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Today, the little things is rated R and is available to stream on HBO Max for thirty one days from its theatrical premiere. Welcome back to The Future, I'm your co-host, Daniel Driscol, joined today by the only guy who taped the Miss USA beauty pageant, Marmol, Goslar. Hello, Mark. Hello, Daniel. I love that. That's what Zach has in his private collection. Marc, before we get started today on a very exciting every episode's exciting.
But today especially, I thought it would be fun for the listeners to know. We delayed recording one full day this week so you could go on a family ski trip so you could be a real like the dad you were last the dad you had last week on Saved by the Bell. That was you in real life this week. I thought, that's fun. Well, I was trying not to be like the dad I had last week. I was trying not to be like Derrick Morris to see if I was Derrick Morris, then I would just not know my kids.
I would go on a one fishing trip. I would go to one little league game and call it a day and then wonder why my kid ended up like Zach and had a YouTube series entitled Zach Morris Is Trash named after him.
Right. You would wonder how that could ever happen. I thought I guess the the way it was maybe like you it was you were you you would have been very much like Derek, because if you were like, look, I would love to take you guys skiing, but I need to I need to do my work. I need to record this podcast. So that would've been like the OG Derek Morris move. You were the enlightened Derek Morris of, like, family time matters work if we want to go.
I mean, this is work, but this work can wait, you know.
Yeah. I mean, and here's the thing. I have a job. If you call it a nine to five job, I'm sure I work early. I'm currently working on next Monday through Friday emulations. Thank you. And then on Sundays we do this podcast and I have a few things in development. So there are a lot of things up in the air, as they say, a lot of balls up in the air. But yesterday, because of the weather here in California, I decided that we would just take the key, the kids up up to the local mountains here and just have a fun day playing in the snow.
We didn't go skiing. We weren't around crowds. It was we we kind of actually went around road closed barriers. We were breaking the law.
That's fun. You know, my not breaking the law is a family. That's great. That's what it was. It was awesome. My son is such a do gooder. My my seven year old son, Dekker, he actually covered his face with his ski jacket when we went around the road closed. He just said, Dad, I don't think you're supposed to do this. And he covered his face. And he did say, though, that he does do it on his video games that he plays.
He's like, I know what you're doing. You're going around something that you shouldn't, which which is something that I do in my video games. And this is wrong. And I said, it's fine, we're going to be OK. And we ended up having a great time. We we were by ourselves. We had a great little family outing in the snow. And, you know, here we are the next day doing this podcast for everyone.
I do want to say, though, that I am the exact opposite of Derrick Morris.
I coach my own saying you're No. One. I'm putting it out there. Daniel, please allow me before you for the people on Twitter skewer, both of us actually just skewered.
Sure. They'll just skewer me.
I actually don't need to, you know, put up my resume for for being a parent. I'm a parent of four, you know, congratulations on that, too.
I'm working so that my kids later on in life, I can pay for their therapy.
How about that? That's good. And I hope you carry around a badge from your NYPD Blue days in the glove compartment just in case you get caught going around one of those barriers, you're going to be like, come on, you guys. But you joke about that. But that actually. I do. Yeah, you joke about that. I didn't I never used to. Here, I'll tell you this. I do have that badge from NYPD Blue.
I would never carry that, by the way. Sure. One, we're in California. Two, it's against the law. Big time against impersonating police is like, yeah, it's a big no no. But here's the thing. When I was on NYPD Blue, I got out of tickets every once in a while. Yeah, I know you're away because I might.
Yeah, listeners can't see this, but my mouth actually dropped when my boss said that I was on my way back from Monterey.
I was up in Laguna Saca. I was actually testing out a at the time it was the Ford had just come out and I was testing it for the creator of Oh God, what was that game for the or what was a grand prize. But I think it was Grand Treisman.
Anyway, he he was a fan of the GT. He invited some people up. I used to race cars. He brought me up there to sort of take journalists around on the track in the Ford GTI as well as others other Ford products. And I drove back. Obviously, I had a lot of adrenaline in my body at the time. You're going to have a heavy foot here. I had a pretty heavy foot and I was on the five freeway and I was going a little too fast and, you know, the lights go on behind you and you're like, oh, man, pull over.
And the guy goes, boy, you were you were way passes the speed limit.
Yes, I was. I apologize.
He goes, John Clarke, NYPD Blue. And I go, Yeah, yeah, that. Yeah. And he goes, I love that show. Have a good day. Wow, yeah, wow, he wasn't even like you got to get back to Bayside or like he wasn't like, no, no, it was NYPD and NYPD Blue and the only other time that's ever happened was I was in Beverly Hills somewhere. And the guy as well noticed me because of NYPD Blue and John Clarke.
Love the show. You know, they let you off with a warning. Please don't do this again. And you. Sure, sure. You you're, like, grateful that you didn't get a ticket. But that doesn't happen. By the way, I. I have gotten tickets since then. I am no longer a part of that brotherhood. You know, some brotherhood. They kicked you to the curb. But yeah, it was a nice little perk being on a show that was adored by law enforcement.
I Indore law enforcement. I always have. And you know. Yeah.
That out of that's just that's a smooth segue into in case you didn't do your homework.
Here it is over for MySpace and it's the annual Miss Bayside beauty pageant. Jesse is protesting because it's sexist. Zach makes a bet with Slater. He can help anyone win. Slater picked Screech, who building reluctantly allowed to compete. Then Slater manipulates Kelly and Jesse to join Lisa in running again. Screech Slater also enters the contest. So Zach blames Slater for a black eye Screech got from his robot. The whole school turns again. Slater and Screech wins the contest and is crowned Miss Basad the end.
And we're in act one like that. You know, I remember going back to getting tickets because I've gotten a few in my in my driving career. I remember one of my first ones was on my way. It was on Vergence Road here in California. In Los Angeles, which is on your way to Malibu?
On my first I my first major ticket on Kanon just won over.
Oh, yeah. And I was on my way to, uh, to film Saved by the Bell. Huh, and did you could you be like I I'm late to class or no see, and I got a ticket for that one. That was my very first one. And the guy could care less that I was actually filming up the road. I'm like, I'm on this.
It was a Malibu episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was on my way to process that. So, yeah, I was on my way to set and I said, we're just filming right up the way, right up the road here and I don't care. You're speeding. Here's your ticket. Yeah.
They don't know. They're, they don't care out there. They're not also. They're not. You're the you are just so far down the list of the most famous person in Malibu. It no matter who you are, there's there's there will be someone more famous and rich out there. So they're not impressed by star power, you know, by freeway. But being on NYPD Blue, you know, that was that that was my get out of speeding ticket the card.
And it was a great I love it. You should work like you should develop another cop show to star in next, like, get a get a nice sports car and then be like now to go along with this, I need a I need to star in a show about the police. I think that should be your next project. I'm tech available if you need a, you know, a comedy writer with glasses and we're in Act one.
So many smooth transition just like that.
We're an actor just like that. We are there. It's the Bayside Auditorium. And we have learned that these seats, which can be movie theater seats today, they are class. I don't know what's called assembly assembly seats. Yeah, they're they're the seats the audience set in. I love that detail, Paul. I've been called out for using the word fun too much, which I, I knew privately. But now it's out there. I'm going to try not to say fun at all this episode.
So what a treat to see the audience. See, that's a better word. That is rolls off your tongue. Someone wrote on one of our podcast reviews that I should get a thesaurus. That was the entire review. Oh, so I yeah, it was a short review, my Lord.
I mean, I feel like I have limited vocabulary. You're a writer and they said that, you know, and I.
