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Hi everybody. Welcome back to Anything Goes. I'm Emma and I'm tired. And they've been tired for like two weeks, why, you may ask, because it's foggy in L.A. and when it's foggy in L.A., I can't wake up, I can't wake up, I can't get out of bed. I can't work out. I can't cook, I can't clean. I, I basically break as a human being and I don't mind it. I don't, but.

That's where I'm at. How are you guys? Good, I'm glad to hear that unless you said something bad, then I'm so sorry, and I hope that end soon and I hope you feel better to.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm finally telling the story. It's literally been three years of me holding on to this story until it was safe to tell. But finally, I can tell this story.

So today, I want to be telling the story of why I moved to L.A., obviously I moved because it like, made sense career wise, blah, blah, blah, but there was a specific event that made it almost safer for me to move to L.A. And so that's a story I would be telling today. It's very I mean, I don't know how great of a teaser that was, because I don't know if that even made sense without context of what happened.

But we're going to get into that story today, but not yet, because I have a few other things that I've been thinking about that I want to talk about first, OK? Number one, I've been drinking iced tea recently. What the fuck is going on? What's going on? Why, who what is I'm scared, I'm scared, but I have been ordering iced tea and coffee shops because I drink so much my own coffee at home that when my friends are like, hey, let's go get coffee, I'm like, I don't really want any more coffee.

Like, I'm already had like seven cups today of my own. I don't really want more so than I've been ordering iced tea.

I've been getting iced herbal tea.

At Alfred, I've been getting iced tea at Bluebottle, I've been getting iced herbal tea, which is just like kind of a I don't even know what camomile peppermint blend.

I mean, and it's kind of delicious. I never liked hot tea, but like iced herbal tea is kind of fire, so I don't know. I don't know. It's something new. I've been trying, so I just had to share that with you and kind of tell you the truth, because I felt like a fake liar that I even like drinking tea almost daily. And like, I just feel like, you know, I have a coffee company.

This is so off brand. But, you know, I also had a Moccia phase back in the day, which now I hate Mocho.

So I don't know what happened or what came over me when I was having my when I was having my multiphase. I don't know what came over me, but. Now I'm drinking iced tea, iced herbal tea, I don't I don't know, I don't know. What what's happening, so that's that that was thing number one that I wanted to just get off my chest. Yeah, it was that it could see so like that's what's exciting to me these days.

Is like the fact that I just started drinking herbal tea, like that's that's the fucking most exciting thing that happens to me. Is that literally it? Oh, my God, I'm scared. OK, I think that's it. Oh, my God, that's so sad. Oh, my God, that's so sad. Oh, no, I had another thing. OK, so since. The pandemic began and everything shut down. I have saved so much money and my credit card bills have been so much lower and I was reminded of my mom and I found out it's because I'm not going to work classes anymore.

I'm having to work out at home. And I found a whole workout routine at home and I wanted to share it with you guys because it's fucking free. And I've been saving so much money. So for all of my, you know, friends out there that are into workout classes, I know it's fun. I know it's like a community thing. I get it. I'm probably going to start going again once the pandemic ends, if it ever does, because it's just like, nice to, you know, be social and, like, go out.

And it's kind of more motivating because you're like in you know, it's like a fun experience and it's kind of a luxurious experience.

But recently I've been doing this for cardio. I do sprints up and down my stairs, OK? I know I look down when I'm doing this. Like, I know that if anybody ever saw me doing this, they'd be like, what the fuck? But. Finding a staircase, it can be inside of your apartment building, it could be at a park anywhere, find a staircase. And I've been doing this thing where I run up and down it five times, so, like running up and then back down, that's one.

And I do that five times as fast as I can. And then I rest for a minute. And then I do that like three times.

And it's a great workout and it's free. And then for the other half my workout, I just do Cloete workout videos for free. I'll do like one or two and sometimes I'll even do a little bit of jump rope. I do about a minute, 30 jump rope and I'll maybe do that three times, but that's if I have actually any energy. And recently I've had no energy to do anything. So the sprints up and down the stairs are enough for me, but I almost like it better than like going for a run because I'm in the safety of my own home and it's like controlled.

It's not like I'm running around a random area. Like if you find a staircase at a park, you're like, you can just stick to that one area and you don't have to figure out where you're going to run.

And like, I don't know, it's just there's something nice about it. So that's what I've been doing. And I've been saving so much money. All working classes are a money suck. I didn't realize how much money I was wasting on it. So that's been cool.

