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He's Bert Krischer.
I'm Tom Sagara. Probably the most excited I've ever been to Stanishev. This is super exciting, man.
So for those who don't know, about a week ago we were talking about how I've seen videos of guys, especially like some football players who had unique handshakes for everybody on the team. So we just Googled it. And the first video that came up, you said you said Cortez Lewis.
That's the first you said it.
Well, we did a search and then Cortez came up first. Cortez played at Wake Forest. And there is a montage video of him doing completely different handshakes with everybody on the team and like really unique.
Some of them like really complicated.
And I tried to come up with an email to send to Cortez where I said, hey, we're big fans. We're looking for a signature handshake for our for our star. So, yeah, could you do it was horrible. And I think in a million years we would ever get a reply. Yeah.
And not only did you get a reply that he would he would do this for us, but we actually have him on the line right now. So without further ado, please welcome Cortez Lewis to the show. Cortez, can you hear us? Can you see us? Yes, I can hear you guys.
Hey, man, this is like so before we get to what you got for us, tell me about. So like, how did that develop for you doing the handshakes with everybody on the team? Were you always a handshake? Dude, you know, growing up as a kid in high school? Yeah.
So that was a thing that I had started when I was in high school. I had a group of guys and we all had different signature handshakes. And so once I got to college, I went to college with a former teammate of mine, Demetrius Kemp. He played with me at my high school and he went to college with me and we had our own secret handshake from back home. Right. So people saw that. And it was like, that's neat.
Yeah. So I end up having buddies that I played on team when they were like, no, we want a handshake now.
So one day, one day, my assistant coach, he was like a Jay and we're at practice and I didn't even know. He's just recording me walking up behind me. He has a daily routine at practice and he's recorded all my handshake.
And I get in the locker room after practice and everybody's going nuts like Cortesio. You sports, take your phone, woot, woot, woot. And I'm like, OK, I take my phone and here I go on sports in the next day, ESPN call interview me and they call me your name. You handshaking over LeBron. And I was still, you know, shocked about that. Yeah. So what I mean that handshake was like ten to twenty people.
Everybody won a handshake.
The president of the university that was the next day was he was standing at the football game like when a free handshake with how great is it?
Because one of the things that's like is while when you watch it right.
Is you go like, all right, he's got a handshake with this dude. That, too. But once you start getting to like six, seven, eight, nine, ten, dude, you're like, yo.
So is it hard to remember each person, you know?
I mean, like to so honestly, you got to think so. It's crazy. I'm going to blow your mind. I think I have over currently two hundred plus different hands on man.
Come on. Seriously. Seriously. Because once everybody started they made ESPN. Yeah. Everybody figured that if they had a handshake with me then they would be talking about the sororities, the fraternities, the president. Everybody wanted a freakin handshake. And it was cool because I got to see these people on a day like do going to class in the cafeteria. So once I saw them, it was like a muscle memory thing. Like we knew we had that connection with each other.
And it was just one of the favorite ones that we both loved when we were watching. Like the montage was the one where it looks like it's over and the dude turns around and he comes back.
Oh, yeah, that was lead man.
He's the middle linebacker for the Oakland Raiders. Oh, jeez. Wow. Where did you go to high school, by the way? I'm from born and raised in Demopolis, Alabama. OK, yeah. I received a full scholarship to play ball at Wake Forest. Junior year in high school, congratulations. Wow, that's not a. So wait, where you live? No, I'm in North Carolina. OK, I'm still in Winston-Salem, actually. Oh, really?
I went to college.
I went to college in North Carolina, too. I went to college. Well, you went I went to Lenore Ryan in Hickory North. Oh, yeah, I know you.
Yeah, the furniture, the furniture capital.
That's that's why he didn't get a full ride. He's just a full sized body. Yeah, that's right. That's not the knuckle ride for you. I paid the full tuition.
So how do we monetize you coming up? Like, there's got to be a way, you know, the old the old thing for like come up with your porn star name. It's your name, your first pet in the street you lived on. Yeah. Yeah. What's the way to come up with an app for you. Were you where people can go. Me and my friend need a handshake because that's what's happening here. Me and my friend.
We need to do we really need to create this.
Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah. I mean do you have the website handshaking Dotcom.
No, but I need to get that like that and see if that's that down like that, that we'll give that to King Dotcom.
We have it now. We got it. So that's how we got it. How fast we move. Cortez I got. Yeah.
We got to get you an app. Are you a patriot? I mean, you are Tom Brady man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's my guy, right? No, no.
You've got to end up graduating from Wake Forest and rupture my Achilles completely out the bone day. And we had Texas A&M in the Bilboa and graduated from Wake and I looked up the best rehabilitation place in the country because once my scholarship was up, I could no longer receive rehab. So I Googled. Tom Brady Foundation is called TV Sports and I flew to Boston. They say it was like three hundred fifty dollars for our treatments. And I go there and while I'm there, I mean, they're encouraging people that I don't even know, you know, like, let's go, let's get right.
You know, just high with football. Yeah. So I go there and I'm motivating people to get, you know, get their stuff together. And as I leave Alex Guerrero, Tom Brady's right hand man. Yep. Was trying to me that day. So when I was leaving, I paid my money. He was at headquarters. He was like, it was a pleasure to meet you. He was like, we need more people like you.
Right? He was like, I'm going to take this foundation application. If you take your time here, this out, then we'll take care. Any injury you have for the rest of your life, what? And by the grace of God, I got a upset. And so they was me back and forth every four weeks doing it, screaming, oh, my Achilles and got me back, got me a full scholarship to play at western Michigan.
Went there the very first while he was a former quarterback for Florida State. Yeah. He ended up was supposed to go to if you to the universe. So I was at Western training for two months. He called me like, bro, come play with me a hat with the hat. And we both got our masters from Hampton and declare from draft yet.
Holy shit, man, I had no idea.
I would never I remember dirty. That's what they called them. That's my guy. Dirty. Yeah, I remember that man.
And so what are you doing now.
So right now I to declare for the draft my age is working to give me side to NFL team. I'm driving trucks for UPS right now in North Carolina.
All right. Well, that's what we're going to do. This is this is the way our brains work. So we like to put out big feelers, like the reason we're talking to you. I don't know if you're familiar with Jennifer Aniston, but I've heard that.
Yes, yes, yes. She's like one of our close friends.
And we just put it out on the podcast that we wanted to meet her and that she should probably have a dude there for safety. And next, you know, Jennifer Aniston's blowing up our spot. Dearest Burt, you're my favorite fan.
I mean, and so what this what we think we're going to get we're going to get you we're going to get you big corporate deals before you get drafted so that you getting drafted is a no brainer. And I'm hoping to go to the box now. I'm good friends with the Glazers. No doubt Tom Brady's there right now. Yeah. We're going to get you on the box. We're going to get and I'm going to start. I like I'm going to and what we're going to start with with New Jersey.
Yeah. And like I mean, just you're just bigger. See some people.
You're bigger than you. Yeah, you got you got good energy, you definitely have got good energy. This is what the world needs.
Yes, there are certainly there are certain people where I go, I go, I buy his jersey and they're like, yeah, but he's the kicker for the Rams. I was like, I don't know. Johnny Hekker challenging Jared Goff to see who could hit the field goal, pull from 30 yards out and bet money on it. I go, that's my guy. I like Johnny Hekker now and he's just a wannabe. I like that guy. And that's what teams need.
Are more guys like you positive vibes only man and you can play. So that's telling me.
Yeah, I see. All right. Well, we got to we got to ask what is going to be Burton my secret handshake.
What's our handshake going to be?
All right. You ready. I'm ready. Yeah. Yeah, OK. And listen, I did a little research. I see you had a little accident with basketball, so I wasn't sure how quick you could move that one.
Just so you know, I now I'm getting hurt like a motherfucker.
All right. Will you by go like this? OK, all right. All right.