Yeah, I mean, I think I think I was trying to go too far in the direction of like, wait, hold up. I actually do like this show and I'm a fan and I think that gets lost sometimes. So I try to balance that out with talking about how much fun I'm having. But I haven't found any of the stories. You just. Yeah. How much joy I'm partaking. Yeah. I mean, so hold up. Yeah.
You actually read the reviews for the podcast on like about once a month.
I'll pop in. Yeah, I'm into the iTunes section. I'll read the reviews. Yeah. I mean I'm curious to know what's going on. You got to, you know, check, check the stuff coming out of the kitchen if you're the chef. Right. Boy. But apparently I need a thesaurus. So now what did they say? What I needed a new co-host know. They know. Obviously, obviously. But yeah, these these seats are the audience seats.
And I just never I mean, my my dumb, dumb self as a child never put that one together. Well, why would you.
But here's the thing about this, is that what I do remember about these audience seats is there used to be a railing right up front so that the audience wouldn't fall off the stage and also they couldn't just run on to the seats. So when we filmed this, they would take out this metal railing. So, you know, we almost we almost lose a national treasure here with Slater walking by the people because there's like a drop off. There's a good probably four to five foot drop off right there because the audience sits up in these bleachers so they can see the set better.
They can see over the cameras and they can see that the the action well, Slater's got a whole lot of fabric to those pants.
So it's amazing. He doesn't sort of I mean, he just shuffles with ease, makes it look easy. But, yeah, it's just seems precarious. If you watch the Peacock version of this episode, there's a whole intro where Zach does like a bill with the graph to the side of building. OK, that makes it totally scrapped because I was I was wondering what Jesse's there because why she's I wrote it in my notes.
She's president. So I think there's a little bit of carryover from the election episode, like Jessie's president. So she's up there.
OK, why is Zach up there? Zach was up there to basically say he's been like he took a like a a survey for Belding's approval. It's that graph to the to the side of him. And like at first look like, oh, Belding's approval is way up. But then Zach turns the chart upside down. Belding's approval is Israel low. It's like a building dig. That's just start the episodes like Zach just goofing on building for about a minute and a half.
I see why it was cut. Why was it cut? I mean, it doesn't do anything, really. It's just like Zach, it's like, oh, we're establishing nobody likes building at this school because he's the principal. Instead, the episode opens on Hulu, which I believe is how it was syndicated with Belding just saying, listen up, it's Miss Beauty Pageant Week. And you know Pietrangelo, no baby steps. That's no baby steps. It's like, do we really need to know that the students don't love the Brynn's?
All that seems. Redundant, we've already called him bald seven times in the last two weeks, like. Maybe we just let him get on with the job. Well, I may have enjoyed myself in this episode a little bit more if I had more to do. I feel like, you know, Zach didn't have that much to do in this episode other than a pimp screech out is he's pulling some major strings.
Yeah, his like is I'm glad he use the P word because I was I was circling that one in my brain. He seems like this whole thing of like come with me if you want to be a winner. Thing is.
Yeah, we'll get into that. I don't know, get into it. But yeah, I mean this whole thing is a mess like miss. I mean what the hell like nothing. Look, if you're in the pageant world, if you compete, this is no disrespect to anyone who wants to do this. And that's there's plenty of people who love pageants and love pageantry and the whole thing. But for it to be like an official high school event, like that's it.
That's that's not real. So. Right.
You may have set it in your summation, but I always check out during your your you know, that I zone out also. Yeah, but so this is the annual Bayside Beauty Pageant. This is the winner of this goes on to the Miss High School California.
Right. Which is you got to imagine the tickets sold for that event or for some real great crepes.
And Jesse is against all of this, obviously. Yeah. Right side of history for sure. Yeah. OK, did you know that Tiffany was crowned Miss Junior America in nineteen eighty seven? No, I knew she did. Like I knew she was on like magazine covers and stuff when saved by the bell was happening. But I didn't know that, you know, this was already a crown pageant winner. She was a crown pageant winner and those magazine covers were actually before saved by the bell because she was on the cover of Teen in nineteen eighty eight, having won the great model's search.
And then she was the Cover Girl magazine model of the year in nineteen eighty nine.
Hmm. I didn't know that, that, I mean not looking at it makes sense I guess. You know she had a, she had a real career that became real acting career. So I guess Jessy's I guess Elizabeth is up there as Jesse just talking a whole bunch of smack about what got Tiffany to that exact place. And there you go. That's fun. Oh, we should also say this episode written by Bennett Tramer. Hello, Bennett. If you're out there in radio land, this is one of Bennett's I'll kind of branching off the branching off the election episode is kind of political.
I mean, like we have, you know, it's like it it it has a more political vibe to it about, you know, gender and sex politics. And yeah, you know, as I was watching this episode, enjoying myself, I thought the structure of this episode was was, um, what's the word I'm looking for?
It was it was unlike, I think some of the other episodes, there was there was more structure to it.
It just had a lot more backbone to it and it had a lot going on. There was like a lot of scenes. I kept it kept moving. Yeah. I thought it was a I thought it was well-written.
I mean, you as a writer to appreciate it. Like, you know, would you want to sit on it like all of that, Alonzo's magic tricks or.
No, I would never do that. And and I certainly won't use the F word to describe how I felt about this episode. The three letter F word. I mean, no, I liked it. And I thought it's it's like a fun version of cheating.
Oh, you just said the F word. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I said the final four. Yeah. It's a it's a delightful version of cheating. I have the source in my head, you guys. Delightful version of cheating that we get to see like the rehearsals of the pageant.
Like, you kind of get to see the the elements of the show as it happens versus saving it all for the third act where it would be too full. Yeah. So I thought that was a cool, uh, use of structure. Yeah. No, that's is cool.
I thought so too.
I, I thought showing the the dress rehearsal was an interesting way of smart. Yeah. It was very smart and I appreciated that. I thought that, that, uh it really worked.
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It is a casual mobile puzzle game. That means you can play it and put it down, although you're you're not going to want to put it down. It is. It's a great way to pass the time in bed. That's where impassion most of the time.
You know, I was going to say I can think of some other things that I'd rather do in bed, maybe sleep. Nope, not sleep, sleeping. I am just passing the time playing best fiends. There are over 5000 puzzle levels and counting. So you will not be able to. Yeah. You're not going to at the end of this thing. It'll just keep going and going and going. There's no end to the fun. It's fantastic.
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I like being a girly girl. Leave me alone. Yeah, that's that's OK, too.
I think so. And Jesse's like, I don't want to be judged on my looks. So then don't don't. Yeah that's ok. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let, let's let the other students enter.
I mean uh uh God bless Jessie.
Yeah. She's, I mean it as they say in Georgia. Bless her heart. Bless her heart. Oh yeah. I love that one. That's a good one. That's, that's a that's a very quiet for you. Bless her heart. It's like the softest, the softest. Go screw yourself that the human language has developed. Um, Jessie mentions the first woman on the Supreme Court in this little talk at the max that Sandra Day O'Connor, she was appointed under Reagan in eighty one just nine years before this episode.
I went and looked because she says there was a woman vice president and so nominate a runt, ran for vice president. He ran for vice president. Yeah. So that's an interesting thing.
I don't I don't want to I don't want to tell our audience all about that. Just just do yourself a favor and just Google that. Just who was the the first female vice president? It's a fun little read. And yeah, you'll you'll see that the first female vice president nominee candidate, the first the first female vice president just got into office, correct? No, but I'm saying the first one on the ticket and all that, it was it was pretty interesting how far back that went.
But again, we've we've made great strides and it seems like this should have happened a lot sooner.
