Oh, my God, Gina, are you OK? You guys hold, hold, please, one second. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah, dogs just throw up and it's like their favorite. Yeah, I thought that was a cat thing.

We're here. We made it construes struction in the place I rented next door, so that's fun for me and maybe for you guys as you listen to me, trying to do my best, still trying to figure it all out.

I'm busy. Philipps I'm joined by Shintaro Jackson. Hello, ONJ. Hi. How are you doing? Oh, I'm fine.

It's not it's not it's not been the best and I'm not doing my best. How about you, L.A.?

Well, we stop you just that was a real fuckin. Well, I go back.

That's a blanket. That's a blanket statement to me. And I think that we're all it's been it's been a rough one. It's been a rough.

Yeah. I'm tired of spending my money on all of this. If I'm being completely honest. I'm tired of donating all my money. I'm tired of having to say democracy because of white supremacy. Truly. That's what that's what that's what I felt like this morning. Every two minutes, every poor person I know, it's giving the unemployment money. Everybody I know, it's like I'm fifty dollars, but I'm going to get forty five to split between every Democratic Senate race and like.

This sucks, so, like, I got to keep doing it, but I think that that is where I'm at.

I had a very similar reaction on to you, but I also just had like a very different reaction than a lot of the reactions I saw on Instagram, Twitter and what the Internet. On Friday night, I found out that, you know, Ruth Bader Ginsburg had passed away, like most of us found out on Friday evening. And I screamed, screamed out loud and. I was just like, I don't. I don't it's over like it's over and we have and that's it, and I didn't have like, oh my God, Gina just threw up.

Oh my God. Gina, are you OK? You guys hold, please. One second. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Gina, dogs just throw up. It's like their favorite. Yeah, I thought that was a cat thing.

This is my fault. I was making food for cricket for lunch and I was making broccoli and she kind of like jumped up. Gina, like jumped up and she took like one of the big stalks of broccoli that I had cut dogs like broccoli. Well, it was raw.

It wasn't cooked. And she ate the whole thing and now she just threw up the whole thing. That's really gross. OK, well, back to our story here today, guys. We're all doing our best. I didn't have the reaction of, like.

Tonight, we mourn tomorrow, if I like, I'm fucking done, we can't there's no more fighting and also and also the time for fighting is not tomorrow. It was. For fucking years ago, it was seven fucking years ago, it was 20 fucking years ago and like, look, full responsibility taken on a lot of, like, not showing up. Twenty years or what you know, 20 years ago, my early twenties, in a lot of ways, I was like a passive participant in politics and I, you know, whatever I did the best I could, you know, and I tried.

But now I just feel like, what are we supposed to fucking do? You're right. We can't give any more fucking money. We can't like we can't give money to any more marches. It feels like the people truly the people are giving money. The people are in the street. I do not feel represented. I do not feel like the I feel like the Republican Party will do anything to push their agenda. And right now I feel like the Democratic Party is so, so rooted in niceties that we're going I'm going to die.

That's how I feel. I'm like, no more. When they go low, we go high. I'm so fucking tired of I'm tired of paying for. I didn't do this right. I didn't do it. That's what I meant. I'm a black woman from Florida and I didn't fucking do it. And I told everybody. We told everybody. But, like, something has to change. I don't know what else to do. I just can I also, though, just say just I am older than you.

Yeah. And this is unprecedented. And what's happened is that, like, the game has totally changed and the Democrats are still trying to play the same fucking game.

Yeah, they're trying to be nice.

I got my Zoome call confidential Zoome call with my because I'm on the Council for the Center for Reproductive Rights yesterday on the Creative Council and and it was like it was really upsetting to hear from the people from Center for Reproductive Rights and how like. Normally, I can get a sense of like, well, we've got this and then we have this and we have this because they're lawyers and they like they meet things.

That's what they do, is that they work for reproductive reproductive justice, not just in the United States, but around the world by by passing legislation, by fighting unconstitutional laws here in the states, by going to the Supreme Court. And and normally, I can get like a sense of of relief from listening to their, you know, educators like their experts.

And yesterday she was like, this is bad. I don't know, this is just bad. And I mean, and we're scared when Trump was elected.

My grandma Louise was born in nineteen forty three. I called Louise, Grandma Louise, Louise.

And she was like, yeah, I don't feel surprised. I don't feel I always say I'm like always disappointed. But no surprise, I'm never surprised by white supremacy. I'm not surprised that these people are evil. I am surprised it took this long for people that I know to believe us. That is the surprise for me. I think there's you know, there's just a huge problem.

People talk about the two Americas. Absolutely.

It's been a long time since we were so divided and not just divided, but polarized like that.

Doesn't you know, that means that we're very far apart on what we believe.

And, you know, so we're standing here saying like but they're being hypocritical and they're not holding true to their word.

And you're right. That's not surprising.

And they don't they don't care, you know, that that they're not upholding something that they claimed to uphold just three years ago.

So so it's not a surprise. And that's very frustrating for me, because one two things that I really hate are gaslighting and I really despise hypocrisy. I just do like I will have so much respect for you if you say something and you stand by it and you own it. But the minute that you start to equivocate and, you know, just adjust your agenda, then that's very frustrating for me because there is no fighting or against it.

You know, when someone constantly moves the goalposts on you, constantly gaslights you and tells you the thing that you know to be true isn't true, then it's very frustrating.

Did you guys watch the social dilemma?

Yes, I did. I mean, I didn't watch it. It's really good. It's very he's just you should really watch it.

It's very like it applies to politics, but it also just applies to so much more.

And especially having kids and like some of the stats that they were trotting out about how much more common it is for like a girl, like young preteen girls on social media to be depressed and suicidal and like, cut themselves has gone up by like over a hundred percent, over one hundred percent just since the invention of social media.

And it's like, you know, I'm in this place where I'm like social media has given me a lot like I think that social media is giving given me a lot and a lot of gifts. Like I wouldn't I probably wouldn't know you guys if it weren't for social media. But then I'm like, am I not paying attention to, like, what it's taken from me, you know, or what it's like taken from us as a whole. But I think like politically like it has really fucked us.

It has really fucked up us. One of the things about the social dilemma that was so interesting, too, is that one of the guys who like invented the like button on Facebook, it was so interesting to listen to him. He's just like this young fucking engineer. And he's like, I thought it'd be cool that if you put a picture of your baby up, your friends from across the country could see it. And we were like, wouldn't it be neat if they could just like it?

He was like, I didn't know a bunch of girls would try to hurt themselves. You know, it's one of those things where we need people who are open to change, open to regulation, and not just open to how much money can we get off the backs of people. One of the things in there that really stuck with me was that the drug industry and social media are the only times where the people who use them are called users and not like clients or customers.

And it's like if you are a user, that means that you are the product. So if it's for free, then guess who the product is? It's you they're selling you. And I was like, holy shit. And I think that that is something that when and if we get out of this sooner than later, that we can really look into, like how we can help people navigate these inventions. Right. It's like when cars came out, there were no seatbelts and they were like, we didn't think about that.

Then a bunch of people fucking died. Right now we have to get some regulations.

And then the thing that we have to remember, too, is that. You know, people railed against seatbelts at the time, this isn't even the first anti mask movement. There was a movement before with the flu pandemic, you know, whatever, you know. Yeah.

Where and where people were like, we're not wearing masks and, you know, our rip those people, you know. So I just try to keep reminding myself that these people that disagree so wholly with everything that I firmly believe in my heart to be right and moral and good, also think that they are doing what is best for our country and for each other.

And they think that what they are putting forth forth is right and moral and good.

And so, you know, if we can have a conversation about that, great. Right. Except I think that, like, one part is missing. That's what I feel like the difference is between when I was talking to my therapist, what's up, leada about?

Bush and the Bush administration and the Republicans that were like, you know, into him at the time, what we're dealing with now and to tie it all to the fuckin Nexium documentary, what I think we've seen is a giant group of people in this country that have been indoctrinated and fucking brainwashed through many different ways.

But the Internet being one of them, obviously, the gaslighting of I mean, I don't even fucking know why people think he's charismatic, but I guess these people that love him just fucking like you're not a racist.

Busi also, they'll look at Keith, Raniere or whatever, who wants to fuck that guy. Apparently, he could get you to he could convince you that you wanted to fuck him. Here's the here's the truth. Like we work in an industry where like how many times have you seen someone who's like a major celebrity? You go on a talk show and talk about like, oh, you know, when I was a kid, I was like the class clown and I was a real problem or whatever.

And then you are actually like thinking in your head, like, I have met that person in real life. And not only were they like a bratty kid, they're also like a real fucking jerk now, you know what I mean?

But like people, when you don't have close proximity to that, you find it very charismatic because you're like, oh, he tells it like it is. And he's kind of funny and, you know, and he loves to troll people. And so what they said in in this the social dilemma documentary is that, like, if there is no truth, if we're not beholden to, like, actual scientific or numeric truth, then, yeah, we're in big trouble.

There is. I've been saying that myself.

Yeah. When truth ceases to be the truth, then what the fuck do are we left with. Right. And it's and it's like then it's just everyone for themselves and for their own imaginations. And like, you know, Kuhnen can just be, you know, Tom Hanks and whoever else that wants me and whoever else they need to, like, decide they want to drag into some monster story as opposed to, like, looking at the reality of what where the cracks are in the system and where the people are being left behind and how we can, like, actually help others in this.

Yeah, in this country.

I am very interested to just see where we go from here, because I think that goodness is the majority. I do think that we are being led by a very specific power hungry minority, which often is how, you know, tyrants get to where they are.

I think that they really are testing it.

I think that I think that a lot of the point of all this is to exhaust us and confuse us. And and it is exhausting and confusing.

And by the way, like we've been lucky, like there's a lot of people that have been exhausted and confused for a hundred years, you know what I mean? Like, there are people that have been held down and barely allowed to breathe for so, so long. And I don't want people to be discouraged because I don't want people to be like, fuck it.

It's not even worth like putting on my mask to go out to vote because you know what I mean?

Like, it's like if someone's holding your head underwater, you fight until you can't fight anymore. You know, we have to show up. But then also, I just want to do what I can on a personal basis to be good and kind to the people in my immediate area because, you know, like what else is there? Like, we have fucking limited time in this country and on this earth, you know? And so, like, what else am I going to do besides go forward and be like, hey, are you hungry?

