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Thank you Manami. Hey guys, welcome back to Anything Goes.


I am, I am doing an advice session today where it is going to hop right into it.


I have been feeling really good the past few days and that's always a telltale sign that it's time to do an advice session because I'm feeling emotionally stable.


There is no drama. All of my relationships are solid. Um, my self-esteem for the most part is not the worst. It struggles, but it's like pretty decent, which makes me feel like I'm in the right spot to be doing this.


Let me take a sip of my coffee first.


For starters, I hope you guys are having a great week, and if you're not, don't worry. A lot of people are probably having a shitty week.


It happens, right. I'm excited for this advice session. I feel like I found really good. Questions I love that you guys are just sending me questions constantly now, so I don't even have to ask, like, hey, I'm doing an advice session. You guys just DME or tweet them at me. And it's great because I just collect them over time. And then when I have enough and I'm in a good headspace, it's time to go at.


So. Let's just get right on into it, first one, I currently have a boyfriend whose family is more financially stable than mine. I don't have a job in holiday season is coming up. I'm worried that he won't appreciate what I get him if it's not something expensive.


OK, listen. Gift's. Are not about the money spent. If you're a good person, OK. If you're dating somebody, they should be aware of your financial standing, right, and I'm pretty sure he probably is, he probably knows that you don't have a job.


He probably knows that you don't have money to be spending on gifts.


And so if he gives you a hard time or isn't grateful for whatever you give him. That's just straight up, not a good guy, and I get it because I growing up, remember when it was Christmas time, a lot of my cousins and other family members had a lot more money than my family did. Like my parents and I write, they would give maybe more expensive gifts than my parents and I would give because we just didn't have the money to spend on, like, these crazy, extravagant gifts.


But instead, what I would do is I would make something usually so I'd make like a cute little like I remember one year stands out to me.


I bought all of my cousin's mugs and I put little and I bought, like from TJ Max, a hot cocoa mix. That was really nice, but it was on sale. And I bought like little Oreo cookie things that were covered in peppermint chocolate from TJ Max. Yes, they have food, fun fact. And then I bought like fuzzy socks from TJ Max and I did the whole thing and I bought all these mugs only for because I only have four cousins.


And then I made little like cute little winter things and. It was so cheap to make it was I probably about 20 dollars on all four of my cousin's gifts, but I put effort into it and they were so grateful and they didn't care that like they maybe spent more money on a gift on me than what I spend on them, like it was something that I actually put time and effort into, you know what I mean? And. That actually means more, I think, and if people don't see that or they don't think of it like that, then they're not a good person.


Also, if somebody is wealthy and they're expecting expensive gifts from others when they already have everything that they can ask for. That's just straight up a bad person, I'm assuming that you're not dating an asshole, and I'm assuming that he's probably going to be grateful for whatever you do.


Make something heartfelt. By something heartfelt, it's not about the gifts at the end of the day, gifts mean nothing. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.


If he's a good guy, he's going to be grateful for whatever you give him. But I also understand that pressure and that guilt in a weird way where you're like, fuck, I can't provide for this person like they provide for me. But what you give them on a day to day basis, the love and support that you give your boyfriend in your relationship is a daily gift. And that's truly true. Like if you're in a healthy relationship, you don't even want a fucking gift from your significant other.


I know some people's love language is material items, and I totally understand that that's something you can't really control, but.


I think you're going to be grateful for anything that you get from your significant other if you truly are in love with them and you truly love them for who they are.


And so anything, whether it's a more thoughtful gift or it's a more expensive gift, you're going to appreciate it regardless.


Because I think if they understand your financial standing, they're not going to judge what you end up giving them. So don't worry about a girl, just do something heartfelt and have fun with it because it's supposed to be fun. Getting somebody a gift is fun. Personally, I don't enjoy it. Well, I don't enjoy it if it's not an obvious like there are certain people where I'm like, oh, I know exactly what I get them. Like, the second I started making my own income, I was like, I'm getting my dad a laptop, you know what I mean?


Or like I'm getting my mom a Louis Vuitton bag. Like those were things that I was like, yes, but before when I when I didn't have my own thing, it was awful.


It made me so stressed out because I actually had to be creative about it. And it was upsetting. It was stressful. But in retrospect now I actually have reverted back to where I'm like I like a more heartfelt gift. That doesn't mean like where money is not involved. And I like receiving gifts like that more, too, because it shows that someone cares. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Next one, hey, Emma, my question for you is how to stop overthinking friendships and making yourself think that you have no friends.


I do overthink a lot, but lately I've been going overload with it. I like that I've been going overload with it anyway, loving your podcast so much, you're the best. Love you too. So. You know, what I realized about about friendships in general is. If you have all your eggs in one basket, you're constantly going to be stressed about it. Listen, you guys know me. I have a very small circle, very small, OK?


But I also have a broader circle. Yes, I have my closest friends, but I also try to be on good terms with everyone. I mean, so that if I ever wanted to like if my friendships ever failed or relationships ever failed in general, like, I know that I have people that would hang out with me even though we're not best friends. And so I think your goal should be. Yes, prioritize your closest friendships, but also.


