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Rambles, hi, guys, it's Emma Chamberlin. Welcome back to Anything Goes. I'm your host in your besty. Are we fucking with that intro, because I think I've done it twice in a row now and I'm not fully sold on it because I listened back to my last episode and heard me say that as the intro.


And I was like. I don't know if I'm fully sold, so we'll see, we'll give it a few weeks, see if it sticks. But anyway, welcome back. I hope you're having an amazing week.


I wish I had something to update you on, but I have literally. Been in bed so much. The past two weeks that the hair. In the back of my head is breaking off, yes, I never thought that I would experience this issue, but. I have been in bed so much that my hair is breaking in the back of my head. I had a shoot. This week, and my hairstylist was like, Emma, you know, your hair's breaking in the back of your head, right?


And I was like, no. And she was like, Yeah, it's breaking. Have you been laying down a lot? And I was like, I'm in bed. Literally 20 hours a day every day.


Yes, I've been laying down a lot, and she was like, yeah, your hair's breaking.


So this is why you don't bleach your hair, everybody, because my hair got so damaged from bleaching it that now.


It's falling out, but also it's partially my fault because I've been in bed for 20 hours a day. I'm not kidding. And the reason is because.


I do work in my bed and I am responding to emails, I'm like doing other shit and all of it I can do from my bed. So I do I do it in my bed. But not only is that bad for my mental health, but now my hair is falling out. I can't believe that this is happening. I can't believe that this is my weekly update this week. But this is my weekly update. It's honestly pathetic.


But at the same time, it's really hard for me to motivate to get out of bed these days and working from my bed is just too damn easy. So that's what I've been doing. But it is now coming at a cost, so I may start working at a desk. So, yeah, that is what's going on with me. I desperately need a vacation, but. I don't know, I don't know, I could go on a trip, I could do a little road trip, I know I could, but it's just like finding the time to organize it and then finding the time to actually go.


Just sounds like a fucking nightmare to me. So we'll be staying in L.A. for the next few weeks or months until I can get inspired to leave.


I need to leave so bad, but I just can't get myself to do it.


It's the most stupid internal battle I've ever dealt with, but I've been feeling like I need to leave L.A.. For so long, but I just can't get myself to do it at the same time doesn't really make sense. But anyway, you know what? I do have another weekly update. And this has to do with cabbage, I know, shocking, why am I talking about cabbage? Well, I bought cabbage this week because I wanted to make spring rolls and cabbage is a popular vegetable used in spring rolls and.


I made my spring rolls, they were delicious, and then I had all this leftover cabbage because I bought way too much cabbage, and so today I was like, I think I'm to make a salad for lunch. I have all this cabbage. I'm going to make a cabbage salad. Even though I hate cabbage.


Yes, I hate cabbage.


I like it in spring rolls. But I didn't think that I would like it in a salad.


I thought I would hate that because I for some reason was under some sort of impression that I hated raw cabbage. Raw cabbage is fucking delicious. I'm so glad that I decided to make a salad with it today because I fell in love with it today.


It is so crunchy and good. I don't know why I have been. Just slandering Kabbage. For years when it actually is so good. Anyway, that was a nice discovery, I was like, OK. I like cabbage, that's exciting. There's a new food to add to my arsenal of foods that don't hurt my stomach. Watch cabbage, like, give me the worst gas I've ever had in my life or something. But no. I just found out that I like cabbage, so that's exciting anyway, so let's get into today's activity.


What are we doing today? You ask an advice session. I haven't done one of these in over a month, and I feel like we are long overdue, an advice session is basically where you guys tweet at me or DMAE.


Problems are things that you're dealing with that you need advice on, and then I come on here and give you guys advice and I get to be your big sister for the day, if that's what you want.


Or you can just listen to me talk. It's up to you. If you want to participate in the next advice, session, the Twitters at Ajai podcast, you can follow us on there and participate in the episodes. Anyway, let's get right into it. Waste no more time, OK? Someone said every time I try to help my girlfriend with something, she gets mad at me. I try to help her solve her problem and she just gets more and more mad.


I don't know how to handle this and it just keeps happening. OK, I know exactly what you need to do and it's very simple when your girlfriend comes to you with a problem. Instead of immediately trying to help her solve her problem, just listen to her first and just empathize with her first. Be like, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. Is there anything I can do? To make this easier for you. I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way, just like comfort her, don't give her advice on how to fix her problem.


Just hear her out. Then once she's done venting and getting out all of her emotions. Then you say, do you want my advice on how I can help you with this or do you want my advice on how I would handle this?


If she says yes, then you help her with her problem, if she says no, then all she wanted was just somebody to listen to her. Because a lot of times people don't want. Help, they just want a shoulder to cry on, they just want somebody to listen to them vent, so.


There you go, and that applies to anybody, not just your significant other, sometimes you don't want help. I call my mom all the time. And just want to vent to her and then she'll start being like, well, you need to do this to fix your problem and you need to do this and you need to do that. And and I'm just like, shut up. Like, thank you, but shut up because I didn't call you for you to tell me how to fix my problem.


I know how to fix my problem. I just wanted somebody to listen to me, and there it is, your girlfriend's getting upset because. She doesn't feel like you're empathizing with her, she just feels like you are trying to solve her problem and you're being insensitive when in reality you have her best interests at heart and you know that. But she's getting upset because she doesn't feel like you're empathizing with her being there for her, supporting her, being nurturing in a sense.


You know what I'm saying next? Somebody said, how can I stop stalking my boyfriend's ex? It's so addicting.