So listen, so you guys stand up and you go clap your hands twice. Oh, yeah. Our hands. Yeah. I'm sorry. I just. Yeah. You guys twice. And you want to. I wish you guys weren't in that type of space because I had a little euro step. It was only like three steps. Let's, let's see, let's see it go right left.
And you don't want to step past each other. Turn around, stop and you won't growl like a grizzly bear.
Hey guys. Let's go. Let's go. Hold on. We gotta make some room, OK? He can't handle it. I know.
OK, we got we got to do baby steps again. All right. So OK, step up. One, two.
They're not going to just get it right. All right. Repetitious.
Right. OK, so one, two, two taps one, two, two. And you guys take your hand like you've got a basketball, OK? And you go right and you go right. OK, OK. But you guys going so stand close. Right. You right. Right. So you got to be going and you go there. Yeah. And take two steps pass you ok. So I go past you this way.
So you got that right, right, left and then you go that way. Yeah. Go that way. Yeah. Yeah. And you take two steps, you wait till you turn around, you slap it.
Oh yeah. Yeah. What's up to a secret handshake. You made a secret handshake. Oh I love it. I love it. We're going to practice the fucking spin. I was really this is like but I.
Yeah I can't give it up man. This is, this is good stuff. Oh this is great.
You know what we're doing for an hour after we finish today. Right. Just going to rehearse this or you're going to rehearse. Oh my God. This is the best. Oh man.
Oh this is so great. I can't wait to. You're playing for the bucks. I'm on this right now. I'm on this.
No malice guererro. Don't talk about. Hey, we said it was the lab. Oh, you have it bro. Don't have it's going to happen man. I'm telling you I will. Shit in the universe. I got I got the luckiest guy in the entire world and I can make that happen. I can will stuff into the universe. I've got a career and I'm not that funny and I just take my shirt off on stage. I mean, can you believe it?
Yeah. I love you. I love it.
That's what made me kiss you that I this is so great, this handshake.
I'm telling you, man, we're going to give you that site and we got to build a site that's just like just about this, like, I mean, super positive. But have, you know, have your montage, have the videos, have maybe like tips, points on what would be great.
Great is if you could just enter things in so say you and your body, you're looking for a website, you're like how old are you? And you type that in. And then all the aspects of a handshake, you go, well, they're already too old for that. OK, so we're going to. Yeah, yeah. Like, like, yeah. Like what kind of music do you like. And you're like, OK, I get it.
If you're unfamiliar with dot dot dot you're not going to get dot dot dot. Yeah. Yeah there's no.
What's the just one. Yeah. The you know. Yeah yeah. You know what I was trying to do.
Sorry. This one you know like you throw in there and catch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh OK.
Oh so we're going to, we're, we're on top of it. And by the way, we'd like to be your agent also.
Oh OK. Yeah that's fine. Yeah that's fine.
Hey let's, let's do this, let's, let's start an agency masterpiece. Did it OK. And Will and I think he's buying Reebok for real. Yeah.
Dude we can do this. We can. You're our first, your first client. We've just. We have. Just to be a sports bring to Bear Stearns, says Cortez can run this by your legal team. I can't wait.
I can't wait to be a sports management look, man, we just signed our first client, the handshake. And Cortez Lewis, this is we're going to stay in touch with you, man.
We want to keep in touch with, you know, this whole thing. We're definitely they'll be in touch about the site and we'll get working on that for you. And, man, we just we really appreciate you, man. This is a lot of fun. So let's like, you know, we're do we're going to work on our handshake. We're going to shoot it, and then we're going to kind of send you the video. You got to give us like a you know, a rating.
I say no more. And you guys, like I say, is repetition that you did once you speed it up a little bit more, it looks so much sweeter. Yeah. OK, you're really doing it like one, two, three. We have got to get a little bit movement. Yeah. Yeah, there's dope about you guys have me man.
Absolutely. No thank you. Thank you Cortez. Appreciate you man. Stay safe. Take care brother.
Yeah. All right.
Well that was amazing. That was amazing. Thank you for that call, Cortez. We will be right back. I hope Jennifer Aniston sees that and goes, I'm going to blow Cortez out of the water when they meet me. Well, I'll do their secret handshake to him.
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I'm so excited. We started a sports management company. I'm going to see what quartos doesn't know is he just got in the car with a fucking lunatic.
Yeah he doesn't understand and not look let's be very fair. I am I. Obviously, I have big ideas and I and I look, trust me when I know how crazy I am. I'm with me all the time. He doesn't know what he just signed up for because I can also will it into existence. Case in point, we got him on the phone today and we have our own secret handshake, secret handshake that we say now.
We're thinking to myself two weeks ago, think a week ago thinking we need a secret handshake, you fucking idiot.
Only a fucking idiot. Forty eight year old man sits in the shower and goes, Me and my friend need a secret handshake. What fucking grown man like this is. But this is what is this is what's good with me and what's wrong with me. What fucking if you're a man right now, man, I'm just a man right now.
I'm just a man. If you're a man, how many times have you sat in the shower and thought to yourself earnestly, me and my best friend in a secret handshake? Probably never. I never.
Now I'm going I'm going to small pool of individuals that that's where their brain lands right now.
I'm also in a small pool that goes I'm getting one and but and I don't even see the mountain in front of me.
I go, I'm getting one. I got to do is well into existence. Now, this is why Quetta's is going to be we are going to be in Hawaii at the Pro Bowl.
Meenu we're going to have matching a Hawaiian full pantsuits for sure. What do we do. Hawaiian tracksuits by the Syrian brothers. God damn it.
This is why we're good together. Yeah. Hey song brothers. Mean, I don't know, but I and this is what's even crazier, this is what Christminster felt like when Christ was like when he was like, I am the son of God, like I'm the son of God. I know I know that it's going to happen to me. But guess what? Yeah. You're going to remember me now. This is what Quartette doesn't know. He just got in the car with me and, you know, I'm the fucking lunatic who's like, take a laugh, take a laugh, take it on the left.
Like, that's a circle. Mike, don't worry. It'll work.
Yeah, right. Yeah, but. I am already envisioning us in Tampa, right, and you, yeah, as agents. Mm hmm. By the way, are percentage zero percent.
We don't want any money. OK, maybe five, 10 years. Tom does a business, I think in that field they take three percent, actually.
For real. Yeah. Really, they really look up how much NFL agents commissions are three percent, how much will they let me work it out for you? How much are NFL agents commissions? Puf. Four percent. OK, I know, three hours. OK, OK, that's what I was I was more than four not and affiliates are not permitted to receive more than three percent.
See, OK, that's fine. And NBA agents, not more than four percent of their players playing contracts. I think maybe. OK, you can get more of an endorsement contract.
We're already going to issue deals. We're going to do a lot of deals. I think most agents, though, are have been to law school. Can we call your dad? Yeah, my dad can look over the contract. OK, yeah. I got to look over the contracts. I mean, you are just the face of our agency, OK?
On the sidelines, one big place, right? Yes, they come up Cuba's sports management dotcom, if you're an athlete and you want representation from people who don't work in the field but but make magic and make magic happen, we can make magic happen.
Where are you going to get an edge?
I do think we could hustle right now and get Cortez some type of endorsement.
Oh, I think that's illegal in college. Right. He's not in college anymore. OK, he's declared for the draft. Oh, we can definitely get him in. But I'm saying we should get Wingard training camp indoors. Oh, my God. I know a great college in supplement. I know we. Tom, this is what we do. Yeah, this is what. Oh my God. We can totally we got.
Do you like Vieri clothing. Yes. Because it's comfortable but then you can work out in it. That's perfect for him. And we can do some commercials before we can.
We fucking reach out to Cortez and hook him up. Yeah we hook up Cortez. He's an athlete. So anything like that. How do you what about your socks.
Do you like features. The other fantasy. I mean we could really hook it even.
Let's go with today's, uh, bare bottom. I just got all that clothes, by the way, there out of Tampa. That kid went to Berkeley Prep. I know that guy. Bare bottoms, comfortable as fuck. Their sweatshirt looks amazing genius right now.
