, many weeks in isolation waiting for the scars to heal.

[00:40:41]

And when you go out, if you have to go out, you get to wear a mask. Plus, while you're getting the nose job, you can have your doctor seal up your nostrils for extra safety.

[00:40:49]

You don't need a nose job if you wear shorter shorts because no one will be looking at your nose.

[00:40:56]

Oh, my God. Yeah, well, I did I maybe now's a good time to say I got I finally got my butt implants that I've been saying you did.

[00:41:05]

And how do you feel? Do you feel better about yourself? Because it's really what it's about.

[00:41:08]

It's so comfy when I sit down now, it's just well, if I were sitting up higher on the screen.

[00:41:14]

So I think, you know, six thousand dollars worth of whoopee cushion that they just inserted into my lower back.

[00:41:21]

Oh, Bill, how did you do on our quiz? Katie did great. She got them. All right.

[00:41:28]

Very good score. Adulations, Katie, thank you. Congratulations, Katie. Take care.

[00:41:33]

Bye bye. Bye.

[00:41:45]

Support for Wait, wait, don't tell me and the following message comes from indeed, indeed is here to help when small businesses have to be more efficient than ever and every hire is critical.

[00:41:55]

Indeed, Dotcom is the number one job site in the world because they get you the best people fast. You only pay for what you need. You can pause your account in any time and there are no long term contracts. Try indeed out with a free 75 dollar credit and indeed a dotcom slash. Wait terms and conditions apply offer valid through September 30th.

[00:42:19]

Now onto our final game. Lightning fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

[00:42:29]

MO has three points. Name has two and Alonzo has two. Oh, right. Since nothing matters anymore, I'm going to arbitrarily choose Alonzo to go first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, Category four Hurricane Blank made landfall in Louisiana. Laura. Laura. Yeah.

[00:42:50]

This week the FDA gave emergency approval for a cheap blank test covid. Right.

[00:42:56]

In addition to post office delays, voter ID laws and intimidation at polling sites, Election Day is also being threatened by blank police or law enforcement at the polls.

[00:43:04]

Is that no, that was the intimidation.

[00:43:06]

It's also going to be threatened by an asteroid that might be in a collision course with Earth. Why not? Why not?

[00:43:12]

Why not? After decades of work from doctors and immunologists, Africa has finally been declared free of blank Ebola.

[00:43:20]

No polio. And we start this over. I don't know what news I've been watching. I've got nothing here.

[00:43:26]

There should be an L.A. handicap. That's true.

[00:43:28]

Citing the weather, a blank launch in Florida was delayed for the weekend rocket. Yeah.

[00:43:33]

After years of research, scientists have confirmed that blanking cows will help protect them from predators. Milking no painting eyes on their butts protects them from predators.

[00:43:44]

Livestock in Africa are constantly under threat from hungry lions.

[00:43:47]

Scientists say painting eyes on cows rear ends make predators think they've been spotted halting the attack.

[00:43:55]

And if you really want to confuse the lions, researchers say they make sure that one of the eyes is winking.

[00:44:01]

Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz? Alonzo had three, right, for six more points. He now has and enjoy it. Eight points. And the lead, Alonzo.

[00:44:12]

Oh, no, I wasn't horrible. Maybe you're up next, got a chance because Alonzo yeah, you're going to do great. I can tell. I can tell. You're going to turn it all around. Here we go. Make in protest of police shootings. Blank boycotted their playoff game against the Orlando Magic. The Wizards know it was the Milwaukee Bucks on Thursday.

[00:44:30]

Experts warned that standing blank feet apart may not be enough to protect against coronavirus.

[00:44:35]

And you know that in Europe we use meters. Yes, me. So I will say two point three meters, which is around. I think it's like you double it and you take away points. OK, fine, I'll give it to you.

[00:44:48]

I assume that's the equivalent of six feet apart. On Sunday, Senior Advisor Blank announced she was leaving the White House spending to spend more time fighting with her family.

[00:44:58]

Kellyanne. Good enough. Kellyanne Conway. Farmers in a Japanese town worried about monkeys eating their crops are turning to blank for protection.

