If I ran into Kat Williams, I.

Geek the fuck out on cat.

And I know I'm probably one of the white boys he hates. I'm certain I'm in that six comedians of Rogan that he hates me. You re's twice probably. You know he doesn't like Ari. Hundred percent.

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The guy without diabetes. By the way, you told everyone I had diabetes, and this guy came up to me at the show and he was like, hey, man, I got diabetes too.

That's what I wanted.

Last night. So I don't have my glasses.

Did you see the one for the American Diabetes association? No. Oh, you haven't seen that?

No.

We did a whole thing where we're like, bert is so thankful for the things you guys do for the community.

This podcast can be so good for your soul. And then so destroying at the same time.

Wait, what happened last night?

Let's just backtrack. It's really been really fun watching everyone change their lives with this. Five k by May. We got jelly roll involved.

So many people. By the way, you look great.

Thank you very much. You look great. Thank you. I feel fucking hot.

All right.

I feel fucking hot. Like I wore a belt buckle the other night on stage, and I could sit down in it and it didn't cut into my stomach.

That's great.

Yeah, it's a big move.

What are you down to?

I don't know. I don't weigh myself anymore.

No more weighing.

No, what I do is I look to see if I have obliques. If I have obliques, then I'm still on the right.

Okay.

So I love the good stuff that comes out of this podcast. It's so fun. Look, we shame the Kelsey brothers, and then we get so in their grill, Jason Kelsey goes full Burt Chrysler and rips his shirt off of the game.

Oh, he retired.

We're in their head, Tom. We're in their fucking head. You know for a fact, Taylor Swift looked at Jason Kelsey and was like, yeah, they got you. They got you.

Yeah.

And then there's times like last night when an arena in Amarillo, I don't know. I only stayed at an arena to let you know that it was a plethora of people that a guy says to me in the audience, hey, I got something for you. And I said, okay. And he threw it on stage. He goes, I know you'll love it. And I don't have my glasses on. It's nazi memorabilia in front of arena full of people that not everyone knows the joke, of course. And then I go, I see the crest, the nazi crest, and I go, is this nazi memorabilia? And he goes, I knew you'd love it. And I then had to back out of why? I had to explain why I was getting nazi memorabilia. Explain that I did not want nazi memorabilia. I then was like, how the fuck did you find nazi memorabilia?

Yeah, you can get it.

And then everyone's like, where's the teacup? And I'm like.

I get yelled teacup quite a bit. Yeah. So somebody, another person with diabetes talked.

To you, comes up to me in a very vulnerable moment, and he was like, hey, man, I just got diagnosed, too. I know what you're going through. And I was like, what are you talking about? He was like, tai two diabetes. Tom said, you have diabetes. And I know what that is, man. It's scary. We change our life. And I was like, bitch, I changed my life. What the fuck are you talking about? I have diabetes. And then I get defensive, and then they're like, dude. And then the guy gets offended that I'm like, but I got caught so fucking off guard. If I had a nickel for every time someone brought up Hitler's teacup. Diabetes. Me losing my foot. Me getting my liver drained.

That's awesome. But the thing is, the diagnosis helped you. You look great.

I don't have to. I wonder how close I was to diabetes.

You know who actually got diabetes?

I can name five people, five comics.

Oh, yeah. Okay. But he just did a total dramatic change, because you can get yourself out of type two was Dean Del Rey.

Oh, yeah, he did.

And by the way, got it. He said, because he was trying to get on a health kick, and so he started to drink juice, right? So he was like, every morning, I go get juice here, and then another.

Juice, and the juice, and it was.

Just so much sugar. He gave himself type two diabetes, and so he thought he was doing the healthy.

Then those Joe juice cleanses, like early Rogan, when he would call it hulk come, and you'd do that, and then you'd feel sick, and you get diabeticulitis and diabetes. I remember Duncan. I don't know why this always sits. Anytime I see almond milk, I remember Duncan Trussell saying one time, I think it was in front of Joe.

He has diabetes.

What?

Yeah.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

How the fuck does he have diabetes?

Recently diagnosed? Yeah.

Are you being serious?

100%.

Really? Yeah, I remember him.

So it's you, Dean, Duncan. Who else?

I wonder what my numbers are right now, because I've been carnivore for 176 days.

Really?

Yeah. I've cheated. Like, on Thanksgiving, I had some stuff.

Photo of you on my phone last night from, like, a few months ago that I was like, I mean, unrecognizable.

You don't realize. I wish I could go back and take all the times people. I wonder if I'm going to do that now, because I've had two people, like, two guys in recovery that say to me, you know, you're an alcoholic. And then I'm like, I'm not drinking right now. And they're like, you're an alcoholic. You need to be an aa.

Recently.

Very recently, like a week ago.

Are they comics?

One is two r. Yeah, two are. Two are. One is Bobby Lee.

What'd you say to him?

There's no way to quantify. To someone with real alcoholism and drug addiction like Bobby's, like, I think Bobby would admit this. He's an addict. He's an addict with. All of them are sex addicts, which I can't really wrap my head around.

It's the same thing. It's filling that hole.

Do they jack off, like, four times a day?

Not necessarily, no.

They can't control fucking other people.

Well, it's not. They can't control it. It's that they're going for it to fill this gap. It's like this impulsive thing. Like, this will make me feel better, and then they feel empty. It's like having a drink. Right. And this will soothe the thing. And it's like. It doesn't. So I'll go have another one.

Yeah. I don't know.

Addiction.

Yeah, but it's hard to. You can't defend yourself. It's like a shark attack victim going, you know, there's sharks out there. And you're like, no, I know you're missing your arm, but I've been in the ocean, and I've been okay a couple of times.

I'm going to go back in.

I'm going to keep going back in. Like, I enjoy the ocean. I'm not going to stop surfing. That's the only reason I got in shape, is so I could keep drinking. It's the only reason I got in shape. The only reason I got in shape.

Was to keep drinking so that I could keep drinking.

Yeah, I got in shape for a lot of reasons. Number one, I couldn't see my dick. I couldn't get out of a couch. Getting out of a couch was a fucking. I couldn'tie shoes.

That's a real thing.

Oh, coffee.

Thanks, Richard.

Is this cool if I drink coffee? Is this an addict move?

Fucking cunts.

Fucking cunts. No alcoholic ever looks at you and goes, you know, the only person that's ever told me I'm not an alcoholic in the whole society? Dr. Drew.

Drew.

He's like, I don't think you're an alcoholic. I just think you like to drink. And I read. Look, I don't know. I'm going to go off on this, but I do think there is a middle ground for people. There is a middle ground where you get to have fun, and then you just get your life in order and make sure you're not fucking things up.

