Hey, New Jersey. Tom Segura here, letting you know that I don't always dress like this. I'm shooting something. I won't wear this when I come to see you. I'm doing shows with John Stewart on December 12 and 13th in Montclair, New Jersey, at the Wellmont Theater. The first shows at 07:00 p.m. Sold out. So we added shows each night at 09:30 p.m.. You can get your tickets right now before they sell out and see one of the greatest, most influential comedic voices of our generation and all. Also, John Stewart will be on the shows. See what I did? Get your tickets at WW. Tomsagura.com slash tour.

How dare you do two Bayers better than us? We gotta show them our fucking strength, Tom, okay? They need to respect us. I think she'd beat the shit out of her mom. My mom would be like, I can't buy my glasses. My mom would be dead immediately. Totally fine.

Get a trash can. Get a fucking trash can in here.

100% cheers.

Welcome to another episode of Two Bears.

One K, and we're going after the fucking Kelsey brothers. You guys wanted to smoke, you got the fucking smoke.

Yeah, that's right. Fuck yeah, dog.

Just because we're a little older.

Barely.

Barely. Which one are you going to be? Which one would you be in? The two.

Which one would I be?

The Kelsey brothers.

Oh, Jason.

No. Which one's? No.

Oh, yeah.

You're Travis. Yeah, I'm definitely Travis. I'm so much more Travis than you. Jason just hit me up in the DMs.

What did you say, dude?

Huge fan. You carry that show just like I carry my show.

Let's see if Travis hits up.

He's in Singapore.

Singapore.

I hope when this comes out, him and Taylor Swift are still together. If they got married, would she change her name to Taylor Kelsey?

I mean, maybe for legal papers, but I'm sure not publicly fuck her career up a little. Well, I don't know if it would just be strange.

Did you see them shitting on Lady Gaga?

Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga. Everyone that went to college with her was like she was a cunt. Well, if you're a Kelsey Brother fan, we're not done with those two.

Okay. Okay.

We're coming after them. You know, it's almost like it's almost like imagine if they were watching a video and I was in a Chiefs jersey and you were in an Eagles jersey, and we were saying we played football and we were athletes. They're coming after us, Tom.

Who's coming?

The Kelsey brothers.

They are.

They're Kelsey brothers.

Shit.

They're coming after us.

I didn't know they were coming after us. Yeah, dude.

Aaron Rogers DM'd me.

This is a, um what are they coming after us?

Our they want what we we got it. We've got to show them our capabilities as broadcasters.

Okay.

Okay. We need to show them. Look, you know what?

That's us right there. Where the Cincinnati photo. No, the one. The other one underneath it.

We are both jason. We are both jason. We are both jason. I bet we don't have much in common with Travis. Like, if we hung out, but I bet we could fucking sit with it. I bet he looks up to us.

That's quite an assumption.

I bet he you know, all pro athletes technically look up to us in which way?

That we're older than them. No.

Yeah. Well, that were the age of their parents.

How old's?

Jason Kelsey's mom. And Travis Kelsey's mom.

That's true. She is both of their moms.

And how fucking fun is her life? All the football practices she had to drive those kids to, all the fights she had to break up in between those.

She's 71.

My parents age. Oh, wait, really? That's awesome. She's younger than my parents. But all the shit she had to put up with, all the fucking uniforms, the jock straps, the cleats, the messes around the house. Is it just the two Kelsey brothers or do they have a third?

She says the only two children she has are those two, but I don't know.

And then box seats. And you know what's also cool is she doesn't even real I bet she doesn't even realize how good Taylor Swift is until after she met her and then put a few of her bangers in Taylor Swift. Okay, push pause on us attacking the Kelsey brothers.

Okay.

Taylor Swift is legit.

Yeah, she's got something going. She's definitely got something. She should keep it up. Dude.

I mean, I'm being serious. I love to find the thing that no one sees and then, you know, like pick it apart. Can't find it in her.

She seems like a really sweet girl. She really does, actually.

Okay. Have you listened to her music?

I've heard a couple of the hits, but I can't say that I know the catalog.

Okay, I'll walk you through the catalog.

Okay.

She's a big fan of Friends. A lot of her songs are references to friends.

A lot of her songs.

A lot of her songs are references to Friends. Dude, I grew up with two little girls. Taylor Swift was on repeat in our could sing. I bet I could sing a slam in the back door. I could sing a lot of her songs by heart. Pull up taylor Swift lyrics. I'm going to sing the song to you. I bet I can go unlike Drake when I fucking ruined Drake. Can you believe Drake's still a thing?

He's really a thing.

They came after him. You know that?

Who came after him?

The culture recently.

Why?

Because there were a lot of lot of so big tickets.

His tour was fucking massive.

But by the way, Drake actually, I don't know anything about Drake, so I can't I know I'm a fan enough to know that if I run into Drake, I'll suck his like if I see Drake, I'm going to be like, dude, you're fucking you know, I don't even need to know anything about you and I'll suck your dick.

That's pretty cool. Yeah.

If I know you're famous, I'll just be a fan.

Hardcore.

Like, I'll just be like, I'll fanboy out. Do you do that when you meet everyone?

So when you meet any celebrity?

Any celebrity, who'd you last meet?

What are the last three celebrities you've met?

My rolodex is thick. Pull up taylor Swift lyrics. The last celebrity I met well, I mean, the last one I hung out with was John Stamos. Now john Stamos, you know did two bears.

Yeah.

I would say I was a casual fan. I mean, I think most people know, you know? Dude, you would have think I started the John Stamos fan club when I met him.

Really?

First of all, he's gorgeous. He's fucking gorgeous. His hair is real. He does not dye it.

He doesn't dye it.

He doesn't dye it. His fucking face is perfect. Everything about him. He had good looking shoes. Sometimes those guys wear dorky shoes because they're really, I mean, love John Stamos, but really, ultimately, at heart, he's a little bit of a nerd. He's just a really good looking Greek nerd.

Yeah.

Don't let me know what song it is. You pull up a Taylor Swift song, and I will sing it perfectly.

Okay.

But you'd think I just have that thing about me that when I see a celebrity, I don't know, I'm still impressed by it.

Do you wait, there's one thing. If you're, like, at a function, an event or a party, and they're like, here's so and so, but do you see celebrities on the street, like in La. And walk up and go, hey, do you do got it. You got to be introduced.

No, I'm so sorry. I think I misunderstood the question.

Yes. Oh, yes, you do. Who have you accosted in recent memory? Like, who have you gone up to?

Well, I hung out with a bunch of the bucks.

Okay.

Baker Mayfield was the last one I accosted.

But you would have been kind of introduced in a way. Right? Where were they, though?

