Honestly, I don't know. There's a ninety nine point nine percent chance that I cringed podcast. I am emotional as everything is making me cry.

Why would you cry? I don't to cry. Everything's making me cry.

This week, we'll find out rollergirl. You ready? Let's go. Hey, guys, welcome back to Well, None, our weekly podcast hosted by myself, Lauren and Bob and everybody. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday. How are things going?

Whatever day you listen to the podcast.

Second week, December. Let's go. Oh, shit. Have you got my Christmas present yet? No, but it's it's because I'm just down to so many different options.

I just can't choose because I truthfully gave Jeremy an idea of what I would love for Christmas. And he said no. He said it was ugly and he would not buy it for me.

I mean, they're the ugliest niggas I've ever seen. They were like, not only were they ugly sneakers, you were like my mom. Jeremy, will you marry me? These really you split this prisoner. Honestly, this is so many boyfriends. Dream is when the girlfriend tells them exactly what they would like for Christmas, a present that they would enjoy and something affordable to split. Right.

But have I ever had a Christmas go by where I just, like, really missed the mark? I couldn't figure it out.

You're good gift, I guess, for you. But now it's like I can't even believe you. It's like it's like almost insulting. I don't know.

Our Christmas this year is like a little is like a little nontraditional. So I don't know. I don't know. I guess I panicked.

Anyways, I was put in the give specific instructions because he cannot fend for himself category.

I guess it does say that that's not how I feel. I just thought that, I just thought that we already have enough Christmas stress louder than words.

We've so much Christmas stress going on this year that I just thought that I would just take one thing anyways. Anyways, I want to follow up with my intro. So I've been coming off of my antianxiety medication.

I've talked about this on my blog, but basically I've been on an SSRI for nine years and my doctor has safely reduced my dosage to that. Now I am fully off.

I've been off for two weeks and everything is making me cry. Everything we watch the finale of The Undoing last night cried Christmas movie Cry So and wrote me a nice message on in the Dems cried. Everything is making me cry.

You know, I will say it's interesting because you don't. Well, historically, you don't cry that much. I don't cry that much. Yeah.

And for an awfully not emotional person, someone who's in tune with their emotions. Yeah. You don't cry as much as I guess I would have thought you would have sang. This makes sense.

Yeah. I'm on the verge of tears at all moments. Like anything. Too happy. Too sad. Right. It's not any one specific.

No, no. It could happen at any moment.

Yeah. So welcome to an hour of will she cry or not.

There's something sitting on our side table here that for sure will make me cry. So I just wanted to I just want to take it up.

Just want to put it out in the open because I, I, I, I'm going to sob almost like an now you're standing up for me way big like way bigger than it is.

No I don't know. You know what if if Christmas movies, if cheesy Netflix Christmas movies can make me cry, I think that some heartfelt shit can also make me cry. Well, welcome to the heartfelt broadcast.

Welcome to heartfelt podcast. So nice. You want to give the people a little update on your life?

Um, I mean, yeah. OK, so besides the fact that I'm going through emotional crisis right now for absolutely no reason, do you have another like a follow up appointment with the doctor?

Yeah, I do. On Friday. I just try to stay of this final form.

I mean, I've been really trying to hold back tears, like I've been trying to, like, not cry too much, just like at all times. But I could cry at any moment. OK, it's pretty wild.

Anyways, today is vlog Miss Eve.

So for those of you who have not participated in viewership or content creation of Log Miss, it is blogging every day until Christmas, which is a little psychotic. If I'm being honest. It's making a video every single day. And luckily I personally have someone who edits my videos so I can send my photograph and the next day and I'll be ready. So it's going to happen six out of seven days of the week and I will be editing every Sunday.

I'm a little scared. I've never done blogging before. So anyways, you never know. I've never done this before. So on top of being overly emotional, I'm going to be overworked as well, which I think is a really healthy combination, to be fair, that you're very good at getting tasks done.

When I have an end date, yeah, I think I'll be able to do it. But just like it's just not healthy.

You're free flow is not your friend, you know, love me some structure. Yeah, but you thrive in that. You get shit done. I think there are people out there that don't like put a deadline on deadline on them and they're like, oh, I work at my own pace. Yeah. And there's also people who are like, if there's no deadline, I'll, I'll get to it just short of when I die right there.

Just two dozen people. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that I'll do OK with like the daily routine of doing it.

I'm sure I'll fall into the routine, but I just need everyone to know that. Here is a nice preface to the next twenty three days of making a video. Every single day where I'm feeling aside from the whole like being on the verge of tears all moment, I'm feeling pretty sane. So I think it's funny because in seven days when we are whenever we record the next episode, people will be able to see used to.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because people won't actually see this video until 13 days after Villagomez began. Seven days after Blackmun's begins. Oh, shit. You're right. Seven days. Yeah.

So the first week. So also be pretty fresh, but I'm sure you'll see the light going through my eyes or maybe a little bit.

Who knows? I don't know. We'll see. We'll see how it goes.

So realistically, I want you to wish me luck. Tears at any moment. Just overload of stress.

Uh huh. Anyway, happy blog. Most everyone is blog. Miss Eve starts tomorrow. Happy blog, Miss.

Um, on top of happy blog Miss. Happy DUI. Scrubbed off your record kind sir. Thank you.

Thank you very much. I'd like to thank my lawyer, my lawyer, my mother, my lawyers, my mom. Yeah. She was there for me. She was there. Yeah, yeah, yeah she was. Sometimes she was a little too much. I was like, you know what, I'll handle this please.

I feel like for our listeners that sentence is really jarring. Me getting arrested for DUI. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's funny because I have I feel like I've wanted to tell bits and pieces of of of not just the US story, but things that have happened after I got arrested for hi, my name is Jeremy and I was arrested for a DUI. At what age. Seventeen. OK, yeah.

I feel like that's a that's a huge I feel like a piece of the story that I'd like to put out there now. Seventeen. I turned seventeen the month before so sixteen during seventeen. OK, but I think I've wanted to help out and this is the story for so long. But it has taken me eleven years literally until last week or two weeks ago to actually get it expunged off of my record to the point where I can actually talk about it open and honestly write and not worry about like things coming back to bite me in the ass and this and that.

And like technically it was like seventeen. So you're kind of a minor, but you're kind of not in state of Illinois. It's like it's kind of like this gray area of like do you put it on job applications? Do you have to tell people and like this and that. So it's like very gray area anyway. Right. And I was you know, although let's be clear, I was drunk. I was like, let's be very clear.

I was very guilty of all those things. And it's expunged off my record now. Like, the fact of the matter is, like I didn't end up actually getting convicted of a DUI, which is why I was able to get it off. But it still took me eleven years.

And so this process, you you weren't able to start the process of expunging it until a certain amount of time had passed, right?

Well, not only that, yeah. So just like five years to start the process of like not having any other things hit your record.

Oh. So you had to have a clean record for five years. That was step one. Not only did I have to have it when I initially got arrested for DUI, it was like end of February, March of of that I think was 2009.

And they had just increased the like penalty of what DUI is in Illinois meant. Oh, I meant that I was supposed to, like, have a breathalyzer in my car for the rest of my life. Oh, yeah. And I was like, if I got one more, it was like like mandatory like jail time or it was jail time even like I don't know, there was a lot of things that went with it. And I just turned over and when I got it, there was no world where I was getting it expunged.

That law actually changed four or five years afterwards. And my lawyer called my mom back, was like, hey, I think I can get this off of his record. Oh.

Like things fell into place for me to be able to even get it off my record in the first place. Yeah, but it took five, ten years, like, start and finish that process. Oh, my God. Well, congratulations. Thank you.

My mom is sitting at home being like your dad. I got come on now.

You know, it's like really sad. The I mean, once again, I did it wasn't even like a question of like whether absolutely. The sad part as a high schooler who I think is sheltered a little bit from a reality, is that you totally you start to realize when friends say they can't hang out or like you can't do certain things that like actually that's the parents saying, no, no, no. I know you know, Jeremy, for five or ten your whole life, you're allowed to hang out with them anymore.

Oh, I don't even think about that. Yeah, I didn't even think about, like, the social effects of that.

Yeah, there were it was interesting to see. And I think anyone who's like, I run into, like, this kind of shit before themselves will relate with like the even like well-meaning parents and this and that people have always been there, whatever. It was very interesting to see the people who were immediate, like, no, Johnny can hang out with them or like, you know what, we need to spend more time with Jeremy because he needs it more than ever.

Oh, interesting.

People very much fell into those two buckets. Yeah. I mean, there I definitely had a few friends growing up who got caught shoplifting. I mean, that's something that's so common in teenagers. And I think that my parents didn't even really know. But I made the decision to be like, oh shit.

