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I'm sitting there and it goes like this, he goes, you know, because do you want to go back to the old world? And I'm like, I don't know, a little bit. And he goes, he goes, I'm so happy right now. The time that I get to spend with my family, he goes, it's absolutely amazing and he goes, listen, if I have to make less money to just spend more time with my family, I'll do it.

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And then he takes a drink and then he goes like this and he goes. And I looked at the numbers.

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We're actually making more money, 100 percent.

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Today's podcast is brought to you by established titles. You too can become a Lord and establish titles dot com and help woodland conservation efforts at the exact same time. I'm allured, by the way.

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I'm already a lawyer and I've been a lord. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Did you go through establish titles? Yes, I did do. And my daughters were like, Dad, you're a lord. And I was like, oh yeah. Oh yeah.

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Thank God Bert's not here and I get to chop it up with somebody that's fun to be around.

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Yeah, a little more intellect.

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Well the more cerebral, a little spelling and grammar come together and you know ideas.

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Well, I appreciate that. Tim Dolan, thank you very much. Thank you for having me. And our happy birthday to Corona. You know, that was that was tough. It was it was not unexpected.

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But we'll get your graphic up real soon. Yes, it was very swift. Justice covid. I really can't just deliver news in your body like that for decades and expect no repercussions. Yeah, covid got in and it didn't leave.

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So we're sad. But, you know, listen, he leaves a beautiful legacy for you today. I love the USA, USA, and it is where we live, where we live.

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Good. And when I think of USA, a lot of times the hours later, I think of Tim doing well as he should as he should.

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I got a Poland and it's red and blue.

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Well, it's this is the Ralph Lauren is the only reputable clothing company that makes clothes for bigger gentleman. Yeah. This is really what it is, please. And it's American royalty. And that's what I try to exude really.

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Kind of I mean, have you do you accept it? Like, I'll even sometimes try to I'll go flog myself by going to a mall and seeing clothes that looks attractive that I like to go in there just to be like.

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So do you have anything bigger in there right now? Or they'll say this might fit you and I'll put it on and look in the mirror and I'll be like, Jesus Christ, this is embarrassing.

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I can squeeze into jeans, like I can squeeze into lucky jeans or something. Yeah. Actually the ones that are a little bit more forgiving. Yeah.

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But the shirt game, short game and shoulder game, I mean all these designer clothes are made for European, French, small craftsmen, you know. Cowards.

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Yeah. And those people are, they are dressed you know. And you know, when I go to a state house in West Hollywood and I see all these like, you know, the young adult bullshit, you know, they all have these. The cut is just very slender, very slim, you little bastard. Make sure for us.

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No, no. So but I'm happy. Ralph Yeah. Ralph, I throw down Ralph. Yeah.

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I wish he'd throw me a couple of bucks because I've been doing but I don't know that I'm what Ralph wants out there. That's the other problem is he thinks I don't know if my picture is up in a room at Ralph Lauren and they're going, this is we want a guy. In a DSL store in Palm Desert, trying on shirts and asking how much they'll shrink, that's not what we want. But guess what, Ralph Lauren? That's what you've got.

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You got it. That's what you've got. Truly, just give them the endorsement.

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I mean, give me the endorsement. It's already it's happening. Yeah. Like he's wearing it.

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So Ralph Lauren is for guys like me who look a little racist, right.

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That's what a Ralph Lauren Polo really is for.

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It's for a guy that looks like he's a little bit on the edge of what isn't is an acceptable term for 20 one.

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Yeah, like you don't see anyone in a Ralph Lauren Polo navigate the non binary question appropriately. You never know. I've never thought of it that. No, it's always a guy who's a little out of it. It's like, you know, he just call them what they are. Yeah. He played nine holes. He's a little tired. The wife's yapping and it's a little bit of like what? No energy. What is this. Who wants to be called what.

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Yeah. Yeah, I'm not doing it.

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Yeah he's but he says I'm not doing it. Yeah. And neither are any of my friends by the way we all wear the Ralph Lauren. Right.

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It's the uniform. Yeah. I don't know if the corporate is even going to entertain the sponsorship now.

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I imagine that the chances are right now it went from like five. I you know, I had a publicist for like twenty five minutes and I fired her after she two weeks after I did Rogas, she text me, she went, you did Rogue. And so like, all right, I got to go.

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I said, let's go. Yeah. Also she asked me to her ex-boyfriend who had blocked her on Facebook. She wanted me to go and look what relationship status he was in.

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So I said she might not be the most professional. And oh, yeah, she's a real person. She's charging you real fees for charging me money. And I and I.

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So I had to say no to her. And but she said she goes, I'm going to try to get you like this was a fact. She was trying to get me like like she wanted Megabus to endorse me because this was like when I used to take mega buses to shows like not currently, but like I had a bit about it. My act, Megabus. So she goes, we like you know, I would love you know, we'd love to get together.

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Megabus, guys, Megabus in business plane, Megabus, the people.

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Well, it's just it's the bus that passes you by and it goes for a dollar get on. Yeah. And it's it's never a dollar, but it's always like it's right as the buses go, it's a pretty good option.

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It's like a double decker.

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It's college kids, old people, you know, hippies. It's not that bad. It's not like Greyhound. It starts to fall off a little bit. It gets really bad.

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Lucky star. Like they get real bad, they get bad, they get bad. But Megabus was one that I would take a lot. And she goes, she goes, she goes. I said this was her quote.

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She goes, it'd be great to get you in business with a brand like Megabus.

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So I'm still open to that. I'm still OK. What was your response to that? Great. Because that's what this business does to you like.

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Absolutely. Yeah, I will advertise anything. You know, Megabus, big and tall, clothing store, DSL or something, you know, let's get in there. Yeah.

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Yeah. Do you, would you do you have you done tailored, you know, bespoke clothes.

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You know, I think when I was a mortgage guy I did a tailored suit once and it feels good. Yeah. It feels good to get a tailored shoot. It does fit like a glove. But then I got in a comedy and it didn't work. And then, by the way, two months after I got a tailored suit, the economy crashed. So my job then became illegal.

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I can sew like I can. I can picture you like just the setting around. Yeah, the cubicle up. Oh yeah.

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Being like rates are like and I could totally I feel like I could not want a mortgage and talk to you and be like I just got a new mortgage like this guy. Here's the thing.

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I'm a fun guy to talk to. Huh. And I'm going to call and we're going to connect a little bit. You're going to follow up and I'm going to follow up because I got a bunch of folders on that desk and I'm going to hit them once or twice a day.

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Yeah. And I'm hoping that we can, you know, do business together. And if it doesn't make sense, Tom, we part as friends.

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Yeah. And that was my line. That was a line we all said.

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We said and then. But you're trained to not accept. Not like that's the thing.

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I a really weird guy trained me. I'd be very loose with the training that we all received.

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The training was a guy going, how about you make some fucking money? Right. And shutting his door. Yeah. And then literally a bunch of unemployable guys, some of whom had degrees, whose mothers were dropping them off at the office, then got on phones and called people and said we were financial advisors.

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Oh, I, I specialize in residential finance. Yeah, yeah.

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I specialize in residential finance and I it was a beautiful time. It's an American time.

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Do you remember like do you remember because I did sales stuff. I sold knives, I saw, you know, the cutco. Of course, door to door, I was well, I was top 50 in the country. Wow.

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But I remember, like, you remember certain instances like like I'm 19 and I'm in this hot married woman's home. Right. She's gorgeous. Yeah. Just being 19 and around her, like, just, you know, huge. And she was like, my husband wouldn't like that. You're here like that and just getting, like, nervous. And I remember putting the knife back in the sheath and stabbing myself, like, into my hand. And I'm like and her being like, did you just hear yourself on?