I was on the sidelines. He did not know who I was.

Okay.

I thought he might have. He absolutely didn't.

And what'd you do?

First thing, I looked at his ass. His ass is awesome. He's got a trunk on Baker Mayfield's ass. Fucking does it.

Really?

I bet I could pick him out out of an ass lineup.

Really?

Dude, that's the thing about those fucking powerful athletes is their asses are fucking solid.

Yeah.

I don't have a Baker Mayfield ass.

You know who had the craziest ass?

Pat McAfee. Pat McAfee has, like, punter.

I mean, come on. Yeah. Yeah.

Pat McAfee is that Pat McAfee is taking over ESPN. He wants our smoke, too. He can get yeah. Why don't we do a college game day. A two Bears college game day. Go head to head, do a side stage to the and we'll just talk louder.

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, we could definitely do that.

Everyone's coming after Pat McAfee, too.

Yeah, they are. The old guard people who are like, this guy's doing he's the most fun thing that's happened to that.

Dig your grave, motherfuckers. You're gone. It's McAfee time and my watch is set to Pat. I love that guy. He's the best. I love him because, you know, he's got the thing that I don't have that grounded in reality, assessment of skills. And so when you say things to him, like, I could kick a 45 year old field goal.

45 year old I could kick a.

45 year old easier than a 45 year old hard field goal, he's like, you can't do it. You can't do it. I love that energy.

How far of a field goal do you think you could kick?

Oh, I've tried at University of Nebraska. I bathed in a 35 yard field goal. I could not get it done.

You couldn't do it? How many times did you try?

100.

What yardage could you do? Did you try close?

I could do at the field goal line. At the goal line. At the goal line. I'm almost solid. But all that you watch them and it doesn't look that hard. And then when you see it done, you're like, oh, this is fucking different. That's what I like about Pat McAfee. What I like about him let's celebrate Pat McAfee before we trash the Kelsey brothers. Okay, we're coming after these motherfuckers.

Oh, shit.

I would like to do here's what I'd like to do.

Wish we had meetings before the show. Go ahead. Why? Nothing. Keep going.

I would love I would what were we doing?

We were talking about McAfee. McAfee. You were going to celebrate about him? Yeah.

He's a fan of the game, right? Like, he's a fan of football. He's a football fan. That's what makes him so impressive. What puts him a step above, but keeps him relatable, is that he was a punter. Yeah. So he was in the locker room. He knew the jargon. He was the fun guy, but he was never the guy that everyone rushed to at the end of the game. No one's like, Dude, your punt saved the game. So he was an outsider. Like all comics, he was an outsider. We were in high school or in college. Always felt like ultimately always felt like you were on the outside looking in, which is what makes a great comic. He was an outsider in the locker room. So he has these insights and then he brings them into the fucking he brings them into his show. So you get this insider's knowledge, but with a relief of relatability. He knows how great these dudes are. A reverence. I won't slam the old guard. I don't even know who the old guard is who's slamming him. But I will say, a lot of them never played the game or they played the game at a stars level.

When you play at a stars level, everything's unrelatable. You start calling people on shit, that's really fucking hard to do. McAfee will only call you on shit. That is like yeah, you should be called. Yeah, like Shannon Sharp Hall of Famer.

Yeah.

Hall of Famer, by the way. Great broadcaster. Hall of Famer. Booger McFarland hall of Famer. These are all like hall of famers. That's what's approachable about patty he's one of us. He got arrested for a fucking jumping into a river.

Very drunk. Yeah.

Fucking love him.

Yeah. No, he's the best. He brings enthusiasm and energy and fun into what the broadcasting of college football has. Like, they live in this kind of stale. It's very repetitive. It's very redundant. It's the kind of thing where you kind of just know what's going to be said. And the profile pieces are like, it's the same one they've been doing for a decade. And then you bring a guy on to the show, like, into the team, that adds this energy and this fun element that makes them really exciting to watch again. And of course, he's also an insider, too, because he's an insider, been on the team. He's played the game, he knows.

And by the way, I would argue retired at the top of his when he was at his height.

What he's done is I mean, I remember when he retired and he did like a joke promo, here's what I'm going to do. And I was like, this is very funny, but this guy is out of his fucking mind that he thinks this is going to work out.

I thought he was crazy. Secret time. I thought I was talking to a lunatic as well.

Yeah.

When I first went to his compound, I thought, how quickly is he going to run through this punter salary? Yeah, it was a big compound. And he was like, paired up with Barstool. I was like, this isn't going to last long.

It's amazing what he's done. The whole team they've put together. It's incredible what they've done.

Can I tell you what made him great about then? And I don't even know if Then still exists for him. I think right now he's so sports. But what was great about Pat's show when he was just like a podcaster, is that he still was a fan. That's what makes him beautiful, is that he's a fan of shit. He gets into shit. He digs it. I'd go on and he'd be like, on the podcast. Tell me about that. This is before people were doing that. He was in the tell me about Tom. I want to know about this. He was just a fucking fan. And that's why he translates so well. Here's the deal. A lot of those guys aren't fucking fans. It's a paycheck to them, right? Can I tell you? Bring back Warren Sapp.

Such a great fucking the best.

Yeah, the fucking best.

He does this thing and he does like a very just thrown together version of it, which I love. Like, as a football fan, I love, which is he'll put on game tape, right? And he has the rewind play pause thing that when you're reviewing tape, you have it goes like two steps back and he'll break down how somebody fucked up. He calls him out. He's like, I'm just straight up calling, like, 61. I don't know what the fuck this is, but I mean, if you're just watching the game, you might be just following the ball and be like, whatever. And then he shows you how this guy's technique was trash. This guy gave zero effort. He's like, what is this shit? And he's just like, I don't even know who this is, but I'm just calling it out. And the way that he breaks it down, you're seeing a hall of famer tell you what should have happened. You're like, oh. All of a sudden, you go, oh, I'm learning something about the game that I would have missed. That is fun as shit.

That's funny shit. Can I tell you, I would love to see Randy Moss still playing. Still, man. I got into a Randy Moss thread, right? Just randomly. We just both made sizzle reels, right? For a thing. Yeah, we made sizzle reels. My sizzle reel of my comedy. And doing it 25 years doesn't hold a candle to his highlight reel.

To Randy Moss's highlight reel. Yeah, it's pretty it's dude, do you ever think back sometimes? I've always wanted to ask him this thing just because I'm a fan. I'll ask him how crazy it would have been if he didn't pop for weed at FSU. Dude, I'm so he's on the team photo? Yeah, he's in the team photo because he was there for that. And then they had to boot him because of the fucking stupid weed rules. He went to Marshall and you're watching this and you're like, is this a fucking high school game? Who did he play with?