So that's just like a little food for thought. Maybe just figure out a workout routine that works for you at home because it's it it has the same effects and it makes you feel just as good and right. When you're done with your workout, you can just hop straight in the shower. You don't even have to leave your home. So all you are probably like, yeah, I'm a dog.

But listen, you have to understand, I was addicted to soul cycle for a year and a half, which is a cycling class, if you don't know.

And so, like, I was doing that every day and it was a lot of money and a waste of money.

So that's why I'm out with that. Here's the story of the day. Let's get into it. Let's get into the meat of this. Right. Because whatever the fuck I just talked about for the past five minutes was a waste of both our times, kind of all my verbs.

I've been burping so much. I've been burping in like having gas. It's just like and it's the worst because whenever I'm around people, I'm just like clenching everything inside the whole time, every time I'm with someone. And that's why I like to be Lonesome's burp, fart, poop, do whatever I want, pick booger, whatever I want. I love being by myself.

Anyway, we're going to get into the story of today, which is why I moved to L.A.. Half of this is basically half of the reason I moved to L.A., because the other half was like because I wanted to and because everybody was here, blah, blah, blah, but like there was an instance that made me kind of put me in danger, that made me want to move.

Sooner than I probably would have otherwise. I'll tell you the story, so I was living at my mom's apartment at the time, I had already tested out of school, I was out of school and I was just living with my mom. In her apartment. And for some context about the way that her apartment was laid out, it wasn't the type of apartment that. Like how to lobby, it was like the whole department only had four units, it was more kind of a town house so you could access our front door from the street, right.

You didn't have to go up an elevator, you didn't have to. Use a code like you could just walk straight up to our front door. So that was kind of the situation. And I feel pretty safe there. I mean, I never I mean, well, there was a whole issue there with my downstairs neighbors, but that wasn't a reason why I wanted to move. But they were like we were constantly arguing with them. I talked about this a little bit in my episode about money, though my downstairs neighbors were not great.

I mean, they were like, scary, scary.

Maybe I'll do a whole episode about my downstairs neighbors at some point. But that wasn't the reason I wanted to move, I mean, I normally felt pretty safe there. We had a few weird instances of like, you know, there is one time there's a guy that was like watching us through our big front window. And that was kind of weird. But we never really did anything about that.

Like, there was a few weird things.

But this set me over the edge, sent me over the edge. So one night I'm editing in my room and I had been editing for. Ten hours, so basically the whole day, and I was definitely grumpy at this point, emotional, overworked, blah, blah, blah, and. I was just in a terrible mood and my mom and I were. Maybe butting heads a little bit. And so because I mean, not because we like just in a normal way, but I think I just was hungry and like, overworked and she was like.

Do you want me to get you dinner? I think she knew that that would solve every issue that we were having and I was like, yeah, can you go get me dinner?

So there's my favorite burrito place right down the street. And my mom was like, I'm gonna go run and get you a burrito and I'll bring it back. And I was like, Thank you so much. I already feel like our relationship is improving just from that little gesture. So my mom lives. And I continue working on my computer. And I get a knock on the door. And I'm like, oh, I don't like that, but I feels weird.

But I ignored it because I was like. I don't need to answer it like my mom's on here, like, what do they want from me? I'm like fucking 16 year old, like, what do they want from me? I have nothing to give them. It's also, at this point, eight or nine p.m.. What do you want from me now? So I decided not to answer it. And then they knocked again. And I was like, hmm.

I don't really like that, and I was like, you know, I'm just going to ignore it again, like I whatever, the door's locked. I locked it when my mom left. I'm just going to ignore it. So I go back to my computer again and I start working again. And about 15 seconds later, I get a knock and they rang my doorbell. And I'm like. If I just act like I'm not here. They're going to have to leave eventually.

But what the fuck are they doing and I don't know who I'm like, who is this? You know, like, is it my mom? So I call my mom and I'm like, someone's banging on the door. Like, what's going on? And she was like, I don't know, honey, like, just ignore it, and I was like, OK, but. There's some banging on our front door, like over and if they're not leaving, she's like, go look.

So basically the way that my apartment was laid out. You could see my front door from my mom's bedroom window. So because the building was kind of in a curve, it was kind of a U shape, right. So like from my mom's room, I could see the front door. So I look out the window and it's this woman. And. She's she's like standing there waiting and she's wearing kind of a funky outfit and I was like.

But I didn't really get. Much of her. But she look like right? I just could kind of see like a basic. Outline of what she looked like. But I got so scared that. Instead of even like calling the police, I just went into my mom's closet and I texted my mom like, you need to get home right now. And she was like, OK, at this point, I'm hysterically crying in my mom's closet because I'm like, what is this woman doing?

