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Howard Stern is here.
Joe Frazier's going down. Rush Limbaugh steps up to the microphone. Hey, it's Melanie. We all know her as Sporty Spice. And underneath all that hair, Rob Zombie, the human highlight film, Dominique Wilkins. Oliver Platt. And the richest man in the world, Jeff Bezos, that sounds like a party. Let's get back to The Adam Carolla Show.
So when we left off, we're talking Love Boat Recollections of You and Love Boat.
You asked a question and the answer is we went we went to Acapulco on a ship.
You did? Yep. I had no idea. I'm not I'm not so sure they do that with every episode, but we went to Acapulco and then we also shot on the Queen Mary because my husband thought I was an idiot, which I sort of was. He wasn't like we were just dating at the time. But he he asked me about the queen. He said, we're going to go in the Queen Mary. And I said, well, are we going to be taking it out?
Right. I didn't know. Is it dried?
Yeah. We're going to fly the Spruce Goose over to the Queen Mary and then we're going to take it out waterskiing, take her out.
So you guys did go to Acapulco on a cruise? We did. And and filmed on the cruise.
We did. That's what we both thought it would be fun because it was a real it was a real deal.
Wow. This is going to blow Dr. Drew's mind and to see what does he think?
They're all they're all on stage soundstage.
You know, he I think he does, but he's very cynical. You know, he's a clinician. He's always looking for that angle. Whereas I'm a I'm a lover and a dreamer. I want to believe, you know what I mean.
Yeah. You know, he became I became a big fan of his when he opened his mouth about hydroxy chloroquine.
Oh, Dr. Drew. Yeah. I was like, thank you.
Well, it's so crazy that everything has to become politicized. It's so insane that a doctor can't give his opinion on a medication that somehow it was it was such a telling thing to me that that drug became an issue. That's when it was super clear to me that everything is political now because that drug, as Drew said to me many times, he has he's prescribed it to tens of thousands of patients. And he says there's more side effects from aspirin and Tylenol.
Exactly. And so the notion whether it's effective or not, that's to be debated. But the notion that it's dangerous, that's insane when millions of people are on it throughout the world and who have been on it for 65 years, that's that's what was confusing to me. It's one thing to argue and say it's not effective. Fine. Make your argument say it's not effective to go on TV every night, explain how dangerous it is. I mean, I would call Drew, I'd watch CNN and they'd say, like, you know, this is dangerous.
They have a physician, I call them, they have a physician on their go. You know, there's cardiac conditions. And to take this drug and not be hooked up to an EKG machine, that's irresponsible. That's I would literally pause it and just call Dr. Drew and go on playing you this TV clip so you can hear this person, this physician saying you can't take this harmless medication unless you're hooked up to a heart monitoring machine. And he would just laugh his ass off.
It's, by the way, who are all these people that are on TV XPoint, all the experts on both sides explaining what's going to happen? It's insane, right?
It's insane to me also because there's thousands of doctors who actually, I guess they call themselves the front line doctors who are actually in hospitals and in the practices, and they're giving them eye drops of chloroquine and xpac. And what's the other one that you go zinc and they swear by it. So if it's not harmful, I mean, look, watch TV and see, you know, here's a drug and here's the fifty seven side effects that take the longest to tell you about.
The drug is rolling and rolling and rolling. And then you have this drug that I think the only time it can be dangerous to your heart, from what I heard from doctors I've talked to, is if you take it for a long duration in large doses. So when these guys are saying take you know, that it can help with Cauvin in the beginning, it's it it's two hundred milligrams. It's not large dose. It's not for a long extended period of time.
And when you try it, I would try it. Oh, I'm sure in the next few days. And believe me, I'm stopping in a place where I know they will let me have that drug.
Where are you going? I am driving or here's my question, I am driving around the country and I'm going to find a farm that I want.
And just going to do cocaine the entire time.
Are you. God, those were the days. Are you. So what?
Yeah. So you would like some peace and some quiet in some nature.
No, it sounds like I would, but I have 15 lemurs. I have three cats. I've got birds, I've got lemurs. My animals are loud.
What's. What's the definition of a lemur? I mean, what if you watch Madagascar, the movie? Probably. OK, I got the right tail. Yeah, I got the general.
I'm picturing my wife 15. Oh, why not?
