Happy Scribe

From NPR and LGB, Be Easy, Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News quiz. Who needs Ted? How about Bill's excellent adventure? I'm Bill Kurtis.


And here's your host, a man who sits quietly all week until I say his name, Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill.


And thanks once again to our fake audience, which this week is everybody whose cable went out right before 9:00 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday and stayed out throughout the rest of the week. It really was quite a week now. We all expected an October surprise, but we didn't expect it at 11 p.m. on October 1st. And when you think about it, it really was more like an October. Oh, what a surprise.


Later on, we're going to be talking to an expert on dealing with the unexpected with aplomb. That's the British ambassador to the United States, Dame Karen Pierce. But right now, we are very eager to hear you say the appropriate things at a time like this. The number to call is one 888 Wait Wait, that's one 888 924 894.


Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Hi, this is Chrissy. I'm from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Oh, Michigan. So is it fun these days living in a swing state? You know, it is. It is what it is.


There was there was a time when living in a swing state was like, oh, it's great to the candidates all come here and pay us a lot of attention. And it has become it is what it is. I completely understand. Chrissy, let me introduce you to our panel. First, it's a comedian you can see at the Tempe Improv in Arizona, November 12th through the 14th. His podcast, Back to School with Maz Jobrani is available anywhere.


Podcasts are found. It's Maz Jobrani.


Hello. I hope you're voting always.


Next, an Emmy winning writer as well as the voice of Jessie on the animated hit Netflix show Big Mouth. She's also the author of The New York Times best seller You'll Grow Out of It. It's Jessi Klein.


Hello. Hello. And the comedienne premiering his new TV pilot.


I love the idea on November 18th that Chicago ideas dot com. It's Brian Babylon.


Reports in the building. Welcome to the show, Chrissy, you're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to play? Ready?


All right, Chrissy, here is your first quote. We will get through this together.


That was the president announcing on Thursday night that he and the first lady both have what coronavirus?


Yes, that's right. Now, we absolutely hope that both the president and his wife get well soon. And we do not want to make jokes about him getting sick because it is a very serious disease, despite what you've heard from the president.


Can I just say one thing?


You made Jesse so, so important to wear a mask so important. I'm just saying it's just really important to wear a mask as a as a concerned citizen.


I hope that he just takes the time to rest and stays off Twitter until November 4th and things will work out.


I feel like we need to feel bad for the president. I mean, it's going to be hard for him to just, I don't know, sit around and watch Fox News all day instead of his normal routine, which is pacing back and forth while watching Fox News all day.


And he's announced the White House, I should say, has announced that they're going to be canceling or making virtual all of his upcoming campaign appearances, which is another blow to the president because he had his first idea was to hold a get well soon rally with 20000 people on Monday.


It's really important to also social distance. You've got a socialist just trying to say helpful thing. I appreciate.


I'm sure he's going to come out and be like we had the best lock down, the most tremendous quantity. And it was tremendous. The most amazing.


I, I keep thinking and I'm sorry because, you know, we've all been quarantining for months now, but the president famously has sort of refused to do it.


Now he has to. What is the Trump quarantine going to look like? Is like is Malani going to post pictures of her sourdough starter? And Trump will be like bake news.


Oh, boy. It's also so important to wash your hands. Those things are really our main tools in fighting this pandemic.


All right, Kristie, let's move on to the other earth shattering story from earlier in the week.


Remember, there was an earlier in the week. Your next quote is from actor Mark Hamill.


That was the worst thing I've ever seen. And I was in the Star Wars holiday special.


So Mr. Hamill, bless his heart, was reacting to something that everybody ended up regretting watching on Tuesday night. What was it, the presidential debate?


It was, yes. The first presidential debate of 20/20 ended up being one of those epical historic moments.


Years from now, people will ask, do you remember where you were when man first walked on Chris Wallace?


Nobody has seen men talking over each other that much since every Zoome meeting we have been to in the last six months.


And the insanity of it made all the previous debate brouhahas so quaint. Remember when Al Gore lost the debate because he sighed? You know what?


I think when I saw the debates first thing and I've been asking myself this is when are they going to come out with that Xanax, MTT, Xanax? But in a mist form, you can sprits really on people just a toning down, you know, more subtle than this with the tranquilizer dart to the neck.


You know, I thought you were talking about something for us.


I was really into this, but it was like Chris Chris Wallace was almost like a substitute teacher that couldn't handle a class, added the noxious boarding school for old God, you know, guy, old man boarding school, like, hey, sit down. Can I tell you the truth, though?