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Like, I just, you know, usually remember those.

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And then also remembering people who are like, I'm not really interested in this. And then you leave with like a thousand dollar sale, you know, like from working it.

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But you have do you have memories of someone being like, yeah, I'm definitely not interested in a mortgage.

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And then you sold them one.

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Like, I remember I was in one of my first meetings in Long Island was I was sitting there and there was a couple I had done all this I had come out of like debate team.

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I was a good talker. I loved her, blah, blah, blah. And I'd done all this reading right, because these were adjustable rate mortgages and you got two or three years of a fixed rate little stability.

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And then, hey, let's ride the rails together like you're smart, financially savvy guy. Why not take a little chance? Because we all are.

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And the thing is, no one thought this was all going to go bad. That's the thing.

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No one really like all the, you know, revisionist history is like these guys were con artists and it's OK. We were the most reputable people. But I took an adjustable rate mortgage when I bought a house.

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Like nobody knew these things. Nobody knew you weren't going to be able to get out of an adjustable. We thought you'd be able to get out of it.

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But I remember like, I was sitting there in Long Island with this couple. I mean, she's in house slippers. I mean, Karen from Goodfellas. Yeah, she's sitting there. They had racked up eighty thousand dollars worth of credit card revolving credit card debt. You know, he's sitting there not saying anything. She's sitting there at the kitchen table.

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And I'm like, your adjustable rate adjusts. It's very stable. I said, it's the LIBOR rate, which is the London interbank thing.

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And the guy just looked at me and went, Hey, are you going to pay the fucking car? And I'm like, yeah, the cars included.

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He goes, All right, let's do this.

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And I'm like, oh, that's what sells is that's like sales is just me kind of shutting up. Yep. And allowing this thing that kind of needs to happen anyway. Yes. Happen and I'm just here for it. Right.

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And and it just fits like a glove.

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And then sometimes you'd have to like massage it a little bit because sometimes people were very concerned about how much it costs or why a sweaty, disheveled cocaine addict in an uninsured Chevy Suburban was screaming at them through the window of their home, telling them he had made an appointment with them that they didn't remember.

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I said Tuesday at eleven, it says it on my folder and we let him in the house. And I would go in and I'd be all, you know, kind of cracked out. And I just sit there and we'd go over the numbers. Yeah. And sometimes it would work. And a lot of times I took that long road back to the office. A loser. Yeah, no. Yeah.

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I also remember with sales is like sometimes you go you, you get like worked up about, you know, you want this to be a win. Right. I mean the sale is like either a failure or a victory. Right.

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And sometimes you're like, I don't know, you start and like I remember a lady one time, there's like a booklet for the night, right?

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She was like, yeah, I'll take it. I was like, take what she was like. Everything, everything in the in the booklet, like every knife, every product that is in this folder. I'll take it. And then I got nervous. Yeah. That I hadn't done anything and she was making this purchase. Right. And I was like oh and then you learn to shut the fuck up because you can ruin.

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It's the same thing by the way in Hollywood people don't know that if you pitch and someone's like we like it, get up and run out and walk out, get out of it, because you start going like, yeah, you know, season two, what I was thinking about a moment in every cell when both people have put their cards on the table and nobody in the person who talks first there's a silence and then the person who talks first loses.

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Yeah. So if I say, hey, Mrs. Miller, here's what we can do. We can rappel you credit card debt up, roll it into the mortgage, increases your tax deduction will close this baby in two weeks. All of an appraiser out here tomorrow. Does that work for you? Silence. And then there's silence on her. And if I go in and then I go and another thing that we can, she'll be like, wow, she needs to come back in and go, yes, it does.

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Or then she needs to ask a question.

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But the balls and if she goes, yes, it does look great when you just start like a great sign.

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Yeah. And I mean that and that was what we need now. I mean, everyone wants to talk about what we need.

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We need right now a product that can be sold to uneducated people by uneducated people because that's the American economy, right?

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That's what it really is. People don't want to know what that's what commerce is. Commerce is a guy that goes, I don't really know what this is, but you need it.

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Someone else who goes makes sense and that.

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What happened and here's some money for we're in a bust right now. It's a boom and bust cycle and I don't know what it's going to be, fucking green energy. I don't know what it'll be, but it's going to be something that will be unregulated in the beginning. Could be a weed type thing. I don't know what it'll be, but what it needs to be is something that people can sit in office buildings and sell to each other.

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Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel optimistic about the next, you know, six months coming up like this has been? Yeah, I mean, we all have our talking, you know, ad nauseum about obviously pandemic.

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And also it's like now I don't know, there's a really weird feeling in L.A. you were just in New York, which I would love to know. We'll talk about it more about. But do you feel like.

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Like over the horizon, you know that things are on an upswing ultimately here or which is still unpredictable to you, it's unpredictable.

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I think the election is big. I don't think the election solves a lot all the problems. But I think if Trump wins again, we see probably more of what we've been seeing.

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Like with the protests. Yeah, with the rioting and looting and the protesting and things like that that are protesting, that is becoming a civil unrest and things like and like the portlands.

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Yeah, Biden doesn't fix anything either, by the way. But here's what he might do. He just it's just a foot off the gas a little bit.

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Exactly. It's a reset. It's a reset. It's like going to die a few months in. And then Kamala Harris is going to be president. Yes.

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Queen her way into the Oval Office and good and good and let that happen.

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Yeah, because here's a reality. Kamala's going to come in. She's going to put everyone in jail. They'll put the military on the street. They'll start I mean, they'll start putting chips in people's heads. But she's going to need to do it. She's going to do it and she's going to be like it.

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She's going to like like it's not you're not going to be able to really tell a black woman to not put a chip in your head. Right. So, Trump, it's going to be a problem.

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But if a black woman goes, you're getting shipped, you're going to go yea bad, you know, and that's kind of what the country needs.

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We just at this point, we need a dictator. Yeah. You just got to choose your dictator. Which one do you want.

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I mean I want the one that's the least annoying and I don't know who that's going to be, but I think that for the moment. Yeah. If if the if the foot's off to get because Trump's just going to keep pouring, he. Yeah.

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First of all, people I don't think recognize how much of this is kind of all a game to it's a game to him to. Yes.

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I mean, I think I think when I watch him, I go, you know, he goes through these cycles that feels like if you actually go into it, like if you take your emotion out of it and you go out, he's going to study behavior pattern.

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Right. Right.

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You go this guy is riding this like it's a game, like he's playing a game.

[00:18:18]

This episode of Two Bears, when he was also brought to you by Squarespace, turn your cool idea into a website. Who are you? If you don't have a website, I'll tell you, you're missing out. You're not. You have to have a place to direct people to go. It doesn't matter what you do. Do you write or are you an all you want to publish your your content? Do you sell products? Do you make anklets?

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This is a good way to say it would be like you are now the CEO of Cutco. Mm hmm. You know that you somehow found a way.

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Yeah. To rise through that company without any more knowledge than you had as a nineteen year old. Yeah. Selling knives to our hot mom. Right. You're somehow running the thing. Yep. So that's what Trump is. Everyone doesn't get it.

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Everybody's like he's Satan or he's Jesus. He's a con artist. Yeah. That is had a lot of success. Yeah. Because we like to be conned. We like to buy. It feels good. It feels good.

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The very base con in a way too which is like you know, what people are really in love with, especially here. I'm actually all over the world but really here is like a rich guy.

