Brook and I are so excited to see Noah Khan live. Today's video is sponsored by SeatGeek. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events on Seat Geek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more. I've attended many concerts with Seat Geek. I'll never forget going to Drake and loving every song. Artists like Travis Scott, Bad Bunny, Noah Khan, and the Jonas Brothers are on tour. You don't want to miss out. They put all the tickets across the web in one place to make sure you're getting a good deal. Each ticket is rated on a scale of one to ten, so look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. Every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee, and Seatgeek is the only site that lets you return your tickets ahead of the event with swaps. And you know I came through for you guys. Use my code Tana for $20 off tickets at Seatgeek. That's $20 off your first purchase with the promo code Tana. Make sure you click the link in the description and download the app. Code Tana for $20 off your first Seat Geek order.

Thank you, Seat Geek, for sponsoring today's episode.

Hello and welcome back to the Canceled Podcast.

Holy freaking crap, because I can't cuss in the first few seconds. Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh.

I fear that this is going to be one of the most important episodes of Canceled Podcast we ever filmed.

You got some stuff? I got.

Some stuff. We got some stuff. We're definitely going to be on this couch for three hours today. And honest to God, thank God.

I need it. I love those episodes. But can I just get my main point out of the way really quickly? I got a lip flip. After all the grief I gave Tana for getting a lip flip, and honestly, I just wanted to try it one time because I was like, What if that's what I'm supposed to be doing instead of lip filler?

You know what I mean? It is. It is. But I will never- And I love it. I will never forget being at the highlight room, pool, rooftop deck with you. And you look at me and you say, Your lip flip is so stupid.

Okay, first of all, you were bullying me for something else. I had to just throw something at you that I knew it would hurt. But I really have loved it over the past couple of days. But I think today is the first day that I'm really starting to feel a little bit paralyzed by it. So paranoid. You know what I mean? And so I'm looking at myself in the view finder, and I'm like, Oh, no. I keep making these really strange faces. So please, for the love of God, just skip the comments.

Do you have a toxic relationship with it already, though, where you love it, but you hate it?

No, I do love it when I smile, when I talk and stuff, but I think something about just a little... I keep trying to rub my lips together, and I can't do it. There's one dry spot on my lip, and I'm like-I.

Will never forget the first time I got a lip flip. I go to rinse my mouth with mouthwash. I'm fully dressed, ready to go out. I'm wearing white blue Listerine all over, all over my entire outfit. I start sobbing because it's like you don't realize how many things you really need.

To do. Yeah, until it's.

Too late. Yeah, it's a very paralyzing one, but I'm so addicted and I hate it half the time. I love it. I need one.

I already realized recently that I have a little bit of a licking my lips tick, and I get a lot of... It's not funny. Are you laughing at ticks? I get a lot of comments about it, which is actually crazy. The amount of people who comment just to tell me how much I lick my lips, I'm like, Get a fucking job.

Well, oh, my God. Touchcross. Just say touchcross. No, touchcross.

It's never.

Get a job. It's always touch grass.

It's never get a job. I don't.

Have a job. Nobody needs a job.

Well, okay. I've already done too much.

Oh, God. The most important podcast days are always days where I put myself through hell, like the night before.

And then I have- That's called market research.

I'm not getting at all. I have crippling anxiety, but I do think I'm funnier in peril, so it's okay. But I can never just shoot on a day where I wake up and have celery juice and I'm happy. I shoot on the days where I have.

Existential crises. Nobody wants to hear about that.

I don't. I did a number on myself last night.

What did you do, Tana Marie?

Here's the thing, dude. I love drinking everywhere that is not L. A, Miami, and New York. In cities where I see people and cities where I do things. No.

Elaborate. What does.

That mean? I'm in Hawaii and Trevor Moran texts me and she's like, I have the best Christmas present for you ever. I have the best gift for you ever. You're going to die. I'm like, What is it? She sends me an invite to my idol, Seth McFarland's Christmas party. That's huge. And his Christmas parties are very notorious and talked about in L. A. Because it's like, Bella Hadid goes, the weekend goes, the Kardasians go. I should never be allowed to set foot in that party. I love that. You know what I mean? I was like, Oh, my God, thank you. I changed my flight. I'm like, I'm coming home. Let's do it. I'm terrified. I'm so nervous because he's literally my idol family. I saved my life. I can't express it enough. I don't care how stupid that said. It's not family.

I saved my life. It doesn't sound stupid.

A little.

I.

Love him, you know what I mean? Of course. And so I get there and I'm pacing myself, just getting drunk, having fun, whatever. And then I see Miss Bella Thorn.

I already love this story. She's been.

Looking good. I should be so beyond banned. I should just say, Actually, take the time to go to the courthouse and file a restraining order on every single one of my exes. I think that when I see someone that I've loved, it's just like my actions become horrible.

Spiral central.

I love her. I love this year. We're great. She's with her fiancé. I love him. But it's just like something happens to me. Something comes over me. It's not Tana anymore. It's Tina.

It's common, though. I feel like a lot of people feel that way.

I meet another one of my idols, and I'm standing there with Bella and a couple of other people. I love this person, so I'm fan girl and I'm freaking out that he's talking to me. He knows my name. He talks about the podcast. This person even knowing about the podcast is bat shit to me. I'm like, I was just gagged. Let's just say that this person, this idol of mine offers me a Molly, and I couldn't turn it down if my life- You could never turn that down, ever.

I couldn't turn it down. You could have offered you fucking heroine. I would have been like, You have to do that.

I would have shot up.

I'm not doing so good this episode, honestly. I'm going to get canceled.

Well, not the name. So I take the Molly. I take the Molly. Of course, I do.

How long has it been since you've taken a Molly?

A really long time, actually. You're like weeks. Like Coachella. I think Coachella was the last time we took a Molly. Not a big Molly girl. I hate the anxiety of the come up and the next day, the way you feel like the way I feel right now. It's so beyond not worth it.

It's borrowed happiness. Wow.

I have chills. That was poetic because-.

People say that about alcohol, too. You're borrowing happiness from the.

Day after. Stop it. I don't have the sanity to handle that level of profound verbiage. The second I take the mullie, I leave my own body, and I'm looking at myself, and I'm like, Why would you do this to us? Why would you do this to us, you stupid fucking bitch? I make a random stranger walk me to the car immediately. I left immediately. I was like, I can't, because I had been taking shots. It was such an irresponsible decision.

Yeah, you just don't know what's going to happen.

It was such an irresponsible decision, but it was my idol, and I made a dumb fucking decision.

Yeah, I feel like in those situations, sometimes you can pretend. I've done that. I've pretended before. I absolutely should have. Which is so shameful. Just say no, kids.

What the fuck am I talking about? I just took my vape out of a McDonald's Fried box. And then I just send myself to a million after parties, one of them being at Chris Miles's house. And I love him. He's my best friend. But just don't go there because you know how you're going to feel the next day. I love all those people, and I think it's like, they make me feel really safe. They all protect me and are there for me. So when I do something stupid like that, I want to see them. But it's like, You don't need to be there.

I will say I've only taken Molly a couple of times, and my need for just familiarity in that moment. Oh, my God. Remember the New Year's? And I was just calling you, calling you, calling you. I was.

Like, I'm going to die. And that's exactly what I felt. I just needed to see my best friends. But it's like, don't go there. They changed Ashley and Isabelle and all of them, the location of Chris's house on Life 360 to rock bottom. The Life 360 notification will be like, Tana is at rock bottom. Tana is at rock bottom.

That's-hysterical. -amari saw that Tana arrived at rock bottom, came and plucked me and took me out by the weave. I love that. I looked at him today. I said, Don't even get me a Christmas gift. Because that's the best thing you could have ever done. It really is. So today, my serotonin was left with my idol.

Last night. Yeah, you left it on the.

Dance floor. Absolutely. But hello, Brooke, scoffield.

Well, you know what? Sometimes you just have those nights. I told you last night I threw up on.

Hollywood Boulevard. I thought you were kidding.

No, it was not kidding at all.

You have puked on Marilyn Star or what?

I puked on somebody's star. I- What? I was out all day yesterday with my guy friends. I'm in the middle... I'm on the West Side, okay? I don't go the West Side. I'm in fucking Santa Monica in somebody's basement, dude. No, it's a club called The Basement, seriously. And I'm just drinking, drinking, drinking. And I realize I'm supposed to be at my fucking friend's birthday party. And I'm just an idiot because I've been drinking all day long. It had slipped my mind. And I go, Oh, my God, I have to get there now. So I pulled Ari by his hair, put him in an Uber, and I showed up at her birthday party, Jersey Shore themed.

All.

Right? I'm walking.

And I'm- You're trying to put your hair in a snooky.

Poof in the car. And the whole, it sucks. I had had way too many drinks by this point already. But she's a good friend. She would never miss my birthday. I'm going her fucking birthday. So I'm fucking in the Uber. Ari is like, Literally, are you okay? I was like.

The whole way. Seeing the hat man.

And I walk into her fucking birthday party. She's nowhere to be found. Okay? I'm going, Where the fuck is Brooke Martinez? Everyone's going, I don't know, but they're all in Jersey Shore outfits. So I know this is her birthday party.

