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From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. Jim still closed for a jog on me, your treadmill. I'm Bill Kurtis. And here's your host, a man who just painted a face on his very own volleyball. Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill.


And thanks to our fake audience, which this week as a grateful nation reacting to the illegal fireworks show's finally ending sometime on July 7th.


We've got a great show for you today with a visit from the delightful and charming Jameela Jamil, who, after becoming a famous actor on the hit show The Good Place, decided to take a new job as a game show host. I have lots of questions for her, starting with Are you insane?


Give us a call from whatever place you're in. The number is one eight. Wait, wait. That's one 888 924 eight 924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Hi, my name is Rachel. I'm calling from Tucson, Arizona. Oh, my gosh. How are things in Tucson? Very hot.


Yeah, I figured well, we're actually moving in about 12 hours, so I'll be down. He says, oh well, where are you going? My husband's in the Air Force. I'll be going to South Korea for two years. Oh my gosh.


You lucky, lucky moment. Yeah, our opinions kind of changed on the situation after a few months.


When you go outside, please write back and tell us what it's like. Well, well, welcome to the show, Rachel. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, she's a contributing writer for The New York Times and her movie Extraordinary is now playing on virtual theaters and on demand. It's Maev Higgins.


I think that's where I.


Oh, she wishes. Yes. Next, a comedian whose podcast Back to School with Maz Jobrani is available. Anywhere you might find a podcast. It's Maz Jobrani.


Hello and good luck in South Korea. We have friends there, so I'm sure I'll meet them.


And a comedian who hosts the weekly comedy podcast, Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. You can find her our laughter videos on her website at Paula Poundstone dot com. It is Paula Poundstone.


Hey, Rachel. Hi, Rachel.


Welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Sure am.


All right. Here is your first quote.


He is and always will be a terrified little boy.


That was Mary Trump, the author of a new tell all book about whom Donald Trump, indeed, her uncle, Donald Trump.


It's another book saying that President Trump is crazy, but this one is different because it's written by his niece, Mary Trump, a Ph.D. psychologist, that seems like overkill. As Bob Dylan said, you don't need a weatherman to know that the wind is a sociopath.


She does share a few delightful details about growing up with the Trumpy bunch. For example, Trump and his first wife, Ivana, were so cheap they once regifted a food basket to Mary. And there was just it was all still there, but the plastic had been opened and there was a little indentation where the can of caviare had been.


Oh, I love how easy that is to remember that stuff. It's just the best I know. I kind of think I mean, whatever I'm not a fan, but like family are allowed to give each other crummy presents. Like you're you're allowed to water down the whiskey and pass it along to, you know, your old aunt who's not going to know the difference. Right.


That's a very specific example. I mean, that's not just me. I just came to you. OK, go on.


I hope not, cousin Maev. And she does.


There is a strange amount of, like, terrible gifting in this book. She also says that, again, her uncle, who supposedly is this real estate tycoon worth billions, once gave her as a gift a three pack of underwear, which is bad.


There are two people in the world you don't want to get a three pack of underwear from. One is your uncle and the other is Donald Trump.


So this was really bad, wasn't good. And it started out a five pack and. Well, that's the thing, you know. Yes, exactly. It was a three pack with little room where the other two had gone.


I'm just remembering like gifts that my uncle gave me. And he works at the donkey sanctuary in Ireland. And every year it's the same thing. We get an adopted donkey like it's the same donkey who's probably died by now.


OK, it's like you go, all right, wait a minute. We got to back up a little.


Your your uncle works at the donkey sanctuary in Ireland. Yeah. One that's where the donkeys go.


Yeah, there's one. And they have about 400 donkeys and you know, they ready and you know, this is all news to me.


And so for Christmas or whatever, he always gives you the same gift you have. He presumably doesn't give you an actual donkey. He says you have you have onorevoli adopted. Yeah.


It's like a dating profile of a donkey that you get. It's like, you know, this is Seamus and he's interested in, you know, anime or whatever it is.


You get the nerdy donkey and then you're saying that he doesn't even go to the trouble of giving you a different honorary donkey. It's the same one. You're pretty sure.


I got Schamus from 1998, right after 2003. Every year.


You know, I had an uncle when we used to go to Huntsville, Alabama, every summer for a couple of weeks in July. And my uncle would it was my great Uncle Leslie. He would take us into an abandoned lot and fire off firecrackers and cans. And we did every year we looked forward to was great. But it wasn't until recently that it dawned on me he would have done that without us.


All right, Rachel, your next quote is a man talking about what his new contract prohibits him from doing pretty much every physical activity you could possibly do.