Help. OK, this is hard because. I know it is so tempting, especially when you know who the axe is, like, personally, when I get into a relationship, I don't ask and I don't investigate because I don't want to know, because I know that if I do know. I'll be looking at that shit all the time and comparing myself to them, because it's it's inevitable. It's human nature. It is human fucking nature. To do exactly that.


This is what you do, you block them and here's why when you block them, then you can't look it up. Right, you can't look up their account if you block them. The only issue with blocking them is if they know you and they're going to notice that they got blocked, which in that case you're just going to need to have self-control. And it is so fucking hard, so hard not to look. But remind yourself. How bad it feels.


You know what I'm saying, like every time you're about to go, look, remind yourself this is not helping me. This is not helping me. This is not helping my relationship. This is not something that I need to be worried about or looking at. This is a waste of my goddamn time and do something else. In a moment, when you want to check your significant others ex's Instagram, do something else, go on, take talk.


I don't care. Scroll through your for you page for like an hour. Just don't fucking do it. Like, I don't think there's anything worse you can do for your own relationship than to check your significant others exes page like that is the worst thing you can do for yourself and for the relationship, because whether you know it or not, you're building a little bit of resentment towards your significant other every time you look. It's just so bad for your brain, but I also totally get why you do it, because it's like scratching an itch.


You're curious, you're like, what are they doing?


Like, are they you know, are they they look prettier than me, like, whatever. I totally get it. I've done it. Before and it's made me feel like shit, which is why I decided in my older years that I am not doing that anymore, whether I know who my significant other ex is or not, I will just not look. But it's taken me a long time to get here, and it's hard. It's hard. But you can also make it a contest for yourself, like, how long can I go without checking it?


You know what I mean? And then when you make it a competition, you're like, well, if I check, then I break the streak of not looking for a month, you know what I'm saying? If you have to make it a game for yourself, make it a game for yourself. Just don't fucking check that shit. I swear to God, it's so toxic. Somebody said, is it bad that I believe in horoscopes and angel numbers, it makes me feel safe, but I don't know if I'm just getting comfort from something that's stupid.


OK, this is so interesting. Actually, I don't think there's any harm in believing in horoscopes, angel numbers, blah, blah, blah. I don't think there's any harm in it if it makes you feel safe and comforted. The only time I think it's harmful is if it's upsetting you in some way, OK. For example, if you start to get anxious when you don't see your angel. No. For a few weeks or if you get anxious when you have a really bad or upsetting horoscope or the horoscope that you read for yourself that day doesn't match what you want to say.


And it makes you upset if if it's starting to make you upset. Then I think you may need to step back from it. But if it makes you feel comforted and safe, I don't see an issue with it, whether it's real or not. If something's affecting you in a positive way, why stop, it's harmless, you know what I'm saying? Like, if seeing the number 11 makes you feel safe, there's nothing negative about that, you know what I'm saying?


And for all we know, horoscopes and angel numbers and all of that stuff could be fully real, we don't know. It could be fully bullshit, we don't know. So what's the harm in it? As long as it's not upsetting you or controlling your life in some way, then I think it's totally fine. And it's the same thing with religion. We don't know if that shit's real, but if it makes you feel good or it makes you a better person or helps you keep your shit in line, then fuck it.


As long as it's not harming you or anyone else, I don't see a problem with it. And if anybody gives you shit about it, just ignore them. Because, you know, if something makes you feel good and it's not harming anyone else, you do it. OK, next, somebody said, I only want to be social when I'm drunk, help! This is very normal. I think most people feel more comfortable being social when they're under the influence of something.




But I think the key is to regain confidence. In who you are sober, right, and this might only apply to older listeners and I mean, this should only apply to older listeners, but. Here's the thing, it's like taking off training wheels, right, I think that being social while drunk is like riding a bike with training wheels and being social sober is like riding a bike with no training wheels.


OK, and so.


You have to get comfortable on the bike with no training wheels, but. It's going to take a little bit, you know what I'm saying? And so what I would recommend is. Just start drinking less and less every time you have to be social, so let's say before you go be social, you like to have three drinks.


Next time you go out, have two drinks and then maybe do that a few times and then see how you feel, and then once you feel comfortable with that, start going out, only having one drink.


Try that out, try that out, Outfields, get comfortable with that. And then start going out with no drinks. And it's going to feel uncomfortable and it's going to be similar to taking the training wheels off a bike, when you first take the training wheels off, you're probably going to eat shit a few times.


You're probably going to get hurt, but then eventually you'll be able to ride the bike with no training wheels and then that'll become the new normal, right.


And. You can do this. I believe in you, it's not easy, but I believe in you. Thank you to Texas now for sponsoring this episode of Anything Goes OK. Povey, you've made a match on a dating app. You've exchanged a few messages, and now they want to take the next step. This is a little bit scary because you don't want to give them your number because they could be creepy, but you also want to take it to the next step.


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But it could also be a creeper. So you got to be careful. Somebody said I go back to school full time on Monday and I'm really scared for some reason. I don't know why I get anxious any time I have to go to school. I don't really know why, though.


Well, for starters. You haven't been in school for probably almost a year, so being nervous is absolutely normal. So give yourself give yourself the space to be anxious a little bit, because that's what probably everyone else is feeling, too. There are probably two out of the 300 people in your school that aren't nervous right now, for starters.


But also school is a very anxiety provoking place. And so I think the first step to coping with the anxiety that you get from school is to recognize how normal and natural it is to be feeling that way. Right. It's like. Of course, schools anxiety provoking for somebody who's naturally anxious. No one, academics in the first place are stressful, taking tests, having to remember all this shit, having all this homework that stressful in itself, but then also having to navigate the social element of school is even more of a nightmare because you're stuck with the same 300, 400, 500 kids for X amount of years.


