Happy Scribe Logo


Proofread by 0 readers

From NPR and Whitby's Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News quiz. Somebody's knocking at the door. Somebody is ringing the bell. I'm Bill Kurtis and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium out of his mashed potatoes. Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill.


And thanks once again to our fake audience, who this week are the computer generated artificial people that Fox Sports created to populate empty baseball stadiums this summer? That is absolutely true. They did that.


These fake fans are amazingly realistic. Now, watch how they all leave during the eighth inning to beat the traffic.


Later on, we're going to be talking to Padma Lakshmi, who in her TV show Taste the Nation, traveled the country to understand all the varieties of American cuisine.


We don't really care about the food. We just want to hear her talk about going places other than the spare bedroom.


But first, we want you to join us virtually, of course, and play our games. The number is one 888 wait.


That's one 888 924 eight 924.


Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.


Hi, this is Shelby. Hey, Shelby. Where are you calling from? Denver, Colorado.


Oh, what do you do there? I'm a public defender. Oh, my gosh. So now have you been doing that virtually or are you still having to show up in court then?


Rehearsal for most of the time only. Sorry, going back to court in July.


And how did that feel going back to court?


Well, it's still good, but it's really weird having to be in a mask and say I'm six feet away from your client and everyone else. Yeah.


Have you ever been tempted just to shout, look, he's guilty so you can get out of there now? Oh, he's not guilty. There you go. That was very good. You're good at your job. Shelby, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's an Emmy winning writer, as well as the voice of Jessie on the animated hit Netflix show Big Mouth. She's the author of The New York Times best seller, You'll Grow Out of It.


It's Jessi Klein.


Next, a writer for the current season of At Home with Amy Sedaris, it's Peter Grosz.


Hello. And finally making her debut on our show.


It's a correspondent for The Daily Show with Trevor Noah and host of the new podcast, That Blackies Show on Starbound Audio. It's Dulci Sloane.


Hello. Shelby, welcome to the show you're going to play Who's Bill this time, Bill Kurtis right here is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail.


You ready to play? I'm ready. Let's do it. Here is your first quote.


Person, woman, man, camera, TV.


Those words might be the ones inscribed in marble above the door of the future presidential library. Devoted to whom?


Oh, that's right.


Yes, it is. In fact, Donald Trump. It's a little convoluted, but you got there a few years ago.


The president took a test given to people suspected of having dementia and he aced it. Now, to give you a sense for what that test is, one of the questions is to look at a picture of an elephant and say what it is, which is fine. Yeah, it's good to know our president can tell an elephant apart from a crocodile that comes up a lot. And bilateral trade talks with a Richard Scarry picture book, the test.


This test also required him to draw a clock. And we imagine the doctors saying, no, no, Mr. President, we said clock and draw, not show.


Exactly. Also, like, why does he say those five words? Because if all I ever see in that test is those pictures and beneath that, it's not those five.


Right. So he's been he's been bragging about this test for a long time. And when he was talking to Chris Wallace on Fox News, Chris Wallace, that was really not that hard. So now he's got it's hard.


So in his latest Fox News interview, he went on for about two minutes describing how difficult this was. They make you say five words in a row and then a short while later make you remember them. And you don't have to say them in order, right?


Well, he says that if you say them in order, you get a certain number, you get extra points. Right.


We actually asked a doctor if that was true, if on this very standard test you get extra points, if you say them again in order.


And she said and I quote her in full, no, it seems like if you leave a dementia test bragging about all the extra points you got in your dementia test, you have dementia.


And now the reason I should say that he keeps going on about this test is that he says it proves he's brilliant and he says Joe Biden could never pass this test. No way. And he's right because no way Biden could be limited to just five words. He'd be like person. The man I met a man at a factory and he said to me, Joe, they called him belly button.


I don't know what can he do that that old art art school test that used to be on TV where you had to send in a drawing of a turtle? Yeah, yeah. That's I think you should try to draw a turtle and then he could just go to art school like Hitler.


All right, let's move on to your next quote. Don't shoot your mother.


That was a chant aimed at federal troops who are now patrolling the streets of what city? Portland.


Yes, Portland, Oregon. It's under siege by anonymous federal troops with military gear.


And Portlanders did what any of us would do in that situation. They called their mom. Portlanders don't like being seized and shoved into unmarked vans. They prefer to be kidnapped in more environmentally friendly pedicabs.


So enter the wall of Moms, a group of middle aged women in bicycle helmets who are locking arms and taking on the riot police.


Oh, the moms are here and they are mad as well as they put it. They're not mad. They're just disappointed.


They chant things like respect the Constitution. And speaking of that, it's not too late to go to law school.


You know what I would say?


It was very interesting because I've been reporting on multiple times. And to be anywhere that has more Black Lives Matter signs and black people is always suspicious.