Because I had lemurs for years and years and they passed away of old age and then I was in Florida and I don't know was when there were newspapers, it was looking in the newspapers and it said baby lemurs. And I went, oh my God, none of these lemurs are captured in Madagascar, by the way. They're all in captivity. But I said I was going to go look at them and we all know that's a lie. And my kids are like, right, you're just going to go look at it.
Got no, I'm just going to look I want to see some baby boom. I come home with four baby lemurs, one male and three females that aren't related. And then they all had like.
They all come out, unbeknownst to me, lemurs regularly have twins, so we had twins, Jimmy is the stud. He's like impregnates them all. And so it just it just started. And then we gave Jimmy about Septime. And then two years ago, the best said to me wore off and he had two more kids.
You can give a Lemur Vasic vasectomy, huh? I didn't want to go. I did want to castrate him. I don't know.
I have a pet. So you want to you want to find some land. You want to have a farm. Where where were we thinking?
I'm looking in different places. I'm looking in Kansas, Ohio, Maine and Ocala.
How are you set for money? I'm set for money well enough that I can buy a farm. Is that is it? We're good, OK? We don't with your money throughout your career.
The money before I before I stop doing cocaine because it would have been on my nose. But I have only invested in the worst kind. It's a good one in one way because you're not snorting it away. But I've only invested in real estate so I have a lot of places. But they aren't the good kind of real estate. You know, the smart guys invest in commercial real estate, so their real estate is always making the money. I invested in residential real estate around the country and it's just like, you know, just saps you of all your money, basically.
I read I was reading that you gave Scientology five million bucks.
Is that true? I probably donated ten million dollars to Scientology over the course of your career and a million dollars to other other things, I'm pretty generous. I created literacy centers. I've sent kids to college that even kids that I don't even know, I've decorated houses for people that I don't really know but have fallen on hard times. I like to be generous with one of my best pleasures in life is to do things for other people. So I would say I think it's fair to say a third of the money I've ever made has been donated.
And not just to Scientology, to many, many different kind of. Was that organizations or my favorite way to do it, honestly, is to find, you know, to do it firsthand, like when there's a disaster as an example, Katrina or an Oklahoma City bombing or different things like when there's catastrophes, I like to get a bunch of one of they called giant trucks, but what do they call one of the big semis, semis?
And I just like to fill them with everything that you could possibly imagine, you know, even after tornadoes or after. And and then I'd like to just drive in and give people things or have, you know, open it up, like take whatever you want with people, especially when something's just happened, because it's so horrible when a disaster happens to the littlest things, like a pair of reading glasses or cigarettes. You know, I one time I was trying to do something with the Red Cross, but they didn't want me to have cartons of cigarettes.
And I go, OK, the town was just blown away. What the fuck do you think you need? Cigarettes. They're nervous. Yeah, they want haircuts and ice and different things like that. So I really love doing that. That kind of one on one thing.
How is your head on this whole covid thing? Because a lot of people are taking in a lot of different ways, like I'm almost completely unaffected, but I know other people that are greatly affected mentally or emotionally.
For me, it just took me a while to get a grip on. What you know, it's very hard to find out the truth about anything now, but it's very hard to find the truth about it. So I just thought, you know, I'm a big proponent and take full responsibility for your own body and your own self and you make your own decisions because if you don't make your own decisions, then if something goes wrong, well, whatever would go wrong, you're going to be then you're the person who's bitter and you're going to blame blame someone.
So in the very beginning, I just tried to stay. You know, safe enough that, you know, I'm sixty nine, so if I'm sixty nine and that puts me in the category of oh could be bad that I just sort of watched it sort of playing out and then I realized how political it was. And I swung the other way for a while, like, you know what, you will do whatever the hell I want, especially outside.
I can't guys run by my house and they have masks on.
Yeah, there's nobody near them.
I, I'm like, this is so insane. Or people are playing tennis, you know, two people playing tennis.
Why in the hell would they have masks. So I think everybody's getting tired of it and rebelling. But I think everyone's for me personally, I'm trying to find my way how I can take responsibility for myself and other people around me, but also not go berserk.
And the way it's just to shut down an entire economy.
Didn't we all think it was going to be shut down for two weeks?
Well, that's what we're told, yeah. Now, what they going to be really what is it going to be shut down on November 5th?
Yeah, whenever whenever the election's over, all this stuff is going to go away. That's that's my thought.