Yeah.

Here's the other thing. Try finding ten people that are going to give me an intervention. I'm fun as fuck to party with.

Yeah, that's true. No one wants to.

No one's going to be like. Even when I was at my worst, everyone was still giving me beers.

Yeah.

So I don't got it.

Okay.

I don't got diabetes or alcoholism. Guys, your boy's good.

There you go.

I might be a delusional narcissist.

There you go.

I could be soft narcissist is what my wife calls me. Soft yeah. Soft. Is that. I just think about me.

That seems like a reasonable diagnosis.

So many comedians are fucking soft narcissists.

Well, yeah.

Have you ever gotten a text from someone who sends you a text and then they spiral out of control after, like, dude, I hit you up. What the fuck?

Oh, yeah.

What the fuck, dude? Are we cool? Is this something I said? And then you're like, I'm sorry, I'm in Mexico.

Yeah.

And then you write back and you're like, dude, I went to Mexico.

Yeah, I went to Japan.

It's a new episode of two Bears, one cave. Hey, Tom, tell me about your story about Japan. I'm so curious that I will not say, more wasabi, please. And you have low sodium soy sauce.

Good morning. I'm Tom. Nice to meet you. That is some tasty rice. I said that to a japanese lady, and she was like. And I go, that's it. That's all I know. She's like, you said whole sentence. I said, yeah, whole sentence. She was very impressed.

Do you think we'll get out of wokeness where we can go back to making people's accents?

Not that one. The other ones are accurate.

Perfect. It's so good.

Perfect.

You'd think they'd appreciate it.

I know.

Like, it's the love of your culture.

I fucking talk about it on stage. And you could tell because on stage you're talking about and people are still like.

All right, let's go do the accents. You can and can't do. You can still do black dude.

Yeah.

Especially if you nail the black dude.

Here's actually the truth. I think you're allowed to do any impression, not only if you get the cadence and tone right, but if you get the information right. The information and the accent together is what gives it a pass.

Okay, so if a black guy goes, yeah, we do say that.

Exactly.

Like, I heard a black dude on hookers on the .1 time. It was my favorite black dude, and I'll never stop doing it. I don't care. Cancel me. My favorite one. Sure, guys. Hooker walks by and he just goes, hey, can a play against some conversation?

There you go.

Fucking awesome. Yeah. The best phrase I've ever. Or I love the. I just said it today. It's all over Instagram videos. What was the best? Oh, fuck. I'll come up with it. But it has the word fuck in it. Fuck you thinking about? The fuck. I love when they do that. I love it.

You live with black people are like, the fuck you thinking about?

Fuck you thinking about yeah. Because it's just theirs.

Well, some of that stuff is like. The sentence structure is called AAV. Right. That's what it is. African american vernacular English. Yes.

It's so good.

Like, when somebody goes like, it's a lot of people here. Right. So you think that you go. That's grammatically, but that's actually, like, a way that black people in America speak.

Yeah.

Right.

I love it. Moms. My mom's.

Like, talking about your mom's.

Yeah, your mom's.

Yeah, that's totally. Yeah. But if a white guy says that, you're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're like, take care of my mom's and shit.

Although some white guys, like Paul Wallen. He does it.

Yeah. He's really in there, though.

He's really.

If you're fucking making grills for people, you're allowed to say some shit.

I think we should get grills.

I've been wanting to do this for a decade.

I would love grills.

Yeah. We should go to Houston. It's not that far.

Yeah, I bet Paul Wall would hook us up.

I don't know.

Paul wall.

Paul.

Wow.

I think we'd get the full price, but I think we should do it.

Did you see Yasimim Bay?

Yasim Bay.

Yasim Bay go off on Drake?

Yeah. That was interesting. That was kind of a fun one.

Wait, Tom, tell me about.

Was the. It was the greatest. I had the absolute best. Mean, I just stayed in Tokyo. I mean, I didn't have that much time to do it all, but, like, Tokyo was like.

You're like MacArthur. Just Tokyo and fucking out.

Yeah. I mean, sign this piece of paper on the approach. You're just looking out the window thinking about the battle of Midway, and you're just like, motherfuckers. And then.

They were next level.

They're just starting to remilitarize. You know that? It's the first time. Oh, I started with that, too, because I was like, hey, I know you guys are starting to remilitarize. I just came from Honolulu. Let me tell you something. Take it easy. Do you think. Slow down.

Do you think their kids. Do you think. So? Our kids are soft.

Yeah.

Like, you look at the Navy Seals and you realize our children. Our children are all non binary and pronoun gay or fluctuating gay.

Sure. They're gender fluid.

Yeah. Like, I met a kid that I'd known my whole life, and he came out of the closet to me, like, he was like, 18, and I was like, I don't think so.

You told him?

No, I didn't say that. But you can see by my eyes that either I wasn't cool with gay guys or I didn't believe in him. I was like, I need to prove it. You got to do something like fucking macrame or suck a dick or something real.

Sure.

Because I don't know. But I get good. Look good for these kids. But I'm saying our military is going to be soft. If we go to war and we have a draft, we're fucked. Our kids are all TikTokers. They don't want to be famous on YouTube, which is totally fine. I'm in the same boat. I'm just saying I don't belong in a war.

I also think, though, some of that's just, like, the perspective on the, like, you get into the middle of the know when you get away from. You do. It is a different fucking world, man.

Do you think your kids are going to be.

Know? I don't, uh. They're pretty know.

Do you see?

Don't. They don't seem like, don't. I don't go like, this one's you.

When you and Christina come home, do they go, hey?

No, but they do say, look at my ass. Won't smell my penis a lot. So that is kind of gay.

I know a lot of comics that do that.

Yeah. That doesn't mean you're gay.

It's constant.

Little boys are obsessed with their dicks. Obsessed. Yeah. Talking about it, wanting to show you, like, you can't show it to people. You can't jack it like that in public. Put it away. They're like this feel. They don't even know what they're doing. This feels good. I know. I've been doing it for 44 years. Stop doing that in the living room. Yeah. I still love my dick.

I could never wrap my head around that wutang guy that cut his dick off.

What?

Remember the wutang guy that cut his dick?

Golf? No.

There was a guy in Wu Tang. Wu Tang's, like, pretty broad. It's like being in the AARP. Like, there's a lot.

You mean one of the main nine?

No, one of the auxiliary.

Yeah.

Christ bearer. Wu Tang clan affiliate rapper who cut off his own penis in a drug fueled mental breakdown.

