Transcribe your podcast
[00:00:00]

Oh, my God, I said, it's cute, it's pretty cute in itself, I think he's really cute. It's so, you know, I just remembered that I forgot to swap out one of the there's a placeholder art, and I forgot. So everything is done except for one placeholder art on your side. Roll the intro.

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You ready? Let's go. Hey, guys, look, if I do well, tonight I make the podcast hosted by myself, Lauren and boyfriend Jeremy, everybody.

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Oh, my God. Welcome to the first episode with a cute set. It turned out, might I say, really fucking good. And also ten times cuter than I thought it would.

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Not that I hadn't like made a small mini replica on Photoshop with every single element that you currently see on the set right now.

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So I didn't know what it was gonna look like, but like I didn't know what it was going to look like.

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You know, I had faith in the whole time. Absolutely. You did not you did not have it in in your defense. I have made some questionable decisions in the House. And and I will admit to that.

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I will say that I my faith in you. Yeah.

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Started really strong at the beginning. Right. Yeah. It had its in diminishing.

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I did your office. So cute, so cute. You did a lot of things that weren't as cute. Yeah. Or like the first three things you did to your office.

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Um well yeah. Yeah. Yeah that that had trouble getting there.

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Yeah. We got there. Yeah. There's been a couple of things but yeah. And so there were a couple, I was like you know what, maybe I should and I got I'm design deficient so what am I going to do.

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Right. But I feel like you were like what are you like about this. I was like actually I will take a look at that. What were the options? Well, also, you're also notoriously, which is a good thing, but you are one of the cheapest people that I know when it comes.

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It depends what it is right. When it comes. It depends what it is. Right. Right. Yeah. I mean, like as far as millionaires go, you might be the cheapest.

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I'm flattered at the millionaire word, but also somehow offended.

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Well, just like sometimes. Well, OK, here's it's not that you're cheap. The things you choose to be cheap on continue to shock me.

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Oh yeah. Tell me more.

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But you'll go out of your way to save, you know, twenty two dollars on a thing that's going to be an asset for a year but have like no issue blowing. How many of grand on specific plane tickets or sneakers.

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Oh.

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I know whenever I'm doing and I'm keeping an eye on sneakers, sneakers. Yeah, yeah, I'm down. I'm down for that.

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Yeah, things in my closet are either, like, really expensive or really cheap.

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And I haven't found a brand in, like the middle range. That's probably better for everyone involved than I should just stick to. Yeah, I don't know.

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It's I don't know where I grew up being super frugal and being like a saver.

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And I said I yeah. And then I made my own money and I said, fuck that. I want to buy some stuff.

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I love buying stuff. No, I think that we could probably learn from each other. Yeah, for sure. There's a happy there's a happy medium here for you. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, so hope you like the new set. We're so stoked about it. Oh, my God. Hello, Neal.

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I feel like you're a real ass podcast or when you have your own neon sign for your podcast.

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Actually, episode one, this is. This is one welcome to While Till Nine. It does feel good.

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When you were like three did I said I was like, I do hate the seven. I'm like, God only knows how many redos you are.

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So against it. Yeah, actually, you were kind of negative on both sides, so you didn't want me to redo it and you also hated the current one.

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Yeah, but like, not enough to really about myself. Right. Right, right.

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Well, also, like, I'm a big fan of like, you know, if you want to complain, but do something about it. Yeah. So like I know when to speak up.

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So you still complain and then didn't do anything about it and then didn't want me to do it. I like the record to reflect.

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You were right the whole time. Thank you. And I was wrong several times. I can't wait. I'm going to I'm going to clip this little piece of the podcast. I just put it on repeat and set it as my ringtone so that I can hear that from your voice multiple times a day. No need to record it. You can ask me any point.

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I'll always tell you just how great you are. Anyway, we have a sexy episode.

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We have a slap in pod, OK? And I do want to say and I feel like only like the real ones who stayed the entire podcast. No, but I feel like I need to shout it out because there might be people missing out that might want to change that. But we find ourselves talking about the best shit at the very end.

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I don't know why it happens. The last maybe two drinks are empty and you like the loosest possible.

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Right. But yeah. So anyway, stay to the end because because I didn't have a selling point there.

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What we just we tend to for whatever reason, liked our last or I feel like we're like, well that's going to end on. Yeah you're right. Yeah. Well and also I love the fact that like we actually recorded the podcast in its entirety and then post in that order. It's not like we're doing like little segments that we decide later, like, oh oh no.

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But at the beginning. So we're just bad podcasters.

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Sorry. Why do people do that. Cut up things. Yeah. I mean like listen to all the of the guests. Oh. Like I don't even like cut up different days.

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I was like but my outfit, my hair you know, like the intro at the end and everyone.

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Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh no. Yeah we don't do that.

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No we're just just just go for it. Yeah. That's, that's too much. That's too much. I have to please hold. Hey. Oh my God. OK, we're back. OK, so we texted the wild online hotline and we now officially have a baby with our number. Weitzel Night Hotline three, two three five nine one five to six seven. That's one three two three five nine one five to six seven.

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Call now and say, yes, that was the most radio ad voice I've ever heard. And more than that, that's OK. That's fine. We had a nice little snippet of it and that was good. Yesin Anyway, so we asked the Well Tonight hotline what you want to hear this pod. And so we honestly, you guys you guys came through with better topics than we had. Yeah. Seriously, we had some like OK stuff. But you guys came through with a hot fire and we are going to deliver.

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But first then I push back on this every time you brought it up. Oh, OK. We got. Oh, we got we got four. Oh, my God, I forgot. So Jeremy is actually wearing the confirmed sample of the hoodie that we have going into production right now. Thick and soft.

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OK, so we got the first round of them and they were thin and scratchy, shitty, thin and then scratchy and Brennan and I like, you know, like six somethings just like fit weird.

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And you're like, I don't think it's really although I have a weirdest body type, it was like hanging off you in such a weird way.

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Yeah, it was weird. It was weird. So anyway, we would have loved to hit like the end of November situation before Black Friday would've been great. But we're not settling for a shitty and itchy and weird scratchy sweater.

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This was like thick and soft, like football, almost so thick that like I probably wouldn't sell it in the summer.

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No, definitely not. This is like we're about to be in some winter winter shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Also, like, lengthwise, I don't it's just I mean, XL, but like if it's I must have been the body model for this I OK, my twin.

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All right.

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Anyway, it's great merch coming and coming soon. Confirm samples going into production. It'll have something on it. Right. Right. This is the blank. This is the blank to make sure it was soft and thick and warm and the right color, which it is will some kutcha.

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I even think about that.

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We like to emerge implied the plain hoodie. Oh my God. OK, well let's just dive into it.

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Also, if if our audience wants to make this more of a I wanna say roast a group, a group activity and you feel open the kimono and you feel like the balls or large today and you want to leave your most embarrassing sex story, date story, sex capades, whatever it may be.

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Please let us know in the comments. It will console us some more than you know or whatever kind of thing on a text us. And that's it. Yes. Yeah. You wanted to be on the public side and it's a no judgment zone. If I hear anybody judging, I will delete you so quickly.

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You go. Yeah. Zero zero, no tolerance, tolerance, yeah, no tolerance here, making fun of other people's genuine stories, one, but if it's too juicy for the comments, you can send it to us, you can text us. We won't share it.

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Don Imus. I actually have some very fun conversations.

