Episode 27: 1-900-Crushed
Zack to the Future- 1,355 views
- 17 Mar 2021
On today’s show, Mark-Paul and Dashiell discuss the episode where Zack starts an advice line for students that ends up causing nothing but trouble at Bayside.
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Welcome back to The Future, I'm your co-host, Daniel Driscol, joined today by Mark Paul Goslar, but you might know him better as Nitro. Hello, Mark. Well, hello, Dashiell. Or should I say nitro y wild? I come up with that Australian accent. Do you think that was written in the script? Yeah, I think it'd be great if I remember these things. It would be.
I'm sure our audience by now is like, if you just fucking remember things, what a podcast. But I just don't I'm going to say Yeah.
That what that from I'll offer my my sage writers perspective as someone who's written on one full season of a TV show. Yeah. It was probably written. I mean I don't think they just let you on set and said like Mark Paul, whatever is in your gut, I'm sure it said, you know, Nitro, the Australian voice, he had to disguise it. You know, it was a big secret. And it's weird that they would come up with nitro because nitro this was in the 90s and the early 90s.
And this was at the height of American Gladiator with my buddy Dan Clark, who played Nitra. Yeah, him and I were friends, I think then only because we would do these. We talked about this in the Pasos celebrity basketball games, Hollywood nights and then Hollywood nights.
And then him and I later reconnected in life when we both were doing Crosthwaite here in Studio City. And yeah, we've remained friends like he's somebody that I could actually text and call. We we should have. I actually got him on this podcast if I if I thought about it.
Well, you know what? Hey, the door is always open for for a guest. You know, it's funny you say we should have because as I was, like, finishing up my notes, it hit me at the last minute. Oh, my God. We should have talked to Nikki Glaser because this podcast, this episode is about a tiny blonde girl who falls in love with Zack Morris. And from what I could gather the last time she was on, that's the the Nikki Glaser story.
So maybe we'll do like a nitro combo episode.
The the cute blonde little girl is also the Brockmeyer story. So we could have done we could have had Breckon on as well. But but we weren't thinking how we weren't.
And I got to say. So if you're keeping score at home, we now have three possible guests. We could have but didn't. And A, wouldn't it be great if we could remember this thing? So we are just sprinting out of the gate here for season two. Marple, I feel like we're dipping our toe into talking about the episode. If it's OK with you, I'd like to read a not it's a not brief summary this this week.
I'm not going to lie to you. It's not a lot happens in this, but I have I prepared it and I'm I'm ready to deliver it. Dashiell, take it away. Who?
Kelly's little sister Nikki has a secret crush on Zach, who plans to use Lisa's skill for good advice into a nine hundred number for teens. So he screech and Lisa can get rich. Zach in Australian vocal disguised as Nitro, advises Nikki to pursue her crush. Zach rebuffs her advances at school, but gives her a goodbye kiss and hug to get her to leave. That Jessie sees. Lisa's advice was too good, and nobody at Bayside has any more problems that would necessitate a line.
So Zac gives bad advice. Jessie tries to tell Kelly about Zac and Nikki, but she doesn't believe it. Then, through a phone mix up, Zac accidentally dumps Kelly and reveals his identity and professes his love to Nikki. Zach's bad advice has created chaos at Bayside. Belding makes him promise to fix it. So Zac has Lisa do just that, then tries to turn Nikki off by being a geek, which she's weirdly into. So he has to confess, which Kelly then overhears because she is also at the max in disguise.
Oh, yeah. Also Jessie and Slaters relationship advances the end. Wow.
And it all could have just been an easy but like I could have cut this episode down to about a minute if I had just told Nikki, listen, listen, this is the I'm flattered, but I'm in love with your sister and not get the fuck off, Nikki. I mean, seriously, I mean, knock it off. But where's Kelly? Like, Kelly is like she's too nice. Right. Can we all agree?
Like, Kelly is just like if you're if you're little baby sister says that she's in love with your boyfriend.
Watch it. Come on. Come on. You would just go. OK, great. But knock it off.
Well, it's not just that she's nice. She's like also oblivious, like Nikki's kind of sitting there in that first scene and. Oh yeah. And we're at the max exact one. But Nikki is kind of sitting there at the max like all like Guggi, like she's like clearly in love with me.
So, you know, Zachares is it's all in good natured it seems all good natured, but like Zac has his arm around Nikki and it's like this if I were Kelly, I but that because I get it, I get it.
We've known each other for a while. I get it. I get it. You're also going to be ahead of ourselves. Yeah, we're getting ahead of ourselves, but like we're getting ahead of ourselves.
But but we'll get to that. I just want to start off with starting the episode and here we are with good to start the episode getting it. Yeah. Yeah.
But we start off in the max. And again, I just want to point out that the max is at full capacity. How the hell did Max. You know, how is that how how is he in the red? He was gambling. I mean, again, we open up, we open up and the max has full access and it's live. And and there's a guy with a leather jacket walking in that we focus in on. That was a big fashion back then.
I know you were too young, Dashiell. That was a big thing. And I remember wanting a leather black leather jacket to look like I rode a motorcycle and I did ride a motorcycle, but I didn't have a leather jacket like that. You think Terminator two is like a big influence on the black leather jacket motorcycle thing, or was that because he steals from bikers? But yeah, that was so cool. Yeah, it helped actually. I, I Terminator talking about Terminator and specifically about the motorcycle culture in that he rode a Harley Davidson, Harley Davidson motorcycle.
I was called a fat boy and when I turned 18 or 19 I bought a fat boy and I had that bike because it was so damn cool and Terminator is great. And I had that for a few years. Yeah. But yeah, because of Terminator, I had that bike. I wanted to be like Arnold. Yeah. I don't blame him. I think I know why I'm acting now that I'm actually looking at this packed restaurant. There's no food on the table.
There's just like a couple sodas like which I'm sure have free refills all day. I mean I think these kids were taking advantage of Macs. Could have been why he was in the red. Yeah. I mean, I probably I guess if you leave your, you know, life in the hands of a bunch of rich children in the Palisades, maybe you're maybe you're putting your eggs in the wrong basket here. Zach is reading a magazine that is just like just like this full thing, it's called Making Money magazine, if I have that correct, it's a full page ad.
So you do make big bucks like what is going on.
Also, Marco, I wanted to just ask you briefly, like, there's so much Hawaii in this show, like Jessie's reading a thing about ELU, our Slaters thing last year. You guys will go to Hawaii. I don't have the answer to this. I'm just wondering if you had any, like, thoughts about like why is why is Hawaii all over the place and saved by the bell?
I don't know. It's kind of like Elvis. Yeah. Hawaii and the Beach Boys.
It's like I think from an older time. These are not like the leather jacket is from the Terminator, Terminator two, really. But these are not like I just don't get it. I mean, I, uh, Tracy has, as I said, my boss, Tracy Wakefield, she she joked one time it was, oh, because the TV writers all wanted to vacation in Hawaii. That's why. And I trust her on that. That makes sense to me.
You know who we could have asked. We could have asked a producer could have asked for. There's another guy who could have had we could have invited. That's that's a fifth. So we could have Franco Orbin it. Those are five potential guest folks. What an episode we could have asked.
And one of the assistant directors we've talked to.
I could have come, Mario, you could have come back and did the whole thing. Yeah, she could have done it much better.
We are terrible. It's those of a party. Everyone's doing their best these days, folks, including us. This is where we learn Liza has a talent. We learn that Lisa has a talent. And then you'll notice that Slater does this twice in this episode. But he takes off and he goes, See you later, guys. And he just goes to stage left and takes off. There's no door there. There's nothing there. But he's like, See you later.