Expand your horizons a little bit on the surface level. I'm not saying you need to be best friends with everyone you meet, but going out and having a few people that like you may be OK. Say, for example, you have somebody at work that you really get along with or somebody in your math class that you talk to, you know, during math only. And then after that you don't talk really. It's just like a friendship in that class.


Like those relationships are important to have because they make you feel like you have a foundation in the world where if your direct friendships don't work out, you have other people that you enjoy that maybe you're not as close with, but that you know that you could. You could actually develop those friendships further if needed down the line. I think also having a life on your own that you're excited about, you know, keeping yourself busy and stuff like that helps too.


Obviously I literally that's my Emmas fucking remedy for all is to have a life that you are excited about that involves nobody but you.


And it's hard to do. But constantly working towards that is should be the goal because it fixes 90 percent of life's problems, not all of them, but a decent amount. But I also think that, like trying to be friends with everybody.


That's not obviously a shitty person like I'm not talking about someone who's just an asshole now, but like. If you meet a barista at a coffee shop that you like. And every time you go to that coffee shop, you guys talk like those are the things that make you feel better because you feel like you're not relying on just your friend group or even I can use my two best friends. And I guess we're all best friends. But we also have other friends that we hang out with.


Like one of my friends has a tennis friend that she goes and plays tennis with or.


You know, I have a group of friends that I've met through social media that. My friends don't really know, but like if I ever want to go hang out with them, like I totally can, but we're not like close but like. If I wanted to go hang out with them, like I have that option, but we're not best, but it's like but that makes me feel good knowing that, like, if one night all of my you know, my two best friends were, like, busy doing something, I have other options, you know what I'm saying?


My friends also have friends that they like. They do acting class. I don't they have friends from that. It's nice to have. Other friends besides your best friends that you're not as close with, but that. You still hang out with you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket. That's the moral of that story. So this next one isn't a question, but somebody said. Do you support LGBTQ plus? I was listening to one of your podcasts of the day, and randomly that question came to my mind and I really want to know.


OK, yes. I want you guys to know this about me, because I I mean, obviously I feel like it's obvious, but like maybe it's not. I support every everybody. Everyone, I don't care about anything that has to do with anyone's identity at all, that means nothing to me. I support and love everybody for who they are as a person, and I never judge. And I support as long as people are doing the right thing and being good people.


I'm I'm supporting you, you know what I mean? But also, if I'm not supporting you, it has nothing to do with, like, anything that you identify as who you are as a person.


OK, like, for example, if somebody fucking murders people, like, I'm not going to support that person, but that has nothing to do with anything else besides the fact that they're making bad moral decisions and hurting others.


If you're not hurting others, pretty much I support you and even if you are hurting others. I want you to do better. That's where I'm at. OK, I have never. Cared about that or judged ever. Ever and, you know, I just want you guys to know that no matter who you are, no matter what you identify as I no matter if it. You don't know yet, I don't care, because that's not how I look at people, I don't look at people based on anything except for how they treat me and how they treat others.


That is the only way I look at people. And that's just how I was raised. And that is just. Whatever, but I just want you guys to know that I am in full support of everybody like I you know what I mean? And I just. I don't know, I mean, I think that's important because it's just important for you guys to know that, you know, you can feel safe, damning me about anything, even if it's like I.


Can't necessarily relate to certain struggles that you guys have dealt with because we're all so different and we all such different lives, but I like I've never had to come out. So I don't know how to relate to that, but at the same time, I want you guys to feel comfortable to vent about those things to me, because even though I maybe I maybe haven't dealt with it personally or experience that personally, I still. Would love to help in any way that I can if you guys are struggling with that.


In the best way I can take these things with a grain of salt for me, I'm not a fucking professional therapist of sorts, like I'm not like a, you know, genius, but like I want to help. And I accept all of you for. Exactly. I mean, it doesn't mean that's a no brainer. Moral story is that's a no fucking brainer. And I've never even like that's ever even been a question. Moving on and moving forward.


I just I think it kind of scared me that somebody asked me that because I was like, wait. It scared me to think that somebody would think that there was a chance that I did it, and so I just needed to like talk about that. But. Thank you, all words for sponsoring this episode of Anything Goes, the holidays are coming up. I'm really confused about how this is going to go a little bit anxious to be honest about what the holidays are going to look like this year.


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I obviously love the shoes, but a new favorite has been possibly the puffer. The Torino puffer. I'm really into it with Albats. Feel confident knowing that you're running a product that's doing right by you and the planet had to Albats Dotcom for the perfect gift to give and receive. Give light, tread lighter. Thank you all birds for sponsoring this episode. Appreciate y'all. OK, next one. I'm really insecure about my looks for some time now.


Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is my imperfections. It's not that others think I'm ugly. They might, though. But anyway, I just really hate how I look. OK, girl, I feel you, I feel you, and, you know, I think it comes in phases in life and I think that it's impossible to expect yourself to always. See yourself for how beautiful you are, right, I think it's really it's borderline impossible to expect that from yourself.


But you know what?


Something I've noticed is when I'm looking in the mirror and I'm picking out all my imperfections and I'm judging myself, I found that it less has to do with how I actually look and it more has to do with. How I feel about myself on the inside, if I look in the mirror, let's say I've been having bad habits recently, like I've been on my phone too much or I haven't been getting my work done on time or I haven't been checking in on people as much.


