Like, Leanne's a top.

She's a top. Yeah. How so?

And she gets on top of me.

Okay, right?

Is that what a top is?

No, top is the person penetrating?

Yeah, no, I'm definitely the top. There you go. I top her every time.

I top her off.

Hundred percent.

And guess what? It's the two of us again. I know. What a treat. We're super excited because later this week, Bertrand and I are going to be in Las Vegas for the big game at the MGM Grand Garden arena. If you are planning on being in Las Vegas Saturday this week, you have a chance to come see us. We're super excited about these shows.

Tell them the big news.

The big news.

The big news. This is the biggest news you'll ever hear on this podcast. This is the biggest thing I've ever done in my entire career. I am more excited for this than the birth of my second child. Sorry, Allah.

Bert and I have been working on something for a long time. When I say a long time, we're over a year and a half of the seas being kind of laid out of this thing, and we went through a really intensive, very involved process way.

More than I was comfortable with, to be quite honest with you.

It's a lot.

This has been going on for roughly probably four years where people were approaching us and approaching us and approaching us. And Tom being Tom said, if chicks want to fuck you, you should know that you can fuck. Let's take this dick out to market.

That's exactly.

That's a quote.

And so we essentially were like, you can sign up with people or you can do this yourself. You can do it on your own.

And invest your money.

Invest your money, invest your time, really commit. I mean, it's your baby. I liken it, honestly. It's like a version of saying, like, do you want to write it, or do you want a ghost writer?

And I've seen people have these types of babies before and have nannies take care of them. Yeah, but we want to raise this baby. This is our baby. This is our baby. If you're watching, this is your baby, too.

This is your baby.

This is our baby. We named it for you.

Yeah. This is like, you're the ones that got us here. And so Bertrand and I are launching our very own vodka.

Yes. Poor Osos.

Poor Osos.

It is for bears.

And what we have decided to do today is we're going to have a huge, what is it? Revelation invitation launch in Las Vegas.

Las Vegas is our soft launch. We are doing a huge launch and this for the fans. Yeah, listen, we overshare. We tell you everything about our lives and we feel like this is a family. I know that you guys come up to us all the time and say, I feel like I know you could. You listen to the show.

You do.

That's why we decided to do it at the big game, because we're doing the show there. So we decided, let's do a soft launch there just for the fans. We're going to have our vodka there for you to taste. We're going to have great fucking merch. I'm talking next level merch. Look over my left fucking shoulder. We're going to have great secret time. Tom wore our shirt when he did his half court shot I did at the Magic game. I saw it and I was like, oh, it's a dope shirt. Yeah, it's great merch.

It is great even, and I'm saying this, I know I should be, but I'm going to just tell you, it is an amazing product. We have an incredible product we got paired up with. When you do something like this, the goal is you go, who are the best people available to work with? So we did that. We sought out, we interviewed people. We went with people that we felt like could help us develop the best product available, the best design.

No slight to all the people that we talked to and we didn't choose to work with. Yeah, there are some great, great people.

And to be honest, you just weren't good enough.

Fuck those guys.

We went with the a one team.

We're talking a one on the next level. There's so much to get into on this. So what we're going to do now is do a taste test.

We are, because we have so there's so much to cover.

There's a lot to cover. And by the way, right now would be a great time to get yourself a drink. Yeah, get yourself a drink. Get yourself a drink. This is the last drink of that old vodka you'll ever have. Because when ours comes out, we're running trains on this shit. We're running trains on this vodka.

I have to tell you, I loved the process. Everybody has seen products launch, and to actually be involved in one was you actually begin with the actual label designs and the bottle designs. And that's a whole process. You are brought dozens of like, this is the way a bottle can look.

Can we show them the bottle yet? We don't have to do it now. I think because the bottle. I'm in love with this bottle. I'm in love with this bottle. And there's little nuances that we. And we'll tell you what we wanted to do and what they wouldn't let us do. What the FDA would not allow. I still think a butt plug cap.

Okay. It was really fun for that process. Right? That's, like, the way it looks. But this is what the label will be like. This will be designed. The name. That was a whole process.

Like, what could the name, uh, because I was pretty adamant about vodka, but for the longest, that I love the word Osos. And Tom's fluent in Spanish, and when he said it, it just sounded like it wanted to be in my mouth, you know, like, latin know, guys just have their way with you.

Is that how you feel?

We want our vodka to have its way with you.

Yeah. And I think it's going to.

We want you to wake up with our vodka next to you in bed, and you go, whoa, what did you do to me last night?

Osos? Here's the thing, man. The name can be great. The label can be great, the bottle design can be great, but at the end of the day, it's all about, is this great vodka? And I think we have hit a fucking home run.

Luckily, we have a guy that put in his 10,000 hours.

We did this.

Tongue does two things. Eat pussy and drink vodka. I still eat pussy.

Prosecco is the name of the pussy. The pussy you eat. It's also the name of the distiller that has won r and d 100 award. This is like, top.

It's a super prestigious tech award given out. Boeing had one, Hp had one. What I want to say is, I had started this process in my life probably ten years ago. I got approached by a bunch of vodkas. Start a vodka. The machine made sense, and I'm a big vodka drinker. And I opted out of it for two reasons. I opted out of it. Number one, I did not like any of the vodkas better, and I just kept tasting them, wanting one to turn me, and being like, oh, that's vodka. Vodka needs to be like a slick DM that you don't realize you have. And then you catch it, and you're like, oh, shit, Travis. Kelsey DM'd me.

Yeah.

And then you're like, oh, fuck. Because you don't want it to be like the first Dm you see.

You're need.

The taste needs to slide into you. And I'm super picky, because here's the deal. There's a bunch of brands you're not going to get me to switch on. Just very candidly, you're probably not going to convince me what kind of car I want to pick to drive or watch or sodas. I'm pretty odly enough. I'm pretty fluid on sodas. Are you?

Yeah, you can go back.

I'm really into Shasta. Yeah, shasta makes a great diet root beer. Like, better than any of the other ones.

Sexual partners.

Sexual partners. You can't switch me.

Yeah.

This is going to get a little cloudy and whatnot, but whiskeys, you're not going to convince me. It's hard to get me to. There's a couple.

I hear you on that.

Legendary brands.

Yeah, there's a couple of bourbons that you're just like. Once you have them, you're like, this is it.

It reminds you of talking to your dad and having a conversation. You're like, yo, I'm going to get. And then there's some that are just so hard to get. You're like pappy van Winkle. I had that with Nori, by the way. We got to send Nori a bottle.

We got to send him a.

