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Did we like it. We hate it. What do we think? Hi everybody. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I am struggling with the pod. I recorded two episodes for today, and I hated both of them and I scrapped them and then I just recorded half of an episode and I stopped recording and I was like, I hate it. I don't know what's going on with me. It's so weird, but I really am excited.

Sorry, I had a lot of hot sauce this morning on my breakfast and now I keep burping it up and it hurts, but we persevere and we will get through it. But I like to be honest, is he being honest is a double edged sword. And I've been realizing this recently in my personal life and on social media. I'm almost so honest to a point where it might even harm me because I just want to talk about everything. I want to be like open about everything.

I want to come on here and tell you that I tried to record three times and it didn't work. But part of me wonders if that makes me seem negative or makes me seem. Whiny because I'm honest about even the bad moments. Does it just seem like I'm complaining or does it seem like I'm just being honest, inventing? I don't know. And that that extends into my personal life, I like to talk about anything and everything and even the shit that people kind of bottle up because they're like, well, I'm going to keep this one to myself because I don't want to like way down others, but I like, get into it anyway.

And I wonder, I think recently I've been kind of insecure about my openness. I'm like, am I too open? I don't know. So that's something I'm I'm thinking about right now. And I think that's why I scrapped two episodes, because I was giving opinions on things and being really honest. And I listen back and I was like, uh. Too much, Šamaš, too much. Step back. Keep some shit to yourself, you know, but I think that right now it's hard.

Because. It's so easy to fixate on things right now in like form, really strong opinions right now because we have so much time on our hands. But anyway, I just got home from the Bay Area, I went home for Thanksgiving and I stayed at my dad's house, which I haven't done in a really long time.

And it was kind of awesome because here's why. In L.A., I feel like everything is so. It's very gross and dirty here, don't get me wrong, but I mean, people wise, everybody's really put together. A lot of people are very. Beautiful and. Very put together and just. You know what I'm saying, like a lot of people are just very. Very much Gucci belt to the grocery store vibe's, you know what I'm saying, and I've been around that for so long that that kind of became my reality in my head.

And then when I went home and saw a little bit more of a normal town, like it was just a normal town, it's like some people didn't brush their hair that morning. It was amazing. It was amazing to be around it. And I really kind of let myself go a little bit, not in a bad way, but in a good way. I was like, I wasn't fucking showering, which shut up.

Before you even get into that, I don't even want you guys to roast me for that because sometimes it happens, OK? I, like, didn't have to shave my legs.

I wasn't wearing makeup ever. I was wearing the same clothes the whole week. I packed a whole massive suitcase and wore one outfit. It was amazing.

I wore one hoodie, I wore one hoodie and it was nice to kind of experience something a little bit more simple. And I feel like I learned a lot on the trip. And and one of the things I realized was. I need to find something in my life that excites me that has no. Real. Goal or end point in sight. I'll give you a little bit of an example. In school, every single thing that you do at school.

Whether you're in like a book club or a math club or you're doing a sport or. You're in like a really special science class. Every single thing that you do at school has an end goal in sight. For example, again, I keep going. For example, I'm fucking in an inception of four examples right now.

The like, if you're like the math club, you're probably not in the math club because you genuinely enjoy the math club, you're probably in the math club because you know that having that on your college application is going to give you a better chance of getting into the school you want. Let's say you're doing a sport. Maybe you want a scholarship. Let's say you're taking a really hard science class. That's probably for college in some way.

Let's say you're taking special summer camp classes. It's probably for college in some way so that you can go to college and get a better job, which eventually makes you money.

Like it's hard for people to find a hobby or something that they like to do that doesn't lead to financial gain at some point.

I was thinking about this the other day, I'm like, you know, I used to do YouTube for fun and all that in social media for fun and all that, but eventually I started making money from it.

And then it was like, you know.

It lost that. Charm for me in a way of. I'm just doing this because I love it, because now I'm doing it because I love it, but also because this is now my job and my dad was telling me he was like, you need to find something that you like in your life, that that's just that you don't even need to get good at that.

You just enjoy doesn't have there's no need to get good at it. You need to find something in your life that you want to do because you enjoy doing it. That doesn't ever need to make you money, doesn't ever need to benefit you in some sort of materialistic way. Something that you like to do and. He told me that and I was like, oh, that's an exhausting piece of advice to give somebody like what a fucking homework assignment being like, OK, find a hobby that you like.

