When Jeremy is in conflict resolution, he turns into a motherfucking salesperson and it makes me want to.

Commit crimes. Still not ready yet. Let's go. Hey, guys, what's up? Welcome back to well till nine or I feel like you should indro do you want to intro. Hey, guys, welcome back to Wild Till Night indicated that.

Hey, guys, welcome back to Wild Night, many Dieguito weekly podcast. I really learned when my boyfriend hear me. Oh my God.

Well, you know what? That did sound very like. Radio presenter. Hey, guys, welcome back to Weitzel nine. Oh my God. There's this guy on tech talk who's like who's gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got the he's got a low voice. He he can do it. I can't do he can be he you can be exciting while being low. Uh do you get higher when you're excited. I just, I lose my softness and I'm, I add excitement to my voice. I unnoticeably anymore.

Hi, guys, welcome back to our July nine. Happy January. Happy January, everybody getting for me for my birthday soon. I know.

Fuck, I'm really stressed. I just feel as if no one should be allowed to have a January birthday because it's too close to Christmas and stresses me out.

Imagine people who are within a week of Christmas. My cousin's birthday is December 31st and he always got the joint birthday and Christmas present.

And I feel like that sucks. That sucks. Yeah. Maybe you get like double the value of the dollar amount, but then it's like one celebration in and off. Like what if you decide you want something in March.

Right. But you're fucked. You fucked anyway. No idea what I'm getting Jeremy for his birthday because it is very soon. I'm a little stressed. I'm going to be honest now. Is that right? Oh, I do.

When they have give them context for y y you're expecting six thousand dollars worth of a present. I mean, you know. No. So I booked an er ok for X, I booked a baby for Christmas that was very expensive because of like holiday premium prices. And with our family not coming and we weren't allowed to leave L.A., we didn't go to Airbnb and so we were able to reschedule the Airbnb to Jeremy's birthday. So six thousand.

No, no, no. And then they offered us the option to refund it.

But like under like anyway, I'm fighting with Airbnb in the House right now to get my money back.

Sponsored by Airbnb. No, definitely not fucking sponsored. Not fucking sponsored at all. One hundred percent.

Or your parents work at Airbnb. I'm fighting with a man named Ed right now. Fucking Ed. He's probably a nice guy. He honestly. Yeah, he really is really nice, you know, under his job.

So anyway, anyway, Jeremy is now expecting six thousand dollars with a birthday present, which you are absolutely not getting. Let me be very clear.

I could get like a low a low hanging fruit Rolex for that.

You could buy a car for six thousand dollars. We don't need a car for you and we're not going anywhere. OK, so we could get six thousand dollars worth of crispy creams. A better use that sounds that sounds really good again. Yeah, so I'm turning twenty nine and see, I really have no idea how old you are.

I don't know, I can't keep track between that and a couple of weeks. Very exciting and excited.

I know what I'm going to do. Well, you really do anything since we did last year during. Yeah. Yeah I yourselves.

Yeah. How exciting. Do a live stream from. No.

Actually last year we had a big party because it was like that was the last big gathering that we had at the house before shit hit the fan. Oh fuck. I know. Oh shit.

Um so I appreciate all of the birthday gifts in advance. Thank you so much.

How humble, how nice and humble.

I mean, to people will like send me a high five in meme form and that'll be it. Yeah.

That's okay. Maybe a few happy birthdays on slack. Oh good. Yeah that's nice. That's, that's heartwarming. Like went down today. I know. It's like oh wait wait wait fux like we have a tech talk. Go follow our tech talk. It's wild till nine. We have a tech talk and I'm very excited. We have to talk.

I am going to work really, really hard. And so there's going to be content uploaded daily.

It could be like. Yeah, yeah I know. Good for get that budget now.

We do not have that budget. I just have a bomb as assistant. But I am and Jeremy's and this the first time now I'm going to try and convince him to do a few tech talks with me. It takes six seconds to film babe. We owe it to the people of tech talk. We'll talk about it, OK? No, no, no, that's not a no. I'll take it, ladies. That is not a no. Oh my God.

Anything else, babe? Shlub.

Well, look, I mean, the meat and potatoes of this podcast is how mean and rude and vindictive and manipulative you are in our relationship.

Oh, know, we had a different we have everybody is like up until maybe I don't know, two hours ago we had a different topic planned for today.

Yeah. Because of specific conversations within Lauren's current meltdown today, we had to postpone that to a different week.

But actually a conversation that we had with someone like in our inner circle sparked some inspiration for today's podcast, which I'm really excited about. And I feel like kind of answers, 85 percent of the questions that we get on the wild online hotline like Ajita. Eighty five. Eighty five percent. Yeah. Because some of the texts or dog photos, a lot, maybe. Maybe it's actually less than 85. It's a lot of dog photos.

If we could get more animal photos, more in. Oh my God. Someone sent a pod rat.

The other day, it's the first portrait I've ever I've ever received a pet rat, pet rat watching the pod, I although I respect that, is a culture that is a culture rat, I, I think I was. You know what, Donna Cinzano? I grew up in a household that was scared for no reason. A lot of things like antiproton. Yeah. Just in general but like that. And harmless bugs, you know, and just like I was no get that out of here kind of thing.

Jeremy has a fucking meltdown when there's a bug in the house. I know.

So you never like one a hamster. Guinea pig? No. Oh, no. I feel the mouse is kind of a guinea pig. Like he's a guinea pig pig.

Right, right. Hampster recipe's marshmallow, my hamster. We don't have time for that. But Pirbright, I'm I'm in. Yeah, but it's not it's not for me. Yeah. And I, I wish I could be more accepting of it for me. It's not about me. I'm making it selfish. It's for you.

And I'm excited for our first part portrait that upon horse we had about horse cat I poured cow dog. Pottow poured cow. Uh, I'm waiting for my first pod parrot, no pod parrots yet, or pod parakeet, really? Yeah, no pod fish. Why did that yeah, anyways, so maybe it is less than 85 percent tick tock. You know, I was going to say that our topic today about like fighting, I feel like it covers or could give some, like, solid blanket advice to so many of the questions that we get there on the well tonight hotline, because obviously, like some people are sounding like fucking novels, novels, guys.

And you are giving us so much credit for having an attention span that is long enough for a novel.

We are trying really hard, but sometimes it's nice to just get a picture up on that, too.

We we love a good part, right? Yeah, but so what are we talking about today, Shub? We're talking about the most foundational staple cornerstone of many relationships. I totally agree. Um, as in love and as great as a couple is, they're only as good as their ability to have a healthy fight.

A good old buck. You healthy session.

No, no, no, no, no. Fuck you. Is that is that is that is literally one of the fundamental things that we said do not do.

We're not there yet. We're not there yet.

We're not there. OK, sorry. OK, so you're at the fucking point right now.

Yeah. OK. Because I think a lot of people feel fuck you. Oh for sure. That's the absolute initial reaction. Fuck you or fuck you.

Fuck whoever it is that you are fighting with your partner. Right. Your partner. So how do you think we do at fighting.

Huh. More like more or less, pretty fucking good. I think so, too. This is the this is the most healthy level of communication and fighting or arguing conflict resolution, whatever you want to call it, that I've ever had.

Yeah. And I would add to that. We are healthy in our fighting. Despite being different. Fighters, hundred percent, like, however, you want to say that we do not have the same communication style when it comes to conflict, and I've had there's one relationship in the past in particular where the my my girlfriend had a identical form of conflict resolution as me.

Did you hate that? There's nothing I hated more than I hated more.