Like, this is so scary. Whatever, my mom's luckily like five minutes away, the knocking in the banging on my door continues for about. Another minute and a half. I'm just in the dark in my mom's closet. Shaking and then by the time my mom got home. She was gone. And. I'm like telling my mom this shit is not OK. I'm like, I am so scared. What the fuck does this lady want from me?

Is she trying to kidnap me? What the fuck is going on?

My mom was like it was probably just like some weird, like one off thing, like who knows what she wanted, but like, it probably won't happen again.

I was like, OK, I eat my burrito, I go to sleep, blah, blah, blah, the next day. Thank you to all birds responding, sort of anything goes, y'all, we're all still stressed out somehow it's like we can't catch a break. Every month I think we're like expecting some relief and it just gets crazier and crazier. But one thing that we've learned over the past few months is that we need to look out for each other and come together to protect the things that we care about.

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With Albats, feel confident knowing that you're wearing a product that's doing right by you and the planet. If you're looking to get a head start on holiday gifting this year, head to Alberts Dotcom for the perfect gift to give and receive. OK, so now fast forward to the next day. So I have a neighbor to the left of me, the neighbor under me. I have beef. The neighbor to the left of us I love. So it's the next day and it's like during the day and my mom runs into that neighbor and she has a conversation with her and she had actually seen the whole thing go down and was like very weirded out by the whole thing.

And she said that she was watching it from her window as well. And she was like, I was wondering, like, what happened? Like, that's so weird. And so then she was like, if this happens again, Emma, just give me a call because I'm over here and like, I'll come out and I'll rip her a new one. Like, I'll tell her to get the fuck off the property. Like, don't worry, I got your back.

She was kind of that type of girl, you know, she was very, like, badass, kind of scary. Like, you don't want to fuck with her. I think she was from New York, that type of thing. So a firecracker. Right. So I felt safe knowing that if my mom were to leave again.

I would have her there. Fast forward to later that night, I'd been editing all day again, and my mom was like, I'm to go get dinner. Is that OK? I was like, Yeah, it's fine. I'm just going to be on my computer for the next fucking 12 hours. It's fine.

But I was also like. Wait a minute, you know what happened last night, should we maybe not do this? She was like, no, I think it's fine. And I was like, Yeah, I think you're right. I think it's I find I was hesitant. I had a bad feeling about it. But I was also like, I know I have my neighbor next door that I can trust. If something weird happens, she'll come out in retirement.

One, it's fine. OK, so my mom leaves for dinner. Exactly three minutes after my mom leaves, I get a bang on the door. I'm losing my mind at this point, one knock on the door and I and I fucking start bawling my eyes out and hyperventilating. I'm freaking out because I realize that this woman is watching and waiting for my mom to leave. And the second that my mom leaves, she's banging on the door because it's way too much of a coincidence that both evenings, a few minutes after my mom leaves, this woman comes to my front door and starts banging on the door.

That is not a coincidence. Nobody can tell me that. That's a fucking coincidence. I'm freaking out at this point. I text my mom. I'm like, it's happening again. My mom's like, call the police. I call my neighbor first because I'm like, the neighbor is going to get here quicker than the police ever could like. So I call my neighbor. I'm like, are you home?

She's like, no, I'm like, fuck, fuck, what do I do? My neighbor below me hates me and wants me dead, so there's no way I can call her. I'm the other unit. The fourth unit in our building is empty at the time. I'm freaking out. Freaking out. I call the police. They don't answer. This is not a joke. I call this my hometown's police department because instead of calling 911, I was like, I'll just call the San Carlos Police Department because they are going to be able to react sooner than like nine one that they have to connect you.

And I'll shoot the police department doesn't answer. Mind you, this lady is banging on my door, ringing my doorbell over and over again. I'm bawling my eyes out. I think I'm gonna die. I'm like, this is the end of me. Like, she's going to break in somehow and kill me. This there's this lady is being so aggressive banging on my front door, she knows I'm here. Why? What does she want from me?

What is going on? Why is she waiting for my mom to leave? All these thoughts are going through my head. I'm I literally thought I was going to die. I've never hyperventilated that hard in my life. I was ready to die. I was thinking of a way to escape my apartment. I was like, I can climb out on the deck and I can climb onto the roof. Like, I was thinking about every scenario. And I was like, if I need to get out of this apartment and climb onto the roof, I fucking will.

And I like I don't care. So I'm like thinking about all that. Actually, in retrospect, from my deck, I could have climbed onto the roof.

