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Hello and welcome.

Back to the Canceled Podcast.

You are a natural.

I can't believe I'm shooting two episodes. It's fucking fuggly.

I'm the same sure. Well, it's almost like you didn't know we were shooting today.

I did. I didn't have the gall and the wherewithal to put on makeup. Like wedding a beauty blender. You look.

Stunning to me.

Well, I love you, sexy girl. Do you ever feel like actually, wedding a beauty blender is the biggest chore in the world, or is it just me? I don't hate doing the makeup.

I don't.

Like doing. I really don't like doing my make-up. No, yeah, I don't.

I think it's so cool. Different celebrities have gone makeup-free. I just wish I was a little hotter.

I don't know. I love wearing makeup. I love having makeup on. I love the look of it. I hate taking it off is my thing. I want to fucking die.

Really? I love taking it off.

The act of taking it off or having it off?

The act of taking it off. Weirdly, I love to just... Because it's like when you have on makeup all day, you can't.

Touch your face like that. I can't think of something more tedious than getting... Well, maybe because I wear so fucking much makeup that when I do take it off, it's.

Like- But like an oil, a cleansing bomb, the one size spray you put me onto that.

The.

One size spray is amazing. I like the Amazon basics cleaning clear dupes.

Do you know she just taught me the craziest fucking makeup trick, and now I think of you every day when I do it. It's so fucking insane. Does her lip liner. Sets it with setting powder.

Okay, Brooke.

Brooke just essentially said, Hey, dumb bitch. Everyone knows that was one option. No, I'm sorry.

I don't even know where that face came from.

That's the thing. And then puts gloss on after, and it fixes the powder and then it stays on for 24 hours.

I sometimes do it if I just want my lip to be a little bit more like matte.

I did not know that was a thing. That was mind-blowing.

But sometimes, I don't know, sometimes I don't like when my... I feel like it makes my lips look a little foundationy.

I get.

What you're saying. In what? Well, I.

Think it depends- Like 2016, glam-coded.

I use a hydrating setting spray and then do a gloss on it.

Can we just talk about the Kylie Lipkit era? Everyone having a dark brown, matte.

Lip on. And at that time, I had no lip injections at all. I had these little-Same.

Yeah, and you were able to see it too.

And every crease, like your 80.

Yeah, it's so drying. Bless your heart, Kylie. You've done so well since then.

For sure. But I feel like every single person... I don't know what's in the lip liner these days, or if it's just the technique, but you could just tell every time that you could just see where the natural lip was.

Yeah, I don't know.

I couldn't. I'll be overlining at my own funeral. I swear to God, if I'm in my casket and I don't have makeup talk on overlined, Murphy, if you're not actually doing it, I'll resurrect just to kill myself.

I'm going to take it out of your pocket from when you go down.

Should.

We start a collab note? Let's just call it mortician notes.

Yeah, are you going to have a Lex.

Oakley to your glam? Yes, and I've actually discussed this with her at length.

Pre-hires makeup artists.

Isn't that crazy that that's somebody's job? Somebody's job is just to do dead.

People's make-up? Do you know what Paige's mom did. What? Wait, what? Like, Paige's mom is a mortician.

Aren't they both? Aren't both her parents morticians?

I think so. I don't know. Such a crazy mortician job. They explain so much about Paige's personality.

Dude, I used to go, obviously, so different than being a mortician. But I used to have to go to the cadaver lab for school. It's literally just probably 15 dead bodies, and all of them are sliced up in different ways. Humans? Yeah. No, for school? They're human cadavers.

Yeah. That's worse than the fucking other thing you guys talked about.

I mean, it's educational, and it's like, so you can literally peel... Okay, wait. I don't want to say peel back the layers, but that's what you do. You go and you study them.

You study the anatomy. I understand that.

But it's so interesting seeing them laying there because they had a whole life. You can see they still have their arm, hair, and stuff. It's so interesting.

I used to have a really big.

Fear of death.

I feel.

Like-but I think I overcame it.

I don't know. It made me not want to donate my body to science, though. I probably still will because I don't know what's happening, but the way people just... I don't know.

Does anyone in this room, like sincere question, when I hear a sentence that gives me anxiety or I'm having thoughts that give me anxiety, I hold my breath until it stops. I was just holding my breath.

I think we're supposed to breathe when we.

Have anxiety. I know. In for three out for five. But can't...

Well, that shouldn't give you anxiety. You're not a cadaver. But really educational.

Really cool. What the hell is a cadaver? A dead body. What a fancy-schmancy word for that.

What do you mean?

It's crazy.

It's at GCU. You know my favorite word in.

The world. -rigour, Mortis. -rigour, Mortis. It's not even that. -do you see all the comments? -it's rigor, Mortis. Yeah, all the comments were like, It's rigor, Mortis.

Well, the ones we knew every day. Two words. It's two words.

Yeah, rigor space, Mortis. The fact that she doesn't even know is what makes.

It so funny. I know, but it was so funny. She was so excited. She was so excited last time. She goes, rigor, Mortis.

And then I have this whole existential crisis about how the show Rick and Morty is all about the afterlife.

Well, didn't we talk.

About that? That's why. And do you think that's why?

Yeah, I'm wondering. It potentially could be. But in that same trip, when I sneeze and you said, Gazoon tight, for weeks, for fucking weeks, I kept texting everyone. I kept saying, Gazoon space tight, as in like, G-A-Z-O-O-N, space, T-I-G-H-T. Someone commented it on one of my posts, and it's a full German word on the screen. Put it on the screen. That is how it's spelled. I was texting everyone as if it was two English words.

-you thought gazoon was an English word? -you thought gazoon was an English word? No, she got so funny with it that she started just abbreviating it. It'd be over nothing. No, Lila would just do something completely unrelated to a sneeze. Then Trevor would just go, gazoon. No, it got to.

A point where he's.

Like, Look at me across the room and just go gaz.

And you just did- And you just did- And you just did- And you just did- -G-T. -gazoon type.

-it's like- -Gazoon type.

-it's like.

Spelled like gazuntie.

-g-e-s. -well, it's German. -it's like H-E-I-T.

-i.

Thought it was like gazun. It's like g-E-U-Z.

I think it's an S. This is a D-E-H-E-T.

Yeah, Aaron. Aaron, I'm really sorry to do this to you.

But I need this phone. Yes, it's an S.. He / it.

German is a language I will just never understand. You know, my dad was born inGermany. Wait, born in Germany. I don't know, he was wearing little Laterhosen as a baby and drinking beer and eating pretzels. What the hell is Laterhosen? Because my grandpa was stationed.

In Germany. I just started.

Saying.

Laterhosen all the time. Laterhosen, they're like German overalls.

It's like the attire they wear- What is it called? -the beer festival. -laterhosen?

Yeah. You're the funniest person I've ever met.

You're the funniest person I've.

Ever met. And so were you. So were you.

Fuck you, guys.

I'm hilarious.

It's just the level of Treyvy's quickness sometimes actually scares me. I'm like, Actually, how did you just do that? She just read Gazoon high and goes, he / it at the end of it. How the fuck?

Would.

You ever do stand-up? My mom gets on my ass. She's like, You're so funny. I want you to utilize it. But when it's here or I'm just hanging out, it just flows out of me.

But I feel like you could do story time style stand-up where you're just telling a story because you know where your little punchlines are each time.

Yeah, and imagine the fucking crowd work. The shit that you actually would just do off the cuff. Because you are quick like that. Shit, you all. I would die.

We should go. I'm going to do classes, improv classes at Groundlings.

I will come with you, bro.

I think it would be so fun for us to just do because I do want to eventually at least try stand-up because I'm like, It can't go my whole life without trying it.

We're all so funny in so many different ways. We're all a different type of... I think we all sing.

That's what I was-I think we all sing. Like that? I was actually just thinking that because when I just said that, I was like, No, you're also the funniest person I've ever met, but it's so different the way that the both of you are.

You're just like, Yeah, I just won't even know where it came from, how you thought of that. Every time. I mostly have to be mean to be funny, which sucks, but it works.

She is the only person I've ever met that actually baffles me.

Blows my mind. It's the really smart funny.

Yeah.

How are you? I'm awful at taking compliments.

Me too. But if anyone wants to direct in my way, seriously.

I do think, though, that it's helping. I have a new bit where I'm out and someone compliments me. I just look them dead in the eyes and go, I know.

Wait, did you guys see Kim Kardashian on the Red Carpet the other day for the GQ event with your thing? They go, You look amazing. She goes, Yeah. -she does?

-her big man of the year is actually so kind.

She goes, It's custom chrome.

I love that.

Because she is. What's the viral TikTok sound where it's like.

I am a rich man. I am a rich man. I think it's Cher saying that.

And Cher's her idol, too, which is cool.

I know that a lot of like...

Sorry. Me and Ari were at a party the other night, and we're talking to this girl. And the guy next to her goes... Her name was Lynn, I don't know. Hotel California is written about her. The Eagles wrote Hotel California about her. I'm talking to her for a little bit, and I'm just like, She's so fabulous. She's this older lady. She's amazing. Me and Ari Google her. Her best friend is Cher. Of course. That's just.

So iconic. I can just see you and Ari in the corner. He has a cup of tequila and you all are Googling away.

No, it was so fun. She's like, This jewelry designer was amazing. But I'm like, Could you imagine Cher being your best friend and fucking Hotel California's written about you?

Yeah, it's actually fucking insane. Hotel California Girls, Networth. That was them. Spilling tequila everywhere.