I weirdly find that.


Those things making me feel bad about myself, make me feel bad about how I look to and it's so weird. If you start doing those things. And you start. Doing things that make you feel good about yourself. That have nothing to do with your appearance that can really, really help, and it's so crazy because when I'm when I feel like I have my life together and I feel like all of my ducks are in a row, right. I'm taking care of the people that I love.


I'm taking care of myself. Right. I'm doing things that are good for me. I'm not participating in things that are bad for me, whether that's being around bad people or not treating others the way that they should probably be treated.


Stuff like that, like. When you eliminate those things. It subconsciously makes you respect yourself more and appreciate yourself more, so when you look in the mirror, you're less likely to nitpick and you're more likely to be like, you know what? You're a good person, but it's all subconscious. It's a very hard thing to do to look in the mirror when you are struggling and you're like, I look like shit to just be like, you know what, I'm just going to change my mind.


If it was that easy, I think we would all have figured that out by now. But it's not. And so. Work on your soul in a way, and I think that that will help a lot and that's helped me a lot. OK, next, somebody said, I'm a junior in college. Four of my best friends all live in an apartment together without me, and one of them found out that the other three girls have a group chat without her where they talk shit about her in the chat.


That's fucked up that I have a mutual friend with all of them and I feel like I'm in the middle. The fourth friend and I try to discuss similar issues with others in the past, but their behavior hasn't really changed. The fourth friend is now considering moving out of their apartment next year, which will leave me in an awkward situation of where I should live and if I should continue to be friends with any of these people.


It's very obvious that the three girls that had the group chat are not very good people. Listen. Shit like this happens between friendships with girls. It's impossible to assume that it won't.


But if they've constantly had toxic behavior over the past few months without fail, I see you in the fourth friend, the girl that was being.


Talked badly about I think you two go you to get a place together and you ditch those three other girls. You don't need that toxicity in your life, neither does the fourth friend you guys escape from that. Neither of you are happy in this friendship of five, OK, you need to get the fuck out of that.


There's life is way too damn short.


And I think that you're going to feel better long term rooting for it's not going to make you feel good if you side with the three friends because they all have each other. They don't need you guys. You guys go off and do your own thing and go make new friends. Fuck them. Done. You're you're not living with them next year. I'm sorry I made the decision for you. They're not good people. It's toxic. Somebody said, OK, I'm I need advice, what should I do if I'm in a loving relationship, but I also have a huge crush on somebody else?


OK, so you're going to have to put yourself second here, right, because. From what I'm getting from this, is that you're in a loving relationship. OK, it's probably pretty positive. There's probably not a lot of drama in it. It's probably very simple and very comfortable. Great.


But you have your eyes on somebody else. And listen, it's impossible to expect from two human beings that occasionally one of the people in the relationship might look at somebody like, oh, they're hot or like whatever.


But if you have, like, a genuine crush, like, OK, there's a difference between admiring while in a relationship and having a crush while in a relationship.


I think that it's impossible not to look at somebody and be like, wow, they're really cool or they're really cute. When you're you can still think those things when you're in a relationship. But when you're in a solid relationship that has a solid backbone and has a lot of substance, you're probably not going to be like, God, I wish I could pursue that person like I have a crush on them. You need to get out of this relationship for two reasons.


One, it's clear that it's not. It doesn't have enough substance in it to keep you excited, which is unfair to you, but also it's unfair to who you're dating because they deserve your full, undivided attention. And unless you're in an open relationship, having your eyes on somebody else is just not right. Listen, it's not your fault.


You having a crush on someone else is out of your control. So don't be mad at yourself about that.


You don't need to feel guilty about that. Nothing.


But what you need to do is act on it. Right. Because it's unfair to whoever you're dating. To be in a relationship when your eyes are looking elsewhere. Again, be honest with yourself, do you just think that somebody is good looking or do you genuinely have a crush on them like a full crush on them? Because if you have a crush on them, it's time to end the relationship because, you know, to be honest, your relationship might just not have enough substance for you.


You might be bored of it. And that's totally fine.


Yes, it's going to be painful and it's going to suck and it's going to hurt, but. This is part of life, so. Don't string along your current significant other, you know what I mean, just because you are afraid of being alone again, right?


It's just not fair. So that's that. Somebody said, I am I love the podcast, and it gets me through the week, I'm a 15 year old boy and I've been struggling with my sexuality lately. I've never had feelings for guys, but I do sometimes have crazy thoughts about them, which I kind of like, actually. Anyway, I'm also kind of girly and have a lot more girlfriends than boys. Is this a phase or is this something now?


Listen, I want to preface this by saying I don't want to seem. Ignorant or seem like. Stupid for talking about this being somebody that's never experienced it. Right, I've never experienced this, but I still. Feel like I might have something to say that could be useful, even though I haven't necessarily experienced it, so but take it with a grain of salt because again, I haven't dealt with this and. Talking to somebody who has might be a little bit more useful.


I don't think that you need to put any pressure on yourself to come to any sort of conclusion. Until you're ready to do that, and even if that was never you don't ever need to come to a conclusion about this. There's no rush. To figure out. What your sexuality is, you know what I'm saying? Let your. Mind grow and evolve, and I think that. Eventually, the answer will present itself to you. Experiment a little bit if you want, you know.


