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From NPR and WPEC Chicago, this is wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News quiz. Getting married, put me on your registry. A nice set of silverware. I'm Bill Kurtis.
And here is your host, a man who wore his best tailored mask just for this show, Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill.
And thanks as always to our audience, which this week is a group of people on Twitter reacting when Bill slices into me to reveal that I am actually a cake.
We've got a great show for you today because later on we're going to be talking to Maria Konnikova.
She's a Ph.D. psychologist who went from not knowing how to play poker to winning 300 grand as a player in just one year. We have a lot of questions for her, like what do you do if you hit the ace in the flop with your ace king unsuited from the small blind? But the button reraises you as if he has the set, stuff like that. We're willing to bet you can answer our questions. So give us a call. The number is one eight.
Wait, wait. That's one 888 924 eight nine four. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on.
Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. Sam Brooks from Brunswick, Georgia. Hey, Sam. How are things in Brunswick, Georgia?
Oh, fine, fine. You know, maybe you feel self-conscious, but I don't think anybody in this country can do better than a fine at this point. So you're doing great.
What do you do there? I manage a small coffee shop. Oh, really?
Oh, how's that? I hate to ask this, but we've seen so many videos of people being obnoxious in coffee shops about wearing a mask if you had a problem like that, or is everybody polite and nice as they tend to be in the South?
People are generally nice. We a lot of our customers wear masks and we're always really grateful. We're we're messed up and sanitizing things regularly. So we're doing the best we can.
I understand. Well, welcome to the show, Sam. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian and a writer from the good place in the late Late Show with James Corden. It's Demi Moore. Did you eBay?
Oh, well, I next it's the writer of the syndicated advice column. Ask Amy. She's the author of two memoirs. It's Amy Dickinson.
Please stand by.
And finally, a comedian you can see doing stand up on Zoome at the Nowhere Comedy Club on Sunday, July 19th. Tickets are at Nowhere Comedy Club. Dotcom, it's Alonzo Bodden.
Hey, Sam. All right, Sam, welcome to the show.
You're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Kurtis, of course, is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, correctly identify or explain. Just two of them do that. You'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail.
You ready to play? Yes. All right, Sam, here is your first quote.
Science should not stand in the way of this. That was White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany saying that science, you know, science should not prevent kids from doing what this fall, I would guess.
Going to school. Exactly right.
Going to school. The president is pushing hard for schools to reopen, as usual, this fall.
This is because he says the nation needs a return to normalcy and because he is just desperate to get Don Jr. out of the house and back to kindergarten.
Now, nobody, as far as we know, has asked the kids how they feel about it. Maybe they don't mind staying at home.
The home schooled kids aren't the weirdos anymore, and nobody has to feel embarrassed when they call the teacher mom. This will all change, of course, when sometime in December. Parents say, well, kids, I'm afraid it's time for sex ed.
Oh, well, first of all, I think Kaylie plays along with the White House because she's the only one in the administration who joined too late to get a book deal. Right. Which is when she's fired, she's just going to be fired. So she's got to make the best of this. And as far as the schools, I think she knows the parents will play along after home schooling their kids for two months. I think a lot of parents were like, I just get this kid out of the house.
I don't care. Yes, I'll roll the dice. Just send them to school. The teachers want more money, give them more money. Just get the kid out of the house.
I doubt the kids themselves have any takes on it. It's like when I was eight. It's not like do you want to go back to school? It's like what's on TV. If I'm bored, I'll go back to school. If not, I will sit right here in this spot for the next forty hours and watch television.
I have no I like the difference in generations listening to you. I, when I was eight I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. They dared me to have an opinion. You're eight years old. We'll give you an opinion and you'll be happy to take it with you. That's better.
There is some good news. Everybody who's worried about this, a Florida law firm this is totally true, is offering free living wills to teachers who will be forced to go back to school this fall.
Remember the four hours kids reading, writing, arithmetic and do not resuscitate?
Trump really wants kids to go back to school, I mean, yes, it's because he wants to reopen the economy and get re-elected, but you have to understand his perspective.
When he was a kid, he loved everything about school. He doesn't want today's kids to be robbed of the wonderful experience of paying someone else to take your tests. Exactly.
I just think he thinks it's safe because he's never been in one. He has no idea what goes on in there. And he's like, well, he looks like a safe place. All the other kids came home.
OK, I just I just want someone to ask him at a press conference or whatever. Are you comfortable with your son Barron going back to school and just just to watch him stall while he tries to remember who Barron is exactly?
I think if you asked him what school does baronets and he would go, he's in he's in college.
All right, Sam, your next quote is from Joe Biden. All bitcoins sent to the address below will be sent back doubled.
That also was a quote from Barack Obama or Bill Gates or Elon Musk or Kanye West, all of whose accounts were hacked. On what website? Twitter. Twitter, yes.
