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It was the most enlightening and curious question I'd ever been asked in my entire career of anxiety. My therapist asked me why I was maintaining these phobias.

You ready? Yeah, let's go. Hey, guys, welcome back to Wild Till Nine and the second episode in a row with guests or guest, I should say, guest today.

This guest actually guests two guests today.

One, our miniature bull terrier moose and two. Generally overwhelming depression. Oh, I'm not kidding, guys, I am we have a bark, I'm a bark right behind me on my side. And I not only did I, I just minutes before we started recording, finished sobbing for the last 20 minutes, but we have we have a tissue box, um, um, on on standby. Yeah.

And it's not like we have any like bad news to break to you or anything. In fact, you know, a lot of the I think actually the big issue is the last week, there are a lot of reasons to probably be happy and be excited and happy and and things that are going well.

It's just there are a lot of things that suck in the world right now.

Everything started, although this is the hangover cry. Want to be very clear.

This is hangover cry, not into to not to be confused with something that is currently happening. And you know what is sad, though, that I just I just retouch my foundation and now everyone has to hear me, Norval and then my snuffs into the microphone at full volume.

Well I'm thinking maybe it's more like I'm going to be a really good thumbnail from you. Yeah, well, you're welcome, guys. Sorry.

Hi, welcome back. Well, tonight, the number one show in Latvia. Should I share the good news? Sure, it was good news. I probably should've said this last week, but I forgot. But as of last week, which hasn't happened yet for you, sorry, time things we just crossed 10 million listeners, 10 million, 10 million people. That's a million times.

This show has been listened to and 30 episodes. That is so many people. Yeah, that is so many people.

I also just want to apologize if we have any new listeners who came from the pretty basic podcast who have never listened to their episode. This is going to be a banger. Don't get me wrong. They're all Bangerz. It's going to be a banger. But but if you're if you're here for the if you're here for the dicks, if you're here for the sex stories, I would say 90 percent of the other podcasts are up or down. And the list, yes, it's probably you can only find one.

I don't know if I would next week, but like. Right. We'll probably talk about sex. Oh, it'll be relationship focused relations. Yeah.

I mean, and this and this week's episode is Relationship Focus for sure. Just we are mentally deteriorating, but together right now, really each other.

How romantic.

I mean, there's no way in the world that we can be alone in the sense of, like, just feeling sad about so much. Yeah. Do you want to talk a little bit about yourself and what's going on this last week or two?

You. Oh, God. Let's see how far I get.

OK, I had the worst week of my entire anxiety career, my career in anxiety and this past week and I was just saying this on my blog, is that like, it's so crazy when you feel like you've hit rock bottom and your anxiety or mental health can't get any worse. And then it does. Yeah. And you're like a fucking plot twist. Here we go.

It could get worse. And it did.

And I have been on a transition period for like probably the last six months of coming off of an SSRI after I found out that my brain has a genetic mutation that does not metabolize an SSRI properly. So I'm finding alternative anxiety related pharmaceuticals to help treat myself because I'm broken. And that's OK. And that's that's totally OK. But it's finding the right combination of medications. So there was a lot of withdrawal symptoms coming off the SSRI because I'd been on it for nine years and it's just been a journey.

So I have I now have so many medical professionals in my life.

I have a psychiatrist who prescribes medication. And then I also have a cognitive behavioral therapist who in two sessions has made more progress with me than any other therapist that I've ever seen across this probably ten year career of mine. Journey, Journey I career career is kind of fun.

You know, it's you know, it's it's I, I'm trying to spin it a little more positively, but yeah, I have a lot of mental health professionals and I feel I feel like and not always they don't always feel like this. Twenty minutes ago did not feel like this. But I feel like I'm on the precipice of finally being able to move in a more positive direction. And I feel like anyone with anxiety knows that, like it's ebbs and flows, like you're consistently on a roller coaster of being really good, really bad, having triggers and feeling being fine.

So it's it's I just feel like I'm so close to identifying and understanding and being able to manage my anxiety in a different way that I've never found to be in reach before. Right. And and that's what I feel good. Doesn't feel good when I feel like I can crawl myself out of this like deep, dark hole. I'm so sorry. That's a very depressing, like imagery to chalk my anxiety up to. But that's what it feels like at its worst.

It's just like a very heavy, dark weight that I feel like I can't carry.

Sometimes I'm going to cry. I mean, knowing you the way that I do. You like to have an action plan on how to. Get to the end of something, whatever that something is, and I feel like you've been perpetually frustrated by just like how many setbacks there have been and it's sad to watch. It's hard to watch. But at the same time, there's also a lot going on in the world right now. And if you felt normal and happy about everything, you probably have, there's probably something wrong with psychopathic tendencies.

No, it's here. Phil, don't do it. I thought I was the catch. All those my make up would be so fucked up again.

They're like they're like commute to work on a Tuesday. And I was like, this is so fucking good to do it.

OK, I'm good.

I can feel it to your hanging off my nose also earlier are so funny. He's it's not I don't know if he actually knows when like I'm crying or not. I think it's like he's almost like attracted to the sound of hyperventilates because that's what makes him come and sit on my chest basically, which is really, really cute and like exactly what I need in the moment.