I pleased that I did not watch it. You didn't. Nor will nor will I be watching the other ones should they happen. But I didn't. Because. Because obviously.


But you're the kind of person who can drive by a car crash and just keep on going and never slow down. Let's just say I'm good. I need to get where I'm going and I want to get right away.


And I will tell you what my counterprogramming was, was what made me I literally made myself a banana split and drink a tequila. Oh, and I'm going to do it again.


According to the ratings, you had a better time than 60 million Americans.


I had a good time. I put three chocolate chips on top of the whipped cream and then I ate it. And then I ate the whole bag of chocolate chips and it felt like it was barely touching when I needed to touch all the other chocolate chips.


Thought they had escaped, but they didn't realize it. There is just a mind game. So Trump's performance at the debate was panned all over the place, Republicans, Democrats, everybody, you have to hand it to him after the debate. He really needed to change the news cycle somehow. And boy, did he go for the gusto.


But you have to give you have to give Trump some understanding. He was specifically asked to condemn this white supremacist group, The Proud Boys, and he couldn't do it. But give him a break. He's never had the chance to say proud and boys in the same sentence. His boys are Don Jr. and Eric O.


Don't the proud boys sound like a horrible barbershop quartet from the 50s?


It's such a it's such a bad name. It really like I don't want to help them in any way, but I kind of feel like they need a better name.


You are spot on because at least on the left and Tifa antifascists like the right has proud boys.


And then they got the boogaloo horrible baby. They both sound like like things that Dunkin Donuts almost made and didn't.


Yeah, but empty and teeth with sounds like an old soul singer that didn't make it because Aretha Franklin was better.


But that's a.. That's a.. And yes, he thought, you know, 40 years later, there's a Netflix documentary where it's like we all should have really been listening to MTV.


All right, Chrissy, your last quote is a spokesperson for a major sandwich chain.


Our bread is, of course, bread.


The spokesman was responding to a judgment that their bread wasn't really bread.


What is the chain? Subway.


Yes, subway. Very good. It turns out that when you buy a Subway sandwich at a subway shop, you're not buying meat between two slices of bread. It's more like two loaves of candy. The Supreme Court of Ireland ruled that it can't legally be called bread and thus be exempt from a certain tax because it has too much sugar in it. This is why so many parents tell their kids they can only have their Subway sandwich if they finish their dinner.


I'm confused.


Wait a minute. So Subway is like so it's not bread is more is closer to cake than it is, right.


So in Ireland, they have a tax on all foods except for what they call staples, which includes things like bread and vegetables and stuff like that. And they determined that subway bread isn't really bread because it has way too much sugar in it. So it's more like, as you say, a cake of some kind.


I mean, if you've eaten subway, have you eaten at Subway any time in the last 10 years? I mean, when you bite into that bread, it's a rush. It's pretty clear it's not bread. It's like an improv show about bread. Just anybody that riffs on bread. We need we need a suggestion of a grain. A please.


Yeah, I need a location. The sandwich name.


Brand name. Bill, how did Christie do on our quiz? Well, Chris, you made Michigan proud. You got them. All right. Congratulations, Christie.


Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for playing and take care, UCU.


Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Brian, the UK's National Parrot Sanctuary had to remove five parrots from public view after they kept doing what? Swearing, cursing, swearing?


Yes, they had foul mouthed. The parrots were given to the sanctuary by five different owners in one week.


And then when they were quarantining together, they taught each other to swear. The park CEO says that when the parents eventually went out in public display, quote, literally within 20 minutes, we were told that they had sworn at a customer and for the next group of people, all sorts of obscenities came out. They say they worried about the children. But honestly, this is the only thing that would make me want to visit a bird sanctuary. Yeah, those parrots, they're PG 13.


Those are. And I'm sorry if you want to go look at that parrot, I'm going to need to see your ID and have you sign a release.


Just like the Disney Crows. Yes, Disney crows. I was just going to say, do you think we could get those parrots to moderate the next to be.


And this guy saying to people, you need to live your life green. The only way for you to keep coming up, we pop the NBA bubble in our Bluff the Listener game. Call one 888 Wait Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message comes from Capital One with the Capital One venture card, you earn unlimited double miles and every purchase every day, and you can use those miles toward travel expenses like flights, hotels, rental cars and more.


Just book and pay for your travel using your venture card and redeem your miles toward the cost. Capital One. What's in your wallet? Credit approval required Capital One Bank, USA and A.


There are these networks of staunchly pro-gun groups on Facebook and one of them is run by these three brothers, the door brothers. But it turns out they don't just do guns. The door family name has been attached to other causes.