On Wednesday, some of the most prominent people on Twitter made a very generous offer all at the same time. Just send them a thousand dollars in Bitcoin and they would send 2000 dollars back, or in the case of Elon Musk, 2000 dollars a doobie and some slander.
Now, we should have known it was a scam.
No way Joe Biden would know what Bitcoin is. Weirdly, Joe Biden was the only person who both had their account hacked and sent in a thousand dollars to get 2000 back.
I'm surprised Joe Biden knows what Twitter is.
Yeah, I'm surprised there's anything crazy enough coming out of Conyer's account to be called a hack. Any true. It comes out of Conyer's, Twitter, you have to at least partially believe it.
So I have a real question here about Joe Biden as he left Delaware at all. Like he's always doing little events in Delaware. Are they all from his home or is he getting out?
He he has done a lot of events virtually from his home, but he's also gone out to other places in Delaware.
Well, there are sightings all over. It's like Bigfoot. No one gets a really good, clear photo of him. But it's like it looks like Joe Biden.
He's testing someone's hair. Yeah. There's a strange, fuzzy figure massaging a woman's shoulders like might have been him. We don't know. All right, Sam, here is your last quote. We were desperate for some fun, desperate.
That was a woman speaking to The New York Times about why she chose to visit what theme park that reopened this week. Disneyland, not quite the other one world, Disney World, yes, it's important to make the distinction. Disneyland is the one in California. Walt Disney World is the one that will kill you.
So Disney World posted this video bragging about all the safety precautions they were taking as they prepared to open up all these smiling employees in masks. At least we think they're smiling. Who the hell knows that could be mouthing the words, save me.
They're cleaning everything in there. And Disney World is totally serious about making all visitors wear a mask, for example. This is true. If you're not wearing a mask, you will not be allowed to buy a souvenir photo of yourself on the roller coaster.
So that'll get everybody in line.
Yeah. Imagine buying a souvenir photo from Splash Mountain and it's like, I don't know how I was feeling that day. My mouth is not. You can't see it.
Yeah, I was somewhat ambivalent about being splashed on a mountain. I don't know how to feel.
I think my favorite news story has been NBA players getting caught sneaking out of Disney World. Yes, this is true. God, you would never do this. You would never expect to hear NBA players sneaking out at night trying to escape that hell that we call Disney World.
Now, as Alonzo mentions, these guys, the NBA is what's called the bubble. They're all staying at these Disney resort hotels and are going to be playing their games at Disney facilities. But I read Alonzo, and you follow this more closely than I do, that they were sneaking out specifically to go have sex.
They were like, there are no groupies in this hotel. We must find them.
They're NBA players. And how can they have a lawsuit nine months from now? I mean, this is there normally this is normally the off season. This is their busy time.
You're so cynical. Maybe they're maybe they're sneaking out to check the those signs outside the rides and say, if you're this tall, you know. Oh, yeah.
They were they were checking rides and they were tall enough to ride them. Yes, they weren't. That's true. Yes.
Bill, how did Sam do on our quiz? Sam did so well. He may be on the way to Disney World right now. Oh, no. All three. Right. Congratulations.
Thanks for playing, Sam. I love it. Take care. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Demi, some chlamydia news. That's not just a phrase you never want to hear your doctor say.
The New York Times reports that an outbreak of the STD, among whom might hold the key to creating a vaccine.
Jersey Shore contestants know they're beyond our help. An outbreak of comedy amongst koalas. Yes.
Yes, demi koalas. You knew I hang with koalas. They're freaks. They're freaks. They're nuts.
In an article that contains the sentences, quote, oysters get herpes. Rabbits get syphilis and dolphins get genital warts. And the phrase, quote, Chlamydia connects us all the times reports that studying chlamydia and koalas could help find a vaccine for humans. Scientists say chlamydia is common among koalas due to their genetic makeup and slutty personalities.
I want to know who the hell is worried about chlamydia right now? Have they heard we've got a bigger problem going well, but this is in Australia.
They're doing the research in Australia where they've more or less handled it. So, of course, they can move on to happier topics like koala chlamydia, which, by the way, sounds like the beginning of a spell from Harry Potter.
Koala chlamydia, by the way, in Australia, researchers rely on the U.S. for chlamydia data because, quote, America is the great centre for chlamydia, unquote.
We are the greatest.
Once more, we are great again. America first in chlamydia.
Coming up, our panelists teach you some new tricks in our Bluff the Listener game, call one 888 Wait Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more.
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Wait for Mesan to Becky to care Karen. Our very own Karen netback.
Karen Karen Grigsby Bates shares the evolution of the nickname for a certain kind of white woman.
I'm looking forward to the next iteration. I want my name back. That's coming up on NPR's Code Switch.