Don't follow the rules of society that you need to have your mind made up the second that you're born, you know what I mean? Like, let's say you went on a date with a boy. Right. And. Just because you wanted to try it out. Because you were curious. And let's say, like you went on the date and ended up being great, you're like, this is awesome, I love this, I this is this makes sense.


I feel like attracted to this guy. I feel like I could be, like, romantic with this guy.


This is great. Then, you know, there you go. But at the same time, if, like, you go on a date with a guy and it doesn't work out and you're like don't feel attracted to them and whatever.


Like. Take it on a case by case basis and. I think that the answer will present itself to you eventually, I don't think that it's just a phase. Because I don't like that terminology of like something being a phase. Like, that's not the right way to look at it, you're not going through a phase, you're just trying to figure out. Where you're at, you know what I'm saying, you're just you just are you're 15 years old, you're not who is expecting you to, you know.


Have a full grasp of your sexuality, like yet like that's an insane thing to ask of a human being, so don't ask that of yourself. You're so young, you just went through puberty. So many things will change over the next few years. Don't put pressure on yourself to have an answer and also being friends with more girls than guys doesn't that doesn't determine your sexuality.


You know, your sexuality is something that has only it only has to do with you.


That's where I'm at with that, so I think just don't put pressure on yourself, don't be afraid of experimenting in a way and be and be honest with yourself, you know what I mean? I know that that's really a lot easier said than done. And again, like this is coming from somebody that hasn't necessarily experienced it.


But I feel like, you know. There, no matter what the outcome is, no matter what your sexuality is, everybody's going to love and accept you regardless and anybody who doesn't. Is a piece of shit and shouldn't be in your life anyways, they don't deserve you, they don't deserve to have you in their life. If they're judging you for that, everybody in your life should be nurturing. And accepting of whatever your sexuality may be, and that's the end of the story, so make sure that you have people around you that make you feel accepted and safe.


You know, try your best to have those people around so that you can feel comfortable experimenting and you don't feel like people are going to be. You know, you don't you don't you're not making decisions based on other people because you know that regardless of what you do or regardless of what you try or regardless of whatever, you're going to feel safe.


And that's most important. Somebody said, hi, Amba, I just hung out with a boy and he's really sweet, but I don't think that we have a real connection. I don't want to lead him on, but I'm really bad at letting people down easy.


Do you have any advice? This is where I to people. So, I mean, it depends on how close friends you are with someone. If you guys are in like the same friend group, don't go see him. But I would say the easiest way to do it would be to slowly but surely just drift away.


And I know that that might seem fucked up, but if you guys don't have a relationship yet, it's almost easier if it just kind of naturally fades away, because I think that sometimes having, like, this conversation where you're like. OK, now we went on one day, but I don't fuck with you, that almost hurts worse. If you guys have been on like ten dates, then you need to be like, hey, listen, I'm not looking for a relationship right now.


I'm so sorry. You were really amazing. I'd love to be friends, but like I just realized that I'm not ready to be going into a relationship and I don't want to lead you on blah, blah, blah.


But if you guys were going on like one or two dates, I think you can safely go see them and it's fine. Then again, I'm always somebody who believes in communication. So if you feel comfortable with being like, hey, you know, you were really cool that I don't want this to go the romantic route, I think we need to just either be friends or, you know.


Maybe regroup down the line, but I'm just not ready for this right now because. Somebody can be really cool, but you just don't have that click. I mean, I've talked to so many guys where I'm like, this guy is cool. Why don't I like them? But then it was just like, well, because we don't click that's majority the majority of the time, that's what happens with me. It's like I like them, like they're cool, but like and I, you know, even attracted to them.


But, like, I feel nothing emotionally.


And that's when you know, that it's not maybe the best because you don't want to there's fuckin seven billion people on this planet. You don't need to be talking to somebody that you don't have a strong connection to. Point blank, period.


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OK, next one. Hi Emma. Can you talk about long term relationships? Would you ever want to date somebody as a teen and spend years with them and then get married? Or do you like to date a lot of people as a teen fuck around and not have to be committed to one relationship for the rest of your life?


I love you so much. OK, so. I really think that this is so situational for everybody I really like for me personally, I don't think that there's one right answer right. I don't think that there is one. I think that it's completely based on what type of person you are. And like what? Works best for you, for me personally, I don't like fucking around. Because. To be completely honest, I find it to be a waste of time and I don't have fun with it, a lot of people I know have fun fucking around like they don't mind things that are kind of emotionless, like.


Whereas with me, it's hard for me to be attracted to somebody that I'm not in love with, I found I usually will. Like, if I'm in love with someone, then. I enjoy like my point is I don't like hooking up with somebody. Oh, my God, I can't wait. Well, I don't like doing that. With somebody that I don't have a genuine connection to, listen, have I done it? Absolutely.


But it made me feel bad and I don't know why that is, but I didn't have, like, a crazy phase of that.


Like maybe my list of that was small, like I didn't.