Who's his quarterback? Steve McNair or someone at where? At Marshall. He had a quarterback who was a gangster, too. His quarterback got drafted and played, uh I don't know.

You're thinking more clearly than me. I can't remember who it was. Who was the quarterback at Marshall? Chad Pennington. You're right. He did play he played with Chad.

Pennington and they fucking both went he is a fucking real gangster.

Yeah. Chad was with the jets, remember? For was it forever? No, for the most of the time.

Though, I heard an interview where who's white Chocolate Jason Williams went to high school with. Can you they played basketball together. Can you find that commercial? The Nike commercial of fucking this is one of the coolest commercials that's ever been made.

Yeah.

Randy Moss commercial.

Yeah. With Jason Williams.

Jason Williams type. Jason Williams. Dude, jason Williams. Did you see the interview? He just god damn it. Look at that.

Yeah, that's them as kids, dude.

Yeah. Can you imagine how fun these high school games would have been to watch?

Look at them, teammates. He's just like, Here you go.

Boom.

Yeah. They're West Virginia boys. Yeah. They both have that crazy draw. When they can, you can totally jason.

Williams, I just saw an interview with him where he said they was going to play a pickup game with his agent and a bunch of guys. Jason Williams, 50 years old, and he said, we'll spot you 70. And at one point, he was acing them so bad, he starting shooting baskets for the other team.

I've seen this. It's the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard anybody say. He and his team were up by 86. He said 86 in a basketball game. And so then they start scoring against themselves, and at a certain point, the guys who they're playing against start to get pissed, obviously, because he's draining. He's like, I'm helping you out.

This is what brings me back to the Kelsey Brothers. It's fucking, we can't do what you do. How dare you do two Bayers better than us? How dare you do a better podcast than us? We got to show them our fucking strength, Tom, okay? They need to respect us.

They do.

What do we do? How do we take these guys just back to our eye level?

Just so they realize one of us get on a plane to Philly, one of us goes to Kansas City, and we just fucking have a real one on one, two on two.

How much bigger is Jason than me?

He might have a is he what?

Six one? How big is Jason Kelsey? 63. Okay. Full head of hair.

Six three. He's got great big beard. How about weight? Let's see if he's got any weight on you.

280.

Ain't no way. Jason Kelsey is 282.

Jason Kelsey 282.

No, he's more than that. That's a friendly weight.

All right, let's think of a way a friendly challenge. We'll do it at the Super Bowl. At the Super Bowl. We will both be there.

We'll see you guys in Vegas.

We want both Kelsey Brothers head to head pickleball. No, too easy. It's got to be a broadcast challenge. We got to flex our strength. We got to show him our Randy Moss Jason Williams highlight reel. We need to go. All right, here we go. I got a better idea.

What's that? Oh, no.

That's not going to work.

Okay. I think Vegas is a good idea.

Vegas. Vegas. Kelsey brothers. Unless you're scared, which I totally get.

Yeah, unless you guys are totally scared. It can't be football related, obviously.

Or strength related or attractive related or speed hair related. It can't be anything.

Nothing like that.

Nothing you'd ever measure a man by no, just something you'd measure, like, in a weird apocalypse. What's a skill set you'd need? It's got to be broadcast related. Here's the okay, we it's got to be two Bears versus what is theirs called? Two studs. Two studs, one swift.

I think it's called KKK or something like that.

Is it the KKK podcast?

Yeah, the triple K podcast. New Heights.

New heights with Jason and Travis. Kelsey okay. New heights with Jason and Travis. Maybe we'll have our moms fight their.

Good. That's fair. It's a fair fight. And she made two professional athletes, so it's both of our moms versus your mom. She's got stronger genes, for sure.

Three women in their 70s fight. It's a great idea.

I think she'd beat the shit out of our moms.

My mom would be like, I can't buy my glasses. My mom would be dead immediately. Podcasting skill set. Here's what we're going to do, okay?

Yeah.

We're going to talk about this is it. Kelsey brothers. I hope you're interested. We're going to go podcast to podcast. Okay? It's going to be a setup. Wide shot. Then you set up a wide shot, and we're going to talk about hot button podcasting topics, the hottest topics out there.

Jeffrey Epstein and then Jason will be like, oh, you mean my dating. I got some insight for you.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, okay.

All right. I was going to say we talk about he got vaccinated, right? Is he the guy that did the commercial?

Yeah.

Okay, well, it can't be doing vaccinations. Fuck. How do we compare to these guys? We spend money quicker than they do.

Yeah. We're not thinking about our future.

We can't do famous friends. They're going to destroy us. What about a blind taste test? We each have sex with the same process. In the dark. In the dark. And she's got to say who's the best. We run trains on them. Me and you train on one. Tom think.

I'm thinking this is our strength. Incestuous.

I guarantee you, if they had this on their podcast, they already have a fucking answer. It doesn't help that they're goddamn superstars.

Well, you got us into this.

Help me get out of it.

Okay?

How can we take these guys down?

How can we take them down?

These motherfuckers?

Can they read?

They don't need to.

They don't need to, but need to.

Read to be an offensive lineman.

That's what I'm saying. I don't even know if they can.

I bet we can talk trash.

They went to fucking Cincinnati. Yeah, I was born there. Shit. Fuck.

We keep it's almost like they watch Two Bears and they're like, I think we could easily do this. Yeah, we both are from Cincinnati.

Yeah.

Oh, something fart related. What if we broadcast oh, fuck. What if we broadcast on woke topics? Like, we take a woke topic and we see who gets busted first. Like pronouns we get a bunch of LBGTQ plus trans people and we'll all interview them and see who you know.

What they would do? They're going to fucking they would wear fucking rainbow jerseys and be like, everyone's welcome at our games. And then those people would be like, oh, thanks. And they're like, how about you guys? We'd be like, fucking zimzer my nuts. And then they'd be like, we like the Kelsey's.

All right, what about black guys?

What are we going to do?

Who black people like more? The Kelsey brothers or me and you? It's me and you.

No.

Oh, wait, you're right. They work with black guys.

Yeah.

More than we got.

Yeah.

Fuck. Hey, Annie, who would you pick?

You guys are the brothers. Yeah. Yeah, I pick you guys.

Like, if they offered you a job right now and said, hey, do you think we make more money than they do?

I don't know, man.

How much? Type in net worth?

Kelsey well, they both have public contracts.

Oh, I bet we could raise more money for charity than they could.

That's a fun one.

Fuck yes. I told you it was going to show up.

Yeah, it did. It showed up. That's what it is. Okay? He signed a four year $57 million.

