Love under Lockdown is a new chapter in personal diaries told in an intimate docu style that helps us examine the human condition as well as the desire for love and connection, all while enduring a once in a lifetime global pandemic. Subscribe to love under lock down for free on Apple podcast Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, no, oh, no. Ladies and gentlemen, he has squished the cloth, the cloth can never be squashed. No, you just you just did you squished it sprawling into OK.

You ready? Yep, let's go. Hey, guys, welcome back to Well, Donna Nine, our weekly podcast, Stop, Drop, Roll and Rate Zippered. Guys, we had 100000 subscribers on the YouTube channel.

No, we didn't. They did. They did it.

I guess. I mean, probably well, know I'm a part of that. I mean, channel subscribed. I'm actually in charge of about ninety two thousand of the fake accounts that I created just to make it seem that way. Yeah, yeah. There's actually only like ten real listeners. Everybody else robots.

Oh, shit. Well, one's my mom. One with my mom. My mom doesn't listen. No one doesn't listen. She has no interest in this shit. I wonder if you do deal still does those like little 100000 subscriber Plax.

I want one. If so, yeah. Me too. Also got you have them. Yeah. No I know, but I want for the world to nine channel. To new channel. I'm not going to lie.

I think they discontinued them, I think too many channels had 100000 and they were like, oh shit, we can't commit to this because my vlog channel, the new one, went past 100000 and I never got, like, the option or the notification.

So maybe we should look anyways. Welcome to the VOD. Also small update, actually, a couple of things. One, merch is happening. It's Yo, don't give away that.

I just want to get people excited. So, you know, it's so much more might happen. Merch might happen if they if it's supposed to happen, merch will happen if it's supposed to happen. And also exciting thing number two is that I hate the background, I'm going to rip it all down and tear it out and do another one soon.

You know what? You got so mad at me for my face on the microphone, and here you are doing it. What the fuck do you feel so nice.

I know. I know.

Like, my face is stretching it more. You get mad at me for rubbing my nose on it. Yeah. Because you have makeup on.

That's OK. I'm the only one the there's orange Fuzzy's on here that's for sure. My makeup on the fuzzy's.

OK, that's enough. That's enough. That's enough. Anyways, I've got some really cute plans for our new pod background.

It's been eleven whole episodes so it's thirteen. Thirteen, it's been thirteen episode. OK. Yeah.

And that's 13 weeks.

Totally. That's, that's not long at all.

That's like if we can you imagine like Jimmy Kimmel flipping it said every thirteen fucking episodes. I know.

You know I rushed, I rushed on this one and I don't like it anymore.

Lauren has this thing where she constantly has to have something that's being renovated at all times. It's super cost effective and isn't a nightmare for someone who lives here.

It's going to be so huge. It's going to be so cute and we're never gonna make any money.

I know who are really not. I'm yeah, we're never the engagement ring fund is just somebody coming in.

And I was like, there's too many ads and I'm like that Steinhoff then. All right, we we're broke. We're going to pay for this damn thing. Yeah, I know. It really is.

You don't even need to get into that. But anyways, let's talk to Lawrence about a new set together.

Everyone's going to be super excited and especially me, and I'm going to be a really good sport about it. I'm so excited.

OK, I've been fucking with the comments section lately, and to be fair, it's not even like a numbers game. The quality of the comments coming back are unparallel hot. In fact, I'm going to go and say bold statement here. My comment section is more lit than any other podcast in the world, period.

Oh, that's bold. Joe Rogan call her daddy Sophea with an F for you.

All right. We got a better time than you guys. Maybe the kind that is entertaining. Maybe we're not as eclectic and amazing, but our comment section, OK, the fans, the listeners that think bucks.

Wow, he said it. Speaking of this week, know this is a hot topic. I want to hear about it. And I don't want to be that specific on it. Ghosting like have you ever ghost did somebody have you ever been ghosted? Is there ever a time where you think everything's OK? And for the person who is doing the ghosting sorry, the person who's receiving the ghosting? Yeah. I want to hear what kept you from just moving the fuck on.

Right. That's a lot of things to be fair. I want to hear about it because our comment section is fucking lit and I don't use that word often.

He really doesn't always feel like he's so passionate about this that the chair's squeaking in movement.

No, but I feel like I go to bed with our comments. Yeah. I'm always like I feel like I'm like winding down on my job. Did you hear this? Yeah. Like Sophia from Iowa says, you're mean to me. And I'll always pick the ones that are obviously nice to me because I'm a sociopath.

And I was like, where is this going to go? For sure. I'm always like, Hey, baby, did you see this? There are five hundred comments that are nice for you, but this one right here is nice to me.

Look at that.

He Prince actually all those ones own frames them. Hey babe, have you ever ghosted anyone. Yeah.

Just so quick with it. OK, walk me through it also. So when you were single what percent do you think of your dates is a lot of questions here.

Which one you want to ask?

You know, I'm not sure I've got a lot on my mind. I've got a lot of questions, got a lot of things, because I just don't have enough dating experience that I feel like I've gotten even the opportunity to go. Someone had I wanted to. So my ghost experience is just not as well versed as yours.

Is that what you want to say? What percentage of women that you've dated do you think that you've ghosted?

Ten, ten percent. Ten percent. OK, yeah, OK.

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, knowing how many people you've dated, that's still kind of a lot.

But seven. Seven percent. Yeah, I feel better about five to seven. OK, ok, ten. Feels like I'm rounded up a little bit.