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Well, more than a rich guy. Nothing when you're a kid too. Yeah. And I remember being like, who is this guy? Yeah. And it's just fucking really rich guy, right? It's cool. He's got like Yeah.

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Suits and all fucking he owns buildings. Yeah. Saleswomen he owns, yeah, he owns Pageonce, sure. I didn't even know you could own Padget. He owned Pageonce.

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I mean, I'm sure I'm sure everything was on the up and up there. Everybody behaved the right way in the 80s.

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Yeah, everybody was fine. Nobody knew there was no proscribes stops being pulled in the green room of the Miss Universe pageant. Never in Atlantic City.

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No, I'm sure he was like, oh, are you changing right now? I'm sorry.

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Oh, I'm a gentleman. Yes. Yeah, I'm sure he got them all in college for sure. Came through their writing recommendation letters.

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But it's so funny because, like, he's also one of the greatest things about him. And George W. Bush did this, too. And like a lot of people do this somehow.

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We think he's like self-made. Like, I talk to my friends and they're like, we need a guy like that. We need like a businessman or self-made.

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I'm like, what world? Yeah, no.

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Is the guy he got one hundred million dollars. And my friends go, yeah, it's not eleven million. Like that's my friends on Long Island's argument. Like, yeah well it's not what he's got now. I'm like if you would put that money in relatively conservative investments. Yeah. When he got it you'd have something like you'd have a lot of money you a lot of money. Yeah. So this idea. Yeah.

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He sells this because he also is he's a con artist as a salesperson. Yeah. Tell stories. Right.

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It's one of his big stories was like I got a million dollars from my dad. No, no he didn't write and it's documented. You can write but you can choose to write that or ignored or whatever.

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Right. But the story is not the story he's telling.

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The Real Story is that in today's money, it's something like 400 million that was given.

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And then he's like, I look some shit worked out. I better fucking do. Yeah. You got four hundred million dollars.

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Well, he's got that great sales thing to where there's there's always a sales story. You tell about the guy that didn't choose to buy it, like when you're sitting there. Yeah. Hey, I don't even like bringing this story up. I will tell you that.

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Yeah, I showed up the other day and I promised somebody a five percent interest rate. They wanted to take time and talk to their wife about it. They're dead, you know, like they're they're dead.

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They killed themselves. Yeah. And I think a lot of it is.

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So Trump has these great stories where he's basically like, sure, go with the other guy if you like fire. You know, it's like you want chaos. Yeah, sure. Go with him. Yeah. You like getting killed in your sleep, go with the other guy.

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You know, he does that. He does. He does that.

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He also does a very like in that in that vein of that he does. The friend of mine said the other day it's like nobody said that to you.

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Yeah. Every time he's like a friend of mine was telling me how great I'm doing, like a real friend of mine said, you know, you're a perfect person.

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Yeah. Oh, did he say that to you? Well, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure that was something someone said. Like, he will say that it'll be like somebody called me and said, you're just doing so. You work so hard. Yeah, you do.

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So to take a break. Jesus Christ. And the thing about Joe Biden that worries people is what makes me the most excited is that he is a corpse.

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Yeah, I, I love that like everything. But Biden's dad. Am I good. Good. How great does a dead president sound right now. Perfect.

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How phenomenal does a literally dead and I mean legit like on oxygen on his way out president out. It's like they're phenomenal.

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There's not a chance you would make it four years. You will not make it four years. No Kamala's steps in soon. Yeah. And then they bring in a V.P., whoever that.

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OK, who would be the VP? Elizabeth Warren.

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All right. They bring in another glass. Yeah.

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And then and then they just and they just listen, we're all heading towards attack.

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It's going to be no one's going to go outside. Right. Here's the reality. Outside is over. It's done.

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It's on fire. It's annoying. It all outside does is fuck up the wi fi for what you really want to be doing, what is inside on your computer through jerking off or arguing with your aunt about China or whatever.

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So outside's done.

[00:25:14]

The natural world is really gone. We're just going to be in a tech prison that's being created. And it here's the thing about the new prison. You can't say they're not taking a lot of care right there. They're artfully constructing a prison that you will live in.

[00:25:29]

They hear all your thoughts. They know everything you want, everything from your porn choices to your GrubHub borders.

[00:25:35]

It's everything you're going to. So the prison is going to feel nice. But make no mistake, it's going to be a prison.

[00:25:40]

So I was talking to a high level. Yeah, high level former. I mean, extremely high ranking CIA. Wow. OK, I love this shit.

[00:25:50]

And you're talking, of course, to the Culinary Institute of America. Exactly. OK, yeah.

[00:25:53]

And I'm like, look, when you make Chicken Cordon Bleu, do you actually have to get it flattened?

[00:25:58]

Or so I'm talking to this person who was in is retired now but was very high ranking. And I'm having first news conversations. And then, I mean, this is nothing new, but it's just if you know the person, then you're like, Jesus Christ, back to you saying that recording what you said.

[00:26:17]

Right?

[00:26:18]

I asked I asked a. Question and right away, the guy goes not on the phone and I was like, I it took me, you know, you don't process, so go.

[00:26:30]

No, I'm saying like, do you think that he goes not on the phone.

[00:26:34]

Yeah. And because we're we're just on our set, like just talking. Right. And I was like, oh.

[00:26:38]

And I felt my fucking heart stopped because I know who I'm talking to and, and what that means. And I was like. There's something about somebody in that position telling you versus like you and me right now on the phone, you're like, OK, OK. But like when he said it and we're just on our cell phones and I'm just making conversation.

[00:26:56]

Yeah, it I don't know. It resonates differently. Yeah.

[00:26:59]

I mean, this is somebody who has clearly knows that we that these calls are not unmonitored.

[00:27:06]

Monitored man. No.

[00:27:07]

I mean, listen, there's a lot of people in our country that can say they don't like China. Yeah. They could say that they're not they're not a fan. Let's be very clear. They look at what China has done over there and they're going, we kind of like this.

[00:27:19]

So wait. The people live in constant fear and terror, but they're also highly motivated and productive. Hmm. What a fun mix.

[00:27:28]

And basically, what China has done is they've clamped down on any type of dissent online.

[00:27:34]

They've basically figured out a way to create this online utopian world where you cannot express your dissatisfaction with the government or with the prevailing systems of what's happening. That will be America. Eventually, they're going to figure out a way to get there.

[00:27:52]

But it's always going to feel so much cooler than China because we're going to have the best entertainment or very good entertainment.

[00:28:00]

Food is going to come right to your door. Amazon drones are going to drop off your groceries.

[00:28:04]

But the flip side is you're not going you will be just crushing under the weight of the empire.

[00:28:12]

But that's okay. Yeah, I mean, that's okay. People get mad at me. They're like, no, I'm like, what are you going to do? Right? What's the other plan? Right. And this is the plan. This is your plan.

[00:28:23]

You're going to be crushed under the weight of a technocracy.

[00:28:29]

Get on board or you're in trouble. I'm like, I'm OK with it. I kind of want it. Like, I'm kind of ready for it in a way that I'm like, I'm stunned. I'm ready for it. I am. Yeah. I'm kind of ready to go and turn my door to leave and have it go. Air quality levels not sufficient.

[00:28:47]

I'm like, all right, I've been here three months. I guess let me out one day. But who. Oh is there food here. Yeah. Oh good. Yeah, I'm in the quadrant with food. Yeah. Good, good. Oh good. Oh we have a new movie. There's a DSL. We got a new movie.

[00:29:02]

We got a deal. So I'm sure I have a new polow I can wear.