I had a really hard time with it. I think I did two or three times in my whole life where I was not in a relationship and I just randomly was like. OK, you've heard today like that, but it was not good for me because no one. It took an emotional toll on me because I was it made me feel weird and I I don't know why that is and it was kind of fun, like, yeah, I was kind of fun.


But it felt so empty that I like, you know, you wake up the next day and you think about it and you're like, Huh? I feel empty. Whereas I'm the type of person where my ideal situation is like. Being in love with somebody and spending time with them and like feeling safe with them and having a genuine connection with them, like that's something that is just so exciting to me.


So I'd rather just be single. And like not talking to anyone until somebody comes around round, like I date this person, so but sometimes you pursue someone for a little bit that you think that you would date and then you find out later that you aren't into it and then that's fine, too. I just don't like things that are meaningless from the start where you know that it's like you have no plan of that going anywhere. You're just like this is just for right now for fun.


I can't do that. And even so, I'm always dating with the like I'm always my goal is to always hopefully, if it works out, get into a relationship with that person. I'm not going to force it, though. If it's not right, it's not right. But my goal going into everything is like, OK, if this works out, I will date them. I'm never going into it like I'll date this person for a few months, like I'm always going into it with the long term mindset, just because I prefer a long term relationship and I also need stability in my life, like I if I when it comes to boys and stuff, I don't like when things are all over the place either like to be talking to no guys or to be talking to a guy that I'm going to date.


And I also date with the mindset of like. Is this person treating me well and is this person a good enough match for me to a point where, like, I would marry them and if the answer is no?


Then I break up with them, right, because I think it's a waste of time to be dating somebody just for the moment, if it's not going to go anywhere. Why would I waste time with somebody that I'm not going to spend a long time with when I could just break up with them and go find the person that I would rather spend a long time with? I'm that's kind of more where my head's at when it comes to, like, meeting somebody really young and dating them for until marriage.


I think that if it's the right person, I think that that's you're going to know I think a lot of you are afraid of that. Right? They're afraid of like meeting somebody young that they want to be with forever and missing out on, like a crazy hookup phase.


I personally don't like that hookup. I don't like that shit. This is not how I'm wired. So for me, like ideally, like my I would prefer to find somebody younger and just find somebody that I can be with forever.


But I also think that if you're with the right person at a young age, you won't get bored of them in a way. And. You know what else I found, too, if you can find somebody at a young age that's your best friend as well as your significant other and somebody who gets you in a very deep way.


You guys are both going to grow together in a way that keeps it exciting. And if it's truly a good match, then being together forever is like the dream come true, you know what I mean? If you feel like you're in a prison because you've been with somebody since you were 19 and now you're 25, then that just means you're not with the right person.


But I think that if you're with the right person being together. At a young age until forever isn't scary. Because I've been with people before where I was like, oh, I can't imagine being with this person for another year. Talk about forever. Oh, I don't know about that, and then that was when I knew that it was not working, you know. And so then you leave and that's it, but. I also have been in relationships where in the moment I was like, oh yeah, I would definitely like I could marry this person, but then, you know, down the line you're like, never mind.


And then you break up and then you move on and you find somebody better and you will always find somebody better.


Trust me, the second you think that you found the best guy you've ever met, the best guy you've ever met is probably still out there. Or girl, anybody, it doesn't matter, but I'm just speaking more for myself here. And then eventually, I think. You find them and then you stick there, no matter what age you are, no matter whatever the fuck, young or old, it doesn't matter. Somebody said, my boyfriend and I met in quarantine and next semester we're going to be in two different states, he told me two months before we leave, he doesn't want to do long distance.


I told him it's hard to continue dating, knowing he definitely wants to end this in two months. Should I try to live in the moment, like he says, or end it now?


I think it's a lot to ask of you to just. Live in the moment when you know that.


It's going to be over and there's an end date, I think that that's really borderline impossible and I think that's a lot to ask, especially if there's feelings involved.


I would say if you can live in the moment, try your best to do so. But if you can't understand that. Most people wouldn't be able to if I was dating somebody, and then they literally were like, OK. We're breaking up. In X amount of time, I'd be like, no, we're breaking up right now, I can't, I can't, because then it's like all the memories you make in all of this. It just it would be too emotionally taxing to, like, be living in the moment, knowing that it's going to be over if you guys don't have this crazy, like, soul connection.


And it's kind of like more of a surface level type of thing where like, yeah, you like them, but like, whatever, then maybe have fun with it. But if it's a really deep connection, you might as well like just end it now and move on, because that's a lot to ask of you next.


Somebody said, what are your thoughts on influencers constantly getting in trouble?


You know, listen, it's so tough because I feel. It's hard because I think we just have a bunch of young teenager, college aged kids that are in the public eye, and I think that. A lot of them don't know how to handle themselves or be like a lot of the influencers that do bad things would be doing those bad things if they were on camera or not. The only difference is, is that they are under a microscope. And so I think it's just people who aren't maybe cut out to be in the public eye because they're just the type of person that's problematic.


And. It's not their fault that they're in the public eye, is it their fault that they're doing bad things? Absolutely. Is it good that they're being held accountable? Absolutely, yes. But it's sad because it's like, well, these people would be doing this if they were like in college and never, you know, and had three followers on Instagram, they'd be doing the same shit.