I don't I don't like I don't like that people are. And, you know, I look at like Amazon has got thousands of employees working inside and I don't think some big epidemic has taken hold in their place. So why can't all the other people just take the precautions and take the everything's a little bit of a risk. You know, every year people die of flus and pneumonias and things like that.
So there's a little bit of a risk, no matter how I I know I want I'm like open the stupid schools and let the kids go back to. So it's like the teachers don't feel it's safe. Like, what about everyone who works at a Trader Joe's? They've got to go in somewhere, they've got to be indoors. They put a mask on, they go to work like there's people working all over the place all the time. And why aren't teachers essential workers?
But anyway, the word essential is so arbitrary. That gets me like I mean, you know, what's essential is that a person can buy food for their family, can pay their mortgage, can pay their rent, can pay their can buy clothes, can get their kids school supplies. That's essential. So I don't know why this other shit like Home Depot is essential. Yeah, well, for me it is.
But I look look, it's arbitrary. Look, if Home Depot is essential, then classrooms and schools are essential.
That's the way I look at everything. When you really look at it, every job is essential because every person has to support their families.
I agree getting I mean that we have to just take matters into our own.
I, I that's what I've been doing. Have you kept we're talking a lot about John Travolta's really suffered some tragedy. I mean, he lost the son. He lost his wife very recently. Have you reached out to him? Have you been in contact with him?
Oh, every day, you know, for the last two years or two and a half years. And I was with her for the last month of her life and on and off for the last two and a half years. You know, the thing about Kelly is Kelly is the eternal optimist and her plan. I know that a lot of people thought maybe she kept it secret because of paparazzi and things like that. That probably would have been horrible if you're going in and out of MD Anderson and paparazzi tailing you.
But her main deal was she thought she was going to she thought she was going to lick it. You know, she thought that when she cured it, then she could, you know, go public and tell people what all the things that she had done to cure it. So she never once mentioned, even to the day she died, that she was going to die or that she wasn't going to make it through it. So and that's Kelly for you.
Kelly is Kelly's just that person that no matter what, she's the strongest. She really is the strongest woman I know. She what she and you know, the good news, this is like people talk about blessings when there's bad things that happen. But the good news that she never had pain, never. And that is so. That's the biggest blessing I could have for my friend. She never had and I know that because I was with her till the end, she passed away.
It's only been about three or four weeks, right? That's right. And long at all. And she was fighting. She was a breast cancer. What cancer was it?
It started as breast cancer. Yes. And, you know, so many people fight breast cancer and they do get rid of breast cancer. And it would look good and then it would look bad and it would look good. And then it would look that they would look good. You know, it's it's a real journey. And she thought her way to the through the whole thing. I mean, I learned a lot about stuff that I never knew about and knocking on wood because I don't have cancer on either side of my family.
And I just really knew very little about it or or what someone really goes through doing all those treatments. And she did everything known to mankind to. To treat it. And was it apparent I mean, when did she know or did she or when did you know that she was going to lose this battle? Honestly, in about probably the last five days of her life, so it was like a two year battle, but not to the very end, right.
She fought this thing for two years, but didn't know until the literally the last week.
I'm not so sure she would ever have admitted that she did. Like I said, she was fighting it to the end. You're asking me when I felt like this is it, but I never talk. I didn't talk to her like this is it? Or you don't say to a person who's. The eternal optimist, this, you know, I mean, they I think that's a person's prerogative to decide to talk about the things they want to talk about when they're under in in that situation.
And I think everybody probably handles it very differently when they've been diagnosed with something shocking like that. Yeah. Oh, my God.
I just I feel so bad for John. He lost his son a couple of years ago, I think. And now is now his wife.
You know, don't you find that? I have found that I've had different friends and this is that I have lost children. And I feel that it's sort of common that they then can end up with something also, I feel like that is a loss that I don't know how someone gets through that loss. I don't. I really don't. And I just feel like I've seen two or three of my friends who've lost kids go through that and they've ended up getting something themselves.
And I guess you're just the grief is so heavy and the despair is so overwhelming that it then can take a physical toll on you.
Well, when they talk about, you know, stress kind of being a killer, you know. Well, what could be more essentially stressful or sort of well, let's just put it this way, stress and or just kind of negativity in your life. I'm not going to get all, you know. You know, burn some sage and clear the room on you, but it makes sense that if you have this negativity, this pain, anguish, stress, sort of you're wearing it around your neck, that that's going to wear you down.