Like I don't know if I fuck with this. And I, I distance myself a little bit.

If I'm being honest, you're a good kid.

I would just be I would be too nervous to ever, ever shoplift outside of like a piece of candy from like a bulk bin of candy.

You don't I mean like that that was the extent of my shoplifting. Bad ass, bad U.S. and Canada, we have bulk bar, and that's what that store is built on, just like Bulc Candy and other goods.

Oh, and you stole a piece of bulk candy into my mouth, so I didn't even leave the store with it. I guess I technically did leave the store with that, but you know what I mean.

Yeah. Well, good to be back. Well, long story short, I, I have been I feel like a suburbian. I feel like there have been people who have asked us like, hey, tell us more about your story in college or high school or this or that. And there have been just I felt like I couldn't be honest the whole story, because the beginning of the story, which sounds like the worst thing that ever happened to me, to be fair, like it was so important that set me on the path to who I am today.

And like, realistically, I don't think that we would be together had I not gotten a DUI at 17 years old. Definitely not. Which is like crazy to think so. Write like that. A bad thing like that would decide so much random shit that to a degree has nothing to do with it. It has everything to do with it.

Well, I'm a I'm like a firm believer that, like, everything happens for a reason and like one slight change in your path can just totally just put you on an entirely different direction. Right. But I think that this probably is one of the most pivotal points. So, like, you know, it could have even been different had you gone to a different high school.

You mean like something very like very normal. But I think this was like the most pivotal change that like if this hadn't happened, you probably would have never moved to L.A. You know, like there's so many things like chain reactions that it would have changed. Right.

It's funny. I feel like I when we were talking about, like, hey, we like we're gonna talk about this pot or whatever else. I want to talk about the DUI. You're like, oh, I said, we're doing it.

We're doing we're doing it. I like to myself. I went to my office last night and quietly wrote a timeline down of just like all the things that transpired after that DUI. And it was crazy to almost relive my own life of just like I feel like I even realized some things that I had even thought of a year or two ago, like, wow, that also was tied to all the different dominoes that kind of impacted from that first impact.

Right? I mean, everything is connected.

It's all connected. Yeah. Well, Lauren, I'm not sure how we did it, but our best friends at Bluebox have decided to sponsor every episode of our podcast until 2030.

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They didn't really. I'm just hoping so because I wear them every day now. And honestly, I can't believe it took me this long to realize just how much I need their glasses to help with my headaches.

So so what I'm hearing, it kind of sounds like you're saying they don't need to sponsor us and you'll still wear them.

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OK, so I feel like we need to like, back it up a little bit. OK, now that we've gotten like the announcement, the congratulatory session out of the way and we've established this was that like sixteen, almost seventeen take us back.

I mean, like, should we just like talk about the night that you got as someone who's never even been pulled over for like a speeding ticket or like a headlight out?

I think that I would have shat if I got caught driving drunk.

Well, the thing the point of being drunk is that you're not as with it, I guess with it. I'm so like although you're not like sitting there going to figure this out. You're I mean, I was shitfaced as a seventeen year old kid because Uber didn't exist and I couldn't call my mom and tell her I was drunk and all these things was like, oh, I'm invincible. I'll drive myself kind of right. And I think that when it was that, I mean, I was I was very drunk.

What happened? I pretty pretty drunk was pretty bad. Like, I should not be driving the car. Could have seriously hurt somebody. Right. For sure. So to give you little bit of context, it was the night of my winter formal, OK?

I was a junior in high school. Uh, that guy. That's what helped me. The Canadian ten. Eleven.

Yeah. And I was like it wasn't even like from the dance was like I'd gone to some party or this or that afterwards and I was with a. A buddy of mine, and we were just like leaving the party, and I think I was driving him to go take him back to his place or go to the next place or whatever it was.

How far were you from, like, the destination? So I feel like people are always like when I hear of drunk driving stories, I feel like it's always like, oh, well, I was only ten minutes away, like it was OK.

Yeah. I mean, I was close. I was Rockford wasn't none of it's that far right. It's all a 10, 15 minute drive no matter how far I think. OK, right. And to give you even more context, like when I was driving, I didn't hit anybody. I wasn't speeding. I was going the speed limit in my lane, like would not have been pulled over under normal circumstances. Oh. But I went through a police checkpoint.

Oh shit.

OK, I see what you mean. Like this is this is why police checkpoints are so important. Because like I feel and you know, I feel like all my friends who drive not drunk, but like a few of my friends who will like smoke weed beforehand, they're like they're like, I'm so focused.

But it's like you just seem to sound terrible, but you just, like, can't trust the people, the people you can't.

And it's one of those things where no, I was I was going the speed limit. I went to all the but I don't know, maybe a car would have pulled out in front of me six blocks ahead. And I hit it like reactionism different. Yes. I'd still be in jail.

Right. Involuntary man, whatever it is like, I would be in jail, no doubt. All right.

So like, if you had not gone through that police checkpoint, they stopped you.

Like, that could have altered so much of like your path, your journey, your direction, even more than the DUI did in a much worse way.

Totally. And so I went to the checkpoint and I was so drunk, the police officer didn't even ask me to blow. That's just like a kid your, you know, reeking of alcohol. It's it's it's miserable kind of thing. Threw me in the back, went actually to jail and went into jail. Yeah. Yeah. Into a holding cell. Yeah. Yeah. Mom was super, super excited. I love that one. Yeah.

This is so I know I in our law class, in high school, we had to blow into a breathalyzer pre pre covid days.

They just like take Kleenex and wipe off the Tideway. I mean I think, I think of it a few of us that tried. Right, because it just like you just don't think about it anyway.

It's it's like a big ass breath and maybe me being like fifteen, having like these little tiny like hundred pound body lungs like had a harder time, but like breathalyzers are not easy to take.

I was shocked.

You know, I oddly enough, I still wouldn't be able to tell you never did one. Oh that's right. Yeah. Wow. I'm such a I that's so I can't believe I have more life experience and you have more breathalysed experience.

Wow. That's yeah. That's pretty wild.

OK, so you went to jail and I mean like when you go into a holding cell, do they do the whole like frisk and search and take everything off and you're in like no clothes.

It's like overnight. And to give any more context, to make Mom even more proud, she worked for the state of Illinois. So. Right. I was basically being taken to her place of work. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. I'm sure every mother's dream, she was super proud of me at that moment. Oh, my God.

What was her what was her initial reaction?

I mean, I know that upset, distraught.

Just knowing your mom. I've never seen her. I've I feel like I can envision her being upset, but I can't I can't visualize her being angry.

She which might actually be worse. Yeah, she was. I mean, it was the problem is it was the mixture of couldn't be matter at me, like excited or happy I guess. And I wasn't like hurt or whatever, but like I couldn't be more upset with me, couldn't be more disappointed with me, couldn't be more all of the things at once and didn't have any of the tools to deal with it. But yeah, I mean, she came pick me up with my stepdad in the middle of the night and took me home.

And it was crazy because I think similar like, you know, when you wake up from a crazy dream that feels real. Mm. You go, oh my God.

It was a dream of course, kind of thing. I remember I woke up the next morning and that's like when I was taken, been arrested and taken downtown and all these things, whatever it's not that didn't hit me, but I was still just like this is it. It's so far from reality and my reality and who I am and my path that didn't feel real. Right. And I woke up the next morning and I thought to myself, my life's over.

Also fully sober now, like taking in taking in the responsibilities of, like what had happened and I remember that moment of like waking up and like looking at my door, it was close to my bedroom. And like, I want nothing. I want nothing on the other side of that door. Right. I do not want to get out of this bed. I do not want to face anyone. I do not want to face anything. Everything in my life has now completely changed.

OK, until then, leading up to this night, what kind of kid were you in school?

I mean, did not give a single fuck about grades. I love sports. It was big sports for everything. And I this was right. I mean, we'll get into I enjoy music, I love music. But it wasn't like a passion of mine. It was carried my life or a theme that kept me going on. And I feel like I was constantly trying to chase after the image of what I thought a man was supposed to be this manly thing, right.

To personify this thing that didn't exist in my life and although I had to step out at a time, was like he was not my father, I can stand him. How long were they together?

And five years.

OK, but I mean, if it's not someone that you go through, like your youth with, I think especially as a teenager, it's so hard to connect, not to mention like coming into my life at I think fifth or sixth grade, that's I'm saying he's like, that's such a hard that's like when kids are.

Are they. They are tough to warm up. Yeah.

And I was like, I feel like hitting the head on up, like trying to be this, this masculine thing that didn't want help from anybody. So I think even if he had been some great stepfather, which he wasn't by any means, I still would have pushed back. And he wasn't. And I really pushed back right away. And I know my mom was upset about that and all the other things, but my mom was very like like not strict, but much, much more on the conservative side and was not someone who was going to, like, see the gray area of, like, boys being dumb and stupid or whatever.