Okay.

Because he said it was causing him a lot of problems.

The dick was.

Yeah.

Okay.

I bet I'd be a lot more focused without a dick.

This guy cut his dick off.

Yeah. On top of a building, I think.

Yeah, but it was drug fueled mental breakdown.

Oh, yeah. But I've been pretty high.

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2024 but do you think japanese kids can go? So, like, the japanese kids that fought amazing society?

Seriously, it's crazy as how quiet it is culturally. This is one of the things that we saw repeatedly. There's a construction zone, and you're walking down the sidewalk, and the guy whose job it is to make sure you don't walk into the construction, sort of like, take the path around, is like bowing, smiling, and gesturing in a way that you go like, I've never seen that personality, that demeanor here for that job. I've seen the same job, but it's usually like, hey, fuck over there, man. And you're like, all right. Fuck are you doing? You're like, yeah, it's like a whole different. And everyone's like that. Everyone has, like, you'd see middle aged guys being the cashier at the place. You buy a notebook, and it's just like, he's not, like, fucking.

He's a proud of his job. Yeah, that mentality, when I read fly boys and it's all about World War II, and those kids would join, and then they would rather kill themselves than give up. Yeah. But that was a mentality instilled from the samurai. It's like trickle down, right? So that last generation was all in World War II, and then this next generation is all, I think, I don't really know japanese young culture, but there are no samurais. And they're not learning ninja stuff. And they're just on TikTok.

We were looking for ninjas, but we never found one.

My favorite japanese person.

Yeah.

Do you ever see the video of the japanese dudes dressed like cholos walking down the street?

No.

Type in japanese cholo.

Japanese cholo.

Japanese cholos. And they got the pit bulls and the knee high socks and the long.

And they're doing it in Japan.

Of course we're not doing it in fucking east LA.

Yeah.

Japanese cholos are the fuck, uh, Chicano subculture.

That could be.

But that's a crazy thing, is, like, in Japan, they've adopted subcultures. Like wild subcultures.

Yeah. Like, hip hop is huge in Tokyo.

There we go, there we go, there we go. Hit that. Above it, above it, above it. That's the group, though. That's the group.

Look at these guys. Okay, but look. Okay.

I love the way they do. I love that. I love it so much. You don't see cholos dressing up like asian people.

He did that head nod exactly how he's supposed to. Oh, yeah.

Throwing up gang signs.

Yeah.

Look at those guys. Look at those guys.

But I just would have thought these. Look at that.

He does his hair.

I thought these were just, like, some swagged out japanese. I wouldn't put together that. These are, like, doing Chicano shit.

Oh, I think I read the blurb. What was the food like in Japan? Fucking amazing, right?

The best food. Everything was, like, an amazing ingredient. That's the thing, is, we had a salad, and you're like, it was a simple salad. Lettuce, tomatoes, couple veggies. And you're like, every bite, you're like, this is a perfect tomato.

And they do it. We went swimming with whale sharks in Japan, and they came out and they made us udon noodles out of the ocean. Udon noodles. Hot. And the broth was so good. I was like, I just drink cups of the broth. It's so amazing.

King crab. So I've had king crab a million times, but never I was like, yeah, I'll have king crab. And they bring out. They kill it there. So then it's just raw, and you're like, holy shit. I've never seen it raw like this. And then just little salt butter on this, and you'd go, that's the best bite I've ever had. We went to wagyu mafia, which was like, just other level. Other level. Every meal, I went to an omakase place for sushi for lunch, also. Unbelievable.

Their karaoke bars are private.

There's a lot of private. So do you know how a lot of the restaurant business works there in Tokyo? All the good spots. You're like, I want to go to this place. And they're like, yeah, do you know someone? Not like, you're like, do you know someone? You're like, what do you mean? They're like, yeah. There's no phone number. There's no reservation. You can't walk up. And then at the end of the Omacase meal, the chef gave me his business card. Like, he hands you the business card. And I was like, oh, thanks. And they're like, yeah. That means that you can now contact him if you want to come eat. That's how. That's how that place runs.

I fly to Japan just for a meal. I watch a show on Netflix called Broth. It's just about asian broths. They have cold noodles. They have noodles. I've watched all kinds of noodles for.

Breakfast also were just, yeah, all the food was dreamworthy. And then we went to Hong Kong, also credible food and Singapore.

Dude, the best thing about japanese culture, and I wish they bring it back or I wish we could do it here is geishas.

Yeah.

I was given a geisha for an evening. Like given her, like, they give her.

To you and you just used her.

I could do whatever I want with her.

Nice. What'd you do?

Nothing bad. But that poor girl was a barback for the night, really. She was like watching me drink and then she goes into my room, sets up my bed. I don't even know she, I mean, I got to be honest with you, I think she sat in my room while I slept because in the morning, I think she sat on a chair and just watched me sleep.

I thought, you're going to be like, I took her by the hair and I just fucking pulled her down.

No. And it started snowing in the morning, spitting her face. And she woke me up and she said, because we had a flight, we had to catch a flight to Vietnam, she woke me up. I told her, I said, I want a beer when I wake up. She had a cold tall beer for me and she had drawn a bath outside. Drawn a bath. And it was snowing. We're in Kyoto and it's snowing. She takes me out to my bath, gets me in my bath, gives me my beer, and I drank a cold beer in a hot bath in Kyoto and watched it snow.

And she just bathed.

No, she didn't bathe me. I didn't even bathe. I just sat in fucking. It was like full service human. It was the best. Yeah, I know what that sounds like.

I don't even know if I need to point it out, but we used to have full service humans here many, many generations ago. And I know you're longing for a day where it comes back.

But paid well.

Full service human is a nice way of saying it. Yeah. If there's pay, it's totally different. Yeah.

She was by choice, I think as a young girl, she chose to be Acacia. Yeah, she was awesome. They sit like Crossfitters, like, they just do like a kazana gown and they just pop down and then stand up like that, like healthy.

Yeah, yeah.

Japan was fucking awesome. Japan's awesome place.

It's awesome. It's really great.

Go to Mexico. Can I tell my story now?

Yep.

Are you done? I listened to a podcast where dudes interrupt the guys the entire time and it drove me fucking nuts.

No shit.

And I was like. I was like, God damn it. Is this what two bear sounds so.

Okay, go ahead. So where did you go in Mexico?

I don't know.

You don't know where you.

So. But it was a resort. Leanne's good with facts. Like, she knows the facts of where we stayed. Nice resort I've ever stayed in.

Wait, the nicest resort you've ever stayed in, and you're not sure where it was. Do you know what it's called? You don't know what the resort's called?