Are you cold? Do you need a kind word?

I don't know what else I can do, but just keep being one person, one foot in front of the other and doing everything that I can and still like keeping myself and my people alive.

I think for me one thing, too. I think I really, really want to, like, drive home. So like my therapist shout out to Carla, it's OK to be fucking furious. It is perfectly fine to have Furi, I am not letting myself be like, OK, well, don't be mad and just like try to be good and not IMiDs book, but I am going to do something.

Does the system need to change one hundred and fifty fucking percent should because the system needs to change. Does that mean that you don't show up. No, no.

Have to show up because burning it to the ground and like making all of these changes and making sure that we can have power only works if we're all sort of parties, if we all are participatory in as many ways as we can be.

Also, like, listen, guys, here's an option. Here's a fucking option, which at this point doesn't seem too far off. So so let's say Biden, Harris landslide victory and trumps like everything's been rigged. It's not I'm not leaving it up to my new Supreme Court to decide then what happens, what fucking happens? Does the military have to go in and forcibly remove this motherfucker? Like, maybe maybe that fucking happens and it's wild.

And the craziest thing that's happened in our country's government in however many years, if they don't have that landslide victory vote to point to, I don't know. I literally don't know what's going to happen, because if they replay if we have a redo of Hillary, if we have a redo of Al Gore and it's down to like four fucking dangling chads from fucking Florida, you better believe that motherfucker is not leaving for the next ten years. He's in. That's it.

Anyway, that's my rant, it's I mean, it's really difficult because of the way that politics works, the way that how many how many elections you get to vote in in your lifetime, if that we're constantly on a learning curve, it just seems like people cycle in and out of their voting life without ever learning a lot of really important lessons that, you know, that we've learned so much.

I've learned how important down ballot shit is. I've learned I had no idea when I was a young person in my early 20s voting how important the L.A. City Council was, how important like making sure that that, you know, the people that are in control of making the boundaries, that then essentially control gerrymandering, that then essentially can make entire districts turn one color or another by design.

We were made ignorant. I went to one of the top hundred high schools in America when I was in high school. And I can tell you right now, I did not learn half of the shit that happened in history that I should have known, you know what I mean? And I think that that's by design. And even if you go back in American history and you see, like we've always had the numbers for goodness, we've always had the numbers for what is right.

We've always had the numbers to take care of people. We had so many numbers that they made black people three fifths of a person so that they could win the vote. You know what I mean? That's right. So, like, there is absolutely no reason for you to believe that the people that we see in charge are the majority. From the beginning of all of this entire experiment, we've always had the numbers for goodness.

So I think that that is something to remember. Always had the numbers for goodness. We've always had that literally almost is going to make me cry. Right.

We do have a morally corrupt system, but the number of people who are moral far outweigh the number of people who are in charge right now.

And by the way, I like being moral is that is being able to disagree with someone without needing to destroy them and wipe their way of life off the earth.

You can something cannot be for you and you can live your life never touching that thing without needing to watch someone be utterly destroyed because they believe something or live a life that's different from you, like eggplant parmesan.

Go for it, but I'll never touch it. It's the worst. It's the worst. You guys.

You know, we're probably preaching to the to the to the choir here. Yeah. Just need to know that they're not alone in their theory.

So and I'm going to say, have you guys seen the the video by this rapper Yellow Payne, yet called my vote? Don't count if you are confused by any of this and any of the things that we've been saying, that is like it's like a modern Schoolhouse Rock. It's gone super viral. But as we learned in this social dilemma, like maybe your algorithm is hiding that from you because for whatever reason, it things that you don't need to or don't want to see it.

So look it up.

Yeah, his name's Yellow Paint and it's white.

You know, w we're going to have to link this. It's really good stuff is not informative.

It is a true bop bop bop bop.

Do one more thing to say. I was just going to say you guys both shouted out your therapist so I should shout out my therapist as well as a therapist.

But Frasier reruns. I was going to say on some on some on some good news. You know, Schitt's Creek did when all seven Emmys that they were nominated for. That was excellent news. I didn't watch the Emmys and full disclosure. Well, here's the deal. Nobody wanted to watch them in my house, so I was a bit on my own, much like Fantini family, and I just was like, well, it's not even it's fine.

I wanted to see it. I was curious. My mom texted me because you're on the Emmy. And then I was like, I don't even I can't even. Is it in memoriam? What is that?

All right.

I'm busy tonight. I'm still five, 10 years later, but. I did turn on the TV to get up an episode of SpongeBob, and I saw my old old old friend Jeremy Strong when for succession, which was wild because I've just known him a legit forever through BFF Michelle Williams. And in my this is like such a wild thing. But like we I call we call them flower pot because that was what. Michelle's daughter called him when she was like a baby.

I don't know why I don't remember the origin story, but like in my head, I was like, oh, my God, Flowerpot won an Emmy.

I said, I said it out loud. I was like, oh, my God, Flowerpot, what about me? And I texted Michelle and she was like, oh, my God, it's upsetting because she doesn't, you know, like, have television.

She lives like she's a fairy. She's a fairy that lives in like I was going to say, I was like, she lives in like a branch in Twigg. She's very petite.

If you do some wings on it, I believe it.

Someone like petals every day to like, get the water boiling for soup or for her.

But you guys, I thought the Emmy like whatever. That's great. And, you know, I love Schitt's Creek. I love what. I love what, Dan? Levy said about how he was grateful that they were able to get given to be given the chance to have their numbers grow. Yes, they probably on any other network would have been Netflix would have cancelled that.

I saw like I was like, oh, Netflix love Schitt's Creek if that was a Netflix show. Two seasons tops. Maybe not with us. Yeah, not to Canada being nice.

I mean, CBC really was like, we got to keep this going. Yeah. Shout out to Regina King for being.

I love her. I want her to win everything. I want her. She does win everything I know.

But like I want her to like you got like she's going to win an Oscar.

I mean, she's won an Oscar. Yeah. She's going to win an Oscar this year for directing mark my little words that I would love it.

I mean, like, I'm obsessed with her winning. And like, I always think about how the way people will be mad at me. What's the name of the lady from Seinfeld?

Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Yes. I always feel like whenever she would be nominated, it'd be like, OK, so like she go get that. But now I have that feeling about Regina King and it's like, cool to be like that. Likely to go away.

I love her.

So there is that she's amazing in The Watchmen if you haven't watched it because you're like, I'm not a sci fi bitch or I'm not like a comic book bitch or whatever, just stop. Just watch it. And it's just like it's it's outstanding storytelling that transcends, you know, I'm not a comic book bitch, remember?

And I remember when when Geena Davis was on busy tonight and I was like, I've never seen any of the Marvel movies except for the first one that was like Strong Man. And she's like Iron Man.

How do you you don't even know the names and it's OK. No, I don't.

But Watchmen is one of the greatest shows.

It's so, so good. And then today I won Zendaya has an Emmy.

I that was amazing. That was so good at a ball.

I've not watched euphoria because my son told us that we shouldn't that it's not for us. Yeah, me neither. That's OK. It's for young people. I watch it.

I didn't watch the whole thing. I'm like very sensitive. And then I saw up to episode where a girl like like in the show, she's in high school and she was messaging to like me, a grown man. And then I turned it off because I said I didn't want to win, but I fully support her. So happy.

Yeah, I fully know she deserves it. Even though I've never seen a second of euphoria, I've been forbidden.

OK, OK. Well, let's see. I just want to talk about some other things happening that people are talking about just so that we can all get through it all because it's a lot. And I know we're here's one thing I will say. It's great to feel. The rage, and sometimes it can be overwhelming and then it's OK to do what I did this morning. And look at logit, 40 minutes of People magazine, Star Trek's the duality, even the reality of it all, even though I'm definitely not I don't love a paparazzi moment.

Personally, I don't love it for my friends or the people that I love or any celebrity. I think it's weird and creepy. But I just today I was like, I'm just going to zone out. Unlike Shil above jogging in L.A. and like all these other random pictures of like and it's like interesting, the celebrities that they pick, do you know what I mean. Like who seems like who repeats in the things. It's always like Anne Hathaway.

Always one time I was with you busy and some paparazzi like gave me his card and was like he was like, do you remember this?

We were walking. And then he was like just gave me his card. And he was like he was like, if you just want to like let me know, like when she's going to be somewhere, then I'll take like really nice pictures or whatever.

And I was like, I feel I'm like, is this a threat that if we don't let you know, you'll take pictures anyway, but they won't be nice?

Well, I did have that paparazzi photo of me a couple of weeks ago where I legit look six months pregnant. That wasn't growing it for me personally and my brain.

Yeah, they're out here. I also like I also you know what? I had two babies and I have the I have stretchy skin in my stomach. And if I'm really breathing from my diaphragm, I can puff as you shoot around, I can, like, just look pregnant.

Well, anyway, also here are some other, like, gossip, I don't know whatever pop culture stuff that we can that we can talk about, I guess. Ellen returned. I didn't watch a. I did I love the word just like silence, and she apologized, but not really and like made jokes like don't look at me, I don't.

I also the thing that really got me was the joke was like, don't look me in the eye. It's like, don't do that. You know what I mean? Like, that is a thing that it's like if I know that it's a joke, but like that is a thing that in the industry would break. Yeah. That's how I would work. How they would break a Hollywood break. Truly, when you move to L.A., when you move to L.A., there are two things that happen.

People ask you where you live. They tell you how parking is in that particular neighborhood, and then they tell you what this mean. That is what happened.

I was moved to L.A. and they go, where do you live? Where are you moving? You go. I go, I'm I live in the valley. And they go, oh, my gosh, parking is great in the valley and is me. Or you'll be like, oh my gosh, where are you living? You'll be like, let's velis the neighborhoods are so good. There's so much food there.

Elon's mean that is what happens in L.A. all that either funny on Twitter, somebody called it out and then the entire America fucking found out about it. But this is a Hollywood break. Well known secret in Los Angeles is that like people say, that it is me. So I didn't like that joke because I think is rooted in truth. I don't think I'm going to get booked on Ellen so I don't give a fuck.

Here's what I'll say about all of it. Here's my Hollywood break.

I in my twenty plus year of almost industry, I have actually worked with people who had a do not look at me if in their thing, you know, like not their contract or whatever, but you just were told and like any extra any person under, you know, who's not the director or the first aid or like a pre decided person who's allowed to look at the person in the eye or talk to the person directly, no one else on set is allowed to speak to them.

