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[00:00:02]

Thanks for listening to the Adam Carolla Show on podcast one. Geico right now, Geico is offering an extra 15 percent credit on car, motorcycle and RV policies, 15 percent on top of the money. Geico could already be saving you. So what are you waiting for? Let's get to get in, man. There's never been a better time to switch to Geico. Save an extra 15 percent when you switch by October seven. Visit Geico Dotcom to learn more.

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Save that 15 percent and you should be Geico anyway. Be saving already. And then the 15 on top of that at Geico Dotcom.

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Hello.

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Welcome back to Carol Classics for Monday, August 10th. Twenty twenty. The show with highlights from the greatest moments of The Adam Carolla Show. Jill and I have taken over the fear until the Adam Kroll Show returns tomorrow.

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So make sure to tune in for a fresh new episode. But till then, we'll play some clips. My name's Chris Laksamana, executive producer of the Adam Carolla Show. And with me, as always, Khairullah Archivist's superfan.

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Geovani, everybody back for our final day in charge. Tomorrow goes back to normal and the regular teachers back. It's not normal before.

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Oh, no, Joe, the fun has just begun. We've got some incredible clips. This first one features Ian Edwards back in 2014.

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Yeah. Now that we're done with the hilarious history lesson we're going through like a highlight reel of some ACE awards and some nominees and winners and clips people absolutely love is like the cool classics, our best hand, as will Ian Edwards. Steve Milonga, Axl Rose and Brian Bishop. Adam Carolla show 13 45. This pause is just Ian Edwards. It's Adam and Ian Edwards reenacting Adam's idea of a naive drug counselor. It's one of the funniest improv scenes in space.

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Award nominee 2014. Check it out. So a substance abuse abuse counselor was sentenced to 55 years to life in prison for hitting a pedestrian with her car and then driving through an L.A. suburb with the man dying on her windshield.

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Oh, much to enjoy about this sad story. I mean, this she was a substance abuse counselor. Was that the person we heard about a year ago or something? I mean, wasn't there the story where somebody was driving around with someone on their windshield?

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It happened in November of 2012. So you probably did hear about it. Yeah, but she was just sentenced.

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If that happened to you, would you go for the wiper spray at some point, rude to the other motorists?

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If you do it, though, it's true because she shoots over the body and on to the windshield behind you.

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Something which I never realized. I used to just do that willy nilly until I started hearing people bitch about it. I was like, oh, am I being super rude by doing that?

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I it if it's done at freeway speeds, it tends to carry at least 80 or 100 feet. When the cars behind you going the same speed, it always, always gets on you.

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But in between tension too, you can try and get weird, just sprays your windshield.

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So her blood alcohol was nearly twice the legal limit and she drove two miles through torrents before other motorists swarmed her car traffic light and kept her there until police arrived. And the man she hit, 31 year old Philip Marino, was taken to a hospital where he died.

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Some motorists, like she's already got a man on a hood like jump in front of a car. Don't you see she doesn't give a fuck. She can hear the arguing on the hood of the car. I could hear the argument. Maybe she got it out of her system. Yes, it really it really is true. Like she is saying, do not get this fucking OK.

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This is the last guy to try to get me to stop when I had the last guy before him on my hood. Right.

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This isn't the first guy I've had on my windshield tonight. There were another group of irate motorists around me. This is one of them. Yeah. Yeah.

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She was a drug addict before she became a drug and alcohol counselor. And she said that she wasn't.

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This was her. Her she contended that she wasn't drunk that night. She claimed she was self medicating while waiting for knee replacement surgery and had consumed three single serving bottles of vodka and a can of Budweiser and a Clamato before starting to drive me to see.

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When I hear Clamato, I think LIMATO No. Well, you say I just that that's the part I'm all right with. The booze in the windshield mean it's the Clamato.

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Yeah. I've got to be locked up for that. She was very apologetic and remorseful in court.

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That's good. And what the guy how do you stay on a windshield for that?

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She must have been going that fast or he must have been impaled. I don't know.

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Every single time in every movie when somebody gets hit by a car and then rolls off, they always roll off and they roll on the ground and then they cover their face real quick with with their other arm. It's because it's the stuntman and they don't want to show. They always land in a way that has their elbow pow over their face like they Lana, they roll and they land on the face and a weird face cover thing like chicks with really bad teeth who laugh, who hold their hand in front of their mouth when they laugh.

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But all right.

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Now, what do you want to do with her? Because there's a part of me that's like, I don't know, she's going to do it again. Her knees fucked up.

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I think you're getting caught up in the way she's dressed in court. I don't think that's a I think if you saw in a regular clothes, you be like, put her away. But this is this is like a respectable mom, like I know who a lawyer was. But they did tell her at least to dress sympathetically.

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Yeah, she got a pink wheelchair, which I think I'm responding to, or at least it's got it looks like it's on it. Trim. Yeah, she looks like she was on the hood of her own car with the Ruchi.

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Like you feel something for lunch, came up with an invention.

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It's kind of a Adichie for chairs.

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You know, it's not like not like a full full turtleneck mark the top on top of every chair.

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You have to just have grips and handle well.

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So every picture you take sitting down is confined to a wheelchair. Like every picture. You get a lot of sympathy that way, you know what I mean? And, you know, you don't want to drive around a bulky wheelchair everywhere. But that little aluminum handle anodised with the grips on there. All you need is the top six inches. They just clip on to any seat, you know, slide and clamped on your chair. That's brilliant.

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That's probably get some extra sympathy at work, you know? Hey, boss, I got to leave early, you know, the chair, and I'll let you walk out to your car.

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You know, I get you slot man angry on the back of that. We sell.

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We sell that shit. Yeah. So the judge did say that Miss Watkins is not what we normally see. She's not a classic violent criminal. But you have to evaluate her history. She had an insatiable desire to become intoxicated.

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Uh huh. So I don't know. I mean, she will sit in jail for her prison for a really long time. I, uh.

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Anyway, it's weird for. For me, everything is motivation when I see that somebody, you know, stalk somebody, waited for them, strung out and stabbed him 28 times or something like fucking put that guy to death when I when somebody did something same. Either way, we've got a corpse on our hands in this case once. Intentional ones, not intentional. And that's everything to me. And I know I'd make a horrible judge for that reason, but it's like people that do shit by mistake and probably feel worse about it than you could ever make them feel by sitting in jail.

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I think the part that really bothered the jurors was that she kept she, you know, did a hit and run and kept driving with him on the hood.

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And then also her lawyer thinks that because. Because she was a counselor, she was held to a higher standard that the jurors couldn't really see the evidence because it was so emotionally charged.

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I want to know it's sometimes it's just a sentence in. He was on the hood of the car and that's almost like impossible, but nobody's question. And like, when you read the story, it's all right. She drove with a guy in the hood of a car. But it's not even possible for you to really be on the hood of a car for two miles.

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I don't know, like this is just like every once you ever have this experience, it used to be man on her windshield. When I had a truck, every blue moon, every once in a while, I would set a coffee mug down on, like, my step bumper, my pickup truck, and then drive to work and then get out of the car and go to fucking mug is still there. Like every once while you put some on the roof of your car and it's magically you're not driving to Florida, but you drive like a couple miles and it's like still there.

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I think you do that with the body. Well, going to find out. That's true.

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All right. And was she going so fast that she was stuck to the windshield and taken to the hospital?

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Every. Every. That's what I would say. Take him to the hospital. Every single drug counselor was an ex junkie and. I just for Drew, that's the crazy thing. Yeah. Never, never had an addiction problem.

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Doing drugs is like college for drug counselors. Yeah, it is. It's training, training for drug counselors. But I would like the one like super naive drug counselor that was like I've never done. Are they called speedballs or speedballs? I don't know that that's where you take the cocaine mixture with the speed mixture and you put them together and it's that you sniff that or that. It's something where you do where you put it.

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I don't know what they call the.

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The needle is breaking the story. Oh, yeah.

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OK, is that be something like I've heard you guys say tie off. Are we talking about luggage. But what do we mean by that? I've never I've recounted I haven't done I haven't sniffed or snorted your your cocaine. I imagine it makes you feel super happy, but I haven't done it. I had a I had an L.A. beer once it's in the low. It doesn't have it has it's not non-alcoholic but it it's not a high alcohol. I didn't finish it but I could feel like a little bit of what I guess you guys are are talking about.