And chances are. You're not going to like everybody. Chances are you're not going to have met your lifelong friends there. Chances are you're not going to feel super accepted by everybody at the school because that's just how it is. You shove 400 people in one building every day. You can't expect them all to get along. You can't expect them all to be friends. It's just not going to fucking happen. So it makes sense that you're anxious from school.


It's just an uncomfortable place to be for almost anyone.


Right. But. What I used to do to help curb my anxiety. At least socially with school was number one, I try to find one person that I could hang out with, one go to person, and that's not always easy to do, but I think that that helps. And it might be somebody that you wouldn't expect, you know what I mean? It might even be a teacher, but just finding somebody that you can rely on. I think that that makes school a lot less scary.


But in the meantime, before you can find that. Just take deep breaths and remind yourself that what you're feeling is normal and just remember that there's nothing to be worried about. Nobody's paying that close attention to you. Nobody cares what you're doing. Nobody cares what you're wearing. If anybody gives you a hard time, it's because they're dealing with their own shit. They don't actually care about you that much. They just are giving you a hard time because they're bored.


You know what I'm saying? They don't actually give a fuck about, you know, what you're wearing. They might give you a hard time about it, but they don't actually care. You know, it's like. Everybody's on their own journey and everybody's so focused on themselves that. You have nothing to be worried about. Somebody said, how do I friendzone someone?


Well, I mean, you have a few options, right? Obviously, you can go see them, and I'm not anti ghosting, I've said this before, but I'm not Antigo saying sometimes you just need to go someone and sometimes that's better for the both of you. And then you guys can even become friends down the line. But sometimes ghosting somebody is just necessary, and I don't see anything wrong with it, unless you guys have been talking for months and you guys get super close or something and then you just leave like that's fucked up.


But if you guys just talked a few times, like maybe two or three, you can totally ghost still or even if you still have to see them at school. But they're like texting you all the time and you're over it. Just stop responding sometimes. That's just the best way to do it. But if you really want to let this person down easy and or you have to be around them a lot so you don't want it to be too awkward, you just do the fuckin classic.


Hey, I really like you as a friend. I'm not in, you know, the place to be in a relationship right now. I'm sorry. I don't want to lead you on. I care about you as a friend. I don't want to fuck this up. You're really great. But I just, like, don't want to do this. Sorry, I've done it. It works every time. I swear to God, you can copy and paste that shit.


You can find one off Google and don't do that actually because they can figure that out.


Not that they would, but my paranoia is like, nope, they would somehow find out that you copied and pasted that from Google, I swear.


You don't have to overcomplicate it for yourself. It's going to hurt them a lot worse if you lead them on and then, you know, they start to get feelings even more like just be honest, you know what I mean? Get it off your chest now. Just friendzone them now. Fucking send the text. You don't even have to do it in person. Just friendzone them over text and it'll be fine. I wish somebody would have told me that point blank when I was in high school because I would just beat around the bush.


Next thing I know, I'd have a boyfriend for a week and then it would just die. And I would be like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to do this anymore.


And then it would just be awkward because I let it get to the point where we were pretty much dating. And then I'd be like, oh, no, never mind. You know, when I could a bit that shit the ass like, right. When the guy would start to show heavier interest in me, I could've just been like and no, no, no, no, no, let's stop. But he would literally get to the point where we would be almost dating.


And then I'd be like, oh, no, no. Even though I had known for so long that I didn't want to date them and that hurt both of us worse, it was way more uncomfortable for me and they were probably way more upset, like I would way rather someone just be blunt with me in the beginning. So just get it over with now, send the text and some people are like, no, don't do stuff over text when it comes to friend zoning, I think you can friend zone over text.


But also another thing. If they're not. Blatantly saying, like, I want to be your significant other like I want to date and they're just kind of flirting, then you can just fully not flirt back.


Like fully Knopfler back. This is kind of playing dirty, but you can even, like, flirt with their friends, that's kind of fucked up, though, but like. Because it's like you're just trying to send them the message. Without hurting their feelings, I think a little bit of playful flirting with their friends wouldn't hurt anybody. You know what I'm saying? That might be fucking awful advice and that might be the worst advice I've ever given. I don't have to think about that one, though, like, is it OK to flirt with their friends to tell them that you're not interested?


See, I don't think it's a problem as long as the. Relationship has never become intimate if you have never been intimate with this person, flirting with their friends a little bit to send the message to them that you're not interested, it's totally fine. If you've kissed this person, don't flirt with their friends, that's just rude. Then you need to send a text and be like. Hey, I'm sorry, but I'm not interested or you need to just.


Maybe even goes them, but OK, I'm done with this question. I think I might have given bad advice, but I can be a little bit bitchy in these situations.


Next, somebody said, my parents are divorced. My dad was really horrible to me about my mental illness and blamed it on me. Yeah, my sister still chooses to see him. I know it's not fair to be mad at her for that choice, but how do I Lodge's size it?


Well, number one, I'm really sorry that that's happening to you because that's fucked up.


And you do not deserve that. But. I think the thing to remember about. Hard times in your family is that everybody is human and as kids, we put our siblings sometimes or our parents.


On a pedestal because. It's natural, you know, especially if it's an older sibling, pretty much only if it's an older sibling, but whatever, I don't know, I don't even have siblings.