Cortez, do you own property? Do you want to insure it? Yeah. Oh, never mind.
Those are previous episodes. That's OK. But you get it. We have other sponsors.
How do you relax after practice? Yeah, it's a refreshing low calorie Bud Light. Yeah, of course.
Seltzer, when I'm done working out, there's only one thing that makes me feel right.
And that's Bud Light seltzer coming in, mango, strawberry daiquiri and classic margaritas. When are you going to try? I'm going to try. I'm trying to strawberry dick. I'm going to I'm going to my time. Mango Mai Tai, by the way, I'm I'm a little bit of a drinking kick lately.
You and I have to meet with my trainer.
But that's OK. It's only 100 calories. That is good. Was really good. I tell you, I love something like strawberry grape rat. I'm like, yep, you're talking about the Kool-Aid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have so many big deals.
We're going to get this. And I guarantee you, here's what we're gonna do. We're going to start with Cortez. He's going to be like, ah, and I don't this isn't how I'm going to put you to the bucks. He's going to be our pop up shop. Right. Meaning we're going to try all our shit out on him. Yeah, we're going to blow his spot up. He's going to sign a contract. We're going to probably go three years.
Ten million dollars is what we're looking for. First, from what position does he play if you're not receiver, wide receiver, fucking done, Mike Evans is going to take him under his wing. They get to add it up. Secret handshake. Great, right. Whatever.
And he's going to be. Yeah, of course. This is such a fucking no brainer.
We're going to get them both sponsorships in Tampa. Yeah, we'll get them on your head all the time. Yeah. He'll be like guy on the street like like come in third Mike with cow head. Do we can blow this fucking guy up. I can get him a car immediately. I know all the car people. I know all the car people in Tampa. All right.
I can fucking we can do this man. We can start a sports company. How much we're going become billionaires. Your new representation, Cortez.
If this is how I'm talking about you to strangers, yeah, imagine how I'm going to talk to people who want to work with you.
Yeah, that didn't pan out. All right. He gets it. I know. I know how he's going to stay hydrated.
Liquid death. Well, you know, we should get them on. Please, please, please tell me it's in after this, his next immediate thing is Cameo. Hey, Kate. Hey, Cortez, can I get a secret handshake?
You fucking OK? We should get his phone number. Yeah, we get him on Cameo and he immediately we're talking about said was like, hey, you know, my wife and I are having an anniversary.
We want a secret handshake, which is like, hey, happy anniversary. What's your price point being as his agent? I mean, I think he's got a point with Kevin Nealon or whatever. Kevin Nealon says he can do that. I mean, just like I do Kevin Nealon, I'd pay for Kevin Nealon. He's a fucking celebrity. I don't know if I know Cameo. Kevin Nealon.
I like really like Kevin Nealon. Kevin Nealon. Fantastic. Oh, how about this?
I'm going to fucking call this little fucking almost caller, but it's my wife. Ready for this? Thank you, did you really get the idea behind her back all day? I, I, I had a premise I wanted to talk to you about, and I couldn't remember and I ran it by LeAnn and she goes, actually, that's pretty funny. She never says that. And I woke up this morning. What was that premise? She goes, I don't know.
You have so many stupid fucking ideas.
And I was like, I had a fucking great premise. This is where I know where this premise is going.
I wish I wish all the women I didn't make feel sexually uncomfortable in life, which is hundreds of millions would come forward at once and be like, oh, just, you know, Bert's a good guy. Oh, I got you. I went on five days with him and never tried to kiss me. I thought he was gay. I told my friends he was gay. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't that be. And then I had to be like, oh, I'm going.
She's going to go, oh, that is the idea. Hey, do you remember the idea? I was like, what was that idea we were talking about for the podcast? Baby, I don't know, I know, I know, but I finally remembered it and I wanted to tell you, OK, I wish all the women that I that I didn't make feel sexually uncomfortable would come forward at one time.
Yeah, that was it.
She likes it. And then my wife would be the last one. Actually, I had to ask him out on a date and he had a hard time giving me my first gift. And the first time we had sex, it was so fast, I don't think anyone would consider it even sex.
So what do you think of your super dismissive that's so condescending? My point is Kevin Nealon is a fucking solid dude. Yeah, he is. And what do I call him, you know?
Yeah. Yeah, what what are we going to ask him? If he's on camera, he's not a camera, they looked it up. Oh, he's not. No, let's go. I think Cortez should do it on camera.
We're getting him on camera today. I think you obviously we're not airing this, but we need to get Cortez on camera today as his agents. This is already covered, by the way, Hunter. But this is in the future. If 100 bucks is a lot. How much would how much would you pay for a secret handshake? 100 bucks.
That's cool. You're getting the handshake king to give you a handshake box.
Hundred bucks, 100 bucks, 100 bucks. You have to invest. You can't be like, I want you back 10 bucks. And he's like, come on.
He's like 100 bucks. You're right. 100 bucks, 100 bucks. And if you don't want to spend a hundred bucks on it, then you don't get to see you.
And by the way, can you get Cortez Lewis like. Now that this is out, we've already set up his cameo, I'm guessing, right, but yeah, by the time by the time this airs, yes, his cameo is already up and running. Yes. So now we're in the future, if you would like your own signature handshake from Cortez, Lewis got a cameo. Look up, Cortez Lewis, the handshake king. Submit and he will make you your own signature handshake and we get three percent of that, uh.
I mean, we're really getting fucked, this NFL agent. Yeah, we are. This fucking. Oh, we can get four percent now. Oh, no, you know what, I don't want to do that. Yeah, we're not going to take any of this. I don't want to do the math and be like, how many did you do today? Like, no, no, no. This is why we're great agents, is we're going to be like, whatever.
We're just going to be, you know, super positive about it and hope that he does a bunch of them.
But look, we all we also have these are this is you know what this is. We have to make one point real clear.
We haven't cleared any of this with him. So he might not be on Cameo and he might be mad.
He might be, as his agents would pretty much talked him into it, which you should definitely talk to legal counsel and see if this is what we're doing is highly illegal. Talk to your dad.
He's a he's a lawyer. All right. Yeah. He definitely knows what you want to hear. This is my impression of my dad my whole life, hearing my harebrained ideas. He's like, OK, hold on, where the fuck are you drinking? Is it better if I at my dad's a bad fucking call, because I'm afraid he's going to be like, what the fuck that buddy?
I'm sitting with your grandmother, she's turning 100. Can we just fucking talk about something else?
I hope he shoots this down so.
Hey, hey, dad, how are you doing? Good. What's going on? Good. You're on a podcast with Tom and I want to run a business idea by you and get your take your honest knee jerk reaction. Is this terrible time, no, not billable. Well, you might maybe maybe Tom and I have started a sports management company and we are now representing a free draft agent, agent, free agent, and we are going to be his agents.
What is the legality of that?
Yeah, I do that. Why don't you jump both feet in? Do you need any license to be an agent? You know, I believe a lot of people go to law school.
Well, hey, here's the pitch, big guy. You know how you were looking and thinking about retiring? Well, how about you cruise into retirement as a sports management attorney? So what we'll do is we'll get the contracts. We'll send them to you. We're just the face of the company.
Yeah. Do you have any clients, big boy? Yeah.
Cortez. Lewis. Hold on. I'm passing on my business side of my team. I just. How are you doing, Mr. K.? I've got great.
But I can't wait to get I just I just wanted something to be clear. This is not a we thing. All right.
Yeah, well, I thought you were the smart one, but I'm the one who said call your dad. Right. Call. Well, where do you get your first call?
We got one guy. We got one. We got one. We got Cortez Lewis. He's a free agent and he just signed with us. And Bert convinced them that we actually are sports management people.
I was three percent. Yeah, but Bert also said, oh yeah, we'll get you three years. Ten million dollar contract.