And I'm like, Yeah, see you later. But he just takes he just walks to the side of the restaurant. There's no exit. That is very odd.
Yeah, there's no exit. And he does that twice. I'll point out the other one. But he does this in this scene.
There's a couple of boom mikes, too, by the way. You got me. Got me looking for him. There are yeah.
There were two in this episode. We also get slaters on line of killer bees in your pantyhose. I thought that was a pretty aggressive thing to say on Saturday morning just for my money. Pretty, pretty hard joke there. Heyo. And I get it. I get it. I didn't, I didn't get it at all but now I get it. That's fun. I said fun shit. Everybody put a nickel in the jar. I said fun.
So Nikki walks in with a Dodgers hat again. I don't know how we were able to clear that there's a there's another one here or do we just give up eating? It was it was the Wild West. There's another big one I have in my notes coming up and a little bit that is a popular character on another show and we'll get there soon. I like the Nike has a Dodgers hat. Why not? She's like a little bit of a Tom girl.
You know, she she plays sports. It's different than Kelly, although I guess Kelly does do some sports.
And her thing is that she won her baseball game because Zach taught her a curveball. Right. Of course he would teach her a curveball. Why? Because they like it. Does what you won't expect now, because it goes to exactly your point of Zack Morris is trash. Basically, there's a debate that curve balls should not be thrown by people under the age of 14. Oh, really? Because it blows out their arm. Yeah, because you have to like you have to, like, turn your forearm to make it happen and your joints aren't.
Well, did they know that in nineteen ninety one developed.
I don't, I don't know but it's just funny that Zach would teach you a curveball, you know, just like goes, goes to the point of, you know, Zach is trash.
You're not going to need that, you're not going to do that.
You don't need arms for like also I said, Tom girl that's not a word. Tom boy. That's what I was trying to say. Tom girl's not a word.
Yeah. I didn't know if we were going with that. It's not OK because I was I was trying to point it out and I thought, you know what, I don't want to get skewered on Twitter. You thought I was being, like, super progressive saying this, like the news? No, I just I just didn't say the right word. And I caught it, you know, as it happened. Good for you. Thanks. Everybody makes mistakes, but Nicki is played by Laura Mooney.
Nicki Minaj. We could have had her as a guest, too.
I tried to find Laura. So I will say this. I tried to find Laura Mooney, but I was unsuccessful. And I'm hoping later this season we we talked to some more of the guests, the one in dones, if you were. But I couldn't track down Laura. Yeah, that is that is one Laura Mooney. And this is probably probably adorable.
She's she's really good. And it's interesting because when I when I started watching this episode, I had to look her up because she looks familiar, like I thought, oh, maybe I've seen her in other other TV shows or whatnot. And really, she sort of hasn't acted a lot since the 90s. Yeah. So it'd be interesting to talk to her, but she does really well in this in this role.
She is a good she's a good little sister for sure. Like this is a she, she nails it and we get Nikki Kelley. I mean open up your frickin eyes the way your your sister's looking at your boyfriend, but it's his.
It's a cute, younger, you know, sibling, yet it crush crushes are cute, I mean, sure, you know. At 13, at 13, you think the person you are into is is who you should spend the rest of your life with, and by my math, only Zack Morris got that one right. Listen, at 13, I told you I had a crush on the on the the person who worked the gift shop on the NBC lot.
I mean, I was I thought for sure that was that was it for me.
Stephy another e sound. That's her character's name on this place was Stevie. Correct. Stevie Nicolelis. I got a date.
So with that look, we we have Nikki go into a fuzzy pink fantasy. My favorite. Yeah. Love them. And the girls are dressed up and they're like they I mean, these gowns are phenomenal. I'm sure that we're all very excited, you know, Tiffany and Elizabeth to to be like look like they're going to the Academy Awards or something. And yeah. So McPaul, 1990, big year for hip hop. You have M.C. Hammer, Tribe, Called Quest, Public Enemy, NWA, and also this performance.
Uh, and I'm just wondering how you would rate your your hip hop performance here, um, being set up.
I feel like I'm taped up in the bathroom and, you know, I had a hard I cringed.
I cringed watching this. There is a reason I was never asked to do a an album, you know, to be a part of a boys band.
Yeah. Yeah, I yeah. You know how I feel about my dancing and singing skills.
I thought the dance like you, OK? I thought the dancing wasn't the problem. To be clear, it was more your. Oh so you do see there was a problem. OK, yeah. All right. So the problem was I should have look look.
Scott Gale, who is the the musical mastermind behind all the music on, say, by the Bell, including this song, which has like a very Cynthy kind of feel to the hip hop beat in a cool way. I think Scott should have maybe made some beats. I think he left too much in the driver's seat for the kids to handle with some of the hip hop stuff.
Uh, just wasn't your guys his thing primarily. And that that comes across for me is the way I'm going to put it. All right. Well, I'm also going to point out that he's wearing a slaters.
Wearing a heat jacket.
Yeah. Again, how they clear that? Yeah. I mean, they didn't. I don't understand. Was it just must have been a different war, like a just a different world of.
Right. I mean, I'm I'm sorry for the listeners if this is so boring, but it does look like science fiction to me as a as a person who has worked in television to see all these logos and stuff because you just can't do it. You're not allowed. And it cost too much money to show the Heat logo and they won't let you in the first place. So I guess they just did and said to heck with it. So this is like a Cinderella story.
The female who can fit into the golden sneaker, right. Is is the one for Zach, the chosen, the chosen one. But then Slater says something that all girls love when you say, oh, my God, yeah, all these girls.
I don't want to say it. Oh, yeah. No, that's I look, I didn't say it folks later did. I thought that was a really funny quick joke that all three of them just clearly have fat feet. No time is spent on it. They just were right into Nicki's feet, which in her fantasy is perfect. How fat do your feet have to be? I don't know. Tonight, when it fit a high top sneaker, it pretty fat.
I mean, yeah, I guess because there's a lot of give to the sneakers, a lot of cushion I think would be more about the length and the the width here. Talking feet, folks, also, I just want you to I just want to point out there's a background artist that looks like Steve Rhodes from Married with Children. I see. I mean, I just happen to notice that I am Steve little Ted Danson showed up. Oh, that's right.
Yeah. No, I going to dance. And what's his name. His name was. His name was Ted on the show. That's what it is. It was of course that's going to that's going to drive me nuts.
So what's his name. It was, it was it was Ted McGinley and he played Jeffrey Skilling.
So I was my brain was wrong three different times each time. Wrong. What a show. Any at the end of this this fuzzy pink fantasy, we get a there's a there's a background artist with a Bart Simpson shirt, folks. How the frickin heck did that guy get past everyone involved? He has like a denim top on over the shirt. So it obscures a little bit, but like. Come on. And he's just rocking out and in the back, he's the only background artist is doing it.
Yeah, I love that guy. He's the one with the butt rock hair. Yeah, one of my favorite one of my favorite extras out there. Another potential guest. Oh, sure. Yeah, we'll get him to. And we're out of there. And Zach is in the bedroom doing some tabulations here on the smallest calculator. I mean, his dad is a computer salesman, right? You would think that he could just go on to a PC and anything else do this.
Anything else or that you how many numbers can that thing show? Like six. Six at most. What Zach is typing in makes no sense.