You see some leopard print. You take a breath.

Yeah, I'm like, Where the fuck is she? And they're like, No one would even answer me. So I was like, I have to step outside immediately. Just throw up. And then I went home. But, Brooke, I tried to come. I tried to come.

There's something beautiful within girlhood about shared peril, and I'm happy that we can share this right now.

It really is special.

It's the only thing saving my life right now. I'm not.

Getting this- Yeah, our bad nights, our bad lip flips.

I literally look.

At it.

Speaking of mouth peril.

Is it? Oh, no.

Oh, no. -brook scofield?

What happened?

My tooth is super glued in right now. I just took a fat ass chunk of Superglue out of my mouth in order to talk to you on this podcast. How did we get here? Should I have gone to the dentist today? Absolutely. Absolutely. Did I do Molly with my idol and not go? Absolutely. Have I been eating Superglue for five days now?

Absolutely. That's got to be worse than the Molly, honestly.

I have always said that. Dr. Scofield? And Dr. Gabe, click out, okay? Click out right now for your own wellbeing. Click out. I've lost many of an ear. I can blame a lot of veneer loss on my own stupidity, and I can respect and understand that. I've built a beautiful relationship with that. I don't eat hard chibbata bread now.

No head-on-apples for you.

No, I haven't had a head-on-Apple since I came out the goddamn womb. I know. Don't raw dog that apple. I know what you can and can't do. Suck on the nerds. Don't bite into a nerd's rope. I have developed a system in relationship with my unfortunate tooth troubles. I also will give my dentist a little bit of grace. I'm allergic to porcelain. You only find that out one way by.

Putting porcelain in your mouth. That's horrible. Do you do have veneers that are like a porcelain alternative?

No. Oh. So I get that mine are going to be a little looser than others. I know that my childhood created a lot of dental trouble. I don't have the best set to work with, and I get that. And it's like, I bit that strip club in a dollar bill in Miami and cold, all the whole, Bennett, lyrical, lemonade, super glued my tooth in for a week. I'm sorry. I'm aware of that. I land in Hawaii eight days ago, and I'm so excited to be there, see my man, be underwater. That's where my peace is at. That's where I don't do Molly with my idols. That's where I just live my sweet little life and have fun. We land, tie, Mukoa and I, and we're in the car on the way to the north shore. It's 10:00 PM. We're so excited. You know what I mean? And I'm simply talking. Talking! Sorry. I'm talking to Ty Collins about how happy I am to be in Hawaii, and my front tooth falls out like a tik-tok. Into my hand.

Oh, my God. Aren't you glad it was into your hand, though? Have you ever lost an earring back that you can't account for?

Oh, just you wait. I put it back in, and I'm holding it, and I'm freaking out, and everyone's like, Are you sure? Because Ty was facing forward, he didn't see it. Everyone's like, Are you sure? I'm like, Oh, no, I know. I'm sure.

I feel.

Of this. I know this feeling. And the North Shore, Hawaii, the top is the North Shore on O'ahu, and the bottom is the city. So there's not a CVS for an hour and a half drive.

Oh, I know. Do you remember my... I had a crisis just like that. I'd drive three hours to the emergency room.

Yeah. Yeah. I know there's going to be no Dentek or Superglue in my realm at all.

You're like, Ardel, dark tone/glue.

I swear to God, I was thinking of every possible way to keep this tooth in my head. I was like, Someone give me a piece of gum. I'll just replace it. Anyone got a TikTok? What do I do?

I would just put a chin strap on.

Yeah. And I just start immediately scream, crying. Because I'm like, I have to go home. I have to go back to LA now.

I don't know. What can you.

Even do? Nothing. And I'm just scream-sobbing. And I get to the hotel and all my Hawaiian friends are waiting for me there like, Yay, we got you a drink. We're all here. Let's party, whatever. I get out of the car. I start scream-stopping to Mako-ho.

Dude, you're toothless at Turtle Bay.

Toothless at Turtle fucking Bay. Thank God Mako-ho is the of Hawaii, and he immediately goes and finds me super glue. But as I'm standing in the Turtle Bay Valley, I'm talking to Ty about how my tooth is for sure. And Ty is still like, Are you sure? Like, whatever. My tooth, I say a word and my tooth goes flying under a moving car.

Under a.

Moving car. My tooth, my front tooth. And here's the gig and the fucking gag of it all as well. If it's a back tooth? I would have put it around my neck on a necklace like a pookie shell and moved on.

It was her fucking front tooth.

I look like Creshawn Rock. I was Tishon Rock. I'm not kidding. Tie dives under this moving vehicle. I super glued my tooth back in.

Wait, what does Krishon Rock look like? I don't know the context of that joke, and I'm afraid to be a part of it. I've seen what they did to Matt Rife.

I won't get into that. Krishon Rock looks like this. Okay.

Okay, well, then.

And she snaps it in and out, and it's a look. And honestly, I was debating, and I was like, Do I just raw dog this?

You could have just committed to the bit, but I did see the photo, and I don't know if that was your journey.

I would like to share this photo with the canceled podcast viewers.

Are you going to?

Yes.

I love that.

And there's a video I'm willing to play as long as there's no sound because the things coming out of my mouth are just threats.

I'm going to really embarrass myself on this episode. We might as well just go balls to the walls.

I think, yeah, I'm with that. Speaking of, please enjoy this photograph.

At least you look happy.

Oh, I wasn't. I was sobbing and Ty Collin said, smiley, you'll want this for the podcast. Thank you for looking out at Ty. And I said, Okay. And then resume. And look at the tooth underneath. Why is it just that small?

Well, I understand how it could fall off of that. Are you kidding me? It's hanging on by a little fucking tiny little baby thread tooth.

It's like 1:00 a. M. In L. A. I call my dentist. He doesn't answer. I call him 33 more times. I'm like, I'm talking to this man tonight. But I have a list with that man tonight. I'm trying to talk to this man tonight.

He gave me a list too.

Low key. He finally picks up the phone and he goes, Hello? And you could tell he just woke up. I don't say hi. I don't say anything. I say, and I'm going to move this mic for everyone's sake, Aaron, you might want to cover your ears. All I say is, Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why are my fucking teeth falling up? And he tells me to super glue it back in. You're like, I wish I fucking thought of that. You fucking idiot.

That's not medical advice. It's definitely not. It's also a Sunday. I'm having heart palpitations. I'm so sorry. It's also a Sunday in Hawaii. Every dentist's office in the world is closed, and they're all two hours away because I'm on the north shore. Again, thank God Mako was the President of Hawaii. He gets a dentist on the phone at 1:00 AM and tells them they have to come in the office tomorrow to fix my tooth, and they're fine.

Honestly, so lucky. I'm so.

Lucky to know him. I love you, Mako. Even though it pains me to say it because that's not our friendship. But then I super glued my tooth so hard that it won't come out. And if I go to the dentist, I'm running the risk of them sawing it off and not knowing me and my teeth and shit, and not being able to put it back on. Yeah. So my dentist tells me to cancel the dentist at the appointment. He also tells me to say I use Dentek and not Superglue, but that's another journey.

You're going to get sued.

Dr. Gabe, I love you, but why? Then he proceeds to tell me that he cemented on my two front teeth a little less hard because I'm allergic to porcelain. Why did I find that out in.

That moment? Yeah, perhaps you might have been a little bit more careful. Although if you were just talking- I was talking. -how could you have even been more careful?

I was talking. Say less, bitch. When I bit that dollar bill in the strip club like-.

That was your fault? Yeah. Or the time Lila just dropped her phone off on her face and she's like, This is your fault. To the dentist, I'm like, Baby, no.

It's not. Yeah, no. I raw dog those nerds ropes and shabatah bread. Every other time I have grace for.

I was talking. Not this time.

And my tooth is still super glued in right now, and I feel that it's like loose. I actually shouldn't be saying the letter S. I would be intelligent if I were to not utter the letter after R. Okay. But anyways, let's unpack some other shit.

Perfect. Well, I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad you're... It could have been worse. You could have literally never seen that tooth again.

And I really just appreciate my man a lot. I was just scream-sobbing for hours, and he was just talking me off a ledge and helped me glue it in a million times and got me Dentech.

He's like, Wow.

And it's like we met when I broke my toe. I was gushing blood also crying.

I was like, Yeah, but that's you guys' whole dynamic. That's cute. You're like a damsel in distress. He's there.

To save you. That's true. I kept saying, Babe, I promise you I'm not always losing a tooth or a toe. I really hope you stay with me to see that.

That's good news.

Brooke and I are so excited to see Noah Khan live. Today's video is sponsored by Seatgeek. With over 28 million downloads, Seatgeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events on Seat Geek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more. I've attended many concerts with Seat Geek. I'll never forget going to Drake and loving every song. Artists like Travis Scott, Bad Bunny, Noah Khan, and the Jonas Brothers are on tour. You don't want to miss out. They put all the tickets across the web in one place to make sure you're getting a good deal. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1-10, so look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. Every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee, and Seatgeek is the only site that lets you return your tickets ahead of the event with swaps. You know I came through for you guys. Use my code Tana for $20 off tickets at Seatgeek. That's $20 off your first purchase with the promo code Tana. Make sure you click the link in the description and download the app. Code Tana for $20 off your first Seatgeek order.