It was very much it wasn't a Jeremy next, like, I think better next time. Or maybe you should think about doing this. It was if you think or want to do these things, you are wrong. Right?

Then I think to not to play devil's advocate for your mother to justify why she was so angry, because I feel like she has every right to be absolutely angry.

I think on top of that as well, because you are adopted and she was a single mother for so long. Like, I feel like even though she had been really strict with you and conservative, I feel like every decision that she made in her life, whether it ended up being kind of like right or wrong, was always with your best intentions.

I wanted to give you the best life.

So I'm sure that she felt she looked inward and I'm sure potentially put the blame on herself a little bit.

I'm sure she did, right. Absolutely. And I'm sure to this day she probably does to some to some extent. And it's just interesting to kind of see because of that moment obviously was a low point for me and the. Everything that came after that, whether that was having to go to court or having to go to school, all these things or whatever, you can't get away from that. And people will when they see that, they now associate you with that.

And when it's a big enough city where you can kind of get away but you can't really get away, it's like you're constantly thinking to yourself, does this person have a preconceived notion of who I am based off of what they've heard from that point forward? And I've talked about in a previous podcast, I had no interest in staying in Rockford. And I don't know, I don't have to clear enough like like memory to remember now, like, I'm sure this is part of it.

I wanted to get away. Oh, I even think about that.

Yeah. To leave that I leave that image that you thought you had.

Yeah, absolutely.

So when you applied to community college and later Kentucky, is that something that goes on like your job applications in your school applications?

Yeah. So once again, grey area, it's career. Yes. It's like kind of mine are kind of not I mean, the way they ask the question. Right. Sometimes they'll just ask you, have you been arrested for. Mm. Or arrested for a misdemeanor or have you ever been tried, ever been pulled over for there's varying levels and there are certain things like in certain states that now are no longer allowed, which is I don't like you can't look at juvenile records of other states and neither and even in some states.

Right. Oh, interesting. But the way that it ended up was I wasn't I didn't have to put it on all of my applications, OK, for school and whatnot. But certain, I guess legally, I didn't have to put it on some applications, but it would show up a few times moving forward on applications for things that I did.

Interesting. Interesting. And so what does it show us? Because you weren't technically convicted.

It showed no. It showed up as reckless driving, DUI based. Oh, reckless driving.

UI based. Interesting.

OK, but I mean, like to take it all back a couple of steps, right. The DUI happens obviously a big deal, not as distraught stepdad and her not doing well anyway. Right. And I remember we were. My private school found out and forced me to go to some, like alcohol rehabilitation counseling session to figure out if this was a problem that I needed to be like brought into the system for program if it was something more like a one off.

Right. And I remember I went and, you know, talked to this psychologist, this doctor about whatever and kind of went through stuff. And she made her recommendations. And I and that didn't really end up being anything more than it was. And I remember on the way back, we got home and my mom was irate about the whole thing. Right, like that. She had to do this and this and that. And I had to go get the car from the impound and all these things.

Right. And we walked back into the house. And as we're walking in, my stepdad is has two suitcases in his hands. And he said, I'm over this. I'm done.

What a fuck ass. Yeah, no, like that genuinely makes me so like. And I was I was at the point my life, I remember I looked it was like finally some good fucking news from this thing.

Well, I mean, if you guys had a poor relationship to begin with, and especially if you like, seeing the negative sides and always being on your mom's side.

Right. Because obviously, Family First.

I'm sure that was like a little bit of a relief. I mean, it's funny because he said I'm I'm I'm headed out, not coming back. And he kept his word. I never saw him again. But it was funny because I think about two weeks later through Slater, I don't really remember, like, what the catalyst was here. But I'll always remember my mom was like sitting on the couch next to me and she said, I have a feeling that this was all for the better.

And it was very much like when she came to grips with the fact that, like, she's now going to be another divorce. Things are not fun and things are not going the way that they are planned. She had spent a lot of her savings getting this dude out of his city with all this shit.

Right. Right. I forgot that. I forgot that she really committed to, like, helping him in, you know, financial ways as well.

I mean, that's what as hell for your mom. Obviously, she's an adult. But like, right.

There are so many mothers who come from a single mother background who would look at that situation and.

And turn that into something so toxic and put blame on you for being the catalyst for something that would be implied negatively.

Right, right. But for her, even after two or three weeks, like, I feel like that is so that is so amazing.

Like, that's commendable for her to be able to see it in that light and see, like, the positive perspective of everything that had happened and knowing that, like, things are going to be OK, things were going to get better.

Yeah. And I mean, she's a fighter. I mean, it wasn't the first time she dealt with some real bullshit before and. Right. She she came out ahead of it. You went read the water or you read the letter.

I know I'm going to ball. Well, so what what is the letter. What is the letter?

I had begged my mom not to tell my grandmother because right here in person, the whole world is asking that. And I don't know if she said she wouldn't or this or that or whatever. But one day she handed me a letter from my grandmother and she'd obviously told him. I told her and and was like, this is from your grandmother.

And I was like. And so I went and found it last night. And I had to like, like type it out because it's really difficult to read.

I want to cry just thinking about it. And so she wrote me this.

I literally do see this happening in the. I know, but I read like the first couple. Oh, I got a pretty great. Okay, go, go. All right.

This was I don't know what to whatever after everything happened. And she goes, Hi, Jair, I am so sorry your willpower had deserted you the night of your school dance. I was very disappointed and very upset. And I know your mom was, too. No matter, I love you and I want the best for you. Got to standing at the top of a narrow road with his outstretched hand, you are his child to ask for forgiveness and he will forgive you if it comes from your heart.

You were a good boy, and I pray that you will have enough strength and willpower to set things right. Be humble and kind and loving to your mom and those that think a lot of it and those who think a lot of you, you and your mom are going through a lot right now. My thoughts, prayers and love are with you both. No matter how tall you grow or how much you weigh, you'll always be my little sweetheart.

I love you very much, I'm on your side. I want to talk. That's OK. I'm not OK. Oh, we're going to do this at the end of the episode. So that hit hard that it gets her now. I wish these cameras were less HD currently.

We did this town at seven to one. Oh, fucking shit.

God, yeah. I skimmed over it yesterday when we were playing the podcast. I was like I was like, I am not mentally willing to go to read this.

Yeah, it was tough. I mean, it was just like it was hard because she was like, you know, I'm disappointed. And then she gets and it was very much just no matter, I love you. I need you to talk for a little bit while I get the ball out anyway. I mean, that was it's crazy to me because at that time I think my. Yeah, my. That was right before she would have moved and really started to go downhill, like physically, right?

That was right before she moved in with us, with my grandfather, before he died and everything. And that was kind of like the last time where I feel like she lived somewhere else. And I was so scared for her to find out about it. And then because I haven't seen her and I'm sure the next time I saw her, of course, it was as if like nothing had happened and she loved me and everything was OK because it was.

But, you know, it's so scary as a 17 year old going, I've disappointed everybody.

So those letters mean a lot and they still do stupid stuff like Kleenex.

Please hold. Welcome back. Hello. Makers all fucked up and. So let's talk about how we got to this happy point, right? So to give you the context, obviously worst day ever, everything's terrible kind of thing. And I remember that was like, I don't know, Friday, Saturday. And I go to school, you know, that next week or whatever, and I would have private school. And so there's like, I don't know, five hundred kids in the entire school.

So everyone knows everything and everyone's talked and this and that. And I mean, I get called into the office, I don't know, second period. Third period. And it was the principals and I had a decent relationship, but I was like, I don't want to tell me. Oh, finally, you know, he's like, well, he already knew, right? And he goes, well, let me rephrase that. I got two punishments for you.

One, if you tell me. And one, if I have to tell. If I have to find out. Got to tell me. Yeah, you give them enough information, goes, OK, great, we'll go with the lesser one kind of thing. And so I was, you know, I'd sort of been suspended. I don't really care about that. That wasn't a big deal. The the thing that I think was like the real trigger for me was that I was still in a place where sports were what you did because you were a man and you wanted to be manly, you wanted to be cool.

You wanted your friends to think you were cool. Right. And that's what was very much like what my my my persona was. That's the vibe I wanted to give off. I wanted to be a star athlete, I mean, even star. But just like that was the crowd that I wanted to think. That's the crowd that I wanted to get respect from. And he was like, so just a couple of things. You won't be able to do sports, obviously.

And it's like what is like, yeah, you got to take at least a season off of that. That's Illinois High School Association and that's the way that we work it. So no sports. So that's done. And then like you're on sort of these sorts of probation's and these wives, you got to check in and grades and all this shit forever. And like, I walked out of there and to a degree was very much I didn't know anybody at the school who wasn't allowed to play sports.