I mean, you can physically see people that have been stressed out for a year and you see them and they look like they've aged 10 years. Right. Right. So when a mother losing a young son is probably the most especially a mother. I mean, I have kids and if something happened to him, I'd be devastated, but their mom would be destroyed. Right. And so going through that experience and I think the son, Jett, probably died three years ago or something.
Much longer. Longer. Oh, not how long? 2009. 2009. Oh, it feels so. God, time's flying by. But she has to sort of internalize that and live with that and feel that. And that just cannot be a good thing.
You know, my grandmother lost a child when she was one and then my mother was killed in a car wreck. And so my grandmother out her her mother outlived her. And my grandmother said to me that the worst pain she's ever felt in her life is to out for to outlive a child.
How old were you when your mom was killed in the car wreck? I was. Thirty, because, yeah, because literally my mom got killed in a car wreck and literally a week later I was hired for my first acting job in Star Trek. So it was a very you know, I am forever indebted to Paramount and to Nicholas Meyer, the director, because I had never done anything. And I think I was supposed to come back in on a Monday morning to do my final reading.
And on Friday night, my mother and father were killed, were both in a car accident. My mom died. My dad was severely injured and. So I flew to Wichita immediately and they said, well, we need to see you Monday and I told my agent to tell them that my mother has just been killed and I can't come there now. And my agent, being an agent, said, well, if I tell them that you never work, you're not going to get this job.
I said, well, I understand that. But my mother just died and my dad is in the hospital. So anyway, they waited for me and they it almost makes me cry right now when I think about it. You know, they waited for me and they I flew back to L.A., I think it was about a week later and I went in the room and I read for them again. And Nick Meyer said, you've got the job right on the spot.
And I just collapsed because I all of these things that happened to my dad was in intensive care and it was just so horrible.
And then. On top of it then, the best thing, the best one of the best things in my life happened where I started my career and I got to experience this business. It's why I say I love show business. I mean, Paramount Studios and all these people waited for me a week and I'd never done anything in my life and they championed me. I am forever grateful to people that do things like that. And it's just an unreal fairy tale story.
Yeah. Does it feel sort of surreal? Like the older I get, the more I look back at these chapters in my life, it almost feels like it was a movie I was watching or something like I'm not even sure if I even felt like I was completely there the whole time or if somebody not if somebody if somebody got me really high right now and said, you never did Loveline, you never did the man show, that was just something that's been cooking in your head.
I'd go really surreal. So real. Like I look back and you think about like just TV in the 90s, you know, and living in L.A. and that sort of vibe, it just all seems so different. Right? I mean, it was utterly different than it is now.
Like it was you know, the thing that I crave and I yearned for is it felt like a lightness of being. It felt like a. It felt like a playful life. I feel like so blessed and lucky that I lived so many, you know, I've been acting for 40 years and I. I just feel so lucky that I've spent all that time, I mean, I could probably count like. Creepy things that happened on two fingers. You know, I don't know how I came unscathed through this.
Well, I have a thought. I have a I have a very distinct thought about the creepy things on on one hand or just two fingers of the one hand. Let me just I'm going to give you something, but you feel free to tell me if you agree or not. Let me hit Dodge here. The summer, take advantage of Dodge Power. Everyone drive home and any 20/20 Challenge or Charger Durango and save 10 bucks per horsepower. So the Charger SRT skat packs 485 horsepower would save you four thousand eight hundred and fifty bucks.
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Here's my thought. But do not let me put words in your mouth. I have had many bad things done to me throughout my life. But I never thought of myself as a victim, and so I never thought I never. If someone said to me, were you ever bullied, I'd go now. I was never bullied. But I've had many people put their hands on me and do plenty of stuff to me. I just never felt like I was being bullied, you know what I mean?
And I've I've talked to many a beautiful woman who is like, no, I never really had any issues with guys at the office. I never really had anybody. But believe me, if you're a beautiful woman and you're twenty five and you work in Los Angeles, somebody's done something. It just didn't register to you as anything, you know what I mean? So if you're looking for, you're going to find it. But if you're not, you won't.
And you weren't looking for it Drew.
But also something would register. But I've, I've always felt and maybe I'm just lucky I and I know that you can be under a lot of pressure, but I felt like I could speak up if I didn't like something, I would speak up. If I didn't like it in a big way, I would leave. No one ever tried to rape me. No one ever tried to tie me down. No one ever tried to do something really violent to me, you know?