Thank you, Seatgeek, for sponsoring today's episode. This podcast is brought to you by Dudez Behind the Foods. Angie is your home for Everything Home, and they've made it easier than ever to connect.

With skilled.

Professionals to get all your.

Home projects done well.

If you own a home, you know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to.

Know where to start.

But now all you need to do is angie that and find a skilled Local Pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with tools.

To simplify the.

Whole process, bring them to your project online or with the Angie app and answer a few questions. And Angie can handle the rest.

From start.

To finish or help.

You compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means.

You can take care of just about any home.

Project in.

Just a few tabs. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this. When you Ange that, download the free Ange mobile app today or visit angie. Com. That's A-N-G-I.

Com. Wait, so let's talk about that for a second. I think we made it seem this way already on the podcast, like he was your boyfriend, but you now have a real... He is your boyfriend boyfriend.

And I value him so much that I want to protect him from all of the-.

Oh, okay. Don't go stalk him.

-the peril that the internet life brings. And yes, I'm posting, but it's because I want to post the cute moments that have made me the happiest I've ever been. But I would hate for him to see any of the negative sides of that. And I'm trying to choose what I say wisely and protect his privacy because he is truly the best person I've ever met. And I'm trying to.

Just- Yeah, and take our word for it, for real.

He's the best person I've.

Ever met. I feel like I love, obviously, everybody who listens, but sometimes there's some opinions that are formed that I'm like, Wait, how do you know that? Or, Why do you think that?

I mean, I know you really like him, but I'm excited for you to really get to know him because.

A lot of my time is- I do really like him. I don't think I've gotten really to spend enough time with him to really understand his personality.

Yeah. And he is a more shy, private person. I feel like he takes a second to open up to people, but I appreciate that. I like that. He's not walking in a room for attention. He's just himself. And when you get to know him, like Ty and I have spent so much time with him, and Ty literally every day is like, If you fuck this up, you're dead to me. He's the best person I've ever met. I wish he was my boyfriend type shit. And yeah.

How cute. I adore him. I'm so happy for you. I ship you guys. Everyone always asks. I was on live the other day, and they're like, Who do you ship Tana with? I said, I ship Tana with whoever Tana shifts.

Tana with. God bless you. The Jeff shit is absolutely killing me. I stop doing it. No, I don't mean you.

I mean, every single thing I- Oh, yeah. There's that one account. It's what cracks me, to be honest. Oh, yes.

Every single time I post someone that I'm really happy with, every single comment is shipping me to someone who I'm not with, who doesn't want to be with me. I don't want to be with him. You know what I mean?

You're getting that Haley Beaver special.

Dead fucking ass. I've never thought about it like that. But at least all those people date it. This is just my friend. I texted Jeff this screenshot the other day. I posted a photo with my man and top comments. What about Jeff? That's not Jeff, crying emoji. Wait, what about Jeff? Jeff is going to be so pissed. Take this down now. No, Jeff. Please, Jeff.

You should block the name Jeff.

I like engagement and money more.

You're so right. You're brilliant.

I literally just texted Jeff a screenshot and said, I hate you.

We're ruining it.

Jeff likes Mekoah and everything's really great. Obviously, I don't know what the future holds for all you shippers. No, I know what the future. I'm not going to fucking be them. Stop. For the love of fucking God.

Oh, man. Just kidding. Cheers.

Last time we shot this podcast on this couch, I told you my whole Bryce Hall debacle and how I saw him and whatever. I told you I was debating on going to play in a poker tournament with him that evening, right?

Yeah.

I ended up going.

I.

Just thought it was a way bigger poker tournament than it was. I show up and it's two tables, and it's probably like 20 people, 15 at one and five on the other. They were playing different games. It wasn't like I could sit at the table, Bryce wasn't out. I wanted to play the game Bryce was playing. I sit down and immediately, Stiney is there from the Nelk boys, and he starts moving all the chairs around and moves Bryce and I as far from possible from each other. He's like, I have to keep you guys so far from each other. Whatever. Now, Bryce and I are sitting at a table of 15 people across from each other, five feet max across staring each other in the eyes playing this game of poker. I'm a little tipsy, and we just start talking shit. I'd raise a hand and he'd be like, Well, I was going to fold, but now that Tana's in, I have to fucking play this one. You know what I mean? Kind of like fun. What do you have, Tana? Pocket aces or nothing. Are you bluffing? He's just talking. I'm talking shit back to him.

I'm like, What the fuck are you doing?

I have some major.

Poker tension. Weird call, Bryce. I'm just being a bitch. Everyone at the table is lowkey, uncomfortably laughing, uncomfortable about it. It's uncomfortable. Josie's there, and she's just like, What the fuck is going on? You know what I mean? We keep talking shit the entire game. But slowly, the talking shit was funny, and it reminded me of our mutual ship. Eventually, I lose because I think I was just so fucking... It's so hard to strategically play a game across from someone that you feel so much of some type of way about, you know what I mean? I'm just doing dumb shit that I wouldn't do. I'm calling hands I shouldn't call. I'm just being an idiot. I lose $2,000. I lost $2,000 because of Rizel. But eventually, after we're both out, I look at him and I'm like, Listen, I'm not just going to do this and leave. That's weird as fuck. Do you want to talk? And we go sit on the balcony and we talk for a while. Again, I hate even uttering the word friendship after everything that's happened, but I don't think we will ever have the friendship we used to have.

But he did look at me and he said... I don't remember his exact words, but essentially it was like, You just pissed me off and I let my ego do things. We were friends, and I'm really sorry. I didn't even think he possess the capability to say I'm sorry without the word but after it. I didn't think he possess the ability.

And he didn't.

Say but? No but. He apologized.

Oh, like that.

I appreciate that. I cried. I was like, I really appreciate this. You really fucking hurt my feelings. I've never had anyone make me feel the way you made me feel in that situation. And then I left $2,000 poor. But...

Oh, well, I think to really make you right, he should pay you back those $2,000. What do you think? Sound off in the comments.

I think he never will. And again, yeah, I might post a funny TikTok one day if I ever run into him and just serve the pot or whatever, but we will.

Never- I don't know. Be careful doing that. Be careful forcing him to make TikToks out in public. It could be dangerous. It could give him some ammo.

So true. But I respect the apology, and it feels good to put a lot of feelings at rest.

I appreciate that he was like, he just owned up to it and was like, Listen.

I was wrong. Yeah. And I'm sure I did some shit to piss him off. Whatever. I'm not sitting here playing victim like, Whoa, was me. Thank God he apologized. I'm just happy to put the feelings I had towards all of that finally to rest, even if I am $2,000 for her.

Well.

So that happened.

You all make it back.

Post Malone keeps performing with a guitar with your name on it.

That's.

Hilarious.

I did see that. I haven't seen it in so many years. So I saw him play with it the other day and I was like, Oh, cute. It does. I wrote on his guitar, I wrote, Go Cowboy's heart or love, Brooke S. And it's just on the front of his guitar.

I love it. And he still plays with it all the time. The people know that's how you lost your job, right?

I think so. I think I talked about it on Tricia.

Yeah. So essentially-.

I just- You were working at Catch. I pretended I was sick. I lied. I went to Post Malone's birthday party. And that was why I got fired and I got caught.

Well, yeah, because your name is on the front of.

His guitar. And I got fired for lying. But it was funny because he asked us all to write on it. So I wrote that or whatever. And he was like, he's a Cowboys fan. So I wrote, Go Cowboys or whatever. But I never thought he was like, like two weeks later, he really posted it. And it's just a photo and you can see it so clear. And I'm like, Oh.

Should we put the photo in the podcast? I feel like it's so iconic.

Yeah, we can. Yeah, we can. Do you have it?

I'll.

Send it to you. But it's just a cute...

It's really cute. And every time I see it, I laughed to myself because it's funny. It weirdly symbolizes the start of a new life.

Chapter for you. Honestly, I owe everything. I owe every dollar I have to literally post below. I'm not kidding, because otherwise, I would still be at somebody's restaurant working somewhere. Honestly, I really owe it all to being a liar, but that's a bigger story.

That's this podcast. Welcome. I've been doing this thing where I get high as fuck forever. I've actually been doing that since I came out of the womb. I came out of the womb with the back foot in my hand. But I used to never write my high thoughts as podcast topics because I was like, Just stop. No one needs them. But I've been doing it lately. Okay. What do we got? I want to talk about lazy eyes.

Wait, is this offensive, though? I don't want to make anyone shame anybody with a lazy eye, but we're.

Actually- No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I'm not shaming anyone. I have genuine questions. I need answers. And maybe Aaron can help with this.

Why did you say that? I'm not.

No, he's just smarter than us combined.

I just have a little bit of confusion, I guess, about the mechanics of it. This feels messy. This feels like something we shouldn't talk about.

I'm being so dead-assed. There's not a part of me with any amount of shaming anything.

I.

Just want to know. When someone has... Sorry. I'm stupid, and that's why it's funny, but fuck. When someone has a lazy eye, like if I was looking at you right now and I had a lazy eye, would I be watching life on a 0.5 lens?