Yeah. I mean, it almost did, right, with Sarah Palin. I mean, there was a I wonder what Jesse would have had to say about that one. That's a different. A different. Yeah. You forgot how quickly we all forget that. We almost had the first female vice president not too long ago moving right along because we could be there on that one all day, folks. Uh, yeah. This is this is like the very just bizarre like what does he have to gain from knowing so much about beauty?
Patty My my devious mind is Zack is you know, Zack is pleasuring himself to footage of beauty pageants. Used to be what? I'm together. Why else would he have this dark collection of tapes while his dad does Coke and Zack does a beauty pageant, the VHS tapes, you know? Yeah.
You know, they got state of the art VCR in the Morris household and they have to so you can, like, tape a tape like they are doing or how hard it was to to find material to to wank off to, though.
I mean, I'm a little past, but yeah, I've, I you know, I'm a little past your era of it being that difficult. I grew up with the Internet, but the Internet when I grew up was very slow and unreliable and full of full of twists and turns. You never know where you'd wind up. So I mean, it look, it's gotten technology has made everything easier. It's certainly made looking at naked people like phenomenally easier in the last twenty years for sure.
So you're saying Zac was Zac was relying on the Mizue all types. Whose eyes are you hold? Dear God, that sounds rough.
It was a joke. It was a joke. Have you ever driven a U-Haul truck?
No, I'm just trying to get a sense of who my co-host is here. OK. Have you ever gone to U-Haul? Have you ever like. I've filled propane. I've never filled propane. When I moved in to my college, my first college apartment, there was a U-Haul truck, but it was my step dad took took the wheel on the U-Haul truck. So I was not behind the driver's seat.
Oh, they're a pleasure to drive. You should. You're missing out.
OK, I should just rent one just for fun is just. Why not? I mean, and tell me if they want to ask me if they want to be a sponsor. I'll drive that truck all across America. You all if you're out there. We love to do business with you on this this delightful podcast where we disparaged your joke of a beauty contest that never happened. Let's bring back this U-Haul, because I would like to see that.
Sure. Oh, God. I mean, oh, man. Yeah, I shiver thinking about about what that feels like. A lot of knife wounds visible in the swimsuit portion.
Oh, man. OK, moving on. There's a there's a background artist with a hat on. Yeah. I don't know if you noticed that. I did.
I did notice that because you know when my alarm went to in my head is is you can't do that. You can't have that on TV. Exactly. And you know, you can pay for that.
You have to pay for it. You just. How did she get away with it. My I don't know. My it's so funny. My my phone feels like a neighbor of funny. I should probably cut that one too. It's so bemusing. My alarm went off when I like in my head of seeing that where I was just thinking no, no, no, you need tape over that or get her, get her a green hat. Look alike like no see.
No, no, no, no. This proves my point that I think our show back when this was airing was under the radar. Like family was not paying attention to this because this is this is a lot of money right there. Yeah. That is they do not allow that.
I was on a show that was that was approved that was endorsed by Major League Baseball. The rules that we had to follow were were I mean, mind blowing. But yeah, you know, I've done other other shows where you're like, you know, it's written where you're wearing a Lakers jersey or you name it, and the amount of money it takes to purchase that. It just it's a hard no right from the beginning. It's I mean, yeah, this is also the show that brought you, like seeing singing The Beach Boys just for fun.
Like, yeah, this is just an absolute in the mind of the Oakland A's. What if the person wearing our hat does something not good as a character? Well, that reflects poorly on our fans. It's like they're very every team is very hyper protective of them, you know, their logos and how they appear. And if you think back to 90s music videos, especially a lot of hip hop like blurred logos all over the place, that was completely common.
You know, I think everyone just got used to it. And also she's talking to the twins. That's what the A's had, is talking to the twins at the max. And yeah, Slater and Zack make their little bet here after Zacker says all the girls are going to be dogs at this pageant now that Kelly is not there, even though Lisa's right in front of him.
Not cool. Woof, woof.
Yeah, not cool. Not and Kelly is going to, like, bring her girly flair to protesting with Jessie. She's going to make the hearts pink and cute and fun. That's Kelly. But Zach says that he can make anyone a mess. Bayside Yeah. He should have chosen his words more carefully. But he I mean, we're maybe not he he does do that, uh, slaters. Arms at a nice ninety degree angle there on the seat.
Yeah. I also want to point out he he is he is pulling off the ninety degree thing here that we've we've talked about in previous episodes. He also has the folded binder, which he'll get up in a second and just grab it just so that he has something in his hand. He has no reason to have something in his hand other than just to keep something in his hand. And you got to get a pump. Well, yeah, just it's it you can it's a lot easier to adopt the ninety degree angle when you have something in your hand.
And so that's my only that's my theory of why he grabs it for no other reason. It seems like such a natural technique. Like I wonder if Mario just does that with thing. Like I wonder if if you go to his home there's like the mail is folded in half in magazines. And I'd be curious, like, is it just if you've been doing it for long enough, is that just how you approach paper? Maybe. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know how you talk about next time is on one night when I watch the the new saved by the Bell on Peacocke and we're giving it a plug right there. The first time you actually see Slater again, he is actually holding something in his hand.
It may be it may be a security for Mario as an actor to have something in his hand while he's acting.
A lot of people do that. I know Brad Pitt used to do that quite a bit. There were there was talks about what he would do, but he would eat a lot in scenes. He was always eating. And it's just like a thing that you do as an actor. Like, you just need a prop. You need something to kind of get through things, so, you know, maybe that's what we're doing. Robert Downey Jr. in the Marvel movies, I believe he hid snacks around set as I am to understand.
So there would be snacks for Robert Downey Jr.'s character to be munching on incense. Yeah. And also, I just want to point out that since we're on the topic of Slater and Mario, I do believe that we are at the end of his Perm's life in this episode and here as well. I think a lot of product, but my hair as well. It seems like we both need a trim. And I do know that I'm not giving any information that isn't already out there.
But Mario Lopez used to perm his hair as his mother, I think, or a family friend used to perm his hair between episodes to to keep that tight girl going because Mario has straight hair and I had not blonde hair. Yeah. You guys had a little bit of movie magic going on. That's what it was. And this, you know, this whole thing of I can pick anyone and very I think I mentioned it, it got brought up last week or two ago, like she's all that or that kind of movie where it's like, oh, I will pick someone and, you know, my fair lady them.
And yes, later picked Screech, who instantly wants to shove a milkshake up his nose to show he's not ready for the pageant world. Don't imagine Tiffany was doing too many nose milkshakes before she got those covers that we've been so hot. She won more. She would have one more. I mean, I would have set her apart, the judges would have been like, I remember her. Now, more better help exists to give people a little assistance in an area they might need, and that's therapy.
Yeah, that's better. Help, help. And what this is, it's online. And you can talk with a counselor. They basically assess your needs and then they match you up with your very own licensed professional therapist. And it's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.
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Now, that's cool. Maybe I mean, Screech should really be getting like a Nobel Prize for this insane robot that consumes actual liquid. Uh, Zakayev Screech, a pitch that I thought is nefarious, but like, good to hear of. Like like screech. You can break boundaries. You know, you can be you can you can redefine this archaic thing, which on the surface, like is good. Zack is just doing it to win fifty dollars.
I would have thought that, I would have thought that they would have bet more money on this. Fifty dollar seems rather low, especially for these privileged kids here at Bayside High in the Palisades. It's like it's like a standard bet though.
And I mean to flash back to to my schooling days, which were I guess, a good ten years after this, that was like 50 bucks is a lot of money.