Those. So when we were talking about any of this, I kind of knew vodka is where I wanted land in my heart, out of all things. And we got approached by every type of alcohol you could ever imagine. And I kept saying vodka. And at first we said whiskeys. We both love said. We thought tequila. I got to tell you, I think the tequila market is saturated with such huge stars that it's hard to make a Splash. And then gin, I was like, who the fuck drinks gin? You do. You and Ryan Reynolds.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I do. But vodka has also been like, it's always been there. It's been consistent. And I love having a vodka drink. And if it's really good vodka, I'll sip chilled vodka if it's really good.

And by the way, Ryan Reynolds, we're coming after you.

Yeah.

Oh, by the way, I just want to give a heads up. Mark Wahlberg, the rock, George Clooney. George Clooney and his budy, they're going to look like dumb and dumber on those motorcycles when we're done with them.

Oh, yeah.

We are coming at. By the way, we don't play by the rules. You play by. No, we're podcasterings and comics. We can't get fired. We're coming after you motherfuckers. All in good fun. All in good fun.

No, the thing about it is, because when we had this first conversation, I was like, yeah, but are we just going like, here's like, you guys made this vodka. Here, sip it.

This is what every vodka distiller says. You can't really tell the taste. And I said, I can. I drink vodka.

You definitely can tell when you are going to a taste test and you start sampling. And here's the thing that will blow your mind is going to a blind taste test. You think because branding is so effective, you'll be blown away that you'll have a sip of one. You're like, what is this? Absolute dog shit? And then you learn it's one of the most famous brands. You just are conditioned to point at bottles and go like, yeah, I'll have that. Or you call out the name, you sip it, and then you're like, this is actually not good. These guys have developed this proprietary process for distilling vodka that will change the way you taste vodka. I'm not kidding.

And it will change the way you live your life. And I say that as a guy whose brand is recovery. My brand is getting up and getting after it in the morning. I like to party, but I don't like to lose my next day. I want to fucking earn that. So when we were approached by them, I was hesitant at first. I was like, I told Tom, I was like, I've done vodka tastings. It's going to be a shit show. And then they told us about this.

No, this is like, premium stuff. This is like a non gmo wheat. Okay? So those other brands, a lot of the most popular brand, they use corn.

There's another guy named Bert that has a vodka, I think. I don't know his last name.

Well, when you taste the corn vodka, you're like. Because we had them in our samples, we had rows of corn. And the one thing that stands out right away, wheat tastes better. And then you learn that wheat is more expensive. And wouldn't you know it, the more expensive one is the higher quality product. It does taste notably better.

And the distilling process they go through, they blast it with nitrogen, they blast.

It with it strips, like, all the shit content out of there, and it leaves you with this. Unreal. Okay, so here's what I want to do.

I want to tell you that I've only taste tested this when I wasn't drinking. What I did is I put it in my mouth and I let it sit in my mouth, and then I spit it out because I wasn't drinking. So I got a real taste test. So I got, like, the real taste test, but I have not been able to guzzle the way we're about to.

So what we're going to do here today, right here on the podcast, first, I want you to try. Now that you're actively drinking, this is what. Remember we had that party for people?

Yeah.

We had an osos party. It was just like, I don't know, 80 people or something like that. This is what was served there. You might not even remember.

This is what was served there.

This what. This is what you have in your hand right now.

Yeah, I remember that. I have notes, but I want to see if my notes are accurate for that.

This is from that party. All right. This is wheat. All this is wheat. It's.

Good.

It's good.

It's really good. Okay. Really good.

You would enjoy that vodka.

Yeah. Oh, you're not drinking the whole thing.

I'm just sampling it.

Oh, fuck.

Okay.

I'm getting drunk today.

Go ahead, get drunk. Hey, that's why.

That's right. I've earned it. Yeah, I've earned my. You just fart. I'm fucking. I'm fucking on it, Tommy.

Okay, but here's the one.

I'll just tell you, Zenin, to fucking chase these. We're just drinking vodka on our tongues. Let's do it.

This one, I'll just tell you, is sample B. Okay. Now, you should be nice to be able to cleanse our palate.

I need to cleanse my palate. Can you get me a Diet Coke or something?

Yeah. Good call. Cheers. By the way, Diet Coke's going down, too.

I just realized I got to break up with Tito. Yeah, I got to break up with Tito's, by the way.

Do it right now. You want to text her? Call her.

I should reach out to mean, I feel like it's going to be hard because they think we're dating, and I've definitely been.

You've been sleeping with her? For.

Sleeping with her for a very long time. And there was a period where I thought we were dating, too, but then I just started. I don't know, my eyes started wandering. I started drinking tequila. Shout out to Casamigos.

Hey, can I swap with you? Thank you.

I started drinking tequila, and then every now and then, I'd go back, and it's like, old pussy. You just go back and you're like, it's not bad.

No, it's not bad.

And then now. Oh, my God.

What? Say it.

I'm never going to say double Tito's and soda, big glass, no lime, ever.

Again for the rest of your life.

Oh, my God, that's like when you looked in your phone and you stole your dad's number and you're like, oh.

Fuck, yeah, can't call him.

I'll never say double Tito's big glass, no lime, double Tito's soda big glass, no line.

I'll never say, hi, dad.

I mean, I think yours is probably a little different, but it's the same. Double T. Instead of soda, porosis and soda big glass ring that rolls, porosis and soda double. Oh, fuck. Double c me.

You know what you say? No, this is the sentence.

Double Osos, double Os and soda big glass, no lime looking for a super.

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What kind of shirt?

No lime? This?

Yeah.

True. Classic.

You look jacked.

Thank you. The way they cut them.

But look at. Put your arms down. You look jacked right there. Fuck.

You know why? Because I'm healthy. I just drink vodka.

Vodka's good for you.

Vodka is really good for you. Look at fucking Vladimir Putin. Guy's killing it.

He's doing a great job. Yeah, guys killing it. Who's saying no to him?

Winston.

You think we can send him a case?

Do you think we can, or do you think we will?

Because I'll send it. But I mean, you think he'll get it?

I'll deliver it. I'll hand deliver it.

You'll fly over there?

I'll fly to fucking know. They wouldn't let me do that for the movie because I said insurance purposes. We do not have insurance. We do not have to worry about that.

We do have insurance.

Oh, we do?

Yeah. Okay. We definitely have insurance.

This is a real company, everybody, Tom. And we have a lot of employees. This is like, no joke. We had meetings every fucking week.

But can I tell you something?

What?