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Oh, my God. Someone from a couple episodes ago followed them all. We took, like, listener questions. She followed up. We should next time we do like audience questions, we'll circle back on her, right?

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Yeah, she followed up. We've had people follow up on things. It's been so good. It's been so good. And just you guys know, we try to sign on to it is kind of thing. Yeah. With Jay. But like sometimes it's like I'm like, oh, this is so funny.

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I'm like, oh Jeremy. But like we hop in. So it could be either of us all the time. It's just like an app on a phone.

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Um, what I feel like is you go first what's what's your best. If you could choose like your top three, maybe your best drunk stories.

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I want to know. Jimmy has also been just like a hot frat boy mess for four years.

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So I feel like you have so many better stories. And we'll get into this chapter for why my stories are lacking. But take it away, boob.

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So the question is, you want to know some of my best. Just drunk. Yeah. Hot mess. Got it. Yeah.

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Well, I feel like I've had I mean, the fraternity days for sure. There was a particular type of of partying and reckless I hope that goes on in your fraternity.

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It's so crazy because the stories that you have told me as a Canadian, we watch like American Party movies like that where it's like frats and sororities.

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I'm like, oh, it's just like a movie thing. And you told me these stories and I'm like, oh, my God, you did that. You lived Project X, right? That like to me, that's so crazy. Right. Let me start with one more recent, though.

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Because of the recent memory. I am I remember the time it was I was in Vegas with a buddy of mine for like a bachelor party thing or whatever.

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I just wanted to be really quick. And you just had the middle finger on your face for like twenty seconds.

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I don't know if it was intentional, but you're sitting here flipping me the bird for the last twenty seconds. I don't know what was going on there. And I was like, oh, do you not want me to jump into the street? I'm jumping right now.

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I thought, you're giving me a sign.

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No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am. I was in I was in Vegas.

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Uh, man a while.

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Premi preview. Yeah, definitely. Oh, definitely. And we were in Vegas. We had a table, this thing, very Vegas, all sorts of things. And, you know, when you're in Vegas, you kind of like pop from one to the next to whatever. So I feel like when you're in Vegas, you have this, like, energy about you, that you're some sort of superhuman, which then, of course, relates to all the drinks you put into your system.

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Right. Superhuman, right.

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We having a good time. And it's that and we were the first place and then we went about four more places. And I don't remember going to any of those places. But I do remember when we got to the parking lot of the strip club you were about to walk into. And I remember like taking that first step out and going, oh, and sitting back into the the the seat and realizing I'm going to be sick or whatever. OK, what's great about it is when you're like guys in Vegas, everyone's seen everything.

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I totally, totally. And so my buddy went and talked to the security guard and basically said they were going to go inside to the strip club and they were going to leave me out there to take a little nap.

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You know, I was you know what?

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Just make sure I this is like guy friends versus girlfriends, right? Trying to run away, like, handed you money. And he was like, got it cool. And so they paid him to be your babysitter, basically. Yeah. I'll tell you why.

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OK, because I then proceeded to every, I don't know, five, six minutes. Just lean my head out the door and just. You stayed in the car right down the side of the Range Rover.

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You weigh about two hours straight.

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So I got done, came back out and just drove me home.

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Wow, wow, wow, wow. So that was Premi preview you, Jeremy.

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What do you got? I want to see OK, so here is my here's a little back story on me for some of our newer listeners.

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I a was in a relationship with someone who had epilepsy. And alcohol was like a direct correlation to making your medicine less effective and potentially making you more susceptible to seizures.

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So try to be like a support of a significant other.

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I would not drink, you know, if I drink lightly.

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So I feel like I've been in so many situations where I am the most sober, drunk person in the room.

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I would say my first year of college in grade 12, I drink a lot like in college.

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We were drinking like four to five nights a week and like my body was just absolutely destroyed. And then I would say the three years after that, I was not sober, but I just didn't.

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I would say my boyfriend at the time's health was just like more important. So I feel like I had like two years of, like, reckless drinking and then didn't drink. Not only didn't drink, but just like didn't you know, would like to have a glass of wine with friends or like out for dinner. But I was like not just like going and getting like rampantly fucked up on no weekends, responsible drinking like an adult at a younger age.

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I would say I drink way more now than I did in those like four or five years now if you don't drink at all.

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So anyways, anyways, my first year of college, my boyfriend at the time was up visiting for the weekend and we were like partying that weekend.

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We had another couple that we were friends with on my floor of my residence, my first year of college.

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And this is literally so dumb. I was going through my Facebook photos of like college age, trying to find funny stories.

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And I look back and I'm like, what?

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And this is not even funny. This is just stupid. So anyway, so we got super drunk and decided that the common area of our residence floor, I don't even know where we got all of these newspapers, but we newspaper the I feel this is like a 15 year old prank. We newspaper the entire common room, two couches every autumn in the fridge.

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And, you know, you just you just covered it, covered it like wrapped it like wrapped it like the things that you guys used on my own damn floor.

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We'd even go to anyone else's floor and was like, oh, this is a funny prank. Lake is so stupid.

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And so obviously, like we go in shit like our R.A., like came in like we got like points deducted from like your student score from Griffin. Ten points. I'm a I'm a Harvard. Yeah. Yeah.

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And hey guys, way to step out. Do something outside your comfort zone literally.

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I'm looking at the photos and I'm like, we had a great time. Like, don't get me wrong, we had a great time. It was so much fun.

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But like, I look at those photos, I'm like, bitch, you pranking are you you got bored in your own house, right?

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That's exactly what it's like.

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There are houses everywhere and like I'm sure we made our floor laugh really hard being like what the actual fuck is going on, because I was like all of our friends, like our friends were the ones on our floor.

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Right. But at the end of the day, like, we had to take it down. Right, we got in trouble.

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The last laugh, the laugh lasted like six seconds all the time, like I wasn't doing YouTube.

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So solu is for social media. I'm such a junior high for. Yeah, exactly.

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Like I look back and I'm like bitch y for y for what you know, c maybe it's better that I took I took a bunch of years off going going ham were hammered.

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Oh yeah. Got it. OK, what was your drink of choice in college. You.

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Oh my God. OK, so high school. I was like a flavored vodka bitch weren't we.

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All weren't.

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We all were like I was like oh like like strawberry lemonade senior. And I'm like let's go.

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I started to Captain Morgan like spiced rum and then moved into this like, oh ok, ok. I started with vodka, I started with I still can't, I don't, I don't do vodka anymore.

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Like I do not do vodka. It's just like it just reminds me of like noshes high school.

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My, my I mean oranges were off limits for at least five years after this orange Smirnoff incident during my high school graduation.

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I don't like surprises me because I feel like the actual flavors of the Smirnoff's are not actually very close to like the real flavors, but like orange juice. I think. I guess.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those big orange. Oh my God. Anyway, anyway, so Smirnoff and then I moved to Yagur.

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Oh yeah. I was a Yagur born bitch for like two years.

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I would love to see you DeGeorge about. Yeah I was a younger girl. Four.

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I know.

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And I'm so caffeine sensitive that like the Red Bull portion of it was just like the I felt I was, I was I felt sick for probably fifty percent of my first year of college because I the the things that were going into my body were also all the things you're talking about.

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Like if you did one of those now, you'd be like, I feel bad. Oh, I don't think I could do anything about it.