He says two dollars a call, five hours a day for seven days a week. And he's like, we're going to be wealthy, we're going to be rich. Do you do the math on what there is?
No, I mean, he just he all you said was several numbers. And then, like, if you if you were on Shark Tank and he was like sharks, I'm here to pitch you 10 percent of my business. All we need is two dollars a call, five hours a day, seven days a week. They be like, what are you talking about, sir? And you please you don't have a business plan. I'm not even sure you're you're with it enough to be here.
But, you know, it's a show for kids. What are we doing? And I really liked, uh, I love the celebration dance. I thought this was such a fun, like a reminder that you guys are children and, you know, you're stoked about having an idea that you get rich little kid and play action there with a little feet. This is where, you know, I think some of the the continuity of saved by the bell is up for debate.
Obviously, like Tori just showed up and, you know, like there's a lot of big plot holes over the course of the series. But this is real continuity where Lisa has learned from Zach and now she's like, wait a minute, I need like I will not just go along with your schemes and not be cut in on the action. I thought that was cool. Shrewd of Lisa. You know, she's growing as a character. She's been around Zach long enough.
And in the halls of Bayside McPaul. Who do you think handles the like? Who can put up a banner at this school? Because I where I went to high school, you cannot put up a large banner advertising a business, especially a predatory one. Well, the other thing, too, is this is obviously not a school and a school endorsed banner. Right, right. But this banner looks the same as all the other banners in the school.
And obviously we did this overnight. But it is too many questions.
I mean, just enjoy the show. I'll sit back, enjoy the ride, OK? I never thought of it like that. Thank you.
Anyway, we get a we get some more continuity here. We're like revisiting the fact that, yeah, Jessie and Slater had a date and like, what now? And, you know, their relationship is advancing. So there's this episode probably has more continuity than than most in series, although I love Elizabeth Long sweater that looks cozy. I will say the the the blow dryer blew your brains out. That's another. They're putting a lot of stuff in Slater's mouth this episode like.
That's a joke that evokes imagery of a of a gun blowing a head off. And again, we're on Saturday morning.
Oh, the old the old times at all times. Good times. Oh, my gosh.
Blow your brains out.
Doesn't mean like your intelligence went out the window means you put a gun in your mouth or the trigger, which shouldn't be so funny to me.
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Zach, Zach, to start your ritual today. And the teen line in Zach's room. How did we set this up? We have three phones.
I don't know how that works, but what there have to be like a call center sort of thing, like I don't know how this works, but it doesn't work like we understand. But then we'd have to split it and then but there would have to be something to be able to do that. I don't know. I would think I would think to get a nine hundred number, you would you would get one and it would go to a phone that rings.
But how it like. How Zach overnight created a small network of phones on a table in his bedroom is, yeah, I don't have those answers.
Did you ever Deb, we talked about this in the last episode, but in case you missed it, did you ever dabble with those nine hundred numbers and nine numbers are for me. They were always, you know, they were like, naughty, naughty. Nine hundred nine, seven, six. You remember that? I don't.
But I know 100 numbers, mostly through television. I think there's like an episode of Full House where Michelle keeps calling one to get a joke of the day. And at the end the phone bill is like a thousand dollars. So I learned of them through cautionary TV tales. But something tells me you learned of them firsthand. I did. I think I was around 12.
I remember the house I was living in, so I'm going back to that. But yeah, I think I ran up a good over five hundred dollar bill. Wow.
And how did your parents. So you were 12, so you had already been working.
So are you like put it on the ten mom. Like yeah. It was I where I was working.
I may have been doing Miss Bliss at the at the time. And again, we've built this whole podcast based on the fact that my, my memory's a little foggy and I'm not the only one.
By the way, I did this documentary Kid 90 with Slammin Fry that's actually out there right now on on Hulu. If anybody wants to watch it, I will not watch it because again, we've we've talked about this.
I don't like watching myself, so I'm just going to stay away from it. But my wife watched it and she said that a lot of the other people that were involved, like Balthazar Getty and Brian Austin Green and all, had sort of the same reaction that I did back then, which was things were foggy for us, especially as male teens in the business.
There was a lot of things happening and things like that. Just, ah, there was a lot of a lot of stuff going on. And yeah, but I do remember these nine, seven, six numbers were just raunchy, you know, you'd call up and some buddy hope I would hope female.
You never know that for sure. Yeah but but for me I was, I was hoping they were female. So you're into but they, they were just like say certain things. And I can't remember if it was actually recorded or, you know, if I could if I could just sit there and listen. But I didn't I didn't do anything other than listen.
I know that might be hard to believe, but that I do know like it wasn't because you probably didn't do anything because you were even like they would have they would have said like, oh, excuse me, young man. Like, we're going to hang up. Well, committing a crime.
Also the phone not well. The phone was in our like our kitchen area because you only had one or two phones. But the phone I was only allowed to use was in the kitchen area. So would have been awkward if if my mom walked in and I was not only on the phone, but, you know, hey, baby. Right.
Did you have one of those, like, super long phone cords on. Yeah, like remember that. No, you didn't. So you can find a small space in the kitchen. Yes. And and I use that small, confined space to run up a tab of over five hundred dollars. I'm sure it was close to it. It was a lot. I mean, that's my my mom was she was pissed by the money, but she was also kind of horrified, like, what do you do?
Like how she was like, I'm supporting the arts. Like that person on the other end of the phone is a thespian or I think that's the word they used and I'm just trying to help them out. And how dare you how dare you say me? You just said that sounds I would have to be in the room for that. I wonder if that would have. I really doubt it. And Yeah. Zach or should I say nitro. Look at that, it is Mark Claman, a former guest of Back to the Future.
So there's one we already had on and he returns when hit when he when he starts talking, it just makes me smile. I just love Mark Klayman's like delivery of his character image, his. So it is it makes me smile. Yeah. I don't blame you. It's great. It also he goes to Bayside now. He was at Valley is Klegg. So for all the continuity this episode does have, I'm just going to eat my words immediately.
That guy who was like a key plot point in last season. Nope, he's a BASAD now and his name is Moose. Don't overthink. And he's trying to he's trying to hook up with Louisiana an unlikely pairing. I would have loved to see more episodes about them. I would love to see Moose and Louise. That sounds like a good show. Let's watch that.
So the first boom appearance, I don't know if you caught on here, but it comes roughly in this in this scene where Lisa answers the phone and Zack and Screech are in the background. That's where you'll see the first boom for the first one that I caught. Yeah, no, I.
I believe that is correct. Also, I have it I have it in my notes. I'm on like one hundred percent. But I do think especially based on how you describe the sets, it seems like all these phone calls, the the wall is either like purple or like a light pink. It seems like they're just like one wall. They just kept resetting for all the different phone calls to Tan Line. That's how it looks to me up. There's that boom.
Yeah. No, I'm not. Yeah, you saw that. But I'm not really sure if it's if we did this live with the audience or if this was actually a taped scene, I would think that this would be a taped scene and not done in front of the audience. But I could be wrong. I mean, it's very easy because we have four cameras. It'd be very easy to set really never changes with the three of our gang, with Lisa and Screech and Zach.
It's it's the same wallpaper you have. I think it's your room. I think they're calling you from your room now that you couldn't do that you couldn't do they wouldn't feel my calf, as I can see the their lot. It's a live conversation you're having is what you're saying. You think?
I think it's a live conversation, but I'm just not sure if this was actually filmed at night or during the day or both, because it is weird to be able to go from Jesse, you know, to movies, to Jesse, to Nikki. I don't know. Who knows? We'll never know.
