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Hello and welcome to Kuryla Classic for March 6th. Twenty twenty one, we got some highlights of the Adam Carolla show ready for you. My name is Chris Laksamana. That's my last. I'm executive producer of The Adam Carolla Show. And with me, as always, Khairullah, archivist, superfan.
Geovani, everybody, happy Saturday. Welcome to Carol Classic's. Oh, yeah, we got some listener requests that we could come through with and we're going to kick it off. This one's from Patrick. I take Chris and go really enjoy the show. Thanks for all your hard work. I seem to remember a bit from many years ago in which Adam narrates a herpes medication commercial from the husband's point of view. It was so hilarious at the time and I would love to hear it again.
Patrick, now I found a clip.
It's not the exact one he wants, which I'm still allowed for. So, Patrick, I'm going to find the one where Adam puts himself in the shoes of the unsuspecting boyfriend. He does it a little bit in this clip. And I have another one for you at the end of today's episode. This is Adam Carolla, show number sixteen seventy. We've played portions of this before. Joel McHale, Genographic Brian Bishop. This one's from September of twenty fifteen.
This is close to what he wants, but not quite. It was lissome. Jason, real quick. 28, Oklahoma, what's going on? Hey, Adam, Gina, Bob, Joe. Hey, I was wondering advice on how to tell my girlfriend that I really don't want her to. I just bought a house and her leases expiring on her apartment and two months and she's thinking about moving in. And I'm not too keen on that. Oh, no, you don't.
Sweet talk, are you?
Mm hmm. I remember. I remember. I just thinking about sitcoms like every sitcom theme would be you answer the door smoking a cigar and with your pet donkey and going, oh, hi, sweetie.
We got to figure out a way not to want to move in. And then you go here, come on into the haunted house. Right. And then we have to pretend that the house is haunted or whatever it is. I don't know why that was every sitcom I watched growing up. Jason, in this situation, you're you're three years. They are just under three years. Are you going to marry her? I ask myself that all the time, she's clumsy or physically virginal, I mean, every time I get in the car with her, I turn like a clumsy wife.
What are you trying to say? Why the hell out of me?
Because the way she drives, obviously.
Well, like last week we were riding bikes.
Oh, I'm just I'm thinking about vaginally clumsy. Oh, sure. You know what? Well, I thought it was maybe a euphemism for labia knocked over that lamp that was on the end table with great golden retrievers wagon all over the place, knocking down its prehensile skin, grab things. Her clitoris has vertigo.
I've never heard anybody in her vagina vagina. We were riding bikes. Aha. You got to jump off the bike. Some riding one of mine on bikes to just bust open a huge gash right inside her vagina.
That's called a period. Yeah, I know. She told you a story about the blood moon has gone to elaborate lengths to cover this up.
And so. Yes, so she hung herself.
You guys went mountain biking together?
Yeah. She insists on writing. That's my thought.
That only happened in herpes medication commercials. I know couples actually went mountain biking, kayaking together.
Have you seen that commercial with Kevin Nealon where he's playing golf? Yeah. With Arnold Palmer. Yeah. Yeah. NASCAR driver.
Yes. What are they selling? Oh, some sort of cock rub marinade like rubber.
It's the only you buy it in a powder and you add a dry rub. It's right on the Kansas City Star. Oh, I see. Okay.
Louisiana. But I always said there was a Memphis Dallas.
The worst gig on the planet is not the person on the herpes commercial who's talking to the camera while they're pushing their mountain bikes through the Sequoia's. It's the boyfriend because she has the herpes. Right. She's talking to the camera saying that it's not going to let it slow her down or affect her lifestyle. This dude is the guy who gave her the herpes, right. That was the old guy with the super wide dong, caused all the friction.
He's he's just the cuckolded guy who's pushing the Schwann next to while she talks to strangers about her affliction, who now is essentially a carrier, whether he likes it or not, now has it because they've they're there clearly is the condom.
But he's not on camera. Right. So at least he's concerned as much for the audition process.
Must be now look more concerned, but way too much judgment going on in your eyes when a little things are good now. Not your concern. Yeah. Empathetic, but you're also concerned by your supportive, supportive, empathetic concern.
Let's see that I imagine the costumer and really like try this pair of pants on, but don't give it back to me. That's one of those.
It's more about how many rolls on the sleeve that cashmeres got to go lucke this anice sleeves down. No gag, but it's not rolled up past the elbow gag. It's meant for us to roll. Sort of devil may care. Yes.
Mm hmm. I Jason. Yeah. Yeah. This going to be trouble.
And it's something that I've experienced that most guys who are with someone for a long time experience.
But you have you ever heard anyone say, I'm not sure if I'm going to marry this person because they're clumsy?
No. Oh, right. That's what you said, right? She's hurt like she's hurts herself, not like physically hurt cutting herself or anything like that, but she's just tripping on things, not getting bruised up.
And I think that's called drunk. Jason. Yeah. And then you said when you get in a car with her, you turn sheet white.
Yeah, I have to insist on driving because. Do you feel like there's just a quick sidebar? Do you feel like there's something he's not telling us? Yeah, Jason, we're not sympathetic to your cause.
No, Chiesi. It seems like you're pretty lucky that someone has remained in a relationship with you for three years now. Are you suggesting that he's just not into her?
Oh. Mm hmm. Jason, you need to either marry her or not move and find someone more coordinated, maybe hang out at a track or ballet. Yeah. Yeah.
Janice, Jason, you, by the way, when you let her go, are going to miss the sweet sensation of your cock going into her nostril when she's attempting to give you a blowjob.
You are going to miss that. Mukasey Goodness.
You know what you gotta do. Gosh, I hope he's not fucking tight. All right.
All right. Yeah. Good luck, Jason. I hope I wasn't too insulting.
I think Dionne Warwick is the only nostril I could I could penetrate.
She has. And there's only one way we're going to find that female or and it's on my bucket list. What's your main concern? Not interested in the music. I've been to San Jose. It's not it's not a great place. No, this has more to do with the nostrils.
That clip from Twenty Fifteen requested by Patrick, it was close to what he wanted. Still hilarious. And thank you for writing it, Patrick. Appreciate it. If anybody else wants to request a clip, it's really easy. Just email us. Classic's at Adam Corolla dot com. We're also on Instagram at Geovani, Jorgo at Chris Laksamana one. Find us on Facebook just anywhere in the depths of the Internet. Let us know what you want to hear before we get go.
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This next request comes from John G. He writes, Hey guys, want to request a clip from a March 9th, 2012 show with Deadpool. Yeah, that's very helpful with Doug Benson or Allison has a new story about top ten travel inventions with one of them being the hotel key card. Adam and Doug both begin to riff off how terrible that invention really is. What do we got?
Adam Carolla show seven seventy five featuring Doug Benson, Alyssa Rosen, Brian Bishop. This one is from March of twenty twelve. And I left a little bit of the previous news story and a little bit I'm riffing about people who can't go along with hypothetical questions before they get into this new story. It's hilarious. Check it out. I hate the assholes who won't answer the hypothetical question, don't you hate that ass white lady? It's it's an easy go to to say, well, that would never.
Yeah, I know. That will not. It's hypothetical. Look, I'm asking you fuck your mom or suck off your dad. Come on. I would totally fuck, yeah, yeah, and and like for the that people are like everyone doesn't already know. Are you calling me the asshole? Because I was not me. No, not you. I only said that because I had to answer after's right or agree. He had your unborn child over there, which I don't like the ask wife.
That won't answer the hypothetical question and I don't like the asshole. When you ask them a question, they go, OK, let me ask you a question. Like what? Hold on. Is this some sort of question boomerang? Like you got to answer my fucking question first. I know I brought up the question of questions, but bring up you gotta fucking bring up an answer, right? Yeah. Yeah. Way too much of that going on.
Anyway, this is why I don't like to talk to people very often. Yeah. Cause that kind of shit always comes up. They refuse to answer your questions. They answer your question with a question. Yeah. Most most people are disappointing. I found not you guys. You guys have salt. You guys are always keep the energy going. Yeah. Yeah, people suck.
Brian, I how impressed Michael being was when he came in, he was like he posed that question to is like your mom or your dad. And you answer right away. He was so pleased that no one ever answered before. Well, I'll answer that. I had I had what I thought. Ladies, the best hypothetical question is one where they have trouble answering and then they answer and then they switch back. That's how, you know, you've done your job as the is the questionnaire of the hypothetical question.