It's just that that's their personality. And they were just handed. This life. And they don't know how to handle it, and I know that it's like, OK, well, people who are making mistakes. Should never have any kind of like mercy, I get that, but also you have to understand, like nobody asked to be put in this spot. Yes, you're supposed to adapt if you're somebody who naturally likes to get into trouble, you should probably learn how to adapt so that.


You understand how to handle your platform and shit a thousand percent. But at the same time, most of the kids in the public eye are kids, their kids, if we expected them to be these perfect angels on all the time, I mean. We would be very disappointed because kids are going to be kids and most of the things that influencers do that are like fuck ups are things that kids at your high school do, kids in your college do, you know, but it's just there in the public eye doesn't make it right.


But it's also like. We have to deal where we have to realize what we're looking at here. We're looking at children, of course, they're going to fuck up, everybody fucks up. But like, you know, more rowdy kids are just how are they? We're not dealing with geniuses here. You know, we're dealing with a normal kid that just does a lot of followers that doesn't give them some sort of super power to not be problematic if they are than they are and they would be no matter where they were.


So. I don't know, I guess it's like, where do we go from there? God only knows. Thank you to Ozzy for sponsoring this episode of Anything Goes, So it's winter, it's getting cold, it's getting dry, which means that my whole body is getting dry, including my hair.


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I remember using the leaving conditioner. It was life changing and that has to this day changed my life. So God bless you guys. Next, somebody said so.


My entire life there's been this narrative that high school is supposed to be the best years of your life and everything is supposed to be this big spectacle. But given the pandemic and everything, it doesn't feel like that. I'm not excited for promising your stuff. Help. Listen, I didn't go to prom. I didn't go to senior year. I didn't go to prom or senior year. I can tell you that. I doubt that we missed much. You know what I mean, to be honest, all of my best.


All of the best years of my life that I've had so far, like I've never I think that high school were the worst years of my life. Safe to say, I think middle school was better. Well, that's debatable. Middle school is pretty fucking bad, high school was not a great time for me. My life is only gotten better since I've graduated and most of the people I know can say the same. It's what you make of it and.


If you're not excited about the rest of high school, don't worry about it. You have your whole life there's a bigger picture at all of this. College is going to be so fun. You know, getting a job that you're excited about could be so fun having children and having a family one day. There's so it's such a bigger picture. Imagine four years of your life where you're doing school work being the best. No, that's just not true.


That's fucking what movies say. That's not reality. I've never I've rarely met people.


Who have said that high school is the best four years of their life. I rarely meet people who say that and usually the people who say that are not very pleasant people. I found they tend to be pretty miserable. Don't worry about it. OK, there are so many things to look forward to. All right, next, somebody said, please help me balance my social life and school life, you know what?


I don't know if I've said this before, but I really wish somebody would have said this to me.


When I was in high school, I felt all this pressure to take honors classes, AP classes, any advanced class that I could possibly get into. And it completely ruined my life, completely ruined my life. I never slept, I never had a social life, I didn't develop social skills because of it, because I was just at home doing homework all the time.


I didn't take care of my body.


I was like, I mean, I just neglected myself. What I realized is. There's all this pressure on society to go to this amazing college and, you know, go to this fucking prestigious this and do this, prestigious that and to get the best grades and to be so perfect.


But we are in a time now where that it's just it's so different now, I feel like where so many people are taking alternate routes. You know, I know a lot of people are going to community college for two years and then transferring to a university. I know a lot of people are, you know, taking a gap year.


I know a lot of people are deciding to do online college. There's so many I mean, a lot of people are even, you know, choosing to go to schools that, yeah, maybe they're not like a fuckin Ivy League, but like. They'll be happy there and they didn't have to bust their ass to an unhealthy point. To get into that school and they're equally as happy there, you have to understand that, like going to some sort of crazy college, it's not worth it for the pain that you endure.


To try to get those grades that like you need to get in, listen, if it's your passion and it's your dream and it's all you've ever wanted and you're willing to give up your social life for that, by all means, go crazy. That's kind of what I did and for what, because look at me, it's fucking dumb, I didn't even look at me now, but whatever. Nothing is worth your mental health. Nothing is worth ruining your quality of life, are you going to remember the nights of fuckin AP laying homework that you did?


Now, are you can remember the nights that you and your friends went to a football game? Yes. Remember that when you are 50 years old, you're not going to remember. Doing homework until 6:00 a.m. or starting until. It's 7:00 a.m. starting all night. You're not gonna remember that shit I get at schools hard, it teaches you discipline. And so to a certain extent, having a crazy workload is part of it. But it gets to a point sometimes where all you're doing is school and you don't get to do anything fun.


And that's when you need to readjust and you need to reassess. What class could I you know, let's say you really want to do biology like you want to major in biology, there's no reason for you to be in an AP English class. There's no reason for you to be in, you know, in AP psychology class, there's just no reason for that or an AP history class. You do not need to be doing that. It's like prioritize.


The things that you're passionate about and be OK with, like, you know, like leveling out your workload a little bit.


Because it's unnecessary and you're going to be fine regardless. I was so obsessed with getting into a prestigious college and I was like, this is the only this is like my identity, like this will be my identity. This will make people respect me. And I get that.