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I haven't had a lot of bad days. Life's been good. Diane is my happily married for twenty two years. We met me junior year of high school.

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Do you even take it one day at a time? Oh, no, no, no.

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I go months in advance. You know, I'm thinking about stuff that's coming up this time next year. I was born with these chips.

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Look, Piloto, I got a pile of chips. I know some you got a cake, which I think is awesome because I get cakes for my birthday too, although this is a different kind of birthday.

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So I'm saying you should probably stop doing drugs. So I don't really know what they do. I know they make you feel great, you know, when you're feeling blue. I said something that we are feeling not not happy.

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Can I can I just tell you some of the things that I did on drugs, Mr. Councillor's?

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Yeah, well, you know, I sold my baby and that was a car no one has. My dad has has a forty four Stepaside F 104 that he just calls his baby.

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I don't know. You sold your baby. Yeah. But I didn't really have a dad either. So why would you sell your baby for drugs. Because the baby didn't make me feel good and the drugs did.

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Was it the cocaine or the marijuana.

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It was marijuana. Do you would, would you smoke marijuana cigarette or would you use what they call it, a bong? We'd roll the joints and put PCP and stuff in there. I don't know.

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But, you know, a PCP, is that a stand for something stretch of highway that runs along the Pacific Ocean? Can I speak to your manager?

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He's never been high either because no one better than I am. I don't think you can help me. I've no, I you know, let me tell you something. I have my seen my share of loss. I went to Trader Joe's once and, you know, they give you the bags with the handles built in, you know, the paper ones.

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One of those handles broke when I was walking and I wasn't even halfway to my car and nothing fell out of the bag. But I still had to kind of gather it up and get out. And then I did that thing where I pop the hatch on the car. But one of the shocks that hold it up is not that good. So close closes sort of slowly.

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So I just kind of put my head under there while I was putting the bag in.

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So I know lost the story of, you know, heartache. The story of your loss is making me want to watch.

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One of my one of my children did not get into their school of choice.

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They had to go with their own. They had a choice. Oh, that was Stanford. But it was still a backup. OK, well, they wanted to go to Brown, but couldn't then because they went to Stanford as a college named Brown. Yes. With no brown people in it. But it has called Brown, ironically. So you sold your kid.

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Yeah, but I wish I had known about Brown before I sold my kid marijuana, but.

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All right, well, listen, I've again, I've never I keep hearing about this chasing of the dragon thing. It's of actual dragon that you guys chase. Or is that just something in your head?

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It's nothing like the movie. How to Train the Dragon is a real thing. OK, well, you just can't you know, you're just chasing this high AI that you know and it haunts you.

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Well, I think you guys should be fine on your own unsupervised for a period of time. Now, what I need somebody to do is you can hear I can probably use some lozenges. Could somebody run to the liquor store and just give me some lozenges, please? So scratchy. Thank you. OK, here's seven hundred dollars. All right. But. Make sure and come back with change. Know what you're the best cowboy ever had. But hold on, I want the secrets.

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OK, right in the ten if you could. You know, let's make it seventeen hundred dollars. Go ahead. Yeah. Now, if you're not back in three days, I'm going to come looking for you, Nancy. Thank you.

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Hurry to your local dodge dealer. Do it now and take advantage of the Dodge Power dollars. And that is the very funny Ian Edwards and the naive drug counselor slash world squarest drug counselor it from 2014, the salaries so good. That's what Ian Edwards always does. He says that's hilarious. I don't know that I agree, though. I agree with Ian Edwards. All right. Let's go with another clip. This one features Anthony Jeselnik back in 2013 from Ambrogio, 11 17.

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It's Anthony Jeselnik, Dave Dameshek, Alison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This is from July of 2013. And this person, just Anthony, it's a second appearance. He was first on Episode nine ninety four in January of 2013. This has two news stories, including a specific Jim, or there's an improv reenactment about where Adam is in the military and he's demanding his commanding officer give him a boat filled with coke and cash. It was an ACE Awards 2013 contender.

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It is hilarious.

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Check it out. With Alison Rosen. She reads the news from her iPad, Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. Alison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it up with it because it's Alison. All right, so there's a video that has been making the rounds on social media today. A Michigan woman was caught trying to hire what she thought was a killer to kill, a contract killer to kill her husband. It turned out to be a cop posing as a killer sting operation.

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Yeah, but she was going to her husband was she's 21, husbands, 27. She was going to pay this guy 400000. No, sorry. No, sorry. She's going to pay him 50000 in. And the reason she wanted to kill him was to get the 400000 dollar life insurance policy.

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But we have a couple of clips from the video where what everyone's talking about is just how cold blooded and calm this is.

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And here she is explaining kind of her thought process and why she wants to do this. When you see when you see the press on eyebrow's, it's always a bad sign.

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Yeah, but I've got to tell you, one time when I first decided to do this, we weren't getting. I mean, I was just it was easier, just terrible. And it's easier than divorcing him. You know, I didn't have to worry about the judgment of my family. I didn't have to worry about breaking his heart, stuff like this. How about stopping a clean? I mean, it's going to break my heart when it happens.

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But, I mean, that's something that I have to you know, that's my favorite.

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I feel like it's not really going to break her heart. Not that much it wouldn't.

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You know, the craziest part of the story is I just read this today is that her husband is arguing for no jail time for her.

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But I was about to say half the time I see these shows on my 48 hours are 20/20. They go like, wow, he forgave her. He forgave her and they're back together again.

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First off, there's no meals that could be prepared. That other person would have to hire a tester.

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Like I'd have to go to Home Depot and get a guy, you know, one of the guys out front just to be my tester. Just hold this ladder for me.

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I mean, really hold it right?

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I mean, really, he'll be worse than you couldn't even relax during a blowjob. No, because, you know, she's thinking of ways to kill you. Yeah, it's it's unnerving.

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That's still in that clip, too. She's like she's auditioning for Big Brother something. It's oh, there's there's another video.

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But first, do you guys ever think maybe you shouldn't relax during a blowjob anyway? I mean, that's a lot of trust. That's the ultimate time to relax.

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Yeah, that's that's what you do, doing a good job, you know.

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But I'm just saying, if you can't I mean, if you didn't want to be in the prone position, like you don't want to be, you know, cheater, ready to pounce or anything, when you're getting blown, you pull a muscle. You know what I'm saying?

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Yeah. I mean, I guess you have to relax to enjoy it. But I'm just saying you really are in a vulnerable position. Yeah, well, that's true. If there's, you know, car backfires in your bedroom or something like that, you can just have to sneeze and doesn't act fast enough.

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Right. Right. Oh, fuck.

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Now, pardon the pun, I'm up in my head and I'll never be able to enjoy another blowjob. Thank you.

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I'm all right. So there's another well, part a later part of the video.

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And here is where they're discussing how to do this and how you want me to shoot most unless you can do it painlessly, you know, thinking up that way. Well, you know, I would prefer to use either a knife or it's a quick and painless. Painless. All right, shoot. You want an open casket, closed casket? What do you want? Open casket? I mean, most people you could possibly do it. I don't really care about anything else.

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Just make it painless. I'm going to I'm just going to take a out of my face.

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She really loved him. She would just kill him herself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the I first of I don't think she got the open casket closed casket. She's like, well if it's a hot day, well open the casket, you know, wintertime. We'll close it. There's a breeze coming through the place.

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She gets a casket for the guy. I'll just shoot him in the face like I think he was having he was having fun.

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That's by the way, as far as cop gigs go, the best that would be. That's the best. Yeah. I mean, other than posing as Johns to break up high class call girl, you know, infiltrate Heidi Fleiss world, by the way, every report would be chief. I'm about a week away from busting this thing wide open last week. That's what I'm saying. And the week before you don't. OK, this is becoming a sad Corazón.

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It's true, it's been several years. Oh, by the way, I need you go down to the evidence room. I need more cash. Well, I'll go with the cash. This is a big money loser that you hear me hear me out.

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And if you're going to from some blow to because I kind of know the investigation and he cash and I need some blow. I need one of those offshore boats.