But the fact that Jesse doesn't recognize screech his voice crazy when he picks up. Yeah. As Antman or whatever he says, it's the second it's one of two bug jokes. The nerds love bugs. Yeah, it is bonkers. I mean I also like Zach's Australian. Nitrile accent is not exactly a full on anyone, I would imagine.
And then Lisa doesn't cover the receiver when she says it's Jessie. Oh. Like she's, you know, just like it. No one. No one really. Everyone does that. It's like the TV, like obviously you can hear what is going on on the phone line. Right.
She she basically says it's Jessie and then covers the phone. Yeah. That's not good. That's not a good fraud. But that I don't I see that as not a mistake made by Lark. I think it's a mistake made by Don Barnard, our director in the throw right out there, Don, because as a director you say, hey, you know, like I said, you know, I noticed you were doing this in rehearsals. You just did it in this last take on this to try to cover that receiver before you say that.
Oh, I love that. I'm also going to tell the the boom operator to get that fucking boom out of the shot because it's it's happened in every episode.
That's the difference. How you talk. What you just did it you. No, that's the difference is talent and crew.
So talent, it's like, hey, great job. Yeah. I really I really appreciate you being here. Thank you. Thank you. God. Thank God that you were born. But if you could maybe try it on that next one, that'll be fantastic. And then turn around you you desecrate like their entire existence. It's really remarkable. Yeah. Look at that. A veteran of film and television.
Listen, I've always been taught. Never yell up, yell down. You yell at the little people dazzle. Yeah. Yeah, totally. You know, it just never seemed like so much better when you yell at people beneath you, all the little people, you'll never see him again in this town.
Everyone knows that. Just kidding, folks. They will be your boss before you know. Um, yeah. And Lisa loves shopping. We get that that nice Lisa character stuff here. Like, she can't take the call. She she's just too concerned with a shopping thing. And yeah. Nicki and Zach, I mean, nitro here really, really woofs. It really gives the wrong advice to the wrong little lady.
Marfil, did you notice what's wrong with Nicky showing up here like she's about to hit cotillion or something besides the fact that she's wearing this to school?
I mean, well, she's skipping school because she's not she doesn't go to be in high school, correct?
She's 13. No, she does not go to this. She's not go to Bayside High. So, like, what the heck is Nicky doing?
Nicky, you got to get out of here. Did you catch the locker number? We've talked about it before, but here it is.
And frame prominently to sixty to sixty nine. Yeah, look at that. I think that is a dirty little joke. I think they snuck that one in my. You said you think so. Yeah. Really, I think they just I think someone I think someone in art did that thought it was funny, was like, guys, the cameras we use, you can barely even see these numbers.
You know, it's been a great guest on this show is to get someone from the art department. Oh, my God. That would have been a great guest on this show.
I think Franco might hold some of our secret keys and treasures.
I think we should probably make like a Franco list and and grill him one day. I think he would be able to unlock some of these mysteries.
And you think like maybe two sixty nine instead of like one sixty nine is because these lockers are on the second floor.
I thought that, but it doesn't make sense because the lockers across the way have they start with a one like we've talked about it, like why would it be the second floor. The stairs don't go down one. Like I mean the whole building is kind of a labyrinth of riddles architecturally, but a. Yeah, I think I think it was just a quick little art direction joke that someone didn't don't ever notice this. Nicki's very forward just because Zach, I want to be your girlfriend.
What does that mean? Does that mean to you, Nicki? Like like. Like what? What does it mean to her? And I know that's what I'm saying. Like what? Like what's her what does that mean to her? Like, I would just like hold hands and I'm like, Jesus, young lady. Well, she wants a kiss too. She does. She's at I'm not leaving until you give me a kiss. I mean, this is this is dangerous territory.
This is way different than Kelly's whole energy and attitude. Like there's something really shifted in the Karpovsky household between Kelly and Nicki, despite the same amount of syllables in their names. Uh, she's like very aggressive and forward in a way that Kelly is not. But, of course, in Bayside, when life throws a curveball at you, what do you do? You shove your problem right in the locker. And that's exactly us.
Kelly, when I when I saw her, like, a little heavy on the on the Sultanov there or the I don't know if she did beds, you know, who had been a great guest on the show is possibly Tiffany Empathy's and Tiffany Empathy's and could have gotten Tiffany great potential guest for this episode.
What was it like to talk to her about why why her town was so heavy like in this? And if she was told to to keep her tan or because she she grew up in Long Beach, California, would she go to the beach on the weekends and come back looking like this? Yeah, but she's got a very healthy glow to her. Yeah.
Tiffany, welcome back. We'd like to talk about your skin from thirty years ago. If you could take a few minutes, I'm sure that would have been would have been a real segment.
And Nikki must really like the guy if she could be shoved in his locker and still emerge, you know, head over heels.
But like Mark Paul, this this this is the offense here. Like, Jesse doesn't even see the kiss, I think the peck on the cheek. Oh, I know. It's so weird. It is worse than the hug. I mean, like I mean, I don't know, you could easily. But is it really I mean, the peck on the cheek to I know this girl, she's my my girlfriend's sister, you know, I mean, it's like I don't want to hug a kiss.
It's all in all.
I mean also just like what Nikki, what the hell are you doing here.
I mean, that's like the headline of the day is Nikki skipped school to but Jesse goes in the complete opposite direction and like accuses me of she calls me a slimeball and my notes I put why, why, why am I a slam.
Aren't you a slimeball. Last week too with the swimsuits like when I was screeches line was like, well that was warranted. Right. But I just mean like this now this is me being nitpicky. It's like, come on, call Zach something else next week. He was a slimeball last week. Let him be something else this week. I don't think these were shot, but no it isn't or this wasn't shot after that episode. I'm just going off of my hair and my and my look, I think this was this is out of order.
We've I think you know better than anyone do I know you don't think. Well, don't know anyone. Especially when it comes to the show me, I guess.
I don't know. We're just holding this thing together with with well. And Scotch tape this week, folks. Yeah. Jesse has no faith in Zach. That is very funny to me. Zero. She's she grew up next to him. She's like they're like dear, dear friends from childhood. They've gotten each other through the highs and lows. But she's like, oh my God, he is hooking up with his girlfriend's little sister. What is this is gross.
It's a super it's so weird. It's it's like what a thing to jump to.
Now she gives you no faith. The show would have ended right there with Zach saying to her, look, look, Nicki, Nicki, knock it off.
I'm not going to happen. And you're an honest man. And also, like, I know your parents, I'm going to call them. If you don't leave here and be like, I'm going I'm going to speak to your manager, Nicki.
It's called you don't want to do that. Well, you're going to to do it, but you're going to say you're going to do it. And that's not you don't want to do that. You're not like that's that's really. No. Then it just kind of I don't know I don't know what you would say other than just like just call me after your sister breaks up with me. Oh, hey, Nicki, look, this this will happen.
It's just not going to happen now. So, you know, see you later.
That would have I mean, if Jesse saw that conversation. Wow. Then Zach really is a slimeball. Any other teen line worked too well, which I think is is a I look, guys, writing TV is hard. I will say that it is difficult and like stories are tough to put together. I love all the turns this episode takes. The idea that, like, they were just too good. Lisa's advice, which was her talent is was too good and now they are in a pickle.
I liked it a lot.
Oh, going back to the the last scene, I have this in my notes and I just it just struck me as again, being really creepy is when Kelly is talking to Zach, she's like, you know, my my my sister has a crush on somebody. And Zach's like, oh yeah, I heard. And as she's leaving, she says, you know, we finally have something we can share.