Their goal is to eliminate public education and to replace it with Christians.


Schooling the roots of the door family on the No Compromise podcast from NPR.


From NPR and BBC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Munns Jobrani, Brian Babylon and Jessi Klein. And here again is your host, the moderator of the next presidential debate, Peter Segall.


Thank you, Bill. And God forbid, right now it is time for the wait, wait, don't tell me Bluff the Listener game.


Call one 888 wait wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Hi, Peter. Thank you. This is Michael White from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, Lancaster. I haven't been there, but I understand it's the heart of Amish country, is that correct? It is.


And how have you been doing during lockdown? I have been doing great. Tons of making lots of NBA basketball lately and a lot of time with my my one year old baby boy.


Oh, my gosh. Well, what it came at a good time. You can stay home for him, and that's really great. Yeah, I know.


Well, Michael, welcome to our show. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction.


What is the topic, Bill?


NBA bubble, toil and trouble in the NBA bubble is awesome because even if you're not into basketball, you like the idea of rich people being trapped inside somewhere. Our panelists are going to tell you about someone making the most of their time in the bubble. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize. The wait waita of your choice on your voicemail.


You ready to play? Oh, absolutely. This is my life's ambition here. I'm ready to go.


Well, I'm both flattered and a little worried for you, but OK, first, let's hear from Maz Jobrani.


The NBA is now truly an international league. So what happens when you put a bunch of foreign born players into a bubble with a lot of free time on their hands? For Iranian born Magic Johnson, the answer was simple. Open up a language school to teach your teammates how to speak Persian or Farsi. When the seven foot third string backup center for the Indiana Pacers found himself cooped up in his hotel room, he decided to offer free language lessons to his teammates.


First, he had to come up with a name for the course, says Johnson.


I personally learned English from the Bible and we are currently in a bubble. So I took the letter A from Babul and the letter you from Bubble and picked the letter that comes in the middle of these two, which was K, so I named my classes Bubble, which is the sound my chickens used to make on my farm back in Iran.


To his teammates, pleasant surprise. Many of the basketball terms in Persian were very similar. In English, for example, the word for pass is pass. Shoot is shoot, basket is basket. If you had the opportunity to watch the Pacers play, you would have also heard them using Persian to trash talk their opponents. One time, upon scoring a three pointer, the team's point guard turned to his opponent and screamed Achmat, which means your aunt asked why the term your aunt is an insult, Johnson said, It's like yelling your mama.


But mother jokes are a big taboo in Iran, so we make fun of your aunt.


Johnson has chosen to stay in the bubble during the finals and offer his course to the Lakers and Heat players so they too can cuss each other out in Persian and Iranian player, taking advantage of the isolation to give Farsi lessons to his surprisingly enthusiastic colleagues inside the bubble.


Your next hoop scoop comes from Jessi Klein.


There are two things it's hard to get in the NBA bubble coronavirus and a good cup of coffee. So the enterprising star for the Miami Heat, Jimmy Butler, has started selling coffee out of his hotel room in a business he calls Big Face Coffee. Butler, who at six foot seven is considered vente, has an unorthodox business plan. A large coffee is twenty dollars. A small coffee is twenty dollars. Two small coffees is fifty dollars. The high confusing prices gave the Heat's athletic trainer, Brandon Gilliam, an opening.


He started selling coffee out of his room at five dollars a cup under the name Little Face Coffee. It should be pointed out that five dollars is still a ridiculous amount to pay for a cup of coffee, especially when the guy making your coffees. Other job is touching groynes. All day, little face started posting reviews on his door, all of which are made up. Big Face had cups, T-shirts and hats made with his own personal logo. What a fun rivalry or quite possibly or witnessing what happens when you watch grown men in isolation for several weeks and they slowly go mad.


But hey, at least they're not murdering in the end. It's all just good for team spirit. As Butler says, quote, We got a little competition, but it's all fun and games. Now I make way more money than he does over little things.


You should know that an NBA star starts selling coffee for twenty bucks a cup out of his hotel room, leading to a price.


Or your last story of a bubble diversion comes from Brian Babylon, in the early days of the NBA bubble, a few players got into serious trouble for escaping to a club, and that ended any opportunity to have any fun at all. Then on a Saturday night in late August, players heard a thump, thump, thump of dance music coming from the hotel lobby. Those who came down found a very tall man in a white tracksuit and a marshmallow mask who called himself D.J. Carmelo, playing some serious beats on a very expensive sound system.