It was Ari and Ari is like, You look fabulous.

He's like, You look flamazing.

Flamazing is the craziest thing ever. Where did he come up with that flamazing?

I don't know. Maybe he just added the FL because he loves Florida.

Maybe.

See how. Anyways. I don't know. Anyways, I just want to say I know that I am complimenting you, but you just launched a podcast.

I did.

I.

Have been waiting for this one like no other. I'm so.

Fucking happy. I'm getting used to it. I'm not used to that. I'm not used to sitting every week on a long-form level. I think once I really get into the groove of it, I'm going to hopefully master it. You guys definitely inspired the fuck out of me because I love watching everything unfold and the character development and you guys in this fucking plane crash. I knew.

That was coming.

Sorry, I just had.

To clap.

For that one. I love you. No, it's just like I've seen from the beginning, when I was watching the first few episodes in rehab, I was like, Wow, this is interesting. And then over time, and especially the second season, you guys have upped the fuck out of your game. And it was like, for me, I was like, Wow, I can't be doing this.

What Cample does become is actually very mind-blowing to me because we started thinking we were going to just commentate pop culture, and now it's like-.

You're telling your whole lives.

Well, youwe just didn't know, I feel like in the beginning, especially I feel like you were more used to doing long-form content. I just didn't know. I just wanted to talk. But now you notice, or at least I do anyway, everything in life now, I'm like, Oh, podcast topic. So every time something happens, I'm like, Oh, my God, podcast topic. You don't think about that so much in the beginning, but the more you do it, all of a sudden it'll be like, Okay, well, I have my whole... Then they're listening and they're like, Well, that's funny because you literally never have any topics, and it's because I forget them.

I also will just give my flowers to Oscar and Aaron and them. Love them. So much of the upping have canceled this.

Because of how- It's the people behind the scenes that do so much in this city. They care.

Yeah, I mean, this city in general. Having people care. Absolutely. Like, Hey, we should.

Do this. Or like, Don't say that. The whole story behind it is so funny. My co-host was my manager at my Silver Livings in New York City.

Oh, really?

Yeah. And you're not supposed to be friends with your...

Right? No, but she doesn't work there anymore. So she moved to LA with me. She got her own place and literally flew back with me. When I was leaving New York, she quit her job and came back with me. She's signed to one models, I think, too. She just came out here and switched her agency.

Even that's just such a.

Beautiful story, though. I know. It's just so funny because I came in two months sober, fresh out of my seventh rehab. Literally every night, she would brothelize me, give me my medication, would make me pee in a cup twice a week. Now we have a fucking podcast together.

I love that. She's never made me pee in a cup. I'm like.

You're so boring.

It's just like fucking nuts. She's the best. I'm just so excited to.

Meet I'm just so excited to see how much of the trajectory. Me too. I've seen clips I want to watch. I haven't seen the full episodes yet because I'm a bad friend.

No, you're fine. Honestly, I want people to start watching it when there's a lot more episodes. I love someone who has the opportunity to binge me.

Honestly, amazing. It's like a show. I will never watch a show that doesn't have a full season. Oh, my God.

It was brutal. T and I were watching American horror story and we would have to wait every single week. Have you seen the new American.

Horror story? Yeah, I watched the first episode and I was like, I can't do this. Now I'm waiting for them all to be done. Are they done?

No. Do you want to fucking check this one out? Obsessed with it, by the way. It's the best show I've ever.

Seen in so long. Which is crazy because I feel like it might trigger you. Well, the stalking.

And the selling your soul of it all. It's very interesting. But I love Kim Kardashian. And seeing her act in a role has actually just been the coolest thing to me. Because it's like... I think it's so hard to act when you're so known for being you and then her playing this role that's like, Kris Jenner and just so cool, whatever. Halfway through the season, they stop it. Apparently, this was always supposed to happen, but they stop it and say the rest is coming out next year.

I'm sitting on a cliff tent. Like a show where they stop it for part one of the season, and then they take the hiatus and come back at the beginning of the year.

I hate that. It's how euphoria comes out once every five years.

Well, that is great. Are they going to release another season? And why am I not on it?

You are so euphoria-coded.

Am I?

Yeah. You'd thrive in a show like that.

Can we have Chloe Cherry on now that the sag strike is over?

Yeah, so we were going to have Chloe Cherry on.

Oh, fun.

The sag strike happened, so you can't really talk about things you're.

Not content.

Like the working on, right? The you're working on, yeah. She was like, I want to wait to come on so I can talk, tell you fucking shit about euphoria. And now that it's over, I am too. I am too. I love her.

I love her too. I've never met her. She's gorgeous.

I've watched all of her porn.

That's what I was going to say. I think.

The rebrand- All of it. Every single video.

I respect someone so much who can go from one extreme to another and make it a.

Fucking sly.

You've done it. You've done it. I've done it. She's done it. Cloé, Jerry. It's so fucking cool in any way. It doesn't have to be porn, but making one hop from a place to another and changing it.

Because we love to see someone's story evolve like that. I think it's the best thing ever to watch. But I also have so much respect for the euphoria director for being... I think he, ever so literally, saw her porn and was like, She's perfect for.

The show.

What's her name? Sam? I'm pretty sure.

He is. No, I'm.

Not getting it. No, he wrote the character for her, I think.

Well, and that goes back to the Kim Kardashianian thing. People were hating on her in the American horror story because they're like, She can't act. Of course, they had to make a role around her. It's like, Bitch, you guys love it. People want to see that. She's fully slaying the character as is Chloe Cherry.

I don't like the concept of people not wanting reality stars to be able, or in social media people to be able to act. I know. 100%. There's so many people who are so good at it, too. People are always just going to have.

Something to say about it. And so much of what that is, doing social media and reality show is acting.

Kim's been acting for a while. You know what the fuck? She was acting. Happy in.

Her marriage. That makes me... I had a thought on our podcast conversation that I was just thinking about. Her and I, we had a show somewhere. What city was that? You know what I'm going to say? No, I don't. When we went to the Waffle House, what city was that?

Maybe.

Cincinnati. Her and I randomly got so high by accident and we're high as hell. Her?

Yeah. I know. I don't know what.

Was going through my head. We have this insane, weird, existential conversation where we're like, It's so weird that so much of what our life revolves around is having, I don't want to say a fake conversation every week, but a staged conversation. We could talk about something and then we'll.

Podcast about it. It's an organized conversation. Exactly. I don't think anything on here is staged.

Yeah, no, it's not staged, but we were saying how a lot of times we'll revisit a conversation and I will react the same way I did in the original time, except now there's an audience. I won't say like, Oh, I've heard this before. I'll just be like, No.

You know what I mean? I'm like, That's crazy.

Especially in our shows, we would notice it because the shows are a lot of the same repeat stories.

I will say, though, you guys are pretty good at saving shit for the podcast. We will. Yeah, we will. You will save full-blown fucking canon events for this.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's because some of the stuff needs a real reaction. Yeah.

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I've been taking the time to write and finish my tell-all book. Because that's like... Have you ever heard the theory where someone's like, if I'm in a toxic relationship, all purposefully go so far to sabotage it so that that person doesn't want me back? No.

I mean, no, I haven't heard of it, but it makes.

Sense, I guess. Tricia and I would always talk about that. All purposefully, if I know I need to leave you, but I know I won't leave.

You- You'll make it so that they'll never take.

You back. Exactly. I feel like I'm using that analogy in relation to my life right now. I want to write a tell-all book and expose everyone who's ever done anything fucked up to me ever so that I can't come back- I love that idea.

-to those people.

And to this life. I actually am ready to end this chapter. You know that.

Is it going to be called Everyone is Canceled?

This chapter of my life. Yeah, I don't have the title.

Everyone is Canceled.

That's actually fucking crazy.

Good to know because I'll try to stay on your.

Good side. I know. I'm like, shit.

It's not you. It's not either one of you all. You both do have chapters, though, so I'm writing it in chapters of people. Wait, you have a chapter? Yeah. I'm writing each chapter is about a person and what they signified for an era of my life. You know what I mean? I love that. Obviously, there's a few chapters where I'm just going to expose the deep, dark shade of Hollywood that I've seen. I put this one as a podcast topic because as I was writing about it, I was like, There's no way this is actually real. We have to the names. But I wrote about how essentially all the biggest actors or most famous celebrities do the most fucked up dark shit and sexually, whatever, just so much dark shit. We were going to podcast about this a couple of weeks ago. Bleep, please. But. What? What?

What way he's in on this.

The sexual weird shit that they do. I need to, I'll say celebrity one. But like, well, how they all fucked to their own shit, first.

Of all. They fucked to their own what?

They fucked to their own shit.

Like movies, songs.

Oh, I think actual.

Scat, like poop. No, that's John Mayer, though.

Really? Yeah.

Believe that? Seriously? Maybe not?

I don't know. Just know.

It's fun. But the.

Fact that.

Gets off on watching- Puts on.

Headphones and plays his own movie and then has sex with women. It can only come that way.

That's like the amplified version of a guy showing you his camera roll.

Well, here's the thing. If you go deep in psychological about kinks like that, it probably comes from an insecurity of like, This was my prime. This was a moment where I had my most success or looked my best. You know, for me, I remember... For me, addiction was all about trying to relive one moment over and over and.

Over and over. That hurt me so much. That hurt me so much.

