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This is an all ears English podcast, episode 1535, how to nicely tell someone you hate something that they love in English.

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Welcome to the All Ears English podcast downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts. Linda McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York Radio Girl coming to you from Colorado and New York City U. S a and to get Real-Time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try our Iooss app.

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Start your seven day free trial at all ears English dot com forward slash bonuses.

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Your friend or colleague is a huge fan of something you tried, but you just don't get it.

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How can you respond when they bring it up in a way that doesn't break down the connection? Find out today.

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Hey, Lindsay, how are you? Hey, Michelle, I'm feeling good getting warmed up on the mic here. Feeling good? Yes.

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How are you? How are you? How's everything going? I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.

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Not getting too much sleep lately, but I'm OK and just.

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Wow. Yeah. Yeah, too. For our listeners who have children, maybe two year olds. Not not easy.

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Right, guys? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure some of them do and they know exactly what you're going through so. Yeah.

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Yeah exactly. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. But so I am glad to have this time to record with you Lindsay. It's like and it's a lot of fun so. And it turns me away. It gives me a little break. It's a good little escape for you, you know, a chance to kind of just forget because we don't really have time to be thinking about anything else. More on the mic.

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We have to be present, which is kind of cool. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I love it.

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So anyway, Lindsay, so we did an episode just a I think it was last week, right.

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About things being overrated.

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And we talked a little bit about that and we got into a bit of a discussion about how to use this with social tact.

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Right.

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So, guys, to listen to really part one of this, go to episode fifteen thirty one.

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And it was called It's Not Worth the Hype How to say that something is overrated in English. So definitely there you can get the background. So if you haven't listened to that one yet, make sure that you listen to that one along with today's episode. Yeah, I love it.

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You know, on this show, guys, we really we believe in connection, not perfection. And we try to give you these skills that advanced to upper intermediate level to really get to that level of connection. This is one of them. This is the connection, skill, how to respond when you don't have the same opinion about something as someone else. It could be a moment where the connection could suffer. Right. We want to save that moment and not let that happen.

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Absolutely.

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Absolutely. So it's kind of interesting because what we're doing is like last one, we've taught more vocabulary and we discussed it. And now, you know, we're really getting we started talking a little bit about the social stuff.

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And now really we're digging into that today and talking about what we can say. Right. So it's really it's really good to kind of think about it from, you know, all different perspectives.

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Yeah. So it's kind of like we take a few steps in our learning, right? I mean, we build it out first. We get the grammar, we get the structure, and then we get into the social connection aspect of it.

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So good, so good. Michali. But there is something really big coming, hopefully very, very soon, possibly this week, guys, that we're recording this a little early at the end of January. So we don't know the exact launch date of the Android app, but it will be coming very soon. Are you excited for this Android app?

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I am. I am, because I have an Android phone, so I am very excited for this to come out and be able to see the app.

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I know you can finally create your personal powerless to popularity words.

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Exactly. Exactly that. That's really great, guys.

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I know we know you guys have been asking and asking and rightfully so. All right. We want to we want to meet you guys where you want to be, you know, working on your English, on your phones, whether you have an iPhone or an Android. And so here we go.

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Exactly. I mean, on this Android app, guys, as our iOS users already know, you do get a real time transcript of the episode right on your phone while you listen. OK, so that's a game changer. You don't have to get the PDF transcripts anymore. You don't have to go home, print it out. You can see it right on your phone, on your way to work. And you get your personal powerless. You can curate your own list of vocab words.

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You create your list. You say that it's right there.

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Every time you go back to the episodes, it's all in one place. So cool. Awesome.

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I love it. So, guys, definitely to get on that early exclusive list. Yeah, right.

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Go to all your little dot com slash android. Yeah. Sign up. Get on the list. I will be reaching out to you guys as soon as the app is live. So get on the list. OK, cool. Michelle, let's get into it.

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OK, so yeah we were talking about this situation that sometimes come up comes up. Right. So like what if I mean you think something was overrated but the other person in the conversation doesn't.

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And in fact, not only do they not think it was over. Right, but they love the thing that you think is overrated. So. Oh, what do you do, Lindsey? Does this ever happened to you? Oh, yeah.