Just the story. The video of you boarding a flight, checking a case of vodka and flying to Moscow, and then they're like, what are you doing here? And you're like, I just dropping this off for Putin? And they're like, the fuck are you talking about? And watching you try to get it.

To him, I bet he, like, you.

Have a strong russian connection, dude.

It's practically family.

Do you think we could maybe make some calls where they would arrange for.

Without a fucking doubt, bro. I'm one of them. I have to speak their language as much as a dog does. I'll understand them.

Yeah.

I think we should make a gift list of who gets these, because the rock did that to me. The rock's solid. The rock sold terramana so fucking well I didn't even know there were other tequilas out, to be dead honest with you. When he would do a teramana toast. And by the way, I did pretty good branding for Dwayne. No shit. When I was doing, I would, I would love drinking it after a workout. A glass of tequila.

Here's the thing, we're going to make a list of who we're sending some to. But what's awesome is that there will be multiple opportunities for you if you want to try it a this week in Vegas, there's going to be Osos everywhere. If you're coming to the show, you're going to be presented with an opportunity for sure there. After this week, we're going to have multiple events in different cities. For sure. We're going to do one here in Austin. I think we should do one in LA for sure.

Definitely do one in LA. We're going to do. Can we announce the thing we're going to do? Oh, yeah, the live event. Oh, yeah, we're doing a live event. Like a live podcast. Two bears live. The old school. Two bears live. The funnest the time we saw sweatpants dick. Yeah, we should give him a bottle. Yeah, Owen Gray's getting a bottle. All the porn stars get bottles. Fucking bottles for porn stars. I feel like Mike Tyson with turkeys.

If you do porn, prove it. Send me a video and I will send you some poor Osos.

But it's going to be fucking black. And by the way, oh, we have it at five k. No brainer. May, May, by the way, the follow.

Up phone call, you can say it now. After we introduced that.

Yep.

The one thing was like, louie was like, and definitely not.

I'm going to read it verbatim. I'm going to read it verbatim. So we get off the episode.

This is a while back, but if you remember, we called all these comedians and we told them about this five k we were going to do. And then we called Louie and just so you know, he was just like, hard pass, soft commit, hard pass, the same thing. I'm definitely not doing that. We were like, all right, well, it was great to talk to you. And we hung up.

And then he texted me, I wrote, you're the best. Thank you. And then he wrote, I will probably do that race. It would actually be a good thing for me to get ready for. So Louis CK's in. Louis CK's in, everybody. Okay. Radio silent from Kevin Hart.

He.

Is this the next one?

Hold on. We didn't hear from Kevin Hart, but.

We should do a big drinking.

Kevin Hart did not reply, but my neighbor and Neil just texted. Good.

The restaurant tour, different guy. How many neighbors do you mean?

There's a few at the neighborhood. It's not one. Yeah. So shout out also to drip. Our partners in this.

Partners at drip are fucking absolutely awesome.

Okay. This one. This sample is sample b. Also wheat. Give it a shot. Give it a sip.

Don't do it at the same time. I want them to see how smooth it is that you don't gag. You can drink it on your tongue. And by the way, these are fucking. Some vodkas taste like fucking sterilizing solutions.

Oh, they. Absolutely. I'm going to let it sit, too, for a little bit. Okay, I'll go first. It.

You're bubbling it, dude. All right, here we go.

Come on.

Dragon's breath, dude. So that's the shit.

That's the shit.

That's the shit. B is the shit. That's the shit. The other one's good. It's a little spicy for me.

This is a better.

I feel a taste of pepper in the one we tried before, which I'm not in love with, because sometimes I think that pepper, especially. I'm a soda guy. I feel like it gets confused for contaminants. A vodka soda, at its best is a morning drink, in my opinion. At an airport, when you're just trying to get on the plane, that's when I have them the most. And that first sip, you don't want the vodka to yell at you.

Now, you don't want to punch in the throat.

Right? You just want it to scratch the back of your arm.

Yeah.

And go like, hey, we're going in this room.

You look cute today.

You look really cute today.

So my neighbor. My. My neighbor who you referenced, because you do. You do look cute. I like the shirt. My neighbor, who you referenced is the restaurant. Oh, shit. My stomach just cramped. I got a cramp in my stomach. Oh, my God. Okay. All right. So I gotta tell you this. This is true. Okay. So I'm gonna. Oh, my God. I'm gonna fucking. Oh. Abdominal cramp.

It's a terrible shot of oxygen.

Okay, so here's the thing. All right, but can I tell you this about this first?

I'm going eight milligrams new lipper. Okay.

Let me tell you this. You referenced my neighbor, the one that you know. He's a restaurateur. He owns a bunch of restaurants. I sent him this. He hits me up. He goes, I had my director of beverage come over and did a blind taste test with five premium vodka brands. And he goes, this one, this was like, for sure his favorite. That was the absolute best tasting one.

Go ahead, you finish.

Well. This is the first time we're going to try a blend of these two.

It's going to be hard to get. Not me not loving that same. That's got hints of vanilla. It's got real warm vibes. Do you remember when you were a kid and your mom made you a milkshake and you were like, it's good. And then your dad made you one and he put vanilla extract in it and you're like, why is this one so much better? And he goes, I put vanilla extract in and you're like, and your mom's like, it's just extract. It's just extract. But it's better. It's better. That's the vodka that fucks with me. I love that. We did a blind taste test at birdie Boy productions where it's all women. Twelve women, we all sat them at the table, we had all the vodkas out. I wasn't drinking it, I was just putting it in my mouth and spitting it out. They were all drinking it. And we put sheets and everyone, we'd taste it and everyone on a scale of one to ten would vote for them. And number two was the one we got, but unanimously was the first one. I texted you, we got a winner. And you said, don't tell me, don't.

Tell me, I didn't want to know.

And we didn't talk about it literally up until a couple minutes ago where he goes, well, I got a and b and I went, well, which one do I like? He goes, you liked b or whatever. And I go, which one did Tom like? You? I like b, too. We both loved fucking b.

And I didn't talk to anybody about their preferences, I just did it. And to me also, by the way, for my taste, my palate, this was clearly the better one. Let's try the blend. Okay. Your business was humming, but now you're falling behind. The teams are buried in manual work and taking forever to close the books. If this is you, you should know these three numbers. 37,025. 137 thousand. That's the number of businesses which have upgraded to Netsuite by Oracle. 25. Netsuite turns 25 this year. That's 25 years of helping businesses do more with less, close their books in days, not weeks, and drive down costs. One, because your business is one of a kind, so you get a customized solution for all your key performance indicators. In one efficient system with one source of truth, manage risk, get reliable forecasts and improve margins. Right now, download Netsuite's popular key performance indicators checklist designed to give you consistently excellent performance absolutely free@netsuite.com. Slash bears. That's netsuite.com slash bears. To get your own key performance indicators checklist. Netsuite.com bears. Let's see how it is.