Okay, get that off the screen. Okay? They make more money than we do.

And then? What about Jason? Because he signed a contract, too.

His is like the ridiculous one that was like, wait, same what? He makes 14 million a year? Okay, let's do charities. Who can raise more money for charity? I guarantee you we could smoke them. I guarantee you we can smoke them. And here's the key. They pick our charity. We pick their charity.

No, but don't forget what?

Okay, okay.

Don't forget.

Get Taylor Swift out of this.

Well, that's the thing, though. When Travis goes, hey, my charity, he gets that Swifty bump. It's hard to compete with.

Okay. Lady Gaga, what about her secret time? Yeah, there's a lot of female artists out there that are a little jealous of Swift's store so we Beyonce.

We hit them up.

Lady Gaga.

Yes. How are we going to hit them up, dude?

Once the war starts and Taylor comes out on their side?

Yeah, we get Beyonce.

Yeah, we just go, Beyonce, yo yo.

Okay.

It would be great.

We tag her in a hang.

We get dude, the beehive is way stronger than Swifties.

Those are fighting fucking words. And I like it.

I like it, too.

I like it.

We're going to skip the beehive on our team, okay? They can get the Swifties and we're going to raise way more money than that. We're so much more creative in ideas to get money. They just use their bodies to get money.

Yeah. They're going to be like, snap the ball. Snap the ball for chair for good. And then catch, catch, run more money for touchdowns. And then that's all they got high.

Hey, give me we'll learn impressions of them. Yeah, dude, this is going to be better than Tipper, Canoe, and Tyler, too. We're talking old school mudslinging. Old school mudslinging.

You got it.

And the charity reveals itself at the Super Bowl. Who raised more? We do it all January. All January.

Okay.

And we raise money. Our podcast versus their podcast. We get it on GoFundMe, and we fucking slaughter those dudes. Because here's the end of the day, Tom.

Yeah.

We'll throw our own money in.

Yeah, of course.

But also willing to do that. Do you think they're willing to lose a fruitless war?

Who knows?

Vietnam.

Here's the thing. They're fucking competitive. Those are competitive guys. So if you make it a real competition, you're going to get the best of them.

I bet we get to Pat McAfee on our side. Oh, yeah, dude, think of see, you got to remember, we can fan out thick the people we can bring in.

Also. Yeah. You know what we should do?

What?

We hit up the teams, players on the teams that hate them the most. Right. So what's his name? Jason plays for the Eagles. We hit up some cowboys. Hit up dak. Right? And we go Jerry Jones.

Fuck Jerry Jones.

Jerry Jones.

Jerry Jones is good for a cool mill.

Easy, bro. Cool mill, man. You want to shit on the Eagles for once?

And we'll make them raise money for something they don't like. Yeah, like we'll make them raise money. Look at we got we got DK metcalfeld. Throw in fucking loot, right? Baker Mayfield. He already knows how much I love his ass. Mike Evans.

We got to hit up. Micah parsons.

I just shit my pants. Did you shit I just shit my pants. Did you shit I just shit my pants.

Oh, no.

I just shit my pants.

Really?

I just shit my pants. I just shit my pants. I haven't shit my pants since I lost weight. That's old school.

Is it wet?

I was going to wear these jeans tonight.

Not anymore.

Hold on. Let me check.

Oh, no.

Oh, I shit my pants. No, I didn't shit my pants.

Oh, my God.

Dude, I thought that was wet. Let me see a piece of tissue real quick. Oh, fuck. Oh, you think you're going to get this on the Kelsey Brothers High Noon podcast?

Hey. Oh, God. Wait, where's the trash can?

We don't need one.

I think we're oh, hold on.

I think we're clean. Yeah, we're clean.

Oh, I'm going to throw up.

Wait, we're totally clean. We're totally clean. Don't throw up because I'll throw up. I fucking put another it's totally fine. It's totally fine.

Get a trash can. Get a fucking trash can in here.

I didn't shit my pants.

Oh, my God. I'm going to be fucking sick.

I didn't shit my pants. I didn't shit my pants. I didn't shit my pants. We're good.

I'm seeing stars. No. That was so fucking terrifying. That was close. That was close.

That was where your asshole goes like this. You go and then he just held it back by. So back to the Kelsey brothers.

Yeah.

Don't you love how close we are?

Yeah. Okay. Fuck, that was rough.

We get them charity. For what's? A charity that the Swifties will not want to donate to.

I like how you're thinking. Right?

That way we don't have to incorporate the beehive.

Oh, there you go. We do incorporate the beehive.

We're still going after the beehive. We want them on our team. The beehive needs to be activated.

Yeah, we got to get them activated.

Do not watch any of our videos from here backwards. Beehivers. If you are a beehiver right now, you're our fans, too. That's awesome. We're so happy to have you guys.

Yeah. Just please.

Take it like this. You ever date someone with a weird sexual history and you go, I don't even want to know. All I want to know is you're with me right now.

Yeah.

That's how we are.

That's what's important from today forward.

And by the way, we're not. No, we'll go after the Swifties. My daughters. That's my daughter's friends.

You can go after them.

Take their smoke. Will take their smoke. I can take their smoke if you're with it, sure. It's like when you went after pro wrestlers and then I had to fucking DM a couple pro wrestlers and be like, yeah, he's my buddy.

Did you really?

Yeah, I grew up in fucking Florida.

What did they say? To.

Not they did not take it kindly.

Yeah, I got some weird messages back then.

Who's the worst group of people to go after? Are you ready? Ready.

Let's go.

Head to head armies. QAnon or the beehive.

Who would you not want to fuck with? Yeah, well, it's different type of assault that you would feel. The beehive would come at you and you'd just be bombarded by the volume. The QAnon would ruin your life. Yeah.

They'd like, take your money.

Yeah. They docked. You show up places. You know what I mean? I think the beehive thing would just be overwhelming. Like, online legion of skanks.

Or beehive.

Who would you not want to fuck with?

Yeah.

The Legion would be funnier.

I think the beehive went after Trick. Daddy.

Trick Daddy? Yeah. Why?

And by the way, I'm friends with Trick. I love TWD. I mean, I love him. And I actually do not want the smoke he got with them, because even Trick Daddy, who doesn't give a fuck, truly, and I don't think he really totally gave a fuck, but the fact that it registered on his radar at all meant for me. It must have been fucking smokey.

What happened there?

He said, and I'm paraphrasing, that this is how terrified I am of the beehive that Beyonce could sing, but she can't sang. That's what he she's like, she can't I guess I don't I didn't really understand the entire thing. We talked about it on our podcast when I did a podcast with him, because you could tell he was, like, dealing with the remnants of the beehive aftermath.

