The F*ck, Marry, Kill Episode
Wild 'Til 9- 1,254 views
- 15 Dec 2020
Lauren and Jeremy play a classic game of f*ck, marry, kill and debate hypothetical "hall passes."
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Oh, Jeremy is about to spill the TV. A glass of whiskey early, Joe. Still not ready yet. Let's go. Hey, guys, welcome back to the pond. Welcome back to Well Till Nine, hosted by myself, Lauren and Bolaven. Dear me guys, I feel like every week it has less and less syllables.
And like this we kind of sort of the D I also the kangas, almost unlike the corner of my tongue. So Annunciation this week is even more difficult than normal for me, which is crazy because your diction is typically top of the class.
That's rude. Welcome back to the pod. Holy shit, it's March launch week. You right. These hoodies are are thick. I have to sneeze.
Hang on. But they are thick with seven seas. Hang on. He's coming. Sneezing, coming. Yes, there we go, man. It's really fucking gross. These earphones, really? Yeah, I feel like kids, you know, that's how, you know, she wasn't bullied enough by her mother.
No, actually, every time I held in my sneeze like that, my mom warned me that my eyeballs could come out my head. It wasn't enough to make me not sneeze like that.
You know, it's crazy. I was talking to somebody today about how now you can't just blatantly lie to your kids because they have cell phones. Yeah. Now, I think you could for a certain amount of time, I think you could lie to them until teenager hood. Teenager Hood. Yeah, yeah, that's what doctors call it, yeah, yeah, yeah, what else are you going? I, um, I got to be honest, I have never participated in a March launch before.
Oh, welcome. Yeah. Look, um, I guess nature I guess some of the thing I've never really participated in a March launch before.
Is that Jeremy, Merche? Yeah. So this is this is my first Merche launch. And so more than likely, it'll be a total fucking failure. But if it's a success. I'll thank you and I'll be excited about it. OK, well, I think we should be excited about either way first launch, to be fair. I think I'm talking to people on community just like saying hi. What's going on in like a community is the number that we used to talk to people about online hotline.
And I feel like because we specifically go on it to just talk and connect to people. Right. And half the time I feel like they're the ones bringing up. When are you dropping the merch? Yeah, but that's when you know that you you design some real cute merch. Right. But like, it's when people want to know there's nothing worse than designing merch and no one gives a fuck I guess.
But I sell for a living like I have like a motive in my mind at all times. It's usually to sell something. And this is the one time I feel like I'm not selling something and they're doing the selling for me. So maybe I should try that on my day job. I'll just get on and just talk about, hey guys, what's going on? You want to see my dog.
Yeah. Oh, software. Yeah we know. So that we can get pricing I guess. Yeah I could, I should, I should try.
Well I think that means that we made cute merch and I just want to say Priestley's what I was trying to say is that this hoodie is so damn heavy and soft. Oh my God. This is a very specific comparison, but I'm pretty sure it's the same blank that David Dobek used because he's with Panjwayi as well for the hoodie. And I was shocked at how thick this bitch was.
Oh, my God. I'm pretty sure of the hoodie. I'm both OK. Got it. I heard David has a big ass. Yeah. Yeah, I heard that the ass OK. Yeah, I love that for David. Someone confirm.
I love that for David. Fact check me. So anyways, it's very cute. It's a bone color. It's super thick.
Usually I wear oversized hoodies like a larger and XL and it's so heavy that I, I have to, I have to like wear where I don't, I don't know, it's a it's shit thick.
Do we know how much it's going to cost. No I don't. Yeah. I was going to say do we even know. Got it. No good at the shop.
We're going to be good at this job if we get the job. And this is my first that I've ever done that's embroidered, which is I feel like cuter and better quality.
Like I love the scream. Don't get me wrong, I love a scream print. I feel like we all do. That's like the go to.
But an embroidery just feels like a classy bitch of a sweater. Yeah. You lost me on that one but ok. OK. Embroiders a new word for you.
I just, I don't, I mean I guess I understand it like one would be printed on something in embroidery. I just I think like my great aunt and Irma and just like sewing something.
Wasn't your grandma's name Irma in that story a couple of weeks ago? Yeah, well, now she's my great aunt. Got Yeah. Anyways, I had the social's and we will have length and description box for pricing and where to buy it because currently as I recall, we actually don't know.
No idea. No idea. It'll be actually sale somewhere. Well we'll be driving, it'll be in our backyard or in our backyard like our back trunk will just come to your like college. Would that be so fun? That's not covid safe though.
Maybe twenty, twenty one college tour with.
Oh, my God. College tour. I can't wait. Do you think people would take us to a frat party? Fuck, yeah. I would love to go to an American frat party.
There's nothing I enjoy more than, like, getting like like dorms and like people asking, like, what fraternity were you in? Or like, I'm in desert. I saw on community.
You sent someone a picture of you in your frat. Yeah.
And they were like with another girl. God, I'll kill her. What?
Oh, speaking of jealousy, what a great Segway.
What a great Segway. OK, so hold your horses on jealousy. I want to know who who was like who is your celeb crush growing up when you're.
Oh, Britney Spears done. Oh shit. Yeah. Oh, that's going to make things. Um. Also this is the fuck marry kill episode. If you participated on social media submitting fuck marry kill recipients I guess, I guess it'd be a recipient of the fuck the merry or the kill. Right.
Not going to be giving anyone any fucking contestants podcast. No. Well, hypothetically. Oh, all right, that's the point of the game total for sure. I thought the listeners. What do you mean? Like they were the recipient of the anyway. Yes, anyway, anyway.
OK, so you're your childhood crush is Britney Spears. Yeah. Like, well, I, I think it was the first, like, uber pop star celebrity. Right. That I felt, um. Yeah, no, I was I was attracted to draw some kind of way of yeah, I did, yeah.
Because I feel like she was coming to like the rise in the same, like, fame time that like I feel like I was like, oh, what are these feelings? That's weird. Why did you just look down on your dick when you said that? I definitely just like like what are these feelings? I hate that for me anyway. You know, there's about like a like three dozen guys now that is into the Spice Girls are making their boyfriends.
Listen to this.
So someone on my blog today was like, hello, straight male audience here. And I was like, you're blocked. You. Thank you for being here, Brian. Brian, I don't even want to hang on.
I think it was Bret, not Brian. I think that I I'm so sorry, but I don't even watch the blogs. I know it's fucking rude.
Like, every time I fucking watch them when I'm like, I didn't know you could put this in here. What the fuck am I doing? Well, we're both just like living our life. Also, when this goes up, I'll be a solid halfway into vlog making a video every single day.
And I want to tell you that it's day six currently.
If you look at her Instagram today, whenever this like launches and compared to what she looks like now. Yeah, we're just going to see just bags.
Well, my eyes are puffy already today. I was sobbing all morning.
You were said today was a rough start, although just like I wish you had taken a photo of me at the pantry eating mini eggs, tears streaming down my face this morning.
Next time you're in that state, I'll pull my camera out and say, hey, real quick.
But it was like I was crying, laughing because I knew how ridiculous I looked. Yeah, sure. I would have liked to remember that moment. I think that was it just sums up twenty twenty. I guess it just happened anyway. Anyway, how did we get here.
I forget childhood crush Britney Spears. You look on your dick. What are these new feelings. Mini eggs. That's where I met, got a couple of professionals here. Britney Spears was definitely like that was the first girl that I remember having conversations with or not conversation about with other people about how I like her music.
Yeah, she's kind of pretty too kind of thing. Yeah. But then it quickly evolved into Jessica Alba.