I didn't know what the school was like. I was limited in the capacity that I was limited. So outside of feeling alone already and like needing outside of just like school, needing like that camaraderie and that that feeling of being OK and doing the things that made me feel normal again. That was also then taken away from me. And I wasn't expecting that one.

I mean, it's tough because I go back and forth being like like I feel I feel empathetic towards, like 17 year old you who just wants to feel normal again.

But at the same time, like, there needs to be consequences to actions like that. Yeah.

And and it's I guess I guess I feel less bad for you too, because I know how everything worked out. You don't. I mean.

Yeah, because I'm like trying to like I'm trying to figure out my thoughts and I'm like, OK, you know, but I do think that's kind of fair. And and I'm like, now, you know what? Maybe it's I think it's fair also to because it ended up working out for you.

Yeah. I guess my thing is I don't think I don't think works out for everybody and definitely not like a hundred percent does not work out for everyone.

You can. Yeah. 100 percent.

And so my mom worked full time, obviously couldn't drive anymore. So now I was actually stuck at school. High school. Right. Because it's private, there's no there's no bus. I was then now stuck at school as far as I was concerned, from three fifteen until five thirty six o'clock. Right. When she could come pick me up with the sixth graders who had to go to, you know, like all the school care. Right. Just sitting there twiddling my thumbs, not being able to go to sports.

And I was right. I think I hate my life to the point where I don't want to do this anymore. This is terrible and not not to the point of just like like physically harder myself never went there, but all the time I had to think and not be able to do anything was a very unhealthy place for sure. And so I don't know, a day or two later, I get a call from a guy named Jim Crow, who was the drama director at my school, and he was like Jeremy.

He was just like just the most energy filled, like drama teacher to a to a T. definition. Right. He called me Jeremy, you're going to audition for my musical.

And I was like, what? You're going to audition for my musical and you're going to do it? I'm not asking. I'm telling you, I hear you. I've been knocked on your ass. I know who you are. And we have, like, talked before and we'd like kind of had a relationship. But, you know, whatever he's like, I know you can sing. He's like, I need you to audition for this musical. Did you know you could sing at this point?

I knew I could sing, but. Singing was a manly right, singing wasn't cool, right, singing, singing was for for nerds, singing was was for for that.

I didn't roll with those people because that wasn't cool. Yeah. And I love singing or I like to sing I guess the time and I knew I could sing but I never really like saying publicly I'd never really like felt. Comfortable being vulnerable in that position, and I feel like at 17, I was like, I too late to try. I'll do the sports thing. And long story short, he talked me into, like, auditioning and I talked to two or three of my friends from the in band with me right at the same time from playing percussion.

But they could sing as well to audition for this show. And I. Spoiler, I mean, I got the part, it was Beauty and the Beast and I got Beast right off the bat, first sort of tradition for and I went from like, this place is like I have nothing to look forward to. All people are doing is telling me what I can't do and all the things that I think are cool I can't do overnight to some guy saying, I want you to do this, please do this.

I mean, factum demand you can do this. Now I'm giving you the lead and now you have something to look forward to. And I think that you like, but I've never felt comfortable doing. And I always remember like showing up the first day and like they give you the binder of your your lyrics and your words and all of your lines around people that I would have thought were absolute nerds. And like I had nothing, no interest, and I wouldn't be spotted dead eating lunch with these people.

Right. I mean, it's like written out of a movie. And I was like, these are your new friends and you've been nothing but rude to them and the people that they hang out with. And they all know you as some piece of shit. Right? None of them like you, you know, just got the lead. They really don't like you. They super don't like you with them as far as you're concerned. Best of luck.

And it was the best punishment.

As you say, this is like the healthiest and luckiest, honestly, for you like reform that you could ever see, because I realized maybe a week or two or three after starting this thing, I had more in common with these people than I did with anybody on any sports team I'd ever played on. Right. That you're trying to earn the respect of it all? Of course.

Yeah, of course. And no, I don't think that that's I don't think these people really liked me from week two or three by any means. Yeah, you're an asshole.

I believe that. OK, but at the same time, it was just like, holy shit. No, I'm sure they did. I want to I want to add on that you are an asshole, but you're personable and charismatic asshole. You're hard not to like.

I think there's some people that would disagree with you, but I appreciate that. OK, OK. But it was the biggest lesson I think I ever learned so quickly. And I was never going to learn it until someone threw me in that position and forced you to.

You know what? I don't know why this sticks out to me. I feel bad for the arts community that even the school association held sports and athleticism above the arts of gold as a craft and artsy kid that like that like hits me hard in the soul being like, well, damn.

Like, they thought that sports was something that was so like highly held and they would rip that away from you. Absolutely. But you could do arts. Oh, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah.

That's your punishment. You can do arts as a craft kid. I'm like, well yeah. Right, exactly.

And you know, so to to fast forward a little bit here, the whole thing that basically was the catalyst here was very much the turn your world upside down. You know, look at the world in the sense of now you are going to do something that you feel uncomfortable and feel vulnerable with. And through that, I learned more about myself and more about others than any other part of my life. And I look back and I end my senior year and the next year, having never do another organized sport ever going to my life, I have no interest.

So even when you were allowed to do sports, had no interest in it afterwards, because the feeling that I felt from being creative and performing from an onstage perspective, even whether it's musical or not musical. Right. Was above and beyond what I ever felt on the sports side, because it was actually who I was, not who I wanted people to see me as who I was.

Right. You're right. So what now, what next, what happens next? The story is getting more credit as a kind of like alluded to, there were friends of mine and parents that knew me who were very much don't hang out with that kid anymore. And then they were the ones that, you know, doubled down on it. And I'll give a lot of credit to the girlfriend that I started dating. And like six months after all this happened to whatever her parents were, I'll give them a lot of credit for a lot of things.

One thing that she struggled with was finding that balance between supporting a. New hobby at the age of 17 that came from all this, that felt like a hobby and felt like a side thing, certainly not something that could be a future, right.

The future was engineering or epidemiology or if it was academic or things that she knew how to tie a dollar amount to from her own experiences. For sure, the arts were not one of those things. And my my girlfriend's parents, the time in high school, that was the exact opposite. They were creative themselves and their daughter was a phenomenal actor, singer, dance, all these things. Right. And the amount I learned from watching them support their kid in a creative fashion and the things they would take me to in Chicago to see like Chicago and Broadway for the first time.

Right. Or see the specific links they would go to to make sure that although we lived in a smaller area, she got the best teachers and the best this and that, that she could possibly get to get her to the next level. Right.

To support. There was like an overwhelming amount of support. Right. And then I credit to degree them with giving me that perspective, the sense of I wasn't just a kids' random thought. I think I can do it or like I should pursue this. They as adults, they supported this thing. And that helped me feel like I wasn't crazy for thinking, like I should continue to pursue this and to fast forward a bit, you know, and in high school, I was still not allowed, even though I'd been diagnosed earlier or ADHD, I was still not allowed to have any medication for it because it didn't exist.

It's not a real thing. I got to get off that kind of stuff. That's not a real thing. Right.

And so your your mom said that. Yes. That's not something that was going to fly. That's not a real thing. You're just not you're not focused. You're not trying hard enough. Yeah.

I mean, I feel like that's the that's the the most common thing that you hear is that like so, so recently I was just diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, like a newsflash I got my whole life and I had no idea. And like when I was talking to my psychologist, he was saying how just like the most common form of stereotype is that you picture a young boy who is not yet matured, who just doesn't have the maturity level to sit still.

And that's all it is. Nothing bigger than that.

And I feel like there's the kid that's that's tippy tapping on his on his desk.

Yeah. Tapping away, drumming, whatever it might be. And I feel like there's so many and I want to give you so much credit to millennials.

And, you know, the boomers do sometimes the boomers have they come a long way. Sometimes they come around, they come around. But, you know, our generation just supports and welcomes mental health conversations and normalizing it so much more than like the traditional generations of being like ADHD is not real.

So when did you when were you able to see a doctor?

So I'm not kidding. Like, so I turned 18 and in my senior year. With a two point six GPA, I believe so, see? Not even a C plus average, C average, right? I graduated high school with a diploma kind of thing and that was it. And I remember I had auditioned at all these schools for music and this and that and quite a bit of them. Right. And I think I had I just want to believe, like 10 schools and on this like pipe dream and like talking about them and even allowing me to audition and apply to these schools was a challenge.