And I like to think that he thinks he knows that I'm crying.

But I if we're being if I'm being honest myself, I am I'm not confident that. But it's very cute.

I don't necessarily think he's got the mental wherewithal to know what's going on. But I will say I think he knows that when you smile, when he kind of starts licking your face, he keeps doing it.

That's true. Yeah. So or he likes the Salt Lake City.

That is my face. Right. Well, this guy that I was I don't know.

I was listening to some podcast or watching some show and I don't know, like a couple of weeks ago. And it was some comedian, like actively roasting and making fun of Dixie Timoteo for saying that she felt sad in her song. And like, I had the moment of like, yeah, you're right. She is crying for mentioned. That's ridiculous. And then I feel like I like woke up the other day and I was like, no, I want to be happy today.

Either I get that. And I think there's a thousand people who could look at whatever we have and go, you guys have nothing to complain about because it could be so much worse. Right. And they're correct. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, but at the same time. It seems like we're kind of like everyone's just stuck in this world of like is going to get better. It can get better. No, it's not OK. Three more months, OK.

Three more months. Three more months. Right.

It's like that's just like not the way anyone was wired to live.

Totally. I know. I feel like we're all just like somehow managing to carry on in in our lives while, like, it's just so crazy to think about what the norm has become on a daily basis, like how fucked it is.

Like when it's like I mean, I saw an article that was like, OK, covid has passed five hundred thousand deaths and like, you don't even know how to process that. No, you don't. I mean, and it just it it flows through everything that you do and how you live your life.

I mean I think I even more than that, it's like a half a million people. That's terrible. And counting and counting. Right. It's not like even though we have a vaccine which took forever to get out and buy it forever, it's a scientific miracle that it was able to get done as fast as it did. But it's like we now have the thing we were looking for. But we are still spending our entire existence in these four walls.

Right, for sure. And I mean, I would say now is like the most light at the end of the tunnel in a covid sense that I personally have ever felt. My nana, who is eighty 87, just got vaccinated this week, and my mom and my aunt, who are her primary caregivers, also by association to protect my nana, also got vaccinated. So it's like finally getting like a sense of a little bit of relief in the light at the end of the tunnel, a light at the end of the tunnel, a lot of the old tunnel and the tunnel.

Yeah, but I mean, it's just we still have so, so, so far to go before things like back to normal. And I think that's what's frustrating, too, about like how much I'm struggling with my mental health.

Is that like I don't know how much of it is just like accelerated, not accelerated, but like exacerbated, exacerbated by not see my family for over a year and like not being able to socialize in the way that we used to and like even just travel and like do things outside. It's like you're just not built to just to to live like this.

I have the dumbest story. That's couldn't be more true for me. OK, you know what it is. So as a sales person, I am obviously money motivated, like that's like my like core like close this deal with this and you will get paid for it. Absolutely. And I, I've to honestly, I'm not money motivated at this point, but like I fixed the landscape lighting today. I went outside and rewired things and didn't electrocute myself and I something about like physically seen a thing that I approach and do and get fixed so I could go back inside and go, I did that.

It was like actually checking off something like off of like a to do list. Felt like I had just closed up millions of dollars of deals and I was like reaping the benefits of it because I actually felt accomplished like, oh, I can see my impact doing something horrible. And that probably sounds so stupid to everybody else in the world. But it's just like I can only send so many emails and for things to go well and get an introduction to this and all this business shit or whatever that like is if five years ago you told me, like any one of the things that I did in a week was it was a normal for me.

I'd be like, I've made it. Absolutely.

And I don't want to like this credit, I think. Yeah. But at the same time, it's like if you know whether or not deal closes or not. I'm still here. We're still waiting to live the way that we want to live our lives, right. And it's just really. Depressing sometimes. Oh, yeah, for sure. So one of the one of the anxiety hugs that I had this week because there were multiple and it's so crazy, again, like this is just like my norm now, which I don't want to I go back and forth between being like, oh, I just to accept that this is my norm and it will get better.

And then on the flip side, just being like, I will not make this my norm and I will proactively work against it so it doesn't become my norm. And I don't know which side is healthier to be. And I go back and forth, really.

But I think, like, again, tying these two things back together, like how we're living right now.

And my mental health struggles, we had dinner plans literally at someone's house, like nothing crazy, like not out in public where there's, like, crowds. I mean, honestly, I would be hard to find a crowd. Actually, that's not true. You probably find my way. Yeah. Yeah.

And find a crowd. Yeah, Miami. Miami is just crowds.

But we were doing all the things that would typically check all my anxiety boxes to be like, this is safe. There is no threat. There is no reason to be anxious, like we're driving our own car there. So I'm not thinking about like, oh, will I inconvenience someone or like Uber driver being out of control like we were. It was all the things like in my head for my anxiety personally that like, flagged it as safe. And when I tell you that we drove probably thirty minutes to get to our friend's house and I sat inside of the car outside of his house for forty five minutes, hyperventilating and shaking teeth, chattering like near death.