No. I think we were talking about this. I feel like it might be more similar to a panorama. This eye is over here, but this eye is still over here, you know what I mean? I might see Aaron in my right eye, and if I look quickly to the left, I might still see him for a second before I...

It does change vision? No, I think.

It does, but it doesn't...

Just because it's looking at direction, I think they're still looking at you.

But it's just a little weaker. You might be a more blurred or something like that. I don't think you're actually-Do you remember when Justin Biebervers at Anne Frank would be a believer?

Yes, and I forget what recently reminded me of that. I was recently reminded of that because of something that somebody else said that was similar and they didn't get.

In trouble for it. Sabrinah Carpenter said.

Yes.

She.

Said Jesus was a carpenter. I get that Jesus and Anne Frank are different characters.

Hey, everyone. I'm Devon Worthiser. I'm Lindsay Shaw.

And I'm Daniel Curtis Lee.

And we are the hosts of: Neds Declassified Podcast Survival Guide. Ever wonder what happened to Ned Mohs and Cookie? Well, we're back. We helped you guys survive middle school. And now we're helping you survive adulthood. On Ned's Declassified Podcast Survival Guide, we are rewatching episodes bringing you special guests like coconut Head and janitor Gordie.

And catching up on the last 15 years.

We're talking about everything from dating mishaps.

To mental health and maintaining friendships.

And asking the question, how do we survive adulthood? Maybe we don't.

Always have the answers.

But we're going to figure it out together. Come join us. So pause that podcast you're listening to and subscribe to Ned's Declassified Podcast Survival Guide on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Are you in the club?

The club. The BCC Club.

The BCC Club. The podcast where we dive into the weirdest parts of the internet. I'm Sara Schauer. And I'm Kenel Landrith. Each week on the BCC Club, we forward you topics like Mommy Bloggers, anti-aging influencers, Disney Adults, and more. Plus, we have a special expert guest every week to give us some first-hand accounts. I'm Kaylee McJagger. I'm a Mommy blogger, and I.

Love the BCC Club. I'm Mary Beth Richards, an anti-aging expert, and I love the BCC Club.

I'm Sarah Zant-Carol, and I'm a Disney adult, and I love the BCC Club.

Find and follow the BCC Club for free every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts.

Are you actually taking those vocal.

Offer lessons? Oh, my gosh, you guys. I talked about, Oh, this makes.

Me shy.

I talked about how I was obsessed with that sweet lady who does the Broadway training or whatever on TikTok. She sent an email to my manager and she was like, Oh, my God. I would love to do a lesson with Brooke. Greg, of course, he's like, Oh, yeah, I'm going to set it up. But I was like, Don't... It makes me so nervous.

I think I have to go with you, and I think that we.

Really have to- It really makes me so scared. I don't know. The problem is, and I've really struggled with this my whole life, and it's the reason that I never got talented in anything is I like, embarrassed me? I never take stuff like that seriously because I get embarrassed. And then I make a joke out of it. I was a dancer growing up and stuff. But I.

Was so- That's why you're a very talented comedian.

You know what? That's the thing. I was just working on my jokes the whole time.

But.

I would never really get better at things because I wasn't really actually practicing because my ego was like, I was just too prideful. I didn't want to be embarrassed.

I think it would be the most fun series ever to do that.

And film it. To do things? I would love to just do things and really try them and really take them seriously and not be stupid about it.

I would love to do that with you. Do you know what I texted Trisha Pettus? And she said yes too.

What?

I've been texting Trisha a lot lately. I just her so much. I'm so happy for her, obviously. She's very much so happy for me and my new relationship and the idea of finding my Moses and stuff. So we go back and forth texting. Did you see that podcast clip, by the way, of her being Tana and Brooke? It could be so wrong? And I'm going to defend them?

Yes. Every time she talks about me fucking in any regard ever, I literally... It makes me.

Like-i think my tooth.

Might fall out. I almost feel like I forced her to.

Say it. Oh, my tooth might fall out. I feel the same way, but my tooth might fall out. Okay, no more chicken nuggets. Oh, God.

I know, but it would be a good title.

I had the idea the other day that... I know Paris and Nicole have been working on something. I think they... From what they've been teasing and posting, I could see them doing a Simple Life reboot, honestly. But I feel like there is no new generation Simple Life. I texted Trisha and I was like, You, me and Brooke should do some Simple Life shit. Then let's film it. Let's fund it. Let's do it. Whatever. Shot in the dark.

I've got a ranch.

Exactly. And I want to be like mechanics. I want to see Trisha Payto rolling out from underneath the car.

Are you kidding? Have you not seen her in the Just Lose It video?

Yes, exactly.

Ii don't want that Trisha back. I'm happy with any Trisha.

I texted her with just shot in the dark. And I was like, Would you ever want to do this, fund it, film it, and give the people something they would never forget? Oh, my God. And she said, Fully yes.

It's like, Fully yes. -we have to. And then we have an episode babysitting her kids. I'm so.

Fucking lootly. Are you kidding me now?

You remember when they made Kemdell Jenner do it and she was like, What the fuck is happening? I feel like that would be us. Although I've been with this one baby recently so much. And it's like... No, it's Ivy's baby.

And she just like- No, but just the sentence, I've been with this one baby so much is such a funny set of words.

I'm like, I need one of these.

I got my period the other day, and for the first time in my entire life, I was a little sad.

Bitch. Bffr. I want to be with the baby so bad. Let's take it one step at a time. Let's get your tooth back on, bitch.

No, I needed the period. Thank God. But I'm saying I don't think I've ever adored someone so much that I would want that and be sad.

Yeah, I get that.

So that's really awesome. But also get the tooth back on. Is this dress? Why is this in my podcast office?

I'm seeing blue and black right now.

I'm seeing white and gold right now. We don't need to do that. At all. Looks like we're tired. This was a high podcast.

Okay, well, we were just talking about Tricia, and I've been watching on her recent episodes. Trisha has been going in on Matt Rife, I think, harder than maybe anybody.

Oh, you're ready.

And it's hilarious. Not hilarious.

But- Oh, you're ready.

I was thinking about it because I'm like, I know she's probably going to watch last week's episode and be.

Like, You- Oh.

You're.

Ready. Okay, relax. Sorry, I can't.

It's not that crazy. I'm thinking to myself, Oh, my God. I wonder if she sees that and she's disappointed in me because I'm like...

She's probably like, Why are you fucking- As I have been forever. Okay. No, I'm not disappointed in you. I just hate holding shit in, obviously. I'm always like, Leave this in, put it in, whatever. And if you go back and watch the Matt Rife episode, you can just feel.

My disdain. There is definitely a difference between your energy toward him and my energy toward him because I thought the world of him. I'm getting a little bit of backlash, okay? We both are, honestly, for being a little bit of Matt Rife, Apologist from the last episode.

I never want to be that. I can't stress this enough, but at the end of the day, you're my best friend, and if you want to protect something, I'm not going to... Like me saying how I truly feel about him and the situation would go against what you wanted.

Yeah, and I appreciate that. Honestly, thanks for backing me up on that. But I-Because.

I have never been an apologist of him. I just am going to ride for my girl.

Yeah, but I have. Truthfully, I have. Because even that episode I came in here and I was ready to… I knew I was going to get hate for it because obviously everybody's on one team. It's like, We hate Matt. I truly was like, I have to say something. Because I would hope that anybody who knew me, I would hope if something like that crazy were happening to me publicly, I would hope they would speak out and be like, Wait, no, that is not how she is. Obviously, before I knew Matt, I knew his persona. It's like a fuck boy. That's his whole thing. That's his stage thing. That's what I expected of him. Obviously, when I got to know him and stuff, I was like, Okay, wait, that's not him at all.

At the time, he was just blowing up and... I'm not saying he was just blowing up and funny. There wasn't as many bad things. I completely see why you would do it. I would.

Do it. Yeah. Well, for context, Mr. Dc is Matt. I had my ideas of him, and then when I got to know him, I really decided that is not who he is at all. He's a way better than I would have thought, you know what I mean? I wouldn't say he was like my ex or anything because it wasn't this serious relationship, but it was more like I wasn't just hooking up with him, you know what I mean? It was very-You.

Liked him.

Yeah, I really liked him. And more so from his end, he was the one who was initiating the conversations that were like, I haven't felt this way about anybody in so long. Just like... I mean, to anyone with common sense, it's love bombing. But I had at that point lost all my marbles, seriously.

And we love a love-bomb.

So I was like, This guy is the fucking nicest guy ever. I had just come off this terrible relationship with the world's most psychotic person. You guys know that. And so I was like, What the fuck? This guy is so hot. He's so nice. He's so attentive. I was obsessed with this guy. Okay?

And we were all on board for it until-.

Here's the thing. He was here in LA when I started getting a little frustrated because I remember you had come with me to his show at The Laugh Factory. I had just flown across the country to go spend time with him and see all his shows and whatever. Then he comes to L. A. And just literally was not blowing me off, but just didn't really like...

He wasn't- keep in mind you guys are next door neighbors. Yeah, he lived- It's like your home, and I could throw a rock through your window. Yeah.