Most surprisingly, the dance remixes were all made of basketball court sounds, the squeak of sneakers on hardwood, the clink of balls hitting the rim and even players cursing. It's not a club, but it's not bad, said James Harden. And it sounds like basketball practice was makes up for the fact that there are no women to dance with. The identity of D.J. Carmelo is unknown, but as one coach said, he's seven feet tall. How many people could it be?


Oh yeah, lots of them. All right.


These are your choices of a story of players amusing themselves inside the NBA bubble, is it from Maz Jobrani, a Iranian player teaching anybody who wants to learn Farsi so they can trash talk from Jessi Klein, one of the biggest stars of the league, starting a coffee business out of his hotel room, selling it for twenty dollars a cup, or from Brian Babylon, the mysterious D.J. Carmelo, who plays dance mixes of sounds from the basketball court.


Like I said, I've been watching lots of basketball on the bubble and I've been following it as well. So I'm going to have to go with very, very expensive cups of coffee from Jimmy Butler.


Yeah, well, they could afford it. I give you that. All right. You've chosen Jessi's story of the coffee shop wars in the bubble.


To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to a journalist who has been following the real story in the bubble. Jimmy Butler.


Selling coffee in the NBA bubble is amazing. Imagine your barista charging you twenty dollars for a cup after they just dropped 40 points on you.


That was Randy Buffington, he's a sportswriter for Fox 26 and ESPN's undefeated, talking about the coffee war in the bubble. Congratulations, Michael. You got it right. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations. Oh, yes.


Bill Kurtis coming at you. Thank you. Oh, well, I guess you just tipped your choice, but I can't blame you. I cannot blame a good one.


I hope he doesn't bill me. Oh, well done, sir. Thanks so much for playing, my friend. Take care. Thank you.


Each coffee cup that I fill up brings back sweet memories. That first day I heard you say, pass the sugar, please, just a cup of coffee. That's all it ever took just.


And now the game where we ask very respected people to knock themselves down a peg. Dame Karen Pierce of Great Britain is one of the world's most accomplished diplomats. She has served around the world and now she's gracing the US with her measured presence as ambassador to the United States. I should say, by the way, we recorded this interview before the news about the president's diagnosis.


Dame Karen Pierce, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you very much. It's a pleasure to have you.


You have been on the job not quite a year. Is that right? Less than that. I came in March and walked straight into lockdown. Actually, I've not been out and about much in Washington.


So your your impression of America then is it's about four conjoined rooms and not very well populated after all.


Luckily for me, this is the first time I've said diplomatically in America twice in New York, and this is my second time in Washington. So I think that helps now. It does. It does. I have a question. Go ahead, Brian.


I've always wanted to know, I guess this was a Lethal Weapon movie. This guy was say you can't touch me. I have diplomatic immunity. What is that real? And if so, what can you get away with as a diplomat here?


Oh, I need to say we are very respectful of the laws of all the countries we serve in, including in the United States of America. Right.


So how many people have you killed?


I'm a good civilian and we obey the law. Not not even a little temptation, like 20 items in the 12 items in their last line. Just just just to flex the muscle a little. Nothing, you know. No, no. All right.


I have a question. Are there any world leaders that we see depicted in one way, but in reality, they're are actually very different, like like is there anything that surprised you when you met them? You go, whoa, maybe in a good way.


I used to work a lot on the Balkans and I was always surprised, particularly given the terrible things they did to each other in the 1990s. But I was always surprised when you met them as individuals, no matter which ethnicity they came from, they were the sort of people you could easily go to a party with and sing songs with. All right.


You've just raised an interesting question. So you were talking about your service in the Balkans, which is a byword for vicious internecine civil war.


Let's not pick on Mr. Wallace.


If you were the moderator at the next presidential debate, do you think you could handle it using your lifetime of diplomatic skills?


Oh, I wouldn't dream of professional journalists like like Chris Wallace.


Is there a way that you can basically tell a powerful, arrogant person to their face to stop behaving that way in a way that they'll be heard?


And here I am asking for a nation, asking for a friend who is also a nation we live in.


When you're the president of the Security Council, you actually control the speaking buttons. So that's a great help.


Oh, wait a minute. You actually you're sitting there when you're sitting in the president's seat, then you can actually turn people off if you like.


Yes, you can. Are there any electric shock collars that you can or in the seats that you might be able to use?


And if so, can we borrow them?


I think you actually don't need anything other than the power of that mute button. That's that's that's a wonderful power to have.


You also had the time to go viral in a video about making a proper cup of tea, if I'm not mistaken.