Yeah. No, what you're right. You're right. Because I just bet somebody's on this corner. Dustin Poirier, fight the UFC. I just I just bet somebody a hundred bucks and it was a big deal for me. Like I was like, oh man. A hundred bucks. And by the way, I lost. So yeah. And but yeah. 100 bucks. I guess that would have been the equivalent of 50 bucks then give or take.
Yeah. Yeah. I was just like a lot.
That's a lot for kids to like these. These kids have a problem like these should not be gambling every week with your friends, you know, say that for adulthood.
Can we also point out that Kevin, the robot wears glasses that are oddly like Elton John's glasses?
I don't understand. Yeah. I mean, they're they're a novelty song.
I mean, for a lame joke. No, that's a good joke. I like this one. Oh, you like it was I said fun again.
God fucking dammit. I cannot. I can not. I love this. By the way. This is the best. Whoever pointed that out is a genius.
It was two back to back reviews, I swear to God, two back to back reviews on the iTunes Review section. But only one of them said, I need a thesaurus, which is company like.
I love that it might have been our producer. Terence, Terence, Terence, that's a great way to get in front of me. I hit the reviews once a month. Yeah. I mean, scrutinize these glasses because they're for like they don't make novelty regular glasses. They only make novelty sunglasses. So they had to be kind of modified a bit here to feel more like glasses, glasses, the most boring behind the scenes insight that you certainly could have pieced together as a viewer and were in the halls of Bayside Screech took the pitch.
You know, there's a protest going on with only two participants. It's kind of a sad story. I mean, it's not much of a protest. It's more like a an awareness campaign. But it's there. They are making their voices heard in the halls of Bayside. They don't have class. By the way, in case you're wondering, Mark Paul, who has class, who has time for that?
The twins are here. They don't get a line yet, but cost money. They cost money to give people loans. It does. Yeah, absolutely. Just ask Derek Morris. That's a joke.
Job well done. Yeah, thanks. It was all right. Yeah.
I don't I don't know I don't know exactly how much it costs to give background lines, but I do know it's it's a considerable bump in the rate. And we'll see later on that we mentioned they got they got scripts when they got a line that was like a big deal, like they got copies of the script versus just showing up to work and someone's like stand in the corner and fake talk to each other. Yeah, I'm always surprised when when they don't give scripts to background that have lines because I don't think that's standard practice all the time to give them a full script to know what's going on.
They'll give them a scene and they have no context of why they're saying this or what's actually happening. It's always it's always interesting to see the background, trying to piece together the story of what what's actually happening in the scene that they're in. It's it's I really wish that we could just leave the scripts around for people to read. But we all know that some people, some people have used that privilege for for not so good reasons. If someone use that privilege, they've abused the privilege.
They've they've they've. Yeah. You know, with the Internet now, you can release scripts and all that stuff. But now they do this thing with your script. I don't know if our audience is aware of this now, yet on every single page your name is imprinted on it. How would you say it? It's like a shadow. It's like watermarked. It's watermarked. There is. That's my source. Is there? Is that right or brain?
It's what it is. Yeah. They also do that for auditions now as well. When you when you get Sydes, they used to do it just for the big films. They would watermark the page, but now they do that for pretty much everything they watermarked. Everything there's all kinds of stuff like that, like for Sopranos, they shot, they shot, not even wrote, they shot multiple endings just so the crew wouldn't know how the show ended.
Like they have multiple endings of this show floating around out there just to prevent that kind of, you know, that kind of leak. That's when, you know, you're on a pretty amazing show when you have to. Oh, yeah. Shoot alternate endings that even your crew will know how it ends. Yeah.
Even you don't know how it ends. Like you're on the show and you and people ask you how it ends. You have no goddamn clue.
Well, that was me on on on my show that I was with David Milch. David Milch was a writer on NYPD Blue and fantastic writer, a brilliant writer. Deadwood, if you're a fan of Deadwood. But he did a show called John from Cincinnati and he was notorious for just not having scripts. And we would come on set and we'd have a full cast. You know, it's like an ensemble cast on John from Cincinnati and we would have no idea what we were shooting that day.
He was doing that actually on NYPD Blue as well. There's there's multiple stories of him just not having written anything and kind of writing it on the fly.
But anything from David, you know, coming out of him was was just gold and it got away with it.
I think that writers, producers, show runners there. But I think that leash has been shortened because, again, that seems foreign to me. I'm not. Yeah, yeah. I'm not used to I would feel very stressed out in that environment, being anywhere in the chain of command, knowing we were showing up to work without a script. Yeah. Know. And Cincinnati I have that's one of those shows that I was on that I actually have no idea or the character I was playing or what the story was about.
I actually felt like background on that, on that, on that show. It's funny when I have people coming up to me saying I really like that show. And I was like, oh, that's great, because I have no idea what they should tell me about it. I could not tell you about it. I mean, like when someone comes up to you and says they're a fan, like, cool, it sounds like a good show.
Please tell me what it was.
Yeah. No, listen, I just want my coffee from the barista. I don't have time to talk about John from Cincinnati. OK, guys. Sure. OK, very busy. Right. I'm do I have a podcast to produce. I have. You know, yeah. I've, I've, I have to take my four kids to the snow.
I'm speeding up and down the state of California getting all kinds of almost tickets. Yeah. Oh boy. I don't think John from Cincinnati got you out of any tickets. I bet that I wish Vegas would take me up on that bet. Certainly did not let it all ride on that. These sign ups for Miss Bayside around Belding's office. That's odd. Yeah, that's the definition of a casting couch. Yeah, I didn't like that. Like, Lisa comes out of buildings office, but like, I just signed up for the beauty pageant.
I am reporting you immediately to anyone like the. No, no, no, no. Any any of this should be going on but not behind the closed door. No one.
Yeah. That's not fun. That's not funny. Yeah. Just, uh, just kind of icky. Implied. I felt like I mean, I know there's a catch. I get it. I felt icky. And yes, Zach has turned his back on Lisa. He will not grant her any harbor now that he is with Screech. I love that.
Like he just thinks he's a king maker or a queen maker. I guess in this, like, he just believes that only he can only the winner can be with him. That is such a profoundly, like, specific energy. It's very confident that a lot of people, not a lot of people have that in life. There's some language here in Belding's office of entering a man. Zachs like Belding's like you can enter a man Anzac's is like, I'm not entering a man.
I know what they mean, but, oh, you're smart. That's that sounds pretty dirty to my ears. All those entering a man talk in the principal's office with a sign. And I was just like, this is I know it's for kids. I get it. But was there not a different way to say that, Bennett, if you're out there, I'm real. And I love that your mind went there, though. Oh, yeah, it did.
Right away. I couldn't help it because I saw that in notes because.
Well, let me share, my dear. You do share your notes.
And I saw that Belding's office and it says entering a man now that it was like they say it three times back to back. And I get the look, guys, I get comedy. You got to repeat the stuff and make it sound. I get it. There's other ways that, look, I'm not the only one who needs a thesaurus, OK?
See, and for me, I thought it was odd that they were calling Screech a man. I was like, he's obviously not man. He's a boy.
But you can't you certainly can't say entering a child on TV. Yeah, you can't say entering a boy. No, you weren't.
That would have gotten flagged. So maybe this was the better version, I guess. I don't know. It's a kid show. It's just for kids. It's it's pleasant. So that's a synonym for fun. I also love here how quickly when Jesse Bird, like when when this whole thing gets shut down, which Zach only put in screeches in five minutes ago. Screech Does this like I'll never be. Oh what is it. I'll never be a beauty queen.
It's I thought. That cracked me up how how much he's invested so suddenly played very sweetly and Belding will allow it, he'll allow this this zany switch here, he'll he'll let Screech enter the contest to get Jesse off his back. I mean, there's a lesson there. If you apply political pressure, you can get some concessions here. And like Jesse's on board, she is accurate. Like, why not? Why not? What's wrong? Why not let Screech enter this thing?