Imagine my frustration. I'm like, How embarrassing that I just went and did all of this. And then you come back and you can't even hardly spend time with me. It happened a couple of times. He had come to L. A. A couple of times where it was like, I would go to dinner once or something. I'm like, Wait, what? Just strange. So we went to the show at The Laugh Factory that night. You saw him, he came, said hi, whatever, and he's like, Okay, babe, I'll.

See you after the show. I'm so happy you're doing this. I can express to you this...

Listen. You know what?

Whatever. I'm so proud of you.

He tells me, Okay, I'll see you after the show. I'll be over as soon as I'm done. Whatever. I stay up all night. The man never comes. I'm just frustrated with the situation. I feel dumb because I'm like, You're saying all of this. You're telling me the whole time we're separated. It's like, I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to be with you. You're all I think about, whatever. Then you're fucking literally outside my window and you can't go down to the mailbox. It was just frustrating. I told him that and I was proud of myself because I stood up for myself and I was like, Listen, that's not going to work for me. Sorry. That was when the conversation happened where he was just like, I'm so sorry, but I do not have time. For a relationship? No, I don't have time for the relationship. I just don't. He told me. He says, I haven't felt this way about anybody in so long, and I've been dreading telling you because I just wanted to keep doing it as long as I could, but I can't put energy into this. Whatever. I was like, so respectful, honestly, appreciate you telling me.

Wish you the best. I was like, Hopefully down the line, you can work it out and you can figure it out. All of a sudden, you will have time for a girlfriend.

I will.

Admit I was assuming it would be like, honestly, me.

You can't say all that and get a girlfriend and gain my respect.

Yeah, well, okay, doesn't matter. But the point is the conversation was so respectful, and I really do gage how I feel about a man based on how he handles something like that. He was so sweet to me and nice to me. He hit all the points and he made me feel good about it. I just respect him.

A lot. Yeah, go on. Kill it.

I've had that same feeling about him all of this time because I'm just like, you know what? I'm a silent supporter. I've watched him from afar. I love to see him be successful. I was with him when his last special came out. To see him get a Netflix special was huge. Imagine how I felt when I'm seeing like, Oh, my God. This guy got the one thing in the world that he wanted, and everybody fucking hates it.

Hates.

It. Okay?

Yeah.

I'm like, Oh, my God. I just felt so bad for him because I'm like.

Yeah, it's- But that's where your empathy comes in way too hard because it's the stiff socks of it all.

No, yeah. I'm going to.

Get there. But I get it. You still want it to protect?

Yeah. In my head, I'm just like, This sucks, because I really did. I got to see how much he really does care about the job and stuff. Whether he's funny or not, is up in the air. But he tries really hard and he works really hard. I actually did just feel so bad to see his one thing that he got just completely go that... As badly as it could go. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I didn't feel bad coming in here and defending him. Honestly, you guys don't even know how bad it was because I cut some of it. I was like, I'm going to get cooked. But I was on here like, I love Matt. He respects women.

Which is crazy.

I was because I feel that. I have always felt that way about him. I really felt like he respected me like I did, and women in general. Tell me why.

But silent disrespect is just as loud as vocal disrespect.

I know, but that's not the point. I am on TikTok the other day, and I get tagged in a video of this girl, and it's her and Matt. It's all these photos of her and Matt, a little slideshow, if you will. Okay? I'm like, That's interesting. I go to the comments and she had commented back to somebody, and she was like, Relax, you guys. This was at the beginning of this year.

I go, Huh?

I'm like, What? When? When was it exactly? Because I was seeing him at the beginning of this year. I'm like, When was it? I DM her. Soleil. I DM her, and I'm like, Hey, just wondering, honestly, what was the timeline exactly? Just because I'm curious. Because his current girlfriend was not long after me either, so it had to have been around the same time. Immediately, she puts me into a group chat. You never want to be in a group chat with beautiful, strange women. Okay? When I tell you, Tana, you want to talk about women in Stem? There were timelines. There were Venn diagrams. We were comparing notes. It was so-.

I see why you waited to tell me this. Yeah, absolutely.

I'm telling you, Tana, for a man who doesn't have time, this man had the.

Most time. You know what I get? When I'm really mad, I just start laughing. I just start laughing. You're- I'm not fucking kidding, Brooke Scofield.

Tiana. I'm like, Oh, my fucking God. Oh, my God. Because I'm not kidding. All of this time, I would see his billboard on Sunset and be like... I was literally like, this biggest supporter. I've been waving a fucking Matt Rife, Apologist flag for all this time, thinking like, Oh, he was so good to me. What the fuck?

And he never was. He got a girlfriend right after. He lied a lot. Anyway, let me- Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm mad now. And if that gets cut, I swear to God, I'll kill myself.

So I am talking to these girls, whatever. And I'm thinking about it. You lie to me, Kira. My immediate reaction, just because I'm me and I'm fucking stupid, I start gaslighting myself. I'm literally like, Okay, well, you know what? Maybe it wasn't as serious as I thought it was. Maybe I thought it was this huge, serious thing, and he didn't. Took only a couple of scrolls, Tana, for me to get back to where he's telling me fucking… I don't want you to even look at another guy. I don't want anybody else touching you. He didn't want me hanging out with my guy friends. It was so specific in that he was like, You're the only girl I want. We're talking about when we're going to move to DC and run away. I don't think I was delusional. I really don't.

You weren't. I was not the- But this is the cherry on top. This is the straw that broke.

The can't move back. Yeah, so I'm like, I really wasn't like-.

Because you've been so great. You've had so much grace that you didn't ever need to have as is. Just fucking last week. I'm apologizing for him, knowing.

That I'm going to get hate for it. I'm just like, How crazy is that? Meanwhile, he's fucking like, First of all, if you're telling me that I cannot hang out with guy friends, you don't want me talking, hooking up with anybody else, then nobody in fucking Central America should be receiving a dick pic from you. That's just my thoughts, okay?

A face to one at that.

I'm like, I didn't say it. I start looking at the whole situation different because I'm like, Okay, so he's not this really nice guy that I thought. I have bad judgment, but sometimes I really miss... I don't understand how bad it actually is. I'm thinking like, There were things that happened during that time that I just wrote off as not a big deal that I'm like, Wait, what the fuck.

Was wrong with me? Stiff socks. Talk about it before I fucking shit myself on canceled.

Matt Rife went on the Stiff Socks podcast with our baby.

Trevor Wallace. I just want to say this is when I knew, this is when I knew, but I want my girl to have the floor.

I was still actively seeing him at the time. In fact, we'd gone to dinner the night before. He was telling me all about how he was going on a podcast. I said, Oh, I have a podcast. He's like, Oh, my God, really? I'm just kidding.

He left your house to go to Stiff Socks.

No, I was with him the night before. It doesn't matter. But the point is, I'm like, I'm excited to watch it. I'm like, Oh, got to watch my man on a podcast. I don't know if you guys recall. That was the most... He since had it wiped from the internet. I wish I could wipe it from my memory.

I'm livid. I have to drink this because I'm livid.

He went on the Stiff Socks podcast. First of all, first defense was Trevor asking what his type was. His answer was blonde with fake tits. Okay? For the audio listeners, I am a Brenet with fucking real tits. They're huge, but they're real. I'm huge, by the way, but they're real. So that was a little bit offensive.

Again, when I knew.

But I justified it a little because I'm like, you know what? If someone asked me my type, I'd just say ugly guys. That's not the worst thing in the world to say. But he goes on to say that he is disgusted by outy vaginas, like girls who have outy vaginas because it looks like God left the tag on them. Now, I'm going to give you guys the canceled exclusive here, but I, Brooks Gofield, have an outy vagina.

Okay? I've seen it. It's great.

I have a fucking... And so does fucking two-thirds of America, you fucking weirdos. Imagine me sitting there, my fucking jaw on the floor, my fucking pussy doing the fucking line dance on the couch. Just like, what the fuck did you do?

What? I hope every single listener knows that when that podcast aired, I tried to swing.

You guys thought that was disgusting. The public was like, Oh, my God, how horrible. Imagine how I felt. He literally just went on a podcast and was like, Yeah, I'm fucking repulsed by this bitch.

When you had sex with him, did you ever come?

Okay, don't talk about that.

I know you didn't. Enough said.

What I'm thinking, though, now I'm like, God, that description had to match somebody. And I'm thinking back, too. I'm like, Okay, how crazy that he could spend no time with me in L. A, but it's like, Oh, he only gets so many L. A. Days a year. I'm like, He must have had to hit all his stops.

I'm.

Holding my breath. He went to someone's after that show for sure.

What the fuck was I thinking? This all makes me so remad. I was livid when it all first happened, but I understood that you wanted to protect him, but it's like, It'll never not make me furious. I'm just so happy that we are finally doing this because I wanted to do it on the episode.

With him. I was a little... Let's talk about that for a second. All of you guys who bullied me for my behavior on the Matt Rife episode, I had not seen him since he told me he would be at my house in an hour, babe. That was my first time ever coming face to face with him after he literally was just like, Okay, good night, babe. See you in a sec. Of course, I.

Was- I didn't know.