And what's. You know what? OK, I feel like from someone who I have, I think goes before. I don't know if I have have I mean, Gosta, I can't imagine a world where anyone goes to you that's so nice, babe, that's you.

I hate you.

You know, that's not for you. Maybe I haven't been posted, but I definitely everyone on this podcast was like, shut the fuck up.

I'm no, I'm just a been is this career dater.

And yeah, I just find myself because I feel like when you have like a long single period, you'll definitely encounter it, but not like it goes in front. But I definitely have encountered someone who was like, oh, I want to be single.

Like, yeah, it's like we can fuck around but like I just want to be single for this many days specifically.

And I can't decide who your friends are by like your old personality yourself or.

No, it's not about me. OK, yeah. No this is no this is like real life happened to me. Like I was I was the receiver of the recipient, a recipient of the I just want to be single, but we can fuck around language.

And I feel like I see as someone who did not have a while till nine esq podcast growing up and listening, I feel like I handled it so poorly.

I handled it so poorly.

Yeah. I mean we are basically a sex, drugs, rock and roll communications class, literally.

Like I didn't have anyone to be like, yo, real talk bitch. Just like move on, just move on. Just like go on to the next one.

Like they should have been covered in health class. Yes. Said Yo bitch, move on. Where was that one or one. Yo bitch, move on.

You were too busy learning that if you had sex once that a condom you'd have you done VCDs then you will die.

Literally die. Yeah. Yeah I know. And no one.

And here's a moldy banana. If you put a condom on to literally. But you did. I needed ghosting one one day goes you skip that day goes to I you skip that day ghosting one on one.

Yo bitch, move the fuck on.

All right, here's the deal. I need you to break out a dictionary definition of ghosting for those in the back who either aren't paying attention or equally not received such recipients.

OK, recipients, welcome to Class. Class is in session, ghosting one on one when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're ghosting friends. Interesting.

Mm hmm. Oh, you know what? That one I've. I'm worse about ghosting people that think that we're friends than I am, like one night stand relationship shit.

Oh, I feel like the expectations, though, in a friend relationship are equally as important, but just like kind of a little bit different in a way, the dynamics are completely different.

Yeah. And I've said this before. I'm very, very opinionated about the fact that, like, I have a busy life, I have a life that is in different cities and countries usually for work and say, oh, how busy was your this for?

Like like my lifestyle is not conducive to, like, the same people that I grew up and played sports with and went to school with, like they're on the other side of the country. When I see you, it'll be great if I don't see you in the five years. I expect when we pick up again, it'll be great. It'll be great. And and check in with you. Don't check in with me.

OK, so sorry. Back to the definition. So when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating with zero warning or notice beforehand, you'll mostly see them avoiding friends, phone calls, social media and avoiding them in public. Well, you know what thinks the pandemic you don't have to really avoid anyone in public anymore.

It would be like socially inappropriate to go up to someone.

Right, like someone like you showed up at her house. Hey, I figured brought her casserole. Oh, my God, no. We actually had a friend show up with mass, like at the very beginning to drop something off.

And we were like, whoa, whoa, take a step back, buddy.

Get off them. Because it was like at the beginning when obviously, like, people are still taking precautions and stuff. But at the very beginning when no one knew what the fuck was going on and we were just like very paranoid about, like, every interaction ever.

Anyways, anyways, so, OK, I handled it poorly and it wasn't even ghosting. It was more just like being strung along and not a producer being emotionally ghosted.

I was being emotionally ghosted. That's a really good way to put it. And my ego, because, again, I did not have, you know, the class of ghosting one to one.

I feel like my ego took such a a I'm trying to get like the video game term when you get shot really bad in like the war games, a crucial hit plays among us once and now is like I'm just like I'm going to get sniped from midfield.

There's no sniping in in among us. You're the imposter and you kill people. But it's not with guns, babe. You uncultured. OK, got it.

Next time I need a lesson, I'm going to call someone is lost me. But like when you get what's it called the like something hit. I can't kill shot. No, not a kill shot. No you're not dead yet.

You just get hurt. And your screen starts flashing. I don't know, I don't know. Neither of us play like you just screaming French and me like, well, I don't know how to speak.

I don't know what.

Like, what what do you say to vho now? The Zui.

Oh, a teeny teeny tiny. Oh what's what's in it. How do you want to play Willy. I do want to play tennis.

I do want to play again. I want to play and be back to fucking ghosting. Sorry guys. Anyways so my God we're so. Oh my God.

We just like you to rain down. Forty five tangents there. Yeah. Someone didn't take their Adderall today and it was Jeremy and it was one of us.

It was me, my ego.

I feel like I just didn't know what to do and went into just like chaos chaos mode.

Like I've. You're such a weird ego. Yeah I know. I totally agree. I totally agree. It's such a weird.

You get so weird. Oh you got that weird to see. It's a weird you it's uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable and what. You're uncomfortable.

Oh no, no, no. OK, so everyone I feel like it's unanimous that you say uncomfortable. Really fucking weird. It makes me uncomfortable hearing how you say it.

You make it so, so like bop bop bop bop uncomfortable.

I hate it. I literally hate it. Comfort, comfort. Not comfortable. OK, not you both. Right.

If you grew up in southern Alabama, I would forgive you for saying uncomfortable. We have literally gone so far off of topic Reynard it in reining it back in.

Like I said, I did not take my ADHD medicine.

I know I'm just like so I get swept away also in your stupid tangents and you know, it's a great danger.

Baby is a great danger that was so rude and uncalled for anyway.