Oh, Jessica Alba is hot. Yeah. And I mean, but let me be clear, it has not left Jessica Alba as well. But it it started with Jessica Alba and then it had a little bit of my first love named Lauren. Lauren Conrad. Oh, I loved Lucy. Had ever told you that I was sitting behind Jessica. We were back to back at a wedding. I told you that. Jessica Alba. Yes. You were like I was at a small, intimate, like 70 person wedding with Jessica Alba.
You breathe the same air as Jessica Alba.
I would go as far to say is that I breathe the same four foot bubble as Jessica Alba.
So I'm basically dating Jessica Alba. You're basically dating Jessica Alba? Yes. Wow. She was stunning. Yes, she was stunning. Stunning. I've I've been in the same room as Jessica Alba before, but that's it.
Oh, my God. I sat back to back with her for like two hours. Wow.
That's how you how nervous I was to say, just like I'm sure she had zero zero braincells focused on the random bitch sitting behind.
But I was so hyper aware of just like my entire being the entire night because I was in the presence of Jessica Alba.
Isn't it crazy just how like much her presence impacted your life and. Oh, yeah. And how little my impact on her was, just like how in general, just like when you, like, see somebody else, you address it in you like you like shape up and flips your world upside down.
Yeah. Yeah. That's when the word vomit. The dumbest of things.
Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah. Um OK. Where are you going to ask me who my childhood crush was. No. You know now it was a childhood crush. OK, so first it was the main lead guy in the Disney Channel original a motocross.
And of course I know who that is for the viewers at home. On the other side, who who was that?
I actually don't know if he continued acting or if he did, he didn't really land. You know, I actually don't know. Hang on.
Your bad podcast or. What do you mean a bad podcast? I know this. I was a child in love.
I thought for sure is going to Chad Michael Murray. But I, um. I have a weird taste in guys. I feel like. Yeah. Oh my God. He did not age. Well, what's up.
You've been so mean. I don't mean to. I don't mean to you just like. Oh that's such that they they didn't dirty with a really bad photo at the beginning. Oh no. Oh also he's forty two. OK. Oh, he was a New York minute. In real quick, what was your age, Max, when you run dating apps?
So I would have I would have been on what? I was twenty five, right. Twenty four. Twenty four. I think my top level was 30. That's it. Maybe 32. Oh no, you're right. It was thirty two. Yeah it was 32. But it was, it was like twenty six to thirty two or something. Got it.
OK, I know mine was. I think mine was. I remember I started and it was like twenty one to forty five Jesus Christ, and then I think the forty five state and the twenty one just kept getting older and older. Yeah.
Twenty. You know, nothing at 21. Well, like by the time I was single before that I feel like I was like twenty one. Well that's, that's great. Perfect. They can drink. They can do whatever. Oh yeah. I was mature. Twenty one year old vacant and then I went on a date with a couple of 21 year olds and you're like oh yeah.
Also I feel like you are more mature than the average 20. Are you. How old are you. Twenty eight.
What do you struggle with this so much. I don't even know how old I am today.
I was on Facebook and I was like, are you twenty seven? I was like, yeah, I guess I am. I guess I'm thirty.
Yeah. I mean every single time I go to like the grocery store and we, it's like punch in like one of our phone numbers to like get the points back. Yeah. Even if it's Lauren's phone number, I don't want to have to punch it in because for whatever reason numbers I don't know, I just can't remember them.
I can't hear them. OK, so. Oh sorry. I actually forgot his name is Riley Smith or something. Right. Riley Smith, wow, that is a white White House name. Yeah, I almost guarantee his name is really like Riley Finklestein and he probably just changed it to Smith because that's I mean, you know, Riley Smith, OK?
That's pretty Rocksmith, I see it, yeah, yeah, I mean, it doesn't not look like me in that picture.
Yeah, yeah. Hold that sentiment because some of the other men that we're going to talk about today do not look like you. And I need you to not be offended until after Riley Smith, like there were obviously like others. But Orlando Bloom was a big sexual awakening for me. I can't remember where Orlando Bloom came from. It might have been Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord the Rings.
Likelihood is that before I did love legless, but I think that was after Pirates'. Maybe the first one. Hard to say. Anyway, loved Orlando Bloom and then after that, I think that's when I started heading into my grungy looks like they haven't slept in many days and brought up energy and run energy. Drink skater boy face.
This guy's holding a mountain. Vasari a monster energy can in his hand. No actually hate that.
Looks like that image is not it. But they just looked like they don't sleep. Really. Where do you delineate those two.
And there's something about the monster branding that just doesn't do it for me like that actually turns me on the monster. We're not. We could change your mind.
We just say, you know, I could be swayed. Yeah. Let's not let's not come out. Yeah, no, no.
But it wasn't that guy because that's a specific kind of guy and that's not the guy that I was after. Okay. Got it. It was like like if I was still in that. It's The Monkees. It's the Pete Davidsons.
It's it's the Pete Davidson. Oh yeah.
Pete Davidson. I mean, I listen, I would love to hang out with the guys I used to have a soft spot for Pete Davidson for sure. I got to be honest right now, if Pete Davidson walked in that door right now, kicked it in and said, I'd like to flirt with your girlfriend, I'd say, let me know when you guys are done. I'll be downstairs. I love to play a game of Scrabble with Monopoly. Deal put you in.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah. Pete Davidson and Black Bear.
Well, I actually love Grungy Grungiest Gator Boys.
So MGK Davidson and Black Bear. Yeah. Cool Oddisee. Yeah. Jeezy and he he would have been too old for me to think was attractive.
Gerrold when I was younger. Yeah.
Gerald When did he pop off. Like five years ago. Six years ago. Yeah. That wasn't that long ago. No it wasn't long ago. Not long ago.
He's a super tall he's my height. Yeah yeah yeah. Gerald Jelavic. Very similar body the inches.
Yeah yeah. Actually jeez it kind of looks like you if you had slick a full slick and made different life choices.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
You're like the cleaner version. I'm sure he's very clean. Yeah. I bet that dude smells like I'm sure he smells fucking time for.
Yeah. He gets bitches for sure. We either we're very aware that he gets bitches. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
OK, so let me, let me make this down. Let me be very clear here. Uh I am, I need an answer and I'll be wishy washy and will and everybody went along like Lauren and I would say are on the jealousy scale. We are aware that we're very much on the zero of ten. Right. Neither of us feel some type of way about like speaking about this. And so and I understand that's not always the case for many reasons for people, whether that's their own fault or just things that happened in childhood or whatever.
So this might be a little uncomfortable for some people. And also, I want to point out that we are doing a lot of just talking about being attracted to somebody because their looks and don't know who they are. And that's not a good case and a definite a good reason to always like somebody.
But for the sake of conversation and hall passes, I need to know. Oh, yeah. Disclaimer we are about to be shallow as fuck. This is going to be a shallow episode. Yeah. Let's talk about what we did feelings last week with the feelings maybe. Oh my God. We did the feelings of feelings. Yeah. That that gives us a hall pass for today's episode. Absolutely.
So if you had one person one one.
Oh my God. I'll pass. Right. Yeah. You had this person had slid into your DMS the week before you met me. OK, fair game. Everything's fine. I would have. Right. I'll even go to that. But not even a definition of a hall pass. It's OK to go ok. This person slid in your DMS the week before. You could have done whatever you want with them, ok. Who would it be? This is timeline specific in terms of their appearance, their appearance in the last couple of years.
Ed Westwick. Who the fuck is Ed Westword, all the females listening right now, we're like, how fucking dare you disgrace Ed Westwick like that?
Me? Yes, you. Oh, God, Ed Westwick, so I would say most of us listening know him as Chuck Bass off of Gossip Girl and so the Marine guy and the the boys.
No, no, no, no, no.
Uncultured fuck butter. Hang on. Ed Westwick, he I saw a picture of him recently and he is like, tatted. Oh, my God. OK, this is the picture that I was like, oh, my God, Chuck. Like, I feel like he's just like a good combination of, like, good looking, well groomed, but a little tiny hint of grunge, which I feel like is all of my worlds coming together.