And it's it's not always like you're like, oh, well, it's got to be like a huge superstar who just like needs to be like wants to focus and can't be bothered. It's not always that. It's almost always never that like in fact my experience with like huge superstar people on set is the opposite of that. But, you know, like that they're very friendly and they want like the crew to feel like I'm just another person, you know?

But there's a lot of there are people, you know, entertainers in this industry that, like, put a lot of stuff around what they do. And I don't know if it's like their own insecurities or like they're just or they're just jerks or whatever.

And like the Ellen stuff, I think is very complicated because in a lot of ways, I think, you know, she got a real bummer of a deal early on in her career.

She was. And she was like put through the wringer and essentially, like, forced to come out.

Truly, as a career woman, I'll take this as a career woman. I will never, ever and I'm not letting them come for you. Busy as a career woman, I will fully, fully, fully get my gratitude for everything that she has done for career women industry, which she has been through. Absolutely. There is no denying that she was the face of being queer in this industry and she got her fucking career railed for it. Now, I will say after making three hundred million dollars.

Yep. Be nice to people. And I would just say that like after you know, we talked about Casey's article that she wrote a couple weeks ago on the pod.

I would say that after. That kind of thing is exposed and you're the face of the show and the star of the show, like having a real moment maybe with yourself before you come on stage and really come to terms with your your own culpability and like being as sort of.

Honest as you can be. Only will help people be able to reconnect and move past it, but the gaslighting thing, which, like you mentioned earlier, is like her least favorite thing. I don't know, you watched it, Casey, I just read the recap and like looked at the quotes of what she said, like, I feel like it's a little it's not great to make a joke over something that people. You know, that was that is very serious, right?

Yeah, I think I think she's in a bad position because they conducted an investigation and, you know, all of this stuff. But she's still Ellen, you know what I mean? You know, she probably feels like she still has to maintain this persona and, like, give people some entertainment. But it's like, is that the time for entertainment? I don't know. You know, and I think the people that, you know, as she said in it, she was like, if you're here because you love me, thank you.

If you're here because you hate me, you know, I'm still getting paid.

Yeah, exactly. You know, it's weird. Also, I want to say something else about the not looking people in the eye to have worked for some very famous people. And I've had people say to me, why can't we look that person in the eye? And I'm like, no one ever said that. So it's also a thing, Hollywood break that people sometimes just start a weird rumor about, oh, that's interesting.

So I've been like, yeah, if there was like a rule about not liking this personally, I would be the person that was making and distributing that rule and it doesn't exist.

So wherever you heard that I did work with someone that was like actually like I saw me and two. Like extras. Oh, my God, for sure, for sure.

My least favorite, my least favorite, because extras become everybody that I know like besides the raging nepotism in the industry or any industry in America, in everything, everybody who's, like, not deputised used to.

Yeah.

Like a year or an extra, you know, Mark did extra work his in between his first year in second year of film school. Yeah. He went to USC for grad school.

Did you see him anything. Oh my God. Guess what his like. No one was that he was like hired all summer long. Dr. Quinn medicine.

Oh my God. Is he like an old timey garb? Yes. And he would like he like had like no, he was just like an old timey dude because he had long hair.

Like, one of the things about Marc that I'm just like very lucky that we didn't meet when he was in his early 20s because style wise, I never would have been able to have that.

He was like a hippie, like he was like he had like long curly hair and a beard.

I loved the beard, but like a lot like a beard and long curly hair.

And he wore and he like wore hippie clothes and like a Jesus Birkenstocks and like the like the hacky sack maybe. I don't know, it was the 90s. I mean I made it up but but like, you know, he looked like he'd be comfortable with a hacky sack, at least in the pictures I've seen. So he got hired on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman all summer. And like he was like for him, look, my husband writes in and directs and like makes movies now and has for well over 20 years.

And for him, it was as a person from totally outside of the industry going to film school, the only chance he had to be on a set and. You know, he's Jane Seymour was lovely, so there was no there's no story there, but like, yeah, people do a lot of people do extra work because they want to they're interested in the business. They want to learn actors. They want to learn. And like, yeah, it's not great to be mean to extras.

When I was in college, my husband and I were extras in the film with honors starring Joe Pesci, Patrick Dempsey and Moira Kelly.

So and R. Kelly, I loved that movie, but I just want to say that Brendan Frazier, who was a guest on Busy Tonight and we shared a little moment over this, was in the film and he was so nice to me.

We were in a scene together where there was a chicken and I was afraid of the chicken and he was so nice to me and he totally remembered it. So, my God, that's cute.

Yeah. So, like, obviously the moral of the story is you should be nice to all extras and you should always let people look you in the eye. And even if you have heard that somebody says, don't look that person in the eye or talk to them, it could be a rumor.

On that note, I feel like we started the show. We like to say what we're doing, our best shot. But obviously we went a little off the rails because the weekend was wild.

It was wild. We're not doing our best emotionally, any of us, if you are. I don't know what you're doing listening to this show, but I love you and I'm sending you light that you, like, come to your senses at some point, OK, but so let's just do it.

So, Casey, what OK, what did you we know that this was a hard week.

This was a very hard this has been very hard. Like four days. Five days. What did you do your best at this week?

I just made like a judgment call to just go into survival mode. And so survival mode for me is like stop taking shit from anyone because people love to say, like, I don't suffer any fools. I suffer a lot of fools. I will put up with people's foolishness because I want to be nice to them. And, you know, and I'm always trying to, like, understand where they're coming from. But there's a point at which I stop.

And so after RBG died and then we had a fucking earthquake the same night, I was like, tomorrow when I wake up, I'm not suffering fools. And then the second thing that constitutes survival mode for me is like I just shut down all peripheral activities like cooking and cleaning. So I just got to deep dish pizzas. And I was like, this is what my family is living off of for, you know, we're still eating the too deep dish.

OK, that's great to support. Then you have some food that's going to be coming your way for me. I'm going to send your family a little. Maybe I just love vegetable or chicken vegetables on the pizza. Oh, I, I feel like I'm doing my best right now.

I'm trying my best.

I'm doing my best at like definitely this week I've just been like leaning into the the.

Being open to any possibility is like all over the all over the board, all of them, all the possibilities for my life, for our collective lives, for the future of this country, for the future of where I'm going to live, for the future of anything you can think of. I'm like, I'm just going to be fucking open. That's number one.

But also, I did take the girls upstate and I have had some, like, good mom stuff since we left L.A.. Kind of like shifted cry. Oh, no. Am I going to cry? It kind of shifted my perspective about. Like what? I feel like has been missing in my kid's lives and what they maybe don't even know they need, which is to like. Be in nature a little bit more and be away from. Screens, like you said, I have to watch that documentary.

You're like the fifth person that's asked me if I watched it and an engaged in like. Non consumerist activities, because in L.A. there are ways to be adventurous and there are ways to be like one of those families, that's like we went up to Mount Baldy this weekend, like we did this and we did that. Like we went to the beach and just like had a day and there was nowhere to be. But it was wonderful. You know, we are like, not those fucking people.

Like, just you got to know who you are, you know? Right. And so, like, so frequently in our weekends with our kids, you know, you don't get that many weekends with your children. You just don't it's like I don't even know what the number is.

Somebody wrote a book. It's like nine hundred. Nine hundred. Nine hundred. It's nine hundred weekends. Thank you, Casey. So glad you're smart. This is why we work well together. Yes. You have like nine hundred weekends until your kids are out of out of the house. Right. And so frequently are weekends in L.A. We would like try to like do something cultural, like let's go to the Skirball or let's go to the road. And then there's like a huge line of people and it's like, you have to wait, it's hot.

And then there's the giant gift shop. And then, like, all it becomes about is like, when do we get to go to the gift shop? And like, but look at the art and they're like, fuck you. I want like a pony stuffed animal or whatever. I don't know, you know. And so then and then like at some point I'm just like, can we just go to the grove?

Like let's just go to the grave and like we can sit on the lawn and they can eat macaroons and then like they'll yell about like wanting to go to, like, you know, baby gap. I don't even know or like we saw the candy store, like, I don't even know. And I just feel like I became such a passive participant in, like, my parenting, like the path of least resistance, because there were the shiny options were so much easier and more readily available than like because I would try to force them to do other things, like even like going to Griffith Park.

We did one hike once. And it's not this is not a joke. It ended with like me and one of my children. I will not sell them out screaming at each other. And then that child being carried by a stranger than a stranger. I wasn't a stranger being carried by someone who was with us down the rat like the rest of the way, like, you know what I mean? Like, it just it's never been. But then these girls, I took them to the country.

Crickets renamed herself little nature.

Nature. She asked for that to be her nickname.

Guys, Rudy was like, so calm. I was like rolling down a hill. And then, like, even when I and I nobody Mark's like, you're going to be itchy and you're going to complain about it. She wasn't it was wild. And I don't know. It just felt like. It is really hard when you live in these big cities. It's just and you're a working parent and your two working parents is just really fucking hard on the weekends to, like, be able to give them a break from the bullshit of what this world is.

And like after Friday and with Ruth Bader Ginsburg death and me feeling like, oh, God, we just went up for the day and they picked wildflowers and cricket, renamed herself Little Nature and like it just and we had fun and we had fun, like Bertie, like was sweet and.

She really wants to be Amy March, but but different guys. There's a story there that I will tell another time. OK, so anyway, so that's what I feel like. I'm doing my best at being open and figuring out how to be a better parent for the. Whatever, four hundred weekends I have left with these kids. Is that I hope you're depressing. No, I think it's great, but I hope you're giving yourself credit, too, for, you know, it's just it's not easy.

And when it's not easy, like my kids are a little older.

So I know, you know that it's easy. It's very easy to try to find how you're at fault. And it's just it's there is no fault. It's just not easy, you know, and.

It's just I know, yeah, I know, but like I think about like with the kinds of people I want to raise in this world and sure. Who I want them to be. And like, sure, I know we joke about my closet, my pretty shoes, but like, you know, I don't want them to be trying to, like, fill holes with stuff.

Right?