Yes, that's absolutely right. There was an American lady living in the UK who put on social media how to make coffee in the microwave. It may be difficult to convey to your audience how dreadful that is from a British point of view. And our military felt particularly strongly about it. So they asked if I would front up this little Twitter video and we had them, you know, clips of a paratrooper making what we call the blue out in the woods somewhere with hardly any equipment.


We had someone in a jet plane. We had someone else on the ship. The whole point being that wherever they were, they were not using a microwave. Right. Try try fish and chips.


Next, it is an electric kettle, OK? Does that count or does it need to be over fire? No, no. You may use you may use an electric kettle, OK, but you Brits will almost tear themselves apart. And whether you put the milk in first into a cup of tea or you put the milk in last, well, you are who you are.


I have been so polite. He yelled at by my British friends about t yeah, if someone gives you a cup of microwave tea, would you spit it out? Like, how dare you give me this microwave water is can you tell microwave water from boiled water.


That's what caused the War of 1812, Bryan. I'm not sure you knew that.


Yes, I think I think you can tell I wouldn't spit it out because that would be me. But I might find a reason to be right.


Well, Dame Karen, it is an absolute joy to speak to you, but we have to put you through the paces. We have asked you here to play a game we're calling I like by ambassadors to go vroom, vroom.


So you are, of course, an ambassador by trade and training. But we were wondering, what do you know about the AMC ambassador, one of the finest low end luxury American automobiles of the 1950s and 60s.


So we're going to ask you three questions about the classic car. Get two out of three. Right.


You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Ambassador Pierce playing for? Sam Viksten of Orlando, Florida. Here's your first question.


The ambassador was sold as a more affordable luxury car, so luxurious that the 1958 ambassador was the only one of its competitors to offer what is a standard feature.


A ashtrays for the whole family, be five wheels for that extra wheel feeling or C fur lined brakes.


Oh, please tell me it's lunch breaks.


Now, do you want me to tell you that it is fur lined breaks or are you asserting that it is, in fact for line breaks?


No, I think it's five wheels.


Five wheels for that extra wheel feeling. No. Was actually ashtrays for the whole family. No. Two in the front, two in the back. It was a different time.


Ambassador, what can we say? All right. You have two more chances. Here's your next question. Now, the car line had its share of problems through the years. Why did Consumer Reports pan the 1967 ambassador?


Was it a the ambassador convertible model was just a regular car with the roof ripped off.


B, if you hit the brakes too hard, the car would spill gasoline all over the place or c the glove compartment was so big people would actually lose their gloves in its depths.


I think we're right at the limits of my knowledge of cars here. I'm going to go for the first one.


The first one that the that when they sold the ambassador convertible, it was just a regular ambassador car that they had just ripped the roof off and sold it as a convertible.


Yes, I'm sure it's wrong. It is, in fact, wrong. The answer was the second one. If you hit the brakes too hard, the gasoline would slosh all over the inside and outside of the car because they didn't make the gas tank to secure.


All right.


You still have one more chance, Ambassador. I'm sure you'll get this one.


Now, Tom Magliozzi, who is the co-host of NPR's famous show Car Talk, often talked in the show about his beloved, sleek Black Beauty, 1966 ambassador convertible.


What were the circumstances under which he parted with it?


A, he sold it after knocking over his mailbox while backing it out of the driveway for the eighth time.


B When he was out to lunch one day, his brother and co-host Ray Magliozzi took it to the crusher or c he forgot where he parked it and never saw it again.


The brother took it to the crusher. That is exactly right.


That's what happened. Car talk fans obviously would have guessed that anyway. Ray, the guy who got rid of the car, said it was so rusted that it couldn't even cast a shadow by that time.


And Tom, the guy who owned it and presumably loved it, didn't even notice it was gone for six months.


Bill, how did Dame Karen Pierce do on our quiz?


Well, Dame Karen, we want to remain diplomatic. We got one right. And we're going to spread that into three. Right. Oh, and judge you a winner on our show. Thank you.


Our version of diplomatic immunity, you cannot legally lose on our show because here it is technically the territory of Great Britain and you're a winner every time.


Dame Karen Pierce is the British ambassador to the United States. You can follow her on Twitter at Karen Pierce, UK. Ambassador Pierce, what an absolute joy to speak to you. Thank you for your service to your country and ours. And thank you so much for being on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Well, thanks so much. It's such an honor. This has been one of the best things I've done since I came to Washington.


I'm both flattered and very, very sorry. Thank you so much, Ambassador. Take care.