But when I saw that the city was like I was like, oh, do they realize there's no black people to arrest and shoot at?


You know, I thought that would be like Detroit or like Chicago, but they're just like shooting at white moms. It's very confusing. Girls that naked in the street. Oh. Oh, yeah.


The anonymous Athena, this is a woman who walked up to the riot police, the federal troops, whatever they are, we don't really know, stark naked and sort of sat down.


And I don't know how to say this showed her glory gold. She spread eagle. Yeah. I don't know if that's helpful. I think they were just like, all right, man. I mean, I don't know why you would want the street to give you a pelvic exam, but it seemed like a fair.


Haven't you ever heard of a street pap? It would be a bummer if you if you had thought, like, 40 of your girlfriends were all like, yeah, we're going.


To do it, too, like where you got down there, guys. That's what you don't see in that picture, is her turning around going, OK, ladies, we're all here and now everybody take your clothes off.


You know, she could have caught sitting on a ground like that, apparently. What, she got organic. All right, Shelby, we have one more quote for you.


It is from a woman looking back after four months of lockdown, I don't think I'll use them until the actual end time.


So what are Americans not using as much as they thought they would back when all this started?


Oh, can I get a hint?


Yeah, it's kind of the magical fruit. The more you eat or rather the less you eat, I guess the less you well can. Being. Yes, beans.


This week, NPR's All Things Considered reported that after months of lockdown, many Americans are now experiencing being buyer's remorse as they realized they did not actually need all the beans they hoarded back in March.


All those Latinos pizza rolls, though, gone by April.


One company reported a 70 percent increase in bean sales back in March, along with harmonica's and sticks in bindles. Maybe it was we realized gorging on beans was not a wise thing to do when we were locked inside with our loved ones who did not want to give them any more reasons to hate us. How did you guys did you guys do this? Did you guys run out and buy all the beans you could because you thought you'd end up surviving on them?


Well, the first three weeks of the quarantine, I was on the Daniel Fast. So it's a it's a Old Testament biblical fast. And basically the only things you can eat are vegetables.


And you can only drink water, is it? And that does not sound like a pandemic friendly diet.


Did you ever find yourself searching through the Old Testament like looking for a cheeseburger mentioned in the book of Ezra, for example? You know, you can't mix meat and dairy.


Don't play. That is good. The woman is good.


Peter, I was just going to say I continue to eat one Hershey's bar a day in addition to all the other food.


Oh, I was about if you were just like I'm one Hershey bar a day, that would have been impressive. No, no, no. One Hershey's bar plus all the others.


I'm on the Milton Hershey diet he wrote about in 1894. I bought chocolate a day to draw exactly. Just chocolate.


Bill, how did Shelby do on our quiz? Unanimous verdict for Shelby three. Right. Congratulations, Shelby.


Great. Thank you.


Thank you so much, Shelby. Take care. Stay safe. OK, thanks. You too. Bye bye.


Hey, right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news, say lockdown has affected all of us in different ways. According to a new study, 14 percent of men say they've grown attracted in a romantic way.


To what body here?


No. And I think we have to be locked up for even longer for that to happen, dammit.


Yeah, it is a wonderful companion.


If you ask her for anything, she orders it from Amazon. If you share your secrets, whether she just tells Amazon and Alexa.


Yes. Yes. To say Alexa.


Now, researchers speculate that the rise in men falling for their smart devices is likely, of course, due to the forced isolation of the pandemic.


Plus, it's nice to have a partner who takes an active interest in you constantly asking you interested questions like, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Can you repeat it?


Yes. That has never happened in most marriages. No, no. It's what I forgot what you were saying because I wasn't listening.


I'm out here single try to catch me a husband and he's goofy jokers. Did not fall in love with speaker. How did you find out? You got to change your name to Alexa Mae.


I bet you if you make me the Alexa voice is Yemeni's full. Shut up.


You know the temperature the same time it was yesterday with your girlfriend. How is wrong with you? Oh, yes. I'm falling in love with you to. Kiss me, you fool. Coming up, practice save everything in our Bluff the Listener game. Call one 888 Wait Wait to play.


We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message comes from best fiends this summer, engage your brain with challenging puzzles and collect tons of cute characters in this family.


Fun mobile game. Best Fiends is a five star rated game and has over 100 million downloads. It's updated with new levels and new in-game events monthly. So grab your family and download the best fiends for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the best fiends.


A Minneapolis business owners daughter is called out publicly for racist antiblack tweets, fighting to save his business and trying to make amends. He calls on a prominent black Muslim leader for help. He's an Arab Muslim. And I said, I'm here to let him tell me what to do to hear what happens next. Listen to Code Switch from NPR.