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I mean, I could do one, I'm sure. But like, I would never go out with the intention of, like, my drink of choice. Yeah. Do your mom right now.

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Sure. Yeah, we're ready. Yeah. But yeah, it's like the one alcohol we don't have. Yeah.

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We actually don't have any friends. That's because you only drink your date. Yeah. And my boyfriend at the time was a gin person, which is disgusting, so I think it's have you I don't know you, I. You never drink gin gin. It is like you're sucking on a dirty pine needle. Yeah.

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No, I'm good. Yeah. The only thing that would make me able to drink gin is like Ryan Reynolds walked in and said aviation.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. Right. We would do anything for black tar heroin. Give it to me. OK, well maybe. Maybe not Reynolds.

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Well ok. OK, I will let you know.

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I will let you get married in response for a little bit. I don't think I agree.

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And then why don't a drink after that. I feel like at some point I transitioned over to tequila I feel.

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Yeah, you know, my shot of choice is always tequila. What do you mean, bitch of you know, I watched a single truth or drink video. It's always tequila. I've watched you take maybe 10 shots ever. That's because you're always drunker than I am. I've taken I probably took 10 shots of tequila in the last two weeks because the truth of drinks.

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It is true. The drink season. Yeah, it's true.

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The drinks season on YouTube. You know, I've quit DIY and I'm just a drinking channel now for you.

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Yeah. DUI and it's one DUI. I know. You know what?

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People have been saying that by accident for years. And here we are really manifested itself into truth.

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And now we're your tequila. Now I'm like champagne. I'm like a champagne or sparkling wine or tequila. I'd say drink a lot of bubbly, like a lot of prosecco, if you like. There was actually another time where I was tipsy. And these are like these.

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I know.

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I know when I do something that's just so out of character and I look back at that and I'm like, oh, that was under the influence recently.

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That was absolute under the influence. I was snowboarding. And you know what? I can't actually picture who I was with. I can't remember if it was a a friend or a family trip or whatever.

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Anyway, I am a pretty good snowboarder I've supported for twelve years. Maybe now is well, I'm not I'm not like a rookie.

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And I had a few drinks in me and decided that today was the day that I was going to go and do a rail.

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And so if you're not familiar, I mean, even if you think like skateboarders, it's like a very hard piece of a squared off pipe that's elevated off the ground. OK. OK. And so I for some reason, you know, actually not for some reason, this is a common this is a common thing that happens. You start drinking and you're invincible.

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Yeah, that happens. You're invincible. It happened three times this weekend. If I were to have balls, they'd be huge. I got huge balls and I'm invincible. So maybe like the experienced snowboarder, I mean, I was like, well, fuck, like, obviously I can do this, like, what's next?

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I've been snowboarding forever. Like, I'm bored. Let's do something new. I made it up.

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And also to like snowboarding is a male dominant sport for sure.

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And like eating shit in front of a whole bunch of like hot snowboarder guys was my worst fear at that time for sure. And so I was like, you know what, fuck it just got to be competent. Just got to send it, got to get a little speed, but like, not too much. You can get on it.

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Oh, when I tell you I thought I broke my asshole, like I genuinely thought like when you look at a skeleton, you know how they did your two hip slash like butt situation or I envision that to be in six pieces like I ate it so hard to, like, fall back on it.

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I fell back on it, on my tailbone. I laid at the bottom of that rail, not giving a fuck what kind of hot snowboard it was around.

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And I was like, this is death. Just take me now. I'm never drinking again. I'm never getting on a snowboard again. You will never catch me in this fucking postal code the rest of my life. And I really thought that my ass is broken.

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I was like, I don't know if you can break your butt, but I just you could be shattered.

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You could definitely break anyway. So I was fine. I was like, very bruised for like a month. But other than that, aside from my ego being hurt, I was OK.

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Once again, everything turned out just fine.

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I think, you know, just fine.

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But me being the biggest hypochondriac and like person that does not take physical, especially risks, that is so outside of my regular day to day activities.

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One of my favorite stories that was me drinking this was in high school was this like house party we were all at. Someone's parents were out of town. And, you know, it was just like a a well-to-do neighborhood, big houses that, like didn't have house parties at them except for the one house. So it's like it stuck out like a fucking sore thumb. I see.

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Like you're in high school and like no one is, you always have people that are going to just like park in front, play loud music, smoke outside in the car, like just do dumb shit to just be like, hey, I wonder if they're having a great it's silent everywhere else, just like the one the rage.

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Exactly. With like, you know, two girls dying in the yard and like oh my God guy. Just like a chain smoking cigarettes. Yeah. Yelling at everybody.

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Someone's up. So it's throwing up in the bush. Yeah. It's like things. Yes.

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And I remember we were like in there having a good time at this party, whatever. And all I hear is like oh shit. The cops like you always hear whatever like yeah.

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I also like stupid like you didn't think right. Yeah.

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And I'm upstairs moments away from hooking up with a hot girl.

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Moments so sad, so sad, tragic, tragic. I went out and I was like I should so like we all went downstairs or whatever and the guy who owned the kid whose house was opens the door before the cops can even get whatever runs out into the line and goes.

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It's about fucking time you guys got here.

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Oh. And they were like he was like, oh my God.

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What. And also they didn't like, give us the heads up on the strategy. Yeah.

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I called you about a noise complaint, oh, 30, 40 minutes ago. I don't know. I can't get these people out of my house.

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How old was this kid? Sixteen.

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Shut up right now. I mean, this man is not a salesman or a lawyer. I need him to change careers. He is he's one of those things and he go out, I can't get them out, they won't listen to me or whatever, and the cops like and literally walked in. I everybody out. You got to go. You got to go. Whatever.

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And I think. He still ended up getting in trouble somehow or whatever. But wait, so in the movies I feel like yeah, because we don't have parties in Canada.

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You know what, though? We're just so much closer to the drinking age when people get caught when they're 17, that I feel like it's not as big of a like a thing. So they didn't go around being like, show me your I.D., show me your I.D..

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Well, that's an event.

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So I very much was like, OK, nice work, big guy. I'm out of here. Kind of like the I'm going to start walking or whatever and was like, hey.

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So I think like a three fourths the way through, they realized it was like, wait, so you but you did invite people over to your party. I just got out of hand. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

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And you're the one that called actually you weren't when I eventually got figured out, but like enough had gone down like that dude just got like the parents were calling names over as opposed like everyone over here IDs on this. I call your parents, you're all getting drinking tickets or whatever, like so like usually get a drinking ticket.

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Yeah. You know, underage drinking. Oh my God. Yeah.

[00:23:37]

Damn. Yeah, for sure. Anyway, the dude figured it out. We all got off easy. Nothing happened. Wow. That was for sure.

[00:23:46]

Like I don't think even in a movie like that's very like a movie like that is when I keep circling back to like in the movies, like you're literally telling me a movie story right now. Have you ever run from the cops?

[00:23:57]

No. I just told you that the day that I have never, ever been even pulled over.

[00:24:00]

Oh, my God. That's right. Yeah. No, no, I don't know. I think I've seen your driving, bitch.

[00:24:06]

You just bitch. I've seen you were driving, you reckless ass. You want to go, you want to go. I've been pulled over many times. Yeah, I know. No kidding. Surprise.

[00:24:17]

Anyway, anyway, anyway, um, I have a you know, and this is not a good story. This is a bad story. The very first time that I got actually high smoking weed.