I mean, we wanted to kill each other with every argument because I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm the one setting the stage. She's like, no, I'm just trying to get on your page. I was like, No, no, no, I'm already on your page. It was bad. I literally want to punch both of you in the face right now.

Just hearing that like it triggers something inside of me of like how we fight as well, too, and like hearing it from two different sides. Well, I want to be very clear.

Like we rarely fight. Yeah, we fucking fight. Oh, my God. Literally I don't fight is such a strong word. Yeah.

Yeah. Fight, fight is is is OK. So how do you want to differ. A fight from like conflict resolution.

I mean like what categories is a fight. At the end of the day it's all some form of collaboration, it just starts negative.

Well, that's such a nice way to say fight collaboration. But it is. Yeah, no you're right.

I mean, two people involved having a conversation over like one shared sentiment.

I mean, think about it in the most like entertainment style, like boxing UFC. They're literally being paid to go up on stage, fight each other. One is going to win, one going to lose, but they're both going to take away some money. That's collaboration.

And it's fine. It's OK. But like when you said someone has to win, someone has to lose. I feel like not a good metaphor for today's topic. So let's do it. Was that game. Yeah, but both of them come away a hell of a lot richer.

That's true. That's true to me. It's just like I said, we can tap into it. But it's just like I think the biggest issue that people have with fighting is that they confuse fighting with winning, like you're saying, or fighting with losing. And there's unfortunately a lot of grey area.

I totally agree this is so random. But the last time that I collab with Josh Peck forever ago, a pre pandemic would have been probably twenty nineteen at this point. Love Josh back. Such a good guy, so grounded, so humble, so genuinely funny. He gave me some of the best relationship advice that I've ever received and it has stuck with me since we like. I don't know. Yeah this is very random and I'm probably Josh pessimism.

This is a Josh Peck is out here backing go.

Yeah. Well that's not to say is that like I, I'm going to butcher the delivery of what he told me exactly. But I'm gonna try and translate it in the way that like I took it away, like what I took from it. In the most simple terms. He basically said that, like because he is he's been married in the same relationship for like ever now and they have a cute little baby. And he said essentially to the effect of when you were in a fight, it doesn't matter what you're actually fighting about, because the end of the day, you know that you were coming out of that fight still together, like I feel like especially in young relationships or someone who has a mature, sorry and immature perspective on fighting, they think that every fight could be like the precipice of a possible breakup where his or his perspective was that like at the end of every fight, you know, that you are both in it forever or, you know, you're both in it.

One hundred and ten percent. And no one's wavering on the commitment or the possibility of a breakup.

And and I think I think that just totally changes the perspective of how or how you're delivering and what you're saying and the possible hurtful things that you might say 100 percent might take away from that is that person has long term vision.

Right. And is looking beyond the fight. Right. While in the middle of the fight, as opposed to looking at the fight like they have to end that and then they'll think about hopping back on their life.

Oh, totally. It's like if we have a fight about your socks fucking everywhere in the house, like I'm thinking about how we're going to resolve this so that in twenty five years down the line, like, I'm not I'm not still pissed off at you about socks. Also I just disclaimer I don't actually get mad about the socks. It's more of like a joke man.

I was going to say because if that's a non-starter we should stop, we need to break up right now over the socks issue.

There's just no better feeling than just taking the socks. And Bruce, I know it's gross, I don't get it. You said you don't have to tell yourself, but like when we argue about songs like I'm thinking about long term, like how how we're going to work with the sock issue for the future and someone who doesn't have the hat, doesn't have that perspective, might be like, fuck, if I find these socks one more time, I'm calling it.

That's it. You know what I mean? Like, it's two very different perspectives that change everything.

So I understand that I am a particularly aggravating individual when it comes to conflict.

But that because but not for some of the reasons that some people might assume or for the many reasons that other people can be a giant pain in the ass when they fight.

Oh, you're like a unique pain in the ass type of type of individual for fighting. I've never seen anything like it.

So what would you prefer? You describe how you fight or would you prefer to describe how I fight?

I think I think you give it a go. How we how I fight. Yeah. How I want to hear yours first.

You want to hear how I think you fight. Yeah.

Um, OK, well we kind of like you want to hear. I think so. Yes.

Yes or no. You do want to hear. Oh yeah. Yeah. OK, so when Jeremy is in conflict resolution and this is with you as opposed to somebody else.

Right. This is with me. I can't speak to anything else. He turns into a motherfucking salesperson and it makes me want to. Commit crimes, commit crimes against you and only you. And like here's the thing is that Jeremy has taught me a lot of valuable assets in the world of being a salesperson. And the way that I am able to negotiate and email and be a business professional has absolutely improved. But when I can feel.

But the sales out there, oh, there's a lot but come about meaning everything that came before that scratch. Yeah. On. But when he drags the sales person tactics into the wordplay of our conversation, I'm like, is this a motherfucking game to you bitch. Let's go, let's go. Like, I just don't want to be sold on the idea of what is wrong, what is right, what should happen, what did happen, like being sold on that or just like any kind of a strategy or analysis makes me furious.

It makes me so mad. But what I will say is that as soon as once I get to is that when Jermey gives and you usually give something first, like you usually take a step towards conflict resolution first. And as soon as you take that first step, I follow suite. But it's usually you who takes the first step. And I need to ask is in Canada as far as Sweden, that follow suit. Oh, God, it.

I know, I just fell off. What did I say? Oh, sweet, sweet. More fruit. You can't those who maybe just follow suit. I don't know. Not sure. Maybe. You know, we're just talking on the Heimlich remover.

That was our last week one. What was it again? Segou Sagers.

Honestly, if you didn't listen to last week's episode, please just go listen the first 15 minutes, if you don't give a fuck what we're talking about, it is some gold ass entertainment that should play out.

Come on.

I mean, this should play out, but like, I like it just anyways. Anyways, yeah. Jeremy for sure takes the first step towards like resolution for sure.

I will give you so much credit there, but I think it's mostly because in the comic book come about fucking come about you ask for this cause you ask for this answer, I'm giving it. But I would say that you stay pretty stable the entire time. And I'm a roller coaster of emotions up and down the entire time until we end up on the same spot.

So if you're a straight line, I'm a fucking like little up and down. Can I get the warm water balloon a little. A little bit up and down. OK, yeah. Yeah.

I wouldn't disagree with anything of that. That was very good.

Yeah. And so here's where we have issues are nowhere where we have issues. But like where I have had to learn how to be a better communicator is that I get stuck on the rage that I feel when I feel like I'm being pitched of any kind or any kind of salesperson. Tactics come into play.

I get separately mad about that, and then we forget and then we get so off topic about whatever the issue at hand is. And so it's been a learning process for me to handle those two separate lanes of conflict.

You add to me that was the perfect summary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, I don't think I want to hear what you think my conflict resolution path is. Well, I do. Go ahead.

There's not much to add to that. I mean, I think you you nailed a lot of it, OK, to me. I think the big difference between you and I is that I and this is not something that I used to be good at. I my mother with my mother actually called this out early on. She would say, I should point out what I get in trouble for something or I get in some fight of sorts with authority because, you know, fuck you, teacher chip on your shoulder.

She would always kind of like after she was done being mad at me for, you know, getting in trouble.

She'd always say, Jimmy, the reason I'm most upset about you, upset with you is because I know that you have the capacity to think. Fast enough to know what's about to come out of your mouth isn't actually going to win you the long term war, it's going to say the thing, you know, that will disarm that person or incite that person the most. But you chose to save that instead of the thing that you knew was going to actually get you to where you probably wanted to be long term.