From NPR and Beezy, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with a dual, say, Sloan, Peter Grosz and Jessi Klein. And here again is your host. Let's hope he remembered who unmuted himself, Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the wait, wait. Don't tell me bluff the listener game. If you'd like to play, call one 888.


Wait, wait. Hi. You're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hey, Kathy from Alabama. Kathy from where? Hoover, Alabama.


Hoover, Alabama. No, I can't say no. Alabama. Well, but where is Hoover?


It's where it's supposed to be.


I would say a little north east for 469 runs right past. All right.


The next time I'm up fifty nine, I will absolutely look for direction. Well, welcome to the show, Kathy. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Kathy's topic? Reopen sesame.


Businesses everywhere are reopening for five minutes until they have to close again. Our panelists, though, are going to tell you about a business that figured out a new way to be safe in the age of covid. Pick the one who's telling the truth.


You'll win the white waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? Oh, yeah. Well, then let's do it first. Let's hear from Dulci Sloan.


Hi, Miss Kathy. Hey. Hi. You're ne of what? Mobile. Tuscaloosa. Birmingham.


Well, if you come up for mobile and pretty much stay straight, you'd be right there.


I'm from Georgia and I go to Alabama all the time.


So that's why I was like, yeah, you go to Gulf Shores and stuff like that. Yes, ma'am. I go down to Dauphin Island. Oh, how wonderful. My family loves Nelson Allen and we just go straight down 65 into mobile and then right over there, you know, interstate highways.


I am impressed. I'm from New York.


I don't know anywhere that you guys are talking about. Don't you wish you did, though, didn't you? Didn't you listen to them talking like, oh, they're just throwing out some numbers. I have been to mobile. That's beautiful.


OK, so I'm I'm a tell you a story. You got to tell me if I'm telling the truth now. OK, so Geremek says partnered with Orkun to create a spray mist sanitizing system for retail stores and restaurants that disinfects customers as they walk in. A spokesperson for the system stated, This is a match made in heaven.


Duramax is the leader in sanitiser in Orkan, is an expert at spraying unwanted pests. Our current unwanted pest is covid-19 like the water mister. In the produce section of a grocery store, customers will be sprayed with the fine antibacterial mist for 20 seconds, the same amount of time we should be washing our hands. Unfortunately, there have been a few hiccups in this well-meaning plant. While testing the new system at CVS, some customers complained of the mis ruining their clothes, hair or makeup, and it left them dripping wet.


One customer was quoted as saying, This is ridiculous. Everyone is soaking wet and flammable, one static shock and this whole place will go up in flames. I came in for allergy medicine, not an indoor slip and slide, but it did make my shopping trip faster, though I was able to pick up some items as I slid through the aisles to a customer that threatened to sue because our designer suit was ruined.


As she barreled down, the makeup aisle was informed that she couldn't do due to the damages injury waiver that was on the last ten inches of her CDS receipt.


CBS spraying down their customers with disinfectant before they were allowed to come in, making them somewhat slippery. Your next story of a safety solution comes from Peter Grosz.


The Dunkin Donuts in Clinton, Connecticut, has been open for drive thru service ever since the pandemic struck in March. But when the state moved to phase three of its reopening this week, the store was finally allowed to have customers come inside.


We were really excited to see some of our regulars face to face again, said store manager Lisa Kobel.


Her franchise is smaller than most junkins, though, and Kobel was worried about covid exposure in such a tight space. So she asked for a little leeway from corporate and came up with a really intriguing idea. The six foot donut, which was introduced on Monday, is the perfect combination of edible food item and once in a century pandemic's safety protocol. How does a six foot donut work?


Well, if you've ever been inside of an inner tube, then you know what it's like not to just order, but also where a six foot donut, upon entering the store, you were given your choice of glazed chocolate, vanilla or pink icing with sprinkles. Customers simply slip the six foot donut over their head until they're comfortably encased in the six foot in diameter. Forty five thousand calorie, twenty five pound donut outfitted with suspenders to help keep it at waist level.


You can either start eating your way out of the doughnut in the store or take it home with you and enjoy the equivalent of seven hundred and fifty doughnuts at your leisure.


So far, Coble is thrilled with how it's working out. People have really been enjoying coming back into the store, strapping on a doughnut and bouncing up against other customers like they're in bumper cars. The CDC has proclaimed a six foot donut as 98 percent effective at preventing transmission of coronavirus, but one hundred percent effective at giving you a new malady. Type two diabetes, a six foot donut served at a Dunkin Donuts that people put around. There are ways to make sure they keep safe distance from the other customers.


Your last story of a protective measure comes from Jessi Klein.


The speed with which the pandemic has changed every aspect of our lives has been stunning. But a one pub in England, the changes are quite literally shocking.