Oh, yeah. What what what does she mean by. I mean, I know what the writers are trying to do, and it's like, you know, it's like a collar pull for for Zach, it's like, oh goodness, Jeremy. I mean, it's like they're like like a secret. And I was like, Cher, like, we can both talk about boys, you know. But I would imagine that other stuff to talk about, um, I don't know that every sport in the world on her wall seemed like Nicky was into baseball.
Yeah.
There's a lot of things I can share. That's just a weird I don't know. It's just like, again, just trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.
Hey, Kelly, hit a 7-Eleven, grab a Twix. Why don't you share that with your sister? Twix. If you want to sponsor us, we're available. Yeah. See, I didn't know that Twix. You're supposed to. What are you talking about? No, but I didn't know that. Twixters you're supposed to share.
Yeah. I didn't realize you were supposed to share. My wife actually just said that the other day to me. She's like, oh, you're going to share that with someone. I was like, what?
Like. Well, there was a share around it because there's two of them. I mean, it's an easy to share thing, but it was Twix had a whole ad campaign centered around two for me, none for you. Like, I will not share my Twix, which if I'm working a Twix, that's a good ad campaign. I'm going to sell twice as many Twix units if they're not being shared. But I think that's a good I also got to say, Kit Kat, you know, you could share a Kit Kat very easily shareable.
Well, also, like, you know, the peanut butter cups. Reeses. Yeah, there's two in the package there. I'm going to need you that there's also like twenty red vines. I'm going to share those.
Yeah, like a Hershey bar is pretty easy to Frank. There's any charity I'm going to share with you, you know, you don't want to share is a Butterfinger because you candy it that's making a mess.
Well, you don't have to share your cake with me, Mark, but if one wanted to I mean, you don't go to a movie and share candy with your with who is watching the movie with you back when we see movies and places. Are you sure that that's a that's a different environment environment? That's a different situation in different package? Candy, too. It's a lot of the candy is. Yeah. What's your what's your favorite bar.
You bar. I am a bar guy.
If I was buying a candy I used to love butterfingers.
But honestly what put me off in my later years is the inconsistency and the mess. Like a Butterfinger, if you open it up, is a crumbly, crumbly mess. I like a Twix. I think. I think that's like one of the more solid, stable bars in existence. What about you? I don't know.
I used to like butterfingers. I stole a good old Snickers is hard to beat. OK, good. You know, maybe put that in the freezer too. Every once in a while is not a bad thing. I like Mars bars thousand one hundred and one hundred thousand grand bars. I'm not trying to. I think it's a hundred. You've never tried because a thousand grandma apple you know that is a thousand grand is a no. See it is mine.
A thousand grand mine. Mine's a thousand grand. Sorry I thought it's not granted it's a thousand miles. I'm doing a thousand grams. OK, ok. Got it. The the Fleetwood Mac special. Yeah. Yeah. Thousand grams. Sorry I get my, my drugs, my drugs and my thinking but it's one hundred grand.
Who needs that. I need a thousand grand.
I'm, I'm always thinking I mean just like to get rich. We're going to get into the numbers. I mean we did, we joked on it but like two dollars a call you would have to make, you'd have to deal with so many calls just to make it also the nine hundred number you have to pay for that, I mean is just beyond comprehension that he would make any money this way, but he's trying anyhow. Lisa truly is like, I'm not leaving till I get my money.
She's learned. I love that. And yeah, Zaca is that gets the idea from scratch that, you know, whoa, whoa. To do the bad advice thing. Won't that be smart. What could go wrong.
Giving bad advice and charging people two dollars. Well and Slater calls and then like Screech has to grab the receiver and say it's slow.
Do they not know each other's voices? And also like. I mean, I don't know, maybe, maybe, maybe I'm looking at the wrong things here. I don't know, but it is just so silly to me. Well, you are you are 30 years later. So, you know, it's like I'm sure you didn't even think of these things while you were watching the original.
I certainly was not thinking after school. Doesn't Slater know his friend's voice? And I was like, come on, Zack is a perfectly imitating is perfectly imitating Australian man named Nitro. It's the best possible disguise. So he gives he gives Slater some bad advice.
He says basically let her go, but dump her knowing, knowing, knowing that it is Slater and Jesse, he just sets their fledgling relationship on fire.
Not a care in the world. Should always be. And cut to the max where the bomb has been dropped, although Kelly hearing it like hearing about her sister she really doesn't like Kelly just sees the good in the world. She refuses to believe this, but rightly so at this point. I mean, it's kind of weird. These are false accusations. You're correct. But I don't know. Like I feel like if I feel like I would not be an unusual response for someone to hear that and be like, well, I need to find out more verses like, you're crazy.
So then Slater comes in and tells Jessie's like, you know, are our date on Saturday. And she's like, Yeah, it's off. Forget it, forget about it, forget it. And then he just takes off to his magical place. Stage left. Like where again? Where does he just you just his back is up against the room.
There's also there's also speaking of like the banner committee who's like like there's teen line banners all over the max. OK, I Emax, I run this restaurant and Zach Lesin screech come in. They're like, can we plaster these banners all over your place of business. Absolutely not. No way. I'm trying to make money around here, which I'm not doing. No, he's not. There's no food on the tables. He's probably doing a thousand times.
Oh, he's got a he's got a hundred thousand friends going back there. Oh my God.
And yeah, just like poor poor Jessie. And then I just love, like, poor Jessie.
You're right.
When she runs off, like she just like pushes me out of the way we love she is Elizabeth is flying out of everywhere, just flying I have in my notes.
So I like to take notes on every scene and I kind of get them headers from my own like organization. But here I just have Zach is destroying people's lives. You just like does a lap here at the max and just like just mousses. Poetry is an original and Jesse is is full sprint because of his actions. I mean, it's like. It's it's pretty messy and he blows off Kelly, and I don't quite understand why he blows her off like it was there a scene missing here where she says, I'll see you tonight?
And then he's like, oh, no, tonight I can't do that. And then he just like, I'll just give you a call.
Like, why is or is there something that we're missing? Maybe they have longstanding plans or some. I don't know. I mean, maybe we they had to lose some some some of the episode for time, you know, for syndication. But I think they just had like, we're going to see each other tonight where we're going together. Yeah. But he goes, I can't I got something tonight. But what does he have tonight? Did I miss.
I think he's just making two dollars. I think he's literally going to like. Keep her on ice so he can make two bucks at a time, one call, one called to John, what a slimeball? Yeah, I mean, Jesse wasn't wrong here. And it's also sort of a trove of this show that I didn't get until I was older. But like his moneymaking schemes are in such small denominations, it is so funny when we learn about the insect rodeo early.
I didn't even have that in my notes that we get the insect rodeo information here and then it'll come back later for, you know, Zach and Nikki. So if you'll notice, my balls phones have multiplied his little table in his room now has six phones on it. What the hell does Zach's parents think is happening? What would you do more for your kid?
I'm just looking at telephones and it is like, do we have any extra tables? You're not going to ask any questions?
Well, no one. You'd be like, where is that sound?
His dad's on the road selling computers, you know, and he'll go on another fishing trip with him in about 20 years. So Kelly is the first caller. This is for this this. And she doesn't recognize Zach's voice. Her own boyfriend doesn't recognize his voice. Yeah. Like his very thinly disguised voice. And you can see what I mean, though, the background of all the people calling into the teen line. It's like they just moved some stuff or like it's very it's a similar set.