That's not easy to do. It's hard to just find something that you like to do for me. I have a really hard time with hobbies because I don't like doing anything. I just work and do the necessary things to survive and then sleep and then again and again. And I don't have things that I just enjoy doing because to me it feels like a waste of time, which is not true. But that's how my brain works. My brain's like, why pick up a fucking useless hobby?

What's the point of it? My mind is almost wired in the way of if it's not going to benefit me. In surviving, then why do it? But when I was on my trip home, I kind of had a realization. Because I started playing drums because my dad is a drum set in my room at home and I started kind of playing the drums and. You know, the drum set is in my room, so every time I would walk by it, like I'd go get water from the kitchen, when I'd come back, I would play drums for like five minutes and then I get back into bed and.

Sometimes before I leave the house, if I was going to get my morning coffee, I'd play drums for a little bit and then go and get my coffee. It was something that like it was right in front of me. And so for some reason, I just kept going back to it and doing it and.

I actually felt. Happiness, when I would finger up, figure out a new drumbeat, because when you're playing drums, it's like. You're playing and then. You if you want to, like, learn a new beat. You kind of have to, like, retrain yourself for every new drumbeat, at least for me, because I'm a very much beginner. So it's like. You have to take your mind, it's almost like solving a puzzle because it's about rhythm in your body, it'll click in your body before it clicks in your mind, although sometimes it's so weird.

But I genuinely was releasing serotonin when I was fucking. Figuring out new drumbeats and shit, and it was like a puzzle and it was fun and it made me feel good and it was therapeutic and I loved it. So I'm buying a drum set for my place in L.A. and I want to get kind of good at it for me. Not because I want to be in a fucking band one day, not because I want to be a professional drummer one day, not because I even want to be that good at it.

I don't even care. I mean, I would like to be good at it, but like. That's not why I'm doing it, I'm doing it because I genuinely enjoy it, because I genuinely enjoy how it feels. To play drums and. It makes me feel happy when I when I do it and when I accomplish something and it's something for me to work hard at. Without any consequences, it's like when you're in a really hard science class.

You work really hard at that because if you fail. Then that could negatively impact your GPA, which could negatively, negatively impact. Getting into college, if I can't figure out a drumbeat, there's no. It's there's no harm in it, it's fine, like I'm not in a band, I just there's no reason for it, like it's just low pressure fun and I'm doing it for myself, which gives me an element of confidence. I also bought a sewing machine because I also want to try sewing clothes.

At some point.

I'm not going to be able to sew clothes for a long time, but I want to start sewing because I used to love sewing, but then I kind of gave it up because I just didn't care anymore.

I went through puberty and all of the hobbies I had as a kid just went away, as they always say. And like the fuckin Tampax commercial, they're like, you know, they like something I like women give up on their hobbies when they're young.

For some reason. I don't remember that commercial, but it did stick in my head and I did just reference it. So and I don't know if I even agree with that commercial, but I did I like kind of gave up on a lot of my hobbies when I was younger and. But like, I want to get back into sewing because I feel like sewing, I mean, I love fuck, I love clothes. I love designing clothes, I love coming up with ideas for clothes, whatever, in my free time in my head, it's something I enjoy in general.

So how fun would it be if I, like, tried to make stuff?

You know, that sounds exciting to me. So I am getting a sewing machine as well.

So I'm going to have two new hobbies.

Drum set and sewing machine are on the way to my house and I'm really excited about it, not for anybody else, but for just me. I think it'll help give my life some purpose and. Some excitement, you know, because. Sometimes it's hard to wake up every morning when. You just work. Into your silly little tasks and then go to bed. It's it gets depressing. I mean, look at the movie The Shining. There's a quote in there.

All work and no play makes Jack a doughboy. I agree all work and no play makes you dull doing silly little fun things for yourself. Is what life's all about. And it's also important because it involves nobody else but you, it's just you and your fun, silly little hobby.

That's it. There's nobody else involved. Obviously, you can meet people through it, which is even better, but at the end of the day, having hobbies is a you thing. Like when I'm when I sit down at the drum set or when I start sewing, things like that's going to be something that I'm doing and only I'm. Doing it like nobody else is doing it, and I'm doing it because it feels good and it releases serotonin for me, there's something so empowering about that.