And that would have she would have never found me there, so that's something to think about. I didn't think of that. Then I was think about going on my deck and climbing onto the lower part of my roof. But there was like an upper level, like the very top of the building. And I could have climbed up there, so. I don't know. Food for thought, but anyway, I'm losing my mind, I get on the phone with the 911 operator, they're not taking me seriously.

They're like, OK, we'll send out someone like whatever. Like, it's probably fine. I'm like, I'm this woman is banging on my door. And she's came two nights in a row once my mom left. And you all think this isn't some fucking kidnapping situation like y'all are. Dom, y'all are very dumb at this point. I just got in a following, right. Like, I just started becoming known on YouTube. And I was like, what if they want to hold me hostage?

And like. Make it a viral thing, like I'm like, I don't know, because I've never experienced fuckin any type of eyes on me besides, like doing a science presentation in third period, like that was the most attention I'd ever received. So I was like, is this part of gaining followers on the Internet? Like, is this person trying to steal me and hold me hostage? Like that's where my mind's going.

The police take forever to arrive. Meanwhile, I'm curled up on the floor in my room, bawling my eyes out, listening to this woman. Violently bang on the door, she banged on the door for 10 minutes and it took 10 minutes for anyone to show up. Meanwhile, I'm texting my parents, I'm texting my neighbor. I'm like, I it's not stopping. She's not giving up. I'm being so quiet so that she thinks I'm not home.

I was whispering everything, so she didn't think I was home. I'm terrified and I know it seems like I'm overreacting, but she wasn't just knocking on the door. This woman was banging on my front door with a fist with the side of her face. She was not being gentle and she's holding down my doorbell. Was very loud, it was the type of doorbell where you press on it and it goes a very 80s, OK?

Also, mind you, I have no security system, I have no like, you know, crazy double lock on my door, like I had a chain lock on my door along with the key lock.

Like, it was like very I just I thought I was going to die. My mom rushes home, obviously, at this point, because I'm hyperventilating, the police arrive at the same time as my mom and they both talk to her. And they're like, what are you doing here two days in a row? And she's like, oh, I'm just a fan. Like, I just wanted to talk to her. And they're like, how old are you, ma'am?

She's like, I'm 27. And they were like. We've seen you before. And she was like, what? And they're like, yeah, we've seen you around before, we've seen you before, whatever the fuck that means. Not a good sign. If the police are familiar with your face, maybe not a good thing. And they were like, you can't come here anymore. Like, you can't just come banging on her door.

She was like, oh, I just wanted to, like, tell her, like, I just wanted to talk to her and hang out. My mom is like, no, you can't come to our home and bang on the door for 15 minutes when I'm not home and try to hang out with my daughter. No, you can't do that. And she's like, OK. Whatever. I don't mean any harm, like I'm just here, I'm not I don't mean any harm.

The police are like, OK, by. And I'm like, OK, by. You're just going to trust that this woman just wanted to fucking know. So they just let her go and they told her, you can leave a note at the front door if you want to talk to her and you want to connect with her, but you can't be standing outside the door and bang on your door. I'm like, no, y'all y'all are fucking fake.

Y'all are fake. This woman was trying to fucking murder me, but this is when things get really interesting. So my mom comes inside and she's like, honey, I'm so sorry, I was like, it's OK. I'm still hyperventilating at this point, screaming whatever whole nine yards.

And my mom's like, Honey, this lady used to be our neighbor in the fourth unit, like she used to live in our building. She was like dating the guy that lived here. And I was like, Why? And she was like, Yeah. And I was like, OK, that's weird, and so I was like, this woman used to live in my building, like, why is she I, I just none of this made sense to me.

I was like, what does she want from me.

What it like what is going on and. I have my conspiracy about what I think her goal was, because I know damn well that she didn't just want to say hi. I think she's wrapped up in some no good stuff. Based on some of the stories that I had heard about her from my other neighbors and I think she was trying to. Kidnap me for ransom, like that's genuinely my conspiracy. And some people think I'm crazy for that conspiracy, but.

I think she knew who I was because she lived in my building and I think she was wrapped up with some bad people, and I think that she was like, well, I know somebody in the public eye that we could kidnap for ransom. That would cause quite the buzz. And that's my conspiracy because I can't imagine why else this woman would show up two days in a row and harass me at my front door. When my mom wasn't home, I just can't imagine another scenario where that would make any kind of sense.

There is no way she had any type of pure intention. And you know, the other reason why I know that, because if she was so interested in becoming my friend, she would have listened to the police and she would have just left a note at my front door maybe the next day. And she never did, because that's not what her intention was. So that is my story there.