What felt like near death. Like it felt like I was just spiraling for I mean it would have been over an hour, like it was one of the longest anxiety attacks that I have ever had. And it felt like there was no end. And the same thing. It's just like, is that because my anxiety is is getting worse because like my brain is getting worse or is my anxiety getting worse because I'm just not used to leaving our four walls and really doing anything like going to someone's house for dinner felt like such a big event in the grand scheme of things because we don't do anything right.

And and so it's it's hard to know like how much those two things tie together. And I'm sure I'm sure they're intertwined, but it's like, how much can you chalk it up to that? Or just like it's scary to think that, like, is my brain getting worse? Is my brain making me you know, I don't know. I don't know. It's a mess. It's very stressful up in my head.

I mean, you say that always and I laugh with you and like I, I see it the last few weeks, it's been tough. Yeah. And like I said, I don't think anyone has. Anywhere near the answers, and I'm sure the case studies that will come out of this period of time. Oh, my God. Because it's not to say like we haven't had pandemics and, you know, hundreds of millions and millions of people have died in the past, of course.

But like, we didn't have all the old iPhones. Right. And we didn't have it. When everything in the world has a ledger that's recorded, it's fucking very scary.

It's so crazy to think about, like pandemic babies who have never gone on a play date or anything, like they've never even, like, interacted with germs outside of their household.

Like, I worry about the pandemic babies.

I mean, I, I feel I mean, every single time that I'm like I feel like I'm sad or down to myself for whatever reason. I just think to myself, I'm like, I cannot imagine not having my junior high friends just doing like riding their bikes, going wherever, just taking them like wherever the day took me. That's what I can't imagine not going to prom. Right. And imagine not being a dumb ass in college and making all the mistakes that I've talked about for the past 30 episodes and, you know, whether it's getting out of my system or just having those experiences.

So I felt like, you know, that part of me was like, I, I can't imagine. And and I think the the opportunities that are going to be lost obviously are, you know, are really sad and hopefully we can know make up for lost time and everything's fine. But it's just like there are people that are really having a life changing, life altering things happen every single day for sure continue to happen. And we're just kind of waiting for good news.

Yeah, it sucks.

So it would be depressing right now. I know.

I know. But I just feel like we're all living in the same world, though, you know what I mean? So it's not I don't know. I just feel like I'm sure everyone goes through waves of feeling how we're feeling right now, maybe not right now, but maybe at a different time at some point. It's it's been over a year now. So it's it's not something that I'm sure others haven't felt before.

And I see the patterns of the people that, you know, say what they do for a living. And it's like a lot of nurses listen to a podcast. A lot of teachers listen to this podcast. A lot of people in tackle a lot of the things that I don't think the way that their they did their job and the way that they learned how to do their job in the way that they were probably excited about doing their job in the first place.

I don't think any elementary school teacher was prepared for a world where she wasn't able to connect with kids.

I know. I mean, you see so many take talks of like these incredible teachers, like singing. They're they're teaching songs through through the screen.

All of my friends that I mean, I was an education major in music when, like, I imagine being a percussion major right now through the screen, what would you even do? Well, like I mean, a buddy of mine, Nick Johnson, back in, like, University, Kentucky, shot Nick. You know, he is just kind of like hitting his stride. It's like someone who loves what he does and and loves to connect with kids and teach and everything.

And like, I see like he's like close friends on Instagram and stuff, just like. Well, and there's another lesson plan that I hope resonated with people. Right. And it's like it's bad for the kids. It is the teachers. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's hard for everyone.

I just I don't know what I mean. I think we see how bad anxiety and depression and people just general lack of of people's general lack of being able to be themselves in this weird changing world. And that's now can you imagine what's going to be in four or five years when this has happened for God knows how long? And it's introduced more issues and everyone? It's really scary.

I mean, I think about it all the time because, like, I'm not someone who's ever struggled with depression until until this past year, until 2020. And again, it's the same thing. Like, is it because of the pandemic? Is it because my mental health? Is it because it's a combination of the two, which is probably the most likely and like taking that forward, like, is that something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life?

Like, I don't know. And it's fucking scary to think about that. Yeah. And I mean, I think a lot of it was to coming off the ss our eyes on such a high dose again, because like I was it metabolizing it properly.

So I was just like running through such a crazy amount of Celexa is what I was on then Zoloft.

But like. I have I have postcrisis brain fog right now, and I'm losing my train of thought as multiple trains.

Oh, I got it. My trains. Yeah, that's something like there are many trains coming and leaving from the station and none of them are good trains.

They're all like, oh, I get it. They're all broken trains.

Nobody's going to say is is that my brain was going through chemical like imbalance gymnastics at the very beginning.

And again, like, there's so many factors contributing to like the mental breakdown that is my brain the last year. And again, like I don't know if it just continued to get worse and worse and worse because we're in this pandemic for longer and longer and longer.

I, I. I can tell it working the way that I communicate with people. It's. It's weird because they're more. Touch points with people than ever because everyone's home and can take technically eight, nine, 10 calls a day and write his work touch points and they become less and less meaningful as the month goes on. And like I said, the amount of times I feel like I'm I'm if I write a I've I put a lot of thought or work into an email or a call or a meeting or whatever kind of thing, it's almost like a I get done with it.