[00:24:28]

So I feel like the first few times you, like, take a few hits and you're like, oh my God, am I.

[00:24:32]

And I mean, I rip that shit and said, oh, oh. Oh yeah.

[00:24:37]

OK, well shit send it. Oh it was out of a bong or something. Oh yeah. You start with a bong. Yeah. You're going to die. Yeah. Yeah. Your first time.

[00:24:45]

So anyway so so my views, my first few times were just like from a joint. I was like, I mean like I think I'm, I don't know.

[00:24:51]

And a stupid dumb bitch is 16 and like your parents would be like what makes you stupid.

[00:24:59]

You do not even inhale. Did you hold it? Did you hold it anyway?

[00:25:04]

So when I would have been nine, 18 or 19, this was in college and yeah, my first year of university and a friend wanted to smoke weed and we didn't have a bong.

[00:25:18]

My friend that had the bong was like not back from the bars and he was like, I want to smoke now. I'm like, OK, cool, what do you want to do?

[00:25:24]

And so he fabricated this gravity bong, this shoot and it was a two liter pop bottle with masking tape, with a bread bag on the end of it.

[00:25:36]

And then at the top of the two liter pop bottle was a little bit of tinfoil with some holes that we poked into it. And then so there's no filter of any kind going on there. And so me, I maybe hit a bong once small.

[00:25:50]

I probably got in a fight.

[00:25:51]

I would pay so much money to watch you rip a bong. You know what?

[00:25:54]

The very first time I actually almost burned my eyelashes and my eyebrows because my face got too close to where I was lighting it. Eyebrows were barely visible then any way.

[00:26:02]

You know what it's. Yeah, pre microbially pre microplane. There was never a lot. Anyone there real skinny. Yeah. Anyways, anyways, I was scared of Bong's because I'd almost, I'd almost burned my face off.

[00:26:13]

So we had made this shoot this bread bank and he took like a fat hit of it and was like yeah.

[00:26:22]

Stoner total stoner like certified stoner could probably take six hits and be fine. Right.

[00:26:28]

Me having never actually been properly high, much to my dismay, I hit this stupid pollution ball.

[00:26:37]

So you I hit the cancer on the bum and I, I immediately I had been I got punched in the face with this, with this fucking THC and immediately I was like aggressive line got punched in the face with this book THC.

[00:26:57]

I can't wait to get to the second half of this podcast for our topic's about your mother coming into town.

[00:27:02]

Oh my God. So I hit this thing. I did not did not stutter. And immediately I was like, oh, my God, something's not right. Something is not right. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. The room starts like spinning and going sideways. I'm too high.

[00:27:19]

I know that. Can you die from me Googling me on WebMD? Can you be too high? And my my friend was like also high out of his mind and was like, oh my God, should I take you to E.R.? Should I take it E.R.?

[00:27:31]

I think he was just like blastin. I didn't know how to rationally make decisions because, like, I was fine. But I think I was panicking so much that I was freaking him out. And so I had the trashcan ready.

[00:27:42]

We had a little we had a little splash back going on in there just in case I were to throw up my my whole life.

[00:27:47]

And I was so stressed. I'm never smoking weed ever again. I'm going to die. This is the end. I'm going to die in this shitty dorm room. I hate this, but this and so, like, everything was like kind of like tilting and things were spotty in my vision. I couldn't focus.

[00:28:02]

I was like moving in slow motion. So we I know we call this greening out or maybe it's in Ontario or maybe it's in Toronto.

[00:28:08]

I saw someone confirm.

[00:28:09]

We said it is greening up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, so I certified Green Day and thought that I was on my deathbed at the hand of now legal plants and.

[00:28:22]

Well yeah. Yeah. So there are other plants I probably shouldn't put into a big ol two liter plastic thing and smoke. Yeah.

[00:28:29]

You know what, I'm not even better on the Iranian part. I'm more mad that like I lit something inside of plastic that was I, you know, I, I think every person must at one point in time really question the decisions that they make.

[00:28:43]

You know, if I can make it, maybe that's one of those ones where I think back then, like, if I somehow get really sick one day, I will link it back to that.

[00:28:51]

Yeah. Type that into what I'm doing.

[00:28:53]

I'm going to put Jeremy on blast, very hot, secure. So prior to function of beauty, Jeremy went through this whole test.

[00:28:59]

Six different shampoo's at a time phase where our shower, we just like large, would be completely covered in shampoos that he tried a few times and just decided that he didn't like.

[00:29:10]

Until function of beauty, that is Jeremy here, to not only normalize the process of finding a shampoo you like by trying few.

[00:29:19]

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Dotcom slash wild nine. Lauren, I don't know if you happen to notice over the weekend, but I slept in to almost noon two days in a row.

[00:30:55]

Jeremy, I'm not sure if you noticed, but I was very aware that you slept in until noon both day since you haven't stopped bragging about it all weekend, huh?

[00:31:03]

Well, I guess I did mention it once or twice. I don't know. I'm just excited because I used to have such trouble sleeping in and catching up on sleep even when my alarm doesn't go off and I don't need to get up early. Let me guess. That is all.

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[00:32:21]

Wants to know babe, what's your best or worst. I don't know. How are you gonna to look at that perspective. You know it's everything. Um what give us, give us like a juicy sex escapade that went poorly. Well, that wouldn't be the best then a sex compared to him poorly. Yeah. V. So this is I mean, it's interesting because it's not about the sex, but the most one of the most memorable moments in my life, tinger career, was I had, you know, general number three over and we were hanging out or whatever.

[00:33:01]

And at three is in number three on your roster or number three that you'd swiped. Yes, on well, that was number three. That's like yes. On a guy three thousand a day. I, I yeah.

[00:33:12]

Let's not even get into that.

[00:33:13]

How you swipe on the. And she was like over in like we had I think we had hung out before, we had like really hooked up whatever and like and like where she was coming over and we were you know, like we knew that that was could be a thing. Right. And we were like drinking and about to like I, I don't know, hook up or whatever.

[00:33:31]

And she goes, do you have do you want me to use condoms. Oh my God.

[00:33:37]

Like is it sheepskin goatskin again. I don't fucking know. It's like something weird. I had whatever she's like, I'm allergic to latex or whatever and like we already been drinking or whatever and like, you know, single guy. Yeah, yeah. I was like, you know, not a big deal. Wait shit. This is she.

[00:33:53]

I hate when people do this, when they come unprepared like that for something that's so specific to them.

[00:33:59]

Yeah. It's irresponsible.

[00:34:00]

A bitch get your own goatskin fucking non latex condom. I need to stop saying goatskin until I confirm that it actually is that.

[00:34:07]

I mean anyway um so I was like fuck horny guy, I'm drunk, what do I do kind of thing.

[00:34:14]

And so I was like, no worries. So I hopped on, I ended up housemaid's trashmen or anything and I looked at Walgreens and I'm like searching like knowledge he's got of knowledge is condoms. And I finally fucking found them. Ordered them. Right. So then it's like, OK, well we'll wait here for what?

[00:34:27]

So nothing about Goetze. Nothing about go. No, no, no. It's just, just latex free.

[00:34:38]

Non latex. OK, so what I need to know though, what's the what's the material anyway.

[00:34:42]

Keep going. Keep going. So I finally find if I can, you know, vendor on post-paid drop or whatever and like, you know, we're waiting, we've got a thing drinking hand out or whatever.