The question, duche. Yes, a question, dude.
Here is my my my favorite hypothetical question I think I came up with when I was doing a man show because it's like the fuck around with the chicks and but it works with guys too.
OK, OK, everybody and guys usually have the answer to this, but women it's a little bit tougher. So let's let's let's do a show of hands here.
All the ladies think about the creepiest dude you work with right here.
Yep, that weird, creepy guy that there's always one creepy guy at work, just one super, you see him at the Christmas party and it's like, oh fuck and oh we got a hug. And this is so weird. Complains all the time, wears the same shirt to work. That's right. That here at their. The guy yeah, guy, you just you get that weird move when you have to think about even doing anything physical with that guy, right.
All right. So we all we've all or maybe it was a school teacher, maybe is a college professor. Maybe it's so when you're married to. But think about that dude. We've all met that dude either in high school or college or in the workplace or what have you. OK. You found that dude. We all know that, dude. All right. Now, here's the hypothetical. You either have to have sex with that guy. Don't answer.
Not so fast. A physical encounter with that guy that he will forget about and then no one will ever know about or you don't have sex with him. And everybody, including him, knows you dead. And there's nothing you can do to talk them out of it. And everyone goes, I don't care. I'm not for sale. And I go, What about the Christmas party? What about the company picnic where everyone thinks you just had sex with the creepiest fuck up there in this office building?
How about that? And I swear to God, if I work on a woman hard enough to go fuck it, I'll get drunk because, you know, you got them when they go. Can I drink? Can I not be there when it happens? Yes, yes, you would. Wait, we have one of the greatest guys in the belly. What's up with that guy? Yes. Talk about this all night. Really? That's all you guys have been talking about.
It gets worse. Oh, my friend says, look, we're all straight guys. I love to come back right way when you make the announcement. We're all straight guys. You immediately get downgraded. You get downgraded by. We are all straight guys who work out and have a lot of earrings in Hanson and prefer the company of others straight gentleman, a full time basis. All right, throw it out there so you up, guys, you mean the guy?
All right. I know is say to the likes of you, the guy you suck off dies immediately and no one will ever know. No one will ever know or not. So not suck the day. Everybody that you know, including your father and. I feel like if my dad can say that again, everybody, including your father, knows you suck the dick, even if he did, it's very, very poignant, very poignant. OK, first off, it's wildly homophobic.
That's what I like to do. You suck the old Uncle Dick or not suck the dick everybody knows about. Well, beyond stupid dick is the one you didn't suck. I think I feel like if my dad found out I suck a stranger's cock, it would bring us closer and embrace it. Yeah, yeah. But give us something to talk about. Well, you know, right now it's a lot of how the kids come see my cock that fill up at least an hour's worth of conversation at Dupa might be worth it just for that.
Yeah. So I do it just for the hypothetical conversation with my dad.
And the guy you sucked off, did he did he die because you suck such a mean cock or a.
Was it just a sniper's bullet or how does this work, because I don't need a corpse floating around my apartment. Why is that guy with a boner smiling? Stand up, stand up. Sorry, go ahead. Oh, shit. His name is Doug also. No, I see where this is going. I'll suck you to death. I don't buy. All right, there's a follow up here. He's dead. What's what is the coroner right do on the paperwork as well?
I just hope you don't think I was more like the guy who died died while he died happy is what you're trying to say. So you're good at it. All right. But now, how about the dude? Was he gay or was he not into this? Because I need to work that one out, too. OK. All right. Yeah. So this guy's the straight dude. Just, you know, spending spending the night talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Twenty fifth hypothetical about sucking off a dead guy here man. If he was already dead, I'm totally in. Yeah. As rigor mortis set in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, hypotheticals are always the most horrible question here, by the way. I mean, it's always it's always the most filthy, disgusting thing was here. Wondering how soon do the hypothetical questions and the super gay, sexy, not sexy, super gay sex questions like at what point does it intersect?
Almost immediately. There's no answers. No. Like you could fly on the back of a jock. Yeah. There's no way you got to fuck. Two supermodels need a hoagie, OK. All right. What's my other option? That doesn't sound a very supermodels, six inch hoagies, not a foot locker. It's never that one. It's OK, I guess, on a donkey off in Haiti. OK, well, your mom is filming it, all right?
She's getting fucked by a rhino, right? That's like that Joe Francis video. Right? Right. Yeah, that's all. That's all it is. That's right. That's all. That's how it works.
Jessica Simpson is on the cover of Elle doing that pose that naked women on the cover of magazines do. Uh huh. Do we? I think we have the photo. It's the same one guy in the audience was into it. Uh huh. Well, you can imagine it looks like this. It's it's the fucked out post. Yeah, right. That's how it breaks. Demi Moore did it. Yeah. And this is another one that guys, we need to step up in this department to.
I forget what the diaper department. You know what it's always like a woman is never more beautiful and then the guy has to sit. Right. Says she's hot to me. I'm gonna go beat the girls.
This is a way of saying I can be fat in this picture and my tits are bigger than normal. Right. So let's do this. And I'm sure the thing that all the men are thinking about, look at all the hair she has. Yeah, there's a lot of extensions there. Yeah. Yeah, there's some airbrushing too. Isn't it weird. I find it creepy. Don't you find it creepy. Pregnant women, pregnant, imposing. You know what I mean.
Yeah, it's, it's weird. I don't like to wear the belly shirts where it's all spilling out and. Right. Hide your secret shame from the world. But yeah we get it. You put it out. We get it. That's right. But this post, like I don't think Demi Moore had a hand that was like trying to stop the baby from coming out. I think she's going to try to get a good shot at this stage angle.
It does look like she's feeling herself up, but I think that's just the bottom of her pregnant belly that she's holding. Yeah, it's still weird. I don't know if this should be cut off. Here's your hand over her vagina. No, not yet. Did Lynnette, your wife, take any special pregnant photos? Oh, I took a picture of my balls. They were bloated. You know, they gained sympathy weight. Right. Did you have to put them up?
I took a tasteful picture of me holding my balls back. Yeah, I guess Demi did the hand down there, too, but she seems to be holding her belly, whereas Jessica seems to be like holding her vagina. Yeah, yeah.
I, you know, call me old fashioned, but not necessary, it seems. Seems like a just sort of grabbing for publicity. Yeah. Yeah.
Isn't it. Is a child in publicity. Well I just mean she doesn't she's trying to resurrect her career and trying to get that show off the line where she looks at people or dressed and things and. Oh yeah, yeah. She does have some sort of fashion show. Right. She's on some sort of fashion show. I mean, I, she used to be I used to like around. Yeah. I like her anymore but now she stopped.
Stop liking her. She can rock the mom jeans for real this time because she's going to be a mom. When did your love of Jessica Simpson go away? And I didn't even know that you used to be a fan. I circled that shosha with Nick Maché. You liked her? Well, it was more after I got to know her dad a little better, you know what I mean? The guy I love, a guy is a preacher, but he has frosted tips and an earring and he can't stop talking about his daughter's D cups.
Yeah, really? Like a Bible school that this guy got. Really? What is it his I mean, there's nothing wrong with appreciating the women in uniform who don't. She's your daughter. Is he a Joe, too? He's Joe. Could he he could give Joe Jackson a fucking run for his money. Creepy dad and Ryan, like they should get together and have some sort of creepy dad off over the challenges. Like who can pencil in a mustache to fast.
Yes. Who could freak out. So on an interview, the father says, yeah, who could talk about their son or daughter sexuality, the like, who could just freak out the room and her hair, the father of her baby? You possibly. We don't know. We assume, right? Yeah. He's he's a fucking mess, is he? Where does he live? Seems like he seems like he lives out in Orange County. Sorry, but we doesn't have that.
He's here right now. It's got to be Florida, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Sorry for either Florida or testin. Yeah. The Florida of Orange County. That's right, yeah, yeah, I was trying to figure out if I would take photos like that. And I don't think I mean, I guess the thinking would be, well, my body's not going to live like this for very long.
Oh, you mean the pregnancy? Yeah, I hope it was somebody's idea. I just it's weird. And I always wonder where the husband is because wouldn't the husband like if you're the husband, wouldn't you be like, let's say you're straight dog and you've got someone pregnant, right?