This this episode comes, like, dangerously close, dare I say, to do like real social political commentary of like what's what's wrong with this, really?
And, you know, you're talking about entering a man and using different phrasing. But but you're Mr. Belding says, Jesse, if I let this and he goes contestant enter the pageant, I had a problem with him pausing on this. I mean, they probably put a phrase that a little bit better, too, or maybe was just the delivery of Mr. Belding of Dennis. Yeah, well, he was right. He was trying to get the I mean, this is actually like a current the current day thing who's like trying to respect screeches, pronouns, really.
I mean, trying to like, understand how to like, refer to this person and like a gender fluid term, like like I'm going to say it again, there's this episode is Steer's eerily close to being like, oh, this is like spot on progressive politics. Doubleday's trying to be sensitive to the issue. But really, let's face it, folks, he's trying to get Jesse off his back. I mean, there's a two person protest directly outside his office.
It's only impacting one person on campus, one Richard.
Belder And see and this is why I'm going back to the very first scene. I think we needed to see that he was his approval rating was was down in the dumps.
Uh, you're correct that that is that that does not mean it's helpful to see.
It is it does help pressure. Why is he feeling this pressure to do it back against the wall? Jesse and Kelly were outside his door. It's a good point. Yeah. And by the way, he would have been more for you to do. I would have been more for me. I would have had more screen time, which is never a bad thing.
Which you got what you got, by the way, on a Saturday morning in nineteen ninety. It's just been cut for DVDs and syndication. Oh, not on Peacocke but on Peacocke and yes. Crèches in screeches in this contest.
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Slater really has, like, taken up this level of pitting people against each other and sort of puppetmaster his way to fifty dollars. That seems to be the the base that way. Yeah.
I'm getting the sense that he's becoming a master manipulator. And I'm wondering if this is the rub from like this rubbing off from Zak, like he has to keep up with this because he seemed to be such a sweet little boy.
Can we call him a boy?
He's going to really well, he should he let's face it, he's showing up to Bayside with a mortgage. That's a man. But he you know, like if you go back to King of the Hill, the original pilots, like Slater was versed in manipulation.
And even with the Aloha Slater, he kind of used the fact that everyone was thinking he was dying against them like he he's had his toe in the water. But this thing that he's doing is very specific, where he, like, just surveys the land and picks three people and just like flips them on each other to get his way. That's that seems like he learned from the master who is like. Lisa feels like this whole thing is a mockery, which I I guess kind of like do you what do you care, Lisa?
Like, just let him let him enter this joke here where Slater says, Mama, I mean, Miss Mama, I didn't catch it. I didn't catch it initially, but it's echoed in the in the reimagining, I believe, Slater says Mama, and then he calls Jessie Dr. Mama in the reimagining. So that one little joke in this episode gets a gets brought back in twenty. Twenty. It gets reimagined. It gets reimagined. Yeah, that's correct.
And we're in the max for Slater now to convince Kelly again, just sort of pitting everyone against each other so he can come out on top. You mentioned snap, crackle and pop. They are the, you know, the cartoon mascots. You know, they sell Rice Krispies. I look them up. They go back to the year nineteen thirty three, six years before World War Two.
That's how long snap, crackle and Pop have been around. I had no idea that was that was news to me. Marple are you a Rice Krispie fan.
I used to grow up munching on some Rice Krispies and then moved on to Cocoa Krispies. There, you know, little the devilish neighbor to Rice Krispies. You get some chocolate milk at the end. It's not real chocolate milk, but it's it's better than regular milk. It's OK. I've cut out a lot of cereal. I don't not like a big not a big cereal guy. I'll eat some of it's around, but it's it's seldom in the house.
What about you?
I we we have a lot of cereal because we have a lot of kids, but. Sure. Yeah I do. And I do it. I do appreciate a good cereal.
Every once in a while I did my fair share of cereal commercials growing up. Um, I remember doing a Donkey Kong commercial. Did you ever try that cereal.
I don't think I was around for Donkey Kong cereal. I mean that's that's got to be a limited run, right? I mean, how long were they selling that stuff? What was it just like regular cereal with some Donkey Kong marshmallows? Is that the kind of corn they were buying? It was like these little barrels because remember, Donkey Kong, you just have to jump over the barrels. And so I know he threw the barrels. Mario jumped over.
Oh, I'm nit picky, but yeah. OK, OK. I see what you're doing there. You're in. You're right. I mean it's just. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah you're right. That was fun. Thank you. But I don't dare use that word around me. I can use it because I don't use it that much. I'm sure there's other words I use. Listen, I don't even know what fucking words I use a lot.
I don't I don't know.
You got kids and mountains and speeding tickets or just let me get packed.
Let me be honest.
But no, I do remember that Donkey Kong commercial, and some people will say always you remember a commercial he did when he was probably ten. Why am I doing this voice? But why do I remember what I did when I was ten rather than a show which I was on for?
Because you did. Why?
You did the commercial once and it was once like a day in my life.
Unique memory, correct.
I have memories from the show people. So settle down. I just don't have memories of the actual show we're watching because it was this is an edited thing of my experience, if that makes sense. Like I remember. Yeah. Certain things. I remember Mario in this episode taking his shirt off and me feeling, you know, grossly.
You remember that we have a memory. You. Yeah, because swimsuit he took off is that it. Fucking shirt. And he looked like that at sixteen. I was like, oh my gosh. It looks like it was like an action figure Adonis. But no, it's going back to the Donkey Kong commercial. I remember that because I had to do this very specific thing where I took a bite of the cereal and then I had to crunch it with my like like make this overexaggerated crunch towards the camera.
And I'm kind of doing it for you now and zoom. And it's a shame that our audience can't see it. But it was like with my molars, right? It was like an hour kind of crunch. And I had to do that so much. And it was without cereal. Without milk, excuse me. And I had to do that so much. Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, like water, it's a better it's a better crunching sound without the milk.
But I remember having to do that so much during that day that I actually got a headache. I my brain hurt, my jaw hurt from having a crunch Donkey Kong cereal. But basically Donkey Kong cereal tasted like Captain Crunch, which I'm not a fan of. I'm not a fan of Captain Crunch. I'm sure someone on Twitter is going to want to be a sponsor, in which case, look, I love Catherine Swanscombe.
Love will drive you all full of Captain Crunch across this country the next season. But I'm a fan of Lucky Charms.
I love Lucky Charms. I love Froot Loops every once in a while. Yeah, I like all kinds of cereal. I like I like I like Honeycomb. I liked Frosted Flakes. It's not a cereal that I don't like other than it's only going to be with the captain. But I do be Donkey Kong related. I do have a beef with the captain, but I also don't like go over those things now. Gosh, what are those, why are we on this tangent about this?
But there's like this really sugary cereal that's like, I can guess, different colors. No, I love Cmax Cocoa Trix. Oh yeah. I wasn't a fan of tricks. It was different colors. Hold on. I can do this in Fruit Loops, Fruity Pebbles D kind of like Fruity Pebbles. It was kind of like that. Yeah. Yeah. But it might have been tricks. I wasn't a fan of tricks. Yeah I like it. Lucky Charms.
We actually like for the. Holidays this year as like a little treat, me and my girlfriend had like Lucky Charms around the house for Barack, like like we could not keep Lucky Charms here 12 months out of the year. That would be insane. But to kind of cap off the year and we didn't go anywhere this year, do anything. We had some lucky charms, little little sweet treat in the morning, those fun. But I'm telling you, when that box was done, we I felt like an actual, like drug addict in a crack house, I was like maybe just one more box of charms.