So he's got a starter. Yeah. We're going to get it for the bodies. Yeah. And but also said we'll get you signed with the boss. Oh by the way. And I'll get you a car. He said I know everybody gets you see if you can get money.
You know why he sounds like. Yeah he does. He does.
See if there's someone in Tampa who can get him a car. Do you know anyone who can get him a car in Tampa? Do you know anyone can get him a car?
No. Well, I do, but I would never ask.
That's why. That's why you're part of the team, Dad. OK, listen, we'll we'll do a Zoom's call me you and Tom and figure out the logistics, but let's get someone on the line. Welcome to the team.
Yeah, welcome to the team. Dad, what are we we're going to come up with a name for our company and then we'll call you back. Yeah, great. I'll wait for you. I love you got like everything like he didn't have to say it, but like you can hear in his voice that he's like, you guys are fucking stupid to bear sports management, to bear sports management limited or I'm trying to think to better sports management.
That's it. It's perfect to bear sports management. Yeah. And that's the we're diversifying. Remember when I told you we need to become billionaires? Yes. When you had the whole. Yeah. And this is how we're going to do it. We're going to start holding company. What's going to happen is he's going to walk on.
I guarantee you.
I guarantee you last year, Brady's contract, he leans over to us and he's like, hey, man, I like what you do. But Cortez. Yeah, I guarantee you. I guarantee you he's going to go away. I guarantee you. I guarantee you when we get outside of the box, I guarantee you we pick up five five clients immediately, immediately. Guys going, I like what you do with Cortez. Yeah, Cortez. First of all, we got to get him a fucking sick ride, sick tracksuits.
We we need to really kind of mold him in our in like let's get gloves, let's get Cortez's sizing and let's get him some sewing brothers tracksuits because we're showing up first aid training camp.
Yeah. Me and you were coming with them. Yeah. We're all having matching whatever car we get in Tampa. I guarantee you I don't have a car. I guarantee you I can. I believe you. I know I can get them a car. We can get him a boat.
I'm so excited about this, I can tell you that I'm actually thinking about putting my career on pause to focus on cortexes, which is a good idea. This is a great idea. I can definitely get him a part in a sitcom and.
Oh, my God, oh, this is so big. This is going to be huge. It's going to be huge. He just needed guys like us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And now we have a secret handshake. I mean, like I'm so excited for and I like we walk past each other. Oh shit. I yeah.
Um fok I like I'm bubbling with. OK, let's change subjects, let's change subjects because I'll do this all day and then by the way I will keep coming back to Cortez's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. We can pick up their field goal kicker in a fucking heartbeat. Who's there. Like whoever that is. What's his name. I know it, it's a it's a weird name. It is the field goal here for the Bucs.
We're going to pick up this guy, their punter. Right. OK, we're going to clean up on the Bucs. And then who is their kicker?
I forget his name. It's stuck up. Oh, I Ryan suck up every time I hear it. I always think it's a weird name. I feel bad saying that about a future client, but. Yeah, he'll understand how many agents have fucking done you dirty and then kind of raw, dogged you and then fucking fucked with you. We aren't going to be those guys. See, this what is beautiful about our management company is we've been through the wringer.
We've been talent.
We know how to treat talent. Oh, my God. This company selling itself.
Tom, I think we're going to have a number of calls after this show comes out. We might we might be signing multiple people at the same time.
We could start signing pro surfers. I'm so deeply involved in the pro surfing community, deeply involved. I watch a lot of videos.
I watch a lot of videos, and I know their names. OK, Nathan Florance, our first sign we're getting, Nathan Florence is our first. Do you have any do you ever talk to him? Not I texted with him. You've texted with him? I've texted with him. OK, Nathan. Florence really is in Hawaii. Yep. In Hawaii, by the way. What? This is next level, but this is next fucking level, we're going to look at exports to a brand new level.
We're going to sign a professional pickleball player, right? We should sign a golfer, OK? You sign what we need when we should get one for every sport so that when you go to our front page of our website, you can see all our athletes. Yeah, it's a good idea. And very loose contracts.
You know, we can also do for that website what have a like a subcategory that's called potential signings and just put like the biggest stars in the sports.
Yeah, they're always like, oh, you're like fucking Cristiano Ronaldo and LeBron James. Potentially, yeah. We're going to talk to him this week. Have, but I do think then we should have clients, we will sign. I got a few names for you. Oh, you know, who would be a great potential thing for us?
I just did a podcast with Deon Sanders, so said, yeah, the sign them. Let's give him a shout. Fuck. Yeah, yeah. It was a prime. I know everything's working out, but do you want to go better. Yeah. Oh. Oh my God.
This is great. This is fucking this is this is what's great about a podcast.
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I want to go full tilt.
I started thinking I've been using Rogaine. Why don't we do this. You want to get here, that's what I said, so it's a company called Restore, that's Brand. That's what he got, new hair look. And where they take it from, from the side of your head. But I'm sitting there, too, I think.
No, but you've got enough for real. Yes. Go to restore. Yeah. If I could do it on the DL, you can, man, I don't want Loveleen to know, I want to be like um OK. Our had enough anyway, yeah, pretty. Does it say, look, look, I'm like that, I'm like, look, after five months, Merrill, I restore. Let me see female clients. Bro. So what do they do, they just take care physicians.
I like how it works kind of thing. How we do it. Everyone has gotten hair, the stuff has hated it, gotten what is not the old school one. Oh, yeah, yeah, the old school ones were bad.
I don't know what you're doing. Is this it and then what if they do the lasers penetrate the hair through hair or should be? Just looking on there. Yeah, what if they what if they put her in, but then they put a part that you didn't expect and you have a cowlick and they put in garlic's and then they can put those.
And I think those grow naturally. They just put it in upside down the way. Is it telling you anything? No, I'm not finding any info right now. OK, what is it like, what's up with a Catholic, what is a Catholic, a Catholic? That's an interesting that's just like a pattern growth.
No type in Catholic aggressive Catholics. Aggressive ilex. OK, I remember Brian Callahan had a cowlick. Um. OK, who's got Catholic's? How to fix. I have a couple of crazy ones for real. Yeah, yeah, you can't see it because I if I can. Jake Gyllenhaal has a Catholic. Yeah. I'm not seeing what I'm looking for, you want to see. I want to see. I want to see people that are that are their lives have been drastically affected, you know, info on that site.
But on the other side, there has to be. About right there right now, we push back with you just getting a full head of hair now where it's at about. Not their. With the launch of I Restore Hair Growth System. Non and non drug free, non-invasive way. Nicotine free, pain free, nicotine free. Yeah, what are they talking about? Where does the say next scroll scroll, they're right there, it's part of the solution.
People have great health and beauty without compromising their health. We started laser clinic uses lasers to help smokers overcome their addiction to nicotine patches is OK.
So what would you do this? Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah. Let's get our restore and see if they want to sponsor the podcast. OK, and you'll do. Will you rock full head of hair. I will go full head of hair and I'll go curly. I'll tell you what, I would be fun if you didn't know what you were getting and they were like, I would give you hair, but good luck. And like the new ones were all long blonde ones.
What would you do, pony tail? What do you mean by that? Oh, I would be. So here's the problem is that every time I've seen someone who has hair, they have to have someone come in and help them do their hair.
You can't just like no, no one's gotten hair and and then just been like, flip, flip, you know, is this is this even the the thing that we were talking about, though, this is restore hair growth system, that this might not be the one that Deon was using.
Can we look that up so that we're looking at the one he used? Like, what the fuck is that? Oh, like I see every time I've known people with hair that has had hair replacements, they also have to like it's like they can't they don't just have, like, a free head of hair. Right. Like it's like very delicate hair. Like they're like, no, no, no, no, no, you can do it.
But I need someone to come in and do it and then put some topics on it and then and then it's got to be done.
But this is the company. This is. Oh, wow. Yeah. This is the company that they did it with, Richard Branson, did it as Richard Branson. Yes. No. No, it's not. No. OK, so what does it say about it? It's not your fault. Your father's hair, not your father's hair restoration. And my fucking dyslexia has gotten so bad.