Let's give ourselves a second. We're going to waste it. Okay, I just put a lip in. So this is a blend.

This is a blend.

Take this fucking thing out. I want to taste it for real. All right.

Oh, my God. I almost shit my pants.

Oh, my God. We should have a patreon where explain some of our jokes. What's interesting about vodka is I have them partying a ton, but I've been allowing myself my nights. Yeah, we snuck a bottle of Porosos to Philly.

You did?

Yeah. I was like, I didn't want anything else. I got to be dead. Honestly, I'm not going to slam those big brands. I'm only going to fuck with the people that we can reach to and talk to. Mark Wahlberg, the rock, George Clooney. He's a good friend.

Those aren't big brands.

No, but they're fucking people. Yeah, I guess we should not go after the little guys and go after the big don't. It is such an upsell, in my opinion. And when I have it, it does not knock my fucking socks off.

No, it really does. It's what I was talking about. It's what people go, oh, I know that brand. When the bartender or the server is like, which vodka do you go, okay, I'll take that.

We need to get fucking bartenders in our pocket. That's the key. That's the fucking key, Tom.

You got to walk in there with it.

It's just like when they needed to move coke from Venezuela to they. They needed great pilots who were willing to take a fucking leap of faith and make a little extra cash. Kickbacks to bartenders. Yeah, that's what we got to do. Start paying bartenders out of pocket.

There you go.

Cashola, baby.

I'll do it.

Yeah, let's fucking get in. Bartenders get in free for all our shows. That's what we should do. Meet and greet bartenders. But you got to prove your bar.

How do you prove that? I don't know. Somebody just goes, I'm a bartender.

You're like, here you go. Prove it. And the guy goes, hey.

And you're like, all right, you're a vip.

What if he goes next? You're like, oh, God, this guy's good.

I don't really see you.

We're going to get fucking wasted at the big game. Yeah, we're going to get fucking wasted. These are going to be all backstage and let's talk about the celebrities. We're going to get wasted. Get them to say regrettable stuff and go viral.

Oh, man.

We need Pete Davidson there.

He'll do that. He'll set it up.

Pete Davidson goes viral. Anything he does.

That's true.

You know him good.

I know him. I wouldn't say I know him real.

Well, but I know him pretty good. But he's always got a new phone number.

He does switch phone numbers. Like, he's fucking.

Like, he doesn't care about anybody.

Literally, at one point, I had six numbers in my phone that were his.

I've got two. And I don't think he gave me the right one because I was standing next to someone that he didn't like.

Really?

Yeah, and I was edited out. And so I don't think he gave me the right one. I think he was like, oh, because.

You'Re standing right next to him.

But Pete Davidson, we got to hook him up.

Yeah.

We just got to flood our buddies and our friends. Everyone that's running the five k gets a bottle.

Of course.

Fucking Louie.

No. The post race party is going to be. You know what we should do? Fill a pool with vodka.

That would be great and wasteful.

Yeah, let's do it.

And then we'll get James Robert Champlain to drink it after.

Robert Paul Champagne.

That guy. That guy. He'd be into something like, oh, fuck, Robert.

There any swimming? It's going to be fucking lights out, dude.

By the way, we have big events planned, very big events planned to celebrate the vodka, which we don't want to announce now, by the way, the five k was definitely not on that list, but it does fit. The fucking happening fits it, because this is a vodka that you can, and I'm being serious, the way they distill this, you can party your fucking dick off and get up the next morning for me. Do radio workout, do two shows, get in the bus, have another sip, right back to sleep. We need to come out with marijuana next. Okay, we've got a company.

Sure.

We need to take over rap snacks. We need comic snacks.

Comic snacks is a good idea. Yeah, but the weed, some edibles. Come on.

I'm all about those edibles, dude. Come. Oh, so, all right. Let's try the next one.

All right.

This is the blend.

Clear your mind?

Trying to clear my palate. I want to taste the blend. I want to appreciate the blend. I am pretty dead set on a. I don't know if I'm going to be able to fucking.

You're not set on a. You're set on b.

Well, you know the one I like.

This is the blend.

You go first.

Okay. I'm not going to tell you what I think.

Don't tell me what you think. It's like we're sharing a girl like Mason Cameron.

It.

I have notes. Number one, it's got a very subtle kick. Very subtle spice to it. Not as much as the other one. The other one overwhelms me a tad bit.

The a does. Yeah.

That kick, it kind of is like. It doesn't make a ton of sense, but it does. Like bacon on a Krispy Kreme donut.

Yeah.

Because what I love about the first one is the smoothness.

The b.

The b is my. The b is my favorite. The smoothness.

B it is.

Yeah.

My ranking goes. B. The blend, then a. Yeah. B first place. Yeah, the blend.

I go b, then blend, then a. Yeah. And I'm being serious. This is something I can fucking stand by. I don't think there's anyone that's a vodka drinker that wouldn't love that vodka. It is so fucking smooth. And I'm telling you, the roundness of.

It, it's silk, dude. It's silky smooth and 100% got to give credit to these distillers for doing this, because it is unlike anything else we've ever. I've never had anything like that. I've never had a vodka like that before. It's like when you have sushi, right? And you go, yeah, I like sushi. And then for the first time, somebody takes you to Omakase experience where the chef is japanese and he actually goes to the fish market in the morning, and you go, oh, I guess I haven't had sushi before. This is a whole different thing.

It's like public sushi versus Florida, but public sushi versus the first time I was in New York and had sushi, and I was like, oh, this is like butter. Yeah, I see why I remember I got so addicted to sushi, I would eat it non fucking stop. I bet you did.

I bet anything that you take a liking to, everyone's like, hey, man, you might want to chill on that. Is that 45 pieces of sushi, by the way? You know how much I love these fucking nicotine pouches. Was this morning I worked out, and then on the way here, I couldn't find them in my car, and I texted, somebody's got to go pick up nicotine pouches right now. And then when I parked and they were on the floor, I was like, oh, it's all fine.

I wake up thinking about them.

It's good for you.

Which get in the big tobacco game.

Nicotine. Nicotine.

Can you imagine how much those fat cats must have been RJ Reynolds when he was like, hey, man, I know the cigarettes taste good, but do you wake up thinking about, yeah, what is like, I think they're addictive. And he's like, that could be good business.

That could be cool. Yeah, that could be good for us.