Continue. I remember when I was getting into ketamine, I had such an amazing experience and something really great happened when I did this drug. It was like a cannon event that attached myself to this drug. That canon event could be attached to their Prime or their movie or whatever. The reason I kept going and spending all my money on this drug is because I was trying to tap into the way that I felt and relive that memory. Chase that feeling. Yeah.

How interesting. I wonder if.

They're like- Same with alcoholism, too. I don't even just get a main, sorry.

I didn't mean to.

Say that. Yeah. But then it's like it never will be the same. So then you need to do more and more to.

Always chase that feeling. That's crazy. One thing that I really appreciate you about is, that was horrible grammar, but you got where I was going, is the way that you are able to psychologically unpack things. I've never met anyone like that. I call you and we give each other advice for hours because it's like, even that the way you've psychologically unpacked your addiction and the way that you've helped me navigate psychologically unpacking mine. That's a real… Yeah.

People don't realize, Oh, it's just an organ. Oh, it's just my brain. I have to sneeze.

Gazoon type.

Took my word.

I was waiting for someone to say gazoon space type. People are just like, Oh, it's just a brain. It doesn't matter. I'm just living my life. No, I don't have trauma. I remember when I was in treatment and all these therapists were telling me this shit about my childhood or this, this, that. It's like, Fuck off. Then I really deep dive into it and take it seriously on my own with my own therapist and keep an open mind. It's like, Oh, maybe this happened and that's why I have that kink. Or maybe this is like this happen, and this is why I cry to that. It is.

Everything's connected. I feel like it's hard.

That is what's so crazy is that we're all just a product of our childhood and our traumas manifesting into different ways. That's just what being an adult and growing up is, is realizing that. But then I find it so crazy that there's so many people who just live blissfully ignorant. They don't know that. You know what I mean?

Well, some people just are lucky they don't have to know. Some people just don't even experience any of the negative effects down the line.

You know when you meet a bitch like that.

Yeah, and you're like.

God, I've never been told to shut the fuck up. Never been hit in the face.

But I don't know. I'm so aware of what my issues are, but I am not aware of their cause. You know what I mean? I haven't gone so far as to find out this is why I do this.

I spend all of my free time, mental space, finding out why I am the way I am. Itry and count. I obsess over the psychology of why I'm fucked up.

It's so crazy, though, because I studied it. That was literally what I went.

To school for. I think that also could make it a lot harder.

Yeah. I think- Sorry to cut you off, but I was in such a tonight. Obviously, I had an adverse childhood situation, but I always was like, Oh, no, I'm not affected by it. And people would tell me like, You turned out so normal and it didn't affect you that way. I just believed that. Then when things started happening to me and I started acting a certain type of way and I really started having the whole personality situation, I was like, It could be that.

No, you're like.

I- I've gone all this time perfectly fine.

But.

It's also actually really crazy that a lot of trauma manifests into masking. Yes. You mask so hard you convince yourself, I'm fine. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. That's true. And major emphasis on choosing, not even choosing, but when so many people will tell you the same thing over and over again Oh, you turned out just fine. Or, You're such an innocent girl. Or, Oh, this happened. Or whatever people say, it's like when you hear it enough, you believe it. That's why a lot of... Especially when you guys read the Reddit shit and there's a bunch of hate comments and there's a persistent comment, it's like you believe it. I've been on YouTube for fucking 14 years. I've gotten a repeating comment where it's like, I've seen it so much where it's like, Oh, this just has to be true.

It's so well put. I think that that's like when I talk about, I guess, the psychology of social media and doing it for a living. It's crazy. And how much it affects you over time. You start to stop perceiving yourself the way you would and start perceiving yourself the way that people are.

Well, yeah.

And that's terrifying.

Because.

Then it's like you wake up one day and you're like, Who am I?

Yeah, I think I've talked about before, but I think anybody who experiences some fame at a really young age does it. It's the same as a Disney Star. Just because it's not relatively on mainstream media, any fame, and especially these days with TikTok, it's even more people than Disney channel.

It's your formative years.

It's your formative years. People in Disney had a full-blown team and therapists, and there was no comments, really. It's like we're in such a different era. It's like, We need to be protecting these kids because you could end up like me.

I don't know if you just saw... Charlie Di Melio did Jay Sheddy's podcast. She went on there and she was talking about like, I had this period of time where I was so successful, I had 100-some million followers, and I was doing so bad mentally. All the comments are like, Oh, poor thing. Like champagne problems. You poor thing. It's so frustrating for me to see because I'm like, Nobody can imagine that. I've had it on the tiniest, tiniest little scale, and it's so hard. I just can't imagine 100 million people having something to say about me at that age, too. I'm 27 years old, and it affects me so much.

I think the problem of what we do is that, and again, it is a champagne problem. You sign this away for the benefits of this, but no one will ever validate our jobs. You're an influencer. You're fucking self-absorbed.

What? Well, it's because there's people out there saying it's so hard or whatever it is, and it's not. It's not hard at all. But it's psychologically no other job you really have to deal with that.

Miley Cyrus has a good... She said something about it where it was like, it's not healthy for her to be subject and observer. She said that's not psychologically good for her. She's like, That's why she doesn't tour anymore because it's not good on an everyday basis for it to just be like she's an object that somebody's observing.

Like a spectacle. Yeah.

And there's no other job in the world where your work crosses over into just being you for a living. The way that you pay your bills and keep your lights on is like most people get to be themselves and then go do whatever their work is. And then, you know what I mean? Like crossing that over into everything.

Yeah. And especially, I feel like if the logistics of our job, someone who really takes it seriously has the team, schedules things, shows up to things, wake up early, plans everything. It is a lot of work. I'm not saying that it's the easiest thing in the world, but people who just think that you just wake up and fucking finger yourself and fucking make a million dollars.

But that's so much of it. So much of the job is ensuring that people... Because being relatable is what sells and what pays the bills. 1,000 %. So many people are ensuring that you... I want everyone to just think I'm making dumb-ass TikToks and talking on cancel and whatever. They don't know the work that goes behind that.

Right, and it's the beauty of it as well. The effortless effort.

I.

Just think emotionally... Sometimes I'll look back and think about other jobs that I've had, and I'm like, God, what a simple time, because nobody...

That's why I'm finally actually burnt out, tapped out. Even downstairs right now, Lila was just reading to me Reddit, right? Reddit hates my guts right now. Reddit thinks I'm the worst person to ever live.

But it just swings back and forth. It's either her or me in all ways.

Yeah, and four months ago, I was an angel on Earth on Reddit. Both of those perceptions are not reality at all. Like the fuck. I was just actually leaving my own body while she was reading to me all these horrible things people are saying about me. I'm like, It's so crazy because it's like... That's why I can't read it because it's.

Like, Yeah, but I have the... I was telling Tricia about this. It's an actual self-harm thing. I read it knowing that.

It's going to hurt me. You're going to leave affected.

But I can't help it. Same thing. Imagine knowing that everybody's talking shit about you in a group chat, you're going to want to see it. I don't know. It's like- Yes. -that's what it feels like.

Yes. I also think this goes deeper than that. It also just goes into men and dating. It's like a specific type of man that you know is going to.

Hurt you. Yeah, it is. There's like.

It could even honestly be back to the thing that I was saying about reliving a moment. If one guy fucks you over really badly and you absorb that type and seek it, you find people that are like that that you know will break your heart. Tell about the clothes they wear, bitch.

People don't talk about the addiction to emotional self-harm enough. Yes.

Well, that's what it is because it's not physical, so people don't consider it to be that way. But that's like, especially my whole BPD situation, all of my things like that have always been non-physical.

Whether.

It's eating, binging or whatever, or looking at Reddit or something like that, it's always something that I'm doing that I know is going to hurt myself and make me feel horrible.

But like you said, everything's connected. You're hurting your brain and you're stressing yourself out. That can manifest in so many different ways.

And just the addictions to dopamine.

The fucking nicotine.

Everything, nicotine and alcohol.

Well, that's the whole concept right before or behind a trauma bond where it's like you get so much dopamine from when you come back together with somebody after extreme conflict. It's how people end up in abusive relationships.

100%.

How do we get here? I'm like, gazoon tight.

Oh, my God. It's so tight. It's so tight. Wait, should we be funny?

Yeah.

Like wake up.

I'm like, dance monkey.

That's actually our problem, you and I at least, is we'll be being funny, having a lighthearted conversation every single time we go existential, though. We like the conversation just progressively, but that comes with your intelligence.

I admire that you actually take the time to learn about it and stuff. Because I know and I know I should probably, but it's like some of it I just don't want to know.

Why would you?

Yeah, ignorance is.

A question. It hurts. Ignorance is so blissful. Knowing is so- -is so.

Blissful, yeah. I said something a while ago to an ex of mine.

That who, when, there's so many.

Itry to know. It's so real. About how I think that so much of what plagues me mentally is my crippling self-awareness. He's actually about to title an album, Crippling self-aware. When that comes out, we'll.

All know. Actually, you need royalties.

-yeah.

And I'll never get one.

If you trademark it right now, you can.

Writing credit at least.

Tn.

I'm like.

What the fuck? Trademark, 10 Mojo, Herve Muranan.

Yeah, just crippling self-awareness plagues you. Knowing is the death of you mentally. People who don't know are happier. I respect and completely understand what you're saying. I don't want to fucking know because...

Why would you? To an extent, we are all pretty self-aware and know a lot about this stuff. The people that are really ignorant and the people that have never been told to shut the fuck up, it's like, I can't hang out with people that are so bubbly and don't know what's going on. I need the deepness. I almost need someone to have trauma.