They just kept swapping out the chairs and stuff right behind them.
So I mentioned earlier that writing TV guys are just going to say that. But I love this kind of scene that is such a classic sitcom scene. We're just like the hijinx ensue because there's a table full of ringing phones. It's it's like something that reminds me of, like, you know, the conveyor belt of chocolates. And I Love Lucy. This is just like classic classic sitcom stuff. You know, it's fun. McPaul, use that F word.
You don't see the stuff anymore. It is. It is. It is fun. What's not fun is when Kelly does call, she says, hi, I have a problem. My boyfriend is dating my kid sister. You should call the policeman.
That's a pretty you dial the nine. I'm sorry.
But again, with this this sitcom trope with the phones, which you what you find, I do find it fun because I never once covered the receiver. I know I'm on the phone with with Lisa and the receiver is under my arm, but it's the the part where you listen to not the part where you talk. You got to load it. I mean. Yeah.
And then she can hear everything unless unless you put her on hold. But it didn't look like he did because everything is the whole the chaos is, is the phones and the arms and the wires. And we mentioned phone cords like yeah I tried to get the phones with the hold button. That was more money. And I decided against it because we're only doing two dollars per call.
I'm sure that was a page in the script there, guys. We got to cut something people will never ask about the hold button and the great use of those pink dividers. I mean, you guys had such like a cool aesthetic on the show. It still looks it still looks great, and then I and you mix up the the phone, they step in it and that's an industry term, folks put in it. Yes. Step right in it.
And I love how quickly Zach is moving like you're the only Karpovsky I care about. But please, I'm not going to give you the time to say anything, so I'm going to know who I'm talking to.
Oh, man, that's an act break right there. I accidentally just told my girlfriend's little sister I love her.
Um, we're at Bayside for art class, taught by Mr. Manfredi, played by Michael McManus. Huge amount of TV in the 80s and 90s. We're talking in Happy Days, Baywatch, Growing Pains, Golden Girls, Full House Dallas', Nightrider, married with children. Mr. Belvedere, just to name a few. That's just a few. If you watch TV in the 80s or 90s, you saw this man on at least one show. That's a guarantee of some Keith Haring stuff to the way the art in the background kind of looks like that to me.
It's cool, cool art class. Bassat, we get our second boom right there, right when Slater walks in and talks to Jesse and she says, I thought you said models.
Why are we getting these pics instead of these models? Because, you know, I mean, because Zac has created a hostile environment here beside toxic. Yeah, well, it's it certainly is toxic, but it it spills over into also hostile. But thank goodness we all brought our silly string to our class. Wouldn't we be foolish if we didn't have that? I don't think that we would be able to do this scene with a silly string. Now, do you think it would be.
Well, it's a fire. Is it? Does that stuff go up in flames? That, I don't know, silly string, super flammable or is it? I believe it is.
I think that's I laugh because I'm sure there's videos out there of people doing some really listening at home.
So please do not test this. Just we beg of you. But I do think it's flammable.
That's the first thing that I thought I was like, wow, all this silly string. And I think it would be a hazard on a set being around hot lights and yeah, I didn't think of it.
Yeah, totally.
I was thinking more about the people wrapped like like no I mean like Jesse just gets covered in it. I mean it's like if if there was a spark.
Yeah. The whole place is going to lose we would. Yeah we would. We would lose icons. Yeah.
Would have been a would have been a much shorter legacy you guys left behind, but you would have set new safety standards for TV, so maybe the sacrifice would have saved lives. I just more thought, like I just thought this was just crazy. Like where did all this I get a free wheeling art teacher like but they all just had Kansas City String, OK? And then this shot, Dennis, buckle up, buddy, it really takes that close to the face like a champ, he just takes that thing.
It is like now you want to talk about behind the scenes. I would have loved to see the guy off camera. Just heave ho that clay right into Dennis's face. That is like they'd nail I mean, they they they got the right guy for the job.
I'll tell you that, you know, would have been a good guest on the show is getting Dennis Dennis Haskins to talk about how he took that clay to the face.
I mean, I wonder if that that's what he remembers or you block that one out and then we're in the buildings office.
He wants to know who smacked him in the face with that clay. Yeah, I don't know if you noticed, like Elizabeth Berkley. Oh, my God.
Yeah, she's she's she's breaking. Yeah. She's taken in this. It's also like love seeing her do that. Yeah. See, you guys were kids and like, when when you guys really are I mean, that's part of why the show is so enduring. But like, you're having fun and it comes across for sure in a really sweet way. She's just cracking up. She was a break, though. She would always be. And she's still like when we when we reshot or not reshot when we shot the reboot, there was a I remember the scene outside where we're digging a hole, you know, trying to find the time capsule.
There was something that that just got her to start giggling. And we were we're fighting time because we shot that scene probably at midnight or something. And we have to wrap up. And she just during the day, you guys. Yeah. During the break that went up during during a pandemic time is it time is valuable here, folks.
Like we're all and I remember Riscoe Franco just was like tapping his watch and coming over to like push the director to push us just like old times, like she was always cracking up.
And she definitely was probably the easiest one to to to make crack. I love that about her, though.
And if you're if you haven't kept score at home, Franco is a producer on the original show, as well as the Twenty Twenty Reimagining. That's who we've kept referencing a mark. And I both had the pleasure of working with him. He's he's great.
He'd be a great guest. We should be Americans.
He was on the original promo before we we taped our first episode and we were like, of course, we'll get Franco one day.
Why did Zac and Screech not raise their hand when Belding's like who called Teen Line? Like, would it have been that hard to lie at that stage?
Well, we only have twenty two episodes at twenty two minutes in this episode and that would have extended the episode. So we, we'd yeah. At a certain things I could shorten this episode.
Right. But that would have extended the episode. So we kept her, we kept. That's why we're clean. We didn't raise our hands. Yeah. Oh yeah. You are clean.
That should have been the bigger giveaway. I mean why even bother raising the hands. You weren't covered in silly string because you had no enemies created by this, this phone line from hell, which brings us into the halls of Bayside here where we get another zip joke. If you're keeping score of all these zet humor, we learned that the writers very shortly, we're like kids are worried about zits. We should build that into our dialogue. But this line here that that Zach delivers, I guess I got greedy and things got out of hand could be the tagline for these series.
It is more often than not what happens. That's the story. Zach gets greedy. Things get out of hand. I couldn't stop looking at the fact that there's a shadow on beautiful Art Artspace.
You're so right about this entire scene.
And it just bothered me again, like, why? Why when somebody just come down. And so when I say come down, the director and the producers and a lot of the people were in this booth off stage and they were controlling the way sitcoms work is that they would say like into a microphone. We're going to camera one, we're going to camera three, we're going four. And the red light would come on top of the camera and all that was done in the booth and sometimes over a mic, we would get Don to come on and say, we're going to we're going to stop.
We're going to take it back a few lines and we'll start from there, OK? And count it back in. And then the ad would say action or whatever. But again, like when he could have easily have come down or said over the microphone, Mark, Paul, we're going to we're going to take this back a little. We have a little bit of a shadow, a lighting issue. Could you step half a foot to your right? And I would clear her face.
She's so beautiful. And I got a bit of a shadow right all over her.
Took me away, took me out of this scene. Don't ever I never notice it, but I love that you do. I wonder really how many people are watching saved by the bell being like those damn face shadows?
Probably one by one person.