Right. Like she was saying that you were smart enough to know that there are two paths here and you took the low blow path. Right.

And that was where she would always remind me of. She said and I don't know if it's your age. I don't know if it's just like your your mechanism's or whatever. But, you know, she said, I know that you have the ability to get along with most anybody. And a lot of times in invite's when you let your emotions get the better of you. I know you still had that ability and yet you chose to go the low road.

Right, right, right, right, right. And so I think that the the difference between Jeremy, 10, 15, 20 years ago now is that I purposefully don't like take a step back and say I need 10 minutes to think about it. I don't I cannot stand when people like always say 10 minutes, think about it any time I think about it. It's not to say that like some people, that's not a good idea for them.

But to me, sometimes, like, you know what, I really want to talk about this now. And like, we both have time, like, you know, I get it. So to me, it's just like I purposefully take that breath and moment for myself to think about where I want to end up with this fight, where that ties into the next thing. And sometimes the words in the language and the way that I choose to deliver that seems too polished.

And I know that gets me in trouble with you often.

It's. Well, because there's nothing worse and like, that's what I always have to remember what I just flashbacks of everything.

Yeah, every time, every time I said, well, OK, well, we're going to be together after this relationship, after fight fights over.

And it sounds like you want this and you're like, don't, don't. Well, no, there's nothing worse than thinking about how calculated someone might be for their own intentions. And so it's again, like, no, no, no, no, no. But then, like, the Josh Peck ism comes into play where it's like, you know, that we want the same thing and you have to realize that. And it's like even though your delivery makes me so fucking enraged, I know we want the same thing at the end of the end of the path.

And so, like, it's definitely been an adjustment for me, I'd say. And like, I have refined my communication skills tenfold by being with you for sure. 100 percent. Your next preference for your next boyfriend is absolutely.

Yes.

But, you know, walk over that guy. Yeah. Even want to email now. I'm like, bitch, I got you. I got you.

OK, so let's take it a step back to the opportunity that came up this last week. OK, so do you want to describe the general synopsis of when girls get upset about something and then involve every single one of their friends to figure out the resolution? Yeah, absolutely.

So, I mean, I think that looks like an international thing. Oh, absolutely. It is.

Well, across borders throughout Canada, in the U.S., as someone who has lived in both countries, I can confirm if our European, Asian and African listeners.

Yeah, well, yeah, tremendously. It's the thing that happens everywhere. Australia, Australian.

Let us know. It's a big, big listeners in Australia. Yes. Like our number like three or four country. Well that in Australia is a continent idiot.

Jeremy sorry guys. That stuff OK anyways.

OK, got it. So my ADHD medicine on the. It is a universal tool that a lot of females like to include their best friends and crowdsource crowdsourced possible opinions, responses, insults, like whatever it might be from from their closest friends.

And you know what I would say 90 percent of the time, it's helpful personally within within like having my best friends, Steph, Mia and Remi, like, come back to that, because if I if I come to them, they all they are all so different that like I feel like I come away from it with a fuller perspective that might shape I would say most times, majority of times my opinion or thought process does not change all that much.

But I think that, like having three different opinions weigh in on it, like people that have all different perspectives and personal histories and relationship history. I think it's helpful to have another perspective, look at a one sided issue. Again, it's one sided. And because they're not obviously hearing from you, because we're in a group chat being like, yo, fuck, Jeremy, this is what he just did.

And they weigh in to say, like first, like, am I right or am I wrong in feeling this way? And I think there's a big difference, too, between like, your feelings are valid. So most of time, like, I still feel the same way that I did pre group chat conversation. But it's just like nice to also walk through exactly what you're feeling as a practice run with your friends before you unleash the fucking devil on your boyfriend who might not deserve it.

I would say most times I do. I do run through that same rage with my friends and then with you as well, because normally my opinion doesn't change.

But we do so level headed and I'm usually wrong and you usually right. Sir, check yourself. But I think it's helpful to also speak things into a summary because it makes you realize sometimes like where you may have gone wrong and even your friends don't point it out. Even just summarizing it, I think is really helpful.

And I just saying that logic actually is dumb, but there are actually no, I'm really mad about this.

Yeah. How many times that happens to me. Like, I'll say, you know what I even think about this this too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100 percent. And so I think it's helpful to have a wall to bounce things off of, you know, first before you unleash any kind of rage. And I think it can be awful.

I get it. So what's the 10 percent then? Of the 10 percent would be if I'm on my period and feeling irrational and sensitive and emotional as a book and I and and I have been led astray by those emotions, and I'm feeling upset for a reason that is not super valid. Well, no feelings are valid. Your feelings are valid, but it's not a real reason to start a fight.

I guess, and I guess I never thought about it, but let's move on. I will add one piece to that. And I think this goes for all genders. Going to your friends and to share emotions before going into a fight or a disagreement with regard to being the most natural thing in the world, right where I will draw the line and say it is not helpful is if those friends do not have the relationships best interest in mind. Agreed.

Meaning that if your friends don't have the capacity, whether it's just not their nature or they don't like the person or whatever, if you go and complain about your boyfriend or girlfriend to your friend and they don't like that person, more often than not, they're going to immediately take the side of the thought that absolutely you are so right.

And that could happen regardless. But if they truly care about the other person and the relationship, obviously they're going to take your side. You know, push comes to shove. But if they think that the relationship is healthy and they want the relationship to succeed, that will that will season the way that they approach their their feedback. Isn't it not a way of, OK, go win this fight, but like, hey, like maybe think about this or like I know Jeremy is kind of like this, but maybe he's thinking this, like they'll make up their own, I guess, excuses in their head for what potentially could be the issue outside of just like your perspective.

Well, yeah, they'll play a little bit of a Jeremy's advocate sometimes and sometimes like let me let me be very clear.

Sometimes I mean, I like what the fuck? Literally, yeah, 100 percent. And also, like, I just want to be very clear, like we are recording this episode with a very clear statement that we are not perfect. We do fight. And there is no there is no picture perfect illusion that we are trying to paint here any brand that's only looking for the perfect couple and not us.

Move on.

And the next night, as David says, I think that's the perfect, like a perfect segue way into the couples that pretended to be too perfect. And then, like all the little hairline fracture to a fucking break, the moment shit really hits the fan.

Ever YouTube couple ever. All of my comments and hey, Ed, cut, let's go to the next piece, so Segre go.

So the inspiration behind this kind of conversation and topic, I feel like you'll do a better job of summarizing this and also making a little bit. Also, guys, I learned that I pronounce the word Vagg wrong, and now I'm really self-conscious about it and I'm not sure which one.

Is it vague? Novak I want to say so. In my head, what feels right is Vagg. That's not right. Right. That's dangerous. So vague. Yes, vague. Vague.

OK, I think the same way that I have to go to Regina. OK, so vague. OK, yeah.

So anyway, so I've decided I'm going to add English language to the categories on, on our podcast.

It really is. It's like, it's like a very bad grammar, really kind of a nice prandial for you guys. I need it. Gremolata. I need you. I need you back. Maybe. OK, so go ahead. So walk us through the the inspiration behind the inspiration was I I overheard and it was an audio message of one of Lauren's friends basically bringing up how sad she was that there was a situation that was going on between her and her boyfriend and how she was mad, upset and wanted to basically, as we were talking about, get a general like range and read from her friends to how mad she should be about this.