That man is named Patrick Mahomes. And this week he signed a contract that makes him the richest man ever. In what particular industry?


Oh, sports. Yes.


In fact, sports is the answer. Patrick Mahomes, of course, led the Kansas City Chiefs to their second ever Super Bowl victory last year, so he was rewarded with a 500 million dollar contract, making him the most highly paid professional athlete in history.


The problem for Mahomes is that he's getting all this money just when there's nowhere to go and nothing to spend it on is like, hey, mom, we're going to go shopping anything you like at Walgreens.


But what does that mean that he's not allowed to do? Does that mean, like, he's not allowed to go do a dangerous thing like skateboarding or exactly like that?


Professional athletes aren't allowed to, like, go skateboarding or certainly skiing or even playing basketball or something like that.


Could be like if he has a child, like a big child, is he allowed to pick up the child? I think it depends on the size of the child.


He can't help friends move. That's that's true. And that's the most important thing. Yeah. My contract says I can't help me move. I also can't drive you to the airport. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.


Some stuff that he wrote in. Yeah, I know. I can't I can't wash the dishes. I can't do the laundry.


I'm really bummed I'm not allowed to get my hands wrinkled, my fingers wrinkled in the water.


Whatever they do this whatever.


I hear these crazy contracts. Peter, my heart breaks for athletes from like 10 or 20 years ago because I was watching the last dance.


Right. They kept talking about us. Scottie Pippen was getting paid like a million or two million or something. And I was like, that's got to be twenty. Right? And I looked it up and it was like two million and this guy's getting 500 million. These guys got to be thinking I should have been born ten years later. Yeah.


On the other hand, Mars, you're now sitting here expressing sympathy for a guy who only got paid two dollars million. Yeah.


So everybody with your focus is on the needy. Yeah. Please do what you can for Scottie Pippen.


Send whatever you can get that's imagining, you know, Sally Struthers, that really a little film in which you see grainy footage of Scottie Pippen with a tear in his eye. What you can to help Scottie trying to get to 500 million. Does he even know it's Christmas? All right, Rachel, you're doing really well.


Here is your last quote. Look around. Look around how lucky we are to be alive right now. No one is actually saying that.


But what musical that was back in the news this week is Hamilton. Yes, Hamilton.


It's bad news. Everybody's sick of all of us, people who could not shut up about Hamilton.


Welcome to the second wave of infection since the show was broadcast starting last week on Disney. Plus, millions more people can now be unbearably insufferable about seeing the original cast, even though they didn't see them live in the theater like I did.


But now everybody's arguing about whether the musical is historically accurate. So we need to set the record straight. Aaron Burr's rap Flo was much more West Coast style than is depicted in this musical.


Now, a lot of the criticism, of course, is that the historical Alexander Hamilton wasn't nearly the good guy. He's depicted to be in the musical, where he's presented as a man who carries on a long distance affair with his wife, sister before cheating on both of them and then helps his son get killed in a duel before needlessly dying and one himself without even telling his wife where he was going.


And if that part of the drama that he never told his wife or he was going, yes, he actually he says he says, oh, I've just got an appointment out of town and he comes back dead.


Oh, no, I would never I'd always be like, sweetie, I'm going to a duel. Isn't it hot?


Do they tell us why he was he afraid she was going to talk him out of it? Or would she have been like maybe he would have been like, go get him.


What he was worried about was that he would say, you know, I'm going to fight a duel.


And she'd go, While you're out, can you stop off at the wigmaker Bill? How did Rachel do on our quiz? Rachel got a perfect score. Rachel, put it on your passport and you can get into South Korea without quarantining.


Rachel, congratulations. Thank you so much for playing and good luck in the safe haven of South Korea. We all envy you.


Oh, thank you. I'm Rachel. Good luck. Thank you. Take care. Bye bye.


Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, following an uproar, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has restored funding to a program that provides what service to Staten Island?


Oh, I don't know. Can you give me a hint, Peter?


Because I certainly can. Bambi's mom made his dad get one after their sixth phone. Deer castration, close enough deer vasectomies.


Oh. Yes, and you thought, dear vasectomy was just the name of the world's worst advice column to pandemic related budget issues, funding for the 700000 Dear Vasectomy Program on Staten Island was going to be well cut.


But local officials demanded the mayor reconsider, fearing the borough could be overrun with Staten Island.


Dear, you don't want that. You're ready.


Come check out this guy, Shrub. It's delicious.


Yeah, you don't want that. And then, dear, talk about sex like, oh, you're frozen in the headlights. Don't worry. It happens to a lot of guys.