And I could have just been, like said, the bare minimum and people would be just fine with that now. And it's very odd and it's very strange. And I think it's people just feel like they need to, like, be a thing that they know they're supposed to be right. But no one is happy doing it.

Right. Right. We're just having this conversation earlier, too. Is that like I feel like my usage. Oh, we got a Bubby's coming up on the couch. We got a Bubby's on the couch. Oh, you're going to overheat that blanket. Oh, God. Here we go. Wow. The video the video watchers are in for a treat. Audio listeners, you should mark this timestamp right now just so you can even if you don't watch the video portion, you should screenshot this timestamps.

You can see Bubby's right now in his in his little blanket burrito on your lap right now. It's very cute.

Um. Oh, no more train left the station. I don't know where it's going. Oh, social media. I am spending an unhealthy amount of time on social media because again, like there's just more home time. Like I think about if I were to go spend a day with friends doing something, you know, you take your phone when you leave and you take your phone like, you know, a few times just to make sure, like, nothing crazy happened while you're gone and then check your phone when you come home, like eight hours later.

But now it's like I've been working from home on the computer for eight hours a day and so much of my job is already on my phone, on the computer, like I'm constantly talking to like three people at all times. And like that it's just it's just draining. I'm on social media too much checking what like other people are doing.

And I think I think it's I mean, this is a deeper conversation about like social media painting a picture of like what this dream life looks like. And I mean, like I can be guilty of that as well. Like I mean, I've just, you know, started just taking photos of my outfits in the house because it's like the best that I can do. But like, I'm still posting photos that, like, look happy and put together.

But like on the real side, I will take five LVA photos in one day so that I can have quote unquote content. But it's just like it's just like, I don't know so much. Social media is just such an illusion. And I think even as someone who creates social media, it is detrimental to my mental health as being a viewer and a consumer of every every platform. To be honest, I moved Twitter to like off my home page onto the second swipe of the homepage, and it was the best fucking thing that I ever did for my mental health.

I mean, uh, it's. Odd, and I think it's very important to speak to this, but it's like looking at the comments and the interaction and the engagement of what goes on with the podcast, because I'm with your blogs, because I'm with the main channel and everything. It's shocking to see the numbers slightly decline. Right. And the average, like a viewer, like the amount of time people check in, the amount of content they're willing to consume skyrocket and the the comments and the messages that I'm getting.

Ninety nine point nine percent, yeah, overwhelmingly positive. I totally agree, I think I think in the same way that, like we are, we have our favorite podcast that we listen to religiously. Everyone's just turning to online to like find a break from whatever the mundaneness of their day is. And if you're choosing us so sorry that this is a depressing as fuck podcast today, they're getting it out with us.

Yeah, I know. For sure. For sure.

But I think especially, too, like I've spent like the last year, like rebranding, but just becoming a more authentic self online. And obviously that's not going to sit well with every old person who is, you know, rocking with my content in twenty sixteen. Like they're not going to be done with it, which is totally fine. And so my ego has had to learn how to like, look at no lower numbers and be OK with it.

But on the flipside of that, I feel like the community that we've cultivated just between like having older viewers on my blog telling me in general and then also obviously the podcast, and it's been like a massive turning point, I think, for being able to connect with people that are our age and go through similar stuff and can relate to a lot of things that we talk about.

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Fucking again, this I was I was so close. No, that was so that was a good point. I mean, I might I happened to go to Titan, but go ahead. It's like when you think about the numbers, it's just like I know nothing about numbers, but just 10 million people have listened to us rant and rave about, you know, dumb things. But just like whatever's happened and it's it's interesting because I see the same one hundred two point three hundred, you know, up to probably a thousand or two thousand people interact with it and say something and like add their input in their piece.

And it's like the the common denominator is always I enjoy hanging out. I enjoy watching you because I feel like I'm hanging out with you. Right. And I hope that if there's one thing that we can I mean, I hope we can figure it out, but I hope that there's one thing that we can learn and get better at as well as like. Really? Kicking the curb to the aspirational bullshit, and if there's something aspirational about us or what we talk about or what we do, cool, but I'd rather people feel comfortable.

Oh, yeah. And hang out with us for an hour, a week for however long we do this for sure over any other vanity metric of views or everything else. That's just honestly bullshit. Yeah.

Wow. This is a on a lighter note actually on a worse note. OK, go bad and then go good. Well what you got. Not sure. OK, I have an important announcement to make. OK, go ahead. Lauren embezzled money out of the well. My God.

I straight up stole money out of the podcast account.

Good news. There was money to steal. There was money to steal. That was honestly my mom was so funny. We were on FaceTime today and she was like, she's like I know these guys joke about not making money, but are you actually not making money? And I was like, they're like, the answer is the Internet. Oh, no, let's be fair. We revenue does not equal profit revenues. Any business majors out there, OK?

Yeah. And the problem is you're expensive to work with.