You know what? We need to have brand ambassadors.

Absolutely.

Without a doubt. Brand ambassadors.

Yeah.

There's two dudes I follow a lot of. I told you about this the other day. I follow a lot of young dudes on Instagram that are, like, fun party guys, in shape. Fun. Get after it. They all love zins.

Yeah.

And they're going to love our vodka porosos. God damn. We need to come about this a different way. We need to go after the rock.

Go after in a wrestling.

In a wrestling promo kind of way.

Okay.

Like, really get him to appreciate, huh?

Okay.

Yeah. Oh, do you think we get Brad Pitt to fall off the wagon?

No, God damn it.

That would be great branding for us if we got Ben Affleck to fall off the wagon.

I think we should probably leave the people who have chosen sobriety alone.

It's so good.

Great story.

Like David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger, drunk.

Yeah.

Oh, we need to recreate those commercials.

That's funny.

We should do that on the floor, eating a cheeseburger. Who's going to pay for your fucking college? Shut your fucking stupid mouth. You're like your mother.

Yeah, I could do that.

Yeah, we could really get into this.

We could have my kids in the prom house. That'd be the first.

Yeah, we should really lean into underage drinking. So good a child could drink it.

Go ahead.

It's round. I like it.

It's pretty smooth.

I like it pretty good. Hey, better than toilet water.

Dad is better.

It's smooth only. Go to sleep now, dad.

Fuck. Guys are wild. Dude, they flooded our bathroom.

Are you serious? I haven't drank in over a week, and it just kicked in.

I got a buz.

It feels so good.

It was leaking downstairs in my house.

I love alcohol.

Two inches of water in our bathroom.

I love alcohol.

That was cool.

It warms you. Weed is like a comfy blanket.

I kind of want more b.

More b? I could do another b. I don't want to fuck up glasses. I wouldn't mind with a little ice sip on it.

I've actually never done that. With this. Here. Hook me up.

I came upon this realization last night. Yeah, I got high, by the way. For all the bragging of sobriety. I do. I have not been sober at all. I've been smoking weed almost every fucking day. Weed is awesome. Did you pour it all in your glass?

It's only a little bit in there.

Dip into the fucking blend. The fuck?

I'll trade with you. Go ahead.

Jesus Christ. So. You're such a fucking dick.

I didn't mean to, man.

That's why I don't run trains on girls with you.

Why do you think I'd be selfish?

Are you fucking her in the ass?

I know.

We could fuck you in the ass.

And then you'd be like, he cream pied. I don't want to get in there.

It's my turn. I'm like, can you do some jumping jack? My bad. Bert. If were going to run a train on one of our wives, who would it be?

What?

If we were going to run a train on one of our wives, who would it be?

If we were going to run a train on one of our wives, who would it be?

Who do you think would be? Okay, first, like, we taste tested. Who would be the funnest? Okay. Who would probably allow it?

Neither one.

Dude, hold on.

Neither one. Who would shut it down harder? Probably Christina.

For real?

Yeah, dude, he would not be okay with that. At.

She. She won't even give me your address. At. So I go, I'm coming over. What's your address? She goes, no, you're going to put it online.

Yeah, because you do things like that.

I don't put people's address online.

You put yours.

I did do that. Yeah, I did do that. That was a fucking big tactical error. Yeah, that was fun, people showing up.

How about your phone number?

I gave out. My phone number got leaked.

But wasn't it.

Oh, you know, we should do what? We should activate the trolls, the people that hate us. Get them to like it.

Oh, they're activated. What would you like to do? What would you like them to do?

We'll send them bottles of vodka.

Oh, that's actually a good idea.

We'll send them bottles of vodka and be, you know, enjoy.

Yeah.

Enjoy with friends.

Enjoy. Make friends.

We need to get on Reddit. We need to get keen on. We need to really lean into what we did with the beehive and swifties with our vodka. We send it to everyone that's fucking Active online.

Do we can get Taylor at a bottle?

Fuck, yes. She is 100% going to be at our show. 100%.

Hell yeah, dude.

We're meeting Taylor Swift next week.

This week?

This week? This week? Yeah, this week.

That's crazy. You think she's going to make reference to that episode that you were like, hey, what if you're, like, meeting backstage.

And she's like, oh, no, please edit that out. Did I already said it, didn't I?

Yeah.

Oh, it's out there. Yeah. Fuck.

Fuck. What if she does it?

What if she's like, grab my hand, let's run. I was like, I can't outrun him. She's like, neither can I. He's going to catch us. It's going to be bad.

He's going to bludgeon you to death. Yeah.

He trains to hurt people like you.

Yeah.

We got to get Tay Tay to have a little Tay Tay. What's. We'll call her. I'm loose. I love alcohol so much. It is so good for you.

It is good for you.

It's good for your brain.

I think.

So. I can't imagine that any turn of the century doctor would ever not prescribe this totally and be like, no, I think you just need a shot. You know? That's what they used to give the guys that came in off war. Just give them one shot and be.

Like, you're going to be good in 2001. It's what the old lady from Spain that I lived with during my semester abroad would tell me whenever I didn't feel well. Really don't. Whiskey. And I was like, what? She was just like, yeah, you don't feel well. Have some alcohol.

This is what Leanne's dad's doctor told him about his afib. Shot of white lightning and a peppermint stick. You're going to be fine.

Yeah.

And he'll do a shot of white lightning and peppermint.

And by the way, you always do feel better. It's not necessarily healing you, but you do it and you're like, yeah, I am feeling a little better. You just did a shot.

It really writes your boat right away.

It does.

I was thinking last night, I got high before dinner, and I thought, weed is like a comfy, soft, like, fur blanket. Like, it feels good, but you're not really warm. Alcohol is like a heavy blanket that holds you down and goes, we're not going anywhere tonight. Don't worry about the thunder and lightning. It's going to be just fine. Yeah, I love getting loose on it, too. Like, right now is my favorite moment.

This is a good moment.

You know I'm a big horse rider, right? So when you ride a horse, when.

Did you first ride a horse?

I trained horses. I trained with horses.

You trained with horses?

I ran buffalo across Texas. That is the biggest bird statement you'll ever fucking hear. I ran them maybe a mile in.

Oh, is this for a show?

For a travel channel trip, flip.

And you were good on horseback?

Not originally. I got bucked off a horse in Costa Rica, and I had a real fucking freaked out thing around horses.

Yeah.

And then this guy, I forget his name, John something, lives in Texas. He has a ranch. And he let you go and train horses, learn. Learn how to ride horses. And so he taught us. And the main thing we had to learn at first was how you had to get your horse to trust you. So you had to go out of the pasture and catch it like you had to go out and catch a horse. It's very easy. You just put a rope over their neck. That's me riding a horse. That's my horse.