Is my ego read into this as almost like a challenge and like convinced my brain that, you know, I wasn't lorem puts a chip on her shoulder pretty quickly once she sees her ego has been bruised, I.

What do you mean? Like ego is is tested and you just go and put a platter and you put a chip on top of that on your shoulder and you're just waiting for someone to knock it off while also being oddly competitive.

I don't know if I fully agree with that, but just my opinion, I'll begin with my therapist next time we chat. I am still mad about this one. Mad about what? You completely hogging our newest sponsor.

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I, I do not know. I didn't do that. Let me guess, though.

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I feel like the most common storyline is just not feeling adequate.

And so whether that's like pretty enough or funny enough or smart enough or ambitious enough or whatever it might be, I feel like when someone makes it obvious that they don't have enough respect for you to communicate something, I feel like that's kind of the end result and and where your ego gets hurt and when you're not able to come to a conclusion and maybe this is just a meeting where, like, I feel like I need to come away with that experience being like, oh, that didn't work out because of X, Y or Z or something.

When you're able to kind of be conclusive about it, I feel like I go crazy being like, what did I do or what could I have done differently when it's not fucking about that?

I think I said this earlier, I believe the ghosting is the antithesis of prioritization. Yeah, 100 percent if you're being ghosted. Yeah, you're not a priority.

Absolutely. And it's not even like a. A, it's a negative thing, of course, I can be wrong, like you are not a priority because they're prioritizing whatever it is that they're doing currently over you and the next thing and the next thing. And eventually it's like people just build up enough debt of, like, not giving a fuck that they're just like, well, I'll just never say anything again. I think that ghosting is inherently negative and sad and bad and should be avoided at all costs, right.

But oh, here you go. But here comes the. But no. When people. Tell you show you share their intentions and believe them, believe them, meaning that if someone is not choosing to respond to you, you have two choices. You have the ability to get upset about the fact that choosing to say hi, respond to you whatever, or you realize that they have not found a way in their vocabulary to deal with whatever it is that they are dealing with.

Problem or not. And what? Bitch, move. Oh, no, what was a yo yo bitch, move on, maybe just move on. Yo bitch, move. I don't know who needs to hear this right now if someone's not texting you back and not giving you the time of day and go sing.

Yo, yo, bitch, move on.

Hey, friend, consider finding someone else to focus on. Yeah.

Anyway, I wish someone had screamed out at me a few times. Would you resist. Lauren, maybe if someone was that straightforward, it makes I feel like my friends were always just like I remember, I vividly remember sitting in a car with my best friend at the time and being like, I don't know, like, do you think that, like, I should give him another chance? Like, what do you think?

And she was like, Yeah, bitch, send it, go for it. Like give it a shot. Like, what do you have to lose. And that was that was not the advice that I needed at that zone.

Advice. No, I needed no bitch. Move on, be smarter because I do think there are that in my back pocket.

Next time you say something that I think I disagree with him. No, bitch, move on. Forget it. See how goes that could go one of two ways for you for sure.

And I could tell you which was kind of poorly and poorly.

No, but like friend a friend. I feel like I needed her to be like, you have some big ideas right now and I need you to get your dumb established dumb bitch to was happy when we established that that was for two or three.

Yeah. I didn't exist.

I know, I know what it is. I had it and I had the dumb bitch goggles on and I could not see clearly. I needed her to give me a little macaroni and be like, yo bitch, move on.

I don't think you've ever wanted someone to smack you and say, bitch, move on like that is so aggressive and abrasive.

I think about what that might have changed, though, in like obviously I don't want anything in my past to have changed because I'm happy with where I am right now and any little decision.

Nice disclaimer. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, but but I definitely could have saved myself some troubles had someone gave me a little macaroni.

You know, the reason that I started ghosting more. When I went into my last single period of days of exploratory phase, Engelmann research and development was because I was straightforward with two or three girls in a row that resulted in that odd competitive. Let me fix it. Give me a chance. That's me. And I was getting, like, way more negative. Like, for example, I had a nice day or two or three even. Right.

And whatever happened and there's an invite to do something that from her that made me slightly uncomfortable. And I don't even know if it was because of what was going on or if, like, there was more meaning to it than I thought that she was like whether it was like, oh, the activity. I thought the activity represented. I didn't like it.

I didn't feel comfortable that I did what I do. You're right. You're you know, you could to have your own feelings.

Right. And I basically said, you know what? I just want to be very clear. I'm not looking for anything serious. This is fun. That being said, like, I'm not interested in doing X, Y, Z kind of thing. And it was met with I thought we had a good time or. Right, or do we not have a good time or what did I say was I do wrong.

And it was like it's hard to just be like it's not you, it's me, but also nothing, it's not you. So I don't care what you try and do and change. Yeah. It's me, but also to like in your defense as well, and you know what I mean, defense. Go ahead. Right. Yeah, OK. I actually I have both sides of this that I'd like to share, actually. So in your defense, I think that, like, so you had been newly single out of like a chaotic breakup of an engagement.

Right. Which is like that's fucking hardcore. And I don't think that you have to dive into that with every stranger that you go on a few dates with. I think that's way too personal.

And you don't owe that person that level of intimacy of just like the shit that you've been through.

I will say, though, that I don't think the girls who had bad reactions should set the precedent for all the girls that come after that. Fair. Yeah. Yeah.

And so I think I think there's two sides to that. And I think there's probably a happy medium and it's just that we stay together forever and, you know, you just never have to go see anyone again.