And after that point, my mom was like, you need to be in.

You need to be far away from here where nobody knows where you live, because way too many people know where we live, because we were locals in the town and people knew where we lived just because we lived there for so many years. And so, you know, and it was a relatively small town.

So it's not like hard to find people or like, you know, whatever. And so my mom was like, yeah, we need to get you out of here. So, I mean, pretty soon after, you know, we went to L.A., we found me an apartment and I moved in a week later. So it was probably three weeks after that whole incident that I was out of.

I was out of the Bay Area.

And I'm so grateful that nothing bad ever happened from it. But at the same time, it's fucking awful and terrifying. So that is my story. Yes, we waited three years, but it was worth it because now my mom has moved to another place and she's now living somewhere else and I'm living somewhere else and I have maximum security at my home. So if you even try to get in here, it's going to make a very loud sound and the police will be here within seconds.

So, um, so that's that crazy, though. Crazy story.

As for my downstairs neighbors, they were more harmless, but I talked about this in the money episode, but they were just we would constantly have these screaming fights with them because they would be mad that we were being too loud and then we would be mad that they are being too loud.

And it's just because our building had no insulation. It was a very old building, very dated.

So you could hear everything and everything was creaky. And it was just like so they could hear everything. Whereas like the apartments I've lived in L.A., you can't hear shit like maybe you can hear a little bit of a hum of talking, but like we could hear full conversations that my neighbors were having downstairs if they were talking at a normal tone and vice versa.

So. We were constantly fighting, they were like constantly smoking a bunch of weed, which is like super dope and lit, but also like, you know, I was 13, so maybe I didn't want to be inhaling large amounts of weed. And I didn't like when my clothes smelled like weed when I went to school because it seeped into my closet, all that stuff. Although I don't smoke weed now either. So it's kind of never been my thing and I don't.

It was awful, kind of traumatized me with the weed thing, but also, you know, it's funny. There was this whole tick tock trend that was like my dream smoke sash, like who I'd want to smoke weed with, and I people kept putting me in them. And I was honestly so honored because I'm like, y'all think that I'm like, cool like that. I feel like I was the best compliment I've ever received. I don't even smoke weed, but I'd be there to, like, help anybody who was having a panic attack.

And I love that so. I don't know, I just find that to be very sweet, so thank you to everybody who wanted me in their success. Not that I condone drug use in any way, but also. You do you, Bill, you know. I think I to answer some questions now, but I hope you guys enjoyed that story and. If there's any other stories that I like have brought up but never fully told you about, I feel like now I am at such a different place in my life, I can kind of talk about anything.

But yeah.

So let's answer some questions. Thank you to believe response in this episode of Anything Goes, taking care of yourself is very important right now for all of us. It's been a rough year and it kind of continues to get crazier and crazier.

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Thanks Beli. OK, first question. How do you take your own advice?

I am literally the CEO of this. I give I genuinely believe in my advice. I think I give amazing advice, but I think the reason I give such good advice is because I know exactly what I need to hear and exactly what advice I need.

I need to follow and I never follow it. But it makes me like but I think because I'm so aware of the advice that I need, it makes me better at giving advice because I'm self reflecting on what I would want to hear and what I need to hear. But the problem is, I'm such a harsh critic of myself and I feel like I don't. Respect myself enough to take my own advice, I don't maybe even love myself enough to take my own advice and I'm learning and I'm getting better.

I remember I made an episode about a month or two ago where I was talking about how my self-esteem was awful. And it's gotten a lot better recently.

I mean, seriously, for 180, I like feel so much better about myself. I don't know exactly what helped with it. I think it was just like riding the wave of insecurity because it sometimes happens and doing things that made me feel good and only being around people that make me feel good.

That really helped, but. I mean, my insecurities make it so that I don't listen to my own advice because I'm like, no, you don't deserve to, like, have a good life.

You deserve to suffer. Like, that's literally my brain wants me to suffer. It's very odd. And so I understand the struggle, but I'm learning how to get over that and I'm learning how to move past that.

And I think that. Envisioning yourself, talking to you when you're younger and giving your younger self that advice can be a helpful exercise. I've tried to do that almost trying to think of myself energetically as a baby. And that sounds so fucking weird and twisted, but like people tend to demonize themselves and look at themselves as this like evil person. And all you can see in yourself is your flaws.

But if you look at yourself as this like fresh slate and. You look at yourself as who you are today and not who you are yesterday. It's so much easier to be gentle with yourself and to give yourself advice and then to take it because you're not all jaded by your own past, like I feel like.