Yeah, it hasn't it hasn't done a ton for me other than raised almost twenty thousand dollars for charity. Hashmark. Guys, thank you so much for doing that. I just continue to just call my closets. I know you're I know that you're so hard on yourself, but those holes, they like appear and disappear and reappear. You know, we all have holes sometimes that we're trying to fill. Oh, yeah. Something we all have holes.

Is that a T-shirt? We all have holes.

Now, that's a long way. I'm writing it down. We have the numbers for goodness and we all have holes I really love.

We all have holes. All right. So she a.. I saved the best for last because that leads right on in to our guest because I'm so proud of you. But I want to know what you feel like you've been doing your best at this week.

Two things. First thing I've been doing my best at is packing. Second thing, you can't see it, but it looks like I'm a hoarder right now. All you see is my face is like boxy smile I. I got it. It's just I look like it if you walked in here, you would definitely go before I. We have been packing diligently. None of this Last-Minute stuff that I did in my 20s. Everything's going to be in a box this time.

I'm very proud of thirty three year old me. Second of all, I have been working diligently hard. This is the premiere week of the Amber Ruffin show and it's. So fun in Brooklyn, it's the kind of person also full disclosure. This is the first time I ever get to work at 30 Rock and I do not get to go and there on East Coast time. So like I'm a baby. The meeting started, but the meeting starts at seven in L.A. So I have really been working my butt off in hopes that you guys like the show.

So those are my two things. Congratulations. Congratulations.

I there have been some really incredible articles and really fun. The Vulture article is so cute and I loved that I've been spoiled by my bosses.

So, like, I've only been working for, like, really dope women. So like, I moved to L.A. to work with Casey and busy. And then I started working for Tracy Wakefield and now I work for Amber Ruffin. And let me tell you, get you a nice lady to be your boss.

Right. I've had a great time these last two years working really so cool.

And and there was a time when maybe there was one job. I worked for one man for six days, and then I thought, well, other women have done so.

All those women have been so lucky to work with you, too, because you just you have this voice and you're such a pleasure. And I'm just really excited that you're working with Amber because I love you both so much.

This is so fun, you guys.

You know how I know you know how I know I love you guys so much is because I'm not bitter or jealous at all.

I'm like, yeah, like I like ordinarily this is ordinarily the kind of thing I'd be like I'm so happy for, you know, I really am. But I really am.

I really am just pleased and I can't wait just to watch. I feel the exact same way.

But yeah, like I'm just super, super excited for the show is good.

It is fun. It is necessary. I think that the grand scheme of everyone I think you'll like it.

Just before we get to our chat with Amber Ruffin. Just so you know, the show is called the Amber Ruffin Show. It's going to be on the peacock streaming network. It starts this Friday, the twenty fifth. Add it to your whatever you do, however you make sure that you are watching shows, put it on your calendar, on a calendar.

Just make a little note that you need to, you need to get it on Friday and, and we're just super excited. And we had a wonderful talk with Amber. I also am now in the middle of reading her and her sister's book because I'm going to give them a little quote for it's so funny.

It's so funny. It's like Violet. It's like when they go the first page.

The first page, she says, sorry, we peaked in the first page, but I wish I'd gotten the book before we did the interview because I'm like all in and I'm like, I'm Amber Ruffins biggest fan right now. I love her so much. We had a great time talking to our take up.

Listen, guys, we got to get busy with that. It's about that line. It's about that time. It's about that time because it's about five p.m. here where I am. And, you know, it's five p.m. somewhere.

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Oh, it's so exciting. It's so good to see you. I'm in New York. In the kitchen.

Yes. I've been in that kitchen before. Are you filming your show already? What's happening? Tell me everything. It's Friday, OK? It's going to be shot on set set. So go and put it in front of you guys. He. He's the person we don't shoot Fridays, right. He doesn't shoot. Right. You don't shoot Fridays. So. And are you continuing on? How can you are you continuing on his show too. Yeah.

Yeah.

But nobody pressed record by the. Oh shit. I haven't recorded anything.

Yeah. I just press it a little while ago because I did forget we were just warming up. I know for sure. But also I have to tell you guys, I've had a kind of stressful weekend and I did take a weed Gumee earlier forgetting that I was supposed to be doing this. But I don't think that that's a problem.

No, I don't think it's going to enhance your performance. But I did. But I did forget to press record until just a second. So it's probably it's best now. OK, so now the. Just double check. 30 seconds. I am super excited for your show. Have you guys been doing test shows or anything yet?

No, no, we haven't even hired all of our writers.

Are you looking at. What are you looking at?

I don't know how he got the of deals are not close to here.

Yeah.

I mean, we'll see when this come out if I work. Oh my God. Oh my God.

This is such a shock. November 20th. It never works on the show is a bunch of misinformation.

I want to I like I'm tired of I just had like a meeting before last week. I had an interview. It was like a general. And I was like, I would love to not do that anymore because I don't want to work. Like, we can cut this, but I don't want to work for your game show. It's just like a bunch of white men being, oh, this is my game show. And I be like I'm just like, I want to talk to you no more.

I just want to talk to my friends. Can I show them what I want? The next white man that asked me about a game show or reality show, the response to be she's working on a show and then I just like don't have to talk to anybody that I know little about.

Like a Hollywood insider, just like the little girl. Oh, yeah. I just like hot guy secret.

Well, Amber, I've told you this before, but I've just been steadily ruining my career by having meetings. Like, every once in a while, I get brought into a meeting about a late night show, like whether they're looking to hire someone or they're looking to like have someone consult on their show. And every meeting, my solution is, oh, just fire who you have and get Amber Ruffin, I think.

And I like that solution.

If I'm going to destroy my career, let it be for a cause that I enjoy.

I 100 percent approve of your behavior.

Are we going are you going to get to do like my favorite bits of yours from that show? Do you get to take them or do you have to leave them like we do whatever we want chefs at a fancy restaurant, you know, is that is that true?

But so is that he's your executive producer on on your show, right? Yeah, which is great.

So you can do whatever you want to. Let us do whatever we want. There are no rules. I want to try to get this point across people. When I talk about doing this show, like friggin Pete Gross, you know, Pete Grosz's idea Gross is the guy with brown hair from the Sonic commercials.

There's one guy now. He did fifty million of these commercials while he was at the job and was gone like once a month for like a week. Now we have a week off every month and it just never goes, oh my gosh, Ellen needs to talk to Seth.

It's a modest place to be.

But here I think that's why maybe it's the show I like the best and I feel like I don't know if it was. Were you there from the you were there from the beginning, right? Twenty fifteen. Becoming, I believe, the first black woman hired in late night. Right. I'll never know where to check, but that is what I have to to the twenty fifteen cases you worked in late night for ever.

Yes. What the fuck. I know. I mean. Yeah. No, no. Yeah I don't know, I don't know the first when I, I know the first writer, the first black, the first or the first black woman to ever work in late night. The first black woman writer on a network that likely.

Yeah because Wanda Sykes did HBO and won an Emmy. I did work. So Wanda Sykes has written for late night, but it's for the Chris Rock Show, which was cable. So Ambre is the first network to network D'Arrigo woman.

I got I got I never did the homework I got to baby. But you have so much work to do because I'm a loose cannon. I mean, that's incredible, Fargo.

So, like I knew there is like like five black people in Chicago ever doing improv at a time.

I had total no trouble, women total. So when I was there it was like me and like three other black women. And then we would do like get script that had the black women before. And it was like Nyima Funk and Amber Rough. Those were the only sketches I could. Doing a tour because it was like we've been here for 60 years, but we only have six scripts with the black ladies and I just did like a bunch of Amber Ruffin sketches.

And I saw Amber at an improv theater in Chicago at IDEO. And I was like that her and Amber was drinking a margarita, having a great time. And I was like, you're embarrassing me.

And she was like, Yeah. And I was like, OK, why should I get like a puff of smoke appeared? And she that's the first time I ever met her. She doesn't remember, I don't think. But that's because I had already done a bunch of her sketches because there was nobody else there. That's what they say.

When you get Second City, they go you make sure your sketches can only be done by black woman so that they'll have to hire a black woman.

Yes, truly your understudy. And later on to do Turco. Yes.

At the end of the run. They're like that in the early 20s. But like when I was there from like 2000, like 14, like when you got late night, everybody just start putting the N-word in all the sketches that way.

And it was like, we know the kind of white people we was like we put two words in there. Somebody's got to have a job. We're going to be joined for the rest of our lives. So that's how you get job security, baby. Just trying to help you out. Very smart. Very smart.

So how are you? Oh, my gosh. Are you. Are you excited whether you like are you going to do any test shows or are you going to do it. Just wait.

How funny that you mentioned here fighting this out. So we are going to do one test show the week before the show premieres.

I mean, that's what we say now cut to tomorrow. Rockefeller Center shuts down because someone sneezed and it's over. I mean, that's also always what's your contingency plan?

Do you have like a pivot in case now that someone does like your and I don't know. Would you do that guy the newsroom show?

I do not want to do it. I don't I don't know if they like it. I love it. I think that also makes sense.

But the other thing is, too, I think there is validity to like this is a fucking awesome shot. And like you want the thing that you put out there to be as close to the thing as possible, because first of all, who knows if it'll ever happen again and for any of do you know what I mean?

And you want like as a woman and especially as a black woman, you have to just make sure that it like. Right. Don't you feel that like it has to be as close to. Because I know I'm going to get like maybe a fourth of the time that a white dude would get, you know, sued.

So I was like, OK, you know, as we're all coming together and figuring out what the show is, everyone's like, OK, so it could be like fun and pink. And I'm like, no, I want it to be exactly like any man's late night show. I want to have that jazzy music. I want it to be for New York City scape, like dark blue shit, like none of my favorites. But what's your stuff like?

What are you going to get on a suit? I want to do exactly what I'm doing.

And no, I really disagree. Absolutely not, because guess what? I'm going to show up and they're going to be like this black lady is going to do something stupid. Look at her set, look at her face. Look at this outfit. Why won't you dress up? And I want to eliminate all that right at the very end. I will say I also want people to know what I'm subverting. I want people to be like, oh, this is going to be normal.

Oh, my God, it's not. You know, I will have given them a hint if I'm doing it from a unicorn. Right. Which is what I did. Yeah. But no one thing, though, that I love about all of your segments on Sass, like I love what is is what. And that's what my mom loves them to like. My mom loves all of like my mom is a big fan of yours. I know.