And like, I could really hear the different responses of like, yeah, you're totally you're totally right. You should be upset. Tell him this. Tell them that everything. And I was just like. But I suggest in the whole point being here was the situation at hand was not in her favor. The thing that he wanted to do was directly in violation and the exact opposite of what she said in violation.

Everything about what he wanted was the exact opposite of what she wanted. And she had a fuckin just clip full of bullets to send back his way as to why she was right. And my suggestion to her wasn't to say that your clip of bullets isn't all correct. My suggestion to her was to say, as opposed to going back and explaining why he's so wrong for doing exactly what he wants to do, why don't you flip the script on him and say, I'm concerned because of this, this and this, and I want to support you and thing that you want to do.

But how can I do that while you still do the thing that you want to do?

Well, I think the biggest difference, like when we worked through as a group what her response should be, the crowd, the group, the crowd sourcing response.

Yeah, well, I think the biggest pivotal, pivotal point that you gave was that instead of her saying, I'm upset because this is how you doing, this makes me feel you spun it into more of an US thing.

How many times people are so concerned with winning the argument, they forget that the quickest course of action of like putting the person down might in the long run, if you win that argument, loses the relationship.

Oh my God. A hundred percent not worth it. OK, so we have never really done any research ever for any podcast topic ever.

It's no, I guess Googling race purity test. Dotcom does not count.

I mean, I think the majority of it's just like our our existence for the first twenty eight. Twenty seven years is our research.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, so we, you know, we did Google some of the most popular, just like fighting styles. And you know what, every single one of them and there are many fighting styles I feel like I have either encountered or know someone who is that fighting style and spoiler alert for the people that stick around.

I will arm you with the tools that you need. To enlighten each one of these styles, here we fucking go, salesman Jeremy on the scene, baby, let's go towards the end where we're going to use sales for good sales for good. Yeah, OK. All right. OK, so types of fighters. So the first one we have the the conflict avoiding fighter. So someone who's minimizes and makes light of differences instead of trying to resolve them, which in turn does not work.

Conflict of order, there's just nothing there's there's literally like to bury a problem like, ma'am, have you like white sir? Ma'am.

But the thing is, those same people in business, we call them the commentators when when they're forced with I'm an accommodator, you're an accommodator till you're not a gesture.

I'm shocked at the times when Laura. Yeah. Yeah. My God.

They're coming forth with an issue and they know that they can take the high road, which means them doing more work and like doing all the group project for everybody. Right. They will go out of their way to do it, not say anything to anybody else, but internalize how sad they are that no one was able to see it there. Yeah. Don't have the tools to say anything about it.

Yeah, no. Someone who avoids conflict that will I feel like nine point eight out of ten times not end up in a successful relationship because you're just burying everything right. Like if you're never addressing the root cause for any conflict that you've had ever been, like you were just going to continue to get pummeled or pummeled the other person forever and ever and ever. And like, you're going to end up with so much hate and resentment. And just like that, it's just I have never I well.

Well, I've gone through phases, I think, of being a conflict avoider for sure in a relationship, and it would be like, you know, when like, you know, the meme when the house is on fire and there's that girl that's in front of it, smiling, being like everything's fine. That was me.

Well, and also on the flip side, the person who is feels like they're being wronged, but at the same time doesn't speak up about it, just like, oh, it's fine. It's fine. I like it goes both ways. Absolutely. The person that's doing the wrong thing and the person that it's like they're being wronged, they both can push it off and they're all unhealthy. What else you got?

OK, so volatile, so thrive on volatile, volatile, volatile, but volatile volatile bottle will fill your swallowing all the words volatile situation. Volatile, volatile. Sound like or sounds like the fucking Glock.

Look, whatever the fuck color daddy calls it like look like 5000 or if I can look like nine, whatever it is.

This is a story about amazing.

Volatile is not pronouncing the time is fine too. I just say volatile. Volatile. OK, so couples that thrive on constant conflict. OK, but I think this because we have another category that's similar, but these are the couples that thrive on like hot, passionate fighting but also probably have hot, passionate makeup sex. Right.

Like the ones that are I think will on a dime will fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight and the like make out what out and then have sex going to be out of it. Go. That was stupid. I don't know we were fighting about.

Yeah. I feel like those couples can potentially work out as long as they're on the same page because they feel like they need the constant passionate reminder that they love each other. So, so, so, so, so intensely.

And it's almost like their passion can fix anything. Right. Right, right. Like above all problems is passion.

Spoiler alert.

Lauren and I are the exact opposite of that. Oh my God.

Yes, you're the person when we're married I'll be OK.

So not Telegraaf. It's another meme. But like, you know that the fucking it's like when you and your girlfriend finish fighting, but you still I remember anyway, it's like a little sea otter standing there holding like one finger. I am the sea otter holding Jeremy's one finger when I missed be.

Oh just yeah. Yeah. The finger looks like you've made up but you don't want to touch but you want to look like I'm taking the olive branch but I don't want to, I don't want to hold the over entirely. I want to hold one twig of it. Right.

You want to fight anymore. I don't wanna fight anymore. The fight upset you, but the fight upset me. I am hurt. We're fine now but I only want to hold one finger and not the whole hand.

We're looking to the future, but currently we're the president. Yeah, OK.

Next up, we have Foxe. I want to say hostile. Hostile. But you're hostile, OK? Are you frequently and destructively hostile?

Fuck you, huh? Now, you maybe for some reason, as soon as the word as is marked in my head is like, oh no, I don't want to say this, it makes you really nervous, OK?

Yes. I don't know, Tourie. And causes resentment. So argue frequently and destructively and causes resentment. So I think that's like the couples that just like recklessly throw insults that you can't take back. Right. The thing and what's so sad about those couples. Yeah. Is that they'll say, you know, there's a little bit of truth and everything. Like like I said, I don't really mean I really mean that. Well, there's always a little bit of truth.

Right. The problem is similar to younger Jeremy.

I find that little nugget that he knew would hurt that individual right as opposed to getting to the end of the resolution. Let me explain why my words are going to take you down a little bit more. You like that kind of shit? Yeah.

It's like not only can you not take it back, but it's like that person, for whatever reason, went to that place where they threw a haymaker. Yeah. And most of the time immediately after they throw it and the arguments over they want to take it back.

They want to, but you can't, you can't, and until you figure out how to stop throwing that haymakers in the middle of the fight, you're going to keep losing.

Well, I just always feel like that's a sign of desperation. And that person is desperate and feels out of control and wants to regain control by feeling like they can hurt you harder than you've hurt them. Right. And you just can't go back from that.

And like, typically, that person didn't come out of the womb that way like something happened.

Right. Right. Yeah, 100 percent. They're not going to hurt like that again.

Oh, my God. I had a friend who was in a relationship where they would do that shit in front of other people, too. And it was like on top of it being things that like you can not fully fucking take back ever. Like once you've said something to that person, like they think about that forever, you know, like that stays with them through every relationship, throw every day when they feel bad about themselves. And then on top of that, they would do that in front of other people.

And it was fucking insane. Insane. I would rather say nothing and just be like just be so angry to be like I need to go into another room for half an hour. I would do that before I would throw a low blow a below the belt hit like that. Well, you're also someone that if you accidentally threw that blow, you would drink that you would drink your own poison every day forever.

Thinking about it for over. Sure. Absolutely. You more than anybody.

Yeah, 100 percent. Yeah, I would. I would not. That's like that's so far down on my list of tools in my tool belt. Yeah.