Yes. Stay with me. Hypothetical. So you're done sucking off the dead guy. Right? Right. And now you turn your sights toward a woman. Yeah. And you got her pregnant. And then she said, I want to get naked while I'm, you know, nine months pregnant. Take a picture of me on a cover of a magazine. Just cover my titties up my hand and my vagina with my other hand. Would you be like, oh, we stay in and make a smoothie?
If smoothy is a euphemism for a blowjob, I can yes, yes. Pregnant women go down on you. Yeah. Why not? I don't know. What's that going to do to my future kid? Nothing. But it just seems like all this shit was coming down on me from your penis. It just seems like she'd be like huffing and puffing and it just would orthopedics that bad idea, of course, the orthopedic looking or the beat are going to be a bad idea to give a blowjob to a guy.
I'm not asking you. I'm not asking her. I'm not asking you to go for a run. I'm saying. Sit, it's fucking you is weird because I don't want to poke my own baby. Let's go ahead. And it's not just a blowjob.
OK, so here's a list of the top 10 travel. And I'm not saying at any point in the pregnancy, she said, I'm just nine months pregnant around the time when you should no longer fly.
Mm hmm. Mm hmm. OK. Could be difficult. You get the blowjob on the train. I know I'm confused now, but go ahead. List of the top 10 travel innovations, oh, by USA Today I like of all time or like a recent that inflatable horseshoe pillow that goes around your neck.
There is that money belt. Now, here's number one, the hotel key card. Oh, are you kidding me?
Travel, innovation, nothing more. That doesn't work half the time because they're like, oh, you had it near your cell phone, right? Yeah. Pocket's I had in my pocket, you fucker. Doug's been on the road, as have I. Anybody who's left a gig and has to piss and it's gone to the room on the twenty fourth floor and plug that thing in or swipe that thing in and head the right thing up twenty four times a row and they had to go back to the desk and then had to go get the night manager while you pissed yourself.
Feels his fucking pain. I'm going to fucking 20 minutes on that shit right now. Here we go. I'm going to go get him. First up, this person needs to be hunted down and killed for this. The first thing they do, go get a drink. Give me give me a Miller Lite, which you better think. All right. First problem with this fucking key is they call it, and it's not a cave. It's a fucking plastic playing card.
It's used to separate cocaine. If that used to get into anything, the first thing they do is they don't put the room number on it and they go, well, that's for safety.
I'd rather be ranked in my sleep ten times a year than it was. I'll tell you exactly what. I will tell you how this works. I'll tell you exactly how it works. We will blow in to Seattle tomorrow night. Well, I'll have a couple of beers on the plane. We'll get to the hotel at five o'clock. We'll check in. We'll go up to the room. I'll take a piss. I'll take a nap. We'll go down and do the show.
I have a couple of more beers and then some point at midnight, I'll be in the elevator going up floor eleven are floor twelve. What fucking for my on and what is the room. Thank you. What is the room number. And I will not know because it is not on the goddamn key. And then the second part is when you. Yes. You placing it on your person can destroy it. That's not a good thing. What do you want me to do, get a fucking trailer and drag it behind me?
Oh, you always get that thing at the desk. Why do you have a wallet? Yeah, I do. OK, well, there's your problem. Oh. Normally I use a hat version of my wallet, I just keep all my cash and credit cards on my hand so I can have plenty of magnetized room in my rear pocket. But you're saying. But do you have a cell phone? You have a wallet? Yes, I'm insane.
It's 2012. I have a credit card and a fucking cell phone. I'm a maniac. I'm a time traveler from the future. What the fuck do you want me to do? Like duct tape this thing to the underside of my shoe so doesn't demagnetize? Yeah, I rode down in an elevator with somebody when we were in Sacramento, some chick who had her key gone wrong and my key went wrong. And the other part is they don't clearly tell you which side goes in first.
No, it's some kind of picture, something peisley, a model, a little attitude. And then the two arrows, but not the arrows, just a little white miniature pyramid, not even the shaft. I can finish arrow. This is why it's the same. I don't want to get you off the keycard thing, but it's the same thing with swiping a credit card through those reader things. I never know which magazine tried to figure out which way, which matched up with model of one side.
Make the penis side of the card, make the male side of the card, just make it green, just make the last half inch. So that is the fucking side that is going in. That is the business end and put a little hair around the slot and make it five. That is the side that goes there. And even if your fucking card works, some guy who designed that card said, look, here's the criteria. It can never work on the first try.
Never, ever and always has and always has to be the second or third try, never the first. We can never make the person think this is their room. The first try to plug it in. Pull it out. No, not going for it. Plug it in. Pull out. Oh for this time. Awesome. Whenever I was somebody like tries a couple of times I go let me try like so smart I got to move the next time it works.
Just because it's coming, it's got to happen eventually. It will never work the first time. And it's like you get locked out if you do it too quickly. Yes. You have to wait and it has no heft. You can't feel it like the key you can feel in your pocket. You leave the room with your key. This thing gets tucked into the wall. That is the number one travel number ten travel innovation. Yeah, fuck that person.
Put a forty five on their fucking ass will hunt them down like Salman Rushdie, Corollas, Linksys. Ridiculous. How do you feel about keys like at the dentist's office that are attached to a giant toothbrush. Oh that's OK. Or at certain places where they're attached to a yardstick. I like it. Like I like the schools where they like attach to a snow tire. Yeah. It's like, yeah, yeah. You have to roll your fucking car down the hall, gas, state gas stations, some long wire thing.
It's like an empty oil and like fucking you can do it back alley abortion with it. What by the way, what is going on with AA. What is going on in America where you can't go. I mean I swear to God, I'm working on a pilot for FOX. You go into some nice high rise office building in Century City. You're dealing with all the fucking guys from like Fox or Bento Box or whoever makes The Simpsons and all these places.
And you go to the receptionist and there's like a billion dollar, you know, twenty third floor. And it's all that, all the leather and the stuff. And you're like, where's the bathroom? When they go, you need the key code. Are there gang bangers in there. Fucking take it up. It a clawhammer to the toilet. Like what. There's a lot of rape. Like what's, what's going on. Hobos coming up to the twenty third floor to take a shit like you could just one could just leave it.
I might just put a fucking handle on the back door. They're going to punch in a code. Right. What is going on. You are allowed to enter the reception area without any sort of lock or code or anything. Is there just, just hoards of vandals just raping and pillaging with what is so important in that? Far as I can tell, a bunch of white millionaires who have to take a pass. What is going on in that bathroom?
I've never thought to myself, I feel so much safer. No one's getting in to this room. It's really weird. All right. I am I'm fucking I'm livid about this. This is the worst thing that's happened to rooms.
Yeah, they're worse. I don't even want to read the other women. I want to know what number two is. The smartphone has to help the card. It's helping. Yeah, it's helping traffic. That's where I fucking don't I don't understand when you can when they send you your your airline sends you you're a bar code, you can supposedly pull up on your call on your phone to get on the plane. Right. Like what if you getting fucking reception in the airport where they often have Boingo or Oingo or whatever the fuck it's called, unless you pay for it.
You write reception on. Your phone, like you're just standing there going, well, my phone should have my ticket on it, but bureau for to against actual ticket would have been better. I'm going to go for three. What's on the credit card? The credit card arguably. Now translate that general service. These are not transliterations. And I'm just telling you what, I didn't find it. You're just a stupid argument. What whatsoever for you come up with this dumb whatsoever for hotel jacuzzi's to stay open till midnight, the vending machine.
Oh, you're fucking kidding you. So we've got to cut the fat free oatmeal. Sometimes hotels have that free. Are you kidding me? I believe that.
No, seriously, breakfast is a huge thing when I'm on the road, like the places that have a hot free breakfast. Yeah. Those are the best hotels. Yeah. The the classiest. No, they're not usually. But I was kidding. But they're but I'm the classiest. I'll just get up and go down there and fuck a bowl. Oatmeal. I never know. It's so warm and inviting newspaper they put by the door you get right.
I know that they're going to read that 66 degrees in here till I get to give the option.
Would you like a Wall Street Journal or USA Today? Like, I don't read the newspaper. I'm ready to go. Whatever the smart people are, you know, but over. Thanks for the shoe back, right? Yeah, I travel adapters and convertors is the fourth segment. Wow, man, this guy plays fast and loose. Just you wait digital camera this next. Oh man. He's probably banging the bejesus out of some super hot model right now.