He was going to come in and act like he didn't fucking know me from Adam. I thought it was going to be like, Oh, yeah, we know each other. It was just.

Such a strange energy. I was so living after that episode. I remember he left and I was shaking.

I was nervous. I just felt weird because I was like, Why are you pretending you don't know? It was just the weirdest feeling. I was like, Wait, what? I don't know. I was hesitant to, even on the way here, I was like, Do I want to talk about this?

Yes.

Well, he has a girlfriend now, and I don't want to like...

She's.

Probably going through enough as far as public embarrassment is concerned. I don't know. I don't want to be that who's coming on and exposing somebody on a podcast. But what the fuck? You're a fucking loser and you embarrass me. Honest to God, that's what it is. I hate fucking being embarrassed by guys. I hate that my reputation is coming online to fucking apologize for all these fucking losers who treat me so badly. I hate that.

You give people so much grace, and I love you so much. You give me so much grace. You're my best friend. But it's like, I've wanted you to do this for fucking six months. Fuck him.

Well, yeah. I'm like, So sorry I'm late to the party, and I don't... I also don't want it to seem like I'm like, Okay, well... Now that I know he doesn't like me, now I'm on the train. But it's like, in my.

Head- You did everything you could to try to protect someone that you got to know, and I can understand that and respect that completely because internet hate is horrible. Yeah, I just.

Thought like- I was like, He is genuinely the nicest guy. I was like, I've never had a bad experience with him to this day. I've never had like... He's never been mean.

I think that you have a discrepancy with disrespect behind your back versus disrespect to your face.

In some ways- I have a hard time villainizing people in general. I think it's like a BPD thing. I literally cannot... I can't see the bad in people literally as easily as I want to.

I love that about you. Sometimes your biggest weakness is also your biggest power and strength. You are the most loving, forgiving person, and I always try to be with you on that train. When you wanted to give Clinton grace, I was like, Okay, I'll pretend that I don't hope he dies, and I'll podcast with you about it, and I'll whatever public, because the public is a scary thing. The public narrative is a scary thing. So I have your back tenfold. But I hate to see you give grace to Matt.

Well, yeah. So that's the thing. The Clinton thing didn't help either because I have this history now. We have millions of girls who watch the podcast. And I'm literally just this little pathetic fucking bitch who's defending these horrible...

You were so beyond not pathetic.

I think that's so horrible. But it's like, why am I making excuses for fucking losers?

Don't say that about yourself. Don't say that about yourself. I just started crying.

No.

Stop. No, because you're not pathetic. You have the best heart.

No, I don't think that. I'm just like, don't fucking embarrass me because guess what? I have to set an example at some point. I don't want every single guy to think that he can come through and do exactly the same thing, and I'm not going to fucking rip him to shreds on the podcast because I feel bad for them. Stop.

Don't say that about my best friend.

I won't. I don't think I'm... I definitely don't think I'm thinking. But the point is you.

Give people so much grace and forgiveness and you look past so much shit and you try to see the fucking good. And sometimes it can be your downfall. But at the end of the day, you're not wrong. And at the end of the day, it's your story and your narrative. And when you want to fucking say it, you want to say it. And today is the day you're saying it, and I'm proud of you.

You know what? I've seen it before. I think it's tacky to go on a podcast and just trash talk somebody that you hooked up with or whatever. But that just fucking pissed me off so bad because I'm like, What did I do? I didn't fucking deserve that. Just tell me you don't fucking like me and move on. Like, eew.

So much eew. And then- Stop me in the front.

Tana.

Is there more? I go- Actually, hold on. In through the nose, out through the mouth one time, because I don't know how much more I can handle before I start being cruel.

No, this part is just honestly hilarious. I go to send him a little message, okay? Because I'm like, You know what? I want to get my facts straight. As if my fucking facts aren't straight enough with my fucking Venn diagram.

Group chat.

Okay?

But I get that. You almost want the closure of that, too.

I wasn't even rude. I just sent him a text and I was like, How embarrassing is it that I'm literally currently getting dragged for defending you while also in a group chat with seven other girlfriends you had? What the fuck? And he blocked my.

Fucking number. I was just going to say, Tell me the message is green and I'm blowing this house up.

He blocked my fucking number, as in my number was blocked last week when I was fucking waving a Matt Rife is fucking so nice and respectful flag. I publicly was defending him after he had already blocked my number. How fucking embarrassing. And what the fuck are you blocking my number for you fucking loser? I'm hoping to God that it's just like, I respect my girlfriend. I'm going to block everybody who I've ever talked to. But if that's the case, finish the job, Matt. Unfollow the fucking 2,000 porn stars you follow still to this day, okay? Because I'm sure she doesn't like that either. I didn't. Fucking weirdo.

Sorry. Do you see? I just keep getting goosebumps. I actually can't believe I'm so proud of you. That's all I know to say. I'm so proud of you. This is exactly what you should be doing. And I wanted you to do for a long time. I'm beyond proud of you. And I've said it a thousand times on this podcast, but we cut it every time. And this time it's saying in baby, FuckMat, Wryf. Clip- Clip-.

Clip that guy.

And thank God I have a tooth so that when it's clipped, I don't look like Krishon Rock.

I don't know. It's shitty too because I know that this will come out in however many days, and I'll have all that time to have so much anxiety about it and feel guilty or whatever.

You shouldn't. Take a grab of pen and let's go to the growth. But I hate that about me. Take a grab of pen and let's go get an allo yoga set. And I swear to God, Greg Goodfreed, if you don't get her an allo yoga sponsorship, you're dead.

If allo doesn't fucking sponsor me, I'm going to kill myself.

I.

Swear to fucking God. They're never going to sponsor me. They think I'm problematic. I'm like, Look, my outfit.

Is full.

Of Allow.

You and I are going to have a smoothie and a joint, bitch.

Just blocking me is so fucking crazy. What was I going to do? Can I text you? I'm not going to fucking threaten your girlfriend. I love you. In fact, I want to fuck your girlfriend.

And you're going to. That's what I did with Lottie. That's what I did with my girlfriend.

I'm going to fuck your girlfriend. I have a three step plan. He... Okay. Do it. Do it.

Say it. No. Do a baby, stick it baby, move it baby, lick it baby, say it. No. It's okay. It'll be another episode.

Anyway, Tana and I are going on our own theater tour, which did not take us fucking 15 years of jokes to accomplish.

And I actually couldn't write a better tour announcement.

I love that about because you know what? He made me feel stupid. Fucking, so fucking stupid for my social media job, as if it was the most unserious job in the world. One time. One time.

Sorry.

No, don't-I'm sitting at a fucking table of all his friends. One of his friends says, What do you do for a living? And I go, I have a podcast. I swear to God. Matt says, Wait, really? Wait, what? He just didn't fucking know. I'm like, How the fuck did I just sit through seven of your fucking shows? And you don't even know what I do for a living. Anyway, the podcast is doing really well. We just sold out a tour, and now we're about to go on another one. We weren't even doing live shows, but I was like, watch this.

And you know what's funny? Every single time, Brooke and I walked off of a crowd of over 1,000 people, we would say, fuck, Matt. We would say, fuck, Matt. We would.

Say, fuck, Matt. I wasn't saying that.

She wasn't saying that. But I hope.

We all learned a lesson here. Let's stop giving fucking people all the attention, all the flowers just because they are good looking, okay? There's much funnier people. In fact, his opener, Alex, way funnier. And that's the only reason I could sit through the show so many times.

I hope you cut not one second of this.

I don't know. I'm probably feeling good.

I'm going to drug you. I swear to God. I'm going to give you a grab of.

Pen and upload this. Tricia and Oscar just said on an episode, and they were like, Listen, well, they were talking about me, and they were like, She's so unproblematic. I don't think that she really wants to speak out against people or whatever. It made me sad because that sucks. People have fucked on me so hard, and I really don't ever... What I say versus what actually happens is so crazy. You know what I mean? There's so much I leave out just to protect people and to make people look better.

I'm tired. That's one of our... I feel like the beauty in our friendship is we are different in a lot of ways, and we both help each other grow in the ways that... You know what I mean? You're going to help me grow in all the ways that I need to grow and the things that are different that you possess. You're going to help me. That if I could just do one thing, it's that. Because I guess I've always been that way. I don't know. I'm like, Fuck the people who fuck on me.

I just have...

I don't know what it is. Maybe something I need to talk to a therapist about or something, but I literally think the world of all these fucking.

Shitty people. I've always been like, and we always say, if you don't want me to write bad songs about you, don't do bad shit.

But then I've never really come on here and fucking read a guy at all. To said anything actually bad about people who do fucking horrible things to me. And not even that... Talk to however many people you want.

You know what I mean? Just be honest.

Don't fucking make me think like you're.

Just weird. And just again, a thousand times over, stab me in the front and not the back.

And don't make me look stupid. I think that's the reason. I'm not so hurt that he was seeing all these other people because it's like, whatever. I didn't fucking like you that much. I'm hurt or annoyed or frustrated that I'm so embarrassing that I'm fucking embarrassing myself. I have literally a digital footprint a year long of me publicly stating that Matt Rife is such a fucking sweetie, nice, sweetheart.