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I don't know if we have one of those here in Michigan. OK, I'm this close to blowing the lid, pardon the pun, off of this whole high class underage girl.

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Part of the discussion. Oh, yeah. I brought I'm sure I brought that up.

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No, I learned this is remember mostly I remember somewhere between week 17 and week twenty three, me definitely touching upon the underage Asian part right now.

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Remember asking you this is not underage, right?

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Well, obviously, I can't check I.D. I'm going to tell his officer just get the coke and the cash in the boat and the boat and I'll tell you when I'm done. This is the last boat full of cocaine cash. I mean, my refractory period.

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So I'm in a good mood, OK, but I'm quickly coming out of that period. All right. I'll tell you when we're done with the case, that's got to be me. The Heidi Fleiss case was like forty cops working for like two years. And I read the book and Greatest Gig in the World, guys.

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It's all fucking covering themselves with Aqua Velva and drinking before some calling out while everyone else had to be nice when they passed, the guys who were working the crash unit, like down down in South Central, like I had to kick in a couple of doors. I got bit by a Rottweiler. That's funny. I fucked a runaway today. She was nineteen. Anyway, I'm going to Kashiram you guys. Are you guys good at picking out undercover cops?

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Because I feel like I'm always the person that that arrives late to wherever and everyone's like, oh, did you see that undercover cop he was? How could you have missed him? He was so obvious. I didn't see him. I only time that ever happened to me is I was on a flight. I was sitting next to a guy who, you know, the guys who where they they they have a jacket, a sport jacket that they wear to either court or a funeral like that's it.

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And then they physically they look like, you know, look like they left the hanger in. Yeah.

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You ever do a weird thing where you put like a sock on when your dog's paws and a trucker walks weird like they don't know how to move with this thing on them. And the guy was just sitting next to me looking not like he belonged in first class. I judge. And he was he was just sitting there. I wasn't racially profiling sort of beefy white dude. He's sitting there looking uncomfortable in this jacket. And I said striking up conversation.

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OK, well, what are you doing? Sick and what business in your house? Like I said. All right, I'm an air marshal.

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You got me like he said, he had no fucking rap. He was three syllables away from just being busted. Now, maybe he recognized me. I don't know. But he was. That's hilarious. Just open him up like a can of sardines with the two questions. He admitted he was. I feel like ten minutes later, even if you hadn't said anything, he would just be like, OK, I'm an air marshal. Yeah.

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He just did not look like it's one of those things. They tell them where sport coats, but they're not used to wearing sport coats, so they look uncomfortable in sport coats and then they don't have the slacks and the shirt that go with the sport coat. So they stand out like a sore thumb. So they should just tell the air marshal, especially in a day when all the rich people are just wearing cargo shorts and flip flops, just fucking dress, dress, you know, dress like Mark Cuban would dress if he flew commercial.

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Why do air marshals have to be undercover anyway? Well, they have to be under cover, so we know that we we don't know they're on less than one percent of the flights. Oh, yeah, I see. It's to make up for the lack of them. I think so. Totally. He said not to say anything. They're not on very many flights.

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Well, that's comforting. Well, I mean, it's not like in that San Francisco disaster, the air marshal snapped in action or anything.

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Yes. And actually update on that story. People are.

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No, wait, wait, wait. You say she they got her for this is attempted murder, right? I mean, what do they what do they give you?

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Right. Right.

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But why invitation of murder and what's it come with?

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Like where does this fall between like manslaughter above below freezing, like in prison? I feel like everyone's facing life in prison.

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She could get just six years. She could get probation. I mean, that's there's a lot of leeway with manslaughter. Don't think goes down that far.

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And she's twenty one. So, you know, she'd be 25, 26, whatever when she gets out. Yeah. She's smart.

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She'll have a good future. Oh yeah. Some Fortune 500 company. I'll snap her right out.

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Fresh out of instinct I, I got a new job for you Anthony. It's just it's a show called Nice Job where we just go talk to their parents. You're twenty one year old daughter's having a casual, just casual conversation with a stranger about killing her new husband. Nice job. You guys done a wonderful job raising this child. I think that would be a tough show to book.

[00:26:53]

It'd be tough to be part of the guests. Right. I'd watch it. Mm. I mean, yes.

[00:27:00]

Something to think about though is that I bet if, if she does go to whatever happens to her she will fall in love again or someone will follow her because we Anthony on the show oftentimes we talk about the serial killers who get the women who fall in love with serial killers in jail and what's wrong with them. But I feel like it would be what's wrong with the guy that falls in love with her? Because there's some guy out there who's diggin what he's saying.

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My feeling would be she's got it out of her system.

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Every woman has one.

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She used hers early on. And what are the chances that lightning's going to strike twice?

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I think it would be comforting in that situation because you would go into the relationship knowing how crazy she is. Most of them surprise you with it down the road. But, you know, you know the worst.

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Mm hmm. It's a pleasant surprise if he doesn't try and kill you. Exactly what I mean. Right. But I think the guy who's saying her husband now is trying to, like, give good will, keep her out of jail. That is for pussy down the line.

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So you can just use that and be like, oh, yes, she tried to kill me. I got out of prison. But now Lay wasn't exactly how awful I am.

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By the way. The whole thing with the insurance policy would be like I just got back from the State Farm Office. If I die, you get one hundred and eleven dollars. I'm I would never do.

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You cannot do the four hundred thousand dollars to a lot of people. Sounds like just a fucking king's ransom and there's no life that's worth it. Like I don't even know if she dislike the guy. Just the idea. I don't know why. 2079. It's more painless. Yeah. Why you needed. She thought it'd be easier than breaking up with him. They were fighting. Oh OK.

[00:28:37]

Well then it's on him. I know they're fighting right though.

[00:28:41]

You should always keep your insurance policy figure to yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And why even you know. Twenty one. He's twenty seven once. All right. All right.

[00:28:54]

Let's hear about this crazy thing that happened on the soccer field in Brazil, which Brazil is a place where we where they always have parades. Right.

[00:29:03]

There's no carnival. That's what that's what they do. Right. Well, now they're famous for something else. So soccer match a referee expelled a player and then they got in a fight and then the referee stabbed the player with a knife. And as he was on his way to the hospital, the referee or the player's family members stormed the field and began STATT like they cornered the referee once they got word that the player had died. And I don't know how they were communicating.

[00:29:36]

I'm assuming by cell phone they cut the guy up into little pieces and then decapitated him and put his head on a stake.

[00:29:44]

The referee, well, did they draw and quarter him like like old school days?

[00:29:49]

It wasn't a courses, but they they pull, you know, tied him up and then cut his arms and legs off. Yeah. And the Brazilian, they love two things. Soccer and Game of Thrones.

[00:29:59]

Those are the two loves. Exactly. Yeah.

[00:30:01]

It's it's it's a great precursor for the World Cup, which is showing up there in 2014. One more reason to fucking hate soccer. First off, I've said this once that a thousand times the people in the audience are so. Fucking bored, that fighting seems like a nice alternative to nothing going on on the field. Number one.

[00:30:20]

Number two, it's the only sport that I'm aware of that still has horrible racists up in the stands. Nobody ever talks about this. It's I've seen, like, the real sports on it how, you know, there's just no fucking God, which is I it was Spain. I think that one one year, you know, we never stop beating ourselves up like we invented racism and we've got the market cornered on it. Many of these countries are way worse than we are.

[00:30:47]

And these guys. If you come to I think it was Spain about there's about three or four years ago, if the black players there's always, you know, two or three black players on the team, they do a corner kick. They'd be pelted with bananas. Not funny Palfry not funny on the air. Funny since later on. OK, ok.

[00:31:06]

I think when we're not the time that they get pelted with bananas and they do like ape calls and stuff like a hawk and then there's, then there's the Aryan Brotherhood like that's up in the stands and they did the stadium just sort of lets them in and you know, hands, you know, they have a fake Hitler mustache night and stuff like that. We get a little mini I mean, it's not a nice mustache.

[00:31:25]

Charlie Chaplin night. But I know you know what it is.