Can we just go and just cut? Oh my God. Is this the podcast has the modern fertility ADENHART? I'm not sure.

I think actually maybe it was last week, you know, but I think I think it's it's tough because everyone has their own shit they're going through, whether it's related to whatever happened on the dates or if it's something totally separate, like your job is crazy and you're traveling a lot like you might have been in that time, you know what I mean?

Like, there's so many other factors to it. And they feel like there are some people that are similar to me where as a fixer, I'm like, well, what did I do wrong? What can I do differently? Like, what can I do better for next time with the next person? Like, I'm always going to take something away from it. And I'm sure there are constructive points to that. But at the same time, I needed someone to be like, yo, you know, maybe you should have been like, yo, bitch, move on.

When when you tried to say that you were uncomfortable and she didn't take it. Well, I should have texted her.

Yo, bitch, karma, move on. Yeah, maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe I I think that it's important to remember that people ghosting Yeah. Means really one of two things. One, it's you know, you aren't good with rejection or you've got a ton of rejection in the past. And it's something that you don't even want to deal with because you haven't dealt with the past rejection or it's the the the lust for control or the lust for trying to make something more than what it is.

And it's like they're being too intimate to needy right off the bat. And like, I'm like leaning away and it's like, yeah, right. I wanted to for sure.

No, I think I mean, I have a few friends who like in past relationships, when things seem too stable, they'll start a fight because they feel the need to, like, regain control or feel like they have the upper hand. And I feel like it's the same thing when you're like in an entanglement or whatever. It's like if you're the one to ghost or to leave or to control how often you talk and see each other.

That person obviously has the most control. And, you know, it makes the other person do crazy shit. But it's just like it's just such a toxic. Toxic just like situation, I guess, I mean, I think communication as a whole continues to shift from the free cell phone days to cell phone days to people not knowing there other world besides cell phone days, like the fact that we don't have to write people or call them. Yeah. Or call the same line that like the parents of the grandparents all use the same time, like a whole can of worms.

My I forgot, like the fear of being on the phone talking to like a boy or a friend and my parents picking up on the other line to like call one of my grandparents or something like the fact that kids these days will never have that fear.

Oh, no, my God. I was like, that's so funny.

Or get off the Internet so we can call somebody and call someone. Oh, my God. But dial up a man. And I tell you, do you have rich friends? When I used to go over to friends and they used to have their own line for Internet and they had a line for phone, right?

That's right. Rich, rich, rich. Yeah. Just so that they can like have like five kilobits per second up and down.

I remember I have a friend's little sister and she would have been this was this was like around last year and she would've been like 16 or so. And I remember that she exclusively communicated with her friends via Snapchat.

And I was like, oh, my God, oh, my God, what's happening? What's going on? And she, like, had trouble making eye contact to even have, like, a regular conversation.

I have another friend, another friend's little sister, and it's just so crazy how much I would say GenZE probably leans on to like social media and digital communication for me, sitting up straight for this conversation.

Oh, Jeremy's got things to say.

I am, I think, my biggest gift, me growing up. Ninety eight percent of the time around, people that were adults and I was the only kid in the room, yeah, I didn't have the like the kids that have like brothers and sisters or are constantly with other kids or whatever, they have their communication style towards kids and then they don't know how to speak to adults. Right. And I think we saw a lot of that in our age group.

There are people that like got nervous speaking to adults or older people throughout junior high in high school. I never had that issue because I was constantly with, like my mother or my grandmother who were with their friends of their age.

Also, you know who those kids are? Those are the kids whose parents ordered for them at the restaurant and wouldn't force their kid to be like, hi, can I get the Dino? Nobody's with the three of us. Are you ordering what you had last week?

Yes. Yes, it's. Got it agreed and it is, I think, only going to become worse and worse and worse and people are going to get even. I mean, that's the biggest common denominator I feel like, with. Phenomenal YouTube as well. Hmm, I meet them in person and I'm like, whoa, you have such a gift to speak to so many people on the Internet, but you can't have a normal conversation with me without me.

And like my Echobrain going, there's something wrong.

Yeah, well, even when we met, when we met, I feel like even our communication styles were still on, like totally different planets, because you talk to people on the phone for a living and I talk to people on the Internet and also face to face like in day to day life.

And I feel like growing up as an only child, going back to what you said is like it puts you in a lot of positions where you have to know to speak to Dolz and make conversation.

And so I feel like I wasn't underdeveloped in that way. But because you work amongst, like 45 year old salespeople, I feel like your communication skills were that of a 45 year old salesperson.

And so when Jeremy finds a way to make this feel negative. No, no, no. I'm just I'm just setting up I definitely had communication skills of like a 20 year old, I feel like when we met him.

Anyway, is when Jeremy and I scheduled our first date, he's scheduled to be scheduled, yeah, we confirmed yeah, scheduled a call when we scheduled our first date via text.

He called me the day of and I feel like for some reason, like phone calls freaked me the fuck out. And I've spent so much time on the phone, so I don't know what it is. And maybe just because, like, times have change and like, usually it's time when she's prefacing this.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I'm aware. I'm aware. I have shared this story with a lot of my friends and everyone has kind of sided with me, probably because we have no record.

We are matching communication styles, we have matching. And so anyways, Jeremy calls in the middle of the day to, you know, politely confirm the date for tonight. But I see his name pop up on the phone and like we haven't we haven't talked on the phone at all.

And I start panicking and I have talked on the phone before. We had done work before. Yeah, OK. Like two years ago. And like a totally different dynamic, though.