The problem is that that used to be that was so close to my go to was my natural reaction and like that's probably the one thing I'm probably most proud of from a confrontation standpoint that I don't use that tool often. I can't be the last time I did use that. Yeah, no, you never do.

And well that I've never use it with you because I don't I don't want to win that argument so, so well and so right. Well that right.

That you can't come back from it. Well it's like the kid that like might be the best at whatever sport but like is a terrible sportsman and like and they win.

You know what, you save that fucking move for like the bully that is fucking with you so hard and ruining your life, you drop that shit on them because they deserve it, not your significant other that you're like trying to build a future with. I mean, I would challenge maybe to not to ever do it, but yeah, if you're going to do it, that's probably, you know something. You're going to do it. Drop it on someone who's like fucking harassing you from someone that you don't want to come back from.

Yeah, right. Exactly. You're not trying to build a future with it. OK, next. OK, next the we agree on everything.

So this is kind of what we really talked about. But like you're a movie, there's nothing more because you know, it's fake, you know, it's fucking fake. No one does not fight ever. Like, that's just not possible to not have any kind of conflict ever. Not in the Western world.

Maybe there's some ridiculously picking individuals elsewhere, but like a like a nice peaceful like Buddhism relationship maybe.

Yeah. So relationship for the sake of keeping the peace at any cost, we're projection of picture perfect relationship.

But what if the keeping the peace is it cost of the long term peace. One hundred percent. That's exactly what happens.

Like if you're again just like burying your actual problems and not addressing anything. And I just feel like relationships are so built on compromise. Like I've been in a relationship where my partner just genuinely believed that like two people should be able to live in their own lanes and they'll never bump into each other. And it was it was swimming dolphins, right? It was fucking wild. I also have always wondered if people who present a picture perfect relationship, like in front of friends and at social gatherings, I'm always like, do you guys get home and scream at each other for multiple hours to, like, make up for, like, the pent up conflict that was brewing between you guys?

Because there's just it's just not realistic. I mean, I think to a degree, both of us, unless there's something that is so outrageous, would would pocket the thing that they're upset about and bring up later with the other person. Oh, for sure. But not in a way where like the moment the car. Right. The car door shut, like, are you fucking kidding me?

Like I've been here before. Yeah. Yeah, I've been there. Yeah. We'll keep the peace and all that in front of the base. Oh I mean.

Well that's polite. That's just like polite in making it not awkward for your friends, but it's the it's, it has to go hand in hand with like they don't fight in front of their friends, but they also say that they never fight.

Well, you know, like the the friend that will make the most ridiculous, uncomfortable statement in front of everyone's friends and the other person will eat it and you'll just all be uncomfortable.

And you're like, oh, they're fine about that when they get home. Of course you did, like you always do. And everyone's just like and you need a drink and everyone is like trying to escape the conversation.

Oh, OK. Next we have the over or so someone that picks apart everything. And as a result, you're exhausted. It is me. I am the overanalysing. Here's the thing is that I think that there are pros and cons to being an over analyzer.

Let me be very clear. There are so many cons because it just means that your brain doesn't turn on. What about things that you could have done wrong, that you could have done differently, could be better in the future that recreate fights in the shower the next day? What they could have said should have said how they feel about the things that people said.

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. For sure. Sure. I haven't had a peaceful showering years, but I also think that being over analyser, like, I think it's better to over analyze than under analyze. Like I would rather be someone that considers all perspectives, considers old, like past perspectives that someone might have because of what happened to them in the past.

Like I would rather be more mindful of someone else than less mindful. Of course you would. It's really stressful in my head, like it's a very it's a very chaotic place to be. I mean, like the fine line is, are you being overanalytical to the point where you are undermining your own value because you're giving way to too much external?

Right. And that's where I think that sometimes, like me being an over analyser goes hand-in-hand with being an accommodator because I've thought too much as to why as to why something is. Yeah, exactly. I think this can go hand in hand. And I have to be very careful that I'm not giving things up because I've thought about why either person should have that right more than I should have something right.

Oh, Lauren's favorite thing to do at the end of an argument, just like, well, like, how can I do this thing better the next time? This really random thing is probably never going to happen. That comes up again.

I just want to I just want to be a good partner.

I know you do. I know. And I'm just like, well, we'll tackle that. We'll cross it goes to a good place.

But yeah, it's very stressful up in my head. It's very endearing. Well, that's good. Oh, the. He said she said that's a cycle that just never ends. No one wins. And that game. You know what? I think that one actually goes hand in hand with the person who piles on other issues.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well I got this one in my back pocket.

Well remember when you did this, that's just it's so, it's so unproductive because like if you're talking about one issue and then the person's response to you, even if you bring that issue up in a mature way, their response is to tack on something else unrelated. It's like, OK, now you have two issues to deal with that are both obviously a conflict. And it's like, how do you separate those? Because now you're going to have emotional response to what they've piled on top of whatever the original problem was like.

It's just a mess. Yeah, it's a mess.

We can get into how to disarm that one very well.

I want to know, how do you disarm it? I think we're going to forget. So just tackle it now. What do you do? Forget. OK, yeah. Sure. Yeah. Perfect example is, is you're going to hate this.

Oh fucking Jesus. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I mean, it's a classic case accusation on it. Literally, any time I hear the word audit in a fight, I want to be like, oh, so we're all, you know, oh, so you want to get a pen and paper?

Let's go if you want to disarm that type of person. Yeah. If you want to stop them dead in their tracks.

Yeah. You need to have enough wherewithal to understand the worst possible thing or the nastiest, whatever that's going to be used against you. Don't let them use it. By coming out right out of the gate and saying, you're going to be I'm a terrible, mean jerk, awful partner for this, because this thing happened because I did this, because I said this because all of this happened or because the I know this is important to you. And once again, I failed to get it done.

They're going to one back off their initial emotional output for it, because it's not going to be their attack, they're going to understand and they're going to feel and understand that you understand that you're messing up and too, that can't be used against you now.

OK, so you're saying that the initial approach to bringing up conflict so that the person can't respond by piling things on, that's what you're saying, correct?

God, I got a great person is a yeah, but you did. Yeah, but you're right. So knowing that they're like communication, fighting style is piling things on on top.

That's how you go into it. Yeah. I mean, I totally agree. If someone came to me being like, hey, I fucked up and I'm so sorry and this is what I did, did it have Dad like it would be hard to respond with being like, yeah, the Sox are fucking everywhere. Right.

But like, if someone comes to you and the thing that comes out of their mouth is you're your biggest tool against them. Right. You're going to think I'm an absolute jerk for this. But I did this thing again or like but ah, I did this thing that I know that you can't stand, that I did it again and I'm working on it. And I failed. I absolutely failed again.

You could, of course, double down and say, yeah, you did. Why do you always. You could, but then you're the one that's now completely on the offensive for that thing that they're already trying to admit and come to your same page on, as opposed to you presenting something and then presenting a counterargument to that.

OK, wait, I'm a little bit lost, though. OK, so if I want to approach you and say, Jeremy, I don't want your fucking socks in the house anymore and rain in spots, how do I approach that? Because I'm not because I feel like the way that you were explaining it is that, like, you're I would be taking responsibility or blame for something that I did. But I want to approach you about something that you're doing without you responding, being like, will you leave your lashes everywhere a little bit that you're going to what?

You're going to walk up to me and say that I know that I've done a really terrible job of of leaving cameras and lenses all over.

OK, so you would you admit something to give them something. Yeah. Yeah. Kill them. Because what's their rhetoric going to be. Will you leave your stuff if you do this thing. But if you've already addressed it to them and you say, I know that I did a really bad job of this, this, this, this, this, this week. Right. Terrible. And I know that it drives you crazy.