So I'm just saying I remember once when I was going to art school, I was 14 and I went to stay with these friends of mine and say, oh, Kansas City, it's a really rough neighborhood. And the mom of one of the friends said, OK, here's the money. You guys can go to the you could go shopping at the Plaza, but you have to take a cab back because it's going to be dark. It's very dangerous.
And we're like, OK, good. So we went shopping. We spent all of our money, including the cab money. So we're going to walk back. Right. And we're walking along and this guy, these guys jump out and one holds a knife to my throat. It was so unreal to me. I started laughing because I was thinking, oh, my God, your mom is right. Dangerous, and it was probably this horrible nervous laugh, but he was so insane that he takes a knife off and he's like looking at me like I'm a freaking lunatic, you know?
And maybe I was I don't know what I was supposed to do. I guess I was supposed to I was going to kill me what he was going to do. But for some reason, it taught me a really good lesson. It taught me like, don't be in places like that. Right? Don't do stupid things like that and take responsibility for something you're doing. But also, if somebody I'm not saying no one ever tried anything on me, but I guess I was lucky because I go no or take your hands up.
One of the first things I did, someone put their hand on my ass and I was like, yeah, don't do that.
Well, what I'm saying is, is if you are, let's just say you're a young black man and you're looking for racism, you will find it. If you're not looking for racism, then you probably won't find it. And I feel the same way oftentimes with women. If you're looking for that, you're sure going to find it. If you're wired like you're wired.
And many women I know they go, no, I don't really think that's happened, but it certainly has happened. If you were looking for it, it you definitely be able to tell me ten incidents where it happened, but you're not wired to find it.
It was an interpretation. I could tell you ten incidents of when someone was out of line. And then it's what I do with them being out of line. You know, I'm not talking about violence and rapes and kidnapping something and someone and I'm not talking about that right now. I'm talking about things that happen and can happen in everyday life where some guy thinks you like him or he likes you and he sort of pushes you against the wall and kisses you or some guy pats you on the ass or some guy does this or that.
I want to be able to differentiate. That's the only thing I'm saying. I could interpret it. I could have jumped into the me too thing and said things. And were the things correct? No, but I felt like the me too movement should have belonged to the people who had actually.
Horrifying things happen to them or things where men have threatened them, that they will fire them if they don't do sexual things with them. That's a different league to anything that's ever happened to me. You know, it's just a different league. That's all I'm saying. So I felt like that belongs to those people. And they said, me too. But something had happened to them that was very traumatic to them. Yeah, no, I agree, and we shouldn't all be.
You know, your dad was, you know, got in a horrific car accident, was in intensive care, and I fell off my skateboard, I shouldn't be trying to equate my experience with his experience, you know what I'm saying? And I felt like that's that's part of what was going on.
But I think I've gotten that common sense from my dad. You know, my dad and mom were hit by a drunk driver and my mom was killed and my dad was almost killed. I've never once heard my dad. Talk about the injustice of all the other of all the drunk drivers in all the history of mankind, you know, he was able to differentiate and keep it at that was that was the consequence of that decision to drive drunk by that woman, cost him his wife.
So when I look at people, though, that want to jump on it, it's like you're saying, no, it's you don't have to you don't have to hate people if they hate you. You don't have to be the victim of something. If you don't want to be. I don't want to be a victim of something. I want to be I want to be triumphant. Even if something bad happens to me. I want to turn it into something triumphant because it makes my life and everybody around me happier.
I agree. The victim culture and the mentality is debilitating to the person you're turning into a victim, even if they are in fact a victim, convincing their victim it's going to hobble them and destroy them. Kirstie Alley, I will give her tweet her tweet out at Kirstie Alley. Her podcast is coming up. Man, I just blink my eyes and two hours went by.
You're fun to talk to. Well, I think we'll do it again when you invite me on your podcast.
I definitely will, because we didn't really get into politics. And, you know, you know, I'm better at talking about politics at about ten o'clock in the morning.
All right. Well well, we'll make that happen. Look, I can't believe we've we've missed each other all these years and Hollywood, but. Well, we'll make up for it now and look forward to meeting.
I really appreciate you letting me come on here because I had a lot of fun. Thanks, Garcia.