I'm just guessing. But we tend to put. Especially parents on a pedestal, and so when it comes to your dad, for starters, I want to touch on that. What he has done. Is not acceptable by any means, but if it makes you feel any better, just know that he is so fucking confused.


And even though he's your dad, he's so confused right now. He doesn't know how to handle this situation. He's kind of turning back into a child almost because he doesn't know how to handle. Something this complicated, like a divorce, so blaming it on you. Is the only thing he knows how to do because he's not mature enough. To take ownership for the divorce himself, and that is so wrong, unfair to you? And just out of line in general, but just know that it's because of his own weakness, not because of your parents, divorces have nothing to do with the kids.


I don't care what the kids have ever done in their entire life. The adults are always responsible for a divorce. I am sorry, divorce is only. About the two people that were in the relationship, that is it. And any adult that tries to bring their kids into the divorce. Are simply immature and don't know how to handle. Something that upsetting in that heartbreaking and its weakness from the parent. Has nothing to do with the kids, nothing.


Your dad is so weak and vulnerable that he has no idea how to handle this situation. I can guarantee you that this has nothing to do with you. When it comes to your sister still wanting to see him, you have to understand that, you know. Every kid processes a divorce differently and. If your sister was really close with your dad growing up, she might be terrified that she's going to lose this relationship.


Because it was something that meant so much to her and even though your dad. Was so unfair to you. She feels torn because she's like. I need this relationship with my dad, but I also love my sister, but I need this relationship with my dad. Your sister's also in an uncomfortable position because she's being torn between family members.


And that's a shitty place to be in two, so I think the moral of the story is. When shitty things like this happen. Sometimes. People. Are going to make bad decisions, they're going to say things that they don't mean, they might disrespect you. And. You don't have to forgive them, that's up to you. But you have to understand that everybody's human and as humans, we don't always know how to handle a situation with grace, OK?


And. We can always learn and grow, but your sister's confused, she doesn't know how to handle this, she doesn't know who to be loyal to.


It's confusing, you know. So don't be hard on yourself, don't blame yourself for anything. Just understand that your family is struggling to figure out. How to heal and move on from this situation. A divorce is. Extremely upsetting and shakes the foundation of everybody in the family. And if some irrational things happen through the process. Just remember that that's normal, you know, and try not to take too much of it personal. Thank you to Macy's for sponsoring this episode of Anything Goes, Guys.


Spring is a few weeks away, and you know what that means. It's time to start plotting out all the ways you're going to refresh your space, wardrobe, beauty routine, etc. and that means it's time to hit up Macy's. Spring cleaning is definitely going to be happening for me this year. I need to get rid of a lot of stuff and replace a lot of stuff. I'm not going to lie to you. I've been wearing the same underwear for like three years.


OK, listen, I wash them every week. I mean, like, I'm not wearing the same underwear. Like I've been washing them in between. Thank you. But like, I definitely am due for a new pair, you know what I'm saying? Or maybe 12 new pairs. That's something I'm going to go to Macy's for this season. And that might be TMI, but we're very open on this podcast. The seasons are changing and we need to start planning y'all.


Even though it's only March, it's never too early to start getting some summer pieces, maybe a cute tank top, maybe a cute bathing suit, or maybe if it's still going to be cold where you live, you can get a jacket. Macy's has iconic Levi's leather jackets. That's a very important closet staple. That's great for cold weather, warm weather in between weather, whatever.


Plus, Macy's has all the little updates for your home, too, like a ninja blender to welcome in smoothie weather. All of it. If you want to see some of my favorites on the Macy's site, you can go to Macy's dotcom. Com Emma. I hand selected some of my favorite pieces and products that Macy's has on that site. You can't go wrong again. It's Macy's dot com slash Emma. I made that stuff with love. I made that list with love.


Check it out if you'd like. I love you. And thank you to Macy's for sponsoring this episode of Anything Goes. Somebody said, hey, I'm currently on spring break at fashion school, but I still have some extra classes I'm taking outside of university, I'm going through a bad burn out, but I'm afraid of taking time off and letting myself rest.


Because I feel like it will be unprofessional help, I totally get this because I get burnt out all the time.


And every time I give myself a break and I lay in bed, I feel like shit because I'm like, God, I'm such a lazy idiot.


But what I'm trying to teach myself in what you should try to teach yourself. Is that taking these breaks are crucial for creativity and efficiency without taking breaks when you need them? It'll just make your work worse in your creativity worse, not taking a break will completely get in the way. Of everything that you need to get done anyway. You're better off taking a break, that's actually a better use of your time because imagine this, you're burnt out and you're working on an assignment.


It's going to take you eight hours to finish an assignment that normally would have taken you two hours because you're burnt out and you can only focus for three minute intervals, right?


It's a better use of your time to take a break and to recharge than it is to push through your burnout, because if you just keep pushing through your burnt out burnout, you're just going to keep getting more burnt out and then nothing gets done. Whereas you take a week off, you relax, you recharge, and next thing you know, you're you're excited about everything, you're creative, you are recharged and you just get shit done so much faster.


That's how I rationalize taking breaks. I think that they're crucial, and even if you feel lazy, you're not because listening to. Your mind and listening to your body about those things is so important and you should not ignore your body in mind signs of burnout.


Like when I start to. Dread. Filming a video or recording a podcast, I just don't do it. And even if that means that something has to be done late, I don't care because I'd rather rest. And wait until I'm excited about it again, and that's what I'm learning and that's where I'm trying to get where I only ever work when I feel recharged in, sometimes you can't.