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You know what comes up to me in my mind? Halloween. Oh, yeah. Well, we kind of had the same feelings on how we do. And I know your husband really loved Halloween. All right. That's the thing. Yes.

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And I guess this one's a little more objective because Halloween is just a date on the calendar. People hopefully won't take it too personally. If you say Halloween is overrated, it's a little different in this one. One's a little less delicate, let's say. But yes, this comes up to me all the time for me around Halloween, because I just don't I don't get it.

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Yeah, it's a lot of effort to really do it up and I don't know. Yeah. Lindsay were the same on that one.

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Yeah. It's just some people it's their. Favorite holiday, and they go nuts and they plan their costumes all year, and I can see why it's fun for kids and if I have kids, that'll be fun. But as an adult, like, I could take it or leave it.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I hear you. I hear you. I mean, so in these situations where somebody loves something, but you think it was overrated, so again, maybe not Halloween, maybe it was a book, a movie or something like that, especially when it's with somebody tastes right. You don't run to just like just like, I don't know, rain on their parade.

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You know, you don't want to just like they they're so excited about it and then use them map. It's like, you know, you don't want to you don't want to be that person. I mean, you want to be honest about your opinions I think and it depends on your relationship, but I think you want to do it in a way that doesn't feel like you're making that person feel silly about their tastes and preferences.

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Yeah, but this is a tricky balance because you also want to differentiate and show that you have your own thoughts and opinions because no one likes like a yes man. Right? Like I yes.

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I agree with you. Everything is the same as you say. Now, that's boring. No one wants to connect with that person. Right. That always agrees with everyone. So you need to find this balance. And I love I just want to highlight the expression for our listeners. You just use Michelle Rain on their parade. That's kind of fun.

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That's all it means. Like, you know, I think I think it was a song, actually. Like a brand. Yeah. Yeah. But I so I don't know which came first, the expression of the song. But anyway, to rain on someone's parade, it's like they're like having a parade, they're all happy about something. And then you're like cloud, you're the rain that comes in our happiness. Yeah. Or what's that expression. They say like a wet blanket or something.

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You know that expression like you just kind of ruin everything and the mood goes down. I'm not sure if I'm using that one correctly, but rain on their parade is great. So, yeah, you don't want to do that.

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But you at the same time want to say that you don't totally agree. You have to say what you think. So what do we do or what should we not do?

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Well, here's what not to do. Here's an example, Lindsey. You want to go ahead. Oh, my gosh, Michelle. I loved that new Jennifer Aniston movie. What?

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Oh, come on, Lindsay. It was terrible. What are you thinking?

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Oh, my gosh. So that's pretty insulting because you're really saying you have bad taste, right? Right, exactly.

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I mean, my intonation was intense. I added on a what were you thinking? What are you thinking? Right. Very intense.

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I clearly had a very strong negative reaction, a negative opinion about it. And it sounded like I was questioning your judgment. Really? And.

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Yeah, yeah. I mean, is there ever a time when it is OK to do this, to be so strong in your reaction?

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Yeah, I mean, I think when it's like a very close friend that you have that kind of relationship with a relative, somebody whom you have a very open relationship, like I could do this with my husband or several friends.

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What do you think? Yeah, I agree with you. When the person's not going to feel offended, personally offended.

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What do you know the person? Well, it's fine. It's fine. But we're not talking about the a relationship. You know, it's just like. Yeah, yeah.

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We're talking about how to help our listeners get closer to people maybe they don't know as well. Right. Right. Native English speakers who may be offended if we respond in that way. Exactly.

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So like if you're trying to build a connection with someone, you know, you want to avoid that kind of response unless I mean, it's possible that you're kind of like met someone out on like they're they're sarcastic and you're sarcastic. But if they're being, like, really genuine about things, you don't you don't want to go down that well, you could sound rude. You might make the person feel self-conscious or they might question if you have things in common.

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Oh, my God. And I bet this could be quite cultural, too. I'm sure there are some cultures that are listening.

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Listeners are from where it is kind of OK, maybe to be more direct and say, no, I didn't like that, you know.