And I got into, I think, like nine out of ten of them. Right. Right. And all 110 of the ones that I got in to said, you can come you you would be on academic probation. You can't get scholarships because you're on academic probation. And you would have to be reviewed after your first semester or two semesters here to see if will keep you because of how his poor your performance was academically high school in school. And so I realized when I couldn't afford that without a scholarship, that was never gonna work.

And so I over the summer, between the end of my senior year and my freshman year of college, I took myself to the doctor and got prescribed actual medication for ADHD. Right now at 18. I do.

Can you go when you're younger? I think I think you can go when you're younger, but there just has to be some kind of parent doctor privilege or something.

When you have like a guardian, when you're not of age. Exactly. Look good for you.

Right. So went. Went to a community college in fall because they couldn't go to any of the schools that on academic probation. Ended senior year high school, two point six, I took twenty one credits my fall semester, which is a more than a full schedule, and was practicing two or three hours a day singing as much as I could, playing music as much as I could. And I ended that semester with a three point seven GPA.

OK, so I just want to struggling in here. So how many credits is a regular semester load.

Full time is considered 12 12 credits.

OK, and then what is the schedule. Stop at one to four. Right.

So what I went from a C, C plus student to B plus to a student in one semester after being properly medicated and on a overly full scholarship. I'm sorry, I'm an overly full course schedule. Like way more like 15 would have been fine. 18 is a lot, 21 is unheard of. It's not that so much kind of thing. It's crazy. No one would do that. But I felt after I started taking the medication, I'm like, oh my God, everything that I've struggled with, just like not being able to finish a task, I can do no.

Right. And I was balancing that and I got the idea. I wanted to challenge myself and try and make it into this drum corps, this thing called Phantom, because in my backyard, oh, people going to be so excited.

We have so many Drumline fans. I literally had never heard the word drumline except for like, is there a movie called Drumline or something? Yes.

Yeah, they couldn't. Its finest. Oh, Nick Cannon. OK, maybe I have seen it anyway, but like for someone who wasn't in a band, like I was heavily involved in music growing up.

I did piano guitar my entire life, but like I, I'd never heard of it. Right. We've allowed a drum corps bands. It wasn't anything that I'd really done prior to it. I just know it was always there was my back yard was sitting there like I felt like I needed to challenge myself to do, I say. And so a buddy of mine that I went to, his name was Anthony Megaera, a very great guy. Yeah.

He's still in Hawaii with the Marines now. Great guy, playing drums, playing drums. And we would push each other until two, three, four in the morning, playing ping pong, playing percussion and just practicing practicing practicing his ping pong or practice for drumming. It was like, no, it was like we played drums for now or it would take ten minutes off and then we go back to it. Got it. Got it. Got it.

Got I got my mother's patience listening to that in the basement.

Like I there's I mean every parent's worst nightmare is when their kid wants to learn how to play drums. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And so I mean the long story short in that two, three, four callbacks for this thing, everyone else was getting picked and I knew the very first audition. I am not good enough to be in this group. There's no way it's not going to happen.

What are what are the age limits like? What's the age span? Because it's it's not just high school kids. It's like twenty one. Oh, up to twenty one. Yeah, OK, I see, so ten to twenty one, I believe it's twenty one. I see. OK. Oh that's actually younger than I thought it was going to be.

Twenty, twenty one. I'm pretty sure. But to add even more drama to it, it was very much like I didn't think I was ready, but I was working my ass off to get it and I'm not kidding. We had four or five probably callbacks and it came down to me and my buddy.

No, no, I'm going to a movie, you know, and I got spoiler alert. Yeah, you got it.

And it's crazy because to me, I would have never devoted that much time and energy and passion into the music side of things. It wasn't cool like this is had I not been forced to read a line and prioritise myself. Right. Right. And that entire experience is crazy because I feel like people who are on in the performing arts obviously have their own version of this and feel good enough in business or medical academics and everything like everyone has imposter syndrome.

There's something about performing arts to me that feels so vulnerable in the sense that it's so obvious when you're not ready to do what you're doing, like you can read yourself.

Well, I think the hardest thing about arts is that and I'm sure the structure has changed, will change is changing whatever it is.

But there's so many measurements of success based on a group of people doing the exact same thing, but in their own style or way. And that's how it's measured of like who's best. So it's like you think of like when I went to piano competitions, we'd all play the same song, but it was who could play it the best or like in our competitions we would all draw the same thing. But who can draw out the best? And that's why it's vulnerable, because it's like you're doing the exact same thing.

But it's like who can who can do it in their way?

The best you can do it in their way, the best. And also a lot of it's subjective anyway. Right. So hopefully, even if you are the best, there's still plenty of room in your own brain to go. I think that person's better. Yeah. And even if you win, I don't think I should have won that. Like our brains are so hard on ourselves.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, even to like when I think about all the piano competitions that I went to, it's like I, you could you could practice for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours, but someone could still practice one hour more than you and be potentially better.

And so like absolutely. It's hard to it's hard to think about the perspective that, like you're coming into it with and not have imposter syndrome or doubts or stress and the pressure of, like, stagefright to like when you're performing, like, I think of all the time. So I when I was going to like the Royal Conservatory for, like doing the levels of piano, you would do an exam after every grade to receive your next whatever, to move on to the next level.

And no matter how good I could play it at home memorized, I'd get to that room and just. Absolutely just fucking put that shit in the trash. It was terrible.

I remember I brought my boyfriend the time to my exam just to, like, help me, you know, stay calm beforehand. And he'd heard me play, you know, you only play three songs, a bunch of scales, and they ask you, like at random play in arpeggio in this in this key. And of course, you know them at home. But you get in there and I remember coming out of my one exam and I had really fucked, like, really fucked up suddenly could not get through it.

He was like, so. OK, how are we feeling, how, how, how how are we feeling? Do you want to eat Dairy Queen?

We would like to know though nothing has changed, literally nothing has changed. Yeah, yeah. Some ice cream. I'm really ice cream is my love language, and that's OK. But I mean it just like in that environment, it's just like I could have practiced more. I could have played one more time. The person before me, I heard them play and I heard them nail it, you know. I mean, it's just like it's it's just like a spiral of people that I feel like I connected with.

Later on, they were like, can you have babe? You were always so good. And like you were always so good.

They were like, Did you see ya, babe? No, I don't think so.

It's like, yeah, babe, you're so good. You're like, yeah, you're supposed to be people. I said, Yeah, babe, but like, you constantly get in your head that you are are not just up front, just like you know and everyone feels that way. That's not to say there aren't some people who just excel and know that absolute shit. Don't get me wrong.

But I'm not talking about that person that was. No one likes that guy. That guy sucks. Sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He sucks but it's it's but.

The sad thing was, I feel like that that cycle of me barely getting into the thing that I wanted to get into and then constantly thinking they shouldn't have brought me on, I'm not worthy of this kind of thing, went on for another 10 years, I feel like, right where I finally started to, I don't know, just reap some benefits of, like the actual hard work and actually feel like I belong.

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So I feel like a handful of our viewers already know this, but Jeremy was basically so if you've seen pitch perfect one through three, that was jammed through three for sure.

I have to get them all. Are you kidding? Of course. Don't answer. I think number two is my favorite personally. Anyways, Jeremy's life was basically pitch perfect. Like, I just you know what? I don't know if I was just in the wrong part of Canada, but this is something out of the movies for me.

I know I say that a lot, and maybe it's because we're just like a small country. Yes, yes. Yes. Are you kidding? Yes. Yes, it is. And so Jeremy was was pitch perfect, singing a cappella in at the University of Kentucky. Walk me through that to you up here.

Well, the reason I went to UK was the professor there, James Campbell, is like very well known professor like he is was the president of the Hall of Fame of percussion. Like all these. If you were in the industry, you knew that guy was and is like the perfect balance for me of like I could drive there. It was a public school. And the most important piece was and of course, back to the imposter syndrome. He gave me the second highest scholarship, I think about.

Oh, I see. So I was given a little over like half of my tuition was covered by this performance scholarship. And so I went there. It was like far enough away from home to restart my life. And I wanted to as a sophomore when I transferred, but wasn't so outrageous, like in New York or Chicago to the point where I was going to be a quarter million dollars in debt by the time I was over. Totally. And so, like, I got down there and I realized I'm going to focus on percussion, even though I love singing.

I wanted to focus on that because that was the program that you focused on kind of thing. And I within two or three weeks met a bunch of the guys that were on the singing side. And towards the end of the semester, they basically talked me into, hey, listen, if you want to pay the rest of your scholarship like the rest of the tuition you're not getting, there are three groups you can audition into that will pay for your tuition.

Like if you find them, you need to make them. But the choir department is well funded that can pay for it. And I'm like, oh, my God, perfect. Yeah. And so I went and I just brought these three groups thinking I'll get maybe one or two of them. And I ended up getting all three. But can we pause for one second? Jeremy always harps on me for being a lucky person. I, I would.