It was old.

It was old. And he's brought it up to me twice.

Wow.

And I was like, Fuck, man. I never realized. I like Beyonce. I think she's pretty fucking awesome. Here we go. She can't sing, but she can't sang.

Okay. The audio clip, which has been circulating online, begins with the Florida rapper discussing different artists before seemingly begins to explain his feelings about Queen Bay. In the audio chat room, Trick Daddy criticizes the H Town native for her critically acclaimed album Lemonade and gets his most controversial take. Beyonce don't write music and barely can sing her motherfucking self.

How do you not appreciate Beyonce can't sing?

He goes on to say Jay Z shouldn't be in the conversation of the greatest rapper alive. Okay, so he was his initial comments he doubled down in his statements. That's what I love.

That's why he's TDD Beyonce is the.

Number one performer I've ever seen besides Michael Jackson and Chris Brown. Can she sing? Yeah, she can't sang. She ain't in my top. Okay? So, yeah, he's stuck to it.

He's stuck to it. And by the like, he's not an online motherfucker. Yeah, he went after when by the way, the things that are in my fucking YouTube algorithm are shocking for anyone. But he went after when Ebro went after Kodak black. He went after Ebro in a real way.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Ebro is an old interview, but it was when Kodak was going through some court stuff.

Which time?

The most recent one I'm gathering.

All right.

He looked younger in this video.

Okay.

And Ebro brought it up, and then Rosenthal was in there. Rosenthal was actually pretty funny. I wish that it was a pretty fucking funny clip, but unless you're Kodak Black who did not find it funny, but he said something that I say all the time, say less. He goes, Ebro was like, well, then this interview is over, and Kodak Black says, Say less, and walked out. But a lot of people came after. Joe Budden came after. I think Joe Budden did. I don't okay. There's another guy I would never want to smoke from his fans, joe Budden's fans. Joe Budden does not give a fuck. Do you think he knows who we are?

No idea.

I doubt it.

Yeah, probably not.

Doubt it very highly. He's great on podcasts.

Yeah, there's some people that are, but.

He doesn't give a fuck about he'll say what he thinks. I curb my opinion based on my I there's things that I sincerely regret saying out loud.

Really?

Oh, yeah. That Reese Witherspoon's boyfriend should have hit her or not hit her, but you know what I mean. Remember that checked her. Yeah, whatever. I forget what I said. I forget what I said. And Reese. I'm already sorry. Already? There's so many things I've said. I think there's a time we went after DAX Shepard. I don't totally remember, really. I think we did. I think we it was like the same way we're doing it with Kelsey, the brothers. But it was, like, fun. But then maybe I don't know. I don't know. I don't fucking remember. But I like DAX Shepard.

I don't think that registered to him, did it? No, I don't think it registered.

He follows me instagram.

I met him a few weeks ago. Tall, like normal height.

Good skin?

Sure.

Jacked hair.

Good hair. Jacked?

Jacked, yeah.

Really? Yeah.

He's a pretty bad motherfucker. He got fucking heat. From the trans community. Okay, ready? Beehive or trans community?

Oh, Jesus. That's a good one.

That's a fucking head to head battle.

Who do you want broke from?

Why aren't these the next versus battles where, like, a trans person goes head to head with the beehive and you watch them online and you see who wins?

I think the beehive would really come after you in an even more aggressive way. Actually, I would give it to them.

Okay. Beehive over trans.

I think so.

Trans over swifties AC.

Trans.

Yeah, I take trans.

Yeah. Trans, probably.

Okay. Trans over wrestlers.

Yeah. I mean, as somebody who went who got it from the wrestlers, you know.

What my next one's going to be?

I'd sign up for that over the trans.

Can I get a Bleep on this next one?

Sure.

Trans versus.

Who would I rather get it from? You know, they can't really figure out what's going on, so I would take it. I would take that. I would take that.

Okay.

You know what they did? We might have to bleep this too.

Just bleep the words, but keep the thing in.

They came to one of my shows outside. They gathered outside and they gave everybody in line a card.

They were going to say hot dog.

No, they gave everybody a card, like like a Hallmark card. And they said, this card was written by one of us.

Oh, they wrote them themselves.

Well, I'm sure they had some help.

We got to edit this.

Horrible. This is horrible.

This is horrible. Guys, you got to know just bleep everything we're saying in here, and then if you want our patreon on why don't we have a patreon?

I don't know.

What we should do is a patreon, and we'll release the first five minutes of this podcast where we talk shit about other comics and we keep all this shit in. Okay, so what would you rather do? Ready? This is a good one. Okay. Beehive versus vaccinators. We're saying beehive is probably top right now, right?

Yeah. I think as a group, you don't want to really they would ruin your shit.

Okay.

I think so who are you going.

To take vaccinators when we're talking about all our friends that are wearing masks and posting videos?

That's an aggressive bunch online. That'd be one of the worst. You could probably yeah.

They've taken down they've ruined people's lives. They've ruined people's lives. They've ruined people's lives. Who are you taking?

That's the thing. I think in that situation, they might be the most aggressive of all. Okay, I think that's a good one. Who do you think?

So you got to imagine. So they go head to head, right? So the thing with the vaxxers is that they will no longer like something if you don't believe what they believe. So if there was a Vaxxers fan who's a Beyonce fan but finds out that Beyonce's fans aren't anti vax, then I don't know how they do this, but they'll start hating Beyonce. For real.

They'll hate her.

Whereas the Beehive fans will get vaccinated and not get vaccinated. So then they'll be split amongst each other, right? And they'll start interfighting. That's a tough one.

It is a tough one.

God, man, these matchups should be know that's.

The crazy thing is what about YMH fans? We didn't throw them in there.

YMH fans versus who? Oh, how about YMH versus Legions of Skanks? I think, respectfully, I think they actually are two different I mean, I think there's some concentric circles. But here's the thing. If you're a Legion of Skanks fan, you're a ride or die well because you guys are free speech. But they're like ride or die free speech that no one's standing up for.

Right?

They're like, yeah. The thing that you now hate to death, that's what we they're like they're die hard comedy fans. Die hard freedom of speech fans, die hard comedy fans. And comedy in a different sense. Like, some of the things that Legion of Skanks has done, as Jay will tell me them, I will start laughing, as in, that can't be done. And he's like, no, we did it, and we'd gotten a lot of trouble. And I think one of the ones was crazy and they had to apologize.

Really?

I think they did. I think even they were like, okay, that was too far.

Yeah, they go for it. That's the thing, dude. Lewis goes for it.

So who do you think? I think YMH could take Legion of Skanks.