It's all about me. It's all for me. I do it for me. I enjoy it because I enjoy it and. When I improve at it, that's going to make me feel good, too. So this is your sign if you feel like you've been looking for a hobby. Try to find something, but don't rush yourself, because I've been figuring I've been feeling like I needed a hobby for so long and it took me so long to figure out what things I was excited about picking up.

It takes time, so be patient with yourself. You're not going to find it overnight. When my dad gave me the advice to find hobbies, I was like, shut up, shut up.

And I kept pushing it off and not doing it, not doing it, not doing it, but it got to a point where the quote that I mentioned earlier, all work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy. That is what my life became, it was like I was literally that all work and no play makes a dull boy. That's how I fucking felt. I felt so I feel so dull right now without any hobbies, when my dad gave me that advice, he was planting a seed he wasn't.

Telling me I need to go out and find a hobby that day, use like, listen, this is something that could help you, so just keep an eye out for something that piques your interest. And it happened eventually, but it took a long time to find it like drums and sewing. It's so random. But I feel excited about those two things and I'm very excited to get into it. So try to find your hobby that speaks to you.

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I check out for twenty percent off next topic. What's next. What's next on the list. Let's talk holiday gifting. OK, I hate it. I hate it so much.

Oh my God. There's nothing I hate more my life than giving and receiving gifts. I hate it but I'm going to give you guys my gift guide for different types of people and maybe it'll help give you guys some info.

So No.

One, we have dads personally. My dad has a lot of hobbies. I'm jealous of him. He surfs, he fucking paints, he makes music. He takes photographs like I hate him. I wish that I was like him. He I've never met a guy with more hobbies.

If your dad has a hobby, say it's golf, whatever. The easiest way to excite your dad. Is to get them something Buji, not even necessarily Bujji, but like something kind of like. That they wouldn't buy for themselves, for their hobby, but that, like, would make it more fun.

For example, let's say your dad plays golf if you get him, you know, really funny, like or cool golf tees, the little tees that you stick in the ground is what it's called.

I don't know anything about golf, but you get him, like, really funny fuckin camo ones.

Or something or like really cool bright blue ones. Yeah, he wouldn't probably buy that for himself because it's unnecessary, but it's going to be a fun little thing that he'll have when he's playing golf or for my dad, like getting him a really cool, wet suit with a cool design on it.

Although I think that surfers judge other surfers that have like crazy wetsuits because it's like embarrassing. It's like not the cool thing to do, but or like a really cool surfboard. Maybe that's kind of expensive. But you get what I'm saying, like something for their hobby. And if your dad for some reason doesn't have hobbies, get him some sort of massage thing for his back.

He probably needs it if he's working really hard.

Or if your dad likes to cook new pans, this is something that I didn't realize adults appreciated, but I really appreciate it. I my mom just told me because she's visiting me in L.A. right now, she was like, you need new cooking pans. Your pans are disgusting and burnt. They burnt oil all over them. And I was like, OK, like, you don't need to come at me like that, but OK. And she bought me new pans.

And now that I'm an adult, I realize how amazing it is.

The brand.

Greenspan has really great pans and I think they're there's something good about them, like, I don't know, like they're like nonstick, but it's like not as toxic as other non-stick pans, I'm pretty sure, like, they're made out of better stuff. Listen, you're talking I'm literally an infant. I don't know what I'm talking about, but like getting new pots or pans, like a really nice cast iron skillet or something.

Fucking dads love that shit if they cook or even moms love that shit to moving on to mom's.

Moms love. Well, it depends there's so many different types of moms, it's tough. But I think moms really like, OK, here's the thing about moms, though, it's hard, it's hard because moms love, like, really nice, like clothing items and stuff like that, but then you get them for them and they never wear it.

So that's why I'm stumped by moms like I've heard this story from so many people where it's like, oh, I bought my mom like a really expensive purse and she never uses it. Or like I bought my mom really expensive slippers.