Mayan.

Okay.

Something.

Okay.

And so we get there. We went down to go see the Grateful Dead and goose, and Sturgill Simpson was there. Sturgill Simpson.

This was one show. They're all on the show.

Yeah, I think I met Sturgill Simpson.

Wait, how do you not know that?

I don't know. I was partying.

Okay.

And mostly. I don't know. That's not it.

I don't know.

Leanne knows the name of the fucking place. Okay, that's good. So we go there, we see the dead, and the first night now. Okay, I have to preface, I'm not good with celebrities.

You keep saying this.

I geek out. I geek out.

No, that's true.

And so I can't control myself from talking to them.

I'm such a fan.

You're the best.

I love this.

You don't even have to be that good. If I know that you're somebody, I will introduce myself. I can't help it. I really can't help it.

How do you introduce yourself?

I couldn't even tell you because my heart's racing so bad when it happens.

Do you say that I'm a comedian? Just in case they don't know?

I definitely tell them who I am. Oh, you do?

And do you give them your resume? You do.

Well, poor George R. R. Martin got a ear beating from me. Not like Derek trucks. Derek trucks. I've seen him play. Derek Trucks is one of the best american guitars we have. He played. And I went backstage and I do this thing. I swear to go. I go, let's just get out of here. I don't want to say hi to anyone. I'm going to just be cool about it. I actually use you as an example. I'm going to go full cigar and just walk through it and just leave. And I walk backstage. We have full access passes, and I see Derek trucks, and I actually say out loud, I can't help it, and I go, you're having it. It's happening. And I walk up to him and I was like, dude, I saw you play in Tallahassee when you were twelve years old. You're fucking amazing. And he was like, I played at the moon. Derek Trucks was so nice. He was so generous with his time. So was Sturgill Simpson. I definitely met Sturgill Simpson, okay. Because he was really cool. Sturgill Simpson. When he sings, Leanne became a fan immediately. He's got such fucking passion in his voice, and he's such an amazing guitarist.

The guys from Goose were there. I watched Rick play all of them. It was amazing. It was amazing. We're in a private suite, so it's an outdoor. It's all on the beach. It really is. If you're a dead fan or any music fan, isn't this like the end.

Of their run or.

No. Well, I don't know. Secret time. Ah, fuck. I'm not good with secrets.

Oh, yeah.

Yes. It is the end of the run. I'm never playing again. Okay? Fuck. I got good secrets. So it's all on the beach. Big venue. It's like 10,000 people. It's fucking amazing. It really is. But we get this private suite. It's a corner suite of the hotel that's like the best seats. Like box seats. It's right up to the stage. You can see everything. And it's all the musicians are in there. All the great musicians are in there. All the promoters, all the managers, all the agents. The first night we're there, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. The first night, I see George RR Martin walk by.

Yes. For people that don't know, he wrote Game of Thrones.

Now I am.

A huge series is based on his books.

Yes. I see him and I say to myself, don't do it. That's not the guy. Like, he definitely won't know who you are. And I'm certain people freak out with this guy all the time.

Yeah, he has a pretty distinct look. Kind of hard to really.

Honestly, he just looks like a deadhead. But he's in the suspenders. I see him, he walks by the bar, and I say to someone, that's fucking George RR Martin. And they, yeah, yeah, he's a dead. He's. We have the private suite. He has. In the private suite, he has his own personal room with his own personal balcony for him and his. So because he didn't want to be bothered, I see him the first night. I tell Leanne. Leanne's like, no fucking way. Leave. I go. I played it fucking cool. I played it so fucking cool. I didn't even say anything to him. The next night, he walks by again, and Tom. Whatever. Real junkies must feel where they go, I got to get it. I got to get it. I got to have a hit. I got to have a hit. I literally went like this, and he walked by, and I went, oh, I saved myself. Thank God I didn't do it. Thank God I didn't do it the last night. My brain's like, fuck it. We're getting this guy. We're getting him. I can't help it. I am out of my skin.

Yeah, it's building.

It's building. I'm really drunk, and I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. And then I say to someone, George R. R. Martin's in that fucking room. And they go, do you want to meet? Told people. I had told people, if I start to talk to him, punch me in the side of the head so that I stop. Because I don't want to ruin this moment. I don't want to ruin. Because I know he's probably a surlier, older dude who gets this all the time, and I don't want to ruin Game of Thrones for me.

Yeah.

They walk in. George, I'd like you to meet Burt Kreischer. And he was the most welcoming dude. He pulled a chair up next to me, said, hey, sit down. How you doing? So you're a dead fan. And I was like, all I wanted to do is, this is it. I plan it out of my head. I'm going to say, thank you so much for those books. They turned it. I didn't read them, but turned it into the fucking tv show I did. You're the fucking best. You're the fucking best. And I knew what I was going to say. I did the same thing with Jeff Tweedy. I was like, I got my sentence planned out. Thank you so much for those books. I loved Game of Thrones. It was my show. It was our family show, and we got to watch it with the girls. When we were in Europe, we all group watched it together, and we've watched them all, and it was so fun. And then he says, I hope your girls are old enough to watch that show. And I said, actually. And now Leanne's behind me, and I'm like, oh, fuck, my savior.

And Leanne's like, they were age appropriate. We waited till they were age appropriate, and then he starts to tell me the best secrets in the world. I'm just waiting to tell him that I got involved with the russian mafia, Tom. I didn't hear any of it. I'm waiting to tell him who I am the whole fucking time. I'm just like. Because I want to establish that. I want to establish that I'm not.

So you're just like, wait. And then you're like, okay, cool. Hey, do you want to know something? When I was 22 years old, no.

His fucking assistant comes in and saves me.

Oh, they do?

She comes in, she goes, razzle dazzle. George is like, what? And she's like, george, this is Burt Kreischer. He's a hilarious comedian. And he's like, you're a comedian? And I'm like, yeah, by the way, he has told me secrets about Game of Thrones that I have totally blown by. I've not listened to one of them. Leanne has all of them. In the ride home, she goes, isn't that crazy? That that's why he sold the tv show Game of Thrones? I was like, what? She's like, you didn't hear? The only reason he didn't want to sell it, that he refused Hollywood a number of times. And the one reason that he folded was dot, dot, dot. I went, he said that she's like, bert, he told you everything about Game of Thrones, that any fan would have lost their mind. He was trying to let me know.

He gave you.

