This is an all ears English podcast, episode 15 16. It's a shame to focus on perfection when you learn English.

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Today we get a listener question about how to use the word shame. We dive into the topic from a bunch of different angles. Find out how to use this powerful word today.

Hey, Aubrey, welcome to All Ears English.

Fancy meeting you here, guys. Aubrey and I are here today. And you know what? We're going to be here again tomorrow. But, yeah, we're just we're doing something new. Usually, guys, Aubrey and I work together on the all on the energy side. You've heard us separately on the English side. But, hey, it's us to you today. So hello. Yes, hello.

It's always fun to be on the English podcast, and it's so fun to be here with you today, Jessica. And we have a really fun topic today. I'm excited about this.

This is a fascinating topic. Yes. Guys, I cannot wait to hear what you think about it. Comment on the blog, shout out to us on Instagram anywhere. Let us know about today. OK, so let's start off by reading the email that prompted today's episode. I do want to read that email from a fantastic listener. Yes.

So it says, Hello, Lindsey from Jordan, thanks for your podcast. It really helps to improve my English experience. I was listening to your episode that's titled Is Bad, Always Bad in English. And I have a question about using the phrase, it's a shame. As on the beginning, I thought it's not a lovely way to use it while connecting with others.

But after some research, it shows other meanings. Thanks, Allah.

Good question.

Yes, that is so interesting. So guys, he is talking about episode fourteen eighty two of all ears, English and there's another English, episode twelve oh four that talks about how to show sympathy because that is something today's phrase does. Right.

So we can say that's too bad, but we can also say that's a shame. So that's a shame that we often say that if you're showing sympathy to someone exactly right.

Those are both really native natural expressions. If someone has told you something that is too bad, that's sad, that you feel bad for them, that's a great thing to say.

Just to say, oh, that's too bad or that's a shame. Exactly.

And guys, the reason why having these phrases is so important for you guys to connect with other people, because this is how we form those deeper connections, guys, by showing empathy, not like just say like, oh, whatever. Right. You want to show that you are listening to this other person, but you also care about what they've experienced, about what they're telling you.

So if they're sharing something that is negative, that has upset them, that is not great. You need to be there for them. Right. Support them as a friend, whether it's a co-worker or a new friend, an old friend, you guys can use this phrase. You can say, oh, that's a shame.

I usually I use it with that's like so for example, if you're like, oh, my car won't start, I have to take it to the mechanic. So I'm like, oh, that's a shame. I was really looking forward to the road trip this weekend. Yes.

And if you were to say something more formal like that is very unfortunate that that happened to you. It could be a little awkward. Whereas if you say something a little less formal, more building that bond, that connection of your friendship like these, that's a shame.

It it does make that connection.

It feels more comfortable between you. The empathy feels real.

Exactly. And I and I'm going to tag on to that comfort use of this phrase, because this is another way to show emotions that I think could be more comfortable for some people.

Right.

So, for example, say you and your friend had you were supposed to go on a walk today at two p.m. or whatever, and your friend can't make it right, then you instead of being like, oh, I'm sad, I can't see you. I mean, that's weird. We wouldn't say that. And I know, like, even if you are sad, maybe you don't want to tell someone you're sad. So just say, you know what, it's a shame that we can't go on our walk today.

And like, honestly, guys, one hundred percent. Honest, I do say that. No.

Yeah, definitely right. Or if you missed something in the past, in the recent past, you could say like it was a shame that we missed the show last night. Totally.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that is I mean, it's not superheavy these interactions, guys. I mean, we're not talking about, like, deep problems.

And I think that is important to note too. Like when do we use this phrase? It's about stuff the like kind of sucks but isn't going to hurt you long term, you know what I mean? Good point. Oh, I didn't see the TV show last night, like, all right.

But like, oh, that's a shame. Like, I would have been nice, but it's not crazy important.

That's a really good point. You would not say this. Like if someone let you know that their grandmother passed away, it would be inappropriate to be like, what a shame, because that's something that is.

Yeah. Is bigger is. More sad, and this is something that, like you said, is for for more lighthearted things, more temporarily passing, you wouldn't say it to really expressed sympathy for someone's loss.

Exactly. Precisely. OK, I think that's really important, guys. We want you to connect. That is our number one priority. And knowing when to use this phrase and more importantly, when not to use it, I think is very important. OK, so we got that phrase down. I think we're all clear on that phrase. It's a shame and that's a shame. But what about by itself, the word shame? It becomes more serious.

Yes, right.

If you're going to say that you felt shame for something, this has a very different meaning than embarrassment. I feel embarrassed for something kind of silly that happened. A different meaning. Shame is more like guilt. You feel for something pretty serious that you did that you regret is something huge.