And she still wears her, like, ones that she got ten years ago, you know, from Target, like she doesn't like. It's funny, I feel like moms tend to be like that, so maybe don't go that route. Oh, you know what I think moms would really like my mom loves Krystal's. I know that that's so funny, like I'm random, but my mom really likes Cool Krystal's. You can find really cool crystals for pretty affordable online that are like really pretty and nice moms love that shit and they can, like, put them around the house.

I think that's a great gift for a mom and like ones that have cute little good energy, like the ones that like, you know. They have like an explanation like, oh, this one will bring positivity or, oh, this one will bring peace of mind, like, you know, stuff like that, that could be kind of nice. So maybe some crystals for your mom or maybe.

I know my mom loves PJ's, so like any type of PJs set. Doesn't need to be expensive, but PJ set of sorts, you can't go wrong with that. I love that. I think oh my God, I love when people give me pj's. That's like that makes me like receiving gifts because I hate receiving gifts, because I hate the whole process of being like, oh my God, thank you.

Like, that makes me sick. I hate it. But if somebody gave me PJ's, I'd be so stoked that I wouldn't even have to, like, fake. And, well, it's not a fake. See, the thing is, I don't ever fake emotions like I'm so grateful for any gift that I receive, but it's like I always feel this pressure to have the perfect reaction, like I almost overly animate my response.

Receiving a gift so that they feel appreciated because they don't ever want somebody to feel under appreciated for giving me a gift, so I feel this pressure to be so animated about it.

I'm like, oh, my God. I've been looking for a body wash that was peppermint. Oh, my God, thank you.

Like, that's so unnecessary, but like, I don't want anybody to feel like I don't care, so I will overdo it.

And that's why I hate it. But if somebody gave me PJ's, I would genuinely be that stoked. And that loud and not animated about it just because I love P.J., so I feel like giving people PJs, you can't go wrong. So that's that let's talk about for your friends, I feel like for friends, it's so much easier, like because, you know, you guys have inside jokes, I think, always playing off the inside jokes for friends.

It's so fun. Like, let's say you have an inside joke about snuggies or like about. A toaster. Like play into that, that's always my route with friends. It's the most fun, it gets a good laugh and everybody's happy. I feel like that's the way to go. As for significant others. Oh my God. Don't even get me started. I hate it. This is this is my biggest nightmare. I don't know why, but I tend to buy my significant other.

Clothing for some reason, but that's so stressful and I don't know why I put myself through that because. It's really hard, like if they don't like it, that's just going to make it makes me cringe thinking about getting somebody that you're dating a piece of clothing and then them hating it like that literally makes me sick.

I I'm still stumped to this day about how to do it, I would say. For your girlfriend. Let's say, well, God, I don't know, I think jewelry I think jewelry can't go wrong. For whoever you're dating, like I feel like anybody likes jewelry, I think it's let's say, you know. You're dating somebody who's trying to spice up their style a little bit, getting them some really cool, playful, fun jewelry, you can't go wrong.

Also, it like has then a sentimental value, which is special.

I also think that. Getting your significant other something like. That relates to your relationship, whether that's like a cute framed photo of you or like maybe a fun like. Handmade painting, like find something on Etsy to, like paint a painting of you guys that could be kind of cute, but also kind of creepy maybe. Depends on how long you've been talking, I don't know, dude, I shouldn't even gotten into the relationship gifting because I'm just as lost as anybody else.

I don't know. Good luck. Gift giving this year. It's really awful. But do you know what I'm actually excited about? This year? Everybody has been talking about how it's so important to shop. Small businesses for Christmas this year, and I love that idea. I love that idea because all the holidays in general, I do celebrate Christmas, so I shouldn't be speaking for just me.

But I find this is like a fun time to, like, go online and try to find some cool small businesses and shop those like I love that or even like going to vintage stores or thrift gifts like that could be even fun, too.

It's like sustainable because, you know, you're not adding to the waste of whatever you're going to like goodwill and like finding a cool plate for your mom.

Like, that's kind of fun, right? Or like finding a cool, like, vintage record player for, like, your significant other or your sibling or something like that's exciting. It's like treasure hunting.

So that could be a fun way to do it this year is to like think about buying used items from the thrift store like a treasure hunt. That's fun, but also finding cool small businesses like a fuckin treasure hunt for gifts this year.