Like, it's like the box is done. It's out of the house. Back to plain Jane breakfast. Yeah, well, we can we can continue this conversation on Twitter.
Let us know what your favorite cereal hashtag, f the captain. We'll know what you're talking about and where are we?
And I just there's so we've we've covered so much and so little at the same time. It's a paradox. Yes. Slater has has manipulated Kelly here. Kelly is going to join the pageant. And when she tells Zac that there will be no more dates like she she tells it like he's on kind of I don't know, she's on strike.
Let's just call it the look Slater has as the scene like this is such a bizarre, bizarre look. He's off camera nodding happily. It is like strange. What is this strange, strange look? Because I don't I mean, the audience he's looking at the he's looking at people in the seats. Right?
It is an it is. I giggled when I saw that. Look, it is a very bizarre look, but it just makes me laugh. It's like it's so it's out of character for Slater. I just loved it. I love that look that he's given. Yeah.
It's a funny choice. It's a humorous choice. I'm going to stop any fans in this for the rest of time. And the girls are in their locker, their locker room for a fight. It looks to me like they're all wearing clothes for different activities, like Kelly is dressed as if it's a slumber party or something Jessie is wearing, like you would not do anything athletic in these clothes. And Lisa, no way. Maybe Lisa, is this no problem?
They all look like they're indifferent. I guess Kelly is like athletic, casual. Lisa is wearing way too much in a giant bow. I don't know. They looked it just looked bizarre. Like a couple of weeks ago, they were in athletic uniforms, at tracks. That's what they're there to do. I don't know. I thought it was an odd choice. And so they're each mad at each other for entering. Right.
But, well, they only really have a right to be mad at Jesse because she seemingly flipped on her, you know, her morals or principles.
And then I like the the line Kelly, come lately. That's obviously a play on Johnny come lately. Right. It's fun. Good job in it. I thought that was a very good job of that. Bennett But then there's that group hug at the end because as Lisa says, come on, it's screech.
So they feel like they're only competing against Screech again. Are there no other students in this in this school, Janine? I think that's her name, Jenny. Janine, I try to look up the Anthony Tyler. Jenny That's what is right.
Jean Tyler, by the way. They don't give her any credit. We'll get to Jenny coming up next. Duty, but they do get they don't give her any credit.
And she did such a great job in this episode.
They gave Kevin the robot a plug.
Yeah, he's on IMDB. I mean, yeah, he he fought for that. I tried to look up who played her. And there's kind of like a a patchwork way out there of information on who played what characters and background artists. And yeah, I was I was surprised I could not track her down. If you know who played her, please, please let us know right after you tell us whether or not you like certain serials. A lot of conversation going on.
We're now in the Bayside Auditorium and Jeannie actually does the the twirling of the baton. That's actually her doing that. I was very impressed with that. That's like we will kind of give her credit for that.
I thought the same thing and it was like she she's good at this. It felt odd to me that she's not credited or I don't remember her coming back significantly. Maybe she's around at the max or something. I don't know.
Yeah, she's good. It's a I mean, I almost did it.
It's a joyous activity to see this fun is a good word for a reason.
Guys, um, it is a delightful I think I've already used that one twice this episode. Yep.
It's great. It's a way up. What a treat to treat. That's a great word. It's a treat. And we also in in addition to dodginess like exemplary twirling we get that we get is really good at violin, something that gets brought up here but never again. Yeah. But it's so weird like choosing a violin as her talent.
And the only reason I say that is because I know that I play the guitar in episodes, forthcoming episodes. At the time I did not play the guitar. I do like to fiddle around now, so I know, you know, certain chords and certain licks and things and and whatnot. And I try to be somewhere on the fretboard that would, you know, in the proximity of where I should be.
In the zone. Yes. In the zone of what a person who's playing should be. Yeah, but watching. Lark, play the violin. It's a very specific thing, like I don't know much about the violin, but I do know that she's she's not really playing because her her her her fret hand isn't really doing all that much. But she's really good with the bow. Like, the bow is actually like she's listening to the music and it's actually like she's she's working the bow, which I appreciated her doing.
So I'm wondering if she like maybe had heard the music, maybe Scott Gale was able to give it to her so that she could kind of play along with it. Because I know that, you know, like a mixed my my character plays guitar on Franklin and she played my my my character played guitar as well. And you get like the you get the track to to play to so you can practice. So it looks legit, but I think she did a better job as she could, but I just thought it was odd, like why pick something that you could, you know, see that she's actually not playing like why not just give her something else to do?
And I mean, also it doesn't it kind of bump with the fact that Slaters talent is an instrument like couldn't couldn't you just do it? Not an instrument thing for Lisa's talent. I mean, I don't know, maybe not. I don't know the butterfly routine that killed me. I thought that was so funny. She really committed to that.
And I love when she runs backstage and the boys and coming back. That's so good. I was I was laughing really. I mean, I, you know, I take I take real joy in these episodes. I do enjoy them, but I've seen them a bunch. And so they kind of like washes over after a while. But that that particular butterfly thing is is a riot. I avoided saying funny. I was I like the whole thing of you and Slater in the wings watching.
It's a it's a well done segment that that pays off later how you kind of are in the wings for the rest of the show. I thought that was a creative use of space. And then poor Kelly having to sing Blue Moon.
Yeah, everyone's laughing at her inability to be good. She says it. She does a great job. Oh, no, she's great comic.
Also like this is a comic, comical, comedic old comedic gold comic comedy gold. She's gold. It just got a chuckle bonanza. This is also a real this is a real thing that that Tiffany is. I mean, it's played out for laughs. But I will say this is true for, honestly, both men and women. But maybe women get like a slightly easier break on it. If you're, like, conventionally good looking, you can be very, very bad at something and doing it.
And no one will say anything to you. They'll just let it ride. They will not interrupt you to give you notes. They'll just say good job, honestly. So this felt true to me that Kelly would get up there and be bad and no one would say anything. Also, the song she's singing, Blue Moon, I fumbled over it in the Save the Max episode. We both did. We couldn't figure out Belding's radio intro like the ring.
A ding, ding, ding dong. That's from Blue Moon, the Marcel's version. So we couldn't figure out the name of the song building was singing, but that's that's what it was. Ah, the second Blue Moon reference and saved by the bell. And that song goes back to nineteen thirty four, just one year after SNAP, Crackle and Pop.
So do that and do that intro again. I didn't catch that. It ends with like bring a ding ding ding dong. Hmm. Can we use that dance. Can we say that. Can we interpolate that part of the song. You want to talk about marble now. I decided to do it again. I just wanted to hear you did. I could do it all day long. I'll send you a card also. I want it to be my ringtone.
Open it. Oh my God. I'll be. I'll be dead and gone. And you also have that card opening up just in my memory. Scrooge coming out is the great screech genie. Obviously, you know, plan Houdini here. I notice that the carnival, the ski carnival last week, screech just emerges in this very fancy tuxedo like a magician at the end when your dad has been roots has been discovered by both your dad and building.
And I remember thinking last week, like, that's a weird costume choice. It's the same golden tuxedo. So I guess they had it from last week or they knew they'd have it this week. And it gets used twice. I mean, why not maybe, maybe, maybe doesn't just have that so. Well, fitting tuxedo Slater Slater just deciding that he is going to stack the deck one more in his favor by entering himself. And he has a he has a hype man while he plays drums.
I thought that was a. A specific choice that there be someone like Halfpence later up behind his back, I mean, like, yeah, this is good. But the the hand on the shoulder after I'd like to say that was cool. That was cool. He's a little run. He's like, yeah, man.