I listen and I know no offense to Ed, we could be boys tomorrow as far as I'm concerned. In fact, if when when covid finally, you know, ends, you give a vaccine and everyone's helping and knowing this, I'm going to do my damnedest to get this guy to be in our living room one day when you get back home from a few hours away.
I fucking hate that. This guy, yeah, as far as the like dude, she says, don't be worried about I'm not worried about like he seems like a guy that that I would say, hey, could you mind picking up my dog and dropping him off at my girlfriend's house while I'm not there? Might be totally fine. And I to me, out of jealousy. No, no, no.
This one. This one. This one, I guess confuses me almost actually here. That confuse you more than machine gun Kelly. No, I get that for you. I'm not saying, listen, I think it's great for you. I think you guys should be beautiful together. Oh, who's this? Oh, I'm not sure. Here's some more pictures if this was you at all.
Also, for those who want to Google along at home, I typed in Ed Westwick 20 shower and there is a great photo of that showcases the tattoos. And here I think I just typed in Ed Westwick 20-20. OK, OK, listen, I'm happy is he how tall is he? Not sure. I think he's British, too. Yeah, I got the accent too. Yeah, the accent. Oh fuck. Yeah. Well, listen, that's great.
I love you, OK. Um, also, um, can you can you tell the people what a hall passes.
I mean, a hall pass as far as I'm concerned. Right. I'm sure there's different definitions of the way that I've always understood it. Hall Pass was there's one person in the world, right. Where no matter how committed of a relationship you're in till death do us part, of course, the sanctity of marriage. But we're talk about a closed marriage right now, about an open marriage, open marriage. It's different. Our open relationship. It's different.
Yeah. It's been a close relationship where there's one person that means so would be such a dream from an attraction standpoint. Right. But you would get a little hall pass to not be in your relationship for just that one night with that individual, you would leave the relationship.
So he's like, oh, but like no, I feel like it's like you're just if you could hit pause on the relationship, go do that. Come back.
Pressplay to me it's like a hall pass is quite clear that you're in class, but you get a pass to be out in the hall when class is still going on and you're supposed to be in class. It's OK.
It's not leaving the relationship. It's a break up relationship still going on at home. Yeah, it's just like there's a thing that you're allowed to do that's typically not allowed because you have a hall pass guy.
You'll get one of them. Only one. OK, so who's your hall pass?
Um, well, depends on I mean, I had a list for breaking the set once we get the list, so I put a short little list together.
OK, I also have a short little list.
Ed was the top but you asked for one so I only gave you one. Oh, welcome. Here, listen, you got the whole list. Yeah. I wanna hear your one first and then I'll go down.
I can't let me talk about my list first, then I'll figure out which one I'm going to go.
OK, ok. You have a clear winner. Please let me think out loud. OK, so I told you everything was there but like I, I'm more like worried about her situation, that I'm attracted to her. So at this point I'm just like Britney. I hope you're OK. I hope. Yeah. But also drive me crazy. So about I mean just so many, so many beggars. If you put on Britney Spears top twenty hits there, you know every word Luckies my favorite.
Odd choice. Anyway, the deep cut, a couple of ones you're not going to like Alexandra Daddario. Oh, yeah, you know about that fine meat cleaver.
I know, I know. Keira Knightley. Oh, yeah. OK, hot. Yeah. Yeah. Lauren Conrad hot. Zoe Saldana hot. Yeah. I mean they're Clark. Oh yeah.
I think she looks like she's like you can just tell she's fucking cute. Yeah. Like inside and out you know. I mean like I know that we just had this, this whole episode is like being shallow as fuck but like she is such a cute little human.
Totally. Yeah. A great shot. Asians Gemma Chan for sure. Yeah. Hi. Margot. Robbie. Basic, but hot, there's nothing basic about Marco Rubio, sure. OK, Jessica Alba, Emily Rojansky, duh. And Megan Fox. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's some diversity in there, though, Megan Fox and MGIC, but. Right, exactly. Yeah, we are basically we wish that we could be their relationship. Hafun.
Well I don't know. I don't know if I actually wish that but but but but I look at this. There is a girl who I think is super hot that you always talk about that wasn't on that list to that girl that has the really nice eyes. She was in that movie, not. Oh, you mean the knives out, remember?
Oh, my God. Yeah. I think she's so pretty. She's stunning. I mean, you've got her come around to that idea. It's an enormous armis.
You know, I love her. Yeah. Get her on the list. Get her. I'm like, looking at this list. I'm like, man, I'm all over the place. You really are.
Yeah. I mean, kind of saying, yeah, OK, what's your list. OK, you on my list. OK, here we go. OK, so at the top and this was solely thanks to step up this year. The series Channing Tatum OK, loved Channing Tatum once again.
Channing Tatum can walk in here right now. Let me know when you guys are done. I'll be down there too.
He was married to someone super hot. It was one of the leads from step up action. I think they end up getting married and like having kids and stuff.
OK, we're back at Ed Westwick. Ryan Gosling, obviously. Absolutely. You know what?
I teetered back and forth between putting Ryan Reynolds on here, but I don't I isn't on there. No, and here's why. And here's why. I just listen. I am offended if I had an hour with Ryan Reynolds. Yeah. I would want to just bask in his humor the entire hour. Like, I think he's good looking for sure. But like, I would rather just hang out with Ryan Reynolds, to be completely honest.
I thought Ryan Reynolds, if I got to hang out with them. Yeah, yeah. OK, OK. I just I think he's one of the funniest people ever. Oh, here's one. Dave Franco. Oh yeah, absolutely. I love Dave Franco. I know he's I think he's like a small man like you think he's a little shorty, but that's OK. I love the fun. There's the most funny people I've ever met are short.
I work. I for sure. Yeah, I bought that ambiguity as Dave Franco is on here, so Chris Evans, but Pre Avenger's, Chris Evans, Chris Evans, Chris Evans and you have a good baby.
I love a good Babyface de Franco, for example. Also, Teran Eggerton baby face.
That makes no sense to me. Love, Terry. I mean, I love all his movies to me, just like I don't know how you date me and return the line to one of us here in July and want to know.
But like, OK, listen, here's how it went. I went, I went grungy. Skater boy phase. Right. And then I went baby Facebook and then I went baby face phase. That's a tongue twister. Yeah. Baby faced. You know, you did it so quickly.
That's not getting cut, by the way. There's no way that gets edited out, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. And then and then I would say, like Ed Westwick, you, Ryan Gosling, Colin Farrell, like you're all in that group of like now did you hear the groups?
You just completely just. Yeah. And then you're in that group. Of course you are. Oh I love you so much.
Facial hair group men with beards, men with beards and chest hair. Got it. That's your group. Yeah. OK, that is your great a chest hair to the right.
Jeremy you can go to. OK, well do you want to be in any of the other two categories.
No. OK, thank you. Colin Farrell in The Gentleman.
Fantastic. Specific and specific. I can't vouch for any of his other looks, but Colin Farrell in the general speak. Big fan. I think he's Irish, right? Yes. Love it. The Irish. Scottish. I remember what those are two very different. But anyway, go ahead. Yeah. No, of course. I just can't remember, you know what I mean. It's not a fucking American accent I'm in. OK. OK, so again, Chris Evans, pre Avengers, so not Captain America was fine with that, but didn't do anything for me.
It's Chris Evans in what's your number one of my all time favorite movies.
I feel like he didn't quite hit his stride with the old blockbuster movies until the other rom coms.
Yeah, well, I mean, I'm sure his his like his house got nicer after he started working, you know, in the Marvel world, you think.