Sometimes you have to push through. Sometimes you just have to get stuff done. But trying your best to take breaks whenever you need them, because that that prevents burnout long term, right? If you take breaks whenever you need them. Then you're going to get burnt out much less, and then everything just goes so much smoother. Somebody said, my best friend has been really distant these months when we talk, she barely talks to me and I feel like she doesn't care about me.


She never asks how I'm doing. I love our friendship, but it feels like she doesn't.


This could be a number of things, so I'm going to touch on all of the potential options. Number one, let's remember we are in a pandemic still. I don't know where you live. If you live in Australia, then that is not the case. But if you live virtually anywhere else. We are in a pandemic, OK?


And I know for me, I have been a shitty friend, especially these last few months of the pandemic, because I'm not going to lie. I'm emotionally exhausted and I can't be a good friend right now because I don't have. Enough energy, I only have enough energy to take care of myself right now, I don't have enough energy to take care of anyone else. So I'm kind of a bad friend right now. I haven't been checking in on people as much as I should.


I don't respond to anybody's calls or texts. This is real. Like, I genuinely am like off the fucking grid most of the time. And I've explained to my friends, hey, you know, this was going on like, I can't do this. And hopefully they get it. I don't know, but. I'm. Dealing with my own shit, so there's a decent chance that your friend is dealing with the same type of issue that I am and they might love you just the same, but they just don't have the energy to be a friend right now.


And that happens, you know, that could fully be the case. But another thing is, is that friendships don't always last forever and sometimes one person in the friendship. Well, feel like they need to spread their wings and fly away, and sometimes it might be you, but sometimes it might be your friend and it's a lot more painful when it's your friend and not you because you're the one that gets left in the dust. But that's just a natural part.


Of human relationships, sometimes the friendship is just not working for the other person anymore. And that's OK. There's nothing you can do about that, you can't force anything when it comes to a friendship or a relationship. And my recommendation to you would be step back, give them their space and let them come to you, you've put in so much effort, you've done your job. They're not reciprocating. It's time to step back. As much as it hurts, you have to step back and you have to just stop putting in effort because.


If you set something free now, what is it what's the saying, if you love something, you set it free and if it was meant to be, it comes back. I totally butchered that, but it's really true. Somebody said, do you ever get clothes, anxiety, meaning you get dressed in an outfit, then wear your outfit is too fancy and then you make yourself change.


How do you fix this? I do get this a lot, actually, I have always gotten this, which is funny because it's like I'll wear crazy outfits on the Internet and feel nothing like I don't even get nervous, really.


I mean, sometimes, yes, but not really as much because I'm posting it into the abyss of the Internet. Right. I'm just posting it and then whoever sees it sees it. But there's no face to face interaction when it comes to actually going in public and being face to face with other people.


That's when the clothing anxiety comes in for me, especially because I find that. I am almost overly aware of being extra or being cranky or whatever, I feel like I'm almost overly socially. What's the word, I'm almost overly self-aware to a fault, it's almost narcissistic how self-aware I am because I. I think that everybody's looking at me. I think everybody cares about me. Nobody cares about me. Nobody cares about what I'm wearing. Everybody cares about themselves and what they're wearing.


And I just have to remind myself of that. But at the same time, I truly believe that. You know. Going out in an outfit that you feel comfortable in is one of the best ways. To be confident socially, so if you put on an outfit and it's a little bit too extra for you and it makes you uncomfortable. You're just not ready for that yet. Take it off, change into something you're a little bit more comfortable in and you can work up to those crazy outfits.


You don't need to wear that right now if it makes you uncomfortable. You know, stepping out of your comfort zone with clothes is really scary sometimes, especially if you're about to be around new people or even people at school, which is worse.


It's nerve racking, so work up to that stuff so I can even give you some advice on how to work up to wearing more extreme outfits.


It's about slowly adding in these new pieces into your day to day life.


So let's say you want to start wearing platform shoes, but you're a little bit nervous because they're kind of extra right.


Platform shoes are more of a statement than, say, wearing Converse or like any sneaker, you know, but you want to start buying platform shoes.


Wear them on the weekends first when you're just going to the grocery store and you're not going to see anybody, you know. Then start wearing them when you and your friends hang out after school, test that out, oh, see, nothing bad happens, then you start wearing them to school. You say, I'm saying you, like, build it up. You don't need to do everything all at once. Take it slow for yourself. You know what I'm saying, don't wear something that makes you feel uncomfortable.


Unless you're up for the challenge, then fuck it, do it, but for me personally, I have to work up to wearing crazier and crazier pieces out, because if I were some sort of crazy outfit out all of a sudden that I've never worn anything like before, I'm going to get that clothing anxiety. I'm going to feel like everybody staring at me. I'm going to feel like I look crazy. And then I don't feel comfortable having conversations like I normally would, and that's just so unnecessary.


So instead, if I slowly build up to it. And slowly gain the confidence, then it's like, next thing you know, you're ready to be wearing your crazy platform shoes and have a conversation with somebody you've never met before.


And there you go. Somebody said, I have a fear of somebody I know love dying in a car crash or something. Do you have any tips to stop thinking about this all the time? Oh, my God, I totally have this issue, too.


It keeps me up at night. These kinds of, like, thoughts will creep into my head during the day and just, like, ruin my day.


This happens to me all the time. I actually have a really severe issue with this.


But what I found that really helps is any time. I start thinking. About things like that. This might sound crazy, but this is something I've been doing recently, and it really helps me, I'll repeat in my head something that's comforting. So I'll choose something such as. I'm healthy, everybody I love is healthy. Everything's going to be OK, and I'll come up with a phrase like that. And I'll repeat it in my head over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.