[00:29:05]

Drops it in the house. Yeah it's coming. And people that want to fight you can smash as many Starbucks windows in Seattle as you like.

[00:29:12]

Yeah. It ain't going to change anything in the world those people want isn't going to be great either, but. Yeah. And by the way, I could be wrong about all of this, but I don't think I am. I think that's kind of going to be a little I don't think they'll even have to lock the doors. I think it'll be voluntary. I think people just can be like, yeah, I don't want to leave and get the ember in my throat today.

[00:29:31]

Yeah. So I'll just stay inside.

[00:29:33]

I do think you're totally right that the the Biden choice is just it's the kind of choice of of going like to just want to take a breather for a second. Right. Like this. Why are you done with the Coke binge?

[00:29:46]

Do you want to just you know, I mean, like, it's been up for five, my choice of, like, summer school or repeating the year. Right. Like, hey, you're not you don't want to repeat the year, do summer school the overall thing. You're not going to Harvard like it ain't working out, but you might as well just sit in a sweltering hot room for two months and watch a pregnant teacher. Miss Ruiz, you shot out there who changed your baby.

[00:30:12]

And while we were in math and mixed race, kid, very well. OK, love her.

[00:30:16]

And she but that's what we're doing. Joe Biden is a court. They're going to wheel them in like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah. He's going to sit at that desk and then the real fox, these wasps and these people that own the country and have for trillions of years are just going to go back to doing whatever skullduggery they do. Yep. And everybody is going to go back to, like, whatever it is.

[00:30:39]

And I can tell you that because through eight years of Obama, nobody was in the streets really doing much. There was a few protests about police shootings which clean the police up there a little much.

[00:30:49]

Here's the other thing that like that's fun about. Like so when the right is in power, as they are today, you get all this woak shit over the top.

[00:30:59]

Right? Right. But when the left has power, it's kind of more fun.

[00:31:03]

It's like, oh yeah.

[00:31:05]

You poke from our job that much easier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This country's not designed for a wholesale reimagining. Things might get better. I hope the police are, you know, reined in and that they can establish more of a, you know, successful like, you know, strategy, synergy with the community.

[00:31:24]

Yeah. All of that. Yeah. I hope that people get health care. I hope, you know, I would like all those things to happen.

[00:31:32]

But when you start understanding we're just an empire, we've passed our peak to good.

[00:31:37]

It's not going to be like the 1950's again where it was like we're going to the moon, you know, and it is a many of the large. Well, you know, social movements have won people more rights now than they did civil rights, gay rights, things like that, those things will continue, hopefully. But I mean, what a people what where do people think we are? What do you think we're living? What do you think it's a scam.

[00:32:03]

I mean, this country is a very successful. It's like it's like an Enron, like the last week of Enron, like a secretary was like, you know, the numbers don't.

[00:32:11]

And some people, you throw her out the window like, bitch, where do you think you've been working? You know, this is fraud, right? You know, it's not real. Right.

[00:32:22]

The girl who told her mother, I'll fight you outside of Dr. Phil's show is a star. Yeah, she's a bona fide star. He's a multimillionaire. He's kind of good. Yeah.

[00:32:36]

So that's how sick you catch me outside. How about that. How about that. And then you hear her rap like pop into it like like this is not pass the catch me outside but that's America.

[00:32:45]

America is the moment where you're outraged that she's a star. And then the next moment we go, this is kind of good.

[00:32:53]

America lives in that split second. That's where America lives through like fucked up.

[00:32:59]

This country is shot. Oh, this isn't bad. Not bad. And that's going to be the future. Holy shit, man. Yeah, I don't know.

[00:33:06]

I'm sorry. I'm just I'm here with positivity in life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I feel like you just painted a very real picture.

[00:33:14]

But I think that's what it is because that that was for it. To me that's something more than anything I am outrate. This is fine.

[00:33:21]

Yeah. Like that's America. That is true. Like I can't believe.

[00:33:24]

Oh this is nice. Yes. You know, we're very easily distracted. Why is everyone so fat?

[00:33:28]

McGriddles like it's just this, it's it's you can't control it.

[00:33:33]

So in that split second of like that's our country, like I'm deeply outraged about all the injustices that are going on. And also, look, someone's left the couch on the side of the road for free.

[00:33:43]

Yeah, that's kind of what it is. That's exactly what it is. Yeah.

[00:33:48]

It's kind of men is. It's kind of like. I don't know the way you, Semra, it's like it's it doesn't feel like the whole thing is just like a shitty reality show.

[00:34:03]

We're all on Bravo right now or something. You just make the best of it. You go look at look at throughout history that the things that people have had to contend with in their lives, you know.

[00:34:12]

Yeah. And we're actually pretty lucky to be able to. Most people didn't have the means to analyze the dissolution of whatever state they were, you know.

[00:34:25]

Yeah. We get to kind of sit back and go, oh yeah, this is over.

[00:34:29]

And here's why. And here's what we might expect. Here's the range of possibilities. And I think that's so much more of a healthy way to look at it than this crazy religious fervor. Can't hold on. You can't hold on.

[00:34:44]

You know, you're right. You yeah. The best way is the acceptance of it, of, you know, there's no other way to do it.

[00:34:50]

The song's catchy. Yeah. It's a catchy song. Hey. Maybe that person did need to get their ass kicked at the Dr. Phil show. Yeah, maybe the mother was the problem. Why was the mother the this girl clearly had talent.

[00:35:05]

Yeah. And this basic pitch mother is telling her not to go out and do drugs and fuck people, which are the literal ingredients for her career.

[00:35:13]

Yeah. Yeah. So now I look at it from like the mothers. The problem, the daughter's the hero.

[00:35:21]

I mean, America. America. Yeah. I mean, that's the whole so the audience are a bunch of hos that saying. Yeah, so.

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[00:38:10]

Yeah. So this episode is coming out when most people see it will be in October.

[00:38:15]

In October during the invasion. Actually this read invasion actually. You know what?

[00:38:19]

This might be the episode that comes out the week. The week before the election. Yeah, wow, yeah, because it's all like we have all this is a good week before the election episode. Yeah, this so far, this is this is Sollers.

[00:38:35]

Good. Because you know what it is? It's it's a political nahar. I'm not coming in on one side. No, but I'm just riding the wave.

[00:38:43]

You're riding the wave. But do you agree? I mean, I sense most people in L.A. right now. Yeah, it feels weird in L.A. there's a weird weird in L.A.. Right.

[00:38:53]

But I don't know this this shows me that, like in right now, if you have been to New York in a long time, all you hear from people are like fantasy's, wild tales.

[00:39:07]

I mean, if somebody asked me, like, well, give me your best guess, I'd be like, well, it sounds like there's there's people jumping people in the streets and it's complete chaos and people all left the city.

[00:39:18]

I'm like, I don't know what to picture because news you can't really trust. Like, you know, the news is so sensationalized. Right. But like, you actually were there recently. I was there when you went.

[00:39:28]

You have to do the 14 day quarantine or fill out a health file. Can we stop?

[00:39:33]

What did you do? I walk off a plane.

[00:39:36]

They hand me a sheet of paper. They say, please write your name, your contact info and your address and put it in like what looks like a suggestion box.

[00:39:45]

And then they should just put it in there. And I took the paper and I wrote my name is Governor Andrew Cuomo. And and then I forgot what address I gave. I think I get my friend's address because I wanted him to get in trouble. And like, if there was a prank, I wanted the cops to go to his house, you know, are you threatening to kill the governor?

[00:40:05]

And I just put it in a suggestion.