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So be careful around culture. You know, what are people's expectations around how you're going to dress up your response? I think in the US we have a pretty like we're direct in some ways and we're indirect in others. But in this context, we want to get to know someone. We do try to support what the person has said and not come back to them and say, that was awful. You.

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Right, right, right. Right, exactly. I mean, it's a lindsy. Let's get into it. Let's get into some strategies. I mean, the first one is to be specific, right? So like say specifically what you didn't like. That doesn't mean you have to say it was an awful plot. The characters were awful. I don't mean like that. Right. But let's just do an example and talk about it.

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OK, so that book was amazing.

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Yeah, there were good parts. Did you think some of the writing was a little cheesy, though?

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Yeah. And I can really see some some like aspects you put into your response. Your tone of voice shows your your reservations. Right.

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And you also said though at the end, very strategic and very native, by the way.

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Yeah. So you're like saying but by saying though at the end write that what you're doing. Right. Right, right. Yeah.

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So it's like I'm you know, I'm saying OK. Yeah. Like and then I'm bringing up something that I didn't think was so good, but I'm bringing it up in a nice specific, you know, in a less direct way.

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And then you can really see, you know, figure out if you see eye to eye with this person, right? If they feel like the right cheezy at all, you be like maybe you were just in different universes or something. Maybe we shouldn't be exactly, exactly alike.

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All right. So that's one strategy. What's another one?

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Let's the Android app is finally coming.

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The app is a place where you can store all of the words that you are working on from all your English in one place. Plus, you get to see the transcripts in real time right there on your screen while you listen, get on the early insider list to be the first to hear when it's ready. Go to all areas. English dot com forward slash android.

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So find something nice to say, reminds me of the old phrase, they say when you're in school, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

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Right, right, right, right, right. And it's going to be a little bit vague. I mean, so let's let's show let's do two role plays with this one. So. OK, all right. This is the best cake I've ever had.

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Yeah. It's definitely chocolaty. So this is vague. You're saying it's chocolate. Maybe you hate that it's chocolate. Maybe you don't hate that it's chocolate, right? Yeah, but I probably know that you like chocolate. So that's why I chose that particular thing that I like. So you do have to know the person a little bit. You know, you had to say that, but that's a good one. And then what's the second way to do this?

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Michelle, are you ready? Here we go. Here we go.

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This new album is her best, don't you think? Yeah.

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I love the third song on the album. I still love her older stuff, though. This is nice. It's a nice balance. You're differentiating her showing how your different your opinion is not what mine is, but you are kind of agreeing in the beginning on which part you like, which is the third song only.

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Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, being a little bit vague or being so I mean it's funny because the first one I said be specific. In the second one I say yeah, might be a little bit vague, but this is even though I said the third song on the album. So, you know, you have to play with it a little bit.

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I mean, you can pick and choose strategies that work for you. And sometimes it might work for one context, but it doesn't work for another one.

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Yeah, I mean, it's really an art, right? You know, it's an art, not a science, guys. And you have to go with your gut on what's going to connect with that person, OK?

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Exactly, exactly. And then the third thing is to consider the feedback sandwich. And we've talked about things like this before. So, for example, an English episode five twenty two, we have business English and how to get feedback in American culture.

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So that's one thing about feedback and what's another one.

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Lindsy. So Episode seven, 66 is frankly speaking, this is the best way to be honest. So we have talked a little bit about that feedback sandwich where you say something nice, then you provide the criticism right in the middle is kind of the meat of the hamburger and then the bread. The other side of the loaf is something else that's nice.

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Common in American ones are about. Oh, sorry. No, I was just going to say we use this a lot in business culture. I have. Yeah, exactly.

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So in these episodes you can get lots of information on feedback and feedback. So. All right, let's try let's try it out. So what do you think of this amazing news show? Linzey Hilarious, right?

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Yeah, I think overall it's really funny. There are parts that are a little dry for me, for my taste, though. So some of the characters are kind of boring. But I'm curious to see where they take the show for sure.

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This is so interesting, guys.

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There are some key kind of words that kind of cue up my feelings right at the end. I say, but I'm curious to see where they take the show for sure. That's agreement, right? For sure is really emphasizing my agreement that I am excited with the about it overall is another key word where I'm trying to empathize and agree with you. It's really interesting. We can dissect the sentence.