[00:34:53]

And I'm not kidding you. The notification like your post made lambskin.

[00:34:57]

That's pretty close. That's pretty close. That's pretty cool. OK, made of polyurethane lambskin and poly is so Pareene are also available. I knew it was something like kind of fucked up. OK continue the more you know only educational shit on well too.

[00:35:12]

So I was looking for some lambskin and, and the I got the notification whatever it was like I think I whatever and I opened the door and I'm not kidding when I tell you the spitting image of my grandmother standing there.

[00:35:28]

No bag just. Here you go. Have fun. Enjoy. I'm not kidding.

[00:35:34]

I was like, you know what? Thanks Irma. She Irmo has lived a full life. I'm sure she's been around the block way more than you. Irma could just absolutely crush you experience.

[00:35:45]

Irma could have put on a better face and pretended like she was excited for me then. Yeah, I guess. I guess. Anyway, so that's um. I don't know about the sex itself, but that's one that sticks out to me.

[00:35:53]

I was like, that's pretty notable. Well, it's also like one of the times like you have enough time to really think and evaluate.

[00:35:59]

Right. So so you you got the non latex ones. Yes. Did you see that was me. I'd been like, hey bitch, put these in your purse for next time. You're trying to have a reckless non latex situation happened because that's irresponsible.

[00:36:14]

We know that's not what you would say, but anyway, go on.

[00:36:17]

No, but like if I'm allergic to I'm allergic to latex and I'm able to go into a surgery, OK, I'm going to probably bring my own gloves because the gloves that they have, the standard are latex like might be a responsible bitch if you try to you're talking like you're lecturing this girl about condoms in general.

[00:36:36]

I don't know why we always circle back to this. Everyone has so many questions about this.

[00:36:39]

I want to know what your your reckless usage of zero condoms.

[00:36:44]

Oh, my God, it's not zero condoms.

[00:36:46]

I'm just a serial dater, OK? I'm a serial dater, Beeber. I get it. I get stuff done. I would say the best contraception is virginity, isn't it?

[00:36:58]

In me, a born again virgin. I can confirm that I bring it bring on your sex story that comes to mind. Oh OK.

[00:37:06]

Well this was I was still a virgin when this happened. But this is something notable that that I don't think I realized how odd it was until much later on because I didn't tell anyone really. I like kept not only kept it a secret, but just like didn't go around.

[00:37:20]

I mean, I don't know. Rumors spread so fast in high school. I was just like Yoma, be a solid person right now.

[00:37:25]

Anyways, there was like random dude that I literally only made out with a few times in high school, like very random, singular situation, never went past making out. And and I don't want to shame anyone because this is obviously like a medical condition that happens to some people.

[00:37:43]

So I want to be very clear. I just as a fifteen or sixteen year old was not prepared and didn't know what to do.

[00:37:49]

And so I probably handled it poorly anyways.

[00:37:52]

We were having some probably really quality make out sessions as a fifteen year old does know and try hard to make out. OK, ok.

[00:38:01]

So OK, so the drive home situation was, was happening for sure and all of a sudden he was like super embarrassed and like pulled away and I was like oh my God.

[00:38:11]

Like obviously like I'm the worst kisser in the world. Like what happened.

[00:38:14]

Like in your head in particular, I can already imagine. Yeah. Oh my God. I thought it was me. It was. Yeah. I just like automatically go that direction and it took like a little bit to like coax it out of him to like to figure out like what was going on.

[00:38:26]

And so like me spiraling being like, oh my God, obviously, like I just knocked a tooth out of his mouth or something, like thinking I were just like to tell me. Right. He's too polite to tell me. Yeah.

[00:38:34]

And so he had had just in his pants.

[00:38:40]

I don't know how else to put that. I generally don't know how to deliver that in a more a more two things.

[00:38:46]

I thought I was going to say shit himself. I would die. That, that's worse. Right. That's worse.

[00:38:51]

Yeah. No. Yeah, no, no. I mean did you have at all a moment where you were like I am.

[00:38:59]

Oh bucking my afterwards literally I was like, you know, am I the best in the world you went from.

[00:39:06]

I think I'd like to do that. I was doing something like that. Oh my God, Midas. Is that me? I can make boys come without even touching anything.

[00:39:15]

Can you imagine if you had, like, thought that and like you brought that to the next guy anyway? Right. I have a gift. And he was like or like, yeah, I don't I've been known. I had the magic, the magic sensation. It's not even the touch. Right. And so we made another time and it didn't escalate.

[00:39:33]

He also at some point had said that he has never masturbated in his life.

[00:39:37]

Well, no wonder he came. Well, OK, so that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, oh well that makes so much sense. I was like, oh my God, how are you? A fifteen year old boy? You're not masturbating like that. That was more concerning, honestly.

[00:39:47]

I mean, if he hasn't when he said that, I thought I was like, oh, my God, you're lying.

[00:39:51]

I was like, that's really nice that you think that, like, you have to be polite and say that.

[00:39:54]

But like, later he came and then later he came. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:39:57]

Like, he wanted to prove he was not right. So it's like this is like I know that he didn't have like, wait, wait, wait. He doesn't masturbate. That's what he said. Well, huh? A 15 year old boy does masturbate, right? That's what I'm saying, that's what he told me.

[00:40:12]

And so, like, when it happened to show me a person that says that and I will show you a liar, OK, but then that that happened. So then I was like, oh, maybe there is some truth to this. Maybe he just had masturbated like 24 hours or something. Right.

[00:40:24]

The boys are just so horny. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, everything can be related back to just like and Dick and Dick anyway.

[00:40:31]

So it fizzled out and we just like stayed friends or whatever, like it didn't end up becoming anything.

[00:40:35]

But I was like I'm a boss ass bitch. It's weird that that hasn't carried forward the touch. I lost the touch. I lost the touch. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:40:46]

No, but honestly, like it was like he was obviously really embarrassed. But I think aside from being like I fuck like I handled it, I handled it really well for like that being a situation that I had no previous experience at handling.

[00:41:01]

It was very just like like we were friends. It was like very chill.

[00:41:03]

And I was like, oh my God. Like, it's totally fine. It's like a compliment, right? Yeah.

[00:41:08]

Following up from that, going back to dumb shit that happened on like second or third dates. No, actually I think this was the first date anyway. So now we were at my place so it could have been the first date because I didn't bring girls home on the first date. I go there, uh, because I. Oh, you go to their house.

[00:41:24]

Yeah, OK. I don't like it. It's my space. Oh OK. And it's bad energy.

[00:41:29]

Anyway, my point is we were at my place OK, so I'm not sure what. So I'm not sure if we, I think we hadn't hooked up before kind of situation, OK. And we were about to hook up or whatever and like we had like gone to dinner and like on out or whatever, like we were very like we were drunk, like what time is it to get to three.

[00:41:44]

OK, so it's like the end of the night.

[00:41:45]

Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. Like we're drunk. Kind of like it's time, it's time to go to sleep and like we got back or whatever.

[00:41:51]

And I remember she was, I worried about my ankle on the couch or whatever and I could very audibly hear her throwing up.

[00:41:59]

It is in your old apartment. Yeah. Oh yeah. You can hear everything. Yeah. I remember when I used to poop and I'd be so stressed about you'd be able to hear and I make you turn the music on really loud.

[00:42:06]

You made me leave the building sometimes you like maybe I go one time you in one time you go back.