But yeah. And then last but not least, is Michael B. Jordan specifically in his, like, first 20 minutes in Black Panther when he's got the glasses and the jacket and they're in the museum right before they steal the thing?
Yeah. Michael B. Jordan hits different and not seen. Michael Jordan has such charisma. That's the kind of guy who I don't know if I could I would be you would make me jealous and self-conscious. Had you dated Michael Jordan?
I know a girl who did it. Michael Jordan. Really? Yeah. So, like six months. Do we know? I mean, we'll talk about it after the pod.
Well, rude.
OK, got it. And you're number one is at its babe.
Fuck off.
So my only issue with with your list here, because I think there's a lot of guys that I would love love to hang out with. I understand that they are drop dead sexy. You missed a couple of big names. Oh, OK. And your number one. A hold shit on literally the rest of the list, like if I look at the entire list, yeah, that guy's near that near the end, OK, and you missed two very important.
And actually three.
Oh, my God. I can't wait to hear who do I miss many for genuinely guys. Like when I was when I was like thinking of people from my hall pass list, I was Googling like 20, 20 sexiest man alive like list of hottest musicians. And you know what it is, too, is that when people ask who is your celebrity crush?
I don't have a name off the top of my head.
Zac from. Like, yeah, hot as fuck. That's mine. Oh, right. Oh, yeah, you love Zac Efron. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, do you to put a disclaimer in that you are that you are straight, that you are indeed straight.
Yeah, but Zac Efron. But Zac Efron. I'm Zac Efron. Straight. Right. You're Zac Efron, right? Yes, exactly. That is the sexuality.
I mean, I personally know there's people out there they'll disagree with this. I believe in the spectrum. So if straights here. Yeah. Zac Efron's here, OK. Right now, 10. Here, Zac Efron, straight, OK? Yeah, that makes sense. There's one person out of eight billion that like I got to go. Yeah, yeah. OK, um, who else. You said I had two others. Chris Hemsworth. Yes, Chris Pyne.
You're going to sit here and tell me right now that Chris Pyne, if a week before, OK, here's the thing. Like he said, I what I fuck all three of them, like, obviously fucking. Yes, like, yes, the answer is yes. Like, are they on my list where if they showed if like, I would go out of my way to follow him on Instagram.
No. I think I do actually follow Chris Hemsworth very good, but I think that he's actually just funny as well. Totally. And so is my whole fucking list.
All right, so election number one, enemy number one. OK, I am I'm going to say something I know already right now you're going to be like, Yeah, I'm going to sound like you're just like that.
OK, I know you have my whole list and now you remind me of an artist like, how could I forget her?
I'm so sorry. She's not the big lesson or two. I'm so sorry and so fucked up. Like I've always had a special connection with you anyway. If I had won, I was say, who's your number one, I've got to ask if you could only pick one off that list. You see Alex fucking to Dorio, it will kick you off this podcast right now. No, I'd be too nervous around her. I'd be like, Hey Alex, it's me.
I don't, I don't see it. Anyway, my point is. This person, I wouldn't hook up with her. OK, I there would be no I mean, maybe a nice adult high five on the way out. I would I would take her to dinner, OK? I would want to hear her life story, and I would just want to just understand her her life. OK, so why don't you go to dinner with fucking Obama?
I could. Oh, God. Michelle Obama should have on that list. Fuck. Anyway, I. Clarke, I don't know your personality. Yeah. She's so cute. I want to. You know what? I want to I want to go get spaghetti with her. I want to get spaghetti because I already know that she'll get some honorific her eyebrows. Right.
And she's so cute. I'll be like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm queen. And we yeah. We like when you're going to be like, oh god, it's so embarrassing.
It'd be so cute. OK, yeah. Yeah.
Well are we just on Instagram with her where she like was the cutest little bean in the entire.
She was at a basketball courtside and the guy that came over in front of her anyway the point is so we go on this date and I would come home and I would I would say I would tell you all about it.
Yeah, yeah. I love the firm. So get your fucking ad anyway. So on the jealousy. I mean, Ed could have had one of Ed has Instagram doesn't get on there.
I've been out of your listening slot in the audience. Absolutely.
OK, go ahead. We're going to say so on to Jose. Oh, fucking kill.
I want to say fuck Mary, because like my drink, I've got like a solid three more sips. We got two big ones and I want to save it for the end.
So don't don't logoff will happen to fuck. Yeah.
I don't logoff. I've been working from home full time for over a year now and between the computer, phone and television, my screen time is legitimately out of control. If you don't know where this is going, then you're obviously new here because as anyone who listens to outline regularly knows, our friends at Blue Blocks have been one of our biggest supporters since day one. And both Lorne and I are thrilled to work with them because their products have made such a positive impact.
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Do you want me to start or do you want to. I think you should go first. So once again, we've, we've, we've broached a topic that when we were kind of coming up to this and talking about jealousy and everything, I was like, OK, OK, it's OK. Lauren, tell me about tell me about, like, your relationship in the past. Walk through any like the jealous ones. She goes on. Yeah, they don't have any.
Cool, cool, cool. So Lauren apparently hasn't had any jealousy in her relationships. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how that ended up, to be honest, because, like, one of them was definitely just like too fucking lazy to be jealous, to be honest. And then the other ones were just like just not jealous. I stole them from a jealousy standpoint, you know, flaws in many other areas, but like from a jealousy standpoint, very healthy.
That's good. Or maybe they were jealous secretly and just never voiced their opinions. But it never came through in like any kind of communication that we did have about it.
But I don't think anyone in the world is like no one communicates that they're jealous.
They communicate things that are like the well, no one gave the impression or did like some kind of action that implied jealousy. You don't mean like there was never any like, oh, text me every five minutes so that I know you're not talking to someone else like. Right. You know, there was none of that, like thuggery.
Well, I think that the jealousy thing obviously stems from an insecurity that came before it. Or there's a reason, obviously, that shows its face. But the the big thing that I was looking at when we were read about this is like the difference between, like a jealousy and envy. Right. Right. And like how often they're confused and like, jealousy is very much there's three people and like two of them are having a better time than the one.
And the boyfriend girlfriend's like, why are they having such a good time? And I'm over here like, what does she have? What does he have? I don't have kind of thing. Right. Where is the envy is very much like there's two people and one person. Has it been the other doesn't have and they're very much like interested and they wish that they could have that thing and doesn't require three people or whatever. Totally. And so like I think that I don't really have an experience that much envy and relationships.
I've definitely had girlfriends in the past who struggled with different types of trust issues that then carried over into jealousy. Right. For sure. And I think it's probably one of the most toxic.
Conversations that if you don't broach early into the relationship, it's very difficult to stop it once it gets going, it literally seeps through every element of your relationship just from having so many friends who have been in like crazy jealous, like territorial boyfriends in their relationships like it is.
So even just like a small piece of it from an outsider's perspective, like it is nuts and it just reeks of insecurity. And, you know, whether that stems from something that's happened in the relationship or something that's happened in their past, you know, and it's like some of that may not even be like under their control, like the recipient of like having a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend, whatever.
It's crazy toxic.
But like, I feel like a lot of times you talk about, like, you know, experiences like why do you think that we're not jealous? Like, why why do I literally feel as if we can sit here and talk about why? Why can I bring up more guys? I think you forgot that you would have sex with. Right. And go about our night when we get done with this. And some people, if they give someone at the bar a little bit too much attention the rest of the night.
But I mean, I think it I think it genuinely stems from being secure in yourself and like accepting who you are as a person, because I think when you go back to those like two definitions of envy and jealousy, like both of those scenarios, obviously there's a different number of people involved, but those both stem from an insecurity within one person. Right.
So it's like when there's three people involved in jealousy, it's like you're not the person who you are jealous of. Might not even fucking know that you're jealous of them.