I'm so.

Proud of him.

Fuck you. You have to live by if they wouldn't do this for me, I'm not going to do this for them.

I'm not a word when we sold out a tour, fuck you.

He would just clown you. And I don't mean that in a mean way. I mean that shows his character.

Yeah, I'm like, God literally left the tag on me, seriously. I'm going to make God left the tag on me merch, and then I'm going to donate all the proceeds to domestic violence victims.

I think you have a perfect pussy.

I absolutely do. First of all, no one ever in history made me even... I've never even thought about that in life because that's such a fucking... Everybody has that. 90 % of my friends have that. Not I've never thought about that. I watched that episode. All of a sudden, I was like, first of all, need a boob job. Second of all-.

Yeah, and no one should ever make you feel that way. Yeah. I'll never forget my... I have a mole right here. Wait, I can show you. I probably shouldn't. But it's right here, and it's a little tiny dot. It looks like black eyeliner. And it's on my stomach. It's not even on my pussy. And I remember I was getting eaten up by my first boyfriend ever, and he goes, Oh, you're Marilyn Monroe. That's cute though. No, it wasn't cute. It was so condescending and horrible. And I was like, What are you even saying?

That's just something you should just never fucking comment on. You know what? I've had dicks throw up gang signs at me, and I don't.

Give a fuck.

If it works, it works.

Genitals are just weird as is. And if you- Like a vagina is the weirdest thing ever if you really think about it. My truth is coming out.

I don't know. Maybe he's insecure clearly because he's in there fucking refined, smooth.

What's a gang sign, Dick?

What does that mean? Yeah, really. I've seen him do that YMCA. I've seen a lot.

She's saying it's like giving a graph. It's giving eat or eat or... That still made no sense. I don't know. Anyway. Yeah, I think at the end of the day, you should never talk on anything someone can't control. You want to be with someone who just makes you feel loved and sexy and hot.

For you to- My thing is, even if that weren't the case, I would never want to be with somebody who I knew thought that way because it's like, What the fuck? Same thing as we were talking about last week, like someone who wouldn't fuck you on your period. It's like, Okay.

Fucking loser. Yeah. Also make me come.

Yeah. Take away, he does, in fact, hate women, especially me.

The Sirens are real. They're coming for him. Get them. Like I said, I really couldn't write a better tour promotion, and I'm so proud of you. Just both.

All of it. Don't paint it like that. We did not need you to.

Promote our tour. Real as fuck.

That's how we'll spin it. Everybody's grabbing for clout.

Oh, my God. It's so sad that people are like that. It's so sad that people are like that. I can't even express it enough. But I'm so proud of us. He blocked me. That video of us, that we both posted it on our grid where we walked out onto the stage. That's where McDonald's get happen. Check, I'm still eating the nuggets. But we walked out onto that theater stage and we were like, How did we do this? Now knowing that next spring, we're going to do that every day.

It's.

Really crazy. It's so fucking insane. I'm so excited to tour the entire US with you. We have such great ideas for the show, especially the DC one. If you're prepared.

Imagine I just... Well, never mind.

We'll have some special guests at the DC show. Let's just say that much.

I'm like, My favorite city. That's what's so funny, too, in the text. I was like, That's our city. That's where we're going to run away. I'm not kidding. It was like he was copying and pasting them. We were all running away to DC. Everyone's going to DC.

It's so fucking sad. I can relate to you on a certain aspect because when we sat down for the Church episode, the Mod Sun episode, I had crippling anxiety to do that, especially after my text to him and everything and just the way it ended and whatever. I wanted to give someone that I loved so much grace. But it was like, You were horrible to me, and that's my life, and this is my life, and you're going to go write a horrible album about me like I'm the villain when in reality, you're the villain. I think taking your narrative back is a good thing.

Yeah, I just figured.

Listen- And it does take a hey, girly DM to fucking send you to the moon. It does.

Just crazy.

It absolutely does.

I don't know. In my head, I do... Like I said, on the way here, I was like, I hope he doesn't hate me or something, but then I'm thinking about it. I'm like, He never fucking liked you.

He hated you already. That was exactly what it was with Maud for me. I was like, He's going to hate me after this podcast, but I was like, You hated me the entire time you were able to treat me in such a way, and that's terrifying. I will say, all of this... The white clothes is insane. All of this teaches you a very valuable lesson in what you want and don't want. I had a moment with my little man on the beach this week where we were just talking about... Essentially, I was like, I finally in my life feel so happy because everything horrible that happened to me led me to you.

And.

I cried. We were so mad. I was so mad. I was like, I wouldn't take back any of the pain I endured because now I have you and I know what I know. And maybe he'll fuck me over and that'll be another fucking journey, but I don't think he will. But whatever. It's just like point-thinking like this is a great lesson for you. One day you're going to be so happy that you lived it to lead you to everything.

Yeah, I agree. Listen, I know everything I'm not looking for, okay? Simple enough.

Exactly. I think that's what does become strategic about finding love is you start to just learn everything you're not looking for. So much of a checklist is not even like what you are, it's what you're not. My checklist is what- Like.

Non-negotiables, like things I will not tolerate in a relationship.

I think that.

Other people also in the relationship, that's a big one.

Yes, super. Huge. Not kidding. Do you know today we had this conversation downstairs in the bathroom about what everyone's last words would be? Everyone said, My last words would definitely be... If someone's holding you at gunpoint. What are your last words? Amari would be like, I feel fine.

Lila would be like- I'm like, Oh, man.

Yeah, Oh, man. They said mine would be super. Super. I can't. Do you remember that Christmas song? I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

Yeah. Did you see that TikTok where someone was like, That was a diltery? Yes.

I always grew up, and maybe this was just my household doing that. I remember the first time my dad told me as a 13-year-old that he cheated on my mom, and I was like, I just want a meal. But I always thought this song was like Mommy was cheating on Daddy. I saw Mommy cheating on Daddy with Santa Claus. It is. But I think the way the record was written was like, Dad is Santa.

Well, yeah. It's just like any Christmas thing. The kids are supposed to have a different understanding of it than the adults.

But why is the child that I think Mommy was cheating in that song?

I don't know. Yeah, who thought of that?

When you heard it as a kid, did you think I saw mom kissing?

I think I've seen mom kiss.

Way worse.

I can't remember if I even gave this person a character on this. He was such a blip. He was so unimportant to my love life, to be honest.

Story of our lives.

He was the kid who I was seeing... Honestly, I think I'm going to date this guy who worked next door to our office, remember? And then he was like, Oh, I'm over my ex. And then he got back with his ex. Like clockwork. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm like, You all broke up. You have to have broken up.

He.

Texted you on a phone. Texted, I'm so sorry for everything. I'm like, Yeah. Fucking weird.

What did he do that was horrible, though?

Left my house one morning, never talked to me again, and then.

Just left everything. No, no, no, accused you of Mike, Maylock. That's what he did where he was my final shot.

Oh, yeah, he did. He was like, Well, I'm sure you were fucking all these... Oh, yeah, he was straight up calling me whore. I did tell the story on the podcast.

But yeah.

I know. I think he was just trying to establish how casual it actually was so that he could dip his toes in the water and finally decide to tell me that he was in fact going to just get back with his ex. But anyway, I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Isn't that crazy? That's just every man's go to. That's what a church boy did to me. And I was so scared for the rest of my life that I would never find sex as good as him, which is why I dealt with so much shit.

I'm having a good situation right now, too, and I almost just don't even want to jinkset, but like...

I just never thought that I would find someone who would stigmatize me as much as him, and I am equally stigmatized.

My man. It's a beautiful place to be.

Absolutely. What is your situation right now? You don't know how to go?

Same old, same old. I just have been a little more private on the podcast about it.

Okay, I'll ask you after. Do you know who's in trouble? Speaking of the podcast? Who? Oscar. What do you do? I feel like Jeff Whittock.

Oscar?

Oscar keeps commenting on TikToks, off of the canceled podcast account. Do you know the other day, I posted TikTok with my man, and I look at the top comment, it's from the canceled podcast account, and it goes, and it was like Team Jeff and Tana.

I love when Oscar does goofy, funny things. That one, I get where you'd be upset, but Oscar always does little, silly, funny things on TikTok.

I just want to put it out there to the world. Oh, no. No tooth. It's really going to fall out. I promise.

I'll put a dollar under your pillow.

And I'm like... My little man kept calling me that when I was toothless. He kept calling me the tooth fairy. Let him do it.

Let him heal your inner child. Let someone tooth fairy.

It out. Absolutely. I was like, I'll give you a better head anyways. You should have seen me trying to give a blow job with my tooth super glued in, actually. I remember-.

It can't be worse than me with fucking second dick with my Invisalight.

Not kidding. So you know how when you give a blow job, you have to get to the good spit?

So sometimes you have to like, Mom, I want that allow sponsorship. I've never given a blow job.

And you know how you get to the good spit. You know?

But I- Yeah, you got to put in the good work.

But you can't get to the good spit when you can't hit the sucking motion, and I can't hit that motion. He's standing, and I'm like, God, this is horrible. This is so horrible. Like in doggy, but going in. I'm trying to make it as good as I possibly can. Wait, sorry. Hold on. He's standing up and I'm a rotisserie chicken.