And sometimes the thoughts will creep in, as I'm saying those things over and over again in my head. But I address them, this is something that I've seen so many. People talk about online as a way to help with these feelings, so this is not something that I came up with, like I got this from many psychology YouTube videos, trust me, but it's like. When the thought comes into your head, you don't push it out.


You address it. You acknowledge it and then you go back to saying those things in your head, it's actually kind of meditative, but sometimes you don't have the moment to go sit and meditate. Sometimes you're on the go, maybe you're driving somewhere. Maybe you're on the bus and you start to have these anxious thoughts. Maybe you're even in class. And you can't go sit in a corner and close your eyes and meditate. You can still repeat these things in your head.


I'm healthy. Everyone I love is healthy. Everything's going to be OK. Just repeat that in your head over and over again. It could be anything. Maybe it's something even more simple, like everything's going to be OK. Just see that over and over again in your head and it's not.


As much what you're telling yourself, it's more the fact that it's something for your brain to do, it's a distraction and it's a positive affirmation. And that just helps recently before bed, as I'm falling asleep, I will do this, I do this almost every night as I'm falling asleep and it has helped me so much with falling asleep.


I'm not kidding so much. It sounds kind of crazy, it sounds stupid, but it really works. Maybe you're worried about your own health. You could say something to yourself, like, I'm happy, I'm healthy. Everything is OK. Something like that. Repeat that in your head over and over again. I swear to God, you'll fall you'll fall asleep so fast, I don't know. Why this works so well for me, and guess what, it might not work for everybody.


But it works for me and I feel like I'm the most hard headed bitch on this planet, so if it works for me, I feel really good that it could work for you. Just give it a try. And it is borderline meditative. So if you have a second to go. Sit in a corner and close your eyes and do that for 10 minutes, even better, but that's not always realistic. So I'm kind of giving a more realistic, you know, on the go type of strategy.


Somebody said, hi, Emma, I'm currently in a really weird state of mind, I've become extremely sensitive and paranoid to the point where it feels like I'm actually going insane. I constantly feel anxious and I overthink every single little thing. Please help. I would help. But the same thing is happening to me and millions of other people right now because of the state that the world is in. And I think it's just something that we're going to need.


To ride the wave of and when things start to return back to normal, I think that that will help us all a lot. I think that. The later stages of this pandemic are affecting us in fully different ways than it did in the beginning. I think it's starting to. Do weirder and weirder stuff to our brains, and I think that that's absolutely a common symptom of being in a pandemic for a year. I am super paranoid and supersensitive right now.


I've actually never been this paranoid or this sensitive before in my life, and it's frightening, but.


So many people are feeling like this, I don't know anybody who's not. I maybe know a few people that aren't feeling like that. Right now. It's so incredibly common and it sucks and there are things that you can do to make it a little bit better, you know, you can go on a walk, you can draw, you can journal, you can meditate, of course, but it's also inevitable.


You know, there's not always going to be an easy fix for everything, especially when you're dealing with something as out of your control as a pandemic. You know what I'm saying? It's like this is getting to everybody. So I think. As uncomfortable and frustrating as it is, remember that everybody is feeling it, not just you, I'm feeling it. Trust me. Somebody said, OK, I'm used to dating outgoing guys who carry the convo, but I'm talking to this guy who's more reserved like me whenever we're together.


He's chill and very fun to be around, but it's really dry over text. And I always get the feeling that he's bored of me. I totally get this because sometimes you'll have friends in your life, you'll have a significant other or somebody that you're talking to kind of romantically that just is a little bit more dry. And I think the key is to remember that.


Everybody communicates differently, and if you want this person in your life, you're going to have to get used to how they communicate. You know what I'm saying and. If let's say. When you tax this person, you feel like they don't give a fuck about you, but then every time you see them, everything is normal and fine and you guys get along great.


Then remember that next time you're texting them and it feels dry, be like, well, they're always dry over text, but every time I see them, everything is fine. I shouldn't take this personally. This is just who they are because you guys are just in the talking stage right now.


You don't know him well enough. To predict his behavior necessarily so. You're still kind of working out the kinks of that, right? But remind yourself. When you're texting and it's dry, but every time you see him, everything ends up being OK, every time you hang out with him, you guys are on great terms. Everything's great. The spark is still there, whatever. And the texts are always dry. OK. So remind yourself of that.


When you guys are texting and it's dry and let that comfort you be like it's always dry. This is just how he communicates. And then if you guys end up dating down the line. You'll get to know him so well that you'll be like, OK, I know that he still loves me. This is just how he texts, you know what I mean? It's about adapting to people's unique behaviors when you want them in your life, because everybody is wired so differently and you can't expect people to be texting you in all caps every time you talk.


Some people just aren't good texters. They exist. I can even be a bad texter sometimes. Oh, my God, I've been a bad texter today. I don't think I've responded to fucking anybody today all day. Oh, my God, that's wrong. We actually feel bad. I literally see, OK, but I don't it's not that I don't love the people that I'm not responding to. I just have been up my own ass all day, you know?


Somebody said, hey, I'm I'm 16 and still haven't got my period. It's given me a lot of anxiety lately and I was wondering if you could give me any reassurance. Well, I actually didn't get my period till I was 16 either. So I feel you because I used to get crazy anxiety about it myself, but.


Number one, I think you should go to the doctor because, you know, I don't know your body, I don't know your situation. So I think making sure that you're getting your checkups and you're talking about this with your doctor, that's step one. I wanted to say that before I give my advice. But if you've been to the doctor and they say everything is normal. And you're just a late bloomer, then you have nothing to worry about.