And so you had called me and I literally I shut down, I stared at my phone for like ten seconds being like, holy fuck, do I answer this? What do I do? What do I do when I start sweating?

My palms are sweating. I'm so uncomfortable. I don't my sister and I are sitting there being like, oh, my God, oh, my God. Is he calling you? Are they calling you? Why would you be calling you right now?

And so I think I'm like, hello? And debris, just like so politely, is like, hey, I just like want to make sure we're still good for tonight and I'll see you at 7:00 at the restaurant or whatever. And I was like, oh, good bye.

Hung up the phone and genuinely, I look back at that moment. I'm like, that was really smooth of me.

And, you know, just because I even know the story and we got to the end of it. And I'm still confused and curious what was what was the problem?

I don't know. There was no problem. It just came out of the blue. And I'm someone who will face time, people with no warning. But for some reason, the phone call feels scarier. I don't know what it is like. Even a phone call on speaker phone is less scary than a phone call on regular. And I don't know what that says about me.

I it's my biggest pet peeve of law. And she walks around the house on FaceTime or on speakerphone and it's like, man, there's a fucking speaker in the top of that thing that was built. So it just went into your ear.

And you have to know what it is that I put makeup all over my phone and then I have less makeup on and then there's orange on my phone. And it's just like I feel like it freaks me out, honestly.

The face that Jeremy is giving right now, you'll never understand, you have perfect skin and you wash your face with the same fuckin tell that you wipe your balls with. Why did they have to be an attack? Oh, my God, you're shitting me for not using headphones and my earbuds are always that. It's a me thing. I know. It really is. It's really.

Did anyone hear that her er er iPods are always dead. It's not that she hadn't charged her er iPods, her er pods are always dead. Two sides to look at that conversation. You can choose how of you'd like to join a company like this. Anyway, my point is communication is something that if there's one thing I look back on as a kid, I excelled in pretty much every form of it. I liked.

Keigo, what's up now?

Miss me with the math, science, foreign languages and everything else. Like when it comes to speaking American. Oh, Jesus Christ, no. But I mean, I was pitiful. The language is like terrible. Like, I, I don't know if it's possible for me to learn Spanish or French. I just am too stupid in that department. OK, but when it comes to written communication, both of my creative I actually used the like love doing like creative storytelling.

I loved writing essays that were creative and even fantasy. I liked telling stories, whether it's with my mouth or whether it was the pen. I know. Crazy I'm there. Yeah I yeah. I literally used to win awards for writing like creative fantasy stories.

What the fuck. I know. Yeah. I'm sorry. Y'know I that that I have never actually known that I won. Oh shit. I even wore one some like essay award at like my first college I went to and I wasn't even in the writing program for what some essay I had written in, like an English class was like submitted by the professor and ended up winning. Yeah, I dig that up.

Who sucked all of your happiness and creativity from you in the last eight years?

That I tell you that I was engaged? Oh, shit.

Okay, now, before we got to her anyway, I don't know, but the whole point is I've always felt good and strong about communicating.

I mean, yeah, I make Jeremy right any time I have, like, a scary email that I have to write someone, I make Jeremy write it for me or my mom, because both of you guys are very strong writers and all the ads that don't sound like a straightforward read, I wrote them.

Yeah, well that's when you want to write an ad anyway. Anyways, yeah, I would say I'm an above average writer, but you and my mom and your mom, actually, Jeremy's mom was a stenographer.

Yeah, but my mom is so and the issue with my mom is that she's so fucking good at grammar and knows the rules. She won't break them.

Oh, literally texting your mom, even texting her.

I've never been so like it's like texting Siri before they put the casual filter on. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. I, um. I sent your mom cupcakes for her birthday and just like the reply that I got back the grammar and the paragraph.

Oh it was beautifully written, also beautifully written. Lauren loves to throw her mind into summersaults. If I use correct grammar she'll think that I'm mad.

OK, but that's that's a thing. That's a common thing. Again, you have the communication skills, the forty five year old man acting like you're seventeen, OK?

You're acting like you're forty five. I stand but OK. Literally if someone hits you with an l l period I'm like oh shit is about to hit the fan.

They're mad. What did I do it. I start replaying all the interactions that we've had where I could have possibly pissed him off because like they're obviously mad. No one in their right mind would do that unless they're mad.

But you know what I would say? OK, but also you have the fucking subject line on on your text. And you used to text me with that sometimes. And I'm like, I'm I'm dating a 55 year old man. You know, don't mean I mean, it's cute, it's endearing, it's endearing.

Anyway, using grammar is not OK here. I will say this communication, if you are at least aware of the person you're speaking to, whether it's a friend or a relationship, communication only works if you're speaking in the language that someone wants to listen. Oh, so therefore, I do think that there is a world where you need to be adapting the way that you are approaching conversations, definitely with friends, relationships, family, 100 percent.

I have two separate thoughts. First one is that I've been in a relationship with communication was so bad that they literally needed like a 24 to 48 hour like business day period to respond back.

And now you're the one that takes forever to respond. No, not at all. I don't think so. You are beef. You want beef on the pot, babe.

Ready? Let's go. It is in session every time we get an upset and win an argument or something. And I'm always like, all right, let's talk about it. And then we get to the end of the conversation and I go, OK, what else? And that's it. I know what else. That's it, huh? Long it's emotional hangover and it clouds next like eight hours or so every time she gets mad at me, which is often because I'm infuriated and infuriated.

I haven't figured I will fully admit, but I'm really good at getting over things. Lauren is not.