The guy put this list together and now there's a fucking playboy. Yeah. Travel insurance is next.
Travel insurance. That's the biggest scam out there. Now, why would you want fucking travel and say, I thought it was only in Mexico. I like it when they do that thing where they like. We can cover this year for tours for the whole weekend for three dollars in Europe, I don't know. Three dollars in Tijuana. I don't think so. How many pesos is that. Yeah, OK, six million. We're OK. That's one street soft taco.
We're OK. We're OK. Yeah. Online travel booking now is next. That should be up. That should be towards the top.
That, that is a pretty good innovation that you can do it online and not have to talk to an idiot.
They're thinking the same thing. Dead two way street then GPS and then wheeled luggage and.
We'll look at just good, but does it drive you crazy when you see someone with a tiny bag on the end of wheels if they want? Yes, it has to be a fucking real bad. We are on wheels. I agree. And there's always somebody who has better wheeled luggage in me. And I get we like Tyson Ball. We are like, oh, oh my God, that is propelling it. What kind of rack and pinion do you have a gyroscope in there.
Snow tires. It's going up on the wall around me. Go back down again at all to have their back. That makes some tight turns. You know, the asshole with. Yes. Got the all wheel drives. You got the Ford down and he's pushing it along the top. And I'm dragging my shit and it keeps getting keeps me flat tires because it's sucking up my own foot. Yeah. And then I try to balance another bag on top of it and it holds it off and flips it because you go all Ford Explorer like that.
Firestone tires blow out on fire centers. Gravity with well there's that one asshole is pushing the thing completely upright. I don't like that guy. Now this crowd totally does not travel there, just like we live in Orange County. We have no reason to go anywhere. We will come down. It's pretty sweet here. Number 10, travel innovation. This change the face of travel, the jet engine.
The four who wrote this goddamn article, Doug and I are fucking beside ourselves. We're living at this sorry. We're right next to it. And I say person, I mean Gandal. I mean in the jet engine, because Ed received this and was like, great, we're going to run that number 11 is flight. That's right. All right. I put a pox on this idiot. Yeah, that's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Sipek, it can't.
That clip from Twenty Twelve with Doug Burns, it can't believe they haven't changed the hotel key card. I'm still getting those and that clip that improves sound original.
A live recording was a little hot. It was hard to hear anything. I would in recompression normalized everything much more listenable to what we call that mastered.
So thank you for forgetting that clip. A little stepped on it a little just a little easier on the years here before we could go on with our next request. Let me tell you guys about beelines galore. All right. We love flagellar. They've been a long time sponsor of the Adam Carolla Show. Long time. Oh, yeah. And check it out. They got a friends and family sale. All you gotta do is go to blind school or dot com.
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Let's get on with our next request. This one comes from Derek.
He writes, Hey, guys, love the show. But listen, accent's twenty thirteen, so I really enjoy the older stuff that I've never heard before. You've probably already played it on Kuryla Classics, but the improv bit with Kevin Pollak as Christopher Walken in a Trader Joe's and Adam's a TJ's employee is one of my favorites and gets me every time. Keep up the good work. Well, Derek, it's not just you. This is it. And it was an instant classic.
It's a true classic moment and we're happy to play it for you.
We have played before, but not a long time. Adam Carolla show nine fifty four featuring Kevin Pollak, David Wild, Alison Rosen, Brian Bishop, Kevin Doonas, Christopher Walken at Trader Joe's with Adam Girl. Check it out.
I remember like talking on the phone to, like, I don't know, Mike Tyson and someone going, that's not my area, everyone does. Mike and I said, you know how you know, that's Mike Tyson when, how? And I go. It doesn't sound that much like Mike Tyson is exactly trying that hard. And I'll be honest with you.
To me, that's when the impression is fun to do, if I can make them conversational. Right.
I have the queerest Bragge right now, possibly you ever heard, which is if you Google the phrase Christopher Walken impersonation, over 100000 search answers come up. I'm number one. It's the quickest Bragge ever know.
I'll take it. But but one of the reasons I think is that I it's so damn conversational. In fact, I was just on Opie and Anthony and Jay Moore, who was the first person I ever saw to it was on the show.
And he said, when you and I start doing a podcast now called Talk and Walk, and it's just I'm rambling in search of a line for an hour or so, and it's the stupidest shit you've ever heard in your life.
We you, Christopher Walken waking up who in a hotel room, Apu, who would they wake up? Oh. Oh, you tell me.
Well, it's got to be one of your characters. Well, so I have to do both sides of every conversation you don't want me to talk to. I mean, that's got to be fake. You're right. You're going to ruin it. I'll ruin the whole thing.
Yeah. No, well, here's the thing. Ah, let's just say it's Christopher Walken walking into.
Trader Joe's, I mean, it could be anything. Again, I just want the conversation, right, for walking. All right. Can I work at Trader Joe's? OK.
Excuse me. I had to be honest. I notice, first of all, is Joe here? Trader Joe's is what I'm asking.
No, he's not. Well, that's just the name we like. You know, Ralph's the supermarket. There's no Ralph. Well, there probably is, but he's not there, right? You're not going to find them?
Well, I'm not. I figured Joe would be operating if he were.
No, that's just that traders like just sort of a name for old timey guys who would move, you know, like merchants.
All right. Well, I'm going to set aside how crestfallen I am at this information. But I had a question about the bananas come here every day, right?
I like the store. Yeah. Your selection of nuts is insane. Yeah, we are a lot.
And I've never I had no idea such a variety of nuts were available in the world. But you got them here on foreshocks. It's a point of pride for us. It must be so the love deadzone, by the way. Thank you.
The bananas are always green. Yeah. So my question is to you, if I may.
I was going to ask Joel. You say he's not here.
Well, no, he's not. He's never I mean, I think he's dead. Like, I don't know if he exists. I'm sorry. Not I don't I don't I'm not related to bring up a bad name.
I've only been working here for like seven weeks, so. Oh, oh, yeah. It's just called Trader Joe's.
Well, if you want me to show you around, I'd be happy. I'm pretty familiar with. But here's the thing, though.
The great some people don't care for this. I find it sort of enjoyable. They move shit all the time and never in the same place.
Well, we we've we take popular items. We move them toward the front of the store and that keeps that sort of stuff.
He's pretty practical Easter egg hunt feel to it. Well, we don't have that's why our stores are fairly, fairly small in size. Like you can access almost everything. And the reason the bananas are green, by the way, by the time you get them home and I recommend well, a little tip. You don't mind. I would have put them put them in a brown bag, put them on the countertop and they'll ripen very nice. Well, this is my question.
But if we if we get them when they're ripe, they'll be brown by the time the consumer comes in here.
You name again. I'm sorry, Steve. Steve, there's got to be a middle ground with the banana.
Yes, because my question is why must my groceries ripen on my counter? Well, seriously, grow your shit before you sell it. Well, no, we we buy well, first off, it's something called bruising. It's probably too technical. They bruise pretty easily once they get to a certain point. But now if they do Brown, though, you can make a wonderful banana bread out of them. We sell some of the mix and I love it.
I would rather you have bruised than green.
Yeah, I can't do anything well, but at times I want a banana the next morning and.
Right. That's not it. I don't want to.
I really feel weird telling you your business miss so bad.
But what I think you should probably do is, you know, buy our bananas like your, you know, like shopping for, you know, an anniversary or graduation or something that's going to take place, you know, the following week. You know, they will so so some forethought goes into the purchasing of our bananas. You can go buy the aforementioned Ralph's if you want to get the ones you can eat today.
So you're saying is if I if I'm hungry, I shouldn't come to Trader Joe's?
Well, no. If you're if you have a hankering for nuts and another town at home. Alright, I didn't mean it. Come out that way between the bananas and the nuts.
It's starting to really I think, go in a direction er people know that I do on occasion have a hankering. I started as a chorus boy.
I don't know if you knew that as a dancer on Broadway.
No I didn't know. I didn't know. It's true. It's true.
Yeah. So yeah. I mean I was walking please. I'm like I said, a big fan. Right. But my I don't I'm not Joe as we've established an audience.
Right. I can tell and I have I have to kind of get back to work to do well. Yeah. Kept you from you know, it's been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure. All right. Yeah. Can I ask one more quick. Yeah, sure. I know all ears because I can't find the pork.
Pork. Yeah. They've got season the marinated pork wrapped nice.