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Enter Adam at the home page and save all that money. All right, I'm emotional support animal is available. The book in the audio book is Well Get Them Both because they're different. Tempe Improv in Tempe, Arizona, coming up September 18th and 19th are doing a live pod there and stand up as well. You can go down Carlebach come and find out where I'm going to be and check out our YouTube page as well. Good sports is coming up next.
Until next time, sign of Carl for Kirstie Alley saying Mahallah.
Stick around. Adam Carolla returns with Dave Damasak for good sports right after this. David recopying, Hocker is going to. Just went with. Good for the broadcast on Sports Network presents, good sports.
I love sports fans. Welcome to some fresh hot sports talk here on good sports. Dave Damasak here, Adam Caroll over there a lot. It's been too long.
You've been traveling Sports America. How are we?
I'm well, I'm a little disappointed by hard knocks. You know, I look forward to hard knocks. You know that that is on my calendar. As a matter of fact, I was on the road literally the last three weekends, but I returned to have hard knocks ready for my viewing and my second favorite show, million dollar listings, you know, where rich guys walked through these beautiful multimillion dollar states on Sunset Plaza and the realtors that represent them.
But the hard knocks, which I'm in love with. And now I was going to get a double shot of my baby's love because I was getting the Rams and the Chargers two for one on my hard knocks. And the entire first episode was dedicated to covid-19 sanitisation, which is like I feel like I've been treading water in a vat of Purell for the last six months of my life. And and you know me. There's nobody who hates this more than I do.
I look at it as insane, disgusting waste of time arguing over, you know, I had my daughter five weeks ago screaming at me when I was bringing a bag of in and out into the house that I had to spray it down with alcohol. And I need to take my shoes off and wear my gloves. And now that's all in the rearview mirror and we're on to the next thing. But the point is, is I've had an ass full of all, you know, me.
I don't like I don't like sanitisation. I don't like sterilization. I don't wash my hands. So this whole thing has been worse on me than than than it's been on Howie Mandel, because that's just the discussion of washing your hands bothers me and the discussion of sanitisation bothers me. But now I thought finally an escape. Finally, I shall escape to the hard knocks training camp. Well, I'll be back in touch with my beloved football, and I won't have to think about temperatures or protocols or swabs or ah, or alcohol.
And it and it was an entire episode chock a block filled with procedure and protocol. It was.
And, you know, I don't know, I don't know what the science is. I think the reason that you see any team doing this and all the discussion about this, it really is sort of like a road map for how any company that does forget the Q the the science and forget the humanity of like, well, I'm just being empathetic for my for my workers, and that's why I'm doing this. Let's just describe that the reason that all these teams are doing this is because they know somebody gets critically ill at their facility.
There will be a lawsuit, almost certain. Right. So they have to go through all this.
I mean, it really I mean, it's a bummer. Is is the it just it was troubling. And you mentioned Howie Mandel. That's what I keep thinking. When I was watching it, I just kept like that. I got creeped out the whole time, like, oh, my God, every turn. You can't do it. Like, either the separation of the lockers and like the constant testing and like all that stuff, it kind of is a harbinger for anybody who hasn't gone back into their whatever their line of work is.
If you're going back into an office, that's I guess that's what's going to be like for everybody and it's going to suck. The other thing I learned is that McVeigh's girlfriend or fiance is a little bit of a ditz. I didn't know much about her, but she's a little ditzy.
As I discovered poolside with I couldn't I couldn't even be bothered with her because I was I was too busy looking at the eye candy that John McVeigh. I loved how he lost the shirt. I like like, hey, fellas. Hey, producers. I'm going to I should jump in the pool. Right. Well, why. No, don't wait. No, I mean, now nobody can. I can't unring that bell. Sorry. Hard knocks producers.
I'm in the pool and by the way, I've been lifted the last six months. That was crazy wasn't it. Yeah. Made me kind of think of one of my yardsticks for getting older, which is when I was young, before I got in the pool, I would strip down to nothing but my trunks. You know, the idea was take stuff off before you got into the pool.
Now, I, I layer like, um, where's my swim shirt, my wide, bring back my swim booties, wear my goggles.
Like I'm actually adding stuff on to go into the pool.
That's true. I've but you know what, I always bellyache about how society has treated me unfairly in terms of like they dropped they dropped the HIV on me. Right. And what would have been my prime years. So I guess actually that gives me a good excuse for why I didn't womanize. As much as I otherwise might have. But yes, this is this like those those swim shirts really hit the mark right at the time that I needed them.