From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Debbie. Did you buy Amy Dickinson and Alonzo Bodden?
And here again is your host, a man who just swallowed one of his puzzle pieces just to keep it interesting. Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the wait, wait, don't tell me bluff the Listener game. Call one 888 wait wait to play our game on the air.
Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Anthony Kashef calling from Lake Almanzora, California.
Where is that Lake? Lake Elmendorf. Elmendorf. Yes, it's in that Lassen National Forest in Northern California, even more north in the Bay Area. Oh, wow. That's a beautiful place to be.
What are you doing there? Hiding from the feds? More or less. I'm with my family, so it's about the same. Wow, that's cool. So how's your pandemic been going? How's your quarantine?
It's been going well. I've been reading a bunch staying busy, so no complaints.
Well, I'm glad to hear it. I'm glad you're well. Welcome to the show, Anthony. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.
Bill, what's the topic? This is the dawning of the age of aquariums, aquariums, a time honored attraction where you can look at fish, you don't have to eventually flushed down the toilet. This week, our panelists will tell you about an exciting new update coming to an aquarium near you. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight waita of your choice on your voicemail.
Ready to play? Yes, I am. All right. First, let's hear from Demi. Did you eBay? Well, if you ever wanted to be part of the Pittsburgh Penguins but didn't have the knack for ice hockey. Here's your chance. An aquarium in Pennsylvania is giving patrons the once in a lifetime chance to eat, sleep and live like a penguin for a week in one of their penguin enclosures for the tidy sum of twenty five thousand dollars, which is about three buckets of mackerel on the Penguin Exchange, guests will receive lessons on how to maximize their weeklong adventure.
These lessons include learning their daily schedule, learning how to communicate with the penguins, and learning how to tell them I'm actually seeing somebody right now. When their mating rituals begin, customers of the Penguin Encounter experience will be asked to suit up in custom penguin wetsuits that will allow them to blend in more easily, though guests are welcome to simply bring their own tuxedos from home. From then, the week will start with them watching various films that properly highlight the penguin life, including Mr.
Popper's Penguins, Happy Feet and Batman Returns, starring Danny DeVito.
Guests won't be leaving empty handed, though, at the end of the week. Every visitor is given a video montage of their experiences that week, narrated by none other than, you guessed it, Morgan Freeman, a program at a Pennsylvania aquarium.
We get to go and be a penguin.
They seem like they'd have a lot of fun. Your next story of a splashy new trend comes from Amy Dickinson.
People love dolphin encounters. They love to swim with them, pet them and play with them in the water. You know who hates it, though? Dolphins enter the robot dolphin. A San Francisco developer has made a robot dolphin that can swim underwater exactly like an actual dolphin does, except that this dolphin doesn't eat poop or attack its handler in a fit of rage. The robot dolphin is so lifelike that it would easily fool a typical guest at SeaWorld. But then again, a robot version of Dolph Lundgren might be the typical guest at SeaWorld.
These robot dolphins can swim up to 10 hours on a single charge and are operated remotely by a person, the company's representative, Lee Wang, said. We believe that it's time to reimagine this industry and that this approach can be more humane and more profitable at the same time. And all the dolphins currently swimming three responded. Wow, was that a real dolphin or was it Memorex that was amazing robot dolphins for you to encounter with instead of annoying real ones.
Your last story of cutting edge aquatics comes from Alonzo Bodden.
Our nation has two problems. People are incredibly stressed and upset and aquariums are all bleeding money without paying customers. Dr. William Tavan has solved both problems with his new program, Aquarium Rehab, based at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Dr. Pavane says the sea life on display helps patients put their lives in perspective, or it will after 30 days of living at the otherwise empty aquarium. There's no better way to learn calm in a stressful situation than swimming in a shark tank, said patient Tommy Gee.
I worked in the finance industry and the stress drove me crazy. Then I swam with real sharks. Suddenly, variations in the Nasdaq weren't scary at all. Another patient, Lizelle, found calm in watching schools of fish swim. I was a party girl, she says. Now I'm married and living in suburbia. I was thinking how boring it always is stuck at home, so I started drinking again. But then I spent a month just watching a school of fish swimming as a group.
Yeah, I watch one of the fish lead the group. Wow. Look at me. And then he was eaten. Now I'm the most energized, happiest mom in the PTA. That could also be because I'm the only one there, not on Senex. Dr. Tabernas has had a pretty low relapse rate and is trying to expand to other aquariums. He says, quote, Most patients do a pretty good job in the real world, although I do have a problem with Tommy coming back again and again.
Not because he's drinking. No, he's now addicted to swimming with sharks. All right.
One of these things is something that you might be able to find quite soon in an aquarium.