And even if you go to the doctor and they say, well. You know, this might be wrong, you're still going to be OK, you're going to be OK. No matter what happens. You're going to be OK, but if you're like me and you're just a late bloomer. Remember that everybody's journey is so different, you know what I'm saying? All of my friends got their periods before me.


I was the last one. And in retrospect, I am grateful because I got to go a few more years without my period than everyone else. That's awesome. It's kind of a blessing in disguise, to be honest, but I also understand that it's weird to be, you know, the only girl in your class that doesn't have her period. That was literally me.


You feel so left out in a way and.


It's scary because you're like, is there something wrong with me? Chances are there's nothing wrong with you. Everybody's journey is different, this is your journey and just accept it for what it is and also remember that your period has nothing to do with your identity as a woman. Doesn't make you any less of a. Woman, that you don't have your period, I used to think that I was less of a woman, less of a girl because I didn't have my period, but that's just not how it works.


It just doesn't matter. It carries zero weight, you know what I'm saying? It's not important to your identity. So don't let it, you know, bring you down. Don't let it make you feel bad about yourself and try your best not to worry about it, but also go to the doctor, because they're going to be able to give you more reassurance than I ever could. You know, that's their job.


OK, somebody said, my boyfriend of four months never compliments me on my appearance, I'll dress up to some extent and expect him to point it out, but he never does. I'm pretty confident in my appearance, so I don't need somebody complimenting me to make me feel beautiful. But I'd still appreciate it if he did. I know he thinks I'm beautiful. He shows his affection for me and lots of other ways. But personally, words of affirmation are one of my love languages.


I think he just doesn't know how to express it. When I compliment him, he doesn't know how to take the compliment at all. How do I go about talking to him about this, or is it something worth breaking up over because it has potential to be a big issue long term? OK, this is so interesting because. I am your boyfriend, like I am your boyfriend in relationships. Literally, I'll be dating a guy, they'll be wearing a dope outfit.


They'll be looking so cute that day and I will think it and absolutely say nothing out loud and. I'm working on it and I've gotten a lot better about it. Because I realized that, you know, that makes them feel good. You know, it makes your significant other feel good to compliment them. So I've like taking the steps myself to.


Learn how to give compliments and or receive them. Still working on the receiving them part, but giving them.


I've been working on that, you know what I mean, in my later years of teenage years.


Because I used to be a I've always been bad about giving compliments to my significant other, I've always been bad about it and. Let me tell you, he doesn't mean it like he if he knew that he was hurting you, he would be heartbroken. And it's also even more of a telltale sign that it's not personal because he can't receive a compliment either. That's just clearly not his love language. He clearly just does not know how to. Navigate anything regarding.


Verbal affection like that is clearly not his thing, and I think step one is for you to accept that, except that that is who he is.


He gives you physical affection, it sounds like that's his love language, learn to. Appreciate that even more, but also don't disregard your feelings, right, if it's really, really bothering you.


I say you have a conversation with him before you think about breaking up with him, because in relationships things are going to come up inevitably. This is just one of those things. This is not a deal breaker, in my opinion. It's just not his love language. But you can put it on his radar and plant the seed by having a conversation and say, hey, you know. It's weird to me that you never give me compliments and it kind of.


Sex, you know what I mean, because I'll get dressed up and I don't get a compliment and I would love that like that would make me feel really good. I can guarantee. He will start making an effort. To give you compliments. For some people, giving compliments is uncomfortable. It used to be very uncomfortable for me personally because in a weird way, giving somebody a compliment was actually vulnerable for me. And I don't know why that is.


But it would make me nervous, and so I had to unlearn that and I had to. Pushed through the vulnerability. It's weird that it's vulnerable because it shouldn't it's like all about the other person when you give somebody else a compliment. It's about the other person. But for some people. It makes them uncomfortable. I don't know why it is, and I was literally one of them, but if you put it on his radar and you let him know that that's something that you want.


I can almost guarantee he will work on it. You can't expect somebody to just. Read your mind. And. Being honest about what you want in a relationship or what would make you feel good in a relationship is the most uncomfortable but most important key to having a good, healthy, strong, long lasting relationship.


And I think that your boyfriend would really appreciate this type of constructive criticism, you know, how he could be a better boyfriend to you? I think he would really appreciate it. Because if he knew that this was bothering you, he would probably be very upset. That this was bugging you and that you didn't ever tell him. Communication is key. Somebody said, God, it's a lot of relationship questions today, I'm kind of loving it. Somebody said, my boyfriend is older than me and has had a lot more experiences.


This gives me jealousy for some reason and makes me feel less important because everything new that I'm living, he's already lived with other people, but we are so in love and there is literally no reason for me to feel that way. So it makes me feel guilty for bothering him with this kind of problem. What do you think? This totally makes sense because.


There's something intimidating about somebody who's lived more life than you, right? And it can kind of make you feel. Less than in a sense, it sounds like the fact that he's older than you makes you feel insecure in a way. But what I'm here to tell you is. You need to love your boyfriend for exactly who he is. Every experience that your boyfriend had before he met you made him the amazing boyfriend that he is today, he wouldn't be.


The amazing boyfriend he is today without all of those experiences he had without you. Grow to appreciate that, grow to appreciate his life experience and his wisdom.


If you guys are really in love and there's no other issue with the relationship, then this is a personal problem for you that you need to work through. I would say.