[00:42:13]

I love it. I love how this was because early in the relationship I could tell because you get kind of uncomfortable. What's wrong. Nothing. Yeah.

[00:42:19]

Yeah. People are like, oh no, I would like you to book after book. Do you wanna leave.

[00:42:27]

OK anyway. Anyway, so can confirm I sound travels in his apartment.

[00:42:31]

I literally bought a Sonos speaker to put in the bathroom after that. Yeah. Because you didn't want to poop in silence.

[00:42:38]

Oh it was me. Oh I thought you meant was inspired by the other girl. No. Oh was it by me. That's so nice. Yeah. You made me turn on music every time.

[00:42:44]

Yeah I know. Well usually it was enough to be in the kitchen because anyway anyway. Oh my God. We are so far off of the story.

[00:42:48]

This girl is audibly throwing up my bathroom and I'm like, I'm like, you know, like we although we were about to hook up, like we weren't close, the bar was like, oh my God, are you OK?

[00:42:55]

I mean, like it like it was like, OK, handle your shit when you come back out and is when you come back out or whatever like was like it's not I wouldn't help her, she needed it like she was probably would be more embarrassing for her.

[00:43:05]

She would be embarrassed if you're like you good. But she was obviously trying to hide it.

[00:43:09]

Yeah. Not doing a very good job. Right. OK, and so she came out and I was like about to go into like, hey, are you OK if it's water or anything. And she's just like, OK. And it went right back into it and I was very much like, uh, mouthwash first. Oh my gosh.

[00:43:22]

She tried to kiss you.

[00:43:23]

Oh, he was like and I was but I was just like. You OK? I am going. It is crazy. It sounded like you were you were a little sick in there.

[00:43:35]

Oh yeah, like a little bit. But I know I was never doing OK. I'm not kidding in like we like kind of like Felsted happening to their minutes, goes to the bathroom again or whatever, does the same thing. And this time I'm coming out and I was like, you know, I'm, I grab an Uber, whatever kind of thing, refused to leave.

[00:43:49]

I was like, you know, I actually I'm I'm feeling bad now. I need to go to bed. And I was like, but like, I just like, you know what? I'm going to sleep out on the couch.

[00:43:57]

Why don't you go to the bed or whatever? Because I'm just going to sleep right here, kind of things like, I don't know, I'm going to have one kind going to think, oh my God.

[00:44:03]

And like, she didn't want to leave, refused to leave right away. That's so random. Usually I wouldn't sleep in the bed if I wasn't sleeping there.

[00:44:10]

So we both slept on my not that comforter, not that comfortable couch or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Either side until the morning. And I could tell when I woke, she woke in the morning, she was like.

[00:44:19]

What happened, and she was like a really good time last night, nothing you did OK. Did you go on another date after that?

[00:44:28]

Fuck no. Oh no.

[00:44:30]

Well, it's just like it's not to say that, like, we like we're having a good time with her. Yeah. When you're puking, we're not going to hook up with Baykeeper.

[00:44:37]

She didn't want to leave. The moment that I feel like I'm too drunk or feel sick, I'm like, get me home right now. Now, did she not want to leave?

[00:44:45]

But I was just like she wasn't really like you. But then leave, yeah, bit like a drunk girl, a drunk, it would be like, oh my God, I look I look like I'm so into him, I like him so much. Like, I don't want to like I don't want to have to bail from the night.

[00:44:57]

Right. But she woke up this morning with like this like like I had so much fun and this and that, but like didn't reference that we one obviously didn't hook up or sleeping on opposite sides of the couch.

[00:45:05]

How romantic. And I'm just like, I can't believe neither of you slept in the bed. What a waste. Yeah. What a waste of like having a messed up neck the next day.

[00:45:15]

Yeah I know. OK, hi.

[00:45:17]

I am about to make your gift giving crazy easy this holiday season.

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For many of us, the holidays are going to look a little bit different this year. You guys already know that our parents are meeting for the first time and we're doing Christmas in L.A. instead of our usual Tour de la North America to see everyone. And although family and friend reunions might not be the same, that shouldn't stop us from feeling close.

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Really?

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Literally, no one who has listen to this podcast for more than five minutes is surprised by that.

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That felt a little meaner than it needed to be. OK, so since I'm the one who does the majority of the cooking in our house, flexibility is absolutely key. That's why hello fresh is perfect for us, since you can easily change your delivery days or meal plan preferences and skip a week whenever you need. Right on the app.

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I saw a picture on Instagram the other day that was like only five Mondays until Christmas and I was about shat myself.

[00:48:51]

I actually I will say that I did order broke your butthole and shat all in the same twenty minutes.

[00:48:56]

Yeah. Well and also pooping at your apartment unless you want to know on. I did, I did order your Christmas present today.

[00:49:03]

You did. Yeah. The day to day today like within the last two hours. Would you give me. I don't know. Would you give me. You know, it sucks in comparison to last year to now. Yeah, we share so many things. Yeah. I'll have to actively avoid. Not one reveal when I'm getting you, which of course, I know and I have a good idea, but I know exactly. Rob, I might have already ordered it anyway.

[00:49:30]

And like, not seen what you've ordered for me. So much, so much shit now. Yeah. Well, does that mean I'm not getting Tiffany's this year? Let's do Christmas. That's a no. Got it.

[00:49:42]

It's been more of like a really good coupons Costco kind of year.

[00:49:47]

I do love Costco. Right. There's there's a gift card, not coupon. I was going to say, yeah, that's just not how it works. Right.

[00:49:54]

20 percent off, 15 pounds of beef. I mean, sounds like a bargain to me.

[00:50:01]

Hey, Dad. So Christmas is coming. Your your present is purchased. I'm really excited about it. That's good. And our parents are meeting for the first time, for the first time.

[00:50:14]

And I feel like because we have a relationship where, like your mom lives outside of Chicago, my parents live outside of Toronto, like there's usually users.

[00:50:27]

Last year what we did was we went to Canada first and then we flew down to Chicago and then flew back to L.A. So it is a nice little triangle.

[00:50:35]

And it worked out. It really went quite nice. It really did go quite nicely.

[00:50:38]

It was like a long time to be gone. And we had moose with us too. And like moose like being at a routine for that long.

[00:50:43]

I feel like he was like a little out of out of sorts, but it was it was totally fine.

[00:50:46]

But this year, because of coveted and everything that's happening, the only option that we had because of the quarantining rules in Canada was to bring everyone here.

[00:50:57]

So not to say that this is like this wouldn't have happened probably next year, but it's definitely a little expedited, I feel like, because of the circumstances. Oh, yeah, hard to say. Like, I don't think they would have done Christmas together. Had no.

[00:51:11]

Yeah. We would like.

[00:51:13]

Yeah, no one parent was not going to leave their Christmas card totally for a completely like new one.

[00:51:20]

Right. Right away. For no reason. Right. For no reason. Right. But this year has presented us the opportunity for our families to me to have.

[00:51:31]

The last yes, yeah, so OK, but this was my idea, and I really do think that's a good idea, is we rented a spot in Big Bear for a majority of when the families are here.

[00:51:42]

And I so here's my strategy. Here's my thinking is that I feel like because it's neutral territory, like everyone like your mom has her routines when she comes here. She's been here twice now.

[00:51:52]

One couple times. Yeah. My parents, too, like for sure, have their routines when they come here. They've been here so many times. And so I feel like I'm just going to take all that away.