And I'm talking there's really no reason for the shadows. There's there's really no. This is what bothers me, too, is it's in sitcoms, they light the heck out of everything, right? It's just there's lights everywhere and it's just over overloaded usually. So there's really no reason. And the lights are up above instead of, you know, sort of on the floor there, they're hanging from the ceiling. So there's really no reason for for this to happen.
And yet, here we are. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, it's funny because I would normally and this is something that I do and I feel like I would be a better actor if I didn't see these things. But I see these things when we film. And I will make I will take action and I will by myself. I will take a step to the right or left or whatever and get out of someone's shadow. And that's why I say would probably be a better actor if I didn't see those things, because I'd be more just, you know, more focused on just what I have to do.
But I do notice these things and I'm surprised that I didn't notice then. And shame on me now.
I'm mad at me. I'm not mad at Don anymore. I'm mad at me for not being proactive and seeing that on the day and and fixing it. Folks, a little self shame will get you far in life, you know.
It's good. It's good. It's good to look back and be like I could have done better. Like, what was I doing?
You know, that's that's a helpful feeling. Well, that's how I feel about this whole show operational podcast on it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I mean, like, would you have known that about curveballs had you not been on pitch. Like what. Like you know what you know like this is a what I amalgamation of all your knowledge accumulated over the years and the great idea to imitate screech to turn off a turn off Nikki. But first Lisa will have a line of students all through the halls of Bayside to undo the hell that Zachares has brought down onto the school. The latest.
Remember, guys, to make your arms look bigger, like our good friend Mario Lopez does, you have to keep them at a 90 degree angle. And what better way to do that? By holding a folder that's folded, right?
They don't call it a folder for nothing, folks. That thing is a is in half.
And by holding it like he does, you keep your arms at the ninety and your biceps are on fire.
They're looking pumped. I mean, he's he is looking ject positively. A lot of hard work. I mean, I mean some of that is just he's very jacked. That's like you can I could tell he was very general all day long.
It would not my arms but he was always pre pumping before scenes. And we've talked to Elizabeth about this, but he would always be doing push ups and stuff and got me started doing it whenever I had a t shirt that would just right up on the arms. I would always be doing push ups along with him to get that pump going. I still do. Even when I on pitch or the passage, I don't have to really do it for next dish.
But, you know, characters that I've played over the years, I've I've done those things.
I've actually asked for sandbags in between takes girls.
I'll do curls. I'll I'll do them. I'll use it as like a kettlebell and I'll like do like snatches and just. Yeah. Just anything to kind of get myself pumped up. Another good trick is like what I do if I have to be out of breath I'll do a lot of like Barbies because Barbies are, you know, get the heart rate going or squats like squat jumps and stuff, anything to kind of get the heart rate going. And that that'll kind of give me that out of breath method, you know.
Thing you're telling me you're swinging sandbags around on set, just like in between takes to be like right between before you before you go out there, you're like off to the side, just waving a sandbag around. Yeah. Yeah. They bailout commitment. Did that did that quite a bit on the passage where, you know, I had to be running around and chasing vampires and all that stuff and yeah. Out of breath and pumped. Give me a sandbag.
They should have painted a little face on it. Looks like Wilson and Castaway could have been like your sandbag because at a certain point the lighting guys probably like, uh, I need that back to a place about to go up in flames. Oops. That light just toppled over. And I should not have brought this silly string that is my bad folks trying to keep it light anyway.
Lisa, Lisa's fixing everything and it'll all be OK because of Lisa. I was like, I didn't know until now, the teen line banner says only two dollars, that's not a bargain. Only two dollars. That's good marketing. And Lisa is going to take Kelly with her to a you know. Just schemes on schemes, on schemes and disguises, on disguises and. The hijinx are at a fever pitch. Which brings us in to the max, where Kelly is in for my money, one hell of a disguise.
Where did Lisa get all that? Well, this is also says if anyone recognizes you, this isn't going to work. Yeah. So she puts her in that disguise because that's not going to bring any attention to you. It is like she like a giant platinum wig a a what do you even call that. Like a pink is the fabric. It's like a raincoat fabric of a trench coat. I mean, it's very reflective, it's eye catching, it strikes me as something you wear, like if you're going to do a stripper gram or something like that, I would.
Yeah, that makes sense. She looks like a yeah. Yeah.
If she came to my door, I'm like, yes, it is my birthday.
Right. Sure. OK. All right. Well, that's good to know. Next birthday coming up. I'll keep that in mind. Please don't. I would never. I would never. I would never do that. I just had a birthday. I hate birthdays.
I hate birthdays. Wait a minute. What do you mean you hate birthdays? Like the whole thing. Like the text messages and the cake and the dinner. You hate all this. I hate do not like any of it. Have you. Has always been the case.
Always the case. Interesting. Like the texting at the time to like getting older.
Like you hate the process, like you hate the, the, the act of getting a year older. You seem like you hate every.
No no no no. I don't mind the.
You're older because I don't feel like on that day all of a sudden I'm a year older and you know, everything's going to fall like this. This outpouring of love for me like this, I could do without that.
I mean, it's honestly like when I when it's my birthday, I'm like, oh, look at these texts come in. And now now I have to respond. I have to respond to these texts. And that was the thing. Like, I'm now spending my birthday responding to tax. I'm now oh my God, you know, spending my birthday having to listen to these voicemails and then call the people back.
It's like on my birthday, I just wanted to be another day and, you know, I got it. You're good.
You know, I. Well, I know you wish me well. Yeah. I mean, what am I going what am I do not say happy birthday. But no, that's that's really funny. Like some people are. I mean.
But do you expect a response back when you wrote Happy Birthday to me, you expect me to go like a thumbs up is fine? Like, I don't know. I like I don't I don't expect I don't I don't expect that much from truly anyone. Um, but some people are like birthday people. Like I have friends who it's like it's my birthday week. It's my birthday month. Those are and some people are just like they're there for I'm sorry friends if you're listening, I don't think they do your Cycos.
You're a psychotic person.
If you celebrate your birthday one twelfth of the year, that is to say you have a birthday month. You are you are not. Well, no. You know, and you should re-examine how you like because what does that mean? The other eleven months are garbage. Like that's that's that's my beef with birthdays. It's about every day be a celebration.
Well, how do you feel about people who throw their own birthday parties?
I mean, I look, if you're like I'm just going to use Dedi as a placeholder. Nothing against Diddy. God bless Diddy. If he's out there. If you're listening, we'd love to have you on as a guest. He would have been a guy. He would have been great. Oh, my God. Diddy would have been great for this. If you're Diddy and you want to throw yourself a birthday party, like, please do.
And if that's different, that's fine. I know. So I'm just I'm drawing a line.
Yeah. If you're if you're sub diddy, don't read it. We can have dinner, maybe maybe say I'm going to be at this bar after the dinner. That's where it needs to end. And if I go to dinner, I don't need to go to the bar and vice versa. And that's like that's that's truly my top to bottom philosophy. On birthdays, if you're less than Diddy, don't throw the party and dinner. Maybe a bar. That's it.
Yeah, that's it. And, you know, I'm fine if people don't buy anything for four, I really am. I don't like to open up gifts. I don't like to receive gifts. I like to give gifts. Yeah, OK. You know, I really do. I enjoy the process of finding gifts and watching people open them up, but I feel so uncomfortable and I have to open a gift in front of someone so I could I mean, even even in front of my wife, like, she'll give me something.
I'm like, I don't want to open this up in front of you.