[00:40:06]

It's it's like everything else fake and you get a tax. I gave them my real phone number, so I was kind of curious. And then they go like they don't even look at your name. It's all automated.

[00:40:17]

They weren't like, hello, Governor Cuomo. I mean, I wrote my name, Governor Cuomo, on the sheet we tried to do.

[00:40:24]

Yeah, they're just like recently you have traveled to New York from a state that has a high rate of covid-19. We are pleased to reminding you to quarantine. I was like, oh, this isn't even that's it, dude.

[00:40:35]

I thought someone's going to have to call me, be like, hello, is this this is Andrew Cuomo. You know, I'm like, actually, it's not. You have the wrong number. I thought it'd be fun, but so it's not real. And then I stayed out east.

[00:40:48]

I went out to the Hamptons, I stayed out there. They didn't want to stay in the city. And I was that the videos were very funny. I mean, that was a real fun one.

[00:40:53]

That was very, very funny. But did you had you frequented the Hamptons before?

[00:40:58]

Not frequented.

[00:40:59]

I've been out there once or twice, but it always that also seems like a fantasy, like not real beautiful. Amazing. Well, you know what it is?

[00:41:06]

I spoke to a few people out there and they're so detached and they're so rich and they're like, aren't the problems mainly on Twitter?

[00:41:12]

And I'm like, well, cities are burning. They're like, yeah, but isn't that Twitter?

[00:41:16]

Like, they don't understand that it's real life. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, no, there's real issues.

[00:41:20]

They're like, yeah, I don't know, I don't like it seems a lot of the media and I'm like, well yeah but there's some issues there like cycles cyclical. Yeah. You know, just anyway, you know they're out of like you.

[00:41:31]

Everyone forgets like how crazy they are to sure. Like you look at the TV, people like OK, you're nuts. And then you look at like, you know, the people on the far right, you're like, well you're clearly not walking around a park with with torches. Yeah. But then you forget, like gods and Paulose and handlers are maybe crazier than both of them because those guys ignore that that even happened.

[00:41:48]

Right. And then you look, are they the sane ones?

[00:41:50]

Like, should I just not should I be like I don't know. I don't I don't get, you know, but see, I think they live in there.

[00:41:56]

Everyone lives in their own reality. But those people. When you detach like that. Yeah. Maybe you are the most happy they are. Let me tell you right now. Really happy. Yeah.

[00:42:05]

They are really, really happy to have beautiful families and they spend a few hours a week with them and they check in on them.

[00:42:13]

They check you guys. Right. They check in on them and then they go out and do whatever they want.

[00:42:17]

But they're all I mean, when your life is just about money. How simple.

[00:42:21]

Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, the only thing that you think about all day and the only thing you have to do is earn money.

[00:42:27]

It actually seems much more of a simplistic thing than like what we do or what anybody creative does because like it's just it's a binary existence.

[00:42:40]

You're winning or losing, right. You're up or down. It's kind of like a gambler.

[00:42:44]

It's like it's it's a real fine line between when things are good and when things are bad and, you know, when things are bad and you know, when things are good, like.

[00:42:53]

So my favorite quote, right. The guy says to me, this is the perfect quote. He sits there. He's you know, he's I mean, we're in this beautiful property is like two acres in the Amazon said it's great. And he goes, he's my friend's brother. And I'm sitting there and he goes like this.

[00:43:07]

He goes, you know, because do you want to go back to the old world? And I'm like, I don't know, a little bit. And he goes, he goes, I'm so happy right now. The time that I get to spend with my family, he goes, it's absolutely amazing and he goes, listen, if I have to make less money to just spend more time with my family, I'll do it.

[00:43:28]

And then he takes a drink and then he goes like this and he goes. And I looked at the numbers, we're actually making more money.

[00:43:35]

So in the beginning, I'm like, oh, what a sweet. Yeah, yeah. Because actually the numbers were doing better actually. So it's like, oh yeah, this is theater.

[00:43:47]

Yeah. But then I went in New York City for a few days and I got an Airbnb like 50 stories up in a Hell's Kitchen building, which is right in the den of horror, which in Times Square.

[00:43:58]

Right. Port Authority bus terminal.

[00:44:00]

And me and my guy that opens for me, Dan, were doing shows the stress factory in New Jersey shows a lot of fun, 150 seats in a tent, feels like a festival, feels like you're rocking out at fucking wherever.

[00:44:13]

Is it like in their parking lot? It's in their parking lot. It's it's in the entrance to there.

[00:44:18]

I've done stress factory, but yeah, there's an entrance, you know, like that courtyard. They just put a tent out there and it's killer man and you feel like you're in a real club. I had not been on stage in five months. It was amazing.

[00:44:27]

How was first time? It felt great. It felt great.

[00:44:32]

Within a second you're you're the adrenaline walking to the stage is big, big.

[00:44:38]

And then once you're out there and you get your first laugh, like, I forgot what I did, I grabbed the mic and I think I won show. I said, I have one hundred and two hundred three times. I feel great.

[00:44:47]

And then I think the other side just grabbed the mic and I went, fuck nurses, you know. Yeah. And then as soon as you get the first laugh, you're back.

[00:44:54]

Yeah, the first laugh you're back.

[00:44:56]

It's like, it's like it was like literally, you know, all I did was a la the Comedy Store, you know, two days before the Corona thing spiraled and it went nuts.

[00:45:05]

And I literally felt like that could have been yesterday.

[00:45:08]

I'm doing a show the first time tomorrow, a backyard show. Amazing. I just want it to be my first one. Be great. It'll be fun.

[00:45:15]

As soon as you get that laugh and you're in, you're like, oh, I'm back in. And it's amazing. But then staying at the closing of the parking garages in New York now at midnight, because homeless people, I guess, are just walking down into them and they're like, hey, this is a fun cave.

[00:45:30]

Yeah. What could happen here?

[00:45:32]

Yeah. Yeah, I like cars. Yeah, yeah.

[00:45:39]

You know, like I imagine like homeless people, like there's a there's a cave full of luxury cars two blocks away.

[00:45:47]

Yeah. We don't have to be in the rain tonight. Right. And so they are closing those at midnight.

[00:45:55]

So to me and my, my opener we get back. It would drive around the city trying to find a spot. Everything's just weird, man.

[00:46:01]

We went into a bodega at like one. We're like standing there. There's a homeless woman in there begging for t the dudes that it's you thirty. And then you're looking at two guys that are kind of walking around a bodega and you're like something feels off like, are they about to run out? Am I just paranoid because of the news? Nobody's out at night.

[00:46:23]

New York City used to be and I lived there for years, bump and bump in three a.m.. I've been a diner yelling at people.

[00:46:30]

Yeah, I've fucked this business.

[00:46:32]

You know, I have been denied the amount of bitter, resentful bile that came out of my mouth as marinara sauce was flying out of it. Mozzarella stick by just being like the denial, this bitch.

[00:46:46]

That's just nasty, real horror. I wasted so much in new you like. I loved it. It was amazing. But like just the amount of time I spent walking around being angry.

[00:46:59]

Yeah.

[00:46:59]

And not in awe of what an amazing city it was like my opener he he paints this picture of like it's so amazing.

[00:47:07]

He's like it's just so easy to meet girls. You dated just your teeth there. You guys can read it.

[00:47:13]

And I'm like, but what about though all the hatred like didn't you just walk around every day consumed with a darkness in you? You didn't know how to get rid of know. He's like, well, not really, no. He's like, I was dating and I'm like, but what about the late nights on the roof of your building, smoking a cigarette, cursing God.

[00:47:36]

And so I but I love it there. I miss it a little. Never live there again. Because, I mean, you have that relationship where we destroy each other.