And it'll make it more fun. It's not. Like, just you're on the Amazon, you're not like on Amazon, like, OK, I could fucking buy anything here, like what am I going to do? Like, let's say you find a small business, maybe an artist who makes, like, really cool self portraits, like really like artistic portraits of people you could go and get for your family, everybody, like a cool portrait of themselves that they can hang up or maybe of their pet or something.

And like that's better than buying like a fuckin lazy boy chair off Amazon, you know, I don't know.

There's something special about that. But good luck, everybody. That's the way I'm trying to think of it this year.

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Frankie's my sweet little. Oh my God. Let's just talk about my cat Frankie for a second. I it's so funny.

She's so shy. Like she only likes me and it's the best fucking thing for my ego ever because she only likes me. She only hangs out with me. She doesn't let anybody else pick her up. She doesn't let anybody else pet her, only me. It's incredible. Everybody hates her. Everybody hates her. They're like she's such a little bitch. But she literally loves me so much for no reason. I mean, I guess it's because I adopted her like she maybe assumes that I'm her mommy, which I love, but she only likes me.

And it makes me feel so good, like she's just in the recording studio with me, which is my closet.

And she's just licking my hand and purring and I'm like, you aren't like this with anybody else, and that is. Oh, it makes me feel so good. I love her anyway. Let's talk about New Year's resolutions. I never make them, I hate them, I think they're so stupid. But this year I'm going to try to think of a few and maybe we can all.

Try this year to do it. I just don't like to like I don't like to create a goal for myself just because there's like a year just because the year changes. Like, I like to try to make goals for myself all year round because I'm that's the most annoying thing anybody could possibly say.

And I just said it. But it's kind of true.

I try to like, you know, because I feel like it's unrealistic to, like, make all these goals in the beginning of the year, like, I don't know. But I've also been seeing people on take talk making New Year's resolutions are like they're completing their New Year's resolutions and they're like talking about it like from the beginning at twenty, twenty to now, like showing they're like journey with one of their New Year's resolutions.

And I kind of felt left out and had foma about it. So now I want to.

Try. To have one and see what happens. So here's my New Year's resolution number one, I want to. Learn how to play at least 10 of my favorite songs on the drums. That doesn't seem too hard, but actually it does, but that could be fun. Number two, I want to learn how to I want to sell myself a full outfit. Shirt and pants. I also want to stop. Not acknowledging my own accomplishments. OK.

I never acknowledged my own accomplishments and I am numb to my own accomplishments, so my goal in this resolution is to start feeling proud of myself. I don't know if that's possible, but I will try. And last but not least. I want to find confidence and validation within myself and not outside of myself. Thank you. That's mine.

Yeah, those are my New Year's resolutions. I'm going to write them down in the journal and then I'm going to come back in a year and see what happened and see what happens, like see if it if I if it came true. God only knows. OK. I'm ready for questions, because, to be honest, my brain is empty. Guys like I, I hate it. I don't get why, but my brain is empty.

I like no new thoughts. Actually, I just shared enough thoughts. I feel like I did enough.

I am fine. We can move on to questions. The first question is talk about your celebrity crushes.

OK, I've had so many and I kind of want to list all of them because I think it's funny.

OK, so the first crush I ever had was the Brothers in the Naked Brothers band, if you remember what that is. God bless you. That was my first ever crush, I think. Celebrity crush. I've had so many I've been so boy crazy since I was a fucking like little four year old, like, I don't understand why I'm like that. I've always I was born.

You just being, like, always having a crush. Like, always I'm like that. I'm so like that. So, yeah, OK. It started with the brothers from the Naked Brothers band. Then it went to the Jonas Brothers. I dunno what's going on with me and boy bands, but apparently that was my my thing. The Jonas Brothers, specifically, Nick Jonas, sometimes would kind of go back and forth between Joe and Nick, but always, usually Nick, whereas now I feel like I'd have more of a crush on Joe.

But whatever that was was probably my second crush. I also had a crush on the actor that played the main character in The Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie.

OK, that one doesn't really make much sense. He just looks like a I don't really know what was going on there with that crush.

That one was weird.

I mean, he's definitely I mean, he was definitely a cute kid, but he just is so fucking random. I was obsessed with him, like, obsessed. I don't know, like I when I Google like he. Does it make sense? Like he just when I look back I'm like he looks like a normal he I don't know what my like 10 year old brain was thinking like he just he's cute. I mean. Sure, but it's just like it's so it's such a random person to be as obsessed with him.