It's it's fresh. I can never find it. Yeah. Because again they move this shit like every other day I come in a lot.
So you know the, the marinating pork is I know we have a chilled meat section.
That's right. That's next. That would be next to a dairy section. That's at the end of aisle nine.
It's not that's just where I came from. That's the startling lettuce. I'm not I don't want to bring it up. I don't want to. If it was that obvious, I don't want to know where it would be in the hall. You're a liar, but.
Right. I didn't see it. You see it again. It's sounding very homoerotic. This whole stocking of pork and the nuts and the bananas. We have a smoked. I dunno if you've tried our smoked. Turkey, we have a slice, deli style, very thin, like his, I recommend it highly. Here's my question about your smoked turkey, if I may, and then I'll let you get right back to your choice. Yeah. Can I eat it now?
Yeah. Unlike the bananas, you can eat a smoked turkey and see a wonderful reenactment.
Well, you wouldn't be perfect to come on talk and walk and people want to look it up on iTunes, I spell walk and I like talking so his family can't sue me.
I would love to and I love him. It is much funnier when it's just come from. You're not trying. Yeah. Yeah. Not burning tons of and calories. Yeah. Gunwalking and don't burn the calories.
That's a good way to put it. And it does, it feels, it just feels like it's, it's a lot more interesting I guess is what it was.
That clip from 2012. We've had a few Christopher Walken impersonations throughout the history of the podcast, but that one is definitely an all timer.
Jim or Kevin are considered the clubhouse leaders with that impression. And I think there's some a little bit of, like, friendly rivalry with whoever did it first and who's doing better or who's more nuanced. I find I like both for different reasons.
Well, if Jay wants in on the action, he has to actually make it to our studio.
Hey, man, how is he supposed to keep gas in a brand new car? That's true. Yeah, those things help run on. It evaporates, man.
Yeah, well, we all we all realize that now. All right. Let's go with our next question is from Jeff Al. He says, Love the Hillhouse reenactments of Dana Gould usually would be laughing out loud at work on my earbuds and looking like a maniac. Any of them are good. There was one where they were in a park with a park ranger, not the one where they ride the gondola to the top of the mountain. Any of them are great.
Those to just want to hear one, please. All right. Jeff Corwin, this is Adam Groser.
Twenty six 13 Benegal Geographic. Brian Bishop. This is July twenty nineteen. And they go to a park in this one and maybe the one he's asking for. Let's find out. I love driving through trees, a ceiling filled with baseball hat. Oh, boy, here's the place to get socks. Get ready for an adventure. It's time to go. Digging for Buell's Jewels. Carolers is excited on the Adam Carolla Show. Just love it. I love when he just marvels.
Just love when he goes. That dog is eating an avocado and the guy's like, yeah, they fall off the tree, gets the dog, will eat poop. Wow. Yeah.
I feel like if you do eat if like if you've already signed off on eating other people's poop off the dirt avocados not that far stretch. I will mix for my dog. I will mix like dry food and wet food and and then I'll put it in the microwave and I'll kind of warm it up for him. Right. And then they kind of sniff and walk away. Then they get into the cat box like, oh, I see almond trees like well it's not cat crap, but I guess I'll eat.
It'll do. All right. We have the intro where he sets up the adventure. We have that area.
Well, hello, everybody. I'm Huell Howser. Get ready for an adventure. And this just isn't any old adventure either. This is an adventure about something that's very old, very tasty. Steam is involved. Brand is involved.
We're talking about conscious dromi pastrami.
Oh, whenever it's very old steam is involved, a glass coffee table is involved and the March of Dimes comes into play.
Maybe St. Jude, but. Oh yeah, you're right. It is. Well that girl, that girl comes into the above the line credits of that girl.
Dana, I've repeated this story a few times. It's been a number of months.
I have I by law half the time I love a ball.
Bryan, I have to tell the story about the incursion. Yeah, but kind of ties in, so. Yeah.
Yeah. Related to Don Kirshner of Doncasters Rock Concert, you know, although I.
I don't think so, but maybe but she was God. She's of the family for her grandfather standing on her.
She was the line producer on your first hand was like Marlo Thomas. OK, right. And was that girl. Was that girl and who wrote Free to be you and Me. Right, right, right, right. We were standing around her with Jimmy, Daniel Callison and myself. And for some reason I remember I can remember Sarah Silverman, I think was there. And we just did a table read and we were all standing around her and everyone was finding out who she was and that her who her grandfather was and who her aunt was.
And everyone was simultaneously heaping praise on her like, oh, free to be you and me. Like you like I just played that album for my daughter. Yeah, right. You know, it's great. And your your your your grandfather's done so much for the St. Jude's and and blah blah blah and everyone. It's a it's a love fest around. This person we've discovered is the Andy Griffith Show.
Was Danny Thomas pretty well that may have come up and anything else come up of interest?
Well, I'll tell you what happened. What was her name? Dion Dion. No, Alan. Pam Adlon. Pamela Adlon then just stepped into the conversation and went like, what's all the hubbub about? And she played my wife in the sitcom. She, like, stepped in it. Did you know Don Kirshen? Did you know Danny Thomas is her grandfather?
And she goes, What's up with the glass coffee table?
You know, then because it makes it worse and I don't know why.
Pam then yelled, Oh, my God, what did I say? I can't believe I said that. I, I know. Which makes it worse. The person I can't believe I said I'm so sorry. I said that. I'm so sorry. And then Diane has to go. No, no. We hear it all the time. I hear. No. Well, she's trying to soothe the separation. She's such a nice person. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so uncomfortable.
And boy, did this conversation show how it's worked. There's a very similar story, just like when you when you there are a few occasions where you go, oh, God, I'm glad I'm not that person. And usually it's I am that person. So it's like, wow, I'm not that person. But I wanted to crawl out of my own asshole and slip away.
But this one was when Paul McCartney was married to Heather Mills, who had a amputee. Yeah. Prosthetic. And none of Paul McCartney's friends like Heather Mills, she was apparently not a pleasant person. And they're. Derisive nickname for her was Peg. Sure, so they go to Largo to see John Brion and then after the show they're all in the kitchen and it's like all these L.A. students like Jim Keltner. And then this is Musician's musician Paul McCartney is there with Heather Mills.
Leonard Cohen's there. Whoever's there all talking in the kitchen. There's a Louis Vuitton bag left in the back booth that they were sitting. And the waitress picks it up and she goes she goes to the ticket. She goes, who's this? And somebody in the group, because I must be pigs. And this is just good.
Excuse me, Peg, is this your bag tag? Oh, man, she's huge. Steely Dan fan. The only way that young waitress could have worked her way out of that. That one. I love this guy. All right. Heel. Sorry. So he also does a lot of official theme of strapon play. Let's keep going. He does a lot of outsourcing because he'll go like I'm standing here with and then he'll put the mike on the guy, Neil Abramowitz, the head director, clearly shit.
He didn't want to have to commit to memory, you guys. Well, yeah, this is where the guy could just as easily say, well, we make bocce balls stay.
Right. So he just does that. All right. What's it what is pastrami is fuels. Next next course you go.
And what is pastrami? I love pastrami, but I'm never sure what I'm eat. Different parts of the world use different cuts of meat here in the United States. Generally in California, we use Navales comes from the stear, a two thousand pound steer. You'll get approximately a three or four pound navel, one piece of pastrami out of a 2000 pound piece. Cal, you're kidding. So it just comes out of that one little part of the steer.
That is correct weight. But you're unable as a whole. Mm hmm. So how can you get meat from a hole? Because I've never in my life and I have traveled the world, thought about putting meat into a hole in any capacity. Really.
So how could you then get it out? My whole thing is this is a riddle wrapped in an enigma.
Mm hmm. Yes. Interesting. And why is it pastrami filled with lint if it's all navel? Yeah.
There should be lint or grime. Hmm.
Whewell sees pastrami. It's the next clip.
OK, here we go. Open up the dough. Oh, we are looking at some beautiful pastrami. Aren't when did is this very beautiful. With very good sirups. Very nice and tender. And now how long is that been.
Has that been cooking in there. Steaming in there or what. We steam our pastrami here langurs for about three to four hours on a daily basis. What's in here. We have corned beef and. Oh that's corned beef. Oh corned beef here and dromi here. Yes sir. Boy, look at this. This is absolutely beautiful. Now what do you do. You take a piece of it out of here now here with this what with the customer's head into the tender.