I would not be as bold to say that I think you are just as lucky as I am, I looking back, even though like I'm like sitting here like, are you listening to how things are turning out for you? But looking back, I still think I barely deserved to get in any of these things. And I feel like I had to sell my way into all of it and I still didn't deserve it. Even looking back, I'm trying to preach the fact that, like, you do deserve it.

I'm still like I still don't know how I managed it.

I just think the way that you grew up and I don't think that this will ever change is I think you have a chip on your shoulder and you will carry that with you through everything you do.

But I'm saying I don't think I deserved it. I know I think you think that because you have imposter syndrome and you have a chip on your shoulder, I guess. Welcome to therapy with Anthony. Right. This is my therapy session. Yeah.

So anyway, so you got you got the option. Do all three.

And so one was the acoustic whatso, one was men's choir. OK, and so that one, that one I could get into and they would let anybody in their right, but they would give me a scholarship if I got into the acoustic arts which is the a cappella group that was men's. Right. Babe.

Babe. Yeah. You're my acoustic crush. You for audio listeners, only, Jeremy just just laid down the fattest, nastiest of my life.

I'm going to like this one shot you shot to win. OK, OK, so got to stop. Stop. Keep going. Make sure the taser works. So because the catch was a second level of choir.

Well, it was like an extracurricular thing and you got money for doing that and you would get money for doing men's choir if you got into both. I see. I icing on top of that, there's a thing called Corale, which is the best of guys and women. And there was like, I don't know, for boys part of every part. Sixteen, twenty four parts of it. And you get the most money for that. And I got do all three and then maybe a week or two afterwards.

And I've been struggling with my allergies really bad. Anyway, a week or two after I got into those and I found out I was going to basically have most of my stuff paid for the following year I was the doctor and said, you are at risk of crazy infection in your throat because your tonsils are so big, we have to remove them. You know.

You know that this is the same storyline as Chloe in Pitch Perfect when she had node's, right?

Yeah. But anyway, it was my real life. I was like, fuck, I just got here. I'm just starting to figure this thing out and like now like he's like and you'll probably be able to sing, but like, sometimes it does mess you up and you don't really have the same voice as you.

Right. And so sorry. This was tonsils.

Yeah, my tonsils were really touching in the morning I, I follow someone on talk who just had their tonsils removed as an adult. And it is one of the like doctors acclaimed most painful surgeries to have. When you're an adult, it just does not heal the way that a kid's throat does.

It was the most painful thing that's ever happened. Oh, no.

I mean, you've told me you've told me like horror stories of you having your child removed.

It was the I mean, I'm glad I did it, obviously, but it was the most I can't imagine something more painful.

How long is recovery for that solid? Two weeks.

Like and you're not you're not really able to do anything for the first week because every time you breathe, you're like, oh, again, when like you said, they're going.

Oh, uh, I like that's a miserable, miserable man to turns up like and saying everything's good. So you still did all three? I did all three. I did all three.

And like, I did that for a year and a half. And as you would say, of course, the luck hit it, whatever, as I was about to basically move over to the business side of things because I loved music, but I felt like such an imposter for so many reasons and I needed to get into something was more concrete, would make Mom proud and all this shit.

I also think that there are so many, just like societal pressures of people having the impression and honestly, this is not an person I feel like this is kind of reality, is that it is so hard to make it in the arts and to earn a steady income.

So I don't think that's an unfair mindset for you to have to be like this is a little risky. There's a little risky for my well-being financially later on in life. I think I looked at it like the guy that was teaching me, like some of my private lessons was, you know, a doctor of percussion and doctorate and like he was having a hard time paying his water bill. Right. Like, I don't want this.

Well, I mean, it's it's it's just like, do you want to make that sacrifice to do something that you are so passionate about?

And I guess I loved it enough at the time to be like, I think I can I can cultivate my own love for this, not from a financial standpoint. Right. Go to business, make my money in this capacity, still love music and be able to do them both the same time and not have to rely on one. Right. And also like the pressures of like I felt like I was just skating by the like just just by my teeth every time to get in these new groups.

And doing this, I was like, I don't want to. That's too stressful. I think my art of bullshit will get you through on a sales and marketing path to a more like solid financial future. Right.

Well, so you could still be you could still switch over to business classes while doing acoustic ads and coral and stuff.

Well, that was I think I was I basically when I switched to business the year before, right when I ended up switching to business, I was like, you know what, the percussion scholarship, although it's half of my tuition, I'll lose that. I'll keep doing the singing stuff I supplement. I got I got it. And the following year, like my end of my junior year, because I go to my senior year, I was so far behind, I switched majors late.

I was like, right, I need to drop everything, I'll pick up the debt, but I'll be able to nail this and actually graduate on time. And of course, as luck would have it, Jordan Lindsey, one of my best friends to this day, whatever goes, we're going to audition for this thing off and Beardsley's best. And if you're in this group, you have to because your scholarship says so.

We're like, oh, interesting. So because of your choice. Yeah, yeah. Because they're paying you. You're part of that group. Yeah.

And he'll be the first one is. I remember. I remember I told you I remember he came to this idea. I was like, Jordan, this is a waste of time. Yeah. I don't want to do this. We're not going to make it. First up, we suck and the auditions don't don't don't say that about my acoustics anyway. And the audition is the same day as the Kentucky Derby. And I was like, I am not missing the Derby to go to some audition, to go be told how much we suck.

OK, and so I was irate. I did not want to go. I did not want to practice for the stupid thing, but my scholarship is there, so I was going to do it. So basically I was like, you know what, this is my this is my goodbye. I'll do this, then I'm done and I'm going to just focus on business. And I know we practice for this damn thing for a month and a half and finally got there down there to Nashville and auditioned for this thing.

And I realized at the end of the audition, I was like, fuck, I think we just made this as luck would have it.

And it was crazy. It's just like it takes weeks to even a month to find out about that, you know. And I was like back at home in Rockford, right between my junior and senior year, like getting ready for my senior year, taking a bunch of classes in this and that get that call. Of course, it's like, hey, you're going to L.A..

And I was like, I'm sure you're gonna love that one as much as if I'm on schedule. She was like, well, yeah, but you're not going. And I was like, well, it's my groups. I got to go. She's like, Yeah, but you're not going. And I was like, no, I'm a guy. I kind of I got to go.

I mean, it's tough too, because you would have been what, like twenty to twenty. Yeah, I was twenty. Yeah. Yeah.

You would've been twenty or. Yeah, I was 20. I don't know, I was twenty one, I was watching. What were your January birthday? Yeah, yeah that makes sense because we went and it was like it was crazy cause like, I just I feel like not giving up on my, like, love of music kind of thing, but I just said, I'm going to put you over here for a while and then I finish school.

I'm going to go do this thing that I know we need to do something about my creative thing to the side finally. And I'm going to focus on this. I mean, I think my mom was like, oh, thank God.

You're like. So then she and like, of course, you know, fight fire fights. Later when I was like, I'm going to L.A. kind of thing. And of course, I went to L.A. and I feel like that was to a degree my like my I felt good about leaving music there almost because I when I got out to L.A. once again, surrounded by people, as you know, who are just so talented. And it's one more reason if you're like, I don't deserve to be here, what's the best of the best health?

It won't even happy the best of the best. Like, it's just like I'm there and I'm like, I don't know how this stuff works. I'm a kid from the Midwest that's been singing in sorority houses. I don't like what camera do I look at? I can't dance. I'm six form a gangly white kid. It just looks awkward. It's I don't know what to do with myself kind of thing. Um, after I finish the podcast. Yes, but once you finish the podcast, do yourself a favor, go to YouTube, search bar and type in.

What's the one where your pants come down. NBC single acoustic cat housecats with a K on be very clear, not a single time rock and roll and it's all old time rock and roll.

Drus Jeromy has a little solo moment where he rips his pants down.

I used to do a lot more squats. Go check it out.

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Yeah, that's like nice.

Do yourself a favor. There's a picture of me, my mother and my assistant all huddled around a little iPhone, enjoying it for the first time together. And we found out when Jeremy first started dating and we were dating it, we weren't even dating. No, three weeks later. And we were like, Hi, mom, it's me, because my parents were here when he takes his pants off on. And I just I just shook the DUI thing.

I was no longer this was finally to get my life together. Like I feel like parents were finally all those kids in tech. He's got a straight job, everything's good. And you're like, but look at the time he took his pants off on national television.

I mean, I've done much worse on the Internet. So I it's it my parents are not bound by that kind of behavior on the Internet.

I didn't tell my mom I was taking my pants off at night.

Oh, dude, she'd shit her pants. Oh, my God, she messed up.