[00:31:29]

We know what we're talking about. We naive and they just can tolerate this over, by the way, Spain biggest offender, and then they win the World Cup that year. And I'm like, there is definitely no God. There's definitely so you don't fucking let them pelt black players with bananas and then give them the fucking World Cup. So there's definitely no God but hooligans fighting because their sport fucking sucks in a super fucking boring. The players are all idiots.

[00:31:54]

Their hair's all fucked up, their tattoos are stupid. They fight, they wear the stupid silky shorts. Everyone in the crowd is an animal. Fuck it. They don't need it anymore.

[00:32:03]

Can you imagine, though, if you let's say you're just not really a soccer fan, but your boyfriend had tickets or your family dragged you there and then you happened to see someone get decapitated on the field? Yeah. Yeah, a great day. Now, I heard this was, you know, in a rough neighborhood. No shit, by the way. And and a little little off the beaten path like this wasn't, you know, the Staples Center prime time.

[00:32:28]

But yeah, the fucking first off, a lot of a lot of a lot of countries are fucked up. And when it comes to soccer, I mean, you remember.

[00:32:40]

The world, we had the cup out here and remember the poor guy? I mean, this is an amazing thirty for 30.

[00:32:47]

I think it's a 30 for 30 women's world. It's the two. No, it's the two esca bars. There was the one Escobar that played for like the Colombian Colombia's awesome place, awesome people.

[00:33:02]

I mean, it's not the people. It's got to be the fucking dirt. I don't know, it can't be the people. That must be the top layer of soil that makes it such a piece of shit. But the Colombian guy who was like the nicest guy and one of the stars of the team accidentally kicked a goal.

[00:33:19]

For the other team, this is against the U.S. We'll find this, we'll find the gold. Yeah, he kicked it into his own goal and then, you know, of course, was killed when he got back to Colombia because what are you going to do? Oh, yeah. You can't give the guy ripe old age of 27. You can't let him live after being a star on your team. He mistakenly, you know, tried to kick it, try to kick it to its goalie or whatever.

[00:33:41]

And it fucking went in and it's like, all right, well, that'll be that'll be the end of him. Yeah. Awesome. And it's impossible to judge. By the way, all cultures are the same and they're all they're all wonderful.

[00:33:52]

I think sports that would be more fun of every time someone screwed up. If someone made an error or did something that they were killed after the game was a real penalty. Yeah, every game would be like a Super Bowl. This guy. Yeah. This poor Escobar guy, he they shot it and he tried to lay out and block it. And instead it went it went in. It wasn't. He was trying to block it when it I don't know, this must happen must have happened 20 times since I brought this up.

[00:34:17]

It's it's got to happen all the time. But he lives in Columbia, so he must be killed when he gets back to Columbia.

[00:34:24]

So. Well, I won't miss his haircut. No, I mean, to be fair, this is 94. Whatever. Give him a break.

[00:34:32]

Also, do you know how much strength it takes to quarter someone? Imagine. Yes, I do. I mean, you're are you looking for. Yeah, I don't like what weapons did they I mean, remember proud crowd for the show, I guess. Yeah. Sherries if they don't they will issue one when you come in. Do you have a machete with proof of machete half off with a machete across the street in Portland.

[00:34:58]

You pull out one of those, you know, everyone flags there. They hand any machete. All right, let's fuck this soccer. Get rid of it. I fucking need it anymore. Boring as shit. And that was Anthony Jeselnik back in 2013. Let's begin with another clip. We're going to go a little earlier in 2013 now.

[00:35:20]

And this is the infamous gay henchman bit from them show Episode 988 with racy horn, who we absolutely love and adore. Yes, we've played the whole interview before. We played this portion before, as well as during the Alison Rosen era with Brian Bishop, January of 2013. Gay henchman henchman actually just came up recently on the girl show. Adam was talking about the guys patrolling around like mansions and how they're never effective and now they're easily taken out. And that's exactly what this bit is.

[00:35:48]

It's a 2013 nominee. Check it out.

[00:35:54]

I know all I'm saying is it's interesting, the difference between men and women, like when the man and the woman get caught by the bad guy, right? The man gets hung up and down and somebody takes a soldering iron to his ball sack. Like we get we get our fingernails pulled out with with with linemen, dykes or needle nose pliers. We get the shit beat out of us. The women have tons of sex. Think about it now.

[00:36:23]

It's called rape. But what I'm saying is. Oh, Lord. Well, no. Hear me out. You're wrong. Keep going. They just rape.

[00:36:31]

So what if somehow the guy you was dyslexic, he's like, woman, you're going to be hung upside, guys, your fellow, you'll be doing a lot of fucking a lot of fucking. And I'm talking about a different partner every day because that's what dyslexia is.

[00:36:47]

I say, is there anything where the fucking torture what I'm saying is have been so diametrically opposed.

[00:36:55]

What I'm saying is, is if we're both just dudes who are members of al-Qaida, right. You'd go to one room and get waterboarded. I'd go another room would get a battery jumper cables put on my nut sack.

[00:37:05]

But it's not like I'd go another room and start fucking probably say the number one thing.

[00:37:10]

It's probably part of the torture. Guess what you would like to be doing right now. Like no one on a guy's list, even when he's completely free and gets to do whatever he wants is fucking right. That's what you get is a chicken. Every one of these movies, I mean, it's, you know, you get repeatedly raped, but you're technically you're having a lot of sex. True. I'm saying no one can argue with that. They would never threaten a ton of sex with strangers.

[00:37:35]

Maybe the type of sex in a type of circumstance you would hate or would be so excruciating.

[00:37:42]

Oh, that could be arguably some men might be privy to that. Sure, sure. Oh, no. They could come up with a position and a certain fella and a certain orifice and a certain certain objects and certain. Oh, no, I'm not. They could believe me. These people could come up with something that would offend my sensibilities and I would not be a fan of. All I'm saying is they don't come up with bizarre ways to have sex with the chicks.

[00:38:12]

They just have multiple partners and lots of right. And that's in a conventional sexual manner. So and who knows, maybe maybe a position you may enjoy. Right, if it were with George Clooney. So I'm just saying it's weird that if we both get if Alison if you and I both get caught, I'm going off to one room to have bamboo shoots put under my fingernails and I'm getting romance. And you're getting Roman. You mean wine dine in 69 by a whole bunch of fucking eligible guards?

[00:38:41]

Yeah. What if it was the other way around?

[00:38:44]

That's all I'm saying. When someone pointed me when he's going to fuck a bunch strange Fairpoint, we're relatively young and in pretty good shape. National Guards young eligible guy really plays hard, right? That's a reality show right there.

[00:38:57]

Henchmen are well, Bill, they're usually in their 20s or 30s.

[00:39:01]

Not like I see the cut on that tension against me. Is there a moat at the stairs? There's a screwball comedy in the midst of this. Yes. Two with Adam Sandler playing the female. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Take me.

[00:39:15]

Are you sick with your henchman. Yeah. Mm.

[00:39:19]

I'm just saying these guys that the Hinche if you look at henchman. In movies, look at somebody, I give you an example. I'll prove my point right now. I will do and here you can pull up Roadhouse, Pullup Roadhouse, pull up the dude and the choker who fought Patrick Swayze. He was one of the henchmen who was Ben Cazares henchman guy. He's a guy. That's right. Oftentimes, these guys are pretty fucking easy on the eyes.

[00:39:55]

And because part of your henchman duties is fist fighting and kicking guys in the side of the head and stuff. He spent a fair bit of time in the gym, in the dojo, you know, working out. Let's take a look at this guy. He's got a shirt undone down to his navel. He's wearing denim. Hey, as far as henchman go, you could do worse. You could. All right. So him and a bunch of us, like built friends, want to have sex with you for a couple of like we didn't start with him.

[00:40:19]

That would be like when you really, you know, not when they're trying to break you, it would get worse.

[00:40:23]

I'm just saying that are hung upside down and so on. Put soldering iron on your genitalia.

[00:40:28]

Oh, my God. Henchman all the way. Thank you. Thank you, ladies.

[00:40:31]

Thank you. Yeah, for sure. Game set. Match legal zoom.

[00:40:41]

You guys could sue these henchmen if they ever got it. From what defense.

[00:40:47]

Right. I don't know. What were they doing with a HENSCH. Hmm.