Coming up, it's summertime and the livin is still kind of hard. Bluff the listener game. Call one 888 Wait Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR.


This message comes from NPR sponsor, the NPR Wine Club, get the world of wine delivered to your home with stories inside every bottle and favorite NPR shows arriving in liquid form like Planet Money, Malbec and All Things Considered, Cabernet Sauvignon.


The NPR Wine Club is a delicious way to support NPR's programming. If you're 21 or older, uncork your special offer at NPR Wine Club dot org.


Whenever you face a choice, it helps to think like an economist. And this week on Planet Money, Summer School will start off our course in economics with a workout for your brain, how to decide what something truly costs. Listen now to Planet Money from NPR.


From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Maz Jobrani, Maev Higgins. And here again is your host, a man fresh from his weekly shower. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.


Right now, it's time for the wait, wait, don't tell me Bluff the Listener game. Call one 888 wait wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Hi, Peter. This is Elizabeth calling from Silver Spring, Maryland. Silver Spring, Maryland.


I assume then you work for the federal government. I believe that's required of all residents of Silver Spring. Yes, I do.


How are you how are you handling the the pandemic? Are you able to work from home? Are you getting out at all or are you staying sane?


Yes, I'm working from home and training to get my five year time down to twenty five minutes. All right. How's it coming? Twenty nine so far. All right.


You'll get to keep at it. Well, Elizabeth, it's nice to have you. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Elizabeth's topic?


Summer vacation. Summer is here and the time is right for avoiding dancing in the street. But not to worry. Our panelists are going to tell you about a brand new way to have fun in the summer of 2020.


Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail.


Are you ready to do this? Yes.


First, let's hear from Paula Poundstone. A covid-19 summer can still be a time to create family memories. Alex Carp's home covid-19 cure kits are not only bringing some are fun to families all over the United States, they're also providing hope. Isaac Newton discovered gravity by accident and Apple fell on the guy's head, says Alex Karp. Any one of us could come up with a cure.


It doesn't have to happen in a lab. It could happen in your kitchen or garage, your backyard. The kit contains four beakers a graduated cylinder, an oven mitt, a syringe, and then I wash cup. Plus, each kid has three different types of chemicals that come sealed safely in packets. The Laval family of Troy, New York, got one of the first kits. Our whole family was struggling with depression before we started trying to cure covid-19.


This project really brought us together, though, especially after my husband got burned so badly opening the packet of hydrochloric acid, says Suzanna Laveau. We're not depressed anymore.


We can't wait to get up each morning, change beer's dressing and do another experiment.


Fun for the whole family. It's the home covid-19 cure kit that you can try to find a cure with your kids.


Your next story of summer fun comes from Maz Jobrani.


Remember when summer could mean taking a trip out of town or even out of the country? Sure, it took a lot of effort to get your family to the airport, check them in at the counter, go through security, clear immigration, walk to your gate, wrangle the kids as they run in different directions, finally board the plane and buckle in for a long flight, seated in an upright position.


But it was all worth it because you were going to an exotic destination. Now, imagine all of that without the exotic destination. Welcome to Summer Twenty Twenty at Taipei's Zhongshan Airport, where travelers are being offered an airport tour called, quote, pretend to go abroad, end quote. Yes. Since Taiwan locked down its borders in March because of the coronavirus pandemic, people have been stuck in the country and looking for things to do. The airport, having gone through a series of renovations and expansions in 2019, thought it would be fun to offer tour takers the chance to be the, quote, first to experience the new facilities, end quote.


And it worked. In a sign of how desperate people are for entertainment, seven thousand people responded to a Facebook post from the airport social media team, and one hundred and eighty people were chosen to enjoy the half day tour. Part of the tour included boarding a China Airlines flight and just well, sitting there.


In-flight meals were not provided since the passengers were not really in flight, but rather in airport. Given how successful this tour has been, perhaps people will take a page out of Taipei's playbook and apply it to other pretend tours.


Cruise line docs could do pretend to be an octogenarian tours taxi pickup stations could do pretend to risk your life in the back seat.


Tours and bus stations could do pretend to run away from your family tours a completely fake airplane flight, a trip to nowhere with all the joys of going to the airport and getting on a plane and then getting right off.


Your last story of hot fun in the summertime comes from Maev Higgins to Palo Alto now, where a startup is coming to the rescue of those of us who can't vacation, stating boldly, don't take. Your location change your personality, the company you decide now completely transforms you inside and out for between seven to 10 days. Are you shy?