To be friends with. Well, no, that is... You attract other people who are mentally ill because it's like...

Love. No, it's true. Love a psych ward outside the.

Psych ward. It's true, but I'm not going to keep a friend who can't understand why I act the way that I act or feel the way that I can't.

I'm always understanding it's like my love language with people. If I feel understood and seen and heard by someone, that's how I'll fall in love with you, like a friend or anyone.

I also don't even think, though, that every time that means it's a trauma bond. I think it's relatable. Because there is healthy relationships to people who have trauma. It's just like, I.

Want to know. No, I.

Just mean- I know. It's just like some people will label it and be like, Oh, your friends with this person because... Or you're dating this person because it's a trauma bond. It's like, Maybe I just prefer to know that someone's been through similar shit as me.

No, I just know before I was mentally ill, I didn't understand it. I could not wrap my head around it. My mom is a drug add, I would look at it and they'd be like, Just stop doing drugs. Duh. It's like, just stop. You put it down. You're mentally ill.

Yeah. Super.

Well, you know what I mean? Then all of a sudden I was like, Oh, shoot.

Your brain. One thing that's really special about alcohol specifically is in benzodiazepines, it's your body physically attaches itself to the substance.

Isn't that why those are the only two.

Things that can- That can kill you during withdrawal. When it's like, Oh, put the bottle down, Travis. Put the bottle down, someone else. Not only can they not do it? If they put the bottle down, their cells in their body and the homeostasis in their nervous system can absolutely freak out and they can have a seizure and die. I remember people would get so mad at me when I would wake up and grab a seltzer, grab a white claw and put it down. I just wanted to put it down. It's like, Oh, my God. I feel like I'm going to die if I don't have this. You don't fucking understand. You don't understand. It's like, but.

Someone who's never experienced that feeling or doesn't know, they're always going to look at that. It's the same. I remember my ex one time said something along the lines of, Well, your mom could have just stopped. If she really wanted to stop, she could just stop. Who said But it pissed me off so bad because I'm like, What the? If you can't understand that addiction is a real thing. But also just being a boyfriend and you're.

Just- But also just being a boyfriend and you're just- You're so horrible.

Yeah. But that is my biggest fear in a person is them not understanding that mental illness is a….

A thing.

Yeah. You can see it on a scan.

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Are those the infamous earrings?

I.

Love them, and they're beautiful.

Thank.

You. Right?

Bodega earrings.

These are the Anthropology ones.

I love when boys try. Do you know what I mean? It makes my literal heart. So II keep making my new boyfriend saying... I keep making him say like, That's so c* like I'm teaching him that. I think there's something about him going Bodega.

I put on my jewelry- We're not even going to go to where.

You get it. We're not going to get it.

Where are you going to bagel? Well, she put her jewelry on just to go to the Bodega. How did you do it? So I guess it makes sense.

These are the.

Anthrax-.

Botega. Botega and.

The Bodega. But these.

Are a Botega dupe. Dupe. Do you know what a dupe is? A fake?

I mean, yeah. It's a duplicate at a cheaper price, essentially. Yeah.

I'm so proud of you. I'm not kidding. I'm smiling at you. Yeah, some getting there. I can't believe I look like this on the cancel podcast right now.

This might be- I'll send you the skin smoother plugin.

Aaron.

Airdrop. Seriously.

It's just the contrast, too, because Charvy is literally dressed to the nine.

Like going to the Met Gala?

Well, you guys invite me.

Going to the store?

I've.

Never been. Going to rehab?

Super. Super.

I'm.

Like, I hope.

I'm just joking. Would love to fuck off and do that. I think everyone deserves a little treatment moment. It's not even about if you're addicted to stuff. I mean, it is fully, but someone who needs a break and needs to learn about themselves can benefit from any going away for a month or two.

Isn't it just where I'm really at mentally?

Isn't it so expensive?

I get insurance to cover it.

Oh, I don't have insurance. I need to work on that.

Get insurance.

I know. I really need insurance. I remember the first time I ever got insurance, though. I was like, I fucking.

Need it. I feel like Studio 71 will give you guys insurance.

I really do need, honestly, some insurance because I feel like it's just reckless to not have it. My sister didn't have insurance when her accident happened.

Oh, and.

Her medical bills were over two million dollars.

But then you just don't pay it right and send it to.

Collection.

Stuff. Yeah, but.

They can fuck your credit.

Fuck your credit score? Zero.

Yeah, I think there's emergency situations like you can do in that case, like access and stuff. Yeah.

She's acting like an MPC on TikTok Live. Is that fucked up?

Sorry. She almost was an MPC. Ice cream is so good. Did you say she almost was an MPC?

No, I don't even know what that means, Susan. You're the.

Funniest person.

I've ever had. I feel like we have to get more lighthearted.

Yeah, I agree. And BC means non-playable character and in video games when.

You're like... I know I did. I do know what that means, but I don't know what context I was using it in.

Huh? Super. Super. Wait, sorry. I was doing both. The ADHD did.

Not work out for you. Yeah, we should be more funny.

Gay son or thought daughter?

You actually just took the words literally not getting out of my mouth. Gay son or thought daughter?

Why.

Does it work in every situation? If you ever need to make something funny, that's just what you say.

I-.

And then I'm going to ask you my question.

-personally think gay son, because I feel like I would know how to navigate his struggles because I experienced it.

You made it so deep. Now you're experiencing thought daughter.

But now I'm experiencing so much thoughtiness.

You have been on your slut shit.

I love that, though. I need the guidance. I want to thought daughter.

I want to thought daughter.

I want to thought daughter. I want to thought daughter. I just can't bring myself to actually meet up with these people.

Yeah. Okay, let me give you my final answer. Okay. Gay son who turns into a thought daughter.

Wow. That is.

Really specific. It's giving mirror.

I.

Love mirroring myself.

Onto my children. Where would you say the majority of men you hook up with are from a dating app?

See, I love going out too. I love a man who just is a little bit taller than me in my heels and comes up to me. I honestly meet a lot of people out. I don't fuck, though. I don't fuck.

No, you don't. You did, though. And then you had a whole HIV spiral.

Oh, my God. No, I didn't have a spiral. Oh, I did have a spiral. But it's the first time I had unprotected sex in a very long time. This person did not come across as if they had anything. But I had one friend who was like, Oh, my God. I can't believe you had... I'm like, Okay, shit. I made sure I got the meds that day. Obviously, I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

It is. But I have that, too, where I'm just so irrationally afraid of it that like, Oh, my God. I used to literally get tested every single day. Now I just don't have sex like that.

But I.

Also probably never did.

I just used a condom for the first time. I'm not kidding, literally, ever.

That's what I'm saying. It's like you have so much sex without a condom, and it's like you haven't gotten it. I have it one time.

It takes one time.

I know. And I.

Really don't know.

I used a condom. I used a condom. I was like, Wow, this is what this feels like. It was so strange.

It was like rubber glove moment.

Do you guys want to know something horrible that happened to me one time? I just told the story on Plainbury stage or whatever.

I don't know.

One time. Have I ever told the gonery of the throat story?

I probably have it, seriously.

One time after... After Mindy Gate.

Mindy Gate.

Which one?

Oh, yours. It was my Mindy Gate.

Okay.

I have- I was fucking in- Okay. They know already. Thank you. Wait, no, no, no. But it adds to the.

Story because-He was an MPC, though, so it doesn't matter.

But I had a sore throat after that. Okay? Oh. I'm looking into it and I'm like, This is like... It doesn't feel like any sore throat I've ever had before. I start looking into it. I find out that it is possible. If somebody has gonorrhea, you can get it in your throat. Yeah. Okay, so I'm looking into it, and I'm like, I have gone or of.

The throat.

Super gone, yeah. Obviously, I have gone or of the throat. Go to urgent care because I don't have a fucking everyday doctor, and I tell them- Crazy clip. I'm like, Listen to me. I have gonorrhea of the throat, okay? You're walking in with a diagnosis.

I go.

Treat me for it now. They go, Listen, the test takes a couple of days. We can treat you for it, but whatever. But at the time, I was hooking up with one guy that I was only hooking up mostly with him, and I knew he wasn't hooking up with anybody else. I was like, Oh, my God. I have to tell him because I just probably gave him gonorrhea.

But the...

Okay, continue. Sorry. I go to this man. Literally, it was dehumanizing. I go to him and I have to tell him I am so sorry. Not only did I hook up with somebody else, but I got goneorea from this person, and then I gave it to you. Okay?

I have goosebumps.

He is furious.

Wait.

He's so distraught. He's so disgusted with me. He already didn't want to date me. Now he definitely just thinks I'm the last person on Earth that he would ever date. Right. And I'm not fucking traumatized, okay? But I had to tell him because I didn't want to get it back from him. So he goes against his will. He gets treated for it. And I get my test results back a couple of days later, and I did not have gone re of the throat at all.

No way that's how that story ends. I never knew that. I knew.

It was going to end like that. You didn't even.

Have to have that conversation. I never had to have that conversation. But you can't undo that. Even telling him that I didn't have it and he didn't have it doesn't matter because the damage.

Was done. Him fully going on antibiotics from a lie.

He got a shot in his ass for me.

From a lie.

From just a hunch I had.

At the time you convinced me I also had it because-.

Well, yeah, because I was like, She's got to have it because she also hooked up with that man. This is a dirty story.