But you know why she loves you is because you're like super bubbly and loud, loves a loud lady. She's here, right? Oh, yeah. And Casey. And so I like that's why I wanted to know if you get to carry some of those things over, if you're going to do whole all new things, if you're going to still do those things on staff. Anyway, I had a lot of thoughts about it. I'm sure we will, but we're going to do whatever we want.

There are so few rules. I mean, I guess it's you ought to know. But when someone turns to you and it's like, so what are we going to do? Oh, it's to me, I guess we just do what I feel like doing.

It still feels crazy and we haven't even started anything yet, so hopefully I'll grow into it.

But I mean, it feels nuts for 40 grown ups to be like, do you like this backdrop?

Yeah, it's great. OK. One billion dollars. Obama, don't do that. It would be like don't tell her what stuff costs, but I cannot have that information. It's horrible. It was very easy for us because at all costs five dollars and we had so many rules. I think it's so exciting. I think it's exciting to hear that you're going to do it just against like a kind of sounds like a traditional backdrop with all the traditional trimmings, because you are very not traditional.

That's one of the reasons I love your comedy so much, is that, like I my friend Steve Young, who is a writer on Letterman for years, he calls it comedy damage. Like when you're just constantly analyzing comedy and you don't laugh at anything, you get to a point where you just like, oh, that's funny. That'll work. And so, yeah, I know those people.

He always says, like, you have a really bad case of comedy damage from so many years, but you consistently make me laugh because you'd surprise me all the time.

Oh, thank you. Good. I also have a bad case of comedy damage when my husband will be like, look at this. Isn't this hilarious or absolutely isn't.

And here's why the out is two seconds too late, they said and they instead of vague, that's a mess.

So I can just tell it's bad. But I love that.

I love well, I love that you're saying that for people that are listening, that are interested in comedy, like it is a thing, it is a skill and a job that is a job that, you know, on TV sometimes like if if you find the show like I mean, like I really enjoyed the good place, it made me laugh a lot and it really surprised me, you know. Yeah. But like I grew up, the way that I got into comedy was guessing jokes, like I would watch a premium blend on Comedy Central.

But I was like, if I can guess the the the jokes, then like I think I could do comedy and like sometimes I would get it right, sometimes I wouldn't. But when I get it right, I'd be like, yeah, I could do this. But now since I understand the structure of a joke, like I'll watch something and I'll be like, OK, the joke comes now. This should be the joke. What network is it?

CBS This joke should come. It's like if it's Fox they might say yes.

So like that is so real.

It's real. Ambre always make me laugh so hard. And also Ambre has the best jackets in the game. I asked her if she gets to keep them and she doesn't. And I'm really sad about that. Your wardrobe from your show.

Why don't you have everything now you've got to like you should keep some stuff. Who knows.

I mean, I guess when my job stops, right, then I'll just take it different, I guess, to what have you got to say?

That was that's like my biggest regret in this business is that when I first started, I really was like, I've never stolen anything in my life because I stole, like a little pack of gum at the Jewel supermarket in Chicago when I was three or four years old. And my mom made me go back and apologize to the manager. I'm crying hysterically and it was really traumatic. So I never stole anything. And then when I started in this business, when Freaks and Geeks season one wrapped, everybody knows this fucking story because I'm still devastated about it.

I was like, can I keep my blue jacket, the blue jacket that's like iconic from my character or whatever. And they're like, no, you can't. You have everything else to go back. You know, there might be a season to love a little, but I was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. I gave it back. Shows canceled. That jacket is gone. It's gone. I've had people trying to find it.

But anyway, my point is, keep your jackets. Yeah. You can call your jackets if you just think it's cute. You might want it though. Also, just like for posterity, some amber, you know what I mean. I want the outfits because they're beautiful.

Yeah, they are beautiful. Every time I see one I want it.

But Amber is so small petite I can not put it on.

But also I think there's a play Amber. I had a friend who negotiated it on set basically like if they ever if you know, your boss is over there, ever, like asking you to do something, you're exhausted. You really don't want to do it. Like I'm working on shows like this is insane.

OK, I get listen, if there's a way I can keep like thirty five percent of my work, I like I just I like love this job. And if I could keep the jacket and their back right there and they're going to be like, yeah, of course you can get the job, just call up mother, tell her she can keep the jacket. I'm telling you. That's how you're going to get your fuckin wardrobe. I love that.

Wait, Mark's just brought me a margarita. Oh, Margarita.

Everybody insiders make the best margaritas, mark the best margaritas. IAB Amber, you have to come to and get it. Mark has the best margaritas I've ever had. Not not at someone's house, like whatever the hell. And he always comes out very casually like, oh, this thing little thing I made. You'll be like, oh my God.

I know he's really good at stuff like that.

Yeah. Which is excellent for. Me and my friends, every everyone around me, oh, I'm so excited, I can't wait to watch your show and you're for everyone that I love that works on it, I just feel like I got my way. I feel like you got your way to I am going to say I'm hopeful that the that it'll be such a smash hit at the Friday night spot that then maybe we get like Monday and Wednesday to, you know, maybe we get.

It'll late Thursday, Friday, just a bunch of jobs, would you want to do it every day or.

No, I want to do whatever the right thing to do what to do every day.

I happily do it. They want me to do Fridays. I'll do it. They want me to stop doing the show, go back to stuff, I will do that. Yes, I agree with you. What are you trying to eat? Yeah, what's your favorite thing to eat?

I lied when I said it's just Margarita's by nachos, nachos, nachos. My favorite thing. Yeah, this is my favorite thing in New York.

To me, she hates me for nachos and margaritas. Truly. You guys are. We are. I know. I do feel like we have a lot in common. Yeah.

Feel like no woman loves you as your main food groups. My two main food groups are tortilla chips and tequila. I love this. You know what I found out? I hope this is not true for you. But I went to the doctor and I was like, I feel crazy. This was after I had surgery. I feel crazy. I feel crazy. She's like, oh, your thyroid looks crazy. I think it's swollen. And she goes, oh, try to eat low carb.

And so I go, OK. And she gave me this weird list of if you have whatever this is that I have that you can eat. And two things on it are fucking nachos and tequila. And I was I like eating them because I know I'm not going to get a tummy ache and almost every other thing makes me sick. You guys, are I the same person, truly embassy and the same with the thyroid lady. I didn't get the nachos and tequila list from my doctor.

Do you have.

But can you can scan it to us however.

Yeah, I would love to see it. However, I will say that I have a lot of stomach issues and I have for a very long time, but never when I eat nachos or drink tequila.

But luckily she caught me right before this pandemic hit. So she was like, stop eating carbs. And I said, OK, and then the pandemic hit. And I've just been sitting still for six months or whatever. This is not eating carbs. And I am not kidding when I say I weigh 20 pounds less of it. I'm sure when the pandemic started and I feel like smart and crisp, you know what I mean? I didn't realize I was in this that it was slowing down.

Food, fog.

I have to do that too. Maybe I need your doctor. I have when I don't eat carbs, there is like. So is it like KEDO? No, because you eat nachos. That's not catatonic.

She just said try your best not to eat a lot of carbs like no ok, but I'm going to be bad.

I just don't eat bread, rice and pasta and sometimes I'm ok. I'm going to rip right. Bad. I was eating. Yeah. That was your birthday. What's your junjie during the night now. January 9th. OK, Capricorns. I'm a Capricorn. Yeah. Just like Bill Cosby.

Oh I worked in a I worked in a studio, a job. I quit but that was terrible and I worked there for six days for a terrible man.

But I know what it is, you know. Do I know what it is to try to help guys to tell me and we'll bleep it out. Who is?

I worked for six days. Why? Because I didn't have a job and I wanted four thousand dollars to get it. Yeah, I got to actually get more money and residuals than I did working there. She got work for a thousand dollars.

I worked there for six days and then he made me so mad. I quit in the middle of the day and got the lift and left. That is a story that no one knows except for close friends. But anyway, this is a Bill Cosby story is I was working at a place or job that I didn't like and it had weird energy. And I was like, what is a studio? And they were like, where all the writers meet every day for your morning meeting.

That used to be Bill Cosby's personal office.

My. Oh, and I was like, that's why this place sucks, this has caused the it felt terrible to be that was like this place sucks. What what is this place? They're like, this is what it was.

And I was I hate it. And then I quit three days later. I hate it. I don't like it for anyone. I just don't like it for the people that knew that. And they're like, it's chill to have our writer's room here anyway, you know, like, well, it's on the studio lot.

So they go never close anything down. They can just they should tear it down. They should. One percent express agent. Well, I'm make it a toilet paper.

Did you know that this was going to be the eventuality? Were you like, I want to like that we'd be talking about rephase. No, not that bad. Like you always when you were at Chicago or Iowa where you like, were you thinking Late Night Show or were you always an SNL person that you always thought maybe SNL always thought I was going to get SNL.

I was I and I'm not I guess I am pretty cocky and horrible, but I like your confidence.

Yeah, confident and great.

But I did think and I didn't think, oh, I'm going to have SNL, but I always thought I'm good enough to be on SNL. I really did. I thought it like quietly in my heart. But I did think and but I just never thought late night ever.

I mean, Arsenio Hall was a long time ago.

A long time ago. If you can't. Yeah.

You can get GICs also. By the way, I've seen you do improv many times. And you you have always been good enough to be on SNL even a long time ago.

But I was just curious if that was the dream. Like, was that that was the goal. Was SNL maybe I.

I mean, sure, I don't know who has goals. I only have one goal, and that's to eat. I afford to eat. Great. We're doing great.

I was like, when you your cargo. I know that, like a lot of people. And even if you're not in the improv community, people understand people moving to L.A. to be in movies, people moving to New York to do Broadway. You moved to Chicago, like from Nebraska, right. You're from Omaha. Omaha. What made you be like, I'm going to Chicago?

Well, the lady who owns AIO, Charna Halpern, who did Gone is over.

I know. All right. All right. But she I had done a workshop with her and she said if you move to Chicago, you'll have a full time job doing comedy within the year. I said, OK. And it took. A few months at the end of Eyo classes, I had gotten boom Chicago, and she was right, she was right.

She'd be calling them. And then so then after like boom, Chicago and everything. Did you audition for SNL? Is that what happened then? But then Seth was starting his show and they were like, maybe you come over here, did you audition for SNL or like apply apply to be a writer? What do they do?