At the same time, I'm getting upset about the soccer thing, and I know it's something you're working on, too, and it's something that I think that we could probably try and work on together, like how can we be better?

That's fucking good. And if they come to you and say, I mean, I'm working on the fucking sock thing, and yet you did all that thing, whatever they want to fight. Right. If I and your response to that could say it, it sounds like you're really upset about me leaving my stuff out and their responsibility. I am really upset. You're the one that brought that up, right? Brought that to the table. Right. And that person isn't looking long term.

They're looking to win a fight. Right. Right. So it's not to say that it's going to win every argument, but if the partner you're with wants to long term succeed, you're going to cut off their biggest argument, which is your biggest issue.

OK, so when you're talking about someone being like the challenger, so their response is like they just want to fight, like, what can you do? Like, I guess like I guess it depends on like what the what the priorities of the relationship are like. This person just always wants to fight. You should probably just you should probably just step, right. Yeah. You probably just go. But in the event that they don't want to give up on the relationship and their partner is still challenging and still just like is looking for a fight, how do you disarm that person?

I mean, first off, you need to understand the difference between manipulation and influence, because that's the biggest issue.

And that's like why I like my skin crawl is a physical time that like a salesperson gets thrown into a negative light salesperson. Absolutely could be in a negative light. But as a salesperson trying to influence your decision because they have enough information to know that whatever they're selling. Right. Is going to add value or they trying to manipulate you into doing a thing that will benefit them. And that will be the end of the relationship. Right?

I mean, you always you always think of like the like the squeezy salesperson. Yeah. The person that shows up at the snake oil gets the sale and you never see that person again. Right. Whereas opposed to a real relationship builder. Right. Who's someone who can come in and still challenge and get more money out of you maybe for that scenario. Right. When the sale is done, the person that bought once more.

Both sides are happy, right? Yeah.

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Right. They do not take care of themselves in getting to an answer that is sustainable.

Long term passed me right.

And it's hard to say because I think our I think society tells us to meet in the middle. Right. Everyone give a little bit. Everyone be a little uncomfortable and it'll be OK. Yeah. If everyone's a little bit uncomfortable all the time, sometimes that relationship shouldn't be where you're at. Right. And so the biggest difference is if you've got someone who's just temporarily in a bad place. Right. A relationship is good. You know that person.

You love that person, but they are in a hard spot and it's impacting and it's colouring every single fucking conversation. Why is everything a fight right now? What's wrong with you? What's gotten into you? Why are you upset, that kind of person? Right. Right. Well, you know, the bones are good. The foundations, the bones are good.

Something's going on. Yeah. There's a virus attacking that person emotionally and they can't get over it to me.

If you are on the other side of that, it's your responsibility to identify and communicate what is important to the other person. So if they're mad about the dishes or the dog or the whatever, it's probably not about the dishes in the dog, in this fight about control. It's about not feeling comfortable. It's about something else. And so as opposed to getting mad about the dishes in this in that you might bring it up and say, you know, what's going on with this, or that person might say, you did the thing again.

Right. It's the other person's responsibility, your responsibility. If you want it to work long term, identify what's actually important. And might even just be something as simple as it sounds like you're really upset, but it also sounds like you still want to be with me, right? So we're saying that it is you know, the bones are good. And there's there's other other factors that might be affecting the way that they're reacting or communicating. We don't give up on that person.

No, no. Yeah, OK. I agree. Totally same page. And then if someone is just like if it's just in their blood to want to fight and challenge everything you say, you fucking kick that bitch to the curb.

And here's how you'll know. Like, if I don't know, I can't tell with the person or whatever. Here's the thing is, if you can call out your long term goals that you guys share. Right. Which is staying together, getting engaged, buying a house, doing going on vacation, saving for this, stopping, doing that thing that, you know, that isn't isn't healthy. Right. If you can no matter where they're at in in their frustration or being upset at work or whatever, if you can call that out and say.

Do you not want to? Do you not want to try and be healthier this year anymore, do you not want to save for that vacation? Do you not want to do you not want to? Or do you do still do you still want to do that thing that we talked about and discussed? Right. And their initial reaction might go, and if I can do anymore, OK, give them space, give them time. If you actually if you don't believe that actually the words are coming out of their mouth or they might be upset and then come back to it later.

But most most often people are going to still look at the long term goals if you say it in a clear and calm way and go, no, I still do want to do that. I'm just upset about this.

Right. And that is when you. OK, great.

That's the unknown. That's what we have to talk about then. That's kind of nice. That's good advice. I know someone like this. OK, so our last type of fighter is the the need to win. And I feel like this is this is similar to like the challenger when they're in response, they're like the challenger, just like I need more control. I need to be more powerful. I need to be more.

Right. What's great about these people? And not necessarily in a relationship sense, like it's tough when you're in a relationship with these individuals. I got to be honest, these people are easy to design in a business sense because they'll give up things that they don't that they don't actually want to give up to win. Right. So you can you can win long term with them by letting them win the facade and winning the long game. Like, give me an example.

I love these people. Oh, my God. OK, I love these people. I feel so bad for these people because I wish that they could see how detrimental their own attitude is.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Literally, no one wins when someone is obsessed with winning. Literally, no one wins. OK, so in a situation where you say a girl goes out with her Girls for Girls night and the guy is checking in, like watching the location and like wants to be texting the whole night and feels like they're out of control and that the control element is like constant communication.

Every person ever is like like Greg and Rick. I was like, Greg is someone in their life. It's the right always like, well, so everyone knows a couple like this.

Everyone absolutely knows a couple like this. So I feel like the person who always wants to be right is the person who wants to be receiving the constant updates at all times. Absolutely. Absolutely.

They have to be in control. That's right. Correct. And the other person not only has to play by the rules, but the moment those rules no longer giving them that satisfaction. New rules. New rules.

OK, but why don't you do this? Why don't you come home at 11? You're only going to be with these people. Why are you out until 12? Why didn't you text me? You said you were going to text me. When did you come home? Last night. What did you eat? Why did you go out like? It's always another thing to make that person be wrong. Right, right.

Right. So it's similar to piling on, but it's piling on different different levels of like whatever that one situation, kind of like Purdue. So like if you were supposed to be home by 11:00, but it's like, oh, you ended up running into friends you haven't seen since college and you ended up like going to a second bar with them a little break over days or hopefully post coffee days. But like you ended up staying an hour longer. Can you grab a drink with an old friend like you wanted to catch up with you and see you in a few years?

And if I'm on the other side of that, my first response is it sounds like you're upset. So girl going out that had the extra drink sounds like your upset. OK, now what? That the individual is probably going to have a thousand reasons as to why they're upset, right. And your only job is to figure out the most logical one of all, the onslaught of verbal just oh, whatever.

Oh, my God, there's a lot of responsibility to try and pick out which one is the most important. It is. But the problem is guys that have control issues in particular sometimes are so focused and hyper focused on being right and controlling and winning the fight. The they they forget to a degree why they're even upset in the first place. Right. So it's too sadly, it's the other person's responsibility to say it sounds like you're upset that I went out and.

No, it's not that. OK, what is it then? You do that thing. What is that thing? And you make the other person speak out. Why it is exactly. They're mad and get down to one reason. Right. And then when you get down to that one reason. OK, so. You're actually upset that I didn't come home and you had plans for me? No, that's right. Right. Yeah, that makes sense.