I don't probably.

But here's the thing about YMH fans.

But here's the thing. They like to go the YMH fans, they like, here's the joke. Have fun with like, this is a joke. It's not like, take this.

Okay? Legion of Skanks fans are stand on the hill and we die on this hill. Fans. YMH fans are like sniper at the hill and then punch in the dark fans. They love when someone doesn't get the joke.

Yeah.

And they just get the joke. That's what they love.

That's true.

Legion of Skank fans are like, oh, no shirts off. We're fucking going after it. Yeah, and if you don't get really.

Funny to have, YMH fans do I don't mean go after, but do their thing to Taylor Swift or Beyonce where you have their fan base.

What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

What?

We started that war.

We did.

YMH fan is a concentric circle with the Beehive.

Okay?

Who is off left from the Swifties and the Chiefs and the Eagles. Oh, we're going against the Eagles fans.

That's a rough fan base. That's a rough fan base.

Eagle fan base is as scary as the Vaxxers.

Yeah, I agree.

Eagles fan base is possibly the Philly fans. Is there a scarier set of fans in the country, let alone in the world?

In the world, yes. Because nothing compares to Man United to like I would say the Hooligans. And also South American. Like South American European soccer fans make our fucking fans look like we're just fucking at a kids game. It's not the they're way, way crazier. Really? Yes, dude, they're way crazier. Like the Spanish soccer fans. It makes it like a joke. It really does. It's like religion. It's so devout. It's another level that is okay. It's like you have to separate us fan bases for the rest of the world.

So if you could team up two fan bases now I'm getting back for this charity thing because I think this is important.

I think so, too.

We need to get our concentric circles, the Beehive, YMH, someone goes on Legion of Skanks, we get their fans involved, all for this charity thing. And we're all going after the Kelsey's. By the way, this is all in good fun. What are the Kelsey fans called? Just fucking people that like good shit.

No, Kelsey.

Kelsey fans are Eagles fans. They're sports fans.

They're sports fans.

Sports fans are fucking lunatics, too. Yeah, sports fans are pretty fucking fanatical. That's why we need Pat McAfee on our team.

Yeah, we got to get Pat.

Get Pat.

See, he's got that brotherhood. He's former player. You don't think so right now? Call him, see if he'll jump on our squad. It'd be really nice to have that support. If we got the McAfee support, it's a big deal.

Pat McAfee on a FaceTime. Please be taking a shit.

So aggressive. God damn it.

He's not going to answer, bro.

What?

I got a secret weapon.

What is it?

Barstool fans. Okay, barstool. We get barstool. Fucking Pat McAfee's already on their team. I bet I bet he's getting a call from Jason and Kelsey.

If everybody makes their big calls, let's.

Polarize the fucking world. Let's make Republicans and Democrats look like fucking Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts and let's polarize fan bases. All for a good cause. All for good cause. And by the way, I'm ready for the smoke. Okay? I'm ready for the smoke. It's going to come our way. We're going to get hammered all the month of January. It's going to be fucking tough. It's going to be thick.

You know, we got to do go.

To a different country.

No, we got to get on the basketball podcast to talk shit. You know what I mean?

Shit.

Because they're going to have the football shit locked down.

Basketball. You're right.

We'll go on that. All the smoke. All the smoke. Yeah.

There's the Barstool one with god damn it. What's the name and what's his name? That's fucking great. Basketball podcasts are great. On a murder podcast.

Yeah.

We will do the rounds to raise money.

Hello, JRE.

Oh, we won. The fuck are we talking about? Can't believe we were playing fucking hide and go seek with a blind guy.

I know.

What are we talking about here, dude? Rogan fucking down knows nothing about football.

Nothing. Not interested either.

Zero. And all we got to do is show him Travis Kelsey getting the jab. Hey, Jeff, what team do you want to be on? The guy who reads the information or the guy who just trusts Big Pharma?

Yeah.

We won.

There you go. Oh.

I don't even think we need to do it anymore.

It's over.

Oh, it's over. It was fun playing with you guys. We beat you, finally. That's right. We beat you because we're friends with Joe Rogan. So the story of our careers. We didn't have to trial for a team. We got picked. Our dad owns league. We didn't do anything during this.

It's like those F One drivers who are like their dads, just buy the Rice team. It's hilarious. You were saying?

No, that was a fun game.

It was fun. We're still going to do yeah.

Jason's coming to my show in Pat McAfee, baby.

Okay.

The fucking goat. Let me tell you something. Pat. I'm here with Big Tommy Buns.

What's up, man? How you doing? What's going on?

Listen, we know we're slumming it doing a podcast because you are big fuck. You own ESPN these days.

We know. We know. I'm trying to get like you boys. I'm trying to get like you boys.

I don't have a fucking feature film about my life in Russia. Oh, number one on Netflix for three weeks. Hey, Pat.

I was one of the watchers.

Oh, thank you. That was three. So, Pat, hey, first of all, you're going to love this episode. You get your flowers big time in it.

Yeah. We really praised you, man.

Yeah, we want to know something.

We want to know something, though. I love you guys. Don't do that. We need something, though, Pat. We want to know you're going to have to pick a team.

We're going head to head with the fucking Kelsey brothers, and we need you to pick a side.

Yeah. Are you going to be like, oh, I'm an NFL alum. Are you going to be a fucking man, Tom? I mean, the way you phrase that was certainly a little aggressive. It felt like, what is this? Why don't you flip it around? Tell them.

Oh, yeah. Well, here's the deal. These guys watch a couple episodes of Two Bears. Think they can do it better, right? They've got all the fucking money. They've got all the hot chicks. And Tom and I are like, you're coming after our fucking throne. You want the smoke? You got the smoke. I already do like, a 35 calorie on an assault bike. I don't know what they can do. So we're going head to head. We're going to go see which podcast can raise the most money for charity. They've got the swifties. We're getting the Beehive behind us. And if we get a guy like Pat McAfee, who owns owns the dialog of professional sports fans, we fucking own these two baggers.

You're going to be on the Two Bears squad. All right.

I'm on your team. That's all we wanted to hear. Guess what? Rogan's on our team, too. We haven't asked him, but we already know he is because old fucking Travis got the Jab. So we're in, baby.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

I don't know what you guys would do.

You're going to win, though. Fuck yeah.

By the way, we have the Beehive, but we don't have any connection to Beyonce. So just making that clear, too.

I was very impressed by you guys getting Beyonce's crew.

Yeah, dude.

We got QAnon. We got ladder. Legion of Skanks. We got the trans community. We got everyone, buddy. Oh, that's good.

Washington Post is going to write another.

Article about me teaming up with QAnon.