[00:40:50]

Now we have to find out about the HENSCH. You look it up. I'm going to tell you about legal zoom. You can protect your family from the henchmen, protect your business from the henchmen. It turns. You have affordable solutions. You can trust it, legalzoom.com, helping families and businesses get their personal legal protection for 12 years. And since I said that two days ago. Over 12 years.

[00:41:15]

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[00:41:24]

You can get cell phone services at your specific direction or you can speak to a legal plan attorney to get your questions answered and get ongoing advice before another year passes across. A couple of things off your New Year's checklist today at legalzoom.com and save money while doing it. Enter Adam in the referral box and check out for even more savings at legalzoom.com.

[00:41:43]

All right. So henchmen referred originally to one who attended attended on a horse for his employer.

[00:41:53]

There's a horse groom, Hansch.

[00:41:56]

So what horse is Hensch that still doesn't, like, give you the, you know, either way, before you know what? These guys are putting pillowcases on their heads and going around and lynching people. And now we have posse's.

[00:42:09]

It's weird that here it is, 2013. We've got rid of the henchmen, but we kept the posse, although only black people have passed.

[00:42:17]

You know, you're sort of bringing back henchmen, though. I may be bringing it back. Yeah. When I was a kid, I thought it was passé.

[00:42:25]

Yes, I think so. And that's old English. Yeah, it means horse. I like that you said that when the first time you heard it. So someone else said it and you corrected them. It's not when you read it. And you're right. I say you heard it. I see. And went, no, no, no.

[00:42:41]

I did know, I heard, I heard a teacher, you know, teachers who have this habit of using phrases that you have never heard, but they were pretty popular when that person was young.

[00:42:51]

Yeah, I know you're eager for the fray. Exactly.

[00:42:57]

Actually, it was from a teacher that I first heard the term round Hels, meaning someone who's a slut because your heels tip back when you're in another teacher, English teacher would always talk about how if something happens, she's going to round up a posse. Oh, really? And yeah, I think we're going to round up a posse. I don't know what you do with once you have it rounded up, but that's when I was like, oh, that's the word that in my head I've been pronouncing posse all this time.

[00:43:22]

Used to be a stand up comedian. I don't know who it is. I remember seeing on TV when I was a kid, it made me laugh and he said he was explaining the posse and he's like, everybody, everybody get in, get him. Gather round, get in the center of town of guaran. All right. Now spread out.

[00:43:37]

Of course, the last one I heard that I was 13, but I still thought it was funny to good bit the.

[00:43:46]

It is a good bit. All right. Where the fuck were. Oh, by the way. Horse specifically. Stallion. So you're having sex with a stallion while I'm being tortured in the next room. That was the best one to have sex with. Horse wise. Horse wise.

[00:44:01]

I like to bring it back henchman. Instead of being your sidekicks, we'd be your henchman. Yeah. And women. Yeah.

[00:44:06]

I need you have sex with women I capture. Oh. If I must get to ride horses to work. Yeah. By the way the henchmen, you know the part where you're throwing yourself in front of bullets and arrows and stuff like that. That's the bad part. Sure. But the part where you get to rape repeatedly, the hot chick who they've captured, that's got it. There's got to be a line at the you know what I mean?

[00:44:30]

Like, you know, like cops like LAPD when they draw the bad stuff is going down and work in the gang crash unit down in South Central. But the good one is working on the sets of the movies that they're shooting at. Right. We're just leaning first one in line at craft service and sitting on your fucking hog all night just doing that.

[00:44:46]

That's a good first henchman. Duties go. Yeah, that's taken a bullet for the man. Not not not a good gig. Rape and Catherine Zeta Jones. Right.

[00:44:56]

Right. Pretty great. Washington. A Kerry Washington. Yeah, it's pretty good gig. Do they have to tell their girlfriends like like when it's actors that it's just work, that they're not into it and stuff.

[00:45:06]

Yeah. Like it's just for the job. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean I had Catherine Zeta Jones.

[00:45:13]

The food was awful. It was a long hours. Look first off.

[00:45:19]

Okay. Yes. I had to come on the tits. That is a signature move of mine. Secondly, how do I know when I'm done. I mean other I'm going to be accused of going half Hansch. You know, I give 110 percent, man. And, you know, the boss finds out that I just gave up, what, half a raping, a light raping Reader's Digest, raping people. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[00:45:42]

Once word gets around the cafeteria, I don't need that kind of bad buzz. That's what happened to Steve. Hey, the Hinche business anymore. Yeah, it's interesting. So I let one go for the team.

[00:45:55]

That's all part of my deal. And when you recite the Hinche oath, it's come comes on the territory of rape, murder.

[00:46:05]

Awesome. And rape. You said rape twice.

[00:46:09]

I like rape joke that could never tell again. But funny first time I heard it in Blazing Saddles when I was ten or eleven years old. All right.

[00:46:20]

Oh Dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then he had plans for you, right.

[00:46:25]

Because he of this guys and just string me. Yeah.

[00:46:30]

Well no, I mean he wanted you to my dad didn't give a shit what I did, but he didn't give a shit what he did either. But your dad gave a shit what he did. Yeah. So he must give a shit he didn't he.

[00:46:41]

No, he never actually talked to my sister or I. I'm an older sister about going into the government. No, but going into something. Right.

[00:46:48]

I'm yes and no. My dad was a painter as well and and he talked to me a lot more about painting. And I still do paint and and I really. Yeah.

[00:46:58]

And I had just started acting when he actually passed away, my professor.

[00:47:05]

And all he painted was miniature cameras.

[00:47:09]

No, he actually painted like all escapism Americana and you know, like it sounds like, you know, like cowboys on horseback.

[00:47:20]

Like this posse. Yeah. Literally escaped right across the front of the persay lot around hills.

[00:47:27]

A lot of that. Yeah. Huh.

[00:47:30]

So I think that's what he did is the sort of other outlet to the other side of that. Hmm. I have charcoal drawings he was doing during the during the Tet Offensive actually.

[00:47:39]

Wow. Yeah. He was in country. Yes, he was in Nam. How many tours you do.

[00:47:44]

I'm I don't even know the details about that one, but part of it I know, but he was in on the Tet Offensive. Oh boy. Yeah.

[00:47:51]

I heard his voice over the radio. I mean read his voice over the radio. Transcripts from when they realize that they're going to be attacked in the noncombat zone. Wow, horrifying. Wow, wow, wow, that that is some really hairy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Anybody never spoke about it? No.

[00:48:08]

No, he didn't. Yeah, no, I found that I do.

[00:48:13]

Well, he's upset he never went to Vietnam, but all he discussed.

[00:48:18]

Well yeah. About being in that time to taking out a whole village with his hands up talking about something called Comfort Girls, which I was too young to really understand at the time.

[00:48:29]

I'm pretty happy you have to do to get by. Yeah. A lot of talk to the smoke pot out of a shotgun barrel and human skull part of a tattoo or Vietnam was he changed when he came back from not leaving?

[00:48:44]

He had a he had a four thousand nine hundred ninety nine yards down. He wouldn't quite get the 5000 yard stare. He said, I'm stopping at four. I said, we're Corollas. We don't go down.

[00:48:55]

Dad, what about the five thousand yard stares for nine nine nine nine son?

[00:49:00]

So you just gotta do it for him to be out of his game. Yeah, just stand at five thousand yards, stare.

[00:49:07]

People call him baby killer when he got back to the States, although he never left Pennsylvania.

[00:49:12]

But but he was really forthcoming with the information enough to draw it out of him or anything. That's true. Yeah. Now he didn't like to talk about it. What I'm saying, he didn't even need flashbacks. It was like right in the forefront.

[00:49:24]

Yeah. Every time he heard a helicopter, he went, huh? Oh, yeah. And they freak out. Yeah. Delayed freak. Yeah.

[00:49:33]

So that's all he spoke up. Mm hmm. All right. Shall we do a little bit. Oh. Oh the news. Yes.

[00:49:42]

But I have to tell you that I just also remembered that I used to think pussy was pussy.

[00:49:47]

Oh. I thought I could be sure. Yeah, that's because I read it in truly tasteless jokes. Mm hmm. And I in my head, I always said I was going to say that Judy Judy Blume book forever, but it probably was not.