I was so obsessed with him. It was like unhealthy. I don't understand how or why that happened. Oh, then it was called Sprouse, Cole Sprouse was like an on and off again crush for me for a very long time.

I had a crush on him and sweet life, Zack and Cody. But then. My crush for him kind of got reborn when I watched Season one of Riverdale, I like for some reason just thought he was so cute. So that happened. That was a huge crush for me. I also had a huge crush on Joe Carey from Stranger Things.

I couldn't get over that one, that one, like, physically hurt my body, like that one, like I, I don't know why I was so obsessed with them.

I used to try to, like, tweet at him, I think are like D.M. him on Twitter and be like, I need to marry you like I have to. But he has a girlfriend. So, you know, that was one that I think it's better that that didn't go anywhere.

But that was a really I was like I was determined, I was like, I don't know why, but I like I love this man, like I am in love. This is the man of my dreams. Like, I don't know what. I think it was honestly his hair in the show, like the fuckin mullet thing like that, just like got me got my brain moving like crazy. I just like, no, not like that, but like I'm saying, like, it just got it really struck a chord for me.

Like there was the hair for me. Who else? I mean, obviously, I think my most recent crush was Timothy Shamie for so long and I just couldn't get over that when I was obsessed with him.

But I've also been obsessed with him. I was obsessed with him from like solidly twenty seventeen. To like 20, 19, solid, maybe even 20, 16 and like, I feel like I actually had a crush on him, like I feel like I was one of the first ones. Like, I feel like I found him and I didn't. But I feel like I was there first. Like, it's like I have the whole like. You know, everybody like who listens to Taman Paula, you know who's first, right, is always that argument.

It's like, well, I found them in 2015. Well, I found them in 2014. Well, I found them in 2016. But I'm you know, it's like everybody's always arguing about it. Right? That's how I feel about Timothy, man.

Like, I you guys you guys are just figuring this out now. I had a crush on him literally in 2016. So where were you guys anyway? But I kind of got over that one.

Twenty twenty, I mean, yeah, I think I just got over that one. Also, when I watched Fight Club. Is that why the movie is called Fight Club? I think so. I randomly got a crush on Brad Pitt for the whole duration of the movie. I was like, wow.

Yeah, that was that, but. Who else have I had a crush on? Let me try to think I don't think I had a little weird Ross Lynch phase for about 45 minutes, which is random. It only lasted about 45 minutes, but, oh, my God, I totally forgot about a massive part of my childhood, McGucken. Oh my God, I had a huge crush on them. I thought Nasch Greer and Cameron Dallas were thought I was going to marry them.

Like I genuinely was like. Like, you know what I said about Joe Keary earlier from Stranger Things. Forget it, I thought I was going to I thought I was going to be Cameron Dallas's wife when I was like 13, 12, 12 or 13, I was fully prepared to be Cameron Dallas's wife. Oh, and I mean, like my friends and I were so obsessed with McGucken to a point, we made a vow.

Oh my God, this is so fucking embarrassing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

We made a vine when Vine was a thing that was like all of us. So I don't have it anymore, but I feel so bad for my middle school friend. Sorry, guys, if you guys ever hear this, I know that we don't want to talk about this story.

It's really embarrassing. But I'm telling it anyway.

We made a vine and we all, like, got we all stood in front of the camera and said, when Majken boys post a new picture. And then we all. Filmed ourselves screaming and sitting in a chair, like looking at the screen and screaming, middle school hormones are crazy.

That's all I'm gonna say. Like, I don't know what I puberty hit us all.

Like a fucking ton of bricks maybe. I mean, we were just what the fuck? We were, like, cute. But like, I it was dangerous.

I mean, I don't like the fact that those things like are possibly even on the Internet still like terrifies me. Like, I in the worst part is too. I like I think I've met Cameron Daniels before once and like I just was so embarrassed when I met him because I was like thinking in the back of my head about that moment. And I was like, I don't know how I'm supposed to. Like, I don't know how I'm supposed to, like, even speak to this man, like I'm so fucking mortified.

If only he knew what, like makes me sick.