I look at my past and I'm just like, I'm a year you've been so dumb so many times, you fucking idiot. And you and, you know, remember when you were ugly at this during this time of your life or do you remember more so I can think about. But you have to understand that nobody sees that any more.

People see you for who you are today, not who you were yesterday, unless you did some dumb fuck shit yesterday. But you apologize for that and you move forward, you know what I'm saying? Or you you create a new vision of who you are in other people's eyes. It's like nothing's set in stone. Your identity is never set in stone. You can always it it's fluid.

It evolves as you do. So don't. Hold yourself back because. You're judging yourself for who you were and don't not take your own advice because you don't think you deserve it. Think of yourself as a child who's innocent in pure. And look at yourself in the mirror in that way, and that really helps. I've been really trying to do that in a genuinely helps and sometimes you'll cry about it. I've cried about it.

I've been like you. I've literally looked in the mirror and been like, Emma, you are a good person. You're not a bad person.

You've made mistakes. You've done shit that. Is embarrassing, you've had some rough phases of your life, you've had some great phases of your life, you've done shit that now you cringe about, you've done shit that now you look back on and you're proud of it. To a certain extent, I'm never really that proud of myself, it's a disease, but you know what I'm saying, and you're a good person, you don't hurt people on purpose.

You don't hurt yourself on purpose.

All of it is part of growing and you are a human being. And that's a beautiful thing. And you're on this planet and you deserve to have the best life that you can. And I'll look at myself in the mirror and think those things. And this genuinely happens every once in a while.

And I will cry about it and. It happens when I'm driving, I'll look at myself in the rearview mirror and I'm like, think those things for like 30 seconds at a stoplight and then I'll start bawling my eyes out. And because I realize, like Emma, you are. You look at yourself in such a negative light, and yet no one else is looking at you like that. Some people I have my handful of haters, you guys know who you are.

But like. You know, generally like. I'm a I was a baby once, I'm a human being. And so treat yourself like treat yourself gently. You know what I mean? It's so important. OK, another one from the same person, actually, hey, so I don't really get as excited about any boy the way my friends do. I'm so specific and I like such a certain type of dude that most guys don't really excite me. And I know perhaps it's good to be picky with your potential partner, but I'm also worried that my specific type makes me judge too quickly whether or not a guy is right for me.

On the other hand, I feel that chemistry and excitement is something that I feel right from the jump or not at all. Very rarely has chemistry such butterflies slashed the crushing feeling grow if the guy didn't originally give me that feeling.

OK, I have many opinions about this, so I'm the same way.

I it's very rare for me to be excited by a guy like very rare. And actually I've even been like I've even judge people by their cover and been like, I don't like I've sometimes just been like, you know, either no.

And there's no way I'm going to like you. I know this for a fact. But there's also been guys where I'm like, I feel like I could like you, but I feel like you'd hurt me. And I've just like jumped the gun like that, which is just not good to do. Like, you know, when you look at a guy in the face, you're like, there's no way you're not going to break my heart. It's like I just know that you would be the one to do it.

And I don't even want to have anything to do it with it or like, oh, you're kind of too intimidating for me.

So, like, fuck that, I'm not even going to dapple because you're just intimidating to me and like, I just don't even want to try that. Like, I don't I don't feel like I could be myself in front of you because you're cooler than me. Like, there's so many different things that deter me, even if it's like. Kind of ironic because it's like, OK, well, I think that you're cute and I think that we'd work great, but like I'm I think you'd hurt me.

So know like, what the fuck is that? Right.

I don't think that you need to overanalyze the way that you feel about people, because I think that it's just going to happen on its own. And I think that. Giving everybody a little bit of a chance, not a full chance, but being open minded in giving the guys that have. A little bit of a potential, a chance. That could literally be the guy that you never knew that you needed. It's it's really crazy how sometimes that happens like.

One time. There was a guy and I was like, I just. Like, I'm attracted to this guy, he's hot. But. I just feel like. I wouldn't I think it was almost like I didn't feel like I was going to live up to what they probably thought I was. Does that make sense?

I was like, OK, they like are trying to hang out with me, but like, I know that I'm going to disappoint them. Because they just seem really fucking cool and like they had their shit together in a way that like I just never will, and so I'm just going to dodge this bullet, even though I was, like, into the guy. But I was like, this is too scary for me.

But I, like, put my I put that aside.