[00:49:58]

In fact, I read that too, though, and. Yeah, but now I definitely thought it was passing for sure. Yes. Yeah.

[00:50:04]

To be I wonder what the henchmen have to do when it comes to the rape torture.

[00:50:09]

If you know it's that time of the month or so and or and and after what most of these women have gone through. Yeah. Probably not as fresh as they could be. A lot of horseback riding, a lot of running through swamps and things like that.

[00:50:23]

You know what I mean? Well, maybe it was dress. I mean, if there was already a lot of, like, mayhem going on, they might not be able to tell that that was different. But maybe it was just a mess.

[00:50:34]

I would like I would send in so gross and true. I'd find the guy who was lowest down on the henchman totem pole and get him in there and like, you know, clean up, I'll her kind of thing. And then I would come in and do my business with some industrial douche or something.

[00:50:49]

Yeah. What's the investigative process?

[00:50:52]

Something you get for smart and final and light and low down. Do you mean like you're talking the other segment? Like little people?

[00:50:58]

I'm not a doctor. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Morgan no, no, no. But this rookie was the rookie henchman. You know the freshman. You know, the guys that are rushing the henchman frat.

[00:51:10]

Sir, that guy pledges pledges after guys like that flattener tacit agreement between the rape, the henchmen and the victim or the concubine. There's like a cowboy thing to do here.

[00:51:24]

I tell you what, you act like you've just had the worst raping of your life.

[00:51:29]

Oh, you mean literally they're not feeling so fresh. Exactly. Some tacit agreement. It's like, all right. Pretend like this happened. Yeah.

[00:51:37]

Or what about the rare gay henchman who's been sitting on the secret for a long time, huh? You know what I mean?

[00:51:45]

Yeah. It'd be like a great Ferdinand the bull style. He just he just won't rape and he'd have to make excuses, like he'd be like, oh, man, I'm all right now. I'm old, tired from rape and I'm all shaved in time for you. Go ahead. Still, Brad, you know I can't get enough rain. I mean I mean, man, like, Mr. Rain is so lucky I didn't spend a long weekend rapping, otherwise I'd be on that shit.

[00:52:11]

You know, I tap that shit, but I pulled the pulled my groin pretty good.

[00:52:17]

I mean, they make fun of it. But I was so raping women. Yeah. I was raping so hard, you know, even naked.

[00:52:26]

Yes. I just yeah.

[00:52:27]

I just, I pulled a muscle. But you know what, you guys go ahead and rape without me. I'll be gone without me. I'll just hit clean up in the rape department, gun rape away and then you know who's going on a kookery run or something. I'll meet you guys over there. Don't worry. I'll give a good rapist.

[00:52:47]

Oh, believe me, I'm jealous. I'm very jealous of all of that. Yeah. Yeah. And I could get in first, but first off, it'd be nothing left but. I was done with it. Go ahead, go ahead. And Frank, you mind if I stare at your ass in the back of your ball sack while you're open just to pick up some rape tips? Just just because I'm just spotting you spotting for a guy who talks a good rape, you don't do a lot.

[00:53:12]

And, you know, I just I'll just cup your nuts here. Take a little pendulous weight off there. Let's get you right on. Just a little bit better for a guy who talks a good rape game.

[00:53:20]

I'm not seeing you do a lot of raping. I've heard you talk about raping a lot.

[00:53:25]

A lot. Mm hmm.

[00:53:27]

Yeah, I know you, I believe, saw the colt round up calendar hanging my my henchman locker and a lot of questions about that.

[00:53:37]

A lot of questions about. Well, first off, I don't look at the nude pictures of the dudes. I just look at the actual dates. And a calendar is calendar to me, number one.

[00:53:44]

Number two, the whole ball cupping thing that is that I'm helping you rape. You understand this just like look, you know, when we go to the gym. Yeah. And occasionally I spot you while you're doing bench press and sometimes my balls fall in your mouth. That's not gay. I'm spotting you.

[00:54:02]

You understand individually you're making a good case for each one of these things.

[00:54:06]

But you have to realize to altogether, OK, you can make a case. I will occasionally have sex with a dude. Why? Who's harder to rape than a dude? I'm just kidding.

[00:54:19]

I'm building to think I'm honing my boning and raping skills on a dude. Know what I mean? Like, if you're user, I'm saying here's something. If you're middleweight, you should be sparring with light heavyweights in cruiserweight. So those guys are bigger than you. They pack a bigger punch. That's an order to get in shape for the guy who did. So my thing is like I rape dudes in order to build up my rape stamina so that this one hundred and twenty pound chick does nothing.

[00:54:48]

It's a fucking rape in the park for me.

[00:54:51]

I thought about that one. I'm right.

[00:54:53]

Yeah, it's like a batting donut. Like a rapping. Don't come in on deck. Circle the extra weight. I'm not going to go up to the plate with the extra weight on the bat, but in the back bat, make it feel heavier and then it gets lighter of the second half of the dude. And I know I know you walked in on the dude was giving it to me in a keester and that I don't want to discuss.

[00:55:18]

Now, I was going to ask you about that, but yeah, I was going to pursue the issue further. Let's not know that you make a good case against it. Yeah, I can let it go. You know what?

[00:55:26]

I feel like we've been doing a lot of talking about rape, but not so much rape it, sweetie.

[00:55:32]

What she she even she agrees that she feels like she's being ignored here in this rape. It's a good point.

[00:55:38]

And when she agrees, you know, let's get back our law. I'll lock up you nut sack and I'll meet you. Cookie, you're not going to do the raping? No, I am going to do the raping. When you guys get a head start start, you head out. All right?

[00:55:51]

I mean, that's really cool. Again, a very cool of you to do it. All right.

[00:55:54]

Here we go. Sarnies.

[00:55:56]

Yeah, the news with Alison Rosen. Well, let me hit NetSuite by Oracle, America's ready to get back to work, but who's going to win this new economy? I mean, you need every advantage. We've had time to study it and we got to come back. Strong, smart companies run on NetSuite by Oracle, the world's number one cloud business system. With NetSuite, you have visibility and control over financials, H.R. inventory, e-commerce and more.

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All in one, all in one place, all under one roof. And by the way, that roof is your roof. It's on your phone. It's on your computer. Whether you're doing millions or hundreds of millions in sales, NetSuite lets you manage every penny and give you the agility to compete with anyone and work from anywhere. Just do it from your own phone. It is NetSuite by Oracle, right? Dorsum.

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[00:57:18]

2013 was a great year because also that's when we had the butt plug connoisseur from and 11 76 from October of 2013, another ACE Awards nominee, it turns out Adam has a relationship with but we didn't know about. And he knows a lot more about them than we ever could have imagined.

[00:57:37]

Check it out. YouTube is changing the way that they do their commenting system right now, just whoever does the most recent comment shows up at the top of the commenting thing under a video.

[00:57:51]

But they are going to use several factors to determine what pops up. So, for example, post by the video creator or popular personalities, that would be us, you guys post with engage conversations, post from your Google Plus. Friends will appear at the top of the stream. So it'll be different for different people looking.

[00:58:09]

Would you take a happy filter on your computer like they talk about filters on cable TV or satellite for the children? Would you take a happy filter if you put something up on YouTube? Let's say you want to see people's reaction and say, do fuck this fucking sucks willcock douche.

[00:58:29]

And that's the first one you can actually you'll be able to filter out certain keywords like Willcock Cock to only the Coxe. Yeah. Willcocks Commonwealth and dish.

[00:58:40]

Oh I would be, I would be tempted to but then I'd be like, no really. I should just get used to willcock and dish cock.

[00:58:47]

Mm hmm. So that then I'm not vulnerable if I'm without the filter but I would be tempted.

[00:58:54]

Yeah I'd be tempted to because I think they to limber up for Willcock.

[00:58:59]

Well how do you start training though.

[00:59:01]

Well you start with another wall or one of the smaller. Well, variety I think. Of course, I think the new arrivals find out the average blue whales are actually smaller.

[00:59:13]

You know, I think blues are huge. Oh, are they. Yeah, blues are the biggest.