Right. So dirty and gross. My teeth, my bottom teeth were hurting so bad. Apparently, that's a symptom of gonorrhoe of the throat.

She hated me at the time, but I'm like, Bitch, you have gonorrhea.

Right.

And mine's gone. Essentially, I had just gotten dental surgery, right?

Yeah. My bottom teeth are all hurting. I'm bending over backwards, convinced that I also have it now because it's a symptom, whatever, what she was saying, blah, blah, blah. Right now. I was on clindamycin from the dental surgery, which also treats that if you.

Have it. Yes.

You.

Did a knockout. Yeah, you did a fucking.

Two-for-one deal. But still just like, Could you...

Oh, my God. Still to this day, she thinks like- She never had it. We never had it. But I was just so convinced. I take pride in the fact that I've never had an STD.

She's never been tested.

Right. I've been tested.

You can't have an STD if you've never been tested. You really can't. I've been tested. But you go on antibiotics enough that you probably knock it out a few times.

Yeah. I'm just.

Happy I.

Don't have- I know you... I'm not saying you have, but I have twice.

Yeah. What? You've gotten STD? Yeah. I've never gotten STD, and I've been on it lately.

But I'm not sexually active like that. It's not like I've had sex with all these people. College is just a breeding ground for that shit.

Yeah, breeding ground? That's the most insane thing that's ever come out of your mouth. What? A breeding ground.

Isn't that what people say?

Yes. Well, I never went to college. I never went to college. I've never heard of that in my entire life.

Well, it's just like that's what everybody... One person has to get chlametia for everybody to get chlamysia. That's what happened.

With Timothée Scharmer. Imagine someone... You're meeting someone on a dating app and they're like, Come over to my breeding ground. That's terrifying. That's terrifying.

That's terrifying. Aaron, have you ever had an STD?

No. Liar.

It's just not that I... What the fuck? Am I going to regret saying that? I don't know, but like...

Well, it could have been.

I know because I get tested so often. Yeah. And that's why I know.

I've had it twice. I was using her for six months as my tester. That's not how that works.

Wait, so that's not how that works at all, babe.

No, but we'd hook up with the.

Same guy, and then.

She'd go get.

Tested and be clean. First of all, I want to just clear something up really quickly because this is such a common misconception. We have never been hooking up with the same guy at the same time, ever. That is not true. It's always so far apart that it's crazy. I haven't hooked up with him in forever.

Yeah, no, we're done with that. Thank God.

But actually, he texted me yesterday.

Have we ever hooked up with the same guy?

I don't know.

I feel like yes.

If I just have to guess. I know I've hooked up with the same guy as one of your roommates.

I was just telling the story of when you were in that New York apartment and piss gate. But I don't want to highlight a dark time.

I don't mind, but yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, piss gate was insane.

What was piss gate?

Tell it. I'll defend myself. I'm a big girl. I'm two years clean. We're good. I haven't pissed in a bad sense, seriously. So... Vmas, right?

Yeah, we all go to the VMAs. And Amari and I were unpacking this the other day. I feel like when we were going to the VMAs, we thought that would be forever. It was just like a Tuesday.

It was like, Oh, I'm going to the VMAs this week. There was no level of like, This is going to end one day, and I will no longer be attending the VMAs.

It was really important for me because I was like, I've always wanted to go to VMAs because I've been making music forever, but I had to be drunk for it. I was pissed drunk, actually.

I would just put on dumb shit and then be the rag doll puppet and be there. I didn't know. I didn't know what I was doing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I didn't realize that at the time. We all go to New York for the VMAs, right? And we're all staying in this Airbnb. And there's like fucking 15 of us in this New York three-bedroom apartment. You know that feeling, too, when you're in an Airbnb with way too many fucking people for the Airbnb. And so we're all staying in this apartment, and we go to the VMAs, and we go out that night. And by the time we'd gone out, you were definitely travorcus. You know? Which I'm not talking shit on. I'm Tenorcus. But Trevi used to always do this thing where you'd get drunk as fuck and you'd want to go back to wherever we were, and you'd want the key for it.

You know what I mean? Well, because I was like, I knew that if I stayed out for subconsciously, I was like, I have to get to a bed because I'm unwell.

Yeah, I'm like that too, though. I always know when it's time, and I just send my cell phone.

But so the key for this Airbnb was an actual physical gold key, and we only had.

One, right? No pin, no touchpad.

At all. You're begging for the key, and we're all telling you no, no, no. You're not. You used to be so funny in the drunk era of the... Sorry, no, you're always funny. I'm saying this was funny, like what you would do. Right, no, of course. Is it's like, whatever Trevie wanted when she was that drunk, she would go to the ends of the Earth to get it, and didn't give a shit. Would have five million Twitter followers and you'd be like, I'll tweet right now that you did this, that you did that, if you don't give me this key.

I feel like you were this way.

I'm not tweeting about... I'm not going to tweet... I'm not going to tweet, Trevie won't give me the hotel key. I'm not going to tweet, Brooke and I are in Jorsgait right now. Oh, I would. You were getting that key no matter what.

Yeah. If I had to take off my clothes in the middle of the box, I needed that key.

You did that?

I did. I also passed out and fell asleep on Matthew Lorano in the middle of the box.

You.

Didn't let her go home. No, but we're all saying, Trevie, we can't give you this one key. We don't trust you with it. This one gold key, we all have to get in. I couldn't walk.

I couldn't walk.

This night. And no one wanted to-.

Put that in my hands.

What if you all went-.

We were at a VMAs after event.

It wasn't late. It wasn't late. It was like 11:00 probably. No.

You're doing your thing, and you're telling us like, I will ruin all of your lives right now if you don't give me this fucking key, right? We give her the key. I'm sitting there. I'll never forget this moment. I'm holding in front of you.

It's shining like a movie angle.

Yeah. I'm looking at you and I'm saying, Go to this apartment, but leave the door unlocked. If you're going to take this key right now in an Uber, leave this fucking door unlocked. Come hell or high water. Don't fuck all 10 of us over. Please. You're like, I will. I'm going to prompt, whatever. Super. She goes back to the apartment, and we all finally get there at 5:00 AM. We were out all night doing VMAs after shit. We get there, and the door is locked.

Oh, no.

I've never in my life have I banged on a door like this? We started knocking. I would have.

Been furious.

No, everyone was. It was like 15 of us in a hallway. Everyone's furious. We're all banging with our knuckle. My knuckle were black for a week after the way I was banging on this door, not answering the door, I call her, and I remember the number. That's how well I remember this. I call you 36 times. Three-six. So was Natalie. So was everyone. We're banging down the door. We're trying to get in. The Airbnb owner is like, It's 5:00 AM. I can't help you. I could come tomorrow if you want. We're all fucked and all our shit's inside and we're fucked. We're so fucking fucked. It's actually insane. People from the other apartments are.

Coming out. Well, because you guys were screaming, Travy, right?

At the top of our lungs, banging down the door, breaking all of our knuckle. At one point, I start flailing my body at the door. I'll never forget. I body-checked the door, like shoulder.

Like trying to break the door?

Trying to break the door down and just trying to wake you. We were playing your favorite music on full volume at the door trying to wake.

You up. Imagine that's what does it like gaga.

I know. I open the door doing.

The choreo.

I see like this is like...

We finally... Treyvi finally gets up after... I'm not kidding, four and a half hours of this shit. It's all of us just.

Living- Not four and a half hours. -four and a.

Half hours. I'm not-.

Maybe two.

Okay.

That's.

Still awful. No, I'm not mad about it. It's a hilarious story now.

We opened the door. I didn't realize it was like this, but yeah.

No, don't hate it. It's hilarious. I've been so horrible and awful in so many scenarios.

So true. Yeah. Thanks for.

Saying that. That's friendship.

Super thank you.

-super. That's friendship. We all have had our moments where we're all awful to each other, but we love each other. We opened the door. Wait, I opened it? No, you finally opened the door. Okay. And you're just sitting like this. And it's 10 of us just livid. And everyone walks in. And I hate to even say this part of the story or anything. I don't even like this part of the story. It smells like a puppy pad. Piss everywhere. Peed on the couch like it was a toilet. Peed on the floor like it was a toilet.

Pissed all over the- I.

Get how it could happen. I didn't mean to. But in my defense, the very next day, I paid five hundred dollars for someone to come over and steam the couches and the floors.

I was going to say I woke up to a cleaning crew.

Yeah, I was on it. I felt so awful when I.

Sobered up. Well, no one means to piss themselves everywhere. It's like a Maries puking thing. I just threw up in my own bed a couple of days ago.

I'm so sorry. She was actually in the bed, on the pillow. You threw up, hungover.

Or still drunk? I was just a little so hungover, but we're probably still drunk.

I.

Was not okay. I was asleep.

I was asleep and.

Throwing up. Yeah, that's really dangerous.

Yeah, I know. It's how people like...

What's it called? Asphyxiate. Asphyxiate. Yeah.

Hugo, what's it called? I almost just said croak. That's not the word you're looking for at all. No. I tell people what? Croak? No, not what she's looking for.

I didn't mean to. It's that pirate water.

No, it was the funniest fucking...

Looking back on it, for sure, because it's like, Why are we mad? We're here for the VMAs. Why am I that drunk? You're here for the VMAs.

Do you think we'll ever go to the VMAs again?

Heather John's?

Well, I've never been. No.

You don't think so? But I do actually have a really fun thing to tell you.

I want to know.

It's about the VMAs. But they're shooting a new Escape the Night.