Bye bye. Bye.


In just a minute, we go to outer space and look great doing it in our Listener Limerick Challenge, call one 888 Wait Wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR.


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From NPR and Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Jessi Klein, Maz Jobrani and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host, the man who needs no introduction, but it makes him feel good.


So here we are, Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill reveals his favorite George W. Bush speechwriter is David Frim. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.


Jesse, The Observer of London notes that what time fashion faux pas is now a must have look for men and then 95 ask.


No, not that I have a hint.


Yes, you can have a hint.


They call them Birkenstocks and wearing socks with sandals.


Yes, socks with sandals are cool now. Aren't you excited? Very turned on. Keep talking.


Well, Tim Gunn himself once said, quote, Unless you are a 5th century pharaoh, socks and sandals is a terrible look, unquote.


But then just recently, David Beckham was photographed wearing socks and sandals. His wife posted it to her incredibly popular Instagram feed. And that said to unfashionable men everywhere know even if you do it, you still won't be cool.


Yeah, I don't like a man in a sock and sandal. Not even David Beckham. Yeah, I would tell him to wear something else or nothing, but I wear the sandal.


Makes sense because we're all locked out.


You get to go out of the house to go by, I don't know, tequila or something. And he's just put on your sandals. But with a sock it seems too much. It's like a glove inside a mitt.


You don't need it, right? Yeah. Pick pick a pick one and go with it. Brian, a man in France is a tattoo enthusiast who has covered his entire body, his face and his tongue with tattoos.


He even recently had surgery to turn the whites of his eyes black, to go with the rest of his face.


And now he's complaining that his particular lifestyle choice has cost him his job as a what?


Oh, oh, that was the the preschool dragon. The preschool. Yes. Yes.


The kindergarten teacher. He lost his job as a kindergarten teacher after parents of a three year old complained that their child had nightmares. Upon gazing upon this teacher's hellish nightmare of a face, officials at his elementary school told him he would no longer be allowed to teach kindergarten.


He described their decision as, quote, quite sad, adding, quote, I was exposed to freekeh body modifications when I was a child, and yet I have turned out fine. Oh, my God.


If you see this dude, he looks he looks like some type of anime villain and like Harry Potter.




Yeah, reptilian. He looks resilient. Yes, scary. He, like all these kids, are like calling their parents of the room because they're terrified their teacher is under their bed.


I'm forty five years old and I saw the like headline picture of him and I was too scared to click any further.


Here's the best part. So they said, no, you can't teach kindergarten, preschool, whatever they call it there. You're too scary for the kids. From now on you can only teach. And this is true first grade.


Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one 888 Wait Wait.


That's one 888 924 924. Also, check out the wait wait quiz for our smart speaker, Bill. And I ask you the questions and you win fabulous prizes.


We are using the third definition of fabulous there, meaning having no basis in reality mythical.


Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, my name is Britney Hines and I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois.


Hey, Chicago. Once the city right next to mine now an exotic destination I haven't been to in years. How are things going there?


It's it's fine. It's it's fine.


That's about as good as we can hope for. What do you do here in Chicago when you're allowed to do it?


Well, when I was allowed, I was an actor, but I'm also a youth theater educator, which has surprisingly transitioned well online.


How is it possible to teach kids theater over Zoom or whatever you use? I mean, everybody just wants to kind of create, though, I think just gathering a bunch of kids on Zoom and letting them come up with their own material and letting them perform it. The world is my oyster. I'm a parent.


I'm so glad to hear your attitude. Well, welcome to the show, Britney. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner.


You ready to play? I am. I'm glad to hear it. Here is your first limerick.


All my head bobbing is not just for show, is it cork or just CA?


I don't know. As you see, there's much strain in my tiny bird brain.


There is plenty of thought in this. Yes, very good.


New research shows crows are capable of conscious, self-aware thought, something scientists have previously only seen in primates and humans. So when crows are eating that rotting possum corpse, it's not instinct. They actually thought that's what they'd like to have for dinner.


Now, all we need to do is crossbreed a crow which can think and a parrot which can talk. And the birds first words will be, wait, why do I want a cracker?


That's terrifying.


It's a little terrifying. We've always known that crows were smart. They use tools, for example, but they're they're very smart. Apparently, they have the kind of like awareness of time and place and memory that we've only seen before in primates.


Well, it's just the crows are so creepy. And now to know that they know they're creepy, the Counting Crows might have actually been counting.


That's true.


Very good.


All right, Brittny, here is your next limerick.


Going to and from Work Brains reboot. Plus, you might finish projects and route as you're working from home.