If you're a fan, Tom. He gave me a necklace and, like, five coins. I forgot I got them because I'm sitting here going, when I'm 22. When I was 22. When I was 20, Tom, I was so bad. And then his assistant comes in and goes, he gave necklaces to the girls. He gave us coins from Westros. Like, he gave us all this shit, which all run past me because I'm not listening at all. Typical fucking Bert. I'm waiting to interrupt this guy.

Do you end up telling him stuff?

No. His assistants did all the work for me. George, Bert got involved with the russian mafia when he was 22. And he was like, what? And I was like. And I was like, yeah, I robbed a train. He's like, I own a train. And I was like, I want to rob your train. We sat with him for, like, fucking 20 minutes and had the greatest experience, all of which I don't remember and could not recite because I was overwhelmed by the experience. And then I was shaking. I was trembling. I was trembling, and I didn't even need to meet Margot Price. I was just like, I did it. The day is over. I took. I was like, this is how into it. Peter is, like, a real fan. He read the books. And I was like, can I get a picture? He was like, yeah. And I got a picture. Can my wife get in it? He was like, yeah. I was like, cool. Bye. And Pete's just sitting there going like, I read the fucking books.

Yeah, I read the fucking books. You didn't offer a picture for Peter?

No, I just left. I was like, that was cool. And Peter was like, kinda. He's like, you didn't. You said all the names of the characters wrong. I was like, you remember big country? And he goes, you mean the mountain? I was like, you know the big guy that got his eyes wrapped out?

Big country.

I wish I could be more like you. I'm being serious.

I don't know.

I wish. You'll see it when we do the Super bowl.

Yeah.

I can't help myself. I wish I was different. It's okay, because I think it lets fans know that when it happens to me and them that I'm the same as they are because I geek out. So I understand when a dude puts his hand behind you and he's trembling. I do that. I do that. I can't help it. I wish I knew what that is because my daughters don't have it. My daughters don't give a fuck about celebrity or fame at all.

You're just excitable, man. You get very excitable. You're an excitable person. Things really get you fired up, dude. I don't think it's a bad thing.

This is how bad I am. I met Nate Burkis.

Who?

He's the designer. He's Oprah's designer. This isn't his claim to fame, but in the 2001 tsunami, him and his husband were in Thailand.

I think I remember. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

I met him at a pool. You'd think I was so into interior design.

Either that or gay.

Like you'd think I was one or the other. I was like, Nate Perkins. Oh, my God. I'm such a fan. I don't know anything. Yeah.

Why do you think you get so excited?

I don't know. I don't know. I would love to get.

Now, did you also tell him you're like, I'm a comedian. I can see it in your face already. Yeah, of course I did.

I don't understand people that don't do it. I don't understand how they do it. I really don't. The problem is with me is I don't know who they are sometimes. I know they're famous. And I know that you feel like.

You have to acknowledge that if you know that they're famous, you have to say something.

Yeah, and then I won't know their things, so I'll say all the wrong things to them. I won't quote any of their things properly. I did it with Adam Sandler. I was like, I love the movie. Precious gems.

Yeah.

Because I know it's a thing, but I don't know the thing. I wish I could get rid of it, but I guess there's a part of me that makes me feel like I still am who I am.

You're a fan.

Yeah.

You're a fan. You're an excitable fan.

The only person I've ever been cool around. Yeah, and this could be argued with Chappelle.

Yeah, but you're also in the same field, right?

Yeah, but not even remotely.

I know what you mean, but I mean, you have the same job.

We have the same. Like, I do it with Kat Williams. If I ran into cat Williams, I'd geek the fuck out. I'd geek the fuck out on cat. And I know I'm probably one of the white boys he hates. I'm certain I'm in that. Six comedians of Rogan that he hates. There's no way Cat Williams has ever turned on Netflix. Seen me take my shirt off and be like, ha. Can't wait to see what this is, man. This is interesting.

Yeah.

You know, rogue has got good taste in comics.

Yeah, I think we're both in it then.

You think you're in? No, he likes you. Who do you think his six comedians are? It's not Shane Gillis. Well, the six are me, you, Ari. Ari's twice, probably. You know he doesn't like Ari. No, there's no way Cat Williams is an Ari Shafir fan.

Probably not.

You know he doesn't like Mark Norman. It's the rotation.

If he's saying six, that's just a number. He just means the rotation of regulars that appear, but.

Yeah, but there aren't an exact six. You mean it's sobroctober and protect my parks.

Well, there you go.

And he probably thinks Ari are two different jewish guys.

Yeah, those are the same.

He's like, you know, the one that looks like a coal miner and then the other one that looks really jewish. You know, the one that talked about Kobe and then that other one that just has blood coming out of his. I mean, who do you think Kat's favorite white comedian is.

Well, he gave a plug to Ron White. And I thought that was rad.

He was like, Gary Owen.

No, no.

He gave a shout to Gary Owen.

He did give a shout.

A shady shout. Like, Gary had to do research and go, was he shady?

Oh, that's right. I'm thinking that Gary told this story, a shitty story about Steve Harvey after that.

That's crazy. Yeah, I met Steve Harvey. He was fucking awesome. I met Cedric.

Cedric's rad.

I geeked out.

I bet you did.

You didn't see.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I did see that.

I think I found out where it comes from.

I think he thought you were the valet or something, right?

No, wasn't it.

Wasn't he like, hey, man, get my car. And you were like. You were like, oh, my God. Cedric, he.

He came out. We were eating at the same place, Boulevard, which is fucking.

It's the Bentley around the front.

We were eating at Boulevard, and I was out front, and he came walking out front, and I saw him, and I was like, there is a thing with comics that I feel like. I'm a little shocked that they know who I am only because. And I know that I do big things, but still, Cedric's someone that.

Cedric's the man.

I've been watching him. Bernie Mac, Steve Harvey, DL. Like, when DL knew who I was, I was kind of geeked out, because I was like, you're DL Hughley. Like, you don't have to know who I am. Like, you're at a place now where it's all traffic behind you. You don't ever have. There's a lot of comics. I don't know who they are.

I saw DL at the mall in Woodland Hills a few years back.

Black guys love the mall.

Yeah. And they love the Topanga one.

Dude, I've seen Kevin Howard at the Beverly center, like, four times.

Really?

Yeah.

But I did that thing where I kind of made eye contact with DL, and then he just looked down at her shirt, and I was like, I didn't say anything. Yeah.

DL's manager is with him, so I think that might have helped him.

Nox's manager's? No.

Yeah, because his manager was like, what's up, Bert? And then I was like, what's up? And then I saw DL. I was like, hey, DL. And he's like, how you doing, tom? Good to see you. But when we saw Bernie Mac, he was walking out front, and it was raining. I was like, what's up? And he was like, what's up, man? And dapped me up.