I'd be disappointed, too. I'd be disappointed to know you had plans, and that's terrible. I wish I had known that. And if you have plans in the future, how do you want me to be able to come home or know that you have these plans, right, to migrate?

Yeah. And if they still come back with they, will you just fucking do what you said and you said, OK, I understand that I handled that poorly. You had plans. I understand that to me it's figuring out how to get from their perspective and making them feel validated. There's probably some valid reason they're right and bringing that out first. Yeah, it's the same thing in every argument. The idea is to flip it on them and make them see it from your perspective, but also know that they're being heard, right?

I think that's fair.

Yeah, I think it's fair for sure.

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OK, so on top of a little research on the most common like fighting types, I was curious as to what kinds of topics are the most common like fight topics, like outside of the sock situation that we have in our current household.

So money, I think is something that yeah, that's a tough one. That is such a tough one, I think, because every single individual grows up with a different perspective on money and budgeting and finances. When you're working, especially on a tight budget, it is very difficult to be fully and 100 percent aligned with your partner.

Say it again for everybody.

I mean, yeah, I think they say that the money issues are like half of all divorce issues, maybe more something.

It is. It's the number one. That's what I read in one of the articles. Don't super quote me on that.

But it's like one of the most common issues that people find in fights, in divorces, in breakups, et cetera.

Why? I mean, I think just because money feels like the one factor that controls so much of your life and when you don't see eye to eye on it, it's just like a massive thing that I think increases the size of all problems everywhere, whether that be vacations or priorities for what you're saving, for whether it be a mortgage or a new apartment or, you know, something more luxurious.

Like I think if your priorities aren't aligned, it makes you question everything about the other person. You know, it's like if I'm saving for a house, but you want to buy a fancy new truck, you know what I mean? It's like that. It creates such a divide between two individuals when the priorities are not aligned, especially because, like, money is something that you have to work hard towards, like most people work very, very hard for their hard earned money.

And so when you give it away for any one thing, it's a very emotional transaction. And so if you're working hard for something that you want and your partner wants to spend your hard earned money on something else, I think that that's like a very, very difficult discussion. I mean, I think it comes down to trust and safety 100 percent, because it goes both ways for some people who are. For some people, I think, who are in very different financial places, right, right.

I think it goes both ways in the sense that the it's easy for either side, look at the other one and think that they're they're dispensable, like, oh, OK, got it. Like they could. They could. My partner makes so much more money than me. I can't contribute to the same amount. Therefore I'm not worth as much. Right.

Right. And it's the safety and flit that. Oh well this person, you know, doesn't doesn't contribute and is doing things in their spare time when they could be making that gap smaller.

Right. Right, right. Right.

Great to contribute because I think some people have a real issue with a zero sum game and they just they their quest for fair and everything has to equal zero. Like, OK, you might not make as much money, but you then that means you need to like vacuum more or you need to do this and that. Everyone will lose in that.

Understand. Well, interesting. Interestingly enough, I have had conversations with some you tubers who find themselves in a relationship where because they make like dumb YouTube money and their partner might work a regular nine to five and make a great salary of like eighty thousand dollars or something. They're like, oh, well, because like I'm paying for like dinners and vacations and first class travel tickets like, oh yeah, this person should cook for me more or they should massage me more or they should be like tending to my all in extra needs.

You don't I mean like it's very interesting to see how and I mean just just from seeing from my industry, from like you Tuba's, who sometimes make a lot of money very quickly in their career. They treat their partners when there is a gap.

Absolutely. And it's who knows where that stems from. Right. Who knows? Oh, I'm sure that's very much a nature and nurture piece, I guess. Honest. I guess a lot of nurture. Yeah, I think it's. How did you see your eye when you say parents? How did you see the people that you looked up to look at other scenarios on the flip side of that that money conversation. Right. And how did they treat them and how does that correlate to how you view it?

Because I think there are some I mean, in the business world as well, the amount of men and women who the their partner is at home taking care of the kids does not have a salary. Right. Right. I think that is the the main breadwinners responsibility to make sure that the other person feels safe and comfortable. Right. When they are doing a service that is beyond any dollar amount.

Right. Because, I mean, if you're a stay at home parent, that is an invaluable amount of work, time, effort, TLC, etc. and I feel like it's easy for someone in that position to feel powerless because they don't control the funds.

And I and maybe I hate to be too biased, I guess, against guys on this one, because I'm sure there are some stay at home dads that are are trucking along and like that.

Yeah, I don't mean to do a disservice. I really don't. Here's what I know. I saw a lot of single mothers or mothers who were weighed down by three or four kids who had a bachelors degree. A master's degree could be doing amazing things in the corporate world and are happier than ever taking care of kids. Right. And they're doing, as far as I'm concerned, the hardest job in the world. And they unless their partner makes sure and goes out of their way to to make that person feel safe and secure without having to worry that they're going to disappear with money the next day.

Right. That isn't in healthy completely. All roads lead to someone feeling scared. Right.

And having no trust right at the end of the day with one hundred percent. All right.

Next up, why are we having more sexy time? Why don't we have you know what I would say, actually.

I I historically have always been in relationships where the sex drives are mostly match for the for the most part, but I believe experienced times where like I want more or the other person wants more and like there is no worse feeling than not feeling wanted, like it destroys your self-esteem when you feel like that person doesn't want you. And, you know, 90 percent of the time it's because workload is stressful. Like they're not sleeping enough emotionally, like there are other stressors or trauma going on, like 90 percent.

The time it is so unrelated to like you, you know, like at the core of it. But it is so nearly impossible to not make it feel personal.

So I get bad about this. I mean, when I get too busy at work, I think the very first thing that suffers is my sex drive. Right. A period. I think I think it's no doubt like to me it's because I'm prioritizing getting things done professionally and I can't take care of things personally and professionally. It's done kind of thing. It's it's my biggest, I think, weakness when it comes to balancing and prioritizing. I'm not a fucking freak.

She says, by now, I'm sorry, Mom. To me, it's a.

It's not about you. It's about me, right? Yeah, exactly. Until I wake up and realize it, the thing that comes to mind always is I don't know who told me this, but like roses or cheap flowers are cheap.

Yeah. And it's that has nothing to do with flowers. The point is to say that, like, flowers become really, really inexpensive when you think about how if you would just going going out of your way to do something nice or do that thing for the other person that was so easy and could have only taken 10 or 15 minutes. But you were so focused on that thing, you didn't realize to take a moment out of your day to go, oh, there's nothing that I can do that expresses my love for the other person that is completely within my capacity to do.

And I was cheap. And it's to say it's not to say that the act of giving flowers is cheap. The act of hindsight is 20/20. And you didn't give that thing because you were so focused on yourself. Right. Will make you realize just how cheap flowers were. That's interesting. Yeah. I've never gotten more flowers until we dated. OK, OK, so the next one is. I need space. Oh ho, oh, man, I feel like any time that I've I've only I've only said that once.

I've only said that in a relationship. Once I was like, it's not to me. No, not to you. Yeah. I've only said that, like, OK, once. And I'm not going like it made me feel so in control because the other person did not feel that way. Oh, and healthy.

Spoiler alert. We broke up a few weeks later. You got your space. I initially thought that like going into it, you always hear people say, oh, we took a break. We're in a break right now, you know what I mean? Like, whatever that might mean for some couples. And so when I went into it being like I need space, like I saw that what would come from that would be like time to think and reflect and figure out, like, how I actually feel, what my priorities are like.