Is it from Demi and Aquarium in Pennsylvania that lets you pretend to be a penguin, including your own little documentary, narrated by Morgan Freeman from Amy Dickinson, Robot Dolphins, that you can actually swim with that allow you to encounter a dolphin without bothering an actual dolphin or from Alonzo Bodden, a therapy for rehab in an aquarium based on just spending a lot of time with fish.
Which of these is the real story of an aquarium attraction in the news?
This is a tough one, but I'm going to have to go with the robotic dolphin. You're going to choose Amy's story of the robotic dolphins. Yes.
To bring you the correct answer. We don't have a dolphin, but we do have someone involved in the real story.
This animatronic dolphin concept would essentially be big giant swimming puppets. That was.
Roger Holmesburg is the lead experienced designer at Edge Innovations, the company behind the new robot Dolphins. Congratulations. You got it right here.
And a point for Amy Dickinson. You won our prize, the voice of your choice and your voice mail. Everything is basically going great.
Awesome. Thank you guys so much. Thank you for your plan. And stay safe for you, Anthony. You guys take care now. Bye bye.
And now the game where people who know an awful lot get quizzed about the one thing they forgot to learn, Maria Konnikova had never played a single hand of poker when she decided to go win a professional poker championship. Now, that in and of itself is not weird. For example, I recently decided I would like to win best in show at Westminster.
What is odd is that Maria actually did it and she wrote all about it in her new book, The Biggest Bluff. Maria Konnikova, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you so much for having me. It is such a pleasure to talk to you.
I'm an enthusiastic, if poor poker player, and I basically could ask you just for tips this entire time, but I will refrain, where do we find you today?
Where are you?
I am currently in a studio Airbnb apartment in lovely New Jersey. Thank God for New Jersey. I never thought I would say that, but I'm so glad it exists because I can play online poker here. It's the World Series of Poker online right now because the live version is not able to take place.
So you write about this in your book. When you decided to learn poker, you had to do a number of things, but the one thing you had to do was to get up in your home in New York, take the path, train to New Jersey and play in New Jersey because online poker is illegal in New York. This is correct.
And this is something that I have had to do multiple times when I've wanted to play online. And it's very bizarre because all I have to do is literally cross the river and something that's illegal becomes illegal.
You're better off just going to New Jersey. How many times has that been said by so many people over the years?
What I said is I having read your book is my understanding is it's true that you had you didn't even know what poker was or how to play, but you just decided, I'm going to go learn to play poker well enough that I can play in the world championship of poker, the big event on the poker circuit.
So the first thing you did was you approached an extremely successful and well-known professional poker player named Eric Seidel, and you convinced him this guy who certainly doesn't need any money or attention or anything to teach you an utter novice how to play championship level poker.
How did you do that? And would it work for me?
Yes, is the answer. The short answer would absolutely work for you. No, I actually I didn't know what I was getting into. I had done my homework in the sense that I figured out that he's one of the best players in the world, but I didn't know that he'd never taken a student before, for instance. So I didn't know how scared I was supposed to be. I just kind of took a flyer on it because I'm a journalist and that's what I usually do.
I approach people who are much smarter than I am or much more accomplished and who know a lot more. And I say, hey, can you help me? I'm writing a story. And that's actually what I did here. I said, hey, you know, I'm a writer for The New Yorker. I'm working on a new project. I didn't say it was for The New Yorker because it wasn't it.
And I thought that maybe you'd be interested in, obviously, the story of how he taught you to play and what you learned about poker in life is all in your book. But you got pretty good at it and and very unexpected.
And at the beginning, actually, Eric told me, we have no idea if you're going to be good or not. This book would have happened no matter what. Even if I had sucked, I would have written a book, but it would have been a very different book, a very different book.
And since I am a frustratingly poor poker player, what is it that you think made you a good one other than your, obviously intelligence and willingness to study?
Because, I mean, you got to have some edge. What do you think makes you a good poker player? I think it was a combination of factors.
One, we've already talked about luck, but I don't think you can underestimate what it means to have access to the best brains in the poker world. To be able to call the number one player in any given thing and ask them a question is a huge benefit that most people don't have. So I don't understate that. I worked incredibly hard. So I decided I left The New Yorker. I'm going to do this full time because I really want to learn the game.
So seven days a week, eight, nine, ten hours a day, I was living and breathing poker. I was playing or studying or reviewing hands or doing this or doing that. So I really took it as a full time job. But honestly, at the end of the day, I also just got so damn lucky. And I just want to begin and end with that, because if I'd come in second, I have a very different story.
No one cares about the second place finisher or that's not what my mom said. So were you really good at games as a child?
Like, did you have any idea that you might be able to become a really hyper confident player?