She wasn't like she was like your mom is just so modest that she was on her couch at home. Just. Yeah, all three of us.

Jeremy, Jeremy. Well, here we are. Yeah. Um, and so to cap this thing off, to not go just to great lengths, the, the, the crazy thing is about coming to L.A. and like even realizing that you are falling in love with like a new city and like post college and all these things or whatever. I remember like going back to school and realizing like, wow, I want to do a business. I don't want to be in the performing arts by any means, but like, I want to get to it.

I just wanna, like, start. And I had a really hard time coming back to school after being on TV, like, really, really hard. Like, I, I couldn't get out of bed. I was just super sad. I wanted to be out in L.A. I had met a girl. It was just like I was very much just like I want to get done with this thing. And like, I've, you know, I mean, I don't have issues with depression.

It's not something that I struggle with. I was depressed. And I think the more once again people told me when I got back to school and I was the kid that was I mean, it's a big university, but yeah, it's Lexington, Kentucky. It's like I would go into any restaurant or anything on campus was like. Kids can sing or whatever kind of thing, which is cool. It's not you just feel like you're like an imposter because you're like, yeah, but like when I'm out there, I'm nobody like you guys.

Once again, you don't understand. I'm not cool. And what you think about me is not real. Like, that's not cool. And so it's crazy because I look back on my life and I'm like, I was upset when people thought that I was something that I wasn't in a negative way. And I'm also upset when someone gives me too much credit. So it's just like the human condition is so fucked. It's the chip on your shoulder.

I told you. Yeah, it's like a chunk, a chunk out of your shoulder.

It's tough. I think I think to I, I can relate to this in a lot of ways.

When I felt like I was trapped in Toronto waiting for literally my visa to be approved, to be able to go to Los Angeles so long as that process.

I mean, it depends. I think under the current administration that we just had over the past four years, what a fun ride that was.

That was that was a process that was not fun for anyone. Right. Immigration, you know, just not going to take you. So for me, under Obama, it took me about nine months was a long time. It's a long time. My my application. So I'm on an open visa. My application was over 200 pages of every career achievement I ever had in my entire life. Every magazine printed I ever been featured in every new segment I'd ever been on, any kind of award or recognition that you that you have.

But like what what I'm getting at is just that, like when I felt like I was trapped in a place that I did not want to be because I saw something bigger and brighter in a place that I just couldn't quite reach yet.

You can't appreciate anything behind you.

Nothing makes you feel valuable where you are, right? Focus on is the place you want to be.

You want to be right. So it's like, I'm sure a lot of people in the acoustic arts when you guys came back were like, oh, hell, yeah, I'm a local celebrity. People want to buy me drinks like I'm sure a lot of people, you know, flourished in that. But because you had another goal that you wanted to get to, you're kind of blinded as to what's happening around you.

I would go so far to say that four or five of the guys. Dealt with depression at the time, and I could think of one or two that still do right. Interesting one in particular.

One, they just never really got back. I got a taste of just like a life that was beyond everything he knew. He had no idea how to get back to it. Right. I mean, it's so polarizing. It's just like it's such a different world.

Yeah. And it's it's not like the biggest it was on primetime on ABC, but it's not like it's some like you're not an A-list celebrity by any means. You're a celebrity or a celebrity, just like you get a taste of like what that performance feels like and you don't know how to replicate it like a drug. Yeah. You know, you just don't know how to get back to it. And like I a lot of us struggled. It's interesting, but no one, of course, wants to share that.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, obviously. Yeah. And here comes Donna's favorite part of your academic career is when you didn't finish your degree.

And a what? A Starchild. You are very fun.

You think of that back. I'm like, you know, Mom, you had a tough ride. Yeah. Your mom, your mom, a truly a saint. Bless her.

So long story short, my senior year, I'm I definitely did get a little bit behind by not being at school for the first three months in the fall, for sure. And I went back, of course, like my like my newfound depression was just like, I don't want to go to school. This is stupid. It's long in L.A. And so halfway through my the next following semester, my grades had really fallen. I didn't care. I didn't want to be there.

I just say I want to go out to L.A. and do something. It was even before, like, I want to get out there, I'll I'll get a shit job. I'll just like, you know, work my way up kind of thing. I just want to get out there and get into life. Start. Yeah, I want to start. You start. And I decided with a few weeks left, you know what, a few weeks.

Jeremy the thing was, I realized there was one class.

I think I wasn't going to I wasn't going to pass that I say so that you'd have to go in for another semester.

Not only that, I was like, OK, I'll see if I can get it done in the summer or if I can get it done. And like in one city, like one three month period, I'll do it. I wasn't able to, so I would have had to have got another lease, be there for all summer. And that's more. When you said a few weeks, I was like, you know what, I'm a freshman downside.

Yeah.

No, it was like I only have like I still only have like fifteen credits left, which is. Yeah. A semester. But one of those courses, the prerequisite to the other one, I we have to be there two consecutive semesters. I see. I see. Otherwise I would have realistically with Corona probably would have been like I just finished it. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. And so I just move out to L.A. in with my girlfriend for the first time living with a girl kind of thing.

Right. Go from like small town Kentucky, moving out to L.A.. No degree, no plan, no anything. And it's how much you have in savings. Two hundred dollars, Jesus Christ, my God, everyone always says that you need at least three months, like I feel like this is the general thing that I've always heard from friends who moved to L.A. with nothing to do.

Their fresh start is that they always try and move out here with at least three months of everything saved so that they could do nothing for three months and have that cushion.

So you came out here with three cents. I can't tell you how much you need. I do know that it's more than three hundred dollars. Got it. Yeah. Surprise. I moved out here and we just like I'll figure it out, you know, it kind of thing. I don't know, I'm going to do it. And spoiler alert, I could not figure it out. OK, so for how long.

Years. Years, because the so what did you what did you do when you first got here apply to any and everything, OK? And I realized it's was terrible about it. Is that minimum wage? I don't know if it's changed at the time of it, are now like minimum wage was not going to cover the amount of money I needed to just survive and pay my student loans and whatever kind of thing it was like, OK, I have to figure out how to make a little bit more than that to even come up net zero.

And none of it just did the math. None of it worked like I wasn't going to able to just get an hourly job that required no previous experience and pay my bills and like I have to as opposed to doing that. And still coming up short, let me take 30 days, 45 days to get a job that pays a little bit better or figure something out to actually be able to cover my expenses. And it just took so long to and I realized that, OK, great, I'll go into I know enough about marketing and sales.

I'll be able to consult and help from a social perspective or whatever some of these businesses. And it took me I mean, I would get up at the crack of dawn, 6:00 a.m., start shooting emails out, calling using everyone I knew, which was almost nobody out here. Right. My girlfriend, the time was on tour, so she wasn't even here. So I was just alone in a city knowing maybe two or three people. And the people that I knew, I couldn't ask for help because I didn't want to look desperate.

Right.

Because I could come up that way. Was a new friend. It's like you're not comfortable with that. Right. And I didn't want to use the things around me that I think I probably could have used to say because they were doing well. I didn't want to come off or make people feel like I was using them. So I refused to ask. So I feel like people and the reason that I feel like I've put off even talk about this part is because people have been like talk about post university or like you don't have a degree or, you know, how how did you get here?

Right. Like what what what took you from dropping out of school and now having a great job and being able to support myself and beyond and being really fortunate and lucky to be in a career that is really endless opportunities. And I look back at it, and it was as conventional as the rest of my I feel like my upbringing because like I struggled for years. I mean, it's like you came out here with a purpose, like I want to do this thing I'm already doing.

And I think I came out here with a world of like I want to come out there. And obviously I I was interested in obviously being closer to my girlfriend. But I also was so passionate about the idea of being able to be in a city with enormous opportunities in business and tech and culture and everything that just didn't exist in the Midwest.

Yeah, I mean, I think that's not dissimilar to a ton of people who just want you know, they moved to L.A. with a dream and that's that's you know, that's a that's it would've been a little bit easier with the dream and a degree. But of course, because I had on the way out, actually, do you actually think that that it would have been easier had you had a degree on your.

No, not not not at this point. I would say I don't I actually don't know if I agree with that. Yeah.

And to even on top for where I ended up. Right. Because when you leave with no, I'm going to go figure it out, you guys don't you don't believe me. I'll show you. I'll show you. I'm going to make it. I'll figure it out. You can't then call that person and say, hey, everything you said was right. Right. Hey, Mom, I'm not I am struggling. And of course, for years when she would call me all things good.

No, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I couldn't afford food. You know, I was trying to figure out how to scrounge enough dollars together to eat, pay some of the rent, do anything and everything I could for for multiple years and all the while being surrounded by people that are, as far as I'm concerned, are thriving. Right.