Those are all the celebrity castles I can remember. But I've had so many I've always I don't think I've gone a week without having a crush on a boy in my whole life.

Like I always have a boy on lock. I always got a crush on one. And then if I'm unless I'm dating somebody, then I have a crush on who I'm dating. But why am I like that? Is that normal? You guys tell me, do you guys always have crushes on somebody? I never don't, because for me, here's what it is, OK? I don't have a crush on a real person in real life. Time to find a celebrity to get emotionally attached to.

Like, the last time I was single, I literally just fixated on Timothy Jamma.

I should not be talking about this on the Internet. I OK. And I'd like watching the interview here and there. And like I would be like, wow, it's almost like I'm on a date. I literally it's sick. I don't it makes me sick. Somebody asks, why keep romantic relationships private? I actually tried to film a whole episode on this, so I'll be very brief because it didn't work when I tried to record an episode about it.

But here's my problem with public relationships. It's so like it bothers me. How? Public relationships in my age group specifically, I think that with older people, it tends to be different because they're a lot more mature, they're less likely to exploit one another. But relationships in my age group, there's so much exploitation. Of the relationship for clicks and for views and all that, that rubs me the wrong way and there's a lot of using one another for, you know, some sort of gain.

And that, to me, is so toxic because, I mean, there's so many endless reasons, but one of the biggest ones being like if you're exploiting your relationship on the Internet and it's benefiting you in some way or your significant other in some way, you're more likely to stay in that relationship. Even if it's not good, you're more likely to settle in that relationship. Even it's even if it's not good because you're gaining from it. So you're not going to be handling the relationship in a normal, healthy way because you're going to be.

Making your decision based on. The fact that, you know. You're financially gaining from it like you're not going to make rational decisions or smart decisions as it's going to be harder to make rational and smart decisions when you're financially gaining from the relationship.

But also, I have trust issues, and I don't think that I could like if my boyfriend say like I was filming me.

Like in surprised me with some sort of nice thing, like a really nice dinner at Nobu, but then like vlog the whole thing, I'd be like I said, did you do this for the vlog or do you just because you fuck with me because I'm your girlfriend, like.

What's real, what's fake? You know what's just for the camera, I think the perfect example of a couple that did it right is Cody and Kelsey, Cody Cullen, Kelsey Krehbiel because. Number one, they're mature enough to handle it where I don't think it's going to put a wedge in their relationship. Number two, they don't ever exploit one another. They make videos together almost as if they're friends because they're both funny and they both are so entertaining and great to watch.

And it's like they make videos together that are entertaining without them having to exploit their relationship, without them having to click bait like boyfriend tag.

You know, we spill all the secrets about our relationship. Like, that's not what they're doing.

They're just together in a video making funny shit. But it doesn't have anything to do with their relationship. They're not exploiting their relationship. Yes, their relationship is public and they do stuff together, but they're not exploiting each other. They're making content together because they're both funny and they have a great friendship outside of their relationship. Yes, they have the romantic element, but they would be friends if they weren't dating, you know what I mean? Like, not really.

Because if they weren't dating, then that would mean they broke up. But you know what I'm saying? And then it's hard to be friends with an ex.

But whatever you see what I'm saying? Like, they make videos together as if they're friends. Like they they.

Have fun banter. About things that aren't each other and they don't click bait using each other like my fucking dogs are barking, stop, stop.

Oh, God, to.

What if I told you that I stopped my recording for a second and then forgot that I had a covid test? Appointment at my house and then now I just got my nose probed. And cried because it hurt, not like cried like as in like cried, doesn't like my eyes were watering. I got my brain poked today actually wasn't it wasn't that bad. But that's what I just did. But I'm back anyway. I totally forgot we were talking about.

So this is this episode's a fucking mess. I'm a mess. But whatever. We're talking about public relationships, why it's bad when it works, cotting are a great example. Yes, OK. I don't know. I just think that there's something so sacred about having a private relationship and having it all to yourself, and I think that making relationships public can make it lose some of the magic. I also think that dating is something that is so all over the place.

You break up with people, you get back together, you're, you know, dating for. Along, like, whatever, like you, you know, you talk to new people, you get back together, it's like there's so much that happens and it would be really hard to experience all of those things under a microscope. You know, like it would be really difficult. And that's why I don't talk about it. But also, I I want to respect the private in the privacy of my significant other.