Wait, you said Bernie Mac.

Cedric. Cedric.

Because Bernie's not. He's not going out that much now.

I know. I haven't seen him a while. Yeah. And then my mom. My mom.

Your mom was with you?

You haven't seen my mom?

That's right. That's the video. Both your parents are with you.

And my dad is like, everyone's screaming because it's like, my mom's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I can't believe your parents know my mom.

Well, everyone knows Cedric.

No, but my parents.

Yeah, I can imagine.

My mom would be. Huh? Like, football.

My mom lost her shit so hard on Cedric the entertainer.

Really?

She grabbed him in a hug. She had her arm around him.

So it sounds like it's genetic.

My mom. My mom. My dad doesn't care about celebrity. He does in a weird way, like, football players. He's always been like, really? Yeah, like football. Like, he might ask, like, Shane Gillis. Like, he knows who the football players are, and he's like, yeah, I can't believe you met Christian McCaffrey. Yeah, that guy's a fucking.

Yeah.

Shane is like, I am with football players.

Does he geek out on them? I don't know.

I would argue that Shane stays up at night thinking of what cool texts to send them in the morning.

Oh, my.

Like, I would argue because Shane's really good at texting people. I think that's generational because he's younger than we, but, like, he's good at establishing relationships. I mean, he got Gabe Davis to do a celebration.

That's crazy.

On an Internet thing, you won't do it. Shane's just really good at texting. Like, he'll text out of nowhere and be like, yo, bro, you're one of the top five hangs of all time. And then you'd be like, for real. He's just as good at making people feel good, but he does that. He does it with Diaz. Like, he texts with, like, he. He meets someone he likes. He doesn't do it for. Like, he'll do it for any football player. So I think the idea that you played pro football in Shane's book, probably in your book, too, is such an accomplishment.

Yeah, it's great.

It's such an accomplishment. But I don't know. I'm not good with football, as good as Shane is, but I have the same thing with just low level celebrities.

Low level?

Yeah. TikTok. People, if I know you from TikTok, I have a bunch of TikTokers I follow and that I ran into, and I'm like, shut the fuck up.

You're like, I love the way you put on the boots and then you fucking walk up the stairs.

The thing you did with the baby hands and then the big hands, and then they hit him and then the black guy walked in.

You're excitable, dude. It's like a contagious kind of. You're like a kid.

Yeah, I like being excitable.

That's what I was saying. I don't think it's a bad thing, man.

Yeah, but it's not cool. That's why I couldn't have hosted the Golden Globes.

Oh, my God. Can you imagine getting that gig?

You have cs.

No, you don't. A thousand percent. I would pass on that. I would pass on it even if it had a big paycheck attached to it.

For real.

Thousand percent. Because I think you just go like, you kind of know what you're drawn to. You know what? You're good. Don't.

I'm not good at those jokes.

Well, I think that's a fucking rough gig, period. Like, across the board.

Mulaney killed it on his governor's ball thing.

I saw a clip of that.

Yeah, he killed it. But that's what. He's good.

Like, John. He's not just, like, super talented.

He's also an industry insider.

Not just that. I'm saying that he's a real writer, too. You know what I mean? He's a great comic, but he's written tons of sketches.

He was the guy getting hired for those Golden Globes, writing for them, for.

He's really good at something. But I'm saying John probably knows, like, oh, this is within my wheelhouse to be like, I can do this. Well, I would get that offer and be like, no.

Who do you think would be the worst to do it? Besides me.

Besides me. Me?

No, you'd be good. You'd be good. Because this is why I actually went through. I actually thought Joe did a pretty good job all considering. Ten days out.

Yeah, dude, I think that's fucking. He should be commended for. People are just. This is like a world now where everybody just loves to pile on someone if they say something they didn't, like, know people were flipping out over a Barbie joke. Like, are you fucking serious right now? Is this like. I think he did great. I think he did great.

I think he did great, too. But I was like, I would have done way worse. And I don't think anyone puts that as, like, Joe did great compared to enlist ten comics who could not have done it.

I would have been up there, first of all, without smiles.

That's why you would have done good.

He has a big smile. I would have been up there. Serious people have been like, this guy has mental problems. It's not unlike some of my stand up shows where I feel the audience go like, what's going on right now?

But that's why you would have been good. Because I thought of it. I was like, you would have played to the audience at home. You would have just played to them. Because the hiccup, I think in that is that Joe at a certain point was trying to get the room on his side and the audience at home was already. They're like, I don't give up. That's why Ricky's race did so well.

He's hands down the best because he.

Goes, I don't give a fuck about this room. I'm playing to you and your couch. And that's what worked. Like, I was already thinking of, I'd only seen one of the movies, so I was just going to write jokes about Oppenheimer.

That'd be great if you were like, I've seen one of these.

So, guys, I hope I don't tip the hat too much and you know which one, but Nicolas Cage is here. Did you see Oppenheimer? I would have just gone around and just talked about, like, face off and all the good movies I saw that they did.

Yeah.

I would have been like, or did.

You just talk about the cat Williams interview the whole time? You guys see the only, the only.

Cool thing that the only miss, I think Joe could have done, which would have been really if you. This would have been my move. Celebrate the like, but not really celebrate them, but celebrate them in my knowledge of, like, I'd have been like, leo, Leonardo DiCaprio's here. Do Arnie real quick. Let me see Arnie from Gilbert Grape. Just, you know, you can do it. Just bang it out real quick for the camera.

And then you go like that.

Do that, do that. I'll start it off.

You do it.

I'll play Gilbert. Johnny's not here. I'll play. So. But the only cool thing would be if you had said, I'm not going to roast anyone except for Ricky Gervais because, you know, the crew and then light up Ricky Gervaisk, you know, he'd take it as a joke, of course. He'd love it. He'd love it and he'd get everything you said about him. Would be fucking hilarious.

Yeah.

And you know that those writers have a ton of Ricky.

I think it's like imagining these things is easier than the execution of it. I mean, you feel a certain way after you've done stand up a while. You're like, yeah, I've been in this, in that situation. But you still, man, I'm telling you, you get into. This is not even close to the Golden Globes, but you get into, like, a private, you go to a private gig for a company or something, and you feel like, yeah, I know what I'm doing. You get up there and it's like, right away you're like, ooh. The energy is just so different than a show where people are like, we want to see a show. It's just different. It doesn't feel the same. So you imagine it'll go a certain way. But when you're in that environment, man, I mean, I've had privates that I'm like, holy shit, I've never done good at a private. No, it's fucking. Remember when the improvs used to hire us to do their Christmas party shows in December? So, like, companies, small companies would be like, all right, our Christmas party is going to be going to the improv. And then they hired a comedian, but they don't hire top tier comedian at the time.