In an effort to enforce social distancing among a boozy crowd, one tavern owner in Cornwall has installed an electric fence inside his bar to keep inebriated clients at bay. Johnny McFadden, owner of the start in, tried several different tactics before going with the fence. But apparently things like ropes, floor stickers and the fear of covid itself were no match for customers consuming one pint too many. So finally, inspired by the electric fences commonly used to keep sheep together in his rural farming town, he plugged in.


And apparently the threat of electrocution has worked fairly well, says McFadden, quote. People are like sheep. Sheep keep away. People keep away.


Some might be concerned that a bar owner who's installed a live electric fence and his establishment is opening himself up for many a lawsuit. But as McFadden sees it, quote, As long as there's a warning sign on an electric fence and you are warned about it, it's totally legal.


McFadden may be no lawyer, but he's got a doctor's concern for the health of his customers. And cheers to that.


All right, Cathy, somewhere there is a business that is opening up with one of these concessions to safety in the age of covid. Is it from Duale, say, a CVS that started spraying down customers with disinfectant before they come in the door?


From Peter Grosz, Dunkin Donuts, that's selling special six foot doughnuts that you actually put around your waist to make sure you keep distance or from Jessie, a pub in England that has installed an electric fence to make sure that nobody gets too close.


Which of these is the real story?


I really think the story that sounds plausible is the bar.


All right, Cathy, your choice, then, is Jessie's story of the bar with the electric fence while we spoke to the innovator who came up with this new safety precaution, as long as it's a warning sign on an electric fence, it's totally legal.


And there's a fear factor. It works. You know, if he says it in that accent, it sounds true. That was Jonny McFadden, landlord of the star in the bar with the electric fence.


Congratulations, Cathy. You got it right. You earned a point for Jessi. You've won our prize. The voice of your choice and your voicemail.


You did it. Thank you. I love it. Thank you so much. Thanks for playing. And stay safe. Thank you. And now the game where people who do amazing things try out the mundane for once, it's called Not My Job. So Padma Lakshmi is a model actor and author, but mostly she's famous for doing one thing better than anyone else, and that is eating. She's been a judge on Top Chef for more than 15 years.


She recently released a series on Hulu called Taste the Nation, where she travels the country to try different kinds of American cuisine. Padma Lakshmi, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you.


I'm really glad to be here. That was sort of a joke. But I'm told that you actually do have a superpower, that you're a super taster. I was told.


Yeah. I mean, it sounds more impressive than it is. It's like, you know, the human version of when dogs can hear whistles that humans can't. That's awesome.


So but you didn't technically know that you had this ability, but did you know there was something different about you growing up? Did you know that you were special? Yes, I did.


I don't know about special, but definitely my family thought I was weird or strange because even when I was a toddler, I really enjoyed very spicy foods and very spicy for Indian cuisine. And so I would always seek out really spicy pickles and chilies in my grandmother's kitchen. And they kept moving those jars higher and higher on the pantry shelves. And then I would just climb them like the monkey. And basically one time I was there and the glass was oily and it slipped from my hand and it fell.


And I was just hanging there for really long time because if I jumped down, I would have jumped onto glass and oil. And, you know, my aunt saved me. But I've always had a very keen sense of taste and smell, which is not always great if you're dating me. But yes, like my partner takes like four hours a day.


We were talking earlier on the show about what we've been eating during the pandemic. How have you been doing? Have you been cooking at home? I assume you're quite a good chef.


Yeah, I was cooking at home and I was cooking five minutes ago. You know, the first thing I did in Pandemic was go out and buy like twenty five pound bags of rice and lentils. Whereas, you know, my daughter was hoarding Cheerios and my partner was hoarding weirdly dried apricots and peanut butter. And we still have like forty seven boxes of cereal. And I'm pushing the cereal, pushing an all carb diet because I need space in my pantry.


Is it possible that he got like the dried apricots and peanut butter because he thought it might make him smell a little better?


One can hope.


I consider myself a decent cook, but I've gotten so bored with my own cooking, I just can't think of anything that interests me to eat anymore.


I'm like, can they invent a new animal or something?


Just I get sick of my own cooking, believe me. Know, the other day I was like, can somebody else cook, please?


Your daughter is like, I'm going to make a Cheerios cash. The cow are going to with topped with dried apricots.


Totally. You must have been at some time in your career in in a situation where somebody lovely, who you love has made you some dish and it's terrible and you're not going to tell them that.


What do you say.


I don't say anything. You know, I just like I made it my mission to to not ever lie to my daughter. And I just talk around difficult questions. I just don't say anything. I mean, I'm thinking of a particular Passover dinner at my daughter's father's relative's house, and I just didn't say anything. I just, you know, I I hope she doesn't listen to the show.