[00:52:00]

We're just going to rip it out from everyone. Yeah. So that everyone gets to started at square one.

[00:52:04]

We also in we because we both work from home.

[00:52:07]

All of the bedrooms in this household have been turned into workspace and we only have one guest bedroom, five bedrooms, one guest, one guest bedroom.

[00:52:16]

And so it actually is not very convenient to have both families be in the house for an extended amount of time.

[00:52:23]

Not at all. Yeah, not at all.

[00:52:25]

So I think is going to be fine.

[00:52:30]

Lauren's definitely more stressed about it than I am for sure. I definitely am.

[00:52:34]

You know, and maybe I would love to hear genuinely. I would love to hear from you guys. Your perspective on is there a good time, is there a very specific things we should try and avoid outside the obvious ones like politics and religion, baby politics and religion?

[00:52:51]

Yeah, that's a good one that, you know, goes I just you know, to me, I feel like there's never I mean, I'm sure everyone always over it is fine. But like our our mothers in particular have so many things very much in common for sure that it's just like I think it'll be just fine.

[00:53:04]

I think it'll be just fine. Yeah. So our our our main issue at hand is actually me.

[00:53:11]

Oh. Because I have done myself the disservice of painting myself to your mother in like the most angelic p your like just clean cut individual.

[00:53:28]

Don't set yourself up.

[00:53:29]

I don't set myself up for failure because I mean you should see the things that the way that that Laun phrases things or the way oh I am I am the cleanest cut of bitches when your mother is in the household, when she's in the zip code. And if you tell me to stop swearing, like I can stop swearing like it's.

[00:53:48]

No, you can't. Yes, I can hear no. We did a podcast of the day and I did the whole podcast, especially in that conversation that's like not scripted anyway. I did great. I can turn it off.

[00:53:58]

I just choose not to draw any of the time. And obviously, like when you start, you know, having a few glasses of wine with dinner or like you start getting comfortable and it's been six days, like that's when things start getting a little slippery, I feel like.

[00:54:11]

Yeah, but Lauren, you also are are apt and have done this many times in the middle of dinner, like I have to go and just run to the bathroom.

[00:54:19]

Yeah. Not everyone does that. Yes. But my family is all like that. Right. I know.

[00:54:25]

And and and you know what I've come to really I, I do now do that damn near. Do it damn near. You do do it. I do do it.

[00:54:33]

I would probably wouldn't do that in the company of six people kind of thing, but it's like yeah.

[00:54:39]

Right where you like it's and I've seen it, I mean there's four of us I guess I've just seen it with all of your extended family as well.

[00:54:45]

Oh yeah. But that's because like they're like brothers, my cousins. Right. Yeah. I was. I don't care how close you are with your cousins. Donna definitely hasn't experienced that yet, but. Yeah, no, no, no, no.

[00:54:56]

I almost think Donna would be more jarred by me being like I have to poop than me saying, fuck yes.

[00:55:01]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:55:03]

OK, well so so here's my dilemma is that I have painted myself to be the most picture perfect housewife of a woman.

[00:55:10]

And and then I mean, if you listen if you listen to four seconds of this podcast, you know, that I, I would make a great housewife, but I also like to enjoy profanities and, um, and screaming out that I have to poop when I have to poop.

[00:55:29]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Besides, that's great. Yeah. But is it really the full package. Honestly, you know it's going to be.

[00:55:35]

Yeah.

[00:55:36]

I mean you probably set yourself up for failure, you might have wanted to like maybe be a little bit more, I should have been more vulgar like a tiny bit more vulgar so that she got a taste of like the real I guess I should have been more vulgar the last time we were with your mom.

[00:55:51]

Yeah. I really wish I set myself up for failure here, because around my family, like my my mom listens to the podcast, my dad's allowed to listen to some episodes, but my mom is all them.

[00:56:00]

And and they have every day, like, one gets over, he doesn't realize it stops and then he goes to the next one. Oh my God. I second three next. Oh I'm so uncomfortable.

[00:56:10]

Me but no, my family has a very clear understanding, a picture perfect view of who I am. Right.

[00:56:16]

And so I will have to find the middle ground for Christmas too, because I mean, my parents would not bat an eye if they would find it highly entertaining to watch me.

[00:56:27]

Oh, we'll all find it. It's honestly, it's the three of us watching you. Yes. Watch my mother. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[00:56:35]

And your mom and I get along great like we have. I probably talk to your mom more than you do. I absolutely. Yeah, exactly. I can potty mouth. I'm a fucking to be there. My aunt her sister definitely watches the pod. Loves it, loves us. Loves you.

[00:56:47]

Oh my God. So, you know, maybe she's like cluetrain already.

[00:56:52]

Oh, I would die. Oh darn. I didn't know your son was dating a swamp mouth like a swamp monster. I have so much stress about it.

[00:57:02]

Yeah. So that's my biggest point of stress for the holidays.

[00:57:07]

It'll be fine. Remember when you offered to meet my parents three weeks into talking before we were even dating? How could I forget I I still look back at that moment and I'm like a little weirded out, right. But I came from a relationship that was like commitment issues where one of our main points of contention.

[00:57:31]

And are you wanting to meet my parents at three weeks of us just talking like not even officially dating, I almost was like, is this a red flag, like red flags on both sides?

[00:57:42]

Like, I think I just been so damaged in the past that it was like, this is too good to be true.

[00:57:47]

What's going on? Like this is fishy. Something about this is not right.

[00:57:51]

My fear was I remember there was a we used to go to this one house in high school. I feel like parties or whatever and drink there. And the parents were the ones I didn't care. And everything's cool, whatever. And like I, I'm not kidding.

[00:58:01]

I it was I just naturally gravitated towards people's mothers every time, every time you got there and she would say, I don't drink, that will have a glass of this or whatever. And so you would find me up there just banging glasses of wine.

[00:58:16]

Middle aged women are Jeremy's specialty. So every time that there's an opportunity to meet the parents on that side, I was like, let's do it.

[00:58:24]

It was the day that my parents had, like, flown in to from Toronto and they were so jet lagged. My dad was like literally comatose on the couch. Like he was not he was not present.

[00:58:34]

He was tired. Yeah. He was so tired.

[00:58:36]

And I think my parents also to, you know, being used to my old relationship were like and by your old relationship, what you were in a few months, literally, like.

[00:58:43]

Yeah, like two and a half months earlier, they were like, what's going on? And we weren't even we weren't even dating.

[00:58:50]

We weren't even dating. We had had sex twice and had like lunch four days. Yeah, exactly.

[00:58:56]

Oh yeah. It was almost like so much agreement that I was like, there's, there's something wrong. Obviously there's obviously something wrong. Right. What was great about is like we met and like quickly on the way out said hi and then I feel like me going to Christmas. Not that much longer. Yeah. Later. Yeah I made way better.

[00:59:13]

Oh yeah. For sure. Well I think my mom was like, would Jeremy want to come for Christmas. Right. Like I think they, she's like yeah yeah yeah.

[00:59:21]

Because I mean I think she can respect a man of his word and commitment.

[00:59:25]

Babe, that's you. Oh great. Yeah. Well also like I mean I, I feel like I am aware that on paper, um I, I check enough boxes for parents now that I'm like I would like to meet them. The perks of having a job and like a boring job in tech. Yeah, is that like it just it looks good on paper. Totally, yeah. It reads stability and health insurance, right? Yeah. Right.