You're expensive to work with. We're expensive in our own ways. But I will say, you know, getting a business off the ground with your ass and I complained about this before and went about it again. Go ahead. It's just more expensive. Yeah. It's an expensive trademark lawyers, expensive business. I mean, you do so just like, you know, realistically, after everything has taken a cut and everything, that's just we've got to like make a lot of money before we make any money.

Make any money. Yes. And then in germicide of being expensive, we had the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of every piece of equipment you could ever have. Oh really. And and so so when you when you can see my red nose, puffy eyes and wear the foundation has gone off of where tears have rolled down my cheeks. You can thank these expensive ass cameras for that, for that high quality content that we are bringing to you right now, I think it's important to put your best foot forward in line.

There's a lot of bullshit content out there I would love. I was a little bit out of focus just for this podcast. It'd be OK. It'd be OK.

But yeah, you're full. Ten grand of our account. Ten thousand dollars. Ten thousand dollars at about 1:00 in the morning.

OK, Levy, let me explain. Guys, you've put me on blast like that, yeah, I sure hope so many.

I straight up stole money and by the way, its owners may have ten grand is you. Thank you. And the people that are like here from like like the pretty basic episode in this like the second episode like this is fucking this is weird.

I'm like not interested. OK, so what. So what happened was what had happened was I have a was is I was I have invested in some cryptocurrency in the past and due to recent events with NTIS and Bilbao and Logan, Paul and I like the biggest fucking right now.

And what I am aware and real quick, that was she talked about joining Reddit this week and now she talk about NFTE and ATIS.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, am I on the right podcast? No, I don't know. I don't want to get into it.

Go back to what you're saying. Kraft girl.

Anyway, Kraft girl invests this what this podcast should be called Kraft Girl. Depressed fucking Kraft girl cries Kraft girl depressed. Kraft girl spiral.

So I, I after in light of all these recent events, I wanted to buy more etherial because NFTE are bought with eath. All right. Yeah. Through a theory.

But it's isn't ethe it's one that's like that's like saying I got bit or. Oh OK.

So it's just a theory. I've got it. What do I more theory. Um and on these abs with Coinbase and Robin Hood and why are you looking at me.

Great.

I continue. Oh my God. And also I want to be very clear, this is not investment advice. And I did this at 1:00 in the morning and my vendors are probably not going to be very happy with me when they get the email that I will send tomorrow to say that I stole money, many of my other account, not our account account.

So what what was what happened while we were happened was my bank accounts are all linked. So I've got my personal my corporate account and our joint account for the podcast.

And for whatever reason, we just they wanted to be relatable. And you're like, I got this about this this go. It's like it's having like a checking and savings account. I'm kidding. It's yeah. I got my business being facetious. I'm just giving you a hard time. You finally perked up and surprised so I can make fun of you a little bit. What's the plan to continue.

So the business, the personal and the podcast account and for whatever reason, on Coinbase, when I logged into my bank account, it only gave me the option to take from the podcast account and how convenient and how convenient. And because I think in the next coming days, I think Ethereum is going to what what are the people say to the moon? Is that what it is? Sure. Sure. To the moon.

If you could just look in the camera and say stocks only go up. Stocks only go up. OK, that was weak continue anyway. Anyway, I felt last night that it was absolutely necessary that I buy a theory at 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday night and I because to get to get the back and said I probably it's going to be it's going to be like six phone calls for emails and probably two weeks the business managers.

I couldn't do what you do. It's very frustrating.

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Basically I. I have a team of people who help manage my money and help pay people properly and help document expenses and revenue improving.

So for this expensive equipment and your expensive trademark. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. And they they insure that everything is done legally and the proper way. And if it was me, I would probably owe the government billions of dollars. I would do it.

I think you would just like unbeknownst to you just be committing white collar crime that you.

Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. So anyway, it's just like in the same way that you hire an editor when they can do something better than you. You hire money people because they can do it better than you.

I'd like to point out that I've done my taxes ever up until this year is not this year I'm giving up.

But there's just there's it's like having an editor. It's like at some point you just have to give it up. Unless Turbo Tax would like to sponsor us, then we're back on Turbo Tax, Baby. So anyway, so I only had access to the podcast account and I was just like Schoop.

And then I'll e-mail them and tell them be like, hey, so there's so little Paul made this NFTE of a Pokemon card. And then I made a little money. And so we think I think like maybe I don't know.

And so anyway, they need to transfer my money into our money account.

And I, I did I did, in fact steal ten thousand dollars this weekend. The best material to buy something. Again, this is not investment advice. I know literally nothing. One shout out snacks podcast who actually have to give a disclaimer at the end of it, because that's what I was thinking of. Well, the thing is, I think people could listen to that and they could be confused, maybe take that as advice. I don't believe that anyone listening to this podcast goes, what are they putting their money into?

I should do the same. Yeah, don't do not. If there was if there was a single single you know what?

We're selling herself short. I'm about to change one of our categories to business. You know what? A theorem is a good idea. We both believe in it. If you want to buy it, you should do that because we did it. And I told you I was like, where's this going?

Now you just turn this around. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, that was a one time purchase that I made last night and I now owe Jeremy ten thousand dollars into our joint account. Yeah, what's the NFTE craze is insane to me, the amount of people that I do, I mean, people people like you who are asking and talking, I'm hearing voice notes being shared in the other room about I've had so I have like three private investments and some tech startups and stuff.