We will let your minds roam on your virtual morning commute.


Yes, commute.


If working from home has you missing the rush of morning traffic or the smell of the six people crammed next to you on the evening train, Microsoft has your back.


A new update to their teams software package recreates the sensation of a daily commute by forcing you to start and end each day by yourself, reflecting on your job and swearing at the idiot in front of you.


So the idea is that doesn't make you actually drive around till you get on your meeting. It gives you like time at the start of your day and at the end of your workday to reflect.


Even though you're not leaving home.


Write the software prompts you to set goals for the day and in the evening gives you space and time to replay over and over that awkward moment when you accidentally said love you to your boss isn't.


That's just a meditation app. The problem is when we used to commute, you would you could you could kind of zone out, listen to the radio or whatever, whatever. So you should take the time. But Microsoft doesn't need to create a new thing to tell me that.


Just tell me to get off my stupid computer and go look at the trees, look at the crows outside or something. Yeah. Wait, who is this?


Microsoft. Microsoft, who brought so many good things, who brought us something called Windows. Open your Windows. Yeah, the first the first meditative break was when Microsoft Windows wouldn't work for hours at a time.


That's all right here. Britney is your last limerick.


Far from earth. Flaky skin's a disgrace. You need night repair cream for the face. The shuttle's in motion. So put on this lotion.


We're launching our skin care to save space.


Yes. NASA this week announced they were partnering with a stay longer to send ten bottles of advanced night repair face cream to the International Space Station. This seems foolish, but remember, in space, it's always nighttime.


You'd be a fool not to use advanced night repair face cream.


You'll launch looking like Buzz Aldrin. A return to earth looking like Zendaya I'm sorry. Are they spending money to just send the cream or someone on their way and they're like, please take this cream?


Well, the cream is going up in a regular resupply mission to the space station, although the makers of the cream, Estee Lauder, paid NASA 128 thousand dollars for this basic product placement.


This sounds like an elaborate insta art order and a wrong one.


I just ordered one bottle you sent me to putting the pressure on people to look good.


I always say people, but I think mostly women to look good while they're in space being astronauts, but be really depressed.


But you know what? I'm going to be honest with you.


If you have never put on face cream in zero gravity, you just drop you destroy a little drop in. This floats around and he just float your face into the droplets.


Brian, how how would you know? Oh, I've had this dream for a while. Bill, how did Britney do on our quiz? She got them. All right. Perfect score. Way to go, Britney. Congratulations, Britney. Great job. And as a big fan of Chicago theater, I hope I see you on a stage around here pretty soon. You bet.


Thank you, Peter. Take care. This message comes from NPR sponsor we transfer, are you perfectly happy with the way things are right now? Are there any doubts you have about the world as it is? If so, perhaps they deserve your full attention.


Perhaps they could even change things for the better. We transfer set of tools is made for just such an endeavor by helping you collect, sketch present and share the ideas that all started with doubts. Meat paste, paper and collect by we transfer go to tools to move ideas. Dotcom to learn more. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank, each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can.


Each correct answer, of course, is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?


Brian has two. Jessi has three and Muzz has three.


All right, Brian, you're in third place. You'll be up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill in the blank.


On Thursday, President Trump signed a bill temporarily preventing a blank tic tac ban know a government shutdown in this case.


Hours before Tuesday's debate, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris both released their 2010 Blanks tax returns.


Right. Tens of thousands of people in California's wine country were forced to evacuate as blanks continued to spread fires.


Yeah, wildfires this week.


Police in Florida who were called to investigate someone threatening to shoot somebody instead found blank a TV on.


I'm going to give it to you. It was a man yelling, shoot, shoot. While watching a hockey game on Thursday, General Stanley McChrystal endorsed Blank for President Joe Biden.


Right on Monday, the Tampa Bay lightning beat the Dallas stars to win the second blank in the team's history.


Stanley Cup right.


This week, officials in Thailand threatened a tourist with a two year jail sentence after he was caught blanking chewing gum. No posting a bad review of a hotel online.


The man was frustrated by a 15 dollar corkage fee that the hotel restaurant charged him for bringing in his own bottle of gin, which is an insane thing to bring to a BYOB restaurant.


But, you know, you do you.


So we took to TripAdvisor and posted a one star review of the hotel.


He is now facing a two year prison sentence for breaking Thailand's strict libel laws, but he may actually enjoy his time there as the jail has promised.


There's no corkage fee for toilet wine.


Bill, how did Brian do on our quiz? Brian had five, right, 10 more points. He now has 12 and the lead.