Shut the fuck up.

Oh, my God. I want to go on it so bad. It's six people. -oh, my God.

I want to go on it so bad.

I don't know if I can actually say.

What it is, but it's not a show.

It's very different. It's a movie, right?

Yeah. I'm swindling to get you on it.

With me. I want to go on it.

So bad.

-i'd be so good.

-let's tell Joey you're suffering now.

Tom will have so much good drama. It'll be amazing.

No, they want us to act. I have to be a 1950s girl.

Oh, my God. I want to be on it so bad. It would be so good for us to do together. That would be so fun.

I'm doing everything to swindle. A joint escape the night. Oh, my God. I really want to. Now, a drop-on escape the night.

I would love that. I love, Joey. I remember when we went to Vidcon, I think it was your first or second Vidcon, and it was when everything was really happening for you. We walk in to the main area, and there you are just plastered.

On the- No, but do you know that at the time, they still wouldn't give me a future creator band? My billboards were everywhere all around and they were like, No, fuck her. That's what stemmed the spite to do Viet-Con. Because I was like, How are you going to sell me to everyone here?

Kind of crazy. Do you know, as you know, I'm in my weird era where I'm changing my whole life and I'm thinking about everything. I wrote down-.

Step back from the rebrand.

I wrote down 10 of my favorite moments of my entire life when I was my happiest and why. One of them was the first Vidcon ever, us there.

It was amazing.

I've never gotten to go.

Really? It's just so different now.

Yeah. I haven't been in a few years. It's just a lot of DIY channels and kids channels and the.

Whole TikTok. I'm also not really a YouTuber, but I want to.

Go still. But your personality...

Now I'm just so TikTok-ified. This was at the time where it was like, Oh, my God, I'm meeting Jenna Marbles. There's 15.

Youtubers there. Oh, my God. I'm meeting fucking all of those people, even the OG- I was such a YouTuber. Even think of like... I know.

I had this weirdly deep ass talk with my new man about the psychology of old YouTube and what it was, how there were 10 people. He was saying to me, he was like, I would do anything to create a server of a new server where it looks like that era of YouTube and you're receiving those same old videos again as if they're popping up in your subscription.

It's not even the like and dislike button. It's the stars. Do you remember when it was the stars? You could rate a video like five stars, like a fucking Uber.

We were just talking about the fact that it was like 20 people. Now it's thousands of people doing everything, everywhere all at once.

Because I feel like what's so crazy is what you guys consider the first YouTubers and stuff. I had different YouTubers that I was obsessed with, and they just ended up like, Where's Fred?

It was Fred. It was Fred and Ray William Johnson, Shane Dawson. Yeah. Jenna Marble, Smosh.

I loved the beauty girls, though, the Juicy Star of Seven and.

Her sister. Oh, to L? Yeah. Juicy Star and her sister, all that glitters. Mac Barbie 07, I was talking to Alexis about her, Bethany Moda.

Then.

She paved the whole way. -i just seen...

I love her. I love iJustine. Yeah.

Then I feel like it transitioned almost into the second era, which was Paul Brothers, like Dobric, Casey Neistat. But even that is so crazy. The differences in it is now it's just everyone.

That feels like.

They were so far apart. Yeah, they were. They were.

They were. They were. Well, it was Paul Brothers and Rice Gumb and Face Clans.

Before it.

Was Bill Brick.

Whenever there's new eras happening, you'll start to see them crossover. People will collaborate as something's transitioning. Then honestly, it feels like it's like an out with an old and with a new.

I want that to start happening in a slow transition. -people to start.

Doing like... I remember the first time I filmed with David Dard work. I viscerally remember it being like-.

That's how I found out about you. That's how I knew who you were. Really? I swear to God. Yeah. That's why, because I saw... People think I knew who you were before I met you, but I was like, Oh, my God, that's Tana Bojo from David's Bloggs. I followed you on Instagram because of that. Then I was like, Oh, she's an Instagram model.

It's so weird because that was such a blip in my life and career.

But it was like, Right when I got here, and I was so into blog squad and stuff that I was like, That's just how I found you. Then I just started following you.

I remember filming with him for the first time and being like, Oh, I'm leaving an old era. This is the new era, and I'm looking at it.

You see, that's what I mean about when you start to collaborate with new creators. It's all about strategy and technique on not even staying relevant, but staying up to what.

Is popular. Now it's collaborating with the TikToker.

Yeah, exactly. Every industry is changing, including the music. I remember I would release music and you'd tweet and post for people to buy it on iTunes. Then it slowly crossed over into streaming and playlists were so important. Now, playlists aren't really that important. Now, it's all about TikTok. Every industry evolved.

Because you were releasing music when it was just sold on iTunes. Through Stem. Is that what you do?

Back then, I was doing it through TuneCore.

Yourself?

Yeah. With fucking Charlie Puth producing everything.

Wait.

That's iconic. I know, but then he sued me. Seriously. Well, he didn't. No, he didn't. His label did, yeah. Why? For one of my songs, because apparently, that he wanted more credits, more royalties on one of the songs. But we had an agreement that was already signed, and he had to see you again out. And he was making probably millions of dollars. I didn't understand why his record label was reaching out. I was 16. They were threatening to.

Sue me. Did you have to settle?

Fuck, no. Fuck, no. That's my song. I own the master. I was like, Fuck, no. We can go to court, bitch. It wasn't actually Charlie. It was his team, but it was...

When you started O2L, did you know I'm going to be a musician?

I always have wanted to involve myself in the music industry as an artist, and I don't care what avenue I need to take to get there. If I have to fucking shake my ass on TikTok or fucking do YouTube videos or whatever it may be, dance in an Apple Store. Because my beginning, even with that, everything has been about music in some way, shape, or form.

What about X Factor?

What about Sexy and I know it?

Sexy and I know X Factor? I can't run away from that.

It's the greatest thing that's ever happened. Aaron, have you seen it? I cannot run away. It's the most iconic thing ever. Trevie was on X Factor. It's Brittany Spears, Demi Lovato, all of them on the panel, and they're just like, Oh, my God. It's the funniest, most amazing.

Thing ever. The fact that 10 years later- I get.

Chills when I think about it, really.

I don't remember it at all. I don't remember that happening.

Isn't that the craziest thing? The most pivotal parts of your career? If you're going through some shit, you travel, block them on.

I don't remember what it felt like to be on that stage. I don't remember meeting Brittany Spears. I don't remember anything.

Oh, my God. How sad.

Yeah, real.

Mccow is calling me. Yeah, I think it's just very weird. And 10 years later that it's weird to see myself like that. Because it's like, I, in my head, when I was on that stage, I just know. I thought I, in my head, had long hair and fucking heels on. Absolutely. Bitch, it was slip on the dance. You've on a V-Nag. Get it together. I need to be that for Halloween next year.

I want you to re-make it. Literally just make a fabulous version of sexy, and I know it. Right.

Oh, my God. You actually really should.

I literally... I said this.

Onsomeone else's- When I walk on by. I literally can. I remember that video so well because I just- I saw that video when it happened. I saw that video.

When it happened. Making it poppy and putting the vocals on.

It- Like re-recording it.

Because they told you to perform that.

Song, right? Well, that's what I was going to say. I said this on Cocoa Moco's podcast, and I truly think that the producers wanted me to be one of those laughing stock auditions, the American idol ones. But you were just so good. But I couldn't take that. I couldn't be like, I'm going to go on there and know everyone's going to laugh at me and I'm going to fail.

At 10 years old, literally.

Twelve, I think. But yeah, same thing, essentially. I went to a vocal coach. I was like, I need to make sure that I slay this and whatever melody changes or how Broadway we need to make this.

Do you remember what song you.

Wanted to sing? Yes. I sang a little bit of it and they cut it out. They stopped me. What song? It was part of me by Katie Perry.

Oh, my God. That would.

Have slayed. Which is so full circle, by the way. Yeah, that's crazy, right?

Crazy. I love that people are making pop music again.

The Y2K, all the Timbaland sounds are coming back. I'm making a.

Lot of shit. Tate McCrae is laying. She heard fucking X's video. I've watched it at least a million times.

It's fucking insane.

I was watching Last Night on Repeat. Well, that's what it is. It's the fact that she's a real fucking dancer. She's so good.

Such a pop star.

And.

The actual.

Video, though, is probably the best music video that's come out the.

Last time. I've been watching Tate McCrae since she was just a YouTuber.

I've been watching her since she was on Say You Think You Can Dance Kids.

It's.

So.

Crazy. But I was a dancer, so I was all over that shit. I knew every competitive, good dancer.

First time I ever heard of her was I was on Ketamine crying to You Broke Me First.

No way. Super. She used to just sit down and write songs at home and then just sing like creative ballads on YouTube.

Create with Tate is everything. She should bring that back.

I think that's what it was called. I don't know if.

I'm making sense. I would put the lyrics on the screen and you know I.

Fucking-you love that shit.

-obsess over lyricism. It's my actual only obsession ever.

Like that one girl you showed me on TikTok.

Jensen McCray.

Wait, that's literally her last name. Mccray, that's crazy.

Yeah, and her brother, Holden.

They're- They're not.

Related, right? No, they're related.

Holden and Jensen.

No, Tate. No, not related.

But just- So weird that I just brought that up. I didn't even know that.

Was- I almost sent you this crazy song she wrote the other day. Oh, my God, I can't even. But her just coming that far. She was a YouTuber, essentially.