Yeah. And so I actually saw meaning the day that it was like my mom never said sorry, she just starts being nice to me again. And my mom was someone who would apologize if she did something wrong, but she could just like snap your fingers and be back in a happy mood.

And I'm like, no, ma'am, I still have five more hours of being sulky. Talk to me then. You know what, you're right, you're the mature one here. No, I don't even think it's a maturity thing. It's just like I don't have the emotional ability to, like, snap out of it like that. I don't know. I just need to, like, process my emotions and, like, walk through it a few times in my head, I guess, to, like, take in what you said, what I said where we landed on it, I don't know.

I feel like there's two sides of it. So, yeah, this one guy needed like one or two business days to respond. And I don't know if it was just like the speed at which brain processes words or needed to think before they speak, because I also can respect that as well. If you want to make sure that you're not saying something that you don't mean and just like hurling insulting mean things at the other person, like I get that.

And I think this was me demonstrating the ability to adapt my communication style. It made me furious.

But I was like, OK, if this is how it needs to be, like I can I can do this. I can do this. I was only able to do it for so long. Obviously like it.

I think, like spread itself into other problems as well, not be able to communicate. But I would have to write out just like paragraphs of how it is feeling or like text or whatever and send it.

And honestly I would feel fine after I sent it be like, OK, well, ball's in your court now, like it's off my chest. Like, if you need two days to process this, I'll talk to you in two days.

But I just feel like I didn't have any other options, you know? I mean, like if they couldn't meet me in a face to face conversation and, you know, they needed that and like, what were my other options?

Mm hmm. Now, the problem with what you're saying is it sounds like you need to get something off your chest and once you set it, they can deal with it or hear it however they want. You've said it and that feels more like a one way conversation as opposed to a discussion. I mean, I wanted it to be a discussion, OK? Yeah, that was the goal, is that. But just I feel like when you have to go back and forth with two days in between responses, it's hard for it to be a discussion.

Totally.

Totally. I used to do I think because I used to have more of a temper. I think as a kid I don't have as much I don't struggle with having a temper very much as I'm hungry to like things I don't like get into my skin for the most part, like in a personal, I talk professionally. I'm more like, what the fuck that I am like personally. And I used to take a beat more like someone would say something would offend me and like my I don't if it was therapy or whatever, I would just go that comment.

Need I now need to take a moment after what you just said, but I realized I was starting to use that almost as like a attack in attack mode. And if you say that to someone enough times like, you know that comment, I need to take a moment. They're like, oh, fuck, just fucking talk to me. Like, eventually I would just like, you know, get there. So, like, I feel like I don't, like, take a beat probably as much as I maybe should at this point.

But we don't argue almost ever. Yeah, I would say rarely. Yeah.

I mean, I'm unless one of us is angry, honestly, the hangar brings out the worst in both of us.

Oh my God. I mean, you're just always right and I'm close second. So and that's why things work.

Do you think you communicate closer to your mom or your dad? Oh, my mom, for sure. Why for sure.

Um, we both have similar trains of thought, which I feel like both lead us to similar, um, just like thoughts, feelings and opinions. My dad is much more like go with the flow.

Like he very rarely speaks out about something unless he like has a very, very strong, passionate opinion about something.

But he's very nonconfrontational.

Go with the flow, doesn't like to cause conflict. And I would say that, like, when I feel something, I feel something and I feel like my mom and I are the same way.

I got to be honest, the way you described it, you sound a lot more like your dad than your mom. You think you're not out to cause controversy? To cause controversy? No. You only express your opinion, especially if it's one thing to rub someone potentially the wrong way if you really believe it that way. That's true. And that sounds a lot more like your dad.

Yeah. You don't know if your mom is more inquisitive and curious about things that she has no domain knowledge in. And you're not interested in things. You don't have a domain knowledge and you are much more. Right. You yeah, but you don't. Your mom is more like asking questions about things that she has. Little to no understanding because she's very curious about things, that's not something that I think that I see you do as often. I actually am to go and say that you're very I think you're potentially 55 45 closer to your dad.

I told you that. I don't know when you put me in the middle of my parents, I am exactly half of both of them.

It's like wild. A hundred percent. If you were to make a birth chart or some shit, like all of their characteristics and attributes and personality traits, I am exactly 50 50.

I think at the best of both worlds, though, I do too.

Yeah, I do too. Yeah. Except my dad has green eyes which I would have loved.

That would be nice. That would be nice. I'd be so excited.

But now you have beautiful brown eyes, beautiful brown eyes, just like 90 percent of the world.

But the reason I bring it up is because I if there's one thing where I feel like nature and nurture are so incredibly show their cards, is that there are certain similarities between my mother and I that are definitely there. Right. Yeah. And. It's not say it's undeniable, but there are certain things that are very much like, OK, absolutely, but the way that we address them and the way we communicate them in some capacities couldn't be more different.

Totally. And like being adopted like and like you just hearing stories about like what my birth parents or grandparents were like. I like maybe I've manufactured this in my head, but there's a world where I have like I definitely think I latch on to things that I have never had any personal experience with, but I feel so strongly within me when I'm communicating about something I'm passionate about.

Also, do I think like in your job because it relies so heavily on communication when you see something, all communication, when you see something that works, I would gravitate towards that too.

Like I feel like that's impossible to not, you know, move towards.

I mean, my job is entirely communication and momentum 100 percent. Yeah.

Well, also, too, it's you have to have a high IQ to know how to like if you're selling the same product to five different people, you're going to deliver that in five different ways.