[00:47:46]

I was a tour. God, I ruined people's lives.

[00:47:49]

I ruined vacations that people had saved up their entire life to come to New York to just see it.

[00:47:58]

And I would grab the microphone and I'd go, this city sucks and I am dying in this city.

[00:48:04]

I have nothing. And everyone I know has nothing.

[00:48:08]

Everyone I said I know some of the most talented people and they're getting nowhere.

[00:48:13]

And people were like, this is really. We just want to see. I think we just want to see the line. Are you doing bus? Yeah, a double decker bus tour. I would stand on the bus and I would just go out there and I would tell people I would say they'd be like, it seems like you have such a fun job. I say, ask winter. You know, how many how many operations?

[00:48:33]

Winter sat on her foot. Six. She said six foot operations. She's 68 years old. OK, she doesn't want to show you Carnegie Hall anymore. She wants the long sleep like it was such was bad.

[00:48:51]

Talk tour guides are tragic characters.

[00:48:54]

You become a tourist in your own home. You start falling in love with the buildings.

[00:48:58]

You hate people. You hate people.

[00:49:01]

So that was my experience in New York is just an orb of negativity. Now, the good thing about that was it was that he ended up being very funny. Yeah, that ended up being very funny. But it was and there were nice times, too, like, you know, how how long how long in the city.

[00:49:16]

Did you live in seven years, why the Hell's Kitchen, Brooklyn, Astoria, but when we went back, we're driving around the city, we finally parked on the Upper West Side. We get an Uber.

[00:49:26]

The Uber is a full has the guys in full hazmat suit. It's like 12 Monkeys full hazmat suit. We're in a car that is completely cellophane. Me and him are in the back.

[00:49:36]

We then drive to crazier than the Uber lets us out like two blocks from our Airbnb.

[00:49:43]

I was like, oh no, good. We're trying to plead with Uber. Drop us off in front. He's screaming in Mandarin.

[00:49:51]

It look like that's how Korona started. Like if you didn't know how Coronavirus started, you would think it was that like to wait for it to be like drop us at our door and say, you guys, like, know bad things are happening. You must. You must.

[00:50:06]

It's like the beginning of just a movie. And they drop us two blocks away. And I look at Dan Danzig, 24. He's a, you know, 10 years younger than me. And I'm like, I feel responsible for these dude sometimes on the road.

[00:50:17]

Like, the last thing I want is to call, like, his parents and be like, Hey, man. Dan was stabbed last night, but he did great on the show. Yeah, he did. He has a new bit about Kamala Harris that really worked, but he is in ICU right now at Bellevue, and I couldn't help him. It was so quick. It all happened so fast. It happened so goddamn fast. But so me and him walk and do the walk from where the Uber let us off to the front of everything.

[00:50:49]

Bay was two blocks. I've never felt like that. I've lived I've been in New York City. I'm a kid. I grew up on Long Island. I lived in New York for about seven years. I never felt like that in New York City, I mean, I was they were sizing up people, looking at it seriously. Yeah, no, yeah. People were looking at us like what?

[00:51:08]

And this was in Upper West Side or. No, this was this was 46 second. And this was the belly of the beast, the beast. So this is the end. So it's that rough. I know at night it is.

[00:51:18]

That area is an area and the cops will watch you get pummeled.

[00:51:22]

Don't write, don't get it twisted.

[00:51:25]

The cops will watch you get stabbed to death and you rewind and that they'll be like, we're sick of every few minutes we'll film you and they'll give it to Fox News and be like, run that on loop. Yeah, get the people back on our side, which I get.

[00:51:39]

Yeah, of course I get it. Nine months ago, though, that same area to walk. Nothing great.

[00:51:44]

Yeah, great. Everything would have been open. Yeah. Yeah. A guy like me would have been like that's one thirty in the morning. You get a frozen yogurt you know. Yes. New York. Sure. What deprived myself. Yeah. I got a frozen yogurt. Go walk by the water. Yeah. You know it's not possible. It's not possible.

[00:51:58]

Now it is a little scatch. It felt a little weird food.

[00:52:01]

Still top notch food is good in that city is one of those things where it's like you eat a bagel in that city like man, they just know how to do this real well. Yeah. It's not worth living there and getting shanked and raped for.

[00:52:12]

But I will tell you this. It's red sauce. It's just good. It's just good. They know how to do a fucking. Yeah. They just know how to do it. Yeah.

[00:52:22]

There's was that there's a bagel shop out here where they go. They bring in the we bring in the water from Brooklyn. Yeah.

[00:52:27]

It's great. Great. I like the water.

[00:52:30]

By the way, if you bring in the water from Brooklyn, how about using it to put out the fucking fire. Yeah. I'm not making a bagel. You know this fire shit is today. Yeah. Like somebody goes, hey, is there a lot of smoke outside your place?

[00:52:43]

I go, well, there's fog.

[00:52:45]

There's what used to be clouds, there's smoke and there's a collection of colors that has come that I don't even know how to identify what it is. I it feels like we're in a soundstage and I'm looking up and I'm like, I don't know where I look at I'm in desert.

[00:52:59]

I got out of L.A. during the riots. I just drove the east and didn't look back. I look like a guy during the riots who gets burned alive and then people really don't care.

[00:53:10]

Right. Like people look at me and go, whatever that guy said to those poor people wearing black hoods. Yeah, whatever he said to them justifies the fact that he was impaled. Yeah. That's to die. Ah yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

[00:53:24]

No one sees his face and goes, oh I'm sure he was on the right side of the cultural issue, especially with the bullet.

[00:53:32]

Yeah. Oh it's just so I'm like let me skedaddle. And I went to desert a house in the desert and it's beautiful. I love it.

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[00:55:19]

Are you heading to the desert right after this.

[00:55:21]

I'm going to Whitney Cummings house because she's doing a comedy show in her backyard tonight to be on it. Yeah, it's a huge embarrassment for her and me and everyone involved.

[00:55:28]

But who goes to the show? I don't know. She's got like Instagram influencers and cash and they're all playing with their pussies.

[00:55:34]

I don't know, Tom, Tom, I don't know what's going on, but it's just what it is, you know?

[00:55:38]

And I mean, they're just doing what has pussy in the in the pool. And they're trying to I mean, they're trying to get followers. It's like I don't know what's happening over there, but it none of it's graceful.

[00:55:48]

Yeah. The point is that I love them. Shout out to everyone there, but I, you know, respect them all. But yes, I'm doing that show.

[00:55:56]

But I didn't think. I'd love to. I didn't think I'd dig it and I dig it, it's so high. It's a you can become a weird desert guy's beach guy. Yeah. When there's high desert. And I don't want to be either one of those guys. Yeah, I'm a suburban basic pitch guy.

[00:56:11]

Yeah. Like, that's what I. And you're happy with that. I'm happy with it.

[00:56:14]

You get to a point where you go, what do I want. I want a little McMansion, suburban basic pitch guy. I want a nice restaurant that I go to once a week and complain about.

[00:56:25]

I want a few friends that I sit in the backyard with. I want, you know, a relationship with someone who's in it because I have that house and he's cheating on me.

[00:56:37]

You know, all these things are possible.

[00:56:38]

All these things are so real. Yes.

[00:56:41]

And I'm good with that. Like, I don't need I don't want to live in a cool area. I don't want to I'll never be able to afford a classic Fifth Avenue in Manhattan or Beverley or anything like that.

[00:56:53]

I just want a suburban suburban basic pitch existence because that's what I had growing up and that was fine.