Not for this one week in August. You're positively obnoxious at parties. You usually stand near the food and mutter to the dog, but not anymore. During the, you know, vacation you'll stride up to strangers and tell them problematic jokes with confidence. Then later you'll French kiss them through your mouth. Of course, dry, but better than nothing you did know sends a kit with everything you need to get started. Stickum bangs and a variety of colors.


Lots of short books. So you can say I read a lot. And a brand new food allergy guaranteed to get a conversation going. Take a vacation from yourself. God knows you need us. We all do. Here's the founder. Nineteen year old Adam Ruban. Me personally, I have what's known as a bad personality, but I dress really cool, like I hurt my friends feelings a lot. But what's cool is I wear these tapered pants, so when I take a vacation from my personality, I just wear these awful cargo shorts and I'm nice to my friends.


All right.


So this summer, if you're bored of being locked in all this time, you can do one of these three things.


Is it from Paula Poundstone or adding the fun family home covid-19 crickets so you can try to save the world while having good together time from Maz Jobrani going to the airport and enjoying all the thrills of taking a flight to somewhere while actually going nowhere.


Or from Maev, self transformation kits, a seven day journey to a totally new and different view. Which of these is something that somebody is actually doing this summer for fun?


I'm going to go with Mother's story about a trip to nowhere, a story of a trip to nowhere, people who go to an airport just to enjoy the thrill of going through customs and security and getting on a plane. All right.


To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone involved with the actual real activity.


People cannot travel internationally.


So the flight of no way was the chance to simulate the building approach is that was Joe Chen.


He is the deputy director of the Taipei International Airport, where you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave.


Congratulations, Elizabeth.


You got it right. Of course, you earned a point for Maz Jobrani. You have won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations and thanks for playing with us today.


Thank you. I was with congratulations. And now the game where people who've come a long way take a short trip to nowhere. It's called Not My Job.


Jameela Jamil was already a successful radio host in her native Great Britain when she decided to move to L.A. and tried to get into the entertainment industry. And she went on one audition, booked the job and became a star in the sitcom The Good Place, because that's what happens to everybody who moves to L.A. We are delighted. She's joining us now. Jameela Jamil, welcome to Wait, Wait, don't tell me.


Hello. Thank you for having me. I cannot think of someone who we've spoken to who has a more interesting background than you.


It is true. As far as I know, you moved to L.A., somebody said, oh, you should audition for this role. And then you were cast as the lead in a network sitcom.


Yeah, I had about 17 dollars left in my bank account the day that I got given the role as Tahani and called me at like 10 p.m., all of my agents were on the phone and I knew something really big was happening, but I couldn't possibly imagine it was that. I didn't think he was going to put me on camera opposite Ted Danson.


So, yeah, that I do want to go back into your background. You professionally, you were a radio presenter, as they call it, right?


Well, before that, I was an English teacher, so I was an English teacher who was discovered in a pub by a producer who thought that I would be good on television. And they called me in for an audition. And one week after that, I was put live on national television on the biggest youth entertainment show in the history of the UK by myself having never done any kind of media training. And I went on from that show hosting more and more shows about music and art fashion.


And then in 2012, I wanted to get away from being on screen because I felt like people had developed an obsession with my parents. So I went into radio.


I do find it amazing, though, that you told that story, that you were an English teacher in a pub where someone came up to you and said, hey, you're amazing. I want to put you on television. And a week later you were on television and then you went to L.A. some years later and you said and the first meeting you took, they said, we want to give you the lead in this major TV show.


I really think I must have done some sort of deal with the devil in a past life if they exist, because I don't understand it either. I don't think it's acceptable either. I understand that it is not a popular story amongst my peers.


I understand why I didn't even I didn't even sleep my way to the top.


I wish I could even say that the middle of my way out of it, if I were.


You were you were good English teacher. Oh, no. Did you study to be an English teacher or did someone just come up to you? I mean, someone asked me in a pub. Yeah, no know, I was teaching English as a foreign language.


And so it's a fairly easy job to get. But you are in front of a classroom of people of all different ages, from all different countries.


None of them speak the same language, definitely not your language. And you have to teach them from scratch the very basics of English via only the mind.


That's the only because they don't speak any ability to communicate.


So I'll never forget this.


I had this room full of Polish nuns and I have to teach them via the art of mime why it's very important to not pronounce sitting as which they were doing.


And so I had to mime a coming out of you did not with my hand in front of Women of God and watched in horror as they learn to understand.


Usually, usually if you just speak louder to foreigners, they'll get it.


You just got to say you just scream at them. They appreciate that. Or fake their accent. That always works for mums.


Oh yeah. Did you. I am kind of amazed.