And I was like, at some point I was like, you know what? I'm just going to give it a chance. And and it was and I'm really glad that I did. You know what I mean? You have to like. Sometimes it's not always going to be perfect in the beginning, your mind isn't always going to process the situation perfectly from the beginning. Sometimes it sometimes it's the dudes that you see and you immediately it's like love at first sight where you're like, I think this is my so mate when the first day that you fucking see a photo of them.

Right. And then you meet them and they end up being such a disappointment and you're like, this is everything that I didn't want. So. Like, let yourself be surprised and let people prove you wrong before you. Xome off. And even if a guy like also I mean, I'm kind of this is advice that I've never taken myself because I don't normally talk to guys unless I'm like very. This is so fucked up, like, I don't know if this wrong thing, but like I always am, I'm not I usually am not going to like, you know, be romantically interested in a guy that I don't think is hot.

So maybe this is bad advice. But also, like, even if a guy I always like I mean, does that make sense? Like, I, I will. I'm not going to give up.

Oh my God, this is so sad. Like let's say I get a dime from a guy that I don't think is cute. I'm not going to respond in like that's fucked up. But what my advice is, maybe I'm doing the wrong thing there, like maybe you should. I mean, I don't think I'm doing the wrong thing.

I think maybe that's that's definitely normal, but like, kind of give everybody a chance that has a little bit of potential.

I don't do that I. I don't do that, but I don't think it's a bad strategy like giving everybody a chance in a way, when you're really picky, because then it's like because somebody might shock you, you know, I don't know.

But I can't I don't even think I really can give that advice because I've never in my life done that. How fucked up is that? Like, I've never. But it's not like I'm it's like but also attractiveness is something that's so personal to you, like my friends are attracted to guys that I am not remotely attracted to and vice versa.

So it's like, you know, it's all like in your own mind and it's like what you're you're what clicks in your mind and stuff. But then it's also like for me I'm the same way. There's a lot of criteria that needs to fit for me.

I feel guilty about this conversation and I'm going to move on.

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Somebody said my friend and her boyfriend broke up on our homecoming night. He was a dick about it and said that he saw me and my boyfriend together and didn't think he would ever get there with her. Now I feel like I ruined something. Advice. You didn't ruin anything. You cannot control how other people perceive you and how they take their perception of you. And act on it, there's that is out of your control and that is not your responsibility, your friend dodged a bullet.

With this guy, if that's the way that he thinks dodged a bullet, do you think that it's a good idea to be with somebody who'd break up with you because they saw another relationship and was like that one looks better from the outside and I don't think we're ever going to be like that. So I'm out the fuck very toxic. That's not a good thing. Also, the fact that he came to you and told you that is even worse.

You're her friend. No, she dodged a bullet. You didn't do anything. If anything, you saved her without even trying. Somebody said, hey, I'm a my mom was abusive and struggles with alcoholism, so my sister and I live with our dad full time. For the past three years, she's still Texas and says she misses us, but I've been hearing that she hasn't changed and she's still drinking. I still feel guilty for cutting her out of my life, even though I know that it's better for me and my mental health.

Do you have any advice for easing this guilt? I think that as humans, we feel guilt when we put ourselves first. I know this feeling. Because on a way, different scale, I. In constantly cutting people out of my life like I, I'm really the worst. Like, I just am always.

No, I'm not the worst. See that immediately my my mind went there, right, but I don't like being around people that don't make me feel good or that make me anxious or that aren't on the same page as me in life. And so I cut people out constantly for my mental health. And I do feel guilty about it. That's why I just said that I'm the worst, but I'm not the worst, because that is up to me.

And that is. My job. For myself, my job as a human being is to take care of myself as best as possible and. Sometimes you have to remove people from your life, even your own family. For your own well-being and there's nothing to feel guilty about, your mom has a is abusive. There's no. Reason for you. To feel guilty about getting away from that. That I mean, anybody would need to escape that that's not this is you deserve that, you deserve to be removed from that.

And I know and it's harder when it's your own family because it's like, well, this is supposed to be a life long bond. This is supposed to be something whatever.

But family. Doesn't just mean your family that you know, that you were born into if the family that you're born into. Is abusive or is not healthy for you to be around. There's nothing wrong with finding family elsewhere and without that person. Remind yourself that. Anybody in your situation would do the same thing? And that you deserve to be. Far away from anything that is relatively abusive, anything that has the word you deserve the best treatment by everybody in your life and anybody who's not giving that to you shouldn't be in your life.

There's no reason to feel guilty about taking care of yourself, because taking care of yourself is not only important for you, but also the people that are around you that love you and care about you and want to see you happy.

It makes others happy to see you happy and to see you.