And I also don't want to feel like I'm being used either, because that's a huge fear of mine.

And so I think that it's just better overall to keep it private.

But I do think that at some point I will I will open up about it. But it'll have to be when I'm older and when I'm getting married.

Speaking of that, why literally, like I don't know if it's I've been talking to a lot of people about this. Why am I, like, ready to settle down and, like, have a family already? I am like, ready for that next step in my life. Like, I just don't want to be a teen anymore.

Like, I just want to be an adult. But it's like, why am I rushing my life, though? I shouldn't be doing that. I should be like living it day by day. But maybe it's the fact that we're in covid situation. Maybe that's making me want to, like, settle down or whatever, because it's like I'm already like not doing much. So like sounds like the right probably when things start happening again, I'm going to regret saying that luckily there's no baby or family coming anytime soon.

So we have nothing to worry about.

But anyway, you know what I just remembered I so I just got my covid test.

And when I had like a conversation, it was like one of the rapid tests that you find out within like five minutes or whatever. So I mean, the covid test lady were outside and we were just chatting, waiting for my results to come in. And and then so we kind of had like built a little friendship in the few minutes that we were together. Not really, but you know what I'm saying? We were talking. And so then when she was leaving, I was like, OK, like, how do I, like, say goodbye to her?

Because, like, we just had a long conversation. Like, I don't. It wasn't long, but like five minutes with a stranger, you know what I mean? And so I was like. By stay safe out there and and it was so awkward and I feel like that's my one area socially that I lack, I'm so bad at saying goodbye, like I'll be getting out of somebody's car like one of my friend's cars and I'll be like, all right, I'll say some weird shit every time.

And I and it makes me cringe. So bad, like I'll say something like. All right, see, guys like don't hit a squirrel on the way home and then I'll close it like no context when I say ever and it's so weird. Like I, I did it today. I was getting out of somebody's car.

And what did I say? What did I say? Oh, my God. OK, I was getting out of somebody's car, it's Thursday to day when I'm recording this and I was like, OK, love you, happy Tuesday to be, like, funny. But it's not Tuesday, it's Thursday, and I knew that, and that's why I said it. But like, why did I say that, like, why do I do that when I'm saying good bye?

It's so awkward at. It's so fucking awkward, so I need to work on that, that's something that I'm going to start workshopping, like just figuring out how to not. Do that. Because it just like makes everybody uncomfortable, so, OK, last question, somebody said predictions for 2021, I think it's going to be I honestly think it's going to be a great year.

I think that things are going to kind of return to some normalcy at some point in 2021, which will be very exciting. I think that everybody is going to have an awakening in a way, when things start opening back up and we're allowed to like do whatever we want, there's going to be an appreciation for life and for that freedom to do whatever you want that we have never, ever felt in our whole life. And I think that it's something to look forward to.

You know, it's very exciting that at some point we're going to be able to I think we're all going to appreciate everything so much more. We're going to appreciate putting our phones down like I feel like we're going to live in the moment so much more and really, like, soak it up. I hope I really hope for that, because I think that that could be such a silver lining in this whole thing. If we can go into 2021 and then return to some level of normalcy and then really appreciate life in a way that we never could have otherwise.

And what better way to make people appreciate the simple pleasures of sitting inside at a restaurant than not being able to for eight months, you know? I'm excited for it. I think we have a lot to look forward to in this life. Moral of this episode. My brain is empty, but I'm getting some hobbies, and I think that's going to help and I recommend you do the same. I love you guys. Thanks for listening to me every week.

And putting up with me in my bullshit, you know. I appreciate all of you guys so much, and if you enjoy the podcast. Give it a little five stars, an Apple podcasts, subscribe on Spotify, Apple podcast, anywhere you get your podcasts, if you want to tweet me questions or tweet me stuff for my advice sessions that I do here. The Twitters Outrage podcast, you can tweet anything at me there. And I hope the you guys have an amazing rest of your week and have a fun weekend and have a fun week and I'll see you next week.

And I love you a lot.

In Stay Awesome. And don't be so hard on yourself, OK? We all need to be a little bit easier on ourselves. Let's work on that and let's look forward to twenty, twenty one. OK, bye, everybody. Love you guys.