But. And I get why I felt like that, but that's not the right way to look at this school and college in all of that, it's not about. The image that it portrays, there's a it's about getting a job that you're going to have for a long time that you're excited about. I mean, think about all the people that have gone to, you know. A normal fuckin college that have ended up getting amazing jobs and even the other way around, look at people who have gone to.


Amazing colleges that have struggled to get a job outside of it. It's all about life is a lot. It's a there's a way larger picture here and nothing is there's no exact path. And so you just have to do your best, but you also have to live in the moment. Somebody said, I'm 15 and my mind is living in the year 2030, OK, when I'm settled down with a husband, kids, a house and all done with school, I've had very intense baby fever for a while.


And I know I sound crazy, but I literally can't stop thinking about how my life will be. Please help it, sort of because my life is a mess. Family. She is wanting to move out, hating school, etc.. So imagining my life 10 years from now is maybe a coping mechanism. I don't know. I don't think that there's anything wrong with this. I think as long as you don't make any rash decisions and you don't just go and get pregnant right now, I don't think that it's a bad thing to fantasize about 15 years down the line.


I mean, I do the same thing. I'm 19, but I fantasize about that all the time because I as well as you crave the stability of having a family of my own one day.


And for me, it's because, you know, life on the Internet is so like jarring and scary and it's hard to trust anybody and every day, you know, nothing is ever guaranteed. And, you know, people spread rumors about you and everything is so upsetting and jarring and anxiety provoking that fantasizing about when things will be a little bit more simple is like a dream.


And so I totally get it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, as long as it's just a fantasy and you're not. They're jumping the gun on anything. I think there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about things in life and manifesting think about it as manifesting. I really do not think there's anything wrong with that. Somebody said, hi, I'm in a couple of days, I have a serious test which will determine if I'm able to go to the elite groups of high schools, and I'm really nervous.


I don't know how to cope with these nerves.


Love you in the podcast is amazing.


This is kind of goes back to the college question.


It's like I think people forget like I had to take the same test because when I was going to I went to a private high school and I was also stressed out because I wanted financial aid.


So there is a lot of pressure on me because I was like, I want to go to these elite schools. So I have to test well. But also I'd love to get a scholarship at the same time, if that's possible. If I score well, maybe they'll give me money to pay for my tuition, you know what I mean? So I totally get this. But you know what I realized as I got older, I realized that if I would have not passed the tests and I would have not gotten financial aid, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.


I would have been totally fine. I would've been totally fine and I would have made the most out of whatever experience I was put into and everything happens for a reason, too. I think that, you know, people forget that.


Do your absolute best on the test, you'll probably be fine. The high school, those like private high school tests or so, I don't know.


I didn't meet a lot of people. And you'll be fine. You'll probably be fine, but. Even if you aren't even if you don't pass, even if you know, maybe the one in your state is like really fucking crazy hard or maybe the one, you know, whatever, and it's like impossible to pass and it's like, whatever.


Listen, if you didn't pass and you don't get in, it wasn't meant to be.


And you adapt. And you will be fine, I feel like every time something unfortunate like that happens, there's always a silver lining and be patient with the universe and wait for it to show you that silver lining.


And it will. And it will. So just try to remember that you'll be fine and you will survive.


Either way, OK, last but not least, somebody said, can you talk about red flags in some maybe even green flags in friendships and relationships that you should pay attention to?


Yes, I kind of want to make a whole episode about this, but I'm to start with red flags. OK, red flags. If somebody doesn't listen to you and doesn't validate your feelings. That is an immediate red flag, if somebody is just, like, constantly dismissing your feelings and is not attentive with your feelings, immediate red flag, that's number one.


Number two. If somebody is.


Just disrespectful to people in general, if somebody is just like an asshole to like everyone that they meet, like an asshole to a waiter at a restaurant, an asshole to, you know, a barista at a coffee shop, an asshole to the guy who works at the gas station, like somebody who's just generally an asshole. Bad sign. Another one is somebody who is really, really wishy washy.


You can't rely on them for anything that can be a red flag. It's very situational, but it can be a red flag if you're really close with somebody, but you can't rely on them. This one's more relationships because they feel like with friendships it's tough because it's like, you know, usually people have like multiple groups of friends and like sometimes they can't.


I think that's more of a relationship.


One, you should be able to trust your significant other with your fucking life. I refuse to date somebody if I'm not, like, literally I trust you with every bone in my body. And even though I have trust issues, you still deep down know that they're not fucking shit up. Until they do and then you're like, what? But yeah. Green flags should be I mean, obviously the opposite of all those things, so trustworthy. Reliable, attentive, honest.


Communicative about things, about their feelings and about, you know. And some people are more closed off and don't want to communicate about everything, but as long as they're communicating about important pressing matters, that's all that matters.


Somebody that supports you and everything that you do and uplifts you rather than brings you down. Right.


Somebody that really. Creates a solid foundation for you, you can lean on them and you know that they believe in you, right? Also, I think somebody who. You can tell the doors you like, I feel like people don't like think about that enough. And I like was thinking about this other day, but. People will accept.


Treatment by others, that's below par, I only surround myself around people that I genuinely feel like, really like, really love me and vice versa.