Oh, if she's if she's an older Jewish woman, she absolutely does. I'm sorry.


So I wanted to talk to you about your show, Taste the Nation, which is awesome. You traveled the country and you immerse yourself for the episode in various communities and talk about their food as part of their culture. And it's great.


What do you do if you're eating somebody's cooking and you really don't like it on this show?


Because I've created the show and I'm choosing where to go. I'm going there for a particular reason. I have to say, though, in the Native American episode, yeah, I was very nervous. I was kind of shaking in my boots about that packrat. It was my first moment. Sure. I'd never had anything like it. I mean, a lot of funky stuff over the years, as you can imagine, had pack rat glazed with a sumac agave sauce and it was divine.


We're going to have it for Thanksgiving if I of be traditional it being and you should have it.


You should have your in-laws over and have a pack rat. Is that what you say? Because I don't know what kind of. I don't know. I don't know. You should describe a pack rat for everybody.


Pack Rat is a very small desert animal. It nests in bushes. It has its tail. It's very you need about eight of them to be. All if you're just eating the legs, I can tell you this from personal experience now. And you know when it's done because you boil it until the tail falls off.


My aunt had them for Thanksgiving one year. You just go in the kitchen. It was just a skin, pass them in the sink.


And I was just like, OK, I don't I don't know anything about your personal life, nor do I want to pry.


But the one thing I, I would guess could break up a relationship between a Jew and a ng'andu is Manischewitz wine like you drink this stuff.


I got to tell you about Passover dinner, the way the food was.


I was begging for a government and then, oh, that's really bad food here. When someone says pass the Manischewitz, you're like, you must hate my food.


Oh, well, Padma Lakshmi, it is a delight to talk to you, but we have invited you here to play a game.


We're calling Top Chef Meat Top Chef.


So, you know, and work with the best chefs in the world. What do you know of the top refs? We're going to ask you three questions about sports referees. Answer two correctly and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they may choose for their voicemail.


Bill, who is Padma Lakshmi playing for Christopher Price of San Diego, California.


All right.


One of the pioneers of refereeing was hockey ref Fred Waghorn, who is responsible for what important innovation in refereeing.


Was it A, he introduced the striped uniform because, quote, I find it quite slimming. B, he was the first ref to eject a player by picking him up and carrying him off the rink, or c he was the first ref to introduce whistles to the game to replace the traditional referees cowbell.




I'm going to say he should use the whistle. You're exactly right.


But that's what he did. Apparently at that point, referees use cowbells to indicate like the start and stop a play and fans started bringing their own cowbells to confuse them.


So he said, aha, nobody else will have a whistle. All right. Next question. Joey Crawford is a legendary referee in the NBA, but he was suspended for part of a season because he did what a he grabbed the ball from Chris Paul after Paul missed two free throws and said, let me show you how to do it.


But he challenged Tim Duncan, who was sitting on the bench to a fistfight, or C, he called a technical foul on Steph Curry just because his drooly mouth guard was really gross.




I'm going to say the first one you say the first one that he walked up to, Chris Paul, took the ball and said, let me show you how to do it after Paul missed some free throws. Yeah, no, it was actually number two. He challenged Tim Duncan to a fistfight. This was after he had already called two technical fouls on Duncan for laughing at him. It's all bad.


But this is not for you because there's one more question.


If you get this right, a great NFL referees went on strike right before the 2012 season, resulting in the league bringing in replacement refs who were not very good.


In fact, one of those refs had done what before he got his chance at the NFL. A, he had his driver's license revoked because of his poor eyesight. B, he applied to be a ref in the English Football League because he didn't know they meant soccer or C, he had been fired from the Lingerie Football League for incompetence.


Is there a lingerie league? I think you guys make that up. No, there really is a lingerie football league.


It's women playing football, football on lingerie and not men. This is going to shock you, but it's not men playing football, right? Well, you know, there you go.


For misogyny. The men get to have all this padding. Doesn't seem fair.


I'm going to go with number one.


You're going to go with number one, that he had his driver's license revoked, that he was so blind that they actually took away his license to drive and yet he got a job refereeing in the NFL.


OK, yeah, it was actually number three.


It was the Lingerie Football League.


In fact, there was an entire crew of referees from the Lingerie Football League who ended up in the NFL and were blamed for some of the worst things that happened during that brief period of time.


Bill, how did Padma Lakshmi do on our quiz? There's money, but when it got technically, she got one out of three.


But let's give her an extra point for bringing such spice to our show.


You're a winner, Padma. Thank you. Padma Lakshmi. S new show is Taste the Nation on Hulu. It's wonderful, but warning it will make you hungry for food. That's hard to get right now. Padma Lakshmi, thank you so much for joining us on. Wait, wait. Don't tell me an absolute joy to talk to you. Thank you so much. Thank you guys for having me.