Yeah, totally. So, yeah. I mean, let's give some examples.

If I spilled some water on your phone and it was, would you be like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed or and that like so yeah.

Let's talk about the order. We'd actually use these words.

So I spill the water on your phone and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed I did that. I am so sorry. And then maybe a little bit later you could be like, oh my God, my phone still won't turn on. And then I could say, Oh, I feel guilty. What can I do? Can I buy you a new one? Like, what can I do to make up for that?

And still, guys, none of this process, what I bring in the word shame, but if you liked intentionally took my phone and chucked it at the wall in anger or at me and injured me, you know, if we were like fighting and that were to happen, that's something you could feel shame about.

If it were like I behaved inappropriately.

I feel shame for my actions because it was big. And and I, I feel terrible about what I did. Extreme and it's manic.

I want to attach these two words to the word shame because this is how big this word is usually, right? Yeah, totally. Or like what if I what if I, like, stole all of your what do I like hacked into your Facebook and then I post all my word, like totally embarrass you. That was like a lie or whatever. Like that's that is a shameful action.

Yes. Right. If it's something, if it's an action, you made a good point that could cause someone else trauma or where you experience trauma yourself. So that's where shame becomes involved.

Like, I feel shame because there was some kind of emotional trauma, either because of my action or someone else's.

Totally. So guys like knowing these really negative connotation to these words. Oh, my gosh. The level that you can connect with other people, I can tell you my closest friends right now in life, we talk about these deep, dark feelings. Right. And so guys like this is this is great. I hope you have friends that you can actually discuss these feelings with or a therapist. OK, so there are some other options with shame. Let's move on from there's a dark but useful definition.

What are some other expressions we use this word in?

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So sometimes people will say shame on you or shame on someone like, oh, shame on you for hitting your little brother.

I actually don't use this at all. I mean, it might be very cultural or how you were raised, but for me to say shame on you to someone, it would be a terrible thing to say to someone. I don't want them to feel trauma. I agree. I totally agree.

I feel like this is something my parents would have said, like shame on you. That's really like you're talking to a toddler, you know what I mean? Like, and it's not great. It's not good. I don't recommend using this word. I use it jokingly playful. I do. Right.

Because, again, like we've discussed the really big connotations of this word.

So that's why we don't want to traumatize our young people by being like shame, you know, like, no, don't feel shame, a feel pride, if anything, feel a little bit embarrassed and then solve the problem and move on. Like, let's let's work on feeling good and not bad. I think that's our job as parents. But I do the same thing.

I use it playfully where I'll say like, oh, shame on you for leaving before I got to that party. You know, you're just like, oh, shame on you. If someone does something just only silly, I would never do it to make someone feel real shame.

And you know what else? Like, I would also say it to a friend who I don't think should feel shame or embarrassed.

So, for example, if a friend is like, oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed that I wore this shirt or whatever.

And like, I think it's not a big deal. It doesn't matter. I could be like, oh, shame on you for looking so pretty and like sort of using it ironically. Right, to make someone feel better. I feel bad. Yes.

Good point. So there's a famous expression.

I'm sure you've heard this one. That's fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. Right. So it just means like I might fall for something one time. And, you know, that's a bummer that you tricked me. But if I fall for the same thing again, then that's my own fault. Right. Right.

Which is very famously messed up by George Bush.

Do you remember that? Oh, my God. How could I not? There was even I remember this shows our age. But I remember after George Bush's presidency, the son.

Right, the junior, there were like whole entire calendars and books that came out of Bush ASMs because he was famous for kind of stumbling over his words. And I'm not shaming him, OK? I stumble over my words. Oh, sure. Like we all do a thing that happened. Yeah. So he George Bush was trying to say this in a speech, that phrase that Aubrey just said, it's long.

I don't blame him for it long, but he kind of got lost in the middle and he was like, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice. Shame, shame on you. And he was just like he was like, fool me twice.

You can't fool me again.

Just like lost the end of it. It's pretty funny. It's so funny. It's so great. OK, so we have so.

Oh just one more important thing to note here, because this is something terrible that's happening that I think we should talk about.

And it does connect to this word today of shame, but it is attached to nouns to talk about bullying and making people feel bad, which happens, of course, on social media when people are anonymous.

So body shaming, for example, making someone feel bad because they're not super skinny, because they don't have the body that you think they should. Of course, you can tell by the way I'm talking about this, it's like one of the most horrible things. Yeah, exactly.