[00:57:00]

And then, I mean, I also then, you know, started doing drugs and going to other cool places like crack houses, because I was like, oh, the suburbs are boring.

[00:57:07]

And then you spend enough time there. And the crack house, you're like most suburbs, kind of nice to it's it's a ying yang. So a lot of time and crack houses.

[00:57:15]

Yeah. I mean a good amount.

[00:57:16]

I start doing coke at thirteen so that's really it was but it also really worked now.

[00:57:23]

It was so appropriate. I mean I needed that weight. I need some kids need a little line.

[00:57:29]

Somebody OK.

[00:57:30]

I feel like at thirteen it's almost like I'm trying to think with a 13 year old mind, I feel like you're either going were you you have to be talked into it or you just I was like, what's that?

[00:57:41]

And someone said, cocaine. And I went, Oh, cool. Oh. And then and then I just blew it up my nose.

[00:57:47]

And then like, I then we got me and my friend got into it over the next few years and we would hang out with people that do it, would drive into the city. We go to bad areas, bad places, whatever. So fun.

[00:57:56]

Yeah, so much fun. I mean, there's nothing more fun if you're listening, your kid just do this.

[00:58:02]

There's nothing more fun than getting in a car with a guy named Hector and his girlfriend Sonia. Shout out to them. Don't know if they're still alive, but they love you. They're not alive. But you know what? Actually, those people somehow live. Somehow they live.

[00:58:15]

It's the guy that runs the five K for charity that dies. Yeah, it really is.

[00:58:19]

And we would just drive and we would just do cocaine and smoke weed and blast music. And I was like, this is so cool to just be in a moving car.

[00:58:27]

God, I love being in a moving car on drugs. I'm sitting in the backseat and people I didn't know but I loved.

[00:58:35]

But then how long till crack houses? Oh, well, those we would do.

[00:58:39]

We weren't smoking crack. Clearly we were not animals. But that's a fun joke. What I just did there was a joke about the commentary about the way cocaine and crack are viewed in society, which has a real class is, you know, really racial lens to it. And what I when I use the word animals, what I was doing is shedding light on systems of inequality that continue to plague us today. Here's why. Thank you.

[00:59:01]

Now we would go there was one of my town.

[00:59:05]

That's Lady Rosie. Oh, that. She was just a lot of fun. They were just fun. Can we we have to just acknowledge that it's kind of fun sometimes to walk into a room with a dirty carpet, with an overflowing ashtray of cigarettes and sit on her on a couch and pull a rowdy blanket over you and say, I am not going to be judged today.

[00:59:21]

Yeah, yeah. Something nice about something feels good.

[00:59:23]

And we would just go and we get to hang out and kind of just party and everything, and then we'd go home and our parents, where have you been?

[00:59:29]

And we're like the park and our our parents were horrible boomer parents there.

[00:59:33]

Well, that's good. And you know, my dad's at work on his golf swing in the backyard. Like nobody has a clue. My mother is planning a cruise.

[00:59:39]

You know, she's like seven days in Acapulco and I want to go to Greece. You know, I remember being coked out of my face, laying in my bed and hearing my mother go, wouldn't it be good to go to Greece?

[00:59:50]

And I'm like, oh, thank God I don't have parents. Oh, my God, thank God I never had parents, you know, because I was able to go out and just get fucked up on the boomers missed everything.

[00:59:59]

They missed everything. Boomers it was I've studied the boomer like people study like like errors in history.

[01:00:06]

The boomer is just such a fascinating, selfish I mean, run on self will run rampant to a degree of I mean, our parents were into themselves to a degree that was hilarious. And they still are like, no matter what you say to them, it will go back to them being a victim. They have had the greatest run of any generation to have ever stepped on Earth.

[01:00:37]

Yeah, OK.

[01:00:37]

Other than Vietnam, which no one of my parent group served in, so and the people that I know, they always have an uncle. So it's like Uncle Johnny gave it. Will you shut up? Yeah.

[01:00:52]

And they just skated. They got every everything. A lot of it.

[01:00:56]

Right. And they're their victims, like now, when the whole Caronna thing happened, I was explaining my aunt, I'm like, listen, you know, we're going to have to reopen the world.

[01:01:04]

And she's like, well, I don't think so, because I work my whole life and I finally want to travel, so I don't want to get sick.

[01:01:11]

So I was like, OK, again, this she says she's worked her whole life. Like that isn't something that everyone throughout history has done always.

[01:01:19]

Yeah, right. Like she says it like only she's done it right.

[01:01:23]

I've I'm the person my whole life and I'm like, oh, you worked all of the days like all of the other people. Yeah, we've all worked. Yeah. But it's great. And my dad, my dad is a putting green in his backyard.

[01:01:35]

He's put a putting green in his backyard so he can work on his putting whilst the world burns.

[01:01:41]

That's a pretty good. Yeah. So this is where they're at. That's where that, that's where that generation.

[01:01:46]

That's how you miss your kids on Coke right now. Yeah. That's how you missed the kids on Coke.

[01:01:49]

But I get it because if you had a kid on Coke do you really want. Yeah.

[01:01:53]

If you had a closeted homosexual, some Republican cocaine addict living in your house, would you want to get in that kid's head?

[01:02:00]

You just probably step back and go, let's let this play out. They probably had private conversations where they go.

[01:02:06]

He'll be dead in two years and we'll try again. And unlucky for them, I'm here on national platforms telling everyone how much you both suck. And I didn't have to be gay or a cocaine addict.

[01:02:19]

I chose to do both those things. Yes, they did not get me a dog because they said that my mother was allergic to dog, which was a lie.

[01:02:26]

That was a lie. That was a lot because she just knew she would have to take care of it. Exactly. They couldn't tolerate neglecting more than one thing at a time and. Well, that's OK. Well, anyway, guys, let me know how those grandchildren are coming.

[01:02:42]

Did you see did you see that Trump tweet where he goes?

[01:02:47]

Kim Jong un is doing great. Never underestimate him.

[01:02:51]

It's one of the craziest things that I've ever seen. I will admit when if he leaves, I'm going to tell you right now it is I will miss a little bit of the fun it is.

[01:02:59]

So here's the thing. We're going to be as much as we're like this guy's out of his fucking mind, there's going to be a real comedown, like a real like like, oh, big time.

[01:03:08]

Like you just left rehab big time.

[01:03:10]

You're going to be like, shit's boring, man. It is normal and boring.

[01:03:14]

But then I feel like we're going to have to readjust because we are like we're living at that scene in the movie with the cars hanging off the cliff and we just like it.

[01:03:22]

When is it going to. And we've been in that moment for four years. And that's not a healthy place to just.

[01:03:26]

Yeah, yeah. But yeah. And so my prediction is, if he does lose and it goes OK and he leaves, which I think he will too, I think he might like barely want to do anymore.

[01:03:35]

I think he might go into some entertainment ask position.

[01:03:41]

Oh yeah.

[01:03:41]

And I think dude I think within a few years he'll be doing jokes about himself, like you guys let this can't you guys let me be president?

[01:03:48]

Yeah. Like I think he'll just go back to this carnival barker. That's like a funny and I think people will like him again in the same way that they love George W. Bush.

[01:03:56]

Remember when everyone hated Bush, hated him, hated him?

[01:03:59]

No. I mean, like, if you're a young if you're like twenty five or younger, you can't really imagine how fucking much people hated this guy.

[01:04:09]

I mean, I guess you remember if you're that age, but they were like this dude is first of all, they were like he is he is dumber than anyone you could ever imagine.

[01:04:20]

He's the dumbest person ever lived. He's a dumb person that ever lived.