Um, you know, it's like, oh, I know. It's like I don't know, it just birthdays. I could do without them. Christmas, too. Like, I don't want any Christmas gifts. I just want to watch my kids open them up. I want to watch my wife open up her gifts. But I don't I don't need any of it. I really don't look at that. Yeah, I appreciate it. Listen, I appreciate it, but I don't need it.
How about that.
Yeah, no, it's good. It's great. It's the best. Anyway, what are we doing. We're watching. Saved by the bell. Oh you got a little carried away there folks talking about candy bars and birthdays. I just couldn't let that one go. And yet, Kelly and really is the most conspicuous get up. And Zaca in what I would call a nerd minstrel show here, this is like borderline offensive to us. And I get the female server to break.
So, yeah, she's job done. Yeah, she's cracking up. I was reaction.
What do you think you would do now if you got to set. And they were like, so mcpaul for this scene as a joke, you're going to put your gum on your finger, you're going to put the gum in the soda, then you're going to blow bubbles in the soda and drink the soda. Would you be like, sure, no problem? Or do we have to see that? Or like, is it a conversation? I don't.
If that was actually scripted or if I was improvising a lot of this and if they let me do a lot of this on my own, it was like jazz. I don't know. OK, we'll never know. You know, we might know is Peter Engl or Benneton Wrangell or so many prio there's so many people I've had as a guest, so many people.
The the young lady played the server pretty much anyone but us. I noticed that I do this handwaving thing that Jack does is like half circle. I have that on my nose, I wave that way and I only realized I do it with the prevalence of zoom in my life. Like when Zoom's begin, I often do that wave. I don't know what that is, it's like I'm like this a window, I think I do the same thing. It's like a mime, like I'm just past him.
It's like it's a it's a gentler, like motion than a, you know, spastic back and forth. But I saw Zack doing that as a nerd and I was like, oh, no, um, any nerds love bugs. We've established that folks here, he has a spider named Leonard, talked last week about how characters get named great name for a fictional spider in the insect rodeo is back. We learned about it before. Now we're using that knowledge.
I truly did not even pick up on that that we heard about in the quick exchange with Louise. But yeah, I mean, Nikki's into it, she likes all this stuff and honestly, I mean. She should wait a couple of years and probably date screech, that seems to be what should happen, but maybe that's end game that never, never got off the ground. And I got I blew this sleeve off the straw and it landed squarely in the center of the table.
Try to do that at home, kids. I mean, yeah, that sure get a whole bunch of sraw is why don't you just murder the turtles? And yeah, just to see Laura really does play this so sweetly that she's so into these insects and. Zach being. Unabashedly, his nerdy self, but he will remove the hat and, you know, I don't know if you noticed Moose in the background is wearing a beret and he's got a sketch pad and he's basically just doing a sketch of Louise in the back.
I did not notice that it drew my attention away from this.
And it just so it is that I usually you have the background artist doing stuff in the back that doesn't take away from what's happening right in the front, right with the with the the cast.
So weird that they would have him there. And there's also a background artist who's just over Nikki's left shoulder and he is seriously fucking my girlfriend, Kelly. Wow.
I mean, can you I mean, the guy was probably like, whoa, who is this like? Well, I mean, I don't know what the right term is, Lady of the Night. Who is this? Who is this working girl at the max? Would probably be like, it's my birthday today. I know. This is for me. Yeah, right.
I see you, don't you? He is like lover boom. And he is just really I mean, he looks like Tex Avery like the wolf. He is all over it.
I just I. And by the way, it it lingers uncomfortably for his his his leg stance is also like fully.
I know he it's like, it's like oh he is he is presenting his man spreadin. I don't know if that's a shadow or a word, but it looks like a no. I mean it's like we are causing all the wrong places here. Yeah. That does.
Speaking of candy bars that do not and that's not a that's almond joy.
Which one has the night sometimes like today this guy did what that's. And sometimes you feel like a nut. Yeah. I like him. Enjoys there. OK, I don't know. You like big. You like melons. Yeah I guess. I guess I like my mounds more than an almond joy but they're selling candies I suppose.
All right, well I'll play this and you can see he holds that stare that is.
Yeah. That is aggressive. I would leave. I feel like I think this guy is dangerous.
Yeah. See like a moose in the back that is so insane. There must have been some kind of joke or something that that explained that other than like he is into poetry because he says poetry, but not like I'm going to draw you like one of my French girls. I don't know what that is.
Well, everyone's back together again, like all the relationships have all been. You know, that's that's romance drawing someone in a beret. Timeless and Nikki, Nikki Dameshek can't be with a man who's going to lie to a 13 year old girl, and I don't blame her. I don't blame her one bit. And Kelly heard everything. And we get this line, Mark Paul, this wonderful line of dialogue. I saw you with a little girl, and I like your style.
What are pickup lines you may hear on Allen Varro?
Yeah, I did. I did have a hit of Alan Vivero in that hearing that it's I'm watching that nightmare. So gross.
I mean, not both Alan Vivero and also that line that line is just so like this whole thing just makes you go.
I just I just don't I mean, I think there are. Yeah. I mean, we talked about the BS and the pantyhose and there's like kind of like this like adult stuff simmering locher two, six, nine. I mean, Tiffany really, really works this, this getta she is like selling it and Zack knew all along. Do you think that that's why he said that. Like if he didn't know. Oh my God. Do you think he would have said that.
He would have been like he would be like look I only have ten minutes so we're going to figure out something to do for eight minutes.
Yeah, I feel the same way. I feel like, you know, it's his birthday. He would want to see what's underneath that. Yeah, that trash. But that pink trash. That pink trash bag.
And that is the episode that's one hundred crushed and poll. We do have homework if you can believe it. Homework. Oh, that's why I couldn't remember because it is out of sequence. It is close encounters of the nerd kind. It was a it was escaping me. I forget what comes after this and I guess my brain jumps it because this is a Season one episode, so a recorded season one. So next week when we watch Close Encounters of the Third Kind, you're going to see a crazily younger cast.
You will. I think you'll laugh really hard, Marc, Paul, when you see just how hard they they did not accept it, the viewers would question anything. You guys are children next week. True kids. It's great. Who should we get on as a guest?
I mean, now's a good time to I mean, we we said so many people, I it's a kind of a supernatural episodes, kind of spooky. There is a guy who plays an FBI agent. He might be a good guest. I mean, I don't know, maybe we just flip a coin and pick two. I don't know. That's anybody's.
Why don't some of the listeners of this podcast reach out to you on on Twitter? Please do.
Yeah. Yeah, please do. Let me know who you think. An earful. You know what?
You can actually let me know who would be a good guest for any upcoming episode. We try to plan these as best we can. But honestly, if you have like Laura would have been the obvious choice here. And we believe me, we did try, but it just didn't work out and like not to shift blame here, but like sometimes people get married and change their name or she hasn't acted in a long time. It's like these it can be hard to track someone down.
But yeah, let's who knows who will be a guest next week.
Mark Paul, I can only imagine, but I know you'll be here. I'll be here. The listener. Hopefully you'll be here too after this episode. We'll see you next week. Sounds good. Zach to the Future is a production of Caden's Thirteen. It's executive produced by Paul Goslar, myself and Chris Walker Production and direction, led by Terrence Malinga Own Editing and mastering by Andy Jasco. Its Engineering and production coordination by Sean Cherry. Artwork by Kurt Courtney with illustrations by Jeff McCarthy.
Marketing is led by Josephine Francis with PR by Hillary Shoop. Thanks to the whole team, McCain is thirteen. And to you for listening.