And the amount of people who have come to me thinking that I know a thing about lefties is I think honestly a compliment. But I, I don't know anything. I know nothing.

I mean, and I, I already know right now, Stephanie and my HRR is going to like, freak out when I say what's about to come out of my mouth. Stephanie, I'm not leaving my job. I swear. I promise.

But I have had three three out of the blue sizable job offers to work in NFTE this week. Really? Yes. I mean, sizable, huh? Stephanie and H.R.. I'm not leaving. Stop. I don't do that. God, every time.

Every time I see him, every time I say any more, every time I say anything.

Stephanie Ray's cut.

This would be a good time for raise, though, that it is just like sweating at home. It's not that.

It's I don't. So if you're a tease, you know, not fungible. Yes. Fungible. Yes. The fuck is a fungible.

It sounds like fungus. Those are fungible. Yeah. It's like a physical thing. So like tangible. Yeah. Like a dollar is fungible.

How do you spell that if you and Jibla Iblis fungible non fungible token token token like exchange like think like.

Yeah. Would you would put a a little token and do like an arcade game.

OK, I'm not, I'm not sixteen. I know what a token is. We have listeners that are international. Lauren, I guess I Latvia.

I feel like it's literally on the GenZE who'd be like what's a token?

Because they would never go to like an arcade like put it something now. Yeah, that's a germ cesspool. Anyway, the point is, I think it's a very interesting world.

I've been very interested in it for years and I am fucking just so oddly interested in the fact that you've now shown an interest the last two weeks. And I'm excited and I'm not taking any of the offers. Stephanie, I'm starting my job.

God, this podcast has been, I think like a it hasn't been my job very much supports this podcast. I think they really do. Yeah. But it's always interesting when, like my clients have major media companies will start a conversation of like.

So I saw the last episode of your podcast and I was like, yeah. Of tranquilisers. Huh. The 90s were a good time. Yeah, I enjoyed it. And I'm like, that's ok. OK, let's fast forward to there then. I love you. I feel like that.

You know what that's the that's the one great thing about being on the Internet is that like and this can absolutely work against you as well. But like it for me because I feel like I'm so similar in real life as I am on like online life. Right. When do we meet you? And they have like a preconceived notion of like who you are. And I have no guilt there because, like, it really is who I am. I'm like, fuck, you already know what the fuck I'm about you already, sir.

Sir, we used up the microphone.

We got these new expensive mic arms and.

Right. And so. Jesus Christ. Stop it, Jeremy. Oh, my God. Also, this is a Dawber right now. He's fallen asleep.

Continue into the, um, uh oh, scry brain frog.

Okay, good, yeah, yeah, not that I want to, you know, incentivize people to be sad by any means, but I would really appreciate if, you know, someone shares the sentiment. I don't care what social platform you on or would you engage on, like feel free to let us know we're alone here.

I take comfort in knowing that people. Really also sad, no, just relate to whatever it is we're going through. I said this a thousand times. There is nothing that makes you feel less alone, especially like on the anxiety front, like when I've talked about like about a phobia and just like anxiety in general, like it is it is so comforting to know that, like, although you feel so like dark and heavy and hopeless sometimes, that you are not alone in that feeling, even though you might be spiraling, you know, personally alone.

So it might be a solo spiral. It is comforting to know that someone else out in the world is also having that solo spiral experience.

Well, I think like especially before the Internet. Right. And I don't know what would have happened if this happened before the Internet, but like, I feel like everyone felt like they lived in a vacuum. Right. And especially when you have parents that are very much like if we don't acknowledge it, it didn't it doesn't exist. It's a phase. Yeah.

And like I understand the intention of wanting whatever it is to just pass. But sometimes I don't think you can let things pass until you acknowledge that there are things that you can actively overcome as opposed to something that you just assume will just drift away as if it never existed. She does not just drift away.

Nothing fixes itself magically overnight. I mean, even on a more recent example, like we went to record the podcast at 8pm and I felt like I was on the verge of tears, just about every every breath out could have been a SOB. You don't even like I you know, in this moment, maybe maybe you don't really notice that much. I feel you don't cry that often. Actually, the last time Jerry cried was in Men in Black three, and it's been like the Lerida.

Yeah, yeah. You know what fucking epic ending. Yeah. It's pulling for you. But men in black three real tear-jerker at any point in time.

I'm spoiling the finale of Men in Black three. You haven't done something correct. So if you haven't watched men in black three. One or two. Yeah. Yeah. And then you know, circled back.

Um anyway I was like it was when you have the lump in your throat and your, your eyes are starting to well your nose, you can feel it's preemptively getting stuffy because, you know you're about to but like and there was just no world where we were going to be able to I was going get through a single sentence. And so anyway, I needed I needed to cry. The needed something you just can't like. It's not just going to go away.

Like sometimes you just don't want to be happy. Well, I can Dixie preachy. Like, I know that, like, people really, really gave her heat for, like making such a good quote unquote surface level like title and song.