[00:59:48]

Yeah. It's like there are people with like cooler jobs are more interesting or better conversation everything. But I'm like just bored enough to enough parents to be like, you know, something to be said for cancer. Save one.

[01:00:00]

You say get get you a guy like Jeremy got a good head on his shoulders, which I assure you in high school, no one's mother was saying about the fact that, oh, my God, how how did you did you always have good relationships with girlfriends, parents?

[01:00:15]

Girlfriends, moms. Oh, interesting. OK.

[01:00:20]

There were a couple of dads that I'm not a fan, you know, I think they just liked him and they were like, are you falling for this bullshit? Oh, yeah, you're falling for this.

[01:00:29]

I can't imagine your bullshit quote. Like, I think what your boys are calling me now and like, have the time at twenty eight. I'm like, you can, you know, like to walk it back.

[01:00:37]

But I but it was almost like all the bullshit that was like just like painfully obvious. Right.

[01:00:41]

OK, it was almost like, it was like satire. Yes. I could be like ironically or whatever like of course Mrs..

[01:00:47]

Whoever I'm supposed to get beat up by someone's dad.

[01:00:50]

Oh my God. I think plenty of them want to do it. But, you know, they were just like I was mother. It'll be. Every time like this, too, shall pass. He'll eventually move on right away, right? He'll be he'll they'll be over it. This they'll break up. And my favorite is even like she would have and it would go south or whatever kind of thing with like either a friend or like a girlfriend or whatever.

[01:01:09]

And the mom, I would see her I'd still like. How are you? It's good to see you. Yeah, I know. It's terrible. Didn't work out awful.

[01:01:15]

It's like a good quality, but also a quality that makes you like, punchable, you know what I mean? I always remember I was at a wedding for my friends or whatever, and the mom of the bride came up and said, could have been you.

[01:01:26]

And I was like, I know, I know she's well, you guys are so cute together. He's fine, too. He's fine, OK.

[01:01:32]

Oh, she's the teacher, but she was also ultra sweet.

[01:01:38]

We loved her. OK, that's nice. Oh, my God.

[01:01:41]

Speaking of being a dad's nightmare, I can't wait so well, in particular, like I feel like there's always people in the comments being like talk about your mistakes and drum corps talk about, oh my God, yeah, people are upset.

[01:01:52]

I don't even know what it is. I genuinely was like I, I this is this you when you pick up the phone, it's obviously not for you. Like that's me every time I see a drum corps comment.

[01:02:00]

Well, it feels really cool. Now in hindsight, oddly enough, when I was in Drumline it didn't feel as cool then.

[01:02:05]

You weren't. You weren't. Yeah. Nobody that was like yo drum corps.

[01:02:09]

No one seems that interested in anything I had to say about it then, but for whatever reason now I guess. So I'm glad that's become cooler than it was. You know, I loved it at the time, but I didn't think it was like my opening line for like parties by any means.

[01:02:20]

OK, Jeremy marched here, so you don't know this, but drum corps. But basically you are existing with a sleeping bag, a backpack, and you go from one hub, basically college or high school gym to the next. Every night you sleep in the gym.

[01:02:39]

Yeah, for three months on the floor. Yes, in the on the floor. In the middle of Texas.

[01:02:43]

I'm like Missouri.

[01:02:45]

Oh my God. Are you getting paid now? Not only are you not getting paid, you paid to do it.

[01:02:52]

I'm sorry. You paid to sleep in Texas. Summer gym. Thousands of dollars. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you did do the best. OK, I got ten times better. Right. I was literally like I when I started and left ten times. Very, very good for me. I can appreciate that. So anyway, back to sex.

[01:03:12]

I am. So what's interesting about this is that you, you all like all the dude shouting at all time.

[01:03:17]

All the girls are together all the time, but you're all in one gymnasium and like you can't really sneak away because your schedules are fucking packed all the time. Whatever. OK, so everyone is horny is balls. Oh. And everyone's sleeping next to each other.

[01:03:28]

Right. But like there's somebody that's like an adult adults, even adults like a more adult kind of thing.

[01:03:33]

That's like a round kind of thing, like a chaperone to make sure that like a 100 percent orgy kind of thing. Right. But it's like you're in the middle of a fucking hot Texas summer. Everyone's sleeping there with kind of thing. And there's like I can't with this title to be hot Texas orgy. Right.

[01:03:44]

Well, anyway, so like halfway through, of course, like the the drum corps relationship starts and I'm like starting to like, hey, it was you like you know, but I mean, I was full band energy.

[01:03:57]

Like there's yeah. There was there was no swag whatsoever kind of thing.

[01:04:00]

But you had what you didn't realize is that you are living it's like a 150 person family. Right. So you got to be very careful.

[01:04:07]

Oh yeah. Because it's not like you can go to camp and you can hook up with that person, then you never see them again, right. No, no, no.

[01:04:13]

You're all going to take the same bus. Right. And sleep on it. It's like everyone's sharing one hotel room. Yes. Right.

[01:04:18]

So like halfway through or whatever I like got the balls up to like you as I was like texting this girl from across the room. It's weird because you literally feel like you're like at summer camp.

[01:04:26]

Nothing like texting a girl. It was on the outside of a gym kind of thing.

[01:04:30]

Right. And so we just started to migrate our sleeping bags closer.

[01:04:34]

Oh, that's cool. Thank you. And we finally got the balls. We were kind of like, you know, to to to hook up in the middle of this like this gym or whatever.

[01:04:42]

It was just like halfway through. I don't know if you guys realize just how much things echo, but like, if everyone is asleep, one hundred people are asleep. There's like some snoring or whatever, but there's one sleeping bag that's just that's moving.

[01:04:54]

That's rustling. I think, you know, we got down we go.

[01:04:59]

We were so smooth. No one no one knew anything.

[01:05:01]

And the next morning did you hear last night? I mean, it was just about everyone knew it. The gym moment later.

[01:05:12]

Oh, well. Did it make you do you feel we did this shit all the time? Oh, God. What that's I love it for you, babe. Yeah, yeah, I love you. Thank you. Yeah, that's very nice. That's nice.

[01:05:24]

Yeah, I wish that you had. Even a few more stories to get combat mind, because I thought we were going to do our top hundred before we got here, but oh, no kidding.

[01:05:33]

Of course, you, of course, are just an angelic angel to be out there with your sexual habits. You would have 14 STDs by now.

[01:05:40]

Why do we always come?

[01:05:42]

I literally and the podcast right now, I've got to go to you and so does my mom. Is it it. That's it. Yeah. OK, I went saying, all right, well, thanks for coming along on our sex capades. I'm sorry that mine don't live up to the standards of Jeremy.

[01:05:59]

I wish I had been more of a promiscuous person.

[01:06:04]

There's still time, though, that wouldn't fare that well for you, if you like. So maybe we don't encourage that.

[01:06:10]

Well, we'll hit hall passes next week then. All pass is next week.

[01:06:14]

Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, let's go.

[01:06:16]

Oh, just Paul Paz's. Yeah, let's go next week. What podcast is this. This has been sweet boys. I'm Garrett. You're you're you're Andrew. And I'm Andrew. I'm Andrew, I will take it. Yeah, yeah, you know what, I haven't missed the first episode either. Yeah, but they just launched it. OK, but. They could be.