I'm such a huge fan of the show. You give me great joy. I'm going to go back to cooking my chicken. All right. Go do it.


Okay. Bye bye. Bye bye. In just a minute, just when you thought it was safe to go back into LYMErix go on, wait, wait, wait. To join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more. Wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR. Support for NPR and the following message comes from talk space. Lately, it seems there's something new to grapple with every day.


So it's important to get support, to keep moving forward. Talk space. Online therapy matches you with an experienced licensed therapist right from your phone or computer.


For the price of one in-person therapy session, you can message your therapist 24/7 and hear back five days a week, visit talk space dotcom or download the app today and get 100 dollars off your first month with promo code.


Wait. I'm John White, the new host of NPR's One A. A Daily Show that asks America what it wants to be, hear from people across the country, listeners like you, with conversations for the relentlessly curious on the issues that matter most. Join me next time on Monday. From NPR and Ammu. From NPR and WPEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Abdulnasser Sloane, Jessi Klein and Peter Grosz.


And here again is your host celebrating two days without a work from home injury. Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill's favorite Egyptian pharaoh.


Well, that's right, Moses. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 924.


Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Jessi, it's not just weddings that are moving online.


Zoom is becoming a popular place to conduct what other religious ceremony Barmitzvah know, although you have the right religion.


Oh, no, this is mine. This is my piece. Yes, it's our people. Oh, yes. Oh, God. Breasts.


Can we just talk about how the other panelists all started doing this? Yes.


The Brits, of course, is the traditional Jewish ceremony performed by a special rabbi on a baby boy's neighborhood.


And one of the most important Jewish traditions associated with the bris is that attendees never actually have to watch it as one reason attended of a virtual bris.


Put it, quote, I'm usually in the back eating bagels.


But in a zoom bris, the camera and the action are all centered on the very act, unquote, especially if you forget to switch off speaker view.


There she is going to say mute my audio, please. There should not be like the camera should not be pointed down. It should be at the moil or that.


I don't think you want it on the moily face either, because what if all of a sudden he starts doing that thing where the what's the first thing to do when he or he takes out a book and is like he starts reading in directions he wrote down on his hand?


There aren't there aren't enough passwords to protect that event.


If you to attend a bris virtually on Zoome, make sure you put it in a gallery view because you don't want to miss the moment where you hear the snip and all the men in the audience wince and cross their legs simultaneously and think of you hear the snip.


You're at a bad bris. Exactly, yeah.


If you hear a song you're a snip and then a quiet whelps, then, you know, it's gone very light going through your butter.


It's all right. That's what it boils for. We should change the expression how to go. Oh well, like a hot knife through a foreskin.


Peter, Peter, Peter.


This week, ABC News tweeted a video of huge stingrays mere feet away from unaware swimmers, but viewers were more concerned about something else in that video.


What? There was no lifeguard. There was a shark behind the stingray. There was there was a concert going on.


I'll I'll I'll give you a hint. We didn't know that lotion came in negative SPF numbers, how sunburn everybody was, how sunburned one guy was.


ABC tweeted an advisory to Florida beachgoers with a picture of a school of stingrays near a beach and people freaked out because of the fire engine red man standing in the water nearby. Presumably the man was severely sunburned or just really mad. He didn't get a callback for the mascot job at Red Lobster and he was also super sunburned guy.


Yeah, now you're right. You know, and now I remember I did see that guy and stingrays and then I saw that guy and I was like, get it together, right?


Yeah. I mean, oh, my God, I'm looking at it right now. He looks like a human beat. He does radioactive. He looks like he's the color of Clifford, the big red dog, an Instagram filter. It's not this man's not real.


Do you think? On the stingray internet, all the stingrays are watching a video of how close they came to this crazy red freak.


Oh, my God, what a close call. Yeah, and Larry almost hate that weirdo.


And yeah, I'm talking about the stingray internet and it's real sea creatures have Internet. Oh, do them like that down here in advanced society, like black Twitter.


And yeah, there's like black Twitter and gay Twitter stops not.


Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one triple eight.


Wait, wait. That's one 888 924 924. Or click the Contact US link on our website. Wait, wait, unpeg if you want more.


Wait, wait in your week. Well, then check out the wait wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday and it's your chance to join the other 14 percent of men who have already fallen in love with their Aleksa and with Bill and me.


Hi, you're on. Wait, wait. Don't tell me. Hello. Hi. Who's this? This is Jen Bliss.


I live in Litchfield, Maine, but I'm in Jamaica Plain right now.


What do you what do you do up in Litchfield when you're home in Litchfield?


I mostly create community festivals, and this year we're trying to plan a live streaming event where the locals can come and participate even though they can't actually be there themselves.