You don't mean like they're such an outsider on, like, what's going on that again, it just stems from that person, number one. And same thing with envy, like I can think of times. And I feel like envy is much more common in, like, a friend, a friend relationship. And I can think of times where I have been so envious of someone that it makes me feel poorly about myself. And there are there are specific girls on Instagram that I have muted and that I'm still friendly with, but I've muted because I'm envious of something that they have or some attribute that they look like that I strive towards.
And I've just found that it's like unhealthy for me to not, like, obsess over it, but to have the reoccurring if they post on Instagram every single day, to have that reoccurring thought of, like, I wish I looked like that or I wish I had that.
What would you say the common denominator is of of what makes you feel jealous or envious?
I mean, jealousy is not I feel like a sentiment that I feel that often, mostly because I associate that with relationships. And I think some people are jealous in friendships. But I feel like I'm privileged and in a spot in my life, in my career and the success that I've had that I think that is just like the root of a lot of jealousy that some people have.
And I feel very secure in what I've accomplished in my lifetime. Right. So I think I'm lucky to have that kind of like under my belt. And I feel good about it. But I think with envy when I think of, like, my deepest insecurities, it usually stems, I think, from physical appearance. So if I'm feeling shitty about my body, it's usually girls who have like rock hard abs and the most envious of. But sometimes it'll be like, oh, like I mean, like I've been thinking about getting live injections.
It's been like a topic of my life the last month.
And so if I see a girl who has your mother going to kill you, what she's going to kill I article I called her. I told her I was like, they're my lips now. Your lips. I'm gonna kill, you know, whatever. It's good for you.
They literally dissolve in three months if you don't want them even faster. Usually when your first time anyways, I would say the more negative I feel towards myself about something, the more envious I can feel towards someone else about what they have that I feel like I don't. Right. Right.
What's fascinating to me is that I. When I think about the times that I've been most jealous or envious, especially the looks side, hmm, is it maybe I'm biased or maybe I'm not thinking straight, but is when I honestly think I've looked at some of my best. And so, like, when I when I've been in the most shape or when I'm like trying to when I go overboard and try and where and buy the nicest things to look good.
Right. Is when to a degree I focus in on my then insecurities of what I don't have. I can't remember the last time I looked at a guy who was just better looking, more charismatic, had have more money, whatever kind of thing. And in the past, I mean a couple of years have been like, oh God, I wish I had that. Yeah. Which is crazy because I don't feel like I'm by any means the the best in shape or taking care of myself as well as I have in years past by any means.
And so I feel like as someone who looks worse and I feel like they use who you would think that I would have more insecurity there. But that's not the case.
I think also, too, when I think about when I was in like a massive fitness kick and routine, like you're so hyper focused and that's such a big part of your life at the time when you're doing that routine that you're aware of yourself and you're aware of other people's fitness routines as well.
You know what I mean? Like, I think I think that's why it's like so I definitely have had moments, too. It's like I look back at photos, I'm like, damn, I was ripped that right. And I was the most insecure then.
And I think I think it all is just it's relative to like how big of a presence it has in your life.
Overall, I found a very near naked picture of me when I was on TV. OK, like like not like you're just like me with my shirt off in shorts kind of thing, OK?
And I was like, oh my God, so many abs, what the fuck. And I was like, who the fuck is this guy? But it's crazy as I look at that kid who has a six pack and I'm like, that kid. So sad, right? That kid is so sad.
He's doing abs. He's literally getting up and doing all this work to try and, like, make this body thing to look more like someone he'll never be. And it's crazy because now I couldn't have less abs and I'm just looking at myself. I'm like, I should be in better shape for my well-being and health. Right. Like, oh, fuck it, who cares? Does that mean we're not getting six packs and we're for twenty, twenty one?
Absolutely six per year of the six pack, I'm know right now if I got ripped ASPHAUG and had a six pack, I would be taken shirtless pics all the time. I don't think you would. Oh my God. I don't ever see one of those fucking abs. Are you kidding? I don't think you would listen if I ever get ripped again. Every story I make will just be me and a towel talking to the mirror. I don't.
I don't. I don't. You know, I will believe it when I see it.
I'm not really the first time that you took your shirt off. I was I was pleasantly surprised. Oh, I remember. You were so tipsy.
And I think I said something you did. You really the least swaggy of all things I really like got naked and you were just like, wow.
Yeah, it's nice you got it's nice, just like is you kidding? Oh, man, look, we're in a movie and like, the dude takes off his shirt and he goes like, oh, my God, can I touch you?
Oh, that was that was Emma Stone. Ryan Gosling. Yeah. Crazy with love. Yeah. You just made a comment about my penis. I remember that too.
OK, it was positive. It was very positive. I was like, thank you.
I mean, I would say that I don't hold back. No, you didn't. You were very awkward.
And I was like, yes, but what you get day one is like still what you get on days, right?
Like I said, every time I walk around the corner, we got turtling.
We. So, um, OK, well, can we talk about so the jealousy and the obvious thing I am I've been in relation to the past where the jealousy was. What's crazy is I look back and. I've never been in a relationship where I felt jealous and it wasn't merited. And the sad thing was the loop, the the jealousy and the thing that started it middle and whatever, that wasn't even the reason we ended. We ended on some other crazy mad other bullshit.
Yeah, right. But it was about the jealousy, like that's what started it. Right. The other shit that happened. And you're throwing haymakers in the corner because you're upset, you're mad. You can't trust anything that comes out of anybody's mouth because you're saying shit you don't mean and you don't believe the things are coming out of their mouth and all this shit. Right. But the thing that ends it later on, it's like the byproduct of all that, just like absolutely immature bullshit kind of thing.
And I think jealousy is the most toxic wasteland of relationship that, if not addressed early on, will consume everything else.
So how do you go about having a conversation about jealousy that's not going to make the jealousy worse?
Well, I think to a degree you have to identify what makes you jealous. Right. And then the other person needs to identify and have a conversation about why they're feeling jealous about something. And if it's completely unmerited, there should be a world where you're able, both sides, to make sure that no one feels that way. But if someone's not willing to meet you halfway, right, if that person is is being trustworthy and doing things that they know kind of like incite or get someone going and being jealous and they stop, they don't stop doing those things, that's half the problem.
But at the same time, if someone is meeting you halfway and you're not improving like it's never going to work, I don't think you can have a healthy relationship where there's one side that feels reminded of jealousy every other day or every week, every month. I don't I don't see there's a world that's going to work.
No, I totally agree, because I think that that is something that is inward for that person. Right. And no matter how hard the partner tries, like, you can't mend someone else's insecurities. Like no matter how hard you try, no matter how many hours you put into it, how much does it matter how much therapy you go to together? Like if that person like A can't recognize that and won't admit it because that's like I feel like there's like a sense of ego there where someone if they don't realize that they're doing it, they don't even want to admit there's an insecurity there in the first place to make them jealous.
Right. Right. No.
And I mean, how often do you hear of someone going like, hey, it just makes me really uncomfortable when you do that because it reminds you of this. Never. It's why the fuck were you doing that?
Right. And then you and then like you come in hot and the other person gets defensive super quick and it blows up. And it's just like it's a whole situation.
I have I had a friend who was in a relationship and maybe I've told a story before, but she had a boyfriend who literally like they had to be in constant communication.
They were long distance, which I feel like is a whole podcast topic in itself is long distance.
But like he had it like carved out in his mind that if they weren't talking and texting just like twenty four hours a day, that meant that she was doing something wrong. She was cheating on him. She was out partying, she was out talking to other guys and he was so desperate for constant communication. It was insane. I've never seen anything like that. It's cheating. No, he wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't OK, where's the integrity pen confirm?