In your mental health, thriving, that's all anybody wants, so whatever you need to do to get there, never feel guilty about that, never feel guilty about prioritizing your own mind, because that's all you have. At the end of the day, it's you and your mind. That's what you have forever until the day that we all die. That's all we have is our own body and mind. So take care of it like it's a fucking temple.

And don't let anything or anyone make you feel bad about. Prioritizing that. Somebody said, what's your opinion on young people being Bess's with middle aged grown ups? I feel like it's very normal in L.A. for that to happen, but also what are your thoughts? I have quite a few friends that are like old, I mean, I don't know, OK, so I'm 19 and I think my oldest friend is like 35 maybe. And to be honest, when I hang out with, like somebody is 35, I don't feel like it's any different than I'm hanging out with somebody that's 20 and.

I've never been somebody that's really gotten along with people younger than me necessarily. I don't have any friends that are younger than me and I literally never have for whatever reason. So I don't think that it's weird.

And I think that nine times out of 10, it's going to be it just is a matter of like some adults like hanging out with younger people because it makes them. Feel youthful in a way, or they like the youth perspective and. I think that that can be a really cool relationship where it's like almost like a mentor and a child type of thing. Right. But I also think that sometimes it's a little bit weird. I can definitely also see it being weird.

I've seen some scenarios where I'm like, how does that make sense? But I also understand that, like, I have friendships with people that are older than me. I'm friends with people that are older than me.

I mean, when it comes to like my general friend group, there's usually like a two to five year age difference. But. With my other friends that are a little bit older, sometimes it's like seven to 10 years, 15 years even, I mean, like. And some of those friendships are really great friendships that like. I need in my life, like sometimes you need almost somebody who's like an older sibling to give you advice even when you're an adult, because technically I'm an adult, but like, it's nice to get advice from somebody in their 30s, you know what I'm saying?

They've lived a lot more life than I have. And I think in L.A., it's so normal because a lot of kids are like shot into adulthood, like I. You know, kind of was forced into adulthood when I was 17, so now I'm like. You know, it's easier for me to relate to older people, I think that's why it's so popular in L.A., because a lot of kids have to grow up really fast here. So I don't think it's a bad thing, but I think that some situations are weird and confusing.

OK, so I just paused this recording, you guys didn't know that, though, because how would you know that? Because I fucking was 20 minutes late to a zoo call that I forgot about, because I get so deep into the podcast that I forgot about my responsibilities. So I just forgot about that Zoome call and I had to hop on it for 20 minutes and now I'm back. That was extremely jarring and upsetting.

And so. Yeah. OK, last thing I want to talk about, because I just was on my phone for like a few minutes before I came to finish this podcast recording and I was going to talk for a little bit and I saw a tarot card reading and it reminded me of my tweet the other day where I tweeted about how I'll see like a tarot card reading on my Facebook page and, like, get all anxious about it and shit. And then that made me think about reading my horoscope recently.

Guys, I've stopped reading my horoscope and my life has improved. Reading my horoscope or listening to tarot card readings about my star sign. Anything relating to Zodiac gives me the worst anxiety.

I don't want to know how my day is going to be. I want to just find out on my own. So I'm done reading my horoscope, and I think all you guys should be too, because it's genuinely improve my life not paying attention to that shit anymore. I don't know something to think about. I think it's toxic and bad. When shit's going really bad for me, that's when I read it, and then I'll feel like it gives me clarity and it might and sometimes it does, but.

You know. At what cost? Because sometimes it'll be like you need to have a serious conversation today and don't hold back and then I'll like live my whole day and I never needed to have a serious conversation that I'm like, did I not do something really do up my own day like today?

What did I do wrong that that didn't happen? You know what I mean? And what's the point of all that trauma? So anyway, done with horoscopes, we don't do that anymore. We don't fuck with that. So I just thought I'd share. But anyhow, that's enough for today's episode.

I hope you enjoyed that story and I hope you guys enjoyed the episode in general. I love all of you guys so much. Tweet at a podcast and let me know you want me to talk about in the next episode.

You can also ask me questions on there. I do advice sessions on here where I give you guys advice about your specific life problems.

And if you guys want to be a part of that at a podcast, that's the Twitter. That is the main spot to be. Also, if you want to rate us an Apple podcast, give us a little five stars.

Never hurts anyone.

It actually helps me a lot. And I really appreciate it. And I also love to know your guys feedback. So either tweet me or leave your view and let me know what you like or don't like.

But also don't tell me what you don't like. Just tell me what you like for my own ego anyway. OK, love you all talk soon. Talk next week. Next Thursday. Bye bye bye.

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