He's so corned beef like it when the camera's off. Is he just off like you know, it's like all right guys, I'll see you tomorrow. We can't move the trucks. There's a UFO landed. All right, great.
Well, call me when it's no UFO from outer space. It's landed on the truck. We can't move anything because of the Magnus's garage. I'm going to go and have a lollipop. That's what a job.
Or you just explain the super obvious, like, you know, so you take it out of the warming bin, you put it on the butcher block, you use a knife to cut it into strips and placed those strips on top of a bun. How the fuck else with this market? Oh, how else would this possibly work? Oh, no. We bring everyone around. We tell them they're on the honor system. They can take as many bites out of the log, a pastrami as they want and place it back.
And then we give them a bun as they exit like a yes. That's how sandwiches work. You'll have sandwiches are made. You question, do you believe the CIA used to push people out of airplanes whatnots?
I'm just musing potentially controversial. Pastrami, fantastic. Corned beef.
Gross, huh? Bring men dry. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Pastrami. Fantastic. Give it to me all day.
I like a nice plateful. I like a nice play. Corned beef hash.
Well, Jews and Irish, we love the I have a corned beef and a long time. I like corned beef, I like all beef but I agree pastrami is better. But I'd have to go to arts and just order corned beef and order pastrami really render. But I like here like pastrami better but I'm not grossed out on corned beef. No. Here's the winner. Move. Get the Reuben. The pastrami Reuben. Nah.
And the guy. That runs is on Russia. He's like right out of central casting. He looks like he should be telling you this. What, you're going to die tonight when you come into my casino counting numbers. If I let you walk out of here, every casino owner in town thinks Jimmy's weak. And I get up on thinking, Jim, this is not personal, but you've got to dig a hole.
This is you'll get homo homoerotic about pastrami, not you will. It was about me.
Look at this. Working for langurs here. Oh, my gosh. That is just a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful piece of meat right there. Stayman It smells good. It's tender. It's going to make a lot of people happy today. You widen out and he's just looking at a magazine about the. I found this in the crapper.
Kids can say steaming hot, somebody Levemir issue a Ishioka round hole in the man's head, not just looking through the advertisement had head like guys in the bathroom that I just as I was in the head, somebody left a copy of Marine Clean in there.
I've never seen so much shaving in one magazine.
I did have I had a Colt round up magazine, round up work that I did for horse traders.
I'm assuming it was said it was a sad all right. It was a kind of a weird thing. One of my friends, like as a goof gave me gave me this gay porn rag around it, but it was just nude, dude. Sure there weren't doing anything. They're just nothing. There was a couple that I remember I had like early comedic sort of thoughts, like there was one guy who's just wearing cowboy boots and he was like baling hay, like gloves and everybody's dicks hanging out.
You know, Larry Miller had a bit about that right back to the 80s run. Like in Playboy, the women are supposed to butt in like Playgirl is just a guy just going about his life. Happens to be right. Flanagan He's just a crossing guard. He's got he's got the sash and the reflective cash on calibrating an anti-aircraft gun on top of a carrier. I have to say, I was done out.
They all had they all did a move with their dick, which all celebrities do like Zac Efron does before he takes his shirt off on camera. So they got down. They did twenty pushups, real quick vascular, but they never were doing a push up or showed. They just kind of have that look, you know. And so the thing about the Dick and Colt round up is it wasn't a boner, but it wasn't. You just stepped out of the shower.
It's like somebody worked it a little bit. You got a little blood flowing, put a little glycerin on it, and then pretended like, oh, this little thing. Oh, yeah. Now that's just how it is. Like Zac Efron does see this as a water balloon at the at the peak of expansion.
It's like a water balloon just before the like expands.
Right. There's a lot of things, right. Yeah. And there's many things that made me think it is this.
It's a shame that Joel is dead.
And this one guy I know, there's one guy that cracked me up looking through the pages at all these different dudes. And there's one dude named Toby who he he just looked like Dave Coulier circa Full House.
Wow. He's wearing puka shells and Hawaiian shirt. And it's just a headshot. And I remember looking at it when I was like seventeen. I was like, Toby, you think you're so hot that I don't need to see your cock. Like, you just think you're so fucking good looking. You don't have to get your dick out. It made me laugh that this guy's like, hey, I'm just a good looking hey turned off to this guy.
Hey, I'll tell you what's great is the St. Louis, Missouri Gay Men's Chorus.
Nude with big rig tires chained to their neck and they all think they're going to die. I haven't seen the photo, but I was there when it would have been taken.
Huell, can we get back to pastrami shock? I feel like we're we're veering a little bit in the steam table. Things went in the steam table, so I never could throw a white coat round up because it was Shanika pornography. Yes, it very much. I took a vow never to throw away part pornography. At a certain point, my dad found it well and it became weird.
We're right in my we're right in the sense that I've had been thinking about lately. Before I go in the Whewell, you know, your kids. How old is your oldest now? Thirteen. There has a phone. Yes.
Yeah. So does my I have a seventeen year old now has a phone and I worry like if you have a phone, anything you want is right there. Right. Any pornography you can envision is a keystroke away. Right. When we were kids porn was a much bigger deal. Oh my God. You had to go find it. Obviously out in the woods, yes, right. How did all that porn get out in the woods?
I got to say, it's such a weird thing now. This is that there's kind of a suburb and kind of a woodland version of this. But I mean. Every guy our age has a story about stashing porn out in the woods, stopping in the woods. We would do I didn't have any I grew up in North Hollywood, so there's no woods. But we do a lot of dumpster diving, find a lot of porn like people be throwing away porn every you would have to embark on some sort of journey to find porn.
And you didn't have a divining rod. You just sort of like there's a trash can and will pull the lid off. Maybe there's some porn in there.
We would find it in the woods behind the cemetery. Right. And it was just but I've never I've gone into the woods a million times. I've never walked into the woods with porn and walked out empty handed. Right. Is there like a masturbation Santa that just flies around the world airlifting black bags into the forest?
Here you go, kids. Oh, yeah. With sort of a pirates mentality.
Bunch of 10 year old boys. Oh, my God. 20 questions with Gene Hackman.
Right. You have. It's so weird. And then everybody, the other thing, too, that I don't think my my son, Daina son will never have this, which is like one of the things Jimmy and I bonded over. Many, like during the when we first saw each other very early on, it's like I was like, yeah, I used to watch that video, that porn sex vote.
And he's like, oh my God, sex vote. And so we both I was like, how did you discover sex vote? And he's like my neighbor Carlito. His dad had a porn sex vote, got my buddy Donnie's dad, had sex boat and I would watch it. We didn't have a VCR. My dad didn't have porn or but we knew somebody who had some hands on. Weird. You think it's weird, by the way, to like when you're a kid and you're just open the fridge of somebody's house that you're in with your dad walking around, it's a little freaky.
Try looking at porn. Try looking at the dad's porn under his roof with him around.
The first porn movie I ever saw was on Golden Blond. I mean it. Oh, my God. Yeah, I boy, I have a story at Eddie Brill's apartment in New York. Senior Porn Beretti. Well, this is at the time on Golden.
It's charming on the weekend, your Linell and I believe on going of you.
OK, let me tell you let me tell you a porn story. This will be again, I love Henry Fonda in it.
I don't know how they got him. I didn't know.
I'm just here to deliver some pizza.
This movie has Christy Canyon in it. Unfortunate last name for a porn star, but we'll keep going.
I and my crew, this was her first. It's Ginger Lynn, Jamie Gillis, Christy Kent. This is her first film. I need you to put yourself into this position in situation of a nineteen and a half year old Adam Corolla. Kristi's sister, Carla, asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance, she was like three years older than Kristy in Walter Reed Elementary, like in eighth grade or something. Kristy Canyon when she was 16. Look out world.
I'm walking around in tight t shirts and no bra. And she was hot. I mean, I asked her out when I was like 17 or 18 or whatever it was, she kind of stood me up like we never we never went out.
I had a friend you asked her out in the way that you at that age go to a Ferrari dealership and just go, Can I have that?
Yeah, I got to ask through.
I got to have that more like just put the nose against the window, know, five, 12 Voxer. But I said Miami Vice advised she never whatever. But I should just add what I'd see her walking down the street and every guy just like put the palm in their mouth like, oh yeah, look at her. I mean, you got to picture her at 16, just bullets flying everywhere.