It's really terrible when this happens and it's really common. A lot more like you were saying. Now when people can be anonymous. And even so, this has happened to people I know where they know each other.

But because you're not saying something face to face, like through text or Instagram, they'll even say it to someone they know personally because you still have the anonymity of not being face to face, something they would never say to someone's face. They feel comfortable texting or something, which is so terrible.

I want to lighten this up by telling you guys the opposite of this, which is something we talk about a lot now. Thank goodness. And I want you guys to talk about. This is body positivity. So this is the other side of that coin, guys.

You will see people like on take talk, for example, maybe someone who doesn't have the whatever you think is a perfect body is and this person does not care. And they are dancing. They are so happy. And you see the comments on their Tick-Tock video and about how body positive this is.

It doesn't matter. Guys like you do you body positive. Do what you want. Be happy. Yes, and I think a lot of companies are making great strides with this by having a lot more representation in their advertisements, for example, to have, you know, representing all types of bodies, bodies that you actually see out in the world so that people do see representation of what they look like.

So that body positivity is more generally happening.

Just I don't want to get too far off topic here, but I'm what we are watching a documentary series on Disney plus called Marvel six one six. It's amazing, guys. I highly recommend it. But James and I just watched one last night about how females and people of color, what their connection to the comics industry has been throughout history. And they were interviewing an African-American comic book artist and she was saying that she was only drawing white characters at first.

And she had to ask yourself why, you know what I mean? So this idea of examining your own assumptions, your own habits and turning that to a positive like she intentionally, intentionally includes characters of color and non-traditional characters. Now, so anyway, Marvel six one six hits a man. Check it out.

Well, it's interesting because once upon a time in the not, you know, in the not so distant past, that would be all maybe that she would be able to sell and know that for sure would be picked up by a major network.

TRU Whereas now it's amazing to see the strides that are being made on media where that's not the case anymore. So thank goodness things are going in the right direction for, you know, body positivity and media and film representation everywhere and all of our listeners.

I know a lot of you are working in those fields, so that's a tribute to all of us that are making efforts to make things better in the world.

I love it.

And so just coming back to this idea of Nauen plus shame, we do use it in other ways, unfortunately. But whenever you make someone feel bad about something, right. You could call that mom shaming, for example.

I think both of us have experienced. Right. I know, right.

If ever like your kids are on screen and someone finds out or something about just those little negative comments to mom, shame you if they feel like kids shouldn't be on screen at all or something, it's true. That's the worst parents are.

So Jaji like it's like, hey, you know, like I sometimes, like I do like pick and choose what I'll talk to other parents about sometimes because I know, like, maybe they won't agree with a parenting choice. So I'm just not going to tell them because I know that they'll parent shame me.

Right? Totally.

All right. Any other last notes about the word shame?

I think it's interesting, just the expression to put someone to shame, which is also pretty lighthearted. If someone's really good at a skill, you can say like, oh, that basketball player puts everybody else to shame. We use this one a lot. Yeah.

And it's it's so interesting how that word shame can either have a really awful negative connotations or albian other expressions that don't at all, depending on the context.

I think I think if we could just sort of take take away from what we've shared today, if shame is a longer phrase, it can be fun. If the shorter it is, the worse that is. You know what I mean? Like, if we go down to two words, body shaming, horrible. Go down even one more level, just the word shame itself, even the words. So the more words, the more the more than a beginning sentence.

You're good. Pop it up to three words. Put someone to shame. Guys, think about what are you so good at? I want you to be positive about this, right. And be like, you know what? My videos put all other people to shame or whatever and don't, you know, be like super bragi about it.

But if we are using our lighthearted way of delivering it, guys. Oh, my gosh. Be proud. So, guys, the take away from today, first of all, be proud. Don't put shame on anybody else. That's the second take away which listeners we know you won't because you guys are all great and try to use these words. I would love to see you use these words again. Where can do you do that? Follow us on Instagram.

Follow us on Twitter. You can leave a comment on this blog post English dot com. This is episode fifteen sixteen. You can also comment on one of our YouTube videos. But guys somehow get across your practice of the word shame, but in a positive way.

Yes.

And if you guys haven't ever heard us, Jessica and I on the Eilts Energy podcast, you got to come check it out. Wherever you find your podcast, where we find this podcast, come sign up, subscribe to the Eilts Energy podcast and check out, especially if you're going to prepare for Eilts any time in the future.

Yeah, and even if you're not, I mean, come on over. We have no chance of great. Ambulatory, for sure. All right, very well. Oh, my gosh, so much fun. I hope we get to do this again more in the future.

I know we do so fun. I will see you next time. I love good bye bye.

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