[01:04:24]

And also, like, right alongside a serial killer. He he he'll send your son to a war that doesn't need to happen.

[01:04:33]

You give a shit that everyone dies. They painted him.

[01:04:36]

And then. Now. He's a painter. Yeah, they love him. Got a nice ranch, and that's that'll happen because what'll happen is during President Logan Paul's first term, who I like, I like alone, I want him to win.

[01:04:55]

I'm going to get involved in his campaign. I've said it publicly a million times. I do like that. I think he would be good at it. But during his first term, he'll make an error and everyone will go, remember Trump up.

[01:05:07]

It's just the hindsight and the distance from somebody that we'll forget.

[01:05:12]

A lot of the little that's what happened with Rush is people forget details, just big picture. They're like I mean, he seemed pretty nice.

[01:05:17]

Trump also, I don't think other than the Cronon, obviously the economic crash, a lot of Bush's fuckups outlived, like not outlived him.

[01:05:26]

He still alive, but like outlived his administration. Like, we're still dealing with a lot of the things that Iraq and Afghanistan wars, just refugee crisis that, you know, sprang from destabilizing the Middle East and all this stuff.

[01:05:37]

I think when Trump's out, he's out.

[01:05:40]

It's kind of like and that's why every comedian making a living, shitting on Trump, I'm in awe. I predicted this.

[01:05:47]

I said. You know, comedy is cyclical, everything what's going to happen is Trump will be out eventually, maybe four years from now, maybe two months he'll be out. Eventually it'll be gone. The economy will stumble back into something recognizable.

[01:06:03]

Nobody's going to want to hear either one of those names again. Yeah, nobody's ever going to wanna hear Trump or covid in a comedy club or anything. I was going to ask Don.

[01:06:11]

Shut up. Shut up. Yeah, shut up. You know, and it's true. I'm lying to you bitch about the Iraq war. Nobody wants to really hear about that.

[01:06:18]

So what what will then happen is rich kids will move back into New York like they did in 2009. They will put on funny hats and flutes and they will start another alternative comedy scene. They will not discuss anything real. They will do bits about like Malcolm in the Middle or like whatever to them is like an arcane reference, you know. Yeah, they'll talk about, you know, video games and all that stuff and and, you know, and each other laugh and they'll make each other laugh.

[01:06:44]

And then the industry will be like, they're cool and we're cool too. And and then that'll be, you know, and then it'll just be a size new big it'll be a cycle.

[01:06:51]

And I think what's coming after this is just like maybe a golden era or not a golden era, but certainly an era of like absurdist comedy.

[01:06:59]

Yeah. That which I'm for. I'm like, bring it on.

[01:07:01]

You're like the type of comedy where people are like, we're just ready to be silly and goofy again. Let's get done with the rage. Right on with the rage. Yeah.

[01:07:10]

And that's why a lot of shit like those videos I do. It's like they're goofy. Yeah. They're goofy and I'm ready for goofy. Yeah. Your videos are great. Wow. Thank you. You're great.

[01:07:21]

I do, I do wonder like what is a what's it's going to be.

[01:07:25]

So he's so fueled by attention Trumper that that if he loses this election you got to imagine like what's this guy is going to be like. I need it from like his post presidency. To me it'll be like none we've ever seen before.

[01:07:42]

It's not like he's going to do like the regular shit. No guy does. No, I mean, I it'll either be a media network where he'll be. He'll have the carry on every night.

[01:07:51]

He'll be like Castro was just like three and a half hours the day or his the other option, he just dies.

[01:07:58]

Yeah. Because he is old and his oxygen might be the, the running the president like. Yeah he did it. Yeah. There's nothing else to do. Right.

[01:08:08]

You want to talk about accomplishing everything. You've been married three times. Yeah.

[01:08:12]

You've, you've run all of these businesses, you've done all this stuff and you were president, you were the president of the United States.

[01:08:19]

You've had a remarkable life. You're the president. We deserve your the American story, not Abraham Lincoln. You're the real story.

[01:08:29]

Yeah, that's the American story.

[01:08:32]

And I mean, like, you know, when he dies, play bad baby at the funeral and like, you know, it'll just be like, you know, the ultimate acceptance of who we truly are.

[01:08:44]

There's a great line in Oliver Stone's Nixon, which was a movie that a lot of critics didn't like because they're pussies.

[01:08:50]

But it's a good movie.

[01:08:53]

You know, these people that write about what he goes, he looks at a picture of JFK on the wall and he goes when they look at you, they see what they want to be. When they look at me, they see what they are.

[01:09:06]

That is a great line. That's a great line. And I think with Trump, when we look at Obama, we kind of saw what we wanted to be kind of this middle aged in shape.

[01:09:16]

Black guy. Yeah. Is that just me?

[01:09:20]

Or I might be projecting, but and and when we see Trump, we kind of see what we are, this bloated, hilarious con artist who's just no impulse control, no impulse control, who's just stuffing himself with McDonald's and trying to lie his way into riches and fame. Yes. And that's who we are.

[01:09:42]

What a I mean, what a great way. To wrap up an episode, yeah, you know, and everyone go vote, it won't matter, but do it anyway.

[01:09:53]

It might hold like a vote like you do, kiddo.

[01:10:03]

You go, hey, can't hurt and you know, you don't really have to. Just don't, right? Yeah, just try. Yeah, it's all going to go to hell. Everything's going to fall.

[01:10:18]

It's a real we're in a real problem. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:10:21]

We're in a tailspin right now. It ain't great. Yeah.

[01:10:24]

Yeah. This is there some irony to you that that all that, that it came together in twenty twenty.

[01:10:30]

Numerically it seemed like a perfect kind of you know, I guess the number to me like oh twenty, twenty.

[01:10:36]

Sounds like something interesting about it but yeah. I mean it's so bad that you don't even want it to have significance. Yeah. That's how bad it is.

[01:10:48]

You don't even want it to be like part of a grand thing you like just let some.

[01:10:54]

But I don't think it's the and we will limp through this. Yeah it's true.

[01:10:59]

And because and this is the greatest thing about America and this is the thing that people forget and this is why we always make it out.

[01:11:07]

It's because the citizens of this country, ourselves included, not putting any distance between the citizens of this country are our megalomaniacal sociopaths.

[01:11:19]

And when you are a megalomaniacal sociopath, you can just kind of move on.

[01:11:24]

Yeah, don't you move on. Yeah. You just kind of move on. You do.

[01:11:28]

And it's so important to focus only on yourself, think nothing of anything else, forget history and just move on.

[01:11:37]

I love it. Guys, I don't think there's a more uplifting message I could leave you with. Yeah, we're definitely going to mark this for the week before the elections. It's a good one. Maybe the day before.

[01:11:49]

Yeah, maybe it's because that's a Tuesday and these come out on Monday.

[01:11:52]

So maybe it was our November 2nd tomorrow. Shit is going to fucking hit the fan. Yeah, they're going to say we're going to count votes for nine months because everything's coming in the mail. We won't know any results. There's going to be people stabbed and shot in the streets.

[01:12:10]

But, you know, it's our country. USA. Polow. The Party of Podcast's, Tim Dillane show podcast, Tim Jadallah and Diavolo went on all social media, Instagram, Twitter, things like that. Dude, thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me on and really fun. Thanks, brother and America. Thanks so much. All right.

[01:12:38]

Bert Rippert. Rippert. Yeah.

[01:12:40]

Bert Tom Solomon. Where one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert snowmachine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's because there's a. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur photography, dirty jokes, raunchy humour, no apologies. Here's what I recall. So there's one case.