But like, fuck man, sometimes you just like, oh, I was thinking to myself, they're like I was I was joining in the. Yeah. Why, why did she, why would she. I guess I was more along lines like why would she release that. That's not deep. Yeah. And now I'm sitting here thinking to myself, we just talked about how we pulled ten grand out of the thing that we don't make money on last night out of the blue or whatever.

And we're complaining about our being sad. You know what? That's how we feel. And hopefully of the three hundred thousand people that listen to this thing every week, there are some people that can relate to that one hundred percent.

And that's okay. And I mean, the other thing, too, is that, like everyone has, you know, positive and like bright moments in their life, you know, I mean, like we have again, we're so lucky to be like very financially stable and we have moves. Who is painting on the small couch right now? Probably because he has to go potty.

But we are so blessed to have such a fucking awkward little dog that we love so much. But it doesn't mean that the bad doesn't feel bad.

I'm just lucky to have you. That was so nice. Genuinely, Jeremy has been the fucking rock of my week this week. Oh, my God.

And also, do you like having having a partner who accepts and understands and supports? Um, mental health is incredible.

If you're if you struggle with that and your partner does not, does not, cannot be there and is not willing to learn how to be there for you, you need to find someone else. I don't care. I don't care how great they are with other things, like if that is something that is a big part of your life and that your partner can't can't be there for you in the way that you need them to be. It just absolutely is.

It's it's meaningless, but. I'd like to point out. That for the majority of my life, I would have been the first person in line to say, just get over it like this is not something that I learned as a kid and and totally personify like I don't think that I took mental health, anybody else's or my own serious up until four, three, four or five years ago. And it's just I think so many people are are are taught to look at what's, you know, what they want and stop at nothing to get it and just work, work, work, work, work.

And if you can just work harder than the person, the left and right of you and once you get there, then you can enjoy it.

And it's like that is total horseshit. Yeah. And also, I just don't think that we as a society have figured out how to value people's hard work along the way in a sustainable fashion. And it's equally sad. Yeah. And if you don't have a support group person whatever to help you through that stuff, like that's what you should be working on.

Oh my God. I genuinely like I'm so lucky.

Like, although I am in a deep, dark, heavy spiral, like currently like having my parents and having you and having some like very key friends who understand mental health and anxiety or even just even just some friends who are like not to say their purpose is to like only serve entertainment, but like friends or are people that you can go to, like, laugh about, like things like.

I think that's necessary as well, too.

I mean, we said one of the first things we started the podcast like we want to we don't want to talk about like current events or pop avenues or whatever. We just wanna, like, stay away from that. And to a degree, it's just like, well, sometimes these guys talk about what's currently going on in your life.

Right. And this is this is overwhelmingly been our entire our entire week and month. Well, for me, six months, I don't know. Not entirely sure in an arc. It's been a journey.

It's been it's been it's been, uh.

You know what I feel like? I feel like when you do the first drop of a roller coaster and you're going the fastest and the hardest, the very bottom of the job, I feel like I'm there.

But I feel I feel like I'm about to go up a little, you know, like when you you hit the bottom really fast and it kind of propels you up a little bit.

Maybe this is a real bad mindset to be in. But I feel like I'm again, like I just feel like I'm at the precipice of being so close to having a better grip on all of this. Actually, we talked about this earlier, like just Jeremy and I before the podcast.

I it's so crazy to me and like, I want to go to and do this, but like, it is so fucking expensive to get therapy. Oh yeah. It is so expensive. And again, I'm so lucky to be able to be able to be in a financial position where I can afford like two separate mental health professionals, like a psychiatrist and someone like on a weekly basis to like help me work through my issues.

And so not to be like, oh, I want to live stream my therapy class, like for everyone, a therapy session.

But something that my therapist said to me this past week that flaked on a light bulb that I have never thought of in the last ten years of like having severe anxiety and meeting with, I don't know, ten health, like ten professionals like I've seen you.

You've met ten this month. More than that.

I've worked with so many different therapists and my therapist asked me why I was maintaining these phobias.

So for me, like my main phobia is throwing up and it's not even the actual action of throwing up like I've thrown up before, like from food poisoning. And like, I don't actually care about throwing up. It's the loss of control that goes along with it and the anticipatory anxiety before it. It's not actually the throwing up.

So it's the phobia of the anticipatory anxiety. If we're like getting very specific. I know. I know many, many years and many dollars spent to get here to really pinpoint what fucks me up. So we ask me why I'm maintaining these this this phobia. And he was like, there's no right or wrong answer.

It's like you're leaving out one thing that these resonate with me. He said that after he acknowledged the fact that you are so good at defining logical and not logical. Right. Like the bad you're good at being able to kind of like put those in a box of like that actually doesn't make sense. Yeah.

For sure. No, I am I am so self aware, which I think painfully so sometimes painfully right.

It has its pros and cons for sure. But I think I've always found strength in education when I learned something about myself and how how things work and why it works like that. Right.

I've spent so many years learning why I think the way I do and how I got here and how to manage it and best move forward. And do I think having a good grasp on that probably saved me hundreds of dollars by like skipping those therapy sessions of, like, already being at this point. And so, like the question that he asked. Again, on our second session was why are you maintaining this phobia? He's like, you obviously have such like a thorough understanding of everything that's going on.