I think he's also on stage like other performers get get get observers on stage too. But Slater has the most enthusiastic, like everyone else, to just kind of confused it at everything else they're seeing except slaters drumming. That's certifiably cool. And we know he's going to the drums that's been established in real life. Mario, I mean, which brings us in to act three screeches room. You know, it's a real energy in here. And Kevin just walloped Screech in the face.
You might want to check that programming. Boy, was that a stretch, though. Kevin puts his arm out. Screeches Look in the opposite way. Kevin says something and Screech turns into Kevin's hand. And I'm not even sure I believe it and I was there, yeah, I saw it, but I wouldn't I'd be like, oh my God, you're being abused by someone. Your robot did this.
I wouldn't believe it. Yeah. And then he pops up with a shiner and Zach's going to use that to win the beauty contest. Yeah, this would be the second time, the first one being cream for a day where Zach has seen someone's face be damaged in the middle of one of his schemes and thought, I can use this to win a beauty contest.
Yeah, it's interesting because, again, I don't remember while I was watching this what the outcome of the episode was going to be, but I thought that was interesting, like he had come up with that idea so fast, that specific type of brain.
Yeah. Like, I don't like he's he sees I mean, I'm sure mcpaul maybe. I mean, maybe your mind is like this. You saw it, don't you. It don't go around and you're like, I know what to do. But like some people see opportunities and other ways that that most don't, you know, most people would not see that black eye is an opportunity. But Zach does. He jumps on it. And by opportunity we are into the the next scene and he blames it on Slater.
This is brilliant, by the way. Yeah. I had to go back. I was like I was like I think I did this one for Zach Morris is trash, but I'm not sure I made I made, I think, 50 of them. So I they have blurred together. But I went back and looked and I was like, well, what did I title it? It was the time Zach Frame Slater for a hate crime.
Well, there was extreme interpretation. I just didn't deny it. I threw I loved you. You threw it out there. And then like this shot of Zach walking away being like yelling, it is so over the top.
I mean, you have to laugh. It's fun. It's for kids. It's for it's not it's not fun. It's for kids. And this feels very own is very Ferris Bueller to me. You know, the the rumor mill that escalates very quickly around a student's health. Oh, right. That's right. Yeah. And the twins get a line here on the steps in the hall. They get they get they get back to back lines. Really, everyone gets lines.
This is an so after after we had to pay Major League Baseball to use the A's cap. This was a very expensive episode for the for the producers. You got to write them ourselves. A check for Blue Moon. It's the nineteen thirties. I'm sure it was passed. What's public domain by that point? Everyone is just the school is gossiping about, about this beating.
Slater gave screech which is like really I mean it's, it's really messed up.
It's really, it's really dark and messed up that Zach is spread this rumor. That would be I mean the police might get involved or you probably get suspended. I mean, if this got back to building. But, you know, it's just for kids, it's a kids show, you're allowed to defame someone and say they beat up a fellow student. Let's get to the real reason for the season here, my pal, the beauty pageant happening in a school auditorium with teenagers, real teenagers.
Tiffany was 16 at the time of this, I believe, or she was 16 when it aired in swimsuits in the in the auditorium. Yeah, this is nuts.
This this is uncomfortable. Yeah. I've we've I think I've brought this up in a previous episode where Tiffany would have to wear Bikini Bikini, the episode where I sell off her bikini. And she was the Lisa card as a Lisa Cartwright and a swimsuit worn by two girls.
Basically, that's what you were doing to me. Yeah. But yeah, I do remember Tiffany being uncomfortable doing this and I will point something out that she does. And it's just it's a sure sign that she's uncomfortable and rightly so.
I think I know you're going to say you haven't seen your nose, but I have a hunch, but rightly so. And again, Jeannie Tyler, the actress who plays Jeannie Tyler, she comes out here, she does the batons, she comes out in a frickin bathing suit and owns it. And she doesn't even get any credit for this. I mean, it's shame on them for not for not putting this girl's name on the credits, but she's she's trying to keep me off this project, keep me on this show.
You guys are heavy. But God, I mean, to come out and in front of a live audience. I mean, this is this is. Yeah, I did this in the evening in front of an audience.
Yeah. It's like, oh my God, it was cold. It's cold on on comedy. That's unsettling results. Yeah. You got to keep it cold. So anyway, good for her to come out. I'm sorry she had to do this, but yeah.
I mean I already share my notes with you. But for the listeners, my note at the top of the scene was this is horrendous because it is. And yet here comes Kelly. I mean, she owns this, too. She's like strutting out there. But yeah, it's just like this is crazy.
We notice on the way back, though, she struts out there, but on the way back, she kind of covers her bottom with her hands. Yeah. And puts it back there. And Jesus, I mean, I go to my God, I be. Yeah. Oh my. I'm covered in way more than my butt. If I'm out there in that bathing suit, that thing is like not leaving a ton of imagination for being at school, for Christ sakes.
Like again, you mentioned it, but if you're at the beach or a pool, there's more context to see someone in a bathing suit. And it's jarring. Bieb Tiffany owned it and she she demurely walked away. I just want to point out there is a real creep sitting front row in a in a I want to say it's like a purple turtleneck. And I don't know, this guy seems way too invested in every every turn of this thing.
Are you a turtle neck? Where have you worn a turtleneck in your life? I have, but not as an adult. I think I got dressed up in turtlenecks as a child from time to time.
I recently saw was I watching? It's watching The Bachelor. The Bachelor. And they got The Bachelor, wore a turtleneck. And I remember thinking, like, I wonder if I could pull that off. I don't think I can. I think I have enough neck for it.
You don't have enough neck like the girth of your neck or the length of your neck.
I don't know. I just think the I'm like I'm posturing here on Zoome for Mark Bald as if he's like my tailor. I don't know. I just I just don't know that I have to build to to pull off a turtleneck.
I don't have a neck. I'm looking at you. You do have it. Yeah. I'm not. You're not necklace. No. Which is another. I think you could pull it on turtleneck. Now the question is, should you pull off a turtleneck because you called the guy creepy. I, I, I'm going to throw it out there. But I think most people who wear turtlenecks are creepy. Is is the bachelor a creep. Ha is.
No he seems he seems like he's doing it. I mean it's a tough job to be honest, being the bachelor. He seems like he's pulling off. He doesn't give me creepy energy. But no I think I like his turtleneck looked was good.
And I thought, oh, that feels like a way to dress up but be casual. Think I'm envious of that. Like I feel like I have no middle. Like I would just wear like a jacket with a tie and a shirt, like I would like go all the way the other way. Right. Whereas it's like a nice middle ground. I don't know, I don't like pulling a turtleneck over my head.
I remember as a kid, I haven't worn a turtleneck in my and you know, since I've had the choice you saw well, and since I've had the choice of wearing you know what I what what I want to wear.
But I remember having to pull a turtleneck over your head wasn't enjoyable and then also taking it off. It's like there's no easy way to get this thing on and off.
There's what it's like. I've never been waterboarded, but I'd imagine it's a it's a distant neighbor of waterboarding where when you're in the middle of putting the turtleneck on, it's OK. When you're in the middle of putting the turtleneck on, there's like a split second. We were like, am I ever going to get out of this thing? And you panic a little bit. That's that's what I'm thinking of when that long neck is going over your face cover.
Now, I need to see you put on a turtleneck. I want to see the. Zaidee, that that that when you're putting on the turtleneck, we have to get this done. Now, this could be a pay per view event. Yeah, sure, we can start a patron just for me, trying on turtlenecks. That seems like fun for the audience. Good way to fleece him for a couple of bucks. Yeah, we could price our nine cents, I'm sure, for that show.