That is such an excellent question. And the answer is I played no games as a child. I grew up in a no game household. I did play chess for about one week because I'm a Russian Jew. And so my parents decided, good idea will sign you up for a chess club because that's a that's a great thing. So I went to my chess club for a week and then I played one game of chess. I was paired up with a kindergartener who was five years old and he beat me within three moves.
And that was the last time I ever played chess. And somehow you lost three thousand dollars, I don't know how you. You do tell you do tell a great story where you tell your very nice Jewish grandmother how you're going to quit your nice job at The New Yorker and go be a poker player.
And she was not thrilled. No, she was not thrilled. However, I will report back that she's read the book and she didn't realize she was going to be a character in it. But she's taking it in stride. She's now 95 years old. She still does not like that. I took up poker, but she was very proud to be a character in the book. And she I think she enjoyed the book.
Marie-Jo didn't didn't you win some outrageous amount of money, like how to tell us how much you won?
So in about two years, I won a little over three hundred thousand dollars.
OK, that will do a lot for your confidence.
Yes. Well, you've also got a successful book now. I hope it's successful. Are you ever going to go back to, like, journalism full time or now are you on the poker circuit?
No, absolutely. I'm a writer. That's what I love. That's what I will always be. You ever made 300000 dollars in two years writing?
No, but but, hey, there are always goals and aspirations. But who says that I have to stop playing poker? I mean, I can write and make poker. Those two things are very compatible.
Well, Maria Konnikova, it is an absolute pleasure to talk to you, but we have invited you here to play our game, which we call.
You've got to know when to hold, know when to fold.
Oh, Bill, you've been waiting for that.
He really has.
So we were wondering, you're a poker player, but what do you know about the gambler? That would be Kenny Rogers. Get two out of three questions, right, about the legendary singer and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose on their voicemail. Bill, who is Maria Konnikova playing for?
Jack Corrigan of Detroit, Michigan.
All right. You ready to do this? I am. I know nothing about our gambler except for the lyrics to his song. So this will be interesting.
All right. I'd like to do this when I'm talking to people who compete in other things. Do you have any rituals you go through before you play poker?
I have a day of big tournament ritual where I always do yoga in the morning. I have a meditation session and try to eat a nice breakfast and just just like it was in the old West.
I remember that stagecoach and the scene where he gets up and does yoga and healthy breakfast before he climbs.
Well, that's where I got it. So. So it makes sense.
OK, all right. Well, let's assume you've done that. Here's your first question now. The song The Gambler was perhaps well, definitely the biggest hit for Kenny Rogers became his trademark song.
It was so popular, in fact, that which of these happened? A flocks of starlings around Charlotte in Nashville adopted its melody as their meeting call be the gambling capital of Macao, adopted it as its official national anthem, or see a hedge fund manager once paid Rogers for million dollars to come to his birthday party and sing it as many times as the guy demanded.
I'm going to go for C because hedge fund guys can be crazy.
Yes, Rogers quit and refuse to sing it after the twelfth time.
Oh, and the hedge fund manager later went to jail for fraud. Oh, interesting. All right, second question.
You have one, right?
Like many of the characters in his songs, Mr. Rogers had a tumultuous life being married five times.
But he always said he eventually found peace and tranquility through what a spending time with his pet goat Smitti be contra dancing or sea. He's not exactly sure what it is, but since his pal Willie Nelson gave it to him, it can't be bad for him. Right?
I you know, I really want to imagine him with Smitty. So even though I don't think that's the right answer, I'm going to go with a you're just going to commit yourself to that choice and presented with confidence, the big bet.
Come on, make the all in on Smitty.
And she won because it was, in fact, Smitty the. This farm in Georgia, man there. Oh, my gosh. Seriously, that innocent winter routine you just pull must kill them at the table after you've wiped them out of their money. You just looked so shocked. Oh, my God, I won.
All right. Last question. While Kenny Rogers is a legendary musician, he did not receive equal acclaim for his acting.
How did reviews describe his lead performance in the 1982 film Six Pack?
A quote, He acts like a recent graduate of the Smokey the Bear School of Acting Bee.
Quote, His emoting seems limited to inhaling and exhaling or C quote, He tends to overdo even the simplest gestures, stirring a bowl of chili as if he were rowing a boat.
Oh, my God, I'm going with C because what a quote. It's a great quote. I want that quote to exist. Yes.
That was from The New York Times. The other two, which are also real, are from The Washington Post.
So there were all actual descriptions of his acting. Wow.
Bill, how did Maria Konnikova do on our quiz? I think she did rather well. I would call it a royal flush. Three right answers. Maria, you are really impressive.
Maria Konnikova is a psychologist and now a professional poker player. Her new book, The Biggest Bluff, is available right now.
Maria Konnikova, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, wait, don't tell me what a pleasure to talk to you.
Thank you so much for having me. It's been a joy. Bye bye.