So it's hard to eat enormous turkey legs over a zoo meeting. I'm hoping that they bring their own.


Well, welcome to the show, Jan. Now, Bill Kurtis, of course, is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks.


You'll be a winner. You ready to play? I'm ready. OK, here is your first limerick.


The waters I have in our dark mud from lava, I get a nice spark. That's why I won't say no to one hot volcano. It's home to this hammerhead. Shark, shark, yes. Yes, a new National Geographic special focuses on an amazing discovery, vulcano sharks that sound amazing, like vicious killers to breathe, fire and swim in molten lava. And they're sort of like that.


Scientists sent robotic cameras to examine an active underwater volcano in the Pacific Ocean. And we're amazed to find giant sharks swimming through the acidic lava filled water, which means, I'm afraid to say it's no longer safe to go swimming in an active volcano.


I can't handle another thing, but like that volcano shark makes me think that it can only be.


Can it go to like other places? It doesn't have to live.


My guess is that if it is habituated itself to that environment, if we were to leave, it would be in trouble. Guess I don't know. I worry.


They're not coming to Historia. It's too nice there. See, I'm landlocked baby. You can't get me volcanoes, although it will be a great it would be a great Pixar movie to see like he was a volcano shark.


Just wanted to live in the regular water. All right. Very good.


Here is your next limerick again. As the doctor my hands I still scour because water and soap have some power.


But as each day goes by, my body stays dry. I've given up taking a shower.




Backing up years of research from the nation's stinky teenage sons. A doctor in New York says showering is bad. Dr. James Hamblin hasn't showered with soap in five years.


Just the kind of background info you want in the guy about to do your annual exam.


He stopped using body products altogether and claims that thusly he was able to recreate the natural biome of his skin surface.


Finally answering the question, skin care, no skin, no care.


Does Dr. James Hammond also sleep on a futon? You'd think he did. Right. Or a loft bed and just off painting a picture to me.


Is he a world hacky sack champion?


White man with dreadlocks, white drivers feeling a white dreads that you say, would you test would you trust the white dreg doctor white doctor?


Dr. Hamlin has written a book about the science of going all natural, which was necessary because only the doctor and author combo could even out. The Never Shower is part of your profile on Tinder.


If I'm on a date with a guy and he starts explaining how he's recreated the biome, I literally I'm in Burma or in between the words recreated and by on the mountain.


I mean, even if he took just baking soda, like, all right, fine. But here you go now. So that means you don't use toothpaste on you. Shampoo.


Yeah, he certainly I'm selling at Tom's of Maine. Nice guy. He's using that crystal.


You know, he's using that Christmas. I was just thinking that that would be the iconic thing that Crystal deodorant, that crystal, not just any deodorant, apparently. I mean, crystal meth. No, I haven't showered in six years.


I hadn't slept in six. And you're doing really great.


Here is your last limerick. Paparazzi face new thankless tasks whose under their editors ask one half of a face is just too hard to please.


We all suffer because stars now wear masks, right?


Right now, celebrities are just like us. They're stuck at home. They're super boring and they're wearing masks when they go out.


That means tough times for the paparazzi who have a hard time selling candid photos of is that Jonah Hill or Matt Damon?


If the paparazzi want to get back out there, they should consider rebranding a bit.




Charlize Theron in a mass going to the grocery store doesn't interest the Daily Mail, but Charlize Theron and face thong on her way to feed and some buzz I saw I was reading a story about how, like, banks are kind of freaked out, too, because everybody's everybody's walking in wearing a mask.


It's the paparazzi. They should just take pictures of anybody and be like, yeah, I don't know, it's Gwyneth Paltrow. Whatever. Yeah, trust me.


Gwyneth Paltrow. Bill, how did Jen do on our quiz? Superb. She got three straight.


Good going. Good. Thank you. Graduation's thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Kay Bucksbaum in support of the David Gilkey and Zabihullah Tamanna Memorial Fund, established to strengthen NPR's commitment to training and protecting journalists in high risk environments.


Now it's time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points.


Bill, can you give us the scores? Diltz has to. Peter has two and Jessi has four. All right.


Duale say and Peter are tied. So, Duale, say you're new here. We'll let you go first. Fill in the blank.


While delaying a permanent name change, the Washington football team announced they would be temporarily known as blank Washington football team.


That's exactly right. This week, California surpassed blank as the state with the most covered cases.


New York exactly to solve a dispute over their property line.


A man in Maine blanked his neighbor's garage cut in half exactly right.


On Thursday, electric carmaker Blank showed a profit for its fourth straight quarter. Tesla, yes. On Thursday, Blank threw out the first pitch to open the 2020 baseball season. I don't know, Dr. Fauci. And it was a terrible pitch.