Right? A.R.T. San Fernando Valley. Oh my God. Everyone is like, holy shit. And once in a while there'd be some legend of some dude who got weather, something like, oh, I want to smell that guy's dick, you know, was crazy. And at some point that guy was happy days. Tom Bosley.
I came home from my miserable construction job into like my apartment and living in no time with, like, three dudes and. And her name is Missy, and she has an Armenian last name, like a long last name, but anyway, names missing and I walked in my apartment and like my buddy Chris was sitting there and neither party was in there. And did you hear did you hear the news? And I'm like, what? What, Missy?
Yeah, she did a porn. I'm like, Are are you somebody filmed her, like having sex. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a regular porn. I was like, oh my God. Well, what's it called? It's called on golden blond look. Well, where is it. Where do they have it. I, I find it's like there is a Korean owned like video outlet video barn and it's in Sunland, California, where we would explore the real ground.
If you ever see the movie Mad, Mad, Mad World, that's what it looked like. Everyone jumped in the car. We're cutting each other off, screeching around corners, like literally it was, oh, my God, how do we get hold of this videotape? I mean, this is a chick we'd all just been staring at for seven years.
And it was like also the bootleg stuff or the nip slips or the, you know, homemade backyard porn. It didn't exist, didn't exist. It was like this was just a civilian. This was just somebody we knew. This is just the best looking person in your neighborhood or in your school. And it's like they filmed themselves fucking. Yeah, you can go get it. You can go get it.
And so we have a lot of mixed feelings about seeing that zero.
Oh, no, no. Joy mixed with. Yes, it was with a heavy ball sack showing explosions mixed with explosions. Oh thanks. Yeah. I did tell everyone.
Now look, she's a sexual creature, but she's a human first. And let's all just think about the ramifications, which will be our next film.
Like, no, we never thought for one. Weird. You knew her. Yeah. Fuck, yeah.
I knew how hot she was and I knew she didn't much care for me and that's that much I knew. But I was going to get my pound of flesh.
Yeah. Yeah. Pound out your flesh. Yeah exactly. Yeah. You leave out a couple of words and that's what that round ratcheted up quite a bit. Wow. Oh you know them. Good Lord.
I only imagine it's literally inconceivable I can't conceive of such a wonderful thing from the neighborhood. Yes.
Wow. Oh the town girl. And anyone who's seen like young Kristy Kanyon videos.
Quizzes of course. Yes. Yeah. You're waiting a while. Picture that walking around.
I was you know, I Googled just Cristie Kanya in nineteen eighty four, which is when I assumed that this is about happening.
And you know, Google, the first blush of photos would be rather demure.
I don't know what the setting is on my phone or what's available online about Christie, but basically what came up at first I thought it was that chart over the deli of how they cut up a cow. I thought it was the brisket.
So on Golden Blond, I think her first film was a real and eighty four. Eighty five for Monster. Yeah, it's right there. Right in that area I think.
I thought maybe you're right though. She and bras were not best friends. Now that's her from the pathways along and that's her from the.
Yeah. Yeah we were, we were running. Yeah.
That's the photo. Yeah. I just, I don't know how weird you know obviously there's no Internet so somebody found out through somebody but that was from travel fast spread. Right. Yeah.
And who, who even had a voice like that to me is a movie like that's like what you just described is like a funny stand by me, like our kids trying to get to the video store in Agoura in nineteen eighty five to make it one of the girl from their of their friend's older sister. Well it was like, you know, it's kind of it's kind of funny. So because I grew up in North Hollywood and because North Hollywood and Chatsworth and I just became the porn capitals of the world that, you know, whatever whatever Seattle was for grunge, you know, that's what happened.
And it's also it's so, you know, when you talk to that, you talk to that interview, that black actor, and he goes, I grew up in the hood. I was in South Central lives in Chicago, whatever project. And it's like, oh, yeah, I know. My best friend was shot and I had a younger brother who was shot as well. And I thought it was that way with me in porn. Yeah, like, oh yeah.
Every two years some chick we knew would end up in a porn movie because we were there. And Ron Jeremy at the Foster Friess. Right. Everyone was super poor and the chicks were poor too. And every once in a while I would be like, you know, Tiffany and her sister doing a porn movie like Tiffany's in a porn movie like. Oh yeah. Oh, good. Like take every eighteen. One would cycle through the porn industry, and it was the greatest thing ever, and I guess we're in, you know, Bozeman, Montana or something, we wouldn't have that.
I mean, they can leave and go to Hollywood, that kind of thing. When they were here, they were from the people here. It's like growing your own tomatoes. That's exactly right. Yeah, no pun intended. And that was Dana Gould as Huell Howser back in twenty nineteen. I love that one.
I'm a big fan of any time they do the bit and it's cool to put in these more recent clips, you know, the twenty nineteen, the twenty twenty stuff already so. Well I'm passing too fast.
I remember when we found those clips Adam was watching and just went, this is too easy.
How is this possible. We haven't played this one yet. We haven't. And, and I remember him saying yeah that one was that one was too easy but it was awesome. So there you go. Thank you. All right.
We have one more clip for everybody. And we're going to revisit Patrick's request from the first clip about the herpes medication, because there's another version of it. And this one was at a live show in twenty thirteen.
I'm Cruel show ten fifty one, Teresa Strasser, Alison and Brian Bishop. And this is another variant of the boyfriend of the herpes commercial. Check it out.
All right, now we have some questions out in the audience, do you believe that's good stuff? First one through our first one from a guy named Isaac. Where is Isaac? Isaac, Isaac, Isaac.
That's one of the black or Jewish spin the wheel for the best.
You never know. It can land on black. Every once in a while you get burned.
Oh, I just. I just think it's Isaac.
Maybe Moses. I'm trying to think of the Julius and Blackie is the same. Really good.
Yeah. You're not going to be hard to beat Moses. No. Especially one on one side I suppose.
Yeah. Yeah. Some stuff. Yeah. So Isaac, you know, not you. I told you they don't have any here.
It's like when the wheel lands on bankrupt.
That's when the things the goyim, the Jew, everyone no one's happy.
Was named after the Hansen. Oh name.
Yeah. I have no idea how I got the name but not like that. Like that.
Mm hmm. Double double green on the road that we are.
Thanks for enjoying your sangria by the way. Nancey or Palak question asked Asgar. What's up?
So we're getting married next Saturday. Oh, congrats, dude.
Looks a little old for you, but. All right, whatever.
Little May, December action. Why not listen? Why not be hampered once in a while? You know what I mean?
Quit your job. Let this guy get ready, Chief. I can take care of the house. He's got a few more years on this planet and he leaves it all to you.
Yeah, smooth. Yeah. I should have gone there. That.
Yeah. So. Oh, you. Oh, you're marrying the beautiful gown friend. Yeah, that's OK. Let me ask you this, by the way. I do like this shit in front of who are these fucking couples who sit next to each other at a booth alone, you know, with just Alija across from them. And I don't mind that they want to bang elbows while they tend to eat and not look each other in the eye. But you make me look like shit with my wife.
Yeah. Because my my first plan is like, well, we'll just sit at separate booths, right. Yeah, I can see.
And then. Yeah, yeah. If anything comes up we talked in the car and we Yeah. We got it all out and that's side by side. Side by side. No I sit in the backseat of the car, I go tandem, we go what I like to call toboggans. Stop.
I'm just excited you stumbled on Alija. That's a good idea.
Why did you bring that you back like we're laughing about now? I'm on to the toboggan. I don't know where we were up on stage laughing about the toboggan guys, but the the four man toboggan. Oh yeah, I know, I know. Phenix is like the toboggan capital of North America. That's why I always they always say open with about twenty minutes a toboggan related humor. Because you are pandering with that.
Tobi, there's a lot of a lot of professional targeteers out here, but the toboggan always cracks me up because the dude in the front steers and then the dude in the back breaks and then there's the two dudes in the middle that are just basically sand bags with cleats on them or something.
They always look like incredible athletes, like with Cerqueira Vandam. Yeah. And I realize the the the process with the toboggan, if you're the two middle guys, is guy blows whistle Run your ass off for 30 steps and then get in there and try to suck your own car.
It's run, run, run, suck, suck, suck. Right. It's over. Sure. The Soviets want to get right yet, but spring training was fun. Spring training was awesome, man. All right.