All right. Back to the show. Look at Mario. I mean, speaking of shows, without a turtleneck, he's just in gym shorts and scrunches socks and shoes. I mean, this is his beach. The girls are wearing heels, though, so he's allowed to wear real shoes. Again, this is a 16 year old and possibly a 17 year old maybe when we were filming this.
But this is this is incredible. This is that's an adult man. Yeah, I know. It's nuts. I mean, I think we've goofed on we've moved on everyone at this point a little bit. But it is worth noting, like Mario's and peek straight up, that's peak physical condition of a human. It's nuts. This is a kid's show, but the audience doesn't love it. They don't love his muscles anymore because he used them to beat a student up, which is a again, a very, very bad accusation.
Well, it's funny because I know that the audience in real life that we had watching this would have gone nuts. So they either had to tell the audience to not react. But as he walks away, I don't know if you caught it or not, but there's one lone cheer for Mario, and it's somebody in the real audience, not not the not the Bayside student audience. But there's a little cheer to be contained. They couldn't be contained.
I mean, how could you look at the guy? Look at the guy. Yeah. I mean, Jesus, good Lord. The guy is like the guy is he's not built like a like a child, that's for sure. And Slater and Jesse both did not make the final four. They got cut. Genie is back with a great joke. Bennett, if you're still out there listening, great stuff here. I loved it. I love the buildings.
I was going to ask them one question, and it's just genius. Here is, are you ready? And she says, yes, and that's done. That's that's good for me. No, no. It's on my comedy gold. Yeah, simple.
And she is blonde. That's played for laughs. I guess. It's the 80s and 90s. That trope was more in vogue than it is now. Great stuff. Kelly does a cheer, right? It's fun. Oh, God damn it. Kelly does a cheer.
It's like I am just we only have one more of these for this run. Let's see how long I can not say phone for. And yet now Lisa gives like a straight down the middle speech. She should win. I mean, let's face it, Lisa should win this thing.
Well, yes, I agree with Lisa should win this thing, but I am going to deduct points for that dress. I'm not a fan of that that dress of hers.
I think her being very fashion for that, she could have done something a little bit more sleek, more refined, more elegant.
It does. It's about opulence. It's like a wealth thing. I think some of Lisa's like grandiosity is like of she's a more is more person was how I read it. But sure, she could have done something that looked like she was going to the Academy Awards, not the senior prom. Correct. May have been the. Yeah, there it is building. Meanwhile, he does look like he's going to the Academy Awards then. Isn't that tuxedo.
Love that. And scratch here with his black eye. I mean we get Scott Gale on the Keys for Screech doing his his very selfless monologue of like, hey, even if I win this thing, there's no way I'm winning the next thing in this extraordinarily perverted high school gladiatorial match of bodies. Don't vote for me. Don't vote for me. Speeches seem to work. They they seem to not work as intended. You generally get the votes if you deliver or don't vote for me.
Speech and film and television. See also election.
He makes a point because the winner of this is going to move on to the Miss California. Right. He's he obviously can't enter in that contest. Maybe. I mean, ain't no rules like I don't know those five the same rulebook like maybe he can. I mean, no, I think he's more just saying, like there's no way I would win against I don't even know how many how many high schools are competing in this high school. California, there's so many high schools in California.
This contest is a mess. He should have said, don't vote for me because all Lisa cares about this and I don't that would have felt truer to me. But whatever Zachy else, that he's still on medication, which is so he's let's just call it what it is. I mean, he he set her up to that. He beat up a student and now he's like screaming like, this guy's crazy because he's on meds. That's these are not good things to yell into a crowd, especially when going to be there for a few more years together.
I was actually pretty shocked by the. The lack of reaction from Slater after I tell them that the reason why he wasn't here.
Oh, man four for his amazing physique and why Screech wins because I told him, you know, that he was the culprit to the black eye. I thought Slater was just going to deck Zack instead. He's like, oh, OK. Well, shucks, yeah.
I mean, you you you possibly could have damaged his reputation for permanently. Yeah. Permanently.
If you if you were the guy who beat up the dude who entered the beauty pageant and then also you entered so he could lose, like you would just there's no coming back from that zero. But Slater is just like, yeah, I've never I had the same reaction of wow, how does that is either a lot of maturity or everyone at this school. I've I'm going to float the theory again. There's like a carbon dioxide leak and no one can hold on to memories for more than twenty four hours.
That's maybe that's my excuse. Yeah.
Oh yeah. I've been breathing fumes for 30 years and yeah. Screech screech wins. He's crowned Miss Bayside again like a. A win that defies what we previously knew about gender and fluidity here and like this is a this is a progressive episode in a way that is obviously played for laughs, but is like I thought was cool to go back and revisit and what a treat we get. Beldin singing at the end now, seemingly making up the words as he goes.
Sure, but he does a great job or like or like fudging the you know, yeah, he's again going back to, like, real stuff of like pronouns and like trying to, like, get the right say the right thing to, you know, be respectful. He's trying. And that's that that's the that that is MySpace and that is MySpace. And as we watch the credits, Jeannie Tyler gets no credit, no credit. She was like, look, you perverts, I don't want anything to do with whatever show you're running with girls in bathing suits.
I don't I don't get it. I'm I'm out. I'm moving away from Hollywood. This place is scaring me. McPaul, we have another episode next week, but it's actually our last of this season of this podcast. We've when we signed on to do this, this run of a first season of this podcast, that's it. It ends next week. We didn't plan this, but it does with one Jesse song, certainly the most famous saved by the Bell episode ever.
I mean, it's got to be right. You know it. Dashiell, I'm just going to say I'm so excited. Wow. There it is. Oh, my God. It's almost like we don't have to do it now. That's it, actually, to say good night, folks. Yeah. And I'm going to say that was fun, but yeah, that's next week.
So that's I'm excited, too. The anticipation. I can't believe we watched this many together kind of blows my mind, to be honest. So how many have we done?
Twenty four so far, I think. I think next week is twenty five. Yeah I think that's correct. I think it was like that was the number that was picked and I guess the first episode we did the podcast was not even covering an episode, it was just us like hey, hi, nice to meet, you know, say this was the episode twenty five and next week will be twenty six.
Well it has flown by. I hope the audience is enjoying it as much as we do because it is fun to watch there.
I use the F word. I got you doing it now. You got me to watch it. But it is, it has been enjoyable to treat I, I still do not like to watch myself. There is a reason why I do not watch my work, but I have enjoyed watching these episodes and honestly I enjoy the other actors. I think that Tiffany and Mario and and the rest of the gang, Dustin and all of them really carried me because I feel like I was the weak link.
But that's that's that's my opinion. Other people have theirs, but that that's how I feel about this whole thing. But listen, we're creating a show here. I hope everyone is enjoying it as much as we are.
And, yeah, we have one more to go. And let's let's go out with a bang. Hopefully we can get the the beautiful and talented Elizabeth Berkley to join us. That would be a treat.
And it would be fun. It would be it would be a fun treat. I'll say. I'll just say it because it would be I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed. Thank you, Mark. Oh, thank you. The listener. And we will see you next week. Zach to the Future is a production of Caden's Thirteen. It's executive produced by Paul Goslar, myself and Chris Kaufman Production and direction, led by Terrence Mangan editing a mastering by Andy Jesuit's Engineering and Production Coordination by Sean Cherry.
Artwork by Kurt Courtney with illustrations by Jeff MacCarthy. Marketing is led by Joseph Francis with PR by Hillary Shoup. Thanks to the whole team at age 13 and to you for listening.