Yeah. Look good?

Yeah. You never feel more manly than when you're on top of a horse. But there's a thing about the horse reads your energy. So if you have fucked up energy and you take that to a horse, the horse reads it, and then he doesn't trust you. The horse needs you to be confident, much like alcohol. If you go in to alcohol with fucked up energy, fucked up shit comes out. But if you go in with alcohol, just like a horse, and it trusts you, then good shit happens that night. And so riding a horse, this is going to turn into a brilliant fucking quote. I bet this gets written in a fucking publication when I'm dead. Now, there's three things on a horse. You can do four, really. You can trot, you can gallop, and you can canter. Okay, they all kind of suck, but you got to learn how to do those before you can ever sprint with it. But sprinting with a horse is the most symbiotic, perfect feeling you've ever had. It's better than great sex, I would argue. And I'll tell you why the canner, a little bit of this. A gallop is a trot, is what you mostly do on a horse.

But once you sprint with a horse much like alcohol, when you decide to go fucking ham, it takes control. The horse takes control. It says, don't feel the saddle, don't feel the stirrups barely hurt or hold on to these reins. I got you. And you can see his neck moving as it sprints. And your body gets into rhythm. Just like great sex. Just like great sex. Your body gets into rhythm with the horse. The winds at your face, smile ear to ear, your hair is blowing. It's the greatest feeling you can ever have. Anyone that's ever ridden a horse at a sprint knows exactly what I'm talking about. And that is why I'll never quit drinking. Because when you sprint with alcohol, when you really get after it and you have one of those nights, you don't wake up going, God, we cantored all night and just had a couple of drinks and now I feel like shit. You go, we got after it. I want to sprint again.

Cheers. Mmm.

This is the fucking blend. This is the fucking mix right here. Yeah, this is the fucking mix. This is nice. Just on ice. And I'm telling you as a fucking vodka guy, that's good. On ice. It's good. You have that in a paper cup with ice, and you're not going to destroy the integrity of the paper cup. You're going to get to it way faster.

That's so good.

Oh, that's fucking nice. Let's talk about all our vodka baking. Oh, we need to make mixed drinks.

Yeah, we do have to make mixed drinks.

Oh, we got to make mixed drinks. Oh, we need a koolaid in vodka.

Koolaid in vodka. Screwdriver, orange juice, Cape Cod. Soda water.

Soda water is a go to.

Go to. What about, like, what is that drink they make now? Isn't there like, you pour like some type of cider or like a. You mix it with like. No, it's not just soda water. There's something like flavored that. Is it like a cranberry?

That's Cape Cod.

That's a cape Cod.

Cape Cod. And you can do it with your real cranberries where you boil down the cranberry and put down sugar and then put a little dash of lime on. It's so fucking good.

How about this? Now what?

Whip it out.

Just pull it out. Show everybody.

Pull it out.

All right, there it is.

That's our bottle. You're going to need to put something dark so people can really appreciate.

There are the Osos, the two bears. The two bears.

One's growling, one's smiling. Pick which one we are. Show them the top. I love the top.

This is a cork is a honeycomb.

Honeycomb top. Because bears love honey.

They do. Little red.

Should we walk them? Why we picked this bottle?

Yeah, sure.

So we looked at a bunch of different bottles, and in my opinion, this bottle is perfect. It doesn't ask too much of you when you grab it, but it lets you ensure you got a full night ahead of you.

It does. It's just the perfect amount of heft. The perfect design. Hand grips it, like, comfortably.

Yeah.

It's not like, oh, how do I.

And it keeps you honest. See that neck? There's no vodka inside that neck. So you know what you're drinking.

You know? Exactly. It's no misleading design.

I've been there a lot where you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How buzed are we? God damn.

It's a fucking cool bottle.

I'm so excited to be a vodka owner.

Yeah.

I love this. I love this logo. I love this logo. You have one bear with his tongue out, one bear growling. I love everything about this. And by the way, painstakingly, we went through everything, even this color right here with the two headed bear right here. I don't know if you can see it, but you can see the two headed bear standing.

Everything about this bottle choice, design and label design alone was honestly like a multiple months process where you get, okay, how about this one? And then you give. It's like notes, right? You just go, not to this. Note of this. No, to this. Yes, I like this. And then you get a new bottle. And all that is like a process to land on a bottle. And the same thing goes for the design. The way the glass, the Osos name is in the. Like, it's etched into the glass. Everything from the label. This whole thing is, like I said, a multiple months process just to land on a bottle.

A label.

The cork. Bert was insistent, actually. He really wanted this to be an actual butt plug, the cork.

Because people collect the tops of Blanton's.

Yeah.

And I was like, dude, these will double. Imagine all the promos we'll get of people shoving this up their ass.

Yeah.

By the way, we came real close to having two bears butt fucking on the bottle.

Well, here's the thing. This is why it's good to have me here. No, we didn't.

We came so fucking close.

The butt plug and the two bears fucking.

It was so hard to turn away from the two bears butt fucking. Yeah.

You were really pushing those special edition bottles. Yeah. And everybody in these design meetings was like, wait, is he serious? And Bert was like, no, I'm 100% serious.

Yeah. In all the marketing ideas, I've been 100% serious. And they're like, that. We definitely, absolutely can't do that. And I'm like, hold on, because no idea is a bad idea.

Right.

We can definitely launch the two bears. Buff fucking over. Gay pride month.

What is that, June?

Did you know not all gay guys get fucked in the ass?

I learned this at some point. Yeah.

Didn't that crazy?

Yeah, it is crazy.

It's not kind of selfish. It doesn't even make them gay. Really.

Some of them just fuck you in the. That's it.

I could do that.

Yeah.

If I had known that was part of the equation, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm gay also. I get to fuck dudes in the ass. Sure, sure. You're telling me I can go in and go, oh, I'd rather not be fucked in the ass. And there's one guy going, oh, I'll do.

Yeah, yeah, you're a top.

I did not know. I thought top and bottom meant just in the moment. Like, Leanne's a top mostly, but I've been a top a couple times.

She's a top?

Yeah.

How so?

She gets on top of me.

Okay.

Is that what a top is?

No, top is the person penetrating.

Oh, I'm just the top.

Okay.

Wow. Yeah, clean up that verbiage.

Sure.

Yeah, no, I'm definitely. I'm the fucking top. There you go. I top her every time. I top her off.

Sure, man.