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The following story takes place between late spring and early summer of last year, a period of time where I witnessed pure evil through the eyes of my favorite pop star, put down the gun barrel, turn off the goddamn camera. Stop this madness now and we won't report you, right, Eliza? Yes, please. I let them do this to you. Oh, my God. Stage is on fire. Oh, my God. Eliza, you have to tell me what's going on, please.

I want to help you, but I need to know what we're dealing with here. She is not a well person. I can't do it anymore. I don't know how to get her vivid hallucinations that demonic forces are imprisoning. Something happened last night at the party. How is this girl suddenly writing a hit single after hiding out for all these years? Journalist in Sicko arrested for inciting a riot. You saw this. What's going to happen? And you just stood there and let that girl fall to her death.

The to. What's the divinity, Eliza? I know it's dark in there, Eliza, but you must come to the light. But just like any good story, nothing is as it seems then once you know the truth. The world is never the same. The Shadow Diaries from Studio 71 Ensnarled Entertainment, starring Keira Heyward and Madeleine Peche, coming soon on Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Have you ever been to couples therapy?

Yes, um, usually in. The 11th hour hour of darkness, the point of no return, yeah, I've never I've never been with anyone where I'm like, times are good.

Let's go see a therapist. Yeah, like, we probably should go to a therapist. I think that would honestly cause problems if we went to a therapist. One hundred percent. Yeah.

I mean, maybe I don't know what's what's your take on it. Like how do you feel about couples therapy. Couples therapy. I and maybe it's I'm like oddly biased because I feel like I've left all of my couples therapy sessions going like I fucking crash that I killed that thing. That was great. She was on my side the whole time. She sees our crazy. This chick is a hundred percent, but I've also had therapies like at the like you talked about them for sure and like, well, she's gone be you need to leave.

This is not healthy for you. And I'm like, I know I should leave. And then, of course, I said. Which makes sense, right, of course, which makes that a lot as one word, this one does. Right, yeah. When they're paying five hundred dollars an hour to tell someone their opinions.

So that was made relationship or at the end. Yes, yeah, OK. OK. All right, it was one of them and then there was one at the end, OK? Yeah, I see.

And so do you feel like you came out a bit better in the middle, the midpoint?

Well, the relationship stuck around for another year and a half or so, so. Yeah. OK, yeah.

I mean, yeah, I think that, I think that therapy in general is something that's so much more popular now and is much more accessible, more sensible and also destigmatize.

I feel like, like our parents generation starting to be starting to be starting to be for sure. A long way to go.

Yeah, I mean, obviously a long way to go, but I feel like now you don't hear like like. I feel I feel like now I truly believe that, like every hour of therapy that you do, you will come out in a little bit better, a little bit improve, whether it's like you learned one tiny thing.

It's like I don't think therapy is going to do any harm in any way.

And that's more on the individual side, I would say. But I've done couples therapy before and I kind of feel the same way. Honestly, I went in there and I was like, yo, I thought that was a she was on my side the entire time and just for the audience, just can't see her face.

That's not healthy. Neither of us are doing that. Well, I'm smiling, thinking about it. But, like, that's not that's absolutely not how you should be feeling when you're in therapy.

No one wins when someone wins in a couple of hours. Right. Right.

And everyone, you feel that way, you should probably leave that relationship, move on your bitch lean.

And similar to your experience, she also told me to leave, right?

Yeah. And, you know, it kind of surprised because I was like, can they do that? Right? Yeah. Do you know what I feel like? They're they're there to, like, mediate. Of course, you're your pain because I remember one time, like, I went to a couples therapist after I broken up my ex. Yeah. And he was like, do you wanna go back with her? I was like, no, I don't.

He's like, Buddy, do you know? And he's like, I can get it back for you. I can help. We can get this. And I was like, oh it is very much. Yeah but this dude was very much more like a life coach as well. He was there to collect by overly probably paying health insurance to like pay him for whatever. But to a degree was very much like, what do you want to help you get there?

And also, like, he he fired me eventually. He was like, yo, I brought you to a place. You're good. If you want if you want more maintenance, that's somebody else.

I'm here to get you to where you want to like to pull you out of whatever you're in and put you back like neutral ground because he would even go through like, what was your checklist at work?

How much did you get done, where you efficient you like. And he was the one that told me to go on, go forth and goydos, go forth and hoe go forth and hell go forth and how well he did. That's what you needed at that time. And so honestly, like I feel like a life coach like that, that's like that's pretty great.

Honestly, I think that I should get a life coach now. Yeah. I like a good Timmy to life coach. Things are going well. Oh, no, I'm not crazy to me. When you think about, like, professional help, right. When you if you need professional help because you're in a bad place. Oh, that's bad. Right. But if you need if you're if you were to hire help because things are good, that's good.

No, it's always good. It's always, always good. Paying for help is a good thing, good or bad. It's helping you get to the next level no matter where you're starting.

I totally agree. I absolutely agree.

Yeah, I would say I think in couples therapy it can be very successful if you go into it both with the same intentions and you know, and that's the problem, I think, is why couples therapy has such a bad rap, because I'm sure so many people like us went into couples therapy wanting to be proven right.

And that is not the fucking answer.

Do I know it is stupid, you know, but like couples therapy, but also like couples therapy, along with every type of therapy. Yeah. If you go to the doctor and they prescribe you medicine and you don't take the medicine, you're not going to work. If you go to the doctor and you aren't willing to take the medicine, which is internal in the sense of like what they're telling you in the tasks and the way you get your mind right.