As you say, Ted Danson is a legendary actor, especially in television. And so how did. All right. You're going to be of a major role in this TV show. How did you prepare? You've never done anything like that before, I assume?


No, I hadn't done anything. I'd never acted professionally in any kind of capacity. And so I. I come state. I'd say that was my biggest preparation.


That word again, I comfit eight eight eight, I stress eight. And by the end of season one was fully just exploding out of all of my costumes. They'd all been fitted to my original thighs and everything was open at the BILI because I couldn't, I couldn't fit into anything anymore. So I wore everything like an apron, anything, any shot you see. Give me a good place. I'm fully nude at the back.


So before you moved to Hollywood, we heard you had a job as a party deejay.


Are you referring to my one, my first ever gig? Yes, that is what I'm referring to. And I was hoping so this is this is perfectly in line with all of the other stupid things about what happened to me in my career.


I was once at an event and I was talking to a woman who I didn't know what her job was, her background. She's being very nice to me. I was telling her how much I wish I could be a deejay because I had terrible social anxiety. And she was like, oh, you know, I actually I need a deejay for Elton John's party next week. Elton John, she was like, do you. Yeah, I need a deejay for.


Elton John's party, it's next week. Do you think you could come? Are you available? And I was like, yes, yes, I am. I am a deejay who is available next week, Elton John's party.


And I found myself with six and a half days after that moment to find a teacher and learn how to deejay for Elton John.


I'm looking at this what seems to be a Grammy Award behind you. And I'm assuming you just won it when one day someone invited you to record a solo album?


Yeah, I just met a guy in a supermarket and he handed me his phone. I signed into it and I won this Grammy.


That is my boyfriend, Grammy.


He is a singer and producer. And he made a song with Kendrick Lamar, who's a rapper, and they won a Grammy. Wow. I have zero Grammys, unbelievably, considering my luck.


Otherwise, I know it seems strange, weirdly.


Well, Jameela Jamil, we could talk to you all day, but we have business to do. We have invited you here to play a game we're calling.


Welcome to the wooden place.


You starred in the good play. So we thought we'd ask you about the wood place that is. Various places you might find would answer two out of three questions correctly. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose on their voicemail. Bill, who is Jameela Jamil playing for?


Liz Hill of Newark, New Jersey. All right. You ready to do this?


You know what? I've had good beginner's luck up until now. I'm still confident. There you are.


Given your record, you will actually win the Nobel Prize somehow.


Imagine if this is where I lose my lucky streak. Oh, God. Not to ruin it. Oh, Lord.


All right. Well, let's see how this goes. Our first would place is the redwood forest of Northern California, where the movie The Return of the Jedi was shot in the early 1980s.


Peter Mayhew, who played Chewbacca, had extra protection at all times on the set.


Why was it a he was given a helmet after his fourth concussion from hitting his head on low branches.


B He had to be constantly sprayed with pesticide after hornets kept making nests in his fur, or c he was constantly accompanied by crew members in brightly colored vests so he wouldn't be mistaken for Bigfoot and shot.


I would say the first one is true, the helmet.


He was given a helmet, him being a very tall person, Chewbacca being very tall, and he had to be given a helmet because he kept walking into the branches. Is that your guess? That is my guess. I'm afraid it was not.


It was actually. He was a constantly accompanied by bodyguards to keep him from being shot by people hunting for Bigfoot.


Oh, my God. I didn't presume that was possibly true. Next question. Another great place for wood is the Home Depot.


The stores, the store chain helped change the fast food industry.


How a the first Shake Shack was a booth at an exit to a Home Depot in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Be the first chicken nuggets were made by throwing chicken scraps into a Home Depot wood chipper or see the first Doritos tacos. Locos had its flavoring sprayed on it by using a paint gun from Home Depot.


My instinct that the Doritos gun. But the sensible answer was No. One. All right. So I'm going to say number three, that's what happened.


That's the correct answer. Well, thank God for that. I know. All right. That is true.


That's what happened that the first Doritos Locos, which, by the way, is the most successful product ever sold to Taco Bell, was started with a little pink on spring, I guess Doritos powder onto a taco. All right. Get this last one right and you win.


The ultimate would place, of course, is a treehouse, Tarzans tree house in Disneyland.


Attraction there made the news last year after a visiting dad did what a he broke one of the rope suspension bridges by jumping on it to show his kids it was totally safe.


But he moved his family into the tree house for a whole week before they were caught or c he attempted to chop it down for firewood.


It would have been a sad story of death. HADEED On the first one, I'm going with number two. I'm afraid it was, in fact, number one.