We get these to porn directors and just have them in the background. Just little Easter eggs.

Yeah. Everybody in the adult industry is getting one of these.

Everyone in the adult industry hit us up. Yeah. And that's the other thing. If you want to be an ambassador, if you would like to be a part of our ambassador program, just let us know.

Yeah. Dms are open.

You know how I've always operated. If I like a brand, I always mention the brand, and that's how it works. If you like our brand, mention our brand. We'll see those, we'll hit you up, and we'll be liberal with it. Obviously, this is a financial venture. We both went into this with the promises of being billionaires, and we plan on that. And wait, do you see how reckless we are with money then? But more importantly, this is our money, and we are going to be fun with it, and we are going to make sure that it gets into the right hands of the right people. And so if you're one of those, right? People just post a bunch about us online and let us see that you're there. And don't say stuff like, hey, you fat fuck, I want to work out with you. A fat fucking piece of shit. Day 279 of trying to get this fat fucking piece of shit race.

No, it's not the right approach.

We're going to Russia.

We're going to Russia. Find us, dude. I'm saying if you're in Vegas, come to the show. Come find us this week. Come hang out and look for the live events we're going to do. We're going to do them here in Austin. We're going to do them in LA.

Then we made the right choice.

I know it is, b, all the way.

I'm being dead serious. And I would argue that when you have your first glass of this, you need to have it on the rocks. You need to have it just straight on the rocks. It's that enjoyable. It's as enjoyable. And this is a big statement for vodkas. Chelsea handler needs one. We should Facetime. Yeah, it's as enjoyable as, like, when you get a neat whiskey, it's that enjoyable. Which is, dude, when it comes to vodka, there's only two I can think of that I would ever, ever ask that of. It's just a tall order for vodka. You're not doing that with absolutely.

What, neat? Yeah, definitely not doing that with that shit.

I did that in Russia. There's like 24 traditional toasts that they do. And you just drink vodka the whole time. And I got fucking blackout.

We got to get some Ruskies involved here. Stateside.

We need the mafia.

Okay. But we can also get just some notable Russian American, Alexander Ovechkin. There you go.

Hey, type in famous Russians.

How about famous Russians in America?

How about famous russian porn stars? All right, how about. Let's see what famous Russians we got. No, get off. Porn stars. They're all there. I have one that I just followed the other day.

Yeah, pretty good.

I saw her instagram and I was like, there's no way this chick doesn't fuck, right?

Yeah.

So I go to her thing. It's like she's got only fans. I was like, pass. And so I went to Pornhub. Typed her name in. First thing I see is her getting fisted in the asshole. Fisted. And she goes hard. She's an ambassador. We're definitely getting her an ambassador.

We're going to think about this branding.

A little bit, but, Donna, Kelsey would like to FaceTime Burt right now.

Really?

Oh, fuck I ever put my glasses on?

She must have talked because you said the moms go at it.

I said the moms could.

Yeah, our moms versus her mom.

Fuck. What if she sizes up how tall is your mom?

Yeah. By the way, she would wreck our moms. Yeah.

You kidding me? My mom drinks white wine until she passes out. And then you will call her and she thinks she's in the middle of a dream, and you talk to her. 15 minutes.

She wants to FaceTime. Yeah, I think Peter's talking to her and she should be calling any minute now.

Peter talking to her. I'm going to take my zen out.

I'll put one in.

Fuck, I'll put a new one in. No, I'm going to keep it out. It's 222.

Good.

Things happen to 222. Okay, I'm going to have a sip of vodka. Before this starts, we need to get the Kelsey mom wasted on vodka.

Ask her. You think she's pissed. First question. Do you like vodka?

Okay, real quick, do a list of things I'm not supposed to say to Travis and Jason. Kelsey's mom, real quick.

Yeah.

Before she calls.

I mean, just, you know how to talk to a fucking.

She's a pro athlete, mom.

Hi, Mrs. Kelsey.

Hi, Mrs. Kelsey. Or Travis and Jason.

What do you think Tom and I could beat them at?

Oh, good call. Yeah, good call. Find out what weak spots. Oh, we're going to use this as.

Yeah.

To find out what we can destroy them in. Yeah, what can Tom. Yeah, good call.

Is Taylor as sweet as she seems?

What's Taylor like? What's Taylor like? Did she sing to.

Us? Know, I got a good one. Tell us something about Jason and Travis that nobody knows. And what were they like as kids?

What were they like as kids? Did you know that already? I know them. You're writing them down. I fucking know them. I'm talking.

That's fine. Leave them up, please.

Leave them up. Good call. I need another sip of vodka.

Where's your.

It's right here. I'm waiting for incoming.

Where's the call? Should be any minute now.

I haven't think I've been this nervous to talk to anyone. Even Facetiming Chappelle.

That was so nerve wracking.

I'm fucking sweating right now.

You want to go back to famous Russians in the meantime?

My heart's racing. Yeah, go back to famous Russians.

Okay.

Anne Rand. No, Ayn Rand. She's dead. Irving Berlin's dead. Hey, can you put in not dead famous. David Copperfield's Russian. He's going to be in Vegas. David Copperfield's Russian.

Okay, let's see. That guy's definitely dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead.

Edward Furlough.

Here we go.

He parties. Who's the guy without a tooth? We want him.

Oh, your first call was good.

Alexander Ovechkin.

Yeah. Okay.

His nickname is the machine, I think.

Okay, we can definitely make that happen.

Yep. All right, next.

Next. Maria Pova.

Fuck. No brainer. No fucking brainer. She was raised on vodka.

Is she with someone famous? Is she married to someone famous?

She's married to the Guy that started the thing. She's, like, married to a billionaire.

She is. Yeah. She's 62.

What the fuck?

Fuck. Really?

She's only 36, dude, you know how hot 36 is?

Alexander Gilkas.

He's like an oligarch.

Really? Yeah, he's a handsome guy.

He's really good looking.

Oh, what's about. Who's the one that's with Enrique Iglesias? The other tennis. Tennis player.

I don't know.

You know what I'm talking about. What's his lady's name? Anna Cornukova.

Anna Cornukova is russian. Sounds Russian.

She's Russian.

Oh, she's married to Enrique Iglesias?

Yeah.

Dude, we need to have all these chicks.

Okay, hold on. Go back to the other list. Yeah. Okay, so she's in. Oh, yeah. Okay. Irina. How do you say it? Shank shike. Yeah. Her and Bradley Cooper had a kid. Oh, her barishnikov.

Oh, we got a dancing guy. We dance.

We dance. All right.

We got Barishnikov. Dude, this is a no brainer.