SNL because there was a big stink about how they did not have any black women. They did not. It was a big.

There's a there's one every few years. Right.

There's a picture of all the black ladies who got to audition. It's like Amber Tiffany Haddish, like everybody's in that. Every black lady you've seen on your TV in the last two years, see that picture?

We had just a blast. And people can be like, you're not supposed to, like, post about how you're auditioning for SNL.

And it was like, oh, oh, is that taboo?

OK, but next time. But we all audition. And it was the most fun.

Like each person was so fucking hilarious. It was like the cream of the crop. These people were the best. And like I especially remember when we did the audition in L.A. and Tiffany Haddish was backstage with all of us. And everyone was so nervous and scared and a lot of us had big long wigs and Fadal brushes.

So there were there.

And it goes like this so that right before the show started, all you heard was, oh, Tiffany had started like a tight five on it and we were doubled over crying, laughing.

It was the funniest thing anyone's ever done. And she just stood up and was yelling and had this whole bit where she would play with the US. It was beautiful. And I was like, this lady is the best.

So was getting SNL and deciding to go over to South or being offered stuff, what would you say that's your biggest pivot in life or do you have and I would guess that might be it, because we auditioned in L.A., a few of us flew from L.A. to New York and we get off the plane and it's me lokendra Tookes, who they did hire as a writer, Leslie Jones, who they hired initially as a writer and a couple other people.

And it's we get there and we are all together. We all are like, are you auditioning? Are you you look funny. We all get in a cab together. We go to a town with living it up is the frickin best. So we all stay at this hotel and we go and audition. And then we go out to dinner that night with, like Vanessa Mitchell and some other old black SNL guys and. It's the most fun I've ever had, and then the next day comes or that night.

Did you think you'd gotten that hundred percent? Yeah, I know that feeling like. Yeah, you thought you got it. You're right. And you're essentially it was a celebratory night.

I just thought and there were so many people there, it was all the same for me to think of it. But I had. I was like, I've been doing sketch comedy as a full time job for a decade, so yeah, I mean, I got to I have to and I'm cute and I'm here and this is my this is my moment. So that's ridiculous. But I audition and then we stayed after and then we did the little interview they do to make sure you're not weird.

They put you in a room and everyone comes through and says hi and talks to a little bit all the other writers and performers.

Yeah. And executive producers. I assume that a few weeks were like a year. You're a girl. You're it. And so then I was certain I was going to get it.

And then I went home and I had I had work to do and I was doing a musical that I had written. So we were rehearsing it and everyone knew that.

I thought it was a matter of time before I got a phone call from SNL. So I have a meeting. I have that rehearsal for the musical. I have a meeting with my friend Christina Anthony that night to we're going to try to do a sketch of. And I'm in the rehearsal for the musical, as they call it, I don't get it and I'm just like, oh God, but we have to do the musical tomorrow, so I have to just suck it up.

And I go back, we rehearse and my friends, I thought, this sucks. And I get to get in the car, go to Christina's house, have musical, have the meeting about our sketch show and we have a regular meeting and she opens the door. She was like, You got it. I was like, I did not I absolutely didn't get it. And then this guy comes in. We go, Hey, how's it going?

And then he leaves. We shut the door. And I just cried myself frickin sick. I was so. Christina Anthony is very sweet person. She was like, we're going to go out and get shitfaced. And I bet and we did fine. But it was three days before I got a call from Seth. So at that point in life, my husband was a security guard and I was a nanny and we were just living. We're making we were eating food, which is my favorite thing.

So, I mean, we were surviving, but. Oh, to to be so sure and then to not get it was kind of a blow. I mean, did you leave did you leave your house for three days? I had to come with you. I had to go. Nahanni got to go to work. This baby needs me.

Got a baby. So then I'm I'm holding the baby and Seth Meyers and I go, all the stuff. You didn't have to call. I think he's calling to say, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I know you said classI, which, by the way, would be super classy of him. That's something to do. Yeah, it is. He I keep interrupting you, but he's like, will you come right on the show?

And I was like, you're going to do what I did. So none of it is that. So then I went home and I remember jumping on the bed. My husband, who had to work nights, was asleep.

When I got home, I was dropping like the bed will go to a room.

They were going to knock every once in a while. I'll still wake up like that because I love to be there and we did it. But I'm really lucky because this job is the best. It can't get better in this job. I mean I mean, I wonder if you I wonder if you would be your successful self had it gone the other way, you know, we'll never know.

But this is my theory. I am. A kind of a scaredy bear, I don't speak up for myself the way I should, blah, blah, blah, but when I got to Seth, I saw Michele Wolf and she's crazy. And she says exactly what she's thinking and you're wrong. And she's fine with being like, no, that's that's not how it goes. And that doesn't make any sense.

This is what we're going to do about it. I didn't know you could be that. The only reason why I've gotten anything in TV wise is because Michelle would swing her dick around right now.

That's like what you have to see. That's the fucking problem. And it's because we need to see it in action so we know how the fuck to behave and to be it got to see it to be. You got to believe it. To see it, to be it.

I don't know one thing. I think teacher also says that a lot.

But I saw Amber and then I got to do it. No, like, obviously, 2014 is the first time she got a late night job. But I was in Chicago being like, well, SNL is not hiring black people because they just got one and oh, where am I going to work, what I going to do? And then ambriz crushing it. And I'm like, oh shit, I can do that. So like, true Amber is like a definitely pivotal keystone in my life.

Marguerita ever has a very tall margarita. I just want to tell everyone who's listening who can't see. She has a very tall margarita and she's she's getting more ice or some kind of little minds.

Little, and it's gone. Thank you.

Business has been kind of marguerita has been brought a marguerita. I mean, I've never interested in having a husband before, but do I really want to bring me a murderer, get a margarita robot? Yeah, it's so much easier. Also an option. Also an option. Oh my gosh. So, yeah. So tell us a little bit about the cockblock, because it's you and Larry Wilmore or can you stand it? Love him.

Pretty freaking cool. That's so cool. I mean, I love him and I miss him since his show starts with this here we just hear the marguerita being made.

These man's in here now. He's going to get eaten. I don't know what do fix. I we call it the Peacock Rock Block. I'm just kidding.

But I like that black I think is going to be I think Larry's show is half an hour, but he doesn't know also when it's streaming, no one cares.

Just over. You feel like you can play with the time a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, that's OK.

That's all. Because you search and find it. Sure. But they were like, what do you want to do.

Sixty minutes or. Absolutely not. You can't maintain this. Sixty minutes. Are you crazy. People's ears would be bleeding. They'd be so sad.

Sixty. I don't think so. I don't think so. I would, I would listen to you for sixty minutes. Yes that's one.

I know my mom would too. So there's two of us to don't watch it in the same house.

Are you reading. Do you read, are you reading anything interesting right now. Oh no.

I mean I guess I would ask my sister and I wrote a book together.

We just finished It Comes Alive June, January the 12th.

January 12th. Your book comes out. It's true.

What is it close to when you came out? Hey, yeah.

Three days later, it's called You'll Never Believe What Happened to Laci at all. My sister lives in Omaha and always has. It's just all the racist things that have happened to her. Oh, wow.

And it's a lot. It's so funny. Shit.

You read it for me. Did you. Did you guys. Sell it after, like based on your segment on SAS, or was this something that's been on the works pretty much really? Uh huh. I just so happen to get a call from her while I'm going to meet our book guy.

And I didn't want to go meet him. Do you guys have been reader as we've established? You did not read this man, but I just so happened to come up with that idea while I'm talking to my sister would be like, oh, that is crazy. So then I came up with this idea on the way to meet the guy and he was like, this is great. It is great.

The stories are so while Im like, if you ever see a picture of her, you'd be like, why do y people talk to her like that. She's so nice.

What are they doing? You guys are so cute. It makes people think they can get away with anything.

But she has a great karaoke voice. She truly can sing it. I forget what I started talking about. I don't know where I am now.

I asked if you read and you're like, No, but I do have to listen to all these people because that's the only thing they want to ask me. I know. I know this guy's a bad guy. And I had to be like, well, you know, take it away, Lacey. Like all about a normal person, I don't know. I don't feel like I just have the brain space in this moment in history to read anything.

Absolutely not.

I mean, when I have a teensy bit of free time, I don't much care for free. But when I have it, I need my brain to turn completely off. So does not for you any kind of. TV sitcoms.

And once you've watched before, once they have, but also a new thing, the best thing is a new. Documentary. Yes, Sam, I'm obsessed with documentaries right now. Did you watch Darrell Hammond? Yes. So fucking good. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it either. I had heard about Darrell Hammond and then I saw that documentary and I was like, holy crap. I just thought people were exaggerated. Yeah.

I didn't know that this was really happening to this man. It wasn't my fault.

Anything any other good docs that we should be looking out for. Anything else? The best documentary in the world is the documentary I made a musical based on.

It's called The King of Kong. Have you ever seen that?

Of course I have seen the king of Kong. What you don't like King of Kong musical with you? Because I like it was good at that theater down on Santa Monica Boulevard.

Where was it? Was it here? And I was like, I remember seeing it up on the marquee. I'd be like, oh my God, how genius that they made a musical out of that. I loved that movie.

We did that thing. We got to cease and desist.

OK, well, that's good. It's funny because now I'm working with Warner Brothers to write a musical I love of Let Me Down. Times changed.

Is that what is like what is like the next ten years for you? If the world doesn't end in apocalyptic hellfire? What do you like career wise? Are you very clear or are you just like whatever fucking happens?

I am very unclear because every at every turn I would never have called it. I would never have called. Like I went back to Boom Chicago at a certain point and I did not think I would ever do that. And I moved to L.A. and I didn't think I'd ever get the guts to move to L.A. And then I got late night stuff, which wasn't even a thing. Right. And then I got a show. Right. And you did you even did like a pilot for comedy for like a like a single camera sitcom.

Right? It was. Wasn't that what it was?

I got one last year and the three pilots and then we made one. There's a four. That's crazy. I think it's four. I think the four pilots that can't be right. It's three or four.

There's no way to find out.

No real. Has anyone ever stolen a really great thing for me? No. I'm sure some white man has possibly or possibly a tricky white woman there. Out there. Yeah. No one is stealing anything from me also. I have feelings about that. I mean, people are always like so-and-so stole my joke.