That's what happened. In fact, the dad was not injured, but he still insists it was that way when he jumped on it.


Bill, how did Jameela Jamil do on our quiz? Well, we will keep her in suspense, but one out of two is almost a win. As a matter of fact. How could we say no to Djamila?


Congratulations, Dávila. Thanks for coming.


That's what's great about having an arbitrary power over a meaningless contest you won.


We just decided. Jameela Jamil is an actor, writer and TV host. You can currently see here on the Misery Index on TBS and Legendary, which is streaming on HBO Max. Jameela Jamil, what an absolute joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us here.


Thank you for having me and asking me questions about my entire life. And, you know, thank you so much tonight. Thank you. Bye.


In just a minute in space, no one can hear you sniff, it's our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call one 888 Wait Wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR. These days, Chelsea Handler tries to keep her and her friend white privilege in check. She starts like really getting weepy. And I was like, what are you doing right now? You just said you wait for fragility.


You cannot talk about the crime. You start to cry.


Comedian Chelsea Handler on White Privilege. And Anubha, listen to it's been a minute from NPR.


From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with mothers Jobrani, Maev Higgins and Paula Poundstone. And here again is your host, the man who's had something in his teeth, this entire Zoome call.


And no one has told Aimer. Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill wins a five four decision in the Supreme Court.


It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 924. Right now, panel, though, time for some more questions for you from the week's news.


Maev, BMW has made another leap forward, yet luxury automobile business for subscription of only twenty dollars a month. You will have the use of what?


Oh, their showrooms.


Now you can go into their showrooms and use the bathroom like a Starbucks.


I know, but I'm just trying to think of, like, why would anybody want to do that? Because it's a BMW. It's all about.


Well, to set it up a little bit, you may know that the secret to business success is seen as subscriptions, as why Netflix has billions of dollars. It gives them nine dollars, but they do it every month. So BMW is trying to come up with some way to get people to pay them.


Twenty dollars every month for what? Also, it's an extra on to the car. Yeah. Sort of an extra fee. And you pay 20 bucks a month. Any get. No, that would be great. No, I'll give you a hint. You better put your on auto pay before it gets cold and you really need those heated seats.


Heated seats pretty much. I'll give it to you. Basically a subscription service that allows you to use the luxury options in your car.


Oh. Otherwise you couldn't use them. Exactly. Here's the thing. So ridiculous. I think so too. But BMW has tried for years to figure out ways to treat their own customers with the same snooty contempt that their customers treat everybody else with.


So under this new plan, the idea is you'd pay, like I said, seventy eighty thousand dollars for a car with things like heated seats or a level or electronic lane change assist. But if you want to actually use those services, you have to pay a subscription fee and you better do it beforehand because it's hard to get those coins in the slot when your fingers are known from the cold 20 bucks to get your luxury going.


That's horrible because if you like with your friend and they're like, oh, great, seat warmer and they press the button, you're like, no, I had the seventy K for the car, but I didn't pay the bill because that's what it's like something out of Dickens.


They turn off your heated seats because you didn't pay the bill.


I know what they start with is just that logo thing that on that that's on the front of the car. Yeah. The hood and the hood ornament. Right. They start with the hood ornament and then you buy that for seventy something thousand and then they go, oh, you wanted seats.


OK, all right.


And then would it be wheels wheels down. Oh that's OK. Let's put the wheels on four. Otherwise you just see somebody running down the street with a hood ornament.


Paula, a few weeks ago, the band Lady Antebellum changed their name to Lady A, an acknowledgement of the Black Lives Matter movement. Antebellum, of course, refers to pre civil war s.


But this week they found out there's a black blues singer who's been using the name Lady A for decades. So this week the band announced they're going to do what?


Changing their name to just the antebellum's? No, quite the opposite. Quite the opposite. So. So they went back to Lady Antebellum? No, they invited the blues singer to join their band.


Well, let me put it this way. If they change the name to lady and they found out that somebody already was using the name lady and them saying, oh, we shall change your name back to something else would be one choice.


They change their names. They sued the blues singer. Yes, they did. They sued the original lady.


We thought it was cool when Lady Antebellum announced they were going to go buy Lady A, but I guess the ace stood for all lives matter.


Oh, this is the most outrageous white privilege incident in branding since Burger King forced the great blues guitarist Burger Burger King to go by his initials.


Lady Antebellum says they applied for the lady a trademark five years ago. But Anita Lady, a white, has been using the name for twenty years.


That's their argument. Here is a simple solution to this problem, though. Lady A the band should just go buy lady a hole.