I think that he was just so insecure, like he was so scared to lose her that that's like he he designed this, like, mechanism of like safety and making sure that, like, she was still choosing him every minute of the day. Like, I think he was just so desperately insecure to, like, think that she might talk to another straight dude who might be interested, you know what I mean? Like, it wasn't about him having time to go cheat with someone else.
It was about her and the possibility of anything that she could be doing if she wasn't talking to him and not talking about physically cheating.
I mean, of course, that could include it. What I'm saying is that dude is already running through the cycles of what else that. That guy is already running through the cycles of what she could be doing. The only reason he got there is because he sees that for himself. I don't know, I disagree just because I know him, I know who it is and I disagree. I think I think we are so desperately trying to make sure that he didn't lose her.
And he just got so, so caught up and find that he's cheating on on their relationship with the idea of him, of her with somebody else, and he can't get that off his brain.
That's was exactly what it was. Yeah, yeah. 100 percent.
It's just. But what is a poison that you're giving yourself?
Oh, I mean, because she I mean, the resentment that just builds after even one day of being like, why are you texting back? Where are you, who are you with, who are you talking to like that. She is toxic.
It's tiring to. Oh my God, no one's got time for this shit. It's tiring. No one has time for that. Yeah, it's tough. And I think that there's a lot of times when people get down on their luck at work or in a social sense, where they just have too much time on their hands and throughout their insecurity of something else going poorly, I think they have too much time to think about what else the other person could be doing.
And they have all the ideas and reasons to think that, like, oh, well, I'm sitting here on my ass and I'm, you know, I'm going to Downspout. And she probably thinks that about me. And and she probably is like with other professional people that are doing it well or whatever. And it's just like I think that people just run themselves by roles.
Yeah. They spiral. It's absolutely it's so toxic. But I think the most important piece is in any loving relationship, any loving relationship. If you come to your partner and say, I am so, so, so incredibly sorry that the words that I'm about to, you know, come out of my mouth are true. But they are I get really, really sad and insecure when this happens. And I wish more than anything that I wouldn't get sad and insecure because I know.
I know. I know. I know. I'm being crazy. Would it be possible? For you to help me get to a point by not doing that thing that I know it was whatever to meet me halfway here so that I can get through this and get to the next step. And in any loving relationship with the other person says, now, fuck you, figure it out. You know what? Go fuck yourself and go figure it out.
Yeah, I agree. I agree. The only adjustment that I want to make to that is, um. I hate when girls think that they need to apologize for being crazy.
Oh, I didn't ever say you had to apologize, you know, but like to make me feel like I'm crazy, used the word crazy. And I want to I think that needs to be swapped out with something else because. Oh, I was taking it from the guy's perspective, so. Oh, yeah.
So from the girl's perspective, like, I hate when girls feel like they need to apologize for feeling crazy because, like, crazy and insecurity are two different things.
And I hate when they get lumped in together like that. It it gives girls like that. Totally does. Good it. Yeah. Yeah.
No I, I just think that at any point in time you're coming to someone with that and you have to don't be manipulative, don't be like I don't want to do this anymore. Let me use this. Like if you actually are feeling this way and you come through and it would be obvious if you actually feel that way or not like if they're not meeting you there and there's a bigger problem at hand.
Totally. I agree. I agree. But answer my questions. I was going to say, when do you jump ship? Like when jealousy starts bubbling up, like when do you call it quits? When you've already tried working through it?
I mean, yeah. I mean. Well, I guess the thing is also if if that person is coming to you and saying keep me half way and the other person is like, no, you're being ridiculous. Like, yeah, here's where I'm at. If that person thinks your needs are so ridiculous and your needs are a non-starter, that something's going to drive you crazy. Right. That's a disconnect.
You've got to move on. Right. And that'll that'll, I think, show itself in other ways as well. I mean, they won't meet you halfway.
Think about how ridiculous of a request either of us could make to the other person if the other person genuinely felt like they needed that request. I genuinely think about the most ridiculous thing that I could ask of you. But like, it's just like I need that you consider it. I know you would and I would. And vice versa. So what?
So what are your thoughts now on upping my stuff? Limit to two in the better time. If you shared the bed. Remotely close to a normal human being. But the ninety five pound Lauren and Ihram, that's flattering.
You think I'm ninety five point five hundred forty five pound? Lauren Oh, no correction there. No, you know, I'll just. Oh, I'll just I'll just take it.
All right. Tiny little Lauren takes about three fourths bed every night. So, no, you don't get any more stuff. You're so fucking dramatic. OK, you know, when I'm done with this, let's hoping to fuck me kill. I can't fucking wait. Do you want to go back? And I think we go back and forth. Right.
Yeah, but I don't really. OK, yeah. Go ahead. OK, ok. This is, this is one of the fucking Racheal. OK, so here's the game. Pokemon kill you. You can only you have three choices and you have to make a choice for each one. There are no exceptions. You cannot fuck two of them, marry one and kill none. That's not how it goes. And also we do not want to incite any kind of violence that's not actually the name of the game.
Say, with fucking. No one's getting fucked. No one's getting killed, no one's. Well, hopefully one day we'll get married. But that's not the actual point of the game. It is very superficial. It is very shallow. But it can your answers could be based off of looks and personality. If you want charisma, you can factor that into your interest if you'd like.
I mean, I put an unlimited jockey on the shelf so that I could go have spaghetti with Emilia Clarke and I meant that answer.
OK, great. Let's start. Fuck, marry, kill, brunette Lauren, pink hair Lauren and blonde Lauren. Pink hair. Lauren dead.
Oh yeah. I knew it.
I think I know what you're to be for this one I think. Fluck, blonde, Mary Brunette, married, I knew, I knew it, I knew it, brunette Loren's my favorite one. But now Lauren is my literal least favorite lawyer.
But Happy Lauren is my favorite. Lauren right. And that's a blonde bitch. That is a bloody bitch.
OK, do you have one for me or do you want to go again? I'll keep going. OK, this is good. OK, ok. Actually you let me just run through all these and we'll swap. Yeah. OK, um let's throw back to the twins everloving pink or Gwen Stefani. All of our 90s babies right now are like Fogger, Gwen's dad. Oh, interesting. OK, Gwen's dad. Blake Shelton. Um. Fuck Admiral Mary Pink, fuck, admiral, have you seen Pink and her children?
They're very cute. They're all so cool.
They're such good style. Also, like the way that she talks about how she's raising her kids.
Yeah.
Is like, so, OK, so we're going to do a little a little total wanting to hear Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian, you know, who's who and.
OK, ok, just talking shit you uncultured fuck. Fuck, Chloe and Courtney might be the same person to me. Courtney was the one who, of all the conditions, couldn't we have picked a couple of different ones? No, no.
Because these are like the three.
They're going to be like the next Jenners. No, no. You get the Kardashians.
Well, then Khloe, your dad. OK, Kourtney, we're having sex and I'm marrying Kim.
Interesting. Kim's the boss bitch. OK, yeah. I mean, yeah, you're not wrong. I mean it even as anyone ever seen her interviews later on I talk about like that and also mind you, like their life story is crazy, but like she's got a lot more going on than I think people give her credit for. Sure. You know, you justify it.
I support it. OK, next, Miley Cyrus, OK, Selena Gomez. Camila Cabello. Oh, that's a tough one.
It's tough. That is a tough one, um. OK, I I'm sorry. We're going to have to go. She didn't really. Yeah, I feel like Miley's way too alternative for you. We're fucking Miley, huh? Yeah, I did not see that coming. Yeah, OK. And then Camilla marry. Yeah. I mean, that's mostly because I trust John Mendez's test taste, OK?
Yeah. All right. Sure. And like, by the way, Sean, I know you're a big fan of the pod, like a marriage, but like I just want to be around. Right. So you could be third wheel. Yeah, I know. I'm finding third wheel.
OK, yeah. All right. OK, I'll be able to Disney.