They have $250. So they call you because you're like, yeah, no one knows who you are or anything at that time. And those are not easy gigs. I mean, you're really working to get those going. And then the moment you do, it's the same kind of concept. You're like, I'm going to do the jokes I want to do. I'm not here to just entertain them. I'm doing my act. You do something that's like, offensive, crosses a line. You see that room go, ooh. And then you realize, oh, yeah, this is a corporate event.

Yeah, you have one of the most epic bombs in those, don't you?

I have a few.

No one. The one in Winnipeg, was that a corporate?

Sort of. It was Christmas parties. Yeah, but I remember another one in Brea, which was a Christmas party where I did a joke and I forget if it was about, like, race or women or both. And then I say it and you hear like, ooh, right? And it's a different vibe than a regular show. And I'm like, all right. I say something, and this guy gets up and I'm like, what's this guy doing? And he walks over to the table and fully audible, he goes like, are you okay? Are you guys okay? Oh, my God. And it's during a moment of quiet, like a lull. And so then I'm like, are you asking her if she's okay? And he looks at me, and he's like, yeah. And they're like, yeah, we're okay. He's like, all right. It hits me, like what I'm at. Hey, man. It's like, you're in our office.

Yeah.

And I'm like, yeah. I didn't. That wasn't conveyed to me. They were just like, come do a set.

What was wrong with her?

Whatever I had said may have offended her sensibilities. You know what I mean?

He went to the one Karen, in the office.

He went to her, and then he was like, are you going to be all right with this? But he said it full volume. And then I was like, I think she'll make it. There's only 45 minutes left. You go right back to it. And then they were fine. That show was fine. It wasn't like Winnipeg was yet. That was.

I got cut off in a corporate cut off. Yeah, I got cut off. It was in Aspen or Vale. And I was eating a lot of oxycontins at the time, and volume. I was double dipping, and I was drinking.

Hey.

And it was a hedge fund, and it was 25 grand for the show. It's a lot. It's a fucking ridiculous amount of money. And, Lee, I had fallen off a waterfall in the anne's like, you're doing the gig? She flew and met me in Denver and got me to the gig because we needed the money. And I started. I remember I knew I was fucked when I was like, so tell me a little bit about these guys. And the lady just goes, just talk about your Rolex. I was like, what? She's like, they're all really rich, so just like, talk about rolexes.

Yeah.

And I was like, I don't have any material about that. And so I went up and I started doing material, and the one guy goes, enough. Just tell the fucking machine story and let's drink. And I was like, twelve minutes in, I was like, what? And he goes, we just want to hear the fucking machine story. So I was like, that's it. He's like, yeah, and then you're going to go drink with us? And I was like, I'm kind of on oxygen. He said, doesn't matter. So I was like, when I was 22. And he goes, this is it, guys. This is the one. And I was like, I told the machine. And then we went out, partied. Hard as fuck.

Yeah, I was fucking with a guy at a show one time in Irvine at a private like that. And I said something about him being the janitor. And he's like, I'm the president of the company. And I was like, they have a hispanic president of the company. And then you're like. And I go, no. And I looked at my phone. He goes, no new messages. And I go, prefirus. Queue into Irima. And then everybody was like, ooh. And then he was like, I don't speak Spanish. And I go, you sure look like you do. And that show ended early. Real early.

Yeah, we were in shout out to El Paso. I didn't realize how Mexican El Paso is. Yeah, it is 98% Mexican.

The border town of El Paso. Yeah. It's like English is a second language in El Paso.

Yeah, I spoke Spanish for the first ten minutes. So there's a point in my show, if I'm fucking around, that I do this joke about going down on Leanne, and if I feel it, I'll sing God bless America.

God.

No, wait. God bless America.

Are you on Oxy's now?

I don't know what fucking song I sing. What song do I sing?

America the beautiful.

No. Let me see if I can do the joke. She was running tights. I didn't figure out ten minutes. I didn't give up on her. I went down her one.

Grace.

I don't know. Never mind. Does anyone know the fucking song I sing? Which is one land and the prairies and the ocean white with foam.

I don't know.

From the light up above. Fuck me, dude. What if I have, like, the early stages of Alzheimer's?

Yeah, that could happen.

I mean, I forget people's names.

O say, can you see?

That's the national anthem, dummy. That's what Peter said. No, that's the guy who's got every God bless America. You think you have that? I love. Stand beside her and guide her from the light. We get up above.

You do this on stage.

Sometimes I'll fuck around and do it, and then I'll put the mic to the audience and let them sing with me. Yeah, El Paso. Yeah, they were right. Yeah, we never heard that song. Yeah, I had to sing the national anthem. I was like, God, you guys know this one? And they knew that one.

They knew that. Okay.

Yeah, El Paso was fun as fuck. You're not supposed to go into Juarez.

Did you go into.

No, I said to the lady in catering, I was like, is Juarez safe? She goes, yeah, I go there all the time. She goes, not you. But, yeah. I go, I was like, what would happen to me? And she goes, you'll come back naked. They'll take your clothes. She goes, the border patrol will take your clothes. I was like, for real? She's like, do not go to fucking Juarez.

Yeah.

Which kind of sucks.

I'd listen to that advice.

They should make, like, polar bear cages where you can go into.

Yeah.

So you can see the chaos, and they're trying to kill you, but you feel safe, like a polar bear.

I have a cousin that just moved to Mexico, and I don't even want to say where he moved. Okay. I don't even want to say where. But he moved there, and it's a city where shit definitely pops off. And I was like, you don't have any fear. He's like, no. I go, why? He goes, because they tell you, just don't go to this place after six, stay out of this neighborhood after seven. This neighborhood you never go to. And I was like, is that comforting? And he's like, yeah. Because it's like the rules are really laid out. So he's like, they tell you, like, when you're new, sometimes you can make a wrong turn. And at first people will come up to you and be like, kind of, what are you doing here? And then when they kind of understand that you actually are new and you don't know, he's like, they just kind of let you know. But it is a place in this neighborhood that he lives in where he's like, hey, you don't go out in the evening.

I can't imagine. All I was thinking about was being a real drug addict and going, like, the thought in your head going, no, I'm going to go over to warriors real quick and just get a little coke. It's fine. The rationale, that must happen with someone that's really feigning for drugs, that's like, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Well, you know what? We're going to see what happens. I need it.