And I think, though, there's like a lesson in this about asking for help, of course, because I I find myself in relationships with boys, boys that just don't know how to ask for help, who just don't want to do it.

And I think it's because there's the stereotype of, like asking for help is not manly and that it's weak and it's pathetic and it's desperate. Like you literally used that word. Yeah.

And like, I think about who you would have been surrounded with in this time of your life and had you asked for a little bit of help, of course.

And it's it's the biggest. The biggest visual reminder I feel like I have of myself in this time that I can always go back to whenever I like, I not forget my story, but like when I I feel like it's been so long since then is I did the twenty sixteen. I think I sang with a group in Florida called Vocativ. They're like this a cappella group that read Disney. Right. The leader of that group, Jamie Rae and I got connected and he said you and your girlfriend should come out and sing with us.

We'll do a video. It'll be fun. Whatever you want to sing, I'll write it and do great. Once again, I looked at these people from afar on YouTube, but I was like, these are the most talented singers ever. I can't say no to this opportunity. Once again, don't feel like I belong in this. My girlfriend, of course, is way more accomplished than me. I am once again in the situation I don't deserve.

But you have to try. You have to do it. And while I'm trying to figure out how to make enough money to eat and pay some rent and do the basic things, I also can't turn down this opportunity to do this thing. And the reason I bring it up is cause I look at the video, this thing called Disney Love Bentley that we did, and I look at the video and it's a different person.

I'm fifty pounds less than I am right now. You you look sick. I was sick.

Yeah. No, that's I mean, but it's like it's jarring and like alarming what six four can look like with fifty pounds less like knowing what you look like looking at my face.

If you watch that video and you look at my face for me it's your elbows. I mean I, I couldn't afford to eat. I was barely, I was barely able to survive. And it's a reminder of this moment where I was doing this thing that I hadn't been able to do in years. I'm not getting like that was the first time I had been in a recording studio since I was on the show. It was like years. Right.

And I look at that that piece and I look I look happy and I'm smiling. Everything's great. And I know how sad I was. Right, because I was I was so far from control and all I wanted to do was be all the things that I felt that I was not.

Well, I think that you were chasing success and a sense of individuality.

True. And I and, of course, like people in the Internet were mean and were saying, you know, you know, this kid is using you for this or this person. What does he do? Like, why? Why is he fake? Why does he have followers violence thing? And you just want to say, shut up, go away. You don't know.

You don't know. And you don't know what people are dealing with.

I have been on the Internet for nine years. Exactly. I know.

So here's where things get good. Is it me or am I the good part?

Oh, that's the that's the finale. My love is been things good. Good enough. Knocking on doors enough trying to figure it out and just like being willing to work hard and I get a client pays a little bit more and when you get momentum and you make a little bit of money and you're not desperate when you don't have enough, when you don't have so much time to like, worry about, if I don't get this job, I'm not going to eat when you go, OK, well, I'm going to eat.

I know that much. Now, I'd like to start paying back that student debt. Right. The momentum carries you the way that you present yourself just changes. You have time to stress over little things so you get through more things. And so I landed another plane that was bigger and another client is bigger.

And we say client like, what were you doing? I was doing basically I would I would take a startup and they wanted to be able to create either new marketing for them. They wanted to create social assets or be able to understand how like the back into social platforms worked. And I started Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and I started the paid ads behind them. And I would create these strategies for companies that couldn't afford big agencies, but they would pay me like a flat dollar amount.

And I just figured it out more. Right. And, you know, started making a little bit of money, not anywhere near enough to actually, like, pay back my debt, but like enough to exist to float. Right. Yeah. And that, you know, it's six, nine months later start making some decent money. And I got an opportunity to work for a kind of newer tech company step. And I actually took a small pay cut to work at STEM.

But I believed in the product and what they did.

And also to you, your life style improvement of you going from working for yourself to working for, you know, a corporation, even though it's a small business, like it's just different when you when it's not you working for you, when it's you working for you.

There's no work days. You have days and every day you work and there are no work hours. It's you have to work until the work is done, because if you don't do, it doesn't get done. And when you work for a company, it's not. So they couldn't drive you, but like it's probably nine to five ish or eight to six ish and it's probably five or six days a week. And that's when I realized and I got this idea of like, holy shit, I actually am good at business.

I actually can excel. I got into a role where there were more opportunity than I was just bringing to the table myself. And I kept hitting it. And it wasn't any degree or any conversation or any one of those things in the past would of like unlocked that. For me, it was a place where I was put into an opportunity where I had like tried hard enough and worked hard enough and studied hard enough for myself to get too. And everything fell into place from there.

But no. I was going to do myself was going to get me to that situation until the time was right and the opportunity was right for me, right. Everything had to align and all the experience they went through had to happen.

And it's crazy because I, I look back on the things that I struggled with and the path that I took and the thing that brought me to a very, very successful step. And I got another job after that working for my current company that was even bigger than that and and going from small contracts to big to really, really big stuff, working with the biggest media companies in the world. And I don't think that I would have the general understanding of how just like the landscape and how people and how empathy works for people that don't look and act and think and believe in the same things as I do.

And I not been knocked on my ass as a kid and been told, this is your chance. You get to either reinvent yourself in the way to humble yourself and understand your shame, or you can keep trying to put up this front. And it still took me 10 years later, 11 years to get to that point. But I honestly don't think I'd be here today had I not had a the worst thing ever happened to me. That became the best thing that ever happened to me.

The end, you know, the best thing for him is you, of course. Oh, that's so nice. See, you didn't have to do with Jeremy in his in his worst days. Are you kidding me? I still deal with the trauma of all the shit that's happened in the chunk on your shoulder.

That's all shrunk on my shoulder. Yeah. Well, yeah, I appreciate it.

Here's me packing it up with mod podge and glitter and clay and all my DIY supplies.

So it's my story. Yeah, I, um, I don't entirely understand how you don't see that this is a movie, this is six movies. This is this is this is a sequel on sequel. On sequel. Like we touched we touched Nick Cannon's drumline, we touched Anna Kendrick, it's pitch perfect, we touched, you know, probably some Hallmark stuff in there was like these movies have already been written on about your life.

Yes, there are stories have been told like you've lived so many of these like crazy stories that I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah, but the movie we're going to make is going to be the best one yet. That's so nice, babe.

Hopefully not as entertaining as the other ones. Won't have so much a little less action. Yeah, a little more consistent. But yeah, I like this movie the best that's for sure.

Yeah. But like I don't think you could be in this movie with all the other movies. I very much agree. Yeah. All right.

Well fuck anyone still with us. Yes.

It's I think I feel better and a lot of ways and I'm glad that I wrote it all out yesterday to a degree because I feel like I didn't realize how much things were connected. But I feel like I've almost told, like, how did you get after to college?

Or like, what is it? Some things you struggle with this and then it's like you almost have to tell the whole story. Yeah, well, I mean, it's hard without giving certain pieces context.

I think it's very difficult. Yeah. Yeah, I agree for sure. I mean, it's, I feel I've had such like a known for nine years and I feel like my career has so many different chapters of it that all led to a new chapter that it's hard to tell it just in sections without, you know, accidentally throwing a little shade in one direction or taking blamer, putting, you know, it's tough.

It's tough. OK, so hopefully no one no one took the took notes to make it like a memoir and steal your story or something, instead comments when it's made.

OK, I would love for the folks that are on the community side. Keep sharing. It's like crazy how inspiring it is to get texts or messages or DMZ tweets. People that are like these things are so close to what I'm dealing with in my neck of the world. Right. And I feel like we take it for granted. Just like sharing stories that like are just like we got drunk, get to the stupid thing and we learn something from it.

But it's like it's so similar to what everybody else is doing to.

Oh yeah, for sure. And then also, if you don't feel like doing that, just send us a dog pic, mostly dog pics.

I got a really cute dog today named Chili, a doxxing who's actually going in for surgery. So send good vibes to Chili. To Chili. Yeah. Surgery.

Yeah, I'm going to try again. Oh my God. Stop, stop it. Stop this. Serious. He's a little old. A little nervous. Oh my God. You're going to cry again. Stop it. Right now we need to in the podcast immediately. Eyes welling.

Chile, this has been wild tonight. This has been wild till five, 30, and we're going for tennis tonight.

So I don't know what you want to make of that, but my name is boyfriend. My name is is Chile. I said, actually, you won't need it, though, you know, he's going to be still going to be just fine. Is going to be just fine for hanging out with those guys. I appreciate if you did make it all the way through.

Yeah. Let us know if you made it all the way through. Leave a comment about Chile in the comments if you did make it this far. So we know that you a real one and that you're also and then we're going to aggregate the goodbyes for Chile.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, baiI.