You guys. Thank you, guys. Thanks, Pat.

I love you, Pat.

Love you, Betty. We got McAfee.

We got McAfee. Gentlemen, we can play the game, but we already know the so.

And we got Jerry Jones.

And we got Jerry Jones.

Holy shit.

We got fucking oil money, gentlemen. Who's there gonna be? What's the name of that movie? Where's the blood? Where's there blood?

Will there be blood? Will there be will there be blood?

Will there be blood?

Is there blood?

There's blood?

There is so much blood.

There's no blood.

So much blood.

We're fucking covered in blood. We look like a Chiefs jersey.

Yep. You're going down, KKK.

The Klansmen.

That's what their fan base is called. They're Klansmen.

Write that in their comment.

No, don't write that. Don't write that. I think that's already over. That's done.

Fuck.

Maybe stop being fun about a second ago. Oh, man.

All Taylor Swift has to do is go out on stage and just go, Fuck Tom, fuck Burt.

Yeah. That's not really her style.

Well, I'm just a girl in a pickup truck listen to two bears in one cave don't like those two small white boys think they misbehave there you go. Think I'm singing a Miley Cyrus song right now. Oh. Get Miley Cyrus. She's friends with Joe.

Really?

It's bad. We should probably ask Joe if we could just go through his Rolodex. Yeah, we get elon. Joe's Rolodex is thick. He should go to war with someone.

That'd be cool.

Who you think could beat JRE vaxxers? Nope. No trans? Nope. Beehive Swifties are the only thing. This is a crazy conversation I have about a friend of ours. Yeah, but he is Joe Rogan bigger than Taylor Swift?

Well, I mean, it's not the same kind of comparison, though.

We can find out.

No, Taylor's taylor is a she's massive dude. Yeah.

How do you think Taylor's the biggest.

Pop star in the world? She broke ticketmaster.

She broke ticketmaster.

Ticketmaster. She has multiple nights in stadiums. Like stadiums sell out, like in 2 seconds.

How do you date a chick like that?

What do you mean?

Like respectfully, and I mean this respectfully to our wives. They're talented, but they're not like touch a microphone talented. Taylor Swift just kind of has an idea and it's a fucking platinum album.

Yeah.

You put Taylor Swift in a room and she could make the gross national product equivalent of money of a country. If you put her in a room think of that talent. If you put her in a room with a guitar or piano or just a symbol, she could come up with enough money to support an economy of a fucking small city. Easy.

Yeah, true.

How do you date that? How do you date that? When she says, let's get pizza, you go, you've been right every time. Anything's coming out of your mouth, everyone agrees. How do you date that? When we date, like, mediocre chicks. When we marry mediocre. Jesus Christ. Rogan has 18 million on Instagram. Taylor Swift has 276,000,000 fans.

That's a lot.

And those are like ride or dies.

Yeah, they're diehards.

What's Beyonce got? I bet Swifties and Beehive is concentric circles. It's just people into good music. We're trying to polarize two teams for ourselves.

What do we got? Beyonce 318,000,000.

I'll take the beehive.

How about they didn't think about it? How about Leonard Messi?

Oh, fuck.

492,000,000.

Oh, we need a soccer player.

Chelu.

Messi is the white guy that speaks Spanish.

Well, he's Argentine. Yeah, he's a whole fucking economy.

When we get him in our pocket, you know what our catchphrase is going to be?

What's it going to be?

It's about to get messy. I bet he'd probably understand the Kelsey brothers quicker being a high elite athlete. I bet he probably looks at us and goes, one guy speaks Spanish. Yeah, cool. What about that other guy? And then he'd be like, oh, he has Hitler's teacup. My family came from there, by the way. That's a joke called a messy. But that's Argentine. That's where they went, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. Good places to hide there.

It's crazy. I watched a documentary on yeah, yeah. Pretty cool. I think this one's in the books. All the Kelsey brothers have to do now is accept the challenge.

Accept it.

Accept the challenge. Head to head. Head to head. See who can raise the most money for charity. We pick each other's charity. That's where the brain comes in. So we're going to pick a charity you're not going to totally want to raise money for. However, it is a charity and they need it.

They need it.

And then you can pick our charity. And here's the other thing. We are burning to the ground, motherfuckers. You guys are going to have to quote a public opinion people respect them totally. And so they have communities to uphold.

Yeah.

They have lots of people on their team. We got me and you and those dudes.

Yeah.

So we what's the best charity to make them raise money for?

Well, I mean, we should pick a really good charity.

Hamas. Is that a charity or a team? Yeah, I think that would make it real.

Yeah, but then it'd be weird when you go, we won. Here's $11 million going to Hamas. I think it would kind of bring the mood down a little bit and be like, we won. Yay. I don't think that's what we want. Maybe. Yeah.

Listen, guys, these are all brainstorm sessions.

Yeah.

Okay.

Why don't we do, like, World Central Kitchen or something?

Fuck that.

That's where they feed people where disasters have happened. You don't want to do that. Why? You want to give it to a terrorist organization. That's what you think a fun thing.

Would be for Korea.

Yeah. Starlight Children's Foundation, maybe. Drooling.

I'm Drooling.

Proud brothers. Proud boys.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Fuck. Why don't they raise money for the Republican Party?

Okay.

Which I bet they're probably like part of them is like, it's not that bad, but we can't say it out loud.

Right?

And then we'll raise money for Bernie Sanders.

Just him specifically.

Is he still in it?

I don't think he's running.

We raise fucking $11 million for him.

Oh, my God. It will be an election year. So if we just get behind a campaign but then it's just stupid. No, but it has to be somebody. There's always, like, the person who's, like, fifth on the ballot. You're like, who the fuck is this? And they get, like, 1000 votes. You got to raise money for that candidate.

No, let's change the world. Let's change the world slowly and get a fifth party candidate to win.

You could get on the ballot. What if we raise it for you and you run for president? You have to go through the paperwork.

I'm going to do it.

No, but I mean, we'd have to get somebody to actually do the work.

Yeah. I'll run for president.

We raise money for your campaign.

Yeah, that's it. You guys have to raise money for my campaign to be president, and then we'll raise money for whoever you really want to be president. I'd be great if the beehives. Like he's got some good points.

Yeah. He'd be an awesome president.

I would be an awesome president.

Yeah.

I'm going to look at Leanne the entire night tonight and go, why can't you be Taylor Swift?

Yeah.

That's like crazy. That's crazy.

What car is Taylor Swift?

What car is Taylor Swift?

I don't know.

Past episodes, guys gets into the brothers. We talked about what cars our wives are.

Yeah.

Leansa, bronco.

And Taylor and Christina's an SL 500 from 98.