In just a minute, Bill gets wrecked in Reykjavik.
It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call one 888 wait wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR.
Support for this podcast and the following message come from the Walton Family Foundation, where opportunity takes root. More information is available at Walton Family Foundation.
Dog, what do you do when you have too many pickles in Alaska and not enough pancake syrup in New Jersey? On the next episode of Planet Money Summer School, we send supply and demand to the rescue. It's economics, education you always wanted but never got around to every Wednesday.
Listen now to Planet Money from NPR. From NPR and WPEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Amy Dickinson, Alonzo Bodden and Debbie, a deju eBay. And here again is your host, a man who just managed to water his office plants through zoomer. Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill goes for a joyride in his Lamborghini.
If you'd like to play, give us a call at one 888 Wait, wait, that's one 888 924 924. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Amy, according to The Washington Post, in addition to everything else the pandemic has taken from us, we are probably going to permanently lose America's beloved.
What, The Star-Spangled Banner. Now, I'll give you a hint.
We're going to you know, it's one of the few places you can get Roseby for chicken wings or butterscotch pudding and melon balls altogether.
Oh, my God. Now, the salad bar. But a buffet. A buffet. Yes, we are using our buffets. Someday you'll be telling your grandkids what it was like to compose the perfect lunch. One heap of LogMeIn, another of croutons, all topped with Russian dressing.
But the fans, of course, are pretty much a petri dish here. Have a heaping plate of food. A thousand other people just breathed on tour. Some kid put his finger into the mac and cheese half an hour ago.
But what you don't know won't kill you. Oh, wait. Yes, it will.
Is that a rule like Hometown Buffet and Golden Corral? Are they going to have to close? Because if you think Oklahoma and Alabama were mad about the mask thing, you need to shut down the buffets. There's going to be trouble.
I think it's going to be like the prohibition era again. They're going to be underground. Ponderosas popping up.
They'll be like speakeasies. You knock on the door and they let you in and then exactly. You the secret documents like. All right, steaks in the back. Yeah.
Alonzo Across the country, young people are being criticized for not wearing masks.
But The New York Post reports that some teenagers in various places are enthusiastically putting on masks just so they can do what Rob.
Rob, banks know, not in the tradition in the using the traditional sense, I guess, Mohib.
Yeah, they're also wearing gloves, gray wigs and cardigans in case it's chilly in the beer aisle so they can pretend to be old people and get drunk.
So that's right.
So they can dress up as old people and buy liquor. Sometimes you realize with their faces already covered, it's it's easy to just go on to disguise themselves as an older person to buy booze without getting carded. It's amazing. Masks can prevent you from getting coronavirus, but can get you Corona like.
Yeah, I love that level of ingenuity and not taking a chance of pretending to be a 23 year old. No, I'm going to go for senior citizen. Exactly. Is going to question grandma.
Absolutely. We know about this in the same way we know about anything that teenagers are up to. The only way we know is they put it on tick tock.
One person, one girl put on her mask and then like this Halloween mask and glasses and a headscarf to look old enough to successfully buy Mike's hard lemonade at a 7-Eleven.
Here's a tip, though, for the cashiers of America. If there's an 80 year old woman buying cans of Mike's Hard Lemonade, it's totally a teenager in disguise.
Or maybe she was just really cool for one of those teenagers to be really convincing. You do have to have butterscotch candies in your pocketbook. Absolutely.
But that's what would give them away. They'd have like apple pay or something like that. I think they want to write a check. They need to start writing a check.
Danny, scientists in North Carolina has just completed a study based on 39 years of data.
And we finally know that 83 83 is the maximum number of what?
Clowns in a clown car? No, although you're kind of close, it's that kind of human achievement. I'll give you a hint.
Before this secret was only known to eating champion Joey Chestnut. Hot dogs that can be in an hour. Exactly, that is the maximum number of hot dogs a human can eat in 10 minutes. It's 83.
They, you know, give me a shot. Give me a shot. They used 39 years of data from the Nathan's hot dog eating contest, including some wins by Joey Chestnut. And Dr. James Smolla has determined that the absolute max number of hot dogs you can eat in 10 minutes is 83. So don't put more than 83 on your plate. You can always get seconds.
I simply don't believe that. I think that that gauntlet has now been thrown and that one of these hot dog eaters is living to eat 84. There's somebody right now training during the quarantine when Coney Island reopens. He's going to be there with 84 hot dogs and a ten minute timer.
It's the same thing that got us to the moon right in the eventual movie about this guy. The training montage is going to be absolutely disgusting.
I think we just figured out the next thing for Maria to do that should be her new you competitive eater. Absolutely.
Yeah. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one 888 Wait, wait, that's one 888 924 924.
Or click the Contact US link on our website.
Wait, wait, unpeg.