Yeah. You've been saying all kinds of crazy shit. OK. Is there anything here? Here we go. Here we go, short video on Michael's procedure day.
OK, you know, someone just saw that video that's going on here and wait, I grew up with I look at it.
Look, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it looks like that's actually an iPad and it looks that looks real.
Yeah. And it's restor.
OK, so what's he saying. He's like I wasn't any place like. Yeah kind of. And then this guy's like that doctor looks like me. Oh he's got like the full dome like he's he's got a horseshoe. Yeah. And they're like, oh we can only do this much for you. Uh. Urlacher looks crazy or lockers, so you can't just full head of hair, just Matthew McConaughey have hair replacement of his looks fucking legit. Yeah, see that's what I'd want.
I want Matthew McConaughey there, you and McConaughey, but I never had good hair to begin with, like my like my whole life until I got short hair and then I started losing it when I had long hair. It looked horrific. It did. Yeah. So, yeah.
Why do you think look, OK, look, he's a like they show him awake and laughing so he's like so he's just sitting there.
Yeah I could do this. And one of these do they just plug it in. I think so. Oh. How long is the take. I don't know.
Can you run your fingers through it and shampoo it or do you have to be like. You can run your fingers through it. Yeah, look, look how happy he is. Show me activities he's doing. I want to see him wakeboarding because he's not going to probably all of a sudden he gets hair and he becomes athletic.
Like I look at this guy, that's the baby, by the way. They better all have fucking amazing hair. Yeah. If you tell me that guy on the right, the doctor Farhan. Yeah. If Dr. Farhan will look at all going in there, if that's his real hair then I'm like whatever fucking cheater. But if that's fucking new hair. Come on dude. That's amazing.
So what does it say. Like what, what's this say on the top left. Their breakthrough procedure. This is what we're going to do, break through procedure. Give us a day results. No scalp, no stitches, no linear scarring. That's the thing you don't want to see, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Awful looking hair plugs, permanently scarring. Those are things of the past. We're going to do the restore way.
So. So do I go. I let's just do it.
Let's let's do a video.
That's the old school where the Joe had that, right. Yep, yep. Yep. And then let me see, let me see, let me see some guys. And tell those guys on the left they're. He did Floyd Mayweather get his beard, he got beard implants, implant's what you have, Floyd Mayweather got beard implants. Really? Hair gets hair transplants for his beard. Uh, yeah, tattoo from his head and put it in his face.
No way. I would love if my beard was the texture of my hair just flowing and soft.
You just do what a hairstyle, what you rock with a full head of hair. Outgrow doubt, I think I would do one of these first, you know, like, oh, I would love to come back. Yeah, I would grow it out. I do like a bob, like a nice type, Bob. I would have so much I'd have so many fun hairstyles. You know what I was talking to Snoopy shoulder-length hair. Would you do like to have.
Oh, yeah. I'm growing it out. I'm probably going to get a hair extensions. I didn't even know you could do that until now and get hair instruction extensions. I would definitely want a ponytail. I would I just would want it. I'd have a I'd fucking rock a mullet one day. There's so many things I do with great hair. That's when I see people with hair that like Nardil and you're like, what are you doing? Yeah.
Like you got a great head of hair. Yeah. And you just you're doing a Caesar. Yeah. Like you. If I was in the involved I would go out crazy long.
Uh, how old are you Nadav. I'm thirty two. God, you're young. You got your whole life ahead of you.
Do you know what I was doing when I was thirty two. I was having kids and when I was twenty eight. When I was twenty eight, I said to myself, I'm going to be the most attractive I can be so I can find my partner. I'm going to lose weight. I have still have hair, my teeth rock, I go, I'm going, I'm going to do everything I can to get that really was your thought. Oh I did it.
I got LeAnn. So you got, you worked together. Actually worked to get Liam. I thought I don't like this is really probably fucking shallow thinking, but I was like, I don't like the women that are in the pool that I can get based on what I look like. And I was like, I'm overweight. And you were at twenty eight or twenty eight. Yeah, I'm. I was 28, I was like I was. By the way, now I look at almost like I was 220, I was walking, looking good.
Yeah. Uh, and then and there's nothing like resenting the people that are attracted to you, because I had that before, too. You're like, hey, what the fuck?
Like, you're you think that we should be together? This is really insulting. You're fucking gross, you know?
Damn the people that are attracted to you, you're like, why do you even think that work is an option?
Can I tell you? Can I tell you a game show I pitched had I had a fucking acting teacher one time who was like. So there was a this was, you know, who was in my acting class. So there were a few celebrities, including one or two of the Backstreet Boys were in the class. Who else was in your class?
This is an AA. Tell me all of them now. So but then, like, people would pop in. So like like Danny Glover would like pop into the back of the room, like shit like that.
And then he walked into an acting class is like, I'm getting too old and shit. I mean, it was just like it was wild. She, she had, she had one on one coached huge, huge names. Who is she. What was the actor coach.
I don't know if we should say her name or not to say it in the edit it out because I think I had the same one. Not that's not the one I had, but there was like really good actors there, and then sometimes you'd go to this class and, you know, you do scene work and like, you know, you'd see people like, oh, that's good. And then, like a a highly trained actor would go on.
You're like, oh, my God. Like, it would be so moving how talented they were.
You're like, holy shit, you know, and she would be the the toughest on those actors, you know, really like.
The actor would do a scene and the the students would be like, you know, oh you know who is a Minka Kelly was in my I pull her up like that.
She sounds gorgeous. Oh she sounds gorgeous. Oh my God.
She was in my acting class. She was in my acting class and she would wear scrubs. She's married to Trevor Noah. What? I don't think so. Oh, they've been quietly dating. She would wear out, she would wear fucking no scrubs because she was working as like a tack, I think she was a nurse, but, you know, so you should show up. This chick would show up in Scrubs to acting class Minka Kelly. Yeah, she dated Derek Jeter for a while.
Holy fuck. Yeah.
A couple other that makes me that makes me respect Trevor Noah so much more than anything he's ever done that he's dating the fact that he can date her and then not be like not be like jealous. What do you mean? Look, I couldn't you couldn't data, I couldn't date her and then be like. DeGeeter do this, I'd be like I would ruin the relationship, I would sabotage you own my own relationship with her because I would be jealous of all the people pulling people.
Minka Kelly dated. I already know. Faizan Glovers, Faizon Love Anaphase. I love Donald Faison. Donald Faison, by the way. You said Danny Glover. I thought Donald Glover. And I know and I saw a picture of Donald Faison and I thought of Faizon Love. She dated him. How did you know she dated him? I just saw a picture of the two of them together and at first I thought it was Tiger Woods and I was like, we stayed at Tiger Woods.
And I was like, never mind his face on. It was from a far away.
She dated that guy. Who's this guy? Brian White. What's he do? Stomp the yard and scandal. Stomp the yard. Oh, actors, actors, OK. Taylor, Nick, know who that is, that oh, Taylor Kitsch, that's I know who that is. He was in he was in uh, I can't read from here. What is it, Taylor? Nick Taylor Kitsch is good looking dude. He's a good looking dude. Keep on Friday Night Lights.
She dated Chris Evans, I guess so fucking I have getting so much respect, John Mayer, she dated John Mayer right about Trivago is watching this going, oh fuck, holy shit.
Is there anyone you didn't date? Topher Grace is the sweetest guy in the world, by the way. This woman and Derek Jeter, seven, keep going. Ramon Ramon Rodriguez, that was after Derek from Charlie's Angels TV pilot, OK, Velimir, Wilmer Van Allen, you know that I do know, but I don't know how to say it. OK, we'll just we'll move on to Liberia.
There you go. You say it.
You can't say it either. And you grew up around where he grew up. I did not. Wilmer Valderrama. OK. You did it.
You fuck off this fucking everyone. That's crazy.
She's like, no, no.