Am I being valued properly? That's what I thought I would go away from that conversation feeling. And I did I did think about those things. But I also went away feeling like I had so much control, like I felt like I was in the and also maybe this karma got food poisoning that same week that I said I needed space. I did not have a support system. Flashback to me, my best friend, literally catching my throw up the weekend that I had food poisoning because I'm still calling MIA.

I mean, the bitches ride or die.

She would still catch my throat like no, no questions asked.

But anyways, I would cut my throat, oh, 100 percent. She's she's gotten like, oh, she's caught like random dogs poo before when they're like trying to poop in the house or something.

Anyway, anyway I, I, I mean you make me and so you go the one and only. Yeah. The one and only I felt so in control. I was like I get to call the shots. And that wasn't the reality of the situation at all, but that's how I felt. And it was a very odd feeling of being like, wow, this is really nice. Kind of like I after feeling so powerless in a relationship for so long because I had buried a lot of the conflicts, again, that we had talked about, like avoiding things, I felt like I was in control of my decision.

Yeah. And even though it's super toxic to feel like that, that is genuinely how I felt and I think did help me and have a hand in making me make the right decision moving forward in that relationship.

The hardest decision I've ever had to make in any relationship was a similar conversation. But flip it.

It was I think you need space woo, and it was the hardest decision, I think I'd ever, but OK, I still think that if you initiate that conversation, I still think that you would feel like you're in the control power position again.

We're not going to think like that. That's not healthy. But I do think that it would be nearly impossible to not be like if I'm dictating what I think the relationship needs, like, I think that gives you a sense of power, whether that's true or not.

I don't disagree. Thank you to my own perspective, I said that because I knew that person was taking too much logic into consideration and not. Weighing their emotions enough, interesting, and I had a hunch that if I I basically forced to space, they would come to that realization. Right. And the relationship would be over. Right.

So once they would take in the logic and the emotion and sit with, like, how they actually feel for a few days. Right.

And so it was hard because it was like, I don't want this to end, but I want to I want this to end if. You. Unbeknownst to yourself, currently, right, actually wanted to read or write well, also, no one wants to be in a relationship with the other person doesn't want to be in either. Like no one's winning in that situation.

And so that was, I guess, the flip side of that, but also similar in the sense of I maybe I felt in control, but it was me. Trying to that's a kind of waving a white flag. Well, to me, it was like, I want to give I want to make sure you have the space to have control. Right. The opportunity here.

And even if that doesn't end in my favor, because realistically, even if it isn't in my favor for this thing long term, it'll be in my best interest.

Yeah, well, and here we are. Here we are. Here we are with God. Thank God we broke up that we didn't we didn't.

I mean, thank God you guys broke up so we could be together, but I meant, OK, so departing departing thoughts, the parting words for the people thought we still don't pick a name for our listeners. For the squad, wild ones is number one.

The wild ones is for sure the first one. But we didn't pick a fucking name.

And although you've got great ties to HBO, I think Wildlings will be a little bit of a tough no no wildlings is like two way to Game of Thrones.

We can't we can't do that. Although, like, is is cute, like a could get sued and B to Game of Thrones I think is going to be wild ones. I think swamplands. Let's OK, wild ones. How to feel. How to feel.

I don't know, we can work out a little bit wild ones like the little ones that make the stuff it right knows that we got bigger guns. We got bigger guns. No, no, no, no, no. That's my go to drunk dance movies is finger guns. It's not. Q It's not for me. No, it's more like a circle. Yes.

This is this is Lauren.

When she's dead it's tongue out bit usually talking a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I watched that in the monitor. I hated myself. Yeah. It wasn't a good look for me either. In summary, wild ones. Um. So name calling never, um, I don't even know, I feel like I feel like we dropped so many, like, nuggets of advice.

The biggest piece of advice and I can't believe I waited to the end to say this because it's something that I should have said right from the beginning.

I mean, we always say fire at the very end of the pot fired still here. But, you know, the this is my like the only thing that I think will if you never remember the other thing that comes out of my mouth. I remember this because I do think this is like the biggest nugget that I've I've I've added into my life that has added nothing but positivity, OK, when it comes to conflict.

Do your best to do it collaboration. Mm hmm. And if you don't know how to do that. Try your absolute best to be genuinely curious about the other person's perspective. That's really good fucking advice, and I really like the word curious because it's not an attack, it's it's more of like a genuine question.

So it deepens your understanding if you are genuinely curious, if you are genuinely curious and like being very clear, like there's a very big difference between being genuinely curious and being sassy as fuck, because I can just see myself being like, so what the fuck you want to do? You know what I mean? Like, if you want to do that. So you do what did right. Like, like, like that is not being curious, like at its core, like let's think worst case scenario.

So you're telling me you don't want to be with me or you're telling me there's a part of you that can't see yourself about me in the future. And you can say that or you could say so you're telling me you definitely do see yourself about me in the future, like that's a thing that could happen. You're OK with that?

Those are two different conversations. But I mean that with Bagian, you like the genuine curiosity of like that's also a fair question that you are owed the answer to.

Absolutely. And if you come at it from a genuinely curious place and the other person spits in your face, you know, theoretically and not right. Not literally. Not literally. Yes. Yeah.

Obviously, if they spit in your face. OK, take that. Walk away with it. If they are able to then say it's not that I want to not be with you, it's that I'm having second thoughts. Great. And let's talk about those second thoughts. Right. Well, shit, that's a good that's a good I don't know if I contribute anything to this podcast to get shitfaced a couple weeks birthday. Oh my God. At home, we're just the two of us after eating steak and lobster.

So excited, so excited, saying all the way.

What was that, Roscoe Dash?

Not sure. Not sure. Anyways, um, I'm so excited seeing photos of people wearing their Walthall nine hoodies. They are like two weeks. I know. I know.

I know. It's you know what, though? I just like, see the shipping delays literally on all fronts. And it's just like it's just part of the process. My parents just received their Christmas present to day and I ship that shit at the beginning of December trying to anticipate for like the shipping backups. But anyway, also my dad's a mailman and he said today was the most package day he's had within the last three weeks, like even before Christmas was today was the most package day.

I'm going to say something I'm gonna regret. Oh, fucking shit. Here we go. What is it? What is it? No, OK. We genuinely curious, OK? I am willing to do a tick tock thing if and only if, if and only fucking if we hit a certain threshold. And I know that threshold would be like a full amount. Yeah, well, no, I think it's fair. I think at every five thousand dollars you should have to do a talk with me.

People getting fucking millions of dollars overnight and not that I think it's going to happen to us.

I'm not trying to do every ten thousand followers on tech talk. You have to do it to talk with me. Ten thousand, that's a lot I don't know how many followers on my my fucking personal doctor has a shit ton of followers from when he was musically like I just got my followers from musically transferred over to take and I don't get that many do it at ten thousand and I'll do one or 100000.

Oh, that is bold.

Do you think that we're going to hit one hundred thousand followers on take talk. But I will take the ten thousand and I will take this agreement now. Will work will work on the past ten thousand. Let's agree to one take talk with you at ten thousand.

Oh, shit. We're shaking hands. Well, what do you mean, Webb? Oh, it's the cutest little dainty hands.

Oh, kind of take off at a while. Then I went down and all we have left is snap and discord. Somebody started to. Oh, my God.

I don't even know what that means. Don't start of discourse. I can't participate because I don't know what that means. Oh my God.

OK, happy. Twenty twenty one. Everybody stay warm. If you're up north, stay cool if you're down south. OK, what about the people that are just like east of us, they're still cold? OK, but they said. By.