Like, I really try my best. I'm definitely not the most affectionate person, but I do my best to show the people around me that, like, I genuinely adore them with every bone in my body. And I think that that's really important. And you know what? I can't do that for everybody because I don't genuinely adore everybody but my closest circle.


Yes. Actually, I want to do one more because I'm like having a fun. Somebody said last one is virginity a big deal? Have I talked about this? I can't fucking remember whatever.


I'll answer it anyway. And should I be worried if the person that I wanted to lose my virginity to is also a virgin?


By the way, I love your podcast and love you, love you, too. I OK, I think I've talked about this, but I can't remember. So we're just going to do it again. And maybe my answer will be a little bit different. But I think that it's all up to you. I think that. If it's a big deal to you, then it's a big deal to you. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't think, but if it's not a big deal to you, then that's OK, too.


And I think that people are always like, you know, this is so sacred and like, you know, whatever. But like for some people, it just isn't and it just doesn't matter. And I think it's all up to you. I mean, I think that there's things to consider, you know, should it be with somebody you trust? Yes. Because it's a very jarring experience like you need to be with somebody that you feel comfortable with a thousand percent.


There's a lot of safety precautions that need to go into play, like all as long as all of those things are covered, then the rest is all up to you emotionally.


Like, are you ready?


Like, is this something that's going to upset you? Is this somebody that you feel like you're not going to be with for a long time? Like, is that OK with you if you guys aren't together for a long time? Is there a religious element like there's so many things. But I think that as long as the safety precautions are being taken, I really don't think and, you know, the person that you're with is respectful of you and your body and whatever.


I think that it's not something you need to be scared of. Right. But it is something, you know, there's a lot of precautions that need to be taken. And so I think that it's just like finding that balance. But you brought up something interesting to Vergence together. I don't know much about that, but I do know that that's probably happened a bazillion times. And so I think you don't have anything to worry about. It's human nature to have sex.


Humans are like meant to know how to how that works, right. So. I think you guys will figure it out, and I think you have nothing to be afraid of as long as you're in a safe, loving, nurturing environment with somebody who cares about you and somebody that you're comfortable with. I think you go crazy. Go crazy. OK, last two questions. Somebody said, I'll combine them because they're kind of the same, somebody said reinventing myself.


You mentioned in a recent video that you always reinvent yourself and are constantly making changes. And I just want to know how, because I want to be seen as a totally different person. And then somebody said, changing your appearance, questionmark. I cannot look the same for a long time because it drives me insane.


OK, I think on the same way, like, I like to constantly reinvent myself, constantly dye my hair, maybe change my style a little bit.


I mean, at the end of the day, when I'm reinventing myself, I'm still the same me inside. And that's something that I'm aware of. And I think that a lot of people who maybe are uncomfortable with who they are on the inside become obsessed with changing their outward appearance because they're like, well, this, you know, makes me seem like a different person than I am.


At the end of the day, what's going on inside of you will evolve naturally and you can't really control that. But on the outside, I think it's it's fun to have fun with, you know, your appearance.


Like, for me, I'm always doing my hair. I mean, not really. I don't do any crazy colors, but like, you know, I'm blonde sometimes, no net and whatever. And, you know, I like to change up my style. One day I'm wearing, like, all leather. And then the next day I'm wearing, like, some sort of hippie outfit, like I'm unpredictable. Who knows who I am. Or then the next day I'm like, you know, fucking girl.


I don't whatever.


I just like to switch it up because it's fun and it's fun to, like, experiment and figure out what I like best. And also, I don't like to stick to just one thing. That's why I'm constantly reinventing myself, because I like so many things. I like so many styles that I don't want to put myself in one box like, oh, you have to dress like this all the time. Oh, you have to have this hair color all the time.


Oh, you have to do your makeup like this all the time. No, I don't. I can do whatever the fuck I want and so can you.


So if you want to reinvent yourself, there's no like reason not to. There's no. Rules about that, it's you, it's your body, it's your clothes, it's you can do whatever the fuck you want and I think you just have fun with it, but just know that, you know, even when you see somebody constantly reinventing themselves, that doesn't mean they're reinventing themselves on the inside. That's that type of shit happens on its own, you know.


So anyway, OK, I think I'm done. I've said that it was like last question six times and then I keep finding more than I like, but I'm gonna stop now.


I hope you guys enjoyed this advice session. I love you guys very much. Thank you for tuning in every week.


I really appreciate it.


If you want to be a part of the next advice session or just ask me questions for. The next episode, the Twitters Adyghe podcast, you can tweet me, I read that shit all the time and I'm always reading your guys DBMS, so feel free to vent to me about anything.


If you want advice, if you want to tell me a story like whatever Adyghe podcast on Twitter also rate anything goes on Apple podcast if you'd like little five stars.


Never heard anyone actually helps me a lot so I'd really appreciate that. And if you're enjoying it and you love it and yeah I love you guys so much and I hope you guys have an amazing week. An amazing month.


We're almost in 2021. Let's just get through this last few months and then hopefully twenty, twenty one has some good news in store. I feel hopeful that maybe things will turn around, if not, I'm moving to Europe. OK, bye, guys.


Another thank you to all words for sponsoring this episode of Anything Goes.


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