[00:59:17]

Thank you. Thank you. I didn't make them. Yeah. You don't start with the blue whale. Oh yeah. The blue whales. The big sperm whales. A big one too. I think the blues, the biggest of all there. But Norwell now that's that's a whale you could start with. And then you were feigner your work your way up like you know, like, like, like graduated, you know.

[00:59:38]

But it's not that I know a lot about that business and a fair bit about, you know, a little bit I don't.

[00:59:44]

Well I know obviously I know the Lucite graduated but business but I wouldn't know, you know, other compounds. Mm hmm.

[00:59:53]

These are not terms the average person would know, especially about butt plugs. Look, the fact that the average butt plugs is seventy seven millimeters tall and weighs three point two ounces is the kind of thing that I do feel like most people know.

[01:00:06]

I, I consider myself pretty well read and I don't I don't know that I've never encountered that information. I didn't even know what I don't even know what they're made.

[01:00:14]

I don't sit around and talk about the circumference of the average, but plug forty one point two you just did. Mm. That would obviously be. Well, actually, that's the width circumference if you want to just cover the circumference, that's seventy two point two two millimeters, which is roughly two and 13 sixteen's.

[01:00:35]

You're making up these numbers with the mark. I mean, I took geometry. Never, never learned that. I'm not some kind of fucking weird but plug fan. Yeah, I got a couple of rolled around my car, but that's no big deal. Several of them came with the car. A Yes, I supplemented, you know, the original. I just bought a car and I did not receive a plug option. Should I go back to the dealer.

[01:00:58]

OK, now, you know, first off, this comical that you guys are accusing me of being a fan of.

[01:01:03]

But like you just you seem to know a lot about inversed. Maybe there was a butt plug or nine in the glove box when I got the car or maybe I put them there. I don't know. I don't remember the differences important at this point. And maybe. Yes, there's a couple in the rear. Pardon the pun. And said break down. And how would that be helpful? Because I cannot get to my Shilov, but plugs that I keep in my home, OK?

[01:01:32]

OK, and I may be waiting several minutes up to an hour for the valet guy to come. And oftentimes, because I've checked, those guys do not carry body plugs and the ones that do mum's the word. You know, it's not something they brag about. Well, you know, I had to go down to use my app to find the closest butt plug emporium. For instance, I could be walking through a very, very dicey part of the neighborhood, looking for the butt plug emporium for Herb, who runs the manager.

[01:02:06]

Although he doesn't work daytimes, he works night shifts at the Butt Plug Emporium. That's off of Receipted. That's that's cattycorner to the huge market. Used to be huge. It's Albertsons. Now all you're giving me your both your tone. I don't like your tone is what I'm saying. We're just but we just think it's interesting. We think it's interesting that you have a beautiful view of a silo. And I know. I know. I know.

[01:02:31]

But well, first off, it's not a large size.

[01:02:35]

So it's come in many different sizes. Yeah, it's a medium to large silo, but it's not a ginormous. So, I mean, how many butt plugs are in it?

[01:02:45]

Well, first off. Are what butt plugs are we talking about? We talk about the insertion of the mouth insertion or the what?

[01:02:53]

Well, there's obviously the ones that are inserted through one's own hand.

[01:02:58]

And then there's the mounting ones, the ones that come with the, you know, the ones that have a base, OK, that what you do is you take.

[01:03:06]

Well, I would take a I mean, one would take a warm bath, sitz bath oftentimes dilate, you know, the area and then now don't obviously not all water soluble loops were created equal.

[01:03:19]

So don't just go, you know, to, you know, Joe Blow water soluble lube place and just grab whatever's closest to the door, step up to something that's, you know, if it if it's if it's less than five dollars, don't even know him, pick it up. And then what I do is I'll put it in the microwave with the butt plug the plug.

[01:03:43]

Yeah, well, not together because we have the lube. Don't make that mistake. First off, it's too fiscus if it comes out at room temperature, but when you heat it up, it'll slide right off the bat. So what I'll do is I'll warm up the pot, plug in the microwave.

[01:03:55]

Thirty three seconds, not times too long while I immerse it in water. Smart. And then the water heats it up because otherwise it just doesn't hold up.

[01:04:06]

Well, I mean, it'll work for the first 1500 times you do it. But long run if you really want to get your use anyway, it's an instant investment in you.

[01:04:16]

Right, right. And the fact and I know you guys are going to go, but Adam, if you're not so into butt plugs, why did you have your car seat removed and a butterfly put in its place?

[01:04:27]

I was going now that's that. I was thinking that, too. Yeah, that seems that seems like the first activity of someone who's very, very like, do you know, what are you doing? When do you have children? Then you don't know anything about safety or being a father.

[01:04:39]

Do I feel like I know something about safety? Regardless, I can tell you've been a father. You don't realize how important that role is.

[01:04:46]

I mean, we both have fathers. We've known a lot of fathers. Let me say this. I'm driving along, hmm, I'm just sitting in your conventional death seat, as I call it. And all of a sudden head on collision through the windshield. Yeah, but with butt plug, quick contracture anchored, not going anywhere.

[01:05:09]

Can I just be the first to say that your story of why you're not really into butt plugs that you just told us really checks out and really holds water. And I would like to be the first to apologize.

[01:05:19]

I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I've never heard. Like I'm got what? But what is that what are those two words put together? I've never heard of that. And I'm not going to sit here and do that. Yes, I've heard of butt plugs. Yes, I have a membership and a butt plug of the month club. Yes. I own a chain of stores throughout the United States itself. But plugs yes, I have many of the molds of the prototypes that have been brought over from parts of Asia that I use to make my own butt plugs.

[01:05:49]

Yes. As you can find me oftentimes in the Butt Plug Museum, which is in Rochester, Minnesota, by the way, that New York. Yes. Can find me Securitas about in. Yes. I admit to all that money in Dubai flogs. Hardly. So you're home, Pleuger. That's right, Nancy. That's the news and that also resonates if it comes. That was the news with Alison Rosen, anal beads, Enzyte, everybody forgot about them thinking, man up there, huh?

[01:06:27]

Hmm. You want a little erectile quality now? It's not the quantity I keep explaining. It's the quality. Yeah. Enzyte I'll tell you one.

[01:06:37]

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[01:07:27]

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[01:07:36]

Enter not just because I commissioned a dirigible shaped like a butt plug. Again, these are and intend to fly it over the Super Bowl this year. If you were just this, this seems like a casual relationship.

[01:07:50]

Butt plugs like you wouldn't be doing this. You don't think so? I don't mean to accuse. Will you sure sound like it. Monkey nipples. Oh yes.

[01:08:01]

There's a strong air of accusation in your voice. I, i ay. Long as I've watched God's green earth, I've never met someone who's done all this. Am this close to taking the two buck plugs I currently have in me and removing them and putting them in my ears.

[01:08:16]

OK, you eye to eye kind of often. Are they in succession or are they side by side.

[01:08:21]

They hand them, they, they start off randomly. Obviously I'm not a weirdo, I'm sorry for implying. But throughout the course of the day and weekend, yes, they can shift around like luggage in an overhead compartment. Oh.

[01:08:36]

Like the announcement. Please be careful when you open like a conscience may have shifts just to shift the shift. Replace content with.

[01:08:43]

But Plotka OK. And yes, they go in sequentially like a train but oftentimes come out. Yeah.

[01:08:53]

Like Siamese twins if there's turbulence. Yes.

[01:08:56]

OK, and I'm this close to removing those two using my butt plug squire that I keep with me at all times.

[01:09:05]

Germein Now I'm this close to summoning Germaine to remove these butt plugs in place in my ear so I no longer have to hear the lies.

[01:09:13]

Yes. That you Lévy told me about you being way too worried about plugs. Yes.

[01:09:19]

No, it's no judgment. Yeah. I mean to each his own. It's fine if you are. Yeah. Hey, congratulations on your anger. If you had a good understanding tone, now it's going to get me to open up about my pet. I mean, my. Passing interests by, passing interest for but it's not the fact that you tell me it's OK, I've seen hey, I've seen the good bad luck bad.

[01:09:44]

But Pug moved on many times with the cop going, you know, I understand you get a little upset at your old lady.