OK, right now. Right now.
OK, do you think so? No. Trevor, no. I wish we had Trevor Noah's fucking no, by the way, not the phone call I want to make in that class.
Whenever wherever Josh Radnor. Who's he. How I met your mother. Keep going. Jesse Williams, what's that what is that reason, Adam Trevor Noah. Oh, by the way, I wouldn't mind being three of 13, 14, 14.
You know, it's like a little bit deeper now with our puppy is no wild. What the. I think it's chronological.
What a respectable and number twenty seven. 14 five. Twenty seven. Oh yeah.
I respect Trevor Noah so much. Yeah. Oh my God. He's he is a competent dude.
I would, I would be so I would, I would ruin it.
Didn't it say that he bought a 27 million dollars. It's so beautiful. So good. It's good to know his house. Trevor Trevor Noah. His house. OK, he's got to be.
It's got it's got four million dollars.
Twenty seven point twenty seven point five million dollars. Oh, my God, we can go let's see some fucking of this thing, OK? It sells a house.
That's what it says. It sells.
I think he lost money on it. No, he's just he put it to the one that he bought. That one go to buys I've seen. Look at this.
It looks like a fucking layer. Can I tell you, I hope this doesn't sound bad. I really do like Trevor Noah. He was that he was at an event one time and my little sister went up and was like, hey, my brother's a comedian. And he was like, Yeah, she's like, his name's Werkheiser. He didn't know who the fuck I was, but he talked very nicely of me and my sister. She's like a friend of your friend, Trevor Noah.
And I was like, I've never met Trevor Noah.
Yeah. Um, Keibler what's crazy is that he's even live here. This is a this is his second home. How what the fuck? He lives in New York, he shoots the show in New York, right? That's what he's done. And by the way, I don't need a place to stay when I go to the West, that's fucking crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. The day before New Year's Eve, the hostages shelled out twenty seven point five million.
In 19, he dropped 20 million on a similar. What does he how does he make his money of selling it last summer? So he made a little money on the others who make money would like host of The Daily Show.
But I'm not I'm not even being crass or like obstinate, obtuse.
I what is that pay cafe idea?
I have no idea what was I mean, how much can you make on a TV show? I mean, I think on a show like that where it's kind of that show is the brand is the flagship brand of Comedy Central. You know, The Daily Show like that is like world renown. And it was so well known.
I guarantee you, they tell you what he gets paid for The Daily Show. Who do we know? Who who do we know? The craft. Tell us what you get paid. Sure. I don't know. I mean, I know that Jon Stewart was making Jon Stewart seven. The Trevor. No, no disrespect. No, I don't. I'm saying he was making crazy money. Yeah, but he did. He created that show like he made that show.
Craig Kilborn was the first host, actually. Linda Winstead, Lizz Winstead. She created the show. Yeah. And they're fucking she's got to be looking at Trevino's house going.
I don't get a little taste. Yeah, that would be really nice house. This is insane.
Do we know? Do you know have you ever met Robinho? Mm. I met him in New York at the comedy fest.
Would you like know him to be like, hey man, come to your house. I mean. No, no, not now. He's definitely not coming back this now he's like I'm waiting to my girlfriend Minka and we're like, oh, we don't need this.
I know. You know, 14. I'm going to write her a fifteen by 60 foot infinity pool. I think that is beautiful. Yeah. That is not to case something beautiful.
Minka is this is a long time ago. So when I, when I met her, when we were in acting class together we. How old is she now. Look at her age. Please say she's 45. No way. She's in her late thirties. I bet she's forty. OK, so we're about the same age.
I'm one year older when we were in acting class, we were by the way, fourteen is not bad for a forty year old woman is not bad for a thirty year old woman, but like she's fucking lived a goddamn life. Like I'm just you have to be fair, Trevor, I'm sure is going like she's fucking forty. So we were gonna fuck around.
Of course we were twenty three and twenty two in this class. So like I'm just saying you could not pay attention to what's going on in class when and she would sit there in the scrubs.
No makeup, no nothing. And basically every guy would just be like. Like just staring at her, just staring at her. What a cool name, Minka, that I remember this acting teacher. So there was also a couple of models and shit, you know, like people wanted to be actors. Yeah. Everyone heard that this is the person to go to. So I got referred there by an actual like a working actress who was like this careless ladies a shit.
What time the there's a beautiful girl in class.
And then there was a not so good looking one and.
Oh, wait, remind me to tell you a story off camera. All right. OK.
Uh. Teachers like. I mean, I don't know names, we just say like, hey, you know, I think you should go out with I was like, oh, you know, my class has like Menck and like, beautiful woman. She was like, fucking Emily. I was like the fullback that sits in the.
In the third row, the fuck are you talking about? She's like, she's sweet. So are you. I was like, God damn it. And this was like life. Oh, yeah. And this was like the best I've ever looked at. I was like, hey, fuck you, lady. Best I've ever looked. Yeah. I was like, why would you think that's a pair up?
Why is that? Because she's nice and you're nice. I was like, oh, man. Oh. And I went out with that model that. It didn't work out. All right, I don't want to go out with someone that is too hot, meaning like is perfect for me.
I think about all right to believe, as David said, oh, oh, fuck me, oh.
Oh, my God, I'm I'm like, I'm today's been a how how can I go on a date with the Anthony? How was our conversation going to fucking compare to this?
No, it's not. What you guys are going to go to dinner. Oh, no. Can you text her talking points?
Are you going where are you going? We're going. This one is an outdoor dining place. I don't know, it's hard to explain this outdoor dining place up by the girls school. You ready to switch? Switch up what?
You ready to start dating that was going on?
Oh, honey, I wouldn't, you know. I wouldn't mind like her getting lost at sea. Yeah, and then me being, like, heartbroken and then doing some stuff to try to get my head straight and then her coming back and be like, oh, I didn't know. No harm, no foul. Right. Right. Right. But how long has she gone for in this scenario? A year and she brought her Invisalign. So she comes back and she's like, it's so funny, I'm back and I don't even wear Invisalign anymore.
And then she's like, what's going on? You're like, I've been dating, dating.
We got the house set up. I hope you're excited. The girls are going to be pumped to see you there in college. When I say girls, there's also a couple living here now.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
Hey, Minga, MISCA, Mickey Mouse. God damn it. Oh, my God.
All right, guys, you've heard us talk about Bud Light Seltzer and Bud Light seltzer lemonade, but they have a new one. It's the out of office variety pack. We were drinking them today out of office.
Yeah. Is that probably because fifty four percent of Americans don't go and use their vacation days? Yeah. How did you know that? I am. Trust me, I know this. I'm a guy that's built for vacations.
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Why? No. What would we do? When I was a thousand dollars, I would buy half a pair of sunglasses, you know, so it's pretty cool.
Maybe I would order a round of appetizers. I would do have a lot of fun with it. Stand up at the pool bar and go.
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Oh, my favorite strawberry strawberry. This one's the best one. Strawberry daiquiri. That's the way I would go.
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What else, what do we not cover today. What do we not cover. Yeah, well, you're training. You're looking great. I'm feeling great. I had waited it. No, I didn't wait it out. When's the last time you ate? And I went a little bit of a bender this weekend. I see the scale thing.
Okay, well, no, please let me see it. You don't have to look. I know.
I know. I've been. I've been looking up. You weren't looking before. Yeah, I started looking. 243 is the last. Wait. Oh yeah. All right. But I'm a lifting wing. Fuck. I love lifting weights. It's great. It's such but it really does instigate like a more on side of my brain that does what like like it really.
Like I think I'm not certain but if you lift weights I feel like it does increase your testosterone and if it does increase your testosterone, I feel that in insanely quickly and I become a little bit of a meathead and I started doing meathead things. What kind of things are you doing?
Like shoulder checking my wife into a wall, like out of the way, nerd. No, no.