If you're not doing it, if you're not taking that, it's not going to work totally. I think somebody people are just like, well, I'll try. I don't these going to work. It wasn't going to work then. Yeah, I don't believe that it's going to work. Yeah, right. Like do I believe in hypnosis. Not really. But if I really sat around and devoted my life to being hypnotized, I probably could be hypnotized totally.

Like you had to set your mind to it. Oh, well, go forth and show us, as you're well, until nine life coaches have given you the green light to go forth and hope.

You know what is crazy, though, actually, take that back. It's about to be coughing and cuddling. Yes, it is.

Coughing Seizing your soul, right? Yeah, you are. So nobody likes that person who doesn't get covered in season. Yeah. Feelings are about to be hurt because people are about to be.

Yeah. Oh God. I know there's a saying in Canada called the turkey dump. And you know what?

That one is definitely Canadian. I heard that one. Yeah. So it's called the turkey dump.

And so Canadian Thanksgiving is earlier than America's. It's in October.

And so we've already had our Canadian things. And what were they celebrating? So anyway, so the turkey dump, basically, it's like all the summer flings that started hooking up in the summer, they try and keep the relationship going while you're in college.

It's usually like if someone stays in the home town and one person goes off to college, a classic case, vice versa, and they keep it going until they come home back to the home town for Thanksgiving and do the turkey dump.

I love that.

Yes, everyone should do the turkey the turkey dump or at least take an inventory of whether they should be doing the turkey. Should they be doing the amount of parrots who wish that their kids would do the turkey dump, I'm sure, out of this world? Oh yeah, I'm a loser.

Fucking boyfriend's sitting with one hand in their fucking parents basement just sitting there playing Halo four and staring at a community college while the girlfriends is like driving a premed going home at seven thirty every night. Because my boyfriend and I talk on the phone like, God, no, dump his ass. Move on.

Yo, bitch, leave your bitch. Leave your bitch. Live in Turkey dump. Also for our American sorry guys, you can still do the turkey dump because when's when's America Thanksgiving? This month. Right.

November the third or fourth. Thursday in November.

I have no idea. I think it's super late this year. Right. My boss keeps telling me that it's like if you don't close deals now, you're not going to close any deals. Dave does not sound like that. Sorry. It sounds like a nice jersey man. Yeah. Yeah.

But you still have time to the turkey dump if you're interested in doing the turkey dump. Oh, my God. To go back to ghosting real quick. I've got to tell you this. I don't think I've told you the story before and it's not very riveting. So like so set the bar low.

So I'm a creative writer and you're going to talk about.

Yeah, I literally can't believe that that's so random. That's like like top three most random things you've ever told me about yourself.

OK, anyways, so I on I don't remember. I think it would have been hinge swipe right and match with this dude who was really cute.

But in his photos he had a whole just name.

I have no idea. I go to them, I, he had, he had six photos and or five or six and there was a whole range of facial hair and there was like clean shaven, there was stubble, there was full beard and there was like mountain man.

And I like made a joke about like how his facial hair was so different.

All the photos were like where you are now. And he sent back for Mountain Man and I, we actually oh my God, we had actually set a time.

You did not hang on. Hang on, hang on.

And we'd actually set a time to potentially get coffee in like a few days forward and which is you in these breakfast dates and these lunch dates.

I don't know, Dave. I don't know even over this. I'm a rookie dater.

I don't know your great aunt untuned. I don't know. I don't know. Don't get coffee when you're trying to get to anyway.

Well, anyway, fast forward. Didn't get coffee though, because I go to him, but so he sent back a photo and it was like full beard. And not only did he not really look like his photos, but like just it was the scraggly iste mountain man, like nine year old lumberjack. So he thought when you were asking that you were in the facial hair.

Yeah. Spoiler alert wasn't respond and just never followed up about the date. And I yeah, I it's not a moment that I'm proud of.

I'm not going to lie.

That's fucked up. That is if I ever if someone was like and you send a picture of yourself I go Yeah. An intimate one and just straight ghost.

Oh you know I, I respond to that photo. It wasn't like, it wasn't like he sent me the photo and like I unmatched us. It wasn't that harsh. I just I responded something like half assed nice.

And then and then when he followed up about the date I, I ghosted. Like, oh. I could I could have handled the situation better. Yeah, imagine on hand if you could just thumbs up the the photo and we can now. Yeah, you probably can.

No, just thumbs up the photo. So do I. On that note, let's move on. Yo, bitch, leave.

Wow. That's right. That's a fact. I'm sure he's living a very happy life now. I'm sure he's doing great.

What if that was a difference? What if you'd met him and he was actually Mr. Right. Well, I'll never know, because you're Mr. Right. That was so good. You're welcome. So quick, I learned you never even you never even broke eye contact. I know. That's all I know right here. I'm right here. My influence right now. And you're turning me into a sociopath.

So stop, drop, roll rate the party. This has been Sophia, Sophia with NFLPA.

Am I Sophia? Sure. Or am I day for doing. You'll be day four.

Not on that pollywogs SUKHI Not only Phuket's Sukhi it's milk hunter.

Get the fuckin program what you can be say. I'm Sophia.

I'm Sophia and I'm MILF Hunter. Where the fuck is MILF Hunter. Oh, you're so late you got to listen to the episodes.

OK anyways well the guys enjoy the podcast. This has been Sophea with an F. I'm MILF Hunter and we will see you next week.

You.