So it's oh, I did. Because I would rather die than pick someone. Something that I knew was someone else. Right. The thought of it grosses me out. Yeah. And I don't and I do think people have the same joke. Yeah. I agree with him on Twitter. Right.

A lot of the time they'll be stealing, but that's that's one hundred percent true.

People do it to me all the time though on Twitter. Sometimes I'll make like the mildest joke and someone will respond to it with a link to a similar joke like that's all they'll say, or they'll be like great minds. And I'm like, yeah, I didn't Google whatever you say, Todd. Like, you know, like I'm not searching Todd's timeline to make sure that I'm not expressing the honest. Todd hasn't said anything funny since twenty five.

Some guy has taught us the worst and you know, in Hamburg. No, he does not. All right. Does not start is a real fucking jerk.

Everybody, a job doesn't exist. He's just what what what do we call him. He's a composite character. Yeah.

He's an amalgam of of all the times of our lives. That's right.

Can I ask one more question before? Because it seems like you're so open to wherever life takes you. Like I love that energy. Like you said, a lot of things that you never expected. And I think that that is actually probably really helpful because sometimes, like life is going to take some turns and you have to just deal with, you know, it sounds like you didn't spend a lot of time mourning things that didn't happen and you just went for things that were happening.

How do we be like that?

You have a lot of irons in the fire, you know what I mean? Like, right now I'm writing. Three. Who knows? You can't count right now I'm writing three different musicals and if. Three of them go in the garbage. Who cares, right? There's late night and there's reference show and there's the book. There's all kinds of stuff, right? I just have always been like, how much stuff can I do at once? So that when, you know, when I get an opportunity.

I'm ready. You have the right thing to present. Yeah, so it doesn't hurt as bad when you're one of six things is. But it's your only thing and it does it feels bad, it feels terrible. Like, do you feel like was there a part of you when Seth called and we love Seth, that you were like, no, I don't want that. I want SNL. And, like, I don't. Or were you just so at that point, you're like, well, I'm just I need something.

So this will be fine? Or were you super excited to be in it? I guess that's what I'm asking.

The good part about not getting SNL was you always wonder what am I what I be able to put together and audition for and execute an audition for SNL that was good enough to get me SNL. And it's not nice. But now I know for a fact that that answer is no.

And I know I don't know what that it was very easy to let go of that, because if I can't get you on my side with this perfect audition, I thought that I'm not going to succeed on your show. You know what I mean? I don't want to go there to die. I don't want to go there as a black comedy wasteland. I want to thrive.

Right. That makes sense. Right. But I get to go in there and be like, oh, wow, here's the here's my office. I have a new special office by my side. You get to decorate it. One I, I guess I will get to decorate it will you. Why.

You got to get it all decorated and super fancy.

I'm wondering if I should do that or not. Busy but I think that's a good point. However, I do think you should make it comfortable because you're going to need to nap.

Right. Like you're going to have to, you're going to have to have a place to lie down. So you should have at least a comfortable sofa. Always you couch. We should just get you a couch and virtual reality goggles and they'll have an audience on them.

Yeah, it can be anything like the NBA, like the NBA virtual audience. Oh, my God, you should do that. Amber.

Everyone heard me come up with that idea by myself. It's me, Todd. That's my idea.

Seriously, you got you have to do that. Holy shit. These are ideas I just have. Do you want to hire me on the show? I want to go. I am also tech avail.

I, I like that idea. That's really good. You see this. We did come around.

You did come around once I got the regular and now it's happening. Now it's happening. I love every pivot you've taken so far, mostly Amber because it's taking you to this moment right here. And like I so appreciate that somebody so like wonderful and wonderfully talented has been such a trailblazer and has led the way for other people like my dear Santero, to be able to see and know and think in a different way of what would be possible for her own career.

And it's such a fucking gift. And you're going to like it's going to get like intense, I think, for you, because it is going to mean so much to so many little girls out there to see you in this space. And I'm like so grateful that you get that you are the one that gets to do it because you're the fucking best and so talented.

Oh, thank you, Vizier. To kind. I mean, I'm just I just tell the truth. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm nice and I'm also horrible. But like I tell the truth, I describe myself really nice, but also horrible. Yeah.

It means a lot to this middle aged lady as well. This is just something that it's been my whole career and it's been something that, you know, I've just wanted to see my whole career. And you're you're a really special performer. And I'm just really excited to watch you go.

Oh, that you can see I'm excited. Yay, Auntie Amber. Yeah. Yeah. You guys, this has been busy. Phillips is doing her best. Thank you so much for tuning in. This is available anywhere. Podcasts are available. We'll talk to you soon. Goodnight, everyone.

Bedtime, Amber. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. And I love you so bad. And I'll talk to you soon. OK, bye.

I want to talk about fruits and vegetables.

I want to talk about my own lack of creativity in the fruit and vegetable section at the grocery store and how in these last six months it's been. Very difficult because what I'm trying to just like order online, I like get flustered and then I just get like celery and bananas and that's it.

That's true. But here's our daily harvest has come in and saved my life. They delivered delicious clean food. It's ready in a snap. I love it. And the kids love it, too.

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And I feel like for me, you know, a lot of times, especially with the little one, she's like she will eat like just like a hot dog for every meal.

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And then I'll get one of, like the daily harvest, a little like veggie bowl things and I'll keep that up. And then at least I'm like, so I'll put I won't give her the whole bowl because I do know that trick parents seriously don't give them too much. Like if you have a picky eater, you can't give her like a giant bowl of vegetables.

She will like look at you like you're an insane person and push it away. Just a little side.

A little side, a little side of the veggies. I eat the rest I give birdies and and then I feel like, OK, well, she can still eat, you know, she can still be made of like mostly meat and then she can have a little bit of organic vegetables in her tummy as well.

One thing I know you haven't gotten too yet busy, but I know you're going to love it. They have this like Mint Cachao smoothie and I know how much you love chocolate.

That's my favorite. I know you're going to be going crazy for it when you finally get around to trying that one, because it's I can I already know my favorite one. I already know it's your favorite.

Berney My favorite one. Birdie's made birdie made all the smoothies for snacks like she loves the smoothies, so she'll need them for like midday school snacks. And I love it because, you know, she's twelve.

She knows how to, like, take it out of the freezer, throw it in a blender, she adds like some juice.

And yeah, I to my. Yeah, she added, I think she added OJ. And I think she had a pineapple juice too. You know how smart. She's smart. She does watch those cooking shows. Also, Daily Harvest is committed to minimizing their environmental impacts. They're in the process of transitioning to one hundred percent recyclable plant based and renewable fiber packaging. Good for you.

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OK, guys, you are I already told you, I'm telling you again, Friday, the twenty fifth on Peacocke. Let's please, please all tune in, whatever it is, what do we call it on stream streaming, we stream it and we've been hearing we've been talking a lot today and a lot in general about social responsibility.

Like you got to register to vote. You got to make a plan to vote. You also have to make a plan to fucking watch Amber Ruffins show, you know what I mean? Because, like, I went on a rant on Emmy night on Twitter, a mini rant about how I don't care about the late night category because there are only two women on late night television out of 14. And actually, in truth, there are 16 late night shows.

Two are hosted by puppets and two are hosted by women. That's not enough. So if you agree that that's not enough, you have to fucking watch another show. You can't just hear about it. You can't just read about it. If you are happy that Amber got a show and that there's a woman, another woman who's getting a shot at a late night show, you have to get peacocke and you have to watch it. Sorry to have a little fat.

Also, Peacocke is free to download. I know a lot of people are like, oh, how do you watch it? You can watch it on people. Just download it and just keep it until the Olympics come back.

I mean, I like I feel as though this is a thing that a lot of people don't don't understand fully. Right. Like like even with our friend Keisha's show Astronomy Club and and with Black Lady Sketch Show and like the it's important and like fresh off the boat, like all of the shows, like where you as a white guy, I'm talking to my white people here, by the way, just not black. You as a white person in this in this world here is here.

Is it a thing you can do when a show or a piece of entertainment pops up and it is not specifically made for you? I challenge you. To make sure that you 100 percent don't miss it because it's just a question of like numbers, it's just a numbers game, right? Like we're just all about it's like all about selling soap. So we need to support people's creative endeavors in order to get more. People, the opportunity to have Creed, I don't know, am I is that right?

No, it makes sense. Yeah, because, you know, the reason why these you know, the reason why shows in the past, the reason why these shows in the past have fallen is because networks are will be very quick to say like, oh, it didn't reach the audience that we were hoping. And the reason it doesn't reach the audience they're hoping instantly is because it's a new thing. And so it's like this vicious, never ending cycle of like we're going to give a woman a shot.

But then if it doesn't catch on in six months, she's done. And then next time a woman wants a shot, we'll say, oh, it didn't work out last time.

And so, you know, in order to ever have any change in this industry, you have to just get on it. You can wait. You have to get on it. You have to consume it. And in the case of, like, watching something that's made by and maybe for women as a guy or watching something that's made by people that look different than you, that's like that's such a gift. It's such a gift of perspective. It's such a free education for you to, like, broaden your horizons.

And we've been watching fucking shit that's made for and by men for so many years. Like, if we want to watch anything, that's what we had to watch and we had to, like, laugh along.

And, you know, even though knowing that, well, we're not the intended audience for this, but it's like what we get it's good enough, you know, so when women are given an opportunity, you have to get on it.

Yeah, I agree with what these white lady said. I don't quote me on that. I you just you just add, like, these specific white ladies.

Yeah. This and this and this one more time. I do not want to see a phantom of this in twenty twenty eight.

I noticed we have a little bit of advice. We have a question with some advice about friendship which is cute. I like it. Oh. Speaking of which, one of my oldest friends, Christine Cawsey, Bekasi Santero, she cannot stop texting me about how she is like obsessed with you now and feels like your best friend. And I have to agree.

I feel like you're connecting in a way with a lot of people. And I am just here for it.

I'm here for I mean, knowing how I love bread and I have nice little bits.

What you eat, that's not it. It's fucking hilarious. And that you have, like, wonderful hot takes, but also so much heart and so much love.

And like, I just want to say I'm very, very proud of you and I'm so happy that someone share your light with everybody that is listening to this podcast. I'm just like them means so much to me because I love you all. And if you know, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it by love.