And if you want more, wait, wait in your week while you can find us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram and Instagram or at wait wait NPR and check out the wait wait quiz for your smart speaker.
It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions. It's just like this radio show only media. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Oh, hi, I'm Alice Karley and I'm calling from Rochester, New York, beautiful Rochester, where we have been with the show, though not for a few years.
What do you do there? I am the conservator at Sibley Music Library at the School of Music.
Oh, so you physically conserve the scores, the actual paper? Yep.
And has this has has has music not moved to like iPads and such like everything else, as people aren't putting iPads in their piano stands and flicking the pages that way.
Well yeah. I think basically there's nothing like having a score that you know, isn't going to suddenly wink out because the battery failed or something.
No, it's it's much better to have a score that you might at any time just float softly and gently to the floor.
Yes, I've seen that, too.
Well, welcome to the show, Alice. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.
The TV soap Ivon just began again, but with covid close contact. Let's panic in.
Our solution is money with Kismayu Dubi on set, I make out with a. Oh, Lord. A mannequin, a mannequin. Very good. The soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful has resumed filming. And in order to keep everybody safe and healthy, actors are making out with mannequins.
Love scenes are falling from a distance or two angles to disguise the fact that one character is enamored and the other is inanimate. They're also helping the illusion by dubbing in dialogue for the mannequin like, Oh, Wyatt, I love it when you pick up my arm and make me stroke your hair.
Wait a minute. So you have one actor on set and this poor schlub has to make that with a mannequin. Yeah.
Presumably the way they do it is they'll have two characters who are about to make out and they're talking and the director calls cut and they take out one of the actors and they put in the mannequin in kind of like a stunt kisser.
You know, I say the worst date.
I have to say, if I'm not mistaken, I set you up on one once. I'm just thinking the day that the prop guy had to go out, I need twenty eight love mannequins. But, you know, they're not for me. No they're not. I'm not.
I was never I'm getting them for a friend that is too embarrassed.
All right, Alice, here is your next limerick. I feel trapped in a really bad dream. Like my head's fit to burst at the seams. I will shout my frustrations to Nordic locations in Iceland. They'll broadcast my screams.
Yes, yes. Screams Very good. Iceland understands that you might be feeling a little tense right now.
So they've set up a website where you can record yourself screaming. The scream will then be released out into the wild over a speaker set up in a beautiful and unpopulated area of Iceland.
Before being then incorporated into Bjork's next album, you'll receive a video of your pent up frustration at never being able to leave your house, being broadcast on a gorgeous black sand beach or at the beautiful Skog, a false waterfall, or my personal favorite atop the breathtaking Snuffles Goldhill Glacier.
Seriously, you've never seen this nefa a glacier. Get yourself over the sniffles godshall as soon as you can.
As explained by the promote Iceland tourism director Segador Doug Gudmundsdottir quote I love the snaffle sculpture.
Baseplate almost made it. All right. Here is your last limerick.
Our Burger King beef just got classy.
Our cows diet is quite LeBon Grassie. They don't gulp and slurp so they won't fart or burp. Our cows are now one, the third less gassy.
Yes, very good. Alice hoping to do their part to help combat climate change. Remember that Burger King announced a new whopper made from cows who burp and fart less, meaning they emit less methane. That's a gas that contributes to global warming and global smelling.
They achieved this feat by introducing lemongrass into the cows diets and sending them to Miss Porter's finishing school for cows.
This has to be the worst intern job ever. Yes, you must measure the cow farts to prove they are farting less than the old cow stitches.
It's great news for Burger King. It's great news for the environment. It's even better news for cows as it leads to a dramatic reduction of grandpa's pull my hoof jokes at Christmas Bill.
How did Alice do on our quiz? She did very, very well. Three down. Congratulations. Congratulations, Alison.
Thanks for conserving all that music. Thanks. We'll see you the next time we come to Rochester. All right. Take care. And thanks a lot, Alice.
Yep, thanks. Bye bye.
Support for NPR comes from Newman's Own Foundation, working to nourish the common good by donating all profits from Newman's Own food products to charitable organizations that seek to make the world a better place. More information is available at Newman's Own Foundation dog.
Now onto our final game. Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Sure can. Amy has to. Debbie has three and Alonzo has three.
OK, Amy, that means you're up first. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, blank cases in the U.S. surpassed three point five million covid right.
On Monday, former Attorney General Blank lost his GOP Senate runoff in Alabama.
Oh, Jeff Sessions. Right.
This week, the governor of Georgia banned local governments from requiring residents to wear blanks. Math, yes, that makes sense.
On Wednesday, the family of Blank filed a civil suit against the city of Minneapolis, George Lloyd Wright.
San Francisco has introduced a new ordinance to ban racist 911 calls called the Blank Act Karren Yes, the KARREN Act.