How's it close?

One that sound like a dart.

Taylor Swift is I don't know. That's interesting. What kind of car is Taylor Swift?

I think she's a classic.

She's a classic. But she is a but. And I'm only saying this because I think wonder. I wonder. We're going to get to know the Kelsey brothers better after this, and we'll find out. But I bet I wonder if she's and I mean this in, like not in a sexual way, but I wonder if she's easy to drive, right? I wonder what it's like hanging out with a superstar. I wonder what it's like. I imagine she's pretty regular because it seems like she grew up pretty regular.

Seems like it sure does.

But still, I'm difficult to be around. And I'm not her. Maybe that's because maybe that's why I'm difficult to be around her. Maybe that's why I'm not because I was going to say, I mean, if you show up at fucking valet, everyone fucking looks. If you walk into a bar with Taylor Swift, everyone fucking looks.

Sure.

But you can't be like, yo, just hop in it and park it over there. It's a little tough to like it's complicated.

Yeah.

As soon as you see it, you're like, holy fucking shit. No, I don't know. She'd have to be a classic. What kind of car would Whitney Houston be?

Whitney Houston.

Whitney Houston's. A fucking classic.

That's true.

Like the top five classic top five female artists that will go down in history. Okay. And just do the ones we know. Like you can obviously Eddie James and stuff like that, which are like the fucking goats of goats. Right? But let's just do the ones we know. Starting Whitney Houston forward. Because Whitney Houston's got to be in there, right?

Whitney Houston's definitely in there.

I'm going to name names.

Okay.

Whitney Houston. Dolly Parton. Loretta Lynn.

Dolly's. Pretty amazing.

June Carter.

Yeah. Nina Simone.

Nina Simone. Erica Badu.

Amazing.

Lauren Hill. Beyonce.

Sure.

Jennifer Lopez. I fucking love the one when they sad. Ben Memes.

Oh, the sad smoking so much.

I love them. So they I love them. I know he probably hates them, but I giggle at them every time.

Because everyone knows that sentiment.

That's why it's just everyone gets that.

One that registers to everybody. Everybody knows exactly what that feels.

Uh, what do you got? Put Mariah Carey in there, right?

Yeah.

You have Mariah Carey.

Yeah. We're way over five.

But no, but who are your top five? Madonna.

Lady Gaga has to be in there in the conversation. Yeah.

It's funny how Madonna was like the Britney.

Oh, Diana Ross.

Brittany. Christina.

Rihanna.

Rihanna. Keep going. Diane olivia newton franklin. Katy Perry. They have Taylor Swift as ten. What year was this done?

Well, this is yeah, I don't know.

They have Madonna as number one. That is going to change.

Yeah. Donna summer carpenters.

She played drums.

Yeah. Beyonce is 15.

That's fucking off, bro. Barbara Streisand, Cher.

Pink.

Yeah, there is, Stefan, I guarantee you. Because you know how we are about comics. I wouldn't say Caddy about tours, but when someone does bigger venues, you notice it everybody.

Yeah.

And so I wonder if that happens with Taylor, with Pink and Lady God.

They all know.

And they're all the I heard one of the stars being like, yo, I sell just as many tickets. And you were like, but you guys are all the same to us.

Yeah, well, their thing also, they legit. Make a jump from arenas to stadiums. Stadiums, yeah. And that becomes a thing that there's a number of them that can routinely do that.

I heard Taylor Swift has two tour busses, meaning two sets of tours. One goes to the next stadium and sets up as she does this show. And then she goes over, does that, and then they go to like they hopscotch. That's fucking crazy.

Pretty crazy. Yeah. It's a whole other thing. She's definitely on another level, no question.

How do you have her for Thanksgiving at your house? And not everyone's like it's. Taylor fucking Swift. I don't know.

I think it's probably she knows how to deflate people and just be like joey Diaz told me that when he did a movie with De Niro, he said this thing I'll never forget. He goes, the first time that you're doing a scene, he said they were like, blocking it, kind of running it. And that de niro. He's in a chair and he looks up and De Niro's standing above him and he said when he looked up, De Niro put his hand on his shoulder and said, it's okay. It's okay. Because he knew that Joey and the new guys on the set were yeah. And so he was like, it's himself. Like, I know it's all right.

I bet she does the dishes and shit. Because she's that person also.

Right.

She grew up like that.

Sure.

Where she grew up with manners. So I bet she's like, I'll do the dishes. I bet she gets her own water bottles.

Yeah.

I haven't gotten a water bottle in years.

What do you mean?

I've gotten a water for myself. I got one here. I haven't even opened it.

You mean someone gives it to you?

Yeah.

Fucking so you'd be in the house.

Like, hey, let me date Jason Kelsey and watch the diva that shows up. I was like, Jason are they going to do apps for us, or are we just going to sit here and play PlayStation? You think I'm going to do stuff.

Like, you bring it to me?

Yeah, someone's bringing it to me. I got to fucking do shit around their house.

What do you think of that opportunity, Jason?

Hey, can I come to Thanksgiving?

All right.

We got the challenge.

Yeah, we're all set up.

Super bowl weekend. Taylor Swift Lyrics sure. Let's close on some Taylor Swift lyrics back to back. Tom and I'll sing the song.

You give us the lyrics, and we're going to broadcast from the Super Bowl. From the Super Bowl and challenge. Well, that's when we will reveal who won the.

Yeah. So we need them to accept the challenge. Once they do, we'll text. We'll DM with each other and text. You got Jason's Travis's number? We'll text. We'll find out the charities we're raising the money for. We'll go live on our own podcast, separate podcast. And then we'll do a co podcast from the Super Bowl. We'll both be at the Super Bowl MGM Grand Arena, and we'll reveal who won the challenge.

I can't wait.

And it's going to be fucking great. It reminds me of when we were both young when I first saw you. I closed my eyes and the flashback starts. I'm standing there on the balcony in the summer air. See the light, see the party, see the ball gown.

So there's a high probability that neither one or neither brother is available.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I forgot to play football. Yeah, I guess Super Bowl is probably a bad place to meet up.

Could be.

I bet they can. They're going to be on fucking Press row.

That's true.

We should do live press row. Two Bears from Press Row.

That can definitely happen.

That would be fucking great.

Yeah.

Hey, can we set that up? See if we can do radio row. Two bears live. Two Bears from Radio Row. Clean.

Everything's fine.

Wonder if the Kelsey brothers shit their pants.

There's a challenge for you who can.

Shit their pants more aggressively? I bet it's me.

All right. Thank you guys for watching. For listening.

Great episode.

Super fun. Love you.

I love you more. Bert, Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave our.