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Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Overall and for sure. Yeah. OK, I know. Right.

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Kind of is kind of reducing like you know, you're reducing the fact that you're saying that it's boring, you're kind of reducing the impact. Right.

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Right, right. Right. Exactly. All right. Do we do another another one.

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Yes, let's do it. OK, this hotel is amazing, I think it's the best one I've ever stayed at. Yeah, I love the lobby. It's so pretty, you know, the service could be better, I think. But there are some real nice amenities.

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OK, nice. So you're finding that agreement and then again, differentiating what you think. Exactly.

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Exactly. And then we have one more, you know, roll one more roll play and little strategy, you know, which we have already kind of touched on a little bit, kind of right. Which is to use softening language, things like of sort of pretty not bad. A bit could be better. All right. Also things like that, right, Lindsay?

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Interesting. Yeah, the length. How to soften your language. So good. I feel like we could do a whole mini series on this concept, Michel, for a little. Yeah. I'm sure you're gonna love this. That would be fun. Yeah. Really cool.

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OK, well, let's just go ahead and show our listeners how we do it in this role play. So. All right. So did you finally try the soup at the restaurant I was telling you about?

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Yeah, I did. And yeah, it was pretty good.

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Not bad. I thought it was sort of salty, but it was all right. OK, so that's one. So I realized we have to. Yeah, we have to. OK, all right. Go ahead, Michelle. All right.

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So, well, in the first one, you know, you said I said it was pretty good, not bad. I thought it was sort of salty, but it was all right. So tons of softening language there, right?

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Tons of pretty good. Sort of salty. Very good. Yeah. Lots of softening language. And then in the second one. All right. So you finished the book. What you think. Incredible, right? Yeah, pretty good. I liked it, but some parts could have been better. I think overall it was good. Thanks for the suggestion, OK. I just find the scenario kind of funny.

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Just when someone loves something and then the other person is like, I just didn't get it.

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It's just it's kind of a weird mismatch of taste. And people collide, in their opinion is just fascinating.

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I don't know. Yeah, actually, I just had this happen. So I just the other day I saw a movie, came out of a book I had read and I forgot that it was like one of my favorite books ever. And I forgot that my friend, my friend wrote to me like, should I watch the movie? Like, can we get our relationship back? And I forgot that she had read the book and didn't like it. And we might have been joking about it for a while.

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Well, yeah, it's so good. Well, in this piece, what did we use to soften the language here? I said pretty. I added pretty again, which again, that's a key softening term or pretty good. Some parts could have been better. I could have been. Yeah, yeah. I think again and I could also say could have been better but that would have made it stronger without adding I think. OK, so it just depends on what degree of of softening you want to do guys.

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Exactly.

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Exactly. Oh my gosh. There, there is so much here we could go on and on but. Yeah guys. So we gave you a bunch of strategies today.

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I think we gave you four specific strategies, you know, and like we said, you can I mean, this is the takeaway for today.

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I mean, you can mix and match what works for you because some of these were kind of similar to each other, but some of them were kind of different. So we gave you some strategies about how you can be honest in these awkward conversations so that you don't break that connection, especially when you were just getting to know someone.

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Exactly. I love you guys. Keep the connection, build the connection. In some ways, you could use this as a moment to strengthen the connection. You see, you don't exactly see eye to eye on things, but then you explore that with the person. Oh, how do you look at this? Why do you look at this this way? Right. It's a beginning of a conversation, not the end, if you respond in the right way.

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Exactly.

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Exactly. Oh, I love it. This is this has been really interesting. So, yeah. Guys, thank you for listening. Let us know how it goes for you.

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And remember to get on our list so that you find out about that Android app at all is English dot com android. Yeah.

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It's so exciting. Guys, make sure you get on that list again. It's all in English dot com slash android. I'll be emailing you as soon as the app is available. So get ready. All right. Very good. Very good stuff today. Michelle, talk to you soon. All right. Bye, Lindsey.

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Bye. Thanks for listening to all ears English, would you like to know your English level, take our two minute quiz, go to all ears, English dot com forward slash fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit. Subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.