Very good, Brian. All right.


I'm just going to arbitrarily choose Jesse to go next because, you know, I'm in charge. Who cares? Here we go. Jessi, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Amy CONI Barrett met with GOP senators on her push to be confirmed for blank Supreme Court justice on Sunday.


A federal judge blocked the Trump administration from banning social app blank Tic-Tac right in the hours following Tuesday's debate, Blank's campaign raised over four million dollars by yes.


On Wednesday, the Kentucky attorney general was granted a delay on releasing grand jury transcripts in the case of blank.


Brianna Keilar, right.


This week, a court in the U.K. rejected the case of a man demanding that his parents support him financially, likely because he was blank asleep, 41 years old on Thursday, merchandise with the phrase stand back and stand by was banned from online giant Blancs marketplace Amazon right following an outbreak of covid-19.


The blank postponed Sunday's game between the Titans and the Steelers. The NFL right.


This week, Realtors in Britain started the promotion to help sell a home, buy the house and get a free blank. No, a free grave, Jesse Freegate, real estate agents in Britain were having trouble selling the house because it was located right next to the town cemetery. So they did what any smart realtor would do. They made the house smell like cookies. But when that didn't work, they decided to offer a free grave instead. The plot is the standard nine foot by four foot area, or, as it's known in real estate circles, a one bedroom apartment in New York City.


Bill, how did Jessi do on our quiz?


Very well. Jessi had six, right, for 12 more points. She now has 15 and the lead.


How many then does Michael, I need you to the needs six to tie, seven to win outright.


All right, Maz, you ready to do this? Let's do it. All right, Maz, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the worldwide death toll for blank surpassed one million people.


Coronavirus. Yes. According to a report, ICE is planning raids of so-called blank cities right ahead of the election.


Sanctuary cities right. During a Senate hearing this week, FBI Director James Comey defended the investigation into blank's election meddling in Russia. Right.


On Thursday, the CEO of Maidana said the company's blank wouldn't be ready until spring of next year.


Vaccine, right. On Wednesday, it was revealed that the White House had blocked a CDC order to keep blanks duct to keep blanks.


Oh, the cruise ships, right. Citing massive losses at their theme parks, Blank announced they were laying off 28000 employees. Disney right.


This week, the staff at the University of Alabama had to post a sign in the school's elevators reminding students not to blank, not to fart. No, not to, quote, push the buttons with their genitalia.


You know how it is in college. You're going from class to class. Your hands are full of books. I mean, there's only one way to hit the fourth floor button. Apparently, the problem had gotten so bad that the University of Alabama had to warn students that cameras were watching them. Really makes you pine for the good old days when every elevator had an attendant who would ask which floor you're heading to and then press the button for you using their genitalia.


Bill, did Maz do well enough to win? Well, he had six, right.


12 more points. That means he's got 15 and Jessi has 15.


They are code champions. Graduation's. All of us. Everybody wins, everybody wins. Ambassador one, you won, I won.


It's awesome. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict now that we've gotten the first October surprise out of the way early.


What will be the next one?


Wait, wait. Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBC Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions? Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Guereca writes, Our limericks are a public address announcer as Paul Friedman or House managers. Diana Cardona, our intern is Darius Cook, our web guru is Beth Novey.


And this week we are forced, after putting it off for six months to say goodbye to our intern Emma Day. She was a delight to have around a genius at these names that young people are so excited about these days.


And on a personal note, the only person ever to ask permission before she made fun of me for being bald.


Good luck, Emma, and thanks for everything, especially for Photoshopping my head onto that hot bod that one time.


BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills. Miles Boston Lillian King. Peter Gwin is our lawn care specialist. Technical Direction is from Lorna White, her business and office managers, Colin Miller, a production manager. Robert Newhouse, our senior producer is Ian Chillag, the executive producer of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth OK, panel, what will be the next October surprise? Brian Babylon.


Economists say that since there will be no Halloween or trick or treating the stock and candy corn will tank. Jessi Klein, the October surprise will be that after four years of Trump's political insanity and a global pandemic, Americans are so incapable of being surprised that there can no longer be an October surprise.


And Maz Jobrani, the big October surprise will come at the third debate when Joe Biden pulls off his mask and reveals that he actually is Bernie Sanders screaming.


I fooled 99 percent with the Donald is the one percent who knew I was 100 percent Bernie all along.


Hey, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Brian, Jessi and Maz. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. Hey, we made it to October. We are doing great. Will continue to do great. And we'll see you next week.


This is NPR.