Oh, go on. Villans. Cruella De Vil, Ursula from the Little Mermaid and USMA from Emperor's New Groove. Oh yeah.
Yeah, The Purple. The Purple Lady. Yeah. She's got to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, I'm going to go. I'm getting the sack with Ursula because I bet she can be freaky. She also.
Yeah, that's a I don't forget and who I mean, you're marrying Cruella Deville. Oh, yeah, for sure. Rabbits for sure. All right. But the dog thing anyway. Yeah, yeah.
OK, yeah. OK, next up, we have Rihanna, Beyonce and Nicki Minaj, all queens. This is a hard one. This is this might be the hardest category. All queens. All queens. Oh, he stumped, stumped, he is stumped. Here's a gentleman, here's the deal I am I don't know what I would do in bed or in a marriage scenario with Nicki Minaj.
That's a lot. She's got a lot of out because like I say, I'm like I'm on the alpha side. Yeah, but I'm not that alpha.
Yeah. Like, she wouldn't she would crush the things that she would need me to do. Right. You couldn't do. Yeah. Couldn't do it. So I'm sorry. I have to go. Oh yeah. Yeah. Beyonce and Rihanna, I would live as a husband, I would live every day insecure if I was married to Beyonce, and it's no no discredit to Rihanna. I just think that Beyonce's on another planet. That is queen bee right there.
Yeah. So I guess I would have sex with Beyonce and Mary Rihanna, OK? God, sure. But that's hard because I think I would do I would just be such a disservice to both of them.
Well. All right, I'd be so sad, I'd be like, I'm so sorry you had to do this. We're playing cricket. I like I'm so sorry.
Yeah, OK. Paris Hilton. Britney Spears. Oh, Lindsay Lohan. The classics. OK, well, to be fair, I await now or like in their prime.
Now, I don't know, in their prime, in their prime, in their prime, like how we think of them when they were like the A-list of all Britney Spears, Mary or Fox, for sure.
But you to marry in fucker if you're married.
Yeah, but it's a different thing. It was all in one or something. Yeah. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Night in Paris. Fucking Paris. Um, you're not in Paris, right? That's hot night in Paris, huh? You're not in Paris. No. Her sex tape. Oh, I love that for Paris.
Yeah. So sex tape for sure. Except it's not good. Steerable Lindsay Lohan. She got to go. Oh, nobody. OK, yeah. All right. This is your last one.
Um, these are like the millennial millennial queens, but still very relevant to this present day.
Ariana Grande de Zendaya. Oh, God. And Vanessa Hudgens. OK, well, I have so many guy friends who Vanessa Hudgens is, they're just like that was their sexual awakening as like a teen.
Well, Vanessa Hudgens. We segment our immigrant, Vanessa Hudgens, Zendaya Zendaya messing around, but always I always forget which one it is not sure, but Vanessa has got to go and it's got to go.
I am taken out of the sack and forever. OK, I would love nothing more than to be married to. And she's so amazing for so many.
Yeah. For so many reasons. For so many reasons. I have a lot of respect for her. Yeah.
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Oh God, I'm in the hot seat. I'm on the hot seat. I'm like this.
All right.
So the other day was like, can you guys do a tipsy episode of the pod?
And we're like, bitch, do you not see the half bottle of wine in my wine glass every single time?
I love you. Ready if. So just real quick, before everyone gets mad, we specifically took out all the people that were somewhat close to so.
Oh, yeah, like people who are putting, like, influencers and shit like that. Also, for everyone that suggested Asian girl squad, like my group of friends, my three best friends, go fuck yourself. We're not going to answer that. Actually, there was a lot of people that have suggested that.
So maybe we're not going to do that. You don't need to go to have sex yourself. OK, ready?
Nobody was go fuck yourself in like the same way that I say like bitches are closer than friends. Like when you say go fuck yourself in a loving way, it's like on another level of friendship.
Right. I'm actually not going to. I'm probably borderline a couple of those things, but, yeah, it's because you're more famous than me, so I get to sure, yeah. OK, you know, like less things are off limit. OK, you ready? Yeah. Harry Styles, now Horne, Liam Payne, oh, fucking easy, easy. I've been to two One Direction concerts. I was a stand and I am a nihil and Harry stands.
This is very easy. The first four first off out is Liam. I'm sorry. He's one of my least favorite.
Apologized to me. Liam, sorry. A lot of a lot of direction stands out there of all ages, you know. I mean, the guy I don't know who's listening. Yeah. And then I think that I would fuck Harry. Mary, Niall. Hmm. Now you're done with Harry. Can we, like, hang out?
Actually, I don't know. I don't know because, like, I guess if you're married to Harry, you could also fuck Harry.
You know, it's not like that's not the point of this game. I want to be honest. I was a Harry Stan for the longest time. And then I went in concert and I saw Niall and I was like, Nile. Nile carved out a small sore spot in my heart. Yeah.
OK, so fuck Harry Mary Nile. Yeah. And there is great Liam Williams. Got to go. I've met Harry. Oh my God. Tell me everything was a nice place. Sometimes I think I'm super nice. Okay, great. He's asking for directions. Oh.
And he walked in and I was like with a group my friend that he's like when the movie was like, was that Harry Styles.
I'm like, yes. And like hairstyles. Looks like Harry Styles. Yeah. Like, you know, some celebrities like dress it down totally. Now that do is worth 30 grand worth of just everything. Right.
But like wearing it like a couple, like a pair of sweatpants that I like to be very sorry. Comfortable, OK. Ready? Yeah. Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Seacrest, I knew there were going to be a Ryan's category I saw in community, there was lots of Ryan categories. OK, Ryan Seacrest is gone. The easy, easy, easy, if you like. Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds are there.
They're the they're they're the lead. Ryan's OK. Mm hmm. I think Mary Ryan Reynolds actually, yeah, for sure, no doubt about Mary Ryan Reynolds and fuck Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, I think it would just be like you would be laughing nonstop. Not that you're not hilarious.
I just I just want to say that the thing is when when you actually bring it back and, like, make a disclaimer of nothing like it, you're not you're not like that. That actually it hurts more. You just said it. And I live by itself, but in your own right. Yeah.
OK, well, that's the answer. Mary Ryan, Ryan Reynolds for sure. OK, got it. OK, this one's good. Nick Miller. Schmidt. Winston.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
If you don't, it just for anyone who has watched you grow up. My favorite show in the world. Go watch now. Like, turn this pot off right now and go watch the girl.
OK, Mary Schmidt for sure. Yeah, Mary Schmidt. Because you don't see her playing footsie with Mary now, like, I don't know, like this is what we're doing.
Just so you know, I like I need a footstool right here.
You don't I mean, like for sure. And squaddie body if I'm using you as a foot. So my God.
OK, Mary Schmidt for sure. You and Schmidt, sometimes you were very evil. Yes. You're very Schmidt.
You're very Schmidt. It's the biggest company. Yeah. You're very Schmidt. So Mary Schmidt for sure. I love Schmidt.
I've met Winston. Do you think that I could I met Winston.
Do we were both in the boys bathroom at Coachella, remember? I was in the bathroom. Oh, do the girls father had a massive line up and the boys by them had no one.
And I was like, guys, we went into a bit of a nice porta potty. It was like, yeah, yeah.
And I was peeing guys. I was inches away from Winston's penis and we were like sharing the stall thing, like we were right here and in lawman's, hiding in like the the the throne room was the throne. You were supposed to be there with the toilet, but there was like its actual toilet. Oh yeah.
Oh no, no.
I was going in the boys bathroom to get drunk and I could tell I was shitfaced, I was just go whinny the bitch and I'm sitting in the stall, be like rice.
I said to me something that I can't repeat here because the joke is slightly I mean it was funny. He can say it. I can't. Yeah.