[01:09:49]

I just want I just want to know you and I want to know what you're into. And it seems like pugs are high on the list. Look. Again, people assume that because a guy has a dreamcatcher fashion of potlucks, that he hangs above his children's bed, that because he sleeps in a bed that shaped like a butt plug and because he has, again, a medium to large size Silah and seems like a safe assumption that he is into it.

[01:10:19]

Well, you would be wrong. And that's why you don't assume, because when you assume you make an ass which is quickly filled the pop out of you and me.

[01:10:29]

I've learned a lesson here today. That's right. Getting so worked up about it. For someone who's not super in about plug's, I will.

[01:10:36]

And by the way, I don't threaten women because that's not my way. But I'm this close. The lifting up the front of my shirt, hitting the ice cream man change dispenser that I've had modified all but plugs and pulling one out and casting it at you right now, OK?

[01:10:51]

I don't think that's necessary. OK, I see. OK, fine. You're not into butt plugs.

[01:10:56]

Will it be a suction cup variety? Will it be a free hand you just want. I don't know. I didn't know anybody in that variety is going to make that a surprise for you, OK? Oh, yes, I look forward to being hit with a bug and I've got to change your modified change belt.

[01:11:15]

I've got to I just want to say this right now. If Walter Bozeman, the man who pioneered the butt plug, who Walter Posman, Omar Wally Walter Bozeman, the man who pioneered the butt plug in 1871 was here right. Now, I never hear you.

[01:11:35]

I heard it. Oh, OK, everyone, that's a household name.

[01:11:39]

Maybe that's because they don't teach history well in school anymore, but I just I never encountered this Wally Bozeman of the belt of Bozeman, if he was here right now to here with you, this is blasphemous.

[01:11:52]

What comes from the tongues of you to about this Saints product is here US product.

[01:12:00]

He would never stop vomiting into his pocket.

[01:12:03]

Well, thank God he's not. And you say, how do you vomit? Yes, I was wondering. Many of them have cavities in order to accept other bedbugs like this Russian president has been about.

[01:12:14]

Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

[01:12:15]

OK, obviously, those aren't the ones with the suction base. I'm this close call that my good friends at, legalzoom.com. Take you to Al. We want to start a business. Perhaps the emporium I'm speaking of, you use legal zoom, baby. You got a small business, you need legal zoom. They've helped over one million businesses get started and they're ready to help you at. LegalZoom.com, whether you want to launch your small business or your dream baby, save hundreds of dollars, you need them.

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[01:13:13]

But they are not a law firm. OK, again, I am going to go out to plug my bail and I'm going to drive home and I won't pretend this never happened. I understand we will never speak of it again.

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[01:14:26]

Sunu And that clip from 2013. We have one more classic clip of your enjoying these mega classic clips and we're going to end it off with an epic one.

[01:14:38]

This is from 2016 in its Balde Brian with Health Update and Improve Show 1791, the special feature JJ Green. He's not in this portion. It's just Brian Bishop, Jena grad. This is from March of twenty sixteen when they recorded it. Brian has a health update for everybody.

[01:14:56]

Check it out. All right, Brian, health update for you. Well, this has been an uplifting show. Yeah, we had a funeral talk and then we had the guy telling us we're all going to die essentially in the explosion and health update. Usually these are come on. And I said had a scan. Everything is great, blah, blah, blah. Rejoice and live for another three months. I made notes because I don't want to lose my place and I'm a little bit nervous.

[01:15:23]

I've been sitting on this information for a few weeks now. I didn't want to announce anything till 100 percent sure. But know we've had a lot of doctors appointments, a lot of scans, a lot of tests, and there is definitely a new growth. We knew we knew this day was a possibility. We didn't really expect it, but we knew that it was definitely something that could happen. And the doctors are now telling us that it could be five or six months until we meet our new baby.

[01:15:57]

Chris Christie's pregnant. Christie, I know that we are overjoyed and I'm sorry, but I'm so angry. That's good. That's good to hear that. Gary, you don't just shout out the winner. You're Bill. Wow. Wow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Graduation's I hate you.

[01:16:16]

I wanted to do something that was a little different. A little interest. OK. Oh, my God.

[01:16:23]

I'm sorry, but I want to try and do something a little fun.

[01:16:24]

No, listen, I appreciate it is because the first time Brian and I discussed this that it'll be seven years at the end of next month.

[01:16:33]

Wow.

[01:16:33]

At the end of next month, there are five, six months was sort of the overunder on when he'd been when he joined. Richard, my paradise is a paradise.

[01:16:45]

Yeah. So speaking of which, it is actually and I are talking about it because we we everything, by the way, if any listener wants to go back and listen to everything I said is true. We have been sitting on this for quite a few weeks. There have been many tests. As you can imagine, Christie is actually six months along. She's almost halfway done. She's showing a little bit. So you guys will see her at Matt's wedding and see her a little belly.

[01:17:04]

I'll never say that word. Is that what you're telling us? It wasn't a windmill partially. But she also hadn't told her work. And it's a weird thing over there because she's an executive and it's an international company. And she wanted to tell the top first and then tell her team and then so she want to kind of tell them all at the right time. National, she could take three years off.

[01:17:23]

I wish they don't give her the good the good stuff, but it is kind of nice, like we were talking about a second ago, to think that seven years ago, almost we were you, Christine, I had to tell the people that we love and the people that are close to us, this devastating news that changed our lives forever and would probably change their lives. And now seven years later, to be able to tell them life changing news in a good way.

[01:17:42]

Now, this is a really exciting moment for us.

[01:17:45]

This was insemination with or how was this done? So one hundred percent natural. Wow.

[01:17:54]

We dropped several tens of thousands of dollars on two rounds of IVF and several rounds of ILUA and then decided to take December off because holidays and drinking and traveling. And we hosted a big party every year. And it's like, you know, well, let's just take the month off. We'll try we'll do another round maybe in the new year. And when the pressure is off, as well as the cliche, when the pressure's off, that's when that's when things happen.

[01:18:16]

And we had, you know, had recreational sex and resulted in the baby. You make it sound so hot, as you can imagine. Really nervous about, you know, oh, my God.

[01:18:25]

You know, I'm I'm still on chemo or something, you know, Avastin and stuff. And so we did go through every single test we could possibly subject ourselves to blood tests and ultrasounds and everything and everything has come back just flying colors.

[01:18:39]

Our baby is growing at a normal rate and looks great and tender.

[01:18:43]

Baby and do on my birthday suit. Oh my gosh. So it's a pretty it's one of those kind of like, you know, coincidences or whatever it is, the great magnet. But it's like, wow, this is this is a very common achievement day even.

[01:18:56]

Well, I'd say you being around it at that point seven and a half years in is is an achievement day. Good. I still should point out that Big Pharma in Cuba, everyone has access to top notch free health care. Let me finish a long way to go. We're moving to Cuba. Oh, there you go. So adios, amigos. All right. Congratulations. That really feels good. It really feels good. And I got the same thing, which is, you know, Brian's got some health news.

[01:19:29]

And when you started down that path.

[01:19:31]

All right, hopefully later on, you can appreciate it.

[01:19:34]

I'm IRA. I appreciate it. Millisecond after I came out of your mouth because I was that relieved.

[01:19:44]

And that was Brian's epic health update slash April Fool's Day prank now recorded on March 31st, 2016, released on April 1st, 2016.

[01:19:54]

And Brian still says that that wasn't the plan. It just happened that way. But however, it all came about one of the greatest April Fools Day pranks ever. When are you going to go with a brain tumor telling you that he's going to die, that it's really his baby? I mean, come on. Yeah, he really only a dude who's hilarious with a brain tumor can do that. It's not a lot of people. Yes.

[01:20:14]

Props to Bob Bryan. All right. That'll do it for Karola Classics, this nice run of Krul Classics during the break. The Adam Carol show returns tomorrow. So we'll see you there. Thanks again for hanging out with us. And please share this show with a friend and get them on board. So by the time the Crociere returns tomorrow, Aaron's all kada.

[01:20:36]

We'll see you this Saturday for another Khairallah classic's. Enjoy your week. Thank you again for listening. My name's Chris. Laksamana, that's super fan Giovanni and Gal-On.