This week, a student at the University of Georgia was given a second chance to take an online exam after a falling blank ended her first one early.


A falling ceiling tile?


No, it was a falling meatball from the sub she was eating that landed on her keyboard. She lost. The student says she had barely started her econ exam when the meatball rolled out from the sub she was eating, landed on her keyboard and submitted the test. Early in a panic, she wrote an email to her professor. She explained that the 39 percent score in the exam was the fault of the meatball.


The professor agreed to give her a second chance and told the meatball he'd see it in summer school.


Why, Bill, how did Dorsay do on our quiz? I think she did really well. Very, very well. She got four right for eight more points and she now has ten.


All right, Peter, you're up next. Fill in the blank.


On Tuesday, President Trump signed a memorandum aimed at excluding undocumented immigrants from the blank from the United States of America.


No, the census. This time on Thursday, a judge ordered that former Trump lawyer blank be released back into home confinement.


Oh, Michael Cohen. Yes.


This week, the House voted to remove Confederate blanks from the Capitol statues. Right.


On Tuesday, Vice President Biden unveiled a 775 billion dollar plan to provide blank programs for parents and the elderly health programs.


Or give it to your caregiving. Yes, yes. This week, a man's attempt to fake his own death to avoid going to court was foiled when he blanked.


Actually died? No. Made a typo on his forged death certificate. After his campaign rally on Monday, Kim Kardashian released a statement addressing her husband, Blank's mental health. Kanye right.


On Thursday, AMC, the world's largest blank chain, once again delayed their re-opening movie theaters.


Right this week, a photo of a couple wearing masks on an airplane went viral because they were also blanking. Joining the Mile High Club.


Yes, they were making out in the photo. The woman is leaning into the man's seat and he has his arms around her waist while his masked face is pressed really hard against hers. Other passengers were shocked and confused by the sight, but it's pretty clear the couple just wanted to join the mile. Why club bill?


How did Peter do on our quiz here? Very well. He got six right, for 12 more points. He now has let me calculate he has fourteen and the league very well done.


And how many then does Jessi Klein need to win?


Well, she needs five to tie and six to win outright. All right, Jessi, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House agreed to a two billion dollar deal with Pfizer for 100 million doses of an eventual blank vaccine.


Right. For that, according to the Treasury secretary, payroll tax cuts won't be a part of the next blank stimulus package.


Yeah, coronavirus relief bill. This week, the mayor of Washington, D.C., announced that blanks will be mandatory when outside your home masks.




According to a new study, only eight percent of Americans agree that blank should reopen in the fall school write plans to open a floating hotel in Wales are now on hold after blank volcano sharks.


After the hotel sank on Tuesday, Twitter said that it had banned 7000 accounts associated with a blank conspiracy theory.




On Wednesday, photographers captured a picture of blank being struck by four bolts of lightning. The Statue of Liberty. Yes, God has a message.


After accidentally damaging a sculpture, a family in China regretted their decision to let their kids play a game of tag in blank. A museum? Yes, the civically.


The Shanghai Museum of Glass. Wow. That's right. Last week, someone in Shanghai said lockdown has left the kids. So much energy to burn off, I know, let's go to the Glass Museum and it went about as well as you could expect. Two of the kids bumped into a stand holding a 60000 dollar replica of Cinderella's castle, causing it to fall to the ground.


The museum has yet to share the extent of the damage, but is inviting guests to come view their new exhibits.


Cinderella's favorite glass shards. Bill, did Jessi do well enough to win?


Jessi has a big score. Seven right for 14 more points. She now has 18 points. She wins.


Congratulations, Jessi. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the five words they have to memorize on their cognitive tests.


But first, let me tell you that wait, wait, don't tell me is a production of NPR and WBC Chicago in association with increasingly urgent haircut productions? Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Guereca writes, Our limericks are a public address. Announcer as Paul Friedman or house manager. That's Gianna Capadocia. Our intern is Emma De. Our Web guru is Beth Nolan. B.J. Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King.


Senior Cooke was played by Peter Gwin.


Technical Direction is from Lorna White, her business and office managers. Colin Miller, a production manager, is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag and the executive producer of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the five words in the test you take to prove that you are not suffering from dementia? Jessi Klein, Xanax, Zoloft, Tequila Vote, November 3rd. Peter Grosz. Well, judging by Trump's answers, it's five things that are around you at all times.


So it'll be wife, dog, son, no hands.


And don't say Sloan son.


What are you conscious and conscience?


Because I have a hard time saying no way.


Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Jessi Klein, Peter Grosz and a wonderful welcome to do.


Say, Sloan, it was great to have you. Great job to say. Thanks to everybody out there from listening. I'm Peter Sagal. Yes. Another week in the books. You think you can do another one? Yes, we can.


We'll see you next week five. This is NPR.