No. Scary, dude.

They should bottle that. Bottle that feeling up junkie energy.

Yeah, sell that.

If they could sell that. I guess they do. It's called crack.

Well, that's another drug. Yeah.

Who's saying that? They should bring back crack. They should bring it back, boozy.

What do you mean, bring it back? It's still available.

No, he's like, meth's fucked everything up. Meth and pills. He's like, whatever happened to good old boozy is fucking 100% all the time.

You know what Dr. Drew told me about crack? That I would tell you this?

No.

He said that there's drugs. There's a lot of us who? I go, could I try this one time? Coke, pcp, heroin. He's like, yeah. And then you can't tell whose brain chemical composition will react certain ways. Like, there's certain people. Like, we could both have meth pipes here. Take a hit of meth. And he goes. And you might do it. Feel the effects. And then just be like, that was wild. And then the other person be like, I need to get that again. And it changes their brain composition.

Really?

But the one that is like, he's like, you're almost certain that things will change for the worse is crack. That when you do crack, even one time, it affects your brain in such a way that it's over for you. You'll never be, like, the same again. And you'll just be in pursuit of crack forever. Wow. Because you see crackheads just completely melt down. He's like, that's how powerful that is.

God, that's crazy. And it's just coke, really? Right.

Cooked. Yeah.

Jelly roll. Used to sell crack.

Sell crack?

I think so. He sold drugs? I think he was a drug deal. I think he went to prison for it.

Did he go to prison?

Yeah, he went to prison. He just did a show in a prison.

Did he really?

He just did a show in a prison like Johnny Cash and 20 year sentence. He served a year for the charge. Where do you go to jail?

What was the charge?

Dude, he.

Epidemic.

He talked about. Did you see him testify in front of Congress?

I saw clips of it, yeah, he's.

Firing on all cylinders.

Yeah, it was awesome.

I think he's pretty sober. I think he just smokes weed.

You mentioned at the beginning, it's so cool how many people are hitting me up daily. About five k by May.

Yeah.

So many people are training for it.

I think it's the coolest fucking.

We're going to have a huge show out for that.

Especially when Jelly said he was going to do it, because that's the people who can really affect change. He's a video texter. Yeah, he'll just send you a video. Hey, baby.

Yeah.

And he texted me one time. He's like, when the fuck does this get better? Because this is miserable. He's in the snow just walking. He's got dog hair all over him. He's like, no.

Fuck.

Does this get better?

Sucks.

But, man, if he can drop some weight and get do that five k. It's awesome. I think he will. He's a guy that puts his mind to something and does it. Yeah, I think that's going to be fucking huge. Five k. Really fucking huge.

So many people have hit me up and for people who are like, I get hit up. Where is it? Where's it going to be? We have talked to a couple of places. I think it's fair to say we have it down to two potential locations. Yes. I don't want to give it away yet, but we should be able to announce the exact location fairly soon.

Yeah.

Plenty of time to plan a trip for May. Yeah.

And it should be a really fun trip in May.

I think so.

I think you're going to really enjoy it and I think what's cool about it is what's really cool about it is because we had this stupid idea. A lot of people that are very passionate about races and five ks and the guys at the highest level, like, cam Hayne sent me up and he's like, I got ten people that want to talk to you. It will be legit fucking fun, dude.

You know what? Those elite people do it in? They do it in like 15 minutes.

His son, Cam Haynes's son, ran a marathon as a lark and a pair of jeans the other day in 3 hours and 45 minutes in jeans. I think he's like, I haven't run in like six months. Cam made a different human. Those children of his are not like mine.

No.

I don't think my daughters will run the five k. I'd be shocked if we get Isla out of bed.

You think Georgia might come do it?

Georgia will probably do it. Georgia is in good shape. Isla's in good shape, but she's just.

If you tell her you got to be there at seven, she's going to be like.

She's like p m. She's like, they got one in the am. I've never seen that one. That kid is not. I don't think we're going to motivate her to get out and run a five k. Although you would if, like, you get big J there, she'd do it.

Really?

Yeah. Big J did it. She'd do it. She loves Big J.

Isn't he going to do it?

I think so. Big J, everyone's getting in better shape. That's like the new thing. It seems like everyone is trying to lose weight. Stavi, it's funny that people shame you for losing weight and people hate you.

Oh, yeah. But who does think about that? Who's the person that's going to be mad at you for that?

Yeah.

It's not someone who's, like, thriving and doing well that's mad at you for taking control of your life. It's not someone who's like, I'm doing great, and I'm just mad at you for not. For doing the same thing.

It's so funny. I just look at everything as inspiring, even stuff I don't like. I go, oh, try to do something better, cooler. That's a good idea. I look at everything as inspiring. I don't think I ever look at anyone's weight loss. There's a dude I follow, he's doing 75 hard, and I've watched his body transformation, and it's really impressive. And I'm like, this is fucking awesome. And then I don't think he has a ton of followers. And then he hit me up, and I was like, yeah, I've been following your journey, but I don't even know the guy. He's not famous, but I love following. There's a kid. Do you ever see the kid?

Those are inspiring people.

Do you ever see the kid? That's like, I'm going to do as many squats as followers as I have. And he's like, today I'm doing ten, and then I'll do whatever the first comment says. And the first comment is like, move to Africa. Start a micro loan company. It's, like, hilarious. And all of a sudden, he had 200,000 followers, and the next day, he's like, yeah, I can't do these squats.

Yeah, I can't do 200,000.

That's a big trend in, like, little kids.

They're like, both my boys have done it. I have videos of them. They send me videos when I'm on the road of what, doing squats.

For real?

Yeah, doing body squats. And it's so funny because Ellis can do them correctly. And Julian, his mobility, he's five. So he just goes, like, the way I do squats. Yeah. I'm like, that's not a squat.

It's cute. Five k by May, 5k by May. Jelly roll.

So many people.

Chelsea brothers. Better fucking do it.

Yeah, of course. We'll get you guys an update soon. Gronk.

Julian Edelman.

Yeah, Gronk. And then all these comics. So many.

Forcing Gronk to do it.

Louie, Mark, Savi, obviously, you and I.

We got to get big j in.

Michelle Wolf. A whole bunch of people are going to do it.

What nothing.

Okay.

Caught myself.

You're about to give about to say something. A name.

Yep. And I didn't.

That's committed.

No.

That. You want to commit. Yep.

We should wrap this up.

Okay.

I'm not good with secrets.

All right, we'll see you guys next week.

I love you. Love you. Inverts the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.