On the bed. Right. That's my favorite position.

Bonus.

Points if it's rotating.

And I keep having to duck down under his dick. Thank God it's giant. And I'm ducked down under it, shoving my fingers down my throat, gagging myself to get the spit because I can't get it the proper way.

Oh, my God. I've been there. You know when you're going too long too sometimes, and all of a sudden, you're literally just like, you're lucky if you could even lick your lips. It's just so... Yeah, okay.

I leave my own mind and start planning outfits. I always do that. If I'm just sucking dick for too long, I'm thinking about what jeans to wear with my favorite course at next week. I plan outfits.

I can't do that because I'll just, Oh, I want to give up.

No, we're not giving up. We're just choosing which belt would look better. You should try it. It's good.

I'm sorry if my dad sees this.

Not to circle back fully to the beginning of this podcast. I probably should have told this story in the beginning. But do you know that last night at this party, there was someone dressed up as Ozenpik Santa, handing out shots and syringes with Ozenpik in them.

Wait, that's cannot even be done? Is there like liquid Ozenpik? Tab form. And if there is, where to get it? I'm like, Where can I buy it? I'm just kidding.

I'm going to be real with you. I'm already getting canceled for eight things I said in this episode. I took one.

Oh, Sle. How are you feeling?

I don't know. Yeah, but exactly. I woke up hungry. Oh, man. I don't think so. But everyone was under the impression that there was a Zempic in these shots, and every celebrity was.

Just like, taking them. Are you sure? I don't think that they can do that. Because if it was just liquid, why would people be shooting themselves up?

There's out of form.

How I know that's out of question.

Stop. You're like, I think.

Everyone's on it in L. A. Let's be fucking for real. We should just do it on the podcast one time and just get canceled. Wait, are.

People still getting in trouble for that? I don't think they're lacking anymore.

Yeah, I don't know.

It used to be because there was a shortage, but I don't think there's a shortage. There can't be a shortage still. What are you doing.

In the lab? Everyone's on it. I mean, I don't know. I just get so hypochondriac scared. I'd be scared.

Not me. Shoot me out. Just joking. But maybe they might accept me at Allow if I were a little bit in better shape.

Whoa. I just snotted. I just shot my thought into the microphone here, and I'm so sorry. Yeah, a lot of people like me because they hate me.

Because I'm fat.

Relax. What would you have to be offered to be in the Illuminati?

Not much. I feel like I'm a chicken, right? I'm a chicken, right? I just want to be a part of something. I love being a part of anything exclusive.

We had this conversation the other day. I forget what it was, but it was like, what would it take for you to actually saw yourself be in the Illuminati?

Wait, so what's the downside? I don't even... Maybe I don't know enough about it, but why would you not want to be in the Illuminati?

It's so real. Why would you not want to be in the Illuminati? George Janko pissed me the fuck off. I did something very funny.

Where did you see him?

Church? Exactly. George Janko had Andrew Tate on his podcast.

Loser.

And.

Not George.

I was like, Yauza. But also, you know exactly where my head goes whenever anything like that happens. I'm like, How? How did you have Andrew? I want Andrew to be on canceled. I would love that. I'm not an Andrew Tate fan. I would just love the conversation. It's called canceled for a reason. I would love to have Andrew Tate on. I've been trying for a while. Mike will be like, Yeah, if you come to Dubai with me and meet with him, then you can ask him. It's like, I'm not going all the way to Dubai to do that. You know what I mean? I've never... Like, is there an email?

I can't think of someone that I might have more disdain for than Andrew Tate.

Yeah, but would you not want to have them on this couch?

I don't think so.

I wish we did that more on this podcast. Had people who are truly, truly fucking canceled on and grilled them. People hate guests anyway, so we might as well have someone someone hates and be funny and Osama bin Laden them. Not what Osama bin Laden did, but you know what I mean? I texted George Genco and I go, How did you get Andrew on? He goes, How did you get him on? I think it's like, That's a joke. I don't know.

Or was he saying, How did you get him on?

Yeah.

It doesn't matter either way because neither way makes sense.

I just said, What? He said, I can't say the Illuminati won't let me. I respond to George Genco, who is indubitably religious. I said, I thought God was against the Illuminati. Isn't that evil? I thought we gave to our brothers and sisters. He said, Who's my brothers and sisters? That's the question. I go, IDK, that's some Bible shit. Am I not your sister according to Christianity? Because according to Christianity that he preaches so heavily, I am his sister. He doesn't respond to me. I'm in the middle of the airport. I take the time to get on Google, and I send him this text. John 5:19, That wicked one is Satan and the devil, which explains the existence of the evil, illuminati, and corrupt governments. Hes verse 10:19. Wait. And now we are brothers and sisters in God's family because of the blood of Jesus. And he welcomes us to come into the most holy sanctuary and heavenly realm boldly without hesitation.

I'm sorry. They knew about the Illumin... When was the Bible written?

I don't know. Who is the snitch? This was just Google. And George Janko responds to me this morning and just says, Anything I can do to get you to read the Bible. He's low key funny for that.

Honestly, hilarious. But how did you get Andrew Jay on? How long has the Illuminati been around? Anybody? I want snitch.

I want to know. Bad baby is pregnant.

I'm.

So excited for her. I love that for her. I think it's the truth for sure.

I don't know- Badbaby.

I feel like we've talked about this a lot. I will dedicate my entire life to being a good parent because of the way I was raised. Oh, for sure. And I almost feel like she's going to slay that.

Yeah, her mom sucks.

Yeah, she's going to... And I feel like she's going to slay, I guess. I don't really have.

Any thoughts on that. I think so, too. A lot of the best people I know have the worst parents.

Netflix owes Mr. Beast a check.

Why?

Have you seen the new Square Games on Netflix? Did you watch it? I know what you're talking about. It's the best thing I've ever watched. You have to watch it. But they essentially made the Square Games real life with a five million dollar prize. Oh, shit. And they have 500 people go play all the games that they played in the Square Games to compete for.

This money. I couldn't watch original school games because I can't with the dubbed.

I can't watch dubbed anything. Because I'm so deaf, I have.

To read. Well, my attention span is already bad enough. You can't count on me keeping my eyes on the screen.

At all. It took me 30 times to watch the movie Parasite. I just can't. Such a sly, though. Can't deal with the dub shit. But it's no, it's all these people competing for five million dollars, and it's half social, half luck, half skill. And it's all these people from different walks of life. What did.

You say? Nothing.

What did you say?

Nothing. What did you say? No, I'm already embarrassed.

To not- We can cut it, but I just want to know.

You know that song is like 20 % look, 15.

Percent skill.

Five % pleasure, 50 % pain, and.

A hundred %.

Reason to remember the name. Slam. I knew you would get me.

They all just compete for five million dollars, whatever. But MrBeast literally made a YouTube video doing that, like a real live squid games.

Yeah, but he was copying squid games. That's like if I were to cover, I will always love you. Then someone else were to cover it, and you were like, They all broke a check.

Topic over. You're so right. Topic over. My tooth is going to fall out any second. I feel like as much as I would actually love to have that happen on the podcast, so I at least feel some type of joy about it. There's content or something. I should probably get off the mic.

Yeah, I feel like I've definitely said enough.

I'm so beyond proud of you. This is one of my favorite episodes we've ever shot.

I'm telling you, I'm working on the PIC MEE stuff. This is an active step.

This is such an active step, and I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. We also unintentionally matched today, and we look very cute.

And Ugg sponsorship with Sly, too. I'm like, I love myugs and my Ugs and my aloeit.

-both things I'm never getting, so I'll just shut up. I'll wear my boys lie. Maybe they'll give me a deal.

I love boys lie. I love everyone.

Boys do lie.

Boys do lie. And cheat and steal and...

Rob you of your joy. I'm serious. And if this one fucks me over, you better check on me in that straight jacket. Love you guys. I'm going to Colorado. You're going to come with me? When? Two days.

Bitch, can you just be home for a sec?

No, I hate it here. Perfect. I do Molly with my idols and the Spiral.

Well, I'm glad I'm going to have to face the repercussions of this episode alone.

No, you're going with me and we're going to make Snow Angels. And I love you so much. Thank you guys for tuning in to a very special episode of the Canceled Podcast. Fuck, Matt Rife.

Okay, relax. Amazing. Hey, everyone, I'm Devon Wortheiser. I'm Lindsay Shaw.

And I'm Daniel Curtis Lee.

And we are the hosts of: Neds Declassified Podcast Survival Guide. Ever wonder what happened to Nedmos and Cookie? Well, we're back. We helped you guys survive middle school, and now we're helping you survive adulthood. On Neds Declassified Podcast Survival Guide, we are rewatching episodes bringing you special guests like coconuthead and janitor.

Gordie, and catching up on the last.

15 years. We're talking about everything from dating mishaps to mental.

Health and maintaining friendships.

And asking the question, how do we survive adulthood? Maybe we don't always have the answers. But we're going to figure it out together. Come join us. So pause that podcast you're listening to and subscribe to Ned's Declassified Podcast Survival Guide on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.