I love it. Even a year ago, she was doing well and stuff, but I feel like next year she's going to be Olivia Redrigo.

Because she's finally become so mainstream. She's on.

The radio. Yeah, and all her songs. Greedy went number one over everything for weeks.

And fucking tick-And that's what.

I'm saying-For her to be nominated for a Grammy.

I think it's next year.

Yeah, it.

Would be next year probably. Honestly, the TikTok of the part where I'm saying the industry just moves, TikTok is so important. It makes so many artists like her and Ray, the escapism song, that completely changed her whole life. I've been listening to that girl forever.

And it's like-What's that bitch? Who made that song? Yeah, he turns on the big light.

Katie something McLeard.

Like that song, being the saddest song ever that would never go mainstream, but TikTok sending it mainstream was the.

Craziest thing. Just loving it so much. Do you have any advice for me on a TikTok to make, because I'm making an album and I need to.

Like- Make sure Jake Shane makes a TikTok to it.

Okay, honestly.

Seriously. That has to be the only thing. If Jake Shane makes a TikTok to it, I love it.

Okay. I love him. He's passing that puss.

I had this conversation the other day where I was talking...

What did you just say? He's passing that puss.

He's passing that fucking puss. Tents up, bitch.

That's his Instagram.

I know. I'm his biggest fan, actually. It's crazy. I just catch up and watch a thousand. But I have this conversation the other day. You might find this interesting. Okay. How I got close with JP Sachs. I would always listen to JP Sachs's music. He writes the best sad song anyone could ever write ever, and that's my favorite thing in the world. Of course. I always listen to his music, and then we became friends. I don't remember exactly how. But one day he was like, I want to come over and I want to show you my new album. I'm like, Oh, my God. I've never felt so I make a wish. -like my favorite musician.

In the world... I have an experience like that.

My favorite musician in the world is coming over to show me his new album. He was like, I want your advice on how to make this into TikToks. I was like, How crazy is that? That we now live in a generation where it's like, no matter how good the music is.

It.

Just has to become a TikTok. It does. I know.

And that's so stupid because he's someone who I think is genuinely one of the most musically talented.

People.

Ever. Tiktok is not really picking up songs like that. I feel like sometimes.

You have to take your masterpiece and find the best six seconds of it and.

Make it a dance or a trender. Yeah, and then certain artists are making songs with that.

In mind. Intent. Exactly. Yes, I completely agree. I think that's where we get lost in translation.

Yeah, and then there will be six seconds that are good of the song, and then the rest of the song.

You're like, Wait. 100%. I completely agree.

I find that so mind-blowing.

I have a similar experience. She didn't ask me for TikTok ideas because it was eight years ago. I was at Art Pop tour Lady Gaga's show. I used to have a lot of the same people on my team that also was on her team. They took me back stage to meet her. She literally was the nicest person ever. Took me to her dressing room. I saw all of her makeup. I saw all the products she used. I took a picture. Then she proceeded to tell me to sit down, played me the entire jazz album before it released.

I didn't even know that. I thought you only met Gaga at that sushi restaurant.

No.

Which was so funny. No. Which was so funny.

That is so iconic. And she's one that feels so unattainable to me. I feel like the most famous person in the world.

I stole a water bottle from her dressing room. I still have it.

I love that.

Yeah. What?

Yeah. That's fucking nuts.

Yeah. That's crazy. Not to like, I wasn't trying to one up you. It just reminded me.

I just want to know that feeling. No, I loved every second of that.

Never, ever, actually. Me being insecure and defending myself from Reddit.

Oh, my God. Don't read it.

Ever.

That's saying don't drink.

So true. That's literally how it feels to me. That's literally how it feels to me.

Tim Dylan is having a friend give me. Join us.

I would love to. You know... I don't know. He's in Milo's movie that I just saw.

With.

Addison Rae. No, he's not.

It was so funny because we.

Have that- Tim Dylan's in that movie? Yes. Doing what?

He's a big role in it. It's funny because remember when he came on and he did the Addison Rae bit?

Yeah.

It just was so full circle. I was sitting and we're like, Oh, my God. This is so funny.

What's his role?

He is a character. I mean, he's... I don't know. He's just one of the main guys.

Stop. I'm already dying to see that movie, and I'm so fucking excited.

It's a horror, right? Yeah, it's really cute. It's a horror movie. It's lighthearted horror, though. It's not super scary.

That's my.

Favorite type of horror. Lighthearted horror is in-.

But it's cute. Addison Rice, Slade, Milo Slade, everyone's Slade. Like Megan.

Did you watch Megan, that movie? Yes. We watched it together.

I was cracking the.

Fucking horror. Lighthearted horror is so in right now.

I've been obsessed with the scary movies again.

Me too, I just watched all of them.

Same. Funny horror is underrated as hell.

Marlin Wayne is so good.

Marlin Wayne is so funny. Marlin Wayne is so funny. Fucking Anna Ferris is the.

Funniest person to watch. Yeah, she is.

So good. I love Anna Ferris literally so much. One time I was on a plane, on a jet suite, I think to Vegas, and I get on the plane and I'm so hungover and I turn to my left and it's Marlin Wayne.

Oh, my God. He used to come and catch every single day. I've told you about it. One time he circled his character in White Chicks when I was still blonde, and he said that I looked like her. He sent it to me on Instagram and goes, You look like her. Wait.

I would.

Never have ever- Honestly, I would get offended.

He would... No, he was- And I am trans. No, it was a funny joke because one time I was walking him to his table and it's tricky was playing, and I turned around and I was like, You have to admit this is hilarious.

That? How do some people, and I know you guys talk about this, how do you not believe that there's something not... How do you not believe that there's something not out there? To put something like a perfect storm like that to happen, that synchronicity?

We were talking so much about the synchronicity stuff because some stuff. It's just like, There's no way.

And even look at these fucking clouds. What? I know. It looks like we're going to die soon. I don't know. I'm just trying to find like-.

Wait, I want to hear more about the clouds thing.

They looked insane a second ago, but.

Like- You were saying how.

Are those real? How are those plants growing? So weird. I just don't understand. I'll spiral, but why are we all two arms, two legs, teeth were chewing? It just doesn't make sense.

I just had a whole spiral about the fact that there's so much out there that just exists while we exist. Yes. I was laying with my man, and he looks up at a star. There's a million stars in the sky. He looks up at a star and he goes, That's Jupiter. I go, What do you mean that's Jupiter? How do you know that? You know what I mean? He's like, Well, because stars twinkle and planets just shine. He would know. They would stay, whatever. Takes out an app on his phone.

Oh, the Star thing?

The Star app.

I know, but the amount of times that Cynthia Parker has showed me Jupiter and it's Venus every single time.

There's no way she does that.

She's so hot. She does it every time. I'm like, a Jupiter, it can't be in five places at once.

But isn't that so weird that the stars we see in the sky are different than the stars? Do you know I just found out there's all these people in Hawaii that hike to other countries. They take a Kayak and they fucking row to another fucking country, and they use the stars as their guide.

There's no technology on them.

That's beautiful. That's what they did back in the day.

Yeah, but like- An actual canoe or a big sail?

I'm sure they're sailing.

Those.

Waves in Hawaii are crazy. Nobody's Kayaking.

To another island. I mean, it's bigger than a small Kayak, but no, they're rowing and there's no sail.

That's.

Crazy. I love Olivia J.

And then we're sitting here.

I do. I really.

Do love her so much. Every time it's brought up, I'm just like, she's so good.

And she's got Jacob and Lordy. That's so fucking.

I love that. You know what? She rode her way there and she deserved it.

Jacob and Lordy is actually maybe the most attractive man alive.

He has to be the most attractive man alive.

I don't know. I think he's very attractive. I just like...

Who's your number.

One celebrity crush?

He's fucking six-five. You'd die to date blank. You'd kill off a.

Family member. I have people I would literally do anything like fuck. Like Central C, for example. I would.

Let him- You had every choice in.

The world. No, I didn't say he was like... I said I would fuck him.

Who's your number one?

I think he's hot, too. But you had Matthew McConaughan. You chose Central C real.

Yeah. She ate with that.

I really loved Justin Bieber back then, but now I wouldn't.

Now I wouldn't look.

Crazy to know about that. Well, just my experience with him. I don't know. Maybe like-.

Yours is Matthew McConae.

Who's yours? Inspire me. Tell me the avenues that I can think of.

Well, mine aren't going to do it for you. Pete, Davidson, and Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler is a good one. But I don't think I want to fuck Adam Sandler. I want him to be like my dad.

I would actually literally do anything for him.

To come on my dad. Like your mentor? Oh, my God. Holy shit. Does he have a whole family?

Yes, a beautiful family.

Like, cut that. Kidding, I guess, leave it in whatever.

You're on it. So boring, Yonning.

Boon.

Tomato. Yeah, I know Matthew McConaugh for sure. Just like Matthew McConaugh and How to lose a guy in 10 days. Like that era.

It's the best movie. Or Paul Walker.

It's a good one. I don't know what he looks like.

He's.

The sexiest man ever. He's very attractive.

Who's your celebrity crush, Aaron? I love asking guys because they just say the dumbest shit.

They always say Celina Goimes, too? No, probably Will Smith. Really? Wow.

Actually, that doesn't.

Surprise me. Wow, that's amazing. She's beautiful. She's so hot.

She's so hot. She's so gorgeous. If I had to guess your celebrity crush, I would guess some basic-ass shit. And Willow's been so hot. And Haley... I forget.