You don't have that card. I can read that card. No, it was very funny. Yeah.
Oh that was, that was the highlight of Coachella. Yeah. That was the highlight. Sorry. Anyway man.
OK, so I think this is so obvious. K'NEX, fuck, yeah, yeah, and we love Nick, we love Nick, we love Nick, it's just like Winston would make funny jokes. Yeah. Also I feel I feel a certain tie to Winston now that we've met him. Yeah.
It was so funny. Yeah. OK. Oh God is getting better. We've kind of talked about this but all the Chris Hemsworth Pine and Brett. Kill Pratt. Copyright. Just compared to the boys and apheresis 11, what you boys and affairs' or something, oh, this is awkward. They broke up like a while ago. Well, they got a divorce. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep going anyway.
Fuck pine Mary Hemsworth. OK, I agree with that after seeing Hemsworth playing golf or whatever with his kids in Australia.
Yeah, not video. That was very cool.
I think I saw the video and go, oh, God, this is a man. Yes, you did. You did.
Because he was just like Jack out of his mind. He had something. It was holding a toothpick. It is obviously something that is disgusting that he made look sexy. And yeah, he just literally picking his teeth golf ball. And the kid behind him in children was right. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah.
So Mary thought were fuck Pyne who's Killara. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
OK, we're getting we're getting really good here. Zac Efron, Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson.
Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Kill, kill, kill. Vin Diesel. OK, for sure, fuck the rock and roll. Yeah, OK, I've got two more, and I'm going to go against the code here, OK? And it's going to be this is controversial. What I'm about to say is very common. OK. And you don't get to cut it. OK, here's the thing I'm going to give you four gentlemen, OK?
So you're going to literally not mention one and you're going to be able to do it, if you like, with the three. Oh, OK.
The tri guys. Fucking God, you've got to do it, Jamad, OK. Our dear friends, our dear friends, literally, of which we know all of the wives know genuinely like like like I have I have like very strong individual relationships with all of. Oh, I know. Like, Keith and I were texting this morning, Zach and I. I feel like we've been the closest, the longest. But Eugene and I like we went to Drake brunch together and met and I just use my tie dye kit to their day with his new baby.
Oh, my God. I don't think the biggest insult here.
Yeah, it's not being mentioned. No, I don't think so. I think the biggest insult was still kill. OK, so it's like kill, not mentioned. Fuck marry. Yeah.
Yeah. I think that I would fuck Eugene. So the gay pride guy, I think that I would fuck Eugene, because I think that we could still have a great time. OK, look, I think that we are both open enough sexually that it would be the least awkward to actually fuck Eugene than any of the other straight guys who walked into our marriage with all four of them and said, I got to be honest, I have to have sex with one of you.
Eugene, you're coming with me. Yeah, Matt, you understand? Right. And Matt will go. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's 100 percent like that. That is that is life. Very hard part.
I feel very strong about that. Oh, God.
Oh God. This is so hard. What did you do this to me? Why did you do this to me? I think that so here's here's my thinking. Let me walk you through it. Is that for the married category that's never been married, Zach is engaged. So I don't know what the experience is like being a married man.
I think it'd be wonderful. But on I think he's going to be wonderful to it. He's going to be a great husband. But I need Maggie to experience that first before I before anything, you know, I mean, like, I just need you to write that out first, buying the sales because I'm successful.
It sounds like she's distracting from the point.
I think that I would. Fuck, I don't know, because I think Ned has more experience. I think Ned is the husband of all husbands now that Keith is not a good husband, but like Ned is a father of two plus a dog and married, you don't mean like he is the dad of all dads and the husband of all husbands.
But I honestly, I think I think Keith is a little funnier than Ned. Wow. Yeah, I mean, that's honestly the biggest. That right there. Yeah, it makes me uncomfortable. That's how much of a that's. Wow, I think that's very funny, but I do know what.
No, no, no, no. Here's the key thing. I have, I think a more similar sense of humor. When we filmed the other day, there was the most the stupidest ticktock like genuine, the dumbest mistake that I personally know that was like four years old. And it was both one of our favorites. And I was like, fuck, yeah. Keith, we have the same sense of humor and I love this. So here's the thing.
I think they're both equally as funny. I'm sure what's funnier, I think they're both equally funny in my book.
Keith's goofier. Oh, my God. So what's what's the deal? You know what, I'm still mad, I'm mad at Zach for making us watch Lovecraft County and he didn't want he didn't even fucking watch it. I'm still mad about that.
But Zach did introduce us to Cannes and we love Cannes. Yeah, it's true. Oh, OK.
I think that I'm going to put Zach in the do nothing with category because I feel like I the closest out of all the tri guys and I don't want to put him in a box that he's going to be in without his consent.
You know, he got oh man. I'm going to kill Wes's father. Husband.
Well, I mean, Alfred Alfreds father Keith. Convertible Alfred, yeah, here's the deal, if there's a burning building and I get to grab one, I'm grabbing Wes and not Alfred. If I only have the ability to grab one thing. I'm sorry, Keith, and I think your cat's great. I'm grabbing Wes driving and.
Oh, my God, this is so stressful. Oh, see, I've spent more time with Keith in the last six months with filming. No, stop it right now. Stop right now. So, like you said, Ned is at a disadvantage because we haven't seen each other since the Superbowl party. And Keith and I have that cast a couple weeks ago.
Oh, that was like multiple months ago. But OK. But Keith and I recently just spent like eight hours to get together on set for a shoot. And before that we were there.
I think just based on current standings at this exact point of time right now, West Father, I'm going to kill was his father and I will marry Keith. I'm so sorry, the guys, I love you all. I love you all, and I would never wish anything like Death Upon You and Eugene. We don't actually have to fuck Matt. I'm so sorry. I'm still your mom.
Your man. Oh, my God, I'm so uncomfortable. Let's on the podcast right now. I need to go.
So for all the relationship there, we want to hear your fucking kills. We want to hear. We really want to hear your hall passes. You know, let us let us know in the hall passes.
Let us know. Oh, my God, I'm dying to know your hall passes.
And I my apologies for the somewhat shallow episode, but after last week, we needed to have a more shallow one hundred percent that was so deep in the hills.
And also to like I, I legitimately cried all morning, I have nothing left to give emotionally.
I only have superficial levels of charisma left.
So there's only what this one then there's two more weeks and the pot of twenty. Twenty and that's what. Twenty one. Yeah. All right. That's great. Yeah. Wow. So happy beginning the holiday season, beginning of the holiday season everybody.
Um, so also here's the update. And not to be cryptic, but why is crying all morning.
But our parents are no longer meeting for Christmas. They're no longer meeting. So you know what? I'd like to be clear, like we were doing any and everything we could to try and make it safe. And it got to the point where there was no world where even if we inconvenienced everybody and spent all the money in the world and and killed days, if not a week to to to quarantine before we saw each other, there was never going to be a world where we weren't just ridiculously sacrificing everything.
Right. And it wasn't a good scenario. And it's also not a good example to set for anybody else. Oh, really?
So we're not going to do it 100 percent, you said, but literally don't even fucking get me going. We'll see our parents.
Don't get me wrong. Well, on that morbid. No, fuck me. Um, well, Lincoln description for the merch. We're excited about it. We probably should mention this earlier, but like, we can't guarantee a delivery before Christmas, especially if you're outside the guaranteed a delivery. I'm not.
OK, well, I have to go.
Good bye bye. Good bye, guys. This has been. Oh, fuck, fuck. I've been so busy.
This is call her daddy. Oh, it's not. No, it's not. Gloria, are you OK? I just listen to one with her and Tanne.
That's my top of mind. It's BFX. I'm Dave Portnoy. Oh, and I'm fucking Josh Richards.
God, goddammit.
OK, bye bye.