I know. Believe me, I know. I'll be like I don't like them.

Also, in the original concept of busy tonight, why we wanted to have like the writers on the couch was because of like this kind of thing that we would have in the writers room. And unfortunately, like what ends up happening, obviously, as we know, is that like, you know, you only end up getting a minute and a half or whatever at the top of the show. So, like, it would be like we would have these amazing, hilarious conversations going to be like, OK, Shinjiro, you have to just say that one line, like, you know, because we couldn't we didn't have time to, like, really have the moment, you know, but now we do.

And it's very nice. We do. All right. Let's listen to this advice, guys. What do you think, though? Do I should I not say her name because it's like very you know, they don't say don't just say her first name.

OK, Marion. Marion, is that the sun now, what is it? I don't wanna pay royalties and what is that's a song that my mom or my grandma used to sing, like from a musical. Something with Marion.

Marion. Oh, Mary. What is it from the music man? Somebody I'm acting as if someone at home is talking and I can hear you. And I'm like, wait, is it from the music man? Because someone or somebody. Well, it is. And it's probably my mom and she's like, busy. No, it's not the music, man. It's. The game anyway. All right, if you know what that song is that I don't know that has the name Marijan in it, let me know.

Like our comments subscribe below. OK, Miriam says, I love the podcast so much. This is exactly what I needed this year. Thank you for making me laugh. Oh, Marianne. You're welcome. All right. Back to the letter. I've been thinking a lot about my friendships lately. I think this is a pivotal moment in my social life. And I need your advice. I have a group of girlfriends that seem not to care about me.

They hardly text me or invite me over. Last week I was looking forward to having them over to talk and complain a little bit like you do with your girlfriends, right? I'm a teacher and the beginning of the year in two new schools has been really tough. During the evening, they didn't ask me one single question about my new job. They don't even know where I work. I started convincing myself that I wasn't worthy of questions and attention.

Do you think this friendship has to stop? I find it really hard to make new friends in my thirties, and I guess that's one of the reasons I'm clinging to that group. I'm so afraid of being alone. How do I meet new people who care? How do I have strong friendships like you seem to have? I wish I were American up. This explains the school thing so I could be in one of the group chats.

Love from France. Marianne. That's so Marion's writing to us from France. It's not Marion Cotillard. I just feel like I should say that.

What if it was though, Marion?

First of all, I want to say I'm so sorry this is happening to you because of like, whatever the reasons are, it just has to be a really sucky feeling, especially at this time in the world. So I just want to say I'm sorry that I my heart goes out to you. Yeah, it's really hard.

No matter what age you are, the feeling of loneliness is something I think that transcends age, gender, class. I think that the relationships that we built with people are so important. And if you feel like they've changed in a way that leaves you lonely, it could be very hurtful. I think one thing I will say is that honestly, I don't know your friendships, but one of the things for my friendships that I, as I've gotten older, have gotten less really close friends.

Is this the ability to be very transparent about my feelings and not being afraid that my friends will be mad at me about it? So I would maybe talk to your friends openly about your feelings about how you are feeling and have a discussion and hopefully that can change the way you guys interact in the future.

OK, first of all, here's another thing we could put on a shirt. It's always good to remember that almost nothing is personal.

Yeah, like and that just I'm just saying that as in everybody is walking around carrying their own shit, that they're not even thinking about your shit. And so the way that they're acting toward you are about a thing that you're going through or whatever might not have to personally do with you. You don't know until you have these conversations. I had a very close friend in the last couple of years and I felt the same. I felt like really unsupported by this person and bombed, like, really sad and also like, oh, I guess this person and I are not friends anymore and maybe this person doesn't care about me.

And I was wrong this whole time and. I asked them to lunch and at lunch, I said, hey, look, whatever, I know you have a lot going on, like we all have our lives.

Right? But I. My feelings have been really hurt, like I felt really hurt and I feel like you don't care about what's happening in my life and you don't want to call and check in and you don't you never came to see my show film. And like, I don't know, I just these things are important to me and I just am really feeling sad and like, if you don't have room in your life for me, like, OK, that's another conversation, I guess.

Like, then I know at least or if I did something then at least I know. And they were so. Like, owned it. Listen, I had like the best case scenario in response, right, like they owned it. They were like, I've been going through all this stuff. I felt this way. I felt like you this way. And I was able to respond and like, we came through it and like, closer and things are good.

And we've repaired our friendship. And we worked have been like working our way back. But had I not done that, I would have just sat in this really weird place of feeling really insecure and like that. They didn't care about me at all. When that wasn't the case, there was like a whole lot of extenuating circumstances and other things going on. So I do think that. I know the feeling is really terrible, and I and I think you should think about, like, if there's one person you're maybe closer to in the group of friends that you could reach out to and just say like and don't throw anyone else under the bus, just say, like, this is my experience and I feel with you personally, I just like I just wouldn't do it, like all like a group of people.

And you bring it up. I would do it one on one with people, don't you think, guys? Yeah. That yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. And I think what Busi Enchanter are suggesting is really healthy to have a conversation.

But also like sometimes I'm a fan of a little bit of like gentle passive aggression.

So you might not even you might not even have to have a conversation next time you're with your friends. Don't wait for them to ask how you're doing. Just say, oh, you guys, you know what I wanted to talk about? My job is really hard right now.

And here's what's happening. This, this, this and this. And then see how they respond to that. Ah, does that make them like does that make their ears perk up and be like, oh, this is something that she wants to talk about? So this is opening a conversation and now I will ask her a few questions.

Or is it just that they shut you down and they don't really listen and don't really react when you're up front about your feelings without waiting to be asked?

Because if that's the case, then your friends are shitty. Yeah, and that sucks, that does suck, and here is OK, and then second part, because I get to ask this all the time, so let's just like do a little brainstorm session and then we got to go because this episode's been too long anyway. But we love you guys and it's been a hard week and we're just like doing our best. All right.

I will be back next Wednesday and you can email us at busy doing her best at Gmail dot com if you need advice or if you need some support or if you want to tell me or Kacie or Shanthi or anything in particular, like how much you love us.

That would be great. How do you meet like friends as an adult? People ask me this all the time. Like when I do interviews they're like, can you write an article about how to make adult friends? You've made so many friends as an adult, like you seem to have so many close friends. I think that for me, being very open with people is one way. Like I'm very open immediately, sort of like in workout classes in the grocery store and in parks with my kids.

I will talk. I got this from this is from my mother. This is like and this is a skill also that's like not everyone is great at and I get it.

So if you're not one of the people who just strikes up conversations and sometimes you think it's like odd, I'm not going to lie.

Like people have looked at me like, why is the lady? In the grocery store talking to me. Nothing to say to her about Tex Mex. Chex Mix is not a sponsor of the show, but they can be they could be if they played their cards right. General Mills, we love you. But so so, you know, but I like sort of my vibe has always been I feel like a.. You're really outgoing. I feel like Casey.

You're really outgoing, too. So I feel like for the three of us, kind of like barreling through the awkwardness is a little bit how I've been able to, like, make friendships as an adult. But with some of my friends that are quieter, I have noticed taking classes, taking a class. And that's what I was going to say. Yeah, yeah. I like and there's all kinds of it does not have to be exercise if that is not your vibe.

Like they're like painting and wine classes. There are like learn how to. I just passed here in New York. I just passed a little florist. Obviously they don't have them now because covid. But it was like weekly flower arrangements.

Yeah. Yeah. Like there's so many ways.

I took one year, I took a cake decorating class when I was pregnant with Crickett and I met lovely people in that. So I just feel like like think about what your interests are and then see if there's a class. My friend Candy was always joining like adult intermural teams like bowling and softball and like but like not competitive, not like people who are really good at it, like beginner level sports teams where you just get like thrown on to a team.

Yeah, I took a woodworking class that was really fun. My partner took a breathtaking class, but I think the classes are really great. And you can they're doing online classes now to be a Zoome because you already know that you have something in common with these people because you paid money to do it. So I think that that is an icebreaker. I think I going to be really nice.

I took a millinery class, which will get you a very specific type of freedom.

I'm not a millinery lady that did that. Yes. She had friends in New York.

She's friends with my friend. I meant to tell you that. See, this is what I'm telling you.

I'm like very big in millinery circles because it's also my friend Lynn. She also is a milliner and makes hats.

Well, it seems like we know what kind of class you need to take.

It's obviously a hat class, right? So you're in if you're French. That's right. Up your fucking alley, baby. OK, so, Marianne, I hope that we helped you a little bit, but also we just want to say we love you or sending you our best.

Let's like when I I had a dream I was going to France last night, actually, I had a dream that my family home alone to me and left me in France and know in America. And they got on the plane and went to France. And I was like trying to buy toiletries in the airport because I had forgotten my toothbrush. And then I was like, I don't even know what time this plane leaves. I should call Mark. And I called and I went straight to voicemail and then I got out my ticket.

But you know how you can't really read on and when you're in a dream like you look at numbers and dreams and I couldn't really read it. And somebody I showed it to someone and they were like, oh, that plane, that departure time is right now. And I was like, oh, my God. He turned his phone off because they're on the plane and they're going to France. And I was left behind. Anyway, when we come to France, Marianne, we expect hats from you, an introduction to your three new lady friends who will ask us all how we're doing and.

Some of the friendship and, well, will also be here will also be your friends and friends will be, yeah. OK, you guys again, we love you. We love you. We'll be back next Wednesday. Email us. Busy doing her best at Gmail dot com follow our Instagram at BP is doing her best, but also subscribe to the podcast.

That's the most important thing. Oh, right.

That is the most important thing when you tell people to do that, too, like you just take people's phones and get them to subscribe.

I was going to suggest that talking about passive aggression, please go. If you're if you're going to let your kids have devices go on their phones and subscribe to the podcast, do it to your parents as well.

Just again, talking about how we support things and how we keep them going. That's how we keep this going. If we want it to keep going.

And that subscribe button, please mash the subscribe button, smash your children, subscribe button, smash your husband's button. I'm doing her best.

And honestly, your husband maybe is going to like it. I hope so. Maybe he'll listen to it. We're nice ladies.

So, OK, that's our plea for a thing that we clearly don't really understand fully, but we would enjoy being able to continue to do this. So I guess we need you to subscribe. We love you guys.

We love you. Talk to you soon. Love you. Bye bye. Bye.