[00:45:07]

Oh, that ice putting ice on their.

[00:45:10]

No, they're turning to three gun toting grandmas called Monkey Busters. Last week, the U.S. added an additional one million blank claims in line with expectations.

[00:45:19]

Marriage proposals, no jobless claims thanks to a mistake at the bakery, a wedding cake for Mr. and Mrs. Weiser that was supposed to say wiser wedding, instead said blank mizer wedding. Instead, it said, why is there a wedding?

[00:45:34]

The couple was hoping to save a bit of money on their wedding cake, but immediately regretted the choice when their planner sent them a picture of what the baker had made. A beautiful white cake with the phrase, Why is there a wedding written in green icing?

[00:45:44]

The couple was obviously disappointed, but not nearly as much as the best man who just lost the opening line of his wedding toast.

[00:45:50]

Bill, how did Maev do on our quiz?

[00:45:52]

Well, you had to write for four more points and you now have six points.

[00:45:57]

But he spoke too soon with eight points. Alonzo still has the lead. Thank you, May.

[00:46:04]

And how many then does Mo need to win?

[00:46:07]

None of these three.

[00:46:11]

Oh, my gosh, Mo, this is for the game. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Monday, a judge ruled that an order forcing blanks to reopen in Florida was unconstitutional school. Right.

[00:46:22]

On Tuesday, the U.N. Security Council rejected the White House's call for sanctions against blank China Iran.

[00:46:30]

This week, Moderna Corporation said early testing of their blank showed promise among the elderly.

[00:46:34]

The vaccine right coronavirus. On Monday, the US postmaster said that cost cutting measures that the USPS would not affect the blank.

[00:46:42]

The election, right.

[00:46:43]

Acting on a tip, police in California were able to arrest a man trying to sell 300000 dollars worth of black market blanks, avocado, black market pistachios.

[00:46:53]

According to the Commerce Department, sales of new blanks jumped 13 percent in July of new homes, new homes.

[00:47:00]

Right on Sunday, Lori Loughlin was sentenced to two months for her part in the blank scandal.

[00:47:04]

In the whole thing with the college, the entrance, the.

[00:47:07]

Yeah, the college admission scandal, you worked her way to an emergency. Workers in Nashville had to be called in to rescue country star Queen Brown after he got lost in blank. Oh, in the Opryland Hotel, which is rather vast.

[00:47:19]

No, in his own backyard, Mo, the singer had just moved into a new house and decided to explore his multi acre backyard with his friends. It wasn't until thirty minutes later they realized they were lost and needed help. Fortunately, emergency workers were able to guide the group back to Brown's house, and the ordeal inspired Brown's new hit, I Walk the Line. But I really should have used Google Maps Bill. I expect that MO did well enough to win, did he?

[00:47:43]

Well, he got five right, for ten more points, which means with thirteen, he did win easily.

[00:47:50]

No, congratulations.

[00:47:53]

You'll like this one to toss this one in just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict now that he's out of a job, what will Jerry Falwell Jr. do next? Wait, wait. Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBC Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions? Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Guereca writes our limericks, our public address. Announcer As Paul Friedman are House managers.

[00:48:14]

Janica Madona, our intern is Emma De. Our Web guru is Beth Novey. BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King. Peter Gwin makes holes in teeth. Technical Direction is from Lorna White, her business and office managers. Colin Miller, a production manager, is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag, the executive producer of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me is Mike McSweeny Danforth. Now, panel, what will Jerry Falwell Jr.

[00:48:40]

do next?

[00:48:41]

Maev Higgins, all we know is there'll be a second coming. Alonzo Bodden, he'll be the new director of morality at PornHub.

[00:48:50]

And Mo Rocca, he'll be named president of Cal Poly. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Kurtis.

[00:49:03]

Thanks also to Alonzo Boden, Marv Higgins and Mo Rocca. And thanks to all of you for listening. Hey, guys. It's almost the. Fall, it's another season of doing this altogether. I'm Peter Sagal. We will see you next week. This is NPR.