Yeah, how how can musicians be that tone deaf, huh?


Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank.


But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one 888 Wait wait. That's one 888 924 924. Or click the Contact US link on our website. Wait, wait. That NPR dawg.


And if you want more wait, wait in your week, check out the wait wait quiz. Your smart speaker is out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions and if nothing else, putting it on as a way to get your children to leave you alone for about five minutes.


Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Hi, this is Brant Russell calling from Cincinnati, Ohio. Hey, how are things in the Queen City?


They are muggy and we are now a hot spot for covid. So congratulations going pretty well.


What do you do there in Cincinnati when you're allowed to leave your home?


I am a theater director and a professor. Wow.


Theater is a theater is a is a tough business to be in right now since it's basically illegal where, you know, my parents told me to follow my dreams.


So who's laughing now?


Well, welcome to the show, Brad. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner.


You ready to play? I sure am. Here is your first limerick, though.


Baseball baseballs on seating has seen cuts so the vendors have less call to feed guts. Fewer people who cheer means less calls of beer here.


And we've got a huge surplus of peanuts.


Exactly right. Nobody thought of the poor peanut when they canceled baseball because without baseball games, Americans are just not buying as many peanuts.


One fifth of all peanuts are destined for sale at baseball stadiums.


They're great. They're they provide fans with a salty treat and lots of ammo to throw at the Astros. So trying to save the industry. The CEO of the National Peanut Board is trying to market stadium peanuts and grocery stores that fans can eat at home, a move endorsed by the National Filthy Floras Board.


All right, Brent, here is your next limerick. When an astronaut comes back to base, there's a scent that's not easy to trace. It clings to the suit. Smells like steak, rum and fruit. Let's distill it and sell Odah space suit. No space is right. Just space.


Oh, the space. Have you ever wanted to impress a date with the alluring, a terrifying scent of the endless void that make sure you pledged to the Kickstarter for Ode to Space, the new space scented perfume? The inventors of this perfume say they used a Freedom of Information request to extract from NASA their secret space scent, which NASA uses to train astronauts.


The smell of space has been described as smoky, bitter with hints of fried steak, raspberries and rum, who new space smells exactly like an Applebee's.


I never even thought to think about how space might smell. I know.


What would you guys if you if they came to you now, if NASA came to you now and said, look, we can we can take you to the moon, would you do it?


I'm not much of a camper, so I probably wouldn't.


There's Mars on the surface of the moon, unable to set up the tent.


I think actually we're banned from the moon.


I think if you live in America, you're actually you can't go there either. Oh, God. All right, Brent, you have one more limerick to go.


Here it is. This talking bird here in our Garrett made to Harvard. Kids earn a demerit when they play the shell game. His advantage was playing. All those students just lost to a.


Parrots. Yes, a parrot brand. Very good.


In a recent study, an African grey parrot outperform students across all age brackets, including a group of Harvard College students on a multiple choice memory test. It's not fair, though, since most of the questions were just who wants a cracker?


The actual the study studied visual memory, how well people can remember where things are.


And they did it by making people and this one parrot play a version of that game where you move the shells around and you have to remember where the P is and the parrot beat all comers.


Basically a parrot is like that one person at work who always notices haircuts.


So the next time I come upon one of those games in the streets and they have a parrot, they're guessing the right ones. I know he's in on it.


Right, exactly. Never trust the parrot man. The parents. And on the scam is a plant.


Now, that is the pigeon pecking around. You'll actually have a wild advantage over that moron. Bill, how did Brandt do on our quiz?


Rat is a winner, but we'll have to celebrate alone in the lotto. Sorry. All right.


Congratulations, Brandt and all of us get back in front of audiences as soon as possible. Sounds great. Thank you guys very much.


Good bye. Bye. Thank you. Now on to the final game, lightning fill in the blank, each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?


I sure can. Paula has two points, Bhave two points, and Maz has four points. All right.


So Maev and Paula are tied and maybe we've missed you. So let's have you go first.


Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Trump administration formally withdrew from the blank.


Oh, the running of the country.


Not quite literally. Not formally. The show is the answer on Thursday.


The organization. Oh, you got me now. On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that nearly half of blank is an Indian reservation.


Oklahoma. Yes, indeed.


This week, the White House pushed the CDC to loosen guidelines on allowing blanks to reopen hospitals.


No schools.


On Wednesday, President Trump met with the president of Blank to celebrate the new North American Trade Agreement.


I don't think anybody is meeting him at the moment.


No, actually, it was the president of Mexico came up really, he said not done this. Best known as the writer of the devil went down to Georgia.