And like the whole picture of the grand scheme of things, why are you maintaining it?

And it it it was it was the most it was the most enlightening and curious question I'd ever been asked in my entire career of anxiety. And it took me a few minutes. But I think it all, again, just comes down to control. Like I feel I have this little checklist of things that I do. This is going to be real meta. So so hold on tight. I have this little checklist of things that I do to feel in control of my phobia, which is the loss of control.

So in controlling these little this little checklist, it makes me feel like, again, I have this small piece of control in this fight and in that I am maintaining the phobia.

So it's it's a whole backwards thing of if I let go of this little checklist that I feel like I'm controlling, it's the first step towards letting go of the phobia itself at the very end of like this whole, I don't know, like line of things.

I mean, from the outsider's perspective, Lauren, and there's simple things. It's like always having something to drink and having something to settle or stomach. And there's all these things and she won't leave the house without it. I mean, like, there's no word I ever one time I need like I asked her to put something in her purse and it was very small. And then she looked at me with this like of just like there's no room for that.

And I was like, OK.

And it's because that the checklist of things in the person, if not the person, we're not leaving the house.

Right. Because I feel I feel safe and I feel in control when I have that little checklist of things and anybody else, it seems stupid. And to you, it's the most important thing in the world and it's the most important thing in your world.

Right? Hundred percent. And it's like what it was what keeps me functioning or like what what I think keeps me functioning, obviously, like when I think about the reality of like what keeps me functioning, it has nothing to do with having Tums and having Pepto and having water with me like I am a I am fucking made of, what, 80 percent water like and I'm hydrated.

I don't need that water with me at all times. But it's the it's the idea of having this this small piece of control. And I'm maintaining the phobia at the end of all of this because I can't let go that little checklist.

But I mean, I think that is so indicative of the way that so many people live their lives either. Either hyper focused on all the things that they can control and just like working around the clock to just like continue to like hold on to that or completely ignoring it and not even thinking about it until, you know, runs them over because they they put it off for so long. Right. And I think there's obviously a lot of much healthier gray area in the middle of those, too, for sure.

But I think it's everyone's like struggle and balance to figure out how it is they can get to the middle point without, you know, causing harm to others in themselves and self destructing. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. So anyway, so I identified, you know, why I am holding on to that phobia. And so letting go of that is going to be another, another question and journey and we'll keep you updated on that. But it was super interesting. And so I don't know if that applies to anyone. You can ask yourself that question again. Maybe here's a little free piece of my therapy that you can use as your therapy. Um, but, yeah, it was a it was that she had me thinking for days afterwards.

I mean, therapy is expensive. And not only is therapy expensive, it's a a luxury and time in having someone that you can speak to, having parents that understand and respect it, having friends, having sex, all of it. There's so many moving parts to it. And at the end of the day, I think we're getting better about creating new options. But I think we are as far as like the advancements in many other parts of our society, we're pretty archaic as far as being able to actually help what's going on between our ears.

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, again, I think I think you set it right, like we are the closest and the best that we've ever been. But there's still so far to go. Yeah, there's just so, so, so, so far to go.

Um. I don't think that there's any other better way to send people off and saying feel free to use whatever platform that you're listening to this on as as your community. Hopefully there's somebody else that can reach out to and I urge people to continue to be as positive as they have been in the comments to us as well. But I would prefer to be mean to us and be nice to other people in the comments for sure. Lawn's I can tell outside of all the things she's dealing with as also trying to come up with some form of hybrid Reddit, Pinterest, everything else to be able to talk about her things.

So, you know, maybe next week, maybe next week, she'll be talking about the social media she's going to be launching to fix all these issues.

I will say, like just watching Lauren's brain work and like going to get information constantly and then going, that's too much information and then going to get more and do much in this, like, constant balances like. You stress me out, I stress me out of absolutely. But as the person who is supposed to be Iraq right now, OK, yeah, that's fine. That's fine too. OK, got it. But it's a journey and it's a journey.

Fortunately, we're on together. That was so nice and so cheesy, I loved every moment of it. I love you. I love you. We will be back with your regularly scheduled appointment next week.

Oh, yeah.

I love I love our, um, our dick appointments. So nice.

OK, I'm going to go now. Bye bye, guys. Hey, it's Bob Saget here, and guess what the name of my podcast is Bob Saget is here for you. Everybody's got a podcast. We know that I've been doing mine for a while, even before all this craziness of 20/20 happened. And thank goodness we're coming out of it. And I'm continuing to do it forever because I love it. And it's something I love because I get to talk to comedians that I love and actors and and writers and sports people and news people and call you guys sometimes and see how you guys are doing.

It's available, of course, at Apple and it's also available Spotify. And so you want to subscribe and listen to it. In fact, pause the podcast you're listening to right now and listen to my podcast. Bob Saget is here for you and then go back to your podcast. So it was an extra hour, 90 minutes or whatever, so you could get a little extra entertainment out of your day. That's what I'm hoping for. All the best.