On Thursday, rapper Blank denied reports that he had suspended his presidential campaign.
Congress on Monday, Washington, D.C. s blank team announced their decision to retire the. Their name and a logo, their football team.
Yes, this week a family in England was surprised when they uncovered a secret hold on their house and discovered it was filled with blank unexploded World War Two munition munitions.
That's what you might expect. But in a big surprise, the secret hole was filled with all the toiletries they'd lost over the last 40 years.
The family was excited to find a hole in the back of their medicine cabinet and their bathroom, and they were thrilled to find that it was filled with gold bond medicated powder from 1986.
It was basically a time capsule filled with all the lotion and solids they had lost over the years. Like if Lucy went to the wardrobe and instead of Narnia, she ended up in the eczema aisle at Walgreen's.
OK, Bill, how did Amy do?
Amy had seven, right, for 14 more points. She now has 16.
And that's the lead. All right.
I'm going to arbitrarily choose Debbie to go next. Here we go, Debbie. You're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, ICE rescinded their plans to strip international students of their blanc's visas.
According to health officials, Miami, Florida, has now become a blank epicenter covid right.
On Wednesday, the City Council of Asheville, North Carolina, approved a resolution to offer black residents blank reparations. Yes, according to a new study, adoption rates of Great Danes have dropped significantly because people no longer blank.
Watch Scooby Doo. Exactly right.
This week, Wal-Mart announced it would require all customers to blank wear masks. Right.
According to a new report, one point three million people filed blank claims last week.
Unemployment right following a week in isolation after testing positive for covid Brazilian President Hayer Bulsara went for a walk outside and was promptly blanked. Attacked?
No, he was bitten by an EMU Airbus Ainaro. The man who really puts the dick in dictator emerged from isolation for a walk around his estate while trying to feed a pack of emus.
I guess he has a pack of emus. One of the giant birds took a bite out of his hand, Bolzano said.
He's fine while the emu will never, ever stop brushing his teeth. Damn Antifa EMU's.
I know, Bill. How did Demi do on our quiz? No, had six right for 12 more points. He now has fifteen points, but Amy still has the lead with sixteen. All right. So how many then does Alonzo need to win? Alonzo need seven to win. Oh, my gosh, that's a lot.
Graduation's Amy. All right.
Here we go. Alonzo, this is for the game. On Tuesday, Joe Biden unveiled a two trillion dollar plan to combat blank coronavirus no climate change. On Wednesday, the president's lawyers resumed efforts to block access to his blank tax returns.
Right financial records. This week, Governor Kevin Stitt of Blank became the nation's first governor to test positive for coronavirus Oklahoma.
This week, police raided a giant quarantine breaking party in Melbourne after being tipped off that someone had blanked, got sick, no place a delivery order for 20 people at a local KFC on Tuesday, Gullane Maxwell, a very close associate of blank, was denied bail for her upcoming trial.
Oh, Eppstein, right.
An Ontario man says he'll do a better job cleaning up the kitchen after security cameras caught blank eating his leftovers. Mice? No, a giant bear eating his old pizza.
The man security footage showed the bear opening his unlocked front door, strolling into the house, knocking three pizza boxes off the counter and then just enjoying himself. When the bear is done, he turns around and calmly walks out the front door. The man says it'll be locking the door from now on. And this is the last time he orders fresh salmon and honey pizza.
Bill, did Alonzo do well enough to win? Well, he had three, right, for six more points. He now has nine. That means Amy with sixteen points is this week's champion.
How relations do I get a point for predicting Amy was going to win half a point in just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after the big Twitter hack this week, what's the next thing scammers will force someone to tweet.
But first, let me tell you that. Wait, wait, don't tell me is a production of NPR, NYSE Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions? Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip, go to court, writes our limericks, our public address announcer as Paul Friedman, our house managers.
Jeanna Cup, a donor intern, is Amadei. Our Web guru is Beth Novey. BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King. Technical Direction is from Lorna White. Peter Gwinn is our surprise. He's actually a cake to our business.
And ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag, the executive producer of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Margaret Danforth. Now, panel, what will scammer's force someone to tweet Amy Dickinson?
I Ivanka Trump had never consumed a candidate in my life.
Demi did you eBay scarabs will be forcing millionaires to tweet earnest, unreserved apologies for their mistakes. Really. They take accountability and suggest steps for improved. I'm kidding.
They're going to tweet Elon Musk's nudes and Alonzo Bodden. They're going to tweet subscribe to Equipe because no one is doing well.
Any of that happens. Panel, we'll ask you about it on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Kurtis.
Thanks also to Alonzo Bodden, Demi deju eBay and Amy Dickinson. Thanks for all of you for meeting us here every week. We're glad to know you're still with us and will still be with you. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.
This is NPR.