This is a murderer's row of or.

Okay, wait, hold on. Pivot. So mexican beer brands do not sponsor mexican comics because they already drink that shit. Okay, they only do white comics. That's their internal branding secret.

Really?

Yeah.

Wait, I don't want to see the rest of this list, though. Okay, hold on.

Yeah, in a Coricoba. Yeah, done.

That guy's not. He's done drinking. Go to the next one.

Yuvgene Malikin. It looks like you want hockey. A bunch of hockey played for the.

Penguins for 15 years. Okay, so he's a stud. Yeah, we sent it to him, for sure. Missing teeth. That's who you want. Oh, is he number one?

Okay, he's number seven.

Oh, it was the other way.

Alexander Ovechkin's our big. Our big white.

Okay. All right.

We just need one promo out with him going, hello, Alexander Odechkin. You might know me from such hockey games as when we played the whalers.

You know, you give me 1 million, and I drink your vodka.

You know what they did to him? You know what the mob did to him?

What?

They were like, hey, man, congrats on getting into the NHL. It's going to be like, $2 million. Make sure your family's safe.

Really?

I think so. And then Donna should have whatever she says.

You facetime her back right away.

Kelsey, I'm ready to rumble at any time. Please contact my people.

Just facetime her right away.

All right. This is the most aggressive Facetime I've ever done.

Yeah, but it's awesome.

This is the most Facetime I've ever done.

You're going to be really disappointed. I am not Donna. I work with Jason.

I dm'd you.

I'm texting with Victoria. Donna couldn't go on FaceTime because her face isn't on. So I said, let's text burt. You dictate it, and I'll type it.

Are you with her? Right? Tell her. Tell her. Tell her. My mom has not scared me as bad as she scared me. I'm shaking right now, and I'm drinking vodka.

I'm sorry to disappoint you that I'm not Donna, but I work with Donna, and we were just trying to make it funny for the podcast. Okay. It was awesome.

It was awesome. Hey, tell her I got my mom an elliptical for 15 minutes a day.

Bring it.

Awesome.

Bring it.

Thank you. That's okay.

Bye. All right, well, she's got a mediator. You almost had mama Kelsey shit in your pants.

I'm shitting my fucking pants.

Yeah.

Okay, so what's a nationality that's underrepresented? That if we give this vodka to, they will then bring it to their people.

What if we pivot from what you just said? What? What if we give it to the Mexicanos? Man, I love it. They have huge population here. They're, like, the greatest, hardworking, humble people. They love a good time. They love good food. They love celebrations, and they love saying things with an accent, and they fucking porosos. Come on. What are we doing?

Yeah, this is right in front of our fuffs.

What if they're like, I don't really fuck with vodka, but then they try this, and they're like, oh, shit, I guess I'm a vodka drinker.

Oh, we got to do a spanish commercial.

Oh, definitely.

Oh, definitely do a spanish commercial. And then you just put up impromptu, and I'll just read it. I won't even know what it says.

Yeah, we should do like a full production commercial, though. Fuck yes.

Do we go into those little bodegas? Those little, like those good bars that are just a box in East LA? Going with a bunch of.

Have some like MS 13 guys. Drink it. She's good. You can live.

That's our ambassador program, 18th Street Gang.

Sorry. And that's more mexican.

So let's talk about when we sell this vodka and make billions.

Okay?

See how much you can sell a vodka company for. See how much like, did. See what Randy Gerber and George sold their tequila tequila for, by the way? I get shout out. I can't really shit on that tequila. It's such a good tequila. 1 billion in 2017. That was not a billion then.

Wait, what would you do if you had a billion dollars?

Well, you got to pay tribute to the vodka. So I'd be spending a lot of my time with that. I would be drinking. I'm getting a yacht. I've already thought this through a little bit.

Yacht.

I'm getting a yacht. I'm going to probably spend the majority of my time in the south of France.

Oh, nice.

And down through Italy.

Italy.

Italy. I'm going to be obnoxious.

Really?

Like, really aggressive. Like, if you think I'm bad now, where do you see me then? I'm going to be fat again.

Very fat.

Oh, very fat.

Yeah. You throw in the towel at that point.

A hundred percent. There's no way. There's no way. You. Okay, what we should do if we make, like, legit. If we make a billion dollars.

How much is that? It's a lot.

It's like, how many millions?

It's 1000 millions.

I thought it's 100 million.

No, that'd be 100 million.

So billions. Thousands of billions.

It's 1000 of a million.

It's 1000 millions.

Yeah.

So we have thousand millions. Wow. Well, how much do you need? You only really need.

You don't need that much.

Okay, so how about this? We'll cap our take at Rogan, like 350. What does he have? Like $350,000,000?

I have no idea what he has.

Yeah, he probably has like $350,000,000. Okay, so we'll cap our table.

One thing I'll say this. Do not believe. I know this firsthand from multiple people. Don't believe those celebrity net worth articles. They are never remotely real. Those are just guesses. Those people don't know what people have.

Oh, I dm'd them.

You dm'd him?

He said, how much you make? And I told him, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But we got to give back. Yeah, I got to be honest with you. We got to invest in liver research.

Not only that, you could buy a whole bunch of houses for habitat for Humanity.

Oh, I'll buy South Tampa.

There you go.

With a billion dollars. Yeah, I could buy. Theoretically. So it's 1000 million. Okay, I'll get $500 million. I'd probably get less than that, right?

Yeah, probably.

So let's say I get $300 million. Well, that's what I need to live on, so I can't really give anything to anyone.

Yeah, that's true.

Yachts aren't cheap. Google how much a yacht is.

Well, there's pretty wide range in prices. Really? Yeah.

That's crazy that I already went through my billion.

Yeah. This weekend in Las Vegas. Burt and I have.

It's so fucking good. And I'm not. I swear to God on my children, I would never steer down the wrong path with alcohol. I'll lie to you a lot, but not about alcohol. I lie about alcohol, too, about whether or not I drink it.

The Porosas is legit. And we will be Saturday, February 10, at the MGM Grand Garden arena in Las Vegas doing stand up and launching Porosos vodka. Please come out. Please find us. Please have a drink with us. Join the party, join the excessive celebration. And then afterwards, I promise you, we will have events. You will see us pop up in multiple places for sure in Austin, for sure in Los Angeles. Many more to come. That's it for today. I am plastered.

I am buzzed.

Let's wrap this up.

Love you, Tom. I love you way more.

Congrats and thank you guys very much for all your support. You're the reason that this happens, so we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. Thanks so much.

Thank you, Bert, Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes hops while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories, and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.