Her name all.

The time. We'd sing at Permore.

Oh.

Hailey-williams. I would die to have sex with him.

Is that why you have a crush on me? Of course. Wow. I should be over.

Oh, my God.

Honest to God, after this podcast is over, can I go put on a karaoke song down to the radio?

I was just about to say, should we go to a karaoke bar?

No, but will you just sing me a song? I pick songs and you sing them, please? Yeah.

I'm so into it. I love a good opportunity to sing.

Wait, I love that. That's my least-Do we.

Have a karaoke machine?

-everything about Chris ever is that he's the most talented singer in the world. Every time I ask him, Will you.

Just sing a song? -just sing a song. -in the world is crazy. I love Chris. I love Chris.

In the.

World was insane. Whitney Huston existed.

Yeah, right.

You know what I mean? No, he's very talented. He's very, very talented. But do you have a karaoke machine?

No, I'm just going to put it on YouTube. We can postmate it. Your issue with postmates, it's.

The funniest thing in the world. I love it so much. I'm the same way where anything you can get on Postmates, I will. No, but earlier today, Aaron was like- You know you can Instacart a car?

What? Yeah. Yeah. Huh? Yeah. You pay?

I've just seen you postmate. It's specifically postmate. That's the thing is you're not Instacart and you're not Amazoning. I've seen you postmate checkered vans because you needed them in an hour. Earlier today, Aaron goes, You guys need an umbrella for out here to stop the sun. You go, We can post-made it. Even just thinking that.

One time, I was in New York.

City and- I'm already laughing.

I needed a vape very badly, and I was so tired. Or maybe it was after my surgery and I wasn't supposed to be vaping, but I relapsed on the vape. I needed it so bad. But there was this one smoke shop that was open, but it was all the way in East Village. I was staying in Hudson Yards. I called the smoke shop, asked the smoke shop for their Venmo, paid for a vape by Venmoing them, called an Uber package to the smoke shop to pick up my package. The person- So you coded. -the person gave them my vape in a brown paper bag. The Uber package takes it to my Airbnb, and I pick it up. That's brilliant. Yeah. Sometimes there's things that are needed that are items on Postmaid. You have to take initiative.

I saw somebody on TikTok who they broke their shoes or something at a wedding, and they had their Uber Eats driver go pick them up new shoes. They were sending photos of them inside and.

Chose the shoes. Yeah. Five stars. Fucking five stars and a tip, sir.

Absolutely. I did that one time what you just said with the John F. Kennedy mask for Halloween. I needed it for Jeff that night. So I Venmoed-.

Oh, yeah, because the Halloween shop was closing.

I called and they were closing and I was like, I don't care. Here's a... I'm not in the front and back of my card. Put a John F. Kennedy mask in this Uber. Radiculous.

They did it? Yeah. Oh, so you lied.

I love Uber package.

It's great.

I never do package, I just do.

One time I got $300 of ketamine delivered by Uber package from L. A. To San Diego.

I'm not kidding. I was just about to tell you six stories where I have Uber package drugs. And then I.

Was like- They put them in sunglasses case. My drug dealer at the time put it in a sunglasses case. My Uber package picks it up, drives it from Korea town, Los Angeles.

You had your Uber package driver being a drug mule.

I feel bad.

I always have thought of.

Like, This Uber driver is going to jail for me and doesn't know.

I use Uber package appropriately now that I'm sober, I'm scared that someone from Uber is watching this.

No one from Uber is watching this.

I don't know, man.

But Postmates, if you want to give me a.

Brand deal, I literally use you every single day. They're owned by Uber.

Uber, I love you.

And you know she's going to have the deal next week.

Next week.

I know so many people who have Postmates deals. I'm like, How did you get that? That's my dream brand deal.

Yeah, Postmates.

Could you imagine?

I've done.

A Postmates deal? Yeah, remember? Was it 2017, 2018?

Who was that guy? Ben Trin. That everyone was- Yes. -at everybody. The fact that I remember his first and last name because everybody was tagging him for their free Postmates, it made me so jealous.

Ben Trin and Adam Goat kept shoes on my feet and food in my.

Mouth for years of my life. Holy shit. That was an era where we would just like post for Ventren.

It was the best thing ever.

One time we did a Postmates deal for Valentine's Day, and they gave us a credit. I didn't even know what I wanted. I could have said a million things. What they chose for my $200 credit, they delivered me a Jonathan Adler flower face.

What am I going to do that? You were like, Why isn't this a bottle of Titos?

No, actually, why isn't it? Literally. Real.

So real.

I don't mind paying for my postmates, but I would prefer that'd be so lit. If I could just post it. I'm going to post it anyway. I'm going.

To post it at a meeting. I mean, you can always post your Postmates code and refer people for the fans to sign up.

But there's a limit.

Yeah, but it's better than nothing. Can't believe they took away Uber rewards.

I didn't know that was.

A thing. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. I didn't pay for an Uber for four years. I credit that actually just so much of why I don't drive. Because I was so young being able to post, use my Uber code, and we get the credit and just like...

Fucked us. Can you guys believe we lived in a time that Uber didn't exist? I think about even in college.

You had to get a ride.

The first two years of me being in college, Uber was barely a thing. We didn't have to drive anywhere anyway because we're on campus. But that's so crazy to me that I didn't have Uber in high school.

At all.

I had a stuck for a ride down the street.

Super. Did you guys ever watch the Uber dou... Or not Docu, Uber, like BioPick, essentially, on Netflix with... What's his name?

I don't know his name.

Famous actor. Boy, he's really hot. It was all about the story of how the company formed and like...

Yeah, and he was allegedly terrible, right?

Yeah.

I mean, I want to rewatch that. What a brilliant idea, though. It's one of those things where it's like, How did we not think of that?

We were all children.

But I guess we did think about that. It was taxis.

Yeah. It's integrating technology and moving the industry in a different direction and everything moves.

I know, but what are we going to have in three years that we can't believe we don't.

Have- Uber without drivers? I'm not kidding. That's going to be terrifying, but also comforting that.

It's going.

To be all computerized at the.

Same time. Have both of you watched the show, Nathan, for you? Yes. You too. If you've never watched it, you're not funny, first of all. No, you said yes, you've watched it.

I'm saying- I haven't watched it.

Oh, what? You're way too funny to have never watched Nathan, for you. Go home now and watch it. Oh, my God.

Is it funny?

It's the.

Greatest show of all time. It's the funniest show of all time. All he does is fuck with people. But I can't put it actually into words. You just have to watch it.

I know what I.

Need to write it down. Do you watch The Pet Cemetery one?

Yes, I've seen every single episode six times. The fake Starbucks, like.

You're a genius. Wait, I have just something to say really quickly. I forgot to mention it on the last solo episode, but I need to mention it right now. What's up? I was supposed to go on a date the other day, and I had to cancel on him, okay? I really wanted to go on the date. He was like a cute guy. I'd been talking to him for a while. I message him and I go, I'm so sorry. I have to cancel. He messages me back and he goes, I guess I'm going to have to take Tana on a date.

People do that to me, too, all the time. If I reject a guy, he'll make a joke. He's like, Okay, so I'm just going to date Brooke. It's like, What the hell do you think this is?

That's.

Not- I don't have that on my profile. It's not like a...

Oh, so this person you met outside of the industry.

Let me show you him. Have you matched with this man?

Wait, I bet we all have a lot of the same matches from Hinge.

I never.

Matched really with anybody. I think I hate Hinge. I've decided. I have one great experience, one great relationship. Everything else has been absolutely the worst.

Thing ever. Yeah, it's scary. I love Hinge.

Love meeting a man in real life. Saying I love Hinge because you want to deal?

No, literally, so, so, so, so love it.

Are all of his prompts about dropping a baby?

Yep, I've matched with him. Let me see. Show now.

Fuck you, Isaac.

Fuck you. Wait, show me. I want to see.

So cute, though. Really? Like a nice Jewish boy.

I definitely matched with him. Let me see now.

Have you also matched with the same man on Hinge? This is exactly why I hate society today.

We've.

All matched with the same hingeman.

I saw him on my standouts, but I didn't care enough.

You know who's on my standouts every day?

It's Trevor. Aaron Mense, that guy. How nuts is that?

Fuck you, Isaac. Episode title. Well, fuck you, Isaac.

Fuck you, Isaac.

So Cynthia-Wyne to our card in.

Anyways. Holy fuck.

Trevor? Tana. Thank you so fucking much for coming on, Cassian. Of course.

I love that. I'm so- Can we love you so much? I love you both so much.

You're always hilarious on Canceled Duh. But we haven't had a moment where you just got to shine like the.

Star you are. Oh, my God. Thank you. Literally, we're a sequence just to shine extra hard. I went all.

Out for you guys. I know. Why does it look like... It looks like we didn't... I look like.

You're a homeless daughter. No, you guys do this every week. That's a big deal. It's my debut.

It is. I would love to have you back on a thousand times. Was this not one of your favorite episodes you ever shot?

Literally. I always love being around Trippy.

Yeah, favorite human. I love you so much. Guys, please actually stop listening to cancels and go listen to Trevie's podcast. I'm sure it's better. Yeah, actually, don't stop listening to cancels. You're going to.

Never stop listening to cancels. But also listen to 6 feet Above by.

Trevie Moran. Absolutely. And stream all the new music that's coming out and just support my girl the way I do forever and ever. I love you. I love you.

I'm like, Stay true.

Stay true.