Just like. Vanity things where you're like, put your arm in a shirt and you don't stretch it out as much anymore and you're like, Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. What's interesting to me is that, like L.A. actors and I don't mean this disparagingly for the most part, weren't like the meathead tough guys in high school. They weren't the guys lifting weights in the locker room right there, just like the sensitive guy who are not always sometimes are dirtbag's.
Yeah. Just couldn't get pussy in high school. And then they came out and this is how they do it.
But like for the most part, like me and you were regular guys in high school, like lifted weights. Yeah. If you give me a sort of fifties and you go, hey, I need you to do bench, I need you to do bench press those, I'm not going to fucking collapse them on my face. I'm, I know when I get to eight how I feel and if I can go to fucking 20, I'll do 20. But I'm, I'm, I've used my body my whole entire life.
Having said that, I see like when I see, like, Hollywood actors that get like yolked or riped, it's kind of funny because I know that when I do that, my meathead ness comes out. Right. They never had that growing up. And then all of a sudden they become that. I'm not like I'm not saying like I wish I could pick a name of a guy. I can't. But I want to I want to see the meat headedness of them come out because it's there.
When you get ripped, you become very vain and like fuckin in those hormones are real men.
Yeah, well, that's it. Start kicking up you definitely.
I can sense it with me in like. And like competitiveness and just the way my brain works, when I'm when I'm lifting weights and when you see those guys that go from like, you know, like I'm saying, Chris Evans, we just saw a picture of him. But like, he's I don't think I don't know anything about Chris Evans. It's not a fair I'm trying to say like a Hollywood guy who was just a regular guy and then he got fucking jacked.
And then you're like, oh, what's the guy who played Wolverine? Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman is like a sensitive dude in real life. Yeah, yeah. In real life. He's a singing, dancing theater guy.
He really is a theater guy. Yes. But then he gets jacked, right? Yeah. And he's fucking Wolverine. And where is the theater?
You can't even see the theater guy. And what's crazy is that when you are lifting weights like that, that theater guy is dead inside.
He's like, I want to dance.
You know, it's like we don't dance, we don't lift motherfucker. Then we do a box jump turned our lives ten blocks jump. Let's go, bitch. Like, oh oh.
I don't need to lift weights. Look at him in this one. Look at this. Me do a box jump.
Oh. Oh, my dear son. Look at that waiter, the A to the Y to that one.
You couldn't waterboard me into that outfit. I believe you would get it now. Actually, I thought it wouldn't hurt.
There's a there is a sensitive. There's a sensitive.
He's a tremendous talent man. Is he. Hugh Jackman is super talented. Young is talented. I don't know.
OK, I'm not like Wolverine's good movie.
No, I'm saying they're like somebody who can sing and dance and let me see a real let me see a sizzle reel.
Hugh Jackman. All right. Hugh Jackman, sizzle reel. And I'll tell you, he's talented or not.
Uh, it's probably Hugh Jackman.
He's going to go to YouTube. I'll tell you what I like about him. Yeah, there's a lot of things I like about Hugh Jackman. Acting real. OK, hit pause, hit pause, I want to run this idea by you, OK? Is Hugh Jackman. Talented or is he just the rip dude who decided to put on tap shoes and everyone's like, oh, Lynn Swann can tap dance also? No, I think he's I think he's actually.
What what movies has he been in top ten Hugh Jackman moment? Well, these are I mean, these are probably all I'm assuming he's going to be him. It's either going to be from talk shows, which is that we don't want to see or it's going to be from movies like the Tonys. And there is. What is this? What movie is this? Oh, what's this, the prestige he was in the prestige. Oh, Hugh Jackman is a fucking shit, dude, I love this movie.
Oh, I fucking love this movie. Oh, shit.
That was Hugh Jackman. That's Hugh Jackman. Oh, shut. Oh, that's not that's that's Christian.
That's who I was thinking of.
Matthew Jack with Hugh Jackman was the other guy. Mm hmm. Kate and Leopold, look, I'm going to make a very ignorant statement, all these period pieces or cheat codes in acting. Anyone can do that. He was in swordfish. Here he is shooting a fucking rocket launcher.
God damn it. Keep going. That was Haileybury, right? Yeah, I saw that. There you go. Keep going.
John Travolta. John Travolta. He was on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Yeah, keep going. Someone like you, uh, pass, pass, OK, butter, butter. Doing a real acting face there. Yeah, the Oscars, OK, OK, see, because they're showing you that you can host, he can sing. You can dance. All right.
He's he's the real deal. He's my bad. My bad. You. Yeah, deception. He was in deception. OK, I'm really sorry, who you are, the real deal and your jacked and you can dance and you can sing. He was in the Tonys to be a Tony to get a Tony. You've got to be able to logit act, right?
Yeah. I was like the real theatre actor. I bet I could do that shit for sure. You could X to X to look. He's pretty awesome in these, but it's like. Yeah, he's fucking ripped and jacked. Yeah. And it's a good he does a character. Well he does. He does. See I going to be you. I could do, I could do. I tell you what.
Let's do. Our own. I guess you can't do it yet until you can walk like walking. No, but we should do a dance like a thing for the Tonys, like something. Submit it. Submit it for the Tonys. Yeah. You have to be like in a legit play for the Tony. You remember that time that you picked me up? Uh, I think it was to go to Brayer and I get in the car and you go kiss me and I go, what?
And you go. I go, no. And you go, how how will I know I can trust you? And I was like, what the fuck? And then you go, I've done it to a bunch of guys, you know? And I was like, what? I mean, I feel comfortable. I don't remember this at all. And then you go, Well, just do it, or we're not going to drive to the show.
I was like, all right. So then I kiss you and you go, hey, I got you, and I've gotten a bunch of guys like and you're like young guys and good looking guy.
Yeah, oopsy man.
You show me that thing in your phone, like all these guys pictures and stuff, remember? Yeah.
I think you bring it up here because by the way, this all I ever get paid or a lot of guys. But there was one guy.
What is the volume was what's wrong with my brain.
No. So I get done.
No, he was you know, there was there was a guy they got so quiet.
My brain my brain thinks about this. And I'm sure this is what's wrong with me. Right after I got my first deal in L.A., I came I was lived in L.A. for like seven months. I came back and I've been working the door at the Boston Comedy Club in New York, in New York. And at the time, no one was really working the door like there was a guy named Louie Schaefer. He was running the door, but I was just barking for stage time.
And no one really I mean, I'm sure people did it elsewhere, but people didn't bark for their stage time that they barked for money. And so I started barking. Tell people what that means. That means I stood on the street and as as women, as people, women, as anyone walked on the street, I would go, hey, we got a great comedy show tonight. We got Dave Chappelle, we got Jay more. We got a list.
All the names of the people that were on the flyer, DC, Benny Talent, Maceo. Yeah. And I'd hand out flyers and I say I can get you in covers five bucks, but if you just want to come in, I'll get you a drink, you know, and the whole idea was to get an audience there and then you start charging people once you started getting people, you want to get an audience there first. And so I get there seven o'clock and I start bringing people in and seating them and getting them drinks.
And I was just fresh out of college. So I was like, yo, you guys want to come in, just come on and drink.
And so we would pack the fucking place. Um. I don't know where the stories oh, anyway, there was this I get I go, I get a deal, I'm time out. New York writes an article about me and about that I had been in Rolling Stone. And then and then now I was barking and these I was filling up the place and these kids all wanted to party with me because they're all college kids. I just gotten out of college.
So I go to L.A. for seven months live at the Universal Sheraton. I come back and the first night back, it's interesting night. I was shirtless in the back. Bill Burr had gone on and burred at the time. I say this kindly, Bill can of whatever his truth is, he is truth. The bill had kind of changed his act a little bit from maybe more fun clean guy into like saying I can't even imagine what the old it was.
It was it was he was he murdered. It was like Brian Regan, though, was like very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he murdered. He's like, give us that information infomercial and the guy's got the fucking pan and he's like this panic.