It's acceptance and it's learning to accept him for everything that he is. The fact that he lived and had life experiences before you is not his fault, but it's not your fault either. There's no reason to have negative feelings around this. And being somebody who me personally. Being somebody who. Prefers to date. Older. Guys. Like, I can totally see how. You're feeling this way because. Sometimes you can feel like, well, why aren't they just dating a girl that's their age and that has had the same amount of life experience?


That's not how love works, though. And it takes a little bit of time to figure that out. But it's like. It doesn't matter what either of you have experienced. If you guys love each other. That's all that matters, and he can teach you things from what he's lived that you haven't. And that's a really beautiful thing, actually. So look at it as a beautiful thing rather than something to be jealous about, but I also am validating your feelings by saying that I totally understand that feeling.


I've actually kind of felt that myself before, but it's learning to appreciate.


Their wisdom in their life experience and their stories and all of that and accepting them for exactly who they are. Anyway, I repeated myself a lot in that question. Funny side note, I was reading a review of my podcast the other day, and it was like, I love this podcast. But Emma repeats herself so much. And then I was thinking about it and I was like, fuck, I really do. I'll reiterate the same sentence 20 times.


For absolutely no reason, and it makes no sense. So anyway, working on that for you guys, appreciate the constructive criticism. I actually agree with that and I will be only saying sentences once.


Moving forward, sometimes I feel like the way I talk in these podcasts episodes is like when you're trying to meet the word requirement for an essay in high school.


And so you just paraphrase the same sentence 15 times.


To get the word count up, so anyway, that's me on accident, though. Somebody said, hey, Emma, what do you do to calm down when you have a lot of work to do and you feel super stressed out?


I feel like this a lot.


I especially want to have a really busy week ahead of me, sometimes I will just crumble and I'll have a breakdown and I'll be like, I can't do any of it. This is all too much like I. And it's this feeling of being out of control because you feel like there's so much that you have to do that you feel out of control in your brain because. You feel like you don't have. Tabs on everything you're like. God, there's so much going on that.


I don't feel like I can put my 100 percent focus in on everything because there's so much going on. Well, here's what you need to do. You need to write a list, a checklist of everything that you need to get done. That's step one with that's going to do is put everything down in front of you so that you can get a solid gauge. On what you have to get done, and that's going to help within itself. What I like to do is I like to start with the easy things first.


So I get all the easy stuff done that I need to get done. The stuff that's going to take the least amount of time and I check all those boxes off on the checklist. Wow, would you look at that half of the checklist is gone. Something about that. Helps inspire you. To get the rest of the stuff, you have to get done, done. I can't explain it. This works for me. I'm a huge believer in checklists.


I make a checklist every single day in my planner for what I have to get done that day, and I always start off the day with the easy stuff and with the harder stuff. Not always. That doesn't always work out time wise or whatever. But if I have the freedom. To structure it like that, I do because. The more you check off, the better you feel and the more inspired you feel so that you can get everything done, you can do this.


I believe in you. All right, last one of the day, dear Emma, how do I stop comparing myself to my crushes, friends and genuinely people around me? Ever since the pandemic, I've been seeing people on social media and thinking that they're cooler than me and have more fun than me. And it's sad because I used to be so carefree. All of this actually led to me deleting my Instagram altogether. I totally understand this. Like, I fully relate to this a thousand percent.


I literally feel the same way.


And I'm currently trying to like, unlearn that and let go of that because it's just not true and. What I remind myself on a daily basis is. What people put out into the world is the best version of themselves. But that's not the reality of the situation. Everybody's going through some shit, you know what I'm saying? And when you remind yourself of that, it's comforting because you're like, you know what? This is an illusion. Me putting these people on a pedestal is an illusion, it's not real.


We're all on the same playing field here, nobody's cooler than anybody else. Fuck all that. Nobody's cooler than you that doesn't exist, that's a fucking social construct, it's not real, it's not real.


It's something that you're creating in your mind. You're creating this illusion that these people are cooler than you. Why don't you take that energy? And turn it into. Energy that you're putting towards yourself. Convincing yourself that your cool. Stop convincing yourself that everybody else around you is cool. Shut that off. Shut that down. Just stop and start using that energy to convince yourself and prove to yourself that you are cool because you are cool. The only person stopping you is you right now.


Not believing that about yourself being cool, quote unquote. Is literally just based on you thinking that you're cool. That is the only thing that is the only requirement if you believe and can convince yourself that you are cool, you become cool. It is the craziest thing ever, but it is just that way. And it happens naturally when you figure out how to find that confidence, whether that's through finding something that you're passionate about and that giving you a sense of confidence or.


Just practicing appreciating yourself. Or even if that's like changing up your style a little bit to give you more confidence, whatever it may be, spend energy convincing yourself that your cool. And in the early teen years of your life. It's not easy to believe that your cool. It's not natural, you know what I'm saying, it's uncomfortable, but. I spent years convincing myself that I was cool. I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm cool.


It's not easy. I go through phases sometimes I think I'm like the coolest person on the planet, and sometimes I think I'm literally the most dumb idiot, stupid, uncool person on the planet. It's part of being a human, but. Remind yourself that everything you see on social media is fake and that you're that bitch, period. Anyway, thank you guys for hanging out with me this week. I love you all so much. Appreciate you all so much.


If you guys want to review the podcast for me. Do me a little favor, you can go to Apple podcast and give us a little five stars, I would really appreciate it.


Follow anything goes on any streaming platform that you listen to us on. Follow the Twitter at Ajai podcast to participate in the episodes. And thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting me in the podcast every week. I really appreciate it. And I appreciate you and I believe in you and I love you.


And I'll see you next week. Peace and love.