Sorry, Isaac. Yeah, getting married. That's actually how I met my fiancee in the toboggan. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. So what's going on? So we're we're planning on. Hold on.
Do we need the two man to begin the four man toboggan and the luge? I feel that's a lot like a lot of what are we going to introduce next, like the truck, inner tube and the three and a half man toboggan. Like it's a lot of guys sliding down a hill, isn't it? And do you think that if you're into tobogganing like you're super into the four man, but you have no time for the luge?
Yeah, I don't know, like what happens at the training village when the luge guys run into the foreman or it's like just eyeball. Right. I guess Doga didn't have the guts to go headfirst.
Oh, no, don't talk so much. It smells like cock in here.
Middle guy and bright guy. Don't you think you would have stopped eventually anyway? I mean, it's not like you got an engine and I mean eventually gravity would have stopped and they're all going to end up at Cirque de Soleil anyway. All of them, they'll end up there. So wait.
What we're talking about, Isaac, I forgot. I forgot. Planning our honeymoon. Uh huh. Do we just say we're just going to spend a week on the beach? Do we pack it full of snorkeling and fishing and everything else?
Yeah. What do we do? The yeah. Like you.
I don't like the vacations where you have to get up at five forty five because you're going to miss the fishing barge, you know what I mean. Like that ain't a vacation that's worth to me. Yeah. That's work right. Vacation is underpants and let's see if we can rape that mini fridge over there and let's order room service and we'll, we'll get out of here when we get out of here.
Like to me it's let's see if we can put on twenty two pounds in the next seven days.
And she's getting married. So she's probably been starving for the last couple of months.
Yeah. Yeah. They just she's on the main grid. That's a good dinner. I don't you know what, you know, we all feel that way about vacations, but we see these fucking commercials for like American Express and the super spunky chick is buying climbing gear and a mountain bike. And like I chose to take my vacation on top of Mount Hood and it's like, oh, shut up.
It's funny because it's the same set piece and actress that could also be in a herpes commercial. Yeah. And could be in a Tampax commercial. Yeah. You can do so much outdoorsy activity and all those things happen. Yeah. Like good looking, not distracting. Right. Not going to let our periods or herpes. Now this is going to slow her down. Oh fuck. Now she's kickboxing in an empty gym. Maybe, maybe her herbaria wired the place out.
I don't know. I always I always think about the guy in the herpes commercial while the chick is breaking down the fourth wall talking about not letting frequent outbreaks slow her down. And that guy who has to stand there looking concerned but not judgmental like.
Can happen to anybody. And it's also a well, we know she didn't get the herpes from this cat, otherwise he'd be doing the talking. Yeah, he's sloppy herpes seconds, right?
Well, they probably met on one of those dating sites for people who love them.
I like that. Yeah.
And he is the younger version of the guy in the ED commercials. Right. Who never looks as ashamed as I would think he would in general.
You know, that's got to be tough for an agent to explain to his actor client, listen, we're not getting the calls for the concerned boyfriend with the mountain bike anymore. We're looking we're looking for the one where you're in the convertible Mustang with the one black guy that no one seems to know. And you're going down the highway making the frequent stops. But at some point you'll be in a barn rocking out in a super retarded white way. You've thrown together this jam band in your garage.
Does the actor say, look, I can still play cool, dad, I can be cool, dad, I just put the mountain bike down your Flomax, but on the again. And let's give me the face. It looks like you got to piss really bad. What happened to that toboggan at the toboggan?
And I know that this is this is sad. This is what always happens. All right. So the vacation. Yes, yes.
Yeah, yeah, I oh, I mean the honeymoon. I mean, my wife and I went to, you know, somewhere in Mexico where you don't get shot. I don't know where that is anymore.
But one of those places where they. San Diego. Yeah. It was like.
The you can't just say it would be nice. Come on up here.
No, but the science that now with 20 percent less shooting as we enter mean and we went to one and one of our friends from Jimmy Kimmel Live got us one of those ponga boat things where you go out.
But I by the way, this thing where fish only fucking eat at five thirty in the morning and then at 8:00 at night, what's up? Someone's got to change their clock around a little bit. Aren't there any fish that eats a new fish, maybe one. There's got to be lazy fish. I just got to be lazy fish out there. Right. I mean they just do a thing or say you got to get out there early. If you don't get there early, you're not going to catch anything.
So people stop feeding them at five. Thirty a.m.. That's right. Hungry at noon when you go starving by the time a bait hits the water. So I, we got up so we got this gift certificate for this like ponga boat thing and we got up at like five fifteen. We drove down a dirt road for forty five minutes. It was still dark turn, you know, like, you know, potholes and the whole nine yards, tank traps and the whole thing got to the beach.
It was like six, ten. And the guys like this see it's too rough my friend. You must go home and I'm like done and done. If I could turn around, went back, went back to sleep. Where were No. Two happier couples on the beach to find out. We didn't have to stuff our asses into this boat. That is such a sign that you guys are meant for each other because I feel like a nightmare would be if one person is disappointed in the other, one is happy.
Yeah. Like if I put a knife in my mouth, I'll go fuck it. I'm swimming it.
And then the other part about fish in. That they don't really tell you about is when you pull that I went fishing again with some of the same guys from Jimmy Kimmel Live and I pulled up like a 46 pound tirado and that thing got onto our boat. And once it got onto the boat, it didn't just have the quiet dignity just to lay there and expire.
Oh, there was a dude in flip flops beating it with a bat. It was like that movie casino. So horrible because otherwise what? It would live forever. I don't know. I, I'm not sure. Like a dignified death. I think I think it's the flailing and the flopping around that people disagree with. But so you're going to go somewhere to the beach, just put your tootsies in the sand, take some rum, dump it into a coconut, see if you can have some, you know, really meaningless sex, you know?
What do you have advice for their future as married's me. Oh, we've been married now for how many years?
Exactly? Like between nine and 13 for sure now.
Well, the best the best investment I made in our wedding was the five grand for the photo album because it's embossed and it has the date on it and it sits out and it's kind of hard to read.
We take a piece of paper and a charcoal briquette. You can rub it over it and I can pull the date off the front of that thing.
But you don't actually know what that is. Yeah, I do. I just play close to the vest because I don't I don't want all the cards. And there are special letters like, yeah, sorry, I don't know the stuff flowing in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I remember. But the point is this just go make and be and have fun. Oh. And the advice is to TiVo those. Right.
And it's much square footage if you can afford to get to because this is the first time in life that I've ever been able to take your square footage advice as far as how to have a happy family. And you really didn't even give it enough emphasis. Well, it's true, right? Life changing to have room. Like when my husband and I are having an uncomfortable conversation, I notice he does a thing where he just kind of backs out of the room.
Yeah. And then he wanders off. Yeah. And I don't really know where he is. I just forget I'm mad at. That's good. That's what you want. You need the square footage now. You could I lived with my stripper girlfriend in a single bachelor. Whatever they they don't the coolio. Yeah. They don't call it what it is. No bedroom which I say go well we got one bedrooms, we got two bedrooms and we got three bedrooms.
What's a no bedroom called. Oh that's a studio. That's a bathroom. Let's just call it what it fuck it is. It's a zero bedroom and we're just on top of each other arguing the entire time. I mean you could have any dude in this room could probably move into a studio, bachelor apartments. They can't have what they call efficiency efficiency apartment with any Victoria's Secret runway angel. And within about seven, maybe seven to 14 days, you'd be like, bitch, I'm going to stab him with this toothbrush.
I'll back off trying to brush my teeth over the kitchen sink. Here. I have a little fucking room.
I'm I take your angel wings and shove them up. Yeah. Yes, that was me who farted two days ago. And yes, it's still here.
All right. So to TiVo both square footage, no fishing.
All right. That clip from Stand Up Live in Phenix in 2013 featuring both O.J. News girls and Bryan Bishop as well.
There's no way that the people who manufacture and develop these herpes medications could ever imagine that it would be fodder for Adam. Cruel to make fun of, not even like the ad companies who make the commercials. Yeah, it's so funny. The amount of people have to be involved in the billions of dollars. But just for Adam to make for a very interesting kind of oversight in the ads, no commercial is safe.
Nothing is sacred.
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That's you get a special Sunday shows. Thanks again for hanging out with us today. We'll see you tomorrow. My name is Chris. Laksamana, that superfan Geovani and get it on.
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