Country star blank passed away at the age of 83.


The antebellum girls know Charlie Daniels this week, a man in Oregon fleeing police in a stolen car was arrested after he crashed into blank.


A white person know a woman driving a different stolen car.


Oh, wow. His high school? No. Well, you never know.


But wouldn't that be so romantic? It would be. The high speed chase lasted for several blocks before the thief ran into another stolen car at a crowded intersection. Both man and the woman were arrested for Grand Theft Auto and reckless driving. But it will all have been worth it when he tells his kids the story of how he met their mother.


Beautiful, ain't it, though, Bill? How did Amy do on our quiz? Well, she got one right for two more points. She has four points and is tied for MOZE for the lead.


Thanks, Paula.


Yeah, Paula, you're up next, please, the blank. On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that Manhattan prosecutors could access blank's financial records. Trump Yes.


On Tuesday, the president of Blank announced that he had tested positive for covid-19. Is it Brazil? It is hateable. On Thursday, New York City painted a Black Lives Matter mural outside of blank in Manhattan Trump Tower.


Right on Monday, New Yorker Amy Cooper was charged with filing a false report for calling police on a bird watcher in blank Central Park right following pressure from sponsors, blank's football team said they would seriously consider finally changing their name, Washington's Washington's football team.


And Wednesday, cartoonist Gary Larson, best known for his long running strip blank, published his first new comics in 25 years.


Oh, the far side. No, not the far side. No, the far side. Don't take it back. You got the point.


After the UK began reopening bars and restaurants, local police sent out a warning that Blank are unable to socially distance drunk people. Yes, drunk people.


While drunk people are great at a lot of things like telling strangers they love them and thinking karaoke is just a great idea.


They're not particularly good at social distancing.


Police across the UK are warning that crowds of drunk people are completely ignoring rules to stay six feet apart and are recommending people do the socially responsible thing and continue getting blackout drunk alone at all.


Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz? Well, she has seven, right, for 14 more points. She now has 16 points and the lead.


Congratulations, Paul. That was very well done.


That is not like me at all. All right. It's your weekly math quiz. Bill, how many does Maz need to win? Six to tie, seven to win outright.


All right. Here we go. According to the city's health inspector, Trump's rally in blank likely contributed to a coronaviruses Tulsa.


Yes. This week, the Supreme Court ruled that a White House rule letting employers opt out of providing no cost blank could stand contraception.


The contraception birth control.


Citing retaliation after his part in Trump's impeachment hearing, Lieutenant Colonel Blank announced plans to retire from the Army.


Veneman Yes, Alexander Whitman. This week, an arson suspect was easily identified and security footage because he blanked, burned himself, you know. Exactly. Accidentally set his own clothes on fire.


On Tuesday, the U.S. announced a one point six billion dollar payment to drug maker Novavax to fast track a blank vaccine for the coronavirus.


Exactly right.


During an interview with Forbes magazine, rapper Blank outlined his presidential platform, Kanye, Kanye, Yeezus, in an effort to get more people to wear masks, public transit officials in Berlin are encouraging writers to blank are telling people, encourage people to get creative, come up with creative masks, know to stop wearing deodorant.


Germans caught without masks on public transit already face fines, but officials say that's not doing enough. Convince people to wear them, so their new solution is asking riders to stop wearing deodorant to help convince people to cover their mouths and noses. It's based on a similar campaign in New York City, which was swiftly canceled because riders found the smell of body odor, a refreshing break from the smell of urine.


Bill did was right there, do well enough to win. Maz had six right. For 12 more points. He now has 16.


And that ties Paula for the win by. Let me that's just great to have you back so everybody's away. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will the Washington, D.C. football team change their name to?


Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBCSD Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Coaker writes, Our limericks are public address.


Announcer As Paul Friedman, our house manager is Diana Capadocia. Our intern is Emma De, our web guru is Beth Novey. BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Jean King. Technical Direction is from Lorna White. Our best boy is Peter Gwin. Our business UNOPS manager is Colin Myler, a production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag and the executive producer of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth.


Now, panel, what will be the new name of that Washington football team? May Higgins the winning team, so even when they lose, they're still the winning team. Hey, that's a good idea. Yeah.


Was Jobrani, they're going to turn their team into an a cappella group and call themselves the washing tunes.


And Paula Poundstone, the Washington, D.C. unindicted co-conspirators.


Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Maythe Higgins, Maz Jobrani and Paula Poundstone. Thanks to all of you for making it through another week and celebrating that achievement with us.


I'm Peter Sagal. Stay safe.


Get outside if you can, and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.