And I got I got like it was very Boston high energy friendly and it was clean and it was killing. It was murdering. And then he kind of went to L.A. and then came back. And when I saw him that night, he was like, I remember the joke. He said it was. Women want the same fuckin everything the man gets except when it comes to a fire. All right, ladies, we'll give it to you. But when the fucking house starts burning, we're all going out at the same time or something.
And it was it was like cutting the room. Dudes were the right people were laughing. And people that didn't get it was like but it was like figuring that out of a out bill comes back to the back and we kind of talk, I think had a beer. And I was like, dude, you're killing it. Whatever you're doing, keep doing that. And he was like, he's like kind of know we talked about we had some managers at the time and agents and he had parted ways with them.
And then there's this guy. What's crazy is at the time when I come back, there's now seven dudes barking. Everyone found out that you could get a deal from barking. They bury cats, would see you barking, put you up in front of the right people and possibly get a deal. So the way Hollywood works across the board now, there's seven dudes barking right there, seven dudes hanging out, handing out flyers. And none of them I don't even know if they're getting stage time at the time, but it was like seven dudes out front.
I'm talking to Bill, and there's these two guys, like waiting to talk to us. I'm like, they want to talk to Bill. Obviously Bill leaves and then they're like, still saying that. I was like, what's up? And they're like Birte, right? And I was like, yeah, I'm shirtless and I'm drunk. In the back corner of the Boston, it was dark corner. And they're like they're like, just want to let you know that, you know, we started barking because we heard you got a deal, like, how did you get your deal?
And I was like, I just I just did stand up in front of somebody and like, yeah, we love that kind of pick your brain. And I was like, all right, I didn't really have any answers. Yeah. I just I woulda been written up in Rolling Stone magazine and Time Out New York is like, I don't know, tell you one of the guys leaves and the other guy won't leave me alone, like he won't leave me alone.
And he's like sitting next to me. He's like, so we're like. So tell me what a deal is like. Walk me through a deal. And so a conversation I didn't want to be in and my brain just goes, kiss him, kiss him and end this conversation.
Just lean over and kiss him. And he's like, what the fuck. Oh sorry. Did and he just walked away but I didn't do it. I just let him talk to me. I didn't do it. No, I didn't do it. My brain, my brain, my brain was like I was so excited because, like, I just randomly made that up and, you know, that actually happened once.
No, no. My brain. No, that's when you started telling the story. I was like, I definitely have a story where in my heart to stop the conversation, I was like, if I just kiss this guy, he fucking leave in a heartbeat. But I didn't kiss him. I just listened to him and fucking, you know, me. I gave him way more advice and he needed I'm sure he couldn't shut me the fuck up European someone.
Yeah, like Lee-Anne, but in the shower. Oh, yeah, I remember, like, she got mad, I tell her, Oh, piss on her. You never just piss on them and then they're like, piss on in the shower all the time, but she's always like, come on, this is fucking gross. She's like, she gets mad and like, it smells like coffee. And then I'll blow my nose in the shower and some of it will get on her.
And then I can clear my throat, my cheeks. She goes, OK, I'll get out of the shower and farted in the middle of a fight the other night.
And she didn't tell me. It just farted and then were were arguing about something. And then I just go, did you just fart? And she was like, yeah. So what, you do it all the time. And I go, Yeah, but you also get pissed when I fart in the middle of a fight. She was like, oh, we're going to walk away. And I. It was a bad time to sneeze in the middle of a story.
Yeah, everyone was like, what's he doing?
I didn't know what else. A pretty loud fart. No, silent.
And just she's just she's been farting in her sleep a lot lately, like you hear it ripping them. I wake up earlier than she does. And I have been listening to her rhythm. She's been sleeping on the couch for a long time. She started getting in bed with me like middle of the night.
And I think she'd been on the couch. Yeah. Yeah, because of the dogs. And so it's just weird, man. She does her own thing and there's certain things that keep her up. And one of the things is both our dogs got Gardea and so they were shitting all the time. And so she wanted to sleep with them and make sure she'd get them out and then lately started getting in bed with me. And I think she's been on the bed, on the couch with the dogs for so long, farting a little bit, just ripping parts with the dogs that she got there with me.
And just I'm talking like, you know, like when a woman farts in, don't have hair and they're assholes. Yeah. So it's not muffled.
It's like she's going to appear like, are you saying like what the fuck I want. I'm trying desperately. I sat this morning on Instagram stories and just held it down for minutes at times going please fucking fart woman please go fucking viral.
She rips a fucking fart. Yeah, that's great man. This is fucking aggressive to. OK, of how does that I don't know, yeah, every time you ever had I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't know. It's, uh, I got it from a club. I'm. Yeah. I got these guys are on Instagram. That's where you have I probably have about 300. Wow. I have so many hats. But what happened is I got in touch with this guy ASDF grippy and he, he was like noticing that I like minor league hats.
And then and then I and then he was like, you should check a hat club and hat club sends you like two or three hats a month, brand new ones like ones you can't get there. Like sometimes they make them, sometimes they're one offs and and I love getting new how to hear. Can I tell you the big problem is that I have a big head size eight head. Yeah. And so what happens is usually the only size eights you can get or whatever city you're in their hats.
So then all I would get was getting was professional baseball teams hats, because that's the only size eight you could ever get. So I'd have a Dodger's hat on. I'd have a Red Sox hat on a Yankees hat. And what's annoying is fucking L.A. is if you're walking through the store and you got a Red Sox hat on, some fucking jackass who went to college at Emerson is like, yo, bro, what's the Sox score today? You're like, I'm not a fan.
I have a big head. And he's like, why are you wearing the hat? You're like, I have a big hat. I've got a big had no mine's bigger. No, I got to watch this. How do you have and then I'm going to conversation one guy don't want to be in on my mom like just kiss him. And so that's what you did to me when you picked me up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so I so I wasn't mad at you, by the way, when you asked me, do OK.
I don't know.
Anyway, look how big my head is.
Put this on ok. Holy shit. Yeah, right, this fits you. Yeah, this is normal to you. Yes, normal. It's really big. Yeah, I know it's a hockey team, I think. Wow. Yeah. I like it, yeah, it's a good hat, and so I get these hats from them and then they'll hit me up and be like, Oh, we got a new hat in and I just end up picking them up.
And then and then what happened is I put it I put it out on Twitter. I was like, what's your favorite minor league team?
And they're like, What? I was like, what's your favorite minor league teams hat? And everyone started sending me, like, their favorite ones and I started buying them. And then because I was doing that, a lot of the minor league teams sent me their hats and now I have so many hats I can't even get through them.
That's great, though. I love it. I love. I love, I love. I love, like taking an outfit and going, does this hat go with this outfit?
I never thought before that you were super HACA. You've become. I love it. I love it. And it's also a way for me to tell the different episodes of Two Bears is by the hat.
By the hat. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Um, OK. Uh, a couple of things. Let's recap today. We, uh, we have an official secret handshake now. Thanks to Cortez Lewis. Thank you very much. We're going to practice now as soon as this is up.
Um, we started a sports management company to bear sports management. Yup.
Dotcom, the first client handshaking. We're going to try to get, uh, uh, uh, Cortez on Cameo and some deals. We went through the fact that I would do the acting class with Minka Kelly and we went through her boyfriends. And she's now with Trevor Noah, by the way.
She's forty. And she is more she's like, don't say my age or how many people I fucked, stop all of this. But she's gorgeous and she's gorgeous. And I'd be seventeen, fourteen, fifteen. Wait, what am I talking about, Mary? Never mind. Yeah. But if my wife gets lost at sea Minka there's an invite. Sure.
I'm going to be really let down in my house by restore our hair.
We're going to investigate, see if we can get a couple heads of hair and new hairstyles. And finally, you didn't demand a kiss to drive the brand. Thank you. But if you did I would have been like. I love you. I love you, too, Burt, Tom, Tom, and where one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories in Bird Machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.
Here's why. Because there's a. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humor, no apologies. Here's what more call to Vegas on Katie.