Right. As my body started to get a little bit too loose. Yeah, I, I, yeah, I wear them because then then nobody has to worry about putting suntan lotion on my back and no, this is perfect for me.
But it's interesting. There's a you know, it's interesting because I was thinking about my dad, my dad and missed World War Two because he was too young, but he also missed Vietnam because he was too old. You know, and there's a there's a timing in life that you can't deny. And there's one for getting laid, which I always say, you know, pre AIDS, mid Koke, that's the time you want to get laid. Right.
Everyone's doing coke, getting laid, having unprotected sex in the bathroom. You know, Studio 54, you land right in the middle of, you know. Yeah, we were about the same age. I had a lot of that. Not only you having sex with this person, you're having sex with every partner they've ever been with. So it's like I've already ruined it before we even got to the entree. Right. Like after picture everyone you've had sex with.
And then I have to picture having sex, like I have to blow the dude who was pounding you from before or like, how does this physically work? It's already ruined the whole meal.
It's so true. There were so many, like our TV shows, The Coming of Age movies and TV shows. Really, it's I can't imagine a kid who right now is 15 watching the movies that we grew up with, like the the central characters, like the big debate was like, should I wait until marriage?
That's the safe choice. Like there was a lot of that kind of talk that never happened in movies in the 70s or 60s. I don't think and it obviously doesn't happen in movies now, but we happen to to just step into that the absolute worst time to be, you know, fifteen or twenty in that age range of like sixteen to twenty five or whatever to be to be available single and ready to roll. And everybody was like, did you do you have a dental dam canceled there?
Did anybody ever use those outside of outside of sex ed classes. I remember like this is an easy thing to do. It's like it looks like a vacated candy wrapper. Like a caramel was just inside of there. Yes. Like, here's your dental dam. Now you use that for oral. Now, what what is commonly known. Yeah.
As we call the Doyley, it's a wait a minute, call it Kostner. That's what the dental dam could have taken off if it was called the clit coaster.
But yes, I Dr. Drew, used to explain like, well, you should be using the dental I'd like nobody would ever endeavor to use that.
I would love to hear if anyone within the sound of our voices right now can can give us an anecdote about actually using one of those. I think it's a fascinating I don't know that a human being ever actually use one of those things. I mean, how could you imagine packing that like I'm going out?
I got a date tonight. You know, the date number three. I think something something special is going to happen here.
Something's going to go down and what's going to go down is me and like packing away, packing away a dental dam. I can't imagine that. And then also the actual sort of handling of it.
You know, like what is is it like, you know, making a bed when you're like an air being being you do that fluff move with the comforter everywhere. You kind of stand at the foot of the bed and fluff it up is as they're ancillary tools like, you know, when you go to the dentist's office and they put that paper bib on you, but they have that chain that goes around your neck with the two roach clips at the end, like, would you use that?
You know, like some guys have the nice days for their for their sunglasses, you know, where they just pull them off and hang them around their their chests, like Costner's probably done in four movies. Like would you have that with your dental dam. Yeah, I mean, I hope so. And by the way, is there anything that tells the ladies open for business more than having the dental dam medallion. You know, it's just swinging from your chest.
Yeah. Forget about you don't need to talk. And this does my talking. Now, what am I about? Lady Luck right here. I'll take a step further. Starting this down, I would start printing up custom dental dams that had your Zodiac sign on there like it was a medallion slash dental dam.
All right. Where were you? In nineteen ninety. I had really good ah, revolutionized and made this business boom. Also the last thing on on hard knocks is that to me, I found it striking when Joey Boza signed his multi multimode. The million dollar deal that he did it and they showed him walking down the hallways, a mountain of a man, of course, but they showed he was wearing his his leather, he was wearing his Birkenstocks.
And it occurred to me that that is the most significant event involving a man wearing leather sandals and at least two thousand years. I mean. Right. I mean, who wears what man wears those to a significant event? I don't think anyone is.
You know, not since Roman Times has a man worn leather that way and signed off. I mean, the last time the guy was using a quill and he was dipping it in ink and signing parchment, the last time someone wore those shoes to an important event. All right. Let me hit bet online. No shortage of action coming up here with our partners. Bet online that AGEA MLB is in full swing and NBA playoffs. They start this week.
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Very nice ace. We're with you all week. So check us out tomorrow all the way through Friday on Good Sports for now for Adam Carolla, Dave Damasak, our good.
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